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The Enneagram Three and Being Known | A Three's Wholehearted Journey with Maila Rito · The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: It threw me in a very dark place.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: Shame.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_01: I was like full shame.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, I was not in it anymore.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: And when is enough, Mike?
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: Like, when is enough enough?
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_01: You see a three very ambitious and all of that, but deep inside, really, you we really struggle.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_01: I struggle with self-doubt and fear.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_01: Really hurt God and the Holy Spirit saying, You're striving so hard.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_01: You're striving so hard for the thing that you're already, you're already this person.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_01: You're already a mentor.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_01: You're a you're a champion of others.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_01: You don't need to prove anything.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast, the Enneagram for Real Life.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: Here is where you'll find conversations where faith meets story and strategy for lasting transformation.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Amy Wicks, here to help you find wisdom and wholehearted rhythms for moments that matter most.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: Whether you're learning your type or deepening your spiritual formation, these conversations will remind you that the Enneagram shines a light, but Christ is the transformation.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: Well, Mila, the three-month already as I've had conversation has been so beautiful.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: And we're capturing the essence of the three and also giving opportunity to show the varieties and the different perspectives, sometimes cultural overlay, sometimes family of origin and life experience.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: And even we're we're kind of mixing it up where work tends to be a theme for the three.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um, not every conversation is focused on that, but let's start at the beginning for you of finding out that you led as a three, that that was the lens and the perspective that you've had on life.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: When did the description or even that right question make it click for you?
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: Take us to that moment.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, like what I said, this is a full circle moment for me, Amy.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_01: And first of all, thank you so much for um inviting me because I found Amy through this podcast, really.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_01: I love it two years ago, and it's like a pinch-me moment for me today that I'm here in this show.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_01: That I was just listening, and that's how I found you.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_01: I don't even know how I found you.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe you were guesting through the other show, and then I found you and I connected with you in Instagram, and then here we are, you know.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: So love it.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_01: Um, take uh take me, take us to the journey of finding the three.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_01: Well, someone actually pointed it out to me that I should Innegram three.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_01: So I two years ago, and exactly August of 2024, is that there's something happened to me in my business that really led me to this healing journey and discovering about the three.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_01: But I knew Inagram for a little over so many years now, and I I'm a part of an inner circle that loves Innegram, and we always have we always almost all our conversation have you know a topic of Inagram, and we take the test together, we discuss it together, and I I remember taking the test for the first time, and it my result was a one.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_01: So I thought it was a one, but my Innegram, my friend who's very well versed about Enneagram, said, You're not a one.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_01: There's no you're not a one.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe you're a nine with a strong one.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Okay, let's check nine.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_01: And I resonated a lot with nine.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_01: So for so many years, I thought, I was a nine peacemaker, peacemaker, I'm uh flexible and all of that until like two years ago, again, oh exactly August of 2024, is there's something happened to my business, a little background is uh I was a part of a network marketing company.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I grew a team, I scaled a business, I had success.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_01: And the August of 2024 was my biggest month in a business, but also the downfall and my pivotal moment.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_01: It's because um, I think a little bit of background for that, I was running, and my whole team was running to uh a really huge goal because in marketing there's that kind of I'm not like bashing the the business, right?
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_01: But there is that culture of more, you know, you cannot be in one place or rank, you have to go for the next, or you're playing small.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: And I didn't have the language um about like the lens of Enneagram three um at that time, so I didn't have awareness that I was operating in that pressure externally and everyone's running for it.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, okay, and then the worst is my mentor at that time and my whole team, they she we kind of like announce it in public, so we set a goal and announce it in public, which terrified me deep inside, and uh you know, that fear of failure that I didn't know that time, and I was like, I knew that once I set a goal and I announce it in public, I cannot fail, or it would be the end of the world, you know, and so but I did it anyways because everyone's doing it.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_01: So set a goal, we pushed so hard, and guess what?
