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Ridiculous Royal Deaths, Part 5: A Blind and Bloody Finale (For Now) · Ridiculous History

0:00
Speaker 1: Ridiculous Histories, a production of iHeartRadio. Welcome back to the
0:27
Speaker 1: show Ridiculous Historians. Thank you, as always so much for
0:31
Speaker 1: tuning in. Let's hear it from the man the myth
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Speaker 1: Legend super producer, mister Max Williams ye hus up charging
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Speaker 1: blindly into the episode. We are joined, of course, with
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Speaker 1: your host mister Noel Brown and mister Ben Bollen going
0:49
Speaker 1: by that name these days. Look, folks, this is what
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Speaker 1: are Pal Max called a little bit bittersweet. It's not
1:00
Speaker 1: goodbye forever, but it is goodbye for now. This is
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Speaker 1: our fifth episode on ridiculous Royal Deaths.
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Speaker 2: It's not an ending, it's a new beginning. Speaking of
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Speaker 2: new beginnings, let's properly begin this episode again after this
1:15
Speaker 2: cold open.
1:23
Speaker 1: And we've returned, so folks, let's get going. There are
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Speaker 1: a lot of ridiculous royal deaths. We want to, as
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Speaker 1: always at the very top here tell you that some
1:36
Speaker 1: of this is going to sound ghoulish, some of it
1:38
Speaker 1: is going to be gory. We are talking about death.
1:41
Speaker 1: It's also important, tru remember that during these respective time
1:45
Speaker 1: periods there were many many people who met with unfortunate
1:49
Speaker 1: or ridiculous deaths. We tend to know more about royal
1:56
Speaker 1: deaths because there's simply more documentation about those folks. This
2:01
Speaker 1: is where we get to one of the many King
2:06
Speaker 1: John's and Max as our research associate for today, this
2:10
Speaker 1: is one you've had in your back pocket for a while.
2:12
Speaker 1: You wanted to save it for our big closer episode.
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Speaker 3: Yeah, so, like you know, we've had, in my opinions,
2:18
Speaker 3: you know, we've had some pretty good ones. I think,
2:21
Speaker 3: like the guy who got sat on the throne and
2:23
Speaker 3: got crushed by the way to the throne, the guy you.
2:26
Speaker 2: Got stabbed in.
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Speaker 3: But let's see we uh, the first one really one
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Speaker 3: who started the whole series, the Swish king who ate
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Speaker 3: himself to death was great. But I honestly think this
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Speaker 3: might be the most ridiculous of them all.
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Speaker 2: I love it, and thank you Max for saving the
2:42
Speaker 2: best for last. Who does love it?
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Speaker 1: I feel like there have been a couple versions there have.
2:51
Speaker 2: But is it sometimes the sun goes around the moon? Yeah,
2:56
Speaker 2: you know, schmamps, good old nineties schmaltz. So let's charge
3:01
Speaker 2: blindly into battle with our buddy King John. Of course,
3:05
Speaker 2: that Max believes to be the most ridiculous royal death
3:09
Speaker 2: of the bunch to use phrasing that Khalid al Hasten
3:13
Speaker 2: used over a history collective. John the Blind charged into
3:17
Speaker 2: battle while blind bump bum. That's pretty badass, guys, yeah,
3:24
Speaker 2: or stupid or a fine line between badass and stupid, right.
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Speaker 1: Right, And we're not being ablest. King John, This specific
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Speaker 1: King John is the King John of Bohemia from let's
3:39
Speaker 1: say twelve ninety six to thirteen forty six. He wasn't
3:44
Speaker 1: He was born sighted, but he got the not particularly
3:49
Speaker 1: enviable nickname John the Blind after he lost his vision
3:54
Speaker 1: in thirteen thirty six, so he lived a full decade
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Speaker 1: without sight. Before before this decade of blindness, he was
4:06
Speaker 1: known to be a fantastic fighter. He had a jacket
4:11
Speaker 1: or a track record or a CV of campaigning across Europe.
4:15
Speaker 1: We're talking from the Baltic to the Mediterranean. He becomes
4:19
Speaker 1: Count of Luxembourg and thirteen oh nine, and we talk
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Speaker 1: a lot about how aristocracies have always been kind of
4:29
Speaker 1: a family oriented grift.
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Speaker 2: That's right. There are some nepo situations historically speaking, and
4:35
Speaker 2: this was no exception. His father in law, the King
4:38
Speaker 2: of Bohemia, passed away without any male heirs, which pointed
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Speaker 2: rights to John for the inheriting of the realm. He
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Speaker 2: became the king of Bohemia in thirteen ten.
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Speaker 1: And many other things happened. Without getting into the weeds,
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Speaker 1: what we can say about his time i'm as ruler
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Speaker 1: is that he was super into invading places. You know,
5:05
Speaker 1: he fought against forces in Hungary, England, Austria, he fought
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Speaker 1: the Russians, had some campaigns in Italy, and all right,
5:17
Speaker 1: Max enlarged his kingdom, that's a Max quote by conquering
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Speaker 1: parts of other surrounding areas Silesia, Lusatia, and a lot
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Speaker 1: of Lombardy. Lombardy, by the time he was approaching the
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Speaker 1: year of thirteen thirty six, he would not be able
5:42
Speaker 1: to fight in any more wars. He went blind through
5:46
Speaker 1: a bacterial infection. Now at the time people did not
5:50
Speaker 1: know this what this bacterial infection is. It's ophthalmia. This
5:55
Speaker 1: is generally attributed as the cause of his blindness, but
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Speaker 1: where not specifically sure what kind of bacterial infection it is.
