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When did my _backup plan_ become my first choice · Martin Animations

0:00
Speaker 1: When did my backup plan become my first choice? I
0:02
Speaker 1: had 37 missed calls when my phone finally got service again. 37.
0:06
Speaker 1: All from my fiancé Derek, all within a three-hour window,
0:09
Speaker 1: all while I was stuck on a mountain trail with
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Speaker 1: a sprained ankle and my backup wedding date. Miles. Miles
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Speaker 1: who I'd invited to my wedding planning appointments only because
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Speaker 1: Derek was always too busy. Miles who'd agreed to be
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Speaker 1: my just-in-case person if something went wrong. Miles who was
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Speaker 1: currently fashioning a splint out of hiking poles and his
0:24
Speaker 1: jacket while Derek's calls went unanswered in my pocket. This
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Speaker 1: is going to hurt, Miles said, kneeling beside me on
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Speaker 1: the rocky trail. His hands were gentle despite the warning,
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Speaker 1: carefully positioning my swollen ankle. But we need to stabilize
0:35
Speaker 1: it before we try to get you down. I nodded,
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Speaker 1: gritting my teeth as he worked. We were two miles
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Speaker 1: from the trailhead, and the sun was starting to set.
0:42
Speaker 1: I'd twisted my ankle on loose rocks about an hour ago,
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Speaker 1: and my phone had no service until five minutes ago
0:47
Speaker 1: when we'd climbed high enough to catch a signal. I
0:49
Speaker 1: should call Derek back, I said, watching my phone light
0:52
Speaker 1: up with another incoming call. He's probably worried. Miles didn't
0:55
Speaker 1: look up from securing the makeshift splint. He's called 37
0:58
Speaker 1: times in three hours. That's not worried. That's something else.
1:01
Speaker 1: What's that supposed to mean? Nothing. But his jaw was tight.
1:04
Speaker 1: Just maybe stabilize your ankle before you deal with whatever
1:07
Speaker 1: that is. My phone stopped ringing, then immediately started again.
1:11
Speaker 1: I answered this time. Derek, I'm okay. My ankle is.
1:14
Speaker 1: Where the hell have you been? His voice was sharp, angry.
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Speaker 1: I've been calling for hours. Hours, Kira. I told you
1:20
Speaker 1: this morning I was going hiking. My phone didn't have
1:22
Speaker 1: service until just now. You said you'd be back by three.
1:25
Speaker 1: It's after six. I looked at Miles, who was pointedly
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Speaker 1: focusing on my ankle and pretending not to listen. I
1:30
Speaker 1: had an accident. I sprained my ankle pretty badly and
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Speaker 1: we had to— We? You're with someone? Derek's tone changed.
1:37
Speaker 1: Who's we? Miles came with me. I told you that
1:39
Speaker 1: this morning, too. The silence on the other end was heavy.
1:42
Speaker 1: You're on a mountain with Miles. The same Miles who's
1:45
Speaker 1: been hanging around you for months. He's my friend, Derek.
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Speaker 1: You know that. Your friend who you invited to cake
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Speaker 1: tastings and venue tours and dress fittings because apparently I'm
1:53
Speaker 1: too busy to do my own wedding planning. There was
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Speaker 1: accusation in his voice that I didn't understand. You said
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Speaker 1: you were too busy. You said you trusted me to
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Speaker 1: handle the details. And you decided to handle them with
2:02
Speaker 1: another man. Miles finished with my ankle and stood up,
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Speaker 1: walking a few feet away to give me privacy. But
2:07
Speaker 1: I could see tension in his shoulders. Derek, I'm hurt
2:10
Speaker 1: and I'm stuck on a mountain and I really don't
2:12
Speaker 1: want to have this argument right now. When do you
2:14
Speaker 1: want to have it? When's a good time for you, Kira?
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Speaker 1: Because apparently I can never find a good time to
2:18
Speaker 1: do anything with you since you're always making plans with Miles.
2:20
Speaker 1: My ankle throbbed and I felt tears starting. That's not fair.
2:24
Speaker 1: You canceled on me five times last month. Five times
2:26
Speaker 1: I had appointments scheduled and you said work came up.
2:28
Speaker 1: Because work does come up. Because I have a demanding
2:31
Speaker 1: job that pays for the life you want us to have.
2:33
Speaker 1: I never asked you to. I stopped because this was
2:35
Speaker 1: an old argument, worn smooth with repetition. Look, Can we
2:39
Speaker 1: talk about this later? Right now, I need to figure
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Speaker 1: out how to get off this mountain. Let Miles figure
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Speaker 1: it out. He seems good at taking care of you.
2:46
Speaker 1: Derek hung up. I stared at my phone, the anger
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Speaker 1: in his voice echoing. Miles came back over and sat
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Speaker 1: down beside me, careful not to jostle my ankle. Everything okay?
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Speaker 1: He's mad that I'm here with you. Yeah, I gathered that.
2:57
Speaker 1: Miles was quiet for a moment. For what it's worth,
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Speaker 1: I can head back down and send proper help. You
3:01
Speaker 1: don't need me making things worse with your fiancé. Don't
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Speaker 1: be ridiculous. You're not leaving me alone on a mountain. Kira,
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Speaker 1: if my being here is causing problems, your being here
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Speaker 1: is the only reason I'm not panicking right now. The
3:13
Speaker 1: words came out sharper than I intended. You're the one
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Speaker 1: who knew how to splint my ankle. You're the one
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Speaker 1: who stayed calm when I was freaking out. You're the
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Speaker 1: one who's actually here. Miles looked at me with an
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Speaker 1: expression I couldn't quite read. He should be the one
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Speaker 1: who's here. Well, he's not. He's never here. That's why
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Speaker 1: you've been my backup plan for everything. I laughed, but
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Speaker 1: it sounded bitter. The backup wedding date who actually shows
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Speaker 1: up to wedding planning. How pathetic is that? It's not pathetic.
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Speaker 1: It is. I'm getting married in three months, and my
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Speaker 1: fiancé can't be bothered to help plan our own wedding.
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Speaker 1: But my friend drops everything every time I ask, and
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Speaker 1: I never even questioned why that felt normal. I looked
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Speaker 1: at Miles, really looked at him. He'd taken a day
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Speaker 1: off work for this hike because I'd mentioned being stressed
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Speaker 1: about wedding planning and needing to clear my head. Derek
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Speaker 1: hadn't even remembered I was going hiking. Thank you, I
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Speaker 1: said quietly, for always being my backup plan. Anytime. But
4:00
Speaker 1: something in his voice sounded sad. We sat in silence
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Speaker 1: while the sun continued its descent. Miles had a headlamp
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Speaker 1: in his pack and he set it up, creating a
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Speaker 1: circle of light around us. We should probably try to
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Speaker 1: move soon, he said, before it gets completely dark. Can
4:12
Speaker 1: you stand if I support you? I tried with his help,
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Speaker 1: but the moment I put any weight on my ankle,
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Speaker 1: pain shot up my leg so intensely I gasped. Miles
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Speaker 1: caught me before I fell. Okay, new plan. I'm going
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Speaker 1: to carry you. Miles, it's two miles. You can't carry
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Speaker 1: me two miles. Watch me. He was already positioning himself.
