Latest / Let's Talk! An Our2Gens Podcast / 23 | Cryptic Pregnancy Ends in Surprise TWINS

Transcript

23 | Cryptic Pregnancy Ends in Surprise TWINS · Let's Talk! An Our2Gens Podcast

0:04
That's talk. All right, I got a Reddit
0:07
traumatize them back story. Time.
0:10
That was my favorite trend on TikTok.
0:12
Honestly fantastic. So this one says I don't know
0:16
why they're so offended. I-14 female, am a Dutch citizen
0:21
and have lived in the Netherlands my entire life.
0:23
My dad however, is South African and so I do have Tanner skin and
0:27
curly hair. OK, this is very different to my
0:30
mother's side of the family who are all pale skinned with blonde
0:32
or light brown hair and blue eyes.
0:35
You see where this is going? Yes I do.
0:38
At Christmas I was over at my grandparents house, my mom's
0:41
side for the holidays. It was me, my mom, my dad, and a
0:44
few of my aunts and uncles along with my cousins and obviously my
0:48
grandma and grandpa. I have an older brother but he
0:51
wasn't there because he wanted to spend Christmas with his
0:53
friends and girlfriend. We began opening the gifts my
0:56
grandparents got us in reverse age.
0:59
Older order, oldest to youngest. OK so on.
1:03
Make the little ones sit there and wait.
1:05
Or how about everybody just open up their.
1:06
Just open their. Present.
1:07
It's OK. Yeah.
1:08
We need rules for opening. I know, but a lot of pressure.
1:10
Everyone's looking at you to open up your gift.
1:12
I hate that. You better react, right.
1:14
I love it. Which is a weird thing that my
1:19
mom's family does. I watched as my cousins, all
1:22
older, got gifts related to their interests or wishes.
1:24
My cousin who is into art got a whole art kit and sketchbook.
1:28
My other cousin got a Coach purse, and so on and so forth.
1:32
It's finally my turn and I noticed my present was much
1:35
smaller than everybody else's, but I didn't say anything
1:37
because whatever. Doesn't matter if the size of
1:40
the gift as long as it's a nice one.
1:41
OK. It could be some diamond
1:42
earrings up in there. I know.
1:43
So you're like I'm not picky I'm fine.
1:47
I tear through the wrapping paper and I was literally in
1:49
shock because my grandparents literally got me deodorant, a
1:55
stick of dove deodorant and dove too Dove but not even the good
2:00
kind. Like I swear I was so confused
2:04
and turned to my grandparents for an explanation.
2:07
My grandma who only shrugs and tells me quote you're a part
2:11
insert N word. You could use the hygiene I know
2:16
and she just struggled and said it all casual.
2:20
I'm a part what and the way that she said it too.
2:24
I know speechless. OK wow OK my dad who is the one
2:34
she's mixed with South African who is the N word?
2:38
My my dad instantly gets up and leaves because he was so hurt.
2:44
My cousins defended me. My aunts and uncles didn't say
2:47
anything but they look disgusted too.
2:49
But my mom just told everyone to calm down and that my
2:52
grandparents could have their opinions.
2:55
What you're not even to? Defend your daughter, your own
2:59
child, and your husband. Like you're the one that went
3:01
over with a South African, no one told you how to do that and
3:06
you're not going to ride for them.
3:08
I know. So Fast forward to the 31st of
3:12
December, we're back at my grandparents house to celebrate
3:15
together. About 5 minutes before the New
3:17
Year's I give my parents a join gift to start off the new year.
3:21
Well it was spices. OK, OK, we need some spice.
3:29
I got the one of those mini spice variety packs.
3:31
The conversation went like this. Grandparents, why did you give
3:35
us spices? Me because you need to spice
3:37
your food better. White people don't know how to
3:39
season properly. Grandparents, stop stereotyping
3:44
us white people like that. We spice our food just fine.
3:46
Me, Well you gave me a deodorant because you thought all insert N
3:50
words like me have poor hygiene. They were so upset.
3:52
I love being like this. Oh my God.
3:56
OK, that was a hate crime. I'm just like, still shocked.
4:02
I'm like because why would you? Say that and then everyone like
4:05
not really having enough of a reaction for me exactly was
4:08
insane. You know she's like her and her
4:10
dad are just them against everyone.
4:12
Whole family apparently mom too because.
4:14
Mom was raised there, she probably has some latent
