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Saying Yes to Yourself in Midlife · The Uplifters

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SPEAKER_01: What a life.
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SPEAKER_01: I know, right?
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SPEAKER_01: And I created it.
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SPEAKER_01: Right.
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SPEAKER_01: It didn't just happen to you.
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SPEAKER_00: No, it didn't.
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SPEAKER_00: But that's how I used to think.
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I was being really good and doing really good things and
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waiting for someone to
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SPEAKER_00: say,
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SPEAKER_00: oh my gosh,
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SPEAKER_00: look,
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SPEAKER_00: you're so good.
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SPEAKER_00: You're doing such good things.
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SPEAKER_00: Here's the life you want.
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SPEAKER_01: Because I thought that's how it was.
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SPEAKER_01: Here's the life you want.
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SPEAKER_01: And you're so special.
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SPEAKER_01: I'm going to give you the life you deserve.
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SPEAKER_01: Totally.
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Because I really,
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like,
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I just thought somebody else had the key to the gate.
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SPEAKER_01: Wait, they don't.
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SPEAKER_00: They don't.
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SPEAKER_00: We have the key.
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SPEAKER_01: I'm Miranda Savas, a coach and a behavior change expert.
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who has worked at the intersection of research and motivation
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for 20 years.
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SPEAKER_01: And every week I get to do my favorite thing in the whole world,
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SPEAKER_01: which is talk to inspiring women over age 40 about how they do big,
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brave things in their lives so that I can selfishly learn
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everything from them and
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SPEAKER_01: then share that with you.
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You've probably already figured out that I'm talking to a
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super,
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super smart woman today.
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SPEAKER_01: Her name is Wendy Harrop and Wendy does it all.
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SPEAKER_01: She hosts a fabulous podcast that I can't get enough of.
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SPEAKER_01: It's called Say Yes to Yourself.
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SPEAKER_01: She also runs this gorgeous house, which...
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Wildly is a two minute drive from my mother and father-in-law's
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house in Massachusetts.
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SPEAKER_01: We did not plan that.
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SPEAKER_01: It was like just a little miracle.
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SPEAKER_01: Divine.
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SPEAKER_01: That the day we met on Zoom the next day,
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SPEAKER_01: I was like,
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SPEAKER_01: oh,
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SPEAKER_01: I think I'm going to be down the street from your house tomorrow.
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SPEAKER_01: And she was there and not in France.
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where she spends a lot of her time leading trips to help other
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women say yes to
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SPEAKER_01: their dream lives.
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SPEAKER_01: Wendy is a gigantic burst of light and joy and uplifting energy.
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SPEAKER_01: She was nominated for the show by Dina Barron.
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SPEAKER_01: We got on Zoom the first time and we were like crying.
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SPEAKER_01: laughing and like pouring our hearts out to each other.
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SPEAKER_01: And we're like, how do we hang out together all the time?
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SPEAKER_01: So now the dream is realized.
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We've gotten to hang out in person at Wendy's spectacular
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Phineas Rite House.
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SPEAKER_01: I mean, like that is a fantasy land right there.
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SPEAKER_01: I literally, I left your house and I was like, kids, I'm so sorry.
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I feel like I have failed you as a mother because you didn't
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get to see this and
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SPEAKER_01: it's all your dreams come true in a house.
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SPEAKER_01: Can't wait to come visit you again.
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Thank you for taking time out of all the deliciousness you're
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cooking up out in the
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world to hang out with us today and to share your journey of
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saying yes to
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SPEAKER_01: yourself.
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SPEAKER_00: Frances, I love you so much.
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SPEAKER_00: I feel so seen just listening to you.
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SPEAKER_00: I want to say the word gush,
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but actually just speak the truth of what my experience was in
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meeting you as well.
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SPEAKER_00: Like it.
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SPEAKER_00: It was that dreamy.
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SPEAKER_00: It also validates that I didn't make it up, that we really did.
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SPEAKER_00: No, it was real.
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SPEAKER_00: It happened.
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SPEAKER_00: And even that first Zoom meeting, I was having some...
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SPEAKER_00: I don't know,
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SPEAKER_00: some connectivity issue or some timing issue,
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SPEAKER_00: which is so bizarre because I don't usually have those issues.
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But now twice when I've been connecting with you and twice
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you've been the picture of grace.
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SPEAKER_00: And we had this deep, beautiful conversation.
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Your voice and your tone and your essence and your energy and
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your presence brought this...
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SPEAKER_00: very focused,
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SPEAKER_00: beautiful,
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heartfelt conversation at even a tone of my voice that isn't my
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normal tone of
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SPEAKER_00: voice.
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Because if your voice could do cartwheels in a sentence,
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that's how I normally am.
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SPEAKER_00: Because I'm just like, I'm so excited to be me.
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SPEAKER_00: And it's so fun.
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SPEAKER_00: And I love it.
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And I want to talk about it all the time and tell people they
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can have it too.
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SPEAKER_00: But your presence just...
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SPEAKER_00: I mean,
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I'm thinking like when you're focusing a camera and bringing a
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picture into this
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SPEAKER_00: crystal clarity that also felt suspended in time and how in the world...
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We haven't met yet since like,
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I feel like you're a part of me living in another state.
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SPEAKER_00: It's just, it's so beautiful.
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I don't want to talk about the time we were separate because
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I'm so happy that we're no longer.
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SPEAKER_01: My husband too was like, she's your sister from another mister.
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SPEAKER_01: Totally.
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SPEAKER_01: I was like, I know, I know.
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SPEAKER_00: Right.
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And I love that I got to meet him and of course,
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bring the girls back anytime.
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SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
6:15
SPEAKER_01: will be there.
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SPEAKER_01: We can't wait.
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SPEAKER_01: It's really just so special what you've created.
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SPEAKER_01: And it's one of those things like stepping into Wendy's world and
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SPEAKER_01: Why don't we call it that all the time?
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Stepping into Wendy's world is like stepping into a dream
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because it is a dream.
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SPEAKER_01: I was so lucky to get to hear this journey from you in person.
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But for my friends out there listening,
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tell them how you landed in this gorgeous world.
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One of the things that I would like to say in the beginning is
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I am no stranger to waiting.
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So there have been some pretty big things in my life that I've
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desired that took a
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SPEAKER_00: long time to manifest in my physical experience.
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And I had this superpower to live the life that I had while I
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was waiting for the
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SPEAKER_00: one that I wanted.
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SPEAKER_00: So the fact that... That's really good.
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SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
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SPEAKER_00: The fact that you've said that I am living...
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dreamy life and I am and I would have said that and I did say
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that about myself
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before I got here I said that I one of the things I waited for
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was to live in New
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England I born and raised in California but my mom is from
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Massachusetts so we
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SPEAKER_00: would visit here and I just knew I
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SPEAKER_00: This is where I belong.
