Latest / Harder Than Life / 104: Sobriety, Success, & Self Love w/ Amanda Kuda

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104: Sobriety, Success, & Self Love w/ Amanda Kuda · Harder Than Life

• 0:07
  I'm Kelly Siegel, and this is Harder Than Life, a podcast about self-love, self-awareness, business, and health. We tell outrageous stories and boil everything down to simple, practical advice you can start using today. Let's get living. Welcome back to the Harder Than Life podcast. Today's conversation dives into one of the most challenging aspects of life, elective sobriety. While choosing to drink less or not at all is becoming increasingly popular, it remains a deeply personal journey for me.
• 0:37
  I'm excited to welcome my new friend Amanda Kuda to the show. Together, we'll explore not only the rise of elective sobriety, but also dive into topics of self-improvement, the vibrant lifestyle of Austin, Texas, and her inspiring book, Unbottled Potential. If you're watching, it's in front of me right now. Break up with alcohol and break through your best life. Let's get started, Amanda. Hey, Kelly. Good to talk to you again.
• 1:02
  Yeah, this book was fantastic. It's well documented that my entire life opened up when I decided to put down the naughty water. So it's real in vogue going low or no on alcohol now. So I want to just start off with what inspired you to choose the path of elective sobriety.
• 1:21
  Well, I want to be honest first by saying that it was never my intention to fully choose the path. I really wanted to find some work around where I could do the low alcohol thing and have a really moderate and mindful relationship with alcohol as it is described to me. But what I found as I tried that, it was really difficult to be mindful doing an activity that is designed to be mindless.
• 1:45
  And I tried for maybe a year or two. I really don't know when I started trying to moderate. And I tried all of these tricks and tactics and none of them really seemed to work. And not because I couldn't do it, just because it was hard. And every time I tried to moderate my drinking, it seemed like I was just investing all of this time and energy and mental hemming and hawing. And if I'm being honest...
• 2:08
  my brain is meant for something bigger. And I just kind of got frustrated with why am I wasting all of this time and energy and thought on this thing that I know isn't adding anything to my life? Wouldn't it be easier if I just said, no, not at all. This isn't happening. And that was a really difficult thing to do, which I'm sure we'll get into. But at the end of the day, I realized that I wanted to have a really full life.
• 2:31
  And even trying to moderate alcohol was taking up too much space. And so I decided to give elective sobriety, total sobriety a go. And when I tell you that it changed absolutely every aspect of my life so miraculously that there was absolutely no question about going back. I truly mean it because my life has never been better and in ways that I could have never expected.
• 2:55
  Oh, you know, you just absolutely stole the heart of the life thunder. Guys, her website is Amanda Kuda. It's just the way it sounds. Spell with a K dot com. She has so many free resources. Her Instagram is Amanda Kuda. I learned is doing the show prep that you have a website.
• 3:12
  What was the free quiz that I took in? I love it. You probably saw my name come up. You're like, what is he doing? But it's at manacuda.com forward slash quiz. Go give it a try. It's really interactive. And you guys, all we're trying to do is create awareness. This whole conversation isn't going to be about stop drinking. It's going to be about...
• 3:31
  the things we've done since we quit drinking. But I know that your stance on this California sober, which is taking cannabis and not drinking. But I have, I have been turned on to these magic mind. And they're there. They have, it says there has a matcha.
• 3:48
  nootropics, immunity adaptions. It says it's for less stress for energy. These things are so good. What is your stance on magic mind and things of the second? And by the way, if you have not tried these, they look crazy, but they're delicious and they work. What is your stance on these deliciousness?
• 4:08
  Oh, I haven't tried those, but I would love to, based on what you just said. I think that so many, there are so many different adaptive genic things that we can be trying and testing out that have kind of like euphoric or focusing effects, depending upon what you're, um, you're getting, getting at. And I think that they can be so powerful in helping you kind of get over that piece where you're feeling anxious or you're feeling, um.
• 4:32
  You're feeling not focused. And there are so many different things that we can do naturally that can help us get to that state that we maybe use alcohol to try and fake our way through. And so I love that. I'd love to hear what your experience is with it.
• 4:46
  You know, it's one of those weird things. Our journeys are very much alike. I read the book forward to back. It's so good. And it just explains it. You know, I love that. I told you my whole story was that Annie Grace, I was given her book. And I read that first. And then she wrote the forward to your book. And it's like, I love how everybody's working together to try to just politely say, hey, man, if you're looking for a better way, try it.
• 5:13
  Feeling your feelings. Stop numbing. Because even if you do the not drinking, you're still going to have to feel yourself and understand that life, there's still going to be hard stuff. And now you got to deal with it without the crutches. And you're going to tend to scroll or you're going to go to something else. But don't. Lean into Amanda's stuff. Go to AmandaCuda.com and try her stuff. But you're in the hotbed, Austin, Texas, right? Yeah.
• 5:40
  How is it? Aubrey Marcus is there. Joe Rogan is there. Now Chris Williamson is there. How is it being sober in Austin and what are people doing there that you're seeing that are much like the Magic Mind stuff?
• 5:56
  Oh my goodness. You know, Austin has really blown up and changed since the time I got here. I've been here just now, right now, as we're talking, I think nine years. And when I first got here, what I thought about Austin and the reality of Austin were very different. And so I thought Austin was this like hippy-dippy place where maybe people smoked a little weed, but they were all like doing yoga and were super relaxed and chill and partying wasn't even going to be an issue because in my mind, that wasn't what people did here.
• 6:26
  And unfortunately, I was completely wrong. And Austin is also this burgeoning tech town. And there's so many entrepreneurs and people moving here that there's a lot of young talent, people with a lot of money with nothing to do with it. So there's a huge party scene. And I admittedly had moved here with the hope that I would be able to just shift my focus and become kind of like this wellness girly when I moved to Austin. And surprise to me that everyone was going out partying Friday, Saturday, Sunday. And I got stuck.
• 6:55
  right back into that for about a year before I realized, wow, this isn't going to fly. But I think that the thing that really changed Austin and made it become a place that's really friendly for people who are not drinking is a couple of different things. One, my friend, Chris, not Chris Williamson, who is a friend of mine, but my friend Chris started a sober bar called Sands Bar. It was the very first non-alcoholic bar ever.
