Latest / ADHD with Confidence | Overcome Anxiety & Self-Doubt, Christian ADHD Coach, ADHD in Women / 131 // This One Thing Matters More than Skills or Abilities in ADHD

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131 // This One Thing Matters More than Skills or Abilities in ADHD · ADHD with Confidence | Overcome Anxiety & Self-Doubt, Christian ADHD Coach, ADHD in Women

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  There is this one thing that actually matters more than your skills, your abilities, your,
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  in this podcast i will give you the strategies to build god-centered confidence
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  so you can know in your heart that you do belong you are enough and you are
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  made on purpose and with a purpose hey i'm kelsey sprong fellow adhd mom and
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  entrepreneur join me in building.
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  Hey friends, welcome to the ADHD with Confidence podcast. I'm your host, Kelsey.
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  And today we're going to talk about this one thing that I believe matters more
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  than your skills or your abilities in ADHD.
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  Now don't worry, I'm not going to make you wait till the end of the episode to find out what it is.
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  But before I get into it, don't forget to scroll down and click that follow button.
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  And then I also want to encourage you, if you are struggling right now and you
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  need help, I offer one-on-one coaching.
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  If you are feeling stuck in an area, you're struggling with self-doubt,
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  you want to work towards something, lots of different things that coaching can help with.
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  So if you head to ADHDwithconfidence.com, you can sign up for a free intake coaching call.
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  All right, into today's episode. What is this one thing that makes an incredible
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  difference more than our experience, our abilities, our skills. The one thing is hope.
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  And when I say that, what I mean is that when we look at, you know,
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  trying something new, do we have the hope that it's possible?
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  When we look at relationships in our lives, do we have the hope that it can
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  work? The hope that it can improve?
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  Do we have the hope that, you know, even when
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  we're in the midst of of struggling and
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  we're feeling anxious do we do we have the hope that it can get better do we
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  have the hope when we're having a hard time you know with day-to-day things
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  do we have hope that there are systems there are supports there are ways that
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  things can improve and that it won't always be that way.
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  Hope is incredibly important, and I think sometimes we can recognize that most
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  when we have a lack of hope.
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  That's probably, you know, the most demotivating thing for me is when I don't feel like there's hope.
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  And just as a simple example, at home, when I'm with my kids at home and our
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  house is a mess and there's 10 loads of laundry that need to be done,
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  our fridge is empty, I don't want to make any food or anything like that.
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  I struggle the most when I can't find hope, when I can't see the hope that my
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  efforts will make any difference.
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  And don't get me wrong, this is not an easy topic by any means,
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  but I do think that it is a really important one.
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  So hope is kind of connected to our perspectives and our beliefs, right?
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  If you look at how you view yourself, your situation, others around you,
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  What is your perspective?
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  Is it one that says it's never going to change, it's never going to get better, one that lacks hope?
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  Or are we able to work on, and this is what I want to work on with you today,
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  is are we able to, with time, shift that perspective and that belief to one that is hopeful?
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  So in today's episode, I'm going to give you kind of an analogy and then four steps to choose what.
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  So picture with me, you are on a road trip. So first of all,
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  you're going to need your vehicle.
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  So a big part of, you know, having a different perspective and choosing hope
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  is to understand your worth.
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  We can feel kind of hopeless when, you know, your worth and your identity.
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  We can feel hopeless when we don't know who we are and when we don't believe that we have worth.
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  This can leave us in a really vulnerable and difficult position.
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  So this first one here, this is your vehicle. You need this.
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  This is kind of foundational to understand your worth and your identity.
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  So you're worth talking about God's love for you, that he designed you on purpose.
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  You're not made wrong and that he has a purpose for your life,
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  as well as your identity.
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  Who are you?
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  What do you enjoy? What are your strengths, your personality,
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  your character traits, your abilities, your passions, learning styles, etc? etc.
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  The reason why this is so important is that,
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  If we want to be hopeful for, you know, even the times where we feel like we've
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  failed at something or we've taken a step back, we need to have a level of understanding
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  of who we are and of our intrinsic worth.
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  This is going to be very foundational in choosing hopeful responses in other areas.