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It is hot when it's supposed to be hot,
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cold when it's supposed to be cold.
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SPEAKER_00: The freeway is beautiful.
7:59
SPEAKER_00: It's just gorgeous.
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SPEAKER_00: So three times as an adult,
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SPEAKER_00: I packed for a cross-country move and twice unpacked still in California.
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SPEAKER_00: Because you were living in California.
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SPEAKER_00: And I unpacked twice still living in California.
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SPEAKER_00: But the third time I made it here.
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SPEAKER_00: And even when I was...
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living in the guest room of our cross the street neighbors
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after selling a house
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SPEAKER_00: that wasn't even on the market and all my stuff's in storage.
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SPEAKER_00: And we were there for two years.
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SPEAKER_00: I still was living a dreamy life.
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And I had a friend say what I think was one of just such a
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beautiful compliment.
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SPEAKER_00: Wendy is living the dream and she knows it.
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SPEAKER_00: Right?
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SPEAKER_00: Like that's a lovely thing to say about somebody.
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SPEAKER_00: And there's,
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SPEAKER_00: you know,
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sometimes we hear somebody say something about us like you in
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that glorious
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SPEAKER_00: introduction,
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SPEAKER_00: which I will listen to every morning when I wake up.
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SPEAKER_00: Thank you very much.
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SPEAKER_00: I like that idea.
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SPEAKER_00: Good morning, Wendy.
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SPEAKER_00: Let me just tell you about how great you are.
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SPEAKER_00: It's going to be a good day of your own creation.
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SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
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But there's something about hearing something like that when
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you're ready to hear
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it also and you can internalize it and it almost catapults you
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into the woman
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SPEAKER_00: you're becoming.
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SPEAKER_00: And that was such a gorgeous,
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SPEAKER_00: yummy feeling that I had when I overheard her say that to somebody else.
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SPEAKER_00: And I thought, yeah, I am.
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SPEAKER_00: I am living the dream and I know it.
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SPEAKER_00: And I have other dreams.
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SPEAKER_00: I have more dreams, bigger, bigger dreams.
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SPEAKER_00: Keep them coming.
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And then the other thing I was waiting for for such a long time
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was to be a mom.
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SPEAKER_00: So I spent 24 Mother's Days.
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between deciding I was ready to have a baby before someone
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small moved into our
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SPEAKER_00: house and called me mom.
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SPEAKER_00: And that was also a long road.
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But because I was living the life I had while I was waiting for
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the one I wanted,
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SPEAKER_00: I didn't miss out on all of that time.
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SPEAKER_00: And now I have a magical unicorn of a daughter who is 11.
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SPEAKER_00: And I'm
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raising her as a empowered woman in my 50s who actually knows
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things now.
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SPEAKER_00: So I'm a better mom to her.
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So the other thing of getting here is knowing that I have my
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eyes looking forward,
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not
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SPEAKER_00: in the rear view mirror.
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SPEAKER_00: And I'm not like, well, why did this take so long?
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SPEAKER_00: And I wish I knew what I know now that I actually don't.
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SPEAKER_00: I just am glad that it's evolved the way that it has.
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And it's helping me be very present in the celebration and
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realization of what I am
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SPEAKER_00: experiencing,
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SPEAKER_00: which also...
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SPEAKER_00: makes me creative.
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And I think of more fabulous things to add to the list because
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I believe that the
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SPEAKER_00: mantra of the universe is more.
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SPEAKER_01: I love this idea of living the life we have while
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SPEAKER_01: imagining the life that we want and building the life that we want.
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SPEAKER_01: And I think it's actually probably a matter of both.
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SPEAKER_01: Yes.
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SPEAKER_01: Because what your friend gave you in that reflection was belief.
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SPEAKER_01: There is so much research to show that if we believe that we are capable,
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SPEAKER_01: if we believe that change can happen,
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SPEAKER_01: we are more willing to create that change.
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SPEAKER_01: Because I mean, if without hope, we do not invest energy.
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SPEAKER_01: into change.
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And so your friend just gave you a little boost of external
12:10
belief by saying,
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SPEAKER_01: Wendy's already doing this.
12:12
SPEAKER_01: She knows how to do this.
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And it makes me feel like on a very tiny level,
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the way I felt the first time I ever ran.
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SPEAKER_01: And I was like,
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I was like the chubby girl in school who had never run and who
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like cried every
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SPEAKER_01: time we had to make one little round around the track.
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SPEAKER_01: And that was the entirety of my relationship with running.
12:30
SPEAKER_00: I ran errands.
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SPEAKER_01: Punishment.
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SPEAKER_01: What's that?
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SPEAKER_01: I run errands.
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SPEAKER_01: That's it.
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SPEAKER_01: I mean, it was just a punishment.
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SPEAKER_01: It was just something you had to do.
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SPEAKER_01: And I could never see myself wanting that.
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And then I ran a block one day and my friend who was much more
12:49
fit than me said,
12:50
SPEAKER_01: wow,
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SPEAKER_01: you ran a whole block?
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SPEAKER_01: And I was like, I sure did.
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SPEAKER_01: And you know what?
12:58
SPEAKER_01: I bet I could run too.
13:01
SPEAKER_01: You know?
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SPEAKER_01: That gave me chills.
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SPEAKER_01: I run 25 marathons at this point,
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but it was literally because Mike Womzer made me feel like I
13:13
had been a success
13:14
SPEAKER_01: with my one block.
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And I think there is something very similar happening in your
13:22
story here and that
13:24
your friend's acknowledgement helped you perceive what was
13:27
working so that you
13:29
SPEAKER_01: could do more of it.
13:30
SPEAKER_01: Right.
13:32
SPEAKER_01: Right.
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SPEAKER_01: What do you believe it now means and looks like to live the life we have?
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SPEAKER_01: Like,
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what are we doing and not doing if we're living the life we
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have while building the
13:45
SPEAKER_01: life we want?
13:47
SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's such a beautiful question.
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SPEAKER_00: Because as I reflected on that compliment...
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I still believed that I could have these dreams and that my
14:00
husband or an investor
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SPEAKER_00: or some person who was going to discover how great I was,
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SPEAKER_00: was then going to give me...
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SPEAKER_01: I love that person.
14:11
SPEAKER_01: Right.
14:11
SPEAKER_01: That person is great.
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I want to do a survey about how many women have thought that
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there was some
14:17
SPEAKER_01: external force that was going to come figure it all out.
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SPEAKER_01: I think all of us.
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SPEAKER_01: I think you're right.
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SPEAKER_01: Do men have that?
14:24
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
14:25
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
14:25
SPEAKER_00: I really don't.
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SPEAKER_00: I don't either.
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SPEAKER_00: Until I realized,
14:31
SPEAKER_00: and this is an incredibly recent discovery,
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like January of 2020 is when somebody again said words that my
14:41
ears were ready to
14:42
SPEAKER_00: hear and
14:44
And they were talking about this concept of agency and about
14:49
how no one is sitting
14:50
SPEAKER_00: around thinking of ways to make your life better.
