Latest / Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler / Season 3 Premiere: Not Very Maternal with Katy Perry

Transcript

Season 3 Premiere: Not Very Maternal with Katy Perry · Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler

0:00
Speaker 1: Hi, Hi, Catherine. How are you, Hi, Chelsea. We're in
0:04
Speaker 1: a different studio today, we are, it's all a little
0:07
Speaker 1: bit different. We have a tiny dog friend visiting us today.
0:10
Speaker 1: I feel like, but it's all in the same color
0:12
Speaker 1: scheme as our studio. Was that intentional, you know what?
0:16
Speaker 1: Really prepared for us? Yes, but this is a good
0:20
Speaker 1: backdrop for us. Maybe we should move our studio over
0:23
Speaker 1: to here. I'd love that we're recording right now from
0:26
Speaker 1: Jim Henson's studios, which is very exciting. There's lots of
0:29
Speaker 1: Kermit the Frogs everywhere. I also didn't connect the dots
0:32
Speaker 1: when you kept mentioning Kermit via text the relationship to
0:35
Speaker 1: Henson's studios. It never once occurred to me that it
0:37
Speaker 1: would be Jim Henson studios. And I thought it was
0:40
Speaker 1: being all cute too, because I was like, Chelsea, just
0:42
Speaker 1: meet me by Kermi. I know. I'm like, what what
0:44
Speaker 1: the fund is? Kermi? I'm like, is that a street?
0:47
Speaker 1: How are you, Katherine? I'm doing great. I just got
0:50
Speaker 1: back from Mexico, went on a little girl's trip to
0:54
Speaker 1: play a Harris and it was delightful. Oh oh you
0:59
Speaker 1: know what, Mr Koy and I went on a Little
1:02
Speaker 1: John to Mexico. Yeah, we did. We just got back
1:05
Speaker 1: from Mexico. We went for a few days and we
1:07
Speaker 1: went to Cabo because we didn't have we hadn't had
1:10
Speaker 1: any time in the sun, and after he devoted so
1:12
Speaker 1: much time to in the snow, to me, I have
1:14
Speaker 1: to just give into his every whim, which means I
1:17
Speaker 1: have to go to Cabo, like, you know, every two
1:20
Speaker 1: every two and a half months, which is no problem. Yes, yeah,
1:24
Speaker 1: is that one of his favorite places to be? It
1:25
Speaker 1: is now? It is now after this trip, he's like, oh,
1:29
Speaker 1: this is awesome. We did a couple's massage. He loves
1:33
Speaker 1: that ship. That's really He isn't a fan of a massage.
1:36
Speaker 1: He likes a fan of anything we can do together.
1:39
Speaker 1: You know. It's one activity after another together juntos as
1:43
Speaker 1: they say in Spanish, do you get to a point
1:45
Speaker 1: where you want to be separatos? Well, I don't. I
1:48
Speaker 1: don't want to be separated, But when we are separated,
1:51
Speaker 1: I don't hate it. I'm not upset that we're separated.
1:54
Speaker 1: We're separated a lot when we're on the roads. When
1:56
Speaker 1: we come back together, that's a nice you know, it
1:58
Speaker 1: keeps the honeymoon phase going for a while, but yeah,
2:01
Speaker 1: he definitely. But Joe is a person that also likes
2:03
Speaker 1: to be he wants to be around his son or
2:05
Speaker 1: he wants to be around friends. Like he's not gonna
2:07
Speaker 1: sit in his hotel room alone for three hours, right,
2:09
Speaker 1: I am eight hours, Give me eight hours, and I'll
2:12
Speaker 1: still need more time alone, like I'm down, and you
2:15
Speaker 1: love him even more when you come back. Yeah, yeah, exactly.
2:18
Speaker 1: So I definitely have I have an active alone relationship.
2:22
Speaker 1: That's a good way to say it. Well, there is
2:25
Speaker 1: something nice about that. I know. My husband Brad went
2:27
Speaker 1: on tour a few years ago and he was gone
2:29
Speaker 1: for like four months, and I thought I would just
2:32
Speaker 1: be kind of devastated because we're a little let's say interdependent,
2:35
Speaker 1: maybe that codependent put it, yes, But I was like, wait,
2:40
Speaker 1: it's really nice to have the house to myself. It's
2:42
Speaker 1: really nice to just do whatever I want all day,
2:44
Speaker 1: Like it was great. And then I was happy when
2:46
Speaker 1: he came home too. Yeah, yeah, I know, I know.
2:49
Speaker 1: It's it's very interesting to see people who enjoy alone
2:52
Speaker 1: time versus people because I used to never be alone
2:55
Speaker 1: and then I got a taste of it during the
2:57
Speaker 1: pandemic and I was like, oh, I like me, I
2:59
Speaker 1: like alone. Yeah, I was into it. I was like,
3:01
Speaker 1: this is a good time. I'm having a good time
3:03
Speaker 1: with myself. Like we were both on the same page. Yeah,
3:07
Speaker 1: you can do your secret single behavior, just like maybe
3:09
Speaker 1: be a little messier than you would normally be, like
3:12
Speaker 1: a little lazier than you'd normally be. And that is
3:14
Speaker 1: the one good thing about Joe is that he's so
3:16
Speaker 1: fucking messy that no mess I could make is worse
3:19
Speaker 1: than his. You know, we're both kind of a hot mess.
3:22
Speaker 1: But I always felt before I had a serious boyfriend,
3:25
Speaker 1: I just always felt like it would be nice to
3:27
Speaker 1: have a boyfriend that wanted to spend all of his
3:29
Speaker 1: time with me. So I remember that anytime I think, wow,
3:33
Speaker 1: this is a lot, I just remember you thought that
3:35
Speaker 1: would be nice, because it's better than the opposite. You know,
3:39
Speaker 1: a person who wants to avoid you, and it's like
3:41
Speaker 1: constantly making plans. Oh my god, it's way about it
3:43
Speaker 1: than the opposite. Yeah, Like, anytime I'm available for anything,
3:46
Speaker 1: Joe's right there. He's like, let's go, and he's like
3:49
Speaker 1: game to party, to have a good time. Yeah, he
3:51
Speaker 1: follows my lead. Yeah, and that's that's a good setup
3:55
Speaker 1: for me. Do you find when he's not there that
3:58
Speaker 1: you're sort of missing the rapport that he rings to
4:00
Speaker 1: the table, like if you're out with friends or are
4:02
Speaker 1: you feeling like it's great? Yeah? No, he definitely adds
4:05
Speaker 1: a nice little slice when he shows up at things,
4:07
Speaker 1: like with my girlfriends. We went to a party the
4:09
Speaker 1: other night, and it was so funny because I said, oh,
4:12
Speaker 1: you know, my friend was saying, oh. I said, don't
4:16
Speaker 1: tell all of our drug stories to Joe. Do me
4:19
Speaker 1: a favor when you meet him. He was coming to
4:21
Speaker 1: meet us at a party and and they go drug stories.
4:25
Speaker 1: I go, he's coming tonight. There were four girls with
4:28
Speaker 1: my friends of mine. We all worked on Chelsea, the
4:30
Speaker 1: show on Netflix together, so we traveled all around the
4:32
Speaker 1: world together. So there was a lot of ship that
4:34
Speaker 1: went down. And my friend goes drug stories. This is
4:38
Speaker 1: a mushroom party that we're going to. It said mushrooms
4:40
Speaker 1: on the invitation and it was my invitation. But I
4:42
Speaker 1: looped to my girlfriends in because we were supposed to
4:44
Speaker 1: go out. I go, why don't we all just go
4:45
Speaker 1: to this party together? And I go, really did it
4:48
Speaker 1: say mushrooms? I was like, I didn't even see that.
4:50
Speaker 1: And they're like, that's classic, Chelsea, Like you don't even
4:52
Speaker 1: know that you're bringing us to a drug party and
4:54
Speaker 1: that you just invited your boyfriend, who you don't want
4:55
Speaker 1: to talk to drugs about about, you know, to a
4:58
Speaker 1: mushroom party. So he gets my girlfriend proceeded to tell
5:02
Speaker 1: one drug story after another about me. She's like. And
5:06
Speaker 1: then we were in Colombia and Chelsea I was like,
5:08
Speaker 1: all right, shut and we're all looking around. I go,
5:11
Speaker 1: are you what's wrong with you? I just told you
5:14
Speaker 1: to do the opposite of what you're doing. And it
5:17
Speaker 1: was so funny. And I looked at Joe and I go,
5:19
Speaker 1: just so you know, honey, like I told them not
5:21
Speaker 1: to tell you all these things. It's like, why why
5:23
Speaker 1: you think I'm so judgy? I go, you are judging, Like,
5:26
Speaker 1: I know you don't think you're judging, but you're judge
5:29
Speaker 1: about drugs. He doesn't like when people like, you know,
5:31
Speaker 1: at his birthday party, we had people there and like
5:34
Speaker 1: people were really partying, and he he was like, it's
5:37
Speaker 1: too much. I don't I'm like, people are in Vegas
5:39
Speaker 1: for three days. They're allowed to do whatever they want
5:42
Speaker 1: to do, and if somebody got a little sloppy or
5:44
Speaker 1: got a little messy, and then that's their release, you
5:47
Speaker 1: know what I mean, stop judging that. And it's happening
5:50
Speaker 1: in Vegas, so it's staying exactly I know. So he's
5:54
Speaker 1: not I don't want to pay the picture that he's
5:56
Speaker 1: super judging and that, you know. Anyway, after that night,
5:59
Speaker 1: I was like, all right, so I guess it's all out,
6:01
Speaker 1: you know, you know everything, And he's like, I just
6:04
Speaker 1: worry about you when you're not safe, and I'm like,
6:07
Speaker 1: I know, honey, but I'm here, I'm alive, everything worked out.