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Speaker 1: All we know is that while he was while he
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Speaker 1: was in conflict with forces in Lithuania, he did lose
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Speaker 1: his sight. And even though people said, look, this guy's
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Speaker 1: a war he wrote or the equivalent for that day.
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Speaker 1: But he's not a super popular ruler because he lives
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Speaker 1: life high on the hog and he expects his kingdom
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Speaker 1: to pay for it exactly.
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Speaker 2: In order to do that, he levied heavy taxes, which
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Speaker 2: made him a pretty unpopular ruler, and these were specifically
6:39
Speaker 2: designed for the purposes of propping up that lavish lifestyle
6:42
Speaker 2: that you're talking about. Ben he was a huge fan
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Speaker 2: of the French, having been raised and educated in Paris.
6:50
Speaker 2: He was essentially French in his outlook and allegiances and sympathies.
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Speaker 2: He even sent his own son to be educated in
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Speaker 2: Paris rather than in his own capital city of Prague.
7:03
Speaker 2: There in Bohemia. At the start of the one hundred
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Speaker 2: Years War, King Philip the fifth of France asked for
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Speaker 2: help against England's Edward the third. Despite his unsightedness, John
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Speaker 2: rushed into help and meet the French king in Paris
7:21
Speaker 2: in August of thirteen forty six, where he then marched
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Speaker 2: alongside him to take on the English in the field
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Speaker 2: of battle, where the army's met at the Battle of
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Speaker 2: Cressey on August twenty six, thirteen forty six.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, and again he has lost his sight. He has
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Speaker 1: been blind for around a decade now, and he is
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Speaker 1: a legend. So he is placed in charge of the
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Speaker 1: French vanguard, the opening forces, and he is also running
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Speaker 1: a big part of the French army. It's okay to
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Speaker 1: do that to, you know, command the troops, maybe from
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Speaker 1: the back of the front lines. But something about the
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Speaker 1: game of war, the sounds, the smells, the excitement of
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Speaker 1: the conflict called to him, right, and so he decides,
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Speaker 1: I have to be part of this. And he looks
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Speaker 1: at his knights and he says, all right, guys, tie
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Speaker 1: your horses to my horse and guide us into the battle.
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Speaker 1: Because it's very important to me and to my people
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Speaker 1: and my kingdom that I can at least get one
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Speaker 1: shot in one stroke of the sword against these English dogs.
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Speaker 1: And this way my honor shall be satisfied because I
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Speaker 1: won't be just some guy delegating. I will be actually
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Speaker 1: participating in the fight.
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Speaker 2: His knights.
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Speaker 1: You know, this is not a democracy. Nobody gets to vote.
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Speaker 1: He said, do this, and they say, okay, you're the king,
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Speaker 1: and so they tie their horses to his horse, and
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Speaker 1: guided by knights, the blind king rides into the heat
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Speaker 1: of battle.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, and as you can imagine from the title
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Speaker 2: of this episode, it did not end particularly well. John
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Speaker 2: the Blind, being blind, was not able to get a
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Speaker 2: sense for how far he had advanced and went way
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Speaker 2: too deep into the English lines. He ended up getting
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Speaker 2: cut off and absolutely surrounded by the enemy, and in
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Speaker 2: the following skirmish melee, the king and all of his
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Speaker 2: attendants were absolutely slaughtered.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, unpleasant, and also, you know, we have to exercise empathy.
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Speaker 1: Those poor knights probably knew exactly what was going to happen.
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Speaker 2: Well, yeah, you can't really say no to the king,
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Speaker 2: like you said, Ben, I mean, it's unfortunately goes along
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Speaker 2: with the territory because if you do say no, then
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Speaker 2: you'll probably be killed.
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Speaker 1: Anyway, right, and they'll just put a different guy on
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Speaker 1: the horse.
10:14
Speaker 2: That's right.
10:15
Speaker 1: That's that's the issue. And there's this is one ridiculous
10:19
Speaker 1: royal death. We have we have more ahead.
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Speaker 2: Here is.
10:26
Speaker 1: Here's a crazy one. Noel, have you ever heard of Draco?
10:38
Speaker 2: Of course, Draco Malfoy from a Harry Potter franchise, the
10:41
Speaker 2: very same Yes, of course, Now I haven't heard of
10:43
Speaker 2: you know, I have, but only by reputation, I suppose,
10:47
Speaker 2: in terms of like a word that is associated with him,
10:50
Speaker 2: the idea of something being draconian, a law being particularly
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Speaker 2: punishing and harsh. But I guess in terms of like why,
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Speaker 2: I've never thought to explore much further where that term
11:02
Speaker 2: comes from. It does remind me of things like Hamarabi's code,
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Speaker 2: you know, like party, like an eye for an eye,
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Speaker 2: things that are particularly punishing to those who would break
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Speaker 2: the law.
