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Donna Murphy - Heaven's Gain Ministries · Brian Thomas

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  Speaker 1: Heyo five fifty five KROS the talk station try to
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  Speaker 1: make it a happy Wednesday. In spite of the subject
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  Speaker 1: matter being very tragic. It is a breath of fresh
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  Speaker 1: air to know that Heaven's Gain Ministries is out there
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  Speaker 1: helping folks who probably dealt with one of the worst
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  Speaker 1: things any family can experience, and that is the pregnancy
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  Speaker 1: loss before, during, or even after the delivery of their baby.
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  Speaker 1: Everyone loves their babies, at least I hope so, but
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  Speaker 1: if you lose one, that is going to be a
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  Speaker 1: weight that many people are just going to struggle with mightily.
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  Speaker 1: And there's a whole lot involved in that beyond just
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  Speaker 1: the emotional problems that go along with it. Who knows
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  Speaker 1: more than that. My next guests are more than me,
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  Speaker 1: Donna Murphy. She's with Heaven's Gain Ministries, which you can
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  Speaker 1: easily find online either by going to my blog page
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  Speaker 1: fifty five KRC dot com or Joe has put a link,
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  Speaker 1: or just go directly to Heaven'sgain dot org. And we're
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  Speaker 1: gonna put some love together and help them out today
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  Speaker 1: on the morning show. Donna, it's a pleasure to have
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  Speaker 1: you on the program.
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  Speaker 2: Thanks so much for having me on again.
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  Speaker 1: Oh, it's a wonderful thing to share the information on
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  Speaker 1: it because you know that you have to exist is
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  Speaker 1: of life's tragedies. I personally cannot imagine, you know, having
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  Speaker 1: lost either of my children at any time, whether it's
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  Speaker 1: while my wife was pregnant or even afterwards. It's just overwhelming.
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  Speaker 1: Grief comes to mind. And I'm sure you see that
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  Speaker 1: every single day and what you do with your ministry.
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  Speaker 3: We sure do.
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  Speaker 2: It's amazing how many people go through it, but they
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  Speaker 2: just don't get a chance to talk about it because
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  Speaker 2: it's such a taboo subject in our society. But really
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  Speaker 2: it's so wonderful when you can talk about it, When
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  Speaker 2: you can talk about your experience, when you can mention
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  Speaker 2: your child's name, it's just a gift. And that's what
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  Speaker 2: we allow people to do with Heaven's Gained ministries. We
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  Speaker 2: allow them to talk about what they're going through and
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  Speaker 2: how they're suffering and try to help them on their
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  Speaker 2: healing journey.
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  Speaker 4: Well.
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  Speaker 1: And it's the support you get by way of sort
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  Speaker 1: of like a counseling service. You have people who know
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  Speaker 1: about this and have been through it, perhaps, but it's
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  Speaker 1: more than that because you do also offer some supplies
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  Speaker 1: burial products, for example, and other educational opportunities. But before
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  Speaker 1: we get to this, in terms of how often this happens,
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  Speaker 1: I mean, it's not something you read about in the paper,
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  Speaker 1: is it done? I mean how often does a parent
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  Speaker 1: or parents lose their child? And I imagine it differs
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  Speaker 1: depending upon when the pregnance, when in the pregnancy the
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  Speaker 1: woman is, but also the idea of losing a baby
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  Speaker 1: after birth.
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  Speaker 3: Correct.
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  Speaker 2: So in the first trimester, one in four babies are
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  Speaker 2: lost due to miscarriage. That's a lot.
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  Speaker 3: That's a million babies a year.
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  Speaker 2: And the second trimester, when that woman has that little
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  Speaker 2: bump but she's not huge yet, one in thirty three
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  Speaker 2: of those babies will pass. So that's just amazing that
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  Speaker 2: it's that many. When you just see a woman with
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  Speaker 2: a bump, there's a one in thirty three chance she's
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  Speaker 2: going to lose her child. And then that third trimester
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  Speaker 2: when you're when the baby is you know, really could
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  Speaker 2: survive outside the womb.
