Latest / Hustle Rebels: Burnout Recovery for Over-Achievers / Stop Cleaning Up Everyone Else's Messes: The Hidden Cost of Being Reliable

Transcript

Stop Cleaning Up Everyone Else's Messes: The Hidden Cost of Being Reliable · Hustle Rebels: Burnout Recovery for Over-Achievers

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: How much longer are you going to keep cleaning up everybody else's shit before you realize you're the one getting screwed?
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: Seriously.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: How many times have you taken responsibility for something else that wasn't your fault?
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: Covered somebody else's ass.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: Said, yeah, no problem.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: When it was in fact a very big fucking problem.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: Or agreed to something that you just didn't have the time, the energy, or desire to simply do because you didn't want to disappoint somebody.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: And the best part, people love you for it.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: You've become dependable.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: You're easygoing.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: You're flexible.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: You're the one who just always figures it the fuck out.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: And everybody can always count on you.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: Congratulations! You have officially become the person that everybody dumps their shit on because they know that you will take care of it.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: And somewhere along the way, you started wearing that like a badge of honor.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: Trust me, I know.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: But let me ask you something, because I've asked myself this.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: Who is looking out for you?
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: Making sure you're not overwhelmed.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: Who's protecting your time, your energy, and your reputation when somebody else drops the ball?
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you're anything like me, you've probably spent a good portion of your entire life making damn sure that everybody else is comfortable, appreciated, and protected from consequences that they probably deserve to deal with themselves.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: Meanwhile, you're the one that's absorbing the fallout.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: And for what?
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: So nobody else gets upset for them?
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: So nobody thinks that you're difficult?
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: So you can keep being everybody's favorite team player?
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I've been doing a little reflecting this week after something happened and it really fucking pissed me off.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: But honestly, it brought me to a question that I probably should have been asking myself years ago.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: Why the hell have I spent so much of my life laying on the sword for people who wouldn't think twice about throwing me on it to save their own asses?
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: And more importantly, at what point does being a good person turn into being the person that everybody knows they can screw over?
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Hustle Rebels.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Renee Mansfield, Burnout Recovery and Leadership Development Coach, and of course, your host.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: If you're new here, Hustle Rebels is where we call bullshit on hustle culture, challenge the workplace norms that burn people out, and talk about what it actually takes to build better leaders and healthier workplaces.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: Because working yourself into the ground shouldn't be the price of success.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're tired of being told to work harder, push through, and just figure it the fuck out, you're in the right place.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: Make sure you subscribe or follow Hustle Rebels wherever you're listening.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: Give the episode a like if you're on YouTube, and share it with somebody who could use a little reminder that there's more to life than working yourself into the ground.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: And before we get into today's episode, I've got a little something free for you listeners.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: It's called the Energy Leak Finder.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: Because chances are you've got energy leaking out of places that you don't even realize.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: Like all those subscriptions that you probably forgot.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: The Energy Leak Finder helps you identify where you might be mindlessly draining your energy so that you can start plugging those holes.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: And the best part is that you don't have to add another fucking juice cleanse or a 5 a.m.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: morning routine or a 30-minute meditation session to your already overflowing schedule.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: Because honestly, the last thing that somebody who's burned out needs is another damn thing on their to-do list.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: You just need to start paying attention to where your energy is going.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: So you can grab your free energy leak finder through the link in the show notes or description below.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: All right, let's get back into it.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: Because today we're going to be talking about what happens when being the reliable, accommodating person that everybody can count on actually starts costing you a lot more than you realize.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: So when does being reliable become your identity?
