Latest / Drawn of History / Kevin Smith _ This Past Weekend w_ Theo Von _531(M4A_128K)

Transcript

Kevin Smith _ This Past Weekend w_ Theo Von _531(M4A_128K) · Drawn of History

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: All right, I've got new tour dates to let you
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: know about. Oklahoma City, North Little Rock, Springfield, Missouri, Kansas City, Missouri,
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: Sioux Falls, South Dakota, La Crosse, Wisconsin, Green Bay, Moline, Illinois,
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: Colorado Springs, Colorado, Casper, Wyoming. I'm excited to get up there. Billings, Montana, Missoula, Montana, Bloomington, Indiana, Columbus, Ohio, Champaign, Illinois,
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: Grand Rapids, Michigan, Lafayette, Louisiana, and Beaumont, Texas. All tickets
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: available through theovon.com slash T-O-U-R. Make sure to go through
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: there so you are getting directly priced tickets. Make sure
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: you're not at a secondhand site. And thank you so
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: much for your support. We're excited to come visit. Today's
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: guest is a filmmaker, writer, speaker, comic book aficionado. You
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: know him from his films, Clerks, Mallrats, Jay and Silent Bob, Dogma, Tusk,
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: and the list goes on. He has a new film
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: out now called The 430 Movie loosely based on his
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: childhood in New Jersey. I'm thankful to spend time today
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: with Mr. Kevin Smith.
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: I'll sit and tell you my story Shine on me
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: And I will find a song I've been singing since
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: the beginning I've been singing since.
• 1:49
  Speaker 3: The beginning Yeah, look at me.
• 1:54
  Speaker 4: I'm in fucking monochrome.
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: Is that what that print is?
• 2:00
  Speaker 4: Black and white.
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: Oh, monochrome is black and white. Okay, sweet. Yeah, I
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: didn't know that. I mean, I've heard of it before.
• 2:07
  Speaker 4: Fuck yeah, you have.
• 2:08
  Speaker 3: But, yeah.
• 2:09
  Speaker 4: You're a smart guy.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 2:12
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: Okay. Yeah, I'm not a dumb.
• 2:17
  Speaker 3: Yeah, don't fucking, don't sweat. You knew monochrome. It was
• 2:20
  Speaker 3: just one of those things you didn't need. And then
• 2:22
  Speaker 3: it happened, and then you're like, why didn't I?
• 2:24
  Speaker 4: But you did.
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: Yeah. I've seen you speak. You're no dummy.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it was always in there somewhere.
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
• 2:30
  Speaker 4: Probably used it. You probably busted it once or twice
• 2:32
  Speaker 4: in your life.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: Oh, I've definitely, I mean, I've been involved in some like,
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: it's not, it's like the most racial of screens if
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: it's monochrome, right? It's black and white kind of. It's
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: the apartheid of print.
• 2:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah. I scream it when I come.
• 2:46
  Speaker 4: I'm like, monochrome. Because Clerks was in black and white.
• 2:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 2:51
  Speaker 4: So everything ties back to Clerks.
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: Oh.
• 2:53
  Speaker 4: Only Clerks, the only way I could come now is
• 2:55
  Speaker 4: thinking of Clerks.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, I love the Mallrats shoes, man. Those are so,
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: I mean, that's really cool.
• 3:01
  Speaker 4: Did we start?
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we'll start. Who made those?
• 3:03
  Speaker 3: Are we started?
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we can. Is that okay?
• 3:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's totally cool. Modern podcasting, I've not gotten that
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: hang of. Like, we started back in, like, 2007.
• 3:11
  Speaker 4: We were doing Smodcast.
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: Smodcast, yeah.
• 3:13
  Speaker 4: And there was always, like, welcome to Smodcast. I'm Kevin Smith.
• 3:17
  Speaker 4: I'm Scott Mosher. So there was an official beginning.
• 3:19
  Speaker 3: But lately, any podcast I've been on, it was bullshitting,
• 3:22
  Speaker 3: and all of a sudden, You're five minutes into a conversation.
• 3:25
  Speaker 4: I'm like, oh, I bet you we started and shit.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, sometimes it's like I think sometimes
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: some places things are a little more formal. I don't know.
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: Sometimes I feel like if you start, if I say start,
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: then it doesn't go as– I don't know. I mean,
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: you're a director. What is that like if you say.
• 3:42
  Speaker 3: Well, it depends who you ask. I like to think
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: of a director, but you go on the internet, they'll
• 3:47
  Speaker 3: tell you a lot fucking different. He was a director
• 3:50
  Speaker 3: maybe once in his fucking first movie. Every day online,
• 3:54
  Speaker 3: somebody tells me I'm terrible at my job. For the
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: last 30 years that I've been doing the job, you
• 3:59
  Speaker 3: know what that's like. Maybe you don't. You're like, I've
• 4:01
  Speaker 3: never gotten a bad fucking review. Do you dig into
• 4:04
  Speaker 3: your comments?
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, no, I don't dig into them too much, man.
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: I was actually talking to Joe Rogan. I spoke with
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: him recently, and he was saying, don't read the good shit,
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: don't read the bad shit.
• 4:15
  Speaker 4: Bro, are we going to start dropping names this early
• 4:19
  Speaker 4: in the podcast?
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: Sorry.
• 4:21
  Speaker 3: I mean, you just whipped that out like a cock. Like, fucking,
• 4:24
  Speaker 3: who are you, Louis C.K.? I wasn't ready for that.
• 4:27
  Speaker 3: All of a sudden, we're talking Joe Rogan and shit?
• 4:31
  Speaker 3: Are you a Joe Rogan guy? Like, are you guys
• 4:33
  Speaker 3: tight and whatnot? I haven't been on a show since
• 4:36
  Speaker 3: he moved to Austin. Not because I'm like, fuck him,
• 4:38
  Speaker 3: but Austin's pretty fucking far. But wait a second.
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's far.
• 4:41
  Speaker 3: Why are we here? Like, I thought you were a
• 4:44
  Speaker 3: Nashville person.
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I live in Nashville, yeah. But we kept our
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: studio here, and so sometimes we tape here.
• 4:51
  Speaker 3: So you live in, do you live in Nashville?
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: I live in Tennessee, yeah, full time.
• 4:54
  Speaker 3: Where in Tennessee?
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: I live just like right outside of the city. I
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: live kind of by like Lipscomb High School.
• 4:59
  Speaker 3: So you live near Nashville?
• 5:00
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah.
• 5:01
  Speaker 3: I fuck in Tennessee a lot. They like us there
• 5:03
  Speaker 3: quite a bit. Like I was just in Kingsport because
• 5:05
  Speaker 3: we did the Smoky Mountain Fan Fest. And then like
• 5:07
  Speaker 3: a month before that, I was in Knoxville. Like anytime
• 5:12
  Speaker 3: I go out and do shows, that's generally a place
• 5:15
  Speaker 3: that I've always wound up.
• 5:16
  Speaker 4: I was in, can I tell you a fucking story
• 5:18
  Speaker 4: real quick?
• 5:18
  Speaker 3: So I was in, recently I was in Kentucky. I
• 5:20
  Speaker 3: went and did a show in Lexington.
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: Lexington's awesome.
• 5:24
  Speaker 4: Beautiful, right?
• 5:25
  Speaker 3: So I'm, you know, I'm vegan. I hate saying that
• 5:31
  Speaker 3: because everyone's like, fuck you, now I'm eating twice as
• 5:33
  Speaker 3: much meat.
• 5:33
  Speaker 4: I'm like, all right, that's on you.
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, people don't, yeah, people don't.
• 5:36
  Speaker 3: They get tight, but I went vegan because I almost.
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: It's like being stomach gay or whatever. Fuck.
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: They they i i i i had a heart attack
• 5:43
  Speaker 3: six and a half years ago so i wound up
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: going vegan and it helped used to be happy now
• 5:47
  Speaker 3: i'm fucking vegan so it's just part of you know
• 5:50
  Speaker 3: it's just what i do but i don't try to
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: push it on people and shit like that like when
• 5:54
  Speaker 3: i started smoking weed back in the day i was
• 5:56
  Speaker 3: definitely like proselytizing for that like oh my god you
• 5:59
  Speaker 3: should try this veganism i don't proselytize for because people
• 6:03
  Speaker 3: get really triggered by the word now if somebody's like,
• 6:06
  Speaker 3: Hey man, how'd you lose that fucking weight? Or, you know,
• 6:08
  Speaker 3: some people have been like, you fucking Olympic bitch. I'm like,
• 6:10
  Speaker 3: no fuck. I, I, I went vegan after my heart attack.
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: That's how the weight went away. Not because like, you know,
• 6:17
  Speaker 3: I necessarily tried, although I do now fucking walk over 10,000
• 6:20
  Speaker 3: steps a day. But you know, I was like, I,
• 6:24
  Speaker 3: I don't want to die. So let me try this.
• 6:27
  Speaker 3: And I thought I'd do it for a few months
• 6:28
  Speaker 3: and then go back. And then I never went back.
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: Being vegan. You mean?
• 6:32
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: Can you still have houseplants if you're a vegan or
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: is that like a weird?
• 6:36
  Speaker 4: Absolutely.
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  Speaker 3: Number one, I'm sure I am on some level an
• 6:40
  Speaker 3: ethical vegan.
• 6:41
  Speaker 4: Who should think about that.
• 6:44
  Speaker 3: Like I do love animals, so I'm sure that's some
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: part of why it's easy for me to be vegan.
• 6:49
  Speaker 3: But I was not one of those, like I'm doing
• 6:51
  Speaker 3: it because it's the right thing to do. I did
• 6:53
  Speaker 3: it to save my fucking life and it worked out
• 6:55
  Speaker 3: and shit. So even if I was like, fuck a houseplant,
• 6:59
  Speaker 3: I'd still go. Where are we going with that houseplant thing, though?
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: Oh, I just didn't know if you were like a plant,
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: if you only eat, because vegan means you can only
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: eat plants?
• 7:08
  Speaker 4: Well, I'm plant-based.
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 7:10
  Speaker 3: So it's the idea that if I can't have a plant-based,
• 7:13
  Speaker 3: because I'm like, well, this is my friend, but I'm going.
• 7:14
  Speaker 4: To eat them.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: Well, it would just seem like they would catch on.
• 7:18
  Speaker 4: It would be like having a fish tank. and being
• 7:20
  Speaker 4: a person that eats fish.
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and being a pescatarian.
• 7:22
  Speaker 3: Pescatarian and shit like that.
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I guess I was like, at some point, they're
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: gonna catch on. You know what I'm saying? They're gonna
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: be like, this guy's playing both sides of the net.
• 7:28
  Speaker 3: And the plants are gonna start leaning more out and shit.
• 7:32
  Speaker 3: Get defensive. That's where the Venus flytrap came from. A
• 7:35
  Speaker 3: plant that was like, I must defend myself against a vegan.
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: That was one of the first craziest movies that I
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: ever heard when I was a kid. Little Shop of Horrors? Yeah,
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: Little Shop of Horrors. It was like a weird movie.
• 7:45
  Speaker 4: Musical about like a Venus flytrap. Yeah, yeah. The Audrey 2.
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: And it had a plant that could bite people.
• 7:51
  Speaker 3: The plant came from outer space, though.
• 7:52
  Speaker 4: Oh, that's right. You didn't lose a lot of sleep
• 7:54
  Speaker 4: over it, did you?
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: No, I didn't. I wasn't, I don't think it scared me.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: It was just interesting. It was like a little bit
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: before my time, like, where I, like, we didn't, I
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: don't know if I've ever seen it, but I just remember.
• 8:05
  Speaker 4: I saw this shit on Off-Broadway, because I grew up, like,
• 8:07
  Speaker 4: on the East Coast, so.
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: Oh, you saw the musical.
• 8:09
  Speaker 4: Yeah, like on stage and shit, before it became this musical,
• 8:12
  Speaker 4: which was awesome as well.
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: Oh, before it became a movie.
• 8:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah.
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: Wow, so it was a big musical first.
• 8:17
  Speaker 3: It was. Off-Broadway hit. um you look at it was
• 8:20
  Speaker 3: a big ass puppet like on stage yeah there's a
• 8:23
  Speaker 3: picture of it right there i guess well yeah kind
• 8:26
  Speaker 3: of there's on stage the the ones to the to
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: the right in that one picture that looks like the
• 8:31
  Speaker 3: stage show oh i forgot like again modern podcast you
• 8:35
  Speaker 3: guys like have a screen and you spend an inordinate amount.
• 8:38
  Speaker 4: Of time looking at images and videos and shit That.
• 8:41
  Speaker 3: Was something that never occurred to us in 2007.
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you just had to use your imagination.
• 8:44
  Speaker 3: We would just talk to each other. And there was
• 8:46
  Speaker 3: also no real video component. Like, that was the attraction
• 8:49
  Speaker 3: of doing the podcast. It was like, I can just
• 8:51
  Speaker 3: fucking do it dressed like however I am. It was
• 8:53
  Speaker 3: like voicing animation or something. Yeah. But y'all have gotten
• 8:56
  Speaker 3: it down to fucking science. Like, you know, when I
• 8:58
  Speaker 3: went to Tom Segura's place, fucking, well, Joe, of course,
• 9:03
  Speaker 3: and Bert, all y'all have free drinks. Like I was
• 9:08
  Speaker 3: just out there and they're like, you want water? And
• 9:09
  Speaker 3: that's kind of standard. And I was like, oh yeah,
• 9:11
  Speaker 3: or would you like Celsius? I was like, what do
• 9:14
  Speaker 3: you mean? And there's a fucking Celsius cooler out there
• 9:17
  Speaker 3: that is stocked, it's more stocked than a 7-Eleven. Whose
• 9:20
  Speaker 3: fucking dick are you sucking to get that much Celsius, man?
• 9:24
  Speaker 3: And what am I doing wrong, Theo?
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: I don't know. Is sucking dick vegan?
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: It can be.
• 9:30
  Speaker 4: You just don't swallow the meat.
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying?
• 9:32
  Speaker 3: You put it in your mouth, you just don't swallow it.
• 9:35
  Speaker 3: Why on earth Can I get this fucking podcast thing
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: down to a science? I'm doing it.
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: But you were one of the, I mean, you were
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: one of the early guys in it.
• 9:44
  Speaker 3: Do you know what? Here's where I thought, and I've
• 9:46
  Speaker 3: said this on other podcasts, so we'll do other things
• 9:49
  Speaker 3: and shit. Vaughnward, that's awesome. Like, I thought I was
• 9:53
  Speaker 3: so smart because I was like, oh, we'll do all
• 9:55
  Speaker 3: these podcasts and we give them out for free and
• 9:58
  Speaker 3: then when i'm in their town doing a live show
• 10:00
  Speaker 3: that's when they'll buy a ticket because they've gotten all
• 10:02
  Speaker 3: this free and that was how i was like and
• 10:05
  Speaker 3: that's how.
• 10:06
  Speaker 4: We'll make money on podcasting.
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: So that was your strategy from the beginning you're saying.
• 10:10
  Speaker 3: That was my generation i mean it wasn't even my
• 10:12
  Speaker 3: strategy it was just like we really it just started
• 10:14
  Speaker 3: because i was like this is fucking fun and we're
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: me and mosher sitting around like goofing off and having
• 10:18
  Speaker 3: a microphone on fun conversations appealed to me. We always
• 10:22
  Speaker 3: take snapshots of people and whatnot. There are pictures to
• 10:25
  Speaker 3: memorialize a moment, capture a moment, but nobody ever really
• 10:28
  Speaker 3: records a conversation and shit, a normal conversation. If you're
• 10:31
  Speaker 3: on TV, sure. So that's why I loved podcasts and
• 10:34
  Speaker 3: the idea of doing that shit. And then one day,
• 10:37
  Speaker 3: we had a lot of people listen to podcasts and
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: they were like, my business manager was like, you got
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: a bill for a thing called a server?
• 10:44
  Speaker 4: And it was like really high. And I was like,
• 10:45
  Speaker 4: what the fuck is this?
• 10:46
  Speaker 3: And it turns out podcasting's free for, everybody but the
• 10:50
  Speaker 3: fucking podcaster is particularly if people watch the podcast and
• 10:53
  Speaker 3: shit so we were hosting on our own server so
• 10:56
  Speaker 3: we had to figure out like all right what the
• 10:57
  Speaker 3: fuck how do we pay for this and i was
• 11:00
  Speaker 3: like well we could do it live we could start
• 11:03
  Speaker 3: doing live shows but even before that like i remember
• 11:06
  Speaker 3: like we were it was it was so primitive and
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: we were reverse engineering going like what what did they
• 11:10
  Speaker 3: do in the early days of tv like on 21
• 11:13
  Speaker 3: that game show They had Geritol as a sponsor. Maybe
• 11:17
  Speaker 3: we should get an advertiser. We've been watching TV our
• 11:21
  Speaker 3: whole lives. But when we were doing the podcast, it
• 11:24
  Speaker 3: was us going, perhaps someone will pay us to say
• 11:27
  Speaker 3: things about their product like they did in the 50s.
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: It's a hard way of learning.
• 11:32
  Speaker 3: It really was. Rudimentary. It got harder because the sponsor
• 11:34
  Speaker 3: we reached out to, the first sponsor we had was Fleshlight. Like,
• 11:37
  Speaker 3: because they had written me a letter after Zack and
• 11:40
  Speaker 3: Miriam make a porno because we had a whole fleshlight scene.
• 11:42
  Speaker 3: And they were like, hey, man, if you ever want
• 11:44
  Speaker 3: to do a fleshlight, like, fucking let us know. And
• 11:47
  Speaker 3: I've still, one day I will do the Kevin Smith's mouth. Like,
• 11:51
  Speaker 3: fuck him in the mouth. My own fleshlight. Yeah.
• 11:53
  Speaker 4: That, you know, a fan.
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: Well, then people leaving angry comments can actually take it.
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying?
• 11:58
  Speaker 4: That's what I'm saying.
• 11:59
  Speaker 3: A fan and an enemy, somebody who hates your shit,
• 12:01
  Speaker 3: a fan and a hater could both enjoy that.
• 12:02
  Speaker 4: Like, fuck Kevin Smith. Or, fuck Kevin Smith.
• 12:05
  Speaker 3: So they had written this really lovely letter and filed
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: it away, like, oh, that's cute. And then, and then
• 12:13
  Speaker 3: when we needed to pay the server bill and shit,
• 12:16
  Speaker 3: I said to Scott Mojo, I was like, man, what
• 12:17
  Speaker 3: if we reached out to Fleshlight? Maybe they'll sponsor our
• 12:23
  Speaker 3: few shows. And so they were way into it. This
• 12:27
  Speaker 3: was so early in the game. We're talking like 2007,
• 12:31
  Speaker 3: maybe on the cusp of 2008. So much so that Rogan,
• 12:35
  Speaker 3: called me like in 2010 going like, should I fucking
• 12:39
  Speaker 3: use Fleshlight?
• 12:41
  Speaker 4: And I was like, for your dick?
• 12:42
  Speaker 3: And he goes, no, for the show. And I was like, oh,
• 12:44
  Speaker 3: number one, use it for your dick, it's amazing. I said,
• 12:46
  Speaker 3: number two, definitely use it for the show. And so
• 12:49
  Speaker 3: they started advertising on Joe's show and then they started
• 12:51
  Speaker 3: selling way more Fleshlights. they'd been with us for like
• 12:55
  Speaker 3: two years and anybody who listened to us is like,
• 12:57
  Speaker 3: we're fucking it already. You know, it's its own, market's
• 13:00
  Speaker 3: got a glass ceiling, so to speak. But once he
• 13:02
  Speaker 3: went to Joe, they shattered the glass ceiling. Joe Rogan
• 13:06
  Speaker 3: shattered the glass ceiling for Fleshlight. There's your fucking headline.
• 13:10
  Speaker 3: That's what you don't get credit for.
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: That's true.
• 13:12
  Speaker 3: So we had to figure that shit out and then like,
• 13:14
  Speaker 3: I remember trying to take it out on a live show.
• 13:16
  Speaker 3: Like I used to do Q & As, just be.
• 13:19
  Speaker 4: By myself, evening with Kevin Smith and shit like that.
• 13:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Kind of close to comedy, but more, I guess
• 13:24
  Speaker 3: now they call it crowd work, where it's like, look,
• 13:27
  Speaker 3: I need you to say something before I can be funny.
• 13:29
  Speaker 3: And so I'd let the audience ask questions, and then
• 13:31
  Speaker 3: I'd go off and stuff like that.
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because I've seen you guys do live podcasts over
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: the years. I mean, obviously I've seen you do a
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: lot of stuff. But just for the listeners who don't
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: know a server, it's like where you kind of host
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: your podcast so that it can go out into the world.
• 13:43
  Speaker 3: So we were just on the server that our files
• 13:46
  Speaker 3: were on and the email.
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: What is that?
• 13:48
  Speaker 3: It was for the office. It was on the ViewSkew.com server.
• 13:52
  Speaker 3: So we hosted a website, right?
• 13:53
  Speaker 4: Viewskew.com.
• 13:54
  Speaker 3: So because of that, we already had a server up
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: and running. So that's where we started hosting them. We didn't,
• 13:59
  Speaker 3: like now you feed them into Apple podcasts. That shit
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: necessarily didn't exist.
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: Oh, that's true. That might not even have been there.
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: So people had to get it. Like it was almost
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: like a AM, like a CB radio. Like there were
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: probably people listening on CB radio.
• 14:13
  Speaker 3: We were fucking distributing podcasts via carrier pigeon at that point.
• 14:16
  Speaker 3: Like we would roll up little things to their legs
• 14:18
  Speaker 3: and send them off. And people in other cities would
• 14:20
  Speaker 3: be like, I get it.
• 14:21
  Speaker 4: I get it.
• 14:22
  Speaker 3: It was weird going into a comedy club and going like,
• 14:26
  Speaker 3: we want to do a podcast here. Like, cause you know,
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: I toured so much by myself that when I asked
• 14:32
  Speaker 3: my agent at one point, I was like, Hey man,
• 14:33
  Speaker 3: me and Moj want to go out and do some
• 14:34
  Speaker 3: podcasts in front of people.
• 14:36
  Speaker 4: So can you hook it up?
• 14:37
  Speaker 3: Like in any of the gigs I normally do, but
• 14:40
  Speaker 3: all those places like didn't want to pay me what
• 14:43
  Speaker 3: they normally paid me. They're like, what are you doing?
• 14:46
  Speaker 3: And I'm like, well, I'm sitting next to my friend
• 14:47
  Speaker 3: and we're talking to each other. And they're like, and
• 14:49
  Speaker 3: you're not going to take questions. I was like, no.
• 14:53
  Speaker 4: Maybe, I guess, but that's not really part of the show.
• 14:55
  Speaker 4: They're like, I don't know. That sounds risky.
• 14:58
  Speaker 3: And so we had to fucking do the show for
• 15:00
  Speaker 3: like 70, 30 splits at very small clubs because.
• 15:04
  Speaker 4: They were like, what do you mean a podcast? That
• 15:07
  Speaker 4: kind of shit.
• 15:08
  Speaker 3: So after the first tour, and then we put the
• 15:11
  Speaker 3: shows out, people were like, oh shit, it's fun. And
• 15:13
  Speaker 3: doing it with a live audience was this weird experience
• 15:16
  Speaker 3: because we'd always done it in a room like this
• 15:18
  Speaker 3: with nobody but each other entertaining each other.
• 15:21
  Speaker 4: And then suddenly do it in front of people. You know,
• 15:23
  Speaker 4: it's a world of difference.
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I mean, podcast, the podcast, that was the N
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: word of like, um, like whatever, you know, video, audio
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: communication or whatever for a while. Like you wouldn't even
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: say it. Or if somebody said he were like, this
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: guy's outlier or this guy's a, you know, a pervert
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: or whatever, you know.
• 15:43
  Speaker 3: I think this guy's a pedo. Yeah. Yeah. You're like, oh,
• 15:46
  Speaker 3: is that what you fucking said?
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 15:48
  Speaker 3: I remember when we did Tusk.
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we're here to... Have you seen all these videos?
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: Every video now online is just like, this guy's here
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: to meet a 14-year-old. You see those videos all the time?
• 15:58
  Speaker 3: No. Is that right?
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, sorry.
• 16:01
  Speaker 4: I mean, there's a TV show all about that.
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but now it's like everybody's a vigilante. People are
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: doing it on their own. It's so rogue. There's an
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: industry of this.
• 16:10
  Speaker 3: Who's the guy that does it? What's his name?
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: Chris Hansen.
• 16:12
  Speaker 3: Which, to be fair, he's good at it, but.
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: Oh, he was the Stan Lee of it.
• 16:16
  Speaker 4: I guess anybody could.
• 16:17
  Speaker 3: Yeah. The Stanley of pedal busting, Chris Hansen.
• 16:21
  Speaker 4: That's what it says. It's Kyron in every TV appearance.
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: Now it's Kevin. And now it's just, I mean, it's people.
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: I mean, there's thousands of them that go up all
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: the time. It's just like constantly Tyrone came to meet
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: a 13 year old girl. It's always at like a
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: Walmart or something. But yeah, it's a big business now, right? Not,
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: I shouldn't say that. It's not a big, but catching
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: these people, baiting them online yourself, people just to create a,
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: and then get views and stuff like that. It's a thing.
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: It's a dark world. But I interrupted you. But yeah,
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: that's so wild.
• 16:50
  Speaker 3: I didn't even think. In Tusk, our main character was
• 16:53
  Speaker 3: a podcaster. And there were a bunch of reviews.
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Haley Joel.
• 16:57
  Speaker 3: Who was it? Haley and Justin Long was the guy
• 17:01
  Speaker 3: who got turned into a walrus. But when we put
• 17:05
  Speaker 3: the movie out there, there were some reviews that were like,
• 17:08
  Speaker 3: he has a job.
• 17:08
  Speaker 4: I've never heard of before and shit like that.
• 17:11
  Speaker 3: Now, It feels like, well, I mean, like only murders
• 17:16
  Speaker 3: in the buildings is predicated on podcasting.
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 17:19
  Speaker 3: Like podcasting has become absolutely massive. But yeah, I never
• 17:23
  Speaker 3: figured out how to make money from it. Certainly not
• 17:25
  Speaker 3: enough to have a fucking Celsius fridge.
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 17:28
  Speaker 3: What is that all about? How does that happen?
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: Dude, they mailed it one day and the guy. Who's they?
• 17:33
  Speaker 3: I want details, Theo. You can't just fucking gloss over this.
• 17:36
  Speaker 3: Like that's the most impressive thing I've seen in a month.
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: Lord Celsius, I guess, sent it.
• 17:40
  Speaker 4: Is that who it was?
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 17:42
  Speaker 3: What is he like? You know what? That's bad of me.
• 17:44
  Speaker 3: I'm assuming it's a guy. It could be a lady,
• 17:46
  Speaker 3: but I assume you would have called her Lady Celsius.
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Her Majesty. Yeah, I don't know.
• 17:51
  Speaker 4: Queen Celsius. The Empress Celsius.
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: Yes, the Empress Celsius.
• 17:54
  Speaker 4: That's who it is.
• 17:55
  Speaker 3: Fuck all this fooling around. How did you get that
• 17:57
  Speaker 3: free shit?
• 17:58
  Speaker 4: Tell me right now.
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we had a sponsorship with them, and then they
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: sent that at some point. And it's kind of like
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: some of the guys can't turn their necks. They've had
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: so much of it.
• 18:09
  Speaker 4: My kid introduced me to it because she's like, it's vegan.
• 18:11
  Speaker 4: You can drink it.
• 18:11
  Speaker 3: I was like, right on.
• 18:12
  Speaker 4: Kids are drinking it? Yeah.
• 18:14
  Speaker 3: Well, she's 25.
• 18:14
  Speaker 4: I don't know if she counts as.
• 18:16
  Speaker 3: A kid anymore. But one day she came over and
• 18:19
  Speaker 3: we were recording a podcast. We got podcasts that's dropping
• 18:21
  Speaker 3: on iHeart. It's called Beardless, Dickless Me. I got a
• 18:24
  Speaker 3: free plug. But we were about to record and I
• 18:27
  Speaker 3: cracked a Celsius. And she was like, how many of
• 18:29
  Speaker 3: those you've had today? And I was like, this is
• 18:30
  Speaker 3: the 10th. And she goes, what are you fucking nuts?
• 18:33
  Speaker 3: It's an energy drink. And I was like, you said
• 18:35
  Speaker 3: it was vegan. She's like, those two.
• 18:36
  Speaker 4: Things are not mutually exclusive.
• 18:38
  Speaker 3: You're a fucking heart attack victim. And then she went online,
• 18:41
  Speaker 3: like the way you guys are like, somebody's in another
• 18:43
  Speaker 3: room fucking looking shit up. She immediately went online. She
• 18:46
  Speaker 3: was like, oh my God, you can't have more than
• 18:48
  Speaker 3: fucking two a day. What are you nuts?
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, they're very strong.
• 18:50
  Speaker 3: They're tasty, man. They're good. But they never felt that
• 18:52
  Speaker 3: strong to me. Like I never felt like hyped, but
• 18:55
  Speaker 3: maybe you don't feel it. Maybe that's the thing about
• 18:56
  Speaker 3: a drug, right? I've never been in the, Throws of
• 18:59
  Speaker 3: drug abuse. Maybe I am, and I don't even fucking
• 19:01
  Speaker 3: know it.
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: I could be enslaved to Celsius. I never met anybody
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: that's had 10. My friend Brad used to work for
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: Red Bull, and he.
• 19:09
  Speaker 4: Would- You seriously never met anybody that had 10?
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: I've never met anybody that's had- You seem to want to.
• 19:12
  Speaker 3: Run into a wild crowd, and you're like, I watch
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: videos that are fucking the dark web and shit.
• 19:16
  Speaker 4: And you've never met anyone that had 10 Celsius?
• 19:18
  Speaker 3: Not in one day.
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: Not even in one week. I don't know. I mean,
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I have a couple friends that probably have,
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: but we haven't talked about it, I guess, but The
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: one thing that I was thinking about was my friend
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: Brad used to work for Red Bull, and he said
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: at their Chris, there's a 1-800 number if people have
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: had too much Red Bull or whatever they call it.
• 19:36
  Speaker 3: They call up and be like, help, help me. What
• 19:39
  Speaker 3: do I do?
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: You know, the devices in our lives are so connected
• 19:44
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• 19:48
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• 19:52
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• 20:31
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• 20:43
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• 22:19
  Speaker 3: That happened to my wife with weed once. We were
• 22:22
  Speaker 3: on the bus, and we were in St. Louis doing
• 22:24
  Speaker 3: some shows in St.
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: Louis.
• 22:26
  Speaker 3: And I had a bus in those days because I
• 22:30
  Speaker 3: wouldn't fly because I got thrown off an airplane for
• 22:32
  Speaker 3: being too fat. And so I traveled by bus. And
• 22:36
  Speaker 3: everyone was like, you're like Madden. But I don't follow sports.
• 22:38
  Speaker 3: I don't know what that is.
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: Were you too fat? Did they pull a scale out?
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: Or how did they even do it? They just guess?
• 22:42
  Speaker 3: The way I understand it, years after the fact, was
• 22:47
  Speaker 3: because somebody was like, hey, man, I work in the industry.
• 22:50
  Speaker 3: I think this is what happened. Because they never flat
• 22:52
  Speaker 3: out told me. It was a packed fucking flight. I
• 22:56
  Speaker 3: wasn't even supposed to be on that flight. I was
• 22:57
  Speaker 3: supposed to go to the next flight. But they had room.
• 22:59
  Speaker 3: So I was like, oh, fuck it. I'll get on this.
• 23:02
  Speaker 3: When I walked down the jet way, excuse me, the
• 23:04
  Speaker 3: one guy was like, where are you going? And I
• 23:06
  Speaker 3: was like, they gave me a ticket, I'm getting on.
• 23:08
  Speaker 3: And he's like, no, there's too many already. And I
• 23:11
  Speaker 3: was like, well, the lady just gave me this. And
• 23:14
  Speaker 3: he's like, ah.
• 23:15
  Speaker 4: So I walked onto the.
• 23:16
  Speaker 3: Plane, sat down. I was sat between two women in
• 23:20
  Speaker 3: the bulkhead of, if you first walk in and you
• 23:24
  Speaker 3: go to the left, we were on the right side
• 23:27
  Speaker 3: of the plane. You know, I'm sitting there and shit
• 23:30
  Speaker 3: and fucking buckled my seatbelt and whatnot. And the armrests
• 23:33
  Speaker 3: were there. And I was definitely fucking way heavier than
• 23:36
  Speaker 3: I am now.
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: How much do you think you were?
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: Three.
• 23:39
  Speaker 4: I probably weighed my area code, which was 323. What?
• 23:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I was as high as 334 at one point.
• 23:48
  Speaker 4: I think that's the biggest I went.
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: We look like a healthy 185 right now. I live
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: between 185 and 200, depending on if it's a bread.
• 23:52
  Speaker 3: Week or not a bread week.
• 23:59
  Speaker 4: If I'm breading up, then like I could kind of
• 24:01
  Speaker 4: tend to blow it up and stuff. But that was, again,
• 24:03
  Speaker 4: that was the heart attack.
• 24:05
  Speaker 3: That was like after the heart attack, I was so
• 24:07
  Speaker 3: fucking terrified of dying and shit. And actually I wasn't.
• 24:10
  Speaker 3: At the heart attack, I was fucking cool about it.