6:11
Speaker 1: Don't worry about me. Like, I know how to do
6:13
Speaker 1: drugs and I know how to survive. So when you
6:16
Speaker 1: say people, quote unquote we're doing drugs, there's maybe one
6:20
Speaker 1: person that he was concerned about more than others. No,
6:23
Speaker 1: actually no, it was a friend of mine who was
6:25
Speaker 1: a bit of a hot mess. She's probably listening to
6:27
Speaker 1: this podcast right now, so no, it actually wasn't me,
6:30
Speaker 1: and so I got in trouble for my friend's behavior,
6:32
Speaker 1: and then eventually, you know, we had to sort that out.
6:35
Speaker 1: I was like, you can't be mad at me for
6:36
Speaker 1: something that someone else did. Sorry, anyway, you know the
6:41
Speaker 1: trials and tribulations of a new coupling, right exactly. You know.
6:45
Speaker 1: I read something recently and they said all they had
6:48
Speaker 1: asked the universe for was a super hot guy who
6:52
Speaker 1: partied at the same speed as they did. And I
6:54
Speaker 1: was like, that is perfect. That's what we're always looking for,
6:59
Speaker 1: a super parties. That's good. I should have put that
7:02
Speaker 1: in my list. Yeah. Like and at the same speed.
7:04
Speaker 1: It's like, not too much, not too little. Just y.
7:08
Speaker 1: It sounds like you guys have that going on for
7:10
Speaker 1: the most part. We do. Yeah, that's great. I'm also
7:13
Speaker 1: cracking up, Chelsea because you have not looked at the
7:16
Speaker 1: script yet today, and you have covered several things that
7:19
Speaker 1: we're going to talk about today with question of me. Yes,
7:24
Speaker 1: it's pretty amazing and exciting. Oh wait, I have set
7:28
Speaker 1: updates that I want to promote you guys. Today's May twelve.
7:31
Speaker 1: So tonight I'm in New Orleans. Tomorrow I'm in Birmingham, Alabama,
7:35
Speaker 1: and then I'm in San Antonio, Texas on Saturday night.
7:39
Speaker 1: Then I'm coming to Montclair and Huntington's and I'm shooting
7:42
Speaker 1: my stand up special, my next stand up special in Nashville,
7:47
Speaker 1: at the Rhyme in so please, there's an early show
7:50
Speaker 1: and there's a late show. Please get your tickets. And
7:52
Speaker 1: this is our first episode back three. It is can
7:56
Speaker 1: you believe it? How fun is that? It's really excite.
8:00
Speaker 1: Since it's season three, we decided to bring on a
8:03
Speaker 1: very special guest who is currently judging her fifth season
8:07
Speaker 1: on American Idol. She has a Vegas residency called Play
8:11
Speaker 1: at the Resorts World Theater, and she also has a
8:14
Speaker 1: new song out with a Lesso called when I'm Gone
8:16
Speaker 1: and has the title track on Thomas Rhet's new record,
8:20
Speaker 1: Where We Started. She recently bought out her joint venture
8:23
Speaker 1: with her shoe line, Katie Perry Collections and now totally
8:26
Speaker 1: owns the line, which just debuted their Spring collection at
8:29
Speaker 1: the end of March. And she is a co founder
8:32
Speaker 1: of a new line of non alcoholic Appertifs Para Tiefs
8:35
Speaker 1: of Appertifs apparent Tiefs. Right. I actually don't know that.
8:38
Speaker 1: I actually don't call this way. Please welcome Katie Perry. Hey, Hi, Kai,
8:50
Speaker 1: Katie brought her doll. Hello. Hello, I can't hear myself.
8:57
Speaker 1: I love to hear myself. Last time I talked to you.
9:02
Speaker 1: You were about you we were talking about ayahuasca. Oh yeah, no, no,
9:06
Speaker 1: I never unwrapped my core. But you sure you didn't know.
9:09
Speaker 1: But I know, I know you guys were doing that.
9:11
Speaker 1: Orlando did he went deep? Yeah, he gets deep. He's
9:15
Speaker 1: a deep person. Well he's a seeker. Yeah, so what
9:19
Speaker 1: are you. I'm a seeker as well. But I'm just also,
9:23
Speaker 1: you know, I've got like that artist's brain that is
9:26
Speaker 1: just a little bit more temperamental sometimes, So you think
9:30
Speaker 1: you have sometimes bad reactions to things or sense. Yeah,
9:33
Speaker 1: I don't smoke. I can't smoke weed. Oh I'm one
9:36
Speaker 1: of those catch me in a corner. Yeah, I got that.
9:41
Speaker 1: Weed isn't for everybody, and that's something I had to
9:43
Speaker 1: learn the hard way by giving it out to people
9:44
Speaker 1: who couldn't handle it. And I saw that. Yeah, I've
9:47
Speaker 1: done that a lot. I'm like an enabler. Did you
9:50
Speaker 1: ever have a bad reaction on your show when you
9:53
Speaker 1: would like have your round table with the weed and
9:56
Speaker 1: the food. No, one, No, that was on the best behavior. Actually,
10:01
Speaker 1: you know, maybe I take that back. Maybe somebody had
10:03
Speaker 1: a slightly bad reaction. But when you're on camera, you know,
10:05
Speaker 1: you kind of have to temper that reaction and just
10:07
Speaker 1: try to keep it together. But the one we want
10:10
Speaker 1: ate a cannabis dinner on one of my episodes of
10:12
Speaker 1: my show, and I was high for three days, playing
10:16
Speaker 1: a lot for you because your tolerance must be. My
10:18
Speaker 1: eye was shut for three days. I couldn't open it.
10:21
Speaker 1: I was like, Ah, Okay, we have Katie Perry here, finally.
10:26
Speaker 1: I'm so excited to have you. It's our premier episode
10:29
Speaker 1: of season three, and I'm excited to talk to you
10:32
Speaker 1: about all things. And I can't wait to hear all
10:34
Speaker 1: the advice you give to our callers that call in
10:37
Speaker 1: and write in. Advice, yes, coming from both of us,
10:40
Speaker 1: because well, I think you have a lot of wisdom
10:42
Speaker 1: to impart. Well. Thanks. I mean I've got to see
10:46
Speaker 1: a lot of the world, so that's a little perspective maybe. Yeah,
10:49
Speaker 1: And you've had a lot of experiences, different experiences, and
10:53
Speaker 1: I was just telling you I'm living like in Kentucky
10:55
Speaker 1: and I have for almost a month now, and that's
10:58
Speaker 1: quite a um amazing experience because it reminds you that
11:02
Speaker 1: Hollywood is not America, uh huh, And you need to
11:06
Speaker 1: remember that because I think you can understand people better. Yeah, right,
11:10
Speaker 1: It's nice to get outside of what you know to
11:11
Speaker 1: be normal and your reality. Yeah, I mean they're living
11:14
Speaker 1: in a bubble of sorts. Were living in a bubble.
11:16
Speaker 1: Our bubbles are completely opposite, but there. Yeah, it's interesting.
11:19
Speaker 1: But you've been in different bubbles because you grew up
11:21
Speaker 1: in a bubble. You grew up super religious. Yeah, and
11:24
Speaker 1: that's one bubble. Then you came into this industry. That's
11:26
Speaker 1: another bubble, right there. Bubble's apology study of human Yeah,
11:30
Speaker 1: that sapiens three. So talk to me about motherhood. Motherhood
11:37
Speaker 1: best decision I have remained in my entire life. Really. Yeah.
11:40
Speaker 1: I wasn't very maternal, and I think that probably stems
11:43
Speaker 1: from some childhood stuff. And we talked about, you know,
11:46
Speaker 1: going on certain journeys, whether that's plant base or psychological
11:50
Speaker 1: or drug based or drug base. Yeah, well plant and
11:52
Speaker 1: drug I mean that's the same thing, right, some of it.
11:55
Speaker 1: And I did a lot of work behind that stuck
11:58
Speaker 1: feeling of not being maternal, although I was very maternal
12:00
Speaker 1: with all of my friends, I mean my fans and
12:03
Speaker 1: and my friends, they all called me mom because I
12:06
Speaker 1: love to take care of people. I like I find
12:09
Speaker 1: joy through other people's joy. Like if they're having a
12:12
Speaker 1: great time, I'm having a great time. But still there
12:14
Speaker 1: was a little bit of a disconnect, and so I
12:16
Speaker 1: did go on that journey and found the little um
12:19
Speaker 1: spots that needed some tuning up. And Orlando I got
12:23
Speaker 1: to see what a great dad he was with his
12:25
Speaker 1: first child, Flynn, who's now eleven, And so that definitely
12:28
Speaker 1: primarily influenced me, Like something inside of me said, you,
12:32
Speaker 1: mid thirties, this man is nice must read. He's you know,
12:37
Speaker 1: he's a kind man. He's a love machine. I mean
12:41
Speaker 1: that in a sexual way. I mean that in a
12:43
Speaker 1: personal way, like when you meet Orlando and you have
12:46
Speaker 1: a conversation with Orlando, he is filled with love and
12:50
Speaker 1: spreading love. He's like a machine. I always say when
12:54
Speaker 1: he walks into the room, he has this Jouis d
12:56
Speaker 1: vive about him, and he really does. And you know,
12:59
Speaker 1: some people are like, is that guy on? But he
13:01
Speaker 1: has just really got this kind of like happy, possy vibes,
13:05
Speaker 1: you know. And I'm a little bit more like heavy
13:08
Speaker 1: and prone to depression in some ways, and so it's
13:12
Speaker 1: good for me to be around him because he gets
13:14
Speaker 1: me out of my head a little bit. Yeah, that's funny.
