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What do narcissists do when they feel guilty? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  So how do narcissists handle or deal with guilt?
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  How do they deal with with, with guilt and remorse.
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  That's what we're talking about, y'all.
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  When a narcissist feels guilty, what do they do with it?
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  Do do they apologize? Do they retreat within
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  themselves or do they blame you? If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist.
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  And welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
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  What's going on, folks? Welcome back.
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  Welcome back. Welcome back.
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  Yeah, that's the questions of the the question of the day,
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  Question of the hour, isn't it? How do narcissists deal with the
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  guilt, the guilt when they do something wrong?
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  Let's let's answer the question. Let's answer the first question.
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  Do narcissists feel guilty at all?
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  Yes, yes they do. Narcissists absolutely do feel
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  guilt. I just feel like, well, most,
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  most narcissists, if you, once you start crawling up the scale
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  of narcissism, like you get to, you know, sociopathy and
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  psychopathy, the guilt doesn't necessarily exist, right?
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  But if you're dealing with your regular run-of-the-mill
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  narcissistic person, then yeah, most of them are going to feel
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  guilty. But is the what did they, what
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  did they do with the guilt? What happens with the guilt?
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  What does the what when they start feeling guilty for
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  something that they have actually done and you feel bad
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  about it, what did they do with it?
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  So for me, as someone diagnosed with narcissistic personality
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  disorder, like I said earlier, I do feel guilt, but I don't like
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  it. I don't think anybody likes,
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  well, nobody likes feeling guilt.
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  I loathe it like the The Grinch that Sold Christmas to Jim
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  Carrey. Loathe the guilt.
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  I cannot stand it. It doesn't make me feel like a
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  human being. I don't feel like a person
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  anymore, so I don't, I cannot stand dealing with the guilt and
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  whatnot. So I get rid of it.
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  Like at 1st, I'm going to tell you the stages real quick.
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  The how you know, the first stage is like, like literally
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  feeling it. The first stage is feeling it
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  and realizing that I've done something wrong.
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  The first stage is literally feeling it, realizing I'm
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  dusting the wrong. And then this just starts piling
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  on. That lets in the shame, that
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  lets in the pain, that lets in the hurt, that lets in the the
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  anger. I all the I start feeling all
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  the emotions when I feel like I've done something wrong.
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  It makes me feel like a bad person.
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  Like no matter how big or small the transgression is, I feel
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  like a bad person because of because, because of it.
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  And I like I said, I'm just like, I feel like I'm stuck.
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  I like, what the hell can I do about it?
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  What you know what, what will happen in this situation?
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  What will happen next? What, what, what's this, what's
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  that? And it can go on for a long
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  time, right? So after the stage of me and
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  realizing it and waking up to what I've done wrong, you did
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  the next stage, which is I, I called this stage figure out
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  what to do with it, figuring out what to do with it.
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  Right. So stage 2 is where you try to
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  figure out what to do with the guilt because I don't like it,
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  because I don't feel, I, I hate it.
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  I can't stand it. I just need to figure out
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  somewhere, somewhere else for it to go.
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  Like, are there narcissists that might take accountability and
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  try to change their behaviors and, and ask for an apology or,
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  you know, promise that never do it again.
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  Promise to never do it again? Yes, those exist, but in very
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  small quantities, right? And that's a very rare instance.
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  But most narcissists right here in this instance are going to
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  try to find a way to hurt you. They are, they're just going to
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  try to find a way to put you down.
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  They're they're going to try to find a way to make it your
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  fault. They're going to try to find a
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  way to get rid of the guilt. So instead of taking
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  accountability, they find a way to put it on to you.
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  It said it's this, this is part, this is stage 3, the mental
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  gymnastics. I have to find a way to get rid
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  of the guilt, right? Getting rid of the guilt for
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  where I am as a diagnosed narcissist right now, eight
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  years in therapy, like I get rid of it by taking accountability
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  and changing the behavior. But before that, I would get rid
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  of it by trying to my my mental gymnastics would find a way to
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  put it on to you. Let's just say this is not me in
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  the instance, right? But let's just say a narcissist
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  cheated on you, right? They cheated on you.
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  They feel bad about it because you caught them, not because
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  they what they did, because you caught them.
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  So that if now they're feeling guilty about destroying their
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  family or whatever. So what ends up happening is
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  instead of just going to you and just saying I messed up, I feel
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  bad. I need to change my behavior.
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  What they do is a mental they do a mental back flip and find a
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  way to put literally a mental back flip to find a way to put
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  it on to you. Literally, literally find a way
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  to put it on to you. Literally, literally.
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  They find a way to hurt you with it.
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  It is crazy how it works. It really does.
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  It's just like, OK, I know I cheated, right?
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  I know I've done it. I know it.
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  That was me. I did that, but I only cheated
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  because they were withholding affection from me.
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  I only cheated because they gave it.
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  They they they gave it to me. We did it 6 times and I wanted
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  to do it 7. I need that seventh time where
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  I'm going to lose my mind. I only cheated because they did
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  this or they said that they made me angry.
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  I only cheated because they don't appreciate me at the
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  house. They find a way to blame you.
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  They find a way to get rid of it.
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  The mental gymnastics, the mental backflip.
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  They find a way to put it on to you to make you feel like it's
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  your fault they did whatever they did to you.
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  In this instance, it's cheating. In other instances, it can be
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  them putting their hands on you. They can literally put their
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  hands on you and blame you for. They can literally put their
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  hands on you and then blame you for them putting their hands on
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  you. You made me do this.
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  You yelled at me, you screamed at me, you said this, you, you
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  made me uncomfortable. You try to hold me accountable.