• 24:12
  Speaker 3: Like I was always scared of dying and shit. And
• 24:14
  Speaker 3: then on the table, like the guy had told me, Dr. Layden,
• 24:19
  Speaker 3: my cardiologist, who just fucking retired. And he told me
• 24:22
  Speaker 3: before he retired, I was like, well now that you're gone,
• 24:24
  Speaker 3: what do I fucking do? Who's my new cardiologist? And
• 24:26
  Speaker 3: he was like, Kevin, you don't need a cardiologist anymore.
• 24:29
  Speaker 3: It was like the end of Wizard of Oz. It
• 24:30
  Speaker 3: was like, you could have always taken care of your
• 24:32
  Speaker 3: own heart. Just put your feet together or whatever the fuck.
• 24:35
  Speaker 3: But he was going like, you're past it now. He's going,
• 24:37
  Speaker 3: now you just go to your regular internist. And then
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: if you've got a problem, then you go to a specialist.
• 24:42
  Speaker 3: And I was like, well, I don't even have that.
• 24:43
  Speaker 3: And so he introduced me to a new guy. But
• 24:45
  Speaker 3: in any event, going way back to me on the table,
• 24:49
  Speaker 3: that doctor, Dr. Leidenheim, he goes, you're having what they
• 24:52
  Speaker 3: call widow makers. heart attack, you know what that is?
• 24:55
  Speaker 3: And like, kind of self-explanatory, but I was kind of,
• 24:58
  Speaker 3: they had jacked me up on fentanyl. So I was like, no, geez,
• 25:01
  Speaker 3: what is it? I was very chatty. And he was like,
• 25:05
  Speaker 3: it means in 80% of the cases where the patient
• 25:07
  Speaker 3: has what you have, the patient always dies, but you're
• 25:09
  Speaker 3: going to be in the 20%. because I'm good at
• 25:11
  Speaker 3: my job and he disappeared into my crotch and made magic.
• 25:14
  Speaker 3: That's how they get to your fucking heart is through
• 25:15
  Speaker 3: your dick. Isn't that amazing?
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: No way, they use a catheter?
• 25:18
  Speaker 3: They go through, catheter, no. Well, they go through your
• 25:20
  Speaker 3: femoral artery. They technically don't go through your dick, but
• 25:22
  Speaker 3: it's right next to you. It's dick adjacent. It's as
• 25:24
  Speaker 3: close as possible. Like if somebody was fucking, if you
• 25:26
  Speaker 3: were like, lick me where they fucking put that fuck,
• 25:28
  Speaker 3: but lick me on my femoral, you're close enough to
• 25:30
  Speaker 3: the dick where you might as well just fucking go
• 25:32
  Speaker 3: over and give that one as well. So they went
• 25:34
  Speaker 3: right through the femoral to the heart. And you know
• 25:36
  Speaker 3: how they're always telling you, like, oh, boy, to the
• 25:37
  Speaker 3: man's heart or his stomach.
• 25:38
  Speaker 4: Bullshit. Right through the fucking dick.
• 25:40
  Speaker 3: Science. Right there. Science. So he told me that. And,
• 25:44
  Speaker 3: you know, I'd always been afraid of dying. But, like,
• 25:46
  Speaker 3: you know, nothing I could do at that moment. Like,
• 25:49
  Speaker 3: all the fucking damage had been done. Whatever I'd eaten,
• 25:52
  Speaker 3: fucking my genetics, whatever the fuck, led me to that moment.
• 25:55
  Speaker 3: So all the fucking, like, why in the world wasn't
• 25:57
  Speaker 3: going to help? So I just started facing the fact, like,
• 25:59
  Speaker 3: since I was looking up, I was like, this might
• 26:01
  Speaker 3: be the last ceiling I see.
• 26:02
  Speaker 4: The rest of my life and this may be the last.
• 26:04
  Speaker 3: Room i'm in and what'd you wear i was wearing
• 26:07
  Speaker 3: a hockey jersey because i was doing a special i
• 26:08
  Speaker 3: was doing a stand-up special that eventually came.
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: Out it happened on stage that you had a hard.
• 26:13
  Speaker 3: Time not on stage it was between two shows you
• 26:15
  Speaker 3: know when you're going to tape a show you shoot
• 26:17
  Speaker 3: two shows and they put the best of it together
• 26:19
  Speaker 3: we shot our first show then i went backstage and
• 26:22
  Speaker 3: we had an hour before the next show and in
• 26:24
  Speaker 3: that hour that's when it all fucking happened i was
• 26:26
  Speaker 3: like sweating i was like Can't fucking quite catch my
• 26:29
  Speaker 3: breath and shit. So while I was laying on the table,
• 26:32
  Speaker 3: I got comfortable with the notion of dying. Like dying suddenly,
• 26:35
  Speaker 3: I was like, oh shit, this is like graduation. Like
• 26:37
  Speaker 3: I left high school. Like if I could leave this world,
• 26:39
  Speaker 3: if I left high school and high school was fun
• 26:41
  Speaker 3: and I hated to see it end, if I left that,
• 26:44
  Speaker 3: you know, and shit worked out, I can leave this.
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: There's an ending. Of course there's an ending to everything.
• 26:49
  Speaker 3: There was a song, fucking turn, turn, turn.
• 26:51
  Speaker 4: You got this.
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Beatles.
• 26:52
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Well, no, I think it.
• 26:54
  Speaker 4: Was the Byrds.
• 26:55
  Speaker 3: But regardless, somebody will look it up for you.
• 26:59
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: And so you, so.
• 27:01
  Speaker 3: So I was lying there and I was cool with
• 27:03
  Speaker 3: the notion of like fucking dying. Really?
• 27:06
  Speaker 4: Total peace with it. Where I was like, you know what, man?
• 27:09
  Speaker 4: Like I had my time.
• 27:10
  Speaker 3: Like, and this is it. And like, you had a
• 27:12
  Speaker 3: real good life. Better than fucking most. You used some
• 27:14
  Speaker 3: cool shit and whatnot. There I was.
• 27:16
  Speaker 4: And I was like, so if this is the case.
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: You look handsome for a dying guy.
• 27:19
  Speaker 3: Not bad, right?
• 27:20
  Speaker 4: Well, I was on stage previously, right?
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: Oh, that's true.
• 27:22
  Speaker 4: Coming right off stage. No makeup, but still.
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: But still.
• 27:25
  Speaker 3: So I was like, if this is it, this is it.
• 27:28
  Speaker 3: You push back from the table. Don't be the last
• 27:30
  Speaker 3: guy at the party that's like, hey, man, you got
• 27:31
  Speaker 3: any more beer? Like, fuck off. And you had your time.
• 27:34
  Speaker 3: So I was cool with that. So I was okay
• 27:36
  Speaker 3: with dying. Utterly at peace.
• 27:38
  Speaker 4: I was like, if it ends, it ends.
• 27:39
  Speaker 3: Did you get to talk to anybody before? Just the doctor.
• 27:41
  Speaker 3: Just the guy who was in my fucking crotch.
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: Did you write a note to a kid or to
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: your children?
• 27:45
  Speaker 3: No, because it all happened so fast. My wife wasn't there.
• 27:49
  Speaker 3: The kid wasn't there. They didn't find out until after
• 27:51
  Speaker 3: the fucking fact and shit.
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: So they had to get you on the table immediately.
• 27:55
  Speaker 3: As soon as I got to the, they took me,
• 27:57
  Speaker 3: picked me up from an ambulance from the Alex Theater
• 28:00
  Speaker 3: in Glendale. And they're supposed to take me to a
• 28:03
  Speaker 3: closer hospital as per the shoot schedule. Like whenever you
• 28:06
  Speaker 3: shoot a thing, there's like, this is where you got
• 28:08
  Speaker 3: to go if somebody gets hurt. That hospital was closer.
• 28:11
  Speaker 3: But the first responders, the medics, picked me up. Motherfuckers
• 28:14
  Speaker 3: saved my life. I don't even know their names. I
• 28:16
  Speaker 3: got to figure it. You know what?
• 28:17
  Speaker 4: I got to go out and find their names.
• 28:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah. These two kids came in backstage at the Alex Theater,
• 28:23
  Speaker 3: and they were trying to put leads on me and shit.
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: Which leads?
• 28:26
  Speaker 4: You know, like on your chest so they can measure
• 28:29
  Speaker 4: your heart rate or whatever the fuck.
• 28:30
  Speaker 3: So I was wearing a hockey jersey, and again, I
• 28:32
  Speaker 3: was way heavier and shit, and they lift up my shirt,
• 28:34
  Speaker 3: and I'm like, whoa, man, fucking, you never do that
• 28:36
  Speaker 3: to a fucking heavy dude and shit. I was like, whoa,
• 28:37
  Speaker 3: what are you talking about? They're like, we gotta get
• 28:39
  Speaker 3: these on you. I was like, well, fucking, I'll hold
• 28:40
  Speaker 3: it out. You reach under, but there's too many fucking
• 28:43
  Speaker 3: people and shit, so they did that. And once they
• 28:45
  Speaker 3: took a reading, like, I do remember the woman looking
• 28:49
  Speaker 3: at the man, like, you know, an unspoken look, you know,
• 28:53
  Speaker 3: I'm supposedly I'm a director for a living and shit.
• 28:55
  Speaker 3: So sometimes you got to frame a shit, show a
• 28:57
  Speaker 3: clue or whatever, something like that. You know, fucking just
• 29:00
  Speaker 3: one of those. It wasn't that shifty where it's like, Oh,
• 29:03
  Speaker 3: what does that mean? But I did see a glance
• 29:04
  Speaker 3: between them. And then my man goes, you know what?
• 29:07
  Speaker 3: We're going to take you to the hospital. And I
• 29:09
  Speaker 3: was like, Oh, please don't do that. This is embarrassing.
• 29:11
  Speaker 3: He goes, no, just in case he's going, look, it'll
• 29:14
  Speaker 3: help me. Like, it'll look good for me and.
• 29:15
  Speaker 4: My job and stuff.
• 29:17
  Speaker 3: And he's like, you never, you ever been to the
• 29:18
  Speaker 3: hospital before? I was like, no, I visit people. He goes, oh,
• 29:21
  Speaker 3: you're gonna love it.
• 29:22
  Speaker 4: It's gonna be great.
• 29:22
  Speaker 3: Like, you know.
• 29:23
  Speaker 4: He said, you're gonna love it, huh? He was selling it, man.
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: Maybe it was for a big farm or something.
• 29:27
  Speaker 3: Well, thank God that dude made the call he did
• 29:30
  Speaker 3: and her, the two of them, the two medics. And
• 29:32
  Speaker 3: they chose not to go to the hospital they were
• 29:34
  Speaker 3: supposed to take me to. They went to one that
• 29:36
  Speaker 3: was a little further away because they knew that was
• 29:38
  Speaker 3: the one where heart people went.
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 29:40
  Speaker 3: God they took me to that one and that guy
• 29:41
  Speaker 3: who saved my life uh dr leidenheimer leidenheim leidenheim leidenheimer
• 29:45
  Speaker 3: he was uh he like got pulled in at the
• 29:49
  Speaker 3: last minute and shit like all of it like worked
• 29:51
  Speaker 3: out but i saw another doctor dr paula like months later, man,
• 29:56
  Speaker 3: like after this all happened. And after it happened, I
• 29:57
  Speaker 3: went on Colbert and told the story. I told the
• 29:59
  Speaker 3: story for like years and shit like that, right? So
• 30:02
  Speaker 3: I finally see Dr. Pollack's, we're going to go make
• 30:04
  Speaker 3: Jay and Silent Bob reboots. This is like 2019. And
• 30:07
  Speaker 3: she's the doctor you see before you go make a
• 30:09
  Speaker 3: movie or something that clears you, you know, especially for
• 30:12
  Speaker 3: the director because they got to insure you for the
• 30:14
  Speaker 3: whole run of the show. Since I just had a
• 30:16
  Speaker 3: massive heart attack, the insurance company was like, make sure
• 30:19
  Speaker 3: this motherfucker could direct. Like we know he can't direct,
• 30:21
  Speaker 3: like we've read the reviews, but like make sure he
• 30:23
  Speaker 3: can direct on set. So when I came in to
• 30:26
  Speaker 3: see her, she was like, oh my God, look at you.
• 30:29
  Speaker 3: She's going, I heard about your story. I saw you
• 30:31
  Speaker 3: talking about it on TV. Everywhere you talk about the
• 30:33
  Speaker 3: heart attack. I was like, yeah, I know. And she's going,
• 30:35
  Speaker 3: and you keep talking about how like it was 80%
• 30:39
  Speaker 3: chance of dying. I was like, yeah, she's going, I'm
• 30:42
  Speaker 3: going to tell you right now. She's going to tell
• 30:43
  Speaker 3: you a story. I've wanted to tell you ever since
• 30:45
  Speaker 3: I heard about your heart attack. She's going, you know,
• 30:48
  Speaker 3: I used to be in cardio. And I was like,
• 30:49
  Speaker 3: get out of here.
• 30:50
  Speaker 4: She's like, yeah.
• 30:51
  Speaker 3: And there were four of us, we're gonna Cedars on
• 30:53
  Speaker 3: a heart patient, you know, open heart, and we're having
• 30:55
  Speaker 3: the surgery, and all of a sudden, right in the
• 30:56
  Speaker 3: middle of it, massive Widowmaker strikes. And I was like, well,
• 30:59
  Speaker 3: if you're open heart surgery, have it in the hospital
• 31:02
  Speaker 3: with four doctors, and she goes, not the patient, one
• 31:04
  Speaker 3: of the doctors, drops to the fucking floor, has a
• 31:06
  Speaker 3: massive heart attack. And I was like, well, at least
• 31:08
  Speaker 3: three other doctors and Cedars signed, and she goes, that's
• 31:11
  Speaker 3: the point of the story, is we lost him. She said,
• 31:13
  Speaker 3: we had all the talent in the world and all
• 31:15
  Speaker 3: the tools, to save a human being. But when it
• 31:17
  Speaker 3: comes to the widow maker, it ain't up to the doctor.
• 31:19
  Speaker 3: She's going, I love Dr. Layton, but you give him
• 31:22
  Speaker 3: a lot more credit than he probably deserves because he
• 31:25
  Speaker 3: did his job right.
• 31:27
  Speaker 4: But it ain't even up to him at the end.
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: Damn, he's not even any good.
• 31:30
  Speaker 3: I mean, he's good enough because I'm here. So I'll
• 31:32
  Speaker 3: always believe in him. But she was like, that thing
• 31:34
  Speaker 3: makes up its mind and does what it wants. She's going,
• 31:38
  Speaker 3: so she's going, I heard you say 80%. She's going,
• 31:40
  Speaker 3: I just wanted to correct you. That's not true. I
• 31:42
  Speaker 3: was like, how I thought that was high. She goes, bullshit,
• 31:44
  Speaker 3: it's 83%. 83-17. She's like, 83% of the patient goes.
• 31:48
  Speaker 3: She's going, so you're here for a reason. Keep telling
• 31:51
  Speaker 3: that story. She's going, because people don't know. She's like,
• 31:56
  Speaker 3: the way you talk about it and shit, that's how
• 31:58
  Speaker 3: most people think about it. And it's true.
• 31:59
  Speaker 4: For the last five, six years, man, like, there's no bullshit.
• 32:04
  Speaker 3: Vonward.
• 32:05
  Speaker 4: I love that.
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, somebody made that for us.
• 32:07
  Speaker 4: It's fucking awesome.
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: Very sweet of them.
• 32:09
  Speaker 3: I was walking on Runyon recently. I got these two
• 32:11
  Speaker 3: German Shepherds, walking them up Runyon, Birdie and Lucky. And
• 32:15
  Speaker 3: this tall dude stops me and he goes, hey, man,
• 32:19
  Speaker 3: I'm going to have my headphones in. He goes, hey.
• 32:20
  Speaker 3: And I say, hey, what's up? And he's like, I
• 32:23
  Speaker 3: just wanted to tell you, like, you have saved at
• 32:26
  Speaker 3: least six lives at my job that I know of.
• 32:29
  Speaker 3: And I was like, ooh, wow. And he goes, I
• 32:31
  Speaker 3: work at Kaiser. I've had at least six people come
• 32:35
  Speaker 3: in with heart ailments that reference you. He's going, sometimes
• 32:39
  Speaker 3: they know exactly who you are. They'll say Kevin Smith.
• 32:41
  Speaker 3: He's going, a lot of times, I'll be honest, they
• 32:43
  Speaker 3: say Kevin James, but they're talking about you. Sometimes they go,
• 32:46
  Speaker 3: he's the guy who don't say nothing in movies. He's going,
• 32:48
  Speaker 3: but all of them have heard you talk about it.
• 32:51
  Speaker 3: And because they did, they were like, I should go
• 32:53
  Speaker 3: in just in case. And he's going, these people would
• 32:56
  Speaker 3: have died otherwise. He's going, so keep doing what you're doing, man.
• 33:00
  Speaker 3: And so when I got out, you know, I was
• 33:01
  Speaker 3: in the Nuthouse like a year and a half ago.
• 33:03
  Speaker 3: And so when I got out of there, like I
• 33:06
  Speaker 3: put up a video. Damn, you fucked up. Sorry. It happened.
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: I mean, everybody is.
• 33:10
  Speaker 3: You'll get there one day.
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, I could be there this afternoon, but I'm
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: hearing you.
• 33:14
  Speaker 3: Well, not with that free fucking Celsius, man. You're living
• 33:17
  Speaker 3: on Easy Street, Theo. There are those of us who
• 33:19
  Speaker 3: have to fucking pay for Celsius. You know how much
• 33:21
  Speaker 3: I pay for those? $ 2. 89 a can.
• 33:23
  Speaker 4: This motherfucker came.
• 33:23
  Speaker 3: I come in. He goes, take as many as you want.
• 33:25
  Speaker 3: I was like, hello, new best friend. I want to
• 33:28
  Speaker 3: work on your fucking show. I'll just greet people. Like,
• 33:31
  Speaker 3: there's a nice dude who greeted me in the fucking
• 33:33
  Speaker 3: parking lot. He goes, oh, man, I'm a big fan. Like,
• 33:35
  Speaker 3: I loved your movies when I was a kid and shit.
• 33:37
  Speaker 3: I'll be that guy, especially if I get to walk
• 33:39
  Speaker 3: home with, like, fucking 12 packs.
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: You'll float home, dude. I ain't looking.
• 33:44
  Speaker 3: For free money, dude. I ain't that kind of, like,
• 33:46
  Speaker 3: fucking carpetbagger, but I just want to wet my beak
• 33:49
  Speaker 3: a little.
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: On the substance. Just drip a little on my tongue.
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: Just drip a little on my tongue. Yeah, all of
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: our cabinets are filled with it. They've sent too much, actually.
• 33:58
  Speaker 3: What?
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 33:59
  Speaker 3: Don't fucking say shit like that.
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: Sorry.
• 34:01
  Speaker 3: I'm telling you, like, fucking how I am. I thought
• 34:04
  Speaker 3: I knew, I thought I had the podcast and came
• 34:06
  Speaker 3: down to a science and you're like, we have so
• 34:08
  Speaker 3: much Celsius, we flush it down the toilet on a
• 34:11
  Speaker 3: regular basis. I'm like, no.
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I'm going to start throwing cans of it into
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: a schoolyard. You know what I'm saying? Fucking make it rock.
• 34:18
  Speaker 3: Fuck Kevin Smith. I'm like, why? You don't go here.
• 34:20
  Speaker 3: Watch the show, you'll understand.
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: I'm just going to write, get an EKG and just
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: throw it into an elementary school.
• 34:27
  Speaker 3: It's not good I don't live here or work here, bro,
• 34:30
  Speaker 3: because I'd be doing 10, 20 of these a day
• 34:32
  Speaker 3: and be like- Hey, Theo, man, someone's in the parking lot.
• 34:35
  Speaker 3: They really want to be on the show.
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: I'm like, dude, that's a shadow, bro.
• 34:40
  Speaker 3: You're good.
• 34:40
  Speaker 4: It tastes good, though. It tastes good.
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: Oh, no, it tastes really good. I'll have some, too, actually.
• 34:44
  Speaker 3: Well, don't fucking, you know, don't follow me into the hole, dude.
• 34:47
  Speaker 3: I got one here if you want to take a spare.
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: Let me have some of it.
• 34:50
  Speaker 3: Can I get that again?
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: What flavor is that? Galaxy Vibe. We'll get one more.
• 34:54
  Speaker 3: This one I want Cosmic, and the next I want
• 34:56
  Speaker 3: to go Galaxy. I'm tasting them all. You don't understand, man.
• 34:59
  Speaker 3: Fucking this shit again. Oh, you've had them all. 2.39 cans,
• 35:02
  Speaker 3: so sometimes I'm in the 7-Eleven, I'm like, I wanna
• 35:05
  Speaker 3: try Cosmic Vibe, but 2.39 is expensive. So now I
• 35:08
  Speaker 3: know I can just come here, fucking do a taste test,
• 35:11
  Speaker 3: sample them all.
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: What about Mediocre Vibe, how much is that? Fucking, that's
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: what I sell. Oh wait, I gotta say, I never
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: finished my Lexington story. And it all started, I veered
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: off course, because I was talking about being vegan. But
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: the heart stuff, right? Yeah, but hold that thought. Let
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: me finish the, because this makes me laugh. This, because
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: this fucking happened. So I'm in Lexington and I, oh,
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: you rock, fucking A, man. My man's hustling because he
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: heard me like gunning for the job. I was like,
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: I'll fucking be one of those guys. He's like, oh,
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: fuck that.
• 35:41
  Speaker 3: We got vans, see, I'm halfway there and shit. So
• 35:45
  Speaker 3: there I am in Lexington and I got an app
• 35:47
  Speaker 3: on my phone, if you're a vegan, which again, I'm
• 35:50
  Speaker 3: not pushing on people, it's just I do it to
• 35:52
  Speaker 3: save my life.
• 35:54
  Speaker 4: It's called Happy Cow.
• 35:56
  Speaker 3: Wherever you are, you enter a thing, like I'm where
• 35:59
  Speaker 3: I am, and they'll tell you places you can find
• 36:01
  Speaker 3: vegan food or vegan adjacent.
• 36:02
  Speaker 4: It's helpful, right?
• 36:03
  Speaker 3: So I'm in Lexington. I fucking enter Lexington, Kentucky. The
• 36:07
  Speaker 3: app laughs at me and shit because they don't believe
• 36:09
  Speaker 3: in that shit there at all. So there ain't no
• 36:10
  Speaker 3: fucking vegan food to find except you can go Burger
• 36:13
  Speaker 3: King and get an Impossible Whopper without cheese. Or my
• 36:16
  Speaker 3: kid told me, oh, White Castle does Impossible Sliders. So
• 36:19
  Speaker 3: I was like, fuck, I'm going to go to White Castle, man.
• 36:21
  Speaker 3: I passed a White Castle. Yeah. I was like, so
• 36:23
  Speaker 3: I go into the White Castle in Kentucky and I
• 36:27
  Speaker 3: go up to the counter and I look up and
• 36:29
  Speaker 3: there's impossible sliders. I said, can I get six impossible sliders?
• 36:34
  Speaker 3: And the lady looks at me and then she looks
• 36:36
  Speaker 3: up at the menu. She's like, I don't know. She goes,
• 36:38
  Speaker 3: hold on. Then she goes into the freezer case for
• 36:41
  Speaker 3: five minutes. Then comes out with a frozen ass fucking
• 36:45
  Speaker 3: box with like fucking Looked like Iceman, like fucking they
• 36:49
  Speaker 3: unearthed it from the primordial man trapped in ice.
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: Like from that Mel Gibson movie?
• 36:53
  Speaker 4: Yes.
• 36:54
  Speaker 3: And she was like, this is going to take a minute.
• 36:56
  Speaker 3: And I was, we don't do these a lot.
• 36:58
  Speaker 4: I was like, that's cool.
• 36:58
  Speaker 3: I'll wait.
• 36:59
  Speaker 4: So I'm sitting at the counter and all of a
• 37:01
  Speaker 4: sudden I hear, no, no.
• 37:05
  Speaker 3: And you know, but you know what that is.
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: Somebody got their period at work.
• 37:09
  Speaker 3: Exactly. And I'm like, good thing I carry tampons, ma'am.
• 37:12
  Speaker 3: Here you go. Usually- When you hear that, that's somebody
• 37:16
  Speaker 3: going like, hey, it's you. I don't always assume that,
• 37:21
  Speaker 3: but being that we're in a White Castle in Kentucky,
• 37:24
  Speaker 3: I'm like, either there's a fight about to break out
• 37:27
  Speaker 3: or I've just been made. And that's fair.
• 37:29
  Speaker 4: I look like Silent Bob at all times and shit.
• 37:31
  Speaker 3: So I turn around, not like egotistically like, well, of
• 37:35
  Speaker 3: course it's me, but I'm pretty sure that that hey
• 37:37
  Speaker 3: is directed in my direction. No, no. And I turn
• 37:39
  Speaker 3: around and he goes, Just at White Castle? And I
• 37:42
  Speaker 3: was like, yeah. And he goes, oh. And he comes
• 37:43
  Speaker 3: over and he hugs me. And he's like blazed as fuck.
• 37:46
  Speaker 3: He's almost like a character out of one of my
• 37:48
  Speaker 3: flicks and shit. Stoned as Traveler of the Green. Absolutely lovely.
• 37:52
  Speaker 3: And he goes, you don't remember this, but you took
• 37:55
  Speaker 3: me to the movies once. And I'm like, oh. 20
• 38:01
  Speaker 3: years prior, I was doing a show at the University
• 38:04
  Speaker 3: of Kentucky or whatever. And it was when Changing Lanes
• 38:07
  Speaker 3: was coming out, Ben Affleck movie. So I was like,
• 38:09
  Speaker 3: I'm here for two nights, you know, so tomorrow I
• 38:12
  Speaker 3: got nothing to do. I'm going to go see changing
• 38:13
  Speaker 3: lanes at this multiplex. Anybody wants to come, I'll buy
• 38:17
  Speaker 3: you a ticket and shit. I thought like fucking 10
• 38:19
  Speaker 3: people would show up 11 o'clock in the morning, 200
• 38:21
  Speaker 3: fucking people.
• 38:21
  Speaker 4: So I wound up having to pay for a theater
• 38:24
  Speaker 4: full of people and shit.
• 38:25
  Speaker 3: And it ran an article or story ran about an
• 38:27
  Speaker 3: entertainment weekly where, you know, they were like, there was
• 38:29
  Speaker 3: a huge bump for changing lanes and, kentucky and that's
• 38:32
  Speaker 3: because kevin took people out so that dude was there
• 38:35
  Speaker 3: and i was like holy shit man that's fucking nice
• 38:37
  Speaker 3: seeing you that's crazy like i never run into people
• 38:40
  Speaker 3: from that and he goes um he goes i love
• 38:44
  Speaker 3: affleck man he's going because he's talking about changing like
• 38:46
  Speaker 3: this is a good thing you did for your boy
• 38:48
  Speaker 3: he's going i love affleck he's my batman i was
• 38:50
  Speaker 3: like yeah man he's all of our batmans and stuff
• 38:53
  Speaker 3: and he goes he's really going through it right now
• 38:56
  Speaker 3: our boy isn't he now he's our boy and i
• 38:58
  Speaker 3: was like Yeah, I guess. I mean, I've seen some
• 39:00
  Speaker 3: articles and stuff. And he goes, we should call him.
• 39:05
  Speaker 3: And I was like, yeah. We don't know. Yeah. Now,
• 39:11
  Speaker 3: you know, as previously mentioned, like I lost my mind
• 39:13
  Speaker 3: a year and a half ago. I went to a
• 39:15
  Speaker 3: mental hospital for a while. Found out at the root
• 39:18
  Speaker 3: of all my issues is I'm a very codependent people pleaser. Crazy.
• 39:23
  Speaker 4: So I came home and told my wife that. She's like,
• 39:24
  Speaker 4: marriage is codependence.
• 39:26
  Speaker 3: I'm like, all right.
• 39:26
  Speaker 4: But really, any doctor will tell you, not right.
• 39:30
  Speaker 3: So i i i don't know how to like feel
• 39:34
  Speaker 3: about myself i need you to tell me how i
• 39:36
  Speaker 3: feel about me i don't put on my own mask
• 39:38
  Speaker 3: first i'm gonna put your mask on i gotta take
• 39:40
  Speaker 3: care of everybody before i fucking take care of myself
• 39:42
  Speaker 3: because i learned at a young age that I'm only
• 39:44
  Speaker 3: useful if I show utility. If I'm like, I can
• 39:48
  Speaker 3: be useful. I could do this for you. I can
• 39:49
  Speaker 3: make you laugh. I can fucking take care of your bills.
• 39:52
  Speaker 4: I could do this.
• 39:53
  Speaker 3: That is how I know that I'm a worthwhile human being.
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, like there's no just natural value unless I'm producing something.
• 40:02
  Speaker 3: Yes. Unless I'm useful to somebody, what the fuck am
• 40:05
  Speaker 3: I doing and stuff? So, you know, as I'm sitting there,
• 40:09
  Speaker 3: And a guy's going, we should call him. You know,
• 40:11
  Speaker 3: a normal human being would be like, well, absolutely, that's
• 40:13
  Speaker 3: out of the question. But my people-pleasing nature is like,
• 40:17
  Speaker 3: I mean, I guess we should, shouldn't we? Like, I
• 40:19
  Speaker 3: don't want to let this guy down. This guy who
• 40:21
  Speaker 3: I haven't seen in 20 years, don't know his name,
• 40:22
  Speaker 3: and he just started.
• 40:23
  Speaker 4: Going, no, no!
• 40:25
  Speaker 3: In White Castle. So I was like, all right, best
• 40:27
  Speaker 3: of all possible worlds, let me see if I can
• 40:29
  Speaker 3: get this going. So I was like, all right, you
• 40:31
  Speaker 3: know what, I'm going to call him. So I pull
• 40:32
  Speaker 3: out my phone, I call Jason Mewes instead. And so
• 40:35
  Speaker 3: I called Jason and I'm like, Ben, Hey man, it's Kevin.
• 40:39
  Speaker 3: I'm in Kentucky at a white castle. And there's a
• 40:42
  Speaker 3: dude here who I took to see changing lanes 20
• 40:45
  Speaker 3: years ago. And then I go, Ben, hold on. Jason
• 40:48
  Speaker 3: Muse is texting me and I pull the phone away
• 40:51
  Speaker 3: and I text to Jason V Ben Affleck on speaker.
• 40:55
  Speaker 3: And then I go, I go back to the phone
• 40:56
  Speaker 3: and I go, Ben, Jason's fine. He says, hi, anyway,
• 41:00
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna put you on speaker. Say hi to my
• 41:02
  Speaker 3: man here. So I put him on speaker and I
• 41:04
  Speaker 3: was like, go ahead. My man goes, Ben, man, how
• 41:07
  Speaker 3: you doing, man? How you doing? And he goes, Muse,
• 41:10
  Speaker 3: who has worked with Ben Affleck, is friends with Ben Affleck,
• 41:15
  Speaker 3: went to his fucking wedding and shit like that. Like
• 41:18
  Speaker 3: knows Ben and what he sounds like. This is Jason
• 41:21
  Speaker 3: Mewes' approximation of Ben Affleck on the phone. Yo, yo, yo,
• 41:24
  Speaker 3: this is big Ben Affleck coming at you. Like he
• 41:28
  Speaker 3: was a strip club DJ. And so this guy goes, Ben, man,
• 41:32
  Speaker 3: like I've been reading, like guy bought it. He's like, Ben,
• 41:35
  Speaker 3: I've been reading. Like, I feel bad for you, man.
• 41:38
  Speaker 3: You gotta just hang in there, man. And he goes,
• 41:42
  Speaker 3: and then Muse goes, well, you know what they say.
• 41:45
  Speaker 3: Affleck was the bomb in Phantoms, yo. And there's a
• 41:48
  Speaker 3: line from Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. And that
• 41:50
  Speaker 3: guy went nuts. He was like, oh my God, he
• 41:53
  Speaker 3: said that thing. And I was like, he always says
• 41:56
  Speaker 3: that thing. And then, so I was like, we're going
• 42:00
  Speaker 3: to go. And then Jason goes, yeah, I got to
• 42:03
  Speaker 3: go too. Matt Damon's taking me to Target. Bye. And
• 42:06
  Speaker 3: I hung up. And that dude was so delighted, man,
• 42:10
  Speaker 3: so delighted. And he goes, that's awesome. He's going, that
• 42:14
  Speaker 3: was a good thing to do for your friend. He
• 42:15
  Speaker 3: feels good now. We gave him support. And I was like, yeah,
• 42:18
  Speaker 3: you're absolutely right. And then he's like, what about Muse?
• 42:20
  Speaker 3: Can we call Jay now? And I was like, mercifully,
• 42:23
  Speaker 3: the lady was like, Six impossibles. Yes, thank you.
• 42:27
  Speaker 4: And out I went and stuff.
• 42:28
  Speaker 1: Oh, that's a sweet story, dude.
• 42:30
  Speaker 3: Only happened because I was vegan, bro. Oh, it's true.
• 42:33
  Speaker 3: So that's my, there it is.
• 42:34
  Speaker 4: Go vegan. No, don't.
• 42:35
  Speaker 1: That's your pitch for veganism.
