Latest / The Raising Emotionally Intelligent Humans Podcast / I'm Scared of my Puppy, Mommy!
Transcript
- Heidi: Hello and welcome to another episode of the Raising Emotionally Intelligent Humans Podcast. I'm Heidi Lindemann. I'm your host. I'm a single mom by choice to two little ones. I am a therapist that uses internal family systems. I am a lover of feelings and emotions and learning about them and processing them. And I'm also a new dog mom. Yep, that's right. I got a puppy yesterday. What? If you know anything about me, which maybe you do and maybe you don't, maybe this is the first time you're listening to this podcast, or maybe you're one of my dear friends, you're gonna know that me and animals are not best friends. Let's say that. I have a very cautious relationship with most animals in my life. Spiders. The one thing that's different, I love them. If you hear whining, that is my new puppy. I we're working on him being in our house alone for a few minutes. Anyway, podcast might get cut a little bit short because of that. We'll see how long we can go. I don't know. Anyway, so I have a a fear of animals. Pretty big one. I've done a lot of therapy on it. I've worked with my own feelings around it, around a lot of different types of animals. and I also don't hate animals. There's many animals who I dearly love. But I do it by a specific animal. So it's instead of I like all dogs or I like all cats, I'm like, no, I like that dog. And I like that cat. Mm, that other dog not a fan of. Not so sure about that dog. Mm, I do really love that dog. So it's a specific animal that this the actual animal, the actual personality from that that animal. That's what I am attracted to. Okay, so a I think it was a year or two a or two years ago, somewhere in there. We actually looked at the animal shelter for a dog. Not to really get one, but just like, let's go to the animal shelter, why not? Fell in love with one. His name was Coffee. And we were not prepared and ready for an actual dog, so it didn't work out. But then I did go home and do but budgeting stuff and all kinds of fun things too. Be like, could I? Can I actually afford a dog? I don't know. Can it's like I might be able to swing it. And then that dog got adopted. We were not able to get coffee. Ever since then, my sweet five year old, who was not five then but is now five, has talked about coffee. That that's her dog and she loves coffee and she wishes that we would have gotten coffee. And my kids both have the similar fear, the similar resistance, the similar like I'm not so sure around most animals. And I get it. I get it quite a bit. They've have they have some s friends who have some dogs and some cats and especially my older one. She has certain friends who have dogs and she starts to like a dog, but not the other dog. And she'll go up and pet it. My younger one actually has was, like a year or two ago, less scared of animals and would pet animals at parks when they were kind and when the owners were like totally good with kids. Okay, so we were this past weekend, just decided to go look at the animal shelter just to see. Are there any animals? We don't know. We've been playing with the idea of getting a dog for these past two years. So this has been a long time process. And there was one that we thought was really cute which looked a lot like coffee. That dog was not yet registered and there was also a hold already on that dog, so we're like, meh, probably not gonna get that one. So we just decided why not? Why not just go to the pet stores like around the corner? We go into the pet store and there happen to be puppies in the little middle thing from a adoption rescue. It's a rescue agency, a place that rescues puppies, and then they have, I guess, a working relationship with PetSmart and they bring them in there, and then when you see them, you could adopt them or if you want to. So we go in there and There's two dogs on leashes. And both of those dogs and we're like, I'm not so sure about that. There's pu two puppies in one cage and was like, Definitely don't want those ones. There's puppies in another cage. It was like, Yeah, no. And then there was our little guy. sorry, my computer just popped up and another one I wanted to close out. We could cut that part out. Okay, so then there was our little guy. We saw this little puppy. I actually didn't know if it was a puppy or a dog, but he was in a little crate. And he was looked so sweet. And I go right up to him. Like no hesitancy. There was no resistance inside me. There was no fear that I normally have when I see dogs that I don't know. There was no hold back. None of that was there. I was just like, I want that one. And I always just gravitate toward him, like it was like almost like a heart pull towards this this little animal. And I get down and I put my hand next to the crate and he licks my hand a whole bunch, and it was so sweet. Which also to me was wild because I am also the sensory person who hates, adamantly hates animals looking at me. even sometimes like human kisses can be a little bit too much because it's the don't like the wetness on my face. I just ugh. And I loved this little dog's kisses. I was like, Yeah, yeah, he's licking me, he's kissing me. And I was so excited and so happy and so in love. Like, well this is interesting. Okay. And my two girls, they were right there next to me. They were petting him through the crate. I think they licked them a little bit too. They seem to like it. They seem to really like this puppy. And I was like, my goodness, I think we found our puppy. And my older one wanted to bring it home right