13:16
Speaker 1: I have a similar dynamic with my boyfriend Joe, because
13:19
Speaker 1: he is all positive vibes, all happiness up up yeah,
13:23
Speaker 1: And I could be much more cynical than that, where
13:26
Speaker 1: I'm just like, no, that guy's a fucking asshole. Why
13:27
Speaker 1: are we hugging him? Yeah? I used to think people
13:30
Speaker 1: like that were like losers, like they didn't understand the
13:33
Speaker 1: fullness of life, because I don't know, how could someone
13:35
Speaker 1: be that happy all the time. But maybe they just haven't,
13:39
Speaker 1: you know, had as much trauma as us, or maybe
13:41
Speaker 1: they have and they are just willing to turn it
13:43
Speaker 1: into positive vibes whatever I'm going to tell you. But
13:49
Speaker 1: I feel that way too, because Joe hugs everyone everyone
13:52
Speaker 1: we meet, like, and so all of a sudden, he's
13:54
Speaker 1: living in my house, hugging my cleaning lady. Every morning
13:57
Speaker 1: before he leaves, he hugs the landscaper, And now I'm
14:00
Speaker 1: hugging everybody because otherwise I look like a total bit
14:02
Speaker 1: well I know, I know, I know how that feels.
14:04
Speaker 1: I wasn't really a hugger for a while, and you know,
14:07
Speaker 1: had to kind of work through that, and then when
14:09
Speaker 1: COVID came, I was like, hmm, I'm kind of okay
14:11
Speaker 1: with this like no touching, fine, me too. I felt
14:16
Speaker 1: the same way totally. But but I am there's two
14:20
Speaker 1: parts of me. When I am on stage and doing
14:22
Speaker 1: my professional life, I'm really a hugger. But at home
14:27
Speaker 1: and like in domestic life and personal life, you know,
14:30
Speaker 1: I'm on the matriarch of the family and just like you,
14:32
Speaker 1: just like keeping everything in order, dotting the eyes and
14:35
Speaker 1: crossing the d's and you know, Katie. I mentioned Katie
14:39
Speaker 1: show in Vegas, which I was trying to come see
14:40
Speaker 1: when we were in Vegas two weeks ago, but you
14:42
Speaker 1: weren't performing. That wasn't it was going to be a
14:44
Speaker 1: one night only for you though, But I'm gonna come
14:47
Speaker 1: and see you anyway. We're gonna come back and seeone
14:50
Speaker 1: who's listening. It's a really fun, fun time. So tell
14:52
Speaker 1: me about how what are you noticing about yourself becoming
14:55
Speaker 1: a mother, Like, what are you surprised about that you're
14:58
Speaker 1: able to tolerate, or your pay hints or whatever area
15:01
Speaker 1: of your personality that you've discovered. Well, I think that
15:05
Speaker 1: your definition of success changes in life as you get older,
15:09
Speaker 1: and you know, as Coachella has just passed, we observe
15:13
Speaker 1: the definition of success for gen Z's and Easter Easter
15:17
Speaker 1: Passover and Coachella. Yes, And you know, I think your
15:22
Speaker 1: definition of success coming up and your twenties is very
15:25
Speaker 1: outward and material and ego driven and all that jazz.
15:30
Speaker 1: And then thirties hits and you care less, and there's
15:33
Speaker 1: a kind of an inner confidence and respect for yourself
15:36
Speaker 1: that starts to grow. Maybe. And then with the motherhood,
15:40
Speaker 1: you know, your definition of well, my definition of success
15:43
Speaker 1: is just her happiness. And again, her happiness really gives
15:47
Speaker 1: me that joy. But a lot of like bs just
15:50
Speaker 1: falls away. Stuff that you thought was important really was
15:54
Speaker 1: never important, and you just don't you know, you don't
15:56
Speaker 1: have time for any sort of energy drama that's not
16:01
Speaker 1: important in your family. And you know, your family really
16:05
Speaker 1: starts to become first because you know, like when you're
16:08
Speaker 1: dating someone, you don't how many kids you've got, like
16:10
Speaker 1: your posse and this posse and like a couple of
16:13
Speaker 1: few different posses for different things, and like you meet
16:16
Speaker 1: all the time, blah blah blah. And although I still
16:18
Speaker 1: have a lot of those friends, if something, for some
16:21
Speaker 1: reason becomes a little too complicated, I'm like, I'm out.
16:24
Speaker 1: I gotta leave this chat. This chat, I'm out because
16:27
Speaker 1: I got to make sure my the health and wellness
16:30
Speaker 1: of my child is always in the a world. But
16:35
Speaker 1: I think that you just feel a lot more grounded
16:38
Speaker 1: and you focus better. You kind of there's a lot
16:41
Speaker 1: of lollygagging before kids, and you know that your time
16:44
Speaker 1: is limited outside of being with them, or or that
16:48
Speaker 1: if you spend two hours doing something, that better be
16:50
Speaker 1: of real value, because that's two hours you could like
16:53
Speaker 1: engage with the person that you love the most, that
16:57
Speaker 1: loves you the most. So there's a lot of a
17:00
Speaker 1: element and truly, and I'm in a really privileged place,
17:03
Speaker 1: I get you know, I have a wonderful nanny and
17:04
Speaker 1: all that stuff. So it may be an easier time
17:07
Speaker 1: for someone like myself than anyone else out there. But
17:10
Speaker 1: I've seen I've got to see a lot of views
17:12
Speaker 1: of many different mountains, and professionally, I started to see
17:15
Speaker 1: some of the same views. You know. I've been on tour,
17:18
Speaker 1: travel the world three times. I got the opportunity to
17:20
Speaker 1: play Super Bowl. All these things that I'm so so
17:22
Speaker 1: grateful I got to check off my list before I
17:24
Speaker 1: had a child. But then you start doing them over again.
17:28
Speaker 1: You don't get the same high. Yeah, and so you're like, well,
17:31
Speaker 1: what's the next level to life? And then you start
17:34
Speaker 1: doing like a lot of plant based medicine because you're like,
17:37
Speaker 1: there's gotta be a better grid out there. We need
17:40
Speaker 1: to see the next dimension or whatever. You know, it's
17:42
Speaker 1: just and and and children for me definitely are that.
17:46
Speaker 1: I mean my daughter is is that for me? And
17:49
Speaker 1: has it had it impact your relationship with your mom
17:52
Speaker 1: or your dad being becoming a parent? Yes? For sure,
17:56
Speaker 1: for sure there's there is profound respect and also profound anger,
18:02
Speaker 1: not anger, but just like what's and also just like
18:06
Speaker 1: amazement that how did we just how did three of
18:10
Speaker 1: us survive? Because like you turn the corner for two
18:15
Speaker 1: seconds and you're just like how did you get there?
18:18
Speaker 1: What is in your mouth? And I give you all
18:21
Speaker 1: the toys you ever could want, but you still want
18:23
Speaker 1: to an electrical socket, like you know the dog chew
18:27
Speaker 1: toys that are like the Rolex or the Starbucks cup
18:30
Speaker 1: and stuff like that. They need to make like a
18:32
Speaker 1: an electrical outlet toy for kids that they're really attracted
18:36
Speaker 1: to that's maybe like bedazzled or something, so that they
18:39
Speaker 1: go to that one first rather than like the real ones. Yeah,
18:42
Speaker 1: that's probably a good idea, along with a bunch of
18:44
Speaker 1: other sharp objects like steak knives or things like that.
18:50
Speaker 1: I think I have seen a children's steak knife collection
18:52
Speaker 1: because I think I tried to use one accidentally, because
18:54
Speaker 1: that's how domesticated I am that I don't know you
18:57
Speaker 1: can't cut with a rubber knife. But I love all
19:00
Speaker 1: that you're saying. I have to say from a personal perspective,
19:03
Speaker 1: like for me watching your Instagram and watching everything. Obviously,
19:06
Speaker 1: I see you all the time hosting Idol, and I
19:09
Speaker 1: know you post about Idol a lot, and that's fun.
19:11
Speaker 1: But you seem like your abulliate, like you have a
19:14
Speaker 1: what is that word mean, like a big light around you,
19:17
Speaker 1: like everything is. You seem like you're in a great place. Well,
19:21
Speaker 1: don't thank me, thank the well Bucher. And quite honestly,
19:25
Speaker 1: what is well is well preucheron over the counter or
19:28
Speaker 1: is that a prescription prescription? Oh and it's an antidepressant.
19:32
Speaker 1: Oh okay, because I thought that, well, I must be
19:34
Speaker 1: confusing it with some other medication that you can buy
19:37
Speaker 1: over the counter. Well whatever, Wellness something No, But truly,
19:42
Speaker 1: I think my daughter has reshaped my life, my perspective,
19:46
Speaker 1: and given me a love I've never had before. It's
19:50
Speaker 1: a love and kind of a not a validation, but
19:53
Speaker 1: I guess validation in its purest form is love. I've
19:56
Speaker 1: always been wanting that love. That's always been my number
20:00
Speaker 1: one currency. And then when she came, it was just like,
20:03
Speaker 1: I love you for for no reason, just because you
20:06
Speaker 1: are And I'm like, what, you don't need anything from me?