• 42:37
  Speaker 3: If I had to pitch for it, it would be like,
• 42:40
  Speaker 3: you know, this is the, most people approach things from
• 42:44
  Speaker 3: a position of vanity, right? Like fucking, they don't really
• 42:47
  Speaker 3: truly care about like their health. They just want to
• 42:49
  Speaker 3: look better.
• 42:50
  Speaker 1: Oh, that's interesting.
• 42:51
  Speaker 3: I feel that that's generally the case. So, look it
• 42:55
  Speaker 3: was definitely the case with.
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: Me and if we look better we will feel better.
• 42:59
  Speaker 3: One imagines but but really it's not like my whole
• 43:03
  Speaker 3: life prior to the heart attack i've been on a
• 43:06
  Speaker 3: zillion diets and fucking optifast did any everything but the surgery.
• 43:10
  Speaker 4: Because i'm fucking scared of you know getting cut and.
• 43:12
  Speaker 1: Shit like that so the lap band surgery you mean
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: yeah yeah.
• 43:16
  Speaker 3: So like you know i've been that person that's like Man,
• 43:20
  Speaker 3: what's the secret?
• 43:21
  Speaker 4: How do you do it?
• 43:22
  Speaker 3: And for years, people have just been saying like, oh,
• 43:24
  Speaker 3: you got to eat less and you got to exercise
• 43:25
  Speaker 3: a lot more. I'm like, yeah, I know. But what's
• 43:27
  Speaker 3: the real secret shit? I was never interested in being healthy.
• 43:30
  Speaker 3: I just wanted to look normal like everybody else. And now, like,
• 43:33
  Speaker 3: I've lost weight, but I don't look normal like everybody else.
• 43:36
  Speaker 3: If I took my fucking gear off and shit, like,
• 43:39
  Speaker 3: it's not like I had any surgery. Like, I got
• 43:41
  Speaker 3: all this excess fucking skin that just hangs.
• 43:44
  Speaker 1: Does that start to go away, that skin?
• 43:46
  Speaker 3: No.
• 43:47
  Speaker 1: Can you put like vitamin E oil on it or something?
• 43:49
  Speaker 3: I mean, maybe the stretch marks might go away, but
• 43:51
  Speaker 3: like that hanging skin, that just hangs, bro.
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: Is there any way to absorb it back in or anything?
• 43:56
  Speaker 4: I think so.
• 43:57
  Speaker 3: With the aid of unstable molecules, if we were in
• 43:59
  Speaker 3: a Marvel fucking comic, but no, bro, no. The skin
• 44:02
  Speaker 3: being an organ, it just fucking distends. And if you've
• 44:05
  Speaker 3: distended it, that's it. So you could do this shit.
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: But that's crazy.
• 44:09
  Speaker 3: Well, this is when you go under the knife and
• 44:11
  Speaker 3: they cut it off. And I've had a friend of mine,
• 44:13
  Speaker 3: you know, I'm not at liberty to say, but a
• 44:14
  Speaker 3: friend of mine went through that. Mm-hmm. And a friend
• 44:16
  Speaker 3: of mine was like, because my friend lost a lot
• 44:19
  Speaker 3: of fucking weight. I think he's talking about it. You
• 44:22
  Speaker 3: know what? Yeah. But he was like, I know you, dude.
• 44:26
  Speaker 3: And I know your threshold for pain. He's going, you never,
• 44:29
  Speaker 3: ever want to do this. He's going, in retrospect, I
• 44:31
  Speaker 3: would never do it again. It is the most pain
• 44:32
  Speaker 3: I've ever been in my entire life.
• 44:34
  Speaker 4: So, all right.
• 44:37
  Speaker 3: We won't put it on if he hasn't said it publicly. Yeah, yeah. Right.
• 44:41
  Speaker 3: But yes.
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: So... Wow, that guy.
• 44:44
  Speaker 4: Yeah, he's my boy.
• 44:46
  Speaker 1: Looks amazing.
• 44:47
  Speaker 3: If you go to the picture on the right, you
• 44:49
  Speaker 3: can see the one all the way over. That was
• 44:52
  Speaker 3: just there, sorry. Yeah, that one. There's the drapey skin,
• 44:56
  Speaker 3: the creping effect they call it.
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: Oh, interesting.
• 44:59
  Speaker 3: So he looks good. I'd kill to look like that. Shit,
• 45:02
  Speaker 3: that'd be amazing. Mine is just hanging. Mine's like, remember
• 45:05
  Speaker 3: the scene in The Shining when fucking Nicholson goes to
• 45:07
  Speaker 3: the one room and the gorgeous lady gets out of
• 45:10
  Speaker 3: the tub and they start making out? And all of
• 45:12
  Speaker 3: a sudden he looks at her and she's like, ah!
• 45:16
  Speaker 3: And she just doubled, like she got droopy fucking. That's
• 45:19
  Speaker 3: what I look like when I take my girl. So
• 45:20
  Speaker 3: that's what my wife gets to fuck.
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: Damn. Hey, lucky her, dude. It's almost like fucking like
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: one of those cats that doesn't have any hair on
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: it kind of, you know?
• 45:27
  Speaker 3: That's right, right?
• 45:28
  Speaker 4: I mean, and some people like that sort of shit.
• 45:30
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah.
• 45:30
  Speaker 4: That's my wife.
• 45:31
  Speaker 3: I always talk about my wife in regards to like,
• 45:35
  Speaker 3: you know, people ask various people about like, how do
• 45:38
  Speaker 3: you succeed when I'm doing Q & As or whatever?
• 45:41
  Speaker 3: And I was like, success, you can't guarantee that anyone's
• 45:45
  Speaker 3: ever going to be interested in your bullshit. I don't
• 45:47
  Speaker 3: care who you are. Kevin Feige, that guy that makes
• 45:49
  Speaker 3: all the Marvel movies and shit.
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: Kevin Feige is his name?
• 45:52
  Speaker 3: Kevin Feige. So probably the most successful producer in history.
• 45:55
  Speaker 3: The only Kevin who must be saved at all costs
• 45:58
  Speaker 3: because those movies rock. Even when Deadpool Wolverine was about
• 46:02
  Speaker 3: to open up, which is now making, what, $ 1. 3 billion?
• 46:04
  Speaker 3: Guarantee you. Kevin Feige still clenched his asshole and was like, man,
• 46:08
  Speaker 3: I hope they show up. Cause nobody knows for sure.
• 46:12
  Speaker 3: And they've actually experienced one or two movies where the
• 46:14
  Speaker 3: people didn't show up and stuff. So in a world
• 46:17
  Speaker 3: where you can't guarantee that an audience is going to
• 46:19
  Speaker 3: show up, the only audience member you can go out
• 46:22
  Speaker 3: of your way to please is audience member number one.
• 46:24
  Speaker 3: That thing only exists because you want to do it.
• 46:27
  Speaker 3: So if you love it, that's how you have to proceed.
• 46:31
  Speaker 3: It's like, I did this for me and I love it.
• 46:33
  Speaker 3: And this is my expression and stuff. And Man, I
• 46:36
  Speaker 3: hope others go for it, but this is as good
• 46:38
  Speaker 3: as it's ever gonna get. You can't count on people
• 46:41
  Speaker 3: showing up and stuff. So in a world where you
• 46:43
  Speaker 3: can't count on an audience showing up, do the thing
• 46:48
  Speaker 3: that nobody's seen before, nobody's looking at.
• 46:51
  Speaker 4: Tell your story.
• 46:52
  Speaker 3: I always tell folks when I'm out there, your voice
• 46:56
  Speaker 3: is your currency, man. Your voice is how you see
• 46:59
  Speaker 3: the world, your perspective, and how you spit it back
• 47:02
  Speaker 3: to the world. It's very... Theo has a distinctive fucking voice.
• 47:06
  Speaker 3: Every comedian has a very distinctive voice. You hope most
• 47:10
  Speaker 3: storytellers do and stuff. Public speakers generally, why people gravitate
• 47:14
  Speaker 3: toward them over and over again is like, I.
• 47:16
  Speaker 4: Like their perspective. I like what they say.
• 47:18
  Speaker 3: That is, as we're sitting in a place where I
• 47:21
  Speaker 3: could drink any fucking Celsius I want, proof positive that
• 47:25
  Speaker 3: fucking your voice is your currency. Because Theo is spending
• 47:29
  Speaker 3: his fucking currency. His voice has built all this. After
• 47:33
  Speaker 3: that Celsius, I'm like, you must be the richest man
• 47:35
  Speaker 3: I know.
• 47:36
  Speaker 1: One cooler. Don't undersell this. It is a nice cooler.
• 47:41
  Speaker 1: It's taller than me.
• 47:42
  Speaker 3: I agree. Taller than you.
• 47:44
  Speaker 1: It's like a New York City apartment. It really is.
• 47:47
  Speaker 1: Somebody would pay at least $ 1, 400 for that.
• 47:50
  Speaker 3: Where do you go in Jersey? Because you're a fucking
• 47:52
  Speaker 3: road king.
• 47:53
  Speaker 4: You're out there.
• 47:53
  Speaker 1: I've been out there for years. Yeah, in Jersey, where
• 47:55
  Speaker 1: do I go to?
• 47:56
  Speaker 3: I've seen it for years.
• 47:57
  Speaker 4: Whenever I've been at a club, I've seen your name
• 47:58
  Speaker 4: and shit like that.
• 47:59
  Speaker 3: Oh, same, man.
• 47:59
  Speaker 4: Now I don't see your name at the clubs anymore, son.
• 48:02
  Speaker 1: Same.
• 48:02
  Speaker 3: Because you're in the bigger venues.
• 48:04
  Speaker 1: We started getting into bigger venues.
• 48:06
  Speaker 3: Oh, heavens, yeah.
• 48:06
  Speaker 1: And that's been interesting.
• 48:08
  Speaker 4: So where's Jersey for you? Where do you do a
• 48:10
  Speaker 4: show in Jersey?
• 48:10
  Speaker 1: Jersey, let me think. Red Bank?
• 48:12
  Speaker 3: Yeah. That's my fucking town, bro. Really? That's number one
• 48:15
  Speaker 3: where I was born. Number two where Jay and Silent
• 48:16
  Speaker 3: Bob's Secret Stash. The comic book store I've had for
• 48:18
  Speaker 3: 27 fucking years is in that town. So you're talking
• 48:21
  Speaker 3: about doing the Count Basie. Yes.
• 48:23
  Speaker 4: Count Basie Theater and the Vogel's right next door and
• 48:25
  Speaker 4: shit like that.
• 48:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's where we went to.
• 48:26
  Speaker 3: Next time, no bullshit. Next time you do Count Basie,
• 48:30
  Speaker 3: please let me know. I have a movie theater that's
• 48:32
  Speaker 3: like fucking 20 minutes from there, 15 minutes from there.
• 48:35
  Speaker 1: You grew up, you had something you grew up going
• 48:37
  Speaker 1: to and you bought it.
• 48:37
  Speaker 3: It's the movie theater that I grew up going to
• 48:40
  Speaker 3: with my friends and the one my dad took me
• 48:42
  Speaker 3: to when I was a kid and whatnot.
• 48:43
  Speaker 4: The one where I- It's so cool.
• 48:45
  Speaker 3: Oh, it's beautiful. And they were going to kill it
• 48:46
  Speaker 3: and close it after COVID. It's over 100 years old.
• 48:49
  Speaker 3: So me and my friends got in and saved it.
• 48:51
  Speaker 3: It's called Smart Castle Cinemas and whatnot. And we do
• 48:54
  Speaker 3: shit all the time. We just did Vulgarthon, which is
• 48:56
  Speaker 3: like show every view of skew universe movies. So Clerks, Mallrats,
• 48:59
  Speaker 3: Chasing Amy, Dogma, Jay and Silent Bob, Shrugged Back, Clerks 2,
• 49:03
  Speaker 3: Jay and Silent Bob Reboot, and Clerks 3. So eight movies,
• 49:06
  Speaker 3: 16 hours of movies. We started at like Saturday morning
• 49:09
  Speaker 3: at nine. We finished Sunday at like five in the morning.
• 49:13
  Speaker 3: 700 fucking people in four different theaters and shit like that.
• 49:16
  Speaker 1: That's awesome, dude.
• 49:17
  Speaker 3: So it's fun for shit like that. So we've had
• 49:22
  Speaker 3: comedy there. I've done shows there. Somebody shot a stand-up
• 49:25
  Speaker 3: special there and whatnot. So if you're going to be
• 49:27
  Speaker 3: in fucking Red Bank, oh my God, I'll bring you
• 49:29
  Speaker 3: over and we'll do a like watch with Theo thing.
• 49:32
  Speaker 3: You pick a favorite movie and shit. We'll show it
• 49:33
  Speaker 3: and then you show up and then we just sit
• 49:35
  Speaker 3: around bullshit.
• 49:36
  Speaker 1: Dude, I would probably pick Family Man. I like that movie.
• 49:38
  Speaker 1: Have you seen it?
• 49:39
  Speaker 4: With Nicolas Cage?
• 49:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 49:40
  Speaker 4: That's a beautiful fucking movie.
• 49:42
  Speaker 3: That's really a Brett Ratner movie that a lot of
• 49:44
  Speaker 3: people never talk about anymore. I thought that was one
• 49:47
  Speaker 3: of his. If I remember correctly. But I remember the movie.
• 49:50
  Speaker 3: It's a wonderful life.
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 49:52
  Speaker 3: Capra-esque.
• 49:53
  Speaker 1: It's kind of like that vibe. Is that the shit
• 49:54
  Speaker 1: you fuck with? Yeah. That's probably my favorite movie, I think.
• 49:58
  Speaker 1: I like League of Their Own. I love League of
• 50:01
  Speaker 1: Their Own.
• 50:01
  Speaker 3: I fucking lived across the street from Penny Marshall for years.
• 50:06
  Speaker 3: And when I was in my heyday of podcasts and whatnot.
• 50:10
  Speaker 3: We started doing it at the house all the time.
• 50:12
  Speaker 4: So she came over. Again, she lived right across the
• 50:14
  Speaker 4: street and shit.
• 50:15
  Speaker 1: Penny Marshall, bring her up.
• 50:16
  Speaker 4: I got to talk to her about League of Their Own. Wow.
• 50:19
  Speaker 3: Because Penny Marshall had this brilliant, like every once in
• 50:21
  Speaker 3: a while, directors hit strong in threes and have like bang, bang, bang.
• 50:25
  Speaker 3: Penny Marshall had big awakenings and a League of Their Own.
• 50:30
  Speaker 4: Back to back to back.
• 50:31
  Speaker 1: She's a pretty fascinating lady.
• 50:33
  Speaker 4: This was Laverne and Shirley.
• 50:34
  Speaker 3: She was Laverne of Laverne and Shirley, and then she
• 50:37
  Speaker 3: became a director later and spent most of her career
• 50:40
  Speaker 3: as a director after doing that show for, what, 10
• 50:43
  Speaker 3: seasons or whatever?
• 50:44
  Speaker 1: Dude, we went to the town where.
• 50:48
  Speaker 1: Where Rockford, we went to Rockford, Illinois and went to
• 50:51
  Speaker 1: the museum there and went and saw all the Rockford
• 50:53
  Speaker 1: Peaches memorabilia and shit.
• 50:55
  Speaker 3: Are you serious?
• 50:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's pretty cool stuff.
• 50:57
  Speaker 3: I love that movie. Do you cry when you watch
• 50:58
  Speaker 3: that movie? Are you allowed to cry? A league of
• 51:01
  Speaker 3: their own? Yeah. Are you a fucking butch dude and shit?
• 51:04
  Speaker 1: No, I'll fucking cry.
• 51:04
  Speaker 3: I cry a lot. I get made fun of on
• 51:06
  Speaker 3: the internet for crying. For not only just crying, but
• 51:07
  Speaker 3: then I post pictures of myself crying. I saw Black
• 51:10
  Speaker 3: Panther 2 and I came out and I took a
• 51:12
  Speaker 3: picture in front of the poster and I was teary-eyed.
• 51:14
  Speaker 3: two days fucking the internet was like you cuck fuck
• 51:17
  Speaker 3: like how dare they were very angry at me.
• 51:20
  Speaker 1: For that yeah i cried i mean i if i
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: saw yeah i mean i'll cry all i mean yeah
• 51:23
  Speaker 1: i've cried but you won't put it out there i've
• 51:25
  Speaker 1: been crying i mean yeah there's too many clips of
• 51:28
  Speaker 1: me crying online.
• 51:29
  Speaker 4: Is that right what makes you cry.
• 51:31
  Speaker 1: Oh just like thinking about stuff or talking about stuff
• 51:34
  Speaker 1: like Um, I don't know, like earlier we were talking
• 51:36
  Speaker 1: about like people pleasing, like thinking about, um.
• 51:39
  Speaker 4: You got issues, got MH issues, mental health.
• 51:42
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah. First of all, hold on. There's a couple
• 51:43
  Speaker 1: of questions I want to ask. I don't forget. One
• 51:45
  Speaker 1: is what are some of the signs if people are
• 51:47
  Speaker 1: getting sick or something that you feel like you neglected
• 51:50
  Speaker 1: so that people can heart attack side or head side,
• 51:52
  Speaker 1: heart attack, heart attack.
• 51:54
  Speaker 3: Heart attack, sweating profusely, which I did quite a lot
• 51:57
  Speaker 3: as a man who was over 300 pounds. Um, Not
• 52:01
  Speaker 3: being able to catch your breath. I refer to it
• 52:04
  Speaker 3: as I couldn't quite ring the bell. Like, you know,
• 52:06
  Speaker 3: you bang and fucking bing. That game at the fucking fair.
• 52:10
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, yeah.
• 52:11
  Speaker 3: Felt like I'd be like, bang, hitting it hard. And
• 52:13
  Speaker 3: I'd be like, and then just come back down. So
• 52:15
  Speaker 3: I couldn't hit the top. Couldn't quite catch my breath,
• 52:18
  Speaker 3: so to speak. I was looking for the numbness in
• 52:22
  Speaker 3: the arm. Because I was raised watching fucking Sanford and Son. So, Elizabeth,
• 52:27
  Speaker 3: this is the big one. And that's what he always did.
• 52:28
  Speaker 3: Clutch his arm and did this shit. That never happened.
• 52:31
  Speaker 3: Never felt that. Nausea also. Like I wound up throwing
• 52:35
  Speaker 3: up and I didn't have anything in my stomach, so.
• 52:36
  Speaker 4: It was just bile.
• 52:38
  Speaker 3: These very subtle things that like, you know. I hate bile, dude. Totally.
• 52:42
  Speaker 3: But you could mistake that for like, oh, I was
• 52:45
  Speaker 3: nervous or fucking maybe I had some bad milk because
• 52:47
  Speaker 3: I was a big milk drinker in those days.
• 52:50
  Speaker 1: So you could mistake those. Oh, there's nothing watching a
• 52:52
  Speaker 1: big fella drink milk, dude. Oh, fuck. Can we just,
• 52:55
  Speaker 1: you would.
• 52:55
  Speaker 4: Have been turned on bro.
• 52:56
  Speaker 3: Seriously. I don't know how, which way you swing. You
• 52:58
  Speaker 3: would have watched me drinking the milk on the beard
• 53:01
  Speaker 3: and stuff. You've been like, I'm going bear.
• 53:03
  Speaker 1: Cause you're a total otter type.
• 53:05
  Speaker 3: It could have worked.
• 53:06
  Speaker 1: An otter in the gay community.
• 53:08
  Speaker 3: Yeah. If I had to. Yeah. Like Scott Mosier, people
• 53:11
  Speaker 3: would always tell me, Hey man, he's not, there you go, son.
• 53:14
  Speaker 3: Come on.
• 53:14
  Speaker 4: That looks like a good time.
• 53:16
  Speaker 3: And I know a lot of people would look at
• 53:17
  Speaker 3: that and be like, this guy's fucking nuts, but he's
• 53:19
  Speaker 3: living his best fucking life. Have you ever been that happy?
• 53:22
  Speaker 3: I've been listening to that fucking song that was at
• 53:25
  Speaker 3: the end of Guardians of the Galaxy 3 and it's
• 53:29
  Speaker 3: Florence and the Machine and.
• 53:30
  Speaker 1: It's... Keep going.
• 53:37
  Speaker 3: Bullet in the back. Let's just stop and appreciate the
• 53:40
  Speaker 3: poetry of that line.
• 53:41
  Speaker 1: All right.
• 53:43
  Speaker 3: Happiness hit her like a bullet in the back. When
• 53:47
  Speaker 3: was the last time you were ever hit by the
• 53:50
  Speaker 3: happiness bullet in the back?
• 53:52
  Speaker 1: That's a good question, man. I went to this recently.
• 53:54
  Speaker 1: I went to this... I mean, happy, too.
• 53:56
  Speaker 3: Because I'm sure every day you wake up and you're like,
• 53:58
  Speaker 3: I'm Theo fucking Vaughn. Like, holy shit, my mouth. I
• 54:01
  Speaker 3: use my mouth on people and I'm rich now.
• 54:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's not for BJing. Well, oral's oral, my friend.
• 54:07
  Speaker 3: You're in the mouth service business. Paint it any way
• 54:10
  Speaker 3: you want.
• 54:11
  Speaker 1: We're all whores. Yeah, being chatty is just a real
• 54:13
  Speaker 1: drawn-out blowjob.
• 54:14
  Speaker 4: But I'm not talking about being satisfied with the job
• 54:16
  Speaker 4: and stuff.
• 54:16
  Speaker 3: I'm talking about, like, true fucking happiness that has nothing
• 54:19
  Speaker 3: to do with who you are. Like my friend Scott
• 54:22
  Speaker 3: Mosier at one point, he was just like, what do
• 54:24
  Speaker 3: you want to do? If you could do anything in
• 54:27
  Speaker 3: the world.
• 54:27
  Speaker 1: And that's your smart cast co-host?
• 54:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah. One of the smartest people I've ever known. He said,
• 54:32
  Speaker 3: if you could do anything you wanted, he's going, you
• 54:34
  Speaker 3: almost died a few years ago. So if you do
• 54:36
  Speaker 3: anything you wanted, what would make you happy? And he goes,
• 54:40
  Speaker 3: but it can't have anything to do with being Kevin
• 54:44
  Speaker 3: Smith for a living or the movies or any of that.
• 54:47
  Speaker 3: He's gone. I'm just talking like normal ass shit. And
• 54:50
  Speaker 3: that fucking, that rocked my world for a few days.
• 54:53
  Speaker 3: I couldn't come up with an answer necessarily. The best
• 54:55
  Speaker 3: answer I could come up with was I was.
• 54:57
  Speaker 4: Like, what would make me happy?
• 54:58
  Speaker 3: Like if I had a conversation with my father and
• 55:01
  Speaker 3: he's dead, 20 years. And not because I'm like, we
• 55:03
  Speaker 3: could settle issues, but that'd be fucking wonderful and shit.
• 55:06
  Speaker 3: But I had to reach into fiction, into the impossible
• 55:10
  Speaker 3: to find something. And I would ask other people, I
• 55:12
  Speaker 3: asked my brother, my brother without misdemeanor, he's like, oh,
• 55:15
  Speaker 3: I'd go on a world cruise. And I was like,
• 55:17
  Speaker 3: what's that? He's like, it's exactly what it sounds like.
• 55:19
  Speaker 3: You just cruise around the world for like a year.
• 55:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah, on a boat.
• 55:22
  Speaker 3: But he knew. And other people I talked to were like, oh,
• 55:26
  Speaker 3: I'd do this. It's a good question. And they were
• 55:27
  Speaker 3: normal-ass things that are within one's doing. And I think
• 55:32
  Speaker 3: my fucking radar is busted, and I imagine yours is
• 55:35
  Speaker 3: as well, because the idea of what makes others happy
• 55:40
  Speaker 3: or what makes a person happy is shattered when you
• 55:44
  Speaker 3: can wake up and whimsy about something and create it,
• 55:49
  Speaker 3: and just by dreaming about it and doing it, or
• 55:51
  Speaker 3: putting the podcast together, sitting around speaking your mind, you've
• 55:55
  Speaker 3: gotten paid, and you've gotten a bunch of people going like,
• 55:58
  Speaker 3: we fucking like, we support you, and shit like that.
• 56:01
  Speaker 3: When that scale exists, it's, I found, and I, the
• 56:08
  Speaker 3: more I speak to other creatives, like after the fucking
• 56:11
  Speaker 3: going to the mental hospital, now I feel freer to
• 56:14
  Speaker 3: talk to others about it and shit, where it's like,
• 56:17
  Speaker 3: I'm not saying like life can't make you happy, but
• 56:21
  Speaker 3: when you've had that ability and there's a certain happiness
• 56:25
  Speaker 3: that goes along with financial success, creative success, personal success,
• 56:34
  Speaker 3: when your highs are like, um, Oh, let's get Alan
• 56:38
  Speaker 3: Rickman to be in dogma. It's tough to find a
• 56:44
  Speaker 3: normal high. You know what I'm saying?
• 56:47
  Speaker 1: Like, Yeah, it's interesting, man.
• 56:50
  Speaker 3: Is that 1% fucking rarefied view thinking?
• 56:54
  Speaker 1: No, I don't know if I feel.
• 56:55
  Speaker 4: Does that make me instantly unrelatable?
• 56:57
  Speaker 1: No, I just think it makes sense. Like if you've
• 57:01
  Speaker 1: had interesting things that most people would seem like would
• 57:07
  Speaker 1: make people happy or we all believe would make us happy,
• 57:10
  Speaker 1: then it makes sense then that you might have a
• 57:13
  Speaker 1: tougher time finding certain happiness, you know? I don't know
• 57:16
  Speaker 1: what I would do, probably like, Something that would really,
• 57:19
  Speaker 1: really make me happy. I don't know. Isn't that crazy?
• 57:26
  Speaker 4: You can ask anybody listening to the show.
• 57:28
  Speaker 1: Maybe giving a hug to my brother or something like
• 57:30
  Speaker 1: that or taking a walk with my brother somewhere.
• 57:32
  Speaker 3: He's your brother type?
• 57:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we're close. So I think something like that. What else?
• 57:40
  Speaker 1: Spending time with like a teacher or something that I
• 57:43
  Speaker 1: grew up with. Yeah, probably if I got to see
• 57:47
  Speaker 1: my dad again or something like that. I mean, that's,
• 57:49
  Speaker 1: you know, my dad passed away, too. So, like, yeah,
• 57:52
  Speaker 1: I think if there was something like that, I think
• 57:53
  Speaker 1: it would make me, like, really happy. Maybe having a.
• 57:57
  Speaker 3: Isn't it crazy that we have to reach into the
• 57:59
  Speaker 3: grave to be like, well, that would make me really happy?
• 58:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 58:02
  Speaker 3: Essentially the impossible.
• 58:03
  Speaker 1: Being in love with somebody, probably.
• 58:05
  Speaker 3: Are you? No, I'm not.
• 58:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I have a tough, like.
• 58:10
  Speaker 3: Dick?
• 58:11
  Speaker 1: I wish, huh?
• 58:12
  Speaker 4: Tough dick?
• 58:13
  Speaker 3: The chicks are, like, eyeing into that tough dick shit.
• 58:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, look at this.
• 58:15
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 58:16
  Speaker 3: That's what my dick does.
• 58:17
  Speaker 1: Tough. My dick has a brass, just one brass knuckle
• 58:21
  Speaker 1: on it. No, I don't know. Yeah, probably having a family,
• 58:23
  Speaker 1: being able to be happy and have a family, shit
• 58:25
  Speaker 1: like that.
• 58:26
  Speaker 4: Wouldn't one brass knuckle essentially be a cock ring?
• 58:28
  Speaker 1: It probably would.
• 58:30
  Speaker 3: But you know what? I think I like your cell better.
• 58:32
  Speaker 3: Because cock rings, some people, I don't fuck with that.
• 58:34
  Speaker 3: But if you're like, how would you like one brass
• 58:35
  Speaker 3: knuckle on your dick? A lot of people are like,
• 58:37
  Speaker 3: as long as it's my choice, I don't want your
• 58:39
  Speaker 3: brass knuckle on my dick.
• 58:41
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• 1:01:40
  Speaker 1: So you obviously have been a big comic guy and
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 1: in that whole zeitgeist and it's been a big part
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 1: of What made you.
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 3: You, right? Honestly, like I was into that shit. Like
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 3: if you watch Mallrats in 95, it's a big part
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 3: of it and stuff. And the culture wasn't. Like the
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 3: culture was like comic books. Those were for kids. I
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 3: just got real fucking lucky in that, you know, about
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 3: 15 years ago, the culture shifted into all the shit
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 3: that I was already into and well-versed in. So I
• 1:02:06
  Speaker 3: got like a free fucking ride for about a good 15,
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 3: 20 years on a geek train that like I never
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 3: had to make a comic book break. I've directed some
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 3: comic book shows like Supergirl, Flash and stuff like that.
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 3: But like, really, it's just, I was insanely well positioned
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 3: because I was waving the flag for this shit when
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 3: people were like, what do you mean?
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 1: That's lucky when we're, what you do. Yes. It's the same.
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 3: Do you feel that is where you are right now?
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 1: No, I see.
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 3: Do you feel you were an overnight success or it
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 3: was like 10 years of a thing before fucking?
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah. It was for, it was a long time.
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 3: You don't feel you're in the fucking zone right now?
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 3: Like in terms of like, The man has met the
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 3: moment and vice versa?
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I guess because I don't know what
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 1: my end goals are sometimes. I see it when I
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 1: look at a guy like Joe Rogan, to drop his
• 1:02:55
  Speaker 1: name again, and you can use it a few times too.
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 3: Twice.
• 1:02:58
  Speaker 4: Twice in one day.
• 1:02:59
  Speaker 1: Because he got into UFC and that rose. And I
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 1: think it rose. He helped. He also helped it rise.
• 1:03:05
  Speaker 4: But to be fair, yeah.
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 3: I'm not saying I'm Joe Rogan.
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 1: But I too did the labor of love just like him.
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying.
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 4: Once again, though.
• 1:03:13
  Speaker 1: It reminds me of that.
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 3: He found a way to monetize his passions where I
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 3: think he's probably indispensable to the UFC.
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 4: When he comments, do they pay him?
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure they must have a deal, like an
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 1: overall deal.
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 4: He may have put in the work and shit, but
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 4: now he's financially remunerated.
• 1:03:31
  Speaker 1: Well, he was fighting. He was in on it early.
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 1: He trained, and then he started talking. I remember going, like,
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 1: the kids at my school that you knew were going
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 1: to probably die young or whatever they say.
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 4: You had those.
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 1: They were the ones watching that on the weekend, like,
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 1: come watch it. It's like, you know, Willie the fucking,
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 1: you know, short Willie versus fucking.
• 1:03:52
  Speaker 4: Willie the short Willie?
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 1: Versus the violent homo or something. You'd be like, who
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 1: are these guys? And it would be like one guy
• 1:03:57
  Speaker 1: would be like 400 pounds fighting a guy that was
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 1: like 120 pounds, and it would just be like a massacre.
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 1: But that's when the UFC, there wasn't weight classes, all
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 1: of that.
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 3: Look at him. What a puppet.
• 1:04:08
  Speaker 4: It's like his news radio days.
• 1:04:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, he's a handsome guy.
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 3: Believe me, I understand who Joe Rogan is today, and
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 3: I love that.
• 1:04:16
  Speaker 1: But you knew him back then?
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 3: Well, I mean, my first introduction to Joe Rogan was
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 3: on news radio. And I fucking love news radio. It's
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 3: one of my favorite sitcoms ever produced. So I've watched,
• 1:04:27
  Speaker 3: and they only had about four seasons max or something.
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 3: So you could, it's not like, you know, fucking Friends
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 3: where you could do 12 seasons. You could get through
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 3: it in a day and then start it again and shit.
• 1:04:39
  Speaker 3: So Joe was like, that's how I first knew him
• 1:04:42
  Speaker 3: and knew about him and stuff. And then the podcasting thing,
• 1:04:45
  Speaker 3: you know, I remember going on the show in the
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 3: early days and every time I've ever been on. And he's,
• 1:04:50
  Speaker 3: you know, clearly there's a reason why the fucking man
• 1:04:53
  Speaker 3: is at the top of the game. He's just interesting
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 3: and interested.
• 1:04:57
  Speaker 1: He's interested. He's genuinely curious.
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 3: He's curious, but he also fucking hits you with shit
• 1:05:03
  Speaker 3: where you're like, no. He's just that guy at the
• 1:05:07
  Speaker 3: party where slowly the crowd gravitates around him, whether he's
• 1:05:13
  Speaker 3: trying to magnetize him, whether he's putting on a show
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 3: or not, because he's just interesting.
• 1:05:18
  Speaker 1: Got a lot of information. He's like a thoroughfare for information.
• 1:05:20
  Speaker 1: He's like an airport for information. And he retains information
• 1:05:23
  Speaker 1: really well. And he's genuinely curious. You'll kind of say something,
• 1:05:26
  Speaker 1: and then he'll ask you about it. And you're almost like, fuck,
• 1:05:28
  Speaker 1: now I have to actually say something about this.
• 1:05:30
  Speaker 3: He was the first one that did this shit, though,
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 3: where somebody, you're talking, and then all of a sudden,
• 1:05:35
  Speaker 3: he's like, look that up.
• 1:05:35
  Speaker 1: And somebody listens and helps.
• 1:05:37
  Speaker 3: A reference person helping out. We didn't have that in
• 1:05:40
  Speaker 3: the early days.
• 1:05:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I feel like there's less comedy movies these days.
• 1:05:47
  Speaker 1: Would you agree with that?
• 1:05:49
  Speaker 3: No.
