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Sober-Talk -SA- Andy · Sober Talk SA

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  Welcome to Sober Talk. I'm Dennis and I'm an alcoholic
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  soap today thanks to Alcoholics Anonymous.
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  If you or anyone you know is struggling with alcohol, please
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  call Alcoholics Anonymous on 1300 double 22222.
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  I'll visit their website ata.org dot AU.
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  I'll just run through the preamble of Alcoholics
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  Anonymous. Alcoholics Anonymous is a
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  fellowship of people who share the experience, strengthen hope
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  with each other that they may solve their common problems, and
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  help with us to recover from alcoholism.
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  The only requirement for membership is the desire to stop
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  drinking and no dues of fees. Fair membership.
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  We are self supporting through our own contributions.
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  He is not allied with any sect in immersion politics,
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  organization or institution, does not wish to engage in any
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  controversy, neither endorses or oppose any causes.
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  Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other Alcoholics.
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  Are chiefs of Brady welcome Andy?
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  Whenever? You're ready.
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  I commend the Alcoholics Anonymous on the 7th of March
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  2011 and you had the drinking problem.
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  I didn't think I was an alcoholic, but I, I left that
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  room that night thinking just maybe they don't do something.
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  You know, when they explained that phenomena craving to me and
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  all that, that abnormal reaction that the alcoholic type has to
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  alcohol in order to identify with that, it was like a real
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  light bulb moment for me. So that's what happens because
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  it used to baffle me and I could never stop.
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  You know how my mates could take a couple and go home, but once I
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  started, I couldn't stop and I just couldn't guarantee my
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  behaviour. It also explained that I
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  suffered for this insanity or this delusion, but I just
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  somehow believed that I was someday going to be able to
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  regain controllable for this. Then on Community Alcoholics
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  Anonymous, this delusion needs to be completely smashed.
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  I don't know alcohol was my higher pillar thinking anti
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  Alcoholics Anonymous. You know, I identified with
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  having that phenomena Craven. I identified with that delusion
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  and also identified with that disconnection for you go odor,
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  broken spirit and all name. I'm from Glasgow.
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  I've, I've been sober since my very first meeting Alcoholics
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  Anonymous. You know, I was told her I could
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  leave that room and need never drink again.
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  It just happens to be true for me.
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  But I had many, many, many failed attempts before I
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  attempted that before I kept the Alcoholics Anonymous, you know,
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  and I was always swearing off it for good.
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  And I've never sworn off alcohol since I've came to Alcoholics
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  Anonymous. We've came into Alcoholics and
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  I'm with them from the, as I say them from the West of Scotland
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  and there's two religions there. I was cursing.
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  There's one no idea about the religion, but I had my
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  preconceived ideas and what religion was and and I judged it
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  and how people behaved and on them.
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  So when I looked at these steps and I seen that word God and
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  seen some of these steps and it sounded like and confession, I
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  was like, I'm having none of that, you know, And I was pulled
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  aside and I was told everything I've learned up to that point in
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  my life needs to be pushed aside.
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  Is it possible just to have an open mind?
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  And I've had to just take a take a wee leap of faith and
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  Alcoholics Anonymous, you know, I know what my life is like if I
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  have to just carry on drinking, you know, it's just more of the
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  same madness. Or I can commit the Alcoholics
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  Anonymous and, and be a bit unsure of what the future lays
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  ahead of me. But I know it's not the path.
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  I get an opportunity to change direction, you know, and part of
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  that process is, is coming to believing in a higher power who
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  I don't and can't really describe it.
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  You know, I just know there is one and it's not Andy, you know,
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  something makes all this work and it's certainly not me.
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  And I really, really struggled to this prayer and meditation,
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  you know, I this preconceived idea that prayer had to be done
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  in your knees. Don't know where I got that
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  from, but I just believed it had to be done in your knees.
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  And so I tried every way possible.
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  It's time to pray or not. We're not praying on my knees.
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  I just would not humble myself to my Creator.
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  And then I tried it, lying in the bed and walking to work and
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  cycling to work. And today I don't, I don't
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  really fooled myself over that. I don't identify with people who
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  say they roll a bed on our knees.
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  I just don't identify with it and what especially these days,
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  you know, life goes through changes.
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  You know, I'm never this. I never just stay in a one
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  place. And Alcoholics Anonymous and I
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  used to refer to steps 1011 and 12 is the maintenance steps.
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  Don't know where I heard that, but it sounded cool when I
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  started repeating it. And I was in a meeting in Perth
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  and another Scottish fellow who and was more than Mullen, he
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  confront me, pulled me aside outside and says, Andy, you
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  don't want him, maintain what you have.
