Latest / Nurtural Disasters / Golden Child in a Red-Pilled World
Transcript
- Lisa: Hello and welcome to Nurtural Disasters. This is a podcast for those of us with toxic or emotionally immature parents. might not have a bunch of credentials next to our names, but we do have PhDs from the Hard Knocks University. Basically, want this to be a validating space for adult children of parents who had no business having children. ⁓ Ken: Welcome to Nurtural Disasters with Ken and Lisa. Lisa: Hey Ken, I'm just thinking, ⁓ I think my parents created a monster. But that's what they get when they treat their sons like royalty and they treat their daughters like maids in competition. And I know this is endemic with the Latino boomer moms, but I have noticed that a lot of us are breaking this generational curse. Ken: your narcissistic brother? Lisa: I don't know if he's a narcissist. don't want to... He just exhibits a lot of toxic traits to the point where you just go, whatever you call it is just toxic. Ken: ⁓ it's the one with your mom, right? ⁓ I'll just call him dipshit brother. He's kind of a dipshit, so... Lisa: Yeah. Mm. He can be a bit of a jerk and I feel bad talking about him. You know, because I wish I had a good relationship with him and I do love him but I just wish... I know things cannot be different and that's why I've maintained my distance. But and I was watching that documentary, Inside the Manosphere. Ken: a little bit. Lisa: That Netflix one that just came out and I feel like it helped me understand it better. Yes, because he follows like the Andrew Tate kind of misogynistic ⁓ the documentary they talk about ⁓ monog- ⁓ Ken: Big brother you mean? Lisa: It's an open relationship, but it's like only one-sided and I remember hearing that he had an open relationship And I was like what but he can have as many Hookups as he wants, but she's not allowed Right then he's like on Instagram. He's posting stuff about crypto scams crypto stuff I don't really understand it myself to be honest but did hear from the from grapevine that went to Rica with his girlfriend, this was a couple years ago, ⁓ and he left her in the hotel room for three days by herself while he went to hook up with girls. my dad, I remember he went to go visit them, ⁓ but I think that was later on in week, ⁓ and I asked him, like, did this happen? goes, that's just secondhand opinion. And he's very dismissive of me. ⁓ And... ⁓ eventually, I don't think they're together, ⁓ brother and his girlfriend, and I thought, hope she finds her self-esteem, know, to put up with somebody who's just treats you shit. You know, there's a part of you that feels like you deserve it. Ken: Yeah, that sounds like a tailor-made disaster kind of like situation. this just him watching or listening to those ⁓ Manasphere posts or is they're just feeding how he is like a confirmation bias, like he's already like this or is it like a mix of both? Lisa: Kind of. I figured this out because ⁓ he's big Trump supporter. MAGA. I think he is actually an angry person and they like to feed into your anger and they give you a vehicle for your anger. So you can direct it at the trans people, the illegals, you know, ⁓ the usual scapegoats, And it was like, right, could see why. It's people who are already angry. They love MAGA. And I don't know if anybody listening is like a huge MAGA. I'm not trying to shit on it. And this is not a political podcast, it explains the psychology behind it. And if this is for my observation anyway. ⁓ I mean? you're an angry person and these Manosphere, right wing, red pill, Andrew Tate types. tells you exactly where redirect your anger at. That's with the incel culture, it's like, oh, it's not because of me. It's not because I'm overweight and I'm unemployed and I live in my mom's basement. No, it's the feminists. Because they're all gold diggers. I'm like, you don't have any fucking gold, first of all, incel. So, calm the fuck down. Ken: the documentary by Louis Theroux about the really not sure if some of these influencers that are on there in the Manosphere in that documentary actually want to give away the secret sauce, but it's seemingly is giving away like some, ⁓ some of the mindset ⁓ what they're actually looking being these figures in the So your brother left girlfriend at a resort in Costa Rica while he went to go hook up with other ladies. Lisa: I know it's... Ken: Me and you Lisa, we're of that age where like, we're not into that bullshit anymore. Maybe if we're younger, that bullshit will be like, hmm. That's part of our life. That kind of bullshit is normal. You run into that bullshit every day. Like you're just playing, you're playing this game. But the thing is, the game that... Lisa: All right. Ken: both sides are willing to play. Lisa: I guess she is young for what I hear. Ken: goodness, ⁓ how old was he and how old was she? Lisa: I think she's her ⁓ he's in his 30s. Ken: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. This is