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How can I heal after a difficult relationship? · Wellbeing Solutions - Ask A Counsellor

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Healing after a difficult relationship takes time, and whatever you're feeling right now makes sense.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: This could be a partner, a friend, a family member or a colleague, and when a relationship wears you down over a long period, the effects can stay with you well after it ends.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: You might experience confusion, anxiety, self-doubt, grief, and trouble trusting people, which are all common responses.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: Now, a good place to start is how you talk to yourself.
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  SPEAKER_00: After a difficult relationship, many people carry around the critical voice that they heard and it can start to sound like their own.
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  SPEAKER_00: So try simply noticing it.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: So when a thought like I should have seen it sooner shows up, ask yourself what you would say to a friend who told you the same thing, and then practice saying that to yourself as you made the decisions with the information and the feelings you had at the time.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: Also give yourself permission to grieve too.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: You might miss the person, the good moments, or the future you imagined, and missing someone and knowing the relationship was hard on you can sit side by side.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: You might also try a simple question.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: So on a scale of 0 to 10, how much do you feel like yourself today?
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  SPEAKER_00: And whatever number you land on, ask what is already making it that number and not a zero, and then ask what would move it up by just one point because healing grows from small specific steps.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: Now, practical ways to support yourself with this may be to choose one activity you so enjoy or wanted to try and prove it in your week.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: As action often comes before motivation, so start small and see how you feel afterwards.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: You might also reach out to someone who treats you well, even with a short message or a quick call, and looking after the basics also helps your mind recover.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: So just keep an eye on your sleep, what you're eating, and even gentle movement as well where possible.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: You may also practice boundaries in small ways, like say no to something minor without over-explaining, as this builds confidence for the bigger moments.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: And if you have someone you trust, tell them what you've been going through.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: On harder days when the past comes rushing back, remind yourself that it is part of healing and you can go at your own pace.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: Now you don't need to be in crisis to ask for support, and you might consider speaking to your GP or a qualified therapist if you do feel stuck in rumination, guilt or regret, if you've lost your sense of who you are, if you find it hard to trust or connect with others, or if old patterns keep resurfacing.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: Now you can go back to the app's resources on healing after a difficult relationship for further support around this topic.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: And if you are thinking about harming yourself or feeling unsafe, then please seek urge and help by contacting your local emergency number or a crisis helpline.