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Speaker 1: Climb on my back, piggyback style. This is insane. This
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Speaker 1: is happening. Come on. I climbed onto his back, my
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Speaker 1: arms around his shoulders, and he stood up with a grunt.
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Speaker 1: You're stronger than you look, I said, trying to keep
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Speaker 1: my tone light. I've been working out. He started walking,
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Speaker 1: his pace slow but steady. Figured I should be in
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Speaker 1: good shape for all this backup plan duty. We made
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Speaker 1: it maybe a quarter mile before he needed his first rest.
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Speaker 1: He set me down on a fallen log and stretched
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Speaker 1: his back. You okay? I asked. Fine. Just pacing myself.
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Speaker 1: He drank some water from his pack. How's your ankle? Hurts,
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Speaker 1: but the splint is helping. I watched him in the
5:01
Speaker 1: headlamp glow. His hair was damp with sweat despite the
5:04
Speaker 1: cooling evening air. His shirt had dirt on it from
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Speaker 1: where he'd knelt beside me on the trail. You know
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Speaker 1: you don't have to do this, right? We could call
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Speaker 1: for actual rescue services. And wait how long? Two hours? Three?
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Speaker 1: By then it'll be pitch black and you'll be freezing.
5:16
Speaker 1: He sat down beside me. Besides, what kind of backup
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Speaker 1: plan would I be if I called for backup? Miles? Yeah?
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Speaker 1: I wanted to say something, but I didn't know what.
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Speaker 1: Thank you, I'm sorry. Why do you keep showing up
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Speaker 1: for someone who's marrying someone else? Instead, I said, Derek's
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Speaker 1: going to be really mad about this. Why? Because I'm
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Speaker 1: helping you? Because you're always helping me. Because I call
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Speaker 1: you first when I need something. Because... I trailed off,
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Speaker 1: and Miles finished the sentence. Because he knows what that means.
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Speaker 1: What does it mean? The question hung in the air
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Speaker 1: between us. Miles looked at me for a long moment,
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Speaker 1: then stood up. Come on. Let's get you off this
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Speaker 1: mountain before we start asking questions we're not ready to answer.
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Speaker 1: The second quarter, Miles was harder. Miles was breathing heavily,
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Speaker 1: stopping more frequently. My guilt was growing with every step. Miles,
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Speaker 1: this is too much. Let me try to walk again.
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Speaker 1: Your ankle is sprained, possibly fractured. You're not walking. You're
6:03
Speaker 1: going to hurt yourself. I'm fine. But he wasn't fine.
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Speaker 1: I could feel him struggling, feel the tremor in his
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Speaker 1: arms as he adjusted his grip. Miles, stop. Please stop.
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Speaker 1: He set me down and I could see he was exhausted.
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Speaker 1: I can't let you hurt yourself for me. I'm not hurt.
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Speaker 1: I'm just... He bent over, hands on his knees, breathing hard. Okay,
6:21
Speaker 1: I might need a longer break. We sat on the
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Speaker 1: trail in the circle of headlamp light, and I heard
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Speaker 1: him try to hide how heavily he was breathing. This
6:28
Speaker 1: is my fault, I said. I'm the one who insisted
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Speaker 1: on taking the advanced trail. I agreed to it, because
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Speaker 1: I wanted to prove something. I wanted to prove I
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Speaker 1: could do something challenging and fun without Derek that I
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Speaker 1: didn't need him for everything. I laughed bitterly. And instead,
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Speaker 1: I proved I need you for everything. You don't need
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Speaker 1: me for everything, don't I? You've been to more wedding
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Speaker 1: appointments than my actual fiancé. You helped me pick out flowers,
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Speaker 1: you taste-tested three different caterers, you sat through four hours
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Speaker 1: of string quartet auditions. You've basically planned my entire wedding.
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Speaker 1: Miles was quiet. And you never once questioned why I
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Speaker 1: kept asking you, I continued, why I kept inviting you
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Speaker 1: to things that should have been for me and Derek,
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Speaker 1: why you became my default person. I questioned it, Miles
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Speaker 1: said quietly, every single time. Then why did you keep coming?
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Speaker 1: Because you asked me to. He finally looked at me.
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Speaker 1: Because every time you called, I thought maybe this would
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Speaker 1: be the time you'd realize what I've known for the
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Speaker 1: past year. My heart started beating faster. What have you known?
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Speaker 1: That you're marrying the wrong person. The words hung between
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Speaker 1: us like a confession. Miles, let me finish. Please. He
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Speaker 1: took a breath. You're marrying someone who doesn't show up
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Speaker 1: for you. Who doesn't prioritize you. Who makes you feel
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Speaker 1: like you're asking too much when you want him to
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Speaker 1: be involved in planning your own wedding. And you've been
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Speaker 1: making excuses for him for so long that you don't
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Speaker 1: even realize it's not normal. That's not fair. Derek has
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Speaker 1: a demanding job. So do I. So do you. That's
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Speaker 1: not an excuse. Miles's voice was gentle but firm. Kira,
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Speaker 1: in the past six months, how many times has Derek
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Speaker 1: canceled on you? I tried to count and lost track.
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Speaker 1: A few times. It's been 15 times. I know because
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Speaker 1: I was your backup plan for 14 of them. The
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Speaker 1: number hit me like a slap. 15 times. Derek had
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Speaker 1: canceled on me 15 times in six months, and I'd
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Speaker 1: gotten so used to it that I'd stopped even feeling disappointed.
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Speaker 1: The 15th time? I asked. You couldn't come? I was
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Speaker 1: in the hospital with my dad after his heart attack.
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Speaker 1: And you told me it was fine, you'd go alone,
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Speaker 1: and you did. You went to meet with the photographer
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Speaker 1: alone because Derek canceled again and I wasn't available. Miles'
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Speaker 1: voice cracked slightly. And I felt terrible because I knew
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Speaker 1: you shouldn't have to do that alone. I remembered that day.
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Speaker 1: Derek had texted me an hour before we were supposed
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Speaker 1: to meet the photographer, saying something had come up at work.
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Speaker 1: I'd called Miles and he'd been at the hospital. I'd
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Speaker 1: told him it was fine, that I'd handle it, but
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Speaker 1: I'd cried in my car before the appointment because I
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Speaker 1: felt so alone. I didn't know you felt bad about that.
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Speaker 1: I felt terrible. Because I knew I was the only
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Speaker 1: person who would have shown up for you. And I couldn't.
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Speaker 1: And you didn't even consider calling Derek back and asking
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Speaker 1: him to actually keep his commitment. He had to work.
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Speaker 1: Did he? Or did he just know you wouldn't push back?