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't hit that goal at the end of that month, um, where everyone hit the goal that I help a lot of people reach the rank except me.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_01: So from the outside looking in, like a typical three, and again, I didn't have the awareness at that time.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_01: I it threw me in a very dark place.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_01: Shame, I was like full of shame.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, I was not in it anymore, and um it's just but externally and the outside looking in, I was moving on.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, I'm okay, I'm okay.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_01: But my friend and my other mentor, who's my good friend, she's actually a four, but she operated as an Enneagram three for so many years.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_01: So she is very well versed in that space because she operated as a three before, but she was actually a four, and she pointed out to me my you she kind of knew my internal world without explaining it, you know.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_01: So she's so interesting, yeah.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so she said, read about three, and I cannot forget when I read about three, that it gave me so many childhood flashbacks that it's kind of like a bittersweet discovery, too.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_01: Because like reading about the shadow of a three and confronting those dark things that, like, you know, it's just like I don't you I don't know how you explain it, Amy, when you discover your type and you have this awareness that you didn't have before, but also it's a bittersweet of like confront that was the moment.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_01: And as a typical three, I dig deeper and and be the best enagram three I could I was gonna say, be the best you could be.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_01: That's and then really I was really so fascinated that this is wow, wow, this is it makes so much sense, you know.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_01: So that's how I found out about my Enneagram 3 and my life.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, Jesus changed my life, but Inagram 3 is just so powerful for me.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it gave a whole new way to orient yourself on the map when you live in a place thinking as a nine, and therefore any sense of stopping seems like if you're looking at the grid, you're looking at the map and you go, if I'm a nine, then when I want to stop, I need to keep going because nines prone to sloth and nines are prone to stop.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: But if you're doing that, but you're really a three, and you need to hear the message of love to stop and pause and go slow or to receive the grace when you don't hit a goal instead of keep going or work hard or do better, then that disorientation is exhausting and dizzying and so much freedom.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: But as you said, bittersweet, there is the you want to laugh, you want to cry, all of the emotions there when you're getting a little bit of your inner world in black and white in front of you on paper.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, and I told that friend, I told my friend Lindsay, I felt so exposed.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and I felt exposed by her because why does she know?
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I tried to hide this.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_01: Why does she know about this?
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and of course, the empath nature of the four, that that discerning gift of understanding and not being afraid of it is a blessing where you can learn to be fully you and they invite the authenticity.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: And well, we're gonna talk more about the four-wing influence for you because that has been a lot of our conversation, not only on the one-on-one coaching, but then you've become a wholehearted coach as well.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: That's been part of your journey and the process of learning.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: I want to give a little bit of your perspective from the inside out about how ambition and energy and vision momentum are all tied up together, especially in light.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: I want to frame it like this because the Enneagram three, that vision and that goal, it's great.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I think we all there's an element of without a vision, the people perish.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's good to have that.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: But give us some understanding of what it's like for a three to never reach that, even if you reach it, because the goal line keeps moving.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: Tell us what that's about.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, yes.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_01: Like uh, I like kind of ask myself, when is enough, Mike?
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_01: Like, when is enough enough?
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_01: I actually had that moment of like, whoa, because uh I resonate a lot when they describe the three as we're as good as our last accomplishment.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_01: Like, and that's a blind spot that like now I have a awareness of it that like how yes, I'm actually doing this to myself.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_01: Why am I so hard that I already accomplished all of that?
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_01: But that is why I think I told you before that there's like that seven energy of wanting more, but the motivation is different because uh the drive for success and achievement is there, but there is that almost like the discontent of like more, more, you know?
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and the question of can you rephrase it again?
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: Like you Yeah, the goal line continuing to move, right?
