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Finding the Right Senior Living Community with Melissa Stuckey · A Place for Seniors

• 0:00
  Speaker: Welcome to a place for seniors, where we share the real truth about what seniors need.
• 0:05
  Speaker: This podcast features honest, heartfelt conversations, the ones we don't always have, but matter the most.
• 0:12
  Speaker: Here we share real stories and simple insights about aging with dignity, choice, and autonomy.
• 0:18
  Speaker: Together, we bring what we've learned from over 20,000 conversations with seniors and their families, guiding you through some of life's hardest decisions.
• 0:27
  Speaker: We invite you to listen, learn, and prepare with us because these conversations matter and the choices we make today shape our tomorrow.
• 0:36
  Speaker: Hi, I'm Allison Carman with a Place for Seniors podcast.
• 0:40
  Speaker: And today I have Melissa Stuckey with me with assisted living locators.
• 0:44
  Speaker: You do the same thing I do.
• 0:46
  Speaker: Same thing.
• 0:46
  Speaker: Right?
• 0:47
  Speaker: And so I really love having other referral agents on because I think especially really good ones.
• 0:55
  Speaker: So thank you.
• 0:56
  Speaker: Yes.
• 0:56
  Speaker: Um, and I shouldn't have to quantify that, but there's a lot to learn in this business.
• 1:01
  Speaker: There is.
• 1:02
  Speaker: Right?
• 1:02
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 1:02
  Speaker: And what got you started?
• 1:04
  Speaker: What when did you and I believe uh Jay and you work together, you and your husband, right?
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: So 2016, my mom passes away.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: She had uh stage four breast cancer.
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: Oh, wow.
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: And so I was her caregiver for seven years.
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: Um and and so she passes away.
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: It was pretty traumatic.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: Um, for that she was young.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: And uh Jay, my husband, wasn't really enjoying what he was doing.
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: And we thought, well, here's a really good opportunity.
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: Maybe we should start a business.
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: And and we said, well, let's do something a little more recession proof.
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: So that limited us to um sex, drugs, death, and healthcare.
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: And so, and we looked at the death part um from it, but we all of a sudden Jay was reading something about assisted living locators and and placement, and he thought, well, this might be an interesting one.
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: It started in Phoenix, and so it's local, and and we'll see those opportunities.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: So we just And it's a franchise.
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: It's a franchise that started in Mesa 20 some years ago.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: Um so long story short, we end up buying the owner's original uh franchise in Mesa and didn't know anything about it.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: And I think a lot of people get into it because they've had a personal experience, right?
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: That's why I did it.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: That you were either maybe in hospice or you're a caregiver or a nurse or a social worker or a personal um uh experience with maybe your parents.
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: And my dad had already passed years before.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: So um so we we kind of figured, well, if we didn't like it, we would sell the business.
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: And so it was something that we could both do.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: We came from sales and marketing backgrounds.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: I was writing curriculum, doing entrepreneurship for kids, and Jay was selling title insurance.
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: And I had title insurance.
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: Title insurance.
• 3:15
  Speaker: So wait a minute.
• 3:15
  Speaker: Because I was was he an escrow officer?
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: What was no, no, no.
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: He just sold to uh commercial for attorneys because his dad was an attorney.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: Interesting.
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: So it was good for him.
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: Um, but I don't think he was totally thrilled by title insurance.
• 3:32
  Speaker: It's title.
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: And and his big heyday was more uh music.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: So more of the the uh commercial music and audio systems and things like that.
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: So that was kind of his whole background.
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: I started in subacute care.
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: So I wasn't a caregiver, but we were taking long-term uh sniffs and converting them to what we have now is our short-term sniffs.
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: So there wasn't really this step down from hospital to skilled nursing where where you would have that.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: So when managed care came in in the early 90s, there were very few that were converting, and and and there was a certain way that you had to um convert your your property.
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: Interesting.
• 4:24
  Speaker: I didn't even know that.
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so so I worked on that for a while and then went into um medical malpractice doing marketing for that, and and then getting my license and doing risk management.