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Speaker 1: Like draconian punishment.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, so that is where that is exactly where
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Speaker 2: that term comes from. Draco was an Athenian law maker,
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Speaker 2: lawgiver who created a very very harsh legal code with
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Speaker 2: punishments that would be meted out for even the most
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Speaker 2: trivial crimes, not to mention incredibly harsh penalties for a
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Speaker 2: more serious crimes.
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Speaker 1: Late library book execution. Yes, did you get caught p
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Speaker 1: and in public? Kill them, string them up?
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Speaker 2: Mm hmm. Yeah. So the use of the word draconian
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Speaker 2: continues on to this day, and to kind of summarize
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Speaker 2: our I guess somewhat of an anti hero. Draco's Code
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Speaker 2: was certainly not the first set of laws and Athens.
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Speaker 2: Aristotle references that folks who started doing this came around
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Speaker 2: in six eighty three BS. Well, Draco wrote his set
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Speaker 2: of codes in six twenty one BCE, and remember in
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Speaker 2: BCE they counted backwards, which they definitely did at the time.
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Speaker 2: But many folks believe that Draco's set of laws were
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Speaker 2: the first comprehensive code of laws, and they were indeed draconian, draconic,
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Speaker 2: you know, choose whichever words you wish. Britannica puts it
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Speaker 2: like this. Draco's code was later regarded as intolerably harsh,
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Speaker 2: punishing trivial crimes with death. It was probably unsatisfactory to
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Speaker 2: contemporaries since Solon, who was the Arkon in five ninety
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Speaker 2: four BC, later repealed Draco's code and published new laws
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Speaker 2: retaining only Draco's homicide statues.
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Speaker 1: Okay, call it back a little bit, because I think
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Speaker 1: it is a red flag when you're so bad that
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Speaker 1: a bad thing is now named after you, You know what
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Speaker 1: I mean, Blake, here's hoping we never get in that
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Speaker 1: situation ourselves. We're not talking about his repressive legislation, though,
13:04
Speaker 1: we are talking about how he passed away. He died
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Speaker 1: around six hundred BCE because people through clothing at him.
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Speaker 1: True story, not stoning, not where you throw according.
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Speaker 2: To the story.
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Speaker 1: Sure, the idea is that people threw so many hats
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Speaker 1: and cloaks over him that he suffocated. However, because we're
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Speaker 1: talking about something that happened so far in the past,
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Speaker 1: there aren't a ton of super like super universally agreeing
13:43
Speaker 1: sources on this. But we we do have to say,
13:47
Speaker 1: if this is at all true, royal death by pop
13:52
Speaker 1: up cloakroom is pretty ridiculous.
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Speaker 2: Now, it sure is jump in here real.
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Speaker 3: I actually found owned an article because see, some of
14:02
Speaker 3: the problems with these last couple ones is finding sourcing
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Speaker 3: that can say with certainty on these things like these deaths,
14:08
Speaker 3: the dust we've done before, we know that's how these
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Speaker 3: people died. They were fairly starting.
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Speaker 2: This is that one.
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Speaker 3: But I found one work that said the Draco was
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Speaker 3: killed by people throwing has some cloaks on him out
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Speaker 3: of appreciation for his laws. And then everything else I've
14:24
Speaker 3: seen said, no, everyone.
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Speaker 2: Hated this guy. Yeah, they knew what they were doing.
14:29
Speaker 2: I think built them.
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Speaker 1: I think, uh, and this is I don't want this
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Speaker 1: to be too broad a brush, but I think it's
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Speaker 1: fair to say most members of the public throughout civilization
14:42
Speaker 1: don't love having to pay really high taxes. They don't
14:46
Speaker 1: love loving They just have a different idea of what
14:49
Speaker 1: constant what defines high taxation. You know, like, of course
14:53
Speaker 1: there are modern European countries that comes to mind, where
14:57
Speaker 1: people have higher tax rates in many way than other countries,
15:02
Speaker 1: but they also tend to have a higher standard of
15:05
Speaker 1: living and a higher general quality of life, and they
15:09
Speaker 1: also don't really consider their taxes that high. And you know,
15:14
Speaker 1: when you get into the idea centuries ago, millennia ago,
15:18
Speaker 1: or even in the modern day of how to run
15:21
Speaker 1: a country, it can make you feel pretty crazy. It's
15:24
Speaker 1: enough to make your brain bleed, to get a little
15:27
Speaker 1: trickle of blood down your nose, just like in that
15:31
Speaker 1: movie Scanners before their heads explode.
15:33
Speaker 2: Or like Eleven in The Stranger Things, Yeah, just so,
15:37
Speaker 2: or like Attila the Hun oh Man, he was not
15:41
Speaker 2: a sweetheart. Attila was the king of the Huns from
15:44
Speaker 2: four thirty four to four fifty three. He ruled with
15:47
Speaker 2: his older brother Blada. You don't really hear people talking
15:51
Speaker 2: about Blada much until four forty five. He was considered
15:54
Speaker 2: one of the greatest of the Barbarian rulers who absolutely
16:00
Speaker 2: annihilated the Roman Empire. Invading its southern provinces in the
16:04
Speaker 2: Balkans and Greece, and then in Gaul and Italy. Legend
16:08
Speaker 2: has it he was known as Etzel in the Nibelunglite,
16:12
Speaker 2: which is I believe what the Ring Cycle is based
16:16
Speaker 2: on the Wagner opera series under the name Attilli in
16:21
Speaker 2: Icelandic sagas. So he was indeed a person of legend.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, similar to I. For some reason, he the
16:30
Speaker 1: story of Attila the Hun or the historical position of
16:34
Speaker 1: the guy always kind of reminded me of tamer Lane
16:37
Speaker 1: or Teamyr of the Lame. Another good story for another day.