• 7:18
  in the United States. And it was here in Austin, Texas. And so we had this little piece of a movement where people were starting to gather around these alcohol-free spaces. And then people, a lot of influential people in the podcast world and in the health and wellness world started to move here during COVID. And all of a sudden, other avenues to hang out with people and have friendship and have connection just started to kind of naturally pop up. So while there is still a huge, I mean, Austin is a bachelor, bachelorette, college town, bachelorette,
• 7:48
  get lit on the weekends and all the other times as well, city. But there's this other option now where now we have people who are being mindful, who are really trying to live healthier, better lives. And it's making it to where you could transition from one place like I did, the party girl lifestyle to this really mindful lifestyle. And so I really did luck out in where I was, but I will say that it wasn't like that when I was first getting, um, going alcohol free, I really had to put my mind to it because it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's,
• 8:16
  I was still on the cusp of this becoming a popularized movement. Yeah, I've been not drinking. I've chosen not to drink for over five and a half years. I'm coming up on six. And I was at an event yesterday that was centered around drinking. And I just got sick and tired of being sick and tired, and I just walked away. I didn't use anything. And I put myself in situation. I still have full bars at all my houses, on my boats. And it just doesn't speak to me.
• 8:43
  And I was at an event yesterday after a long weekend and we're in the middle of a lake partying and everybody's drinking and it's like 630 at night and we all got school and work the next day and everybody's still ripping it up. And I'm like, oh, I can be in these situations, but I got to have it out. I didn't leave myself out. I got stuck and I'm like, oh, boy. And, you know, the funny thing about it, people is.
• 9:06
  You know, us sober people or us people that don't drink, we don't care what's in your cup, man. You do. So I applaud. I don't judge. But I just know what I got to do to be successful. Did you say you're friends with Chris Williamson? Yeah. Yeah. I actually met him because ages ago he had a program on not drinking. And that's how we connected and became friends.
• 9:26
  I love that guy. If you'd make an introduction, we were just messaging on Instagram. I want to get him on the podcast. I've become very, I love his podcast, Modern Wisdom, because he's also sober and he talks about, he just worked his, took us off. So guys, Amanda is an alcohol lifestyle, alcohol-free lifestyle expert, but she's also a holistic life coach, easy for me to say, speaker coach.
• 9:50
  And obviously an author. She's in Austin, Texas, but she's got she's brilliant. There are so many things that she can help you with. And we're going to deep dive into those things, but we're going to touch a little bit around the alcohol and then we'll get into the deep stuff. What was the biggest challenge you faced when choosing to live the an alcohol free lifestyle? Yeah.
• 10:09
  You know, I think that it was getting out of my own head and getting out of my own way in so many places. But I will touch on the one that I think is most common for everyone that's right there on the surface, because really it was the deeper stuff. But at the onset, it was, what am I going to do to socialize? You know, I had really put myself in this mindset that I needed and deserved and required alcohol to fit in and be fun and have fun, kind of like you were just alluding to with your social life.
• 10:37
  And I had to get over the fact that I didn't need it. And I had to figure out ways to manage that social awkwardness and social anxiety that was creeping under the surface that I was using alcohol to kind of quiet down. And so I think that the hardest part was really figuring out how what I liked and what I enjoyed socially, what actually was fun without alcohol, which was...
• 11:01
  by the way, isn't quite the same thing as I was doing as a drinker. And two, how to set boundaries and also challenge myself to have fun and be fun and do fun things and not be a hermit, even though it would have been a lot easier to stay home. And so really conquering that social aspect, I think was the big thing. And once I realized I could do that, I kind of had the superpower where I realized I could do anything.
• 11:25
  So again, your book is Break Up With Alcohol and Break Through To Your Best Life, Unbounded Potential. But I found this to be more of a self-improvement book than anything else. If you just stop talking about, not just talking about, so this is what I wanted to, page seven, literally. The second page, seven pages in, I got three pages pinned back of notes.
• 11:47
  But this is what I go, you don't need to have a problem with alcohol for it to be a problem in your life. So guys, this is a self-improvement book. So having said that, how did writing this change your perspective on self-improvement?
• 12:03
  Oh, wow. So many ways. I mean, writing a book in and of itself is a personal development journey because you have to overcome so much head trash and procrastination and self-doubt and all of these things. But I would say from the perspective of really realizing, which I knew before, but until I articulated it in long form, I wasn't clear that what work I do and what I promote and the people who I work with best are people who...
• 12:29
  are successful, ambitious, go-getter type people who think that they're doing pretty well, but feel unfulfilled and have tried to throw spaghetti at the wall to do more, do more. They've tried to journal away their anxiety. They've tried to do therapy. They've tried to do, you know, retreats or whatever else, mantras and meditation and all of these things to do more in order to have the life that they want.
• 12:52
  When really what they're doing is what they need to do is do less. And so there's this quote I use by James Clear. He's the author of Atomic Habits. And he says, the ultimate form of optimization is elimination. Nothing is more effective than removing the ineffective.
• 13:08
  And what I realized through writing this book is it's not about doing more. It's about doing one suboptimal, stop doing one suboptimal thing that could actually have a tremendous impact on your life. And for me, and for a lot of really high achieving people out there, that habit is alcohol, but it's hard to get at because it's so socially acceptable that we don't realize that it could be holding us back. But when I looked at all of the self-help things that I was doing, none of them were
• 13:38
  I stopped drinking. And all of a sudden, everything else that I was putting into place to try and help myself live a better life suddenly took hold. And that's when I knew I was on to something. That was so good. The ultimate form of optimization is elimination. Did you see me? My eye drop, my jaw drop, and I reach for my notes. That's going to be on my freaking story tomorrow morning. I wish I could take credit for it, but James Clear, he's a good one.
• 14:06
  Yeah, I've read his book and it was, or several books and it's just, it's good. That's, I get this a lot, Amanda, and I know it's in the book and please go out and read this book. Whether you're thinking about not drinking, it is a self-improvement book. If you're in our self-improvement business, if you want to be better at your life, read this book. And so what's your answer to when people say, well, you know, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not
• 14:33
  I got a job and everything I do revolves around everybody's drinking at every event. And so what is that? What is your number one thing when somebody says that is everybody else is doing it? Well, everyone else is doing it. That means it's normal. And pardon my crassness, but normal is mediocre and mediocre is average. And if you want a better than average life, you have to stop doing the same things that mediocre average normal people are doing.
• 15:03
  I love you. So if you don't want to be average and you want to be savage, go to Amanda and read her book. All right. We're going to bounce all around now. And I want to have some fun because I just adore your bubbly personality. So how do you stay motivated in your personal and professional life?
• 15:22
  Oh, some days it's hard. I mean, you know that some days there's, there are days when I'm like, everything sucks. Everything's hard. But those, those days are very few and far between very, very few and far between. And I think that all of the things that I've compounded in my life that have allowed me to just feel energized and motivated. Yeah.
• 15:44
  just continue to grow and continue to fuel that fire, right? It's kind of like, I'm always fanning the flame. But some of the things that helped me to stay motivated is I am a
• 15:54
  you know, consistent learner. So I always assume that there's something else for me to hear again, or hear in a different way or hear for the first time. And so I'm almost always listening to a podcast or listening to an audio book and consuming knowledge in some way. Now it is also important that I take a break from that. So the other thing that I do to stay motivated is I make sure that I make time for creativity and I shut off my learning brain and turn on my creative brain.