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Speaker 1: That you'd accept whatever excuse he gave? That you'd find
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Speaker 1: another way to handle it? I didn't have an answer
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Speaker 1: for that. Miles started to stand, then winced and sat
9:00
Speaker 1: back down hard. Miles? I reached for him. Are you okay? Yeah,
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Speaker 1: just my back. Carrying someone for half a mile is
9:07
Speaker 1: harder than I thought. He tried to laugh, but I
9:09
Speaker 1: could see he was in pain. I might need a
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Speaker 1: few minutes. We need to call for help. Real help. No,
9:14
Speaker 1: I can keep going. Miles, stop. You're hurt. I'm hurt.
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Speaker 1: We're not making it down this mountain by ourselves. I
9:20
Speaker 1: pulled out my phone, grateful we were high enough for service,
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Speaker 1: and dialed 911. While we waited for search and rescue,
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Speaker 1: I called Derek. He answered on the first ring. Finally
9:28
Speaker 1: decided to check in. We're calling search and rescue. Miles
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Speaker 1: hurt his back trying to carry me down. Of course
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Speaker 1: he did. Playing hero as usual. The lack of concern
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Speaker 1: in Derek's voice made something crack inside me. He hurt
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Speaker 1: himself trying to help me because I'm injured and alone
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Speaker 1: on a mountain. The least you could do is pretend
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Speaker 1: to care. I do care. I just don't appreciate you
9:45
Speaker 1: being alone on a mountain with another man in the
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Speaker 1: first place. I wouldn't be alone with Miles if you'd
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Speaker 1: ever actually show up for me. The words came out
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Speaker 1: louder than I intended. If you'd come to even one
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Speaker 1: wedding appointment, if you'd acted like you wanted to marry
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Speaker 1: me instead of like planning our wedding was a chore
9:59
Speaker 1: you couldn't be bothered with. Here we go again. I'm
10:01
Speaker 1: a terrible fiance because I have a job. No, you're
10:03
Speaker 1: a terrible fiance because you've canceled on me 15 times
10:06
Speaker 1: in six months. Because Miles has been to more wedding
10:08
Speaker 1: appointments than you have. Because when I'm hurt and scared,
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Speaker 1: I didn't even think about calling you first. I called
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Speaker 1: Miles because I knew he'd answer. I knew he'd come.
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Speaker 1: I knew he'd actually be there. The silence on the
10:17
Speaker 1: other end was heavy. If you'd rather be with Miles,
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Speaker 1: then maybe you should. Derek's voice was cold. Maybe I
10:23
Speaker 1: should call off the wedding and save us both the trouble.
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Speaker 1: Maybe you should, I said. And the moment the words
10:28
Speaker 1: were out, I felt something shift. Not panic or regret,
10:32
Speaker 1: but relief. Derek hung up, and I sat there on
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Speaker 1: the dark mountain trail, my phone still in my hand,
10:37
Speaker 1: feeling like I'd just jumped off a cliff. Miles was
10:39
Speaker 1: looking at me with wide eyes. Did you just... I
10:42
Speaker 1: think I just ended my engagement. The words felt surreal.
10:45
Speaker 1: I think I just called off my wedding. Kira... Three
10:48
Speaker 1: months before the wedding. Three months, and I just... ended it.
10:52
Speaker 1: I started laughing, and it turned into crying, and Miles
10:55
Speaker 1: pulled me into his arms. I'm sorry, he said into
10:58
Speaker 1: my hair. I shouldn't have said those things. I shouldn't
11:00
Speaker 1: have put that in your head right before your wedding.
11:02
Speaker 1: You didn't put anything in my head that wasn't already there.
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Speaker 1: I pulled back to look at him. I've been making
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Speaker 1: excuses for him for months. Maybe longer. I've been telling
11:10
Speaker 1: myself it was normal, that all couples go through this,
11:12
Speaker 1: that wedding planning is stressful for everyone. It shouldn't be
11:15
Speaker 1: this stressful, Miles said gently. It should be exciting. You
11:18
Speaker 1: should be planning the happiest day of your life with
11:20
Speaker 1: someone who's just as excited as you are. Like you were.
11:23
Speaker 1: The question slipped out. At all those appointments, you always
11:26
Speaker 1: seemed excited. Because I was there with you. He said
11:29
Speaker 1: it simply, like it was obvious. Because I'd rather taste
11:32
Speaker 1: cake with you than do anything else. Because hearing you
11:34
Speaker 1: talk about flower arrangements made me happy even though I
11:37
Speaker 1: don't care about flowers. Because... He stopped himself. Because I'm
11:40
Speaker 1: an idiot who's in love with someone who's engaged to
11:42
Speaker 1: someone else. The world tilted. What? I'm in love with you.
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Speaker 1: Miles said it calmly, like he was stating a fact.
11:48
Speaker 1: I have been for about a year, since that Saturday
11:50
Speaker 1: we spent at the farmer's market picking out vegetables for dinner,
11:53
Speaker 1: and you laughed at my terrible attempt at haggling for tomatoes.
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Speaker 1: I knew then, and I've been your backup plan ever
11:58
Speaker 1: since because being your backup was better than not being
12:00
Speaker 1: in your life at all. I couldn't breathe properly. Why
12:03
Speaker 1: didn't you say anything? Because you were engaged. Because you
12:06
Speaker 1: seemed happy. Because I thought maybe if I just stayed
12:09
Speaker 1: close enough, you'd eventually see... He trailed off. See what?
12:13
Speaker 1: That Derek doesn't look at you the way I do.
12:15
Speaker 1: That he doesn't prioritize you the way I do. that
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Speaker 1: you deserve someone who shows up. We sat in the darkness,
12:20
Speaker 1: those words hanging between us, and I thought about the
12:23
Speaker 1: past year, all the times Miles had been there, the
12:25
Speaker 1: wedding appointments where he'd been more opinionated about my choices
12:28
Speaker 1: than Derek ever was, the way he remembered details Derek forgot,
12:31
Speaker 1: the way he made me feel seen in ways I'd
12:32
Speaker 1: been missing. I called you first. I said quietly. What?
12:36
Speaker 1: When I hurt my ankle. My first instinct was to
12:38
Speaker 1: call you, not Derek. I didn't even think about it.
12:41
Speaker 1: I looked at him. What does that mean? I think
12:43
Speaker 1: you know what it means. Before I could respond, I
12:46
Speaker 1: saw lights coming up the trail. Search and rescue had arrived,
12:49
Speaker 1: two men with professional medical gear and a stretcher. They
12:52
Speaker 1: checked us both over, put a proper splint on my ankle,
12:55
Speaker 1: and declared Miles had strained his back but nothing serious.
12:58
Speaker 1: You're lucky, one of them said. This could have been
13:00
Speaker 1: a lot worse. They loaded me onto the stretcher and
13:02
Speaker 1: helped Miles walk down. The whole time, I couldn't stop
13:04
Speaker 1: thinking about what he'd said. About being in love with me.
13:07
Speaker 1: About me marrying the wrong person. About deserving someone who
13:10
Speaker 1: shows up. At the trailhead, there was an ambulance waiting.
13:13
Speaker 1: Derek's car was there too, and he was leaning against it,
13:15
Speaker 1: looking at his phone. He looked up when we emerged
13:18
Speaker 1: from the trail, and his eyes immediately went to Miles,
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Speaker 1: who was walking behind my stretcher. You okay? Derek asked me,
13:23
Speaker 1: but he was still looking at Miles. Sprained ankle. Miles
13:26
Speaker 1: hurt his back trying to carry me down. How noble.