16:43
Speaker 1: If you go to n s or everybody in s
16:46
Speaker 1: Gil writing for thought Co, you'll see that sources don't
16:50
Speaker 1: really one hundred percent agree on how Attila the Hun died,
16:56
Speaker 1: but most people will tell you the guy died on
17:01
Speaker 1: his wedding night. And we're getting again, because of the
17:04
Speaker 1: passage of time in the Great Game of telephone, we're
17:06
Speaker 1: getting a lot of this information from people who were
17:12
Speaker 1: writing based on other writing they had heard, particularly a
17:16
Speaker 1: sixth century monk named Jordaynes, and Jordaines probably got this
17:23
Speaker 1: from a guy the century before, a history named prisis,
17:28
Speaker 1: and only parts of this combined documentation or historiography has survived.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, Jordaine's put it in four fifty three CE that
17:41
Speaker 2: Attila had just married his most recent wife, a young
17:45
Speaker 2: woman named Ildaco, and in order to commemorate that union,
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Speaker 2: he held a series of great feasts. In the morning
17:56
Speaker 2: after the guards broke into his room, only to find
18:00
Speaker 2: his lifeless corpse in his bed, with his new bride
18:06
Speaker 2: shedding tears on his remains.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, there was no visible wound. However, it appears that
18:18
Speaker 1: Attila had some sort of internal hemorrhaging through his nose. Possibly,
18:25
Speaker 1: and our buddy Jordaines says, Attila choked on his own blood.
18:31
Speaker 1: That's an unclean way to go. But there are ever
18:35
Speaker 1: since then there are there's this proliferation of scenarios about
18:39
Speaker 1: how his death may have occurred. Yeah, maybe he was assassinated,
18:45
Speaker 1: Maybe his wife was a plant, there was a conspiracy
18:49
Speaker 1: from a rival emperor in the east, and then maybe
18:54
Speaker 1: multiple people were in on it. So your new wife,
18:57
Speaker 1: who seems too good to be true, actually is and
19:01
Speaker 1: she kills you when she gets you alone for the
19:03
Speaker 1: first time on the wedding night, and then the guards
19:06
Speaker 1: are also in on it, so they cover up the
19:09
Speaker 1: whole thing.
19:10
Speaker 2: Sure, but also, I mean maybe Ockham's razor ad a
19:14
Speaker 2: little bit. Couldn't it have just been something as simple
19:16
Speaker 2: as like a undiagnosed brain issue, like a brain hemorrhage
19:21
Speaker 2: or some sort of brain bleed, not to mention that
19:24
Speaker 2: he was, you know, participating in some heavy partying and
19:29
Speaker 2: then followed by some heavy petting, which you know, certainly
19:33
Speaker 2: we know of situations where people that have undiagnosed health
19:36
Speaker 2: issues can drop dead of exertion. To not be too
19:40
Speaker 2: crass about it.
19:41
Speaker 1: Right right, alcohol poisoning could have been a factor, And
19:46
Speaker 1: I do appreciate that point about the most simple answer
19:49
Speaker 1: being the most plausible. We know that until the hunt
19:54
Speaker 1: did die, obviously he's not around now, and we know
19:59
Speaker 1: that the historical record show the primary physical difference between
20:06
Speaker 1: a live Attila and a dead Attila was the nesbleed.
20:10
Speaker 1: But as for how the newsbleed happened, we don't know. Uh,
20:15
Speaker 1: we don't know exactly. Well, I guess we can say this.
20:20
Speaker 1: I don't think it's worth building a time machine to
20:22
Speaker 1: find out, because I don't think Attila's the kind of
20:25
Speaker 1: guy that I would want to hang out with.
20:27
Speaker 2: I don't think so either. Seems pretty scary if I'm
20:31
Speaker 2: not mistaken. Wasn't the character of Cayle Drogo and The
20:35
Speaker 2: Song of Ice and Fire in some part based on
20:38
Speaker 2: the Attila, the Hun and the Huns.
20:40
Speaker 1: I always thought Kyle Drogo was more of a connate
20:43
Speaker 1: kind of character. Oh that's fair, Yeah, because of the horses. Yeah,
20:47
Speaker 1: that's a good point either way.
20:48
Speaker 2: Dude was definitely not to be trifled with, and I
20:51
Speaker 2: certainly want to wouldn't want to be alone in a
20:53
Speaker 2: room with them, let alone his bedroom. Yeah.
20:56
Speaker 1: There there is also a weird wedding night thing if
20:59
Speaker 1: I recall the story with cal Drogo.
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Speaker 2: Correct, that's that's just what made me think of it.
21:04
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, and then we've got a We've got one
21:07
Speaker 1: more ridiculous royal death for you folks. We're traveling through
21:12
Speaker 1: time a little bit to explore the Holy Roman Empire
21:17
Speaker 1: and our buddy with a last name that I love,
21:20
Speaker 1: Frederick Barbarossa.
