Latest / Inspirations for Your Life / Talk So People Feel Heard (30 ideas) (S4) S53:E3

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Talk So People Feel Heard (30 ideas) (S4) S53:E3 · Inspirations for Your Life

0:26
Well, hello everyone.
0:27
It's great to be with you on the
0:30
Inspirations for Your Life show.
0:32
I do want to take the opportunity to
0:34
say welcome and to say thank you.
0:37
It is really great to be with you
0:40
here on the show tonight.
0:42
Thank you so much for joining me.
0:43
It is, ladies and gentlemen, Monday and it
0:46
is December 29th, 2025.
0:51
So again, it is so great to be
0:54
with you and I hope that you'll really
0:57
enjoy today's show.
1:00
All right.
1:01
So if you're coming here for the very
1:02
first time, I want to take the opportunity
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to say welcome and thank you for joining
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me.
1:07
Really do appreciate that.
1:08
If you're coming back, I want to take
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this opportunity to say welcome back and thank
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you for that.
1:14
Very, very much.
1:17
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grab one and come on back to the
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1:25
All right, guys.
1:27
All right.
1:27
And don't forget to check out BelieveMeAchieved.com
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for more of my amazing, inspiring creations.
1:34
All right.
1:35
All right.
1:36
Without all that ado now, let's go ahead
1:38
and kick the show off because I know
1:40
you guys want to start the show.
1:42
So ladies and gentlemen, you are tuned in
1:44
to the official show, the powerful episodes of
1:48
Inspirations for Your Life, the ever popular show
1:50
that is the daily motivational show that helps
1:53
you think sharper, feel deeper and connect more
1:57
authentically in every area of your life.
2:01
Hey, by the way, this is John Seymour
2:03
Lee, serial entrepreneur, engineer, marketing specialist, video producer,
2:09
podcast host, coach, graduate student and of course,
2:14
a passionate lifelong learner.
2:17
It is my privilege and my pleasure to
2:19
be with you here as someone who lives
2:21
in the real world of deadlines, responsibilities and
2:25
relationships and brings you practical tools to elevate
2:29
how you show up every single day.
2:32
Today's master topic on Monday, we've talked about
2:37
a really good one, but the granular topic
2:38
I should say is talk so people feel
2:41
heard.
2:42
30 ideas to do that.
2:44
For season four, show 53, this is episode
2:46
number three.
2:48
And the motivation guiding us is simple and
2:52
powerful.
2:54
What is that?
2:55
Being understood hits harder than being right.
2:58
Because once you learn how to help people
3:02
feel heard, you stop fighting to win arguments
3:06
and start building relationships that actually last.
3:09
Yeah, there's a caveat for you.
3:12
Number one, let one person fully finish before
3:15
you reply.
3:16
When you let someone finish their thought without
3:19
interrupting, you show them that their words matter
3:23
as much as your response does.
3:26
That small act of restraint communicates respect, lowers
3:31
defensiveness and creates a safe space where people
3:35
feel comfortable sharing what is really going on
3:39
beneath the surface.
3:40
And I think that's important for all of
3:42
us to understand.
3:43
Number two, swap you always for when this
3:47
happens, I feel you always attack the person.
3:52
When this happens, I feel blank, focusing on
3:57
the situation and your emotions, not on the
4:00
person.
4:01
This is really important.
4:02
The attitude or the behavior going on is
4:04
not about the person.
4:07
We want to get the attitude addressed.
4:10
And again, by taking it non-personally and
4:13
addressing it as a behavior, it's a lot
4:15
more effective.
4:17
So this shift turns a potential blame game
4:20
into an honest conversation where both of you
4:24
can explore the impact of behavior without putting
4:27
anyone on trial, right?
4:29
Nobody wants to be on trial.
4:31
Number three, ask, do you want advice or
4:34
just want to be a listener?
4:37
People often walk away frustrated because, well, they
4:40
wanted empathy, but they got solutions.