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  Speaker 4: Both of my number one month early.
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  Speaker 1: I think about that all the time when I hear
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  Speaker 1: about late term abortions, and it just sickens me to
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  Speaker 1: the core because both of mine came out right at
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  Speaker 1: eight months to hit the ground running.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, and you know, of those one hundred and sixty,
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  Speaker 2: some of those are born really early and pass right
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  Speaker 2: after birth, like you were saying, you know, after birth,
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  Speaker 2: they're born alive, but they don't make it very long.
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  Speaker 2: And so it's really tragic. But in our society, since
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  Speaker 2: it's taboo, a lot of people don't talk about it.
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  Speaker 2: But one of the things that we do to try
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  Speaker 2: and make a difference is we prepare families when they
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  Speaker 2: find out there's no heartbeat, we will prepare them for
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  Speaker 2: their miscarriage at home or the miscarriageter is still birth
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  Speaker 2: in a hospital. And that's really important because if you
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  Speaker 2: are prepared for the birth of your child, it's going
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  Speaker 2: to cause a lot less trauma so that parents, those
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  Speaker 2: parents don't have to suffer as much. They can get
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  Speaker 2: onto that healing journey. So in the first trimester, we
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  Speaker 2: provide miscarriage kits for families to be able to deliver
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  Speaker 2: their babies at home. And we actually have miscarriage kits
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  Speaker 2: in little boxes throughout the city here and actually in
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  Speaker 2: some other cities, so that families can go at any
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  Speaker 2: time twenty four to seven go pick up a miscarriage kit,
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  Speaker 2: and then we have a sixteen hour day hotline that
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  Speaker 2: they can call, and we have directions on YouTube so
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  Speaker 2: they can follow that. And in the second trimester, we'll
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  Speaker 2: sit down and help that family make a birth plan.
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  Speaker 3: So that's when they go into the hospital.
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  Speaker 2: They're prepared for what's going to happen if they find
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  Speaker 2: out that that baby has died in the second or
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  Speaker 2: third trimester. And that's really important because a lot of
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  Speaker 2: the trauma that happens is because you are not prepared.
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  Speaker 2: You're just told to show up at the hospital at
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  Speaker 2: a certain time. Okay, if you can imagine when somebody
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  Speaker 2: greets you at the hospital and they're.
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  Speaker 3: Like, Hi, how are you, what are you here for?
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  Speaker 2: And to try and say I'm here to deliver my
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  Speaker 2: dead baby, and devastating you starts the whole thing off wrong.
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  Speaker 2: And then you go over to to registration and they're like,
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  Speaker 2: who's your pediatrician?
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  Speaker 3: Oh my gosh.
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  Speaker 2: Another So we're going to prepare them for all those things.
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  Speaker 2: We give them little cards that they can show. We're
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  Speaker 2: going to talk to them about how the delivery process
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  Speaker 2: happens and what treasured memories they can make in treasured
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  Speaker 2: mementos they can make while in the hospital, so to
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  Speaker 2: do some parenting things with their child, so that they
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  Speaker 2: have some beautiful memories even.
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  Speaker 3: Though they're sad, there's still beautiful memories.
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  Speaker 2: Instead of rushing that time away, and then afterwards, we
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  Speaker 2: give them the support that they need to get on
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  Speaker 2: that healing journey.
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  Speaker 1: So quite literally, you're talking about maybe a doctor or
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  Speaker 1: a medical professional has already told the woman that the
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  Speaker 1: baby has passed on, and yet she's still carrying it
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  Speaker 1: inside her and must deal with the weight of that
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  Speaker 1: until the baby's delivered at the hospital.