21:30
Speaker 2: I know, I do. It makes me think of Barbarrella.
21:33
Speaker 1: Oh right, I forgot about.
21:36
Speaker 2: What it means. I don't red makes that makes sense? Yeah? Okay. Wow,
21:45
Speaker 2: you learned something new every day here on ridiculous history,
21:47
Speaker 2: we hope.
21:49
Speaker 1: Yeah, or or at least learned something ridiculous. Uh So,
21:55
Speaker 1: our our buddy red Beard Freddie Red's is the Duke
22:00
Speaker 1: of Swabia and he also becomes German king in Holy
22:04
Speaker 1: Roman Emperor. This is just one hit after another. He
22:09
Speaker 1: also makes very powerful enemies. He's beefed up with the
22:13
Speaker 1: Pope and he says he's thinking like all world leaders do.
22:20
Speaker 1: He says, how can I establish hegemonic control of my region?
22:25
Speaker 1: I want Germany to be sort of the central, the
22:29
Speaker 1: fulcrum of all Western Europe. And so he gets in
22:35
Speaker 1: conflicts with other countries that say, hey, no, we want
22:39
Speaker 1: you know, we want to drive you ride shotgun, and
22:44
Speaker 1: particularly with Italian city states. He's in fights with them
22:49
Speaker 1: for almost thirty years. He sends a lot of expeditions southward.
22:53
Speaker 1: This is also the time.
22:55
Speaker 2: Of the Crusades, indeed, and he died while on the
22:58
Speaker 2: Third Crusade. And let's be clear there, there's definitely a
23:00
Speaker 2: ton of stuff to cover on this guy, and it
23:02
Speaker 2: could be an episode unto itself, I think. But we
23:05
Speaker 2: aren't talking about his life exactly today as much as
23:08
Speaker 2: we are talking about the context surrounding his end during
23:12
Speaker 2: the Third Crusade. So let's set the stage a little bit. Yeah,
23:16
Speaker 2: all right.
23:17
Speaker 1: This is where we get to introduce Saladin, the actual guy.
23:23
Speaker 1: He had recently, he and his forces, i should say,
23:26
Speaker 1: had regained control of Jerusalem. The Christian forces, the European forces,
23:33
Speaker 1: already previously involved with the past two crusades. They're very
23:36
Speaker 1: angry about this, and so they look to freddie Red
23:42
Speaker 1: and they say, look, man, you're in charge of the
23:46
Speaker 1: Holy Roman Empire. You're an absolute hard case. You should
23:52
Speaker 1: lead the charge, and you should do it to take
23:55
Speaker 1: back Jerusalem for the Christians. And they probably said some
23:59
Speaker 1: pretty things about non Christian forces. According to Chester Olivier,
24:05
Speaker 1: writing for The Collector, freddie Red wasn't immediately on board
24:10
Speaker 1: with this. They had to they had to grease the wheels,
24:15
Speaker 1: They had to give him some cool elevator pitches, and
24:18
Speaker 1: every time they did he was like, what's an elevator?
24:20
Speaker 1: And they were like, ask us a few centuries from now.
24:23
Speaker 1: Eventually he agrees to take up the vow of being
24:29
Speaker 1: a crusader once more. At this point, he's already been
24:33
Speaker 1: through the ringer of Crusades and he is into his sixties.
24:39
Speaker 1: That's that's not the ideal time to beget a foreign campaign, right. Eventually,
24:46
Speaker 1: he says, all right, despite my age, despite my experience
24:50
Speaker 1: in a previous failed crusade, I will lead a force
24:55
Speaker 1: towards the Holy Land to retake Jerusalem. And then they
24:59
Speaker 1: group up and they head over to Asia Minor, which
25:04
Speaker 1: think of it, you know, like the the upper Middle East.
25:08
Speaker 4: I don't know why I said that, Like it's Manhattan. Well, yeah,
25:11
Speaker 4: the upper east side of Asia. So entering Asia Minor
25:16
Speaker 4: desert news puts it. The Turks launched several attacks against him,
25:20
Speaker 4: which he was able to beat back, despite heavy losses.
25:23
Speaker 4: Barbarossa's march had been a success. He had transported his
25:26
Speaker 4: army and preserved much of it for the campaigns to
25:29
Speaker 4: come in the Holy Land. So then as he approached
25:32
Speaker 4: southern Turkey, in a town called silif Slifka, Barbarossa he
25:39
Speaker 4: made a bit of a goof, made a bit of
25:41
Speaker 4: an error and judgment.
25:43
Speaker 2: Mm hmm, Thomas Asbridge rights uh. The Emperor impatiently decided
25:48
Speaker 2: to ford the river Salath ahead of his troops. His
25:52
Speaker 2: horse lost its footing in midstream, throwing Frederick into the
25:55
Speaker 2: river and like oftentimes is the case we see with
25:59
Speaker 2: the high falutint officials. You think they're so powerful and
26:04
Speaker 2: they got everything going for him, yet they never learned
26:06
Speaker 2: to swim. They never learned to swim, and he unfortunately drowned.
26:11
Speaker 3: I will jump in here as well and say he
26:13
Speaker 3: was most certainly in full armor.
