Latest / High Level Wife Podcast with Chelsey Holm / 3 Lessons From the WEIGHT in the WAIT as a Godly Wife

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3 Lessons From the WEIGHT in the WAIT as a Godly Wife · High Level Wife Podcast with Chelsey Holm

• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to the High Level Wife Podcast.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Chelsea Holm, your hostess, and here we do Marriage Godsway.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: And it's been a hot minute since I have dropped a new episode.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: And that's because, as you know, we are currently PCSing, we're moving to Kentucky, and it's been a whole whirlwind in the best of ways.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's it's so interesting because this week um inside high level wife, Katie Wilman talked.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, she did a training on the weight of the weight, the W-E-I-G-H-T in the weight, W-A-I-T.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and like this, this is a repetitive cycle that we walk in as believers.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: That, you know, many times we're God will reveal the next step to us or the overall direction or the overall next season.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: Or He like, and if He does that, and then we have to wait for different doors to be opened along the way, right?
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: And we don't always know what those are, when they're gonna come, or what they're gonna look like, right?
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: Because God's ways are higher than our ways.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and so like it was just it was perfect timing for me to hear that as well, because you know, there what happens is in the time where we are waiting, what we can do in our own human efforts and understanding is to take that burden of trying to figure it out or trying harder or what have you onto ourselves, and that crushes us.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so let me give you an example.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, we're looking at all these houses, and honestly, I don't even know how many houses we've looked at.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: I could probably close my eyes and have the map of Zillow in my brain with all the dots, right?
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like there are no new ones.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: I've seen all of them and I've looked at them multiple times, like seeing everything there.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and there was one house we were, we actually, it was the very first one we looked at to buy.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and there was a there was just way too much work to be done.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: Um, great bones.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: I I hope, I really hope someone buys it and really does flip it because it just has so much potential.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: But that's just not us.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, that's not where we're going or what we're doing.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but after we looked at it, uh just in my brain, like I was exhausting myself thinking through like how we could make this work.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I just had that moment where the Holy Spirit's like, you're exhausting yourself.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, you're right, I'm exhausting myself through like these mental jumping through hoops and trying to figure this out and leaning on my own understanding and and even like trying to like connect the dots for the Lord of like, okay, like give me a sign, like looking for the signs.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: But here's the thing like we deceive ourselves all the time when we do that, because we uh we have something called confirmation bias that what we look for, we find, which if we're doing that in the spirit, great, you know, we can see the Lord's hand at work, but when we're doing that in our flesh and our own understanding, uh, things can go sideways because we deceive ourselves, like, oh, of course, this has to be the Lord.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: And and I've done that, I've done that many times.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um, when I'm in the waiting, I take the weight of the burden of trying to figure it out in my own understanding onto myself and it exhausts and crushed me.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: And so through this process of of finding and and buying a house, you know, there's there's a couple things that the Lord has taught me through this, right?
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: This is this isn't our first rodeo either.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, and uh the Lord has healed me and grown me and pruned me and refined me in so many ways over the last several years.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um, though it looks much different today than it did years ago, where years ago when we were moving, I would get on Zillow and I would like scope everything out and like figure it out and be like, this is where we're gonna live.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: And then, you know, like half the time though, then the military was like, nah, we're going here instead, right?
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: And it'd be like, okay, let's look in that city.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: And like there was just this like feeling of like carrying that weight of I have to figure this out, I have to find the right home, I have to make the right decision of you know, financially and functionally, and and all these things.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: And like, that's not where I'm at today.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: But here's the thing: we are still human, we still live and dwell in this human flesh, right?
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: We have a flesh, we have tendencies, right?
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: We are human, we are limited, and so, but now I'm aware of these things, and I am very easily and quickly able to recognize them and turn back to the Lord, right?
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: Because what I'm doing in that is turning away from the Lord and looking to myself, right?
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: My own understanding, what I see in front of me, it's very limited, right?
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't go well, but I'm able to recognize that now and to turn back to the Lord, right?
