Latest / You Didn't Ask For This / 26 | Sit There and Die Mad About It

Transcript

26 | Sit There and Die Mad About It · You Didn't Ask For This

• 0:00
  Matt: So, Eric, I understand you just took a uh a journey to my hometown.
• 0:06
  Matt: Is that is that accurate?
• 0:07
  Eric: Well oh oh help me, Matthias Shay?
• 0:12
  Eric: Is that ye?
• 0:14
  Eric: Oh no.
• 0:15
  Eric: Ah do leva?
• 0:17
  Matt: Ah ha my goodness.
• 0:20
  Matt: This is how you want to start.
• 0:22
  Matt: This is your bit.
• 0:23
  Matt: You want to belittle the Amish people.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_02: No, Matthias, it wonders me.
• 0:28
  Eric: Matthias is it wonders me how how before before these times I did get along without leading a simpler life.
• 0:41
  Matt: Oh you know what I mean?
• 0:44
  Matt: I do.
• 0:44
  Matt: As the person who grew up in the in the bullseye of six different Amish farms, I do know the ways, the simple ways.
• 0:55
  Matt: Well, 'tis a gift to be Matthias after all.
• 0:58
  Eric: Well, you know, you know what they, meaning we, say, you know, blowing at smoke doesn't help.
• 1:03
  Eric: Oh, you're uh you're Amish now.
• 1:05
  Eric: That's that's that's what you're saying?
• 1:06
  Eric: Well well, Matthew, blowing at smoke doesn't help if the chimney is plugged.
• 1:09
  Eric: You know, you know what I mean?
• 1:12
  Matt: I do know what you mean.
• 1:13
  Eric: Like if you want a place in the sun, you're gonna have to expect some blisters, my friend.
• 1:17
  Matt: Okay, you were clearly reading off of prepared Amish idioms that you have researched somehow.
• 1:24
  Eric: Sis ushed, Matthew.
• 1:26
  Eric: No, no, no, no.
• 1:30
  Matt: How dare you?
• 1:32
  Matt: Okay, so what so what experience, Aerodiah, did you have that that caused you to see the ways of the Amish population?
• 1:41
  Eric: For sure and certain, Math Matthias.
• 1:44
  Eric: Uh I believe it was 'twas when uh we were pulling out of sheets.
• 1:52
  Matt: Yes, yes.
• 1:56
  Eric: So you were pulling out of sheets in your vehicle and and and my my sweetheart Samantha.
• 2:05
  Eric: Man, you were really struggling to keep this.
• 2:09
  Eric: Hush your fucking face.
• 2:11
  Eric: Um uh she she looked she looked behind behind us and and Lo and said onto me, uh-huh, oh hey, look, there's a horse and buggy.
• 2:23
  Matt: Yes, that's those those happen.
• 2:25
  Eric: Yeah, and that was my entire interaction with the Amish while I'm gonna do it.
• 2:29
  Eric: Wait, wait, wait.
• 2:30
  Matt: So a Amish buggy was behind you, the the preferred location of interacting with one on a street.
• 2:39
  Matt: That's what I've heard.
• 2:40
  Matt: And you that that was your entire exposure to the Amish population.
• 2:44
  Eric: Well, I mean, you know.
• 2:46
  Eric: Matt, need I remind you, difficulty is a is a miracle in its first stage.
• 2:52
  Eric: Like, do I need to remind now, Eric, ye of all people?
• 2:58
  Matt: It seems as though um you and I don't mean to insult you by any means, even though you did refer to me as approaching middle age in the last episode.
• 3:10
  Matt: Um uh you, I think, are a little too old to make the decision to jump to the Amish way of life, I'm afraid.
• 3:20
  Matt: I don't think they will you are you are not of Rumspringer age, my friend.
• 3:26
  Eric: Matt Matthias, I am I am a Jungi at heart.
• 3:30
  Matt: Are you?
• 3:31
  Matt: You don't even know these words.
• 3:33
  Matt: Yes, I do.
• 3:35
  Matt: Why?
• 3:35
  Matt: Because you have a dictionary in front of you?
• 3:38
  Matt: Stinkters.
• 3:39
  Matt: A Dutch.
• 3:43
  Matt: Okay, so did you partake in any traditional so Eric Eric Erdiah?
• 3:48
  Matt: Now that you Yes.
• 3:49
  Matt: Now that you emigrated to Amish country, uh-huh.
• 3:54
  Matt: Let me ask you this.
• 3:55
  Matt: For sure and certain.
• 3:56
  Matt: Mm-hmm.
• 3:57
  Matt: Uh, what uh of the the the uh trademark Amish uh products uh have you consumed?
• 4:05
  Matt: What of the trademark uh Amish activities have you performed?
• 4:10
  Matt: Tell me about your new way of life.
• 4:12
  Eric: I have I have supped of birch beer in another time.
• 4:16
  Matt: Okay.
• 4:17
  Eric: That that good good Pennsylvania Dutch shit.
• 4:20
  Eric: Um I have I have sat in many a fine chair that could have been built by Amish.
• 4:28
  Matt: That could have.
• 4:29
  Matt: That could have very well.
• 4:31
  Matt: What was what were the fine chairs made out of?
• 4:34
  Matt: The finest wood.
• 4:37
  Eric: Okay, I mean not very hard to guess that, but I I also once once of a time did did see upon the the devil box, I assume we call it that, uh, a an ad an an advertisement for uh a m a magical fireplace.
• 4:56
  Eric: A magical fireplace.
• 4:58
  Eric: And no, I will not tell you how those magical fireplaces work.
• 5:02
  Eric: That is a secret of my people.
• 5:04
  Matt: That is a secret of your people.
• 5:06
  Matt: Mm-hmm.
• 5:06
  Matt: Mm-hmm.
• 5:08
  Matt: Well, Eric, uh I have to say, congrat by the way, Eric, congratulations uh to you and Sam on your marriage, considering you have a beard, which only married men are permitted to have, after all, as you know.
• 5:24
  Matt: So I must have missed some fucking invitation.
• 5:27
  Eric: I'm just gonna have to bid you mock goot, my friend, if you're not gonna take this seriously.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, you're gonna mock goot me?
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_02: Mach goot, mine dude.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_02: Mach goot you, motherfucker.
• 5:48
  Matt: Hello, and welcome to another episode of You Didn't Ask for This, a podcast answering all of life's least pressing questions.
• 5:58
  Matt: My name's Matt Shea.
• 6:00
  Matt: Oh, my name is Eric Poach.
• 6:01
  Matt: And uh this is episode number 26.
• 6:04
  Matt: Uh this is a big one, Eric, because just this past Friday, uh this little podcast right here celebrated one year of its existence.
• 6:17
  Matt: Holy shit.
• 6:18
  Matt: One year since a centaur in Panara made its big splash onto the podcast waves.
• 6:27
  Eric: That can't it it simultaneously doesn't feel long enough, but feels like it was way longer than that.
• 6:35
  Matt: I mean it duh I mean it does truly feel that way.
• 6:38
  Matt: But yes, yes, October 8th was our uh Damn was was the drop of a centaur and Panera.
• 6:46
  Matt: So uh And here we are.
• 6:49
  Matt: And here we are, and I I just want to say right at the top, thank you to all the people who have who have joined us at any point in this journey.
• 6:59
  Eric: Yeah.
• 6:59
  Matt: Uh especially the people who've been here since the beginning submitting questions, especially and exclusively them.
• 7:07
  Matt: Okay.
• 7:08
  Matt: I I I feel as though that kind of undercuts my my first thanking of anyone who's joined us at you know at any point.
• 7:18
  Eric: Look, someone's gonna have to start gatekeeping this fandom, and until until we have a subreddit, it's gonna be me.
• 7:25
  Matt: To be honest, Eric, if we can I uh uh you know I can cut this.
• 7:28
  Matt: We can take this off the record for a hot second.
• 7:30
  Matt: Yeah, oh yeah, yeah.
• 7:30
  Matt: Lean in, lean in.
• 7:31
  Matt: I can't believe one of these people have not made a wiki for us.
• 7:34
  Matt: Can you believe that?
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_02: Not not even and there's so much fucking there.
• 7:38
  Matt: I mean, we how have we not created are we not world builders?
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_02: Are we not are we not the music makers?
• 7:46
  Matt: I made a whole Amazon account uh to to review things as a butler.
• 7:52
  Eric: I I once almost called an outback in Australia.
• 7:57
  Matt: I once did call a Hooters.
• 7:59
  Matt: Like, come the fuck on, people.
• 8:02
  Matt: And how much fucking Yerba Mate are we gonna endorse?
• 8:05
  Matt: How much?
• 8:07
  Matt: Come on.
• 8:08
  Eric: But we're glad you're here.
• 8:10
  Matt: Yes, anyway, uh uh thank you for joining us, of course.
• 8:13
  Matt: And uh oh, I think uh I think we got a good one for you today with some some fresh question submitters.
• 8:20
  Matt: We we love we love new blood.
• 8:23
  Matt: So by all means, submit your questions to you didn't ask for this at gmail.com or the letter you didn't ask pod uh on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook.
• 8:33
  Matt: Wherever you want to, really.
• 8:34
  Eric: Yeah, and and and just to kind of like part the veil here a little bit, like part it.
• 8:38
  Eric: New question submitters know this.
• 8:41
  Eric: When we are going through the queue, the the sheer excitement that we feel when we see a username that we don't immediately recognize, unparalleled.
• 8:52
  Eric: Unparalleled.
• 8:53
  Eric: Like we jump on that shit.
• 8:54
  Matt: Yes.
• 8:55
  Matt: Uh and uh so we do have a brand uh we have a fresh question submitted today, and we do, of course, have two uh, you know, fit uh longtime fans uh writing into us today as well.
• 9:08
  Matt: And one of them, Eric, yeah, before we uh have even decided to discuss it here, uh, was discussed on a on another uh publication.
• 9:19
  Matt: Were we on a call out video?
• 9:21
  Matt: We I think we were on a call out video.
• 9:23
  Matt: Were we called the fuck out?
• 9:25
  Matt: So we'll uh you know that's a little teaser for a question coming up later, uh, in which a desperate plea for our judgment was put out into the world.
• 9:35
  Matt: Oh, I'm judging.
• 9:36
  Matt: Oh, we'll we're gonna judge, all right.
• 9:38
  Matt: So we're gonna go back to that in a second.
• 9:40
  Matt: Dope.
• 9:41
  Matt: But for right now, Eric, uh, should we get started with a question?
• 9:44
  Matt: Oh, yes, Matthew.
• 9:46
  Matt: Excellent.
• 9:47
  Matt: Uh our first question today comes from Twitter.
• 9:52
  Matt: And it comes from at Sabre628, who asks, what are acceptable toppings for toast?
• 10:02
  Matt: What are unacceptable toppings?
• 10:06
  Eric: Begin.
• 10:07
  Eric: Um I do like that the the question was uh not what are good toppings for toast.
• 10:14
  Eric: What are acceptable toppings for toast?
• 10:16
  Matt: Yeah.
• 10:16
  Matt: We're lowering that bar now.
• 10:19
  Matt: Yes.
• 10:19
  Matt: What are acceptable toppings, not what are good.
• 10:22
  Matt: So this this doesn't have a definitive ranking to it because we're just trying to find the I think what we're doing is we're finding the line.