26:16
Speaker 2: That's fair.
26:17
Speaker 3: Fair, I don't think from what I was reading, it
26:20
Speaker 3: sounds like he couldn't swim, and also he had which
26:24
Speaker 3: is it's double like and you're the emperor and you're
26:27
Speaker 3: in your sixties and you're just like crossing a river
26:30
Speaker 3: because you're annoyed how long it's taking everyone else to
26:33
Speaker 3: get there.
26:34
Speaker 1: Have you ever been in a river and you think, man,
26:37
Speaker 1: this is inconvenient?
26:40
Speaker 2: So he's like, but yeah.
26:41
Speaker 1: Also, I think one thing a lot of historical fiction
26:47
Speaker 1: kind of glosses over is just how much armor weighs
26:52
Speaker 1: and how short battles are. Hand to hand combat, you know,
26:57
Speaker 1: is incredibly taxing, and every time you see, you know,
27:03
Speaker 1: like a thirty minute fight scene or heck, even at
27:06
Speaker 1: twenty five minute fight scene, the real one was probably
27:09
Speaker 1: much shorter, just just being honest, or they were taking
27:13
Speaker 1: breaks in the middle, you know, and they were just
27:16
Speaker 1: smacking the crap out of each other, denting armor and
27:20
Speaker 1: then trying to get that dagger in through a chink
27:23
Speaker 1: in the armor. And at some point they both just
27:26
Speaker 1: started standing there, wheezing and bleeding like.
27:29
Speaker 2: Oh oh, the old weas and bleeds, the old weason bleed.
27:33
Speaker 1: And then at some point I guess someone says, all right,
27:36
Speaker 1: time in and they get back to it for another
27:39
Speaker 1: five Yeah, for sure, So it makes sense he would drown,
27:44
Speaker 1: not going how to swim and having all that accoutremol
27:46
Speaker 1: fence festooned around him. His son takes over command for
27:51
Speaker 1: a time. Frederick of Yeah named it a burst of
27:55
Speaker 1: creativity after his father. And the problem is, this guy's
27:59
Speaker 1: death a couple other factors were a huge hit to
28:03
Speaker 1: the morale of the German army. And this is where
28:06
Speaker 1: we go to an historian, Rodney Stark, who says the
28:10
Speaker 1: army was devastated by the emperor's death. Huge numbers of
28:14
Speaker 1: Germans just turned around and went.
28:17
Speaker 2: Home to make matters worse for the Schwabian cause. Since
28:22
Speaker 2: Barbarosa's son had initially attempted to stick around and fight
28:26
Speaker 2: it out, his father's body also had to stick around
28:31
Speaker 2: and of course, you know, there's a bit of a
28:33
Speaker 2: window of time before a dead body begins to do
28:38
Speaker 2: the things that dead bodies do. So in order to
28:41
Speaker 2: kind of stem the tide of decay, they attempted to
28:45
Speaker 2: preserve it. And the best way they knew how the
28:48
Speaker 2: materials they had on hand paper mache. No wait close, no,
28:53
Speaker 2: well it's a p word, that's for sure. Pickling materials,
28:58
Speaker 2: you know, because as we know, times rations were preserved
29:01
Speaker 2: in vinegar. So they had a big old barrel of
29:04
Speaker 2: vinegar that they shoved his body into. Oh and it
29:09
Speaker 2: made him into a human pickle.
29:10
Speaker 1: Classy, classy.
29:12
Speaker 2: I don't care for pickles that much on their own.
29:13
Speaker 2: I like him on a sandwich every now and again.
29:15
Speaker 1: I remember when one of the last times, no several
29:20
Speaker 1: years ago, I was in New York and you see
29:23
Speaker 1: these restaurant trends move as the single wave, and this
29:28
Speaker 1: was the era of high pickle in New York, and
29:31
Speaker 1: no matter where you went, people were pushing me hard
29:36
Speaker 1: for these housemade pickles, to the point where, you know,
29:41
Speaker 1: it was like a Larry David thing. I felt awkward
29:43
Speaker 1: not trying to pickle because everybody would talk about it
29:46
Speaker 1: in these conspiratorial tones.
29:48
Speaker 2: Oh you gotta try the pickle. Then the bread and
29:50
Speaker 2: butter pickle is to die for. Welcome insert name here
29:54
Speaker 2: in Brooklyn artisanally hand crafted pickles.
29:58
Speaker 1: You must try our pickles. Yes, we named the cucumbers
30:01
Speaker 1: and raised them anyway.
30:03
Speaker 2: Uh Man, it took me a while to come around
30:05
Speaker 2: to pickles. I'm still not all the way there, but
30:09
Speaker 2: I like it chuttany, and I like certain pickled things
30:11
Speaker 2: like I love the banchon that comes with like curry,
30:13
Speaker 2: barbecue and things like that, and certain like pickled the quick,
30:16
Speaker 2: pickled vegetables. But I don't know a pickle pickle like
30:18
Speaker 2: a dill pickle, a kosher I just I've never had
30:21
Speaker 2: a taste for it. I do, like I said, like
30:22
Speaker 2: them pickle chips like on a burger. But that's really
30:25
Speaker 2: the only way I did it. I don't really like
30:27
Speaker 2: to eat them. Would you need a pickle? Would you
30:29
Speaker 2: eat pickled human flesh? Pickle human flesh? Absolutely, I'd try
30:32
Speaker 2: it once.