• 16:19
  And for me, the fastest way to do that is to, I have a rule, I call it fiction after five. And so after 5 p.m., I stopped listening to self-help. I stopped listening to self-improvement. And I commit to, instead of scrolling, instead of watching TV, not that there's anything wrong with that. And I still do those things sometimes, but I found so much more motivation with setting aside time to actually read a fiction book of some type.
• 16:43
  And so I kind of like book in my day within the morning, I'm learning in some way. And typically that's an audio download. And in the evening, I am spending some time reading something that's like frivolous and fun and requires me to turn on my creative brain. And I found that the balance of those two things really keep me feeling inspired and not too much either in my airy fairy fantasy brain and not too much in my analytical brain. And it really just, I think that those two simple habits have really helped and served me.
• 17:14
  I'm getting a masterclass here. Fiction after five. You see me taking- Fiction after five. Like my jaw is on the ground and I just keep looking up and I'm writing things down left after right. Fiction after five. What's it? Give me a book that you're, that you just finished. Cause I almost never read fiction cause it's go, go, go on, on, on 24 seven for me. Yeah. You will be astounded. What will happen when you implement something like this? So something that I think everyone would like, let's see. Um,
• 17:42
  you know, I'm a woman, so I tend to read like softer, female-oriented things. I'm not going to give you one of my like Hallmark fantasy books, even though you might like it. I read a series called Red Rising a while back that I think everyone would like. It's kind of a dystopian type futuristic thing. And I really love that. And then one of my favorite books over the past two years, I actually just read it again, which is a rarity. I barely ever revisit something. It's a book called The Night Circus. And it was,
• 18:12
  just really whimsical and beautiful. Actually, no, let me say another one that I think that male and female readers would like, and it's called Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow. And it was great. Very good book. Is it Tomorrow in or Tomorrow, Tomorrow, Tomorrow? Tomorrow, Tomorrow, Tomorrow. Yeah. Okay. And it looks like a little video game font on the front because there's like a video game premise to it. And so I think that everyone, that's something that everyone would
• 18:42
  See, I told you everything wasn't going to be about not drinking, but I will say this. I'm having a Dickens of a day. I'm meeting all kinds of resistance today. I literally, I just went to a nonprofit organization to make a big donation. And like the guy must have just had a bad weekend. And it told me no five times in a row. My buddy that was with me gets into an argument with him. I'm like, oh.
• 19:06
  but nothing is working today and it's Tuesday after, after labor day, it should have been a great day, but I want to tell people nothing, nothing requires a drink and I'm sitting here and I just, when I, before we hit record, I said, ah, I sit in my podcast chair and I get to learn from Amanda. I got my amazing producer who jumps on and makes me sound good. Even when I'm just exhausted and get my teeth kicked in. But like you just said, and it's so true, Amanda, I,
• 19:35
  nothing, these days are few and far between. And tomorrow is another day. And after I'm done here, my daughter will walk in, I'll go for a walk with a dog and not one point of this day will I need anything to make it through my day. So I know you're an avid outdoorsman. Yeah. You kind of have to be in Austin, Texas. So how do you balance work and play while maintaining a healthy lifestyle?
• 20:01
  You know, I think that the one thing that I will say about myself is I did not, I would not have counted myself as an optimist or an outdoors person when I was a drinker. And I was thinking recently that, you know, I lived in, I lived in the Midwest during most of my party girl days. And I would have sworn to you that there wasn't anything to do outside that was beautiful. Unless we were out on a patio or out on the lake, that was, I was not an outdoors person.
• 20:28
  And it's so interesting that the simplest pleasures and the things that I would have thought were like hokey about five to 10 years ago now are such tremendous pleasures for me. And I love to be outside. If I can sit outside on a patio versus inside in a crowded room, I'm going to do that nine times out of 10. And there are these things that I've come to really cherish as an alcohol-free person that I did not, I did not,
• 20:56
  even acknowledge as a possibility because it wasn't fun and posh and whatever when I was a drinker. And so I think that, you know, you asked how I kind of like find balance between work and play. It is, it's really just come to me quite naturally because what I enjoy doing has started to shift in a really profound and beautiful way. And so I found more ways to
• 21:26
  trying to get drunk or hung over, I have so much more spaciousness, not only mentally, so I can get things done more quickly, but I have a broader interest in things. And I'm more adventurous and more curious that I want to make more time for play. And I get to make more time for play because I'm not struggling to get my work done and struggling to, you know, deal with my life's problems. I have all this spaciousness, which is really a gift that I think that I've experienced. And I'm sure you probably have the same, the same thing happen. Yeah.
• 21:54
  I mean, I could switch places with you. I'd switch seats with you and say the same thing. Like I go and I'm dating a girl in Utah and I've been to Utah now several times sober. And in the summer, I never knew that the place was so beautiful. So beautiful. We went floating down the Provo River and I'm just looking around in awe that.
• 22:15
  things that you have time to do when they're, when alcohol is not even an option. And then you just see colors. And I sat out on the boat yesterday while everybody was drinking and I'm just looking around, I'm enjoying people's company and, and there's just so much more to life than, than boozing it away. So what's one common misconception people have about living an alcohol-free lifestyle?
• 22:43
  who I think the biggest one is probably that it's boring. And, you know, I have this, uh, this kind of like mic drop line that I always like to share, which is if it's not fun without alcohol, it's probably just not fun. And I think that what we fail to realize is most of the things we're doing as drinkers are mundane and boring. They require no creativity. And if you were to try to do those with your full mental capacity, you would think that those things are boring. I have
• 23:10
  so much more fun and I'm so much more excitable and exciting than as, as a non drinker. Now, sometimes do I have to have courage to do things that, um, that are on the edge for me? Absolutely. But even that is more exciting because then I had to have real courage versus the liquid courage I was using before. And I think my life is infinitely more fun, um, without alcohol in the picture.
• 23:36
  I say my life is boring. It's not. But what I mean by it is there's just zero chaos. It's very peaceful. Yeah, there's no drama. There's zero drama. I got to tell you, I was... And I have no knock on anybody I was with yesterday. But the conversation... And I love these people dearly. And they're very successful people. But I did find some of it monotonous. Because it was... They were talking about the Lions game next week to go, what's the next party? What's the party after that? And then a party after that. And I found like...
• 24:06
  You know, I just, and I've been there. Labor Day weekend in Michigan is the freaking party on the boat and you throw back some drinks and you have fun. And say the line again, because I love it. If it's not fun without alcohol, it's probably just not fun.
• 24:25
  I love it. Yeah. And it's a hard hit because you don't want to think that some of the things that you were doing were boring and that you were just basically making your brain dumb so you could tolerate them. But that essentially that is what you were doing.