14:53
SPEAKER_00: You don't need to get someone else's permission.
14:57
SPEAKER_00: You write your own permission slip.
15:00
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, what?
15:02
SPEAKER_00: What a radical notion.
15:04
SPEAKER_00: I'm her?
15:04
SPEAKER_00: Oh, oh.
15:07
SPEAKER_00: Oh, oh, well, if I'm her, I'm done waiting.
15:12
SPEAKER_00: And I am only available for what delights me.
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for a mantra okay let's try that on all right so what was it
15:22
just exciting or was
15:23
it also really freaking scary to realize that it was so
15:29
empowering it was again
15:32
SPEAKER_00: it's it's like you just you don't even know that you love
15:38
Pinot Noir until you have that first sip with that gorgeous
15:43
braised lamb at the
15:44
SPEAKER_00: Ritz-Carlton dining room in San Francisco.
15:48
SPEAKER_00: It changed my life.
15:49
SPEAKER_00: It was something that,
15:51
SPEAKER_00: and I feel like I still have this curiosity and discovery of,
15:57
SPEAKER_00: oh my gosh,
15:58
SPEAKER_00: what else don't I know?
15:59
SPEAKER_00: What else?
16:00
SPEAKER_00: What other magic nuggets are there waiting for me?
16:04
It was like being on an Easter egg hunt and winning the lottery
16:09
all at the same time.
16:10
SPEAKER_00: And I am a quick study for something like this.
16:15
SPEAKER_00: And then I heard another magic sentence that,
16:20
SPEAKER_00: you know,
16:20
there are some things that we have to hear over and over and
16:22
over again until they
16:23
SPEAKER_00: actually land and some things we only have to hear once.
16:27
And this coach,
16:29
and this is the first time I ever had a coach,
16:31
so I didn't know any of this.
16:34
SPEAKER_00: She said, the how is not your responsibility.
16:37
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
16:38
SPEAKER_00: It's like, oh, all right then.
16:41
Let me get that journal out then and let's start making some
16:45
lists of what this
16:48
SPEAKER_00: dreamy life looks like.
16:49
SPEAKER_00: If I am the creator of my own experience,
16:54
SPEAKER_00: Then this.
16:55
SPEAKER_00: And then I changed it since I am the creator of my own experience.
17:01
SPEAKER_00: Then this.
17:02
SPEAKER_01: So instead of focusing on the how,
17:05
SPEAKER_01: which gets us stuck in the,
17:06
SPEAKER_01: I can't,
17:07
SPEAKER_01: I don't have the resources.
17:09
SPEAKER_01: You went straight to the vision and the what.
17:13
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
17:13
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
17:14
So at what point did you realize you were going to have to give
17:21
up some things in
17:23
SPEAKER_01: order to create the life you wanted?
17:26
SPEAKER_00: Well,
17:27
SPEAKER_00: in real time,
17:28
SPEAKER_00: because I was,
17:30
SPEAKER_00: of course,
17:30
so excited of this newfound information and shared that
17:36
enthusiastically with my
17:39
SPEAKER_00: husband and
17:41
SPEAKER_00: who really didn't have any problem with the way things had been going.
17:45
SPEAKER_00: And I thought, oh, that's interesting.
17:48
SPEAKER_00: Maybe I'm not saying it right or as convincingly as I just heard it.
17:52
SPEAKER_00: So I continued to invite.
17:57
And then,
17:57
of course,
17:58
there was a pandemic and we're all in the same space for a very
18:04
long time.
18:05
SPEAKER_00: And I was...
18:09
I was learning all of these things and I was being an uplifter
18:15
to myself and having
18:18
SPEAKER_00: these reciprocating conversations with other female entrepreneurs,
18:24
SPEAKER_00: which I had not done that before either.
18:28
SPEAKER_00: I had been an entrepreneur my whole life.
18:30
SPEAKER_00: surrounded by people with corporate jobs.
18:33
SPEAKER_00: And I thought I was doing it wrong, because I didn't follow their path.
18:38
SPEAKER_00: And then I mean,
18:39
SPEAKER_00: it's just like you find someone that speaks your language,
18:44
SPEAKER_00: and then you're all of a sudden,
18:47
SPEAKER_00: not alone.
18:48
SPEAKER_00: And oh, and then that felt inspiring.
18:52
And I really had every intention of my husband saying,
18:56
oh my gosh,
18:57
this is so great.
18:58
SPEAKER_00: Yay, you go do the thing.
19:01
SPEAKER_00: Go, Wendy.
19:02
SPEAKER_00: I believe in you.
19:04
SPEAKER_00: Right.
19:04
SPEAKER_00: In fact, I would like to invest in you, but no.
19:07
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
19:10
SPEAKER_00: He really just wanted everything to stay the same, which I understand.
19:17
I was breaking a social contract because I had been showing up
19:23
this way for,
19:24
SPEAKER_00: at that point,
19:25
SPEAKER_00: 20 years.
19:27
SPEAKER_00: And now all of a sudden, I took an online course and changed everything.
19:33
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
19:34
SPEAKER_01: And he was not impressed.
19:36
SPEAKER_01: One of the mindsets that I think is really difficult for women,
19:43
SPEAKER_01: especially in midlife,
19:45
SPEAKER_01: is the fear of believing,
19:48
SPEAKER_01: is not believing they can change their minds.
19:51
SPEAKER_01: Right.
19:52
SPEAKER_01: This is what I signed up for.
19:53
SPEAKER_01: So I guess this is how it is.
19:55
SPEAKER_01: This is what I signed up for.
19:57
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
19:58
SPEAKER_01: And I'm hearing a little bit of that in this story.
20:03
SPEAKER_01: Until.
20:04
SPEAKER_00: Until.
20:05
SPEAKER_00: And I really didn't even...
20:08
I thought that my only option was to convince him to my new way
20:14
of thinking and
20:15
SPEAKER_00: bring him around.
20:16
SPEAKER_00: And I'm incredibly persuasive.
20:18
SPEAKER_00: So I thought that that would work.
20:21
SPEAKER_00: And it wasn't until...
20:24
probably a year and a half in to this new mindset and discovery
20:31
of agency that I
20:35
SPEAKER_00: was working with another coach.
20:38
SPEAKER_00: And I went to this,
20:41
SPEAKER_00: it was like the very first in-person thing during,
20:44
SPEAKER_00: you know,
20:44
SPEAKER_00: past the scariest part of the pandemic.
20:47
SPEAKER_00: And I was so excited to be in a room with other people.
20:50
And I was really excited because she for sure had the answers
20:55
of what was going to
20:56
SPEAKER_00: blow my business up.