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  These steps are about growing and enlarging in my spiritual
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  life, you know, and that's which step of heaven has been for me.
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  You know, I didn't know what a word meditation meant.
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  You know, what preconceived ideas of what meditation was as
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  well. You know, I don't know why I had
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  this thought, but I just had. I believe meditation could be
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  sitting cross legged with my finger, forefinger, my thumb in
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  a wee circle doing some hums or trying to clear my mind.
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  And then I just so happened to be working in calculi at the
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  time and a big guy pulled me aside and said, Andy, why don't
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  we look at the dictionary? You know, it had a couple of
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  definitions. One went along the lines is
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  consciously reviewing your thoughts and your actions.
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  Lover was in some religious practices to clear your mind,
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  right. And he says, let's look at step
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  Alavan and the book Alcoholics and honest says when we retire
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  at night, we constructively review updates already been read
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  where we resentful, selfish, afraid.
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  Do we own apology? All right, this is what I'm
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  doing at night before I retire at night.
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  They say to me, does that sound like consciously reviewing your
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  thoughts and your actions for the day?
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  And also I then believe that this this is my meditation.
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  All right, I'm consciously reviewing my thoughts and
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  actions and I'm taking that into the next morning, but I get very
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  confused because I says no, I don't need to do this quiet
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  time, right. But it talks about quiet time in
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  the book as well. And some other literature are
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  early members. They didn't they didn't read the
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  book Alcoholics Anonymous and do the programme and all they used
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  to sit and read some spiritual literature.
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  The trouble about read the Bible right and read some spiritual
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  literature and tried to align their thoughts and their actions
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  along with God's will and like that Saint Francis prayer has
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  already been read as he's gone on and written the the 12:00 and
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  12:00 and straight out of page 99 and the 12 and 12 talks about
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  if we're unsure about this meditation, we may try something
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  like this and it talks about that Saint Francis prayer.
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  And does that not sound like me trying to align my will with
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  God's intention for me, you know, to show love, kindliness
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  and tolerance from a fellow man and all that.
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  I'd love to see. I do that every day, but I
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  don't, you know, and it's I can turn up to a meat and alcohol.
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  It's anonymous and, and, and look at bits in the book and see
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  I do this and I do that. And the reality is, is I don't
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  no wife is a bit fluid. I get woken up this morning with
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  my fight, my 4 year old saying somebody wipe my bum.
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  You know, there's no way I'm rolling out my bed, doing a
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  prayer and doing a meditation and then going wipe my wee man's
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  butt. You know, life changes, man.
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  Before I get before I get I met my now wife.
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  You know, I had this thing pretty old.
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  I was up doing the toilet, doing the meditation, doing the
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  prayer. And if I skipped it, you know, I
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  find myself, if I find myself staying up too late the night
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  before and I started skimping this stuff.
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  I started being collision with people, places and things
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  throughout my day. And also through practicing this
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  stuff, I know when I consistently do my prayer and my
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  meditation prior to bouncing out the door and I do my step 10s
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  throughout the day and then do my step 11 at night, you know,
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  consciously review my thoughts and my actions and life's pretty
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  good. And I met my new wife and I
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  explained that I do this meditation in the morning
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  because I'm quite embarrassed for anybody.
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  Like, I don't know why you have this either, but I'm really
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  embarrassed to be seen to be praying or meditating in front
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  of somebody else. But when I was drinking, I
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  didn't give a hoot. Let me falling down the street.
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  No. So I try and make this a routine
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  in my life, you know, like this morning I got up, done
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  everything I had to do with my son to come his daycare.
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  Then I come back and then I can sit down and get a, a meditation
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  done, a better mindfulness meditation.
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  You know, I think I take a bit of time and and then I use a
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  mind mindfulness meditation app and I try doing that clean my
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  mind to a wee bit of spiritual music and a wee bit of something
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  that will direct my thinking or direct my intentions for the
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  day, you know, and I get through periods.
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  I've been diverted from my primary purpose and Alcoholics
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  Anonymous, I came really undone round about 9 years sober
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  because money, property and prestige started to take over.
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  You know, I had this thought just if I'd more money, you
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  know, I come into Alcoholics Anonymous and I was sponsored
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  and I was sponsoring guys and I was doing service and I started
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  cleared up the wreckage in my past need most of my men's.
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  And, you know, I'd, I thought if I educate myself and I'm making
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  a wee bit more money and I have this job title and I'll start to
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  feel better about myself. And I started to chase money and
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  job titles and it took me away from regular meetings.
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  I was walking, fly in, fly out and the stuff started to slip.
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  You know, I stopped, stopped praying, I stopped meditating,
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  stopped doing nightly reviews. And I used to fly through
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  Adelaide and and the thought of drinking back when I was on a
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  flight from Adelaide to per and on.