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  Speaker 2: That's true. But actually, babies in the first trimester usually
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  Speaker 2: oh they can go three to four weeks before the
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  Speaker 2: mother will pass them. And in the second and third
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  Speaker 2: trimester they usually have to be induced into labor, and
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  Speaker 2: so there's not a huge rush, and it's better for
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  Speaker 2: them emotionally if they can be prepared and wait a
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  Speaker 2: day or so, and so that the delivery process actually
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  Speaker 2: goes a lot better if the mother is mentally prepared.
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  Speaker 1: You're the expert on this. I'm just trying to grasp
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  Speaker 1: the whole concept, and I'm just so tragic and so sad. Well,
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  Speaker 1: it's good that you're there now, you offer supplies. After
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  Speaker 1: the baby has been delivered or is otherwise needs to
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  Speaker 1: be buried properly, you help with that and you provide
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  Speaker 1: burial products correct.
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  Speaker 3: We do, and.
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  Speaker 2: That's very important. When my husband and I lost we've
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  Speaker 2: lost one baby in the first trimester and two in
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  Speaker 2: the second. And even with our largest child, who was
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  Speaker 2: eight inches long, we went around to four funeral homes
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  Speaker 2: and two cemeteries and no one would provide us anything
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  Speaker 2: to bury our child, and they wouldn't even order it
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  Speaker 2: some big, full sized casket. So one of the funeral
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  Speaker 2: directors said, go to the world market, get yourself a
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  Speaker 2: box a chest, and that's what we did. We took
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  Speaker 2: the chest, put our son in it, and wrapped it
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  Speaker 2: in two packages of press and seal before we put
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  Speaker 2: it in the ground.
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  Speaker 3: We said, that's not dignified, and so.
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  Speaker 2: We hired casket makers to make caskets for babies of
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  Speaker 2: all gestations. So no matter what the size of your
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  Speaker 2: baby is, whether that baby is one inch long or
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  Speaker 2: twenty inches long, we are there to help provide a
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  Speaker 2: casket or earn so that they can have respectful disposition.
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  Speaker 2: We also worked towards getting laws in the state of Ohio.
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  Speaker 2: There were no laws when we lost our children giving
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  Speaker 2: us the right to bury them. But now there are
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  Speaker 2: laws in the state of Ohio giving all parents who
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  Speaker 2: lose their child, no matter the gestation, whether it be
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  Speaker 2: a miscarriage or a still birth, have the right to
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  Speaker 2: bury their child. And that's true in Kentucky and Indiana.
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  Speaker 2: But that's only true in twenty five states.
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  Speaker 3: Here in the United States.
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  Speaker 2: The other twenty five states, they are no legal law,
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  Speaker 2: no laws that actually give parents right to their babies remain,
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  Speaker 2: so they have to fight for those that's a baby
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  Speaker 2: up to ten it's.
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  Speaker 4: As long done.
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  Speaker 1: I'm shocked that under what theory is it not a
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  Speaker 1: good idea to allow parents to properly bury their their
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  Speaker 1: lost baby.
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  Speaker 3: Well, you know who's fighting that?
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  Speaker 1: So oh oh, because it lends some credibility that there's
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  Speaker 1: actually a human life inside that woman or was actually
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  Speaker 1: is that where we are on this done?
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  Speaker 3: Yeah?
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  Speaker 1: Okay, the world is filled with crazies. Now this is
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  Speaker 1: a different thing. This, this loss of the pregnancy or
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  Speaker 1: a loss right after birth. It's a different issue than say,
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  Speaker 1: sudden infant death syndrome. I have a dear friend, he
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  Speaker 1: and his wife, we're friends from college. They lost their
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  Speaker 1: baby Sudden infant death syndrome. That's that's a different element.