• 10:29
  Eric: How about how about this?
• 10:30
  Eric: Here's here's what we're gonna do.
• 10:31
  Eric: We're gonna start, let's start like what we consider to be the top, like you know, like things we like to put on toast, and let's just start slowly naming things that like yeah, all right.
• 10:40
  Eric: How about that?
• 10:41
  Matt: Yeah, I think you're onto something.
• 10:42
  Matt: Let's we'll start saying things that have been put on toast.
• 10:47
  Matt: Yes.
• 10:47
  Matt: Okay, so uh let me let me go ahead, Eric.
• 10:50
  Matt: Why don't you start?
• 10:51
  Matt: Peanut butter.
• 10:54
  Matt: Jelly.
• 10:55
  Matt: Brave.
• 10:56
  Matt: Thank you.
• 10:56
  Matt: I'm a trailblazer.
• 10:58
  Eric: Everyone thinks so.
• 10:59
  Eric: Uh uh cream cheese.
• 11:03
  Eric: Just regular old butter.
• 11:06
  unknown: Butter.
• 11:07
  Eric: Butter with sugar cinnamon.
• 11:09
  Matt: Oh cinnamon sugar.
• 11:12
  Matt: Absolutely, absolutely.
• 11:14
  Matt: Uh like a like a cheese spread.
• 11:17
  Matt: Ooh, get give me that, give me some that port wine.
• 11:21
  Eric: You ever had port wine cheese?
• 11:22
  Eric: Fucking hell.
• 11:23
  Eric: I haven't.
• 11:23
  Eric: I haven't had the pleasure.
• 11:24
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 11:25
  Matt: I haven't had the pleasure of port wine.
• 11:28
  Eric: Um Nutella.
• 11:30
  Matt: Nutella, absolutely, got it.
• 11:33
  Matt: That that's a classic.
• 11:34
  Matt: Yeah.
• 11:34
  Matt: Uh well, okay.
• 11:35
  Matt: Let me start branching out a little bit because this is this is not something that I would have as a base, but it is something people spread on toast as part of a specific meal.
• 11:45
  Matt: Okay.
• 11:46
  Matt: Mayonnaise.
• 11:47
  Eric: Oh, yeah, for sure, for sure.
• 11:49
  Matt: People make grilled cheeses with that.
• 11:51
  Eric: Yes.
• 11:51
  Eric: It is unorthodox, but it is.
• 11:54
  Eric: I have done it.
• 11:54
  Eric: It's good.
• 11:55
  Eric: People like it.
• 11:55
  Eric: People like it.
• 11:57
  Eric: Um, let's hit it with like uh, you know, some uh put some bananas on some toast.
• 12:04
  Matt: That's not a wait, wait, uh if you're making like a I I guess it is a topping.
• 12:10
  Matt: It's a topping.
• 12:10
  Matt: It's a topping.
• 12:11
  Eric: I'm trying, I'm trying to like, we're trying to veer now.
• 12:14
  Matt: It says water.
• 12:15
  Matt: I was only thinking, you know, most mostly liquids is what I was going with.
• 12:20
  Matt: Or liquidous solids.
• 12:21
  Matt: But it you're correct.
• 12:23
  Matt: It does say topping.
• 12:25
  Matt: Toppings.
• 12:26
  Matt: So that actually I feel like does open an oven.
• 12:28
  Matt: Absolutely, bananas.
• 12:30
  Matt: Specifically, I'd say you put some peanut butter on there, some banana slices on top of the peanut butter.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe a little, maybe a little, a little marshmallow cream if you're feeling a little bust.
• 12:38
  Matt: A little fluff?
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_02: Little fluff and little fluff on there?
• 12:41
  Matt: A little fluffinutter?
• 12:42
  Matt: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 12:44
  Matt: Okay, let's um, Eric, uh, why don't I I think we're we've been playing it pretty safe.
• 12:48
  Matt: So why don't you why don't you throw out something else?
• 12:50
  Eric: Let's get let's get brave.
• 12:51
  Eric: Let's get brave.
• 12:53
  Eric: A second piece of toast.
• 12:56
  Matt: Um Questionable, but acceptable.
• 12:59
  Eric: Yeah.
• 13:00
  Eric: At that point, you're just eating.
• 13:01
  Eric: You're just eating a nothing sandwich.
• 13:03
  Eric: You're eating.
• 13:04
  Eric: You're just eating.
• 13:05
  Eric: You're just eating.
• 13:05
  Eric: That's just eating.
• 13:06
  Eric: You're just eating.
• 13:06
  Eric: How fuck okay, but Matt, let me hit you with this.
• 13:09
  Eric: Topping might be too open.
• 13:10
  Eric: I want to ask you on a moral, on a moral and ethical level.
• 13:14
  Eric: I have a piece of toast and I top it with a piece of untoasted bread.
• 13:18
  Eric: Oh god.
• 13:22
  Matt: I would write uh I would write an article about you on Medium immediately.
• 13:26
  Matt: Yes.
• 13:27
  Matt: Uh I would lie, I would live tweet you.
• 13:32
  Eric: With avocado shortages across the nation.
• 13:35
  Eric: Oh, avocado, of course.
• 13:36
  Matt: Oh, avocado for sure.
• 13:38
  Matt: The word topping might make this too broad, because really anything could be a topping.
• 13:42
  Matt: Anything could be a topping.
• 13:44
  Matt: So, okay, so but but I think if I were to interpret, I'm interpreting this as I just want a piece of toast, but I want to put something on that toast to zhuzh it up a bit.
• 13:54
  Eric: So, like, okay, so we are reaching like towards the middle of the breakfast table, and like there's you know, various jars of shit.
• 14:01
  Eric: What would be the thing that someone reaches for?
• 14:03
  Eric: You're like, you're not gonna put that on toast, are you?
• 14:06
  Matt: Right, because like if you think of like avocado toast, sure, that that's still toast, but that's like going into meal.
• 14:11
  Eric: We're almost we're halfway to a sandwich.
• 14:14
  Matt: Well, that's certainly at very least, that is heavy snack.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_02: Heavy snackage.
• 14:20
  Matt: Like I'm talking like when I make the peanut butter banana slice on toast situation, that is a snack that I'll have with a with like a coffee or something.
• 14:30
  Matt: Yeah you know, yep.
• 14:32
  Matt: I don't if I just want toast, if I say to myself, ooh, I'm gonna have a piece of toast.
• 14:37
  Matt: You need to be able to eat at sans plate.
• 14:39
  Matt: You need it, yeah, yes, yes, I agree.
• 14:41
  Matt: You have to be able to eat at sans plate.
• 14:43
  Matt: Like do the classic because otherwise we're gonna be here all day.
• 14:46
  Eric: Exactly.
• 14:47
  Eric: And you you do the classic, like, you're you're out of the door, you've got one arm in a jacket, and the toast is like in your fucking mouth with this topping on it.
• 14:56
  Matt: And you like, okay, I got I've toasted the thing.
• 14:58
  Matt: What am I gonna put on it?
• 15:00
  Matt: You look into the fridge and you grab the first condiment you see, which just so happens to be honey mustard.
• 15:08
  Eric: Honey mustard.
• 15:09
  Matt: How do you feel about honey mustard?
• 15:10
  Matt: Savory toast.
• 15:11
  Matt: I've never tried it.
• 15:12
  Matt: I'll tell you this.
• 15:13
  Eric: Honestly, I'm not mad at it.
• 15:15
  Eric: I think the mustards could work because it really depends on the brand of honey mustard.
• 15:19
  Matt: Because I will say that I have had grilled cheeses and such that have like a like a Dijon mustard mayo combination as it's as a sprit.
• 15:32
  Matt: Yep.
• 15:33
  Matt: So imagining all the other stuff of that meal gone, the the cheese and whatnot, just having bread and like a Dijon mix.
• 15:41
  Matt: Stone ground Dijon.
• 15:42
  Matt: I feel like the I feel like the mustard family works well.
• 15:44
  Eric: I feel like the mustard family is in.
• 15:47
  Eric: I feel like ketchup is right the fuck out.
• 15:50
  Matt: Yep.
• 15:51
  Matt: Yep, that's a hard sell.
• 15:53
  Eric: Just ketchup.
• 15:54
  Matt: Now, I have long maintained, and I think I think we have a future debate about this ahead of the stuff.
• 15:59
  Eric: Besides you wouldn't be reaching into the fridge for ketchup anyway.
• 16:02
  Eric: Go on.
• 16:02
  Matt: I thought I put you in your place last episode about that.
• 16:05
  Matt: Anyway, moving on.
• 16:09
  Matt: So we have uh I I think we have a debate brewing down the road.
• 16:15
  Matt: Down the pipeline.
• 16:16
  Matt: I've always believed and still believe, and we'll fight and we'll die on the hill, that ranch dressing can be put on anything.
• 16:24
  Eric: Okay.
• 16:24
  Eric: No, yeah, I'd I'd fucks with that.
• 16:27
  Matt: But it does feel like this might be the one Well, I no, because the thing is, I will I'll dip absolutely anything in ranch dressing.
• 16:37
  Matt: And so if I was eating a sandwich or something with a salad and I had some bits of toast from my sandwich leftover, I'm dipping that shit in my left in my spilled ranch.
• 16:46
  Matt: Absolutely.
• 16:46
  Eric: 100%.
• 16:47
  Eric: Sop that shit up.
• 16:48
  Matt: Let me hit you with this.
• 16:49
  Eric: Caesar?
• 16:50
  Matt: Oh.
• 16:50
  Eric: Would you do Caesar?
• 16:51
  Eric: I might do Caesar.
• 16:54
  Matt: I might do Caesar, but see, like, the for me personally, the presence of Caesar dressing makes my mouth go.
• 17:01
  Matt: And where is the chicken?
• 17:03
  Eric: Yeah, but you are essentially eating a giant crouton.
• 17:06
  Eric: Like you're almost there.
• 17:07
  Matt: You're almost right.
• 17:09
  Matt: You're absolutely right.
• 17:10
  Matt: Um so these are all but everything we're discussing now are spreads.
• 17:14
  Eric: Yeah.
• 17:15
  Eric: We're getting like I feel like we're we're so ketchup family is out.
• 17:18
  Matt: Yes, yeah, that's true.
• 17:19
  Matt: I was about to say, are we saying that all spreadables are good, but ketchup is out.
• 17:25
  Matt: Yeah, ketchup's out.
• 17:26
  Matt: Ketchup's right the fuck out.
• 17:27
  Matt: What about, you know what, actually?
• 17:29
  Matt: I know I said the mustard family works, but what about yellow mustard?
• 17:35
  Matt: Well, I mean, you'd you'd have that on a hot dog bun.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_02: I'd have it on a hot dog bun.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_02: Honestly, honestly.
• 17:43
  Eric: I don't know why my brain did this, but as soon as you said yellow mustard, my I my immediate like my my defense mechanism in my head just like, well, I'm gonna need some freshly cracked pepper and salt on that.
• 17:53
  Eric: Like I feel like I feel and I feel like that's doable.
• 17:55
  Matt: Well, yeah, but at that point, you're what I think you're trying to do is you're trying to turn it into Dijon.
• 18:00
  Matt: I exactly.
• 18:01
  Matt: Um you're trying to turn it into another mustard.