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 4: I think there are less movies, period, these days.
• 1:05:53
  Speaker 1: Is it a lot of like, there's a lot of
• 1:05:57
  Speaker 1: almost comic book type movies and universes that are the,
• 1:06:01
  Speaker 1: those are the movies now. Does that feel weird to you?
• 1:06:05
  Speaker 1: Because they're not weird to you. You're like, what are
• 1:06:06
  Speaker 1: your thoughts on that? That it's like, I don't know
• 1:06:08
  Speaker 1: if one like, like has eliminated the other, but it's
• 1:06:14
  Speaker 1: just kind of like weird. Why is that? Why do
• 1:06:18
  Speaker 1: we see these big, huge things? But it feels tougher
• 1:06:22
  Speaker 1: for somebody to create just like a good comedy these days.
• 1:06:27
  Speaker 3: I think good comedy went TV and to streaming because
• 1:06:32
  Speaker 3: they needed to fill coffers quick, fill programming schedules quick.
• 1:06:37
  Speaker 1: Or like did the Marvel universes and all the comic
• 1:06:40
  Speaker 1: book universes, did they kill off the guy?
• 1:06:43
  Speaker 3: 100% no.
• 1:06:46
  Speaker 4: Studios like to make money. They're in the business to
• 1:06:49
  Speaker 4: make money.
• 1:06:50
  Speaker 3: I don't think a comic book movie has made them
• 1:06:53
  Speaker 3: go like, let's give up on the middle, mid-range. They're
• 1:06:55
  Speaker 3: just like, look, more risk, more reward. And when I
• 1:06:59
  Speaker 3: first started, you had, there was television, there was movies.
• 1:07:02
  Speaker 3: Now there are many more options and many more places
• 1:07:05
  Speaker 3: to go. So instead of doing, you know, and you'll
• 1:07:09
  Speaker 3: see it, like an eight, six or eight episode show.
• 1:07:12
  Speaker 4: Where you're like, could have done in three.
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 3: It's because a lot of people are like, all right,
• 1:07:16
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna take my idea that was for a feature
• 1:07:18
  Speaker 3: and stretch it out into a show. So I think,
• 1:07:23
  Speaker 3: nevermind comedy, I'd be more curious, hey, where'd the indie
• 1:07:28
  Speaker 3: film go? But I think the indie film was taken
• 1:07:34
  Speaker 3: over by Netflix. Once Netflix came in, number one, they
• 1:07:37
  Speaker 3: started buying cheap movies. And number two, they started making
• 1:07:41
  Speaker 3: programming that was kind of interesting. They went to other
• 1:07:43
  Speaker 3: countries and they were like, who are your top filmmakers?
• 1:07:45
  Speaker 3: Here's money, go make TV shows and stuff. And that's
• 1:07:49
  Speaker 3: where all the interesting ideas are going and finding a home.
• 1:07:53
  Speaker 3: You're somebody who wants to tell an offbeat story. And
• 1:07:56
  Speaker 3: you're looking at this Sisyphean task of like, I got
• 1:07:59
  Speaker 3: to roll this fucking boulder up the hill. Like every
• 1:08:01
  Speaker 3: time I make a movie, it's like, fuck, here we go.
• 1:08:04
  Speaker 3: It's going to be fucking tough. Or You walk into
• 1:08:07
  Speaker 3: these cats and they're like, what's it about?
• 1:08:09
  Speaker 4: How esoteric is it? Interesting.
• 1:08:12
  Speaker 3: Go ahead.
• 1:08:13
  Speaker 4: Can you make it six episodes?
• 1:08:14
  Speaker 3: Can you make it eight?
• 1:08:16
  Speaker 4: That's preferable.
• 1:08:17
  Speaker 3: And that's where all the interesting programming has slowly gravitated to. Now.
• 1:08:21
  Speaker 1: So you're saying some of the indie movies have actually
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 1: become television shows.
• 1:08:24
  Speaker 3: I think indie filmmakers or people that make things off
• 1:08:28
  Speaker 3: the beaten path stories that don't necessarily fall into the
• 1:08:31
  Speaker 3: big budget equation have wound up going Just streaming. What
• 1:08:36
  Speaker 3: was fucking.
• 1:08:37
  Speaker 4: Jason Bateman's show?
• 1:08:38
  Speaker 3: Ozark.
• 1:08:39
  Speaker 4: It's an indie film.
• 1:08:40
  Speaker 3: This just happens to be a series that went on
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 3: for a bunch of episodes because they're like, hey, we
• 1:08:44
  Speaker 3: like it. Do it again. Instead of getting a sequel,
• 1:08:46
  Speaker 3: you just get another season.
• 1:08:47
  Speaker 1: That's a good point. It was almost like there's a
• 1:08:49
  Speaker 1: secret gay guy at the lake. It was like people
• 1:08:51
  Speaker 1: playing gay Clue at the lake. Remember? Cause like that
• 1:08:54
  Speaker 1: one guy. Yeah.
• 1:08:56
  Speaker 4: I didn't watch the little show.
• 1:08:58
  Speaker 1: And, um, it started to get redundant. Like it started
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 1: to get.
• 1:09:01
  Speaker 3: For some reason I really want to pay, play gay clue.
• 1:09:03
  Speaker 1: Does that exist? No, they should have that.
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 1: Right. Like he did it.
• 1:09:08
  Speaker 3: Yeah. It was, it was like, what do you use
• 1:09:10
  Speaker 3: the candlestick for? They're like, find out.
• 1:09:13
  Speaker 1: Um, Samuel's been in the billiard room for a while.
• 1:09:16
  Speaker 3: In the, In the conservatory. Not being very conservative. Wow.
• 1:09:20
  Speaker 1: I've never used that to cue my pool stick before.
• 1:09:24
  Speaker 1: What's that thing called?
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 3: To chalk?
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 1: Chalk.
• 1:09:26
  Speaker 3: I've never used- I've never chalked that way.
• 1:09:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:09:30
  Speaker 3: So that's interesting. I think that's part of it. Believe me,
• 1:09:33
  Speaker 3: I'm not like, and that's exactly what happened.
• 1:09:35
  Speaker 1: No, it's cool though.
• 1:09:36
  Speaker 4: I think that's part of it.
• 1:09:37
  Speaker 3: I think Netflix came in, disrupted the business, as we
• 1:09:41
  Speaker 3: all know, in a in a way that at first
• 1:09:43
  Speaker 3: people were like, yeah, and now people are like, wait
• 1:09:46
  Speaker 3: a second, in the aftermath, nothing.
• 1:09:47
  Speaker 4: Existed the way that existed before.
• 1:09:50
  Speaker 3: Television viewership is like down to almost nothing, so much
• 1:09:53
  Speaker 3: so that major studios are writing off entire network divisions
• 1:09:59
  Speaker 3: and stuff like that, devaluing television in order to get
• 1:10:02
  Speaker 3: a write-off. So once Netflix came in and said, hey,
• 1:10:06
  Speaker 3: this is how we're doing it, and then every other
• 1:10:09
  Speaker 3: company was like, well, shit, we gotta do what they're.
• 1:10:10
  Speaker 4: Doing, and they started doing streaming and whatnot, It just really,
• 1:10:14
  Speaker 4: it broke the model. It's kind of nuts.
• 1:10:16
  Speaker 3: So right now, I think if you're a person that
• 1:10:20
  Speaker 3: likes to tell off the beaten path stories or if
• 1:10:23
  Speaker 3: what we used to call back in the day, an
• 1:10:24
  Speaker 3: indie filmmaker, now's the time to shine. I think there's
• 1:10:27
  Speaker 3: a moment that's going on right now where entertainment, like
• 1:10:31
  Speaker 3: the way people are getting their entertainment, of course, has
• 1:10:33
  Speaker 3: completely changed over the last 10 years, but theatrical consumption
• 1:10:36
  Speaker 3: has been way off since COVID. And some people wonder
• 1:10:39
  Speaker 3: if like, will people ever go back to movies the
• 1:10:41
  Speaker 3: way they used to and blah, blah, blah. They're not
• 1:10:44
  Speaker 3: gonna go unless you give them something they can't get
• 1:10:46
  Speaker 3: anyplace else. So they'll go to the theaters to see Deadpool, Wolverine,
• 1:10:50
  Speaker 3: because they're like, I ain't gonna be able to watch
• 1:10:51
  Speaker 3: this at home for like six months, so fuck it.
• 1:10:54
  Speaker 3: But what if you tell them a story, going back
• 1:10:56
  Speaker 3: to your voices, your currency, they've never heard before, and
• 1:10:59
  Speaker 3: the only place they could see it is in a theater,
• 1:11:01
  Speaker 3: and right now theaters are hurting, so they'll fucking take anybody.
• 1:11:04
  Speaker 3: It doesn't matter.
• 1:11:05
  Speaker 4: It used to be tough to get screens. Now, are
• 1:11:07
  Speaker 4: you fucking kidding me?
• 1:11:08
  Speaker 3: You can make a deal with AMC, a private deal
• 1:11:11
  Speaker 3: with your own independent movie, where you're like, Can I
• 1:11:13
  Speaker 3: get 100 screens and we'll do a.
• 1:11:15
  Speaker 4: Door split or whatever the fuck?
• 1:11:17
  Speaker 3: It's possible because movie theaters, as a movie theater exhibitor,
• 1:11:20
  Speaker 3: I know this for a fact, we would kill or
• 1:11:21
  Speaker 3: die to have people come in. You know, back in
• 1:11:23
  Speaker 3: the day, I made this movie, the 430 movie, and
• 1:11:26
  Speaker 3: it's about how in the 80s.
• 1:11:27
  Speaker 1: This is your new film.
• 1:11:28
  Speaker 3: This is the new film that's coming out September 13th.
• 1:11:31
  Speaker 3: In the 80s, we used to pay for one movie
• 1:11:33
  Speaker 3: and then jump from theater to theater to theater to
• 1:11:35
  Speaker 3: go see movies for free. Oh, yeah.
• 1:11:37
  Speaker 4: I own that movie theater that I used to do
• 1:11:39
  Speaker 4: that in.
• 1:11:39
  Speaker 3: We'd get caught and you might get the risk of
• 1:11:42
  Speaker 3: being banned from that theater for fucking life. If I
• 1:11:45
  Speaker 3: caught you walking into another movie theater after you paid
• 1:11:48
  Speaker 3: for only one movie theater, my movie theater, I'd be like,
• 1:11:50
  Speaker 3: that's great, just buy some popcorn, would you? You could
• 1:11:52
  Speaker 3: stay as long as you fucking want. Call your friends,
• 1:11:55
  Speaker 3: have them come, just to get fucking bodies through the
• 1:11:57
  Speaker 3: goddamn door. So it's, yeah, this is a bit of
• 1:12:01
  Speaker 3: a different world at this point. But imagine you're an
• 1:12:04
  Speaker 3: indie filmmaker wants to say the thing nobody has ever
• 1:12:08
  Speaker 3: fucking said before in a film, per se.
• 1:12:10
  Speaker 4: We're just using film as an example. Fuck, now is
• 1:12:13
  Speaker 4: your time.
• 1:12:14
  Speaker 3: Like, you could actually make a thing and have it
• 1:12:17
  Speaker 3: be in a goddamn movie theater. And then if you
• 1:12:19
  Speaker 3: do even the tiniest bit of business with your movie
• 1:12:21
  Speaker 3: in a movie theater these days, that's a fucking story.
• 1:12:24
  Speaker 3: And that also has, it's been proven, like through the algorithm,
• 1:12:28
  Speaker 3: when Amazon did Air, Ben Affleck's movie Air, They put
• 1:12:33
  Speaker 3: it in theaters and they spent- AIR. AIR, about Air Jordans,
• 1:12:37
  Speaker 3: the history of the Air Jordan sneaker. They put it
• 1:12:40
  Speaker 3: in theaters traditionally and spent money on advertising, even though
• 1:12:44
  Speaker 3: Amazon has Prime and really, they probably thought it would
• 1:12:48
  Speaker 3: go right there, but they were like, you know what?
• 1:12:50
  Speaker 3: Let's see what it would be like to release a movie. Like,
• 1:12:53
  Speaker 3: you know, Amazon and other streamers broke the theatrical model
• 1:12:56
  Speaker 3: and here they're going like, wouldn't it be novel? Like
• 1:12:59
  Speaker 3: us with Smodcast going like, wouldn't it be weird if
• 1:13:01
  Speaker 3: somebody paid for an ad on our show? These cats
• 1:13:03
  Speaker 3: are like, wouldn't it be novel if we put the
• 1:13:05
  Speaker 3: movie out and paid for ads and people saw a
• 1:13:07
  Speaker 3: trailer and then went to the movie theater to see it?
• 1:13:10
  Speaker 3: Would it make it more valuable when we then put
• 1:13:13
  Speaker 3: it on Prime? And it did, naturally. They found the
• 1:13:16
  Speaker 3: same thing out on Netflix. Movies that go the traditional route,
• 1:13:19
  Speaker 3: the way that everybody expects, I've seen a commercial for
• 1:13:21
  Speaker 3: that on TV. That will be a primary choice on
• 1:13:25
  Speaker 3: Netflix rather than a Netflix made-for-Netflix movie that may have
• 1:13:29
  Speaker 3: the biggest fucking stars on the planet in it, but
• 1:13:32
  Speaker 3: you will pass it by.
• 1:13:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it feels crazy. So there's something about just watching
• 1:13:35
  Speaker 1: a movie that's just on Netflix or on a street.
• 1:13:38
  Speaker 4: Isn't that crazy?
• 1:13:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah. There is a value to putting something in a
• 1:13:42
  Speaker 3: theater still. It gives it this kind of panache. Now,
• 1:13:45
  Speaker 3: if you're an indie filmmaker and you're out there going
• 1:13:47
  Speaker 3: like nobody's ever fucking heard– My story, they've never heard
• 1:13:51
  Speaker 3: my voice. They've never fucking seen what I can do.
• 1:13:54
  Speaker 3: And if you're sitting there right now going, I fucking
• 1:13:56
  Speaker 3: hate Kevin Smith. He makes the same fucking movie every time.
• 1:13:58
  Speaker 3: 30 years in the business, all he's done is make
• 1:14:00
  Speaker 3: Clerks of Jay and Silent Bob. Great, now's your fucking time.
• 1:14:03
  Speaker 3: Now's your time to shine. Don't sit there, waste your
• 1:14:05
  Speaker 3: time at home looking at me, hating on me. Use
• 1:14:08
  Speaker 3: me as your fucking example and stepping stone. Like if
• 1:14:10
  Speaker 3: that fucking talentless idiot could do it, then I could
• 1:14:12
  Speaker 3: fucking do it too. And now is the time for
• 1:14:15
  Speaker 3: another indie filmmaking movement. Now it feels like with the
• 1:14:20
  Speaker 3: frustration of real fucking filmmakers who I know people that
• 1:14:23
  Speaker 3: make millions to fucking make movies sitting on their asses
• 1:14:26
  Speaker 3: because ain't nobody fucking making movies. Could you imagine if
• 1:14:29
  Speaker 3: the only way you got to do your show is
• 1:14:31
  Speaker 3: if somebody told you, okay, now you could go. No,
• 1:14:33
  Speaker 3: you enjoy the independence of like, fucking this past weekend
• 1:14:37
  Speaker 3: is going to happen when I want it to fucking happen.
• 1:14:39
  Speaker 3: You're your own fucking boss. There are a lot of
• 1:14:40
  Speaker 3: people that never figured out how to do that. They
• 1:14:42
  Speaker 3: never came from indie films. They couldn't pivot back to
• 1:14:44
  Speaker 3: indie film. They've just been spoiled by working for a studio.
• 1:14:47
  Speaker 3: So now, with the studios not making anything, they're like,
• 1:14:50
  Speaker 3: what do I fucking do? I've always been able to
• 1:14:52
  Speaker 3: pivot back to indie film. And I feel like, even
• 1:14:55
  Speaker 3: though I've been able to do that, I've been in
• 1:14:56
  Speaker 3: indie film for a while. Everyone knows every variation of
• 1:14:58
  Speaker 3: story I could possibly tell. Every once in a while,
• 1:15:00
  Speaker 3: you'll whip a Tusk on them. They're like, well, that
• 1:15:02
  Speaker 3: was fucking weird. But generally speaking, they're like, he does
• 1:15:04
  Speaker 3: those James Allen Bob movies and shit. Now is the
• 1:15:07
  Speaker 3: time for an indie filmmaker to come out and be like,
• 1:15:09
  Speaker 3: here's a fucking story nobody's ever heard.
• 1:15:10
  Speaker 4: Fuck a Tic Tac.
• 1:15:11
  Speaker 3: I mean, I love Tic Tac, don't get me wrong,
• 1:15:13
  Speaker 3: but like, People that spend their time like doing little
• 1:15:16
  Speaker 3: videos and shit. If you're a filmmaker, make your fucking
• 1:15:20
  Speaker 3: film and now is the time to take your fucking
• 1:15:22
  Speaker 3: shot because there is an empty guff in the marketplace
• 1:15:27
  Speaker 3: for that type of storytelling. All of it has gone mainstream.
• 1:15:31
  Speaker 3: Streaming is now mainstream. So people who are telling these
• 1:15:35
  Speaker 3: offbeat stories on streamers, they are essentially studios at this point.
• 1:15:38
  Speaker 3: When I started indie film, it was like us outside
• 1:15:41
  Speaker 3: of Warner Brothers and fucking 20th Century Fox and Paramount
• 1:15:45
  Speaker 3: going like, well, they'll never let us play. So just
• 1:15:48
  Speaker 3: because they won't let us in don't mean I can't
• 1:15:50
  Speaker 3: do it on my own. It's the streamers of that now.
• 1:15:52
  Speaker 3: So if you're out there going like, well, Netflix will
• 1:15:54
  Speaker 3: never give me a fucking thing. Great, go do your
• 1:15:56
  Speaker 3: fucking thing without them. Hang your own fucking shingle. It's time.
• 1:16:00
  Speaker 4: People are hungry for that.
• 1:16:02
  Speaker 1: Do you think it's a good idea to sell direct
• 1:16:03
  Speaker 1: to consumer, right?
• 1:16:04
  Speaker 4: Fuck yes.
• 1:16:05
  Speaker 1: David Spade and I wrote a movie and so we're
• 1:16:07
  Speaker 1: going to try to get it made and it feels
• 1:16:09
  Speaker 1: like it's kind of getting close, right?
• 1:16:10
  Speaker 3: 100%.
• 1:16:11
  Speaker 1: And we're like, could we just put it on a
• 1:16:13
  Speaker 1: website and sell it right there to people?
• 1:16:14
  Speaker 3: 100%, but also you travel out in the world, man.
• 1:16:17
  Speaker 3: And so imagine you do a comedy tour, but instead-
• 1:16:21
  Speaker 3: Your comedy tour is, hey man, welcome. Tonight we're going
• 1:16:24
  Speaker 3: to watch a movie and afterwards we're going to talk
• 1:16:26
  Speaker 3: about it. All right, so enjoy the show. And then
• 1:16:27
  Speaker 3: you get to fuck off for 90 minutes. Then you
• 1:16:30
  Speaker 3: come out and it's all crowd work because you're just
• 1:16:32
  Speaker 3: answering fucking questions. That's it. You have the ability to
• 1:16:35
  Speaker 3: do that. Why do you fucking need anybody else? Or
• 1:16:38
  Speaker 3: you've got such an audience and such a long tail
• 1:16:41
  Speaker 3: that you can go into an AMC, like a fucking
• 1:16:43
  Speaker 3: Taylor Swift, and be like, I guarantee you that on
• 1:16:46
  Speaker 3: my podcast that has 200 fucking million downloads per ever,
• 1:16:49
  Speaker 3: whatever the fuck, That I can make people come to
• 1:16:52
  Speaker 3: a theater and show a thing. And even if AMC
• 1:16:53
  Speaker 3: is like, no, we're not interested. Then you go to
• 1:16:55
  Speaker 3: Fathom events and be like, hey man, I got a movie.
• 1:16:58
  Speaker 3: I want to put it in screens for like two
• 1:16:59
  Speaker 3: fucking days. And you'll make like 10 million bucks and
• 1:17:02
  Speaker 3: they'll write stories about how fucking smart you are. So
• 1:17:05
  Speaker 3: you don't need anybody, Theo. You have the distribution fucking
• 1:17:09
  Speaker 3: mechanism already in place. You're a loaded gun at all times.
• 1:17:12
  Speaker 3: You just have to point your audience in the right direction.
• 1:17:14
  Speaker 3: And what you do is point them to the next show,
• 1:17:16
  Speaker 3: the next show or a live gig. But if you
• 1:17:18
  Speaker 3: make a movie with Spade or whoever the fuck, don't
• 1:17:21
  Speaker 3: fucking sell it until you have milked it and juiced
• 1:17:25
  Speaker 3: it for everything you personally can, the way you juice
• 1:17:27
  Speaker 3: your own shit.
• 1:17:28
  Speaker 4: Then fucking give it up to a streamer.
• 1:17:30
  Speaker 3: Then give it up to somebody like a home video
• 1:17:32
  Speaker 3: company that's gonna put it out and shit like that.
• 1:17:34
  Speaker 3: Because you have the mechanism in place. You already know
• 1:17:37
  Speaker 3: how to put asses in seats. The big mystery of
• 1:17:39
  Speaker 3: this business that everyone's always trying to figure out is
• 1:17:41
  Speaker 3: how do I get fucking people to show up? You
• 1:17:43
  Speaker 3: know how to get people to show up. Now this
• 1:17:45
  Speaker 3: would just be you going, okay, when you show up
• 1:17:47
  Speaker 3: this time, We're going to do things a little differently.
• 1:17:49
  Speaker 3: I'm just going to show you a movie and then
• 1:17:50
  Speaker 3: we're going to fucking do a comedy show afterwards and stuff.
• 1:17:53
  Speaker 3: Charge the same thing and all that money goes right
• 1:17:55
  Speaker 3: to the fucking flick.
• 1:17:56
  Speaker 1: And then you would have money now. Then you could
• 1:17:59
  Speaker 1: start making other cool movies and have your friends be like,
• 1:18:02
  Speaker 1: this is a script I like. Or you could just
• 1:18:04
  Speaker 1: write it. And then it's like you'd have movies would
• 1:18:06
  Speaker 1: be like free again because there wouldn't be. Yeah, you
• 1:18:08
  Speaker 1: don't have to go and ask some smarmy fucking dude.
• 1:18:12
  Speaker 3: What do you mean free again? Because I'm like, I
• 1:18:14
  Speaker 3: like this world. Free meaning you could do whatever you want.
• 1:18:17
  Speaker 1: You can do what you want.
• 1:18:19
  Speaker 3: But you could always do whatever you want. You have
• 1:18:21
  Speaker 3: the ability to do that. You just have to put
• 1:18:22
  Speaker 3: your heels together. But you already show it on a
• 1:18:25
  Speaker 3: regular basis. Again, I cannot fucking stress this enough. That
• 1:18:33
  Speaker 3: Celsius fucking container is huge. They don't give that to
• 1:18:36
  Speaker 3: just anybody. It's massive. It's like I walked into a
• 1:18:41
  Speaker 3: 7-Eleven or at least a fucking.
• 1:18:42
  Speaker 1: I'm going to pee really fast, actually. I hated it when... Hold.
• 1:18:49
  Speaker 4: On a second.
• 1:18:50
  Speaker 3: No way, man.
• 1:18:50
  Speaker 1: No.
• 1:18:50
  Speaker 4: I'm going.
• 1:18:51
  Speaker 3: You coming with me? We're doing it. Take my hand.
• 1:18:54
  Speaker 1: We're going.
• 1:18:55
  Speaker 3: We're filming Louise and this shit.
• 1:18:57
  Speaker 1: They died, didn't they?
• 1:18:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but they live forever.
• 1:19:01
  Speaker 1: That's true.
• 1:19:01
  Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying?
• 1:19:02
  Speaker 1: Because they're in a movie.
• 1:19:03
  Speaker 4: Look, Theo, everybody dies. Not everybody truly lives.
• 1:19:08
  Speaker 1: Facts, homie.
• 1:19:09
  Speaker 4: I took that from Braveheart.
• 1:19:10
  Speaker 1: You did?
• 1:19:10
  Speaker 4: I mean, that's where it came from.
• 1:19:12
  Speaker 1: There's a new Asian kind of Braveheart movie coming out
• 1:19:15
  Speaker 1: I saw a preview for. How do you know when,
• 1:19:19
  Speaker 1: keep it on movies, how do you know when, have
• 1:19:22
  Speaker 1: you ever?
• 1:19:22
  Speaker 3: Shouldn't movies be like national cuisine? Like you were going,
• 1:19:28
  Speaker 3: there's an Asian Braveheart coming out. Shouldn't there be one
• 1:19:33
  Speaker 3: for every country? Like recently we were talking about, I
• 1:19:36
  Speaker 3: saw on Netflix, that had this movie called Beneath Paris,
• 1:19:39
  Speaker 3: which is Jaws in France. Shouldn't every country have its
• 1:19:44
  Speaker 3: own fucking Jaws? We were talking about this on Hollywood Babylon.
• 1:19:47
  Speaker 3: Podcast I do with Ralph Garman at Flappers and stuff.
• 1:19:50
  Speaker 3: And I was like, every country should have its own
• 1:19:52
  Speaker 3: fucking Jaws. It doesn't have to be the same story,
• 1:19:55
  Speaker 3: but just give me every country. It should be like
• 1:19:57
  Speaker 3: the Olympics, every country's like, here are our best athletes.
• 1:20:00
  Speaker 3: It should be like, here is our best shark movie,
• 1:20:03
  Speaker 3: killer shark movie. Because everybody can get away with that.
• 1:20:05
  Speaker 3: And the fucking, you know, there are a lot of
• 1:20:07
  Speaker 3: killer shark movies now. It seems cheap now, like cheap
• 1:20:10
  Speaker 3: to do, like I guess, like doing shark, CG shark
• 1:20:13
  Speaker 3: is not as expensive as building the big rubber one
• 1:20:15
  Speaker 3: that they did for Jaws and shit like that. But,
• 1:20:19
  Speaker 3: you know, having one, having each country, each nation represented
• 1:20:24
  Speaker 3: by what they feel is their best possible shark movie.
• 1:20:26
  Speaker 1: Like Saving Private Reginald or something, like in Africa or something.
• 1:20:30
  Speaker 1: Or if they had like, World War II, like, No,
• 1:20:34
  Speaker 1: I was just thinking of like a different, like if
• 1:20:36
  Speaker 1: you had, like we have Saving Private Ryan.
• 1:20:38
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:20:38
  Speaker 1: If they had.
• 1:20:39
  Speaker 3: Let's just keep it to sharks, Theo.
• 1:20:41
  Speaker 1: Saving Private.
• 1:20:41
  Speaker 4: Don't jump in a fucking war film.
• 1:20:43
  Speaker 1: But I'm saying like Saving Private. Before we can do.
• 1:20:45
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 1:20:47
  Speaker 3: Every nation gets to make every movie for themselves. We
• 1:20:51
  Speaker 3: start basic. You start with the shark thing.
• 1:20:53
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 1:20:53
  Speaker 4: We'll get to like Saving Private Richard and shit like that.
• 1:20:56
  Speaker 4: All right. Or Saving Heinrich, right? Because that would be
• 1:20:58
  Speaker 4: the other side of the war.
• 1:20:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:21:00
  Speaker 4: Or something like that.
• 1:21:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah. But just a shark fucking picture. Every nation going like,
• 1:21:05
  Speaker 3: this is it. Fucking arms race.
• 1:21:07
  Speaker 4: Just like.
• 1:21:08
  Speaker 1: Like, oh, there's a dangerous koi and it's like a
• 1:21:10
  Speaker 1: Japanese one or whatever.
• 1:21:11
  Speaker 3: Koi. Yeah.
• 1:21:13
  Speaker 4: It's gotta be shark. We gotta have rules.
• 1:21:14
  Speaker 1: I don't know if they have sharks in some places.
• 1:21:16
  Speaker 4: That's the thing. It's like, it's a fucking movie. What
• 1:21:18
  Speaker 4: are you, what are you eliminated for?
• 1:21:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you're right.
• 1:21:20
  Speaker 4: Like, hey man, in real life, fuck real life.
• 1:21:22
  Speaker 3: This is movie time.
• 1:21:23
  Speaker 4: Say the podcast.
• 1:21:24
  Speaker 3: Michigan. This is a fucking shark movie. Yeah.
• 1:21:26
  Speaker 1: Jaws of Michigan.
• 1:21:27
  Speaker 3: Yes, bitch.
• 1:21:28
  Speaker 1: It's just a guy in a fucking hot dog eating contest.
• 1:21:31
  Speaker 3: Here's how it happened, right? So fucking every night when
• 1:21:35
  Speaker 3: the Coney Dog place closes, they got leftover Coney Dogs
• 1:21:38
  Speaker 3: that go bad. Dude don't like to throw it out,
• 1:21:41
  Speaker 3: so he takes it to one of the Great Lakes,
• 1:21:42
  Speaker 3: pitches it in the lake. Somebody had disposed of a
• 1:21:45
  Speaker 3: fucking baby great white shark. He's been eating these fucking
• 1:21:48
  Speaker 3: hot dogs, so he's fucking massive and shit.
• 1:21:53
  Speaker 1: Wow, dude. I'm already in. You know what I'm saying?
• 1:21:55
  Speaker 1: That's awesome. I'm already in.
• 1:21:57
  Speaker 3: Dude, call David Spade. Let's write that. Yeah. Self-finance that
• 1:22:02
  Speaker 3: fucking movie. Honestly, I had a conversation with my friend Logic.
• 1:22:06
  Speaker 4: There's me going fucking.
• 1:22:07
  Speaker 3: I saw that.
• 1:22:07
  Speaker 4: There's a fucking big name for you.
• 1:22:09
  Speaker 3: Logic was in the 430. I like Logic.
• 1:22:10
  Speaker 1: Nice guy.
• 1:22:11
  Speaker 4: He's an amazing dude.
• 1:22:12
  Speaker 3: Logic is in the 430 movie, and when he shot
• 1:22:16
  Speaker 3: his scene, we'd already finished the movie and stuff, so
• 1:22:18
  Speaker 3: he could watch it. So I was like, come to
• 1:22:20
  Speaker 3: my place.
• 1:22:20
  Speaker 4: I'll show you the flick.
• 1:22:21
  Speaker 3: So we watched the flick, and then after the flick,
• 1:22:23
  Speaker 3: He was like, oh, I fucking love movies. He's like,
• 1:22:25
  Speaker 3: before even hip-hop, I loved movies and stuff. He's going,
• 1:22:28
  Speaker 3: I found hip-hop through movies. I found Wu-Tang through Quentin
• 1:22:31
  Speaker 3: and stuff like that. He's like, I always wanted to
• 1:22:33
  Speaker 3: make a movie. I almost made a movie with J.J.
• 1:22:35
  Speaker 3: And I was like, J.J.? And he's like, yeah. But
• 1:22:37
  Speaker 3: it didn't happen.
• 1:22:38
  Speaker 1: I was like, J.J.? From Good Times?
• 1:22:40
  Speaker 3: No.
• 1:22:40
  Speaker 4: Yeah, fucking J.J.
• 1:22:42
  Speaker 3: J.J. Dynakid Dynamite.
• 1:22:45
  Speaker 1: What was his name?
• 1:22:45
  Speaker 3: J.J. Abrams.
• 1:22:46
  Speaker 4: J.J.
• 1:22:46
  Speaker 3: Abrams is the.
• 1:22:47
  Speaker 4: Director I was talking about. But I love that you
• 1:22:50
  Speaker 4: went with J.J.
• 1:22:50
  Speaker 3: Evans. Who's the J.J.
• 1:22:51
  Speaker 1: I'm thinking of? J.J.
• 1:22:52
  Speaker 3: Evans?
• 1:22:52
  Speaker 4: J.J.
• 1:22:52
  Speaker 3: Evans. James Evans Sr.
• 1:22:54
  Speaker 1: I saw him at the airport once.
• 1:22:56
  Speaker 3: What? Jimmy Walker?
• 1:22:58
  Speaker 1: Jimmy Walker. That's who I'm thinking of, yeah.
• 1:23:00
  Speaker 3: There he is. Legend. Oh, yeah. Kid Dynamite. Dynamite!
• 1:23:04
  Speaker 4: All right, so wait. So J.J., I was surprised that he.
• 1:23:11
  Speaker 3: that he had made, you know, fucking J.J. Abrams. He
• 1:23:14
  Speaker 3: made fucking one of the Star Wars, two of them.
• 1:23:16
  Speaker 3: You'd imagine it could happen, but he's like, it just
• 1:23:18
  Speaker 3: didn't happen. I said, why, is it difficult? Is it expensive?
• 1:23:21
  Speaker 3: And he goes, no, it's kind of like Clerks. It's
• 1:23:23
  Speaker 3: set in one location. And I was like, what, is
• 1:23:28
  Speaker 3: it on the moon? He goes, no, it's just in
• 1:23:29
  Speaker 3: a record store. I said, bro, you can make that
• 1:23:32
  Speaker 3: movie yourself. You don't need any help. You got fucking,
• 1:23:35
  Speaker 3: I'm sure you got money from hip hop. Like, you
• 1:23:36
  Speaker 3: can finance your own movie. And for all the years
• 1:23:39
  Speaker 3: I've ever said to people, like, you can make a movie.
• 1:23:41
  Speaker 3: Anybody can make a movie. You should make your own movie.
