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731. Most Decisions Are Not That Big of a Deal · Be It Till You See It

0:00
[SPEAKER_02]: You don't want to make a regulated decision and then get disregulated doing the decision.
0:03
[SPEAKER_02]: We don't want to do that.
0:04
[SPEAKER_02]: have a reality of how does this fit in with my current systems that I need?
0:08
[SPEAKER_02]: And if I say yes to this and it imbalances something that doesn't mean it's a no, it just means I need support around that imbalance.
0:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Welcome to the BIT till you see it podcast where we talk about taking messy action knowing that perfect is boring.
0:22
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm also Logan, Ply's instructor, and fit this business coach.
0:26
[SPEAKER_01]: I've trained thousands of people around the world, and the number one thing I see stopping people from achieving anything is self-doubt.
0:34
[SPEAKER_01]: My friends, action brings clarity, and it's the antidote to fear.
0:41
[SPEAKER_01]: Each week my guests will bring bold, executable, intrinsic, and targeted steps that you can use to put yourself first and be it till you see it.
0:50
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a practice, not a perfect, let's get started.
0:58
[SPEAKER_02]: Hey, be it.
0:59
[SPEAKER_02]: Welcome back to our part four of the listening series, listening to your self series.
1:04
[SPEAKER_01]: Today, we're going to move from analysis process into a line action.
1:07
[SPEAKER_01]: We look.
1:08
[SPEAKER_02]: We live in overall the full of so many pressures and like pressures that we put on our self, pressures that we think people are putting on us, pressures of just what the fuck is going on out there and we have to make choices.
1:21
[SPEAKER_02]: There's pressure to make everything that we do look impressive or exciting so people on social even get excited about it and it's actually just destroying all of our piece.
1:29
[SPEAKER_02]: I was on the bounce body podcast up.
1:31
[SPEAKER_02]: Life perspectives and I said I'm a reluctant social media person because the reality is, I really don't like when I have to post things for the likes of it all and the shares of it all.
1:41
[SPEAKER_02]: I just want to post what I want to post about.
1:43
[SPEAKER_02]: And that's kind of how I've moved on with my life, but I feel that pressure to make sure that I look impressive on paper because people are trying to still take it to things that I'm going to.
1:52
[SPEAKER_02]: So I hear you, I feel you, and it is just right in our piece.
1:55
[SPEAKER_02]: And so we're going to talk about like throwing out the pressure of making a flawless choice because sometimes we think we have to have it all figured out before we can tell people about it or if we go we can move forward
2:08
[SPEAKER_02]: instead focusing on making sustainable decision based on listening to you.
2:13
[SPEAKER_02]: So we're going to help choose that next step.
2:16
[SPEAKER_02]: So that you can enjoy the next 10 plus years of your life, but without having to solve the next 10 plus years of your life, because that's really difficult to do.
2:23
[SPEAKER_02]: Just look up at the last 10 years of all of our lives.
2:26
[SPEAKER_02]: Do any of us expect this to happen?
2:27
[SPEAKER_02]: No, I cannot believe I'm sitting here recording this episode.
2:30
[SPEAKER_02]: But the time I'm recording, I've lived here in Vegas for six years and one month that I can tell you right now that in 2019, I was not planning on living here until 2023.
2:41
[SPEAKER_02]: So, shows you what we know about being able to solve the next 10 years.
2:45
[SPEAKER_01]: So first thing we need to make sure we're doing when we are making decisions and going inward is that we must first be regulated.
2:53
[SPEAKER_02]: So we talked about this in Passello series, but if you are in survival mode, if you're in burnout or panic, if you are really struggling right now, I actually think that the most important thing you do in making decisions, soliciting to yourself is actually fine away to regulate.
3:14
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, what do you need to do is it is it going to see a therapist and then you can make decisions?
3:19
[SPEAKER_02]: Is it journaling?
3:20
[SPEAKER_02]: Is it listening to some music?
3:21
[SPEAKER_02]: Is it taking a hot bath?
3:23
[SPEAKER_02]: What helps you get out of the survival mode, feeling, energy, situation so that you can then make a good decision?
3:33
[SPEAKER_02]: Because I never, I don't say never.