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: To repent, to confess, Lord, I'm I'm I'm seeking my own way.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: Excuse me, I'm you know, I'm I'm looking to my own understanding.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'm looking to myself as the authority in this, right?
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: And and it's too much for me.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I forgive me, Lord, forgive me, right?
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: And moving back, repenting from that and moving back towards the Lord.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and that's that's really the first thing he's taught me again through this, like just solidifying like how he's sanctifying me in in this area.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but the other thing that he's taught me also is that God never moves from a point of hurry or like grasping.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: That's that's the best way I can describe it, is like, oh my gosh, like if I don't do this right now, then I'm gonna lose the house.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: Like that kind of feeling, right?
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: That feeling inside of just like, ah, like, you know, hurriedness.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like Jesus never hurried.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: So any decisions, like we actually we did put an offer in on a house uh this week.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: I don't even remember what day that was.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it was last week.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: Uh all the weeks are blurring together here, but um, we did put an offer in on a house, and you know, I it was like it was it was that moment of I feel like all of this is really hurried.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but like this is how the Lord grows us and builds our confidence in him and creates those receipts for us because he gives us this, his spirit gives us this awareness of what's what's like actually going on under the surface that our eyes can't see, like our physical eyes and ears can't see and hear, but our spiritual eyes can.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: And this is a muscle that needs to be worked in order for it to grow stronger.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: And so he's been like through that process, just seeing like, oh, okay, like this is at the top of our budget.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: This feels very hurried.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: I have that feeling of if we don't do it now, like it's gonna fall through, and you know, because there was another offer on the table.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, just that like deep gut feeling of this doesn't feel right.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like this doesn't, this is not how the Lord moves and functions and how he leads us, right?
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: Now, there are moments where he's like, quick, let's do this, right?
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: But it doesn't come from that place of hurriedness, that comes from that place of peace and confidence to move forward.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: And so he's been teaching me to listen and to see with my spiritual eyes and also to trust that, you know, we can move forward, but it's up to him whether that carries through or not.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: So last night, actually, okay, so this is interesting.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: I want to tell you this.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so there have been lots of moments where I've had to like pull myself back in, right?
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: And and realize, like, oh, yep, I'm I'm trying to lean on my own understanding, I'm trying to rely on myself.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm looking to myself as the authority on this and to to rule me back in, right?
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: Uh essentially doing it Chelsea's way, my way, right?
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so you know, I'm looking at this map of Zillow, and you know, we had just not gotten the offer on this one house, which it was it was a great house.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, but at the same time, because I had had that feeling of hurriedness that isn't of the Lord, um, that lack of peace.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, I there was a moment in my flesh being like, ah, like frustration, like I thought this was it, God, you know, and thankfully the Lord is so gracious and he can handle all of our emotions, right?
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: Like there we don't have to pretend or package ourselves a certain way before him, like we can just come before him as we are, right?
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, um, but I was quickly able to lay that down and be like, Lord, I trust you.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: You know, this wasn't the house for us.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, like I need to keep my eyes focused on you because my flesh is just being a poop.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you know, you'd be able to recognize that.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and there was this one house that had kept popping up, but it was it was a new construction, so it didn't have any pictures.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like it literally had a picture of a house under construction with like dirt everywhere, um, and then like an AI generated, this is what it'll look like when it's done, kind of thing.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but no inside pictures, nothing like that.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and our realtor was like, Hey, did you look at this?
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, Hey, you know what?
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um, yeah, uh that that's been on my radar, but every time I look at it, there's no pictures.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: So I just kind of, you know, like I'm a very visual person.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: So like I need to see at least a floor plan or a layout or something in order for my brain to to kind of wrap around it.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and so, you know, maybe that was in my flesh.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: Like I wasn't seeing, like I was only seeing what was right in front of me, but I wasn't looking with my spiritual eyes, and listen with my spiritual ears.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, thankfully, God is gracious and he is patient with us, he is steadfast with us, and um, you know, we don't we don't miss the boat kind of thing.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like, right?