• 1:23:43
  Speaker 3: Motherfucker was like, you're right. And he financed his own
• 1:23:45
  Speaker 3: fucking movie. And we went and shot it back in
• 1:23:48
  Speaker 3: May up in Oregon in St. Helens. And it's called
• 1:23:51
  Speaker 3: Paradise Records. And so I was a producer on it
• 1:23:53
  Speaker 3: and I was his editor. And my God, it's so
• 1:23:56
  Speaker 3: fucking wonderful.
• 1:23:57
  Speaker 4: Like, it is legit good. He is born to be
• 1:23:59
  Speaker 4: a filmmaker.
• 1:24:00
  Speaker 3: And it's kind of a little irritating when a dude
• 1:24:02
  Speaker 3: who is exceptionally good at one thing and made fucking
• 1:24:05
  Speaker 3: billions doing it is now like, oh, I'm also good
• 1:24:08
  Speaker 3: at this.
• 1:24:08
  Speaker 4: I mean, this fucking dude's good at anything.
• 1:24:10
  Speaker 3: J.J.
• 1:24:10
  Speaker 1: Abrams?
• 1:24:11
  Speaker 3: No, fucking Logic.
• 1:24:13
  Speaker 1: Oh, Logic.
• 1:24:13
  Speaker 3: Logic fucking, like, he could do a Rubik's Cube in
• 1:24:15
  Speaker 3: front of you in like 12 seconds. Yeah. He's so
• 1:24:19
  Speaker 3: crazy fucking talented shit. But him as a filmmaker, this movie,
• 1:24:23
  Speaker 3: Paradise Records, it's going to hit huge.
• 1:24:26
  Speaker 4: It is fucking awesome.
• 1:24:27
  Speaker 3: He's the star, and his friend Tremaine is the second lead,
• 1:24:30
  Speaker 3: and his friend T-Man is absolutely wonderful in the movie.
• 1:24:33
  Speaker 3: But this dude wrote, directed, and fucking starred in it.
• 1:24:36
  Speaker 3: And I was so incredibly impressed, because he's a legit
• 1:24:39
  Speaker 3: great actor. Because I cut every frame. I saw every
• 1:24:43
  Speaker 3: frame of the fucking footage. I was there on set
• 1:24:44
  Speaker 3: when they shot it, but most of the time I
• 1:24:45
  Speaker 3: was cutting the movie and shit. And every frame of film,
• 1:24:48
  Speaker 3: I was like, this guy's fucking a natural. So that
• 1:24:50
  Speaker 3: movie is fucking wonderful, man.
• 1:24:52
  Speaker 1: Damn, Paradise Records.
• 1:24:54
  Speaker 4: Paradise Records will be out next year.
• 1:24:56
  Speaker 1: How do you know? I want to ask a little
• 1:24:57
  Speaker 1: bit more about the 430 movie.
• 1:25:00
  Speaker 3: Comes out September 13th.
• 1:25:02
  Speaker 1: September 13th.
• 1:25:05
  Speaker 3: Ken Jeong is in it. He's amazing. It's kind of
• 1:25:07
  Speaker 3: the story of my young life. It's the story of
• 1:25:09
  Speaker 3: the first date that I had in high school and
• 1:25:11
  Speaker 3: stuff with my girlfriend.
• 1:25:12
  Speaker 1: Like one of those movie, right?
• 1:25:14
  Speaker 4: I took her to the flicks.
• 1:25:16
  Speaker 3: But in this flick, him and his friends, they're going
• 1:25:18
  Speaker 3: to the movie theater to hang out for the day
• 1:25:20
  Speaker 3: and skip from theater to theater to theater. If you've
• 1:25:22
  Speaker 3: ever listened to Smodcast back in the day when me
• 1:25:25
  Speaker 3: and Scott Mosher used to do it, there was this
• 1:25:26
  Speaker 3: episode we did about Emo Kev where I had these
• 1:25:30
  Speaker 3: old recordings of me Where I used to ride around
• 1:25:33
  Speaker 3: on a bike in my hometown and fucking like, what
• 1:25:35
  Speaker 3: am I doing? Like real existential crisis shit before I
• 1:25:38
  Speaker 3: ever made Clerks. Wondering what my future would be and stuff.
• 1:25:41
  Speaker 3: So we played them on Smodcast and Scott mercilessly fucking
• 1:25:46
  Speaker 3: died laughing. He just would attack it. God's like, oh
• 1:25:48
  Speaker 3: my God, you sound so fucking dumb. But it was
• 1:25:52
  Speaker 3: kind of wonderful to listen to and shit. Anyway, the
• 1:25:55
  Speaker 3: movie is kind of based on that. So it's based on,
• 1:25:59
  Speaker 3: that version of emo Kev, as we call them in
• 1:26:01
  Speaker 3: the podcast, ride around on his bike and be like,
• 1:26:04
  Speaker 3: when is my life going to begin? So it's that
• 1:26:06
  Speaker 3: kind of thing. Like there's a cool, there's a story.
• 1:26:08
  Speaker 3: There's a bear. McCreary did our score and he's absolutely
• 1:26:12
  Speaker 3: wonderful composer, but him and his brother did a song
• 1:26:14
  Speaker 3: that ends the movie and it's a fucking jam. It's
• 1:26:17
  Speaker 3: total earworm. And you're like, Oh my God, went and
• 1:26:19
  Speaker 3: like my friend put it on Shazam or whatever. Cause
• 1:26:22
  Speaker 3: he's like, where have I heard that before? I was like,
• 1:26:23
  Speaker 3: you never heard it. He just fucking created and shit.
• 1:26:26
  Speaker 3: But it's called 24 Karat Case of Love. Because in
• 1:26:28
  Speaker 3: the movie, as in real life, on the episode of
• 1:26:32
  Speaker 3: Smodcast that we did years ago, you hear me talking
• 1:26:35
  Speaker 3: about my ex-girlfriend. And I was like, I got a
• 1:26:37
  Speaker 3: 24 Karat Case of Love.
• 1:26:39
  Speaker 4: And that's what broke Mosher up the most.
• 1:26:40
  Speaker 3: He was like, you fucking unbelievable fucking, you know, he
• 1:26:43
  Speaker 3: just attacked me and shit. So I put that in
• 1:26:46
  Speaker 3: the flick. So Barry McCreary and his brother write this
• 1:26:48
  Speaker 3: closing song for the movie. And he goes, you got
• 1:26:50
  Speaker 3: to listen to it, man. I think you'll like it.
• 1:26:52
  Speaker 3: And the hook of the song is, I got a
• 1:26:54
  Speaker 3: 24 karat case of love. And I was like, oh
• 1:26:56
  Speaker 3: my God. So I wrote to Baron. I was like, bro,
• 1:26:59
  Speaker 3: you took the dumbest fucking shit I ever said on
• 1:27:02
  Speaker 3: the earth and made it a pretty fucking wicked earworm hook.
• 1:27:06
  Speaker 4: For the song.
• 1:27:07
  Speaker 3: And he goes, don't shit on that. He's going, you
• 1:27:10
  Speaker 3: saying I got a 24 karat case of love. is
• 1:27:12
  Speaker 3: the kind of thing that a 16-year-old boy says. Yeah.
• 1:27:16
  Speaker 1: Because it's 24 karat real strong or it's kind of mid? Strong.
• 1:27:19
  Speaker 3: That was, for me, nothing gets stronger than a fucking
• 1:27:21
  Speaker 3: 24 karat. Because we didn't have diamonds in our world.
• 1:27:23
  Speaker 3: I was lower, lower, lower, lower, lower. We were poor. Yeah. So, like,
• 1:27:27
  Speaker 3: 24 karat gold is... My mom.
• 1:27:29
  Speaker 4: Had a 24 karat gold wedding band.
• 1:27:30
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah. So, 24 karat keys of love.
• 1:27:32
  Speaker 1: My sister's divorced, too.
• 1:27:34
  Speaker 3: Is that right?
• 1:27:35
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 1:27:36
  Speaker 1: But... So 24 karat, so he took things from those
• 1:27:40
  Speaker 1: moments where you're riding on your bike.
• 1:27:41
  Speaker 3: Well, he took that exact fucking line and made it
• 1:27:43
  Speaker 3: the hook for the song. And he's like, never fucking
• 1:27:45
  Speaker 3: regret saying that. He's like, that's what you say when
• 1:27:48
  Speaker 3: you're 16. I didn't have the heart to tell him.
• 1:27:49
  Speaker 3: I was like, really?
• 1:27:50
  Speaker 4: I said that when I was 22, but whatever.
• 1:27:52
  Speaker 1: Dude, there's something so magical.
• 1:27:54
  Speaker 4: So wait, were you raised in Tennessee?
• 1:27:57
  Speaker 1: I was raised in Louisiana.
• 1:27:59
  Speaker 3: What part?
• 1:27:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, in a place called Covington, Louisiana. Are you serious?
• 1:28:02
  Speaker 3: Yeah. So how far is that from like.
• 1:28:04
  Speaker 1: From one hour from New Orleans north.
• 1:28:06
  Speaker 3: We shot Jane Silent Bob Reboot there. That is a
• 1:28:09
  Speaker 3: fucking fantastic place. No way. Oh my God. Louisiana, so
• 1:28:13
  Speaker 3: fucking good to us. Like I'll always, that was the
• 1:28:15
  Speaker 3: movie I made after I had the heart attack.
• 1:28:16
  Speaker 1: You premiered a movie there too, didn't you?
• 1:28:18
  Speaker 3: Well, we went to the Joy Theater and showed Jane
• 1:28:21
  Speaker 3: Silent Bob Reboot when we were on tour. But we
• 1:28:23
  Speaker 3: shot there and that was the post heart attack movies.
• 1:28:26
  Speaker 3: That was a movie where I was like, holy shit.
• 1:28:28
  Speaker 3: I was supposed to be fucking dead. So I'm just
• 1:28:31
  Speaker 3: gonna make the movie I wanna make, fuck everything else.
• 1:28:33
  Speaker 4: And that was Jane Saw and Bob reboot.
• 1:28:34
  Speaker 3: And so we had to go to Louisiana, we couldn't
• 1:28:36
  Speaker 3: do it in Jersey, because it's a road movie and
• 1:28:38
  Speaker 3: stuff like that. And Louisiana had a fantastic fucking rebate.
• 1:28:41
  Speaker 3: They had a great fucking crew, man, and the people
• 1:28:43
  Speaker 3: were so fucking wonderful and shit. And we shot during
• 1:28:46
  Speaker 3: Mardi Gras. So we took two days down. We actually
• 1:28:49
  Speaker 3: shot on Mardi Gras at the courthouse, because they were like,
• 1:28:51
  Speaker 3: that's the only day we're closed. We were like, great,
• 1:28:52
  Speaker 3: we'll use the courthouse that day. But everyone was so
• 1:28:55
  Speaker 3: fucking cool, man. And I didn't even fuck with the
• 1:28:59
  Speaker 3: party half of the city, like the cast and people
• 1:29:01
  Speaker 3: who flew in to be in the movie and shit.
• 1:29:03
  Speaker 4: They would go to like, I went to Bourbon Street.
• 1:29:05
  Speaker 3: Right. I didn't even get that fucking far, man.
• 1:29:07
  Speaker 1: It was just like, you didn't work probably too. When
• 1:29:09
  Speaker 1: you're putting a movie together, it's a lot. How do
• 1:29:11
  Speaker 1: you know when, when like, like when you're ramping up
• 1:29:16
  Speaker 1: to do a movie, things get pretty intense, pretty quick.
• 1:29:18
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 1:29:19
  Speaker 1: And then there's just that day where you have to start.
• 1:29:21
  Speaker 1: How crazy is that first day? Because that's such a,
• 1:29:24
  Speaker 1: I mean, it's rare that there's such a huge leap
• 1:29:27
  Speaker 1: that's gonna be so, you can't go back. Like, you
• 1:29:30
  Speaker 1: are moving forward.
• 1:29:32
  Speaker 3: It's begun. You spend so much time trying to get
• 1:29:36
  Speaker 3: to that moment that when the moment happens, you're already prepared.
• 1:29:39
  Speaker 3: You better be fucking prepared. If you're not, it's like,
• 1:29:41
  Speaker 3: what the fuck are you crying about all this time? Like,
• 1:29:43
  Speaker 3: you knew this was coming. You pushed for it. You
• 1:29:45
  Speaker 3: wanted this. Right. That's why, like, after everything I do,
• 1:29:48
  Speaker 3: no matter whether it works or doesn't work, there's two
• 1:29:52
  Speaker 3: things I always... say to myself, and generally this is
• 1:29:54
  Speaker 3: more helpful if it didn't work. One is like, you
• 1:29:59
  Speaker 3: wanted this. Like, oh my God, you changed the course
• 1:30:03
  Speaker 3: of human events to make this fucking movie happen and shit. Like,
• 1:30:07
  Speaker 3: you dreamed about this, you somehow found millions of dollars
• 1:30:10
  Speaker 3: and convinced people to give up their time, do this fucking,
• 1:30:13
  Speaker 3: make pretend with you. So it don't matter if it
• 1:30:15
  Speaker 3: didn't do what you want, you wanted this, you better
• 1:30:17
  Speaker 3: fucking enjoy it, because it's gonna pass quick. And then
• 1:30:19
  Speaker 3: the second thing I always tell myself is like, what
• 1:30:21
  Speaker 3: was the alternative? did you even have an alternative? Was
• 1:30:24
  Speaker 3: the alternative to not do the thing? Then that's not
• 1:30:27
  Speaker 3: the alternative because knowing that I could do the thing
• 1:30:29
  Speaker 3: and knowing that I could accomplish it and then not
• 1:30:31
  Speaker 3: doing the thing would eat at me like a fucking cancer.
• 1:30:34
  Speaker 3: That's sad when you know you could accomplish a thing
• 1:30:36
  Speaker 3: but you don't do it because you're like, nah, well,
• 1:30:38
  Speaker 3: fucking what if somebody don't like it?
• 1:30:40
  Speaker 4: Like I mentioned before, we.
• 1:30:42
  Speaker 3: Drop in this. It's all creativity scary.
• 1:30:44
  Speaker 1: But that's why this is a safe environment.
• 1:30:50
  Speaker 3: You create a thing where you're like, this is my rules,
• 1:30:53
  Speaker 3: my house, and I don't have, you don't worry when
• 1:30:56
  Speaker 3: a new episode goes up. You don't even think about it.
• 1:30:59
  Speaker 3: You feel like, oh, I recorded that a couple days
• 1:31:00
  Speaker 3: ago or last week or something like that. But you're so,
• 1:31:03
  Speaker 3: you've built the thing for yourself that is so fucking
• 1:31:05
  Speaker 3: foolproof and you can avoid, sidestep the world of rejection
• 1:31:09
  Speaker 3: and the world of no. You enter here and you
• 1:31:11
  Speaker 3: created a world of yes for yourself. So you don't
• 1:31:13
  Speaker 3: have that weird trepidation at the beginning of every show
• 1:31:15
  Speaker 3: because you're like, this is, I engineered this to be
• 1:31:20
  Speaker 3: as easy for me as fucking breathing and shit. When
• 1:31:22
  Speaker 3: you're making a flick or something like that, there are
• 1:31:25
  Speaker 3: way more people involved and shit, and you've also been
• 1:31:27
  Speaker 3: dying to do this. Sometimes it's taken 10 years to
• 1:31:31
  Speaker 3: get to.
• 1:31:31
  Speaker 1: That fucking moment. We've been working on this, trying to
• 1:31:33
  Speaker 1: get this movie together. All the agents haven't done anything,
• 1:31:37
  Speaker 1: so finally we got some of our own friends and stuff,
• 1:31:40
  Speaker 1: and we're gonna put in some of our own money.
• 1:31:41
  Speaker 4: That's what I was gonna say.
• 1:31:43
  Speaker 3: Dude, based on that Celsius case, There's no fucking way
• 1:31:47
  Speaker 3: that you don't have enough of your own fucking... You
• 1:31:49
  Speaker 3: probably got it in your pocket.
• 1:31:50
  Speaker 1: Just be like... I wish, dude. You can have that thing, brother.
• 1:31:54
  Speaker 3: I'm sending that to you. It is so possible to do.
• 1:32:00
  Speaker 3: I tell my kid all the time. My kid who, again,
• 1:32:03
  Speaker 3: I fucking... Your daughter. My daughter, Harley Quinn.
• 1:32:06
  Speaker 1: She's in one of the movies.
• 1:32:07
  Speaker 3: She's in Quentin's movie. I always lead with that. She's
• 1:32:09
  Speaker 3: been in a bunch of my movies, but nobody gives
• 1:32:10
  Speaker 3: a fuck about Kevin Smith. She was in Once Upon
• 1:32:12
  Speaker 3: a Time in Hollywood. So I always lead with that.
• 1:32:14
  Speaker 3: She was in the Quentin Tarantino movie. And believe me,
• 1:32:17
  Speaker 3: she leads with that too. She never leads with like, yeah,
• 1:32:19
  Speaker 3: I was in Jay and Silent Bob Reboot. But she
• 1:32:21
  Speaker 3: played Jay's daughter in Jay and Silent Bob Reboot. What
• 1:32:24
  Speaker 3: was the one with Jay? Was that who it was?
• 1:32:25
  Speaker 3: Yoga Hosers. Yoga Hosers. The one that I got beat
• 1:32:27
  Speaker 3: the fuck out of. I mean, you think I got
• 1:32:29
  Speaker 3: beat up for putting a picture of myself crying on
• 1:32:31
  Speaker 3: the internet?
• 1:32:31
  Speaker 4: Yoga Hosers, I got fucking... Ooh, they were like, bend over,
• 1:32:34
  Speaker 4: and it went in dry.
• 1:32:35
  Speaker 3: So I'm dry. I remember the AV club was like, ew,
• 1:32:38
  Speaker 3: Kevin Smith and Johnny Depp are gonna force us to watch.
• 1:32:41
  Speaker 4: A playdate with their children.
• 1:32:43
  Speaker 3: And it's like, bro, you don't have to watch it.
• 1:32:45
  Speaker 3: I've been around the internet for a while, so I've
• 1:32:47
  Speaker 3: watched the culture get way more toxic. And here's the thing.
• 1:32:51
  Speaker 3: For as long as I've been online, I've been online
• 1:32:53
  Speaker 3: since 1996, right? So I remember the first troll where
• 1:32:57
  Speaker 3: it's like, what? Yeah.
• 1:32:58
  Speaker 4: Why would you spend time here?
• 1:33:00
  Speaker 1: You probably got one of the first trolls ever.
• 1:33:02
  Speaker 4: Legit, 100%.
• 1:33:03
  Speaker 3: I remember there was a dude, I reached out to
• 1:33:05
  Speaker 3: a troll to try to understand. And this was a
• 1:33:08
  Speaker 3: dude who was on Ain't It Cool News. And he
• 1:33:11
  Speaker 3: had written some shit about me, but it was incorrect.
• 1:33:13
  Speaker 4: That was the thing.
• 1:33:14
  Speaker 3: If somebody wrote something about me as their opinion, what
• 1:33:16
  Speaker 3: the fuck? Hurts, but it's like you can't do anything.
• 1:33:18
  Speaker 3: But this dude had said something completely incorrect. So I
• 1:33:20
  Speaker 3: wrote to him because you could click on their name
• 1:33:22
  Speaker 3: and hit their email. So I wrote to the dude.
• 1:33:23
  Speaker 3: I was like, hey, I'm Kevin Smith, and you said
• 1:33:25
  Speaker 3: this shit about me. I was like, I can't do
• 1:33:27
  Speaker 3: anything about your opinion. But the one thing you said
• 1:33:29
  Speaker 3: is factually untrue, so I just wanted to correct that
• 1:33:31
  Speaker 3: if you're going to go out and say things and
• 1:33:32
  Speaker 3: stuff like that. And the dude wrote back, I don't
• 1:33:34
  Speaker 3: know who you are, but I know you're one of
• 1:33:36
  Speaker 3: the names that if I throw out on Ain't It
• 1:33:38
  Speaker 3: Cool News, a bunch of people will jump to your defense,
• 1:33:41
  Speaker 3: and that's how I like to hang out at night.
• 1:33:43
  Speaker 3: And that blew my fucking mind. This was in the
• 1:33:45
  Speaker 3: year 2000. I want to say maybe, yeah, because it
• 1:33:48
  Speaker 3: was before I did Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back,
• 1:33:50
  Speaker 3: which has the whole ending of them going around beating
• 1:33:52
  Speaker 3: up people on the fucking internet from a message chat group.
• 1:33:56
  Speaker 3: So I was there, I'm not saying that was the
• 1:33:57
  Speaker 3: first troll, but that was one of my first trolls.
• 1:34:00
  Speaker 1: And he said he liked doing it because he liked
• 1:34:02
  Speaker 1: the- That's.
• 1:34:02
  Speaker 3: How he spent his night. And that's a legit fucking
• 1:34:06
  Speaker 3: response that a human being sent me. That's not a
• 1:34:08
  Speaker 3: made up story. That's not like, I met a guy
• 1:34:10
  Speaker 3: who said, that happens. And I was so fucking flabbergasted
• 1:34:13
  Speaker 3: by that. I'm not anymore because I understand that's cheap
• 1:34:17
  Speaker 3: entertainment for somebody. Like fuck going to the movies or
• 1:34:19
  Speaker 3: fuck going out to dinner. It's like fucking order.
• 1:34:22
  Speaker 1: Some fucking- Pizza and let's have it on.
• 1:34:25
  Speaker 3: Postmates and I'm just going to jump online and be like,
• 1:34:26
  Speaker 3: this guy sucks.
• 1:34:27
  Speaker 1: Get some chili or whatever.
• 1:34:27
  Speaker 3: And then watch people react and hit on that and shit.
• 1:34:30
  Speaker 3: So I've watched the internet get way more toxic and
• 1:34:33
  Speaker 3: shit like that. But at the same time, as much
• 1:34:36
  Speaker 3: as the internet gives everybody access to you who can
• 1:34:39
  Speaker 3: like fucking shit on your day or try to shit
• 1:34:40
  Speaker 3: in your mouth, It also gives you access to the
• 1:34:43
  Speaker 3: most wonderful people in the world who say these amazing
• 1:34:45
  Speaker 3: things about you that keep you going. And as previously
• 1:34:48
  Speaker 3: spoken about, I never know how to feel about myself
• 1:34:51
  Speaker 3: because I'm broken.
• 1:34:52
  Speaker 1: So it helps.
• 1:34:54
  Speaker 3: I'm obviously part of the reason I do the job
• 1:34:56
  Speaker 3: is because I like when people are like, good job.
• 1:34:58
  Speaker 3: Like my whole career has been about trying to produce
• 1:35:00
  Speaker 3: work that's good enough for mom to put up on
• 1:35:03
  Speaker 3: the fridge. Like when you get an A or a
• 1:35:05
  Speaker 3: B on the paper and she put that shit up
• 1:35:07
  Speaker 3: on the fridge. The fridge is just the world at
• 1:35:09
  Speaker 3: this point. And you hope that it's good enough that
• 1:35:11
  Speaker 3: the paper goes up and gets noticed and shit. And
• 1:35:14
  Speaker 3: you take a lot of slings and arrows even if
• 1:35:16
  Speaker 3: you like to do a thing. So there are the
• 1:35:18
  Speaker 3: trolls who just go after you because it's entertaining to
• 1:35:21
  Speaker 3: watch other people's blood in the water and shit like that.
• 1:35:24
  Speaker 3: But then there are people who legitimately fucking hate you
• 1:35:26
  Speaker 3: and what you do.
• 1:35:27
  Speaker 4: And hate watch you.
• 1:35:28
  Speaker 3: Just the way like Howard Stern used to have people
• 1:35:30
  Speaker 3: who like, if you like Howard Stern, you listen for
• 1:35:33
  Speaker 3: 10 minutes. If you hate Howard Stern, you listen for
• 1:35:35
  Speaker 3: fucking 20. So I get it. And I, and I've
• 1:35:37
  Speaker 3: been around on the internet long enough where I know
• 1:35:39
  Speaker 3: like I am one of those figures and shit, but
• 1:35:41
  Speaker 3: it always baffles me. Like I, you know, I put
• 1:35:43
  Speaker 3: up a fucking post on my Instagram today about, Hey,
• 1:35:45
  Speaker 3: I'm doing this podcast with my kid, beardless, dickless me.
• 1:35:48
  Speaker 3: And naturally, yeah, naturally.
• 1:35:50
  Speaker 1: That's your daughter?
• 1:35:51
  Speaker 4: That's my kid. That's Harley.
• 1:35:53
  Speaker 3: She's a good kid, man. She's got a good head
• 1:35:54
  Speaker 3: on her shoulders and shit. She was the one that
• 1:35:56
  Speaker 3: asked me to go vegan because she was vegan. And
• 1:35:57
  Speaker 3: after the heart attack, she was like, dad, like, please like,
• 1:36:00
  Speaker 3: just try it. It could help because the, nutritionist in
• 1:36:03
  Speaker 3: the hospital was like, you might want to consider going
• 1:36:05
  Speaker 3: plant-based because a hundred percent blockage in your LAD, that's
• 1:36:08
  Speaker 3: really bad. So my kid was like, can you please try?
• 1:36:11
  Speaker 3: And I was like, you know what? I'll do it
• 1:36:12
  Speaker 3: for you. I'll try for a few months. And I,
• 1:36:14
  Speaker 3: you know, she saved my life to be honest with you.
• 1:36:16
  Speaker 3: But I also know my kid is part me. So
• 1:36:19
  Speaker 3: she's very strategic. She, as a vegan, she was like,
• 1:36:21
  Speaker 3: if I could flip this motherfucker, he'll be a big
• 1:36:24
  Speaker 3: voice for the movement and shit like that.
• 1:36:25
  Speaker 4: So she did.
• 1:36:26
  Speaker 1: Can you still get erection if you're vegan or not?
• 1:36:28
  Speaker 4: Do I get an erection?
• 1:36:29
  Speaker 1: Do you still have like a.
• 1:36:31
  Speaker 3: I'm hard now, son.
• 1:36:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:36:32
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:36:33
  Speaker 4: I mean, fuck yeah. You get very hard.
• 1:36:35
  Speaker 3: What would be the idea in not getting hard as
• 1:36:37
  Speaker 3: a vegan? Not enough red meat in your diet?
• 1:36:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, something like that. If you don't have enough iron
• 1:36:41
  Speaker 1: or whatever.
• 1:36:42
  Speaker 3: I'm on blood thinners because of the heart attack.
• 1:36:44
  Speaker 1: Does that help your wiener get harder?
• 1:36:45
  Speaker 3: No.
• 1:36:46
  Speaker 4: In fact, it's a little more challenging. Not challenging.
• 1:36:49
  Speaker 3: It's just the hard-on you get ain't... It's workable. It's
• 1:36:55
  Speaker 3: fuckable dick. Yeah. But it's not like oh my god
• 1:36:59
  Speaker 3: this could fucking crack steel oh yeah you're jackie chan
• 1:37:02
  Speaker 3: with like eight fucking things never had that one oh
• 1:37:04
  Speaker 3: i do in the morning that's the morning wood oh
• 1:37:06
  Speaker 3: fuck dude i wake up with a hard-on that could
• 1:37:08
  Speaker 3: that's impressive if i was a dick pic guy that's
• 1:37:10
  Speaker 3: when i'd be like and put it online and shit
• 1:37:12
  Speaker 3: like that but it always goes to waste because my
• 1:37:15
  Speaker 3: wife like she's like i don't fuck before noon so
• 1:37:17
  Speaker 3: we've been together like 25 fucking years almost and uh
• 1:37:20
  Speaker 3: or over and you know at this point i i
• 1:37:24
  Speaker 3: I understand that I'm going to wait until like one
• 1:37:26
  Speaker 3: or two. So I'm a little sad because I'm not
• 1:37:29
  Speaker 3: saying she's missing out.
• 1:37:30
  Speaker 4: She ain't missing shit. She fucked me up.
• 1:37:32
  Speaker 3: She knows. I was saying before, I tell people all
• 1:37:34
  Speaker 3: the time, you can achieve your goals. You just have
• 1:37:38
  Speaker 3: to modify your expectations. I was like, my wife, I
• 1:37:41
  Speaker 3: always use my wife as an example. I was like,
• 1:37:43
  Speaker 3: Jennifer didn't want to marry a guy that fucking looked
• 1:37:45
  Speaker 3: like me. I saw the dude she dated in high school.
• 1:37:47
  Speaker 3: She was a cheerleader.
• 1:37:47
  Speaker 4: She dated fucking football players.
• 1:37:48
  Speaker 1: Your wife did? Oh, wow.
• 1:37:51
  Speaker 3: But when we met, She was like, all right, he
• 1:37:54
  Speaker 3: ain't my ideal, but I can work with this. So
• 1:37:57
  Speaker 3: she modified her expectations. And we've been together for a
• 1:38:02
  Speaker 3: quarter century. So if you modify, some people are like,
• 1:38:06
  Speaker 3: that's lowering.
• 1:38:06
  Speaker 1: I'm like, no, no, no.
• 1:38:08
  Speaker 4: Modifying your expectations.
• 1:38:09
  Speaker 3: You can be happy if you just modify what you
• 1:38:12
  Speaker 3: expect and shit.
• 1:38:13
  Speaker 1: Do you have sex under the covers when you're married
• 1:38:15
  Speaker 1: or on top of the covers?
• 1:38:16
  Speaker 3: Yes, under. And I'm also a shirt-on guy. I never
• 1:38:19
  Speaker 3: take my shirt off during sex. Do you take your
• 1:38:21
  Speaker 3: shirt off during sex? You look like, here.
• 1:38:23
  Speaker 1: I don't that much.
• 1:38:23
  Speaker 3: You're one of those dudes who probably you're making out.
• 1:38:26
  Speaker 3: It's like in the movies and shit. You make out
• 1:38:27
  Speaker 3: and then you push back and you take your shirt off.
• 1:38:29
  Speaker 3: Like that's a part of the seduction.
• 1:38:31
  Speaker 1: I walk out of the room backwards.
• 1:38:32
  Speaker 3: I could never do that. If I did that and
• 1:38:33
  Speaker 3: stepped back, took my shirt off, my tits came out,
• 1:38:35
  Speaker 3: they'd be like.
• 1:38:36
  Speaker 1: Oh, let me slurp on those little fucking hammocks.
• 1:38:38
  Speaker 4: You take your shirt off, don't you?
• 1:38:40
  Speaker 1: No, sometimes I will, sometimes I won't. I walk out
• 1:38:42
  Speaker 1: of the room backwards, though, because I don't like people
• 1:38:45
  Speaker 1: seeing my butt.
• 1:38:46
  Speaker 3: I guess.
• 1:38:46
  Speaker 4: Are you serious?
• 1:38:47
  Speaker 3: Wow, what's going on there?
• 1:38:48
  Speaker 1: Huh? Not that I think it is, I don't know.
• 1:38:50
  Speaker 4: It's your least attractive feature?
• 1:38:52
  Speaker 3: I think it's fine, but it's like- So after everyone's already,
• 1:38:55
  Speaker 3: the situation's gotten all cummy and shit and everybody's on
• 1:38:57
  Speaker 3: a different plane altogether and their senses are coming back,
• 1:38:59
  Speaker 3: you're like, they see my ass, I'm fucked. Turns out
• 1:39:02
  Speaker 3: you were just fucked. At that point, they could see
• 1:39:05
  Speaker 3: your ass. Job's done, son.
• 1:39:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but nobody can see your butt while you're making
• 1:39:11
  Speaker 1: love to them. It's just the way it's all, how
• 1:39:14
  Speaker 1: God did it.
• 1:39:14
  Speaker 3: If that is not the title of your biography- I object.
• 1:39:19
  Speaker 3: Nobody can see your butt if you're making love to him.
• 1:39:21
  Speaker 3: The Theo Vaughn story. And other whimsical notions by Theo Vaughn.
• 1:39:28
  Speaker 3: You think your ass is your worst feature? So you
• 1:39:30
  Speaker 3: walk out of the room dick first, where you're like,
• 1:39:31
  Speaker 3: we're dick backwards. So you're like, look, keep looking there.
• 1:39:34
  Speaker 1: Don't look at this.
• 1:39:35
  Speaker 3: Never mind the man. Pay attention to the man. No
• 1:39:37
  Speaker 3: attention to the man behind the curtain. Your ass is
• 1:39:39
  Speaker 3: the Wizard of Oz. Your dick is what they all see.
• 1:39:43
  Speaker 3: Your ass is the actual wizard.
• 1:39:44
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah. Pulling levers and shit. My wiener's the cowardly lion.
• 1:39:48
  Speaker 1: That's what it is, dude. If I only had an ear.
• 1:39:51
  Speaker 3: Blood thinners, yeah. But to go back to the original question,
• 1:39:54
  Speaker 3: you can be vegan and get the job. Okay. Very easily.
• 1:39:58
  Speaker 1: I mean, I guess I know vegans, but I don't know.
• 1:40:00
  Speaker 1: They don't tell you when you meet them.
• 1:40:01
  Speaker 3: You do. What I love about you, Theo, is your
• 1:40:03
  Speaker 3: act is like, I don't know a lot of things,
• 1:40:04
  Speaker 3: but you're one of the smartest people I've seen doing
• 1:40:06
  Speaker 3: this job.
• 1:40:06
  Speaker 1: You think so?
• 1:40:07
  Speaker 3: You're smart, but more importantly, you're clever. Clever goes a
• 1:40:10
  Speaker 3: lot further than smart in this world. I am not smart.