3:36
[SPEAKER_02]: I have made exactly the right decisions from a bad place, but the way I handled it wasn't how I would have liked if I had just waited an hour a day.
3:46
[SPEAKER_02]: to then do the response.
3:47
[SPEAKER_02]: I might have still made the same response, but how I would have handled it would have been different.
3:51
[SPEAKER_02]: And it would have created less aftermath, right?
3:54
[SPEAKER_02]: Brad and I were talking about something yesterday.
3:56
[SPEAKER_02]: And, you know, I was like, you can send this email and he was at the end of like, I'm just going to wait till tomorrow because I want to get my thoughts out.
4:04
[SPEAKER_02]: And so I think it's just like a how beautiful when you understand that you're dysregulated.
4:10
[SPEAKER_02]: You cannot make a great decision.
4:12
[SPEAKER_02]: That's going to feel good tomorrow.
4:14
[SPEAKER_02]: So get regulated and then make a decision.
4:16
[SPEAKER_02]: Do you need to write the thing down?
4:17
[SPEAKER_02]: I need to make a decision on this.
4:18
[SPEAKER_02]: OK, great.
4:20
[SPEAKER_02]: Then, leave that posted out.
4:21
[SPEAKER_02]: Go, regulate yourself and then make a decision.
4:24
[SPEAKER_02]: You'll just feel better.
4:25
[SPEAKER_02]: I'll be so much easier to hear you.
4:26
[SPEAKER_02]: Because otherwise, you're hearing those other voices in your head, right?
4:28
[SPEAKER_02]: The ones that are not really you, they're of different versions of you, they're different people in your life at somehow moved in.
4:34
[SPEAKER_02]: This is an interesting thought.
4:36
[SPEAKER_02]: It came up in my research.
4:37
[SPEAKER_02]: I think it has some validity, but I also want everything in moderation.
4:41
[SPEAKER_02]: So does this fit your actual life reality check?
4:46
[SPEAKER_02]: So there are big offer opportunities that are going to come in your life.
4:51
[SPEAKER_02]: And you do need to consider your current situation, health, energy, and the season that you're in, because the opportunity might be really great on paper, but a terrible timing right now if you're going to lose sleep or sanity.
5:09
[SPEAKER_02]: And so I don't want this to be a rule you live by, because we adopted Darla and our actual life reality check.
5:15
[SPEAKER_02]: we have a tour in two months and ideally we'd be home for three months with her before, you know, we went on tour because we really want her to be in the routines.
5:24
[SPEAKER_02]: We want her to be trained.
5:24
[SPEAKER_02]: She's still jumping on people, blah, blah, blah, blah.
5:26
[SPEAKER_02]: So obviously, Dr. Carlos upgrade, I do because I was listening to myself and I really love this dog.
5:32
[SPEAKER_02]: She's fucking cool and I can get other dogs with this dog.
5:35
[SPEAKER_02]: So I would just say, when doing the actual reality check and listening to yourself, I would make sure that if moving forward, you feel expansive, as we talked about in the last episode, and the first series of the listening series, if you feel expansive, and it doesn't fit the actual life, then I probably would still move forward, but figure out how you can move, how you can make it work.
5:57
[SPEAKER_02]: So for example, with the Darlas situation, I said we can adopt
6:04
[SPEAKER_02]: because we've eight weeks and I want eight connections with a trainer with her, you know, so we did that.
6:12
[SPEAKER_02]: And we found a trainer who will work on our crazy ass schedule, because it felt expansive to have her.
6:15
[SPEAKER_01]: It felt fun to have her.
6:16
[SPEAKER_02]: So another situation I can share with you, there's an organization that reached out to me and they want me to teach for them next year.
6:23
[SPEAKER_02]: And I have been very adamant that I'm not saying yes to anything before May of next year, because I've so much going on.
6:30
[SPEAKER_02]: and I want to be home to work on it.
6:31
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't want to be distracted and on planes.
6:33
[SPEAKER_02]: And so this opportunity is big and it is after the timeline I've set.
6:37
[SPEAKER_02]: So I'm not having to Hammond Haan go again something that I said I wouldn't do, but I also looked at where I'm in the season of my year.