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: We live in this culture that rewards people that go above and beyond, especially in the workplace.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: We love the employee who stays late, covers the shift, takes on another project, and just never bitches.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: And for a while, that feels pretty damn good.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: Because being needed always feels good.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: It feels great.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: Being recognized as somebody who's capable feels great.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: And if you spent a good portion of your life proving yourself, that recognition can become pretty addictive, even if you're not necessarily getting overtly recognized for it.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: Because I know that one personally.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: As a firefighter paramedic, and especially being the first and only woman in my department, I spent a lot of time making sure that nobody could question whether I was capable and belonged there.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't going to be the person who couldn't handle something.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't going to ask for special treatment, and I certainly wasn't going to give anybody a reason to think that I couldn't keep up.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: But there's something that I had to learn along the way.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: Just because you're capable of doing something doesn't mean you should automatically be responsible for it.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: And when you build your identity around being reliable and dependable, it's really easy to lose sight of that distinction.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: Because eventually, people will stop asking whether you have the capacity.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: They just assume that you do.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes you assume that yourself as well.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: So let's talk about the puddle and why I'm tired of cleaning up everybody else's messes.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: I read this book a little while ago called Surrounded by Idiots by Thomas Erickson.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: Highly recommend it.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: Which, first of all, is also a fantastic title because let's be serious, we've all had those days where we feel like we're surrounded by idiots, so it's pretty accurate.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: But the book talks about different behavioral styles using four colors red, yellow, blue, and green.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: It's the disc D I S C inspired framework.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: And while people are obviously a hell of a lot more complicated than four colors, I found it very interesting to look at a different way that people respond to situations.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: And there's the example that I remember about a puddle on the floor.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I'm gonna paraphrase it a little bit, but it's the general idea here.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: But imagine four different people walking into a room and seeing a puddle on the floor.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: The red might want to know who's responsible and demand that somebody clean it up.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: They're more aggressive.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: The blue might start analyzing where the puddle came from, why it's there, how to prevent it from happening, and start to be a lot more analytical about it.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: The yellow might talk to everybody about the puddle, make a whole conversational about it, be a lot more social.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: And then there's the green.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: The green just quietly cleans up the damn puddle.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: Think of it like a middle child.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: Doesn't make a big deal about it, doesn't want anybody to get upset, doesn't want to create conflict, just cleans it up, moves along.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember reading that and thinking, well shit, that's me.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: Not necessarily in the literal sense of cleaning up the puddle, although I probably would.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: I'm talking about absorbing other people's mistakes, responsibilities, and consequences.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: I've spent so much of my life trying to make sure that everybody else feels comfortable, appreciated, included, and wanted, and I have gone so far as to take responsibility for mistakes that had never been mine, not because somebody necessarily asked me to, but because I didn't want them to feel embarrassed.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't want them to get in trouble.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't want them to feel uncomfortable.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: So I would absorb it for them.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'd clean up the puddle and act like nothing happened.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: And at that time, I thought I was just being a good person.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: I was being considerate, being a team player.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: That's what it meant to be a team player, keeping the peace.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: But here's what I have started to question.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: Why was I so concerned about protecting everybody else's feelings that I was willing to sacrifice my own?
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: At what point does being accommodating stop being a positive quality and start becoming something that's actually hurting you?
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: Because something happened this week that really brought this home for me.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: Something specific.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: So, as some of you know, I'm also a musician, I play in a band.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: We had a venue cancel on us within 24 hours of a scheduled performance.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: Many musicians would say that this is part of the gig.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: The reason that they gave us for the cancellation was that they're restructuring their Saturdays.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: I have a feeling that if you know that you're going to restructure Saturdays, you'd be able to give us a lot more notice in 24 hours, but I digress.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: Come to find out they had actually double booked the entertainment for Saturday.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: But not only did they cancel us, but they also canceled the other band the morning of their performance that same Saturday.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: So apparently we didn't even get the raw end of the deal.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: At least we had a little bit more notice.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: Lucky us, right?
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: But it really got me thinking.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: Because here I am, somebody who has spent years going out of my way to protect other people from embarrassment, discomfort, and consequences, because typically I would have posted online, oh, we've been canceled, no big deal, don't fret.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: But then something like this happens, where somebody else's scheduling problem becomes now our problem, and it is their fault.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I found myself thinking, why?
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: Why do I always lay on the sword when I have spent so much of my life laying on the sword for people who obviously wouldn't think twice about throwing me on it to save themselves?