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  So that's kind of your vehicle. That is what you need in order to go on this road trip that we're on.
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  The second part here that I believe will
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  help you to be more hopeful is I
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  will call it the fuel for your vehicle and so these are the things that are
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  going to kind of help you live your best life so what I mean by that and these
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  are the things that fit you best so they're not going to be the same from person
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  to person and this will take a little bit of digging and figuring out what works best for you.
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  But these things include self-care.
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  We've talked about that in other episodes. I can link those below.
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  But the basics of self-care, you know, rest, nutrition, hydration,
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  but also things that are just, you know, restful for you, things that help fill
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  your cup again, things that work for you. Those are incredibly important.
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  It's difficult to feel hopeful when we are sleep deprived, when we haven't given
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  our brain and our body the proper nutrition and calories that they need, when we are dehydrated.
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  All of these things are going to make it more difficult to live our lives well
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  and to feel hopeful about our lives.
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  Another part of this one is also our needs.
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  So beyond self-care, these next needs have more so to do with other areas of
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  our life. So say for me, example, my faith.
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  Faith is really important for me and that is a foundational piece that I need
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  if I want to feel hopeful, if I want to thrive.
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  And then the last one is values. So the way that somebody explained this the
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  other day was your needs are things that matter for you and your values are
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  things that matter to you.
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  Okay, so needs matter for you, values matter to you.
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  And they're all very important, but it kind of helps you to understand when we move on to our values,
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  these are the things that you're passionate about, you're excited about,
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  that are life-giving for you, for me it's things like being
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  able to be creative and so that could
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  be you know just today actually for the first time
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  in a long time I played piano and guitar and sang some songs that I've written
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  in the past and now these are mostly just for me I'm not you know interested
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  in performing these in front of anyone but it's a way that I'm able to be creative
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  and that that fills my cup that brings me joy, that brings me life.
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  So figuring out what are those things for you.
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  Some other examples for me is learning. I love to learn and these things,
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  you know, it doesn't matter what topic it's on as long as I'm interested in
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  it. So maybe for you, it could be,
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  Knowledge, creativity, thinking outside the box, adaptability.
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  You know, social connection, whatever it is that is important to you.
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  Because when we, so just like in step one, understanding our worth and our identity,
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  this second one is understanding what kind of life fits you best.
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  Because when we are living in alignment with who we've been created to be and
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  what will help us thrive best, we're going to feel the most content, the most at peace.
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  And this is going to help us to have a more positive and hopeful outlook on life.
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  Part of this too is, you know, having that belief, that hope that we can actually
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  thrive, especially when we're in a moment of feeling discouraged and hopeless,
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  believing that there is hope.
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  We are capable of thriving. We need to just find what works best for us.
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  Hope that positive change is possible and hope that with time things will improve.
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  The third part here of the four parts is, if we're kind of sticking with our
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  analogy of a road trip, is direction.
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  So what direction are you going in?
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  And so instead of a destination, it's which direction are you heading towards?
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  And so part of this is it can give us hope to know where we're going.
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  When we feel lost, that can more coincide with feeling hopeless.
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  So this one is living with purpose.
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  And what I mean by this is living intentionally, asking God,
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  what do you want for my life?
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  What direction are you calling me to? And part of this, and I'll talk about
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  this in another episode, but part of this is taking a big step of faith taking
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  little steps of faith to actually in where God's calling you to and if you're
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  not sure where to start with that.
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  I would say look at the God-given gifts and talents and passions that you have
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  and see where you can incorporate those in your life.
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  Because I think it's universal that we crave meaning, we crave purpose,
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  we want something interesting, and especially those of us with ADHD.
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  There's kind of two parts to this, but because of dopamine, we crave things like novelty,
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  and challenge and stuff like that and the positive
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  outlook on this is that we can be really creative
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  and have these creative endeavors that are really helpful and I think sometimes
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  the struggle it talks about in ADHD 2.0 the struggle with this is that if we
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  don't have that positive way of channeling that it can turn to addictive behaviors
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  and so I think it's important to recognize and acknowledge
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  the importance of living with purpose,
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  of finding that purpose and that channel for us to live out,
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  you know, our God-given dreams.
