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Episode 365: Becoming Before Doing · The Growth Project

• 0:00
  one of the things we believe that that that self image, your identity has to be consistent with your goals, that who you are is more important than what you do.
• 0:13
  And most people just start with what we do.
• 0:18
  Welcome to the Growth Project. This a podcast brought to you by Am close. I am Doctor Milt louder, joined today by Doctor Gabby. Caveat. Welcome to the show. You've been a regular presence, since you've started. I guess that is one thing. How? Like, what do you think? If you've never done a podcast prior, maybe.
• 0:34
  No, never done a podcast prior. I mean, I helped, some friends in the past with their podcast, and, it was never at the forefront, delivering content on the podcast, though. So it's been a cool learning experience. It's, it's been fun. Well, we've gotten good feedback and reviews. If this is your first time tuning in, the growth project, as I said, is a byproduct or, created by AMP.
• 0:59
  Plus, we are a performance psychology practice located in Greenville, South Carolina. And very simply, we exist to help you be better and pursue better. We help you find a harmony between your work and your life. Believing that the mental skills that we teach and believe in that we've been teaching for over 20 years,
• 1:16
  help you be better for the things and the people that matter most and help you pursue better and and keep your dreams grabbing your memories.
• 1:23
  And so what we try to do with this podcast is just bring you relevant content and science and information. And we've been on this series, I guess, since the start of the new year. Looking at reflection and how reflection informs your goals for the new year, and really challenging the concept of resolutions and, just even thinking about those in a certain way, limit your growth.
• 1:43
  And then I think drilling you spend a couple of sessions around,
• 1:46
  habits and tracking behaviors and why that feedback is so important and then boundaries that, you know, just what I believe creativity with instruction leads to freedom. And so you have to put boundaries in your life to know what to say yes to and what to say no to.
• 2:03
  And this one, today I think is so important because and maybe it should have been the first one.
• 2:09
  this is more around how your identity informs and influences your decisions and your behaviors, not the other way around. So. So give me, while just thinking in your own words, going to Gabby. Why, why, why is this so important?
• 2:23
  Well, I think a lot of times we, we base our behaviors off, social norms off of what we think others expect of us, or, maybe even things that we expect of ourselves.
• 2:34
  And it's not necessarily who we are at our core. So that's where come in this alignment occurs and you can only stay motivated towards things you don't value for so long.
• 2:44
  That's such a powerful line. And I think to me especially I just think about even my children's ages at 22 and 20 and 17 that we all have to go through that transition in life, that it has to become my values, my beliefs, my identity. And, and some people never get there. But I think that is what we're hoping to.
• 3:07
  It's hard to act inconsistent with who you think you are and what you truly believe. And you know, in simple terms, what a Jimmie Johnson say in NASCAR. After he followed Jeff Gordon, he said, you can't drive another man's car. And so today is really about helping you create a positive identity about who you are. And and let that be a powerful part of your growth journey.
• 3:31
  Yeah. Who you are and and who you want to be. If you aren't currently living in alignment with your values or who you want to be, then that's a clarity moment to say, okay, well, the behavior changes that I'm establishing at the beginning of the year. I need to align with what I value and who I want to become.
• 3:49
  so give us an example, Gabby, of of maybe what we hear or how this might show up in our office or how we're working with people.
• 3:56
  Yeah. Well, you know, I think it's easy to, to show up to work and say you want to be disciplined or say you're going to knock out your entire list of tasks that day and be super productive and,
• 4:11
  stay motivated the whole day. But,
• 4:13
  that can only sustain you for so long and you can show up, do the right things and go through your at your task.
• 4:19
  But if you weren't doing it because you genuinely value the work that you're doing, then that's going to lead to burnout. It's going to lead to a lack of motivation in the long term.