20:10
Speaker 1: I mean, obviously some food, just a little, a little, okay.
20:14
Speaker 1: I actually breastfed Katie's baby. I produce almond milk in
20:18
Speaker 1: my breasts and she's lactose intolerant, so it worked out perfectly. Also,
20:22
Speaker 1: don't you think that thank you first of all? Must
20:25
Speaker 1: don't you think that, like the longer that you can
20:28
Speaker 1: live and observe and survive in this world of spotlight
20:35
Speaker 1: and you know, I guess we will say industry and
20:38
Speaker 1: fame and celebrity and navigate it, the more you just
20:42
Speaker 1: kind of you get better tools and you learn how
20:45
Speaker 1: to play it better. Yeah, play it better. And I
20:48
Speaker 1: think you also become less ambitious. Once you've kind of
20:51
Speaker 1: solidified a place for yourself, It's like there's definitely not
20:55
Speaker 1: another Chelsea. Ever, that's sweet. I mean, I think you
21:02
Speaker 1: really start to become right like you, you're not as driven.
21:05
Speaker 1: I mean, some people seem to have that drive inveterately.
21:07
Speaker 1: They just go on and on and on and on.
21:09
Speaker 1: But yeah, but I think, you know, the more confident
21:12
Speaker 1: you become, the less you need from the general public,
21:15
Speaker 1: and the more you think, the more introspective your work becomes,
21:19
Speaker 1: and the higher integrity that your work kind of gives off.
21:22
Speaker 1: You know, you're like, it's a better quality of work.
21:24
Speaker 1: I agree, because in the beginning, I think of all
21:27
Speaker 1: of our careers in the spotlight, you're making art for
21:30
Speaker 1: yourself to kind of prove, and then somewhere along the way,
21:34
Speaker 1: you're kind of listening to the stuff and I can't
21:37
Speaker 1: I can't affect it, and so sometimes the art gets
21:40
Speaker 1: painted by the noise, and then, like you say, at
21:44
Speaker 1: a certain point, you like go of the noise again,
21:46
Speaker 1: and then you go back to just like creating that
21:49
Speaker 1: art out of feeling, which I think is what usually
21:52
Speaker 1: gets you on the map in the first place. Yeah. Yeah,
21:55
Speaker 1: I have a question for both of you about that.
21:57
Speaker 1: Does it feel harder to be vulnerable the longer you're
22:01
Speaker 1: doing it? And the more you listen to that noise,
22:04
Speaker 1: I think it becomes easier to be vulnerable. What do
22:06
Speaker 1: you think, Well, I think you can be vulnerable, but
22:12
Speaker 1: I think the higher you get, the harder you can fall.
22:15
Speaker 1: There's a lot more to lose, I guess, And in
22:20
Speaker 1: a world where you can go down pretty easily by anything,
22:25
Speaker 1: I think you have to be you know, just more aware.
22:28
Speaker 1: There's gotta be a lot more awareness, which is yeah.
22:31
Speaker 1: I think I was thinking of it in the sense
22:33
Speaker 1: like being vulnerable, like allowing people to see who you are,
22:36
Speaker 1: becomes easier, I think for me, especially because I didn't
22:39
Speaker 1: realize for a long time that people didn't understand that
22:42
Speaker 1: we're all multifaceted, we all have different parts of our
22:44
Speaker 1: personality and just because you're not demonstrating at all doesn't
22:47
Speaker 1: mean it's not there. And when I was like opening
22:50
Speaker 1: up about my brother dying or like serious things, people
22:53
Speaker 1: were always like, oh my god, We've never seen this
22:55
Speaker 1: side of you. It's like, what do you think I'm
22:56
Speaker 1: just a fucking bitch all the time, Like obviously, I'm
23:00
Speaker 1: obviously I'm a human girl, Like obviously there's more depth.
23:04
Speaker 1: I mean, if you believe in like the idea of
23:06
Speaker 1: like masculine energy. I think we just operate with a
23:09
Speaker 1: lot more of that, and it can be less soft
23:14
Speaker 1: soft as feminine. But you know, all those things are smoothing.
23:17
Speaker 1: Right now, those sayings are being kind of investigated again
23:21
Speaker 1: because what is masculine energy and why does it belong
23:24
Speaker 1: to only mail or whatever? You know, you don't want
23:26
Speaker 1: to put a gender on that type of energy, but
23:28
Speaker 1: that energy is just strong. It's like dominate and black
23:31
Speaker 1: and white. You don't seem like a person that like
23:33
Speaker 1: minces their words. No, And that also can come across
23:36
Speaker 1: as harsh, like I mean, I just had a conversation.
23:38
Speaker 1: They were like, can you be nicer to so so
23:41
Speaker 1: and so? And I go, are you serious? I sent
23:43
Speaker 1: an email asking just for a bunch of questions. I go,
23:45
Speaker 1: what do you want me to do? Fucking blow them
23:48
Speaker 1: on the in the email? Like what? And they're like, oh, no,
23:51
Speaker 1: you just have to be a little bit softer and
23:53
Speaker 1: how you ask? That's exactly what they said, softer, And
23:55
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, I mean all right, but I
23:58
Speaker 1: don't know if like people would expect that, quite honestly
24:02
Speaker 1: from the opposite sex. No one, I've never heard any
24:06
Speaker 1: of that said, hey, can you be softer in your email? Totally,
24:11
Speaker 1: but anyway, especially not to Orlando. They wouldn't because he's
24:14
Speaker 1: already already. He's a soft plody and we're prickly Okay,
24:19
Speaker 1: So we're gonna take callers. We have a caller calling
24:21
Speaker 1: it for advice. You have to put on your advice cap.
24:25
Speaker 1: And I've done a lot of therapy for this moment.
24:27
Speaker 1: I know, we've all all of our therapy comes together
24:29
Speaker 1: on this podcast, and then we give it out and
24:31
Speaker 1: we give back exactly. Well, we'll take a quick break
24:35
Speaker 1: for some ads, and we'll be back with Katie and
24:37
Speaker 1: Chelsea and we're back where back. We have our first caller,
24:47
Speaker 1: who is Stephanie. She says, Dear Chelsea, I recently got
24:52
Speaker 1: into a serious relationship, my first since college. For years
24:56
Speaker 1: before meeting my new boyfriend, I was in a big
24:58
Speaker 1: partying phase with plan deal flings and hookups, I mean plenty.
25:03
Speaker 1: I've been in therapy over the years and have been
25:05
Speaker 1: cognizant of why I was drinking or hooking up with guys. Really,
25:08
Speaker 1: it was just a fun time in my life and
25:10
Speaker 1: I was just figuring it out. I was always known
25:12
Speaker 1: as the quote a fun girl of the group with
25:14
Speaker 1: plenty of stories about my drunken escapades, terrible dates, and
25:18
Speaker 1: minor fuck ups that are more cute slash hilarious than damaging.
25:22
Speaker 1: Right now, where I'm at is actually Chelsea told a
25:25
Speaker 1: story very similar to this before you arrive. Yes, I
25:31
Speaker 1: call into my own podcast and she gives great at
25:35
Speaker 1: Where I'm at right now is I'm introducing my friends
25:37
Speaker 1: to my boyfriend and feel uncomfortable with my friends sharing
25:40
Speaker 1: stories are bringing up pastimes in front of him. I
25:44
Speaker 1: don't want to lie to him or pretend that I
25:46
Speaker 1: wasn't like that, But I also don't want him to
25:47
Speaker 1: think less of me or judge me. He's an incredible
25:50
Speaker 1: person and I don't think he ever would. But how
25:52
Speaker 1: do I accept that for myself? Have you owned yourself
25:56
Speaker 1: and your past relationships though I'm not going out as
25:59
Speaker 1: my If you're drinking at the level I was before,
26:01
Speaker 1: how do I still share that part of my life
26:04
Speaker 1: without scaring him? Stephanie and she's going to be joining us, Oh,
26:08
Speaker 1: oh great, this is perfect. Yeah, I just told that story.
26:10
Speaker 1: Too bad I didn't save it for when Katie was here. Well,
26:13
Speaker 1: I want to hear it. Well, Hi, Hi, Hi girl.
26:18
Speaker 1: Hi Stephanie H. This is Katie. Hi. How are you good?
26:24
Speaker 1: How are you all doing good? We're good. You've spoken
26:27
Speaker 1: to Catherine before this, so that's this is very perfect
26:30
Speaker 1: timing because I was just discussing this. I have a
26:33
Speaker 1: very sorted past with all sorts of drug use, and
26:36
Speaker 1: I love to talk about it, and my friends love
26:38
Speaker 1: to tell stories about me and blah blah blah. And
26:41
Speaker 1: I'm with a person who doesn't have a big history
26:44
Speaker 1: with drugs. He has no history with drugs, he doesn't
26:46
Speaker 1: do drugs. And I think it's a very valid question,
26:49
Speaker 1: and I think you should not be lying. I don't
26:52
Speaker 1: think you should ever lie about who you are. I
26:54
Speaker 1: think you know you're gonna be with somebody who's gonna
26:56
Speaker 1: love you because of who you are, and in spite
26:58
Speaker 1: of who you are. If you take your drug experience
27:01
Speaker 1: as a negative thing, when it doesn't have to be
27:03
Speaker 1: that way. It could be a period of your life
27:04
Speaker 1: where you learned a lot about yourself. You know that
27:07
Speaker 1: was positive and that you explored that. It's a matter
27:10
Speaker 1: of moving forward. Do you still want to do drugs
27:12
Speaker 1: like that with your partner or are you over that
27:14
Speaker 1: phase of your life. I mean, I'm always open and
27:17
Speaker 1: willing to anything, So I don't think it's a phase.
