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My Blackness Is Constantly Questioned Comedians Reveal the Truth 😁🤣🤣🤣| please share · Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_04: How do you celebrate Black History Month, sir?
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_04: You come to see comedy shows?
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_04: Good call.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_04: You know, I've heard that a lot of white people celebrate Black History Month by giving the nearest black guy twenty dollars.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_04: If that ain't the slickest shit I've ever seen in my life, y'all can't see him.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_04: He went.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_04: I'll do with just a dab right there.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_04: Ah, I gotcha.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_08: I used to live in LA because Jesus loves me.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_08: But the problem is when I moved to LA, I didn't see more than five black people in the first three months, and I was like, okay, I've seen TV.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_08: I know they're out here.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_08: Where'd you put them?
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_08: But I didn't know I was the one in the wrong, right?
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_08: I lived in East LA.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_08: I live in a Highland Park.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_08: And I lived in a Mexican-American neighborhood that was quickly getting gentrified.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_08: So they were confused with what my black ass was doing there.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_08: So I got Tia's and dudes and buns looking real suspicious at me.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_08: I'm like, hey man, I'm just here for nachos.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_08: I don't want no problems.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_08: And then I speak Spanish, so the Mexicans thought I was a spy.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_08: I'm like, nah, man.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_08: I'm just trying to get hooked up on these nachos.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_08: And there's this one lift driver I used to get all the time.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_08: And one day I guess he had had it because I got in the car and he was like, Lulce?
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_08: Yeah?
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_08: Where you from?
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_08: Atlanta?
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_08: Nah.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_08: Where's your mom from?
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_08: Miami?
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_08: Nah.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_08: Where's your grandma from?
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_08: Dude, take me home.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_08: Not here for your lips twenty-three and me whore, hey.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_08: Take me the hell home, dawg.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_08: You wanna crack this mystery?
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_08: I got a Spanish name because my mama grew up in Miami.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_08: The only Spanish she knows is food, and my name is food, okay?
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_08: I finally did see a black lady.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_08: I was in Target.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_08: We saw each other and went, ooh, don't do that when you see us as rude.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_08: The sergeant was like, ooh, and I was like, What up, auntie?
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_08: Because she was an auntie.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_08: And I walked up to her, I was like, hey, auntie, uh, quick question.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_08: Where are the rest of us?
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_08: And she's like, oh girl, you in the wrong neighborhood.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_08: You gotta go to like Compton or Inglewood.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_08: And I was like, I in second generation suburbs.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_08: Uh I don't want to go to hood movie places to see black people.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_08: Where are the brunching Negroes at?
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_08: I'm a mimosa d myself.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_08: Well.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_08: And she was like, brunch?
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_08: What's brunch?
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_08: I was like, bitch, we're in Target.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_08: That is a Walmart question.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_08: How dare you?
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_13: You supposed to have shoes on.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_13: What are you doing?
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_13: Deep South?
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_13: Deep South?
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_13: Deep, deep fucking south.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_13: Those are the those are the trunk, the ones the deep south where their mouths don't move.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_13: You know what I'm talking about?
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_06: They'll be like, hey man, I'm just gonna let you know you hunt his head right there.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_06: Oh, yeah, that's right.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_06: That's right.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_06: I don't care that man.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_06: You did that.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_13: I love Alabama football, okay?
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_13: Love Alabama football.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_13: It don't matter if you boo it.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_13: Don't matter.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_13: They're just good players.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_13: You must be from a loser school.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_13: They were the last to have black players, Alabama football.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_13: And Bear Bryant at the time, he was a coach for Alabama, and they were like, I think we need colored players.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_06: And and the alumni was like, We don't want no goddamn color clear, you better.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_06: No colored clear, goddamn, you better not hear no hurry.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_13: I'm sure you know what they were saying, right?
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_13: And then one day Alabama was playing a team with colored players.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_13: And this is what they saw.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_13: What the hell was that?
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_13: That's one of them colored players, coach.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_13: He's like, yo, let me get the phone.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_13: Yeah, we need some colored players.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_13: Why?
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_13: Because to catch the other colored players.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_13: Oh, the white guys just went by.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_13: Holy shit.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_13: I mean, I was just saying, we dominate the sports and shit.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_13: Anytime we get interested in sports, we're taking it from you.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_13: Taking it from you.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_13: Golf took it from you.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_13: Tennis took it from you.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_13: All that shit.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_13: We just gotta get interested.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_13: You know what I'm saying?