then. We hadn't a meet I had somebody come into my house, so I had to come back because we had an appointment scheduled for some house stuff. So we didn't have time to like to do the whole process. But we were excited. I filled out the application right then. And later that day, I was emailing with the the people and we set up to go get the dogs. the next day in the afternoon. I was like, Yay, we're getting your dog. So excited. We went later that day. This was yester no this was on Monday. Today's Wednesday. we went to the animal shelter again. They have a whole free sh shelf for animal items. They had some dog beds, dog toys, dog collars, cat stuff. They had some guinea pig stuff. They some gerbil stuff. They had crates for dogs. They had all they have all kinds of stuff. So like animal shelter. Great place. to get free things for dogs that they can't use at the animal shelter. We got quite a bit of stuff that we needed for our new puppy. And then we went to Pet Smart again. The girls were like, Is he still there? Can we go get him right now? Like, Well, I don't I'm pretty sure he's not there, but we can we can try. so we go there and then let them buy pick out each one new toy for him. And we got a couple of other things that I knew that we were gonna need. Like a toothbrush. I don't want to use toothbrush from some other dog. And then we go home and my girls are just talking about the dog. Especially my older one. She's just excited and talking about this puppy and wondering if we're gonna get it and can we get it? And can we go buy a rhino mum? And it was fun to be in that excitement and that like thrill and that like, ooh, something big and new is gonna happen for us and we're just so excited, all of us. Wanting him to be with us right now, like so to go to bed with us and all of this. So I thought this is gonna be the funnest thing ever. Yeah, I think we go that way. The next day we go through a whole day. We get to the place where we're gonna pick him up. I have both girls with me. and we go and we go get him. We have a little carrier for him, so he goes in there because like we're in a store and Howard, we can take him home. All this stuff. Get dog food, get all the things that we need. They do my girls start when we're in the store and he's now out and a little closer to us. They start like kind of hiding behind me and I'm noticing that. They're standing a little bit further away. My other one's clearly feeling a little bit nervous. It's like, Hm, interesting, okay. And yet they're still sick. So part of them was nervous, part of them was excited. All makes sense. And then There was a whole process to get home. Like we had to fill out the out more adoption. We have to fill do the actual adoption. Paperwork, not just application. So we were at the store for maybe a little less than an hour, maybe. And then we came home and I was like, we need to eat dinner. And we were already late for dinner for our family, because we normally eat dinner at like 5:30, and we were already not getting home until like six-ish. And now it's really hungry. But I was also like, also, this is the first time the puppy is walking inside our house. So, hmm, this is gonna be interesting. we bring him inside and I kind of like had created a little space like he could only be in the living room 'cause I didn't want him to have to explore the entire house and then me not know where he was and that's a lot of house to explore. House wasn't that big, but it was a lot of you know just wanted him to adjust a little bit, add a little bit, let's to explore new spaces. And then my girls are terrified and they're screaming and they don't want to be on the floor when he's on the floor. And we started to see his puppy energy. Before we had really kind of only seen his I'm tired and calm and the laying around and give me pets and I love it energy. Like very calm, sweet, sweet doggy energy. But then he started like jumping at our house because he's a puppy. He's five months old. He's jumping and he's playful and I'm eating it up and I love it. Like I'm playing with him, petting him, kind of like You know, like puppy play, like a little rough, a little let me get in there and kind of not I'm not throwing it, but like tossing it back and forth between my hands, like you know, you really get your hands in there and you really get them get your little animal good. If you're not an animal person you probably have no idea what I'm about, but you do that. It's like just like this, I just want to play with you. And also have we have some dog toys, so we're playing with the dog toys with him. And my girls are just scared. One of them, my little one, she even she like her f she was so scared. She's just her body is just like, I just gotta get away from this. She's in that part of her that's like, I gotta escape. Get away. Flee. And she climbs up on the couch. And we had pulled the couch out recently this past weekend to create a fort behind the couch. So there's now only a A sheet from the back of our couch to our wall and That is not gonna go so well for the large human who might be climbing on top of that. So I was very nervous about her. Like, you have to stay, stay here. Don't climb on top of that. You will fall down. Don't climb on the back of the the sheet. You're gonna fall down. There was a lot of like a little flustered energy, but I also wasn't angry. I was handling it fairly well, trying to manage where the dog is and where the kids are. In keeping my kids safe and not too they were safe. There was no issue of them not being not safe. When I'm saying safe, I'm meaning helping them feel