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  And I've heard people saying God can be the chair or be the table
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  or be that tree or whatever it is or be a sponsor.
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  I just simply do not believe in that has to be great and all
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  that for me. No, because at that moment I
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  thought I'd drink. It was like I couldn't nudge the
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  guy next to me and say me, I'm I'm worried I'm going to take a
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  drink. You know I looked out the window
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  and prayed like hell God Danny tell and on I get through that
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  moment and I was really struggling in other areas in my
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  life materialize wise. I was good to build a house.
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  I was engaged to be married. Bank was look, bank balance was
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  good, but I was just spiritually bankrupt and I had to ask
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  another man to help us and take me through this process again.
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  And you know, the excuse comes in, I'm too tired to do this
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  nightly review at night and it says it and it talks about when
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  we retire at night. You say, so see when you've sat
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  down and after you've had your dinner and you've come home for
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  your meeting and just you sat down and you start to relax, do
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  it then. And if you forget to do it for
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  whatever reason, just do it the next morning, right.
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  And if you're out right, if you're out and up and raced out,
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  just get a moment at some point throughout the day and get
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  practice at meditation. I can talk to God anytime now
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  once I don't it talks about in 12 and 12 as well.
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  You know, this is like a this is like a journey for this.
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  You know, it's I have this. I personally have heard.
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  I don't know, I judge myself with other people and Alcoholics
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  Anonymous and what I hear name doing and I'll go I'm not doing
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  that. So I'm not good enough, but I
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  must be wrong, right. It talks about after the 12:12.
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  It's on page 101 here. It says this could be a fragment
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  of what is called meditation. Perhaps our very first attempt
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  at a mood, a flyer into the realm of the spirit, if you
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  like. It ought to be followed by a
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  good look at where we stand now and a further look at where what
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  might happen in our lives. We'll be able to move closer to
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  the idea we have been trying to cleanse.
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  Talks about meditation as well. It's a development process, You
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  know, I'm not going to tell you it's right or wrong for you.
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  Like just find a process that works for you.
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  And it's like for me, my prayer as well, I found at one point my
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  prayer is, well, I used to get up.
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  So then it prayer, step three prayer, step 7 prayer,
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  acceptance prayer. And it started to get really
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  into a routine where it's like 5 minutes later I'm like, could I
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  say that step three prayer? Did I say that step 7 prayer?
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  It just became like parrot fashion.
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  There was no thought in it. There was no feeling in it.
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  So now I'm not too hard on myself as long as I'm
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  consciously trying to talk to God.
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  You know, I want to be a better man and all that sexual when I'm
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  talking to God. I want to be a better employee
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  ever reminding myself that I work for God.
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  And also it's like it's just a job.
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  But when I turn up to do the job, I try and be the best
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  employee I can for my employer, the the people who pay my wage.
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  You know, I try and have that nice and action where everybody
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  who's just trying to be the best self that day, trying to be a
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  better husband, trying to be a better son, trying to be a
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  better grandson, trying to be a better father, you know, and a
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  false walk constantly. No 1:00 AM.
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  These steps, only there, they flog myself with and what's I
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  need. I used to flog myself out there
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  when I was in the depths of alcoholism and all.
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  But this progress rather than perfection, I just don't fall
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  short every day and just go. It's progress, all right?
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  I'm not beating anybody up anywhere anymore.
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  I'm not falling down drunk anymore.
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  So that's progress, right? It's just not good enough and
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  looks like I want to strive for perfection.
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  I want to be the best of bears in me possible, right?
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  But I don't flog myself on a fall short.
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  I just try and pull my socks up and try and be a better man the
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  next day. No, that's so that's I get that
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  opportunity to do that nightly review the about a prayer and
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  meditation on that the next moment and just try and do a
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  little bit better. No, I'm not saying I don't know
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  are we about esteem there, but this is above developing for me.
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  I just try to, I just try to be the best, the alcohol that can
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  be, you know, just a garden variety drunk.
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  I'm not trying to be the best. I'm just trying to do the best
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  that I can hear us no striving for other striving for it'd be
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  better and I'm just going to leave it down.
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  I'm just glad to be here. I'm glad to be sober.
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  A A has more than two million recovering Alcoholics throughout
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  the world. In Australia there are about
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  18,000 members. They're made in over 2000 local
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  meetings spread around the country.
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  Meetings range in size from a handful in some areas to
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  hundreds or more in larger communities.
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  And once again, if anyone you know is struggling with alcohol
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  issues, please call Alcoholics announcing 1300 Double 22222 or
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  visit their website on aa.org dot AU.