27:21
Speaker 1: I think it's more of like, you know, a lifestyle.
27:24
Speaker 1: But I think just just be clear, was it more
27:27
Speaker 1: just like a partying just like having fun hook ups
27:30
Speaker 1: in drinking and stuff like that. The drugs thing was
27:33
Speaker 1: yours and hers is more the the the alcohol. Blame
27:36
Speaker 1: it on the alcohol and the fun whole bit sets right, Yes, Yeah,
27:40
Speaker 1: more going out and you know, partying and you know
27:44
Speaker 1: all those fun things that come out along with it. Yeah,
27:47
Speaker 1: and your twenties. Yeah, listen. I wrote my first book
27:50
Speaker 1: was called My Horizontal Life, a collection of one night stands,
27:54
Speaker 1: So I've not only done it, I've documented it, which
27:57
Speaker 1: was not a smart move if I was thinking about
28:00
Speaker 1: potential suitors, Like, no man reads that book and it's
28:03
Speaker 1: like I want to date this girl, or great, I'll
28:05
Speaker 1: date this girl so she can write a fucking short
28:08
Speaker 1: story or essay about me, you know what I mean.
28:11
Speaker 1: But I'm assuming you're not going to do that. Do
28:12
Speaker 1: you know what your boyfriend's like drug history or partying
28:15
Speaker 1: history is? Um? I mean, he likes to go out,
28:18
Speaker 1: but I would say he's much more tame and laid
28:21
Speaker 1: back and you know, not out until four in the
28:23
Speaker 1: morning ever, But like, and how long have you guys
28:27
Speaker 1: been dating? A little over a year? Okay, so he
28:30
Speaker 1: must have some sense of your past, right, Yeah, but
28:35
Speaker 1: it was also COVID and so weird. You know, shut
28:38
Speaker 1: indoors a lot, and then now that things are opening up,
28:40
Speaker 1: it's proving to kind of open a like a different door.
28:44
Speaker 1: Almost did something make you feel like, oh wait, maybe
28:49
Speaker 1: he's not loving this information or something? Did something happen? No,
28:56
Speaker 1: I wouldn't say exactly something happened, but you know, whenever
29:00
Speaker 1: telling a story and like everyone kind of is quiet afterwards,
29:03
Speaker 1: and you're like, ok, maybe like should have released that information,
29:07
Speaker 1: or like a friend is telling a story and I'm like,
29:09
Speaker 1: maybe I don't want my boyfriend to know that happened.
29:13
Speaker 1: So yeah, it's more more just like me feeling not
29:17
Speaker 1: almost feeling bad. I think it's my own personal struggle
29:21
Speaker 1: rather than like an external one. Yeah. I mean, I
29:24
Speaker 1: don't think anyone loves to hear voluminous stories about someone's
29:29
Speaker 1: ex like how many people you've slept with? Like that's
29:32
Speaker 1: not really something that anyone wants to hear. So there's
29:35
Speaker 1: no reason to really even get into that detailed, just
29:38
Speaker 1: almost out of respect for the relationship. You don't want to, like,
29:41
Speaker 1: I mean, nobody wants to hear that. If and I
29:43
Speaker 1: asked my boyfriend about anything in his past which I
29:45
Speaker 1: am curious about, he refuses to tell me. He's like,
29:47
Speaker 1: I'm never wasting energy talking about any of those people. Yeah,
29:50
Speaker 1: because it doesn't even exist anymore. Yeah, it's so in
29:53
Speaker 1: the past. But I mean, you going out and parting
29:56
Speaker 1: and having a good time. I think it's fine. I
29:58
Speaker 1: don't think it always has to lead to You don't
30:00
Speaker 1: have to divulge that information to him. It doesn't necessarily
30:03
Speaker 1: empower anybody to know that their person beforehand was out
30:08
Speaker 1: and about and sleeping around. You're totally you know, everyone's
30:10
Speaker 1: allowed to do that, of course, but it's definitely not
30:14
Speaker 1: a necessary thing you want to do. I would definitely
30:17
Speaker 1: I would parse those stories too, because you're not lying.
30:20
Speaker 1: It's almost kind of you're lying for their benefit, and
30:22
Speaker 1: you're not lying, you're withholding really well, I've been told
30:28
Speaker 1: a mission is also lying. Yeah, I agree with you.
30:31
Speaker 1: I mean, you don't need to share all this stuff.
30:34
Speaker 1: It was it's a journey it's a journey and he
30:36
Speaker 1: wasn't there for it, so he doesn't need to, you know,
30:38
Speaker 1: he doesn't need to be a part of it. It
30:40
Speaker 1: sounds also like you are kind of starting a new
30:43
Speaker 1: phase in your life, not a new phase, and not
30:45
Speaker 1: like you're gonna not do stuff that you like or
30:48
Speaker 1: have fun or get wild or be loose over again.
30:51
Speaker 1: But maybe it's a little bit more balanced with him,
30:54
Speaker 1: and maybe those stories are just like their stories from
30:56
Speaker 1: the past, from when you weren't really that person, or
30:59
Speaker 1: you were just young, younger and you're wiser and you know,
31:02
Speaker 1: older a little bit more, and it's just a journey
31:04
Speaker 1: that you've been on. And also he's probably gonna see
31:07
Speaker 1: this podcast, so he's gonna know, hey, what's up. Yeah,
31:09
Speaker 1: we have a ton of straight guys listening to this podcast. Exactly.
31:14
Speaker 1: I would just say to your friends, like they're telling
31:16
Speaker 1: these stories because they're kind of trying to brag on you, right,
31:19
Speaker 1: They're trying to say, like, look, how fun she is,
31:21
Speaker 1: she's the best. These are these crazy stories. Maybe just
31:24
Speaker 1: tell them like, hey, let's keep the hookups to a minimum,
31:27
Speaker 1: but like tell other fun stories about me. Yeah, and
31:31
Speaker 1: hopefully you won't be like my friend who did exactly
31:33
Speaker 1: the opposite. When I told her not to, she was also, yeah,
31:37
Speaker 1: that was she was having a hard night that night.
31:38
Speaker 1: So I don't blame her because I couldn't otherwise it
31:41
Speaker 1: would be too ridiculous. I told my girlfriend basically to
31:44
Speaker 1: recap when I said earlier, I was like, Hey, my
31:47
Speaker 1: boyfriend doesn't do drugs, don't tell too many drugs stories
31:50
Speaker 1: about me. And then she proceeded to go from country
31:53
Speaker 1: to country to country about different drugs we did in
31:56
Speaker 1: countries where they're those drugs aren't legal anyway. So she's
32:00
Speaker 1: hurting me on two levels. But yeah, I think what
32:02
Speaker 1: Katie said is is right. You're in a different part
32:05
Speaker 1: of your life too, and that's also worth mentioning, you know,
32:08
Speaker 1: at certain points in your relationship, like I'm so glad
32:10
Speaker 1: I met you at this time in my life, Like
32:11
Speaker 1: I'm finally mature enough to appreciate this relationship, to reinforce
32:15
Speaker 1: that that behavior is kind of not necessarily a thing
32:18
Speaker 1: of the past, but more of like part of who
32:20
Speaker 1: you were before you met him. And now you're going
32:22
Speaker 1: into this phase. Obviously you're not going to go around
32:25
Speaker 1: hooking up like that when you're in a new relationship
32:27
Speaker 1: or a newer relationship, I should say, but there's no
32:31
Speaker 1: reason to go into detail about any of that stuff.
32:33
Speaker 1: Just one little thing to add. I mean, how young
32:35
Speaker 1: are you, Stephanie. I'm seven, Okay, Okay, you're getting to
32:39
Speaker 1: that you're getting to that age where like you're starting
32:42
Speaker 1: to have real serious commitment relationships or half or every
32:46
Speaker 1: relationship starts to feel like more serious. But I would
32:48
Speaker 1: just say, in the relationship I'm in now, I've never
32:52
Speaker 1: been more myself than I have, and that feels so good.
32:56
Speaker 1: And I've been in other relationships where I've had to
32:58
Speaker 1: hide parts of myself and play second fiddle or just
33:03
Speaker 1: be smaller or like hiding right, and it all, it
33:07
Speaker 1: all starts to like erupt. It becomes a volcano and
33:11
Speaker 1: it comes out, and it becomes hysterical. And because you've
33:14
Speaker 1: suppressed it for so long. So if there's a way,
33:16
Speaker 1: especially since you're in the new party relationship, where you
33:19
Speaker 1: can kind of like drip feed him some of the
33:21
Speaker 1: truth so that it doesn't all explode at once, because
33:25
Speaker 1: you've been like trying to play a different part just
33:28
Speaker 1: so you can keep the relationship together. You know, I
33:30
Speaker 1: think there'll probably be a lot more acceptance, um, and
33:33
Speaker 1: it may not scare him as much. The truth really
33:37
Speaker 1: is a cliche in that if he doesn't love you
33:40
Speaker 1: for who you are, he's really not for you. Yeah,
33:43
Speaker 1: which doesn't mean you have to frontload it. I think
33:45
Speaker 1: what she's saying is right. Drip feeding is the best
33:48
Speaker 1: way to be like accountable. So you're not a liar,
33:51
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. But you're also not over divulging.