4:44
Instead of asking this one question shows emotional
4:49
maturity and allows you to give what truly
4:52
needed to be given in that situation for
4:55
the moment, validation, not just information.
4:57
I think a lot of people don't realize
5:01
how much validation is so important.
5:04
Information is cool, but validation is the key,
5:07
guys.
5:07
All right.
5:09
Number four, reflect back.
5:10
So you're saying, repeating the essence of what
5:14
you heard tells the other person, I'm not
5:17
just waiting to talk.
5:18
I'm actually listening.
5:21
Reflecting also gives them a chance to clarify
5:24
anything you misunderstand before the emotions escalate or
5:29
assumptions harden.
5:30
I think that's another important one.
5:32
Number five, pause three seconds before replying during
5:36
conflict.
5:38
Those three seconds create a buffer between emotion
5:42
and reaction.
5:44
In that small gap, you can choose a
5:47
calmer, more thoughtful response instead of firing back
5:51
something you will regret later.
5:55
Number six, put your phone face down while
5:58
someone talks to you.
6:00
That's right.
6:00
I said, put your phone face down like
6:03
this.
6:03
Okay.
6:04
In a distracted world that we live in,
6:07
undivided attention is a modern superpower.
6:10
When you put your phone away, you send
6:13
a strong signal and message.
6:16
Right now, you are more important than any
6:19
notification.
6:20
That could come in on my phone.
6:23
Number seven, ask one curious question.
6:27
Instead of defending, defensiveness builds walls.
6:32
Curiosity opens doors by asking a genuine question
6:36
like, can you help me understand what you
6:41
mean?
6:41
You invite deeper dialogue and show that you
6:45
actually care more about the relationship than about
6:48
being right.
6:50
There's a lot of people today that want
6:52
to be right because they have this ego
6:53
that has to be fed, which is really
6:55
terrible.
6:57
Number eight, admit one small thing you were
6:59
wrong about.
7:01
That might not be easy to do, but
7:02
once you do, the rest of it will
7:04
seem easy.
7:05
Owning even a minor mistake lowers the temperature
7:09
in the room.
7:11
It proves you're human.
7:13
All right.
7:14
It disarms the other person and models the
7:17
kind of humility that makes real collaboration, well,
7:21
truly possible.
7:23
Number nine, here's an interesting one.
7:26
Say, thanks for telling me that.
7:28
Thanks for sharing that with me.
7:30
I greatly appreciate it.
7:32
Even if it's tough to hear or tough
7:34
to digest.
7:35
Hard truths are a gift, even when they
7:38
sting.
7:39
Expressing gratitude for honesty encourages people to keep
7:44
communicating instead of shutting down or bottling things
7:47
up.
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I think sometimes we don't want to shut
7:50
down, but we get so apprehensive in the
7:53
moment.
7:53
It's like, oh my gosh, what am I
7:55
going to do?
7:55
How am I going to handle this?
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I think that can be our doorway, our
8:04
gateway in.
8:05
All right.
8:08
Number 10, please tell someone I can see
8:12
why that upset you or why you may
8:15
be feeling that way.
8:16
You don't have to agree with their interpretation
8:19
to honor their emotion.
8:21
I think that's hard for a lot of
8:23
people, whether it's adults, whether it's teens, kids.
8:27
They feel that just because they're understanding something,
8:30
they have to agree with it.
8:31
No, you can agree to disagree.
8:33
We've said that before.
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You can do it in a respectable way.
8:36
There's nothing wrong with you disagreeing with somebody
8:39
politely, not rudely.
8:42
Simply acknowledging that their reaction makes sense from
8:47
their perspective is often enough to help them
8:51
feel seen and to calm down a little
8:54
bit.
8:54
Because you see, when the temperature gets taken
8:57
down, when the stress starts to drop, people
9:02
are not firing aimlessly at you.
9:06
Words, hurtful actions.
9:12
Number 11, ask what would feel supportive right
9:15
now.
9:16
Instead of guessing what they need, ask them
9:18
this question.