6:46
[SPEAKER_02]: I'll have been gone for three weeks.
6:49
[SPEAKER_02]: Can I still balance everything that I've
6:54
[SPEAKER_02]: on top of being gone for three weeks.
6:56
[SPEAKER_02]: The answer is actually kind of yes, I can and also if I'm going to work a little extra hard to make sure I can balance it, then I have to also ask for X per day because I'm going to need the energy exchange to be there, right?
7:13
[SPEAKER_02]: Because I can't work extra hard to make sure I get my other commitments done in time to be present there and then get paid half what I need.
7:22
[SPEAKER_02]: because while it is fun, and it'll be great on paper, and it'll be really impressive on social, it does have to refill my cup and money as an energy, right?
7:31
[SPEAKER_02]: So when you're looking at these big opportunities, you do need to think, am I losing sleep for this?
7:36
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm doing something in this year.
7:37
[SPEAKER_02]: I said yes to an event and it's going to cause me a little extra travel.
7:43
[SPEAKER_02]: And I just made sure that I have hotels covered.
7:47
[SPEAKER_02]: So I can get there a day early.
7:49
[SPEAKER_02]: I can stay a day late so I can get my sleeping, get cut up on my work before I'm on a plane for 25 hours, right?
7:54
[SPEAKER_02]: So there's just some things you have to think about a second longer because dysregulation doesn't mean that you're always triggered and anxious.
8:01
[SPEAKER_02]: It could be
8:01
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh my god, this is the goal is there.
8:02
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm so excited that you're not even thinking about the ramifications of the yes, so listening, right, and then asking for help so that you can take on the amazing opportunity without sacrificing the things that keep you saying, you don't want to make it regulated decision and then get this regulated doing the decision.
8:16
[SPEAKER_01]: We don't want to do that.
8:17
[SPEAKER_01]: Have a reality check.
8:18
[SPEAKER_02]: How does this fit in with my current systems that I need?
8:21
[SPEAKER_02]: And if I say yes to this and it imbalance is something that doesn't mean it's a no it just means I need support around that imbalance.
8:27
[SPEAKER_02]: What do I need to hire do get right.
8:30
[SPEAKER_02]: Third, I think sometimes we have to, in listening to ourselves, the making decisions we do need to lower the stakes a little bit.
8:38
[SPEAKER_02]: We tend to think of choices as an experiment or permanent sentences.
8:43
[SPEAKER_02]: This is how it's going forever.
8:46
[SPEAKER_02]: if we can actually think of our choices like this is an experiment I can try this out I can always I can always go oh my god I know I said yes to this but this is not working out isn't for the most part I'm in there's contracts involved and things like that but I am maybe annoyingly so quite communicative I think I could say yes to this
9:02
[SPEAKER_02]: Here's why I have to have everything into you by so I can day on top of the other commitments I already have here so I would like to do it by if that works for you.
9:11
[SPEAKER_02]: I had somebody asked me for x y and z.
9:13
[SPEAKER_02]: It wasn't really the decision I can make I had to do it and I just said yes, you will have it by Monday of next week.
9:17
[SPEAKER_02]: If you need it sooner.
9:19
[SPEAKER_02]: Let me know, but I wasn't expecting to have to do this this week.
9:24
[SPEAKER_01]: So if you don't mind, I'd like to get to it in a day of Monday.
9:26
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
9:27
[SPEAKER_02]: And that way, I am telling them, I'm very busy person.
9:30
[SPEAKER_02]: I heard you.
9:31
[SPEAKER_02]: I see you.
9:31
[SPEAKER_02]: I will get you what you need.
9:32
[SPEAKER_02]: But this is when you can expect to get it by that way.
9:35
[SPEAKER_02]: They're not bugging me because I don't I'm someone who's on anyone bugging.
9:38
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't want anyone down.
9:39
[SPEAKER_02]: So.
9:41
[SPEAKER_02]: know that most choices are experiments and you can change things especially if you can communicate that in the first place.
9:48
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh yes, I would love to do this.
9:50
[SPEAKER_02]: However, I can only do it on Tuesdays or I would love to do why but I can only do it on the weekends.
9:55
[SPEAKER_02]: I would girlfriend.