• 24:39
  Talk about, this is the scary one. I remember when I made the decision, I was talking to a friend and she's like, you know, you're going to have to break up with all your friends and everything's going to change. And it did, but it did in a good way. So how has your social circle changed since you've embraced sobriety?
• 24:58
  So miraculously and beautifully, you know, I did, I had, I've had a lot of large friendship circles throughout my life. And I always thought that that was what you needed. You needed a cell phone full of numbers so that you always had someone to call and you always had something to do. And I realized that I had a broad social circle, but it wasn't, didn't have a lot of depth.
• 25:20
  Most of my social friendships were just that. They were social acquaintances. They weren't true friends. And they were very surface level, CNBC, rub elbows, drama, and gossip friendships. And the drinking version of me thrived off of that. I loved a little bit of drama. And I just thought it was fun and exciting.
• 25:41
  When I stopped drinking, all of a sudden, my tolerance for drama went down the drain. I just could not do it anymore. I couldn't stomach it. And so I stopped being able to do some of those things. Like you said, there are still some very social things that I make space for, and I make sure to go and put on a smile and have.
• 25:59
  And set my intention on having fun and being fun in those situations. But now it also, I realize that there's so many things and people in situations that I want to do differently. I want my friendships to have depth. I'm very empathic and I love to have emotional and big talk conversations. I don't want to sit and talk about the next party or whatever.
• 26:20
  you know, fashion all the time or gossip or drama or whatever, what we're watching on TV. I want to talk about your heart and I want to talk about what's going on in your mind and what's going on in your life and what we're, what we're doing to achieve our goals. And that just the nature of that required either some of my friends to step up and have a different type of friendship with me or, you know,
• 26:42
  some of those friendships just faded away very naturally. There wasn't a lot of drama. It was just, we stopped connecting. And what that did was make space for new, more like-minded friends. And I'll say, Kelly, as someone who always thought I struggled to make friends and have friends, I, you know, when I launched my book last year, one of my girlfriends threw me, what she called a book shower. And so it's like a baby shower or a wedding shower, but it was to, you know, really honor this creative process that I had gone through.
• 27:12
  And I invited an intimate yet still quite large group of women to come and celebrate me. And I looked around the room and I remember thinking, wow, this is what I feel like emotional. This is what I always wanted. I wanted these friendships, people who would show up for me, who loved me for who I was and what I stood for, not just...
• 27:32
  how much fun I was. And it was just really beautiful because they all went around and supported me and shared something about me. And I thought, this is what I wanted all that time. And now I have it. And it wasn't that hard to get. I just had to get out of my own way and stop participating in kind of the superficial bullshit that took the depth out of a relationship.
• 27:57
  I love you for how fun you are, but I love you for the depth of you and your brilliance, your beauty. And I'm going to gush about you even more because if you go to your website, there's so many resources. Wherever you are in your drinking lifestyle, whether there's no drinking, whether there's a lot of drinking, whether there's just a little bit of drinking, go to AmandaKuda.com. She has this...
• 28:23
  Other thing, that's AmandaCuda.com forward slash training. It's free too, by the way, where she deep dives into philosophy around possibly not drinking. Guys, go to this, AmandaCuda.com forward slash training, because this next question is going to be, my favorite part about helping people drink.
• 28:45
  to come over to the, to, to our side is when they call you and they say, Oh my God, I reacted totally different in a situation that would have triggered me in the past. And then, or the second one is all this extra time. I'm loving it. What is your favorite part about helping others break up from alcohol? And then talk about that free training. Cause I didn't do it any justice.
• 29:09
  Yeah, I thank you for mentioning that. I, you know, I wanted to create because my philosophy around being alcohol free is quite different from a lot of the other people in the alcohol free and the sobriety space. And so I really wanted to share this is why I'm doing this. This is why I'm so passionate about it. And it's because
• 29:26
  I have watched people who are objectively on the surface, checking all the boxes and kicking ass and doing so well, but are so out of alignment and so unhappy and so disenchanted with their lives that they are just kind of having this existential crisis. And to watch people go from doing pretty good to figuring out what they want to do, who they want to be, who they want to surround themselves with in reality.
• 29:51
  having all of those things shift in their life at miraculous speeds, like that's really special to watch people transform their lives that their life was objectively good before. And now they get to have a great, like beyond their wildest dreams life. That's amazing because I know that's only going to have a trickle down effect and it's going to make sure that their hairdresser and their colleague and their lover and their kid and their nephew and their sister and whoever else has some sort of positive experience too. And that's just like,
• 30:20
  really amazing to know that one little message that I was brave enough to put out in the world has helped someone who's going to help someone else and going to help someone else. Wow. I'm just looking at this, all these free courses that you have. It's, it's,
• 30:34
  AmandaCuda.podia.com forward slash awaken without alcohol free series. There's so many guys go out and buy her book to support her. I know she's not starving, but go out and buy the book and bottle potential and then go to her website. There's so many free resources. I just...
• 30:51
  Love this. And then if you're not following her, Amanda Kuda, K-U-D-A on all social media. But talk to me about this one specific one that is this amandakuda.com forward slash training. What do they get there? Yeah, so you get my best philosophies around shifting the way that you think around alcohol to where being alcohol-free is not a punishment or a cross to bear or something that makes you bad, wrong, and different. It's something that creates...
• 31:20
  an opportunity and a possibility for you. And if you can just make this one micro shift, it makes this lifestyle seem that, it seem actually exciting and lucrative versus something that feels like a drag. And that's what I want for everyone. I want you to, if you feel kind of called to check out an alcohol-free lifestyle, but you probably had some of the same head trash both you and I had, if you can just make one little shift to see it as possibility and potential versus punishment,
• 31:48
  you're going to have such an easier time transitioning to that lifestyle. That's what I want. So I kind of consolidated all of my theories about this into 28 minutes so that anyone could absorb it very quickly.
• 32:01
  So Amanda, we've been on with other people that I've had. There are our friends, Mike Hardenbrook and Colleen, and each one has different philosophies. Mike says take 66 days. I'm always the one that says 90 days. I think Colleen's the one that just says, just get over your shit and get in your head because it's in your head. What's your Amanda Kuda-ism? Like what is your –
• 32:28
  Give me your one mantra, like this is what I would do if, besides taking all the quizzes, what would, what's your, if I'm coming to you and I'm sober curious, what's, what are you going to say to me?