20:57
And she was going to tell me the thing and I paid the extra
21:00
money to be at the
21:01
SPEAKER_00: table,
21:02
SPEAKER_00: you know,
21:02
SPEAKER_00: all the things.
21:04
SPEAKER_00: And it was my turn for the coaching.
21:07
And I asked her if I could record it because I wanted to be
21:11
really present and not
21:12
SPEAKER_00: have to take notes.
21:14
And she shut her eyes and took a couple deep breaths,
21:18
which I thought was odd,
21:20
but okay.
21:21
And she said,
21:23
if you were in full choice,
21:26
if you were in full freedom,
21:29
would you be with him?
21:31
SPEAKER_00: Hmm.
21:32
SPEAKER_00: And I said, I thought we were going to talk about my business.
21:37
SPEAKER_00: And she repeated it.
21:40
And I actually don't know what happened next because I didn't
21:45
even know that was an
21:47
SPEAKER_00: option because I was raised in church and in a home that said,
21:53
SPEAKER_00: listen,
21:54
SPEAKER_00: if they're not beating you or cheating on you,
21:58
SPEAKER_00: you're in it.
21:59
SPEAKER_00: And so that began a new discovery of,
22:04
SPEAKER_00: and I just,
22:06
I refer to it as the nine months that I sat in the question of
22:11
my marriage.
22:12
And it was scary to think,
22:15
how am I ever going to,
22:17
I don't have a quote unquote real job.
22:20
SPEAKER_00: I was a wedding planner,
22:21
but I kind of retired during the pandemic and I have this big
22:25
house and these big
22:26
SPEAKER_00: dreams.
22:28
SPEAKER_00: I just didn't know if I was going to be able to do this.
22:33
And it was through my morning practice that really sustained me
22:40
and the support of
22:43
SPEAKER_00: wise women that were coaching and mentoring and befriending me.
22:48
SPEAKER_00: that I was finally able to have a courageous conversation.
22:54
SPEAKER_00: And I believe that my courage set both of us free.
22:58
Yeah.
22:59
SPEAKER_01: And I'm sure in the moment, there were a lot of fears that came up
23:06
Yeah,
23:07
but you knew the what and it sounds like you were ready to
23:10
trust the how.
23:11
SPEAKER_00: Totally.
23:12
SPEAKER_00: And I think the yes unlocks the how.
23:16
SPEAKER_00: It's that sitting in the question of,
23:19
SPEAKER_00: well,
23:19
SPEAKER_00: what if this or what if this and when...
23:23
SPEAKER_00: The yes is the permission.
23:25
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
23:25
And I didn't have to figure it all out before I had a
23:28
courageous conversation,
23:30
SPEAKER_00: but it's still that...
23:32
SPEAKER_00: Wait,
23:33
SPEAKER_00: what?
23:33
SPEAKER_00: I know.
23:33
SPEAKER_01: That I think is a radical idea too.
23:35
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
23:39
SPEAKER_01: With our partners, our bosses, our children, our parents.
23:44
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
23:45
It's just trusting that something needs to shift and trusting
23:54
that that desire and
23:57
that need is real and important regardless of anybody else's
24:04
opinion of what
24:08
I need to do for me,
24:11
which those are all radical,
24:13
not the way I used to roll.
24:14
SPEAKER_00: I would high functioning codependent.
24:17
SPEAKER_00: I would set myself on fire so you'd be warm enough.
24:23
SPEAKER_01: But then I... And I bet you got lots of validation and encouragement.
24:29
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, exactly.
24:31
SPEAKER_01: That's right.
24:32
SPEAKER_01: Because women are so praised for over-service and over-functioning.
24:37
SPEAKER_00: For sure.
24:38
SPEAKER_00: And it was really my daughter.
24:40
SPEAKER_00: It was this shifting mindset and raising a daughter.
24:45
I'm actually not available to model staying in a loveless
24:53
marriage to her.
24:56
SPEAKER_00: And he wasn't available to change.
24:59
SPEAKER_00: I invited him to, and he wasn't interested.
25:05
SPEAKER_00: He asked, like, why can't it just stay the same, was the question.
25:11
SPEAKER_00: Like, ooh.
25:14
SPEAKER_00: I used to refer to him as my prince, and he totally was.
25:19
SPEAKER_00: And it worked the entire time that I was a princess.
25:24
SPEAKER_00: But...
25:25
SPEAKER_00: I promoted myself to queen and he was not available to promote himself.
25:31
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
25:32
SPEAKER_01: I mean, what a vision.
25:34
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
25:35
SPEAKER_01: To co-lead.
25:36
SPEAKER_01: So you made the decision.
25:42
SPEAKER_01: to end your marriage.
25:43
SPEAKER_01: Now, by this point, you had moved to Massachusetts.
25:46
SPEAKER_01: You were living in the farmhouse.
25:49
SPEAKER_01: You were renovating it.
25:50
SPEAKER_01: I think you were a wedding planner at that point,
25:54
SPEAKER_01: hosting beautiful events in your beautiful space.
25:58
SPEAKER_01: And we had Amelia.
26:01
SPEAKER_01: You had your beautiful daughter.
26:03
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
26:04
SPEAKER_01: You're like post-pandemic at this point.
26:09
SPEAKER_00: Now 22 years of marriage at this point.
26:11
SPEAKER_00: So what did you decide to do?
26:13
SPEAKER_00: Well, I had, of course, invited him to be in marriage counseling.
26:19
SPEAKER_00: He said, sure.
26:20
SPEAKER_00: And then that took eight months to make an appointment.
26:24
SPEAKER_00: He had been asking me if I had already decided.
26:27
SPEAKER_00: And I realized he had actually already decided that
26:33
So I told him on the day that we were supposed to have a
26:38
marriage counseling
26:39
SPEAKER_00: appointment,
26:39
SPEAKER_00: but he canceled.
26:42
SPEAKER_00: Was that, you know, this relationship is over.
26:46
Are you interested in starting a new one that is co-parenting
26:50
Amelia on the pillars
26:53
SPEAKER_00: of grace and kindness and love and respect?
26:58
SPEAKER_00: And I want the house.
27:01
SPEAKER_00: And the money it costs to live here.
27:04
And I would like Amelia during the week and you can have her on
27:06
the weekends since you work.
27:08
SPEAKER_00: And I'm hosting things on the weekends.
27:11
SPEAKER_00: And he hated this house.
27:14
SPEAKER_00: He hated his life.
27:15
SPEAKER_00: He hated his job.
27:16
SPEAKER_00: He hated all the things.
27:17
SPEAKER_00: So that's when I say my courage set both of us free.
27:22
And he had an outburst that I am not exaggerating,
27:29
lasted about 15 seconds.
27:32
And then he said,
27:35
okay,
27:36
so the house is worth this much and the 401k is this much.
27:40
And I think a judge is going to have me do...
27:42
I mean,
27:42
he...