• 1:40:13
  Speaker 3: I've been clever. I don't even think I'm a hundred
• 1:40:15
  Speaker 3: percent clever all the time, but I think I'm very
• 1:40:17
  Speaker 3: clever about what to do about being.
• 1:40:18
  Speaker 4: Kevin Smith for a living.
• 1:40:19
  Speaker 3: So I'm myopically clever on one very small plane, which
• 1:40:23
  Speaker 3: has kind of worked out.
• 1:40:24
  Speaker 1: Managing yourself well.
• 1:40:25
  Speaker 3: Yes. Yeah. But I think you're smart. I think you're
• 1:40:27
  Speaker 3: way smarter than you like to let on and shit.
• 1:40:29
  Speaker 3: You're like Jay. Like Jay is also like, I don't
• 1:40:32
  Speaker 3: know nothing, but I'm like, motherfucker. Like I'm, Don't play me.
• 1:40:36
  Speaker 3: Like I write your character. I know what your intelligence
• 1:40:39
  Speaker 3: level really is and stuff. And while the Jay character
• 1:40:42
  Speaker 3: is based on who Jay was when he was 16
• 1:40:43
  Speaker 3: years old, he's far smarter than that. And also to
• 1:40:46
  Speaker 3: be fair, far more responsible. Hands down the best father
• 1:40:49
  Speaker 3: I've ever met in my entire life. He's a wonderful
• 1:40:51
  Speaker 3: fucking dad to like two children. shocking because he was
• 1:40:54
  Speaker 3: like terrible to himself for most of his.
• 1:40:56
  Speaker 1: Life yeah yeah i met him at some meetings and
• 1:40:57
  Speaker 1: stuff yeah he's i think he's not talking about that
• 1:41:00
  Speaker 1: so it's not we did a whole.
• 1:41:01
  Speaker 3: Podcast for for years and we still kind of quasi
• 1:41:04
  Speaker 3: do jay and silent bob get old which is fucking
• 1:41:07
  Speaker 3: he's coming up i think on his 14th anniversary of
• 1:41:09
  Speaker 3: being sober and the podcast was predicated on like we
• 1:41:13
  Speaker 3: go to bars and do this live show where he's
• 1:41:15
  Speaker 3: the only everyone else is drunk he's the only sober
• 1:41:17
  Speaker 3: person there and it was all about keeping him sober.
• 1:41:19
  Speaker 3: So we would sit there and tell this story about like,
• 1:41:21
  Speaker 3: one time I did this. So it was kind of
• 1:41:23
  Speaker 3: like going to a very fun AA meeting where everyone
• 1:41:26
  Speaker 3: else was drinking except the guy who was witnessing and
• 1:41:29
  Speaker 3: shit like that. And we got over 100, 200 episodes
• 1:41:32
  Speaker 3: out of that and shit. It was crazy.
• 1:41:34
  Speaker 4: And we toured off of that.
• 1:41:35
  Speaker 3: Like Jason from the movies, he didn't really make a
• 1:41:38
  Speaker 3: lot of money being in Kevin Smith films. You don't
• 1:41:40
  Speaker 3: make money being in Kevin Smith films. You don't make
• 1:41:43
  Speaker 3: money making them either. He made enough money to buy
• 1:41:46
  Speaker 3: a house because of Jay and Silent Bob.
• 1:41:48
  Speaker 1: Awesome.
• 1:41:49
  Speaker 3: So he was, we were clever with the podcast, but
• 1:41:51
  Speaker 3: you're smart. This is fucking smart. So I know you're smart. Yeah.
• 1:41:54
  Speaker 1: I think I, sometimes I think I'm afraid to try
• 1:41:56
  Speaker 1: and like, I feel like sometimes it's just hard for
• 1:41:59
  Speaker 1: me to get like my information and how I, it's
• 1:42:02
  Speaker 1: hard to get it like clear from my brain to
• 1:42:05
  Speaker 1: my mouth sometimes. And I think I get afraid to
• 1:42:08
  Speaker 1: speak up on certain things. Like, um, I don't know, man.
• 1:42:12
  Speaker 3: I saw you talk about fucking Bernie Sanders and you
• 1:42:16
  Speaker 3: seemed very well fucking shown. I literally watched that for
• 1:42:19
  Speaker 3: a few minutes.
• 1:42:19
  Speaker 1: And was like- That was fun, dude.
• 1:42:21
  Speaker 3: I was like, I could not have done that. I
• 1:42:24
  Speaker 3: could talk to people, but I'd be like, Bernie, did
• 1:42:27
  Speaker 3: you ever see Clerks? That's where my life begins and
• 1:42:30
  Speaker 3: ends and shit. But you could literally sit there and
• 1:42:31
  Speaker 3: have a political conversation. I'm politically- not astute, so I
• 1:42:35
  Speaker 3: don't think I could hold that conversation, but you did,
• 1:42:38
  Speaker 3: and you sounded intelligent. And I don't mean like, he
• 1:42:41
  Speaker 3: sounds smart, but you represent, that's why when you're like,
• 1:42:44
  Speaker 3: I don't know, that's bullshit. I couldn't have done, and
• 1:42:47
  Speaker 3: this ain't me kissing ass or licking knob, I didn't
• 1:42:49
  Speaker 3: watch the whole interview, but for the few minutes I watched,
• 1:42:52
  Speaker 3: I was like, this guy's fucking smart. That made me
• 1:42:55
  Speaker 3: happy to come, because Jordan, Jason Mewes' wife, she runs
• 1:42:58
  Speaker 3: our business, She was like, oh, I fucking, she's, I
• 1:43:00
  Speaker 3: was like, I got to go. I'm going.
• 1:43:01
  Speaker 4: She's like, where are you going?
• 1:43:02
  Speaker 3: I said, I'm going to Theo Vonspach. She goes, oh, fucking.
• 1:43:05
  Speaker 3: She goes, that's right. I love him. I was like,
• 1:43:07
  Speaker 3: you fuck with him? And she goes, oh, you think
• 1:43:08
  Speaker 3: he's so funny and shit like that.
• 1:43:10
  Speaker 1: What's her name?
• 1:43:10
  Speaker 4: Jordan Monsanto.
• 1:43:12
  Speaker 1: That's sweet of her, man. Yeah, I think, well, he
• 1:43:14
  Speaker 1: cares about some of the same stuff I care about.
• 1:43:16
  Speaker 3: I'm going to believe me. As our businessman, I'm going
• 1:43:17
  Speaker 3: to go with her. I was like, I'm going to
• 1:43:18
  Speaker 3: take a picture of this. I'll see his face and
• 1:43:20
  Speaker 3: be like, we're doing shit wrong. I know people in
• 1:43:23
  Speaker 3: the audience are like, stop talking about it.
• 1:43:25
  Speaker 4: But you don't know.
• 1:43:27
  Speaker 3: You don't know, kids. I know what that means. I'm like,
• 1:43:29
  Speaker 3: this guy's figured the fuck out, man.
• 1:43:31
  Speaker 4: I don't want to.
• 1:43:32
  Speaker 3: Do you have a network? Or is it just your show?
• 1:43:34
  Speaker 1: No, just us.
• 1:43:35
  Speaker 3: Really?
• 1:43:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:43:36
  Speaker 4: If you ever start a network, I'll be on it.
• 1:43:38
  Speaker 1: You will?
• 1:43:39
  Speaker 4: Fucking heartbeat. Are you kidding me?
• 1:43:41
  Speaker 1: We'll plug you in in the other room, dude.
• 1:43:43
  Speaker 3: Dude, I'll never leave. That much free Celsius and shit.
• 1:43:46
  Speaker 3: I mean, he's got his own place. I came into
• 1:43:48
  Speaker 3: an office.
• 1:43:49
  Speaker 1: You'll never sleep.
• 1:43:50
  Speaker 4: I do my shit at home in a spare room.
• 1:43:52
  Speaker 1: I started in my kitchen, man. And now we just
• 1:43:54
  Speaker 1: have to have a place for people to be at
• 1:43:55
  Speaker 1: to work and What.
• 1:43:57
  Speaker 3: Does that, what do you mean?
• 1:43:57
  Speaker 4: Like, so while the show is not going on, you
• 1:43:59
  Speaker 4: need people in an office.
• 1:44:00
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:44:00
  Speaker 1: Just the producers just so they can, um, be around.
• 1:44:03
  Speaker 3: Uh, isn't it crazy? Like the infrastructure that like, we
• 1:44:05
  Speaker 3: don't have much, we have three, three, three huge operation. Yeah.
• 1:44:09
  Speaker 3: But yeah, it's a place like this, unless they're giving
• 1:44:12
  Speaker 3: you this place free, you got paid.
• 1:44:13
  Speaker 1: No, they're not. Did you, um, if you're, I never
• 1:44:15
  Speaker 1: want to hear this.
• 1:44:16
  Speaker 3: I'm not a smart person.
• 1:44:17
  Speaker 1: Shit.
• 1:44:17
  Speaker 4: Ever again.
• 1:44:18
  Speaker 1: What was that?
• 1:44:19
  Speaker 3: Jay, you and me was in a movie, bro. Never
• 1:44:22
  Speaker 3: mind David Spade. I ain't trying to throw him under
• 1:44:24
  Speaker 3: the bus, but fucking you and Jay in a movie.
• 1:44:26
  Speaker 3: You could be his brother.
• 1:44:27
  Speaker 1: Oh, fuck, shit. Hold on.
• 1:44:31
  Speaker 3: This is happening in real time.
• 1:44:33
  Speaker 1: What will we do, I wonder?
• 1:44:35
  Speaker 3: Do you want to come? We're doing a movie next year,
• 1:44:38
  Speaker 3: early next year, Jay and Silent Bob's Store Wars, which
• 1:44:41
  Speaker 3: is about they have a dispensary, and then somebody opens
• 1:44:44
  Speaker 3: a dispensary across the street, and they're opposites in every way,
• 1:44:46
  Speaker 3: and they battle for.
• 1:44:48
  Speaker 4: The whole movie.
• 1:44:49
  Speaker 3: You legit, I'm not just saying this because I'm on
• 1:44:51
  Speaker 3: the podcast, but your vibe is very Jay-like. Number one,
• 1:44:54
  Speaker 3: I know this would make my boss happy. Jordan would
• 1:44:56
  Speaker 3: be like, yes, bitch. You could come in and play
• 1:44:59
  Speaker 3: fucking Jay's brother who's never been in a movie before.
• 1:45:01
  Speaker 1: Jordan Monsanto, the person you.
• 1:45:03
  Speaker 3: Just told me?
• 1:45:04
  Speaker 4: That's Jay's wife, Jordan, who runs our company and shit.
• 1:45:06
  Speaker 4: She produces the movies as well.
• 1:45:07
  Speaker 1: She does?
• 1:45:08
  Speaker 4: Yeah, she's been our producer for years. She's been producing
• 1:45:10
  Speaker 4: since Tusk.
• 1:45:11
  Speaker 1: Wow, she's really smart? Fuck.
• 1:45:13
  Speaker 4: Smarter than both you and I. And I know how
• 1:45:15
  Speaker 4: smart you are. As previously said.
• 1:45:17
  Speaker 3: She ain't got one of those.
• 1:45:19
  Speaker 1: You wrote this character. I'm fictional.
• 1:45:21
  Speaker 3: I'm telling you, bro. You playing Jay's brother makes sense.
• 1:45:24
  Speaker 1: Wow, really, dude?
• 1:45:25
  Speaker 3: 100%. I mean, look, I ain't offering you no great shakes.
• 1:45:28
  Speaker 3: Being in a Kevin Smith movie helps nobody's fucking career.
• 1:45:29
  Speaker 1: No, I just heard he doesn't make any money. Oh, wow. Yeah,
• 1:45:32
  Speaker 1: that's true.
• 1:45:32
  Speaker 4: And that's their daughter, Logan.
• 1:45:33
  Speaker 3: And then they have a little boy now named Lucian.
• 1:45:36
  Speaker 3: He wasn't alive when we did this picture. He came afterwards.
• 1:45:40
  Speaker 3: That was Clerks 3, so yes.
• 1:45:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so it's dope beef. They got two dispensaries that
• 1:45:44
  Speaker 1: are having dope beef, basically. That's cool.
• 1:45:46
  Speaker 3: It's a war.
• 1:45:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we need that kind of fucking shit.
• 1:45:49
  Speaker 4: That's a comedy, but it ain't no studio comedy.
• 1:45:53
  Speaker 1: How much does it cost to make a movie like that?
• 1:45:54
  Speaker 1: What's kind of like your highest budget?
• 1:45:55
  Speaker 3: That'll be $ 10. I could get between $ 8 to $ 10
• 1:46:00
  Speaker 3: for a Jay and Silent Bob type thing, Clerks 3 thing.
• 1:46:03
  Speaker 3: The 4.30 movie, which is coming out September 13th, presumably Friday.
• 1:46:07
  Speaker 3: That's what we're here to talk about, but I just
• 1:46:09
  Speaker 3: came to hang out. I just came for the selfie.
• 1:46:11
  Speaker 1: No, I want to talk a little bit more about
• 1:46:12
  Speaker 1: that time.
• 1:46:12
  Speaker 4: We don't have to, but the 430 movie cost three
• 1:46:14
  Speaker 4: million bucks.
• 1:46:15
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 1:46:16
  Speaker 4: Saban financed that.
• 1:46:18
  Speaker 1: And was it Saban?
• 1:46:19
  Speaker 4: Saban.
• 1:46:20
  Speaker 1: Saban. Have they financed some of your other films too?
• 1:46:22
  Speaker 3: They did Jane, Sal and Bob reboot. Okay.
• 1:46:24
  Speaker 4: Years and years ago, they also did the Mighty Morphin
• 1:46:26
  Speaker 4: Power Rangers.
• 1:46:27
  Speaker 1: Did they, and how much can you make a real
• 1:46:30
  Speaker 1: return on a movie like that?
• 1:46:32
  Speaker 3: You can make a return. You can make your money
• 1:46:35
  Speaker 3: back and make a little scratch.
• 1:46:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:46:38
  Speaker 3: I think I can stay in the business for three
• 1:46:43
  Speaker 3: decades when I'm well past my fucking past due date
• 1:46:47
  Speaker 3: because I could always pivot to inexpensive. So a lot
• 1:46:50
  Speaker 3: of people are like, well, it's got to be fucking
• 1:46:52
  Speaker 3: $ 20 million or I can't do it. I'm the other
• 1:46:53
  Speaker 3: guy where I'm like, oh, I could do it for three.
• 1:46:56
  Speaker 3: Whether we could do it for three or not. It's like,
• 1:46:58
  Speaker 3: we'll get there. We'll cram it into that fucking number.
• 1:47:00
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't want to be anything fancy.
• 1:47:02
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and the privilege of making a movie, everyone don't
• 1:47:05
  Speaker 3: get to do that. It's a weird fucking proposition where
• 1:47:07
  Speaker 3: you say to somebody, like, can you give me a
• 1:47:09
  Speaker 3: lot of money to make pretend? Most people are like,
• 1:47:12
  Speaker 3: just make pretend by themselves for free and shit. And
• 1:47:15
  Speaker 3: you're like, I can't quite do it. And I realized
• 1:47:17
  Speaker 3: like my job is such, it's full of shit, man.
• 1:47:20
  Speaker 3: It's a pack of lies. Basically what I try to
• 1:47:23
  Speaker 3: do in life is capture, artificially capture a moment that
• 1:47:27
  Speaker 3: happened to me that made my head or heart feel
• 1:47:30
  Speaker 3: something so overwhelmingly wonderful That I was like, if I
• 1:47:33
  Speaker 3: could fucking capture that and put it in a movie
• 1:47:35
  Speaker 3: and show people how it felt, I bet you other
• 1:47:36
  Speaker 3: people would identify with that. So it was like, the
• 1:47:39
  Speaker 3: 430 movie. I mean, I guess, absolutely, to some degree, right?
• 1:47:45
  Speaker 3: If that was your speed or whatever the fuck. But
• 1:47:47
  Speaker 3: like the idea of, Like, I was on set, and
• 1:47:50
  Speaker 3: I guess it was because the 430 movie's the first.
• 1:47:53
  Speaker 1: Movie I've not made. 430's cool, because it's like in the,
• 1:47:54
  Speaker 1: is it 80s or 90s? 80s, it takes place.
• 1:47:56
  Speaker 4: It's in the 80s, 1986.
• 1:47:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, dude, it just had this, like, this free, when
• 1:47:59
  Speaker 1: you couldn't, when your imagination, where if you wondered if
• 1:48:03
  Speaker 1: a girl cared about you, all you could do is
• 1:48:04
  Speaker 1: lay on your back in your fucking room floor, listening to, like.
• 1:48:11
  Speaker 1: Like Nirvana or something. A mixtape that you put together
• 1:48:13
  Speaker 1: over and over. And just wondering and praying and pining
• 1:48:16
  Speaker 1: and just dry humping the carpet that this woman cared about.
• 1:48:20
  Speaker 3: You shy of dry humping the carpet um which i
• 1:48:24
  Speaker 3: ain't against but that was never a part of my
• 1:48:25
  Speaker 3: repertoire um it's you've exactly you've nailed the feeling of
• 1:48:29
  Speaker 3: me trying to capture that fucking feeling essentially that's what
• 1:48:32
  Speaker 3: i do you know In movies, we weren't that rich.
• 1:48:34
  Speaker 3: Oh my God, were you rich?
• 1:48:35
  Speaker 1: No, we weren't, but I heard about shag carpet and
• 1:48:38
  Speaker 1: I thought that's what you're supposed to do.
• 1:48:39
  Speaker 4: You heard about it. Did you have carpet period? Oh yeah,
• 1:48:41
  Speaker 4: we had carpet period. Yeah, we had wall to wall.
• 1:48:43
  Speaker 4: You did? Like the cheap shit.
• 1:48:44
  Speaker 3: You know what?
• 1:48:45
  Speaker 4: Yeah, rugs are expensive. Carpeting is less expensive.
• 1:48:49
  Speaker 1: You could pee on our carpet.
• 1:48:50
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and others did on ours.
• 1:48:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:48:53
  Speaker 4: In protest and sometimes.
• 1:48:54
  Speaker 3: Capturing the moment though, being a liar for a living
• 1:48:57
  Speaker 3: and shit like that. That is what making movies is
• 1:49:00
  Speaker 3: all about. That's why I like podcasting because... it ain't
• 1:49:02
  Speaker 3: a lie, basically everything's true. Like you just sit down,
• 1:49:05
  Speaker 3: start talking, having conversation. Movies is like, one day someone
• 1:49:10
  Speaker 3: will try, maybe not this particular moment, but, and I've
• 1:49:13
  Speaker 3: done it in movies, you try to capture a podcast
• 1:49:15
  Speaker 3: in a movie. Like in Tusk, we have them podcasting
• 1:49:18
  Speaker 3: and stuff. And once again, that's an artificial snapshot of
• 1:49:23
  Speaker 3: a moment that made me feel fucking absolute joy. And
• 1:49:26
  Speaker 3: then you give that moment to the movie and then
• 1:49:28
  Speaker 3: the movie goes out to the audience and then the
• 1:49:30
  Speaker 3: moment stops being just yours. And then for the rest
• 1:49:33
  Speaker 3: of your life, you interact with that movie, periodically it
• 1:49:36
  Speaker 3: comes up and you're watching it and you see this wonderful,
• 1:49:39
  Speaker 3: this approximation, this half-assed approximation of some amazing thing that
• 1:49:45
  Speaker 3: had happened to you and you go, oh shit, that's.
• 1:49:47
  Speaker 4: Right, that was mine. But then I shared it with
• 1:49:50
  Speaker 4: the art form and stuff.
• 1:49:51
  Speaker 1: When it comes to preparing for a movie, what are
• 1:49:53
  Speaker 1: some pitfalls that people can avoid? Um, it might be
• 1:49:59
  Speaker 1: little things. It might just be energy being focused, having
• 1:50:02
  Speaker 1: enough time.
• 1:50:03
  Speaker 3: Like honestly, the biggest pitfall, I mean, you'll never have
• 1:50:05
  Speaker 3: enough time. You'll never have enough money. I don't give
• 1:50:07
  Speaker 3: a shit what your budget is. Like whether you have
• 1:50:09
  Speaker 3: 3 million or 300, every filmmaker, every producer always has
• 1:50:12
  Speaker 3: the same complaint, which is like not enough time, not
• 1:50:14
  Speaker 3: enough money. And even if you've got more money, you
• 1:50:17
  Speaker 3: think that'll ameliorate it. It just winds up being the
• 1:50:19
  Speaker 3: same fucking problem economy of scale. So don't worry about
• 1:50:22
  Speaker 3: that shit. This is what you need to think about.
• 1:50:25
  Speaker 3: I think primarily, um, Be prepared in as much as like,
• 1:50:31
  Speaker 3: if you're starting for the first time, you've never done
• 1:50:33
  Speaker 3: this shit before. Obviously, this is an advice for people
• 1:50:35
  Speaker 3: who do it for a living. Let's say you're a
• 1:50:37
  Speaker 3: first timer. Rehearse the fuck out of that shit.
• 1:50:40
  Speaker 4: Like a month.
• 1:50:41
  Speaker 3: On Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy, we rehearsed for a month
• 1:50:43
  Speaker 3: before we went near a set. That way, your take
• 1:50:46
  Speaker 3: ratio is gonna be real low. Now, some people will
• 1:50:48
  Speaker 3: be like, what does that matter in the age of
• 1:50:49
  Speaker 3: fucking digital video? Back when you were shooting film, yes,
• 1:50:52
  Speaker 3: it was expensive to process film. Time is money on
• 1:50:55
  Speaker 3: a movie fucking set. So if you can accomplish it
• 1:50:57
  Speaker 3: in one take, fucking move on. Like the story of
• 1:51:00
  Speaker 3: my life, and I've told it before publicly, so this
• 1:51:02
  Speaker 3: might not be news to some, but how I've been
• 1:51:05
  Speaker 3: able to keep doing what I've been doing for 30 years,
• 1:51:07
  Speaker 3: if people are like, I hate him, why does he
• 1:51:08
  Speaker 3: keep fucking, how come he still works? This is why.
• 1:51:11
  Speaker 3: I don't strive for excellence. I ain't Chris fucking Nolan.
• 1:51:14
  Speaker 3: Believe me, every critic will tell you that and shit.
• 1:51:16
  Speaker 3: Chris Nolan strives for excellence. I, from the beginning of
• 1:51:18
  Speaker 3: my career, from clerks forward, was never like, let's make
• 1:51:21
  Speaker 3: it fucking perfect. If I was striving for perfection... I
• 1:51:24
  Speaker 3: don't think I've ever made my first film yet. I'd
• 1:51:26
  Speaker 3: still be sitting there frozen. What will it be like?
• 1:51:29
  Speaker 3: Good enough will take you very far. Good enough has
• 1:51:32
  Speaker 3: taken me 30 years. So on the set of Clerks,
• 1:51:33
  Speaker 3: we'd be shooting. I'd be like, cut. All right, that's
• 1:51:36
  Speaker 3: good enough. Let's move on. Let's do something else. Good
• 1:51:39
  Speaker 3: enough has gotten me here. It's gotten me all the
• 1:51:41
  Speaker 3: way to this fucking chair. Good enough will get you
• 1:51:43
  Speaker 3: as far as you need to go. Now, you know,
• 1:51:45
  Speaker 3: that's probably not winner talk, right? Like fucking, if you
• 1:51:48
  Speaker 3: want to win an Oscar, you got to leave it
• 1:51:50
  Speaker 3: on the table. You got to fucking like make people hurt.
• 1:51:52
  Speaker 3: Fucking make those movies where like Leonardo's fighting a fucking
• 1:51:55
  Speaker 3: bear and shit and fucking make people sit in the
• 1:51:58
  Speaker 3: snow to do it because everyone's got to be miserable
• 1:52:00
  Speaker 3: in order for this to read.
• 1:52:01
  Speaker 4: And shit like that.
• 1:52:02
  Speaker 3: I ain't that guy.
• 1:52:02
  Speaker 4: I ain't that committed to it.
• 1:52:03
  Speaker 3: I just like to make pretend, maybe get a little
• 1:52:05
  Speaker 3: money for it and shit. So I can't go in
• 1:52:09
  Speaker 3: authentically like that where it's like oh fucking everything it's
• 1:52:14
  Speaker 3: going to be perfection at the cost of everybody and
• 1:52:17
  Speaker 3: there are directors who do that and i respect them
• 1:52:19
  Speaker 3: i guess a little bit i wouldn't do that to
• 1:52:21
  Speaker 3: my cast and crew but like those movies are fucking
• 1:52:23
  Speaker 3: successful because they've got a vision and a drive and
• 1:52:25
  Speaker 3: the passion of a filmmaker if i were ever trying
• 1:52:29
  Speaker 3: to make one of those things it wouldn't happen number
• 1:52:31
  Speaker 3: one i have the talent number two i don't have
• 1:52:33
  Speaker 3: that kind of patience and shit number three i can't
• 1:52:35
  Speaker 3: do that to other people I want people leaving my
• 1:52:37
  Speaker 3: set going, I had a good ass fucking time. That's
• 1:52:39
  Speaker 3: how I keep my budgets low. Crew comes back and
• 1:52:42
  Speaker 3: they'll work for fucking scale. Cause like, look, you don't
• 1:52:44
  Speaker 3: pay a lot, but fucking it's a good time on
• 1:52:46
  Speaker 3: a set. You're going to enjoy yourself. You're going to
• 1:52:48
  Speaker 3: have fucking happy memories and shit like that. Good enough
• 1:52:51
  Speaker 3: gets me to the set. You know, if I've rehearsed
• 1:52:53
  Speaker 3: enough before we shoot and I'm on set one, two
• 1:52:57
  Speaker 3: takes stops and I'm like, good enough moving on. And
• 1:52:59
  Speaker 3: that time all adds up. That's fucking money. So Strive
• 1:53:03
  Speaker 3: for perfection, I guess, at some point in your career.
• 1:53:06
  Speaker 3: I honestly never have, and I've just been doing it
• 1:53:08
  Speaker 3: for 30 years. And some people out there, I'm sure
• 1:53:10
  Speaker 3: the Letterboxd crowd would be disgusted by that thought. Like, oh,
• 1:53:13
  Speaker 3: he doesn't even fucking try. Clearly I try.
• 1:53:15
  Speaker 4: I've been doing this for 30 fucking years.
• 1:53:16
  Speaker 1: Well, you show up, that's trying.
• 1:53:17
  Speaker 3: I don't try. And beyond show up, I deliver. I
• 1:53:20
  Speaker 3: just don't fucking make everyone's life miserable. to fucking deliver
• 1:53:24
  Speaker 3: something that's like, I've got a vision. It's like, I
• 1:53:26
  Speaker 3: got an idea where we're going and shit. Let's all
• 1:53:28
  Speaker 3: have a good time doing it, otherwise what was the
• 1:53:30
  Speaker 3: fucking point? If people on a set are miserable when
• 1:53:32
  Speaker 3: you make pretend for a living, everybody has fucking failed
• 1:53:35
  Speaker 3: and you shouldn't be doing this. Like, it should be fun.
• 1:53:39
  Speaker 3: It's making pretend for a living. And I understand, you know,
• 1:53:41
  Speaker 3: there are some people like, no man, art is pain.
• 1:53:44
  Speaker 3: Not really. This is an art form, don't get me wrong,
• 1:53:47
  Speaker 3: but like, doesn't have to be fucking painful. It's very cathartic.
• 1:53:50
  Speaker 3: And a lot of folks can't do that fucking, pivot
• 1:53:54
  Speaker 3: like it's got to be this and i don't believe
• 1:53:56
  Speaker 3: in that so i'm the guy that's just like that's
• 1:53:58
  Speaker 3: good enough let's move it on every one of my
• 1:54:01
  Speaker 3: movies is good enough don't have to be great and
• 1:54:03
  Speaker 3: shit i saw somebody the other day on twitter was
• 1:54:05
  Speaker 3: like it's got like one or two really brilliant ideas
• 1:54:08
  Speaker 3: in this movie and the rest is just some fucking
• 1:54:10
  Speaker 3: horse shit and i'm like yeah i mean that's it
• 1:54:11
  Speaker 3: you don't have to keep watching if you don't like
• 1:54:13
  Speaker 3: that kind of thing but i'm lucky i got one
• 1:54:15
  Speaker 3: or two good ideas in the horse shit like especially
• 1:54:17
  Speaker 3: 30 years into my.
• 1:54:18
  Speaker 1: Career oh it's fascinating man because if you're always aiming
• 1:54:21
  Speaker 1: for perfection then you But a lot of times, if
• 1:54:24
  Speaker 1: you're showing up and delivering and good enough, because most
• 1:54:29
  Speaker 1: people don't even go that far, the fear of not
• 1:54:32
  Speaker 1: being prepared for perfection prevents them sometimes from taking the step.
• 1:54:35
  Speaker 3: Well, it's the fear of not being able to achieve perfection.
• 1:54:38
  Speaker 3: I just accept early on. It's like, I'm never going
• 1:54:40
  Speaker 3: to be fucking perfect. And you're never the dictator of
• 1:54:42
  Speaker 3: this anyway. And I don't mean the dictator like a
• 1:54:44
  Speaker 3: guy or an autocrat. You don't get to dictate whether
• 1:54:47
  Speaker 3: or not that thing is what it is that you
• 1:54:50
  Speaker 3: say it is. You make a thing with one intention,
• 1:54:52
  Speaker 3: the audience is gonna tell you what that fucking thing is,
• 1:54:55
  Speaker 3: what it means and shit like that. This is a
• 1:54:57
  Speaker 3: story I tell an awful lot. So if you've heard
• 1:54:59
  Speaker 3: this in another place, I apologize. But when I was
• 1:55:03
  Speaker 3: making the 430 movie, and this ain't to bring it
• 1:55:05
  Speaker 3: back to that, but it's relevant to this conversation. I
• 1:55:08
  Speaker 3: was shooting a scene with the three boys, they're in
• 1:55:09
  Speaker 3: the car and they're just fucking goofing off while they're driving,
• 1:55:12
  Speaker 3: dancing while they drive, playing Chaka Khan's I Feel For You.
• 1:55:16
  Speaker 3: So they were, you know, for direction, I went over
• 1:55:18
  Speaker 3: to the vehicle and I was like, um, kids, um,
• 1:55:22
  Speaker 3: you know, you're just goofing around and dance, whatever the fuck,
• 1:55:25
  Speaker 3: do whatever you want. Um, just as long as you
• 1:55:27
  Speaker 3: make it iconic. And I walked away and that fucked
• 1:55:30
  Speaker 3: all of their heads up. I had no idea. Like
• 1:55:32
  Speaker 3: Nick who plays Bernie in the movie was like, that's
• 1:55:36
  Speaker 3: your fucking direction. Make it iconic. That's a little fucking pressure.
• 1:55:40
  Speaker 3: Don't you think? And I was like, well, no, I said, oh,
• 1:55:43
  Speaker 3: Then I realized I have the benefit of experience. I've
• 1:55:45
  Speaker 3: been doing this for 30 years. I was like, what
• 1:55:46
  Speaker 3: I mean by that is that every decision that you're
• 1:55:49
  Speaker 3: making here in real time is like dropping a stone
• 1:55:53
  Speaker 3: in the water and watching the ripple effect or the
• 1:55:55
  Speaker 3: butterfly effect. Like it's crazy what people years from now
• 1:56:01
  Speaker 3: will concentrate on about this weird little moment in the
• 1:56:05
  Speaker 3: movie that you're just like, what should we do? And
• 1:56:07
  Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, just make it iconic. I mean that
• 1:56:09
  Speaker 3: because People will be watching this scene forever and it
• 1:56:13
  Speaker 3: will hopefully connect with them. Even if it's somebody who
• 1:56:16
  Speaker 3: wasn't alive in 1986, a current day teenager who could
• 1:56:19
  Speaker 3: see that fucking sense, that joy that's in the scene.
• 1:56:23
  Speaker 3: So these things we do in the moment, like this
• 1:56:25
  Speaker 3: very bit passes and it's just a fucking Kevin Smith movie,
• 1:56:28
  Speaker 3: but I promise you this movie is somebody's going to
• 1:56:31
  Speaker 3: be somebody's fucking life preserver. There's going to be their buoy.
• 1:56:33
  Speaker 3: That's going to keep them fucking drowning. And I know
• 1:56:35
  Speaker 3: that because I've been doing it 30 years and I
• 1:56:37
  Speaker 3: was at the Dallas fan expo like last year. And
• 1:56:40
  Speaker 3: a guy came up to me, it was like in
• 1:56:42
  Speaker 3: his maybe early 30s, late 20s, early 30s. And he
• 1:56:45
  Speaker 3: had a copy of Mallrats on VHS. Very well-worn copy
• 1:56:48
  Speaker 3: and shit. I was like, holy shit, look at this
• 1:56:50
  Speaker 3: fucking ancient piece of Americana. I mean, how many times
• 1:56:53
  Speaker 3: you watch this? He goes, a lot. I said, who
• 1:56:55
  Speaker 3: am I signing it to? He goes, I want you
• 1:56:56
  Speaker 3: to make it out to my son. Gave me his
• 1:56:58
  Speaker 3: son's name. I was like, what's the story there? You
• 1:57:01
  Speaker 3: can get a few minutes to have this exchange. And
• 1:57:03
  Speaker 3: my man rocks my fucking world. And he goes, I'm
• 1:57:07
  Speaker 3: going to give this to my son when he's older.