• 4:29
  Yeah. And so it's hard to act
• 4:31
  On a consistent basis of that makes sense with who you are and what you believe. And so what you're saying is, yeah, you know, this is good for me. You know, those who know me well know I'm not the most organized, maybe not the most detail oriented. And if I show up each day with this specific focus of, here's what I'm going to do today, and here's what I think today is going to finally be the day.
• 4:55
  But it's inconsistent with my self-image. I'm going to fall back to who I believe I am. Go back to the self-talk conversations we've had over the years. 70% of our thoughts tend to be automatic and negative. And so one of the things we know to be true, if you tell yourself something long enough, you'll believe it. Yeah, and as you think so, you are our thoughts and our thoughts about ourselves and our identity really set limits on our growth, and sets limits on our ability to achieve the things we really want to achieve.
• 5:24
  And so instead of, you know, so the image and the identity is, hey, I am discipline. It's like me to get these things to come up, which is like me to stay focused. It's like me to be organized. It's like me to be whatever like to to get in shape is like me to make healthy decisions. It's like me to be patient in my relationships is like me to show up in these certain ways.
• 5:45
  That is really difficult to do when you're the overwhelming evidence in your life, believes that is not like you. And and one of the things that that we hold on to is your brain will develop the picture that you paint with which you attach the most emotion. And so we often have emotion of things, emotions of anxiety and fear.
• 6:09
  And our brain is looking for reasons that it's not like us. And I think that that's where a lot of people become demotivated because they start to say things as a level. I'm just I'm just not an organized person. Yeah. I'm just, I don't have the work ethic that I used to have. And then they classify themselves as not a hard worker.
• 6:29
  So it's almost the reverse of this happening that is hindering growth. Yeah. Yeah. And so we talked about labels set limits and and think about these words in your life. I never can seem to follow through. I never can seem to get in shape I never can make. And so those extreme words really set limits. And so that's tension that we feel as human beings is how do we accept the limitations of being human without accepting the limits that being human imposes upon us?
• 6:58
  You know, that's that's the constant tension that I feel is I want to I want to have permission to be human. I won't accept the limitations of being human, but I do not want to accept the limits of being human imposes upon me. And and so
• 7:11
  one of the things we believe that that that self image, your identity has to be consistent with your goals, that who you are is more important than what you do.
• 7:25
  And most people just start with what we do.
• 7:27
  Yeah. I mean, even from a young age, we're told to to pick a career. What do you want to be when you grow up? Not who do I want to be? I, and that in of itself is such a, powerful statement there of saying, okay, well, I'm looking like myself at five years old is I want to be a doctor.
• 7:47
  I want to be a veterinarian, but there's no value placed on that. It's just sounds cool. And we wonder why we have such a hard time in America, especially separating who we are from what we do.
• 7:58
  And this constant state of discouragement and frustration, because sometimes I'm not proud of what I'm doing, and even more so I'm not proud of who I am.
• 8:08
  Yeah. And that's why I think to we, we get to a certain stage in our life usually, we see this in the late 20s where, you've gone through college or training and you start your career and you realize that this isn't what I want, this isn't who I am. And a lot of people have that kind of moment, late 20s, early 30s, where they're questioning, was this the right path?
• 8:34
  Who am I? You know, what am I doing? Well, I hate to tell you those questions that start in the 20s and 30s. There's so many, especially men, that I've worked with over the years. They've never solved that, that they've chased a goal. They've chased a dream. They've chased financial success. Without clear and meaningful thought around. What's really important,
• 8:57
  this constant thought that who you are becoming is so much more important than what you are accomplishing. And and I think that what I love about this topic that this is challenging and there's but but in this goal oriented culture, we live in chasing those goals kind of may achieve short term success, but does not really relate to long term significant.
• 9:24
  And so, so so how do we get to this point in America especially? I know we're listened to all over the world, which still kind of cracks me up. But but how do we get to this approach and what are some limitations with it? Yeah. Well, the first thing we need to do is classify what it is to to take this doing first approach, you know, what are the problems?
• 9:45
  We're just acting to achieve success or acting to achieve financial gains, and versus acting in accordance with who you are.