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_00: Like you even said it, you you're only as good as the last accomplishment, and there's never there's never rest after the last accomplishment unless you know to take the invitation and receive the rest.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_01: So one of the things that I kind of wrestled knowing about the three or the description of the three is that's deadly sin of a three is deceit.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's a loaded word.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, this is authenticity is my top value, truth, uh, word of honor is really important for me.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I kind of wrestled why they describe three, uh, the deadly sin of a three is deceit.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_01: But now I kind of understand where it's coming from because um the superpower and also the danger of the three without boundary is the superpower for us to merge with other people.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and that's like how we kind of, you know, that so it just excites me to see people pursue their calling, their vision, and just talking about their goals, you know, that excite me, but that also has a tendency, I have a tendency to merge with others.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_01: And um, and also with that, like you see a three very ambitious and all of that, but deep inside, really, you we really struggle.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_01: I struggle with self-doubt and fear.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I think uh I just saw a line about the three describing a three, also that we're actually the culprit or the definition of what that means, uh what it means to be high functional anxiety.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_01: We had a definition of that, like um our anxiety is not very obvious as the other people because it reflects us motivation and and uh drive and ambition, although it's not all of it, but there is an element of like you know, actually deep inside, we have those fear and anxiety.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_01: What I can tell you is that I know now when I am anxious, I clean the whole house.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_01: So that people from the outside looking in, they won't they won't know that I'm right with them cleaning the house.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_01: So actually, because there's emotion there that I it's hard to name and it's hard to sit.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I would call it frenzy or hyper focus.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yes for yeah, both in the to avoid the anxiety, and you know, this would be an important thing to mention.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: We talked a little bit about it for the seven and the eight.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_00: The idea is the three, seven, and eight, all three assertive types in our communication.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_00: Part of our story is that we're avoiding feelings.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's not that we don't express emotion, right?
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_00: We have our each unique way.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: The eight is known for expressing their anger, the seven for their over enthusiasm and enthusiastic responses, and and maybe emoting and the three almost the let's keep going, uh, reframing hope that they choose and people see, or even the competency, the yeah, the competency of keeping the house together and moving towards the next goal and keeping and working on the thing.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_00: So give us a little bit of picture of the inner world of what it looks like to try to avoid emotion in doing things.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: And for you, because you've done the work, what it looks like to engage with that emotion without the shame that sometimes accompanies it four three.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_01: So I notice now that I really let myself feel feel the emotion.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_01: Because even before, when someone say or would describe me as emotional, that would never be my description, you know.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_01: Like I would never I would never see myself emotional, but I think I'm kind of embracing it now.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I cry like easily now, and I can really sit with the emotion.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I think now doing it, sitting with emotion helps me name it.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, sometimes it's hard to name.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_01: We yeah, that's why it's like kind of weird that we are a heart type, but it's we feel it, but sometimes we can't name it.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's hard to access when you're so busy going after the goal and doing the things.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_00: Who has time to sit with it?
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_00: It's limiting, yeah, it's uh it it curbs the energy and yes, and it drains you, and so you won't be able to necessarily keep going after the things.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: I I love how even in your story and finding that you were a three, or that was the lens that the whole time you've been looking through and identify some of the desires and core longings that it relates to work right away.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like that's that's part of the journey for a three.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's unavoidable, I think.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_00: So the three listening knows they're in good company.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: What I want to talk about is something that you hinted at before, because to me, this is one of the great indicators of growth or the the fruit to examine for a three is really building a community in a way that you are championing other people's dreams, but not at your expense and not because of competition or jealousy.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: So talk through tribe rising, the journey of processing comparison and competition and all the elements, and then you throw in the four-wing of wanting to belong.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_00: So you've done all of it in a beautiful way.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_00: I know it's not perfect, but what have you learned about yourself in this process and uh maybe what others could gain from it as well?
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_01: Um describing the tribe racing.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_01: So tribe rising, actually, that name of the community actually came from uh was it two years ago?