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: Um and that's when I got my MBA.
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: It's actually in healthcare.
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: Oh, wow.
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: But I went into banking right when I graduated.
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: And then my kid, when she was flunking sixth grade back in 2007, 2008, I started the entrepreneurship for kids.
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: So I was coming off of that and we were just going into something new.
• 4:57
  Speaker: What year was that that you guys two six 2016?
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: So we bought in 2019.
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: Oh, wow.
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: So by the time I had to wrap up what I was doing, um, it was 2019 in January that we ended up buying this franchise.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: And I had always been self-employed.
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: So for me, it was a good idea.
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: Um looking back, it's it's probably too close to employment and then self-employment.
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: Um, you know, because there's still rules you gotta follow.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: And you still do.
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: And so we kind of learned it as we went.
• 5:34
  Speaker: Yeah, right.
• 5:35
  Speaker: And I think a lot of us do that.
• 5:36
  Speaker: Um, because when I I uh well, mine was the banking crisis.
• 5:41
  Speaker: So I was an engineer, right?
• 5:43
  Speaker: Uh for Bank of America at that time.
• 5:45
  Speaker: And so, yeah.
• 5:46
  Speaker: And I wanted something recession proof.
• 5:49
  Speaker: And I fell into senior living by just being, you know, not having a job, having taken care of my mom for a year with dementia, and then, you know, had a two-week period where I was like, well, what am I gonna do?
• 6:03
  Speaker: You know, I'm not taking care of her anymore, and I don't have a job, and there aren't any jobs in 2010.
• 6:10
  Speaker: Um, and so I happened to fall into it by going to a holiday retirement, looking for one for my that that is not in existence anymore.
• 6:21
  Speaker: But at that time they had live-in managers, fell into it, said, This is the best thing since sliced bread, right?
• 6:28
  Speaker: Three meals, housekeeping utilities, right, cable, Wi-Fi, everything included, and parties.
• 6:33
  Speaker: And, you know, what are you kidding me?
• 6:35
  Speaker: And I jumped into it.
• 6:37
  Speaker: And that's how I fell into it.
• 6:39
  Speaker: But I had that knowledge, like you did, taking care of your mom, that carried me through the whole industry, making sure that I I kept wanting to find my place in it.
• 6:50
  Speaker: Placement did that for me because I worked for a big two big corporations.
• 6:54
  Speaker: Um, but I went all the way through assisted living, memory care, skilled nursing, and then uh a big placement company.
• 7:01
  Speaker: Right.
• 7:02
  Speaker: So I'm gonna stop using their name.
• 7:03
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 7:04
  Speaker: Because I keep plugging it.
• 7:06
  unknown: Right.
• 7:07
  Speaker: So anyway, so um, and then from there, I remember, I don't know if you've experienced this, but it really is kind of life-changing when you start making an impact in all these lives.
• 7:18
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 7:19
  Speaker: Right.
• 7:19
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 7:20
  Speaker: I think that's what keeps you going.
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: Is people saying, oh my God, I it's a weight that's been lifted off my shoulder.
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: Because you know what that weight feels like.
• 7:31
  Speaker: Oh, yeah.
• 7:31
  Speaker: And you don't know what you don't know.
• 7:33
  Speaker: I mean, most people like you get the call where, why can't I get these prices online?
• 7:38
  Speaker: You know, well, because it is so complicated.
• 7:41
  Speaker: Right.
• 7:41
  Speaker: There is no way you can just get the prices online.
• 7:44
  Speaker: Right.
• 7:44
  Speaker: Right.
• 7:45
  Speaker: I mean, you could get a starting point, but that's not gonna tell you what the culture is of the community or whether the home that you're gonna place that person in that is a 10-bed home that is gonna be good care for your parent.
• 7:58
  Speaker: You don't, there's no way you can get that off the internet.
• 8:01
  Speaker: Right.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: And I think some of the stuff that we know based on experience, people assume they know.
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: And so they go and and pick places really for what we see is the wrong reasons.