• 9:57
  so what does it look like to act out of doing? And that's going to be goal setting without meeting meaning. Yeah. And so the thing I want to be at the top of the food chain, you know, I want to be on the leadership team at my company or get the next promotion because it's status or financial gain or is what I'm just supposed to do.
• 10:17
  It's what's expected of me. Yeah, yeah. There's expectations that you think are there on yourself or that others hold of you. Right.
• 10:26
  Living up to others expectations or your own,
• 10:28
  hustle. And this is something that, you know, I battle with is we love hustle. That's one of our core values, one of our core values. But it's got to have direction.
• 10:38
  Yeah, it's got to have meaning. Yeah. If I'm just grinding, grinding, grinding day in, day out and I don't feel a sense of purpose to that grind. I'm going to burn myself out. I'm going to be exhausted and happiness and well-being is going to plummet.
• 10:57
  So what's the quote? I think I read it first in Phil Jackson's book. Vision Without Action is still just a dream. Action without vision is a nightmare.
• 11:05
  Yeah. And and sometimes in life that fight or flight kicks in and we just get busy and we avoid the things that really matter. And we just kind of get in this rut of just busyness and, and I think that's what you're saying is you can accomplish something short term, but you may look back when it's over, whatever that is you're pursuing, and have a little bit of regret that it wasn't your dream, it wasn't your life, it wasn't your values.
• 11:33
  It wasn't your faith that you never took that step of maturity and gave yourself permission to pause and think and dream a little bit and then make decisions that are aligned with that. Yeah. And and that's, you know, you're touching on why this is unsustainable there. It's not it's, you're putting in a lot of effort. You're not getting any fulfillment out of it.
• 11:57
  And that drains you. And then, of course, you also have this friction that you're creating between, yourself and the life that you're living. You know, it's like you said, I wake up every day, I go through my routines, I do the things I believe I'm supposed to do, but it's not really who I am or what I want.
• 12:16
  Yeah, and that's going to cause a lot of friction and dissatisfaction. You know, I, I keep going to quotes because they're just how my brain works and operates. But that Nietzsche, he has a way I can suffer almost any how to me, when I think about it, in light of what we're talking today, when I know my wife and I know my purpose, I know why I was created, I know why I exist.
• 12:37
  I know what fulfills me. I get really excited about how it's going to come to life, how it's going to come put into place instead of just, here's what I got to do today or here's what I do. I think that's the key point that is sustainable doesn't mean you're going to have highs and lows, but that's sustainable over time.
• 12:55
  Yeah. And to that point, you know, one thing I actually had a friend say to me recently was, lot of this line of purpose, and we're talking about what is kind of our see, our purpose in the work that we're doing. And, they said to me, you know, so I just don't I think sometimes, like, I don't have a purpose, like I'm just in my career and like, I've heard that a couple times now or more recently in the last couple years, like people just feeling like there isn't a purpose.
• 13:26
  And I'm not sure that that's the case. I think that the challenge there is to say, maybe I haven't reflected enough. Yeah, understand what my purpose is or what my values are to drive my purpose. Yeah, but but with that, I think go back to that vision without action and action without vision, sometimes people just sit back and and they reflect too much and they're waiting for, for your purpose just to show up, you know, and I think that if I just look at my life, I've done a lot of different things and, and followed interest and followed passions, and some have worked out and some have not.
• 14:00
  But I think that's part of it as well. It isn't sitting like it. Life has to be experienced, and you only get that by going out and finding out what inspires you. What are you getting good feedback on? What do you what do people say, hey, these seem to be your gifts. And if you are busy living, if you are doing those things, you you are going to get that feedback.
• 14:19
  And so on the opposite end of reflection, as I sit around and think too much and I don't ever take action, I don't ever get any data. I don't ever get any input. I just some kind of waiting to be inspired. I see that with a lot of young people, you got to go experience life a little bit and get some feedback.