9:56
[SPEAKER_02]: I'd love to see you and I can see you on this weekend any day after 2 o'clock.
10:00
[SPEAKER_02]: So that way, it's not a perfect sentence because I would hate for to go, oh yeah, let's see.
10:04
[SPEAKER_02]: There's like, can I count?
10:05
[SPEAKER_02]: Today I'm on Saturday and I'm like, oh, I can't do that.
10:06
[SPEAKER_02]: And then I feel like an asshole.
10:07
[SPEAKER_02]: No, I literally put it out there in the first place.
10:10
[SPEAKER_02]: So the more you listen to yourself and feel, I feel expansive, but this is what has to happen.
10:15
[SPEAKER_02]: Great.
10:16
[SPEAKER_02]: Just share that.
10:17
[SPEAKER_02]: It's often not a death sentence, right?
10:19
[SPEAKER_02]: This is opportunity Brad was thinking, would go one way and we got information that it's like, it's one a different way and he was so frustrated.
10:26
[SPEAKER_02]: And I feel all of your frustrations in, I'm not seeing how this is a bad thing.
10:30
[SPEAKER_02]: because we can go yes with all this and we can go back to this other place and go here's how we can work with you.
10:34
[SPEAKER_02]: And it's actually on them.
10:37
[SPEAKER_02]: And while it would suck, if they don't want to work with us in this capacity, then it wasn't going to be beneficial for us anyways.
10:44
[SPEAKER_02]: right.
10:45
[SPEAKER_02]: So lower the stakes of the decision you have to make get really clear on it because I think sometimes we think we treat everything like the way people parents are treating college.
10:54
[SPEAKER_02]: Oh my God, if you don't get into this good school over here, you're going to be a deadbeat.
10:58
[SPEAKER_02]: And then that turned in from college to the particular high school that you have to get into.
11:02
[SPEAKER_02]: And then that went to the elementary school you have to get your kid into.
11:04
[SPEAKER_02]: And if you go to LA, you are trying to sign a
11:10
[SPEAKER_02]: because they got into that preschool, otherwise they won't get into that elementary school and they won't get into that and they won't get into this, most decisions are not that big of a deal, you know, because there are ones that are.
11:21
[SPEAKER_02]: There are some decisions that are massive deals, right?
11:24
[SPEAKER_02]: There's health decisions that you really have to think about and that really are going to affect your life.
11:29
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, I got information about my breast cancer risk and when I first got it,
11:39
[SPEAKER_02]: And then that actually made me feel anxious, trapped a bit, frustrated, pissed off.
11:45
[SPEAKER_02]: It did not make me feel expansive.
11:46
[SPEAKER_02]: It made me feel like it was going to control my life.
11:49
[SPEAKER_02]: Then I actually went back to our last episode, got an opinion of someone who went through a very similar thing.
11:58
[SPEAKER_02]: It's a different experience.
11:59
[SPEAKER_02]: She actually did have cancer.
12:02
[SPEAKER_02]: and her honesty with me was so beautiful.
12:06
[SPEAKER_02]: And then I got information from someone else who also went through something very similar, but even more serious.
12:14
[SPEAKER_02]: And that helped me understand, oh, I'm in a really good situation.
12:16
[SPEAKER_02]: I lower the sick, I'm actually getting, I actually have someone checking on this twice a year.
12:23
[SPEAKER_02]: So for right now, the decision that I need to make isn't making me feel expansive, it's making me feel anxious.
12:29
[SPEAKER_02]: So let's lower the stakes a little bit.
12:31
[SPEAKER_02]: The doctor isn't as concerned as I am treating this right now.
12:35
[SPEAKER_02]: And I can take some time to really explore this.
12:40
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm treated like an experiment.
12:41
[SPEAKER_02]: And if I was to go with this route, you know, does that feel expansive?
12:45
[SPEAKER_02]: What are the pros and cons of that?
12:46
[SPEAKER_02]: What does that make me feel like?
12:48
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, how does this option make me feel?
12:50
[SPEAKER_02]: And I can take the time.
12:51
[SPEAKER_02]: And that's even with an important decision.
12:53
[SPEAKER_02]: But I do have the time right now at the time.