• 1:57:10
  Speaker 3: He's gone, this is the movie that saved my life.
• 1:57:12
  Speaker 3: And I'm like, thank you. And you hear that a lot.
• 1:57:15
  Speaker 3: I'm sure you've heard that too, where people like, bro,
• 1:57:16
  Speaker 3: your show saved my life or blah, blah, blah. Sometimes
• 1:57:19
  Speaker 3: I'm driving, you're the difference between me going crazy and not.
• 1:57:21
  Speaker 3: Or I saw your standup special. It made me fucking laugh.
• 1:57:24
  Speaker 3: And that fucking, I needed that on that day because
• 1:57:26
  Speaker 3: I was circling the fucking drain. So in this business,
• 1:57:29
  Speaker 3: we have experience with people that perhaps overly express it
• 1:57:33
  Speaker 3: by saying something like, oh my God, Fucking your shit
• 1:57:36
  Speaker 3: saved my life and stuff. So I've heard that sentiment
• 1:57:38
  Speaker 3: and I know how to receive it. And I'm like,
• 1:57:39
  Speaker 3: oh my God, thank you. That's so kind. And he goes, no,
• 1:57:42
  Speaker 3: I'm serious. He's going, my father used to beat the
• 1:57:45
  Speaker 3: shit out of me. Every day after school, I'd come
• 1:57:47
  Speaker 3: home and he would mercilessly, relentlessly beat me to the
• 1:57:50
  Speaker 3: point of fucking near dying. Wow. He's like, and then
• 1:57:53
  Speaker 3: I would crawl to my bedroom, bloody mess. And I
• 1:57:55
  Speaker 3: would close the bedroom door and I'd put in mall
• 1:57:58
  Speaker 3: rats and I would escape to the mall with TS
• 1:58:00
  Speaker 3: and Brody and Jay and Silent Bob.
• 1:58:02
  Speaker 4: And he's going, and that was my happy place.
• 1:58:04
  Speaker 3: And that's how I survived living with my father, through
• 1:58:07
  Speaker 3: this fucking tape. He goes, now, I have a son.
• 1:58:10
  Speaker 3: And he's going, and I would never be the piece
• 1:58:13
  Speaker 3: of shit that my fucking father was to me my
• 1:58:15
  Speaker 3: whole life. And I wanna give my kid this tape
• 1:58:17
  Speaker 3: when he's old enough so he understands he could survive anything,
• 1:58:20
  Speaker 3: because his father, survived the absolute worst.
• 1:58:22
  Speaker 4: And this was what he clung to.
• 1:58:25
  Speaker 3: And naturally I gave him a big hug and I
• 1:58:26
  Speaker 3: was like, no, dude, you survived that shit. Like fucking,
• 1:58:28
  Speaker 3: this is just a movie that might've helped. But like
• 1:58:31
  Speaker 3: when you share of yourself like that, you can go
• 1:58:34
  Speaker 3: off and make, and you know, it don't matter what
• 1:58:37
  Speaker 3: it is. When it comes to movies, they have this
• 1:58:38
  Speaker 3: weird impact. It doesn't matter what we do when it
• 1:58:40
  Speaker 3: comes to this show, when it comes to your live shows.
• 1:58:42
  Speaker 3: But particularly when you make something like a movie, People
• 1:58:45
  Speaker 3: cherish that kind of thing. Because you're in and out.
• 1:58:47
  Speaker 3: There's an engagement period. 90 minutes to two hours is
• 1:58:50
  Speaker 3: going to take you on a ride and then bring
• 1:58:52
  Speaker 3: you back and leave you where you were. So everyone
• 1:58:55
  Speaker 3: knows what to expect in that. And over the course
• 1:58:57
  Speaker 3: of their lifetime, they've turned to movies in times of trial.
• 1:59:01
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah. I watch Family Man every year to feel good.
• 1:59:04
  Speaker 3: So you create that and you become that for somebody else.
• 1:59:08
  Speaker 3: So the movie you're talking about, Megan with Spades, I
• 1:59:10
  Speaker 3: guarantee you one day somebody comes up to you and
• 1:59:13
  Speaker 3: tells you a story as fucking heartbreaking yet as wonderful
• 1:59:15
  Speaker 3: as that, which is like something you didn't even give
• 1:59:18
  Speaker 3: that much thought to. Like if my man came up
• 1:59:20
  Speaker 3: to you, he was like dogma saved my life. I'd
• 1:59:21
  Speaker 3: be like, I understand it, man. Like fucking, I worked
• 1:59:23
  Speaker 3: hard on that. And that was my movies pretty fucking
• 1:59:25
  Speaker 3: profound on some levels and shit. Yes. It has a
• 1:59:28
  Speaker 3: lot of butt fucking jokes, but I like to balance
• 1:59:29
  Speaker 3: it out. But when somebody tells you like mall rats
• 1:59:32
  Speaker 3: saved their life, you're like, I wasn't thinking of that
• 1:59:34
  Speaker 3: when I made the movie. Do you think 25 year
• 1:59:36
  Speaker 3: old Kevin Smith was gone? Uh, this is going to
• 1:59:39
  Speaker 3: save somebody's life. Hold on. Jay, uh, get ready to
• 1:59:42
  Speaker 3: fucking swing me across the fucking mall. And you know, it's,
• 1:59:45
  Speaker 3: you don't think about that. So when I told the
• 1:59:46
  Speaker 3: kids make it iconic, that's what it comes down to.
• 1:59:49
  Speaker 3: Even the things you're not thinking about that as being important,
• 1:59:52
  Speaker 3: you think are dismissive or just, oh, it's just a
• 1:59:55
  Speaker 3: moment in the movie. Someone will find that as the
• 1:59:58
  Speaker 3: buoy that keeps them from fucking drowning. So every moment
• 2:00:01
  Speaker 3: then is kind of important, but isn't that the lesson
• 2:00:03
  Speaker 3: of life in general? Every moment is kind of important, man. Like,
• 2:00:06
  Speaker 3: you know, when I was in the nuthouse, they say
• 2:00:07
  Speaker 3: all sorts of simplistic shit, which is fucking really helpful.
• 2:00:11
  Speaker 3: You can put it on a towel and stuff in
• 2:00:13
  Speaker 3: a kitchen, aphorism or whatever the fuck. And what they say,
• 2:00:16
  Speaker 3: every day is a gift. That's why it's called the present.
• 2:00:19
  Speaker 3: And it's kind of true. Like, it's absolutely true. Like,
• 2:00:22
  Speaker 3: so often we're so fucking bored as a species that
• 2:00:24
  Speaker 3: we don't think about, like, you're only going to get
• 2:00:26
  Speaker 3: so many breaths. You're only going to get so many
• 2:00:28
  Speaker 3: heartbeats and shit like that. And I always tell my
• 2:00:31
  Speaker 3: wife after the heart attack, I was like, I'm living
• 2:00:33
  Speaker 3: on borrowed time. And she's like, well, that's fucking macabre.
• 2:00:35
  Speaker 3: And I was like, no, I'm painfully aware. We're all
• 2:00:38
  Speaker 3: living on borrowed time. I'm just fucking well aware of it.
• 2:00:41
  Speaker 4: Act accordingly.
• 2:00:43
  Speaker 1: Do you think like as a creator, do you ever
• 2:00:44
  Speaker 1: want to invent something? Did you ever also think about
• 2:00:46
  Speaker 1: inventing something, but you didn't do it? Because a lot
• 2:00:49
  Speaker 1: of times people who are creative think about things like,
• 2:00:51
  Speaker 1: is there ever been one?
• 2:00:52
  Speaker 4: Not an invention like fucking, Floby or something like that.
• 2:00:54
  Speaker 1: Right, but anyone that kind of stood out in your
• 2:00:56
  Speaker 1: head or something? Because I thought like- I've been.
• 2:00:57
  Speaker 3: Trying to make this movie Moose Jaws for 10 years.
• 2:01:00
  Speaker 3: One day I'm going to get, it's going to happen.
• 2:01:01
  Speaker 3: I'm going to find the money for it. And eventually
• 2:01:03
  Speaker 3: I'm going to get to the place where I'm like,
• 2:01:04
  Speaker 3: you know what? I'll just put up my house. I
• 2:01:07
  Speaker 3: ain't got Theo Vaughn money and shit, but I got
• 2:01:08
  Speaker 3: a nice house where I could probably- You.
• 2:01:10
  Speaker 1: Can live in that Celsius cooler if you want to.
• 2:01:12
  Speaker 3: I will.
• 2:01:12
  Speaker 4: I'll sell my house and live there. I'm like, honey,
• 2:01:14
  Speaker 4: get ready.
• 2:01:15
  Speaker 1: Because who, like, yeah, I always feel like who invented
• 2:01:16
  Speaker 1: the swimming pool or whatever? Like, I always think about
• 2:01:18
  Speaker 1: who invented certain stuff, you know? Or like, and then
• 2:01:20
  Speaker 1: I think if I would want to have an invention,
• 2:01:22
  Speaker 1: like I thought of- Oh, I used to think there
• 2:01:25
  Speaker 1: was a dog collar or whatever, because they had a
• 2:01:27
  Speaker 1: lot of howling dogs by us when I was a kid.
• 2:01:29
  Speaker 1: And so if it howled, it would help the dog
• 2:01:32
  Speaker 1: learn how to howl more melodically or whatever.
• 2:01:37
  Speaker 3: Adorable.
• 2:01:40
  Speaker 1: Musically. So eventually the howl.
• 2:01:42
  Speaker 3: So it's not just like, oh, it's like, oh, there's
• 2:01:44
  Speaker 3: somebody to howl with. Because they always harmonize when there's
• 2:01:48
  Speaker 3: more than one. So for the lonely dog, it's almost
• 2:01:50
  Speaker 3: like having a pocket pal.
• 2:01:51
  Speaker 1: Like Bell Biv Dog Bo or something. Like a Mezzo
• 2:01:55
  Speaker 1: Spaniel or whatever.
• 2:01:56
  Speaker 4: It's a first draft for a name, but I like
• 2:01:57
  Speaker 4: where you're going with it.
• 2:01:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 2:01:59
  Speaker 1: But wouldn't it be beautiful if you're laying there and
• 2:02:01
  Speaker 1: one of them howls you like these motherfuckers, but then
• 2:02:03
  Speaker 1: they're like. Totally.
• 2:02:05
  Speaker 3: They're all fucking singing in unison and shit.
• 2:02:07
  Speaker 1: So I thought if you could do a group collar
• 2:02:09
  Speaker 1: like for a neighborhood or small region, I thought that
• 2:02:11
  Speaker 1: that would be pretty cool.
• 2:02:12
  Speaker 3: And then fucking they're the next Nirvana. Three neighborhood dogs
• 2:02:17
  Speaker 3: that just got together and have these harmonized collars. And
• 2:02:20
  Speaker 3: people are like, he's singing exactly how I fucking feel.
• 2:02:22
  Speaker 3: I don't know what he's saying, but that's how I feel.
• 2:02:25
  Speaker 3: That's the beautiful thing about art. You don't even have
• 2:02:26
  Speaker 3: to know the lyrics to a song by Dog Nirvana.
• 2:02:28
  Speaker 3: You just feel it when you play it. That's why
• 2:02:30
  Speaker 3: if I was a, if I wish I was in
• 2:02:32
  Speaker 3: a different art form, if I was a singer, I
• 2:02:34
  Speaker 3: can open up my mouth, sing a note, and you'd
• 2:02:36
  Speaker 3: know how I felt.
• 2:02:37
  Speaker 4: That'd be me, my self-expression.
• 2:02:38
  Speaker 3: If I was a painter, I could take a blank canvas,
• 2:02:40
  Speaker 3: put some color on it, and you'd know how I felt.
• 2:02:42
  Speaker 3: But I'm a, I chose directing as an art form,
• 2:02:44
  Speaker 3: as the dumbest art form, because that's where you say
• 2:02:46
  Speaker 3: shit like, I need to self express, give me $ 20
• 2:02:49
  Speaker 3: million in Ben Affleck stat. It's not the best art
• 2:02:55
  Speaker 3: form for a guy like me. I always felt like
• 2:02:57
  Speaker 3: me and film was like me trying, like I took
• 2:03:00
  Speaker 3: Spanish in high school, four years of Spanish. But very minimal,
• 2:03:03
  Speaker 3: un poco Spanish. So I always think of me as
• 2:03:05
  Speaker 3: a filmmaker, as like somebody who took four years of
• 2:03:08
  Speaker 3: high school Spanish, you know, got C's to D's and
• 2:03:11
  Speaker 3: then tries to go to Spain and.
• 2:03:12
  Speaker 4: Passes as a local. Oh, I see what you're saying.
• 2:03:15
  Speaker 3: Like visual, visually speaking, visual storytelling is not my first language.
• 2:03:19
  Speaker 3: Like this shit, if movies were this, like just two
• 2:03:22
  Speaker 3: dudes sitting down and talking. Yeah.
• 2:03:23
  Speaker 1: You'd be Jerry Garcia. Oh fuck.
• 2:03:26
  Speaker 3: Jerry Garcia, man. I'd be making that Theo Von money
• 2:03:29
  Speaker 3: and shit.
• 2:03:30
  Speaker 1: You've gotten a, yeah. But did you ever think of
• 2:03:32
  Speaker 1: an invention? I just think creative people always wonder if
• 2:03:35
  Speaker 1: they think of inventions, you know?
• 2:03:37
  Speaker 4: I don't, I'm not crazy. I guess you've, Struck the nerve.
• 2:03:40
  Speaker 3: I'm not creative because I would think of an invention
• 2:03:42
  Speaker 3: if I did, but I never.
• 2:03:43
  Speaker 4: I doubt that.
• 2:03:43
  Speaker 1: I know that's not true. I'm too self-involved.
• 2:03:45
  Speaker 3: My head's up my ass.
• 2:03:45
  Speaker 1: You've created a lot of stuff.
• 2:03:46
  Speaker 4: Yeah, but just about me and my world and shit.
• 2:03:49
  Speaker 3: Very myopic. So no, I've never thought like, ooh, this
• 2:03:51
  Speaker 3: invention would be good for others. I've never like done
• 2:03:54
  Speaker 3: something that was like, gotta be a better way.
• 2:03:56
  Speaker 1: You've gotten to direct a lot of, you got to
• 2:03:58
  Speaker 1: direct George Carlin. You've gotten to direct Ben Affleck. Anything
• 2:04:02
  Speaker 1: that stands out to you about, uh, talented men like
• 2:04:05
  Speaker 1: that in general or talented actors in general, anything that
• 2:04:08
  Speaker 1: they all have in common or something that you notice
• 2:04:10
  Speaker 1: about people that are able to grab people's attention?
• 2:04:14
  Speaker 3: It's a cool question. I like it. Um, let me see.
• 2:04:18
  Speaker 3: Is there such a thing as like that person's got it?
• 2:04:21
  Speaker 3: I do believe in that. What are the kids called today? Riz?
• 2:04:24
  Speaker 1: Riz. Yeah. Aura. Aura.
• 2:04:26
  Speaker 3: That's the new word. Thank you.
• 2:04:27
  Speaker 1: I think anyway, I'm not sure.
• 2:04:28
  Speaker 4: Anytime I get a new word, I dial my clock
• 2:04:30
  Speaker 4: back a little bit.
• 2:04:31
  Speaker 3: Aura kids. Um, But let's just go with the Riz,
• 2:04:34
  Speaker 3: which was like, I don't know, 10 minutes ago or
• 2:04:35
  Speaker 3: whatever the fuck. The ones that got the Riz, those
• 2:04:38
  Speaker 3: are the ones you know about. Like they work a
• 2:04:40
  Speaker 3: lot because they've got this like natural charisma where it's
• 2:04:43
  Speaker 3: like camera loves them. They know how to be exactly
• 2:04:45
  Speaker 3: in front of a camera. You know, somebody like Brad Pitt,
• 2:04:48
  Speaker 3: born to be in front of a camera. You know,
• 2:04:50
  Speaker 3: and one could argue like, well, over time he learned
• 2:04:52
  Speaker 3: how to be in front of a camera.
• 2:04:53
  Speaker 4: Sure, maybe.
• 2:04:53
  Speaker 3: But like, number one, he's attractive to look at. In
• 2:04:56
  Speaker 3: the movies, we like to look at attractive people and stuff.
• 2:04:59
  Speaker 3: Number two, he seems very relaxed and natural. So you
• 2:05:01
  Speaker 3: never like, He's acting, it almost seems like he's fucking
• 2:05:04
  Speaker 3: underacting a lot of times. He's just not phoning it in,
• 2:05:07
  Speaker 3: but he ain't trying, man. You don't get the feeling
• 2:05:09
  Speaker 3: that this thirsty motherfucker's really going for it. Just there.
• 2:05:13
  Speaker 3: And he eats all the time in the movies. He's
• 2:05:14
  Speaker 3: always just sitting there fucking eating and shit. Casual as fuck.
• 2:05:17
  Speaker 3: So that dude's got like, dripping with charisma. That's why
• 2:05:20
  Speaker 3: he's a goddamn movie star. So all of them, when
• 2:05:23
  Speaker 3: you reach that level, like where you're casting people who've
• 2:05:26
  Speaker 3: been in other things that are famous.
• 2:05:28
  Speaker 4: They're all fucking, they all got the riz. They're all Jedis.
• 2:05:31
  Speaker 3: Like at a certain point, you start working with complete
• 2:05:33
  Speaker 3: Jedis across the board.
• 2:05:34
  Speaker 4: It's just a fucking matter of how Jedi are they?
• 2:05:38
  Speaker 3: How fucking powerful are they and stuff? Like everyone could
• 2:05:41
  Speaker 3: do it, but like some people are exceptional. So Michael Parks,
• 2:05:44
  Speaker 3: the guy that was in Red State for us and Tusk,
• 2:05:47
  Speaker 3: he's the crazy old man in Red State and Tusk.
• 2:05:50
  Speaker 3: He passed on a rest in power. That dude was like, Brilliant.
• 2:05:57
  Speaker 3: The finest actor I've ever met, best actor I've ever
• 2:05:59
  Speaker 3: met in my life. He gives an eight-minute hate speech
• 2:06:02
  Speaker 3: in red state that, like, I'm not going to say
• 2:06:04
  Speaker 3: it almost convinces you, but, like, you forget that it's
• 2:06:06
  Speaker 3: a vile fucking speech that he's giving because it's delivered
• 2:06:10
  Speaker 3: so incredibly well and through the southern patois.
• 2:06:13
  Speaker 4: That he chose and stuff. That guy has had it.
• 2:06:17
  Speaker 4: He's passed now.
• 2:06:19
  Speaker 3: But, yes, to answer the question, absolutely. I think there's
• 2:06:25
  Speaker 3: other words for it. People you always say, they got it.
• 2:06:28
  Speaker 3: But for lack of a better description, it would be
• 2:06:30
  Speaker 3: the Riz. They got the Riz ready to go, man.
• 2:06:33
  Speaker 4: Like extra.
• 2:06:34
  Speaker 1: Do you think it's kind of gross how the media,
• 2:06:36
  Speaker 1: like the media always takes pictures of Ben Affleck looking sad,
• 2:06:39
  Speaker 1: you know, or trying to make him look sad?
• 2:06:40
  Speaker 3: That's only because the public's interested in it. Like if
• 2:06:43
  Speaker 3: they did it once and nobody clicked on it, they
• 2:06:44
  Speaker 3: wouldn't take, they wouldn't fucking run that story again. But
• 2:06:47
  Speaker 3: people find it fascinating where they're like, why is that
• 2:06:49
  Speaker 3: guy who must be so rich and has it all,
• 2:06:51
  Speaker 3: why does he look like that?
• 2:06:52
  Speaker 1: But they know he struggles with addiction, right? They know
• 2:06:54
  Speaker 1: that that's happening. So like, isn't it gross then at
• 2:06:57
  Speaker 1: that point to, if you know somebody has like, because alcoholism.
• 2:07:01
  Speaker 3: Do I think it's fair? No. But like he knew
• 2:07:05
  Speaker 3: the job was dangerous when he took it. He's in
• 2:07:07
  Speaker 3: a high profile public position. Unfortunately, that comes along with it.
• 2:07:12
  Speaker 3: You can't just sign up for movie star worldwide global
• 2:07:15
  Speaker 3: fame and go like, yeah, but nobody can take pictures
• 2:07:17
  Speaker 3: of me when I'm not in a good mood, right?
• 2:07:19
  Speaker 3: Like that's part of the rule. Like if you go
• 2:07:21
  Speaker 3: out in the world- We live in a world of cameras,
• 2:07:23
  Speaker 3: that's gonna happen. But it only keeps happening because they
• 2:07:27
  Speaker 3: did it once and people clicked on it and found
• 2:07:29
  Speaker 3: it interesting and then started making memes about it. So
• 2:07:31
  Speaker 3: then people keep feeding the beast. So do I think
• 2:07:34
  Speaker 3: it's fair? Well, let's break it down like this. I'll
• 2:07:39
  Speaker 3: break it down like a Catholic. Ben's life is pretty
• 2:07:45
  Speaker 3: wonderful from the outside, it looks like. And even from
• 2:07:49
  Speaker 3: the inside, knowing him, it's pretty wonderful. to see a
• 2:07:52
  Speaker 3: lot of his dreams come true. If the cost is
• 2:07:55
  Speaker 3: every once in a while, somebody's like, he looks fucking
• 2:07:58
  Speaker 3: sad when he's drinking Dunkin' Donuts. Yeah.
• 2:08:02
  Speaker 4: I mean, at the end of the day, you got
• 2:08:03
  Speaker 4: to let that shit go.
• 2:08:04
  Speaker 3: And now that's easy for me to say as a
• 2:08:05
  Speaker 3: guy who like still finds himself dipping into the comments going,
• 2:08:09
  Speaker 3: what are they saying about me? Which is fucking recipe
• 2:08:11
  Speaker 3: for disaster. Ben is not that guy. As far as
• 2:08:14
  Speaker 3: I know, Ben has never had a social media account.
• 2:08:16
  Speaker 3: I mean, he's had a social media account, but somebody else.
• 2:08:18
  Speaker 3: fed into it. He was not the guy posting. So
• 2:08:20
  Speaker 3: he ain't looking for that shit. He's not real public
• 2:08:23
  Speaker 3: and stuff. But it comes along with the job. If
• 2:08:25
  Speaker 3: you're going to be the guy who, you know, you
• 2:08:27
  Speaker 3: were one half of the Good Will Hunting Boys that
• 2:08:29
  Speaker 3: the whole world fell in love with. You took your
• 2:08:32
  Speaker 3: moms to the Oscars? Come on. There's nothing cuter about that.
• 2:08:35
  Speaker 3: They're mass hole kids and whatnot. And, you know, a
• 2:08:38
  Speaker 3: lot of.
• 2:08:39
  Speaker 1: And the Patriots won so much.
• 2:08:41
  Speaker 3: And the fervency that goes along with that.
• 2:08:43
  Speaker 1: But then sometimes, not fuck them.
• 2:08:46
  Speaker 3: It just comes along with it. So if you don't
• 2:08:49
  Speaker 3: want that anymore, give up the other thing. But unfortunately,
• 2:08:53
  Speaker 3: it's a byproduct of the job that you've chosen. Like,
• 2:08:57
  Speaker 3: you know, if Ben was a teacher in Cambridge, He
• 2:09:02
  Speaker 3: could go out, smoke a cigarette, drink Dunkin' Donuts and
• 2:09:04
  Speaker 3: look like he's having an existential crisis all he wants
• 2:09:07
  Speaker 3: and nobody would give a fuck. But because he's Ben Affleck,
• 2:09:09
  Speaker 3: people have this idea that he should be happier than
• 2:09:11
  Speaker 3: that and it's like, come on, man. People are like,
• 2:09:13
  Speaker 3: think about, I live in a world of three-act structure
• 2:09:16
  Speaker 3: and I realize it has really fucked me up for
• 2:09:18
  Speaker 3: my entire life.
• 2:09:19
  Speaker 4: Three-act structure is movies and.
• 2:09:22
  Speaker 3: They always have an ending that's generally on the happy side,
• 2:09:25
  Speaker 3: but there's an ending and a conclusion and when those
• 2:09:28
  Speaker 3: credits roll, Those characters don't have to fucking go back
• 2:09:31
  Speaker 3: to work on Monday and just have a normal ass
• 2:09:33
  Speaker 3: fucking day or then you see them fail or you
• 2:09:37
  Speaker 3: see that couple that fell in love fucking like fall
• 2:09:39
  Speaker 3: apart and shit like that.
• 2:09:40
  Speaker 4: You don't see that.
• 2:09:40
  Speaker 3: Movies are happy snapshots, moments and stuff like that. So
• 2:09:44
  Speaker 3: most people think like somebody like Affleck is like, oh
• 2:09:47
  Speaker 3: my God, this guy's got it made. He must be
• 2:09:48
  Speaker 3: happy every fucking second of the day. It's impossible.
• 2:09:51
  Speaker 1: Oh, I don't think that at all. I think he's
• 2:09:53
  Speaker 1: probably just a regular dude. I just think it's sick
• 2:09:56
  Speaker 1: if like that, there's websites and shit. If somebody is a, has,
• 2:10:00
  Speaker 1: you know, suffers from like alcoholism or something, they know
• 2:10:03
  Speaker 1: that they're, you know, that there's something kind of all there's,
• 2:10:07
  Speaker 1: it's a condition that they would then do that. It
• 2:10:10
  Speaker 1: just seems egregious to me. Like I wouldn't do that
• 2:10:13
  Speaker 1: to somebody like, Oh, this person's has a sickness. Let
• 2:10:16
  Speaker 1: me show them looking depressed or something. It just seems.
• 2:10:19
  Speaker 3: Neither would I. And generally I don't engage in that
• 2:10:21
  Speaker 3: sort of thing, but I just want to take a
• 2:10:23
  Speaker 3: moment to shout you out for this.
• 2:10:26
  Speaker 4: That's very sweet of you.
• 2:10:27
  Speaker 3: Thank you. Like that's, most people go in the other direction.
• 2:10:30
  Speaker 3: People love a train wreck, right? Nobody goes to the
• 2:10:32
  Speaker 3: train station to see the train come in fucking on
• 2:10:35
  Speaker 3: time unless you're getting on the fucking train.
• 2:10:37
  Speaker 4: That ain't interesting. But was it a train wreck?
• 2:10:39
  Speaker 1: Oh, fuck.
• 2:10:39
  Speaker 3: Let's go look at the fucking bodies, as George Carlin
• 2:10:42
  Speaker 3: would say. So it's nice to hear you go like,
• 2:10:44
  Speaker 3: I don't like that. Like you got a line where
• 2:10:46
  Speaker 3: you're like, this guy's got drinking problems or has had
• 2:10:48
  Speaker 3: drinking problems. This might make him drink again. That's human
• 2:10:52
  Speaker 3: to think that way. Rest of the world don't think
• 2:10:53
  Speaker 3: that way. Rest of the world looks at that guy
• 2:10:55
  Speaker 3: and they go, Fuck him. He's got it all.
• 2:10:57
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 2:10:58
  Speaker 1: Now, if the fucking Pats are winning, fuck him.
• 2:11:00
  Speaker 3: I know. I know there are levels and shit like that.
• 2:11:02
  Speaker 3: Are you a sports guy?
• 2:11:03
  Speaker 1: I am a little bit. I got two more questions.
• 2:11:05
  Speaker 1: Did you? I know you're. Did you? I apparently have
• 2:11:07
  Speaker 1: way more questions. Are you a sports guy? Did you
• 2:11:10
  Speaker 1: go to Stan Lee's funeral?
• 2:11:11
  Speaker 3: I did not go to Stan Lee's funeral.
• 2:11:13
  Speaker 1: Did you think about it? I don't know if you
• 2:11:14
  Speaker 1: guys were even close or anything. We were very close.
• 2:11:16
  Speaker 3: I went to Stan Lee's final birthday party, which was
• 2:11:19
  Speaker 3: in December, the few months before he passed away. Um,
• 2:11:24
  Speaker 3: or right before, you know, or he was 95 and
• 2:11:26
  Speaker 3: he almost made it to 96.
• 2:11:27
  Speaker 4: So it was his 95th birthday party. I still have
• 2:11:29
  Speaker 4: pictures on my phone.
• 2:11:31
  Speaker 3: Um, when they buried him, uh, I would, I didn't
• 2:11:34
  Speaker 3: get invited and I'm not saying like, well, fuck them.
• 2:11:36
  Speaker 3: They didn't invite me, but there was no like, Hey,
• 2:11:38
  Speaker 3: you could come or anything, but we were fucking close, man. Like,
• 2:11:43
  Speaker 3: like in the last year of his life, nobody was
• 2:11:46
  Speaker 3: close to him because the situation, people kept him away
• 2:11:48
  Speaker 3: from people. He was kind of, there was an elder
• 2:11:51
  Speaker 3: abuse situation going on. Yeah, that party right there.
• 2:11:55
  Speaker 4: It was December 28th, 2017. Happy birthday.
• 2:11:58
  Speaker 3: And then he died a few months after that. But
• 2:12:01
  Speaker 3: the last year of his life, it was tough to
• 2:12:03
  Speaker 3: be around him. And I don't mean tough to be
• 2:12:05
  Speaker 3: around him, because like, what an asshole. I mean, you
• 2:12:06
  Speaker 3: couldn't get near him. The people who were kind of
• 2:12:09
  Speaker 3: in charge of him kept everyone away. I couldn't text
• 2:12:12
  Speaker 3: him anymore, even call him and shit like that. So
• 2:12:14
  Speaker 3: I didn't have access toward the end. It was a
• 2:12:17
  Speaker 3: sad ending for Stan. But I realized toward the end,
• 2:12:22
  Speaker 3: we did a commercial audi commercial when uh age of
• 2:12:27
  Speaker 3: ultron was coming out and the premise of the commercial
• 2:12:29
  Speaker 3: was like the stanley school of cameo acting so he
• 2:12:32
  Speaker 3: would put on like thor's helmet be like this is
• 2:12:35
  Speaker 3: acting and then he put on like a random general
• 2:12:37
  Speaker 3: helmet he's like this is cameo acting because stan did
• 2:12:39
  Speaker 3: a lot of cameos and shit so the whole spot
• 2:12:42
  Speaker 3: is that and then he gets an audi and drives
• 2:12:43
  Speaker 3: away and it's a class i'm in the class jason
• 2:12:45
  Speaker 3: muse is in the class michael rooker's in the class
• 2:12:48
  Speaker 3: i've seen it Yeah, it ran like years and years ago.
• 2:12:51
  Speaker 3: So we shoot this spot and I was hanging out
• 2:12:54
  Speaker 3: with Stan all day. And then we're doing the last
• 2:12:56
  Speaker 3: shot where car goes past Lou Ferrigno hitchhiking like at
• 2:12:59
  Speaker 3: the end of The Incredible Hulk.
• 2:13:00
  Speaker 1: I saw him at the post office once.
• 2:13:03
  Speaker 3: Lou Ferrigno?
• 2:13:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 2:13:04
  Speaker 4: Awesome dude.
• 2:13:04
  Speaker 3: Nice. Very nice to meet. So Stan's like body man,
• 2:13:09
  Speaker 3: business guy, financial guy. came to set to watch the
• 2:13:15
  Speaker 3: end of the show, and he was hanging out by
• 2:13:16
  Speaker 3: monitor and we were chit-chatting. And he was like, oh,
• 2:13:18
  Speaker 3: I love this stuff, I love production. He's going, Stan's
• 2:13:20
  Speaker 3: so happy. He always has a good time hanging out
• 2:13:23
  Speaker 3: with you. And I was like, oh, I always like
• 2:13:25
  Speaker 3: being around Stan too. It just seemed like a nice
• 2:13:27
  Speaker 3: thing to say. And then the guy, like fucking, lethal
• 2:13:29
  Speaker 3: as a heart attack, he goes, you know, he thinks
• 2:13:31
  Speaker 3: of you like a son. Fucking, like I was like, what?
• 2:13:35
  Speaker 3: And then it occurred to me that like, I always
• 2:13:38
  Speaker 3: thought he was just being nice to me because we
• 2:13:40
  Speaker 3: put him in mall rats. Like he was just being, Stan, political,
• 2:13:44
  Speaker 3: which is like, hey, everybody. Everybody's fucking grandpa and shit.
• 2:13:48
  Speaker 3: But he legit actually liked me as a person.
• 2:13:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, when I see that picture, actually, I thought of
• 2:13:54
  Speaker 1: that for a second.
• 2:13:56
  Speaker 3: He taught me a lot. He taught me how to
• 2:13:59
  Speaker 3: be me for a living. He didn't sit me down
• 2:14:00
  Speaker 3: and be like, but this is a dude who, it
• 2:14:04
  Speaker 3: was one thing to be creative, right?
• 2:14:06
  Speaker 4: He co-created most of the Marvel universe. And yes, of.
• 2:14:11
  Speaker 3: Course, he worked great artists like Steve Ditko and Jack
• 2:14:14
  Speaker 3: Kirby and whatnot, but the imagination that went into it,
• 2:14:18
  Speaker 3: this was a man who wanted to write the great
• 2:14:19
  Speaker 3: American novel. I remember talking to him, interviewing him at
• 2:14:21
  Speaker 3: one point, and he was like, well, I really wanted
• 2:14:23
  Speaker 3: to write the great American novel. And I was like, Stan,
• 2:14:25
  Speaker 3: you did. You just didn't do it as a book.