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  You wouldn't let me, you wouldn't let me get a word in.
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  Whatever it is, they'll find a way to blame you, right?
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  That's the mental gymnastics. Then once they, once they
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  successfully have found a way to blame you, now the guilt is
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  gone. They feel, they don't feel guilt
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  free. This is the last stage right
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  here. They don't feel guilt free, but
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  they feel like what? I'm good, you know, they feel
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  like I'm good. We, we repeat it in our head
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  like a mantra, literally like a mantra.
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  We'll repeat it in our head like a mantra.
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  Like I didn't do anything wrong. You did this to me.
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  It's your fault that this happened and I am exonerated
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  from that. Feeling bad about whatever I've
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  done to you because you have done it to me.
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  It literally becomes like an ohm.
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  Yeah, it literally becomes an ohm.
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  But this part of it, I'm telling you, there is a big part of it
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  right there. So many people need to
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  understand that when you're dealing with an abusive,
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  manipulative person, that some of them do not feel guilty.
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  And they again, if they find, if they successfully find a way to
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  blame you for whatever they've done, they will in fact do it
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  again to you. If they find a way to blame you
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  for what they have done, they will in fact do it again.
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  They will in fact repeat the same behavior over and over
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  again because in their minds there's a benefit in it for them
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  to do it. Like they yeah, they benefit
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  from it, right? They benefit from doing this
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  type of stuff to you. And they will keep doing it over
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  and over again. And they want it.
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  Like I said, they benefit from blaming you.
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  They benefit from getting it, from feeling like they have
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  gotten successfully gotten away with doing something.
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  So they deal with the guilt in whichever way best fits them.
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  Sometimes they deal with the guilt by getting angry, right.
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  Sometimes they deal with the guilt by getting angry at you
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  and putting their hands on you and trying to beat your ass or
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  threatening to ruin your life. They they deal with the guilt by
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  threatening to expose you, getting like give you the silent
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  treatment, refusing to talk to you, stonewalling you out like
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  you don't exist. That's how some of them deal
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  with the guilt, which is also a very unhealthy thing to do,
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  right? So it's just like there's no
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  damn near no winning in this situation unless you decide to
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  go and take your power back and dip out, right?
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  And, and dip the hell out. That's what ends up happening.
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  So in these in these situations, in these scenarios, you have to
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  realize that they don't, if they are getting rid of the guilt in
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  the end, they don't care about how you feel, right?
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  And it's sad and it's sad. They're saying, it's tough to
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  say, but in the end, they don't care about how you feel.
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  If they can sow cavalier get rid of you, they, they don't, they
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  can sow cavalier get rid of the guilt and put it onto you, then
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  they don't care about how you feel at the end of the day.
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  And I know some people and some people that doesn't mean you're
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  going to leave, right? And I understand that because
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  everybody's at a different stage in life.
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  Everybody's relationship is different.
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  So everybody's going to handle things in a different way.
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  So it's just like it does fall unto you to decide what you want
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  to do because this person is not going to feel bad for what they
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  have done to you because they feel justified in their actions.
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  They feel justified in their behaviors.
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  They feel justified in doing so many different horrible things
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  to you. You know what I mean?
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  So what they did, when they feel the guilt, they feel the regret,
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  they feel. I'll do another video about
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  remorse because I want this to drag.
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  I'm just going to drag on for a very long time.
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  And I'm about to start posting longer videos, y'all.
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  My podcast is launching soon. Their link to the podcast to to
• 9:53
  apply to be on the podcast. The virtual or in person podcast
• 9:56
  is going to be in the comments and they're going to be in the
• 9:58
  description from this point forward.
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  If not, e-mail me. If I forget to do it, e-mail me.
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  Just like, hey Lee, I want to be on the podcast.
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  I live in North Carolina, Raleigh, Durham.
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  So if you're in that area, you want to come into the come into
• 10:10
  the office. Come let's let's chat it up.
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  We can chat it up, tell your story.
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  All the other good stuff. But yeah, I will feel guilty by
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  not if I didn't let y'all know how to come on the podcast.
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  You know what I mean? But yes, narcissistic people,
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  some of them do feel guilt. And because they feel guilt,
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  they lash out, they get angry. The ones that don't feel guilt,
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  they'll just tell you, get the hell over, get over it.
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  The ones that have no guilt, they'll just tell you to get the
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  hell over it, get over it. I don't care.
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  Your feelings. Are you hurting your own
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  feelings? I didn't do anything to hurt
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  you. You hurting yourself.
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  You did this, you did that. They'll put it on to you.
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  They'll find a way to put it on to you.
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  And that's the at the end of the day, it's not healthy regardless
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  of how it goes. Like seriously, it is not not a
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  healthy thing. But anyways, y'all, thank y'all
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  for tuning in to another episode of the Narcissist code.
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  The mental illness podcast is absolutely launching soon, so
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  stay tuned for that. Stay on and be on the lookout
• 11:05
  for that. Hit that subscribe button if you
• 11:07
  haven't. Check out my courses, support
• 11:09
  groups, all the other good stuff and it's always y'all and tune.
• 11:11
  This is out peace. What up y'all what up?
• 11:14
  Before you leave make sure to hit that subscribe button if you
• 11:17
  haven't. It just helps us reach more
• 11:18
  people. Also everything I have is
• 11:21
  available at mentalillness.net. My coaching, my courses.
• 11:24
  I have a couple of courses that can help you understand and help
• 11:26
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• 11:30
  mentalillness.net. Check my site off everything
• 11:32
  y'all and I will see y'all later.
• 11:33
  Peace.