like red flags everywhere with your brother He should just walk around waving red flags at this point. Lisa: He's a walking carnival. Right. Ken: Walking spectacle Man that's that's just that's douchey behavior and he's at an age where I'm assuming because he probably has the money the financial Aspects of it so to date someone that much younger and I'm not as experienced. There's like a power dynamic there Lisa: Yeah, exactly. Ken: And some, yeah, something in the Manosphere that was in the documentary, it's a lot of the stuff is all these roles, all these kind of like codes of conduct, it's all made up. They're not real. It's like all this kind of etiquette, what you're supposed to do, how you're supposed to talk to women, how you're supposed to care about your own body and stuff like that. Yeah, that's a given. That's a given for everything. But it's just the way it's giving people the playbook. People that are vulnerable to playbook. It's exploiting them. you that someone that is kind of like deeply flawed in this area. trying to explain their flaw in a way. A, if you do this and this, you'll get around it and ⁓ try sell master class in something that's... Really, shouldn't be teaching other people. It's not a good thing. Lisa: And you know, there was this one scene where they're talking to the- he's one of the followers of the Manosphere but he was like, ⁓ I was living in my car. I guess he was homeless for a while. I guess he's hopefully no longer homeless. And he was saying something interesting that I thought, what? When he said, ⁓ I don't believe in depression because I guess in the Manosphere cult- Things like depression and fear are just something that's in your mind and then when they asked him about his brother He said ⁓ my brother committed suicide. Ken: Yeah. Lisa: But he doesn't believe in depression, okay? Even though, ⁓ last time I checked when people commit suicide, it's because they're depressed, not because they're happy. it's very weird that you've... I mean, it's literally right in front of your face where you go, yes, depression exists. That's why your brother unalived himself. You know, I guess that's the word you have to use otherwise you get demonetized on YouTube and whatever. How brainwashed are you to say, no, it doesn't exist. It's all in your mind. that's fear is, they say, ⁓ fear is just in your mind. I'm like, no, there's a reason why we feel fear because, in the caveman days, you needed fear. That's how you, that's how we survived. it's your own instinct to okay, this is danger. It's coming. You need, you need fear. Otherwise, ⁓ if you're fearless people, you know, They act on impulse and they make a lot of reckless decisions. Ken: Yeah, it's weird that there's a like a code of conduct, right? promoting certain type of masculinity where it's like, you have to do this, this or this, ⁓ or you're really playing life wrong or playing the wrong, right? It's an ideology that you have to go through and every now and then that's why I'm a person that doesn't like TikTok and you see this on TikTok all the time where influencers are telling you, men shouldn't do this, women shouldn't do this and blah, blah. They can't do this. And it's just these rules that come up with and you're like, how valid are these rules? Well, it's as valid as many give likes to that person, right? ⁓ unfortunately what we've gone down to at this point. But I found most interesting. with that documentary was that pretty much, really showed secret sauce of how this whole system operates, this whole business entity operates. One of the creators he was, I think he was sitting the director and I think his name was Harrison he was much just talking about. how he has Instagram models, and ⁓ OnlyFans models on his show. ⁓ And it's pretty much trying to draw the correlation. well, the difference between you ⁓ and the woman that's on your show? You're both making money, right? He almost seemed offended that would put me on the same level as OnlyFans model. And then you... Lisa: Only fans. Yeah. Ken: If you look and you dig deeper, he is pretty much funding a lot of these like, running agencies for these only fan models to join. So they're actually running their only fans. like a business aspect of it there. ⁓ you think about it, they're to sell to that guy that's listening to the Man's Fear podcast. They might be lonely. They might not have a girlfriend. And having a podcast and you're having these women on there just be a focus on there for probably the hope to like kind of like dangle them in front of these men to get on their OnlyFans. And why would they do that? Because they make money off of it. Like someone like Harrison would make money off of And that becomes, now you see why they're doing it. There's money involved, There's clout, there's money. But most importantly than not, Harrison even... gone to a point where he was like, you know what? I could do things like the right way, I could be just like a regular