more emotionally safe and secure. And helping them adjust. So there's a lot of back and forth process between the dog and the kids. And then I was like, I have to be with the dog. So the kids are sa feel more okay. But I need to make dinner because I'm really hungry and I'm getting agitated and overwhelmed and they need dinner and how do I do this? Eventually I was like, put the dog in the crate. Whew. Then I could breathe. Then I could ease. Dog's in the crate. He's no longer jumping in, getting excited and all of that around. And I make my dinner, make the girls' dinner. And then I set up the the outside leash thing. So I have a like big old huge, huge screw that you screw into the ground and then you can clip a tether leash to it, not an actual leash, a like cord that the dogs can't chew through and can't get out of. And then you can clip that to the collar so they can be outside. We don't have a fence. We live in a condo, we have a shared backyard place. Dogs aren't supposed to be out there just out there by themselves. and I also knew that I needed time where he needed to be outside and the kids need to be inside and I very quickly for like a minute or two would go inside to get something and then go back outside. So dogs outside. I'm eating outside with the dog. And my girls are inside 'cause they're still scared. Screen door is blocking them and the dog. So they can see the dog, which they have this real interest in the dog. Like they they're like the puppy. They like that they have a puppy in their house. They just don't want to be close to the puppy. And it took me it took me a while, not a long while because we've only had the dog for a day. But it took me an hour or so to f to be like, how do I help my children who are terrified of this dog not be terrified of the dog, but also let them have their feelings that they're scared because those are important feelings. And how do I help the dog and them connect? And I realized I, me, the adult, I need to hold that grounded energy, that grounded calm, connected, secure energy. And first help the dog calm. Cause he had done all his puppy like bouncing and playing and stuff. So he could calm down. So I had him and I had he was sitting in my lap and or half on my lap, half off of my lap. And I was petting him and I was helping him calm down and he was getting real he was quiet. His body was getting really still. And here's the brilliance that I think came out of my mouth. I had my girls, I said to my girls, notice his body. What is his body doing? At first they didn't say anything. And I said, I see his body. It's being very still. He's laying on me. He's not making any noises right now. he's turning his head. He heard a sound. he's looking at you. My other one says I don't want him to look at me. Like, mm get curious with her. What do you think is gonna happen if he's looking at you? What do you that means? And she was just I'm just scared. What if I don't know if she said what if he bites me, but that I get that sense like what if he jumps on me? What if he bites me? What if something bad happens? He's looking at me. no. Does he think I'm a threat? That's essentially what she was saying. She didn't say that, but that's what I interpreted from her body language, from her fear, from her startled, like stop kind of energy. And I let her know. It's like, he's doing the same thing that we do. When we hear a loud car go by, we turn our heads and we look at it. I know I do that. And she's like, yeah, I do that too. Like he heard your feet wrestling in the grass with the leaves. He's just turning to notice what's there. And I notice his body is still really calm. I think he actually might like you. I notice also he sometimes looks at you and he has gets this little playful energy. I think that means he likes you. He wants to play with you. And I know you're not ready to play with him and that's okay. You don't have to play with him. But he likes you. And then I have was I asked them, Okay, why don't you come around? You can stand behind me. You stand behind me, doggy's on my lap. I've got our puppy and I'll keep him so that he doesn't get to you. And this really helps them. And then they're looking at him and they're connecting more with him, being closer to him. So I'm just really working having having them get closer to him and keep reflecting back. What do I see his body doing? And I'm asking them, What do you see his body doing? And then he stood up and he walked. And my older one got scared and she jumped and she's like, no It's like, Ooh, what did you what did you notice? You're feeling scared. What did you notice his body doing? He moved. I was like, yeah, how did he move? Was he fast? Was he slow? And she said, he walked. Like, yeah, he walked. He walked. So he wasn't doing his playful puppy energy where he runs and he jumps. He was walking. He took a couple of steps and he walked. He's pretty safe to be around right now. And we just kept doing that for a while. Then I had to get them to bed. There's a whole store there with whining puppies and all kinds of things. We're not gonna go on that right now. And then he did great. He did great overnight. I'm so thankful that he's crate trained. And I put him in his crate, his kennel. and he went in there at nine thirty PM and he did not make a peep until the morning at six fifteen when he saw me already awake. So I was already awake and I had gotten out of the bathroom and walked in front of him. And then he woke up and then he started whining. I was like, great. And I had already told my kids this that our morning's gonna be a little bit different. I'm gonna