33:54
Speaker 1: But you know, just be sensitive. It's like, think about
33:56
Speaker 1: how you would feel if you heard about all the
33:58
Speaker 1: girls he hooked up with. It's not necessary, yeah yeah, yeah,
34:02
Speaker 1: definitely not giving him a laundry list, yeah yeah, But
34:06
Speaker 1: but you know, continue to be who you are and
34:08
Speaker 1: make sure you're not apologizing for anything you did in
34:10
Speaker 1: the past, because that's you don't know anybody in apology
34:12
Speaker 1: for anything. You don't owe people first and last names either,
34:16
Speaker 1: because sometimes we don't remember those last names. You know,
34:20
Speaker 1: you don't owe anybody that either. You're like you when
34:23
Speaker 1: you make the list in your twenties, are like, how
34:25
Speaker 1: about when you make the list in your twenties and
34:27
Speaker 1: you make it with it like you're with a girlfriends,
34:29
Speaker 1: you're a grip of girlfriends. And then the next morning
34:32
Speaker 1: you're like, wait, I forgot three people that came to me.
34:34
Speaker 1: And then the next day I'm like, fuck, I forgot
34:37
Speaker 1: three more people. Now, whenever I make any lists, I'm like,
34:40
Speaker 1: I said to my assist. We were I'm hosting Jimmy
34:42
Speaker 1: Kill for the week. She goes put together a list
34:44
Speaker 1: of who you'd like to interview on the guest And
34:46
Speaker 1: I made a list and then I was like, don't
34:48
Speaker 1: send that yet. I'm like, I'll come up with like
34:50
Speaker 1: any more names as I think about it. You know,
34:52
Speaker 1: like you have to keep your list going. So when
34:56
Speaker 1: you make a list, give yourself three days for that list.
35:00
Speaker 1: All right, well, thank you so much, thanks for calling in.
35:03
Speaker 1: Good luck by. She made it sound like she just
35:07
Speaker 1: like lived at Marty Gras for the first twenty years
35:10
Speaker 1: of her life, and wouldn't that be fun? Yeah? Penetration
35:13
Speaker 1: pussy land, Yeah, the p p P. Isn't that what
35:21
Speaker 1: they were called? The no PPE your paychecks for COVID
35:25
Speaker 1: Was that PPE or that the Protective gear Payment Protection Plan?
35:33
Speaker 1: That was not to be confused with penetration? What was
35:38
Speaker 1: the word land? That's your land? My land in Las
35:45
Speaker 1: Vegas is Peri Playland. Please come visit? Yes, Hers, Yes,
35:50
Speaker 1: please come visit. Well. Our next question comes from Paige.
35:58
Speaker 1: Paige says, Dear Chelsea, in a recent episode with Bobby Burke,
36:02
Speaker 1: you mentioned that you used to resort to yelling in arguments,
36:05
Speaker 1: but have since turned the corner. I try sometimes. I
36:11
Speaker 1: feel I'm in a relationship over a year with a
36:16
Speaker 1: man I completely adore, but I'm a hothead and I
36:19
Speaker 1: often yell, like really yell. It's causing a huge rift
36:23
Speaker 1: in our progress, and I'm looking for practical ways to stop.
36:26
Speaker 1: I've been in therapy on and off for years, and
36:28
Speaker 1: I'm frustrated that I keep getting the same old, just
36:31
Speaker 1: be mindful answer. I definitely try every day and have
36:34
Speaker 1: for decades. Do you have any other practical advice books
36:38
Speaker 1: or workshops you'd recommend? Thank you from your fellow blonde haired,
36:42
Speaker 1: big breasted woman page. She's in good company today. We
36:47
Speaker 1: all have on that first here, Katie. Do you want
36:49
Speaker 1: to go first or shall I? It sounds like you've
36:51
Speaker 1: got some rolling. Well, I just talked to my therapist
36:54
Speaker 1: about this very issue. My boyfriend and I went to
36:56
Speaker 1: our first therapy session together because I would like to you,
37:00
Speaker 1: you lifted up your arm because you're about to divulge
37:03
Speaker 1: your boyfriend. That's a big one with my regular therapist though,
37:07
Speaker 1: like if this is the guy I used to see
37:08
Speaker 1: all the time and I haven't seen him in a while,
37:10
Speaker 1: but we wanted to I wanted to learn about communications. No,
37:15
Speaker 1: everything we talked about starts with a P on this
37:17
Speaker 1: part page. But he explained something that was very foundational
37:22
Speaker 1: and like good for everyone to remember. When you are
37:25
Speaker 1: in a reaction mode, which is when you're yelling, you
37:28
Speaker 1: are not You're not getting anywhere. It is pointless to yell.
37:32
Speaker 1: I mean, think about being yelled at, and think about
37:34
Speaker 1: yelling at a child, like you are never going to
37:36
Speaker 1: get what you want out of somebody by yelling at them.
37:39
Speaker 1: That doesn't work. So you have to calm down, You
37:42
Speaker 1: have to take your time out, whatever you want to
37:44
Speaker 1: call that. I say, I need a coconut, which means
37:46
Speaker 1: I need a time out so I can calm down
37:48
Speaker 1: and get into reception which means yes, I put out
37:54
Speaker 1: some reggae and you get into receiving mode instead of
37:58
Speaker 1: reactive mode. And when you're when you are reactive, nothing
38:02
Speaker 1: can be solved in that moment of anger when you
38:04
Speaker 1: are anger and you're yelling. Also, something to remember about
38:07
Speaker 1: yelling is it's a complete loss of control. Like anytime
38:11
Speaker 1: you yell, you have lost control, and so do you
38:15
Speaker 1: really want to be perceived as losing control all the time.
38:18
Speaker 1: It's better to like think about it, internalize it. Go
38:21
Speaker 1: sit by yourself, whether it's two minutes or twenty minutes
38:24
Speaker 1: or a day, whatever you need until you can get
38:27
Speaker 1: back to a place of reception and receiving and just go, okay,
38:31
Speaker 1: I'm ready to hear what you're saying. And if there's
38:33
Speaker 1: just no reason to let it escalate like that, because
38:36
Speaker 1: nobody likes to get yelled at, and you're gonna push
38:38
Speaker 1: somebody away by doing that, I agree. That's a lot
38:41
Speaker 1: of self control. God bless you. And you've been in
38:44
Speaker 1: this relationship for how long? Shut up? Well, everything is
38:48
Speaker 1: in the honeymoon phase. We're just we're actually just phasing
38:52
Speaker 1: out of honeymoon phase. I have found that she's like
38:59
Speaker 1: I found yelling to be very effective. I found that,
39:02
Speaker 1: you know, I know it sounds also like a cliche,
39:04
Speaker 1: but like three deep breaths in through the nose and
39:06
Speaker 1: out through the mouth, just like expands your options in
39:10
Speaker 1: your brain to think differently than just like red red,
39:13
Speaker 1: red red. And yeah, I think you were correct about
39:16
Speaker 1: the whole, Like I know what it feels like to
39:18
Speaker 1: have been yelled at as like a child, so like
39:22
Speaker 1: remembering that and kind of going, oh, that never worked
39:25
Speaker 1: with me, and knowing it's not going to work with
39:28
Speaker 1: the other person. Although your partners usually see your best
39:32
Speaker 1: and a lot of your worst sides because they're there
39:35
Speaker 1: to be your mirrors. Orlando and I do couples therapy
39:39
Speaker 1: and we love it because it just keeps us like
39:41
Speaker 1: in tune, and the resentment can get really strong when
39:44
Speaker 1: you're both working hard and God bless successful people in
39:48
Speaker 1: the in the spotlight. And so when you want to
39:51
Speaker 1: come back to being normal in a domesticated world where
39:55
Speaker 1: you have a child and stuff like that, you have
39:57
Speaker 1: to like really learn how to be kind of different
40:01
Speaker 1: out there in the big and in the small and
40:03
Speaker 1: so um, we've had a lot of success with that
40:06
Speaker 1: couples therapy. But she asked if there's like a treatment
40:09
Speaker 1: or something like that. I went to this place. I'm
40:11
Speaker 1: sure you've heard of it called the Hoffman Process. Yeah,
40:15
Speaker 1: and I went there. Orlando went before me, was this
40:18
Speaker 1: when you guys were buried? He went no when we
40:21
Speaker 1: were dating, so he came back after going and wasn't
40:25
Speaker 1: leaning into all of my bullshit, and so it was boring.
40:28
Speaker 1: It became boring, and I was like, we're breaking up then,
40:31
Speaker 1: And then I had the worst year of my life,
40:34
Speaker 1: not just because the relationship, just a lot of different
40:36
Speaker 1: things were changing and shifting from me, which I really
40:38
Speaker 1: truly believe was an opportunity for me to evolve and grow.