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_13: That's why you have X games, motherfuckers.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_13: Because you were tired of black dudes taking all your shit.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_13: And you're like, dude, we gotta find some shit that these black dudes won't touch.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_13: How about we jump out of a helicopter on a bike into a garbage can?
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_13: How about that?
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_13: They'll never fucking do it.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_07: They'll just never fucking do it.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_07: These protests, though.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_07: You want to do something really meaningful.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_07: Go to a protest that has nothing to do with you personally.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_07: That's what we're seeing more of.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_07: I did that for the first time.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_07: I did that for the first time.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_07: I went to a Muslim ban protest, man.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_07: Banning the Muslims.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_07: I went out there.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_07: This is what they don't tell you.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_07: When you go to a protest that ain't got shit to do with you, you can just leave whenever you want.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_07: I never knew that was an option because I only go to black protest.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_07: I'm from Birmingham.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_07: All we do is go to black protests.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_07: And when you at a black protest, you there.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_07: There's no leaving.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_07: You think black church long, go to a black protest.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_07: Better pack a snack and a diaper.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_07: Ain't no sneaking off.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_07: I just left the Muslim man.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_07: They waved.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_07: See you later.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_07: I tried to tiptoe away from black protests.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_07: I got two steps away from the group.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_07: Where are you going, brother?
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_07: The struggle is this way.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_07: My bad, fam.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_07: That's on me.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_07: I thought we was gonna make that lift.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_07: We making a lift.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_07: Okay, struggle to okay.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_07: Let's go this way.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_07: Okay.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_07: You gotta respect anybody.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_07: That's at somebody else's protest.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_07: You see a lot of that with black folks, man.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_07: Black women, man.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_07: Black women just be supporting folks, bro.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_07: So maybe.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_07: Uber black.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_07: Because black people would be perfectly justified in not showing up to anybody else's march.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_07: We ain't gotta show up to your shit.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_07: If you to listen to us, you wouldn't even be marching, because it happened to us first.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_07: Half the stuff you marching about happened to black people first was trying to tell you.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_07: You see a black person at a march that doesn't have anything to do with them, that is a gracious giving soul.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_07: Because black people would be perfectly justified and only tending to issues affecting the black community.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_07: We could fill our calendar just walking for black issues from crime to poverty to unemployment to home loans.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_07: We ain't got the time, man, to be helping everybody.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_07: So when people make the time, that's a blessing.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_07: Why do you think black superheroes only save black people?
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_07: They're busy, they ain't got the time to save the rest of the world.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_07: That's a luxury that only white superheroes have.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_07: My neighborhood's great.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_07: What else is going on out here in the world?
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_07: Black superheroes gotta focus on their block.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_07: I watch Luke Cage.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_07: Luke Cage is my show.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_07: Love Luke Cage.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_07: Luke Cage, if you don't know nothing about comic books and superheroes, Luke Cage is this TV show about an indestructible black man.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_07: The brother's bulletproof, super stressed, you throw a truck at you like a football.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_07: You would think with his resume, he would be somewhere with Iron Man trying to save the universe.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_07: This motherfucker never leaves Harlem.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_07: He ain't got the time.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_07: Whole TV show, eight blocks.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_07: That's all it is.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_07: Luke Cage ain't got time to be saving everybody.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_07: He ain't even got time to go to Hell's Kitchen to help Daredevil.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_07: That's how busy Luke Cage is.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_07: Can't even take the one line.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_07: Luke Cage don't care about the rest of the world.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_07: Luke Cage is like, look, until Thanos come by the Apollo theater, that ain't none of my business.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_07: Sweet Christmas.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_07: It's not that black people don't care about what you're going through.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_07: I promise you we care.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_07: It's just some of us don't have the time.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_07: Shit, black folks ain't even got the strength to help other black people.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_07: Black Panther didn't even have time to help the rest of Africa.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_07: That's how busy he was.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_07: All them powers, all them weapons, you're telling me Black Panther couldn't swing by South Africa and free Mandela real quick.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_07: He didn't have the time.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_07: He was only worried about Wakanda.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_07: That's what half the movie was about.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_07: Half the movie Black Panther was about him using his powers to help the rest of the world.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_07: He had to get his ass whooped by his cousin before he would even consider it.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_07: The whole movie, Black Panther, brother, we cannot concern ourselves with the rest of the world.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_07: Wakanda is but I have reconsidered my position.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_07: Now, if you excuse me, I will go drink more of my magical grape soda.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_07: It's not that we don't care.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_07: We don't have the time.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_07: Why do you think you don't see Samuel L.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_07: Jackson in half these Avengers movies?