30:34
Speaker 1: Right.
30:34
Speaker 2: That was not their goal here, Ben, They were not
30:36
Speaker 2: pickling Frederick with the intent of consuming his his pickli flesh. No,
30:42
Speaker 2: they were trying to. They were trying to, you know,
30:44
Speaker 2: they were.
30:44
Speaker 1: Trying to do him a solid m It was not
30:47
Speaker 1: the first there was. There were several other historical figures
30:50
Speaker 1: who got pickled. And this also reminds me of oh gosh,
30:54
Speaker 1: one of my favorite historical anecdotes that's not been proven.
30:59
Speaker 1: Have you guys ever heard of mellified men?
31:02
Speaker 2: I think I have. Yeah, remind me though it's just
31:04
Speaker 2: ringing a bell. It's the idea of man.
31:07
Speaker 1: Using pickling and vinegar, use honey.
31:10
Speaker 2: Oh that's right, yes, of course, yes, that's also a
31:13
Speaker 2: good preservative. And it was used by the Egyptians as
31:16
Speaker 2: well to like preserve organs of the pharaohs. I believe
31:20
Speaker 2: oftentimes many times their organs were removed and stored in
31:23
Speaker 2: jars of honey. Yeah. Right.
31:25
Speaker 1: And the idea what the mellified man in particular, was
31:29
Speaker 1: that you could through this process create some kind of
31:33
Speaker 1: magic healing substance. To what you were saying earlier, though, Noel,
31:37
Speaker 1: the idea of the idea of somehow preserving Frederick Barbarossa's body,
31:44
Speaker 1: it's entirely because they really believe in the guy, you know,
31:49
Speaker 1: and he is a He is more than a single
31:52
Speaker 1: human being to them. He is a very powerful political
31:55
Speaker 1: and geopolitical symbol, so so much so that he is
32:01
Speaker 1: not buried in the same place. His flesh is at
32:06
Speaker 1: the Church of Saint Peter and Antioch, his bones are
32:09
Speaker 1: in a cathedral and tire, and his heart and inner
32:14
Speaker 1: organs were put in tarsus. And I don't know, I
32:18
Speaker 1: don't know how you guys feel. I get it because
32:21
Speaker 1: this is still the age of you know, the reliquary. Sure,
32:25
Speaker 1: but but it feels, doesn't that feel.
32:28
Speaker 2: I'm gonna send you a liver like in your head
32:32
Speaker 2: to the other like so much, or like a thing
32:35
Speaker 2: you would do to as a show of threatening force
32:40
Speaker 2: to an enemy.
32:41
Speaker 1: Like anti vampire measures.
32:43
Speaker 2: Also true, you gotta make sure they can't like crawl
32:46
Speaker 2: their way to reassemble.
32:48
Speaker 1: Right, There's no way he might be able to reach
32:51
Speaker 1: his heart and inner organs and tarsus, but there's no
32:54
Speaker 1: way he can crawl to the bones. I don't know.
32:59
Speaker 1: I mean, I I do under I do understand it.
33:02
Speaker 1: But it also it does feel a bit off putting
33:06
Speaker 1: in the modern day because now you start to think, Okay,
33:10
Speaker 1: did someone in the government at the time have a
33:13
Speaker 1: prioritized list of which city gets what?
33:18
Speaker 2: Yeah, like they had it like in advance, you know, like, okay, hey,
33:21
Speaker 2: we called DIBs on the heart, right, we called dims shotgun. Yeah,
33:25
Speaker 2: it's super weird. Yeah, I don't know. I've been thinking
33:29
Speaker 2: a lot lately about just burial in general. I actually
33:33
Speaker 2: meant to bring this up, or maybe all will on
33:34
Speaker 2: our next episode. But in strange news on stuff that
33:38
Speaker 2: I want you to know, I found a story about
33:39
Speaker 2: how I believe in the UK they are running out
33:43
Speaker 2: of burial like real estate, and so some of the
33:46
Speaker 2: like more let's call them vintage graves, they're considering reusing them.
33:53
Speaker 2: It just really makes you think about what it takes
33:55
Speaker 2: to bury remains and what a toll it takes on
33:59
Speaker 2: available land. There isn't like an indefinite amount of the stuff.
34:03
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, And that's why some cultures, depending on their
34:08
Speaker 1: dominant spiritual belief systems, that's why they may practice even
34:14
Speaker 1: mass graves, or they may practice you know, normalization of cremation.
34:20
Speaker 2: Big fan of cremation here, Please burn me when I'm serious. Yeah, man,
34:25
Speaker 2: absolutely no, not for me, No, okay, fair enough. Both
34:30
Speaker 2: of my parents were cremated. It just I think it's
34:33
Speaker 2: an economical and practical solution. You're right, religious beliefs and
34:38
Speaker 2: various beliefs in the afterlife, and the prerequisites of entering
34:41
Speaker 2: such certainly come into play.
34:43
Speaker 1: Ooh, that's a big.
34:44
Speaker 2: Part of it.