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: Like he he is so kind in that.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: Um, anyway, and I was like, okay, cool, like let's let's look at it.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: Let's see if we can get in.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: Let's I know it's unfinished, but let's look at it.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: Um and my husband had he had expressed, you know, uh several times that you know, he just he just doesn't want to get in and do a lot of work because we're only gonna be there for a couple of years, and he really was leaning towards a new build.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: But you know, with a newer build, you're you're looking at a higher price tag, and we also we want to be financially responsible to steward well what the Lord has given us.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, so that there was some of that.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: And um, yeah, anyway, so so we get in, we look at this house, and you know, it's it's great, it's great.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it's kind of bland, but that's okay.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: The Lord has given me a gift of efficiency and functionality, and to bring life into dead situations.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm excited for that.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: But anyways, we look at this house.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: Well, guess what?
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's on King's Way.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: Ironic, no.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: Uh the King's Way.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: So, so we anyway, we went through all this through this whole process.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I um it was even interesting that like with the lender, there were two lenders that we were working with.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: And um one I just I felt like really pressure from um and and not a lot of understanding uh of certain things.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and the other one has been great.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, and it was funny because my realtor was like, Well, which lender are you gonna go with?
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, honestly, I hadn't really thought much about it because I thought it would come down to numbers, but uh I I was able to confidently like, no, we're going with this one because the other one I just I felt a lot of pressure and there wasn't understanding there.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, so that was awesome.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but yeah, so we put an offer in, but through that whole process, that I I didn't feel, you know, I didn't feel that hurriedness.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't feel that like, you know, it was definitely from a place of peace.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: And also it's provided me.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: This is probably this is the third thing that the Lord has really been teaching me.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: And also that God has been um, you know, using Tommy to Tommy is the owner uh of high level husband and uh high level wife, and I run that and created that for him.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, so not high-level husband, high-level wife.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, anyway, you know that.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: Hopefully, if not, go back and listen to all the other episodes, whatever.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and you know, he just he was speaking into me of what an opportunity I have here to pour into my husband's leadership and his decision making and to just build him up um and to trust him, you know, where you know, my flesh wants to take control and make the decision and carry that weight on myself, but that's not the Lord's way.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: And the king's way, the king's way is to follow my husband's lead.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, that doesn't mean that I am not out here like looking at the houses and putting them in order, but like my husband gets the final say.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, I honestly I had some fears with with a higher purchase price and with um just just things that you know, like the Lord is working out in me, and I had to recognize that and and lay that before the Lord and be like, you know what though, this is the decision my husband's making, and I can trust in him, right?
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: Because I trust in you, God, and like my husband.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I was able to pour into him and speak life into him that, like, hey, you know, like even yesterday when we got the contracts to review before we signed anything, you know, I it was so funny.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm literally sitting in the car outside of my husband's on the lawboard, what I call it, but I'm like, hey, did you get to read over the contract?
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: And he said, Yeah, and everything looks good.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, I just had a couple of concerns about this or that.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: And he was, I said, Did you know, did you, um, did you also?
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: And he's like, No, and here's why.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, Okay, great.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: I said, if you know, if if you read through, you know, or as you read through, I trust you.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: If this is a decision you feel confident that you're making, I trust you.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_00: Let's go, you know, and so like just being able to pour that life into him and speak that over him of truly, I I trust you.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: And also at the same time, being able to acknowledge that, Lord, I have some of these fears, but but those get laid down to you.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_00: Those are not weights that I have to carry.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: And and and that has nothing to do with my husband.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: That has to do with my heart and roots of fear in my heart, right?
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: Of laying down control um and following my husband's lead and being his help meet, not his leader, right?
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I know that this is the biggest struggle that that wives have, right?
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: Leading, self-protecting, uh running the show, making all the decisions, right?
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: And and there's no room there for a husband to lead, even if he wants to.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: And so then you get one of two options.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: You have a husband that, you know, just sits back and says, happy wife, happy life, and that's that, and you run the show, or you have a husband that is like, no, this is my house, my family, and and and leans into to dominating, right?