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_07: Motherfucker busy.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_07: You ever notice that?
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_07: Half of these Avenger movies, Samuel L.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_07: Jackson don't be in the movie half the time.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_07: Sam Jackson appears at the very end of the movie.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_07: All this shit that went on the whole movie.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_07: And then here comes Samuel L.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_07: Jackson at the very end.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_07: Good job, motherfuckers.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_07: You did it.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_07: Here's your next mission.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_07: It's a god from another universe can destroy the world with the snap of a finger.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_07: Good luck with that.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_07: I gotta go to a protest.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_07: Police just shot a 40-year-old eighth grader.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_01: I'ma tell you what I hate doing around white people.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_01: I can't stand for when white people see me doing this.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_01: I just cringe up anytime.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_01: Working.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_01: Any kind of work.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_01: I don't even care.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_01: Just I could be mopping the floor, a white guy come in, I'd be like, yeah, damn.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_01: I look like a colored right now.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_01: Might as well shuck and jive.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_01: Mammy.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_01: I hate eating chicken in front of y'all, too.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_01: Or watermelon.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_01: And if I'm eating watermelon and chicken, I want to commit suicide, I swear to you.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_01: True story.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_01: Something that happened to me.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_01: We got this thing in Chicago called the Taste of Chicago.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_01: And we got booths for miles and miles and miles.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_01: Just different foods you can taste like from all around the world.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_01: And this guy gave me like a handful of tickets, you know.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_01: And they got food from all over the world.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_01: And what I go get?
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_01: Some chicken, right?
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_01: So I go get this chicken and I'm eating, and it's grease popping everywhere.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_01: I mean my own little world, you know, lips bling blinging right now, you know, just walking and eating my chicken, just you know.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_01: And I walk by this fruit stand and they got sealess watermelon.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_01: Come on, brother, sealess.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_01: You just don't see seedless all the damn time.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, seedless?
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_01: Give me four of those.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_01: I'm sitting there eating my chicken and watermelon and grease and juices combining together.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_01: I'm humming to myself.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_01: It's this wife family right on the side of me with their camera phone like this.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_01: Look at him, he won't stop.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_01: We're gonna put this on my space.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_01: I'm sitting there like, God damn.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_01: Might as well shuck and job.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_02: I've been thinking a lot about cultural appropriation and like where it comes from.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_02: Like it's a thing, it's a thing that that there's a lot of conversation about.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I'm on Twitter, I see what people are talking about.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_02: Like, why are why are white people appropriating like black culture so far?
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_02: You know, where does it come from?
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_02: And I like I just sit down and like think about it for a long time and think about like why the hell and where it came from.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_02: I think it's I think if every black comedian from I think they made that mistake because it's like black people just are the coolest group of people in the back.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_02: That's just true.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_02: And I think if you see like the coolest group of people just teasing you for like a very long time, then it's gonna It's just gonna shift how you act.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I think that's all like I think that like I think that black people just like teased white people for such a long time that they were just gonna change their entire behavior.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_02: You know?
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_02: Like I think like white people were chilling and just like living their lives, and then they saw Eddie Murphy just like do an impression of a white person, and anytime he did it, he was always like, Oh, I left my mayonnaise in my station wagon!