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: And and whether we look at at the Department of Health and see deficiencies, they look at reviews and base it on that without really understanding that that's one component of this.
• 8:34
  Speaker: But one component of it.
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: But it's yeah, if you do it right and you're you're really matching the senior with the place.
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: That matchmaking.
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: It's complex.
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: It's super complex.
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: It's very complex.
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: And we have this experience.
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: It's just some people say, hey, there's a home right down the street from me.
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna go put my dad there without knowing anything.
• 8:58
  Speaker: Is the food good?
• 8:59
  Speaker: Is the care who are the caregivers that are in that home?
• 9:02
  Speaker: How you know, what are the deficiencies that the state has identified?
• 9:06
  Speaker: Is dad active?
• 9:07
  Speaker: Does it does want activity?
• 9:08
  Speaker: Does it want to go into a residential home?
• 9:11
  Speaker: That's not, it's not one size fits all.
• 9:13
  Speaker: It is not.
• 9:14
  Speaker: And yeah, like is dad active.
• 9:16
  Speaker: Like, don't put him in a residential home where everybody's in a recliner with blankets over them.
• 9:21
  Speaker: Right.
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: So I think we miss out on quality of life, right?
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: And I'm not saying that this is something that's confined to assisted living.
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: I think this is just aging in general, where we look more at quantity of life versus quality of life.
• 9:40
  Speaker: Right.
• 9:40
  Speaker: Like keep him alive as long as possible, but that's not quality.
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: In in this misery, and then and then we always say, oh, he died in the middle of the night.
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: How fortunate.
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: Or, or it was so sudden, how fortunate that they didn't have to suffer.
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: And yet we do everything so that we suffer as as we get older.
• 10:01
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: Um, and and that in and of itself, psychologically, emotionally, financially, is complex.
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 10:12
  Speaker: Well, and you specifically asked me to talk about planning.
• 10:15
  Speaker: And I think that that is my big education piece right now.
• 10:19
  Speaker: I'm doing seminars, I'm doing every person I can talk to, financial planners, uh benefits companies, everybody I can talk to, I'm trying to help them understand that in this society that we have, to your point, we think that they're fine if they're living in their home alone.
• 10:39
  Speaker: They're doing fine.
• 10:40
  Speaker: My mom's 90, she's in her home still.
• 10:42
  Speaker: Right.
• 10:43
  Speaker: Okay.
• 10:44
  Speaker: We know that they're slowly declining.
• 10:47
  Speaker: Correct.
• 10:47
  Speaker: Right.
• 10:48
  Speaker: At 80, they start declining.
• 10:50
  Speaker: Our bodies change.
• 10:51
  Speaker: And unless an 80, if you've never talked to an 80-year-old, talk to an 80-year-old because they will tell you my body is completely different than what it was.
• 11:00
  Speaker: Yep.
• 11:00
  Speaker: You know, as soon as you turn 80, that's what they'll all say.
• 11:03
  Speaker: Right.
• 11:04
  Speaker: And they're declining.
• 11:05
  Speaker: And now the quality of life is not, it's accepted in some places.
• 11:10
  Speaker: For most people, it's accepted.
• 11:12
  Speaker: They think they're doing well by living alone, but there's no plan because you know what's going to happen.
• 11:18
  Speaker: They're going to decline, they're going to fall, they're going to have a heart attack, they're going to have a stroke.
• 11:21
  Speaker: Parkinson's is going to come on.
• 11:23
  Speaker: Something is going to happen.
• 11:24
  Speaker: Now you're dear in the headlights.
• 11:27
  Speaker: You don't know what's going on.
• 11:28
  Speaker: Maybe you have a will, a trust, you maybe you have all of that done, but that doesn't prepare you for what we need to come in and help you with.
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: So what if you do?
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: So my in-laws are are aging and um you know they're prepared on paper for aging.
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: And and my mother-in-law is a POA for my father-in-law.
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: It's just my mother-in-law now has dementia.
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: Oh.
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: So who's going to take care of you?
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: And who's second in line?