influencer, be really cool and stuff like that, but that's not where the money is. And he admitted to that, that's not where the money is. That's not where the clicks are. So ⁓ it's a really ⁓ kind like adapting to culture where what will give you the most clicks, the most attention and ⁓ inevitably the most money. Lisa: Mm-hmm. Ken: it's exploiting a group of people that living a certain way and trying to sell them a product. A ⁓ lot this stuff is transactional. It's selling of a product to a vulnerable group of people. ⁓ I don't it much different than, selling a loss or some sort of new exercise or a new kind keto diet. They're all very similar. It's just a matter of... Lisa: Mm-hmm. Yep. Ken: How deep does it go and how does it affect the society on an overall basis? And this has become such a big thing, especially with just how our election was in America, in what? Just 18 months ago, feels like a lifetime ago, just how big the Manosphere and how influential they were in getting certain people to vote for a certain candidate. Yeah, it's a huge thing, right? ⁓ Lisa: Mm-hmm. Ken: But none of this stuff comes nothing. There's a reason why people do this. People that promote the Manosphere There's money involved. Lisa: Mm-hmm. Ken: So it's a very scary thing that your brother's a part of this, but he's probably even predisposed to listening to that. It's pretty much confirming his behavior. He didn't have the best of behavior when you two were growing up. Lisa: You know, it's interesting you say that because there's a sense of entitlement. Ken: Mm-hmm. Lisa: and it kind of reaffirms your sense of entitlement. Because remember I was telling you about how it's like, brother just disappears? There was one time that my dad came, my dad lives out of the country. ⁓ when he came to visit, ⁓ came to visit specifically my brother, because my brother was about to be deployed. ⁓ in the armed forces, ⁓ he was going to be gone for at a year, right? ⁓ My ditched him. my dad came ⁓ to you. And what did was that, he's like, yeah, I'll catch up with you guys. And he never showed up to my house. And I kept ⁓ never showed up. was like, well, we're going to go buy some souvenirs in Hollywood. And you just catch up with us. I just texted him and ⁓ no reply, nothing. ⁓ So we go to Hollywood, we buy keychains and all that shit, know, that says Hollywood on it, and he's buying it for his friends. then at we come home we still don't hear from him and I'm getting really worried and... ⁓ the morning, ⁓ finally hear back from him. ⁓ pissed. And go, thanks for ghosting us. And he goes, not really. And then he starts explaining about how he went over to his friend's house, which is only two blocks away from my house, right? ⁓ And they drinking tequila. ⁓ he started a so he kept drinking more and more. ⁓ And I was like, you ditched us to drink tequila. you you can't tell anything. ⁓ And then my dad cause my dad's scared of him. He said, well, I'm glad you didn't drink and drive or something like And I was just pissed because if I had done something like that, my dad would have been super pissed at me, ⁓ but he's scared of my So he, he has to walk on eggshells around him. Even my dad's told me, yeah, I walk on eggshells around him. ⁓ otherwise he'll just blow up you. but there was no, I remember ⁓ asking my dad, ⁓ my brother ever give you apology what he did? He says no. And I, it's just one of the many ⁓ instances ⁓ where he just will ditch ⁓ And there's, then he blames it on his ADHD. Everything is ADHD. Like if he's super late to something, it's his ADHD and you have to put up with it. It's not like, because I have a lot of friends who have ADHD and I know that they have problems with like time blindness and whatever, but they feel bad. It's like they feel, ⁓ my God, I'm so sorry. I feel so bad. You know, but with him, it's like, not only does not feel bad, but he feels entitled to it. Like, no, you're supposed to, ⁓ you wait for me. ⁓ And I remember one time we went to a restaurant and I was purposely late because he's always late. But he was like, I waited maybe an hour after, even though I was late and I waited and I was about to leave and he comes in and he sits down and he starts screaming at me, you're too punctual. He just was yelling at me At that time I didn't really know much about narcissism but like I internalized it and I was so scared that I actually like we ate and I paid for the bill. that's how I was like oh my god maybe I am being too punctual like he just is gaslighting. It's basically what it was and I look back and I go I should just left you know why I just put up with it because we're supposed everyone's supposed to bend over backwards you know in toxic family dynamics now I know that They always have to cater to the person who's the most toxic. with my brother, ⁓ example, there was one time ⁓ actually drove down to Mexico to visit family from LA to Mexico City because my brother had a fear of flying. you know how long