• 32:42
  I'm with you. I think minimum 90 days. Now, granted, I will say I started with 30 days, but I added into 90. So a lot of people will do a quick fix thing, like just taking a break, dry January, whatever. Those are amazing things, but you're not going to get sustainable change in 90 days because it's not enough time for one, alcohol to fully leave your system and your body to optimize back to homeostasis. And two, it's not enough time for you to mentally make the shift and do all of the things that I've
• 33:11
  in some way that are going to help you have confidence being alcohol free. So my minimum time is 90 days, but also knowing that, you know, butterflies and unicorns aren't going to fly out your butt after 90 days either. And so if they do, you should probably see a doctor. But I want you to know that 90 days is enough time for you to physically start feeling some of the benefits and for you to mentally start implementing some of the tools that are going to make it feel easier over time.
• 33:40
  So I love to start with 90 days and then edge up to like a six or nine month goal from there. But if you do anything under 90 days, you're really doing yourself a 90 consecutive days. This isn't cumulative, it's consecutive because you really need alcohol to be fully out of your system. And so that's really where I love to have people start.
• 33:58
  Good grief. I got to tell you, I drank so much before I decided to quit. I went out with a bang and they took literally almost 30 days for it to get out of my system. And it wasn't until day 91 that I really felt like it was gone. And then the best I felt was day 181. And that's the day it was one. And I remember like it was yesterday because it was like day 184 that I decided I was done. Done. When did you decide you were done?
• 34:28
  Oh, well, I want to ask first, why did you decide on 184? What was the like, what was the message going on in your head that day? It was 4th of July and I had given myself permission to drink and I went on a boat and I jumped on the boat and I looked around and I looked at all the people and it was 11 o'clock in the morning. Everybody was already drunk. I looked at all the people and not to judge them.
• 34:53
  It just wasn't what I wanted to do. It wasn't what I wanted to be. And I just said, I'm not, this isn't who I, it just didn't feel fun. It didn't feel in alignment anymore. And I, I, I was captaining the boat and I was pulling out and I stopped and I pulled back in. I said, guys, I can't, I'm sorry. I got to go. And everybody was like, who's going to drive the boat? Yeah.
• 35:14
  And it was funny. Nobody gave a shit that I wasn't there. They just gave a shit who was going to drive the boat. It was the drinking buddies. That's what I had drinking friends. And it was kind of funny because they took it. They still, you know, nothing stops a party. And they kept going. And then they blew a motor. And it was just a disastrous day. And I went home and I cried.
• 35:35
  And I had a non-alcoholic beer and a cigar and said, I'm done. And unfortunately, that's when you speak about it in your book. That's when the emotion started. Because up until then, it was still kind of just, I don't know what I was going to do. And then the moment I said, I'm done, done, this feels too good.
• 35:54
  And that's when the emotions just started pouring out of me. And I cried for the first time in my life, like cried, cried, like just, I think it was a cry for freedom and just, you see me stop and slow down because I can, that was over five years ago now. And I feel like it was yesterday and I can tap into that guy. And it was like, it was the little boy that was trying to fit in and that drank for all the wrong reasons. Yeah.
• 36:23
  just coming out and saying, thank you for letting me
• 36:28
  letting me go. Thank you for setting me free. I don't know. And then since then, the real work started. It got really hard. And then life threw a bunch of curveballs at me and then COVID hit and everybody had a reason to day drink every single day. But I doubled down and wrote my book and launched Harder Life brand. And here we are today. And so what I'm going to turn this around on you, of course, and say, how do you define success in your life and in your career?
• 36:56
  Oh, well, first, I just want to say thank you for sharing that because I think that, you know, my experience, especially as someone who's like pretty emotional, was also a very emotional experience. But it's so important for people to hear someone who they admire, especially someone who's like
• 37:13
  masculine and so strong as you are, which I know that you talk about your emotions, but it's so important for people to hear like, this is, this is a tender process. And there's almost always some sort of grief underneath this relationship with alcohol that wants to come to the surface. Almost all of us have
• 37:29
  this like little teenage version of ourself who didn't fit in or wanted to be popular and cool and is carrying that with us in our backpack through life. And that day that you got off the boat and said, no, that's not me anymore. Like, it sounds like you were grieving, like the loss of this persona
• 37:47
  And all of these friendships that went along with the persona and all of, you know, the masks that you probably had to wear as part of the persona. And I think that's so cool that like to share that and to let people know that, hey, this isn't all like easy peasy. Like there's some hard shit that comes up too.
• 38:03
  Well, grieving the persona, that's, you know what? I just, you just, the light bulb just went on me. That's exactly what I was doing yesterday. I, that's not who I, that's really not who I ever was. That's just the persona that I created that everybody loved and wanted to be around and everybody liked.
• 38:21
  party drinking Kelly. And the challenge is I didn't. And it wasn't like I did bad things. I just didn't like who I was. I just wasn't my authentic self. That's literally what it was. This is me, Amanda. I love people. I love to feel. I love to have deep conversations and I want to help as many people. I can't help anybody when I have a drink, not even just one. And I got to tell you, I can have one, but why?
• 38:50
  There's nothing in my day that requires me to have an alcohol. Even if it's a celebratory, I'll celebrate with my daughter. I'll celebrate with you. And so it's just, I know it's a cheat code. And that's all I can say. And...
• 39:05
  Since I decided to do that, that faithful day, my life has got infinitely better. We have a top 10 podcast. The book is selling like hotcakes. We're about to write book number two. We're launching a coaching program. My IT company's blowing up. Everything good has come from it. So why? And here's what I tell people. And you can feel free to use the seagullism. I was a great partier and I'm a great freaking sober guy.
• 39:32
  I can do both. And I choose sobriety every time. If drinking was so freaking awesome and gave me these amazing things in life, I would have chose that. And believe me, my company runs itself. This isn't an addiction. I'm healthy as can be. I still was healthy when I drank.
• 39:52
  I just choose to not drink because I want to be my best self and I want to make good friends like you. And then when I reach out to the Joe Rogans and the Chris Williamsons and the and the if you haven't met Stefanos is in your backyard, too. He's beautiful. These people are all sober. So.
• 40:11
  Well, Joe Rogan has a few drinks here now, but not many. So anyways, I just, guys, you want to live your best life? Take a little break of the naughty water. So again, I want to ask you, how do you define success in your life and career? Yes. I think that success for me is knowing that I am right now with the capacity that I have the most expressed and embodied version of myself that I can be.
• 40:38
  And I was certainly not that as a drinker because I was like a cheap facsimile of who I thought I was supposed to be performing as. And now I'm as close as I can get right now in this moment. Will I get closer and closer as I grow and learn and change and shed more layers? Absolutely. But right now I'm as close as I can possibly be. And that feels really freaking good and really powerful.
• 41:00
  Sing it, girl. Sing it. I wish I could write an entire book about just that. And literally, my next question was, how has your relationship with yourself evolved since choosing sobriety? So you want to elaborate? You just did it, but would you like to elaborate even more? Just tell me how much you love yourself.