• 18:04
  Eric: We're trying, we're doing fucking triage on mustard.
• 18:09
  Eric: Oh, he's going yellow on me.
• 18:10
  Eric: We got to coke yellow.
• 18:11
  unknown: Fuck.
• 18:12
  Eric: Um so, but no, I would.
• 18:16
  Eric: If it was if if it was one of those days like where it's like you got that kind of hungry where you're like, I don't care what it is, I just need- Well, I if you got that kind of hungry, there's no no no telling what concoction you can come up with.
• 18:29
  Eric: Exact but I tell you what I won't do, ketchup.
• 18:31
  Eric: No, no, no.
• 18:33
  Eric: There's no level of hungry.
• 18:34
  Matt: I do think ketchup is an unacceptable topping.
• 18:37
  Matt: And then I think we can also agree that like there are uh unacceptable uh salads for sure.
• 18:44
  Eric: Well, yeah.
• 18:45
  Matt: That's like a whole that's a whole I mean like you wouldn't put Cheese Its.
• 18:51
  Matt: Cheese cheese it.
• 18:52
  Matt: Yeah, you know, don't put yeah, like saltines, cheese-its, like like anything that has also been toasted in and of itself.
• 19:01
  Eric: Yeah.
• 19:01
  Eric: I'm not trying to go all in on the bread here.
• 19:04
  Matt: You can't put croutons on there.
• 19:06
  Matt: No, no, no.
• 19:07
  Eric: I mean you can't, but no, it'd be great.
• 19:08
  Eric: It'd be yeah, it's your mouth, your mouth would be so dry.
• 19:11
  Matt: You get like a what about this?
• 19:13
  Matt: You use your Caesar suggestion, then you put out a couple of broken up croutons on top of it.
• 19:17
  Matt: Okay, I would fuck with that.
• 19:18
  Matt: I would fuck with that.
• 19:19
  Eric: I would put that in predicated on a liquid, Matthew.
• 19:22
  Eric: I just we just did we just invent Caesar toast?
• 19:26
  Eric: You won't believe what millennials are doing now.
• 19:29
  Eric: First, they killed Applebees.
• 19:32
  Matt: Now oh man.
• 19:34
  Matt: Um Okay, yeah, so it I I like drawing the line at ketchup, but what do you think it is about the ketchup?
• 19:43
  Matt: Man, just makes it unacceptable.
• 19:45
  Matt: It's just like like fuck ketchup on toast.
• 19:48
  Matt: Well, ketchup is like, sure, you do put it on like a burger or a hot dog, even though I have strong feelings about that.
• 19:57
  Matt: I'm sure you do.
• 19:58
  Matt: I recognize that people do it.
• 20:00
  Matt: But you don't just I mean, that's like inserted amongst other flavors.
• 20:07
  Matt: You you dip fries into ketchup, or you s you spread the ketchup over fries.
• 20:12
  Eric: Yeah.
• 20:13
  Matt: But you never just say, ooh, let me let me take a spoon to this ketchup.
• 20:19
  Eric: Yeah, no, like uh that no.
• 20:23
  Matt: Because it it wants something else to be involved in it.
• 20:25
  Matt: It needs something to be involved.
• 20:28
  Matt: It needs something to be involved.
• 20:29
  Matt: And if it's just the toast is really the presentation of the topping.
• 20:35
  Matt: Yeah, yes, yes, it is a vehicle for like have you ever had plain toast?
• 20:41
  Matt: Just plain toast?
• 20:43
  Matt: I mean, like by choice?
• 20:44
  Eric: No, fuck no.
• 20:45
  Eric: Okay, thank God for that modifier.
• 20:47
  Matt: I was like, my brain was like, I'm sure I have had a plain piece of toast because I've put something in the toaster and then been like, wait, wait, wait, where is anything wet?
• 20:57
  Matt: Where's my Dijon?
• 20:59
  Matt: Wait, wait, wait.
• 21:00
  Matt: Let me find a pickle or something.
• 21:02
  Eric: I think we're on to it.
• 21:04
  Eric: If here here it is, Matt.
• 21:06
  Eric: If it is a jar of something that you are perfectly comfortable, like just sticking a finger into and eating that, or like by itself, put that shit on toast.
• 21:17
  Matt: If it I'll I'll expand it just a tiny bit.
• 21:20
  Matt: If it comes in a container that is meant for a knife to go into.
• 21:28
  Matt: If it if it goes then it is solidly acceptable.
• 21:31
  Matt: The first time you open the container, it goes you're good.
• 21:34
  Matt: You're good.
• 21:36
  Matt: Yeah, if there's a seal, if there's a pressure seal, you're good.
• 21:43
  Eric: Oh man.
• 21:44
  Matt: Um I think we fucking nailed it.
• 21:46
  Matt: I think we nailed it.
• 21:47
  Matt: Ketchup unacceptable.
• 21:49
  Matt: Unacceptable.
• 21:49
  Matt: Hard.
• 21:50
  Matt: Anything meant to be spread, acceptable.
• 21:54
  Matt: Yeah.
• 21:55
  Matt: And then I'd say like 80% of whatever's on your fridge door can go.
• 22:00
  Matt: Fridge door rules accepting ketchup.
• 22:02
  Eric: Yes, yes, yes, yes.
• 22:04
  Matt: Uh, there you go.
• 22:05
  Matt: There's the there's the line, folks.
• 22:07
  Matt: Ketchup is the line for acceptable toast toppings.
• 22:11
  Matt: Ketchup is the line, and we will hold it.
• 22:14
  Matt: So uh Sabre 628, thank you so much for the question.
• 22:18
  Matt: Uh now, Eric, yeah, would you like to uh present us with our second victim of the day?
• 22:25
  Eric: Absolutely.
• 22:26
  Eric: So, this question comes from our good good friend, A Lexalee on Instagram.
• 22:32
  Eric: When you're going to your car and someone is in the spot next to your car and they're about to get out of their vehicle, do you do elevator rules?
• 22:44
  Eric: So that's where you know they get out before you go in, or is this road rules where you, the pedestrian, have the right of way and then you get in and then they may exit their car?
• 22:56
  unknown: Yeah.
• 22:56
  Matt: So yeah, sort of a roundabout way of saying if you're walking up to your car and somebody's trying to get out of it, who goes first?
• 23:06
  Matt: What the fuck do you do?
• 23:07
  Matt: What happens?
• 23:08
  Matt: So, okay, so I do think her inclusion of the elevator rules is pretty um universal because I feel like only a monster tries to get in an elevator when somebody's coming out of it.
• 23:22
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 23:23
  Eric: Oh, oh, oh my god.
• 23:25
  Eric: I think I I get I derive a grim satisfaction though when I'm with a group of people and I see someone like like and they do that thing where like the elevator has arrived and you know there are people on it.
• 23:38
  Eric: Like just by reading the elevator runes or whatever.
• 23:42
  Eric: Like you you you've done the calculus, there have to be bodies on this elevator.
• 23:46
  Eric: Um, and they step right the fuck up to the door, and I love being the one to get to go, whoa, whoa, bro, bro, people are getting off.
• 23:53
  Eric: Like, I just I I derive like it is just a wonderful like I I feel like a paladin on behalf of the people in that elevator.
• 24:01
  Matt: Like, no, there are rules.
• 24:04
  Matt: Yes, yes.
• 24:05
  Matt: You're you're like the uh you're like the river man on the the river sticks, yes guiding guiding people up and down the shaft.
• 24:15
  Matt: Oh innuendos abound there.
• 24:18
  Matt: Now the Yep, make your own joke here, folks.
• 24:22
  Matt: Insert easy, insert low-hanging fruit joke here.
• 24:25
  Matt: Uh so leaving the shaft behind.
• 24:29
  Matt: Fuck.
• 24:30
  Matt: You're walking up to your car, Eric.
• 24:31
  Matt: Yep.
• 24:32
  Matt: Soft top.
• 24:33
  Matt: Soft top.
• 24:34
  Matt: Somebody is next to you.
• 24:36
  Matt: And so in order for this to really be an issue, we have to we have to state, I think, it needs to be somebody parked on your driver's side who has a passenger.
• 24:47
  Matt: Who has a passenger or is facing the other way somehow.
• 24:52
  Matt: Yeah.
• 24:53
  Matt: Exactly.
• 24:53
  Matt: For whatever, yeah.
• 24:54
  Matt: They did a pull through.
• 24:55
  Matt: They did a pull through.
• 24:56
  Matt: But either way, they're on the driver's side.
• 24:58
  Matt: So actually, let's go with the pull-through rule.
• 25:00
  Matt: Let's go with the pull through.
• 25:01
  Matt: And are you a pull-through kind of man or do you back into your spaces?
• 25:04
  Matt: I so here's my here's my thing about backing into spaces.
• 25:07
  Matt: Yeah.
• 25:08
  Matt: I back into spaces when it will not inconvenience anybody around me.
• 25:13
  Matt: Oh, absolutely.
• 25:15
  Matt: I am not somebody who like any anytime I'm parking my car for the night or whatever, I have to back in.
• 25:21
  Matt: If if nobody is around me and there's like a tiny spot that I can back into, okay, maybe.
• 25:26
  Matt: But if I think it's gonna be a production, no way.
• 25:29
  Matt: Because here's something that I here's something I firmly believe, Eric.
• 25:32
  Matt: Yep.
• 25:33
  Matt: And you t and if you disagree, by all means tell me.
• 25:35
  Matt: Hit me with this hot take.
• 25:37
  Matt: If you are going to back into a spot, particularly if you are going to back into a spot in a public parking lot with other active cars in the parking lot, you better get that shit right in one go.
• 25:52
  Matt: One swoop, baby.
• 25:53
  Matt: If you don't do it, if you can't do it, if you don't have the confidence and the skill to do a back in in one try, one take wonder, you have no business backing into a space in public.
• 26:05
  Matt: No, no, no.
• 26:06
  Matt: That's how I feel.
• 26:07
  Eric: Yeah.
• 26:07
  Eric: I I I'll I'll pull in like 90% of that.
• 26:09
  Eric: You know, the the fuck thing, I know I'm having a good mental health day.
• 26:13
  Eric: If I'm like, you know what?
• 26:14
  Eric: I'm gonna back into the spot.
• 26:16
  Matt: Between backing, between back, I will say in parking in general, I always look for a pull through.
• 26:22
  Matt: Always.
• 26:22
  Matt: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 26:23
  Matt: Sometimes Lindsay will park uh next to a pull through.
• 26:28
  Matt: Like she'll park behind a car with a perfectly valid pull-through right next to her.
• 26:33
  Eric: Oh, Lindsay! Oh my god.
• 26:35
  Matt: I know, right?
• 26:36
  Matt: That that's like nails on a chalkboard to my soul.
• 26:38
  Matt: I'm like, uh Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 26:41
  Matt: It's yeah, it's like that film, So I Married an Axe Murderer.
• 26:45
  Matt: So, so we're in the parking lot.
• 26:49
  Eric: So we're in the parking lot.
• 26:51
  Eric: Cars are next to each other.
• 26:53
  Eric: Yes.
• 26:56
  Eric: Um, so uh honestly, what I do is it see, this used to be easy for me.
• 27:03
  Eric: Like way back in the day.
• 27:05
  Eric: Pre-jeep?