27:43
Yeah,
27:44
he was done.
27:45
SPEAKER_00: Like my yes unlocked his how also.
27:47
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
27:49
SPEAKER_00: And so it really did set both of us free.
27:54
SPEAKER_00: And that was, you know, the day of the conversation.
27:57
SPEAKER_00: Our divorce has been final for two weeks.
28:01
SPEAKER_00: That was three and a half years ago.
28:03
SPEAKER_00: Wow.
28:05
SPEAKER_00: It has been a journey.
28:08
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
28:09
SPEAKER_00: And I am obsessed with the woman that I have become in the process.
28:14
SPEAKER_01: What strikes me about his response, he was tolerating too.
28:18
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
28:20
SPEAKER_01: Everybody was tolerating.
28:22
SPEAKER_00: We had been roommates for like 15 years.
28:25
SPEAKER_00: It's not okay.
28:28
SPEAKER_00: Right.
28:29
SPEAKER_00: Unless that's what you want.
28:31
SPEAKER_00: Well, what you're tolerating, you're actually choosing.
28:33
SPEAKER_01: Yes, exactly.
28:35
SPEAKER_01: Like I will say,
28:37
I invite myself with all things in my life to ask myself if
28:41
it's still a pinch me.
28:43
SPEAKER_01: And my relationship with my husband is still a pinch me.
28:46
I'm like astonished that my favorite human like wants to be
28:51
married to me.
28:52
SPEAKER_01: Your relationship is a pinch me to me.
28:55
SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's... I loved witnessing what is available.
29:01
SPEAKER_01: He really is like,
29:03
SPEAKER_01: Way better than my dreams.
29:04
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
29:05
SPEAKER_01: Wherever, had ever dared to be.
29:09
And I think what we're hearing in this story is not anything
29:14
other than a woman
29:16
whose life had become something that wasn't her dream or better
29:21
than her dream.
29:22
SPEAKER_01: Right.
29:24
SPEAKER_01: Deciding that she deserved more.
29:28
SPEAKER_01: Right.
29:29
SPEAKER_01: And like you said, freeing him to tolerate less and to receive more.
29:34
And I heard you say on one of your wonderful episodes recently
29:38
that your daughter
29:40
SPEAKER_01: said,
29:41
SPEAKER_01: mom,
29:43
SPEAKER_01: dad is so happy.
29:45
SPEAKER_01: It makes me cheer even hearing it again.
29:49
SPEAKER_01: I'm so glad.
29:49
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, because this was someone you loved.
29:52
SPEAKER_01: Totally.
29:52
SPEAKER_01: You know, I think in all our relationships, that can happen, right?
29:57
SPEAKER_01: In our parenting even, that can happen.
30:00
SPEAKER_01: Are we all making each other miserable?
30:01
Well,
30:01
then let's step back and see what the heck is happening here in
30:03
our work.
30:04
SPEAKER_01: Are we not bringing value to one another?
30:07
SPEAKER_01: Let's step back.
30:08
SPEAKER_01: Right.
30:09
SPEAKER_01: And so actually,
30:10
SPEAKER_01: while I think this is very specific here to this marriage relationship,
30:15
SPEAKER_01: it's relevant to all significant domains.
30:19
SPEAKER_00: To everything, really.
30:21
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
30:21
SPEAKER_00: The permission to course correct, the permission to...
30:27
SPEAKER_00: Not just,
30:28
SPEAKER_00: well,
30:29
SPEAKER_00: this is what I signed up for,
30:30
SPEAKER_00: so I just have to...
30:31
SPEAKER_00: No,
30:31
SPEAKER_00: if the pants...
30:33
SPEAKER_00: Make the best of it.
30:34
SPEAKER_00: Right.
30:34
If the pants do not fit any longer,
30:37
it doesn't matter how much you paid for them.
30:39
SPEAKER_00: Just wear different pants.
30:42
SPEAKER_00: It's not true for pants.
30:43
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
30:45
My daughters and I had this conversation exactly this weekend
30:49
because I got the
30:49
SPEAKER_01: most amazing sweater and I want to wear it in two weeks.
30:53
SPEAKER_01: And it's so cool.
30:55
SPEAKER_01: And it's like orange with navy blue leopards on it.
31:00
SPEAKER_01: And it says in great big cursive font, own your fucking power.
31:05
SPEAKER_01: Shut up.
31:06
SPEAKER_01: Can you sell those?
31:08
SPEAKER_01: Please get a lot of them.
31:09
SPEAKER_01: I'm going to buy that if you need an affiliate link.
31:11
SPEAKER_01: Like so amazing.
31:13
SPEAKER_01: And I'm obsessed with it.
31:14
SPEAKER_01: And I have orange pants that match it.
31:16
SPEAKER_01: And I love these orange pants, but they are a bit snug right now.
31:21
SPEAKER_01: My daughter was like, well, it's okay, mom.
31:24
SPEAKER_01: Just get some other pants.
31:25
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, no.
31:26
SPEAKER_01: No.
31:29
SPEAKER_00: Just own your fucking power and fit in the pants.
31:32
SPEAKER_00: There you go.
31:33
SPEAKER_01: See if I can mentally get the pants to stretch.
31:37
SPEAKER_01: You totally can.
31:38
SPEAKER_01: I'm not sure.
31:39
SPEAKER_01: This may be the worst metaphor ever.
31:41
SPEAKER_01: I can't wait to see that sweater.
31:43
SPEAKER_01: But you own your fucking power, Wendy.
31:45
SPEAKER_01: I can't wait to share it with you.
31:46
SPEAKER_01: I'm going to wear it in your honor next time we see each other.
31:49
SPEAKER_00: And I did not have a plan of how this was all going to work out.
31:57
SPEAKER_00: But I knew...
31:59
SPEAKER_00: Because my commitment to myself is real,
32:02
SPEAKER_00: because that includes a morning practice that is a non-negotiable,
32:06
I knew I would be led to whatever step I needed to take today
32:14
and that I would
32:16
SPEAKER_00: trust myself and take that step.
32:20
Did you always trust yourself or was it just this like radical
32:23
reawakening that
32:25
SPEAKER_01: gave that to you?
32:26
SPEAKER_00: It's all new.
32:28
SPEAKER_00: I mean,
32:28
SPEAKER_00: I guess I thought,
32:29
SPEAKER_00: you know,
32:30
SPEAKER_00: I did,
32:30
SPEAKER_00: but to the level of the consciousness that I was at,
32:35
SPEAKER_00: and I didn't have the language,
32:38
I probably would have even outsourced any of my own owning my
32:44
fucking power to...
32:47
SPEAKER_00: the role of what I learned in church of,
32:51
SPEAKER_00: oh,
32:52
SPEAKER_00: God is strengthened,
32:53
SPEAKER_00: which I totally believe all of that.
32:55
I have never felt closer to God and farther away from the
32:59
church than I do in this
33:01
SPEAKER_00: awakening as well.