• 41:19
  Well, I was very self-conscious, my self-esteem and my outward sense of self-confidence was very high, but it was also very egoic. Like I was a very like toot my own horn type of person and I needed that outward affirmation. But now I am someone who has real confidence and has real courage and is someone who knows what I want and knows that I'm deserving and capable of doing that every day.
• 41:48
  I think that, you know, I look back at the woman who I was seven to 10 years ago and she was very, woe is me. Everything is happening to me. I can't catch a break. Like, I don't know how I had any friends. If I'm being honest, I think because I like company,
• 42:05
  Yes, but I could turn on that party girl side of me and be like, carefree, you know, party girl, down to do whatever. And now I just have been able to tap into potential and possibility and spirituality and manifestation and all of these things that I read about in the self-help books that are piled up behind me. And I actually...
• 42:27
  feel them on a soul level versus understand them on an intellectual level, which is all I had before. And that feels just really powerful. And sure, I still have doubts. I still have days when I'm down on myself. But again, few and far between and I pull myself out of the hole. My recovery from any of those times is very quick now. 42 minutes into this and I haven't asked a real good question. And it's you're single, right?
• 42:51
  I am. Yeah. Yeah. How is dating in sobriety? Yeah. Well, you know, I think that I am talking. I have someone special who I'm interested in. So I will say that. So don't, I mean, don't start to fill up my inbox quite yet. But it is really interesting because you are able to, number one, get clear on what you actually want.
• 43:17
  Number two, stop leaning so far into any of your compulsions and attachment wounds that caused you to go for someone who probably was unhealthy for you. Now, do I always make a win there? No. And it's always an ongoing growth battle.
• 43:35
  But I have been, I am, first of all, a better partner to myself and therefore a better partner to other people. And so even though dating sober was awkward as hell at first, and it took a lot of things to, you know, I had to figure out a lot of things that I had gotten wrong as a drinker. It is so much more fulfilling and connected. And even though I don't know that I've met my
• 43:57
  I haven't been married or any of those things yet, I know that I have positioned myself to find a person and to actually be happy with them and to actually have a great relationship where if I would have married any person who I would have met in my 20s and 30s before this, it probably would not have been going down so great right now. And so I just have so much confidence and hope in who I am attracting because I've changed who I am attracted to as a non-drinker.
• 44:25
  I wasn't doing that to fill up your inbox. I wanted you to talk about exactly what you went with. You said the number one thing I found is if it was a no, if it wasn't a hell yes, it was a hell no for me. And it was so much easier being sober and going, no, it's just, this is not an alignment. And you could drink people interesting and drink people fun and drink through their red flags. And now it's like,
• 44:52
  No, I'm good. This isn't going anywhere. And I am unapologetic about it. It's like, there is nothing here. I love you. Enjoy yourself. And the best part about it is if they're a drinker. You can have one or two with me. I don't mind. My girlfriend has one or two. No more than one or two. And not all the time. Just once in a while. But...
• 45:14
  I met someone showed up my house, a bottle of wine. I'm like, you don't turn on any podcast and drank the whole bottle herself and then left. I was like, that is a no for me, dog. Thank you. So just it becomes very crystal clear and you don't negotiate with yourself. And you're probably not picking another partner that drinks.
• 45:36
  So you're probably already winning from just there. So if you're meeting the same partner over and over and over again, and you're meeting for drinks, there could be your, my best, the harder than life relationship advice. Siegel says, meet somebody for coffee.
• 45:53
  Yep. I agree. I think that even if you don't, even if you got to this partner, like, I don't want to quit drinking. Even if you just try dating without alcohol, even if that's like the micro change that you make, you will have so much more connected and authentic dating situations. Because guess what? Will both of you be a little awkward and a little nervous? Yeah. But...
• 46:15
  Dating is sometimes awkward and nerves, you need to feel them so that you know, is this person a no, because I'm not attracted to them? Or is this person maybe someone who might, you know, be interesting if I get to know them over time. But right now, because I'm not like activated and, and in my trauma wounds, I'm not seeing them as a possibility because I'm looking for excitement and they're providing stability. And I wasn't,
• 46:38
  I didn't have the wherewithal to see that as a drinker because I was just looking for excitement all the time. And sometimes a relationship is a little bit of a slow burn where you get to know someone. And I just am so much more enlightened and attuned and intuitive as a dater than I used to be.
• 46:56
  That's exactly what I was looking for. What other self-care practice do you swear by for maintaining your wellbeing? Oh, movement, a hundred percent movement in some way. And, you know, I, I love strength training, but I love just as much going on a walk. And if I can do one or one or both of those every day, then I'm winning. What advice can I give you for your boy?
• 47:21
  Oh, let's see. I don't know. That's what started this whole journey, by the way. I was picking all the wrong women. That's why I'm sober. I famously say, and this is no knock against any of my other exes, I was a drunken whore, and I kept attracting drunken whores. So you are literally, you attract what you are. Yep.
• 47:42
  I was that and I kept doing that and they're beautiful people. And I keep tabs. I'm big cheerleaders of everybody, big fans of everybody. But I just I don't I didn't want to do it. And boy, I got to tell you, I'm in my first ever healthy relationship and it's
• 48:00
  it's weird. Like we actually talk and communicate before it's a problem. And we're able to go through and say, and establish healthy boundaries and mirror and actually do something to make sure that we're growing together. It's so awesome. It's a wild being in that space. Oh, go ahead.
• 48:23
  What's, what's going on with yours? You don't want to say you don't have to. It's a big following. I know, I know. You know, I feel actually very like grounded and good right now. I don't feel like there's anything that I feel, um, unconfident about. And I think that that is,
• 48:41
  It's just such a different place than I was several years ago because I was such an anxious, like, when is he going to call? What do I need to do about it? XYZ? How do I need to show him that I'm a worthy partner? And I'm like, I'm a worthy partner. I don't need to be cocky about it. I'm not sitting here like...
• 48:58
  well, you better call me. There's a give and take. And I just feel like, wow, this is so much easier than I made it all of those years ago. But I think the thing that is really interesting is something I alluded to before. And one of my mentors, she's an amazing relationship coach. Her name's Annie Lala. And she taught me that sometimes the person who
• 49:20
  And oftentimes the person who you feel calm around, like not excited is actually a good fit because it's showing you that your nervous system is regulated. But because we're taught to chase the spark, sometimes we don't make time for a person who we feel calm and, and, um, just at peace around. And that can be something that you is really important to explore. But as a drinker, I never would have explored someone who made me feel calm. And this person who I'm thinking about right now makes me feel calm. And I'm like, that's.
• 49:49
  Good. That feels good. Well, the reason why I'm going down that avenue is because since the last time we spoke, you're glowing. And I will tell this gentleman to swoop you up because I think you're a catch and I love you. And you are going to make...