• 14:35
  And data is like, no, this, this is like me. This is not like me. This is when I'm at my best. This is when I struggle. This is what motivates me. This is what motivates me. So so that's the tension. There is. We believe in the reflection and vision. We also believe in getting busy doing. But letting that inform a little bit of your identity.
• 14:57
  When are you at your best? Yeah. That's a that's a great approach to take on this and helps me. I've been reflecting on my life. I think that, you know, I wasn't always somebody who was deemed Type-A or organized or structured, disciplined. There was a time point in my life, and it was really at the start of grad school where I shifted and said, what am I at my best?
• 15:24
  And it's when I am organized. When I do. Yeah. And now if I had to think about how people describe me or, how I would describe myself, that is one of those core values, core staples of who I am. It's disciplined, efficient.
• 15:40
  But for the first half of my life, that was not the case. Yeah. It takes, like you said, experiences growth to and then reflection and adversity. And, you know, you have to face some adversity to really find out what you're made of. Yeah. You know, that's if I get back to my farm and and the disruption, you know, that native seed sits in that ground for 20, 30, 40 or 50 years.
• 16:01
  And it isn't until it faces heat. It isn't till it faces fire. It isn't until it faces adversity. It is until it gets some sunlight shining on it that it germinates and blooms. And I think that's, I guess, what I be curious, about you, about what's important, about what you value and then have the courage to live according to what you believe.
• 16:24
  Yeah. So let's shift into that, into this idea of how do you go from just doing from, you know, waking up and going through the motions to really being and living in accordance with who you are?
• 16:38
  No. What comes to mind for you? To me, my first thought is I can get busy doing, But I think it is.
• 16:44
  I mean, when I think about my own perspective, it's why we think vision is so important. I've written kind of three vision statements in my life. It's part of that process to identify the vision. But in this last one I wrote has nothing to do with what I'm accomplishing. It has nothing to it. It's not even mentioned that I'm a psychologist.
• 17:04
  But hopefully it's about who I am becoming and how am I helping others along the way and through that, it clarifies my values. It clarifies and informs some decisions. Now the boundaries piece, you know, when you believe your vision is to help others and encourage others to be relevant, to be inspired, to be interested in others, then there's a whole big world of people that are out there.
• 17:30
  But but I think that to me is taking some time and reflecting. What is your vision? What are your values? What are the things you hold dear? And when those values come into conflict, which one wins?
• 17:44
  I think values is such an important area here. And we, you know, we prioritize this a lot in our work and emphasize it a lot. And establishing what your values are and defining them, but not only defining them but seeing how they show up. Yeah. And I think that is such a powerful practice because so many people, I think, you know, values.
• 18:05
  What are your values? We hear it all the time and we're like, oh yeah, I know my values. But at the end of the day, most people I don't think could list off. What are your top 3 to 5 core values? No, no. And they can other companies. Yeah. But even then in a companies they don't know really what they are or what they mean or what they look like.
• 18:26
  They just say, well, I value this or I value integrity or value, whatever that may be, but they haven't thought about what does it really look like and what does it mean to them? I think that as you're thinking about your vision and your values, what is what are these words really mean? But how do they show up at work?
• 18:44
  How do they show up at home? How do they show up in areas of temptation in your life? How do they show up in making decisions of how you treat others? I think that's what's so important. And and this is what is so great about when the identity is clear, it's like you said, those decisions become easier. You know how you want to show up in situations.
• 19:04
  You know, what your actions should look like in accordance with those values, because you put in the time thinking about it and, and really making it a part of who you are. So, I mean, that's a clear benefit here. And then, like you said, your boundaries are going to get stronger because you you have a degree of faith and what I will, I will not.
• 19:25
  Yes. And you won't. Peace of mind. I mean, that's that's kind of like having that courage again to live to what you believe, in standing up for what you believe. And it doesn't mean that that we aren't respectful of others and we don't have an open mind, and we aren't curious about where they come from, that we impose our thoughts and beliefs and values on others.