33:03
SPEAKER_00: And I'm totally fine with that.
33:05
But yeah,
33:06
I think it was all just,
33:08
you know,
33:08
how you do one thing is how you do all things.
33:11
SPEAKER_00: Do everything.
33:12
SPEAKER_00: Yep.
33:12
SPEAKER_00: And this changed my life and I'm really not interested in going back.
33:18
SPEAKER_00: So let's talk about your life now.
33:19
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
33:20
SPEAKER_00: Look at you.
33:21
SPEAKER_01: You're...
33:23
SPEAKER_01: So fun to be me.
33:24
SPEAKER_01: It is.
33:26
SPEAKER_01: And I have said that for years.
33:28
SPEAKER_01: Like,
33:29
SPEAKER_01: I think we all need a windy bobblehead on our desks that are just like,
33:36
SPEAKER_01: this is what you're going for,
33:37
SPEAKER_01: kids.
33:38
SPEAKER_01: This is the luck.
33:39
SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
33:40
SPEAKER_00: It really is.
33:42
SPEAKER_00: It's so dreamy.
33:43
SPEAKER_00: So I have this
33:45
Fabulous home,
33:47
which I wanted a bed and breakfast when I moved to
33:50
Massachusetts.
33:51
SPEAKER_00: And as it got closer, he wanted not a bed and breakfast.
33:57
So the Phineas Wright house is the only house we looked at that
34:00
wasn't a B&B already.
34:01
SPEAKER_00: And
34:03
SPEAKER_00: The week he moved out,
34:05
SPEAKER_00: I went to town hall and got a permit to turn it into a bed and breakfast.
34:09
SPEAKER_00: So it only has two rooms.
34:11
SPEAKER_00: That's fine.
34:13
SPEAKER_00: I love holding space for women that are holding space for themselves.
34:18
So I host solo retreats that you don't leave here the same
34:26
woman that you came here as.
34:28
SPEAKER_00: And it feels very sacred and gorgeous.
34:31
SPEAKER_00: And I love that I get to do that.
34:33
SPEAKER_00: And when I'm not doing that,
34:35
SPEAKER_00: I am leading culinary trips to France for solo female travelers,
34:41
SPEAKER_00: which is also so dreamy and fun.
34:44
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
34:46
SPEAKER_00: right?
34:46
So I take my 30 years experience as a wedding planner and that
34:53
ability to pull in
34:54
different vendors to make a magical experience for my client
34:59
than my bride.
35:01
SPEAKER_00: Now I just do that in France.
35:03
SPEAKER_00: And those groups are very small.
35:06
SPEAKER_00: So just three to five women,
35:10
SPEAKER_00: So we're very intimate.
35:11
SPEAKER_00: We're doing phenomenal things.
35:14
We're having these gorgeous cooking classes in these women's
35:17
apartments in Paris,
35:19
SPEAKER_00: in Versailles,
35:20
SPEAKER_00: in southwestern France.
35:22
SPEAKER_00: It's so fun because,
35:24
SPEAKER_00: you know,
35:25
SPEAKER_00: when you're walking around the city,
35:27
SPEAKER_00: you want to know what it looks like in there.
35:29
SPEAKER_00: So we're getting in there and I love it.
35:33
SPEAKER_00: I love it so, so much.
35:35
SPEAKER_00: And then the podcast,
35:37
SPEAKER_00: which is Say Yes to Yourself,
35:39
SPEAKER_00: which I'm clearly doing,
35:41
but I'm so inspired by these women that are implementing this
35:48
self-care practice in
35:50
SPEAKER_00: big and small ways.
35:51
I feel like we're going to name this episode,
35:53
I'll Have What She's Having.
35:54
SPEAKER_01: That's exactly the energy you give off.
36:00
SPEAKER_01: It's like, what is that?
36:02
SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
36:03
SPEAKER_01: And it's all here.
36:06
SPEAKER_01: Right?
36:06
SPEAKER_01: You get to have it.
36:07
SPEAKER_01: You get to have it.
36:09
SPEAKER_01: So I want to get kind of practical about this because... Let's do it.
36:13
SPEAKER_01: What you're describing is a massive transformation and there is a how.
36:18
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
36:21
SPEAKER_01: And the how was,
36:22
SPEAKER_01: of course,
36:23
SPEAKER_01: starting with this is what I want and trusting that the way would open.
36:30
SPEAKER_01: There was another how,
36:32
SPEAKER_01: though,
36:33
SPEAKER_01: that you have a wow how that you have mentioned in your morning practice.
36:39
SPEAKER_01: So what does that look like?
36:40
SPEAKER_01: And why is it so central to this for you?
36:43
SPEAKER_00: You know, when you started running and you got that great compliment and
36:49
But you continued on and then you saw the results of your
36:55
endurance and all the
36:58
other health benefits and just the joy and glee and euphoria of
37:03
doing that.
37:05
That seeing the results made the sacrifice or what the
37:11
discomfort of going out for
37:15
SPEAKER_00: your training runs,
37:16
SPEAKER_00: it loses some of its weight.
37:19
SPEAKER_00: So I get up.
37:21
SPEAKER_00: It's an energy exchange.
37:23
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
37:23
SPEAKER_00: I wake up at 4.45 every morning.
37:27
SPEAKER_00: And that seems very early to a lot of people.
37:32
SPEAKER_00: But there's something about when you see the result,
37:35
SPEAKER_00: It's totally worth it to get.
37:37
SPEAKER_00: And for me, I needed to be complete with my practice by 7 a.m.
37:42
SPEAKER_00: because then I wake up Amelia.
37:44
So I get up and I make coffee and then I journal and I meditate
37:53
and I read and I do
37:55
SPEAKER_00: some stretching,
37:57
SPEAKER_00: which is new.
37:58
SPEAKER_00: I wasn't always doing that.
38:00
SPEAKER_00: And I then wake up my daughter for school.
38:04
SPEAKER_00: She gets the very best version of me.
38:08
SPEAKER_00: And I'm completely motivated to do it again the next day.
38:12
SPEAKER_00: But those practices have been, they happened kind of accidentally.
38:19
SPEAKER_00: But again, I saw the results and I couldn't stop.
38:22
SPEAKER_00: And that is how I, what I refer to, just checking in with myself.
38:28
SPEAKER_00: I trust how I feel.
38:30
SPEAKER_00: I trust that what I write, I'm processing things.
38:35
SPEAKER_00: I'm getting it out of my body.
38:37
Whether it's rage journaling or dreamy journaling,
38:42
whatever I need in that moment.
38:46
SPEAKER_00: And then I...
38:49
SPEAKER_00: So quiet my mind.
38:50
SPEAKER_00: And some people suggest meditation before journaling.
38:55
SPEAKER_00: I'm distracted by journaling.