• 50:06
  somebody's life better. Oh my gosh. Thank you. And that was my rule to when I date was they have to make my life better because I'm choosing you. I don't need you. I need, I'm choosing you and it must be better. And I choose peace and peace.
• 50:21
  over everything. So you must bring peace. So my only advice to you is to make sure that you guys are bringing each other peace, lead with lots and lots of love and compassion and realize that if you are ever triggered, that's that little girl in you from, from growing up. And it's probably fake. Yeah. Oh, that's such a good reminder. Yeah. So what, uh, what advice would you give somebody considering, uh, elective sobriety or just slowing down in the naughty water?
• 50:50
  If you have this question on your heart, if this is something that you should pursue, there's probably a voice in your head that's like, oh, that's too extreme. That's, you know, and usually it's that. It's that too extreme. Maybe I should just cut back. You owe it to yourself.
• 51:05
  to take the risk. You will never regret taking 90 days off of alcohol. You will never regret it. Even if it is hard, even if it is frustrating, even if you go right back to what you were doing. But if you don't at least give it a try, you always wonder what could have been. And I don't want that for anyone. I don't want anyone to ever look back at their life and think what could have been if I would have just shown up for myself.
• 51:26
  And I'll tell you what, Kelly, just as you have had miracles happen in your life, everything in my life changed for the better. It's what gave me the ability to quit my nine to five, to write a book with a major publisher. These things were not available to me as a drinker. Or if they were, I would have had to push a lot harder to make them happen. And I want that for you. I want that for whoever is listening. Even if we may not have met, even if we never meet, even if we never connect,
• 51:54
  I want that for you because it sounds very Pollyanna and so like good to be, too good to be true and optimistic. But you know what? If that's so, then it's a way better life than I was living before. And anyone who's listening, I think deserves that too. Love that. And I want to remind everybody, well, you, you'll, she just said, you'll never regret it. And then it may just very well happen the way it happened for me was, you know, I started off.
• 52:19
  on the door. And now I'm, I can always go back. I mean, what'd you do? What'd you lose? You lost 90 days of drama. Trust me. It's worth it. And I'm looking at you, the back of your book here. And it says a life changing guide to going alcohol free. Yeah.
• 52:35
  But this is where I love manifesting success and planting the seeds for an extraordinary life. Look at the two of us, folks. You're seeing two of the happiest. Look at our skin. Mine's a little tan, but look at our skin. That was the number one thing. The blotchiness and the puffiness that went away. If you're blotchy or puffy and you're having alcohol, look.
• 52:57
  Yeah. Cheat code, guys. That's get rid of it immediately. That's what took me 90 days, 90 days till the blotchiness and the puffiness. I used to hate the pictures of me when I was drinking. Oh, no. What book or resource do you had a major impact on this journey for you? Like mine was somebody gave a bar owner gave me Annie Grace's book.
• 53:23
  And I was like, wow, that's weird. And he goes, you know, I just, I saw this and I thought of you. And it was, I'd already quit, decided to quit drinking. But that reading that book, I looked at it as a sign and her book was, was well written. And it was like, oh, I'm done drinking. That was, it's, I cinched it. But what, what was on your, what, it may be something totally different. Mine. I have also the four agreements was a big impact to me.
• 53:49
  Yes. So I think the one that I always go to is, and please know this is a deep dive. So if you're not quite ready for it, start somewhere else. But I love and I'm so grateful for Wayne Dyer's The Power of Intention. It was the first, somehow the first one of the first like spirituality books I read. It was a mentor recommended to me and he said, after I read this book, my life changed.
• 54:12
  And I wanted my life to change so badly. I hadn't quit drinking at that point. This was maybe two or three years beforehand. And I read that book every couple of years. And it's still sometimes kind of hard to get through. But it reminds me that, you know, one of his most famous lines is, when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.
• 54:31
  And all I needed was a perspective shift. And, you know, removing alcohol has made a huge perspective shift in my life and things have indeed changed. And I look back now at all of the things I hoped for when I read that book the first time and realized that almost all of them have become a reality. And that's pretty cool.
• 54:50
  And things change for the better. Let me not always, but when you think they're not working out for you, they end up working out for you. Like, Oh, um, I, I read that book too. And Wayne Dyer's or he, she's right. It's, I am, I am a fast reader, but I have to read Wayne Dyer books very, very slow because it's very deep, very hard. Who else? Dr. Joe books are that way too. Joe Dispenza. But I will tell you my book. I didn't even think about it. So you just said that.
• 55:18
  That really it was man's search for meaning. Oh yeah. Yeah. That was a, that was an interesting one. It was like, I could not find meaning in alcohol or while drunk. So that's just interesting. Well, you just made me think of that. So thank you for inspiring. We're just starting a little book club here. We have recommendations. Check out our Amazon links. What are some of your non-negotiables in life? Yeah.
• 55:44
  they have changed so much. And I think that the core are time alone and time in solitude and making sure that I have that intentional connection time. So not just like going out to big social events. Like there's a difference between interacting and connecting and big social events. Like what you were at yesterday, that was an interaction. Yeah.
• 56:08
  It probably wasn't a connection and I crave connection. So that has to be on the table at all time. And creativity, I'm so curious and I have to create time to be creative in some way and making sure I tap into that is so important to me.
• 56:26
  So you just, I just, I can tell why you drank. Yeah. So you wanted that connection, but you didn't want to be in solitude. That's a very common thing. So people don't want to be alone. Misery, misery loves company, but hates being alone. Yep. So, and it's funny because I will tell you.
• 56:47
  that I need my solitude more now than ever. Like now that I'm dating somebody, whenever she's around, when she leaves, I need a minute. It's not that I don't love her. I just, I love myself so much and so intensely that I need a minute to recharge. And that's the reason why I drank because I didn't love myself. And I figured if I could be with other people and I would have the connecting, I would connect with was the alcohol and,
• 57:13
  And that's what just kept going. So that's funny that that's the number one thing that I hear when people want to go sober. They don't want to be alone. And boy, in Michigan, you can find a party anywhere, any day and never be alone. So can you expand on that and tell me if someone is feeling alone or it doesn't want to be alone and drinking because of it to try to get camaraderie? Yeah.
• 57:43
  So, you know, I think that the piece of being bored when you're drinking is so scary because that's when your own thoughts start to bubble up to the surface and those intrusive thoughts and those self-deprecating thoughts and those, you know, those thoughts of not being enough and not being where you want to be in life or whatever else it is or self-judgment or criticism.