9:21
It invites people to take ownership of their
9:24
needs and helps you to respond in a
9:27
way that, well, actually helps.
9:30
Instead of accidentally hurting them or yourself, nobody
9:34
really wants to get hurt.
9:36
But I think out of frustration, we sometimes
9:40
hurt ourselves and we oftentimes hurt others.
9:44
And because we're like, so in the moment,
9:51
we haven't realized that we've hurt them.
9:54
We're just so on being right.
9:56
And I think that's a big problem, guys.
9:58
Number 12, use I noticed instead of you
10:03
never.
10:04
I noticed keeps things observational.
10:08
I noticed, not you did.
10:14
So for example, I've been noticing that the
10:21
time that's been punched in by you has
10:24
been five minutes later every day.
10:27
I was just curious if you'd share with
10:30
me why that's been happening.
10:32
Just a question.
10:35
While you never is absolute and it's excusatory.
10:39
So I noticed or I observed specific observations
10:45
open the door to change sweeping judgments.
10:49
Slam the door shut, okay?
10:51
Because when you accuse someone, it's like, all
10:54
right, now they don't even want to cooperate
10:56
with you, even if they were going to.
10:59
Number 13, soften your tone, please.
11:03
Once when you hear it spike up, maybe
11:08
take a chill for a minute, all right?
11:11
You may not catch every sharp edge in
11:14
your voice, but catching just one and softening
11:19
it mid-conversation can completely redirect, change the
11:24
energy and the outcome of the conversation.
11:27
The other person feels the shift and often
11:29
mirrors your calmer tone back to you.
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That's pretty impressive.
11:37
Number 14, apologize without adding but.
11:42
But cancels your apology.
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Hey, you know, I'm really sorry what I
11:46
did, but I think, you know, that's the
11:49
problem.
11:49
Don't do that.
11:49
A clean break.
11:54
I'm sorry I did that.
11:56
It wasn't fair to you.
11:59
Shows accountability on my part.
12:01
It invites healing.
12:03
Hey, look, I don't know what I was
12:05
thinking.
12:06
I am really sorry or I am sorry
12:11
that those words ever came out of my
12:13
mouth.
12:13
I was frustrated.
12:16
I shouldn't have said them.
12:19
And it proves that you're more interested in
12:23
the repair than a justification.
12:25
When people know you're about that and the
12:28
relationship, they're going to probably cut you some
12:31
slack.
12:33
Number 15, say clearly, I need 10 minutes
12:36
to cool down.
12:39
Would you give me a minute?
12:41
Would you just give me a few minutes?
12:42
I'll be right back.
12:44
Taking space is healthy when it's communicated honestly.
12:49
Hey, Joe, listen, I just need five minutes,
12:54
okay?
12:54
And I'll be right back to talk to
12:56
you.
12:56
Thank you so much.
12:58
They will appreciate that.
13:00
They'll calm down.
13:01
You'll calm down.
13:01
You know, I need a minute.
13:03
Just give me a few minutes, okay, please?
13:05
By naming a time frame, I just need
13:09
five minutes.
13:09
I just need 10 minutes.
13:11
You show respect for the conversation while protecting
13:15
both of you from saying things in the
13:18
heat of the moment, you know, that don't
13:21
reflect your true intentions.
13:23
Hey, Joe, look, I know this is getting
13:24
a little heated.
13:26
Can I just have like five or 10
13:27
minutes?
13:27
I'll be right back, okay?
13:28
I just need to think a minute, okay?
13:30
Thank you.
13:32
People will respect you for that.
13:35
Number 16, ask how their daily day really
13:41
was.
13:42
And listen to it.
13:44
Don't be firing at the mouth.
13:46
The word really invites a deeper answer than
13:50
the automatic fine.
13:52
When you ask and they stay quiet long
13:56
enough to hear the full story, you give
13:58
someone a rare place to exhale.
14:00
I know a lot of times I take
14:01
a hike and I say, how's your day?