13:28
Speaker 1: The sarcasm in Derek's voice made the paramedics exchange glances. Sir,
13:32
Speaker 1: we need to take her to the hospital to get x-rays,
13:35
Speaker 1: one of them said. I can follow in my car,
13:37
Speaker 1: Derek said. I'm riding with her, Miles said at the
13:40
Speaker 1: same time. Derek and Miles stared at each other, and
13:43
Speaker 1: I could feel the tension crackling between them. I'm her fiancé.
13:46
Speaker 1: Derek said. Are you? Miles asked. Because she told me
13:49
Speaker 1: you might have called off the wedding. Derek's face flushed.
13:52
Speaker 1: That's between me and Kira. Is it? Because from where
13:55
Speaker 1: I'm standing, you're the only one who seems unclear about
13:57
Speaker 1: what's happening here. The paramedics were looking increasingly uncomfortable. Gentlemen,
14:01
Speaker 1: we really need to go, one said. I made a decision.
14:04
Speaker 1: Miles rides with me. Derek, you can follow if you want.
14:07
Speaker 1: Derek looked like I'd slapped him. You're choosing him over me?
14:10
Speaker 1: I'm choosing the person who's actually been there for me.
14:13
Speaker 1: My voice was steady despite my racing heart. I'm choosing
14:15
Speaker 1: the person who showed up. Derek stared at me for
14:17
Speaker 1: a long moment, then got in his car and drove away.
14:20
Speaker 1: No argument, no fight, just left. The ride to the
14:23
Speaker 1: hospital was quiet. Miles sat in the ambulance holding my hand,
14:26
Speaker 1: and neither of us acknowledged what we were doing. At
14:29
Speaker 1: the hospital, x-rays showed a bad sprain but no fracture.
14:31
Speaker 1: Miles' back was strained but would heal with rest. We
14:34
Speaker 1: ended up in adjacent exam rooms, and I could hear
14:36
Speaker 1: him talking to his doctor through the thin curtain. You're lucky,
14:39
Speaker 1: his doctor was saying. A few more minutes carrying that
14:41
Speaker 1: weight and you could have done serious damage. It was
14:43
Speaker 1: worth it, Miles said. and even through the curtain, I
14:46
Speaker 1: could hear the certainty in his voice. My doctor finished
14:48
Speaker 1: wrapping my ankle and gave me crutches. You'll need to
14:51
Speaker 1: stay off it for at least two weeks. Ice, elevation, compression.
14:55
Speaker 1: The nurse will give you care instructions. When they opened
14:57
Speaker 1: my curtain, Miles was already waiting, leaning on the nurse's station.
15:01
Speaker 1: He had a back brace on and was holding a
15:02
Speaker 1: prescription bag. Hey, he said. Hey. We stood there in
15:06
Speaker 1: the fluorescent hospital lights and everything felt surreal. I should
15:09
Speaker 1: call Derek, I said. Should you? We need to talk.
15:12
Speaker 1: Too officially? I mean, I can't just leave things like that. Okay.
15:16
Speaker 1: Miles shifted his weight, wincing slightly. Do you want me
15:18
Speaker 1: to wait, or will you take me home? I don't
15:21
Speaker 1: think I can drive with this ankle. Of course. The
15:23
Speaker 1: drive to my apartment was quiet. Miles' car smelled like
15:26
Speaker 1: the cedar air freshener he always used, familiar and comforting.
15:29
Speaker 1: When we got to my building, he helped me up
15:31
Speaker 1: the stairs, patient with my crutches and slow pace. At
15:34
Speaker 1: my door, I turned to him. Do you want to
15:36
Speaker 1: come in? I probably shouldn't. But he didn't move away. Miles,
15:39
Speaker 1: what you said on the mountain- Did you mean it?
15:41
Speaker 1: Every word. How long have you been planning to tell me?
15:44
Speaker 1: I wasn't planning to tell you at all. I was
15:46
Speaker 1: planning to be your friend, to be there for you,
15:48
Speaker 1: and to watch you marry someone else because that's what
15:50
Speaker 1: you wanted. He looked at me with those eyes that
15:52
Speaker 1: apparently had been seeing me differently all along. But then
15:55
Speaker 1: you got hurt, and Derek wasn't there, and I carried
15:58
Speaker 1: you down a mountain, and I thought, I can't keep
16:00
Speaker 1: doing this. I can't keep being her backup plan when
16:03
Speaker 1: I want to be her first choice. What if you
16:04
Speaker 1: already are? The words slipped out before I could stop them.
16:07
Speaker 1: Miles went very still. What? My first choice. What if
16:11
Speaker 1: you already are and I was just too stupid to
16:12
Speaker 1: see it? I was crying now, frustrated tears. What if
16:15
Speaker 1: I've been planning a wedding to the wrong person while
16:17
Speaker 1: my actual person has been there all along, tasting cakes
16:20
Speaker 1: and auditioning string quartets and pretending to care about flower arrangements?
16:24
Speaker 1: I wasn't pretending to care, Miles said softly. I cared
16:27
Speaker 1: because they mattered to you. See? That. Right there. That's
16:30
Speaker 1: what I'm talking about. I gestured at him with my crutch.
16:33
Speaker 1: Derek never cared about those things. He never asked about
16:36
Speaker 1: my day or remembered details or showed up when I
16:38
Speaker 1: needed him. But you did. You always did. And I
16:41
Speaker 1: just accepted it as friendship because I was too blind
16:43
Speaker 1: to see that friends don't look at each other the
16:44
Speaker 1: way you look at me. How do I look at you?
16:47
Speaker 1: Like I'm the only person in the room? Like every
16:49
Speaker 1: word I say matters? Like you'd carry me down a
16:51
Speaker 1: mountain even if it meant hurting yourself? My voice cracked.
16:54
Speaker 1: Like you love me. I do love you. He said
16:56
Speaker 1: it simply. Certainly. I love you so much that I
16:59
Speaker 1: became your backup plan just to be near you. I
17:01
Speaker 1: love you enough that I helped you plan a wedding
17:03
Speaker 1: to someone else because I thought that's what would make
17:05
Speaker 1: you happy. I love you enough that I'm standing here
17:07
Speaker 1: with a strained back and a broken heart, and I'd
17:09
Speaker 1: do it all again tomorrow. I dropped my crutch and
17:12
Speaker 1: grabbed his shirt, pulling him toward me. What if I
17:14
Speaker 1: don't want you to be my backup plan anymore? Kira,
17:17
Speaker 1: what if I want you to be my first choice?
17:19
Speaker 1: My only choice? You're engaged. You're emotional. You're on pain medication.
17:23
Speaker 1: I'm clarity. I looked up at him. For the first
17:26
Speaker 1: time in months, I'm actually seeing clearly. and I'm seeing
17:28
Speaker 1: that I almost married the wrong person because I was
17:30
Speaker 1: too scared to admit I had feelings for my best friend.