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: The venue wouldn't have to give two shits about me.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: Now I'm not saying that these people are intentionally trying to hurt us, that is not what I'm saying at all.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what was going on behind the scenes.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: But the situation made me realize something about myself.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: I have spent an awful lot of energy considering how my actions might affect everybody else.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I've often assumed that other people were doing the same, but that's not necessarily the case.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: And that realization is pretty damn uncomfortable that other people don't have my best interest.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: Because it means that I have to start looking at how often I have volunteered to carry things that were never mine to carry in the first place.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: And here's the thing: I'm not saying that you should stop caring about other people.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not saying that you should stop helping other people.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: But there is a difference between being a compassionate person and making yourself collateral damage to protect somebody else that doesn't care about you.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm starting to realize how often I confuse the two and how it also starts costing your business.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: So this is something that I'm learning as I make a transition from working for somebody to working for myself.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: At what point does being accommodating start hurting you as a business owner?
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: Because some of the habits I've developed over the years, the ones that I thought made me a good employee, aren't necessarily serving me as a business owner.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: I'm entering different rooms now.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: I'm having conversations with business owners, CEOs, decision makers, and people in leadership positions.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm learning how to advocate for myself, my work, and the value that I bring to the table.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: And that requires a different level of confidence.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: But it also requires something I've spent a lot of my life avoiding: being willing to make somebody else uncomfortable.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: Not intentionally, not to be an asshole, but because sometimes advocating for yourself means somebody else isn't going to exactly get what they want.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it means saying no.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it means having a conversation about money.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes it means standing firm about your pricing, your expectations, or the value of your time.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: And it also means holding somebody accountable for something they agreed to, even when you'd rather just let it go and avoid an uncomfortable conversation.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: And that is where how much this accommodating behavior can cost you as a business owner, especially uncomfortable conversations.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: Because when you're working for somebody else, you might just absorb somebody else's mistake to keep the peace.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_00: But when you're running your own business, that mistake could cost you money.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: It could cost you a client.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: It could cost you an opportunity.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're constantly making exceptions, discounting your work, or absorbing the consequences of somebody else's decisions because you don't want to upset them, who's protecting your business?
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: Who's protecting your time or making sure that you're being respected?
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: And that venue cancelled really made me stop and think about this.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: Because there was a time where I probably would have been more concerned about making sure the venue didn't feel bad about canceling us.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: Think about how ridiculous that sounds.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody cancels on us and I'm worried about making them uncomfortable.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: But that's what happens when you're so accustomed to being the person that keeps the peace.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: You start prioritizing everybody else's comfort over your own interests.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I can't keep operating that way.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: Not if I want to build the business that I'm trying to build.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: Not if I want to walk into rooms with people who have built successful companies and be taken seriously for the work that I do.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: Because I can be compassionate and still have expectations.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: I can be understanding and still hold somebody accountable.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: I can be kind and still be respected.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I can recognize that somebody else made a mistake without volunteering to absorb the consequences of it.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: It's something I'm learning in real time.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: I'm curious to see if you also resonate with it because it's uncomfortable.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: For somebody who has spent years making everybody else feel valued, included, and appreciated, standing up for myself can almost feel like I'm doing something wrong, especially because I'm building my business around that.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm starting to realize something.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: If I keep sacrificing myself to protect everybody else's comfort, I'm teaching people that my time, my energy, and my work are also negotiable.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: And they're not.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_00: At least they shouldn't be.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_00: I spent years proving that I deserve a seat at somebody else's table, and now I'm building my own.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I can't keep giving away my chair just to make everybody else comfortable.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe that's the biggest lesson that I'm taking away from all of this.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: We don't need to stop being the person who cares about other people.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: We don't need to become some hard ass who doesn't give a shit about anybody else's feelings.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: But we do need to stop making ourselves the person who pays the price every single time somebody else drops the ball.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you're building a business, we can't build it if we're constantly cleaning up somebody else's puddles.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: And then you have the invisible energy drain.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I think this is where we all need to talk about the energy costs from all of this.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: Because we tend to think of burnout as just a result of doing too much, working too many hours, or having too many responsibilities and too many things on the calendar in our to-do list.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, absolutely those things contribute.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_00: But what about all the energy that we're spending on the things that nobody can actually see?