14:02
And they say, fine.
14:04
Or somebody says, how's your day?
14:05
I'm like, I'm great.
14:06
And the word fine is so, I don't
14:11
know, it's kind of like an emoji.
14:14
It's hard to understand what it really means.
14:18
And sometimes it means nothing.
14:20
So it really doesn't really express anything.
14:25
I don't necessarily come out and say, hey,
14:26
what do you mean by fine?
14:27
But really try to get rid of the
14:30
word fine.
14:31
Okay?
14:32
I'm having a great day or my day's
14:34
going great.
14:35
Or my morning was a little challenging and
14:37
I'm looking forward to my afternoon to be
14:38
even better.
14:41
Number 17, drop one sarcastic comment and be
14:46
direct instead.
14:47
I know that's not easy.
14:49
Sarcasm often hides hurt or frustration and can
14:53
come across as, oh, contempt.
14:55
So choosing plain, direct language removes the hidden
14:59
barbs and helps the other person hear and
15:04
heal with your message.
15:05
Instead of bracing against your tone and going
15:10
into the fight or flight method, they become
15:13
more conciliatory.
15:16
They become more open to your language, to
15:21
what you have to say.
15:24
Number 18, guys, use their name once in
15:27
the conversation.
15:28
Hearing our own name activates attention and warmth.
15:32
Using it naturally, not excessively, helps the other
15:37
person feel personally recognized, not just generically addressed.
15:43
And I know a lot of you are
15:45
saying, John, like this doesn't happen to me.
15:47
Well, maybe it doesn't happen to you today,
15:49
but I guarantee you that this has happened
15:51
to you at some point in your life.
15:53
And if it hasn't, chances are it has
15:55
happened, but you have just not been paying
15:57
attention to the world around you because you
16:01
believe you're more important than everybody.
16:03
And that's another bad thing, right?
16:07
Yes, we're important, but we do need to
16:10
be aware and observant of the people around
16:14
us.
16:16
I don't think we're trying to harm or
16:17
hurt anybody.
16:18
I would hope not.
16:20
And if we say something to offend somebody,
16:23
apologize.
16:26
Apologize.
16:28
I know that might conflict with your big,
16:31
bad ego, but let's face it, that ego
16:34
is not going to get you anywhere.
16:36
That ego is just going to get you
16:38
dropped down step by step by step by
16:41
step until you're all the way down to
16:43
the bottom of the stairs.
16:46
Think about that for a moment.
16:48
Number 19, guys, thank someone for a small
16:52
thing they do regularly.
16:55
When you notice and appreciate the everyday things,
16:59
making coffee, answering emails, showing up on time,
17:04
you send a powerful message.
17:07
You are not invisible.
17:09
That kind of acknowledgement builds long-term goodwill.
17:14
Number 20, guys, end a tough talk with,
17:20
we're on the same team.
17:23
Conflict can make people feel like opponents instead
17:27
of partners.
17:28
Hey, Joe.
17:28
Hey, Mike.
17:29
You know, we're on the same team.
17:30
I know sometimes our tempers flare.
17:34
I get it, right?
17:36
We all want the same thing, but sometimes,
17:40
I don't know, my ego gets in the
17:42
way, and I feel like I'm trying to
17:45
fight you rather than work with you, and
17:47
I don't want to fight you.
17:48
I just want us to work together because
17:51
we all have the same passion.
17:53
We all have the same dream to get
17:55
this done.
17:57
Reminding him that you're on the same side
18:00
reframes the conversation from me versus you.
18:05
I mean, hey, we're in this together.
18:07
We're working on this project together, or versus
18:12
you versus us versus the problem.
18:16
Number 21, guys, send, I've been thinking about
18:18
what you said.
18:20
Following up shows that the conversation didn't end
18:24
when the word stopped.
18:26
It tells the other person their voice lingered
18:29
in your mind and that their perspective matters
18:33
to you.
18:35
Hey, Joe.