12:55
[SPEAKER_02]: go get your mammograms, ladies, go see if you can get checked for your risk levels because it's really, really important to me.
13:01
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, I think we tend to put some decisions that we have to make in that same high stakes scenario when they're not there.
13:10
[SPEAKER_02]: And so what if you play it around?
13:12
[SPEAKER_02]: What if you set the stage?
13:13
[SPEAKER_02]: What if you set the tone?
13:14
[SPEAKER_02]: What if you set the boundaries?
13:15
[SPEAKER_02]: If you was going to know this way, what would you need?
13:18
[SPEAKER_02]: It's so helpful.
13:19
[SPEAKER_02]: And that's listening to yourself.
13:21
[SPEAKER_02]: because what I don't want is I don't want you to make a choice.
13:25
[SPEAKER_02]: It's bold and amazing.
13:27
[SPEAKER_02]: And then you second guess yourself, right?
13:30
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't want that.
13:31
[SPEAKER_02]: I know what that feels like.
13:32
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
13:33
[SPEAKER_02]: And sometimes we do it anyways, because we're like, oh my God, I got into this and the person who can still do it, but that's very different than was at the right decision.
13:44
[SPEAKER_02]: I should have done this thing, right?
13:46
[SPEAKER_02]: Because of course, you're going to have moments really doubting yourself.
13:48
[SPEAKER_02]: And that's when you get back into whose opinions would be matter.
13:51
[SPEAKER_02]: Why are you doing the thing?
13:52
[SPEAKER_02]: Listening to your body, is that voice that you're hearing even yours?
13:56
[SPEAKER_02]: Whenever I'm like, oh my god, how am I to this?
13:58
[SPEAKER_02]: It's not me.
14:00
[SPEAKER_02]: It's this scared people in my life who were afraid to ruffle feathers.
14:07
[SPEAKER_02]: I listen to me.
14:08
[SPEAKER_02]: Actually, don't really worry about ruffling feather.
14:10
[SPEAKER_02]: That much.
14:11
[SPEAKER_02]: Thank God for being a quiz.
14:13
[SPEAKER_02]: All right, so your homework assignment, your be it action items.
14:16
[SPEAKER_02]: I want you to take some time to take a decision if to make, and as this decision leaning you toward, some that looks cool to outsiders, or as that decision, actually spacious and sustainable for you.
14:31
[SPEAKER_02]: So, are you making a decision based on what you think other people want you to do, or what other people will think, or are you making it based on what is sustainable and spacious for you?
14:40
[SPEAKER_02]: The next one is really interesting.
14:41
[SPEAKER_02]: I haven't done this one in a while, but if you were to take the next step and you actually hated it, what is the exit strategy?
14:49
[SPEAKER_02]: So I do like this.
14:50
[SPEAKER_02]: One, I just haven't done it in a while and it is really a good one.
14:54
[SPEAKER_02]: So what's the exit strategy?
14:56
[SPEAKER_02]: And that kind of is the same thing when you start any business by the way, you're like, how do I want to exit it?
14:59
[SPEAKER_02]: Because how you want to exit it, actually talks about how you want to set things up, and it can change, but obviously it's better if you know.
15:05
[SPEAKER_02]: So what's your exit strategy if you actually do hate it?
15:07
[SPEAKER_02]: What would you do?
15:09
[SPEAKER_02]: Because if it is a concrete wall that you created and making a decision, it doesn't mean you shouldn't do it.
15:13
[SPEAKER_02]: It just means you need to listen a little bit more because it might not be.
15:16
[SPEAKER_02]: And then if you have a Bay to reverse a decision, then you can do that.
15:20
[SPEAKER_02]: Lastly, I want you to take a moment and journal about if you're delaying, taking action because you're kind of to obsess with the next decade.
15:33
[SPEAKER_02]: because I do think about, oh my god, in 10 years, I'm gonna be 53 years old.
15:37
[SPEAKER_02]: And then I'm, oh my god, how am I gonna get the things that I'm working on now to be in the place that I want them to be, so that at 53 years old it could be working on my retirement exit.
15:45
[SPEAKER_02]: Right, so let me just tell you, you may as well hit dysregulate as a button on my body.