• 58:01
  And, or when like past traumas and things that you ruminate on start to come to the surface and that's uncomfortable. Sitting with that is uncomfortable, which is why a lot of people turn to, you know, binging food or Netflix or, um, or being on their phone when they stop drinking or when they, you know, when they start a self-help journey and these little, uh, other like kind of innocuous habits can be really easy buffers for spending time alone. And, um,
• 58:27
  I will tell you that it was hard at first. It was difficult sitting with myself and being with myself and enjoying and appreciating that time. And of course, you know, I had all of these self-help and personal development resources that were really helpful for me. But then, of course, therapy is another one that can be really important to help you get comfortable with those thoughts and get comfortable with yourself. Um,
• 58:48
  I think that just what you said, that being, wanting to be around people all the time to prevent yourself from being alone and being with your thoughts is a very humbling reality to come across. And we can, you know, save it,
• 59:03
  we're an extrovert or whatever. I'm an introverted extrovert. So now I need time to recharge. I didn't know that as a drinker. I thought I was just full on extrovert, but really I was scared of being with my thoughts and with my feelings. And so you have to find some tools to get past that. And, you know,
• 59:18
  Journaling can be another great thing. It sounds frustrating and boring maybe to some people, but if you can understand, allow yourself to think your own thoughts, that will be a competitive advantage in your life that really can't be matched because most people don't let themselves do that.
• 59:38
  Think your own thoughts and trust me, if they're negative, they will pass. Yes. Don't spin. Don't spiral. Just let them come out. For me, by the time I freaking thought a thought, I was already had a scotch board and it wasn't.
• 59:54
  Believe me, it was already gone. The thought was gone before I even had the drink down my throat. So, guys, it's not the way. I'm so sorry. We've gone 60 minutes into this thing, and I haven't said one thing about your coaching program. How long does – what do you even call – I know it's on AmandaCuda.com. I know it's all over. Is it a 12-week program? What is your –
• 1:00:16
  By the way, we didn't say one word about AA. I didn't even – I think that you're an AA person. If you think you want AA, go to AA. But I'm telling you, this is another option. And I would choose her all the time over AA. And it's not a knock on AA. I just think that what she teaches, I've read her book. I know her personally. Yeah.
• 1:00:39
  you're going to get to the issue and get to the root and bear better fruit a lot faster. So talk about your program because I didn't put any questions in here and I apologize because that's what's beautiful about you. Yeah, I...
• 1:00:55
  I work with people for a minimum, either inside of my program or inside of a private coaching container. The program is for women only, but I do private coaching with men as well. And my minimum to do that is to get started is 12 weeks because I want you to have that 90 day springboard to really, really have some transformational change. And I think that anything under that is not,
• 1:01:15
  really going to be very helpful for you. So if you're someone who wants to commit to or has committed to and just needs a little extra push and encouragement and someone to stretch you into that next level, I think that that's my sweet spot is really helping people stretch into their greatness. And we start that work in the 12-week program that I run either one-on-one or with a group if you're a woman and want to have that kind of community support.
• 1:01:38
  Guys, this is the best investment you'll ever make. And it's the best. You'll make tenfold that money back. And if you pay for it, you'll take it seriously. So if you're going to invest in anything, invest in yourself. The best money ever spent. And she's a genius. I'll get right to the issue with you. So two final questions and we'll get you out of here. And what's your biggest fear? Oof. I...
• 1:02:07
  I think that my biggest fear, that's really hard because I feel like I've conquered so many of them. I feel like it is...
• 1:02:20
  Being alone, but not from a relationship standpoint. I think that the thing that makes me the most uncomfortable now is being surrounded by people and feeling lonely. And that sucks. It sucks when you are in that situation. And I could foresee myself in a situation like you were in, I think you said yesterday, where you're surrounded by people, but you don't feel connected. I think that that is such a sad thing.
• 1:02:43
  feeling and I try to not let it happen, but sometimes it does. And it's very depressing. It just feels very dismal.
• 1:02:51
  I did feel connected because I was with family who I was very much in, in, in love. And there was lots of love. You know, people weren't falling down, but I just, I didn't, I remember, I think a lot of it was just remembering how much I used to love that. And really I was just taking a minute to realize like, wow, I'm really proud of myself. I would have, I would have died six years ago when,
• 1:03:19
  If I would have said six years later, Kelly, you're going to be on a boat, but you're not going to have one drop of alcohol and you're going to love it. I guess I was just taking it in. My life had changed and it's so much better. And I wasn't judging, but I think I was in my feels. Yeah. And I want to say, I'm not an anti-group.
• 1:03:36
  get together type person, because I'll tell you what, I will find one person who I can connect with no matter where I'm at all the time, every time. And I will make the best of any situation, but there's still times when you walk into a place and for a second, you feel alone. And that is a scary feeling still to my nervous system. And I wouldn't say it's something that I sit in fear of, but when it happens, there's a sense of tension and I don't like it.
• 1:04:04
  Yeah, I've been alone my whole life. That doesn't bother me. I honestly don't know what bothers me anymore. I think just being truly bored where it's just not influential, inspiring conversation about big worldly things. I'll give you one. Like the freaking election right now. It's like I am so sick of one versus the other. We are all Americans. Can we just...
• 1:04:32
  freaking unite and, and, and just realize that we want the best country in the world. And if we divide each other, we're not going to get that. I'm so sick of this rhetoric. I can't, I just can't, the fighting is gotta stop. We've got to make advancements. Yeah. I've never seen it be like this. So I totally agree.
• 1:04:54
  We have to make change. There has to be. I think Joe Rogan said it best in his 2016 specialist. The founding father said, you guys haven't made any changes yet. We're still running the electoral college. You guys, we wrote that on a feather. It's like, oh. So anyways, last question. I'll get you out of here. If you could leave me with one piece of advice, what would it be? It would be that.
• 1:05:20
  who you and whoever is listening is your, the life that you dream of isn't put on your heart to taunt you or to be some fantasy. It's put there for a reason. And everyone I truly believe is capable of having that life. You just have to get out of your own way. And I know that that might sound simple or trite, especially if you're in some really
• 1:05:43
  shitty circumstances right now. And I will not believe that you are doomed for failure or you're doomed for sadness, sorrow, and depression. I know that there is something else available for you. And so I just want anyone who's listening to have that hope and that optimism in their life that you are deserving of a life beyond your wildest dreams. And I hope that you do the things that you need to do to find it.
• 1:06:10
  This is a book title, but I just feel like it's very fitting right here. Love yourself like your life depends on it because it does. Amanda Kuda, folks, amandakuda.com is beautiful. And I wish you all the best with your twinkle in your eye. And I love you very dearly. As I've always said to you, if there's anything that you need from me, you got it. And thanks for playing along today, man. Thanks for being on the Heart of a Life show. I loved it. Thanks so much, Kelly. Thanks.
• 1:06:40
  Please rate and share this podcast. I'm active on all social platforms and love to hear from my Segal supporters. Each and every episode is sponsored by my company, National Technology Management, the easiest and best IT company to do business with, delivering peace of mind with technology every day, even simplifying cybersecurity. Visit TrustNTM.com for more info. Until next week, be harder than life.