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: Like replaying a conversation in our head because we're so worried that you upset somebody, or agreeing to something that you really just don't want to fucking do.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: And then spending the next three days dreading it until you have to actually do it.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: Or being the person at work who's constantly keeping track of what needs to get done.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you don't, nobody else will.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: And then you go home.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: And you're still the person that has to remember all the appointments and the grocery lists and the laundry and the bills and the dog food and the birthday gifts and whatever the hell else needs to happen.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: And then somebody says, Well, why didn't you ask me for help?
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_00: Because sometimes having to manage the help is just another responsibility in and of itself.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_00: You're not just doing the task, you're carrying the responsibility of remembering that it needs to get done, figuring out how it needs to get done, and then making sure that it actually does get done.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_00: That's a lot of mental real estate.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: And then we wonder why we're fucking exhausted when we haven't actually done anything particularly strenuous that day.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's because being constantly responsible for everything is exhausting.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes we've just become so accustomed to it that we don't even recognize it as stress anymore because it's compounding.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's just a normal Tuesday.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_00: We're just normally busy.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what makes these energy drains so easy to overlook.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: They're not necessarily the big obvious things, they're just the little withdrawals that happen throughout the day.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: And they add up until one day you're sitting there wondering why you're so exhausted, so irritable, or why you don't even have the energy to enjoy the things that you used to enjoy.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_00: And you can't just point to one specific thing that's causing it.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: You're just blah.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_00: Because it wasn't one thing.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's a whole bunch of little things that you've just absorbed along the way.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: And then, leaders, I have one for you too.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_00: Because I want you to flip this around for a minute.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you're a business owner, a manager, or just somebody who is in leadership position, I want you to think about your most reliable employee.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: You know exactly who I'm talking about.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: The person that just always seemed to get everything done.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: They never seem to need anything.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_00: They don't ask for help.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_00: You can always count on them when somebody calls out, when that deadline gets moved up, or when something falls through the cracks.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_00: They're the glue that holds it together.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: When was the last time you actually checked in on that person?
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't mean asking them whether the project is going to be finished by Friday.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_00: I mean genuinely asking how they are doing.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: How's their workload?
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: Do they have the resources that they need?
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_00: Observe, are they taking time off?
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: Because there's something worth considering.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_00: Just because somebody isn't complaining doesn't mean that they're doing okay.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_00: And just because they keep saying yes doesn't mean they have the capacity.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes your most reliable employee is also the person who's the closest to burning out.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_00: And it's your responsibility to start noticing the signs.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_00: Because they've always managed to figure things out so nobody thinks to ask.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not saying that you should stop giving responsibilities to capable people, obviously not.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm saying that being capable shouldn't automatically mean being available for everything.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: And think about that puddle analogy.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_00: How many workplaces have somebody who is constantly cleaning up everybody else's messes?
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_00: Who's that person?
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_00: The employee who quietly fixes all the mistakes and who covers up for somebody else.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_00: The one who takes on extra responsibilities because they don't want their coworkers to get in trouble or their boss looking bad.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: That person who keeps everything running smoothly behind the scenes.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_00: And because nobody sees the mess, nobody realized how much work went into cleaning it up.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, sometimes the person who made the mess doesn't even know that there was a fucking problem to begin with.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_00: That in and of itself is a problem.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_00: Because somebody else took care of it.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_00: And then what happens?
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_00: They just keep doing it.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_00: Not necessarily because they're bad people, but because they've never had to deal with the consequences.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_00: And then the person who keeps cleaning everything up, they're exhausted, they're frustrated, and eventually they're resentful, and nobody understands why.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_00: Because as far as everybody else is concerned, everything is fine.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_00: You've been telling them that for years.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the part that really gets me.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes we're so busy making sure everybody else is okay that nobody even realizes that we're the ones who aren't.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_00: Including ourselves, because we tell ourselves that we're fine.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_00: And from a leadership perspective, that should be a pretty big wake-up call.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_00: Because if your workplace depends on the same handful of people constantly picking up the slack, you might want to start asking yourself whether that's actually a sustainable system.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_00: Or whether you've just gotten really comfortable relying on people who don't know how to say no.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_00: Good leadership isn't just knowing who can get the job done, it's knowing how to sport those people so that they can continue doing their jobs without sacrificing themselves in the process, because you're gonna lose them, whether they leave or whether they get injured.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe instead of automatically giving the next responsibility to the person who always says yes, you should be asking why they're the only person who seems to be handling everything in the first place.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_00: So what's the cost of keeping everybody happy?