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  I look at it, you know, even for me, I've tried several things in the past. I was...
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  I was a teacher. I worked at a library for a bit doing kids programs.
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  After I was teaching for a few years, I went back to the library for some stuff.
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  I've tried, I had a clothing business. I've helped with my husband's company doing bookkeeping.
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  I didn't just figure it out right away, but I kept on asking,
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  God, where do you want me?
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  I feel this passion on my heart to help people, to connect people, to encourage people.
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  And he guided me to doing a podcast and it still didn't mean that I necessarily
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  knew exactly what the next step was going to be so my point is is that I want
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  to encourage you to choose,
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  hope in the sense of you are enough you are made on purpose and God has a purpose
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  for your life that he has equipped you for and it's going to take it's going
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  to take time it's not just going to happen tomorrow, but he is faithful.
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  When you take these steps of faith, he will lead you and he will guide you and
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  he will grow you into what he's calling you to. So that was number three.
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  Number four. So thinking about on our road trip, this last one here is getting
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  some insurance for your road trip.
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  So instead of, you know, assuming there won't be any detours,
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  there won't be any speed bumps or potholes.
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  Let's plan ahead so that we aren't completely, you know, halted or veered off
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  course when these things do show up.
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  So essentially within this, it's expecting the unexpected.
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  This makes me think of my husband and I recently went on a trip to,
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  Costa Rica and it was a beautiful beautiful country
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  really really nice people there and the roads
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  in certain areas had a ton of
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  potholes and potholes that spanned almost the
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  entire road you could not avoid
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  and so I felt good that we had prepared for this with the type of vehicle that
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  we rented and then with the insurance that we that we paid for as well my point
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  with this is that as you're going on this journey of understanding who you are,
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  your worth and identity.
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  Learning what will help you thrive, your self-care, your needs,
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  your values, and living with purpose, setting goals, seeking God and his direction,
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  his dreams for your life,
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  there are going to be things that set you off course, detours,
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  speed bumps, potholes, whatever it is.
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  And i think when we not expect
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  those in a negative way but know that those are a normal
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  part of life but choose to live in
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  the hope that you know with god alongside us we can work through these we can
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  work past these and part of this too is is setting healthy boundaries right
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  so these are all actually i meant to mention this at the beginning but these
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  are all steps that will be part of the 30-day adhd confidence course that I'm working on.
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  And to be honest, further behind on publishing that than I would like to be.
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  But if you do want to sign up for the waitlist, I can link that below or you
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  can go to the website ADHDwithconfidence.com.
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  But these are all things that we're going to be working through to build up your confidence.
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  I kind of derailed. No, I derailed myself there a little bit.
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  Coming back to boundaries.
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  So a part of this as well is that when you think about, you know choosing hope
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  in our lives is there is there hope that we can grow in confidence that we can
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  become the friend the parent the person the business owner that we want to be
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  and I think when we're choosing that hope.
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  It's important to also remember to have realistic expectations and to give ourselves grace and compassion.
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  And a part of it as well is expecting the unexpected of, you know,
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  our negative thought patterns, our, you know, negative rumination and catastrophizing. catastrophizing.
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  Maybe some comments from other people that are close to us, whether they have
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  their own struggles and they are, you know, putting that onto us or whether
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  they're well-meaning, whatever it is, there are going to be things that come up.
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  There are going to be times where we feel like we've been rejected.
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  We feel like we've failed. And it's important to understand how to protect this
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  journey to building confidence that you're on.
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  And a part of that is, you know, setting boundaries in who you spend time with,
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  setting boundaries in who you listen to and what things you take to heart and
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  what you do with them after, if that makes sense.
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  I hope that you have found this helpful. I hope there's been something you've
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  been able to take out of this.
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  What I want to leave you with here, if there's one thing you remember,
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  is to be curious about the way you view things right now and think about how
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  can I choose hope in this situation?
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  How can I choose a hopeful outcome for this situation even if I can't see it fully right now?
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  Don't forget to scroll down and click that follow button. Thank you as always
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  for being here with me today and I look forward to the next one. Until then, God bless.