• 27:06
  Eric: No, no, no, no.
• 27:08
  Eric: Like, it used to be easy for me because like a lot more people, and this isn't me like all these fucking people that no, it's just like it's a lot more common.
• 27:16
  Eric: I've noticed this with a lot of my friends now.
• 27:19
  Eric: You park and then you just kind of hang out in your car for a bit and just dick around on your phone, kind of like mentally amping yourself up to go be among humanity.
• 27:27
  Eric: Sure, and I value that, I get that, I respect that.
• 27:30
  Eric: Yeah, so like oftentimes I don't know what's happening, but if if I'm able to like make eye contact with them in any way, I'll give them the oh come on.
• 27:40
  unknown: Oh come come on out.
• 27:41
  unknown: Sure.
• 27:42
  Eric: Like I'm trying to like negotiate with them, like no, come come on out.
• 27:46
  Matt: Somebody's gotta tell somebody has to make an indication.
• 27:50
  Matt: Yes.
• 27:51
  Matt: If you have eye contact, if you have eye contact, it's infinitely easier.
• 27:56
  Matt: But if for some reason you don't, yeah, like let's say it's two regular cars next to each other and the the people are getting out, you have a passenger where your driver's seat is.
• 28:07
  Matt: I think I personally am waiting, but I would say there's a window.
• 28:13
  Matt: Oh, there is a window.
• 28:14
  Matt: Because if you if I see you like I if I see you actively getting out of the car, I'm not gonna make this a thing.
• 28:21
  Matt: Why would I do that?
• 28:22
  Eric: No.
• 28:23
  Matt: I think it you know what it is?
• 28:24
  Matt: It might be, you know what it might be instead of elevator rules?
• 28:28
  Matt: It might be intersection rules, it might be four-way stop rules.
• 28:32
  Matt: Oh, okay.
• 28:33
  Matt: Where whoever got there first has the right way.
• 28:38
  Matt: So if they pull in, yeah, for oh hold on, I'll say this.
• 28:43
  Matt: If they pull into this spot while I'm actively trying to get to my door, they're an asshole.
• 28:48
  Eric: Yo, yo, 100%.
• 28:50
  Eric: I that's not a good thing.
• 28:51
  Matt: I don't I don't think I've ever encountered that situation.
• 28:54
  Matt: That's a that's a death sentence where I'm from in Lancaster.
• 28:57
  Matt: Right.
• 28:57
  Matt: So you So you have to assume that uh the the person parked got there first.
• 29:04
  Matt: Yes.
• 29:05
  Matt: They've knew that you know the that key is newly turned, yeah, or that that push button start is newly unpushed, and the car is turned off.
• 29:16
  Matt: It's still like clicking.
• 29:17
  Eric: You still hear the engine kind of doing the little clicky thing.
• 29:20
  Matt: Doing its little click thing.
• 29:21
  Matt: And people are in in process of gathering their belongings or whatever they need to exit their vehicle.
• 29:28
  Matt: In that case, I think I'm waiting.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 29:31
  Matt: I'm waiting.
• 29:32
  Matt: But if I'm waiting anywhere upwards of uh after 30 after 30 seconds, I'm getting impatient.
• 29:40
  unknown: Yep.
• 29:41
  Matt: And after a minute, I'm definitely getting in my car, no matter what the fuck you're doing.
• 29:45
  Eric: After, oh, after a minute, a minute's an eternity.
• 29:48
  Matt: See, like that's an eternity to be standing there, to be standing there with whatever you just purchased in a bag.
• 29:54
  Eric: Yeah, no, no, that's a no for me, dog.
• 29:56
  Eric: Because like I'm with you when you say there's a window because here's Poach's window.
• 30:00
  Eric: Yeah, you know what?
• 30:00
  Eric: I'm thinking about it.
• 30:02
  Eric: My window's too long.
• 30:02
  Eric: Yeah, I was saying your window's too long because my window, you've got like 15 seconds for for like to try to make eye contact, yes, try to establish communication, maybe another five to 10 second grace period, but after that, my anxiety brain kicks in, and now I'm like, oh, I'm gonna make them feel really bad.
• 30:22
  Eric: I'm gonna pretend this isn't my car.
• 30:25
  Eric: I'm just standing here.
• 30:26
  Eric: I don't know why.
• 30:27
  Eric: I and that's why I need like it's so important.
• 30:31
  Eric: I'm like, one of us needs to do something because I'm gonna have to like look like I have a reason to be here that isn't my car, and I hate this.
• 30:37
  Matt: I respect that you you are you're being cautious of your anxiety brain.
• 30:43
  Matt: My anxiety brain might also get flared up, but that's when anxiety brain's friend and protector rage comes first.
• 30:53
  Matt: To says, no, no, you're not gonna make him anxious right now.
• 30:56
  Matt: He's already wondering about his place in the world.
• 30:59
  Matt: He can't deal with this.
• 31:01
  Matt: So instead, I'm just gonna be pissed off now.
• 31:05
  Matt: And I, you know what I might do first as a concession?
• 31:08
  Matt: Yeah.
• 31:08
  Matt: If if I do have something.
• 31:09
  Matt: If I do, no, seriously, if I do have something, if I've gone to a store or whatever, I might make the very unnecessary trip to my passenger door.
• 31:20
  Matt: Oh yes! To place my thing in the seat or even in the back seat.
• 31:25
  Matt: The pro move to give them even more indication of hey, I'm fucking here now.
• 31:32
  Eric: There's something happening and it needs your attention.
• 31:35
  Matt: Uh yes, yes.
• 31:38
  Matt: Short of checking under the hood, yeah, I need you to notice me.
• 31:44
  Matt: And so they that so that would be my first tab.
• 31:47
  Matt: And then I'd say around the 30-second mark.
• 31:49
  Matt: You were you were right to cut my estimates in half.
• 31:53
  Matt: I would say around that mark is when I am just saying, okay, fuck it.
• 31:58
  Matt: And I I will go right from my door and jump in.
• 32:02
  Matt: Yep.
• 32:03
  Matt: And then honestly, honestly, then I'm probably gonna be real slow.
• 32:06
  Matt: I'm gonna be real slow.
• 32:07
  Matt: Oh, you're gonna take your time.
• 32:08
  Matt: I'm gonna take my time.
• 32:10
  Matt: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 32:11
  Matt: Yeah.
• 32:11
  Matt: Because you delayed me, so it's only fair that I delay you.
• 32:14
  Eric: Oh, oh, vengeance.
• 32:17
  Matt: Vengeance shall be mine.
• 32:19
  Matt: Vengeance.
• 32:20
  Matt: You wouldn't know anything about this ever since you gave up the soft top in favor of your buggy.
• 32:26
  Matt: Yay, verily.
• 32:29
  Matt: Um, okay, so I guess what that means ultimately is the person in the parked car whoever has the right of way.
• 32:39
  Eric: Whoever was physically there first.
• 32:42
  Matt: Yes.
• 32:43
  Matt: Because that does allow for the the astonishing exception of somebody pulling into a spot if you were already walking to your car.
• 32:53
  Eric: Which is like short of arson.
• 32:58
  Eric: Like probably the worst thing you could do to another human being.
• 33:02
  Matt: Like, no, you would you'd have to first.
• 33:04
  Matt: I like that you mentioned arson and not murder, first of all.
• 33:07
  Matt: Uh so the uh what I'm suggesting is you are like rounding the dry the corner, the driver's side corner to your car in an open spot, and somebody pulls in despite the fact that they see you there.
• 33:23
  Eric: That that is when Eric Rage brain kicks in.
• 33:25
  Eric: That is when I just start screaming in my head, I hope you tear your ACL.
• 33:29
  Matt: No, what you what you do in that situation if you're the driver is you stop and until the person's in their vehicle.
• 33:39
  Matt: Yeah.
• 33:40
  Matt: And then you complete the turn.
• 33:42
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 33:42
  SPEAKER_02: There's no run.
• 33:43
  SPEAKER_02: And like, ah fucking, they know you're there.
• 33:45
  SPEAKER_02: They're gonna get in.
• 33:46
  Matt: Yeah.
• 33:47
  Matt: It's yeah, just relax, man.
• 33:49
  Eric: Just relax.
• 33:50
  SPEAKER_02: Just fucking chill.
• 33:52
  Eric: That's that's the only time I'd say it's okay to like kind of hold things up.
• 33:56
  Eric: Because like, especially if spots are tight, you know what I mean?
• 33:59
  Eric: Like, if if it's one of those, like, I'm on my fourth or fifth pass up and down these lanes, I find I'm like, oh, we're gonna hold on.
• 34:06
  Eric: I don't people behind me, I'm like, you can sit there and be die mad about it.
• 34:10
  Eric: We're gonna let this person get safely in their vehicle.
• 34:13
  Matt: Right now, my apartment complex is like renovating the garage floor by floor, and they're like shutting a floor down.
• 34:21
  Eric: Is that where they keep the shopping carts?
• 34:23
  Matt: No, the shopping carts are just fucking everywhere.
• 34:25
  Matt: Oh, yeah.
• 34:25
  Matt: Uh you know, hold on.
• 34:28
  Matt: There's another side tangent.
• 34:29
  Matt: It is a little bit of a circle back follow-up, but I'll circle back and follow up to it in a minute.
• 34:34
  Matt: So, so now one whole floor at a time is being closed of the parking garage, and as a result, chaos rains.
• 34:43
  Matt: You know, after like nine nine o'clock, there's just no spots.
• 34:48
  Matt: There's like three spots in the whole thing left.
• 34:50
  Matt: So people are just circling, and it's like Mad Max Fury Road out there, baby.
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_02: Damn.
• 34:55
  Matt: Now, my circle back follow-up is I had a we had a large package delivered to the house.
• 35:02
  Matt: Uh, so it's down in the leasing office, you know, you gotta go get it to the delivery room.
• 35:08
  Matt: Um, and so I we go I was like, you know what I need for this?
• 35:12
  Matt: I need a shopping cart.
• 35:14
  Matt: It'll make it'll make everything easier.
• 35:16
  Matt: Let me go get a shopping cart.
• 35:18
  Matt: And so I went out to the fracking garage and where they're always is in a corner somewhere.
• 35:26
  Matt: There's always one of these carts about, nowhere to be found.
• 35:32
  Matt: Fuck.
• 35:33
  Matt: Eventually, I like Lindsay and I uh eventually went to get this pup this thing together, and I first we were going in and out of stairwells like there's got to be a shopping cart around here somewhere.
• 35:44
  Matt: Uh so no, they're they're never where you need them, but they're everywhere else in this complex.
• 35:51
  Matt: Um so that's a little bit of a follow-up to a previous cold open.
• 35:57
  Matt: Now, uh I think we answered the question.
• 35:59
  Matt: I think we answered the question.
• 36:01
  Matt: Uh so let's put that one in the ground.
• 36:04
  Matt: Thank you, Lexi.
• 36:06
  Matt: And start fresh with uh with a with a big question that has come to us from Amy Sanka Coffee Face, but it was but it was discussed on Updog PM's Twitch stream.
• 36:25
  Matt: Now, Matt, I have a question.
• 36:27
  Matt: Sure.
• 36:28
  Matt: What's the name of that stream again?
• 36:30
  Matt: I believe it's Up Dog PM?
• 36:34
  Matt: Huh.
