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FOCUS: Stop waiting for someone to decide if they want you. · Do You F*cking Mind?

• 0:15
  Speaker 1: Hello, my beautiful beans, and welcome to today's pep talk.
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: This is going to be short, it's going to be sweet,
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: but I really just want to get into your head.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: This might not apply to everybody, but I want you
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: to get into your head as far as when it
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: comes to dating and someone that you're interested in. And
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: this also goes for friends as well, but very much
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: is based around the dating scene. And it's this idea
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: where I want you to stop waiting for someone to
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: decide if they want you. I honestly feel like we
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: waste and literally waste so much of our time, energy, emotions,
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: life waiting around for somebody to decide if we are
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: the one that they want to spend time with, that
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: they want to date, that they want to pursue you
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: a future with. And it is such a blow to
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: your self love, Okay, it is such a harsh thing
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: to do for yourself because it's this idea of saying,
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: I'm hoping that I'm good enough for this person. And
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: every time you're in a situation where you're saying I'm
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: hoping I'm good enough for this person, you're telling yourself,
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: I can't make that call for myself. So here I
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: am just hoping that they choose me, hoping that they
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: accept me. Now, keep in mind, this is very different
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: to if you just started seeing somebody. You cannot expect
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: someone that you just meant to instantly know that you're
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: the one. But it's this idea where you're in a
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: situation shit, where you know for a fact that you
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: are into them and they're just not sending through many
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: clear signals. Okay, So, if there's anyone in your life,
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: it could be an ex, a crush, even a friend
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: who's acting like you're not a priority and he's showing
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: you that they are undecided if they want you in
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: their life. This is your cue to change something about
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: what you are doing. Okay, Firstly, I want you to
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: ask yourself, am I kidding myself in thinking that this
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: person truly wants to be in my life and is
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: willing to prioritize me. Think about it carefully. Are you
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: kind of clutching at straws hoping that that's the case
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: or do you have evidence that that is the case. Okay,
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: then ask yourself, if I saw someone treat my best
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: friend this way, honestly, what would my advice be to them?
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: Would it be to stay and wait around, or would
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: it be to leave and think about it carefully? Because
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: there might be enough clues or hints there that the
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: person is interested, but there's reasons why they're taking it
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: slow and whatever, and that's a fair reason to wait
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: around and to be patient with this person. But a
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: lot of the time, the advice we give ourselves is
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: very different to the advice that we would give to
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: our best friend or our sibling. Okay, so really turn
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: the tables and think what advice would I actually give
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: if I saw someone treat my best friend the way
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: this person is acting towards me. And then I want
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: you to ask yourself, can I do better? Do I
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: need to put up with this shit? Can I live
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: without this stress? So often we get so wrapped up
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: in this idea and it ends up causing us more
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: pain and more stress and more suffering than if it
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: didn't exist in.
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: The first place.
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: Okay, It's this constant pull and push of do they
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: want me? Oh? I got a text message? Oh no
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: that I oh? Now I feel rejected. It's this constant
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: push and pull. Okay, Can I thrive without this? As in,
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: if your mind wasn't consumed with when they're going to
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: message you, and why they haven't messaged you, and how
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: inconsistent they are, and when they're going to cut you
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: out again, and then creating all these reasons in your
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: head to excuse their behavior. If your mind wasn't consumed
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: with all that shit, would you be thriving? You? Probably would.
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: What could you put your mind and your focus, and
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: your time and your energy on instead? What would it
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: be like to have less anxiety around this situation and
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: to not have this underlying feeling of uneasiness all the time?
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: What would that feel like? Ask yourself? Okay, and then
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: ask is this turmoil worth it? Have you spent your
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: life growing and learning and achieving an overcoming adversity to
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: be here now, collecting the breadcrumbs of someone who might
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: not actually want you, but is too insecure to let
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: you go because they need you as a safety blanket.
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: Is it worth it?
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: And? Lastly, I want you to imagine being your future
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: self in a few months, in a year's time, looking
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: back at this moment and think what you can say,
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: will it be? I wish I didn't waste so much
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: time and give so many chances to someone who clearly
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: was demonstrating behaviors that are representing representative of not caring
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: or not being interested, or are you able to look
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: back and say, WHOA? Even during my hardest time trying
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: to let go of someone, I was able to rip
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: that band aid. I was able to cut the dead
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: weight because I knew that I deserved more than scraps,
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: And wole did I grow from that?
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: Wole?
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: Did I learn from that? Wal Did I end up
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: loving myself so much more for putting myself first? Wasn't
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: that a fucking boss move that I did? That is
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: the day that I started demonstrating to myself that I'm
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: my own priority and I never looked back. What is
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: your dialogue going to be to yourself about this situation
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: in ten twenty thirty years time? Okay? Now, like I said,
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: this can apply to friends, it can apply to any situation,
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: but really, really I want this to apply to a
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: romantic situation more than anything, because those situations are the
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: ones that consume people, especially the ones where you're engaging
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: with an orbital ghostar or somebody an ex that's kind
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: of undecided if they can really cut the cord because
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: they don't have anything to jump to, so they keep
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: you kind of at bay. That's the kind of shit
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: that I'm talking about, where you're entertaining this low vibe
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: energy and it is dragging you down. Do you need
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: to be dragged down? Do you need this shit? Okay?
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: I want you to ask yourself that question, do I
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: need this shit? And can I thrive without it? Okay?
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: Because I know that the answer is yes. But you
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: have to know that the answer is yes in order
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: for you to rip that band aid, cut the dead weight,
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: cut this person out. If it's not a fuck yes
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: it's a fuck no, Okay, that's the energy I want
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: you to take into today. Love you guys so much,
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: and I will speak to you in two day's time
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: for the next PEP talk. Guys. As always, remember, be
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: kind to yourself, be kind to your brain, don't take
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: shit from anyone, and especially more than ever, especially with
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: this topic, don't take shit from yourself. Dugger