that fucking drive is? ⁓ It's, it days. Going out to Texas is a long drive. And then from Texas, ⁓ ⁓ Ken: How long? Lisa: And it took days to get there and it was, it was not a fun drive. Just because we all had to bend over backwards for him because he was too afraid, he was too scared to fly. I just think, you know what? He should have driven by himself. Why did we all have to bend over backwards? And it just, I think it's my mom was the one she ⁓ she's the one who bends over backwards for him. ⁓ to the point where it's like, she's convinced the whole family ⁓ That's her golden child, you know? If he gets a ticket because he loves to drive really fast, she's gonna pay it off. It's thousand dollar certificate that she can't even afford herself. She'll pay it off Of course not gonna learn his lesson. And just things like that, but if I did it, holy shit. ⁓ Ken: Is there ever a thing in your mind that eventually he's gonna run into something that, hey, mom and dad can't bail you out this time? Lisa: Probably not. He makes good money himself. So he doesn't really need the money. Ken: I'm talking about not even just money. feel feel like when ⁓ kids get away with things adults, it really skews their behavior, ⁓ knowing what they could get with. ⁓ Eventually, it's because it's because it's to Like, eventually, you're going to escalate to a point where it's going to cause some real damage. So. Lisa: I don't... I don't know. I don't know. Ken: So I always talk to my friends about the old adage like, when ⁓ an athlete or a celebrity does stupid, I have like people that are older than me and they're kind of like parental figures and they would always talk to me, how could that person do something so stupid? And I always, I already know this. That's like, so you're wondering why like a 24 or 25 year old football player is making bad decisions. This is someone that has probably had everyone cover for him throughout his entire life. As soon as they figure out he's probably gonna be a good athlete, he could make millions of dollars. So things are like changed for him and certain punishments don't apply to him. This comes from the parents, this even comes from like the school, from the coaches. If you're a star player, certain things are different for you. when you think about someone that's 24 or 25 doing something stupid, like such as like driving like the car way too fast, and getting into a car accident and ⁓ then and like something like that and kill someone and ⁓ you're that's not thinking about that. And you're like, how could someone do that? It's because ⁓ that that athlete has gotten away with everything their entire life. ⁓ Why would they not get away with this? Eventually, there's certain things you can't get away from, Lisa: You think? But I mean look at people like I'm not saying my brother is like Diddy or these horrific people like Harvey Weinstein They have so many fucking enablers soooo Ken: Yeah, and that's the thing, Lisa, it's the enablers, the people that cover their ass. And that's really what it is. And the most worrisome is when I see like people that are about my age that have kids. And the thing is, they look at the kid and they're like, you have to tell that kid to stop doing that, right? ⁓ their I can't tell them to stop doing that. But you can't let your kids get away with everything. If you let your kids get away with everything, it literally is going to be like, kid got away with murder, but not for very long. It always catches up with you, especially let's you're a normal person. Lisa: Mm-hmm. Ken: You're not like a billionaire or athlete or musician that's making a lot of money, movie star. if you don't have that, it's gonna be a lot harder for you for when you screw up. It's gonna be ⁓ way worse for you screw up. So it's like, why are you setting your kids up for entitlement? The entitlement is just, we've seen this before. It's like the tale as old as time. Entitlement. It's fun when it's nothing major happens, right? But it escalates. People do more. People do crazier things and it's just gonna end up being really bad at the end. And then you're just gonna read about the story or like watch it on Dateline. How could this person do this? I was like, well, everybody just said okay and enabled their behavior. So this is what happened. it's just interesting that your brother I'm just saying that he's a narcissist and a jackass mixed together and your dad's as someone with autism is afraid of him Lisa: yeah. Ken: I find that as very interesting, right? Cause I think on the last episode you were talking about in order to one, need someone another rank or a different type of like neurodivergence to outdo that person. a ⁓ would a bigger narcissist and then narcissist meets a sociopath and then sociopath meets psychopath. So it just keeps escalating. So in the tier of like, Lisa: Psychopath, yeah. Ken: Your dad probably doesn't want to... that explosion of your Lisa: No, my brother will rage