• 19:45
  But when I have an appreciation for who I am and I give myself permission to be human and live according to what I believe, I give others permission to do the same. And I think we spend so much time trying to live up to others expectations, or how I should think, or what I should be doing, or what I need to do, or what I can't do that we don't ever really think about.
• 20:06
  Here's what I really believe and here's who I really want to be. And then align our decisions and behaviors with that. Yeah, that. And that's I have so much respect for people who start companies. Right. Because nobody tells you what the principles are going to be from, you know, you go into a job and they say, here's what we stand for.
• 20:27
  But if you go through the process of creating something, building something, even building a family, yes, our family values. Yeah. And you have to establish that and it it's not going to grow for you. Yeah. It's, it's so good that the we don't want you to get so busy making that living. You forget about making the life, as John Wooden says.
• 20:46
  And so we hope you're thinking about not only your values for work or for your business, but more so for your home and for your family and for your children and for your relationships. And so so let's put a little bit of science with this. So, so our friends DC and Ryan with self-determination theory had help me understand what that means in terms of those key areas of autonomy and competence and relatedness.
• 21:11
  Yeah. So let's start with autonomy. Right. This is that feeling of control in your life. And when you have clearly identified who you are at your core,
• 21:22
  that choice then reflects who you are. You chose those core values. You chose those labels,
• 21:28
  and dismissed the labels that don't fit. Exactly. Yeah. They've taken control back of who you are no longer dictated by.
• 21:36
  You know, who your parents expect you to. Yes. Who your spouse expects you to be or your boss expects you to be. It's who you are and who you want to be. And that is a powerful, motivator right there. Yeah, yeah. And then the competence piece, the confidence now says, well, I've established who I am and I know I can grow in these areas.
• 21:58
  I know I can get better in these areas. And,
• 22:01
  think that seeing yourself then improve and those dimensions is going to build that confidence even more and again, ties into motivation directly there to continue being that person. Yeah, that self-efficacy is constantly reinforced that I believe I have what it takes and that I believe my effort and commitment to grow in these areas, to act according to what I believe that that that's going to lead to success, an accomplishment that I really want.
• 22:26
  And then the final piece here is that relatedness and recognizing how all of these values and who you are supports your relationships and how you're showing up and benefits your relationships, makes them stronger and makes you more connected to, the people in your life that matters the most. Yeah, and that one's so important because when, you know, taking out of context and I just think about autonomy, it's about me and what I believe and about who I am and what I value.
• 22:55
  And it's about the I that I can well, that leads a lot of narcissistic behavior. If you don't think about how it allows you to relate and connect with other people. I think that's one of the reasons loneliness has become such an epidemic that so many people are focused on. Here's what I believe, and here's what I'm going to do, and here's what I'm going to accomplish, and here's what I can do, that it comes at the cost of relationships with others.
• 23:16
  And so I love how they included the relatedness that we were created to be in connection and in community with others. And how do my values align with that? Yeah. Yeah. And and that takes some time to and reflecting when you're establishing who you are and what the values are is how do others need me to show up and do I need to be more empathetic in my life?
• 23:38
  Do I need to be, more present? And then that's going to fulfill that relatedness piece? So thinking about that and like you said, taking it away from yourself a little bit and saying, what do others need from me? Yeah. And what do I value about you? And so, you know, just a good example even in, in my own life, but I see a lot of the people I work with that we value,
• 24:01
  providing for a family, and we value being present with the family.
• 24:06
  Yeah. And so when those values come into conflict, which they do on a consistent basis, which one wins? And I think without some reflection, then I think you're going to just keep doing what you've always done. And I think that's how we want you to think deeply and meaningfully of not only what you believe, and not only that, you have what it takes, and it's like you to act according to what you believe.