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: Because she obviously can't make a sound decision for him.
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: And my father-in-law won't disclose the information.
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: And here Jay and I work in the industry.
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: And we're like, time out.
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: You guys are really just a fall away from all of this changing.
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: And we can kind of help you prepare one or increase your safety.
• 12:27
  Speaker: Increase your safety.
• 12:28
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 12:28
  Speaker: Because what happens is when you stay uh in it, when you start to decline like that, what people think is that they're saving money by staying in the house, right?
• 12:38
  Speaker: Or they have the house paid off.
• 12:40
  Speaker: And I'm, you know, I paid this house off.
• 12:42
  Speaker: Why should I move?
• 12:43
  Speaker: Right.
• 12:44
  Speaker: Well, there's a lot of reasons to move.
• 12:46
  Speaker: Because if you don't, uh, first of all, moving into a supportive environment of whatever that is, if it's an independent, assisted, residential care home, whatever it is, it's a more supportive environment than being in your home and you're talking with people all day long instead of just one spouse to another, because they eventually stop speaking.
• 13:05
  Speaker: Uh or, you know, what do you have to talk about?
• 13:07
  Speaker: Talk about it.
• 13:08
  Speaker: And then also they sit and they watch television.
• 13:11
  Speaker: Right.
• 13:11
  Speaker: Or they shuffle to the kitchen and then they shuffle to the bedroom and then they shuffle to the bathroom.
• 13:16
  Speaker: Hopefully they go to the bedroom.
• 13:17
  Speaker: Most of the time they sleep in the recliner.
• 13:19
  Speaker: And so now you're getting no exercise.
• 13:22
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 13:22
  Speaker: Your body is slowly decaying, right?
• 13:25
  Speaker: And it's going to happen.
• 13:27
  Speaker: Right.
• 13:27
  Speaker: So what have you just done as a senior?
• 13:29
  Speaker: You've just given up your choice.
• 13:31
  Speaker: Because when it does happen, you're going to swing, you're going to swoop in and take care of them because you're not going to allow them to slowly die in their house, physically die, right?
• 13:42
  Speaker: So you're going to swoop in and have to make the choice as an adult child, or the doctor is going to say, nope, you can't go home.
• 13:48
  Speaker: So why don't we get ahead of that?
• 13:50
  Speaker: Right?
• 13:51
  Speaker: Why don't we stop the stigma that it's the worst place to, it's the worst thing in my life to have to move to one of these places.
• 13:58
  Speaker: It I mean, these are resorts.
• 14:00
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 14:01
  Speaker: These are great places.
• 14:02
  Speaker: Right.
• 14:03
  Speaker: And they're not full.
• 14:04
  Speaker: You know, I'm like, why aren't they full?
• 14:06
  Speaker: You know, I don't want them to be full.
• 14:08
  unknown: No.
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: And when you think how many seniors are out there and we only have across the country 1.2 million beds.
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: And how many 60 million seniors?
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: And they're 80 this year.
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: So it I think denial is one thing.
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: If I don't go to a doctor, I don't have something going wrong with me.
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: Um, we're trained in traditional medicine to react to symptoms and not prevent symptoms.
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: And senior living is more of the here and now.
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: So let's not let's live a lifestyle where you never have those symptoms.
• 14:52
  Speaker: Right.
• 14:53
  Speaker: Right.
• 14:53
  Speaker: Well, and and I I teach this over and over again.
• 14:57
  Speaker: And there is a Harvard study that proves it.
• 14:59
  Speaker: That if you move into a supportive environment of peers that you get along with, right?
• 15:06
  Speaker: So that's the matchmaking, right?
• 15:07
  Speaker: Making sure that that's a it's a budget constraint, it's a location constraint, but then it's a cultural constraint, right?
• 15:14
  Speaker: So you want to make sure that you're with people that you can enjoy being around, right?
• 15:19
  Speaker: Right.
• 15:19
  Speaker: And so that matchmaking is so important.
• 15:22
  Speaker: Who that cannot be advertised.
• 15:25
  Speaker: That cannot be in a list on Google.