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, actually, three years ago.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_01: Actually, my team that I grew in the network marketing, going back to that, um, is the tribe rising.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_01: And I didn't finish with the second part of that story, and that will describe how this transition of tribe rising came about.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so August was like a hit, I didn't hit the goal and everything.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but we they hype it up as the company, and it's everyone's hyped up that time because it was a 10th year anniversary of the company, and first of September, we're going to the convention.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_01: There was our 10th year anniversary as a company, and they had all these bonuses and incentives.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_01: So we were going to that event, and uh it would explain why we ran for those goals because said there would be a stage recognition.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_01: And I was going to what what what my desire that I thought that time is to represent my team as a Filipino, you know.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so that was I think the greatest motivation I had.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_01: Well, so you know, um, if I'm honest, like the the recognition, you know, and all of that, and the external pressure.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but it did since I didn't get the goal, um, I was devastated and I went to the convention really downhearted, but I didn't even really think about it.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_01: I received an email saying that I'm gonna have a stage recognition.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_01: And I didn't even think about it because I was overwhelmed with my emotion.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_01: But story short, I went to the convention and I received an award because they didn't specify it.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_01: I receive an award as the second person in the whole United States to promote the most in the company.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_01: And I have a small team, like let's say I have 12 people and I promoted 10.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_01: And I knew that that is a God thing, and that was my reckoning because I experienced the stage recognition, the spotlight.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_01: My my team were crying because they were so inspired looking at me, representing them, you know, and all of that.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_01: But um, at that moment, I've really heard God and the Holy Spirit saying, You're striving so hard.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_01: You're striving so hard for the thing that you're already, you're already this person, you're already a mentor, you're a you're a champion of others.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_01: You don't need to prove anything, you know, you don't need this teacher recognition, and my my life and my business just pivoted at that time.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_01: It's like I turned a complete um shift, and that is how I found you.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_01: And I I pursue coaching, and now tribe rising from the network marketing team that I built grew us mostly like uh just a space for women, mostly Filipino.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: To be empowered to uh um to heal, be transformed, and so they can step into their purpose.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, it's beautiful, Mila.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_00: I think this is one of those moments that's worth double tapping on because it's it's easy to build something for other people if it equates to your success.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_00: But the risk for a three is to build something that create could create a sense of competition, comparison, and perhaps your protege or you're the guide, and so you're mentoring someone, they could go on and do better than you.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_00: They could right, they could rise above, tribe rising, all of those things.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_00: I've I've had to, you know, uh see this come about sometimes, right?
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_00: Where the the person our ceiling is their floor.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's the beautiful way the kingdom of God works.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_00: How has that been for you to process comparison?
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_00: Honestly, and again, we're not talking from a place of we figured this out, Milo will never experience the negative impacts of comparison again.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_00: Like we wish, we wish.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yes, exactly.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's so important to talk about for our three listening or those who love a three to understand some of the inner dialogue happening as they make their way in the world of work and life and even social media with the constant comparison.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_01: And again, I think going back to the ability to merge with other people and not being true to like your own thing.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's the also a combination of the wing of a two, like really trying to like help empower other people.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_01: Um, without the right boundary, I think that's when I think my danger is, and I see myself comparing myself to other people when I'm in that space of no boundary and how I emerge with other people.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_01: Um and like kind of like a self-sabotage.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_01: Because when if I focus on my own thing and I trust my own timeline and my own work, then there is really no comparison because there is nothing.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_01: There's no one that is entrusted for the work that I do except me, you know.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_01: And that has been, I think, like what you said, would be uh the work that I'm gonna do for the rest of my life is to try to really just focus on my own work and my and trust my own pace.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_01: And that's why I always remind myself because um yeah, I'm I have the tendency to compare when I merge, I think when there is no boundary in merging with other people.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_01: Um interesting.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_01: Um, because I love to to cheer and and champion other people, but I have to also fix my eyes on the work that I do, you know?
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_00: The work assigned to you by the Lord and how you're responding to him appropriately.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_00: I and that leads me to part of your uh part of your journey is impacted by your cultural identity and even what you're offering, yeah, offering and tribe rising as you talk about like you're a Filipino woman, and so the three's achievement and orientation in life can be a little bit different because you have that overlay as opposed to someone who's only been in America their whole life.
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_00: So, what does it look like for you?
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_00: How's it felt like for for you, or even what you would say your version is uniquely?
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_01: When it comes to like the cultural layer of yeah, yeah.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_01: So uh I would say the cultural is it's later neutral culturally, because in our culture it's very much, I don't know, maybe it's very much like uh influenced by Western mentality of success, meaning, you know, you have to have a degree, you have to have a title.