• 36:35
  Matt: Anyway, go on.
• 36:37
  Matt: I you know, I feel like uh you there might be a joke that maybe you came like halfway to making.
• 36:44
  Matt: Do you wanna do you want another go at it or no?
• 36:46
  Matt: What do you mean?
• 36:47
  Matt: What do you mean?
• 36:48
  Matt: What do I mean?
• 36:49
  Matt: You didn't say what's up dog PM.
• 36:51
  Eric: Oh, what's up dog with you?
• 36:54
  Matt: There you go.
• 36:55
  Matt: Oh God, I got you there.
• 36:57
  Matt: Uh we we got there together.
• 36:59
  Matt: Anyway, the the good people of this stream, Eric, got into a heated debate.
• 37:07
  Matt: And I did uh after after it was brought to our attention, we went back, we watched this stream.
• 37:14
  Matt: We did, we watched this, and it was quite the argument.
• 37:16
  Eric: Watch y'all playing code names.
• 37:18
  Matt: It got a little ugly on that game of code names.
• 37:20
  Matt: I'll tell you that.
• 37:22
  Matt: But the the problem that they have that they wanted us to weigh in on, and in fact, they went so far as to say that our judgment, our ruling would be final.
• 37:37
  Matt: Bless them that they would accept our ruling on the on the following issue.
• 37:46
  Eric: Are bugles chips?
• 37:50
  Eric: We're gonna answer on the count of three.
• 37:51
  Eric: One, two, three.
• 37:53
  Eric: Absolutely.
• 37:54
  Matt: Let's I I cannot wait to hear the bullshit argument you have.
• 38:00
  Matt: What do you mean it is it is a chip?
• 38:04
  Matt: You said that as matter-of-factly as you claim that you can't put ketchup in the fucking fridge.
• 38:09
  Matt: How many by all means?
• 38:11
  Matt: No, no, no, Eric, by all means, you why don't you start with the case for chip?
• 38:16
  Matt: I cannot believe that you are in this camp.
• 38:19
  Matt: It's a motherfucking chip.
• 38:21
  Matt: In what capacity?
• 38:23
  Eric: It man! Okay, let me let me hit you with this.
• 38:26
  Eric: Let me hit you with this.
• 38:27
  Matt: Hit me away.
• 38:28
  Matt: I've got tabs galore here.
• 38:30
  Matt: So by all means.
• 38:31
  Eric: Oh my god, I was even gonna fucking say how many tabs on bugles do you have right now?
• 38:37
  Eric: I came to this with my no, you don't need tabs when you have fucking ethics on your side.
• 38:43
  Matt: Oh, sure.
• 38:44
  Matt: Okay, so go ahead.
• 38:46
  Matt: I'm still waiting for a case that is yet to be brought.
• 38:49
  Eric: It is a crispy, crunchy, way overprocessed snack that comes in a bag.
• 38:57
  Eric: It is salty.
• 38:59
  Eric: It is it is made from it is made from corn.
• 39:02
  Eric: I know it's not made from potatoes, but there are many things that I would consider to be chips that aren't made from potatoes.
• 39:07
  Eric: Sure.
• 39:09
  SPEAKER_02: And like I grab them by the fistfuls, I munch them.
• 39:12
  SPEAKER_02: Sometimes I put them on my fingers, I pretend I'm a witch, Matt.
• 39:15
  SPEAKER_02: They're chips.
• 39:16
  Matt: And stop.
• 39:18
  Matt: So you grab them by the fistfuls, shove them in your mouth, and sometimes you put them in your f on your fingers.
• 39:27
  Matt: Put them on my fingies.
• 39:28
  Matt: Putting them on your fingers is the only way to eat bugles, so I'm not sure what the other thing is.
• 39:33
  Matt: Now, Eric, when was the last time you just reached into a bag of chips, grabbed a quote unquote handful, and shoved that into your mouth?
• 39:42
  Matt: Like an hour ago.
• 39:45
  Matt: You just eat you're just out here eating raw chips.
• 39:48
  Matt: Raw chips?
• 39:51
  Eric: I have to think.
• 39:53
  Eric: Stop the podcast.
• 39:54
  Eric: I have a question.
• 39:54
  Eric: Everyone shut the fuck up.
• 39:56
  Eric: I have a question.
• 39:57
  Eric: What's a raw chip?
• 39:58
  Eric: I'll tell you what's a raw chip.
• 40:00
  Matt: Chips.
• 40:01
  Matt: Yeah.
• 40:01
  Matt: Go with dip.
• 40:03
  Matt: Sure.
• 40:04
  Matt: Sure.
• 40:04
  Matt: You can have chips by themselves.
• 40:06
  Matt: I'm not saying you can't.
• 40:07
  Eric: Are you are you trying to are you unironically proposing to me that a bugle, literally a cornucopia-shaped horn, is not conducive to a dip environment?
• 40:21
  Eric: When was okay?
• 40:23
  Matt: When was the last?
• 40:23
  Matt: No, no, no, no.
• 40:25
  Matt: When was the last time you cupped anything with a bugle?
• 40:30
  Matt: Oh my god, like never because they're so good by themselves, but I could if I never because you can't fucking do it.
• 40:37
  Matt: What are you gonna do?
• 40:38
  Matt: You're gonna take, you're gonna scoop, you're gonna scoop some ranch into your bugle.
• 40:42
  Matt: I dare you.
• 40:42
  Matt: I don't fucking think so.
• 40:43
  Matt: I was even gonna fucking say ranch.
• 40:46
  Matt: Yeah, no, I don't think so.
• 40:47
  Matt: But that's okay, Eric.
• 40:48
  Matt: That's okay.
• 40:49
  Matt: Let's say you did.
• 40:50
  Matt: Let's say you did do that in this fancy world.
• 40:53
  Matt: All right, Matt.
• 40:54
  Matt: Let's say you did do that.
• 40:56
  Matt: I hear what you're saying about it being made out of corn, cornmeal, to be specific.
• 41:03
  Matt: And there is a uh a similar product out there.
• 41:12
  Matt: Yeah.
• 41:13
  Matt: Uh made out of cornmeal that refers to itself as corn chips.
• 41:18
  Matt: Fritos.
• 41:19
  Matt: And that would be Fritos.
• 41:20
  Matt: Fritos.
• 41:23
  Matt: The product calling itself a corn chip is pretty definitive, I feel, right?
• 41:29
  Matt: I yes.
• 41:31
  Eric: Are you about to are you trying to come at me like it doesn't say chip on the bag?
• 41:34
  Matt: Is that gonna be what you hit me with?
• 41:36
  Matt: Not only does it not say that, it specifically says a corn snack.
• 41:43
  Eric: They have to say that for tax reasons, Matt.
• 41:47
  Eric: Come on.
• 41:47
  Matt: You can't you can't get out of an argument you know you lost in your heart and mind the second you hear something to the contrary by saying they have to say that.
• 41:58
  Matt: Alright, Matt.
• 41:59
  Matt: They have to say that.
• 42:01
  Matt: Matt, alright.
• 42:02
  Matt: Yes, I'm waiting.
• 42:05
  Matt: Do you have some do you actually have something to say, Eric?
• 42:08
  Matt: Because I have I have more cases in my uh arsenal here.
• 42:12
  Eric: Well, it's just like if we're going off of the whole like, well, it doesn't say it on the back.
• 42:16
  Eric: Do you consider Pringles to be chips?
• 42:19
  Matt: Yeah.
• 42:19
  Eric: Yeah, I do.
• 42:21
  Eric: Because Pringles doesn't consider Pringles to be chips.
• 42:24
  Matt: Pray tell what is your source for this revelation?
• 42:27
  Eric: Pringles considers itself to be stackable potato-based crisps.
• 42:32
  Matt: Okay, now hold on a second, Eric.
• 42:35
  Matt: You know as well as I do that crisp and chips are interchangeable terms.
• 42:41
  Eric: Oh, oh, well, Matt, he says, pushing the glasses up the bridge of his nose.
• 42:46
  Eric: But the discussion is over whether or not we consider bugles to be chips.
• 42:51
  Eric: Correct.
• 42:52
  Eric: And literally chips.
• 42:53
  Eric: And it didn't say chips on the bag.
• 42:55
  Matt: So if it doesn't say chips, chips on the Pringles can.
• 42:58
  Matt: But chip and crisp are the same term.
• 43:01
  Eric: Uh, but does it say that on the box?
• 43:03
  Matt: It says it says a different word.
• 43:05
  Matt: It doesn't say one of those words.
• 43:08
  Matt: Oh, so you're saying different words mean different things, so crisp isn't a chip.
• 43:12
  Matt: No, I'm saying, depending on your vernacular, just like soda and pop mean the same thing, depending on where you are.
• 43:21
  Matt: Do they?
• 43:21
  Matt: Yeah, Eric.
• 43:22
  Matt: Do they not?
• 43:23
  Matt: They do.
• 43:23
  Matt: I don't know why you're shifting all about because you you're wiggling, trying to wiggle away from the truth that is smacking you in the face.
• 43:31
  Matt: Because listen to this.
• 43:32
  Matt: Let me turn, let me turn now to another, another reliable source, unless you want to question the judgment of Miriam Webster.
• 43:41
  Matt: Fuck.
• 43:41
  Matt: Go on.
• 43:42
  Matt: Now, of course, there's multiple definitions of chip.
• 43:45
  Matt: You know, you've got the wood chip kind of thing, but a small piece of food, such as a small, thin, crisp, usually salty piece of food, typically prepared by frying.
• 44:00
  Matt: Baking or drying.
• 44:02
  Matt: For example, potato chips, corn chips, banana chips.
• 44:08
  Matt: Now, what all those things that I had in common, even the Frido, which I would grant the title of chip, despite it being a little bit of a stretch for me, but I will grant it.
• 44:19
  Matt: Because they all share the same fucking shape, Eric.
• 44:26
  Matt: You know a chip when you look at it.
• 44:28
  Matt: It doesn't look like a fucking cornucopia.
• 44:32
  Matt: It doesn't look like a crushed pilgrim hat.
• 44:36
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 44:37
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 44:39
  Eric: You know, I I never thought there'd come a day on on this show where my friend would judge someone by the way they looked instead of the way they crispy crunchied in your mouth when you bit them off your fingers.
• 44:51
  Matt: I'm sorry.
• 44:52
  Matt: Are you now going to are you gonna purport to me that when you put a bugle in your mouth, it tastes and has the mouthfeel of a regular chip?
• 45:04
  SPEAKER_02: Well, no, but Meta Pringle doesn't have the mouthfeel of a lay's.
• 45:08
  Matt: Yes, it does.
• 45:09
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, it does.
• 45:10
  SPEAKER_02: A lay's does not have the mouthfeel of a Dorito.
• 45:14
  Matt: They don't all taste the same.
• 45:15
  Matt: I'm not saying they all taste the same, but you know when you're eating a chip.
• 45:19
  Matt: When you eat, when you bite into a bugle, first it explodes all over the place.
• 45:25
  Matt: It's half hollow.
• 45:28
  Matt: It's not a hard uh crunch.
• 45:31
  Matt: It's a soft crunch.
• 45:32
  Matt: Talking about soft crunch.
• 45:33
  Matt: A chip has a hard crunch, a firm crisp to it.