40:41
Speaker 1: It's gonna be like, here we are at the fork
40:43
Speaker 1: in the road. You're gonna take an hour? Are you're
40:44
Speaker 1: gonna take an r you know? And so a year
40:47
Speaker 1: later I went to the Hoffman Process, and it is
40:50
Speaker 1: amazing because it's a week long process, which they do
40:53
Speaker 1: give scholarships out. It's it's kind of expensive, but I
40:56
Speaker 1: would say it's the best value. You have no cell
40:59
Speaker 1: phone and you just go kind of deep through different
41:03
Speaker 1: exercises with other people actually, which is great because they
41:07
Speaker 1: trigger you the whole time and then you work on
41:09
Speaker 1: those triggers. But basically, it's a place you get to
41:12
Speaker 1: go to where you rewire the neuropathways in your mind
41:15
Speaker 1: and you get to the you basically get to discover
41:19
Speaker 1: there's so much awareness. You get to discover why you
41:22
Speaker 1: have these patterns and habits and where they're coming from.
41:26
Speaker 1: And all of it's either coming from mom or it's
41:28
Speaker 1: coming from that. So like if you're yelling, who yelled
41:32
Speaker 1: at you? And it's it's a learned thing. Everything that
41:36
Speaker 1: all the kids, like your your babies, they're really just
41:40
Speaker 1: regurgitating everything they see and from you. So it's really
41:44
Speaker 1: about the patterns um of our parents that you adopted,
41:48
Speaker 1: and so you rewire those patterns to have to have
41:51
Speaker 1: better success at life. And it profoundly changed my life.
41:57
Speaker 1: It's like the number one thing I always recommend when
42:01
Speaker 1: somebody is ready for that next level in life, for
42:04
Speaker 1: that shift if they're just over just like feeling stock
42:08
Speaker 1: or depressed or traumatized or just like, uh, you know,
42:12
Speaker 1: they're like, there's gotta be more to to life. This
42:15
Speaker 1: is like this, I feel like it's where you find consciousness.
42:19
Speaker 1: It's where you find so much profound awareness and it's great.
42:22
Speaker 1: You couldn't recommend it more. Yeah, I've heard a lot
42:24
Speaker 1: of great things about the Hoffman Institute. Is a Hoffman
42:27
Speaker 1: Institute has process. Another thing to remember is when you
42:31
Speaker 1: are in that state of yelling, when you're in flight,
42:34
Speaker 1: fight or freeze, which are those like things where you're
42:37
Speaker 1: being attacked or attacking, you're not in a place. If
42:41
Speaker 1: you're in any of those moments, you're not in a
42:43
Speaker 1: place to discuss the matter. That's when you need a
42:46
Speaker 1: time out. If you feel like fighting, if you feel
42:48
Speaker 1: like retreating and running away, or if you feel like
42:51
Speaker 1: you're frozen. Those are three things to remember that you
42:54
Speaker 1: need to take a time out. And so I would
42:56
Speaker 1: just really really recommend that you work hard on your yelling.
43:00
Speaker 1: And if your therapist doesn't think that that's a problem,
43:03
Speaker 1: you might need to find a new therapist that pushes
43:05
Speaker 1: you a little bit more, yeah, or digs a little
43:07
Speaker 1: bit deeper. Yeah, because that's basic, Like yeah, mindfulness, mindfulness, mindfulness,
43:12
Speaker 1: I mean there's I love mindfulness, but like let's get
43:14
Speaker 1: into the nitty gritty, Yeah, get under the hood. You know.
43:19
Speaker 1: Have you been in any really big arguments with your partner? Yeah? Yeah,
43:23
Speaker 1: we had one big one, which is why we ended
43:25
Speaker 1: up going to therapy because I was like, well, let's
43:27
Speaker 1: nip this in the bud right away. I want to always,
43:29
Speaker 1: you know, improve on my communication, and I'm an over
43:32
Speaker 1: communicator where he's an under communicator. But he's never had
43:36
Speaker 1: you know, he's somebody who's mad and doesn't say anything
43:38
Speaker 1: for three weeks and then it blows up and you're like,
43:41
Speaker 1: what was this about. He's like when we were in Whistler.
43:45
Speaker 1: I'm like, Whistler, that was like a fucking months ago,
43:48
Speaker 1: months ago, Like wait what So immediately not because he
43:53
Speaker 1: keeps therapy. He loves the less exactly. It's because we
43:57
Speaker 1: need it, you know, as a couple and as my
43:59
Speaker 1: therapy be said. You know, you're a Orlando's B together,
44:03
Speaker 1: you're a B. That's a different language than what you
44:06
Speaker 1: do by yourself and what Orlando does for himself. So
44:08
Speaker 1: like you and your partner are two separate entities, but
44:11
Speaker 1: when you come together, you have to be mindful of
44:13
Speaker 1: the fact that he's not you. He's a completely separate
44:16
Speaker 1: person that needs to be treated with like kindness and respect.
44:19
Speaker 1: One other book actually that I would recommend to her
44:22
Speaker 1: is The Dance of Anger. That's one to read a
44:25
Speaker 1: sad because it helps with dealing with anger all that
44:29
Speaker 1: stuff that comes up. But also like one of the
44:32
Speaker 1: pieces of advice I always give to people who are
44:34
Speaker 1: getting married, is do go to bed angry. I find
44:38
Speaker 1: that for us, like my husband and I are both yellers,
44:40
Speaker 1: and I find that like we can get in these
44:43
Speaker 1: circular things when we're tired or yes, tired, hungry or
44:47
Speaker 1: maybe a little tipsy or whatever, and if you just
44:49
Speaker 1: go to sleep, you wake up and you're like, what
44:52
Speaker 1: were we fighting about? And you're just like well rested
44:54
Speaker 1: and its better, Like I'm always like so much nicer
44:59
Speaker 1: in the morning if I've gotten you know, seven is
45:02
Speaker 1: showers of sleep. You wake up and you're like, how
45:05
Speaker 1: can I like look at you and still be pissed.
45:07
Speaker 1: I'm gonna like give me, I'm gonna try. I'm gonna
45:10
Speaker 1: try for the first five minutes. But if you're still cold,
45:12
Speaker 1: then we're gonna go back. Yeah. Right, But if you
45:17
Speaker 1: decide to meet me on that soft suite halfway, then
45:20
Speaker 1: we're going to be like Because some people, like my boyfriend,
45:24
Speaker 1: can't go to bed angry. They need to talk it out.
45:26
Speaker 1: They want to talk it out talk talk talk, talk talk,
45:29
Speaker 1: And it's like that that is a personality trait too,
45:31
Speaker 1: So you have to be respectful when people do want
45:34
Speaker 1: to do that, like I do want to go to
45:35
Speaker 1: bed also and be like I'll see you tomorrow. But
45:40
Speaker 1: you know, with him, he's so sensitive that like I
45:42
Speaker 1: have to sit there with him and like, you know,
45:44
Speaker 1: figure it out together, which you know is good. I'm
45:46
Speaker 1: glad I have to be outside of my comfort zone
45:49
Speaker 1: and and compromise. Yeah, that's growth, Yeah, evolution, evolution, It's
45:56
Speaker 1: a life worth living. So there you go. Problem solved. YEA.
46:01
Speaker 1: Well we'll take a quick break for some ads and
46:04
Speaker 1: be back with Chelsea and Katie and where Katie fantastic? Well, Katie,
46:15
Speaker 1: was there any advice that you wanted to ask for
46:18
Speaker 1: from Chelsea? Oh? That's good, yes, thank you. Do you
46:23
Speaker 1: find it's different for you compared to your male counterparts.
46:28
Speaker 1: Do you find that there's a certain line not to cross,
46:32
Speaker 1: or that some people can be spicier comedians. Do you
46:36
Speaker 1: find if you started out really spicy, you can stay
46:38
Speaker 1: spicy your whole life or do you kind of have
46:41
Speaker 1: to be a little bit more aware or what I mean?
46:46
Speaker 1: I think that you know the boundaries that have been
46:48
Speaker 1: put in or the parameters that have been placed, you know,
46:50
Speaker 1: on performers and especially comedians, Like I don't have a
46:54
Speaker 1: problem with that. I like that that that forces you
46:56
Speaker 1: to be more clever in my opinion, you know, it
46:59
Speaker 1: forces you to think outside of your own experience and
47:01
Speaker 1: to focus on the real issue at hand. Like for
47:04
Speaker 1: me right now, what I'm doing in my set, it's like,
47:06
Speaker 1: you know, I'm talking not only but this is a
47:09
Speaker 1: big issue, is talking to white men about their resistance
47:12
Speaker 1: to accepting all different walks of life, like they are
47:16
Speaker 1: the only people kind of prolonging this, this this cancel culture,
47:20
Speaker 1: you know, the resistance to the cancel culture and arguing
47:23
Speaker 1: with it, like you know, we're not being sexist or
47:26
Speaker 1: we're not being racist. It's like, hey, you're not the
47:29
Speaker 1: judge of who's being treated in a racist or sexist way.
47:33
Speaker 1: As an individual white male, your opinion is relevant because
47:36
Speaker 1: you're not the victim of it. You're the perpetrator. And
47:38
Speaker 1: that's not to say every man is a perpetrator, because
47:40
Speaker 1: certainly that isn't the case. Not all men are bad.
47:43
Speaker 1: But I think it's important to bring attention to the
47:46
Speaker 1: subjects that we're all kind of tiptoeing around because people
47:49
Speaker 1: don't want to say the wrong thing. It's like, it's
47:51
Speaker 1: about I think it's a responsibility for every comedian to
47:55
Speaker 1: lift up all the people that aren't getting that kind
47:57
Speaker 1: of respect, that aren't being treated like a white male
48:00
Speaker 1: that you know, like the entire trans community, the entire
48:03
Speaker 1: LGBTQ community. It's like it is you know some people.