17:33
Speaker 1: You have feelings for me? I must. Otherwise, why would
17:36
Speaker 1: I call you first? Why would every good thing that
17:38
Speaker 1: happens make me want to tell you about it? Why
17:40
Speaker 1: would planning my wedding feel more like planning something with
17:42
Speaker 1: you than planning something for Derek? Miles' hands came up
17:45
Speaker 1: to cut my face, his thumbs brushing away tears I
17:48
Speaker 1: hadn't realized were falling. You need to be sure about this.
17:51
Speaker 1: You need to think about what you're saying. I am sure.
17:53
Speaker 1: I'm more sure about this than I've been about anything
17:56
Speaker 1: in the past year. I reached up to cover his
17:58
Speaker 1: hands with mine. I'm sure that you're the person I
18:00
Speaker 1: want to call when I'm scared. I'm sure that you're
18:02
Speaker 1: the person who actually knows me. I'm sure that somewhere
18:05
Speaker 1: along the way my backup plan became my first choice
18:08
Speaker 1: and I was just too stubborn to admit it. When?
18:10
Speaker 1: He asked quietly. When did you know? I thought about it.
18:13
Speaker 1: Remember that Saturday, three weeks ago? We were at the
18:16
Speaker 1: bakery for the cake tasting and the baker asked if
18:18
Speaker 1: we wanted to try the champagne flavor. Derek had canceled
18:21
Speaker 1: again and you'd stepped in like always. I remember. You
18:23
Speaker 1: got frosting on your nose. You wiped it off. And
18:26
Speaker 1: the baker said we made a lovely couple and I
18:27
Speaker 1: didn't correct her. I should have, but I didn't. I
18:30
Speaker 1: just smiled and let her think we were together and
18:32
Speaker 1: it felt right. I met his eyes. That's when I knew.
18:35
Speaker 1: I just wasn't brave enough to admit it yet. Miles
18:37
Speaker 1: leaned his forehead against mine, careful not to make me
18:39
Speaker 1: lose my balance. What do we do now? Now I
18:42
Speaker 1: officially end things with Derek. I cancel a wedding. I
18:45
Speaker 1: probably lose a lot of deposits and make my mother
18:46
Speaker 1: very upset. I smiled despite the tears. And then I
18:49
Speaker 1: figure out how to start over with my backup plan.
18:51
Speaker 1: I don't want to be your backup plan. What do
18:53
Speaker 1: you want to be? Your first choice. Your only choice.
18:56
Speaker 1: The person you call when you're happy or sad or
18:58
Speaker 1: scared or bored. He kissed my forehead gently. The person
19:02
Speaker 1: who gets to love you the way you deserve to
19:03
Speaker 1: be loved. I think I can arrange that. We stood
19:06
Speaker 1: there in my apartment hallway and for the first time
19:08
Speaker 1: in months everything felt right. Not easy, but right. The
19:11
Speaker 1: next morning I called Derek. He answered on the fourth ring,
19:14
Speaker 1: his voice cold. What? We need to talk about the wedding.
19:17
Speaker 1: What wedding? I thought we were done. We are, I said.
19:20
Speaker 1: And saying it out loud felt like freedom. But we
19:22
Speaker 1: need to figure out logistics. Cancellations, deposits, telling people. Tell
19:26
Speaker 1: people whatever you want. Tell them you left me for
19:29
Speaker 1: your backup plan. Tell them I wasn't good enough. Tell
19:31
Speaker 1: them whatever makes you feel better about what you're doing.
19:34
Speaker 1: The bitterness in his voice was sharp. Derek, that's not fair.
19:37
Speaker 1: What's not fair is spending a year planning a wedding
19:39
Speaker 1: with someone who was in love with someone else the
19:41
Speaker 1: whole time. I wasn't... I stopped because maybe I had been.
19:44
Speaker 1: Maybe I'd been falling for miles while telling myself it
19:46
Speaker 1: was just friendship. You're right. That wasn't fair to you.
19:49
Speaker 1: you deserved better than that derek was quiet for a
19:52
Speaker 1: moment did you really not see it how he looked
19:54
Speaker 1: at you no i really didn't i thought we were
19:57
Speaker 1: just friends everyone else saw it your mom your sister
20:00
Speaker 1: my friends everyone saw that miles was in love with
20:02
Speaker 1: you except you he laughed but it wasn't a happy
20:05
Speaker 1: sound i kept thinking if i just gave you enough
20:07
Speaker 1: time You'd realize what you had with me and stop
20:09
Speaker 1: spending so much time with him. But you never did.
20:12
Speaker 1: You just kept inviting him to everything. Kept calling him first.
20:15
Speaker 1: Kept choosing him over and over while telling yourself it
20:17
Speaker 1: didn't mean anything. The truth in his words stung. I'm sorry.
20:21
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry I didn't see what was happening. I'm
20:23
Speaker 1: sorry I wasted your time. Yeah, me too. Derek hung up.
20:27
Speaker 1: I sat on my couch, my ankle elevated, my phone
20:29
Speaker 1: in my hand, feeling the weight of what I'd done.
20:31
Speaker 1: I'd ended an engagement three months before my wedding. I'd
20:34
Speaker 1: hurt someone I'd cared about. I'd turned my entire life
20:37
Speaker 1: upside down. My phone buzzed with a text from Miles.
20:39
Speaker 1: How did it go? It's officially over. He's hurt and
20:42
Speaker 1: angry and he has every right to be. Want me
20:44
Speaker 1: to come over? I looked at that text, at the
20:46
Speaker 1: simple offer to be there and felt my chest tighten. Yes, please.
20:49
Speaker 1: He was there in 20 minutes. He let himself in
20:51
Speaker 1: with the spare key I'd given him months ago, carrying
20:54
Speaker 1: coffee and bagels. Figured you might not have eaten. You
20:56
Speaker 1: know me too well. I've been paying attention for a year.
20:59
Speaker 1: He set the food down and sat beside me on
21:00
Speaker 1: the couch. How are you feeling? Overwhelmed? Guilty? Relieved? Scared?
21:05
Speaker 1: I picked at my bagel. I just called off my wedding.
21:08
Speaker 1: My mom is going to kill me. Your mom loves you.
21:11
Speaker 1: She'll understand. Will she? I'm not sure I understand. I
21:14
Speaker 1: looked at him. What am I doing, Miles? I'm throwing
21:17
Speaker 1: away a relationship and a wedding and all these plans
21:19
Speaker 1: because of feelings I didn't even acknowledge until yesterday. You're
21:22
Speaker 1: being brave. You're choosing what you actually want instead of
21:25
Speaker 1: what you think you should want. What if I'm wrong?
21:27
Speaker 1: What if this is just wedding stress and cold feet
21:29
Speaker 1: and I'm making a huge mistake? Miles took my hand.
21:32
Speaker 1: Then we'll figure it out. But Kira, I don't think
21:34
Speaker 1: you're wrong. I think you've been feeling this for a
21:36
Speaker 1: while and were just too scared to admit it because
21:38
Speaker 1: it was easier to keep things the way they were.