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: My name is Marina.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's not a great African name.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like my sister's got a great African name.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_00: Her name is Naila, which means one who succeeds.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_00: My name is Marina, it means a place where you dock boats.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: I grew up in Chicago, that's where I grew up, the suburbs of Chicago.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, nice, yeah.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: White suburbs of Chicago.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: Then we moved to the south side of Chicago, which is a black.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't see you there.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: Well, the south side of Chicago, which was a black neighborhood.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: So basically, I went from being the only black child in an all-white neighborhood to being the only white child in all black neighborhood.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_00: That was tough, man.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: I remember growing up in the white neighborhood, like in school, like we would have theme days.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: Like one time we had 50s day, which isn't really a good time for my people.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: But the white girls would come out with the poodle skirts all excited.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_00: They'd be like, woohoo, it's 50s, yeah.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't know what to do, so I just wore a sign that said, We shall overcome someday.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: So I love doing this comedy thing.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: It's just it's hard to do this and keep a man at the same time, which is unbelievable.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: Because look at me.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: I'm hot.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_00: I used to think this Haitian guy, he couldn't stand the fact that I did comedy.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: You know, Haitian men, they want you to stay home, cook, clean, have a big butt.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_00: I can't do all of that at the same time.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_00: And he was always yelling at me.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_00: He was always like, Maina, I don't like this thing you are doing.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: This comedy, you think you are so funny?
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_00: So ha ha.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: You need to stay home and kook.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_00: You need to take care of my zuzu.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: I was with him for a long time, two, four years.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: That's a long time to be with someone when you don't like them.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, how the hell did that happen?
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_00: I actually thought that to like the first time we went out, and I remember him saying to me, Maina, you're going to be with me.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: So I live in Harlem now.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_00: I love Harlem.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: Actually, you guys should all go, like as a group.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_00: Go.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: I get in trouble though in Harlem all the time.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like one time I saw this mother yelling at a child on the street.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: You see a black mother yelling at her child on the street, don't ever get involved in that?
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_00: Mind your business.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_00: This woman, she was yelling at this child so bad on the street.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_00: That's the child.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_00: She's like, get your ass over here.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_00: I said, get your black ass over here.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_00: What the hell are you crying for?
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_00: Shut it up.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_00: I said, shut it up.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: Pop you ain't your mouth.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_00: I looked at her and was like, oh my God.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: I told her, I said, you don't talk to a child like that.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_00: She looked at me, she said, what the hell are you looking at, huh?
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_00: You already have my child, huh?
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, no.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_00: You're doing a good job.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_00: I was so scared.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_00: I was so scared.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_00: I ran down two long Harlem blocks.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, don't look back.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_00: You just keep going.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_00: If I couldn't help but want to see what was going on, I looked back for just a second and she was still standing there looking at me.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_03: When Obama got elected, I was so excited, it was awesome.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_03: I remember I wore an Obama shirt, right?
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_03: I wore an Obama shirt the day he got elected.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_03: I was expecting high five city, you know?
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_03: Nobody did anything.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_03: Nothing when I went outside.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_03: Nobody said it was, and I kind of realized it's kind of redundant to have a black dude wearing an Obama shirt.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_03: Everybody's like, yeah, we know.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_03: You like Obama, we get it.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_03: It's just like, you know, I do the same thing.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_03: I realize it's like, yeah, I'm just kind of redundant.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_03: I don't go up to white people wearing cold plates.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_03: Like, you like cold plate?
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_03: Huh?
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_03: For how long?
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_03: Forever?
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_03: The one thing I didn't get about Obama that that kind of made me mad was like when he was coming up, people were like, we have a serious black candidate for president.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_03: We have a serious black candidate, this is crazy.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_03: We have a serious black candidate.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_03: And then when he won, they were like, oh, our first multiracial president.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, that's not fair.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, like, let's set the record straight.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, if you went outside tonight after this show and Barack Obama was stealing your car, you wouldn't yell, hey, someone stop that mixed guy.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_03: You wouldn't.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_03: You wouldn't say that.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_03: Obama, Obama looks black, so people treat him black.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_03: It's like it's never been about who you are as a person, because that's up to you.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_03: You gotta choose that stuff.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_03: It's about how people treat you.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_03: That's what race is about.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_03: Like, you know, like I got a lot of mixed friends who just don't know how to feel about stuff.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_03: Like, they're just like I'm culturally confused, and I'm just like, man, just no, listen, it's about how people treat you, okay?
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_03: If you're mixed and you're walking down the street and somebody asks you, hey, what did you think of the movie Julie and Julia?
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_03: You're white.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_03: Nobody's ever come up to me and asked me about my opinions on Mad Men and Revolutionary Road.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_03: No one, okay?
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_03: Now, if you're walking down the street and you're mixing somebody that's like, hey, what did you think of last night's episode?