34:44
Speaker 1: I'm glad you mentioned that, because the some of the
34:49
Speaker 1: big determining factors there are what you have to do
34:53
Speaker 1: according to your spiritual of course school of thought. Right,
34:57
Speaker 1: so there are specific rules and regulations and covenants about
35:02
Speaker 1: how somebody has to get buried. I will say, since
35:05
Speaker 1: we are talking about we are talking about royal deaths,
35:09
Speaker 1: one of the most fascinating funeral practices that we've learned
35:12
Speaker 1: about is the Tibetan practice of sky burial.
35:17
Speaker 2: Yeah, remind us about that one a little bit. Bennett's
35:20
Speaker 2: I just need.
35:21
Speaker 1: To refrash you're gonna feel the way about this that
35:23
Speaker 1: I feel about cremation. Just for context, sky burial is
35:27
Speaker 1: where you take so Tibet has a very is very
35:31
Speaker 1: highly elevated right up in the mountains. And here's what
35:33
Speaker 1: happens in sky burial. A human corpse is placed high
35:37
Speaker 1: on a mountaintop and it decomposes while exposed to the elements,
35:42
Speaker 1: and it is eaten by corvids and vultures.
35:45
Speaker 2: Hmmm.
35:46
Speaker 1: So yeah, that's burial.
35:48
Speaker 2: No, thank you. I don't think you'd like it. Yeah,
35:51
Speaker 2: the idea of being picked to picked that by vultures
35:54
Speaker 2: and eagles and such is pretty terrifying to me.
35:58
Speaker 1: Yeah, so creation, how are we going to save it?
36:01
Speaker 2: Folks?
36:04
Speaker 1: Spoiler we are we are not. We want to again
36:08
Speaker 1: thank everybody for tuning in. We have had a lot
36:13
Speaker 1: of macabre fun with ridiculous royal deaths. There may be
36:18
Speaker 1: some more on the way. We are going to We
36:22
Speaker 1: are going to focus for a little bit on finishing
36:26
Speaker 1: our cartoonishly unnecessary and overly ambitious plan to do an
36:31
Speaker 1: episode about every state in the organ there though. We're
36:36
Speaker 1: so I can't believe we've even pulled this off this far.
36:39
Speaker 2: Same and thanks Max for cataloging our journey and keeping
36:42
Speaker 2: us on track.
36:42
Speaker 1: Yeah, because we would have done just like Florida fifty times.
36:46
Speaker 3: Accidentally, Yeah, you guys have like already done like Florida
36:48
Speaker 3: fifty times.
36:50
Speaker 2: But I mean it's not y'all's fault.
36:52
Speaker 3: It's I mean, Florida is just great for producing ridiculous history, not.
36:56
Speaker 2: Going on there. And also our thoughts are with the
36:58
Speaker 2: people of Florida, not to make light of the current
37:02
Speaker 2: disasters that they have experienced.
37:05
Speaker 1: Yes, stay safe, folks, please do Obviously, we have a
37:09
Speaker 1: lot of friends and family in the area and who
37:12
Speaker 1: have been affected by the recent hurricanes. We hope this
37:17
Speaker 1: episode finds you well and at the very least has
37:21
Speaker 1: provided a bit of a fun distraction from the current events.
37:26
Speaker 1: We also have an episode We're cooking up with waffle House.
37:30
Speaker 1: We haven't written the waffle House. This is completely off
37:33
Speaker 1: the books as far as they're concerned.
37:35
Speaker 2: We're just fans and we're else the fans of something
37:38
Speaker 2: called the waffle House Index, which is a way of
37:40
Speaker 2: measuring how serious a weather event might be.
37:44
Speaker 1: It's so weird because it's technically unofficial, but everybody use
37:49
Speaker 1: Everybody uses it because waffle House is a don't stop,
37:55
Speaker 1: won't stop kind of operation. So if the waffle House
37:59
Speaker 1: is closing, that's really your canary and the climate coal mine.
38:02
Speaker 2: Huge thanks to Max Williams, who is our super producer
38:06
Speaker 2: and research associate extraordinaire on this episode.
38:10
Speaker 1: Big big thanks to our composer, mister Alex Williams. Yes, folks,
38:14
Speaker 1: they are related. And on that note, big thanks to
38:18
Speaker 1: brother Dan Soft aj Bahamas Jacobs.
38:22
Speaker 2: Those Dan Soft business.
38:23
Speaker 1: Brother Dan Soft.
38:24
Speaker 2: Yes, sir, we'll explain off air. Cool.
38:27
Speaker 1: Absolutely, we'll have little little secret for you ridiculous histories.
38:30
Speaker 1: If you want to fight out more about that, you're
38:32
Speaker 1: going to apt to tune in to our next episodes
38:35
Speaker 1: as we as we sketch out the lore. Oh, Jonathan Strickler.
38:40
Speaker 2: Of course, the quister Chris Frasciotis needs Jeff cos here
38:43
Speaker 2: in spirit in ben Hues. Thanks to you, buddy, and.
38:47
Speaker 1: Thanks to you man. Here's to avoiding at least some
38:50
Speaker 1: of these ridiculous deaths ourselves.
38:53
Speaker 2: Man, Get on the hope. We'll see you next time, folks.
39:02
Speaker 2: For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
39:06
Speaker 2: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows,