Latest / Infinite Threads with Bob Barnett / Do Something Kind and Tell Nobody

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Do Something Kind and Tell Nobody · Infinite Threads with Bob Barnett

• 0:00
  [music]
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: back to Infinite Threads.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Bob.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: We are four days into the Infinite Threads experiment,
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: and today I'm going to ask you to do something that sounds incredibly easy.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: Do something kind.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: That part probably isn't the challenge.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: Here's the catch.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: Tell nobody.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: No Facebook post, no picture, no casually working it into a conversation three days from now.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: No mysterious little, well,
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: I did something today that restored my faith in humanity,
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: but I'm not going to say what.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: Not that either, okay?
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: Just do the kind thing and let it disappear from public view.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: That is experiment number four.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm curious about this one because we live in a time
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: when almost everything can become content.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: Dinner becomes content.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: Vacations become content.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: The dog looking mildly confused becomes content.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: I do it.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: Y'all do it.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: We all do it.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes kindness becomes content too.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: Now I want to be careful here.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, because there's nothing automatically wrong with sharing a good deed.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes seeing kindness inspires other people to be kind.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes a fundraiser needs publicity, right?
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes telling a positive story reminds people that there's still a lot
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: of goodness happening in the world.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: I do that myself on this show.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: So this is not some lecture about how kindness only counts if nobody sees it.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: It counts.
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  SPEAKER_00: It always counts.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: What I want to explore though is something Just a little different.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: What does kindness feel like when there's absolutely nothing in it for us socially?
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I want you to do.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: When there's no praise, no likes, no one saying, Bob, that was wonderful.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: Just the knowledge that somewhere,
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: because of something you did, another person's day became a little easier.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: I think that changes the experience.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: Imagine you're in a drive-through and quietly pay for the person behind you.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: You don't stick around to watch their reaction.
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  SPEAKER_00: You don't take a picture.
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  SPEAKER_00: You just drive away.
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  SPEAKER_00: For all you know, they may assume the restaurant made a mistake.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: That's almost funny.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: You've done something kind.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: It may not even get credit from the person who received it.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: Would it still feel worthwhile, do you think?
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: I hope so.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe today it's not money at all.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: You put somebody's cart away when they're struggling.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: You leave something helpful where a coworker will find it.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: You take care of a small task at home that usually falls on somebody else.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: And when they ask who did it,
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: you resist the temptation to stand under a spotlight and announce your identity.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: That last one, that may be the advanced version.
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  SPEAKER_00: There are countless possibilities, guys.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: I know you can think of just countless, but I want the kindness to fit naturally
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: Don't go searching for somebody who looks sufficiently unfortunate so
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: that you can complete your assignment.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: That would turn this into something very strange very quickly.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: Just pay attention.
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  SPEAKER_00: An opportunity will probably appear.
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  SPEAKER_00: And when it does, help because you can.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: Then keep moving.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: There's something about anonymous kindness that removes one of the complications
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: that human beings bring into almost everything.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the scorecard.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: We like being appreciated.
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  SPEAKER_00: It feels good.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: Of course we do.
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  SPEAKER_00: It feels good when somebody recognizes what we've done.
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  SPEAKER_00: There's nothing shameful about that either.
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  SPEAKER_00: That's a natural human reaction.
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  SPEAKER_00: But appreciation can quietly become expectation.
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  SPEAKER_00: I did this for you.
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  SPEAKER_00: Did you notice?
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  SPEAKER_00: Did you appreciate it enough?
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  SPEAKER_00: Will you remember even?
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: Are you gonna do something for me now?
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: Before long, what started as generosity begins to look a little like an invoice.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: Anonymous kindness tears up the invoice.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: You don't even get a chance to create one.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: There's nothing to collect.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: That's what makes today's experiment interesting to me.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: For one moment, the good thing exists entirely for the sake of the good it might do.
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  SPEAKER_00: I think that can teach us something about ourselves.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: Because if nobody ever knows what We have to sit with a strange little question then, don't we?
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: Was it enough that it helped?
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  SPEAKER_00: That's worth thinking about.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: We've talked a lot on Infinite Threads about the ripple effect.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: How one interaction can move through another person into places that we'll never see.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: Anonymous kindness may be the purest version of that.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: You start the ripple and lose track of it immediately.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe someone is having an awful day and your small gesture interrupts it.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: Their mood changes just enough that they're more patient with somebody else.
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  SPEAKER_00: That person goes home carrying a little less irritation.
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  SPEAKER_00: Something good travels.
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  SPEAKER_00: You will never know.
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  SPEAKER_00: And I actually like that.
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  SPEAKER_00: We spend so much of our lives wanting proof that what we do matters.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: Today, we're practicing the possibility that something can matter even
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  SPEAKER_00: when we never receive the proof.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: That feels very close to the heart of this show, doesn't it?
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: Infinite Threads means that we don't always get to see where the thread goes.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: We're connected to outcomes that we may never witness.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: We say that all the time too, don't we?
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes our part is simply to put something decent into motion.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: There's another reason this experiment matters right now.
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  SPEAKER_00: A lot of what we see online is performative by design.
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  SPEAKER_00: Social media is a stage.
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  SPEAKER_00: That doesn't mean everything on it is fake.
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  SPEAKER_00: Far from it.
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  SPEAKER_00: But the structure encourages us to show what we're doing.
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  SPEAKER_00: Here I am.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: Here's what I ate.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: Here's where I went.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: Here's what I think.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: Here's what I did.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: Eventually, even generosity can begin asking for an audience.
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  SPEAKER_00: So for one day,
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: Let's remove the audience,
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: not forever,
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: just long enough to remember that our character also exists when nobody is watching.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe especially them.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: I think there's freedom in doing something good that belongs only to you and
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: the person affected by it.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: It becomes almost like a little secret between you and the universe.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: You know.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe they know.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: And that's enough.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: And please, please don't make this enormous.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to anonymously pay somebody's mortgage.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: You can if you want.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: If you can, apparently, I need to start hanging around wherever you are.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: Small is fine, guys.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: Actually, small may be better for what we're testing here.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: Hold the elevator.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: Put the shopping cart back that someone abandoned.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: You won't know who you're helping, but you're helping somebody.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: Leave the better parking space for somebody who looks like they could use the shorter walk.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: That's a tough one.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: We all want that great parking space, don't we?
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: Bring someone coffee without turning it into a ceremony.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: How about that?
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  SPEAKER_00: Fix something.
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  SPEAKER_00: Clean something.
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  SPEAKER_00: Make somebody's job easier.
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  SPEAKER_00: There are little opportunities everywhere.
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  SPEAKER_00: Everywhere.
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  SPEAKER_00: The action isn't really the interesting part.
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  SPEAKER_00: Your reaction afterwards is.
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  SPEAKER_00: Do you immediately want to tell someone?
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  SPEAKER_00: If you do, notice that.
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  SPEAKER_00: Don't judge it.
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  SPEAKER_00: Just notice it.
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  SPEAKER_00: The way you're aware.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: Self-awareness, guys.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: You may even catch yourself mentally rehearsing the story.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: You would not believe what I did today.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: That's human.
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  SPEAKER_00: Let the thought pass.
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  SPEAKER_00: Keep the story.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: Let the kindness stand on its own.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: And there's another side to this.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes the person that we should quietly do something kind for lives in the same house.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: I think strangers occasionally get our best behavior
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  SPEAKER_00: because strangers haven't been irritating us for 20 years.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: The people closest to us can become invisible in a different way.
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  SPEAKER_00: We get used to what they do.
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  SPEAKER_00: We grow complacent.
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  SPEAKER_00: We notice when something isn't done far more quickly than we notice
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: the hundred things that were.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe today's anonymous kindness happens at home.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: Take something off somebody else's plate.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: Do the thing that they've been dreading.
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  SPEAKER_00: Make life easier and resist announcing that you made life easier.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: See how that feels.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: Because kindness is not only an event, it can become an atmosphere.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: You may not be able to point to the exact moment it happened,
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: but a room becomes easier to live in
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: because people inside it are quietly taking care of one another.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: I like that kind of kindness, don't you?
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't need applause.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: It builds something.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: And that leads us into tomorrow's final experiment.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: All week we've been changing one small thing at a time.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: We noticed someone that we normally might overlook.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: We sent the message that we kept putting off.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: We made room for the possibility that we might be wrong.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: And today, Today we're putting kindness into the world without asking it to come back.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: Tomorrow, we're going to watch the whole thing move.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: The 24-hour ripple.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: For one day, we're going to pay attention to what we send from one interaction into the next.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: Very different from today.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: Because, guys, moods travel.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: Patience travels, irritation travels, and kindness.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: Kindness travels too.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to see what happens when we become conscious of the ripple while we're creating it.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: But first, today's assignment.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: Do something kind.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: Let it be useful.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: Let it be real.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: Do something that may feel surprisingly difficult.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: Keep it to yourself.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: No applause required.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: I love you all very, very, very much.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: And you know what I need you to do.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: Go out there and pass that on, okay?
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: Later, Gators.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: Bye-bye.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_01: Every
• 14:29
  [music]