and also what's funny is that talking about like Getting their own karma. Well the fact that I don't talk to either of them and I find out stuff through the grapevine See, my brother was so used to being catered to that. He's never really had to take care of anybody So I found out a year maybe a year and a half ago. my mom was She was near the pool in her backyard ⁓ slipped fell broke her wrist ⁓ And don't know if she lives alone because her ex was, I think at that time she put him in a home. she needed to have surgery for her wrist, her broken wrist. And gonna be there? I'm not there. Usually I'm the one who's there to like ⁓ everything, I help out everybody, and I don't get ⁓ in return. So it was, he had to be the one to like ⁓ help her out and take care of her after her ⁓ surgery, which I thought was really funny and really interesting. And I'm like, uh-huh, it's not fun being me, is it? ⁓ Ken: So did you end up seeing his behavior of having to take care of your mom during that time? Lisa: No, no, I've already cut off contact, but I just heard through the grapevine because my dad's ex, when they were still married at the time, he's like, ⁓ your brother was going to come, but he had to help your mom with her broken wrist. And I heard that she had broken her wrist. She slipped and fell right by her pool, you know, which could have been like pretty serious. know, because it's just kind of slippery and you fall into the pool. Ken: Mm-hmm. That's why I tell you not to run by the pole. Lisa: I don't know if she was running, I don't know what the situation was but you know, you have a broken wrist and you fall into the pool and if you're not, you have to swim with one arm and I'm sure it wasn't like a deep pool or anything but who knows, it could have been a lot worse, you know? They say people drown and you can drown in 80 feet of water or 5 feet of water so who the fuck knows? But I just thought it was really interesting, I'm like was not on me ⁓ and sure there's a lot of resentment. It's like, no, Lisa should be here. Cause the sense of entitlement, she should be here to take care of us. Cause that's how, ⁓ you I was brought up just taking care of everybody and I'm there anymore. I'm here finally taking care of myself. ⁓ You know, take care of my dog, but I get to live for me now. Ken: And that's great. ⁓ How long ago was this? Lisa: With the broken wrist thing I think it was about a maybe year and a half ago I want to say. Ken: really... I'm not even sure what the word would be but It's an on your mother Just how she treated you and this is the direct result of what happens when something bad happens to you ⁓ and ⁓ Look what did to your daughter. That's why she's nowhere to be found to help you Just well you put all you put all the good good like energy into your son, right? So have him do it Lisa: Mm-hmm. Exactly. You know what? There's a funny meme that's been going around on Instagram where it's like, my mom's old, I'm not gonna put her in a home. I'll just have her live with my brother who was her favorite and I was laughing and it was obviously targeted, ⁓ but I was laughing and it's and when you read the comments, it's spot-on because people say, ⁓ the favorite isn't always the most child ⁓ and I was like a hundred percent. % actually. Ken: Well, you also think about it in terms of responsibility. If it's a situation like your mother and your brother, if that if your brother gets so much runaway and so much grace on everything, that's not going to create a person that's going to be super responsible. That person's got to cut corners. That person's going to be late because there's no punishment for that. There's no check for that behavior. And that's how you get that. Lisa: Yeah. Good luck. That's all I can say. You're gonna need it. Ken: That's why I always say like, if you want to have a person that you could mold like a kid. ⁓ Teach the kid how it is. Teach your kid's empathy. Teach your kid's punishment. Teach your kid's pros and cons. have to. If you don't, ⁓ always say it looks like, well, looks like someone's raising a serial killer. That's pretty much what it is. Lisa: Mm-hmm. Ken: You have to check your kids. When I check, it doesn't have to be like violent. It just has you have to put more care into explaining to your kid. Telling them not to do certain behaviors, certain things, because things are acceptable here, not acceptable outside when you see regular people. my fiance always have that fear is like, man, I hope our kid is not the bully. Lisa: Mm-hmm. Ken: And that's true, right? We don't want the kid to be the bully, right? Some parents probably, okay, what that is like, man, we don't want the kid to be the bully. So if you don't want the kid to be a bully, tell your kid, be good to everybody. And then some people won't like you, can't fix that, but a lot of people will respect you. here's the if you're a dick, everybody will know you're a dick. Lisa: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Ken: how their relationship with you is probably dependent on transactional behavior at that point. Lisa: Mm-hmm. Let's just say these moms and their golden child sons are going to be taking care of them. That's going to be very interesting. Let's just say that. Ken: Well, at this point, your brother is so frickin' nasty to all the women that he dated, he's gonna end up with nobody. So he's gonna be raising his mom for the rest of his life. So look forward to that, bro. Lisa: ⁓ Ken: Well, you ever believe in karma? And if you don't believe in karma, just things just seem to come around. Lisa: I don't know. mean, sometimes people will like, you run into somebody who's just gonna be a bigger asshole than you. Ken: Mm-hmm always believe in that No, seriously, but if your behavior is like that you create it's it's like a causation, right? that's why I love going back into time movies like back to the future Depend because good the thing is it really teaches people that if you just ⁓ make a certain decision in another direction It change the future ⁓ Lisa: The butterfly effect. Ken: Yeah, but you should just think about that in modern times without time travel. If you're gonna act the way you are, it's gonna lead to a certain outcome. So if you know someone like your brother and he acts the way he does, eventually that behavior gets checked and something happens out of it, right? Not everybody will be okay with that behavior. Eventually he's gonna meet someone and it's just gonna be like, I don't like that. But I'll meet you outside. That's kind of like the thing. I was like, I'm pretty sure your brother could hold his own, but it's like who wants to deal with that? That's like an inconvenience in everybody's life. Lisa: Interesting. I don't know it. I mean, it's kind of the same situation with you and your sister because ⁓ knows you're the more responsible one. Your sister would, ⁓ just can't manage certain things. You know, she's emotionally stunted to like what you said, 17 years old. ⁓ has limitations. ⁓ things kind of fall on you, ⁓ ⁓ probably kind of similar dynamic a little bit. Like you have to cater to her, we have to enable her because ⁓ she just handle anything. Ken: Mm-hmm. Well, your brother definitely is more aggressive in that behavior. But my sister does have that kind of behavior where she kind of... There is some sort of entitlement in there if you look at it. she could get away with things that I don't think any other person could get away with in that family. So if you think about it that way, It's kind of brought forth the idea that, hey, honestly, I think that my sister was a grown child because I think she gets away with everything. I don't get away with stuff like that. Definitely not. Lisa: Mm-hmm. You know, about it, ⁓ with my brother, I don't think he realizes that he's angry ⁓ at mom. He makes a lot of excuses for and to the point where it's like his anger at her, he suppresses it and why he ends up taking it out on me. and his significant others, tend to be his punching bags. And there's that saying, if you're not healed, you're gonna bleed on the wrong people. I don't know, I'm he realizes that, ⁓ he a lot of anger towards our mom because she did a lot of stuff that was not right. But bring it up or anything, he makes excuses for her and he goes, ⁓ no, know, maybe because he was the golden child and that's why he gives her a lot of leeway. ⁓ But think that's the root of his anger issues. he works on that and realizes it, he's gonna realize it's misdirected anger. I think that's saying, right? ⁓ he takes it out on who ⁓ don't deserve it. And that's why you alienate people. And that's why he turned MAGA and Manosphere because gave him that vehicle for the anger, I think, just from my observation. ⁓ Ken: ⁓ so any chance your brother will ever go into therapy to check that or it's like a lost cause. Lisa: ⁓ he's been at... He's been to therapy. And... No. No. Ken: Yeah, but they work on that. Exactly. Therapy is nothing but an exercise that you don't do anything at the exercise. You go to the gym and not work out the thing you're supposed to work out. Lisa: You can't change what you don't acknowledge. he had this one therapist He basically told her that he was the victim and this and that so he brought me in and They basically those two ganked up on me like the first It was my first time being there and they forced me to apologize to him thinking back. I'm like why the hell did I apologize to him and They had ganged up on me I don't even know what I was apologizing for. was another session where he brought in our mom and I wasn't there. But I asked her how it went and she just said, ⁓ I just pretended I didn't speak English. And for me it sad because it could have been an opportunity ⁓ and I think really was trying to repair, ⁓ but. I think there's a lot of that bias of like they're only hearing your side of the story. don't know ⁓ shit that he's done, how selfishly and