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's that's the norm and the cultural aspect.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_01: And I and I love my culture, don't get me wrong, but there are like any other culture, there's things to be redeemed, and I would say it's a very critical, critical, there's a critical culture, a critical aspect in the culture where you have to be the best, and you have to climb the ladder, you have to have a degree, you have to have a title, and your title and whatever you do, that is why in a Filipino culture, it's either you could be a nine, a three, or a six.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_01: It's very like, or the seven, it's very like I see a lot of those um that's so interesting, you know, numbers.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, because it's very much an external validation and accomplishment, and that's how you put value to people.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_01: Like interesting, yeah.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and at the same time, also shrinking and not really using your voice.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and if you put yourself out there or exert yourself out there, it's not culturally accepted.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_01: So it's that you know, made a juxtaposition, yeah, too extreme type of thing, playing around.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so that is when I found out I was a nine, and sure, because you know, I blend into the culture that you don't exert yourself too much, or yeah.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and yet for you, your perception was also the the push and the drive to be exceptional and to climb higher and accomplish all of these things.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_00: Such a such an interesting wrestle for you and unique wrestle.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I always like to pull in culture, story, family of origin, trauma of you know, a what nature, little T trauma, big T trauma.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_00: So another element of that is sometimes our wings can pull us in opposite directions.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that expression of the four-wing for you is uh, you know, is clear, it's evident in your creativity, even your unique position, I think is a three.
• 28:46
  SPEAKER_00: So how has any or has there ever been a time where authenticity slowed down the achieving or the achieving slowed down the authenticity?
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_00: How how's that ever played out for you?
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_01: I would I think I can describe the pool and uh conflict on that when it comes to the time orientation.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah, okay.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_01: Because you know, as a three, we like to move fast and we want to move forward, very future oriented, but then as a four, there is that element of the past, and sometimes I see that especially when I deal with grief and I deal with relational because the four four wants me to sit with it, and the four wants to make sense of what happened, and it was like a part of me wants to move forward, and I think you kind of actually witnessed this in the beginning of our coaching when I was dealing with the relational issue that a part of me wants to move, you know, and like move forward because like but then that foreness wants me to sit with it and make sense, make meaning, yep, yeah, but at the same time, my the foreness, and I don't know if this is even the term, but I call it foreness.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_01: I I works for me, we're going with it, but my foreness makes me grounded, makes me know what I really want, and like to champion others is very natural for me, and I love doing that.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_01: I like I love that space, and I champion others, I like to promote other people, I like to promote their work, but the foreness, the the drive for um individuality, yeah, and I have the awareness now, and I have that I don't know if I call it strategy, but I I can I can access that foreness for me that from time to time because of that merging tendency and self-erasure and self-sabotage that I can I can hone in into my individual expression and it shows in my work.
• 31:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it does.
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, I've seen that clarity and confidence grow over time as you've laser focused into celebrating what makes you uniquely you and what you're uniquely bringing to the table, which is really cool.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_00: So I I think it's always a joy to witness when people are experiencing, you know, mending on their wings in particular, and how it adds to the flavor and the richness of their expression.
• 31:43
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's why we just take time, especially as each of the conversations, everyone has a unique flavor to their four.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_00: Again, we've talked about the different elements that enhance it or shift it just a little bit or change the shade.
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_00: But the four wings definitely, you know, I think has come through as you've gotten, I think, focused and uh yeah, joyfully confident in this, the people that you serve, the women that you serve specifically, and your story.
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_00: So um I know there's a lot that we could talk about here, but I know for you and I, one of the most important things and the reason why we can celebrate health and growth is the abundant life that we have in Christ.
• 32:30
  SPEAKER_00: That ultimately the healing and the freedom that we have and the assurance that we even have in our calling comes from our faith in Christ.
• 32:38
  SPEAKER_00: And ultimately, that is what can satisfy that desire for worth or the deepest question there, and even give clarity on what does enough look like?
• 32:49
  SPEAKER_00: How has your spiritual life even shifted, knowing that sometimes performance could be behind the scenes, or even in the being fully known by God when you also are fully knowing yourself?
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yes, I feel like I definitely could see myself when I was growing up, I grew up Catholic.
• 33:12
  SPEAKER_01: My parents were not as like religious, but I was religious.
• 33:17
  SPEAKER_01: I could describe myself.
• 33:18
  SPEAKER_01: I would walk from the house to the church, like because that even in that young I had that probably a perception and a belief that I have to earn it, you know?
• 33:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and I totally could, yeah, I could totally see myself doing that unconsciously.
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_01: I was really being a really good Catholic, you know.
• 33:43
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, I was a good Catholic.
• 33:45
  SPEAKER_01: I'm very I was very religious.