48:06
Speaker 1: I have just had this conversation with this weekend with
48:07
Speaker 1: the comic and he's like, it's not my responsibility. He goes,
48:10
Speaker 1: I accept them. I don't have to sing their praises.
48:12
Speaker 1: I go, acceptance isn't enough. You have a platform that
48:16
Speaker 1: a lot of people are listening to and they're taking
48:18
Speaker 1: your lead on things, and by not going abad for
48:21
Speaker 1: those people, you're missing a huge opportunity for accepted. Like
48:26
Speaker 1: if you accept them, then how many other thousands, millions
48:30
Speaker 1: of people are going to accept them? Right? So, and
48:33
Speaker 1: he was like, well, I didn't think about it that way.
48:35
Speaker 1: And I'm like, I know you didn't think about it
48:36
Speaker 1: that way, and you're not a bad guy, But being
48:39
Speaker 1: accepting of a certain lifestyle in this climate, I don't
48:42
Speaker 1: think it's enough. I think you actively have to speak
48:45
Speaker 1: out about it, and you actively have to let about
48:48
Speaker 1: the injustice, about the injustice about being welcoming to people
48:52
Speaker 1: so that they feel included, that they don't feel like
48:55
Speaker 1: you know you, how would you feel if that was
48:56
Speaker 1: your child that had to come out to her parents
48:59
Speaker 1: because you wanted to transition to become a man, because
49:01
Speaker 1: she feels like she was born in the wrong body, Like,
49:03
Speaker 1: how would you do? How would you do that? How
49:06
Speaker 1: would you deal with that if you were your child?
49:08
Speaker 1: You have to think about that on a global level, right,
49:10
Speaker 1: Like you want to be compassionate and empathetic to everybody,
49:14
Speaker 1: and especially the people that have the biggest targets on
49:17
Speaker 1: their back and are the most discriminated against. And then
49:21
Speaker 1: he was like, well, you're giving white guys such a
49:22
Speaker 1: hard time. I'm like, because you guys are the last
49:25
Speaker 1: line of defense. You're in charge of everything. So if
49:28
Speaker 1: we don't move you, we're doing it all by ourselves.
49:31
Speaker 1: All like marginalized groups have to help each other, right,
49:34
Speaker 1: So what if we just got enough of you guys
49:36
Speaker 1: to get on board, and you should be you should
49:39
Speaker 1: be fighting for our rights. It's you know, economically, all
49:43
Speaker 1: this data backs up. You know everybody does better when
49:46
Speaker 1: everybody does better, not when there's divisiveness. So I don't
49:49
Speaker 1: know if that answers your question. Really, I mean, I
49:51
Speaker 1: think it like kind of circles your question because that's
49:54
Speaker 1: my focus has I think what I've learned from this
49:57
Speaker 1: whole movement in the last four to five years, between
50:00
Speaker 1: times up between me too, between what we've learned about
50:03
Speaker 1: men and everything, the advantages that they've gotten just by
50:07
Speaker 1: being white males. I think it is I have a
50:10
Speaker 1: sense of responsibility to buck against you know, and say, hey,
50:13
Speaker 1: this isn't enough. You know, you got to do better. Yeah.
50:15
Speaker 1: And I think your messaging, well, your comedy is funny messaging,
50:19
Speaker 1: but it's layered. I think we all get into this
50:22
Speaker 1: may because we want to tell a story, we want
50:24
Speaker 1: to represent someone or or what I see from you
50:27
Speaker 1: is you've gone from like okay, how do I get
50:29
Speaker 1: that laugh too? How do I like leave my mark,
50:32
Speaker 1: or how do I help a situation or influence some change? Yeah,
50:36
Speaker 1: in folk thought right, in your in your way, in
50:39
Speaker 1: your funny kind of like pokey way. It's fun. It's
50:44
Speaker 1: a it's a fun way to poke the bear. Yeah. Yeah, Yeah.
50:48
Speaker 1: I wish I didn't have I mean, you know, we
50:50
Speaker 1: all wish we didn't have to. I wish there were
50:52
Speaker 1: no rules that everyone can do whatever they want. But
50:54
Speaker 1: we've learned that look where we are today, that doesn't work.
50:57
Speaker 1: We have to be sensitive. You know. My my trainer
51:00
Speaker 1: this morning goes, I just heard a story about this
51:01
Speaker 1: kid at school. They don't even they don't even you know,
51:04
Speaker 1: use points at sports in school anymore. They don't. There's
51:07
Speaker 1: no scoring. Everybody's getting so soft. I go, maybe because
51:10
Speaker 1: we're too hard. You know. I don't have kids, so
51:14
Speaker 1: I don't know that. But like where whatever we've done
51:16
Speaker 1: is it got us to this place, which isn't the
51:19
Speaker 1: best view of America. A lot of a lot of
51:22
Speaker 1: that is content and comments. A lot of that's like
51:26
Speaker 1: never ever, you know, in the history of civilization where
51:30
Speaker 1: we ever supposed to, you know, digest and consume everyone's
51:35
Speaker 1: opinion all at once. Yes, So I mean that's really
51:39
Speaker 1: how to profound change on our our minds and our wellness,
51:43
Speaker 1: our mental wellness. How do you handle that aspect of
51:46
Speaker 1: everything like social media? Reading things about yourself articles, What
51:50
Speaker 1: is your philosophy on that? Well? I used to get
51:54
Speaker 1: to me, but I don't read it really, And I
51:56
Speaker 1: like to say, I post and ghost these days, so
51:59
Speaker 1: I'm not really scrolling anymore. And every once in a
52:02
Speaker 1: while I'll engage, But it's it's so you know, I
52:05
Speaker 1: personally think WWWE stands for wild Wild West. It's wild
52:09
Speaker 1: out there on the internet. You can, you know, you
52:12
Speaker 1: can have your confidence taken away from you in a second.
52:15
Speaker 1: You can have your career taken away for you. It's
52:17
Speaker 1: wild out there, so you really have to navigate well.
52:20
Speaker 1: But you know, I just have a lot of compassion
52:23
Speaker 1: for these young kids that are going through it, that
52:25
Speaker 1: have thirteen to twenty followers that are all in their classroom,
52:30
Speaker 1: and it's like they go through so much emotion if
52:34
Speaker 1: someone doesn't like, or someone doesn't comment, or someone does comment,
52:38
Speaker 1: or someone blocks. I mean, it's the end of their world,
52:42
Speaker 1: you know. And I and not to compare, but just
52:44
Speaker 1: to say, like, I mean, you should see the the
52:47
Speaker 1: crazy shit I've had to block, you know, or like
52:49
Speaker 1: that I've seen, or because come at me, or the
52:52
Speaker 1: photoshop of some dark ass ship. Right, But it's really
52:57
Speaker 1: shaping these young kids minds and and they or how
53:00
Speaker 1: they are in life, whether that is I think they're
53:03
Speaker 1: hit over the head a lot on social media every
53:06
Speaker 1: single day, and so when they go into the real
53:08
Speaker 1: world then they feel fragile already because of you know,
53:12
Speaker 1: there are a few hours every day that they are
53:14
Speaker 1: on social media. It's not building a confidence, it's breaking
53:17
Speaker 1: down their confidence. So when they get into the real world,
53:19
Speaker 1: they really don't have any confidence. Man, gen Z has
53:23
Speaker 1: it rough. I don't know. I'm so confused by every generation.
53:25
Speaker 1: I'm like jen Is jen X after gen Z. Well,
53:28
Speaker 1: my daughter's alphaeration new generation. Yeah, I just got her
53:34
Speaker 1: work cut out for her. Yeah, she does, she does,
53:37
Speaker 1: but hopefully she's got some some good representation that you
53:41
Speaker 1: know that goes to therapy and gets advice from Chelsea
53:45
Speaker 1: Jays is going to be calling in the podcast in
53:47
Speaker 1: no time. I've already spoken to her a couple of times.
53:51
Speaker 1: She'll be like, excuse me, what do you think of Elmo? Katie?
53:57
Speaker 1: Thank you for being here, Thanks for letting us use
53:59
Speaker 1: your studio and it matches our podcast colors serendipitous. Yeah,
54:06
Speaker 1: and I love that this is your studio. It's so cool.
54:07
Speaker 1: But thank you so much for giving me your time.
54:09
Speaker 1: I know how busy you are and I love you
54:10
Speaker 1: so much. Thank you. This was fun giving advice together. Yeah,
54:15
Speaker 1: you're really good at it. It It sounds like you know
54:17
Speaker 1: you said, you said you like an over communicator. You
54:20
Speaker 1: definitely like let people know what what, what to do,
54:24
Speaker 1: when to do it, and how to how to do it.
54:27
Speaker 1: I love that because I'm a super direct person and
54:29
Speaker 1: I don't want I don't want any gray area. I
54:33
Speaker 1: want to just know, you know. Yeah, I like we
54:36
Speaker 1: should hang out, although we probably would like tell each
54:39
Speaker 1: other too much of the truth. Who cares? Great, I
54:42
Speaker 1: mean there's a lack of truth. Don't tell Joe. Yeah, great?
54:46
Speaker 1: Over a G and T. Well, I'll see you at Kentucky.
54:48
Speaker 1: So okay, I see you and come back. Thank you, Katie,
54:51
Speaker 1: love you guys. Thanks. So. If you'd like to ask
54:54
Speaker 1: Chelsea a question, email us at Dear Chelsea Project at
54:57
Speaker 1: gmail dot com.