15:50
[SPEAKER_02]: It will freak me out.
15:51
[SPEAKER_02]: It'll make me actually put too much pressure on everything.
15:54
[SPEAKER_02]: Nothing good will come out of it.
15:55
[SPEAKER_02]: So I, I want you to ask yourself if you're delaying making decision because you're making the decision too big and too important.
16:05
[SPEAKER_02]: What if you just took one tiny, tiny step of the decision?
16:10
[SPEAKER_02]: But if you dipped your toe in the water,
16:14
[SPEAKER_02]: can you take one step and get more data so that then you can listen even more to yourself?
16:20
[SPEAKER_02]: Those are your homework and only assignments for when you're making decisions and how to listen to yourself.
16:25
[SPEAKER_02]: I hope this is helpful.
16:26
[SPEAKER_02]: I also just want to say, we often worry about the success of decisions we're making, but we define what success means to us, right?
16:33
[SPEAKER_02]: If you define what success means to you, if you really define it in really as your definition, you might even find that you're already successful.
16:40
[SPEAKER_02]: Then,
16:41
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not about making a flawless twice as out, trusting yourself enough to know that you can handle whatever outcome happens.
16:49
[SPEAKER_01]: You can, whatever the decision is.
16:51
[SPEAKER_02]: One of my favorite coaches said, your business is not as fragile as you think it is.
16:56
[SPEAKER_02]: And I like to think about that on most decisions we have to make.
17:00
[SPEAKER_02]: For the most part, they're not gonna create fragility in our life.
17:04
[SPEAKER_02]: There are some things that are really big deals, and I hope that we only have to make those decisions, you know, like someone is on life support.
17:12
[SPEAKER_02]: That's a big fucking decision.
17:15
[SPEAKER_02]: Right?
17:16
[SPEAKER_02]: Hopefully they already wrote it down.
17:18
[SPEAKER_02]: But our brain doesn't know how to prioritize what we're going to wear today versus how do I want to invest my money versus like should I call that job back versus, you know, it doesn't it creates everything as a same pressure.
17:31
[SPEAKER_02]: So we have to be the ones that actually take that pressure off, right?
17:36
[SPEAKER_02]: I know that we can handle anything.
17:38
[SPEAKER_02]: You've succeeded all your worst days.
17:40
[SPEAKER_02]: You're still here.
17:40
[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you so much.
17:44
[SPEAKER_02]: I have one more action step for you.
17:45
[SPEAKER_02]: I would love for you to identify a one-to-stage new-over thinking.
17:49
[SPEAKER_02]: It's one-to-stage new-over thinking.
17:51
[SPEAKER_02]: Can you check it with your body?
17:53
[SPEAKER_02]: Didge the need to be perfect?
17:54
[SPEAKER_02]: And just choose a next
17:58
[SPEAKER_02]: My love, we have to be self-trusting before we will ever see the self-trust in our lives.
18:07
[SPEAKER_01]: We have to be a Toyship.
18:08
[SPEAKER_01]: That's all I got for this episode of the Beatelier Sea of Podcasts.
18:12
[SPEAKER_01]: One thing that would help both myself and future listeners is for you to rate the show and leave a review.
18:17
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18:20
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18:25
[SPEAKER_01]: I would love to know more about you.
18:26
[SPEAKER_01]: Share this episode with whoever you think needs to hear it.
18:29
[SPEAKER_01]: Help us and others be a Toyship.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Have an awesome day.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Be it till you see it is a production of the blue pod cast network.
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[SPEAKER_01]: If you want to leave us a message or a question that we might read on another episode, you can text us at plus one three one oh nine oh five five three four or send a DM on Instagram at be it pod.
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[SPEAKER_00]: It's written, filmed, and recorded by your host, Leslie Logan, and me, Brad Crowell.
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[SPEAKER_01]: It is transcribed, produced, and edited by the epic team at disenio.co.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Our theme music is by Ellie at Apex production music, and our branding by designer and artist John Franco Chilfe.
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[SPEAKER_01]: Special thanks to Melissa Solomon for creating our visuals.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Also to Angelina Herico for adding all of our content to our website.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And finally, Samarth Root for keeping us all on point and on time.