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_00: Because this is another thing I've been thinking about lately is how often we confuse with being accommodating with being kind.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_00: And don't get me wrong, there's absolutely nothing wrong with helping somebody.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_00: There's nothing wrong with compromising, it needs to happen sometimes, and there's nothing wrong with being flexible.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_00: But there's a pretty big difference between choosing helping someone because you generally want to and agreeing to something because you're afraid of what will happen if you don't.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_00: Are you saying yes because you want to, or because you don't want someone to be disappointed?
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_00: Are you taking on that extra responsibility because you have the capacity?
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_00: Or because you're worried that you think you're not being a team player?
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_00: And how often are you putting your own Needs on the back burner because someone else's needs seem more important.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_00: Because every time you say yes to something, you're committing a portion of your time, attention, and energy.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_00: And those are resources you don't have an unlimited supply of.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_00: So even when that seems like a small thing, it still costs something.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_00: It's the half hour you're going to spend relaxing.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's the workout that you keep putting off.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's the mental energy that you needed to be present with your family.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_00: Or you just needed to sit on the damn couch without feeling like you should be doing something else.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: These little things add up.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_00: Not necessarily overnight, but over months and years of constantly putting yourself last.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_00: So these are the things to start thinking about.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to change everything overnight.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's not quitting your job and blowing up relationships and suddenly telling everybody to go screw themselves.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_00: Although I'm sure you probably have considered that.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_00: Just start noticing the things that you're automatically agreeing to, the things that you're taking responsibility for, the situations where you're spending energy trying to keep everybody else comfortable.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_00: And just ask yourself, do I actually want to do this?
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_00: Do I have the capacity for it?
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_00: And what am I giving up by saying yes?
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_00: Because sometimes we're just so focused on getting everything done that we don't stop to consider what it's actually costing us.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe the question isn't just whether you're capable of cleaning up the puddle.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's whether that puddle was ever yours to clean up in the first place.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_00: And if you've been cleaning up the puddle for so damn long that you don't even realize how much energy you're spending doing it, that's exactly why I created the Energy Leak Finder.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_00: Because sometimes the first step isn't figuring out how to do more or manage your time better or become more productive.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_00: It's figuring out where the hell all your energy is even going in the first place.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not just talking about your calendar or how many hours that you're working.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_00: I'm talking about those things that are quietly draining you throughout the day.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_00: The responsibilities, the expectations, the habits, and all these things that you've gotten so used to tolerating that you might not even recognize that it's literally draining every ounce of your attention and your time.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_00: So the Energy League Finder is designed to help you start identifying some of those strains so that you can take a little bit of a closer look at where your energy is going because you can't change something that you're not even aware of.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_00: And like I said, you don't have to overhaul and change your entire life to start making a difference.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you just need to recognize where these little withdrawals are happening.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_00: So if you'd like to grab a copy of that, it's completely free.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll put the link down in the show notes and description.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_00: Now, this conversation actually came out of a really interesting discussion that I had with next week's guest, Pam Boss, who's a certified high performance coach who works with women who have spent too much time of their lives accommodating everybody else that they've started losing sight of what they actually want.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_00: And we got into some really great conversations about people pleasing, keeping the peace, and how those patterns can actually follow us from our personal lives right into the workplace.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_00: So I think a lot of this is going to hit home for you.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_00: So make sure you're subscribing and following so that next week you get to see that conversation with Pam.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_00: In the meantime, pay attention to your automatic yes, because being reliable and compassionate are great qualities.
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm also learning that I can do all of those things without constantly throwing myself on the sword in the process.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe that's something you need to hear too.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_00: You can care about people without carrying everything for them.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to be somebody else's cleanup crew.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_00: So what's one thing that you've gotten so used to take responsibility for you don't even question it anymore?
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_00: Write it down in the comments.
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_00: I'll see you guys next week.