• 33:47
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but I really believe, Amy, uh just thought about this recently, about wounding, that you know, our wounding is also for a reason.
• 34:01
  SPEAKER_01: I think our deepest wounding is how God brings us in in him.
• 34:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember, and I always always remember the day you like have that pivotal moment with God, because although I was Catholic and know about God, but I didn't have a relationship with God not until my senior year in high school.
• 34:25
  SPEAKER_01: And you know what caught me was this poster in our school that says, Do you want friends?
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_01: Do you want blah blah blah?
• 34:36
  SPEAKER_01: And it was an agape teens club, and at the time I didn't know the meaning of agape.
• 34:41
  SPEAKER_01: So it's belonging, it's my winding.
• 34:45
  SPEAKER_01: It's and I think because I have a very strong for, it's belonging, is always a sacred thing for me.
• 34:52
  SPEAKER_01: I always I feel like I'm always like looking for one, and I found it in that ministry and a genuine belonging in that, and I found the Lord there, and um the message of grace has just changed my life, and from then I knew now, I knew now what is belonging, and that's how I carry through my you know, tribe racing, and wherever I um I create a belonging and a community, that's where that's my lens is right now.
• 35:26
  SPEAKER_01: Um and it's a journey, it was a journey of finding that.
• 35:31
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I would say that my relationship with God is the most raw, the most raw and most safest place that I like I don't have to perform, you know, like I don't have to even do anything to make him love me more.
• 35:48
  SPEAKER_01: It's a journey, but I think like also knowing about knowing more about you too, yourself, making me have that more of a perspective of broader perspective of grace from God.
• 36:05
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't have before.
• 36:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's good.
• 36:09
  SPEAKER_00: Milo, there's so many elements of this conversation that have been really rich, and I believe a gift to those who have the orientation of a three and those who love a three because it you've just given us a glimpse in the inner world that you can't just read about.
• 36:26
  SPEAKER_00: This comes through story and life lived and experience and mistaking type and discovering new type.
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_00: As we close here, what is something that maybe you haven't said before or in our conversation yet, or that you would like to make sure that you leave our friend to hear at the end of this conversation?
• 36:47
  SPEAKER_01: I would just say, what would I say to the my two years ago would be and to the friends who was listening this who might be discovering this just you know, newly discovering Enneagram or Enagram 3 that the message of enough, you know, you don't have to you don't have to try so hard, and you don't have to push so hard, you don't have to uh be so hard on yourself.
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_01: You are you are enough just as the way you are, even if you take away anything, you know, your work, your business, whatever it is, you you will not be left with nothing.
• 37:33
  SPEAKER_01: Um because even if a a three is the most probably the most one of the most creative people is Enneagram3.
• 37:42
  SPEAKER_01: And I think we are created to be like that and trusted um with gifts like that.
• 37:49
  SPEAKER_01: But deep inside, there is still that message of I am not good enough or I'm not enough.
• 37:55
  SPEAKER_01: So the work that I am doing and I'm I've probably been doing for the rest of my life is reminding myself that you are you are loved just as the way you are, and you are enough.
• 38:10
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 38:11
  SPEAKER_00: That's beautiful.
• 38:12
  SPEAKER_00: Mila, thank you for sharing.
• 38:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that if anyone who listened today goes, I want to, I want more of the story, I want to continue the conversation.
• 38:21
  SPEAKER_00: We'll have the links to follow Mila on Instagram where she is we we call her the Media Maven, social media maven, because she's really good.
• 38:31
  SPEAKER_00: She inspires us all to sharing our story and through our unique perspective.
• 38:36
  SPEAKER_00: So, Mila, thank you for showing as you and your story and giving us a glimpse to your inner world.
• 38:44
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, Amy.
• 38:48
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks so much for joining me for the Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast.
• 38:53
  SPEAKER_00: If this conversation spoke to you, please share it with a friend.
• 38:59
  SPEAKER_00: You can also visit simply wholehearted.com to take the free Enneagram quiz and also get your personalized podcast playlists specific for your Enneagram type.
• 39:11
  SPEAKER_00: And remember, friend, your starting point doesn't have to be your stuff point.