38:57
SPEAKER_00: thoughts in my head.
38:58
SPEAKER_00: So when I get them on paper, I feel like, okay, someone's taking notes.
39:02
SPEAKER_00: So now I can quiet my mind.
39:05
And then I get these really beautiful ideas that I didn't have
39:10
before after I meditate.
39:13
SPEAKER_00: And then like, oh, oh, look, that's fun.
39:16
SPEAKER_00: I should try that.
39:17
SPEAKER_00: That sounds great.
39:19
SPEAKER_00: And then
39:20
SPEAKER_00: do that and it's successful or it needs some course correcting.
39:25
But I know that I'm always going back that next morning and I
39:30
get another shot at it.
39:32
SPEAKER_00: But I'm also reading these books, all personal development books.
39:37
SPEAKER_00: So mastery comes from repetition.
39:39
So all of these things are coming into my mind and my awareness
39:46
and it started
39:47
SPEAKER_00: shifting my word choice.
39:50
SPEAKER_00: And I started when I would say something and then I would stop halfway.
39:54
SPEAKER_00: Like, oh, actually, I don't believe that anymore.
39:58
SPEAKER_00: That's just a habit.
40:00
SPEAKER_00: And what I really mean to say is X,
40:03
SPEAKER_00: Y,
40:03
SPEAKER_00: Z.
40:05
SPEAKER_00: And it's awkward before it's elegant,
40:07
but I can say now five and a half years in that I would not
40:14
trade any of it.
40:16
SPEAKER_00: I wouldn't trade before I knew what I know now.
40:20
SPEAKER_00: And I wouldn't trade the process of who I'm becoming.
40:24
SPEAKER_00: And I'm living my best life every single day.
40:28
SPEAKER_00: Wow.
40:29
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
40:29
SPEAKER_01: It's so interesting to me how you describe that.
40:32
First of all,
40:33
I'll just say that I was somebody who resisted journaling for
40:37
50 years.
40:38
It's not like everybody doesn't tell you that journaling is
40:41
great from like birth on.
40:43
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, yeah, but... And I did journal once.
40:48
SPEAKER_01: I found my journal from 12th grade for like three days.
40:52
SPEAKER_01: That's it.
40:53
SPEAKER_01: I don't think I've ever done it for more than...
40:56
SPEAKER_01: three or four days in my entire life.
40:58
SPEAKER_01: And now I have journaled every day for 12 weeks and I'm obsessed.
41:05
SPEAKER_01: Amazing.
41:06
SPEAKER_01: Obsessed.
41:08
SPEAKER_01: Obsessed.
41:09
SPEAKER_01: And actually, I feel like it just came right on time for me.
41:12
SPEAKER_01: I like needed to hear it 4,000 times.
41:14
SPEAKER_01: And then...
41:18
SPEAKER_01: Now is the right time.
41:18
And I think I will get there with meditation someday because am
41:23
I surrounded by
41:23
SPEAKER_01: people all day long who demonstrate for me the power of meditation?
41:28
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
41:29
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
41:30
SPEAKER_01: Is quiet meditation a part of my practice?
41:33
SPEAKER_01: Never.
41:34
SPEAKER_01: I run, right?
41:35
SPEAKER_01: And I run in silence and that is a moving meditation.
41:38
I do think someday I will fold that in and someday I might wake
41:43
up earlier and do these things.
41:45
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
41:46
SPEAKER_01: I say all this because I feel like we can hold back our engagement,
41:51
SPEAKER_01: our exploration on a lot of things because we feel like,
41:54
SPEAKER_01: oh,
41:54
SPEAKER_01: that didn't work for me in the past.
41:57
SPEAKER_01: Right.
41:58
SPEAKER_01: Right.
41:59
SPEAKER_01: And oftentimes it's because we weren't in the right place to need it.
42:05
SPEAKER_01: We weren't doing it in a way that worked for us.
42:08
We'd put up a bunch of guardrails and boundaries on it that
42:11
made it harder to
42:13
SPEAKER_01: And so what I hear in your story is the ideal for you.
42:18
And I love that so much because that's going to look different
42:23
for every one of us.
42:24
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
42:26
But the feeling I think that we're going for is something that
42:30
is so freaking good.
42:33
SPEAKER_01: Something that is so craveable.
42:36
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
42:37
SPEAKER_01: That we show up for it.
42:39
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
42:40
SPEAKER_01: And not something that hurts us, right?
42:42
Like denying our feelings or overeating things that make us
42:48
feel bad or over
42:50
SPEAKER_01: shopping or overdoing things to the effect that they hurt us.
42:53
SPEAKER_01: But the stuff that just gives more than it takes and is delicious,
43:00
SPEAKER_01: like all in,
43:01
SPEAKER_01: that's what we are going for.
43:02
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
43:03
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
43:04
SPEAKER_00: And you're 100% right.
43:07
SPEAKER_00: It will always, obviously.
43:09
SPEAKER_00: But whatever the schedule that works is what works.
43:15
SPEAKER_00: It doesn't matter.
43:16
SPEAKER_00: Maybe someone has a nightly routine.
43:18
I actually love to go to bed at 8.30 p.m.,
43:21
which is why I can get up at 4.45.
43:24
But when I'm in France and we're having these beautiful dinners
43:28
and we're not going
43:29
SPEAKER_00: to bed until midnight,
43:32
SPEAKER_00: I keep my routine, but not my schedule.
43:36
So I let my body sleep longer and I don't have to wake my
43:42
daughter up for school
43:43
SPEAKER_00: because I'm in France with clients.
43:45
SPEAKER_00: So
43:47
I can still do the elements that are important to me and still
43:51
have the practice
43:52
that fills my cup and just not have it be as early as it is
43:57
when I'm at home.
43:58
That's such an important piece of this because it is about
44:02
adaptation,
44:04
which is not tolerating.
44:08
SPEAKER_01: It's protecting what serves us.
44:12
SPEAKER_01: And...
44:14
SPEAKER_01: The alternative is to release what no longer serve us.
44:17
SPEAKER_01: And I think you just give us such a palpable model of both of those.
44:23
SPEAKER_01: I want to talk to you for like 14 more hours.
44:25
I'm pretty sure I'm just like leaving this on a cliffhanger and
44:29
I'm going to get
44:29
all these notes from all these beautiful people who listen to
44:31
the show saying like,
44:32
SPEAKER_01: but I want to know this,
44:33
SPEAKER_01: but I want to know this.
44:34
But they can learn this because you have a podcast and so they
44:37
can listen to more
44:38
SPEAKER_01: Wendy all the time.
44:39
Or they can go and like have cocktail hour with you every week
44:42
on Instagram,
44:43
SPEAKER_01: which is super freaking cute.
44:45
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
44:47
And I think we should do something together here at the house
44:50
so they can come to that too.
44:51
SPEAKER_01: Yes, please.