• 24:28
  But but how does this impact my relationships? So hopefully this vision and value, this identity is about being a good team player is about being not only who you want to be, but but being who you are in a way that impacts others and uplifts others and inspires others and lets others feel loved by you. Yeah.
• 24:48
  Okay, so we've talked about the shift from from doing to being establishing, you know, who you want to be, what your values will be. So what we really want to do here is, is reinforce the impact of this, how once you, establish your identity, that's going to translate to behaviors and ultimately outcomes and success.
• 25:12
  And like you said at the beginning that it may have been beneficial to do this at the beginning. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hopefully you've gotten some data and feedback now. Yeah. Yeah. But I think this is still a great time to talk about this, because if you have created a New Year's resolution or created some goals for this year and you're, you know, making progress towards, then hopefully tracking that progress,
• 25:34
  and reflecting on what you can do better.
• 25:37
  Now you can start to say, okay, are these behaviors in line with my identity? So the process we want you to walk through here is first establish our identity. Who are you? Who do I believe I am? Then what behaviors back up? Yeah. What actions do I need to take to show others and to show myself that I am disciplined or I am, a hard worker or whatever those values are, and then be mindful of when you when you take those behaviors, what are the results?
• 26:10
  When are the moments that you show up at that corner of that and what gets in the way and, and making sure through this process of identity formation that you get good feedback, get good data, and you're mindful you can't load yourself in and you can't set unrealistic expectations. I'll always make the right decision. I never do this right.
• 26:30
  We're just human beings and our willpower, no matter how consistent we're living with our identity, our willpower is not strong enough to make the right decision, the best decision every time
• 26:39
  we're going to step out, and we're going to act in ways that don't necessarily align with our identity or core values. And and that's okay. It's a part of the process.
• 26:49
  But like you said, learning from that and saying, okay, well, as I said, I'm a humble person, but I really just spent a good chunk of time bragging about myself in that Montgomery way. Okay, well, next time I'm going to roll that down. And, you know, so so that you are reflecting and saying, okay, here are the actions that are working for me versus the ones against me.
• 27:11
  How do I refine and make myself better? Yeah, keep press on, keep the fight. It is so easy to give up and become discouraged when you act. When you like that, your brain wants to throw you back to what you've always done and who you always are. And we're trying to encourage you to break through those limits that you've imposed by yourself, by the things you've told yourself, your whole life.
• 27:32
  Be mindful of those. Some are true, some are not, but really be reflective. When you act consistent or inconsistent, how do you keep fighting through? How do you not let that defeat you and discourage you? To me, that's the key point of these behaviors and feedback and data and results to make sure it continues to give you feedback.
• 27:54
  Is this like me or it's not like me, but not let that set a limit on your growth. And over time, consistency is going to be the byproduct of your alignment. Yes, time when you become more consistent with the actions that are in line with your identity, that's going to further enhance that that belief in yourself and, trust that I am who I say I am, and I am living the life that I want to be living.
• 28:22
  So yeah, I think consistency comes from this alignment. Yeah. And so this gives me a great chance to bring my new favorite quote, because the harmony's the word that that we're talking about, that harmony between what I do and what I believe and that James Michener quote that has just really struck me and hit me and inspired me is this.
• 28:40
  And I've used it before, I think, on the podcast, the mastering the Art of living makes a little distinction between their work and their play, their labor and their leisure, their mind and their body, their information and recreation, their love and their religion. They hardly know which is which. They simply pursue their vision of excellence in all that they do, leaving others to decide whether they are working or playing to them.
• 29:07
  They are always doing both. And when I think about that harmony, like I'm walking consistently every day, not only with who I am, but my values, my decisions, my behaviors are all aligned with that. And so I don't know whether I'm working or playing, but how I show up, there's a thread of who I am, that consistency and congruency.
• 29:26
  If you see me at work, if you see me at clumps, and if you see me with my family, if you see me, at church, there's a thread about who I am that's evident. You're not completely different people in different settings. Yeah. You show up to a certain degree the same thing. And people know, like, hey, this is milk.