entitled he's acted. I know he acts a certain way because of things that happened in our childhood. He's deeply traumatized. We had to go through a lot of horrific things. rather than the to people who are the perpetrators, ⁓ you basically take it out on people who don't deserve it. I don't know if you recognize it, and I doubt he does, he doesn't. And that's why a lot of the family members have blocked him. own cousin who's a psychologist blocked him and said, want nothing to do with him. You know, that's how toxic you are, a psychologist blocks you. Like, hello? Ken: Yeah, a lot of it has to be self-awareness and self-acceptance that you are a certain way. If you don't have that, if you just everything is just a blind rage or you just pin it on someone else, like caused by someone else, then it's not going to really help. I could just see, if my sister ever went into therapy, how that would be like. I think about it a lot. She's just gonna go there. And the best case scenario is that she'd be like, well, my dad did this, but I had this attitude towards him. So, you know, we're playing this game. If she's acknowledging that. I have these weird fears and stuff and anxiety and things so I use these anxieties to make sure I have to do these certain things in my life or like excuses for me not doing anything or me to Have excuses to spite my father and my mother But I have a feeling it's just gonna end up like you know what my dad's asshole. My mom's asshole and my little brother's asshole They're all abusing me. End of story. That's how it's gonna end up, I think. Lisa: Mm-hmm. And she really believes she's the victim. Ken: ⁓ yeah, she believes she's victim. A lot of the situations that she complains about, it has solutions. It's not like a thing where it's like, it's not a solvable problem. It's not like, ⁓ you know what? The cure for ailment is in Andromeda Galaxy. Go get it. That's not possible, right? Or your ball is on the moon. We can't get it. these are things that ⁓ are not possible. Lisa: Mm-hmm. Ken: The things that she talked about could be fixed or at least attempted to be fixed, right? She would complain about, my back hurts, you know. There's fixes to every one of her complaints. Your back hurts, go to a chiropractor, ⁓ physical therapy, go get some medicine, thing, go let a doctor see it. But she doesn't. It's like stuff like that, simple like that that she doesn't go and get help for. So at a certain point... You just see her like hold on to like her arm or shoulder and stuff like that. And you're like just looking at her, like, well, it's your fault. Really. You have the tools to go get help. You refuse to. Lisa: I'm just wondering how self aware your own sister is though. Ken: think she's very self-aware. That she's, remember, she does this thing where she an excuse for everything that you suggest. ⁓ So very aware of what you're gonna say to her and she already has a comeback for it. if someone not of like self-aware about what at least Lisa: Okay. Mm-hmm. Ken: or at least paranoid about what people think about her. gotta ask her. She's not the one, like she knows what she is. Lisa: Mm. Okay. Because, you know, 17-year-old, how... Well, that's true, because if I was 17 going on, you therapy, I think I'd be pretty self-aware. But who knows? mean... you know, for people, I don't know if therapy would be helpful. I'm glad that it would be helpful for your own sister, ⁓ because she does have that I ⁓ I don't think my brother has that and I don't think it would be that helpful for him. And it hasn't been. I mean, ⁓ he has had ⁓ some ⁓ elimination the family, but ⁓ On the whole, just don't know if he realizes what I see. And I'm sure ⁓ spots as well. their own blind spots. So I'm just trying to be fair. and hopefully other people who listening and I wonder if they can relate to like their own complicated relationships with their own siblings. ⁓ Ken: Yeah, and the thing about going to therapy and people I think have this expectation that maybe and even have this kind of belief that if you see someone go to the therapy, someone's just going to find a therapist that just, you know, tells them everything's okay and stuff like that. A lot of that's like a, I guess, like a TV stereotype about therapy. therapy session, especially with the right therapist is you only get out what you put in. It's a lot like, if you think about it, that's why I bring up like idea of like a gym. ⁓ could go to, yeah, you could go to the gym. You could have a gym membership, but if you don't work out the thing that you're supposed to work out, you're probably gonna end up having the same problem as before you went into the gym. So you have to go into a therapy session and actually work on something like a concrete thing. Lisa: Yeah, exactly. Ken: that have to work on and it'll be like a coordinated kind of like step by step kind of thing that you work on in therapy. I always bring up the story of my dad, like he went through