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_03: Of the Real Housewives of Atlanta.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_03: You're black.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_03: Or gay.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_03: It's one of the two.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_03: But the best part about Obama is that he's a black nerd.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_03: I love that junk.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_03: Because I'm a black nerd, and that was illegal until like 2003.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_03: It's awesome.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_03: It's so awesome.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_03: It's just like there's black nerds everywhere.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_03: You know, like it's it's awesome.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_03: It's just like they're everywhere now.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_03: It's just, it's so great.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_03: And I love it.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_03: Like, but it was just hard for us growing up.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_03: Like, you know, I remember I was like the only black kid at my school for a while.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I was the only, I remember I went to uh a white school, and white kids were excited.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_03: They were super excited.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_03: They were like, oh, we got a black kid.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_03: This is awesome.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_03: We got a black kid.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_03: They were like, oh, hey, uh, Donald, uh, what do you what kind of rap music you went to?
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_03: And what kind of what kind of uh sneakers you like?
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, oh, I don't really uh like uh rap music.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_03: I really enjoy the soulful stylings of the cranberries.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_03: Um we can talk about that.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_03: And they were like, nah, man, you like sneakers and you like rap music, and you go tell us which one you like.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_03: I was like, oh, you're hurting me, Steven, you know.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_03: I love it.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_03: Like, but now I'm allowed to be a black nerd.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_03: Now I can do that, you know.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_03: Cause like, I'm allowed to be a black nerd, and a lot of people be like, well, there were black nerds before.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_03: There were black nerds before.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_03: What about Urkel?
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_03: Urkel was let's be honest.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_03: No, he was.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_03: If there was a kid named Steve Urkel who went to your school dressed like Steve Urkel, eating cheese all the time, always asking this girl named Laura to marry him, you'd be like, Oh yeah, Steve, his brother hit him in the head with a brick when he was five.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_03: Very sad situation at the Urkel House.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_03: That's what you say.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, he's not a nerd, okay?
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_03: That's not a nerd.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_03: Strange specific stuff.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_03: That's what makes a nerd a nerd.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_03: If you like strange, specific stuff, that's a nerd, okay?
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_03: Kanye West is a black nerd.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_03: He likes strange specific stuff.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_03: If you go up to Kanye West and say, hey, what are your favorite things?
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_03: He'll be like, robots and teddy bears, that's a nerd.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_09: That's a nerd.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_09: Because I'm a black woman, I change my hair all the time.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_09: Different lengths, different colors, different textures, right?
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_09: And I do feel like there's a side effect to that.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_09: As a black woman, when I change my hair, I feel like the white people in my life very often don't recognize me.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_09: And she laughing, she's laughing.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_09: Because you know it's true.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_09: Anecdotal evidence, white people, you have it right here.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_09: That's two.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_09: Okay?
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_09: And based on that alone, black women, I think our new lane should be serial killing.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_09: Um and my weight fluctuates, you'll never find me.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_09: You'll never find me.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_09: I'm a size 12 right now, but I could be a size 18 in two business weeks.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_09: I've seen it happen.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_09: Okay, I've seen it happen.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_09: Okay?
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_09: I could be crossing state lines, literally moving weight with impunity, but I don't do crimes.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_09: I don't do crimes when I'm a good person with a good heart.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_09: You're welcome.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_09: I'm just saying if I popped up with a blonde wig after this show, you wouldn't know who I were.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_09: You would be like a different black person.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_09: So that's all I'm saying.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_09: That's all I'm saying.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_09: I obviously smoke a lot of marijuana.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_09: Um I also live with white people, nobody's fault.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_09: And um my roommate says I do stony bologna shit.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_09: And I'm like, okay, but why would you use such a Caucasian phrase to describe my black lifestyle?
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_09: That feels like a microaggression.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_09: Macro?
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_09: I don't know.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_09: So, but they're within their rights though, because okay, for example, my roommate is like, where's the mail?
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_09: And I'm like, matter of fact, it's in the freezer with my groceries.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_09: Stony baloney, Stony Baloney, I feel you.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_09: You called it egg on my face, Stony Bologna.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_11: Um I got black tested the other day, uh, which is obnoxious because my blackness is constantly under investigation because uh black people can't tell where I'm from based on the way that I speak, so I'm constantly trying to prove myself.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_11: Just like, excuse me, brother, yeah, yeah.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_11: Uh can you name two of the three elements used in the band name Earth, Wind, and Fire?
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_11: Uh Earth and Wind?