18:35
Hey, Mike.
18:36
Look, I've been thinking about what you said
18:40
yesterday, and I realized I was wrong, and
18:45
I apologize.
18:47
I'm not somebody who likes to apologize, and
18:51
I'm not perfect, and I don't like to
18:53
admit that, but you're right, and I'm wrong.
19:02
Number 22, give one detailed, genuine compliment, not
19:08
like your clothes, not like something else about
19:13
your dress.
19:15
Hey, you know, Joe, you're really organized.
19:18
You've got a great system here.
19:21
A vague compliments or set will fade quickly.
19:26
Like, hey, Joe, that's a nice shirt.
19:27
Who really cares that Joe has a nice
19:29
shirt on?
19:30
It doesn't matter.
19:31
It doesn't build any bond, okay?
19:34
Those will land, and they will quickly disappear.
19:41
Or more specific, they land deeply, and they
19:44
matter.
19:45
When you say, I really appreciate how patient
19:48
you were with that situation, you show that
19:51
you see the qualities in the action of
19:54
the person, not just in their theory.
19:56
Hey, Joe, I really appreciate the time you
20:01
put into that presentation.
20:03
It really gave me a complete understanding of
20:07
all the hard work you've been putting in
20:09
this whole year.
20:13
Number 23, ask, is now a good time
20:17
to talk about this?
20:20
Timing can make or break a conversation.
20:24
Asking permission respects their bandwidth and increases the
20:29
chances that what you say will actually be
20:32
absorbed instead of resisted.
20:35
And I know that's a hard thing for
20:37
a lot of us to drive home, but
20:39
it is the truth, guys.
20:41
Number 24, choose not to raise your voice.
20:46
When you feel like it, the moment you
20:49
feel your volume wanting to climb is the
20:53
moment to consciously dial it back.
20:57
That can make the world of difference.
21:02
Staying, guys, staying, everything in you wants to
21:08
escalate is a quiet, powerful form of leadership.
21:13
And it's something that other people are going
21:14
to pick up from you, and they're probably
21:16
going to want to model from you.
21:18
Because true leaders know how to listen, and
21:22
true leaders don't raise their temper.
21:25
True leaders don't get angry.
21:27
True leaders talk about things.
21:29
True leaders want people to understand.
21:33
True leaders want people to improve.
21:36
Number 25, draft what you want to say,
21:39
then cut in half.
21:41
Overexplaining can overwhelm or confuse most people.
21:46
Trimming your message, forces clarity, and helps the
21:50
most important points land without all the extra
21:53
noise.
21:55
Number 26, guys, say, I appreciate you bringing
22:00
that up.
22:01
Even uncomfortable topics are chances to improve understanding.
22:07
Shung appreciation for the courage it took to
22:10
raise an issue makes people more likely to
22:13
bring things up sooner next time instead of
22:16
letting resentment fester and grow.
22:21
And I think when somebody feels comfortable about
22:23
it, like I said, they'll bring something else
22:25
up.
22:26
But also, they may be more of a
22:29
person that wants to offer constructive feedback instead
22:33
of this accusatory mark or slander that they
22:37
put on you because of frustration.
22:40
Number 27, guys, ask what you might be
22:43
missing in their view.
22:44
Questions like, what am I not seeing from
22:47
your side?
22:48
Or what is it that you see that
22:52
I'm not seeing?
22:54
This shows humility and, of course, openness.
22:58
So you invite collaboration instead of insisting that
23:01
your perspective is the only valid one in
23:03
the room.
23:04
And I think when we can do that,
23:06
it doesn't mean they have to agree with
23:07
us, but at least allows them to see
23:09
there's another point to the argument or to
23:13
the discussion.
23:14
Number 28, guys, end the day telling someone
23:17
what you value in them.
23:20
Closing the day with appreciation rewrites the relationship
23:24
away from constant problem solving and toward true
23:29
connection.
23:30
See, those few intentional words can be the
23:32
brightest moment in someone's entire day.