go potty first. And if the puppy is awake, I'm taking him right outside to go potty. Cause we normally get dressed upstairs and brush our teeth upstairs. We normally do our whole get ready process upstairs before we go downstairs. Today was different. It's gonna be different now. We have a dog. We can't stay upstairs right now because he's a puppy. It's not just a dog, it's a puppy. He will pee on the floor. He already did yesterday. So today though, we've made it outside twice. Good job. He's pooped on the floor, but we're getting there. Anyway, so we had that happen and then I had this brilliant mom idea. It's like, wish I would have thought of this last night. But I remembered we have a baby gate, a baby like play pen gate. Like it's a whole string of gates that you can create into a circle, or like octagon, I guess, technically. Like, I'm gonna pull that down. And then I'm gonna put the puppy inside. So my kids can still have the distance where he's can't jump on them. He's gonna jump on the gate, but they can stand back so that he they can't he can't jump on them. And we can get them. closer to wanting to play and be with this puppy. And there's been great progress with both of my kiddos and with this puppy. I mean, it's amazing. It's not not even been 24 hours yet. so this morning they were he was in there, I was making breakfast. I needed him to be in there so that I could make breakfast and get ourselves ready for the day. And when we had a moment where we were mostly ready and he had he was a little bit calmer. He wasn't in his playful puppy energy. That he had in the morning. one of my girls wanted to go in there. And I was like, okay, great. And they wanted me to sit in there. So I went and I sat in there with him. And then they both came in and then we were all three in the playpen with the puppy. And did the same thing I did the night before. We noticed his body. I pet him. I let them be where they wanted to be, encouraging them to like to they can be around me. They can kind of come a little bit closer to him. They wanted to both sit in my lap. You can pet him. Pet him. Look at he's being really calm and s and quiet right now. He really likes the pets. And so we go. And so we do. And now we have a puppy. Wild, wild ride. It is in this October. that is our first saga of our little puppy coming to our house and my children being scared of the puppy. And us and me, using my awareness and my knowledge around their fear, but also that the situation is safe. It's okay for them to be afraid, and we're going to work. So that they feel more comfortable being around the dog because there will be a time in our house where that dog is not constantly in a confined space. I'm not going to keep him there just because my kids are always afraid of him. We're gonna build to the place where he is able to be free in our house, and they're able to be free in the house, and they play with each other sometimes, and sometimes they're not playing with each other, sometimes he's sleeping somewhere and you know, he's doing his doggy puppy things. And I also know as a puppy, I don't want to overwhelm him either. So I was also trying to keep him in a smaller space and let him explore this space. Help him get comfortable with our house. Help him get comfortable in our space before the whole house is a free reign for him. but I do know someday that he will be running around our house and then he'll go in his crate at night and in certain times when I leave and when he needs to be. And I'm learning a lot about what it means to be a dog mom. Never thought that I would really be a like one of those typical dog moms who's like obsessed with their dogs, but I think I'm gonna be. I love him a lot. He is so stinking sweet. And I wanna squish him and play with him and be with him. And he's so sweet. Anyway, he may he did pretty good. He only whined a few times off and on, which is great. I'm also testing how long can he go? 'Cause I have to go to appointment this afternoon. And we have a puppy. Yay! Fun. So I'm sure you're gonna hear all kinds of puppy related stories now. And how my kids are doing with their emotional intelligence around the puppy. Yeah, and how I help them too, because it makes me wonder too, what do they need? Are there things that they can articulate to me that they might need? And what I mean articulate, they might they might say it, they might draw it, they might show me in a behavior or some kind of thing that they do to help them grow in their comfort with the puppy. We're all learning something new. And learning things isn't always comfortable. Isn't it always Smooth sailing. Sometimes we're scared. Sometimes it's uncomfortable and that's okay. 'Cause we're learning how to be a family together with this new puppy. Anyway, well that's my story for today. I do have a few more stories around kiddo learning to bike ride. And I'll share those sometime soon. And mamma, if you found this helpful, if you found it insightful, if you found it funny, if you found it intriguing, and you think of another person who might need to hear it. I'd love it if you'd share with them. And as always, mama, you're doing great. You've got this. And if you don't got this. Find somebody who you can reach out to to feel a little more supported. Even maybe my words can help support you. Cause mom, I really truly do not want you to feel like you're alone. 'Cause none of us are, even though we often feel like we very much are in our society. So mama, from my heart to yours, may you feel connected and supported. Knowing that you're doing a good job. You're doing enough. Until next time.