21:40
Speaker 1: I'm terrified, I admitted. I'm terrified that this will ruin
21:43
Speaker 1: our friendship. That we'll try this and it won't work
21:45
Speaker 1: and I'll lose you completely. We won't lose each other.
21:48
Speaker 1: Even if this doesn't work, even if we try and fail,
21:50
Speaker 1: we won't lose what we have. How can you be
21:52
Speaker 1: so sure? Because I've loved you through all your relationships.
21:55
Speaker 1: I've been your friend through every breakup and every heartbreak.
21:57
Speaker 1: I'm not going anywhere, no matter what happens. He squeezed
22:00
Speaker 1: my hand. But I don't think this is going to fail.
22:03
Speaker 1: Miles said, I know, just not today. My phone buzzed
22:23
Speaker 1: with a text from Jasmine, my maid of honor. Your
22:25
Speaker 1: mom just called me freaking out. Said you called off
22:27
Speaker 1: the wedding? Call me immediately. Guess my mom called her,
22:30
Speaker 1: I said, showing Miles the text. Word travels fast. I
22:33
Speaker 1: called Jasmine and she answered shrieking, What is happening? Your
22:37
Speaker 1: mom said you called off the wedding. I did. Why?
22:40
Speaker 1: What happened? Did Derek do something? No, Derek didn't do anything.
22:44
Speaker 1: That was kind of the problem. I explained everything. The
22:46
Speaker 1: hiking trip. The injury. Miles carrying me down the mountain.
22:49
Speaker 1: The fight with Derek. The confession. Wait, Miles loves you?
22:53
Speaker 1: Jasmine's voice got quieter. Miles has been in love with
22:56
Speaker 1: you this whole time? Apparently. Oh my god, that makes
22:59
Speaker 1: so much sense. What? Kira, he's been at every wedding appointment.
23:02
Speaker 1: Every single one. I thought it was weird that you
23:05
Speaker 1: kept bringing him, but I figured you needed moral support
23:07
Speaker 1: since Derek was never there. But now? She trailed off.
23:10
Speaker 1: He was there because he's in love with you. And
23:12
Speaker 1: you were inviting him because you. Because I have feelings
23:15
Speaker 1: for him. I finished. When did you figure that out? Yesterday,
23:19
Speaker 1: on the mountain, when I realized I called him first
23:21
Speaker 1: and Derek wasn't even my second choice, he was just
23:23
Speaker 1: an afterthought. I felt tears starting again. I'm a terrible person.
23:27
Speaker 1: You're not a terrible person. You're someone who almost made
23:30
Speaker 1: a mistake and caught it in time. Jasmine was using
23:32
Speaker 1: her therapist voice, the one she used when her clients
23:35
Speaker 1: needed reassurance. So what happens now? Now I cancel a
23:38
Speaker 1: wedding and figure out how to tell everyone I'm in
23:40
Speaker 1: love with my best friend instead. Your mom is going
23:42
Speaker 1: to lose her mind. I know. But also, Jasmine continued,
23:45
Speaker 1: She's been telling me for months that you and Derek
23:47
Speaker 1: don't seem right together. She never said anything to you
23:50
Speaker 1: because she didn't want to interfere, but she's had concerns. Really? Really.
23:54
Speaker 1: She kept saying you seemed more excited about wedding appointments
23:57
Speaker 1: with Miles than with Derek. She thought maybe you were
23:59
Speaker 1: just nervous about getting married, but now, now it makes sense.
24:03
Speaker 1: I finished. That evening, I finally called my mom. She
24:05
Speaker 1: answered immediately. Kira Marie, what is going on? I called
24:09
Speaker 1: off the wedding. I gathered that from your father's panic attack.
24:12
Speaker 1: What I need to know is why. I explained everything
24:14
Speaker 1: and my mom listened without interrupting. When I finished, she
24:17
Speaker 1: was quiet for a long moment. Are you in love
24:19
Speaker 1: with Miles? I think so. I mean, yes. Yes, I am.
24:24
Speaker 1: How long have you been in love with him? I
24:25
Speaker 1: don't know. Maybe a year, maybe longer. I didn't let
24:28
Speaker 1: myself see it because I was engaged to Derek. And now...
24:31
Speaker 1: Now I'm not engaged to Derek and I'm terrified because
24:33
Speaker 1: I've turned my entire life upside down for feelings I'm
24:36
Speaker 1: still trying to understand. My mom sighed. Do you want
24:38
Speaker 1: to know what I think? I'm not sure, but tell
24:40
Speaker 1: me anyway. I think you and Derek were never quite right.
24:43
Speaker 1: I think you settled because he was stable and successful
24:45
Speaker 1: and on paper. He seemed like the perfect choice. But
24:48
Speaker 1: you were never yourself around him. Not the way you
24:50
Speaker 1: are with Miles. You noticed that? Honey, everyone noticed. We
24:54
Speaker 1: all saw how you lit up when Miles walked into
24:55
Speaker 1: a room. We saw how you looked for him first
24:57
Speaker 1: when you had news to share. We saw how he
24:59
Speaker 1: looked at you like you hung the moon. Why didn't
25:01
Speaker 1: anyone say anything? Because you have to figure these things
25:04
Speaker 1: out yourself. We could have told you, but you weren't
25:06
Speaker 1: ready to hear it. You needed to see it on
25:08
Speaker 1: your own. She paused. I'm just glad you saw it
25:11
Speaker 1: before the wedding instead of after. You're not mad? I'm relieved.
25:14
Speaker 1: I've been worried about you for months. You seemed anxious
25:17
Speaker 1: and stressed and not happy, which is the opposite of
25:19
Speaker 1: how you should feel before your wedding. She laughed softly. Besides,
25:23
Speaker 1: I always liked Miles better anyway. That made me laugh
25:25
Speaker 1: through my tears. You did? Of course. He's kind. He's attentive.
25:29
Speaker 1: He actually listens when you talk. And he looks at
25:32
Speaker 1: you like you're the most important person in his world.
25:34
Speaker 1: That's how your father looks at me. That's how it's
25:36
Speaker 1: supposed to be. Over the next week, I told everyone.
25:39
Speaker 1: My sister, who said, finally, and revealed she'd had a
25:41
Speaker 1: bet with her husband about how long it would take
25:43
Speaker 1: me to figure out I was in love with Miles.
25:45
Speaker 1: My friends, who had various reactions ranging from, I knew it,
25:48
Speaker 1: to about time, to, wait, you didn't know. My work colleagues,
25:52
Speaker 1: who'd apparently all been talking about how Miles and I
25:54
Speaker 1: seemed like a couple whenever he picked me up for lunch. Apparently,
25:57
Speaker 1: I'd been the last person to see what everyone else
25:59
Speaker 1: had been seeing for months. Derek and I met for
26:01
Speaker 1: coffee a week after I'd officially called off the wedding.