• 15:28
  Speaker: It cannot be in AI.
• 15:29
  Speaker: It can't be anywhere.
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: And every salesperson in a community or home is going to tell you they can accommodate them.
• 15:36
  Speaker: Right.
• 15:37
  Speaker: Exactly.
• 15:37
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 15:38
  Speaker: So we're the buffer, right?
• 15:39
  Speaker: We're the buffer.
• 15:40
  Speaker: We know them all.
• 15:41
  Speaker: We're in and out of them all the time.
• 15:43
  Speaker: We know the personalities.
• 15:44
  Speaker: We we've eaten there.
• 15:46
  Speaker: We go there.
• 15:47
  Speaker: We know the different salespeople that are there.
• 15:50
  Speaker: I follow my salespeople around.
• 15:52
  Speaker: You follow your salespeople around, right?
• 15:54
  Speaker: Because they're not going to sell the good ones, aren't going to sell something they can't sell.
• 15:58
  Speaker: Right.
• 15:58
  Speaker: Right.
• 15:59
  Speaker: And so that's one piece of confidence.
• 16:02
  Speaker: The other piece is I'm in the community.
• 16:04
  Speaker: I know the smells.
• 16:05
  Speaker: I know it doesn't have smells.
• 16:06
  Speaker: I know it feels like a resort.
• 16:08
  Speaker: I know it's clean.
• 16:08
  Speaker: I know it's painted well.
• 16:10
  Speaker: I know the executive directors.
• 16:11
  Speaker: I know the nurse, the director of nursing.
• 16:14
  Speaker: And I, if I have issues, I tend to not forget it.
• 16:18
  Speaker: Right.
• 16:19
  Speaker: Right.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: And if they have an issue once a family member moves in, you're their advocate.
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: And so that changes the whole thing.
• 16:30
  Speaker: And that and and it's interesting.
• 16:32
  Speaker: It's almost like being a person at a skilledness with the parent.
• 16:36
  Speaker: It's like, oh, I don't uh that's an Allison placement or that's a Melissa placement.
• 16:40
  Speaker: We we better make sure that that's okay.
• 16:43
  Speaker: Right.
• 16:43
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 16:43
  Speaker: Right.
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: And and and it's a free service.
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: So that's that I don't understand either.
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: It's like buying a home on your own or using a realtor.
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: Well, we know to use a realtor to protect our interests.
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: And this is the exact same.
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 16:58
  Speaker: It just happens to be free because it's like an assisted living loc, not um like an apartment locator.
• 17:03
  Speaker: And and that's what apartment locators do.
• 17:06
  Speaker: And I've used apartment locators.
• 17:07
  Speaker: It's great.
• 17:08
  Speaker: Right.
• 17:08
  Speaker: Who wants to pick up a uh try to find an apartment out there that you don't know anything about?
• 17:13
  Speaker: Right.
• 17:13
  Speaker: You know?
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: And that makes no sense to me either.
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: Because good agents are never going to say, this is where you need to go.
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: Now we may know once we do the intake and assessment of the place that is the best match.
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: But I know even for me, I show a variety of places.
• 17:33
  Speaker: Oh, I do too.
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: And yeah.
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: And it's their decision on what they they choose.
• 17:38
  Speaker: I can usually narrow it down to two or three.
• 17:40
  Speaker: Because you're, again, your budget, location, culture.
• 17:44
  Speaker: So there aren't that many.
• 17:46
  Speaker: They there's not a plethora of places.
• 17:48
  Speaker: Well, show me another one.
• 17:49
  Speaker: No, there aren't.
• 17:50
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 17:50
  Speaker: This is this is it.
• 17:52
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 17:52
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 17:53
  Speaker: So, and and especially if I get somebody like I had a 73-year-old call me the other day, and uh, she wants something for $1,600 that's brand new.
• 18:01
  Speaker: I'm like, no, we're not going to be able to find anything for that.
• 18:06
  Speaker: Well, I can get that in Boston.
• 18:07
  Speaker: Really?