23:38
And maybe you won't realize it until somebody
23:40
does it to you.
23:42
But when you start doing it to others,
23:45
they're going to do it back to you.
23:46
And you're like, wow, now I see how
23:47
I make them feel.
23:48
That feels great.
23:50
Number 29, guys, use let me think about
23:53
that and get back to you.
23:56
Or let me ponder and get back to
23:59
you.
24:00
Let me consider that.
24:02
And you don't have to respond instantly to
24:06
everything.
24:07
Maybe you're on the phone.
24:08
You know, Joe, these all sound like some
24:09
great ideas.
24:11
I've jotted them down.
24:12
And let me take a couple days to
24:15
review these.
24:16
And I'll get back to you, okay, and
24:18
let you know my thoughts.
24:20
Really appreciate that.
24:22
Buying time helps you respond thoughtfully instead of
24:25
reacting impulsively.
24:27
And it shows respect for the importance of
24:31
the topic.
24:34
People are more than happy to give you
24:36
time so they can, you know, allow you
24:39
to digest the topic.
24:40
Of course, they will.
24:42
Number 30, guys, remind yourself this.
24:45
Connection.
24:46
Winning the argument.
24:48
In the moment, winning can feel like everything.
24:53
It's satisfying, but often costs you trust.
24:56
And it's fleeting.
24:57
The warmth and closeness.
25:01
When you remember, guys, that connection is the
25:05
real prize, you naturally choose words, tones, and
25:09
actions that build long-term relationships, not the
25:14
short-term victories which, you know, you think
25:17
you want.
25:18
And although they may feel good, right?
25:20
I've always said to people, you know, there's
25:22
a battle and there's a war, right?
25:25
We may not win every battle, okay?
25:31
We want to win the war.
25:33
So we've got to pick and choose which
25:36
battles we want to win.
25:39
I think there's another important one.
25:41
Ladies and gentlemen, when you start weaving these
25:44
30 practices that I started to share with
25:47
you today into your daily conversations and habits,
25:51
you'll create a culture at home, at work,
25:56
and inside yourself where acknowledgement, gratitude, and, of
26:02
course, real listening skills will fuel growth to
26:05
you and to others, satisfaction, and, of course,
26:09
attribute to a very high level of performance.
26:12
Now, I'm not going to tell you that
26:13
this is an easy thing to do, okay?
26:15
It's going to take practice.
26:17
You're going to make mistakes at it, okay?
26:20
But you can get better every time you
26:22
do.
26:24
You've, ladies and gentlemen, been watching or listening
26:26
to the ever-popular Inspirations for Your Life
26:30
show with myself, John C.
26:34
Morley, serial entrepreneur, engineer, marketing specialist, video producer,
26:39
podcast host, coach, graduate student, and, yes, a
26:44
passionate lifelong learner.
26:46
Your daily guide, ladies and gentlemen, to communicating
26:49
with more empathy, more clarity, and impact.
26:53
Ladies and gentlemen, what I want to say
26:54
to you right now, if this episode resonated
26:58
with you on any small or large level,
27:02
please share it with people so they can
27:08
feel heard and they can start to pick
27:11
up these skills that you're learning here, whether
27:14
it's someone you care about, whether it's a
27:17
stranger.
27:18
They'll thank you, and you'll build your bond.
27:21
Understanding hits harder than being right.
27:24
So, let's remember, guys, let's not worry about
27:27
being right all the time.
27:29
Let's focus on how we can do the
27:32
right thing and how we can be taking
27:36
responsibility and accountability in everything we do, even
27:40
if sometimes we make a mistake.
27:43
We need to be truthful in what we're
27:45
doing, and we need to share that with
27:47
people, and guess what?
27:49
We will increase our level of respect and
27:53
our integrity will go through the loop.
27:55
I hope you guys have a great one,
27:57
and I'll catch you guys tomorrow for another
27:58
one.
27:59
Be well, everyone, and check out BelieveandAchieve.com.