• 45:37
  Matt: Oh, I'm getting upset.
• 45:39
  SPEAKER_01: Matt.
• 45:40
  SPEAKER_01: Matthew, if if you bite us, do we not crunch?
• 45:43
  Matt: No, if you bite us, we bleed.
• 45:45
  Matt: What are you talking about?
• 45:51
  Eric: All right, Mr.
• 45:52
  Eric: Smith.
• 45:53
  Eric: All right, Mr.
• 45:54
  Eric: Smith.
• 45:54
  Eric: You've come to Washington.
• 45:56
  Eric: You've you've you've yelled your yell.
• 46:00
  Eric: I'm exhausted.
• 46:02
  Eric: You've spoken your truth.
• 46:04
  Eric: Yes.
• 46:05
  Eric: Matt.
• 46:08
  Eric: Say it.
• 46:09
  Eric: The bugle delegation yields.
• 46:11
  SPEAKER_02: Say it! Bugles aren't Yes! Amy, I'm sorry.
• 46:23
  Matt: By the way, I think Amy was on my side, if I remember correctly.
• 46:26
  Eric: Fucking Amy.
• 46:28
  Eric: Nah, I still love you, girl.
• 46:29
  Eric: Still love you.
• 46:30
  Eric: Alright.
• 46:31
  Matt: I am sweaty now.
• 46:32
  Matt: I'm actually sweaty.
• 46:33
  Matt: I've I I yeah, I've got bugle sweats.
• 46:36
  Matt: I have worked out in this argument.
• 46:40
  Matt: And I didn't expect to.
• 46:41
  Matt: You you earned this win.
• 46:43
  Matt: I didn't expect to.
• 46:44
  Matt: I thought we were gonna have a lovely discussion about how ridiculous a concept it is.
• 46:48
  Matt: But I you know what?
• 46:49
  Matt: I'm glad we we got to sort this out between us.
• 46:52
  Eric: Yeah, y'all like no exaggeration.
• 46:54
  Eric: Like before we started recording, Matt Turn to me.
• 46:57
  Eric: It's like, oh, so we're like we both like do we do you have a bugles opinion?
• 47:01
  Eric: I'm like, yes.
• 47:03
  Eric: And that's when I knew.
• 47:04
  Eric: And that's when we that's when we knew there were gonna be issues.
• 47:08
  Matt: Okay, well, that Eric, that was one of our more heated uh uh investigations.
• 47:14
  Eric: Mm-hmm.
• 47:14
  Eric: Mm-hmm.
• 47:15
  Matt: Really boils my bugles.
• 47:19
  Matt: Uh so I'm glad we could put that behind us, Eric, because I I think we should transition now, given the fact that we are we have crossed the one year mark.
• 47:30
  Eric: Oh yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
• 47:33
  Matt: Yes.
• 47:33
  Matt: I think it's I think it's time, I think it's appropriate that we close with a a closing segment we haven't had in a little bit.
• 47:41
  Matt: Personal questions.
• 47:45
  Matt: Hit me with it.
• 47:46
  Matt: So uh we we've had a number submitted over uh over time here.
• 47:50
  Matt: So some of you might have even forgotten you submitted these, but are uh Eric, you want to hit us with the first personal question?
• 47:57
  Eric: Absolutely, baby.
• 47:59
  Eric: All right.
• 48:00
  Eric: So, first one, this is from O'Connor315 on Instagram.
• 48:04
  Eric: Would your last meal on Death Row be breakfast, lunch, or dinner?
• 48:08
  Matt: And what would it be?
• 48:09
  Matt: Now that that's a very interesting question.
• 48:12
  Matt: Um, I've thought about it before.
• 48:14
  Matt: Because I love these.
• 48:15
  Matt: Have you ever there at one point on Tumblr, somebody was making a like a Tumblr series of famous prisoners last meals?
• 48:24
  Eric: Yes, they're yes, I saw that.
• 48:26
  Eric: It's so cool.
• 48:28
  Eric: And some of them are wild, like the guy who had a single olive.
• 48:32
  Matt: Yes, the the single olive.
• 48:34
  Matt: Uh I just checked it out.
• 48:35
  Matt: That was Victor Fuger who uh who murdered Dr.
• 48:40
  Matt: Edward Bartles.
• 48:41
  Matt: Uh he uh he had the single olive.
• 48:44
  Matt: That's that's making a statement.
• 48:47
  Matt: That's when you just want to be remembered for your last meal, I think, at that point.
• 48:53
  Eric: Making a statement, and the statement is I really like olives.
• 48:56
  Matt: I um yes, and so I don't know, it's tough because I feel like you want to go with your favorite food, right?
• 49:06
  Matt: Like you uh if it's me anyway, like I feel like I want the thing I will enjoy the most to be my last uh meal, in which case I don't know that it's breakfast, lunch, or dinner, it may be dessert.
• 49:25
  Matt: Ooh, what would you have?
• 49:27
  Matt: I I I could go for ice cream.
• 49:29
  Matt: I do love ice cream.
• 49:32
  Matt: Uh I know that this is a popular choice of final meal, but I also like steak.
• 49:39
  Matt: But you have to ask yourself, how good is that prison steak gonna be?
• 49:45
  Matt: You know, they're not gonna go they're not gonna go out some some fancy steakhouse and bring back a a prime rib.
• 49:53
  Matt: Yeah.
• 49:53
  Matt: So uh I might do an ice cream.
• 49:56
  Matt: An ice cream.
• 49:57
  Matt: Or or a dessert in general.
• 49:59
  Matt: Maybe a Carvel cake, get the best of both worlds.
• 50:02
  Matt: Get the best of both worlds.
• 50:04
  Eric: Ooh.
• 50:05
  Matt: I mean, this is this go bigger home, go home, baby.
• 50:08
  Matt: You're about to die.
• 50:09
  Matt: You're about to fucking die for the heinous crimes I've committed.
• 50:14
  Matt: Get that fudgy the whale.
• 50:16
  Matt: Yes, yes, absolutely.
• 50:18
  Matt: Go nuts.
• 50:18
  Matt: Get all the toppings.
• 50:20
  Eric: I know for me, the honestly, whatever the actual meal is doesn't matter.
• 50:27
  Eric: What is absolutely critical that I have with my last meal is the beverage I'm drinking.
• 50:31
  Eric: And the beverage, though if it's lacking last meal, my mom's sweet tea with lemon.
• 50:38
  Eric: That's sweet.
• 50:39
  Eric: Oh.
• 50:40
  Eric: No human being on earth.
• 50:42
  Eric: Like, I don't know what it is, like what devil is just Lipton tea bags, hot water, and probably a fuck-off amount of sugar.
• 50:48
  Eric: But like, it is instant, instant.
• 50:52
  Eric: I can make peace with my death if I have Franny Mae, Franny Mae poaches sweet tea with lemon.
• 50:57
  Matt: Despite your horrible crimes, that was a heartwarming story at the end of your troubled life.
• 51:02
  Eric: And Your Honor, I think you'll find that absolves me of my crimes.
• 51:07
  Matt: And Your Honor, I'd like to propose an appeal.
• 51:12
  Matt: He's learned his lesson.
• 51:14
  Matt: Look at him.
• 51:15
  Matt: Care about his mama.
• 51:17
  Matt: So, yeah, I think I'd go with that.
• 51:19
  Matt: Or something bacon-based for me.
• 51:22
  Matt: That's that's an old standby.
• 51:23
  Eric: Oh yes.
• 51:24
  Eric: Fuck off, man.
• 51:25
  Matt: Uh let's see what else we got here.
• 51:27
  Matt: Another, uh, this is an this might be this is a who's who a little bit now of Yadaf submitters.
• 51:34
  Matt: Uh the next one is from Alex Kafarakis.
• 51:37
  Matt: Cook.
• 51:38
  Matt: And he asks, what would you compete in that would earn you a gold medal?
• 51:43
  Matt: I believe this was submitted during our Olympics questions.
• 51:47
  Matt: Oh, yes, yes, yes.
• 51:49
  Matt: Uh so specifically, what would you compete in that you would win?
• 51:55
  Matt: Grilled cheese.
• 51:56
  Matt: What?
• 51:57
  Matt: Grilled cheese duck.
• 51:58
  Matt: I make I make like a mate.
• 52:00
  Matt: I didn't know if you meant making or eating.
• 52:02
  Eric: Oh, yeah, yeah.
• 52:03
  Eric: No.
• 52:03
  Eric: Not only do I make a baller ass grilled cheese, my grilled cheeses are the most consistent fucking thing I make.
• 52:11
  Eric: I don't ever fuck them up.
• 52:13
  Eric: Like it is just like so I could make 20 of them in a row and they'd be identical.
• 52:19
  Matt: Now, Eric, I will I I you obviously you know what's about to the question that's about to come out of my mouth.
• 52:26
  Matt: Yep.
• 52:26
  Eric: Perfect grilled cheese.
• 52:27
  Eric: Kids, it's so simple.
• 52:29
  Eric: It's so simple.
• 52:30
  Eric: And that's why most people fuck it up.
• 52:32
  Eric: It's because they try to overcomplicate something so very simple.
• 52:36
  Eric: You take two pieces of the cheapest ass white bread.
• 52:40
  Eric: Like wonder bread does not matter.
• 52:42
  Eric: I'm with you.
• 52:42
  Eric: Don't get fucking cute with like rye or wheat.
• 52:47
  Eric: No.
• 52:47
  Eric: I'm with you.
• 52:47
  Eric: White bread.
• 52:49
  Eric: Now, here's what I do differently.
• 52:51
  Eric: You can soften the butter, let it sit out for at least like two hours or so.
• 52:55
  Eric: Let it get nice.
• 52:56
  Matt: I'm sorry, Eric, why would you need to do that when you have a butterbell?
• 53:01
  Eric: I wouldn't.
• 53:02
  Eric: Because I have a fucking butterbell.
• 53:04
  Eric: Alright, alright, alright.
• 53:06
  Eric: But but even then, I the even easier way for me I found, and what gets even better butter butter coverage without like risking any damage to the integrity of the bread.
• 53:17
  Eric: Um pop a big old fat pad of butter, like two to three tablespoons in a little dish, put it in the microwave, melt that shit, brush it on.
• 53:27
  Eric: Ooh, completely melt it.
• 53:28
  Eric: Not soften it, but melt it.
• 53:30
  Eric: Yeah, no, completely melted.
• 53:33
  Eric: Ooh, because like even then some of it like soaks down into the bread.
• 53:37
  Eric: Sure.
• 53:38
  Matt: So you take it, you take a brush to it.
• 53:41
  Matt: You brush the bread.
• 53:42
  Matt: Is that what you're doing now?
• 53:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, just brush the brush that bread.
• 53:45
  SPEAKER_01: Just brush it.
• 53:45
  Eric: Or you just take a spoon and like sprinkle on spread it.
• 53:48
  Eric: Like you don't have to overthink it.
• 53:49
  Eric: Whatever you need to get it on there.
• 53:51
  Eric: I've literally taken like a paper towel and dabbed it on there.
• 53:54
  Eric: Okay, that's crazy.
• 53:55
  Matt: But I think I feel like the spoon would lead to like maybe having like pockets of butter as opposed to a nice spread.
• 54:03
  Matt: That's a nice spread.
• 54:05
  Eric: If you're a piece shit, non-gold gold medalist, you know, oh yeah, that's right.
• 54:10
  Eric: You're the gold medalist.
• 54:11
  Eric: I forgot.
• 54:13
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 54:14
  Eric: Um so you saturate both sides of those those shitty shitty pieces of bread with butter.
• 54:23
  Eric: Get your fucking get your fucking heat on.
• 54:25
  Eric: Kids, put your heat to medium, edging a little towards medium high.
• 54:31
  Eric: Here's the thing.
• 54:32
  Eric: You don't have to rush a goddamn thing.
• 54:34
  Eric: You can go low and slow.
• 54:36
  Eric: Medium, a little bit to medium high is like the highest you want to go.
• 54:41
  Eric: You get it there, you set it, set it, let your fucking pan get up to heat.
• 54:45
  Eric: That's the other mistake people make.
• 54:47
  Eric: Is they like they let it your pan heat up for like five minutes, they're like, all right, I wanna blah.
• 54:51
  Eric: And you're gonna be chilling there for like another 15, 10 minutes or so, like while your bread, like your pan gets up to heat.
• 54:58
  Eric: No, let your pan get up to heat.
• 54:59
  Eric: And when you can put the bread on and you hear it go when you put it on, you know you're righteous.
• 55:07
  Eric: Two minutes on each side.
• 55:11
  Eric: So you put both pieces of bread in there, let them toast for two minutes, flip one piece over, butter side down, that's gonna be your base, then you add your cheese.
• 55:19
  Eric: Kids, I'm not gonna argue with anyone over this.
• 55:23
  Eric: Kraft American Singles cheese product is objectively the best grilled cheese cheese.
• 55:30
  Matt: Eric, Eric, I want to stop you right here.
• 55:33
  Eric: Yep.
• 55:34
  Matt: What?
• 55:34
  Matt: We are uh in complete agreement about this.
• 55:38
  Eric: Fucking bless you, Matthew.
• 55:40
  Matt: We are in complete agreement about this.
• 55:42
  Matt: Bless you, Matthew.
• 55:43
  Matt: I recognize that Kraft American cheese is arguably not cheese.
• 55:48
  Matt: However, I do feel that it is the ideal uh uh because I like a fancy grilled cheese as much as the next person.
• 55:58
  Matt: Yeah, but that is a fancy grilled cheese.
• 56:01
  Matt: Grilled cheese should be cheap ass bread, cheap ass cheese.
• 56:06
  Matt: Keep it simple, stupid.
• 56:07
  Eric: I should be able to make it while I'm dry.
• 56:09
  Eric: You have to.
• 56:10
  Eric: That's when you want it, after all.
• 56:12
  Eric: Yes.
• 56:12
  Eric: So you get your cheese product slices, slices, not one, not even two.
• 56:18
  Eric: I'm talking three slices deep, kids.
• 56:20
  Matt: Three cheese era over here.
• 56:22
  Eric: Slices deep.
• 56:25
  Eric: And then you stack it up, and then it's just two minutes per side.
• 56:28
  Eric: Golden brown, baby.
• 56:29
  Eric: And you're like, if you're sitting there panicking, like, oh, is it head long enough?
• 56:32
  Eric: You can lift it up and check.
• 56:34
  Matt: It won't hurt anything.
• 56:36
  Matt: You need to have that, at least I feel.
• 56:38
  Matt: Uh you're still describing your perfect sandwich, but I feel like what it looks like is like like the the surface of the moon almost.
• 56:46
  Matt: Like there's, you know, there's there's like an outer crust, but then there's all these pockets, these craters of a lighter color.
• 56:53
  Eric: Ooh.
• 56:54
  Matt: That's what you want.
• 56:55
  Eric: When you got if you see black, you have fucked up.
• 57:00
  Matt: You have fucked.
• 57:01
  Matt: You want to so not the moon, more like uh, you know, like uh uh uh Mars, I guess.
• 57:07
  Matt: No, that's red.
• 57:08
  Matt: Why would I do that?
• 57:09
  Matt: No, Jupiter.
• 57:11
  Matt: That's just gas.
• 57:13
  Matt: Fuck.
• 57:14
  Matt: Just okay, just a brown rock.
• 57:16
  Matt: Just a nice brown rock.
• 57:19
  Eric: Just a fucking brown rock, Doug.
• 57:22
  Eric: It should, it should look like melted, like really well melted pizza cheese.
• 57:27
  Matt: Perfect.
• 57:27
  Matt: Nailed it.
• 57:28
  Eric: Like that's what it should look like.
• 57:30
  Eric: Um, because there's a lot of people like burn their grilled cheese and be like, I want to make sure the cheese will melt.
• 57:35
  Eric: The cheese will melt.
• 57:36
  Eric: It is cheese product, it melts at like 10 degrees above room temperature.
• 57:40
  Eric: You're so good.
• 57:41
  Eric: You've got this.
• 57:45
  Eric: That's how you make perfect grilled cheese, Doug.
• 57:47
  Eric: Um, that's how you get a gold medal.
• 57:49
  Matt: Well, congratulations on your gold medal there, Eric.
• 57:52
  Matt: Um, I was so enrapped by your uh your finding out what your grilled cheese was.
• 57:58
  Matt: I haven't thought about what I would win a gold medal in.
• 58:01
  Matt: Um certainly.
• 58:02
  Matt: Oh, you know what?
• 58:03
  Matt: Actually, I'll tell you what I uh comes to mind right away.
• 58:06
  Matt: Hit me with it.
• 58:08
  Matt: Overthinking.
• 58:11
  Matt: Absolutely.
• 58:13
  Matt: No, no one has a cascading thought pattern like I do.
• 58:18
  Eric: I honest to God have never met, and I mean this as a compliment.
• 58:22
  Eric: Like, no, I have never met someone who can who can analyze the way you do.
• 58:26
  Eric: Script analysis with you was a fucking blast.
• 58:29
  Eric: No, I like I'm not even being sarcastic.
• 58:32
  Eric: It is, it is, it's gonna save my life one day.
• 58:34
  Eric: I know it.
• 58:37
  Matt: Well, thank it it comes in handy, I guess, in in script analysis and and you know, just literature in general, like any of that, it's real fun.
• 58:50
  Matt: Uh, but it's just all the other times in my life uh that I'm just going from anxiety thought to anxiety thought, and as soon I'm mad about something 12 steps removed from the thing I was originally frustrated over.
• 59:06
  Matt: Uh as our listeners probably can um gather from my track record on this show.
• 59:11
  Matt: So uh Eric, do you have uh another question for us on uh from the uh personal cue?
• 59:16
  SPEAKER_01: Our personal cue.
• 59:18
  Eric: Uh if you could choose one absolutely meaningless tattoo to put on your body, what would you get and where would you put it?
• 59:26
  Eric: And that is from none other than Carissa Hatfield on Instagram.
• 59:31
  Eric: Uh it is a good We are standing on the shoulders of you daft giants, right?
• 59:35
  Matt: Ya daft giants, truly.
• 59:37
  Matt: Um, I would say uh this is an interesting question for me because I I don't have any tattoos, nor do I have any intention to ever get one.
• 59:48
  Matt: Uh so immediately thinking about if I would get one is is compelling to me to some some degree.
• 59:57
  Matt: And it has to be useless.
• 59:58
  Matt: It has to be dumb.
• 1:00:00
  Matt: Utterly meaningless.
• 1:00:01
  Matt: I see, I feel like I feel like I want some sort of physical comedy in there.
• 1:00:06
  Matt: Like, I don't know, like something in my like the between my shoulder and arm for opening, closing the armpit.
• 1:00:15
  Matt: Like a maybe like a some sort of like an accordion.
• 1:00:19
  Eric: Oh yeah, I love that.
• 1:00:21
  Eric: Okay, yes, that is a good answer.
• 1:00:23
  Eric: Like the fucking armpit accordion.
• 1:00:26
  Matt: You know, right on the stretchy part there.
• 1:00:28
  Matt: So you could do that.
• 1:00:29
  Eric: Come on, baby, let's make some polka.
• 1:00:32
  Matt: Or you could put, you know what you could do?
• 1:00:34
  Matt: You could put that right in like the middle of your back.
• 1:00:36
  Matt: So like opening and closing your uh your shoulder blades a little.
• 1:00:40
  Matt: Let's do it.
• 1:00:42
  Eric: Uh mine would be if we're just going meaningless and like body weight.
• 1:00:46
  Matt: Do you have any tattoos?
• 1:00:47
  Eric: Oh, I have three.
• 1:00:48
  Eric: No, I have I technically I have three.
• 1:00:50
  Eric: I have three dots on my wrist.
• 1:00:52
  Eric: Really?
• 1:00:52
  Eric: I didn't know that.
• 1:00:53
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:00:54
  Eric: When did you get those?
• 1:00:56
  Eric: Well, dots got those like about three years ago.
• 1:00:58
  Eric: Do they have a significance or are they accidental?
• 1:01:00
  Eric: They do, but I'll leave that to the imagination of the audience.
• 1:01:07
  Eric: I love driving people nuts with that.
• 1:01:08
  Eric: It's nothing depressing, I promise.
• 1:01:10
  Matt: Oh no, I know, no.
• 1:01:12
  Matt: You don't have to tell us about your cult.
• 1:01:16
  Matt: I know.
• 1:01:17
  Matt: I know those I know the markings.
• 1:01:20
  Matt: I see you, brother.
• 1:01:22
  Matt: I watched The Vow.
• 1:01:25
  Matt: That was a brand that's entirely different.
• 1:01:29
  Eric: But uh, if we're talking about meaningless body tattoos, so if you're gonna get the accordion cross smaller back, I just I'm gonna get a can opener, but going up like one side of it on my forearm, the other side, like, yeah, look, I'll just I'll I'll like hook my arm around garbage cans and shit.
• 1:01:44
  Eric: Yes, it'll be dumb as fuck.
• 1:01:45
  Eric: Yes.
• 1:01:46
  Matt: Or if there was if there was some way to get like a glow-in-the-dark tattoo of like a skeleton on your like on your like everything but your face.
• 1:01:58
  Eric: You can do that.
• 1:01:59
  Matt: I'm sure you can.
• 1:02:00
  Matt: I'm sure people have done it, but oh yeah, that just only useful at Halloween.
• 1:02:06
  Eric: Um, get a tattoo that is only in a big pigment that mantis shrimp can see.
• 1:02:14
  Eric: What the fuck?
• 1:02:17
  Matt: How did your brain even come up with that?
• 1:02:21
  Eric: Oh, if I knew the answer to that question, do you think I'd be here?
• 1:02:28
  Matt: Well, you know, while we're talking about uh questions of the mind, so to speak.
• 1:02:34
  Matt: Oh, yes.
• 1:02:35
  Matt: Uh we've got a segue.
• 1:02:37
  Matt: Thank you.
• 1:02:38
  Matt: We've got one final question here.
• 1:02:40
  Matt: Uh this one comes from good friend of the pod, Sarah Feldman.
• 1:02:45
  Matt: Uh, how old are you in your mind?
• 1:02:49
  Eric: This is a question.
• 1:02:52
  Eric: Gut shot reaction.
• 1:02:53
  Eric: I I stopped at 27.
• 1:02:55
  Eric: That's like, I don't know why, but like whenever I think, oh me, I'm 27 years old, even though I'm 31.