26:04
Speaker 1: He looked tired, and there was something in his expression
26:06
Speaker 1: I couldn't quite read. I've been thinking, he said after
26:09
Speaker 1: we'd sat down, about what you said, about me not
26:12
Speaker 1: showing up. Derek, let me finish. You were right. I
26:15
Speaker 1: didn't show up. I used work as an excuse, but
26:18
Speaker 1: the truth is I didn't prioritize you. I thought as
26:20
Speaker 1: long as we were engaged, as long as we were
26:21
Speaker 1: moving toward the wedding, that was enough. But it wasn't.
26:24
Speaker 1: I didn't know what to say. I'm sorry, Derek continued.
26:26
Speaker 1: I'm sorry I made you feel like you were asking
26:28
Speaker 1: too much. I'm sorry I wasn't the partner you deserved.
26:31
Speaker 1: And I'm sorry it took you falling for someone else
26:33
Speaker 1: for me to see what I was doing wrong. You
26:34
Speaker 1: weren't all wrong, I said. I wasn't all right either.
26:37
Speaker 1: I should have said something instead of just accepting it. Maybe.
26:40
Speaker 1: But I should have noticed. I should have seen that
26:42
Speaker 1: you were pulling away. That you were relying on Miles
26:44
Speaker 1: more than me. He smiled sadly. I should have fought
26:47
Speaker 1: harder to keep you. I don't think fighting would have
26:49
Speaker 1: changed anything. I think we wanted different things. What did
26:52
Speaker 1: you want? Derek asked. Someone who shows up. Someone who's
26:55
Speaker 1: excited to be there. Someone who makes me feel like
26:57
Speaker 1: I'm a priority, not an obligation. Miles does all that.
27:01
Speaker 1: It wasn't a question. Yeah, he does. Derek nodded. I
27:04
Speaker 1: hope it works out for you two. I hope he
27:06
Speaker 1: gives you everything I couldn't. He stood up to leave,
27:08
Speaker 1: then paused. For what it's worth, I think you made
27:10
Speaker 1: the right choice. You two fit in ways we never did.
27:13
Speaker 1: Watching him walk away, I felt sad but not regretful.
27:16
Speaker 1: We'd had something, but it hadn't been enough. and that
27:18
Speaker 1: was okay. Two weeks after calling off the wedding, after
27:21
Speaker 1: my ankle had healed enough to walk without crutches, Miles
27:24
Speaker 1: took me hiking again. Not the same trail, but an
27:26
Speaker 1: easier one with a beautiful view at the top. We
27:29
Speaker 1: sat on a boulder overlooking the valley, and he handed
27:31
Speaker 1: me a thermos of hot chocolate. Remember when we came
27:33
Speaker 1: here in college? He asked. For that astronomy assignment. We
27:36
Speaker 1: fell asleep and missed the meteor shower we were supposed
27:39
Speaker 1: to photograph. I smiled at the memory. You got a
27:41
Speaker 1: C on that assignment because of me. Worth it. You
27:44
Speaker 1: were using my jacket as a pillow and you looked
27:46
Speaker 1: so peaceful I didn't want to wake you. He was
27:48
Speaker 1: quiet for a moment. That was the first time I
27:50
Speaker 1: thought maybe I was falling for you. But you were
27:52
Speaker 1: dating that guy, Kevin, and I figured I was just
27:54
Speaker 1: being a good friend. Kevin was terrible. He was. But
27:57
Speaker 1: you didn't see it for months because you kept giving
27:59
Speaker 1: him chances. I'm seeing a pattern in my relationship choices,
28:02
Speaker 1: I admitted. I settle for people who don't choose me first.
28:05
Speaker 1: I choose you first, Miles said, turning to look at me.
28:08
Speaker 1: I've been choosing you first for a year. I'll choose
28:10
Speaker 1: you first for as long as you'll let me. That's
28:12
Speaker 1: a big promise. I'm a big fan of keeping promises.
28:15
Speaker 1: He took my hand. So what do you say? Want
28:18
Speaker 1: to try this for real? Not as backup plans or
28:20
Speaker 1: best friends pretending, but actually together? What if it ruins everything?
28:24
Speaker 1: What if it makes everything better? I looked at him
28:26
Speaker 1: at the hope and fear and love in his eyes
28:28
Speaker 1: and thought about all the times he'd been there, all
28:30
Speaker 1: the wedding appointments and emergency calls and moments when he'd
28:33
Speaker 1: shown up without question. Okay, I said. Let's try this
28:36
Speaker 1: for real. Miles smiled, and it was like the sun
28:38
Speaker 1: breaking through clouds. Yeah, yeah. Let's see what happens when
28:42
Speaker 1: my backup plan becomes my first choice. He kissed me
28:45
Speaker 1: there on that boulder, and it felt like coming home.
28:47
Speaker 1: Like every friendship hug and casual touch had been building
28:50
Speaker 1: to this moment. Like we'd been dancing around this for
28:52
Speaker 1: years without admitting it. I love you, I said when
28:54
Speaker 1: we pulled apart. I'm still figuring out exactly what that
28:57
Speaker 1: means for us, but I love you. I love you too.
29:00
Speaker 1: Have for a while now. I know, everyone knew except
29:02
Speaker 1: me apparently. You were worth the wait. We sat there
29:05
Speaker 1: watching the sun set over the valley, and I thought
29:07
Speaker 1: about how sometimes the person you're supposed to be with
29:09
Speaker 1: is the one who's been there all along. Sometimes they're
29:12
Speaker 1: the one who shows up at 3am, who helps you
29:14
Speaker 1: plan a wedding to someone else. who carries you down
29:16
Speaker 1: a mountain even when it hurts. Sometimes your backup plan
29:19
Speaker 1: was always meant to be your first choice. You just
29:21
Speaker 1: needed the right moment to see it. Three months later,
29:24
Speaker 1: on what would have been my wedding day to Derek,
29:26
Speaker 1: Miles and I had a picnic in the park. Nothing fancy,
29:29
Speaker 1: just sandwiches and fruit and the chocolate cake we'd tasted
29:31
Speaker 1: together months ago when I'd thought I was planning a
29:34
Speaker 1: wedding to someone else. Do you regret it? Miles asked,
29:37
Speaker 1: calling off the wedding, not even for a second. Eileen?
29:40
Speaker 1: against him, his arm around my shoulders. I regret not
29:42
Speaker 1: seeing you sooner. I regret all the time we wasted
29:45
Speaker 1: pretending to be just friends. But I don't regret choosing you. Good.
29:48
Speaker 1: Because I'm choosing you right back. We sat there in
29:51
Speaker 1: the afternoon sun, and I thought about how different my
29:53
Speaker 1: life looked now. How much lighter I felt. How being
29:55
Speaker 1: with Miles felt easy in a way my relationship with
29:58
Speaker 1: Derek never had. Can I tell you something? Miles said. Always.
30:01
Speaker 1: I'm really glad your ankle healed wrong three months ago.