44:52
SPEAKER_01: Sign me up.
44:53
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
44:54
SPEAKER_01: More Wendy all the time.
44:56
SPEAKER_01: Before I let you go though on this particular call,
44:58
SPEAKER_01: tell me who would you like to nominate for the uplifters?
45:04
SPEAKER_00: Oh gosh.
45:05
SPEAKER_00: My beautiful best friend, Sharon Nichols.
45:10
SPEAKER_00: She's so beautiful and so beautiful.
45:15
committed to living her best life to following her bliss to
45:21
holding space for
45:23
herself for her husband and for others she is such a good
45:30
listener she makes me
45:32
SPEAKER_00: want to have better things to say
45:34
SPEAKER_00: She's amazing.
45:35
So she's a coach and she helps women that are transitioning
45:43
into their next chapter
45:45
SPEAKER_00: in their full authenticity,
45:49
SPEAKER_00: their full self,
45:50
SPEAKER_00: their full power.
45:54
SPEAKER_00: And she doesn't like the queen that she is.
45:59
SPEAKER_00: And she likes to go deep and go shopping.
46:02
SPEAKER_00: I mean, yeah.
46:05
SPEAKER_01: Right?
46:06
SPEAKER_01: It's so fun.
46:06
SPEAKER_01: I mean, that all sounds fun.
46:09
While you are living the life you want,
46:11
I imagine you are still building something new.
46:15
SPEAKER_01: You bet.
46:16
SPEAKER_01: So what dream is next for you?
46:18
SPEAKER_01: Property in France.
46:20
SPEAKER_01: Okay, that didn't take long to come up with.
46:22
SPEAKER_01: She knows.
46:22
SPEAKER_00: Nope.
46:24
SPEAKER_00: She knows.
46:24
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
46:25
And I know that because that's a desire that I have,
46:30
that that means it's for me.
46:31
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
46:32
SPEAKER_00: If these dreams are in you, these dreams are for you.
46:38
SPEAKER_00: It's got to be scary for people to hear.
46:39
SPEAKER_01: Unless it's in the huge invitation and permission slip.
46:44
Yeah.
46:44
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I think there is though a lot of resistance comes up for both.
46:48
SPEAKER_01: Totally.
46:48
SPEAKER_01: Of course.
46:50
SPEAKER_01: I think what you're saying is actually, no, it's true.
46:53
SPEAKER_00: Well,
46:53
SPEAKER_00: I mean,
46:54
you can lobby for your limitations all day long and watch me
46:58
live your best French
47:00
SPEAKER_00: life,
47:01
SPEAKER_00: or you can come with me,
47:03
SPEAKER_00: or you can create your own
47:08
And that's what I feel,
47:09
not a responsibility,
47:11
but a desire to talk about these dreamy things.
47:16
SPEAKER_00: I used to think, ooh, is that mean?
47:18
SPEAKER_00: Is it mean to talk about how great this life I've created?
47:21
SPEAKER_00: Because some people just can't have a great life.
47:25
SPEAKER_00: But that's not true, I believe.
47:28
SPEAKER_00: That if these dreams are in you, these dreams are for you.
47:30
SPEAKER_00: And that the how is not your responsibility.
47:33
But you can start with your journal and just start talking
47:37
about what you want to
47:38
SPEAKER_00: yourself in that safe place.
47:40
SPEAKER_00: And then...
47:42
SPEAKER_00: Be on the lookout for surprise and delight.
47:44
SPEAKER_00: It's really freaking energizing.
47:46
SPEAKER_01: It's so fun.
47:48
SPEAKER_01: So as uplifters,
47:50
we love to uplift other uplifters and no doubt folks are going
47:55
to want to get more
47:56
SPEAKER_01: windy in their lives.
47:58
SPEAKER_01: So how do we best do that?
48:00
SPEAKER_00: Podcast is the great place to start.
48:02
SPEAKER_00: So it's Say Yes to Yourself wherever you listen to podcasts.
48:06
And Phineas Right House is the Instagram presence and the
48:11
website that talks about
48:13
SPEAKER_00: all the good things that are coming.
48:15
SPEAKER_00: So I think those are the best places.
48:16
SPEAKER_01: I love it.
48:17
They'll be in the show notes too for those who just want a
48:20
quick and easy link.
48:21
SPEAKER_01: Wendy, you really are such a beacon.
48:28
SPEAKER_01: And I'm so grateful to Dina for connecting us.
48:31
And I can't wait to continue this thread talking to Sharon and
48:35
to see what happens
48:36
SPEAKER_01: when all these worlds weave together.
48:37
SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh.
48:39
SPEAKER_00: Thank you, Rancis.
48:40
You hold such a beautiful space and I'm over the moon that we
48:45
are connected now.
48:48
SPEAKER_00: Many more adventures to come.
48:50
SPEAKER_00: For sure.
48:51
SPEAKER_01: With a passport.
48:51
SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
48:54
SPEAKER_01: Thank you for listening to the Uplifters podcast.
48:57
SPEAKER_01: If you're getting a boost from these episodes,
49:00
please share them with the Uplifters in your life and then join
49:05
us in conversation
49:06
SPEAKER_01: over at theuplifterspodcast.com.
49:10
SPEAKER_01: Head over to Spotify,
49:11
SPEAKER_01: Apple Podcasts,
49:12
SPEAKER_01: or wherever you get your podcasts and like,
49:16
SPEAKER_01: follow,
49:16
SPEAKER_01: and rate our show.
49:18
It'll really help us connect with more uplifters and it'll
49:22
ensure you never miss
49:23
SPEAKER_01: one of these beautiful stories.
49:27
SPEAKER_02: Big love.
49:29
SPEAKER_02: Painted water sunshine with rosemary and tongue.
49:34
SPEAKER_02: Dwell in the perplexing, though you find it vexing.
49:39
SPEAKER_02: Toss a star and hover.
49:40
SPEAKER_02: Be your own best lover.
49:43
SPEAKER_02: Relish in a new prime.
49:46
SPEAKER_02: Plant a tree in springtime.
49:47
SPEAKER_02: Dance with idle hindsight.
49:50
SPEAKER_02: Bring the sun to twilight.
49:54
SPEAKER_02: Lift you up.
49:55
SPEAKER_02: Whoa.
49:58
SPEAKER_02: Lift you up.
49:59
SPEAKER_02: Lift you up.
50:01
SPEAKER_02: Lift you up.
50:26
SPEAKER_02: Lift you up.
50:27
SPEAKER_02: Beautiful.
50:29
SPEAKER_02: I cried.
50:31
SPEAKER_02: It's that little thing you did with your voice.
50:40
SPEAKER_02: Right, in the pre-chorus, right?
50:42
SPEAKER_02: I was like... Mommy, stop crying.
50:46
SPEAKER_02: Mommy, stop crying.
50:47
SPEAKER_02: You're disturbing the peace.