• 1:03:02
  Eric: Oh no.
• 1:03:03
  Matt: Yes, yes.
• 1:03:04
  Matt: Um I feel, hmm, this is tough because I do feel like my gut reaction is to say just my current, just my current age, but I I actually think it it kind of changes for me.
• 1:03:17
  Matt: Like there are well, because there are times when I feel like even though I am a 31-year-old man, sooner or later someone is gonna put together that I'm really at heart still just like a 16-year-old kid.
• 1:03:40
  Matt: Like there are there are times where I feel like I uh in adulthood that I'm getting away with it.
• 1:03:46
  Matt: You know?
• 1:03:46
  Eric: Yeah, you know what I mean?
• 1:03:48
  Eric: You're you're the kid, you are the two kids in a trench coat and nobody's caught on.
• 1:03:52
  Matt: Yeah, like one of these days, someone's gonna figure out that I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.
• 1:03:58
  Eric: They should have a name for something like that.
• 1:04:01
  Eric: Like uh like pretender person syndrome.
• 1:04:06
  Matt: I think maybe it's imposter syndrome, is the actual thing you're trying to come up with.
• 1:04:12
  Matt: Uh but in this case, the I'm just an imposter in my own body.
• 1:04:17
  Matt: Um I think there's deeper uh psychological ramifications of that feeling.
• 1:04:23
  Matt: Uh but but anyway.
• 1:04:25
  Matt: Yeah, but but I do feel like in my ongoing narrative, you know, in my Truman show that I often imagine about myself, the I I see myself, you know, currently, maybe with slight um adjustments here and there, you know.
• 1:04:44
  Matt: I feel like I'm always thinner than I actually am when I picture myself doing something.
• 1:04:50
  Matt: Oh, yeah, yeah.
• 1:04:51
  Matt: You know, that kind of shit.
• 1:04:52
  Matt: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:04:53
  Matt: One self-image.
• 1:04:54
  Matt: Like I ne I never picture myself with my glasses on, even though I mostly wear glasses these days.
• 1:05:02
  Matt: How long is your hair when you picture yourself?
• 1:05:05
  Matt: That's a good question.
• 1:05:06
  Matt: I think it's it's a it's whatever length it currently is, only it looks better, and this part that's that's dropping off like flies on the on the top of my head is is fleshed out.
• 1:05:18
  Eric: Gotcha.
• 1:05:20
  Eric: When I was a kid, I would always imagine myself with long hair.
• 1:05:23
  Matt: Really?
• 1:05:24
  Matt: I loved the uh the idea of it.
• 1:05:26
  Matt: I I have imagined what it would be like to grow like long Jesus.
• 1:05:32
  Eric: Ponytailable Jesus.
• 1:05:34
  Eric: Yes.
• 1:05:34
  Matt: You oh man.
• 1:05:36
  Matt: Well, the problem I have is like my hair just grows out.
• 1:05:40
  Matt: So so my hair is like very fine and very soft, and it it just sits there.
• 1:05:47
  Matt: Like it doesn't do anything naturally.
• 1:05:49
  Matt: Like you've got curly hair.
• 1:05:50
  Eric: My hair is just fucking anarchy up here.
• 1:05:53
  Matt: It comes out like a chia pet if you don't if you don't rein it in a little bit.
• 1:05:58
  Matt: But my hair just sits.
• 1:06:00
  Matt: Here in a bowl, like naturally.
• 1:06:03
  Matt: So, and what I have found is when I grow it out, it just becomes more of a bowl.
• 1:06:09
  Matt: Like it doesn't, it doesn't naturally look good long.
• 1:06:13
  Matt: So, like I'm imagining what uh in my head, when I when I'm stranded on an island and I'm Tom Hanks and castaway, yeah, I'm gonna have this long hair, but it's all I'm just gonna look like half a mostly cousin it.
• 1:06:26
  Eric: I'm just gonna look like Yeah, we need we need to steal Jason Momoa's hair.
• 1:06:33
  Matt: Yeah, yes, absolutely.
• 1:06:35
  Matt: Uh yeah, I don't think I'm a long hair, I'm I don't think I'm meant for the long hair game.
• 1:06:41
  Matt: Oh, nor I.
• 1:06:42
  Eric: I I can only do froze.
• 1:06:44
  Eric: That's that's my only option.
• 1:06:46
  Matt: It was I the my hair was probably the longest it ever was during COVID, because I went like Oh, I remember solidly almost probably going on a a year, maybe like eight, ten months, maybe that I went without a haircut before I finally braved it.
• 1:07:04
  unknown: Cracked.
• 1:07:05
  Matt: Before I finally cracked, yeah.
• 1:07:07
  Matt: But but still it was just a big, big old the kind of bowl situation.
• 1:07:13
  Eric: Hey, you get a bowl haircut, don't even need to bring a bowl.
• 1:07:18
  Matt: Bring your own bowl, baby.
• 1:07:20
  Eric: Bowls itself.
• 1:07:21
  Matt: Uh well, those those are our personal questions for the uh for the moment.
• 1:07:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:07:28
  Matt: Uh Eric, any anything you want to add here on episode 26?
• 1:07:33
  Matt: It's been a wild year, y'all.
• 1:07:35
  Matt: It has.
• 1:07:36
  Matt: It's been a wild year.
• 1:07:38
  Eric: And uh we're glad and happy and thankful that you've been here with us.
• 1:07:44
  Matt: You you know, you've we've we've been through some tough times together.
• 1:07:49
  Matt: But we've also been through some good times.
• 1:07:51
  Matt: And we've been through some good times.
• 1:07:53
  Matt: And I say, let the good times roll, baby.
• 1:07:56
  Matt: Boom! Let them roll, baby.
• 1:07:59
  Matt: And while you're at it, let those questions roll.
• 1:08:03
  Matt: Let them roll, baby.
• 1:08:05
  Matt: Send your least pressing questions about parking.
• 1:08:10
  Matt: I feel like there's a whole world of parking questions we haven't even explored.
• 1:08:15
  Matt: Uh, but they can be about anything.
• 1:08:17
  Matt: Eric, give us a subject.
• 1:08:19
  Matt: Bugles.
• 1:08:20
  Matt: Give us another subject.
• 1:08:24
  Matt: We fucking covered that one already.
• 1:08:26
  Eric: Fidget spinners.
• 1:08:27
  Matt: Fidget spinners.
• 1:08:28
  Eric: Fucking shaky bottles that you put protein in when you're going to the gym to get real strong.
• 1:08:34
  Eric: The life of Goombas.
• 1:08:35
  Eric: Fucking jam jars.
• 1:08:37
  Eric: Are they also drinking glasses?
• 1:08:40
  Eric: Uh IKEA.
• 1:08:43
  Eric: The fucking trash bags.
• 1:08:45
  Eric: Why has poach's laundry been in there for so long?
• 1:08:48
  Eric: Who knows?
• 1:08:49
  Matt: Your your laundry's in a trash bag?
• 1:08:51
  Eric: Oh yeah, that also reminds me.
• 1:08:53
  Eric: I did laundry earlier.
• 1:08:53
  Eric: I gotta put that shit in the dryer.
• 1:08:55
  Eric: W hold hold on a second, Eric.
• 1:08:57
  Eric: Real talk.
• 1:08:57
  Eric: Why is your cloth why are your clothes in trash bags?
• 1:09:00
  Eric: Well, because sometimes, because sometimes because sometimes I I reach like critical mass of dirty clothes up in the bedroom, like up in my living space.
• 1:09:07
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:09:08
  Eric: I'm like, and I'm lazy and I don't want to make multiple trips down the two flights of steps, so I just dump them all in.
• 1:09:14
  SPEAKER_02: Don't you have a hamper?
• 1:09:15
  Eric: You own a home, but you don't own a hamper?
• 1:09:18
  Eric: Hampers in the basement, and I carry it all downstairs like I'm Santa Claus delivering the world's shittiest gifts.
• 1:09:25
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 1:09:27
  Matt: You know, I gotta say, this totally scans.
• 1:09:29
  Eric: Yeah, oh it like absolutely.
• 1:09:31
  Eric: My whole situation here.
• 1:09:33
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:09:33
  Eric: Anyway, you can finish your thought there if you want.
• 1:09:37
  Eric: I didn't mean to cut you off.
• 1:09:38
  Eric: My whole situation.
• 1:09:39
  Eric: No, I just feel like Matt, if you came into my house, any room you go into that I've occupied for any length of time, you you just go in and go, oh yeah, okay.
• 1:09:46
  Matt: Oh yeah.
• 1:09:47
  Matt: Poach has been here.
• 1:09:48
  Matt: This makes sense.
• 1:09:49
  Eric: Yeah, poach has been here.
• 1:09:50
  Matt: Oh yeah, this is a poach.
• 1:09:51
  Eric: This has been poached.
• 1:09:52
  Eric: I'm not a slob, I'm just not tidy.
• 1:09:55
  Matt: I am the same way.
• 1:09:56
  Matt: I feel the same way.
• 1:09:57
  Matt: Um I'm just glad, you know, neither of our significant others are here to voice their opinions of whether or not we're slobs.
• 1:10:04
  Matt: Doot doot do do do.
• 1:10:07
  Matt: Submit your questions to you didn't ask for this at gmail.com or the letter you didn't ask pod.
• 1:10:15
  Matt: That's the letter you didn't ask pod.
• 1:10:18
  Matt: On Instagram, Twitter, Facebook.
• 1:10:20
  Matt: Recently we we were submitted uh audio messages via Instagram.
• 1:10:26
  Matt: Didn't even know you could do that.
• 1:10:28
  Matt: So hey, leave us a leave us an Instagram voicemail and we might we'll play it on the show.
• 1:10:34
  Matt: I'm I why not?
• 1:10:35
  Matt: Why not?
• 1:10:35
  Matt: We didn't discuss this, but I'm saying it now.
• 1:10:37
  Eric: Let's say let's fucking do it.
• 1:10:39
  Matt: Uh you can email us letters.
• 1:10:41
  Matt: We we'd love a listener letter.
• 1:10:43
  Matt: You know, tell us what you like, tell us what you don't like, then tell us what you like again.
• 1:10:48
  Matt: Yes.
• 1:10:49
  Eric: Compliment sandwich.
• 1:10:51
  Matt: Yes.
• 1:10:51
  Matt: Sugarcoat it for us.
• 1:10:53
  Matt: Anyway, for all of us here, you didn't ask for this.
• 1:10:56
  Matt: My name is Matthey.
• 1:10:58
  Matt: My name is Eric Poach.
• 1:10:59
  Matt: You didn't ask.
• 1:11:00
  Matt: But is toast a chip?
• 1:11:03
  Matt: No, why would you even ask?
• 1:11:05
  Matt: Could it be a chip though?
• 1:11:06
  Matt: It's a very big chip.
• 1:11:08
  Matt: Upper well.
• 1:11:10
  Matt: What are oh what are pitas now?
• 1:11:12
  Matt: Which I guess there are pita chips, but they're a pita chip.
• 1:11:15
  Eric: It's a soft chip.
• 1:11:17
  Matt: There can't be a soft chip.
• 1:11:18
  Matt: You can have soft tacos! You can't have a soft chip though.
• 1:11:22
  Matt: Tacos and chips are different.