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like that's typically, I'm not saying, you know, I'm saying generally that's the case, right?
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and and it's really hard for wives to lay down that control and lay down and fully surrender to the Lord and to your husband, right?
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: And to create that space for your husband to step fully into that leadership and authority and headship of the family as God has designed him and placed him in in marriage.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and so that's like the third thing, like God has just been teaching me and discipling me and and pruning me and refining me through this process of you know, pressing me and allowing like fears to be squeezed up to the surface so that I can grab them and lay them down at the Lord's feet, right?
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_00: And um, you know, and just continuing to walk in a second Peter 3 mentality of pure and godly conduct, right?
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_00: Like, and and not stepping into disrespect or control or my own way or my own understanding, right?
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: And just continuing to like recognize it and allow myself to fully surrender again and again and again, you know.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and that's the thing.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like, we as white, we don't do this perfectly, like through this whole process.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I have not done things perfectly, right?
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: I I tell the wives inside high-level wife all the time that, like, hey, I am submitted and surrendered to this same course and program as you are.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I am a wife who wants to control but God, right?
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like I am a wife who wants to lean on my own understanding, but God, right?
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_00: And and and it's that daily dying to self and taking up our crossing, following Him.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_00: Like I am submitted to the same God, to the same design, to the same function in marriage, the same role as help meet, right?
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_00: As Easer Connect go, as that vital assistance, you know.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_00: So, and even this morning my husband sent me a text and he was like, Hey, I just appreciate you, you know, doing all the legwork and um getting everything in line and um, you know, just just making making this process because he's working full-time, right?
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: And and he's he's been having a lot of extra military duties with different uh leadership things and and whatever anyway.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_00: So, but like that's what we do is help needs, right?
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_00: That's what we do is help needs.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: Our husbands are able to go out and do what they do because we are fully surrendered to the Lord and functioning in the capacity that God created us for, not carrying the weight, people laying it down.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: So that's a little bit of an update of where we are.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, we should know today whether our offer was accepted for this home or not.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and yeah, I I'm excited.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I have so many plans for this house.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it's it's great as it is, but I want to warm it up and bring it to life.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_00: And and our plan is to rent it out if the Lord wills it, um, in a couple of years after um after this uh assignment is finished.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_00: And like this is one of the things that's exciting for me that I know the Lord has given me these gifts and talents to have this eye to see, like, like my husband, I just told him I was like, you geek out about Excel and spreadsheets, but like I geek out about a blank canvas and or even just chaos that I get to bring order to and life to and functionality and efficiency to, and like we have a big family.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_00: So, like knowing the bottlenecks in our family and like how to address those and rework them, whether it's you know, reworking a layout of uh of a room or you know, like hey, we like to cook, this house has a smaller kitchen.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_00: How can we maximize the efficiency and functionality for our family and also set up whatever family comes after us that's gonna rent it, right?
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_00: For success.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: And um, like that, I just I thrive in that zone.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like I love it so much.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like as a kid, I rearranged my room all the time.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_00: And it's so interesting because um one of my daughters, she's the same, she's always re-rearranging her room, and so I know she and I are very similar.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and so it's just cool to see those gifts that like God has specifically knit in us, and like that that it still needs to be taken captive to Christ, right?
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_00: Like it can get out of control, um, you know, when we're doing it from self and our own understanding, but when we're sitting fully in the fact that God gave me these gifts and these talents, and I get to use them for his glory and to serve my family, right?
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_00: And also to um, you know, weave into future families.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_00: Like, man, that's kingdom work right there, and that's a gift from the Lord to be used for his glory and the good of others.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I don't know what other episodes are coming or what that's gonna look like.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_00: You know, my my goal is to have an episode drop every day.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_00: That's not been the case, as you know.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but there's so much good content over the last several years here of go back and listen to things that you haven't listened to.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and as the Lord leads, as the Lord wills, I will bring more content.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_00: Hopefully, the next one will be an update on whether we got the house or not, or if God has something else for us.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_00: I'll see you on the next episode.