• 18:07
  Speaker: Where can you get that in Boston?
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: I would love to hear it.
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: All right.
• 18:12
  Speaker: But um, but it was different.
• 18:14
  Speaker: It was uh subsidized of some kind.
• 18:16
  Speaker: But um, but to be realistic, it's about uh what we have them about 2,500 good communities.
• 18:22
  Speaker: You can find those in Mesa, Glendale, Peoria.
• 18:26
  Speaker: You can find those a lot of places.
• 18:28
  Speaker: Um, and then they go all the way up to 10,000 or more, right?
• 18:32
  Speaker: So you can find all of those.
• 18:34
  Speaker: And those are independent livings or assisted livings.
• 18:37
  Speaker: And then, you know, and then a residential home is really where you have to be super careful.
• 18:41
  Speaker: You really have to know what that home is doing.
• 18:44
  Speaker: And I always want to know what kind of meals they serve, what the caregivers are like, you know, how long have you had your caregivers, what's your, you know, what's your management like?
• 18:54
  Speaker: Do they speak English?
• 18:55
  Speaker: Do they speak English?
• 18:56
  Speaker: Right.
• 18:56
  Speaker: Right.
• 18:57
  Speaker: Are they actually certified?
• 18:58
  Speaker: Right.
• 18:58
  Speaker: Are they certified?
• 18:59
  Speaker: Background checked, fingerprinted.
• 19:01
  Speaker: Is that a real fingerprint card?
• 19:03
  Speaker: You know, so yeah.
• 19:05
  Speaker: I mean, it it uh there's a lot of uh, what do I want to say, um, uh things that you can f uh fall into that you don't you're not aware of.
• 19:13
  Speaker: And I also like to say we know the hurdles before they appear, right?
• 19:18
  Speaker: So we know what you're going to experience because we've done it so many times.
• 19:21
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 19:22
  Speaker: Right.
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: And and one of the things I'm just gonna bring up because we were talking about planning, is um a lot of the parents don't want to be burdened on their kids.
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: And and so years ago, when Jay and I were at a networking group, met a guy, he owned a carpet cleaning business, and he said, Oh, well, when my time comes, he goes, My plan is I'm gonna get in the car, I'm driving to San Diego, and I'm gonna jump off a cliff.
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: And I said, Why?
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: And and he's and he said, Well, I don't want to be a burden on my kids.
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: And I said, Okay, I must be the only one that would like to be a burden on her kid, but um I said, You realize that that's never going to happen.
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: That's not realistic.
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: And one reason is today we feel good.
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: Why would we get in the car and drive to San Diego?
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: And then the next day we don't feel good, so we can't get think of getting on a car and driving over.
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: And so what happens is you have this plan of that, it doesn't come to fruition because we know how unrealistic it is.
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: And because you didn't plan, it falls back on your kids who now have the burden of making these decisions or taking you in because you haven't planned for this.
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: And the the very thing that you did not want was to be a burden on your child, and that's exactly what you are doing.
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: And all it does is take some education, right, some forethought, right?
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: Going and looking.
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: Just go look.
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: To talk to an expert on what is this?
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: And it might be five, 10 years down the road, which is completely fine.
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: But at least you're prepared.
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: It's in the it's in a plan finding.
• 21:07
  Speaker: Well, they you don't want to talk about it.
• 21:09
  Speaker: And I think there's a lot, that's one of the reasons that they don't do it, because they don't talk about it.
• 21:13
  Speaker: Right.
• 21:14
  Speaker: But it's going to happen.
• 21:14
  Speaker: It's gonna happen.
• 21:15
  Speaker: But I know that you probably experienced this too.
• 21:18
  Speaker: Um, you had a long, prolonged illness with your mom.
• 21:22
  Speaker: I had dementia with my mom.
• 21:23
  Speaker: She was four years with dementia.
• 21:25
  Speaker: Um, but with my dad, it was sudden.
• 21:28
  Speaker: And it was within 13 days with that.
• 21:31
  Speaker: We didn't even know he had the amount of cancer he had.