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_11: Okay.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_11: Malcolm X's birth name.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_11: Malcolm Little.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_11: Alright, finish this lyric.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_11: It was all a dream.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_11: I used to read Word Up magazine.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_11: Okay, okay.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_11: Will you hide this for a month?
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_11: No, correct, just a week.
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_11: Because black people all have uh different definitions of blackness, and we'll all never agree on what that is, but we all think our version should be the version.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_11: And this is why black people constantly black test each other, you know.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_11: And I'll give you the telltale signs of like two black strangers talking, having a black test.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_11: Like it might be in a place where you're where you're running to strangers, you know, a DMV grocery store.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_11: One black person will be telling a story, monopolizing the conversation.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_11: Something like, and then I'll stab that Smurfy mother, which, to be fair, is a good story.
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_11: I mean, it's got a clear beginning, a middle, and an end.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_11: I'll stab that Smurfy mother with the shib I carved out an old television remote control.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_11: Wow, is that Hemingway?
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_11: And the other black person while listening to that story will ask a series of follow-up questions that reveal what kind of black person they are.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_11: Like one black person would be like, What?
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_11: Why?
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_10: Why would you?
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_10: Why?
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_10: Do you love pizza?
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_10: So do I love pizza?
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_10: Perhaps that person loved pizza.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_10: Why would you hurt someone that loves what you love?
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_11: That's one kind of black person.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_11: Another kind of black person would be like, should have stabbed his ass twice.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_11: And then laugh way too long.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_11: With their mouth way too open.
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_11: Like a fly can go in there.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_11: And then a third black person will be like, well, they won't say anything, they'll just stab the person that was talking.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_11: They don't doesn't matter where they are, who's watching, they just drop them to the ground.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_11: And they're like, that's how you take care of this.
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_11: I'm sorry, your name's not this.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_11: Well, there's been a horrible mistake, but no regrets.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_11: Pound it, lock it, throw away the key.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_11: The reason I bring up this uh black existential crisis is uh because someone recently asked me if I use the uh the n-word in my life, and I'm like, I never say never.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_11: 3D.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_11: But no, I was like, hey, thanks for asking, bearded white man at this party.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_11: Uh now I regret going outside.
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_11: Usually I don't say because it makes my grandmother's ghost cry.
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_11: Also, you should have said the n-word instead of saying the n-word.
• 28:47
  SPEAKER_11: That's not true.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_11: I do use it sometimes.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_11: Like I all use it if I'm talking to a black person.
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_11: I know I will never see again.
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_11: They drop it into the conversation, and then I gotta pass this pop quiz that I obviously studied for.
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_11: Like I was at a grocery store recently, trolling for breakfast cereals, my one true weakness.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_11: I walk around the corner, it's a black dude, right?
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_11: My age, janitor, cleaning up glass and jelly, because someone felt like knocking over smuckers that day.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_11: And let me add that he was not doing a good job.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_11: He was just mopping it in a circle.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_11: As if to say, the pinker this becomes, the cleaner this becomes.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_11: No one will see the glass.
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_11: That's the point of it.
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_11: And I walk around the corner and he saw me, like his eyes lit up, right?
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_11: And he thought he had a chance to relate, to commiserate with somebody.
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_11: And he perked up and I walked towards him.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_11: He's like, hey, brother, brother!
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_10: Niggas got me down.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_10: Niggas got me down.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_11: And then he stared, and I was like, my turn.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_11: And you gotta be pitch perfect.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_11: It's all about authenticity.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_11: Falseness can be sniffed out, right?
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_11: So I didn't break that eye contact.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_11: I held it.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_11: I cocked my head, did that Denzel Washington thing to my nose, and I was like, ha ha ha ha ha.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_11: And the nigga say shit.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_11: And then I was out.
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_12: I am from the South.
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_12: I am from the South.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_12: And uh being from the South, uh, I have a lot of white friends back home.
• 30:19
  SPEAKER_12: And uh I'm their one black friend on their draft pick.
• 30:25
  SPEAKER_12: First round, you know.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_12: When that happens, when you're the one black friend, you become the ambassador for all things black.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_12: Anything's rolling around in their mind, they're like, send it on high to Jordan.
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_12: Let him consult with the Negro Council, have him bring word back down the mountain, and we shall ruminate upon it here in Caucasian.