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  Speaker 2: Correct, That is different, and we do not offer support
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  Speaker 2: services for that. Because if you put somebody who say
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  Speaker 2: they had a still birth at twenty four weeks, and
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  Speaker 2: you put that person in with a per someone who
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  Speaker 2: has child has died of SIDS, that person whose child
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  Speaker 2: has died of SIDS is going to talk about all
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  Speaker 2: the memories they have and then that's going to hurt
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  Speaker 2: the person who has had a still birth. So those
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  Speaker 2: people are usually go to Children's hospital for support, where
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  Speaker 2: our families who don't have a lot of memories other
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  Speaker 2: than hey, my baby kicked on eight ice cream, they
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  Speaker 2: don't have a lot of memories, and so we try
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  Speaker 2: and keep that our support limited to those people whose
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  Speaker 2: babies died prior to birth or immediately after birth.
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  Speaker 1: All right, now, how can we help out? I think
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  Speaker 1: you have a dinner dance coming up?
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  Speaker 3: We do. We have our biggest fund raiser of the
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  Speaker 3: year is our.
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  Speaker 2: Share the Love Dinner dance on Valentine's Day. It's at
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  Speaker 2: Receptions in Erlanger. It starts at five thirty when the
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  Speaker 2: door's open. We have open bar and then at dinner,
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  Speaker 2: we serve dinner at six thirty. Our program only goes
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  Speaker 2: from seven thirty to eight thirty, and then from eight
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  Speaker 2: thirty till eleven we have fun and dancing and raffle.
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  Speaker 2: It's going to be a great time for anybody who
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  Speaker 2: wants to come.
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  Speaker 1: A worthy cause. It is Heaven's Gained Ministries annual fundraiser
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  Speaker 1: for Pregnancy Laws Support. And you know, I'm glad you're there,
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  Speaker 1: and I'm you know, on behalf of my entire listening audience.
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  Speaker 1: You and your husband, you know, deepest condolences on having
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  Speaker 1: had to go through this several times. But you know,
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  Speaker 1: like so many of the people who started charities, you
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  Speaker 1: have a terrible situation you're presented with. You appreciate where
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  Speaker 1: the need is because you had to live through it
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  Speaker 1: and struggle with it. And then you come to the
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  Speaker 1: rescue of people going down the road and smooth the
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  Speaker 1: road for them by providing all these services to make
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  Speaker 1: their lives so much better. That's a beautiful thing. You
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  Speaker 1: are inspired by your your faith.
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  Speaker 2: Correct, Donna, Absolutely, had I not felt the Lord calling
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  Speaker 2: me to do this, I certainly wouldn't do it. But
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  Speaker 2: at first it was very hard, but now it is
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  Speaker 2: so rewarding because when people come in to be prepared
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  Speaker 2: for the delivery of their child, they come in scared, afraid,
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  Speaker 2: they're just in the state of shock. But by the
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  Speaker 2: time they leave, they feel empowered, they're ready to meet
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  Speaker 2: their baby and to make the most of that short time.
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  Speaker 3: And so it is actually very very rewarding.
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  Speaker 1: I am certain it is.
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  Speaker 4: Help them out Heavens Gain dot org. You can donate
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  Speaker 4: even if you can't make the event. I'm sure they'll
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  Speaker 4: be more than happy to help you to take your
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  Speaker 4: contribution to help them fulfill this mission. And if you can,
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  Speaker 4: it's Saturday, February fourteenth, Valentine's Day, five point thirty pm.
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  Speaker 4: Receptions Event center on Donaldson Highway and Erlanger. Just get
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  Speaker 4: all the information Heavens Gain dot org or head on
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  Speaker 4: over to my blog podcast page fifty five care See
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  Speaker 4: dot com where Joe's put a link. Don on behalf
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  Speaker 4: of all those you've served and all those you will
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  Speaker 4: serve down the road. I want to thank you very much.
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  Speaker 4: It's a beautiful thing that you and your husband are doing.
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  Speaker 4: And keep up the great work. And I really really
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  Speaker 4: hope people step up to help you out.
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  Speaker 3: Thank you so much.
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  Speaker 2: I appreciate you having me on my pleasure.
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  Speaker 4: Donna. Absolutely, it's eight seventeen right now, folks. A little
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  Speaker 4: bit