30:04
Speaker 1: Because if it hadn't, I might never have told you
30:06
Speaker 1: how I felt. My ankle healed fine. I know. But
30:09
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. If you hadn't gotten hurt
30:11
Speaker 1: on that mountain, if I hadn't had to carry you down,
30:13
Speaker 1: if Derek hadn't shown his true colors about me being there,
30:16
Speaker 1: he trailed off. We might have missed our chance. I
30:19
Speaker 1: don't think we would have missed it, I said. I
30:20
Speaker 1: think we would have found our way here eventually. Maybe
30:23
Speaker 1: it would have taken longer. Maybe I would have had
30:24
Speaker 1: to actually marry Derek first and realize my mistake. But
30:27
Speaker 1: I think we were always going to end up here.
30:29
Speaker 1: You think we're inevitable? I think you've been my first
30:31
Speaker 1: choice for a long time. I was just too scared
30:33
Speaker 1: to admit it. I turned to look at him. I
30:35
Speaker 1: think the universe kept pushing us together until I finally
30:38
Speaker 1: paid attention. The universe is smart. The universe is slow.
30:41
Speaker 1: I should have figured this out months ago. Better late
30:44
Speaker 1: than never. Miles kissed my forehead. Besides, now you have
30:47
Speaker 1: a great story about how you almost married the wrong
30:49
Speaker 1: person but your backup plan saved you. My backup plan
30:52
Speaker 1: became my first choice. I corrected. Best plot twist ever.
30:55
Speaker 1: We finished our picnic and walked through the park, holding
30:58
Speaker 1: hands like we'd done a hundred times as friends, but
31:00
Speaker 1: now it meant something different, something more. People we knew
31:04
Speaker 1: kept stopping to say hi, and everyone commented on how
31:06
Speaker 1: happy I looked. You're glowing, my former co-worker said. Love
31:10
Speaker 1: looks good on you. Thanks, I said, squeezing Miles' hand.
31:13
Speaker 1: Love did look good on me. Being with the right
31:15
Speaker 1: person looked good on me. Choosing someone who chose me
31:18
Speaker 1: back looked good on me. That evening, Miles walked me
31:20
Speaker 1: to my apartment door and I invited him in for coffee.
31:23
Speaker 1: I should probably go, he said, but he was already
31:25
Speaker 1: following me inside. I have work tomorrow. It's Saturday. You
31:28
Speaker 1: don't work on Saturdays. Fine, you caught me. I just
31:31
Speaker 1: don't want to overstay my welcome. Miles, you're my boyfriend.
31:34
Speaker 1: You can't overstay your welcome. The word boyfriend still felt
31:37
Speaker 1: new and exciting. For a year, he'd been my backup plan,
31:40
Speaker 1: my best friend, my emergency contact. Now he was my boyfriend,
31:44
Speaker 1: my first choice, my person. We ended up on my couch,
31:47
Speaker 1: tangled together, talking about everything and nothing. Miles told me
31:50
Speaker 1: about a project at work. I told him about drama
31:52
Speaker 1: with my sister. We made plans for next weekend, discussed
31:55
Speaker 1: getting a cat together, debated whether we should look for
31:58
Speaker 1: a bigger apartment. Wait, I said sitting up. Are we
32:01
Speaker 1: talking about moving in together? Maybe. Miles looked uncertain. Is
32:04
Speaker 1: that too fast? We've only been officially together for three months.
32:08
Speaker 1: We've known each other for a decade. We basically already
32:10
Speaker 1: live together. You're here almost every night anyway. That's true.
32:14
Speaker 1: He pulled me back against him. So is that a
32:16
Speaker 1: yes to looking at apartments? That's a yes to looking
32:18
Speaker 1: at apartments. I kissed him. That's a yes to building
32:21
Speaker 1: a life together. That's a yes to everything. Everything is
32:24
Speaker 1: a big promise. I'm a big fan of keeping promises,
32:27
Speaker 1: I said, echoing his words from months ago. Besides, you've
32:30
Speaker 1: been my backup plan for everything else. Might as well
32:32
Speaker 1: be my backup plan for choosing apartments, too. I'm not
32:35
Speaker 1: your backup plan anymore. No, you're not. You're my first choice.
32:38
Speaker 1: My only choice. I looked at him. You're the person
32:41
Speaker 1: I want to wake up next to every morning. I
32:43
Speaker 1: can work with that. Six months after that day on
32:45
Speaker 1: the mountain, Miles and I moved into a new apartment together.
32:48
Speaker 1: Not too big, not too small, but perfect for us.
32:51
Speaker 1: We had a small housewarming party, and all our friends came,
32:54
Speaker 1: including Jasmine, who brought champagne and made a toast. To
32:56
Speaker 1: Kira and Miles, she said, raising her glass. May you
32:59
Speaker 1: always choose each other first. Always, Miles said, looking at me. Always.
33:04
Speaker 1: I agreed. Later that night, after everyone had left and
33:06
Speaker 1: we were cleaning up, Miles pulled me close. I have
33:09
Speaker 1: something for you. He handed me a small wrapped box.
33:12
Speaker 1: It's not what you think, he added quickly. Don't panic.
33:15
Speaker 1: Inside the box was a keychain with a small elephant charm. Mr. Trunks?
33:19
Speaker 1: I asked, recognizing my childhood stuffed animal. I had it
33:21
Speaker 1: made custom. Because you said Mr. Trunks always made you
33:24
Speaker 1: feel safe, and I want you to always feel safe
33:26
Speaker 1: with me. Miles, I know we're not there yet. I
33:29
Speaker 1: know it's too soon to talk about forever, but I
33:31
Speaker 1: wanted you to know that I'm thinking about forever. That
33:34
Speaker 1: when I imagine my future, you're in every part of it.
33:37
Speaker 1: I kissed him, and the elephant keychain pressed between us.
33:40
Speaker 1: A reminder of childhood comfort and adult promises. I'm thinking
33:43
Speaker 1: about forever, too. Yeah? Yeah. You've been my backup plan.
33:47
Speaker 1: My best friend. My first choice. Might as well be
33:50
Speaker 1: my forever, too. We stood in our new apartment, surrounded
33:53
Speaker 1: by half-unpacked boxes and the beginning of our life together,
33:56
Speaker 1: and I thought about how far we'd come. From that
33:58
Speaker 1: day on the mountain to this moment here. From backup
34:00
Speaker 1: plan to first choice. From best friends to something more.
34:03
Speaker 1: I love you, Miles said. I love you, too. Always have,
34:06
Speaker 1: always will. Even when I'm annoying? especially when you're annoying.
34:10
Speaker 1: We finished cleaning up and went to bed in our
34:12
Speaker 1: new apartment, in our new life, and I felt more
34:14
Speaker 1: certain about this choice than I'd ever felt about anything,
34:17
Speaker 1: because sometimes the right person is the one who's been
34:19
Speaker 1: there all along. Sometimes they're the one who shows up,
34:22
Speaker 1: who pays attention, who makes you feel seen and valued
34:24
Speaker 1: and cherished. Sometimes your backup plan was always meant to
34:27
Speaker 1: be your first choice. You just needed to be brave
34:29
Speaker 1: enough to see it, and I was finally seeing clearly.
34:32
Speaker 1: Appreciate you watching this far. If you enjoyed it, drop
34:34
Speaker 1: a like, leave a comment, and subscribe so you won't
34:36
Speaker 1: miss the next story.