• 2:14:28
  Speaker 3: You did it with the Marvel universe. It's our modern
• 2:14:31
  Speaker 3: fucking mythology. But he wasn't aiming for that. It's just
• 2:14:34
  Speaker 3: something he did for money and backed into. And then
• 2:14:37
  Speaker 3: later on, the culture shifted into his favor because people
• 2:14:41
  Speaker 3: like comics. But he was like fucking banging the symbols
• 2:14:45
  Speaker 3: for comics since I was a kid. I remember my
• 2:14:47
  Speaker 3: father like calling me out one morning, I was getting
• 2:14:49
  Speaker 3: ready for school. He goes, get inside. Spider-Man's dad is
• 2:14:53
  Speaker 3: on TV. And it was on good morning America talking
• 2:14:55
  Speaker 3: to like the, one of the earliest hosts of before
• 2:14:58
  Speaker 3: even Joan London on good morning America about comic books.
• 2:15:01
  Speaker 3: And here was a grown ass adult man. on television
• 2:15:05
  Speaker 3: talking about something I was passionate about, something that I
• 2:15:08
  Speaker 3: knew very well and loved.
• 2:15:09
  Speaker 4: So I respected the dude right away.
• 2:15:11
  Speaker 3: I knew his voice even before I saw him and
• 2:15:13
  Speaker 3: even before I heard his voice in Spider-Man and His
• 2:15:15
  Speaker 3: Amazing Friends and every episode because he would write that
• 2:15:17
  Speaker 3: Stan's soapbox. And in it, he was a salesman. He
• 2:15:21
  Speaker 3: was an artist, don't get me wrong. And he co-created
• 2:15:24
  Speaker 3: all those characters. But that don't mean shit. You can
• 2:15:27
  Speaker 3: make a million books and characters and shit. If you
• 2:15:29
  Speaker 3: don't know how to sell yourself or sell your work,
• 2:15:32
  Speaker 3: Nobody gonna hear about it. And that guy, you know,
• 2:15:34
  Speaker 3: a lot of people are like, he took all the
• 2:15:35
  Speaker 3: credit himself. I'm not here to address that. All I
• 2:15:39
  Speaker 3: know is he pushed the medium of comics so far.
• 2:15:42
  Speaker 3: He was out there in the mainstream. He would go
• 2:15:44
  Speaker 3: to colleges before anyone respected comic books. When colleges were like,
• 2:15:48
  Speaker 3: these books, you know, 10, 20 years after Stan wrote
• 2:15:51
  Speaker 3: these stories, he would be invited to come proselytize, talk
• 2:15:55
  Speaker 3: about the art form, the emerging art form. And one
• 2:15:58
  Speaker 3: of the only true American art forms is the fucking
• 2:16:00
  Speaker 3: comic book, the superhero comic book. So this was a
• 2:16:03
  Speaker 3: man who was out there doing the work, like building
• 2:16:06
  Speaker 3: the fucking rails upon which billion dollar fucking.
• 2:16:10
  Speaker 1: Steamships move now. I mean, Deadpool doesn't happen if that
• 2:16:13
  Speaker 1: doesn't happen.
• 2:16:13
  Speaker 3: Exactly. And he didn't create Deadpool, nor did he create Wolverine.
• 2:16:17
  Speaker 3: But he created the playground in which those two characters
• 2:16:20
  Speaker 3: were created by other creators in the Marvel universe, comics
• 2:16:24
  Speaker 3: and stuff. So yeah, I miss him. I learned a
• 2:16:28
  Speaker 3: lot from him. It's like you can't expect other people...
• 2:16:31
  Speaker 3: To love your shit unless you love it first. You
• 2:16:32
  Speaker 3: gotta love it the best. That's what I was saying
• 2:16:34
  Speaker 3: like a long time ago. You're the only audience you
• 2:16:36
  Speaker 3: can guarantee to satisfy. So if you can keep your
• 2:16:39
  Speaker 3: budget low, real low, then it don't matter. Go for
• 2:16:42
  Speaker 3: it and stuff. But just don't expect the whole world's
• 2:16:44
  Speaker 3: gonna come. Modify your expectations like my wife.
• 2:16:49
  Speaker 1: So the 430 movie, it's about....
• 2:16:52
  Speaker 4: It's about 85 minutes long.
• 2:16:54
  Speaker 1: And it touches on young love, kind of that first moment.
• 2:16:57
  Speaker 4: Oh, it's dripping with fucking young love.
• 2:16:59
  Speaker 1: God, you remember that? You remember going to your first
• 2:17:01
  Speaker 1: date movie or not?
• 2:17:02
  Speaker 4: At that movie theater.
• 2:17:05
  Speaker 3: Absolutely. The whole movie's about that first date with my
• 2:17:08
  Speaker 3: high school girlfriend, Kim Lockard.
• 2:17:11
  Speaker 4: Kim Garvey now, she's married.
• 2:17:13
  Speaker 3: But the flick is set at the movie theater, Smart
• 2:17:18
  Speaker 3: Castle Cinemas that I have. with my friends in Jersey,
• 2:17:21
  Speaker 3: in Atlantic Highlands. You can go to it and go
• 2:17:22
  Speaker 3: see movies there. We do events there all the time. Smartcastlecinemas.com,
• 2:17:25
  Speaker 3: look for events.
• 2:17:26
  Speaker 1: It's in Red Bank?
• 2:17:27
  Speaker 4: In Atlantic Highlands, New Jersey.
• 2:17:28
  Speaker 1: Atlantic Highlands.
• 2:17:29
  Speaker 4: Not far from Red Bank.
• 2:17:30
  Speaker 3: But in that theater, hanging up behind the ticket counter,
• 2:17:35
  Speaker 3: is a note that I wrote to Kim. Kim Loughran
• 2:17:38
  Speaker 3: wrote to me when we were in high school. And
• 2:17:40
  Speaker 3: it said, Kevin, will you take me to see Dirty
• 2:17:43
  Speaker 3: Dancing at the Atlantic Highlands Twin Cinema this.
• 2:17:47
  Speaker 4: Thursday or whatever?
• 2:17:48
  Speaker 1: Love, Kim.
• 2:17:49
  Speaker 4: So it's.
• 2:17:49
  Speaker 3: Hanging up at the theater because, like, the note was
• 2:17:52
  Speaker 3: about that theater. And I grew up and bought that
• 2:17:55
  Speaker 3: fucking theater with my friends and kept it alive and stuff.
• 2:17:57
  Speaker 3: So the movie is aching with, like, star-crossed first love. And,
• 2:18:01
  Speaker 3: you know, I remember I'd talk about it. I'd read
• 2:18:03
  Speaker 3: a review. For Pretty in Pink when I was a kid,
• 2:18:07
  Speaker 3: and it was in the Asbury Park Press, our local paper,
• 2:18:09
  Speaker 3: and I could never figure out who wrote it. It
• 2:18:10
  Speaker 3: wasn't the person who reviewed films locally, so it was
• 2:18:13
  Speaker 3: a wire service review. But of Pretty in Pink, they said,
• 2:18:16
  Speaker 3: sometimes you just want to enjoy a movie where the
• 2:18:19
  Speaker 3: biggest stakes are whether or not the kids are going
• 2:18:22
  Speaker 3: to go to the prom. And that stayed with me
• 2:18:25
  Speaker 3: since that fucking movie years and years and 40 years ago.
• 2:18:28
  Speaker 3: So this movie is incredibly low stakes. It's just like,
• 2:18:31
  Speaker 3: are they going to go on the date or not?
• 2:18:32
  Speaker 3: I was just aching with like that fucking like, oh,
• 2:18:35
  Speaker 3: what it was like to be a kid in those
• 2:18:37
  Speaker 3: days before there was social media, before you were kind
• 2:18:39
  Speaker 3: of isolated on your cell phone. Phones play a big
• 2:18:42
  Speaker 3: part in the movie, but it's like emergency breakthroughs. And
• 2:18:46
  Speaker 3: there are cordless phones, but it's like the pull up
• 2:18:48
  Speaker 3: the thing as you talk and a lot of fucking
• 2:18:51
  Speaker 3: push button dialing and stuff. So it's of an era
• 2:18:54
  Speaker 3: that I grew up in that kind of shaped me.
• 2:18:56
  Speaker 3: And most of the movies I've ever made have been
• 2:18:58
  Speaker 3: about like the 90s, so to speak. And this movie
• 2:19:01
  Speaker 3: is more about the 80s, takes you back to like 86.
• 2:19:03
  Speaker 3: So it is. It's really like wears its heart on
• 2:19:05
  Speaker 3: its fucking sleeve. And the kids in it are amazing. Austin, Nick, Reed, Sienna,
• 2:19:12
  Speaker 3: like a fantastic cast. When I finished the script, normally
• 2:19:15
  Speaker 3: when I make a movie, I'm like, script's the best
• 2:19:17
  Speaker 3: thing about it. And I always felt that way because
• 2:19:19
  Speaker 3: I'm like, we can get a cool cast, but it's
• 2:19:21
  Speaker 3: all predicated on the script. This is the first time
• 2:19:23
  Speaker 3: I've read one of my scripts and I was like, well,
• 2:19:25
  Speaker 3: I hope the cast is real good because there's not
• 2:19:27
  Speaker 3: a lot going on in the script. I said, but
• 2:19:29
  Speaker 3: if the cast is charming, this movie will work. And
• 2:19:31
  Speaker 3: the cast is crazy, wonderful, charming. So if the movie
• 2:19:35
  Speaker 3: works at all, it's because of them, because of Ken Jeong,
• 2:19:37
  Speaker 3: because of Justin Long, because of all the people that
• 2:19:39
  Speaker 3: are in it. But it's September 13th. You can see
• 2:19:42
  Speaker 3: it at Theater Near You and then digitally, of course.
• 2:19:44
  Speaker 1: We'll share about it on my socials too, man. I'll
• 2:19:47
  Speaker 1: make sure that we remember that. Yeah, I remember being
• 2:19:49
  Speaker 1: that age just praying that my dick would be big.
• 2:19:52
  Speaker 1: We used to do that all the time. Me and
• 2:19:53
  Speaker 1: my buddy Scott.
• 2:19:54
  Speaker 4: I pray for that. I was always okay with the
• 2:19:55
  Speaker 4: dick size.
• 2:19:56
  Speaker 3: And it wasn't big, but I was like, When did
• 2:19:58
  Speaker 3: you realize you didn't have a big * * * *?
• 2:20:00
  Speaker 3: Why were you praying for something? For all you knew,
• 2:20:02
  Speaker 3: you had the big.
• 2:20:03
  Speaker 1: * * * * in the world. Well, I think
• 2:20:04
  Speaker 1: at like 12 or 13, you started praying, or some
• 2:20:06
  Speaker 1: people started praying about it like around us.
• 2:20:07
  Speaker 3: But did you have a size comparison to look at
• 2:20:09
  Speaker 3: and be like, my * * * * is not
• 2:20:09
  Speaker 3: like that?
• 2:20:10
  Speaker 1: No, but you just knew people wanted to have.
• 2:20:11
  Speaker 3: How did you just know, Theo?
• 2:20:13
  Speaker 1: People said like, oh, you got a little, people would say, oh.
• 2:20:15
  Speaker 4: Why'd you believe them?
• 2:20:17
  Speaker 3: You had no proof. Proof's in the pudding. If you're
• 2:20:19
  Speaker 3: not seeing it, you're not being it. So all this time,
• 2:20:21
  Speaker 3: you've been worried that you got not a big enough
• 2:20:24
  Speaker 3: * * * *. You could have gone home anytime
• 2:20:26
  Speaker 3: you wanted. All you had to do Let's click your
• 2:20:28
  Speaker 3: heels together. For all you know, you've got the biggest
• 2:20:32
  Speaker 3: in the world. You know what? Your show. Whip it out.
• 2:20:34
  Speaker 3: Let's find out. I'll take out mine, and you're going
• 2:20:36
  Speaker 3: to feel like a champion. You're going to be like, oh,
• 2:20:38
  Speaker 3: I'm better than them in this way, too.
• 2:20:39
  Speaker 1: Hey, look, you can hot 11 of my s *
• 2:20:41
  Speaker 1: * * by one Celsius can. I'll tell you that.
• 2:20:44
  Speaker 3: That's my dream, to be thick as a Celsius can
• 2:20:46
  Speaker 3: and just as tasty. Oh, now we're talking. Yes.
• 2:20:49
  Speaker 1: Arctic blast be very easy to get blown if you
• 2:20:51
  Speaker 1: taste like arctic blast especially if your wiener had like
• 2:20:54
  Speaker 1: one of those pop things at the end like a
• 2:20:56
  Speaker 1: pop top.
• 2:20:56
  Speaker 3: If they could just pop it open and also if
• 2:20:58
  Speaker 3: when they were done they were gonna be like i'm
• 2:20:59
  Speaker 3: gonna feel energetic because it could burn extra calories like i'm.
• 2:21:03
  Speaker 1: Ready for work that would change your wife's behavior.
• 2:21:05
  Speaker 3: In the morning i think truly would i could maybe
• 2:21:07
  Speaker 3: i could get like 8 a.m 9 a.m going on god.
• 2:21:09
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna pray about that um wait.
• 2:21:12
  Speaker 3: But you said something before you don't right now you're
• 2:21:14
  Speaker 3: not in a relationship no When was the last serious
• 2:21:16
  Speaker 3: relationship you had?
• 2:21:17
  Speaker 1: Probably like four or five years, you know? So I
• 2:21:19
  Speaker 1: want to be in one.
• 2:21:19
  Speaker 3: So that's why you're successful, son.
• 2:21:21
  Speaker 4: Oh, I feel like I've made my work. Yeah, you're like,
• 2:21:22
  Speaker 4: fuck love. You're like, I'm married to my job.
• 2:21:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 2:21:24
  Speaker 4: That's what happens.
• 2:21:25
  Speaker 3: So now the job's in a great fucking place. Now
• 2:21:28
  Speaker 3: you're like, hmm, who will I share all this with?
• 2:21:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, now I got to find a wife. I got
• 2:21:33
  Speaker 1: to get a little bit of help first. Now I
• 2:21:34
  Speaker 1: got to find a wife. I got to decompress. Got
• 2:21:36
  Speaker 1: to find a wife.
• 2:21:38
  Speaker 4: You don't need to find a wife. You just need
• 2:21:39
  Speaker 4: to find somebody.
• 2:21:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah. You don't got to marry him and shit like that.
• 2:21:42
  Speaker 3: I mean, you got a lot to protect right now,
• 2:21:43
  Speaker 3: so don't fucking.
• 2:21:44
  Speaker 1: Find a partner in crime.
• 2:21:45
  Speaker 3: Just find somebody that when you're done doing it, when
• 2:21:48
  Speaker 3: you're done being Theo, you know, you just go be Theo.
• 2:21:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and just have some kids that are your own
• 2:21:54
  Speaker 1: to play with and stuff.
• 2:21:55
  Speaker 3: Oh, God.
• 2:21:56
  Speaker 4: Be careful, though.
• 2:21:56
  Speaker 3: When you have kids and you want to hang out
• 2:21:57
  Speaker 3: with them and you do shit with them, public gets shitty.
• 2:22:00
  Speaker 3: I put up that thing about beardless, dickless me on
• 2:22:02
  Speaker 3: my Instagram. And there was somebody who was like, ew,
• 2:22:05
  Speaker 3: stop forcing your kid down my throat.
• 2:22:07
  Speaker 4: And it's like, you don't have to fucking listen. It's
• 2:22:09
  Speaker 4: a free podcast.
• 2:22:10
  Speaker 3: It's not mandatory. I'm not saying there's like taxes where
• 2:22:12
  Speaker 3: it's like you got to do this. It's like if
• 2:22:13
  Speaker 3: you don't want to fuck with it, don't fuck with it.
• 2:22:15
  Speaker 3: It's always amazing to me when people get hostile and
• 2:22:18
  Speaker 3: shit like that. There's one guy who was like, this
• 2:22:20
  Speaker 3: is the weirdest reaction. He goes, I saw a video
• 2:22:24
  Speaker 3: where you were crying on YouTube and shit.
• 2:22:26
  Speaker 4: You went crazy. And you said you were going to
• 2:22:28
  Speaker 4: stop posting.
• 2:22:29
  Speaker 3: And now it's give me a dollar here, give me
• 2:22:31
  Speaker 3: a dollar here, and you're doing this podcast.
• 2:22:33
  Speaker 4: So I went through everything he said. I was like,
• 2:22:35
  Speaker 4: is any of this true?
• 2:22:36
  Speaker 3: And I did do a YouTube video, but I wasn't
• 2:22:37
  Speaker 3: crying in it. And I did say I was gonna
• 2:22:39
  Speaker 3: not fuck with my socials as much, which I didn't
• 2:22:41
  Speaker 3: for the better part of a year. After I got
• 2:22:43
  Speaker 3: out of the fucking nut house and shit, I stayed
• 2:22:44
  Speaker 3: away from that shit so I could try to figure
• 2:22:46
  Speaker 3: out how I felt about myself, never mind how this
• 2:22:48
  Speaker 3: random fucker feels.
• 2:22:49
  Speaker 4: About me and shit.
• 2:22:50
  Speaker 3: And then he was saying that I asked for a
• 2:22:51
  Speaker 3: dollar here and there. It's not true, I was advertising
• 2:22:53
  Speaker 3: a free fucking podcast. And I was about to respond,
• 2:22:56
  Speaker 3: and then I was like, you know what, you've been
• 2:22:59
  Speaker 3: around so fucking long. You know the game. Why are
• 2:23:03
  Speaker 3: you even fucking wasting a second, man? So I just
• 2:23:05
  Speaker 3: deleted that shit, moved on with my day. They taught
• 2:23:09
  Speaker 3: me in the nuthouse, man. There's two places that human
• 2:23:14
  Speaker 3: beings love to exist. And they're two least healthy places
• 2:23:20
  Speaker 3: for a human being to be. The past and the future.
• 2:23:24
  Speaker 3: The condition of the human being is such that we
• 2:23:26
  Speaker 3: spend so much of our time thinking about what we've
• 2:23:28
  Speaker 3: done and what went wrong and what could have and
• 2:23:31
  Speaker 3: should have happened and our regret. And we relitigate the
• 2:23:34
  Speaker 3: past like we're expert fucking lawyers and barristers and shit
• 2:23:38
  Speaker 3: like that. And so we're not here in the moment.
• 2:23:40
  Speaker 3: We're in the past going like, oh, remember I said
• 2:23:42
  Speaker 3: that shit? And why didn't that person say hi that time?
• 2:23:44
  Speaker 3: And fucking, man, how come that dude's doing it and
• 2:23:46
  Speaker 3: I'm not? Why are they ahead of me and shit
• 2:23:47
  Speaker 3: like that? That's all fucking stuff you can't do anything about.
• 2:23:51
  Speaker 3: Past happened.
• 2:23:51
  Speaker 4: You can't rewrite that.
• 2:23:52
  Speaker 3: You can't change it. Maybe if you're Tony Stark, you
• 2:23:55
  Speaker 3: can go back and change it. Then Endgame happens. But
• 2:23:58
  Speaker 3: you cannot fucking change the past. So stay out of
• 2:24:00
  Speaker 3: the fucking past because the past is depression. Future is anxiety.
• 2:24:04
  Speaker 3: Nobody controls that shit. Nobody knows what's going to happen.
• 2:24:07
  Speaker 3: And you can't sit there. We were reading a lot
• 2:24:09
  Speaker 3: of people. You meet him. You're like, you should write
• 2:24:10
  Speaker 3: a story. Like, aren't creative. Like you bullshit. Everybody in
• 2:24:13
  Speaker 3: this audience is way more creative than me. It's fine.
• 2:24:16
  Speaker 3: A writer than me, if not better, when it comes
• 2:24:18
  Speaker 3: to imagining a dire future for themselves, we are all
• 2:24:21
  Speaker 3: the most creative and inventive fucking individuals.
• 2:24:23
  Speaker 4: When we're thinking about all the shit that could go.
• 2:24:25
  Speaker 3: Wrong, we build scenarios, crazy scenarios about this happens in
• 2:24:30
  Speaker 3: this and this and this. And we live in them.
• 2:24:32
  Speaker 3: They're so fucking real. The body remembers. There's a book
• 2:24:34
  Speaker 3: called The Body Remembers, which is about trauma and how
• 2:24:37
  Speaker 3: the body stores trauma, scientifically proven. Body remembers trauma. So
• 2:24:42
  Speaker 3: then later on in life, when you think about the trauma,
• 2:24:44
  Speaker 3: guess what? The body remembers it and it revisits it
• 2:24:47
  Speaker 3: through the amygdala and shit like that. So when you've
• 2:24:49
  Speaker 3: got PTSD, that's why people get shakes or fucking have
• 2:24:52
  Speaker 3: to be away from people and stuff. That's real. Physically,
• 2:24:55
  Speaker 3: the body remembers fucking trauma and stuff like that. So
• 2:24:58
  Speaker 3: the best way past all that shit I don't know,
• 2:25:02
  Speaker 3: I'm still trying to figure that out. But stay out
• 2:25:04
  Speaker 3: of the past, goddammit, and stay out of the future,
• 2:25:08
  Speaker 3: because you can't do anything about it. All that fucking,
• 2:25:10
  Speaker 3: like think about this, all that like, oh my god,
• 2:25:13
  Speaker 3: this is gonna happen and this happens and everything fucking
• 2:25:15
  Speaker 3: goes wrong and I lose again and shit. It's not
• 2:25:18
  Speaker 3: true though, it's all fiction that you're just making up.
• 2:25:20
  Speaker 3: You're gonna make some future shit up, because that's what
• 2:25:22
  Speaker 3: it is, you don't know what's gonna happen. Flip the
• 2:25:24
  Speaker 3: script and just fucking make up all happy. Fucking goofy ass,
• 2:25:27
  Speaker 3: unbelievable shit.
• 2:25:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, at least make up some good shit for yourself.
• 2:25:29
  Speaker 3: Dude, it has as much likelihood as fucking happening. That's
• 2:25:33
  Speaker 3: the truth. It ain't even fucking fantasy. It's like you're already,
• 2:25:36
  Speaker 3: not you, but the collective you, you're already living in
• 2:25:39
  Speaker 3: fantasy if you're like, no, only bad shit happens. You're
• 2:25:41
  Speaker 3: already fucking weaving a fantastic fucking tale that is untrue
• 2:25:44
  Speaker 3: and it's based on no facts whatsoever.
• 2:25:47
  Speaker 4: So if you can do that, just fucking change.
• 2:25:49
  Speaker 3: It to like, You know what, Marvel calls me all
• 2:25:51
  Speaker 3: of a sudden and I'm directing the next fucking Avengers movie.
• 2:25:53
  Speaker 3: It has just as much a chance of happening as
• 2:25:56
  Speaker 3: the negative bullshit. So, if we can't live in the past,
• 2:25:59
  Speaker 3: or shouldn't live in the past, and it's unhealthy, and
• 2:26:01
  Speaker 3: we shouldn't live in the future, if past is depression
• 2:26:03
  Speaker 3: and the future anxiety, there's only one place to be.
• 2:26:06
  Speaker 3: We have no choice, be here in the present. But
• 2:26:08
  Speaker 3: so often, we're not in the fucking present, man. Nobody
• 2:26:10
  Speaker 3: wants to be in this moment, they wanna be there.
• 2:26:13
  Speaker 3: Everyone's headed to a place, and then everyone's obsessing about
• 2:26:16
  Speaker 3: where we've been. Kids. This is what they taught me
• 2:26:19
  Speaker 3: in the nuthouse. I'm going to save you a lot
• 2:26:20
  Speaker 3: of fucking money and time and shit like that. Be
• 2:26:23
  Speaker 3: here and now. Be mindful. Breathe. The easiest way to
• 2:26:25
  Speaker 3: do that, if your head's going crazy and you're in
• 2:26:28
  Speaker 3: the fucking future and shit and you're worrying about some
• 2:26:30
  Speaker 3: bullshit or if you're in the past worrying about some
• 2:26:32
  Speaker 3: old fucking shit that happened, what you need to do
• 2:26:34
  Speaker 3: is just this. Crazy shit, free as fuck. Breathe. You go....
• 2:26:42
  Speaker 4: Just breathe in and out five times, deep breaths.
• 2:26:44
  Speaker 3: And you know what it does? It grounds you. Do
• 2:26:45
  Speaker 3: you know why? Because you cannot breathe in the past
• 2:26:48
  Speaker 3: and you cannot breathe in the future. You can only
• 2:26:50
  Speaker 3: breathe in the here and now. So by breathing, you
• 2:26:53
  Speaker 3: bring yourself back to the moment. You pull yourself out
• 2:26:55
  Speaker 3: of that fake future that you're fretting about. You pull
• 2:26:58
  Speaker 3: yourself out of that horrendous past that you're still traumatized by.
• 2:27:01
  Speaker 3: And you're here now and you can sit there and
• 2:27:03
  Speaker 3: go like, well, wait, is anything wrong? No. My body's
• 2:27:07
  Speaker 3: reacting to some shit I was thinking about because the
• 2:27:09
  Speaker 3: body stores trauma. And I just did this to myself.
• 2:27:12
  Speaker 3: I created this condition. You could pull yourself out of that.
• 2:27:15
  Speaker 3: I'm not saying this is a cure for everything. Some
• 2:27:16
  Speaker 3: people go through real shit. But when you're in your head,
• 2:27:20
  Speaker 3: that ain't real shit. And you may have gone through
• 2:27:23
  Speaker 3: real shit in your life, but when you're in your
• 2:27:24
  Speaker 3: head fretting about it, you are making up a fucking fiction.
• 2:27:28
  Speaker 1: You don't know the fucking future. Yeah, because sometimes you
• 2:27:30
  Speaker 1: don't even recognize it.
• 2:27:31
  Speaker 3: And you work yourself up. The body fucking, dude, I
• 2:27:33
  Speaker 3: had a fucking heart attack. And yes, I had a
• 2:27:35
  Speaker 3: heart attack because I had fucking packed you know, LAD
• 2:27:38
  Speaker 3: full of cholesterol and shit like that. People could put
• 2:27:41
  Speaker 3: themselves in. They say stress is the number one killer.
• 2:27:43
  Speaker 3: Get you to that heart attack. Stress will kill me.
• 2:27:45
  Speaker 3: And stress is created by sitting around going like, oh, fucking,
• 2:27:47
  Speaker 3: what if it don't work out, man? It didn't ever
• 2:27:49
  Speaker 3: work out because it never worked out in the past.
• 2:27:50
  Speaker 3: Remember that fucking time you tried that thing and it
• 2:27:52
  Speaker 3: didn't work?
• 2:27:53
  Speaker 1: You're a fucking asshole.
• 2:27:54
  Speaker 3: You got to put that shit away. Flip the script
• 2:27:56
  Speaker 3: and be like, I'm in the here and now. If
• 2:27:57
  Speaker 3: you can't do that and you've got to be in
• 2:27:59
  Speaker 3: the future, Just make up a better future. It has
• 2:28:01
  Speaker 3: just as much a likelihood as coming true as the
• 2:28:04
  Speaker 3: fake bullshit that you're fretting about and.
• 2:28:06
  Speaker 1: It's ruining your life. At least be an author for
• 2:28:08
  Speaker 1: the best for yourself.
• 2:28:10
  Speaker 3: You can make it up. Make up good shit.
• 2:28:12
  Speaker 1: Kevin Smith, 430 movie comes out September 13th.
• 2:28:15
  Speaker 3: And my podcast with my kid.
• 2:28:17
  Speaker 1: And the Smodcast Network. Beardless?
• 2:28:19
  Speaker 3: No, it's iHeart. Beardless, dickless. iHeart Network. Beardless, dickless me.
• 2:28:23
  Speaker 3: I took all my shit behind a paywall years ago,
• 2:28:25
  Speaker 3: all my podcasts and shit. So this is the first
• 2:28:26
  Speaker 3: one I'm going out in the world and seeing like,
• 2:28:28
  Speaker 3: What would it be like if I had infrastructure? And
• 2:28:30
  Speaker 3: the folks at iHeart were like, do it here. So
• 2:28:32
  Speaker 3: I was like, all right.
• 2:28:32
  Speaker 4: So beardless, dickless me. It's funny.
• 2:28:36
  Speaker 3: I just sit around and try to make her fucking laugh.
• 2:28:37
  Speaker 3: I know some people are like, ew, fuck you and
• 2:28:39
  Speaker 3: your happy kid.
• 2:28:40
  Speaker 1: No, I think it's, that's sweet. It is. Thank you, man.
• 2:28:44
  Speaker 1: Thanks for all the entertainment. Thanks for all the being,
• 2:28:46
  Speaker 1: you're trying your best to be yourself through your medium.
• 2:28:49
  Speaker 1: And yeah, so many people have enjoyed so much your
• 2:28:52
  Speaker 1: work over the years.
• 2:28:53
  Speaker 3: You're like, I'm not one of them, but I appreciate
• 2:28:55
  Speaker 3: the fact that it exists.
• 2:28:57
  Speaker 1: We've all enjoyed your work over the years. Dude, you're
• 2:28:59
  Speaker 1: going to be in that next Jay and Sam Bob movie.
• 2:29:01
  Speaker 1: Like serious. Oh, Selling the Weed.
• 2:29:04
  Speaker 4: I didn't say that. Don't start writing the part.
• 2:29:05
  Speaker 1: Okay, sorry.
• 2:29:06
  Speaker 4: I'll take care of that.
• 2:29:07
  Speaker 3: No, but you've got to play Jay's brother.
• 2:29:08
  Speaker 4: I'm telling you, Jay's vibe is so similar.
• 2:29:11
  Speaker 3: I guarantee you in the comments, kids in his comments
• 2:29:13
  Speaker 3: should be like, oh my God, fucking you and Jay.
• 2:29:15
  Speaker 3: Like sometimes you ever watch a movie or TV show
• 2:29:17
  Speaker 3: and they do like a familial pairing, like a mother
• 2:29:19
  Speaker 3: and daughter. You're like, that shit is fucking 100% on.
• 2:29:23
  Speaker 3: I put you next to Jay in a movie and
• 2:29:24
  Speaker 3: you both talk, 100%. Wow. You're Jay's long lost brother
• 2:29:28
  Speaker 3: who just was raised in the South and shit. Yeah.
• 2:29:30
  Speaker 4: Or your twang is from South Jersey.
• 2:29:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 2:29:33
  Speaker 3: I did that joke in a movie. I'll do it again.
• 2:29:35
  Speaker 1: A lot of times people in Louisiana get, people accuse
• 2:29:37
  Speaker 1: him from being from New Jersey. Thank you so much, Kevin.
• 2:29:41
  Speaker 4: Thank you for having me. Thank you for letting me
• 2:29:42
  Speaker 4: talk as much as I did.
• 2:29:43
  Speaker 3: And apologies to anybody who tuned in to listen to
• 2:29:45
  Speaker 3: Theo talk, because I feel like I did most of
• 2:29:47
  Speaker 3: the talking.
• 2:29:47
  Speaker 1: Dude, you know what's so funny? It's a blessing. I
• 2:29:49
  Speaker 1: was kind of tired today, and I'm grateful that you
• 2:29:50
  Speaker 1: spoke a lot. Are you serious?
• 2:29:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 2:29:53
  Speaker 4: Fuck it.
• 2:29:53
  Speaker 3: Honestly, that's 100% meaningful to me. Number one, that's fucking
• 2:29:56
  Speaker 3: crazy real. And number two, I know what that means
• 2:29:58
  Speaker 3: as a person who's done this a bunch of shit.
• 2:30:00
  Speaker 3: It's just like, he's coming in. All right. Like, I
• 2:30:03
  Speaker 3: like him. And he made clerks. All right. But I
• 2:30:05
  Speaker 3: ain't feeling up to it today.
• 2:30:06
  Speaker 4: So the fact that I was on Motor Mouth, and
• 2:30:08
  Speaker 4: you were like, this works for me. 100%.
• 2:30:11
  Speaker 3: Anytime you don't feel like working, you want me, I'll
• 2:30:13
  Speaker 3: just sit here and talk the whole time and you
• 2:30:15
  Speaker 3: can fucking sit there and be present in the moment
• 2:30:17
  Speaker 3: and breathe.
• 2:30:19
  Speaker 1: And sorry the AC wasn't working. The coldest thing in here.
• 2:30:22
  Speaker 3: It wasn't?
• 2:30:22
  Speaker 1: It wasn't. The coldest thing in here is that Celsius cooler.
• 2:30:24
  Speaker 3: Are you kidding me?
• 2:30:25
  Speaker 1: We had it open earlier.
• 2:30:26
  Speaker 3: That's the coldest and the coolest thing fucking in here. Actually,
• 2:30:29
  Speaker 3: you're the coolest thing in here. Fucking Celsius cooler. Second
• 2:30:31
  Speaker 3: coolest thing.
• 2:30:32
  Speaker 1: Well, you're cool too, man.
• 2:30:34
  Speaker 4: Thanks, man.
• 2:30:34
  Speaker 3: I did that.
• 2:30:34
  Speaker 4: I said it just so you would say that back.
• 2:30:36
  Speaker 1: I'm Kevin Smith.
• 2:30:37
  Speaker 3: I'm pulling that shit putting it on my Instagram. Theo
• 2:30:39
  Speaker 3: Vaughn said I was cool.
• 2:30:40
  Speaker 1: Thanks, brother.
• 2:30:41
  Speaker 3: Thanks, man.