• 29:46
  Yeah, the good, the bad, the ugly. Yeah. I think you know what a mine is passionate. And, I had a young, guy introducing me to a group of young people was like, hey, Milt's passion shows up in a lot of different ways, and it's if he's at work or if he's at home or if he's coach in church basketball, there's he's passionate, and that's good and bad in some different areas.
• 30:09
  Yeah. Gabby, this has been to me a really powerful conversation. But as our listeners trying to process this and digest this,
• 30:18
  What are some questions that they can really use to help formulate and create that identity?
• 30:23
  Well, we want to give you guys three good questions to kind of start this process of identifying who you are. And and the first thing we want you to ask yourself is who do I want to be before I ask what I want to achieve? You know, I love it. It's so hard. I mean, like, what have we always talked to our kids about?
• 30:44
  What it like, hey, where are you going? To go to school. Where are you going? To college. What are you going to do? How are you going to revive yourself? What sport do you want to play? What? What music do you want? I mean, it's all about what? Yeah. And it's very little about who I am. And so I love this question.
• 30:58
  Who do I want to become before I ask, what do I want to achieve? And I think that that's a great starting point. And again, it's going to take some rewiring because we've grown up in a world where it's, you know, what do you want to be when you grow up? Not who do you want to be? Yeah.
• 31:18
  So starting with that question is a great one. The second would be what values do I want my daily actions to reflect. So again, if somebody were to come up to you and say, hey, what are your 3 to 5 core values being able to know what those are, and define them. Your definition, not the textbook Merriam-Webster definition, but what do those words mean to you?
• 31:44
  I have this image of you walking downtown Greenville with a microphone, and Connor's following you. And I was like, what are your core values to kind of run this experiment that I do? Yeah. Be prepared for that question. If you see Gabby coming. Yeah. I think it would be a great day, a great little fun thing to do.
• 31:59
  Yeah. And these are questions that also matter for your work and your family. I mean, talking to your partner around what values do we have? Who do we want to become? Who do we what does it feel like to to be loved in our home, to grow up in our home? Those are questions that just a little bit of tweaking can help you look at this in different ways.
• 32:16
  But but the fundamental belief we have that these principles we teach are not going to happen through you unless they first happen within you. Yeah. And then the third and final question here is actually going to relate kind of to our last podcast episode about boundaries, which is what behaviors with someone with that identity naturally protect. So what behaviors would you make sure you carry out day in and day out?
• 32:46
  What would your boundaries be so that you can act in accordance with who you are? Yeah, yeah. And so these are such great questions. I've so enjoyed the conversation. You, you know, hopefully our listeners that have been following along have been ever seen are added components of a of a digital handout or a PDF to kind of help you formulate that question.
• 33:06
  And so, you can download those and work through some of these questions that we're providing to you. As always, please give us feedback. Please. Like us or I think that's right. I always messed that up on subscribe. That's it, I always forget subscribe. That and please share this if you're finding it relevant in your life.
• 33:27
  And so final thoughts and comments. Yeah I think I think that that's, you know, the the great wrap up there is use these practical tools that we're providing to put this into action. You know, I've been using the tracker online myself. I have found it to be a great way to hold myself accountable. So I'm excited to get some research done on this topic as well.
• 33:46
  And, just help our listeners really move into that action stage. Okay. We've got the awareness, let's drive action and hold ourselves accountable 100%. So I this is I can't iterate how important this is at any age. Yeah. And hopefully, you know, maybe who you are, who you thought you were at age 20 is different than who you are and what you believe at age 50.
• 34:09
  Hopefully you're evolving over time. And so if this is the first time you're hearing this, no matter what age, I spent some time thinking about this and getting some feedback. Life can only be lived and we are all a work in progress. So that's the challenge that I would have. We we have an accomplished or not yet who we want to be, but we can all pursue a better version of ourselves.
• 34:33
  That thanks for listening. Thanks for listening.