• 21:34
  Speaker: And all of a sudden, and it was like a freight train.
• 21:37
  Speaker: So I'm gonna say to the sudden people, the people that all of a sudden realize, oh, there's an issue.
• 21:42
  Speaker: Oh, mom fell, and the doctor's saying they she can't go back home.
• 21:45
  Speaker: Right.
• 21:46
  Speaker: Or the spouse gets told that.
• 21:48
  Speaker: And now all of a sudden you're in crisis.
• 21:50
  Speaker: So now you're trying to make a decision and go out there on the internet or try to learn or figure out who to go to where, but maybe get a case manager to give you a referral agent that only knows residential homes and doesn't know any other options.
• 22:02
  Speaker: And and that's unfortunate.
• 22:04
  Speaker: I think that uh listening to podcasts like this and understanding uh going to seminars and understanding and start thinking about it because people don't want to think about them dying.
• 22:14
  Speaker: And you don't want to think about your parents dying.
• 22:16
  Speaker: And you're we're just hardwired like that if we if we did that.
• 22:20
  Speaker: But if you know that there is a phase in life that you're gonna hit that is gonna really, you're gonna start declining, right?
• 22:28
  Speaker: So let's get ahead of that, be proactive, get ahead of that and understand your options financially, location-wise.
• 22:34
  Speaker: And then if you can go into a residential, uh into an independent living or a high uh, you know, assisted living, maybe you just need a little bit of assistance and it's socially great, you're gonna improve in health, you're gonna, your memory's gonna come back, your strength is gonna come back, your gait's gonna come back, and your quality of life is gonna come back, and your appearance is going to regress.
• 22:57
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 22:57
  Speaker: So if I could get everybody on that train, you know, like I see people reverse in age all the time.
• 23:04
  Speaker: And they're happy.
• 23:05
  Speaker: And they're happy.
• 23:06
  Speaker: And then we call it the fountain of youth because it truly is.
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah.
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: They're they're happy.
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: It was one of the things when Jay and I started that we started planning because you know, usually it's a life event.
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: You know, my mom dying, that prompted me to to get my will.
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: I mean, I was 47 and hadn't done it, right?
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: And uh so that prompted that, but working in this industry prompted long-term care insurance.
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: You almost get scared.
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: Like you're almost oh, wow, what am I?
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: I've already picked out the places.
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: I don't, I don't want to stay at home.
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: I don't want Jay to be my caregiver.
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: I don't want to be the one in the recliner.
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: No, I want to ring a bell and have someone come and cater to me.
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: And financially, I've prepared myself to be able to afford it.
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: Right, me too.
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: And and and I don't know if I would have been any different than anybody else had I not been in the industry.
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: But now I know.
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, right.
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: Now I know my dad's illness was a misdiagnosed heart attack and then a heart transplant.
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: And so try and navigate those waters, and it was just some guy, I don't even know who I talked to, who helped direct me to get his insurance off his advantage plan to get a supplement so we could get him to LA to get a heart transplant.
• 24:30
  Speaker: Yeah, and it took an expert who understood that.
• 24:33
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 24:34
  Speaker: And that's what we are.
• 24:35
  Speaker: We're experts.
• 24:35
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 24:36
  Speaker: Well, it flew by.
• 24:37
  Speaker: Yeah.
• 24:37
  Speaker: We are all done.
• 24:38
  Speaker: It goes by.
• 24:40
  Speaker: And I'm gonna have recurring guests because we talk so much.
• 24:44
  Speaker: So thank you so much for joining us today.
• 24:46
  Speaker: Uh, a place for seniors.
• 24:48
  Speaker: Uh, we're on the Apple Podcasts, we're on uh YouTube, anywhere that you want to look for Instagram.
• 24:54
  Speaker: Uh, but you can also go to my website, aplaceforseniors.org, and you can always contact us.
• 25:01
  Speaker: Uh, I want to plug Melissa Stuckey as well with assisted living locators.
• 25:05
  Speaker: So thank you so much, and we'll see you next time.