therapy. okay with talks about health. But then I ask him, so what do you talk about today? And I would just like, you know, my weird dreams and stuff like that and stress and know. Which is great, my dad worked on that, but he didn't work on his relationship with his wife and his kids. So you can see why someone that goes to therapy and only one muscle at the gym, that's what's gonna happen, right? Let's say you go to a gym, you're technically supposed to work out everything, right? Yeah, if you just go lift weights, you just gotta pump iron, you just gotta... Lisa: Yeah. Yeah. Full, yeah. Ken: You just go do like, bench presses and stuff like that? And you're like, I feel great. But then you have like chicken legs. Chicken legs, I was like, well, what happened there? Well, didn't want to really work out my legs because the girls look at the guns. So it's like, okay, so it's the same adage there, right? So if you go to therapy session and only work on your guns, you don't know how bad your legs are. This is great, right? Lisa: Ehh...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha...hahaha ⁓ I love that Ken. Oh my god, that's so funny. Ken: Yeah, but that that yeah, but that's that's what I think about. Yeah, you could go to the therapist, but if you don't work on the same things, or you don't succeed on working ⁓ on fixing it does nothing. At that you just went to the gym, you tried failure. That's pretty much what happens. ⁓ And failure is not a bad thing. you'll go back to the gym again, or to the therapist, find a different therapist or a different gym, ⁓ and maybe get that breakthrough you're looking Lisa: That's so perfectly said. I mean, yeah, I don't have anything to add to that because it's just too perfect. I... Yeah. Ken: Thank you for that. what's the hope is is like I know you don't have a good relationship with your brother and I had like a souring relationship with my sister but you honestly if you're encountering someone like that especially in your family you wish that person will come around. Lisa: Yeah, I think that's the grief of like knowing that you'll never get closure, you'll never get... Yeah. Ken: Yeah, it's, It's like that part of you has died. That part of you having like a good sibling relationship has died. And that's really you kind of for a while you grieve that. And then after a while you just don't want that relationship anymore. know at a certain point the ball's in their court if they want to improve their life because you're done at a certain point you're done. Lisa you're done. Me I'm almost done. ⁓ It's have our own lives to live and we can't be there to. Lisa: Yeah. Ken: Listen to your bullshit. Lisa: Yeah... Well, I think good time to wrap it up. I mean, you basically ⁓ summed up ⁓ everything Yeah, well you guys for listening and ⁓ hopefully this gives some kind of clarity, I just want to say thank you to ⁓ Megan Morrow. I can't thank her enough because she's been so, so, so kind, so generous to us use her song Clouded for her theme song. Ken: that, she's a really big supporter of us and it's great to have friends that support each other in our endeavors. Lisa: She is! She really is! She seems to have... Ken: You should really leverage your friends talents. And I don't mean that in like kind of like a mean financially grubby way. It's just if you have friends that are good at something, it. ⁓ you know what? I always think the best kind of friendships or like a growth of like business and stuff like that or success, it's better when you bring your friends along for the rush. Lisa: Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Ken: Hopefully, watch, hopefully in like five years you're gonna be like, hey, this has finally blown up. you screwheads that didn't support You're all like, you're on the list. Lisa: Maybe. Ken: I don't know, I think we're a little petty. We're really nice people, but we're petty. Lisa: You know you would never call somebody pruney face. would never call somebody pruney. Uh-huh. Ken: No, no, no, ⁓ Pruney McPrunerson. ⁓ yeah. How's she doing nowadays? I haven't been on TikTok. Lisa: I think her daughter's still estranged, so I guess what she's doing isn't working. Ken: ⁓ well, guess... Wow, big surprise. Lisa: ⁓ You mean talking shit about your daughter online? gonna make it's gonna cause her to come back. Uh-huh Ken: Yeah, that could... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's like, okay. ⁓ Baby? Maybe if the daughter hit her head and forgot about all of that. ⁓ Unlikely? Unlikely. Amnesia! That's a good movie. But yeah. I think that's it for this episode. Tune in to the next episode for more intriguing conversation about parents and family dynamics. Lisa: and Alright, thank you guys for listening. ⁓ wait, wait, wait. No, that was great! Ken: Did that fit? Okay, this is like, okay, everybody work out your legs. Lisa: Yeah, no more chicken legs, okay? Bye. Ken: Yeah, you don't that Johnny Bravo body. Bye everybody. ⁓ Lisa: Bye.