4:16
feelings going on in beliefs, but you.
4:18
Went and you married and had a kid with a South.
4:21
African. I mean, it happens OK, but the
4:25
fact that they decided to make a show of it by putting a
4:29
deodorant in a box, like it wasn't about like even if maybe
4:34
she was having problems with, that's a conversation you have
4:37
in private. That's a normal thing.
4:39
Like she's 14 exactly. Pre teenage or whatever.
4:43
You're going. The funk has got to present.
4:45
You got to duh, duh, duh. But that's not what it sounded
4:48
like. It sounded because all people
4:50
like me, apparently. Exactly.
4:52
And she wanted they wanted to. Embarrass her in front of the
4:54
whole family because since you're doing this weird, like
4:57
let's open up the present one at a time situation.
5:00
And she was near last because she was 14.
5:03
Oh my God. So yeah, handle them spices.
5:06
Maybe learn a little something. OK, because there's a whole
5:09
world for spices. Y'all went and took over some
5:14
places for spices, you should use them.
5:16
Right, Salt is not the only one. I like that one OK.
5:23
Am I overreacting about canceling plans to go to a Super
5:27
Bowl party over the halftime show?
5:29
No, absolutely not. I'm.
5:30
I'm going to be sat already, right?
5:33
Valid, right. First of all, I cannot wait.
5:35
We'll be sat. I'm ready.
5:37
Can we like, put out because it's later on today when we're
5:41
filming this, but I think it's going to be the most viewed
5:43
halftime show. Whenever I'm ready, go ahead and
5:46
put that in the future. OK.
5:48
All right. I'm a 32 year old woman with a 2
5:52
year old. My husband and I, we are both
5:54
leftist with our politics and our families are not.
5:57
I know everyone has different ways of dealing with this but I
5:59
don't bring it up and I expect them not to if they want us to
6:02
be able to have a normal non political relationship.
6:05
Valid. This is not a political bait
6:09
post. I genuinely wonder if I'm
6:11
overreacting here. I personally already know I'm in
6:14
the right morally on this issue, so I have no delusion here.
6:18
OK, she's standing on business. She said I just need a little
6:22
backup. Exactly.
6:24
I see my extended family who I was always super close to
6:28
growing up once or twice a year. Nothing caused this.
6:31
People get busy with work and kids now.
6:33
So I was excited that I was able to go to the Super Bowl party at
6:36
my grandparents house this year and enjoy family time.
6:39
My grandma told me to bring an appetizer and I've been looking
6:42
forward to this. I called my dad to ask about the
6:45
appetizer I was to bring and he asked are you and husband going
6:49
to be upset when we turn the halftime show off and switch it
6:52
to the other one. The other one being Turning
6:56
Point USA show to perform against Puerto Rican Bad Bunny.
7:00
Yes, I will be upset. What are you talking?
7:03
About They already knew, that's why he asked ahead of time.
7:06
You're going to. OK, you're going to turn it off.
7:08
To the Kid Rock. One, you've got to be joking.
7:14
I was a bit baffled. I told him yeah, it would bother
7:17
me. My husband is Hispanic and we've
7:20
listened to Bad Bunny for years and it's never been an issue to
7:23
my family. And now this halftime show came
7:26
up and it's a problem. I said he's just a Spanish
7:29
speaking music artist. I don't understand why this
7:32
needs to be a political stance. It seems racially motivated.
7:35
It would make me uncomfortable. Yes, yes.
7:38
OK so my dad told me it's not that he's Puerto Rican but that
7:43
Americans speak English and it's anti white to have a Spanish
7:47
artist who doesn't have songs in English.
7:50
He's American. That's actually insane.
7:56
Anti white. He's American.
7:58
They always regret to mention that part.
8:01
They for they they magically forget how you going to colonize
8:04
a place and then not claim it. That's wild work.
8:08
He's going out there and performing like anyone else, but
8:10
also they don't have any qualms about the people who weren't
8:13
American performing at the Super Bowl in previous years.
8:16
Hold that thought. Oh, no.
8:17
OK. I explained he's one of the
8:20
biggest music music artists in the world and he told me sure,
8:23
OK, I can't confirm that. No, you can't.
8:26
Either way, he's just going to go up there and call Ice bad.
8:31
Is that? What I'm going to do?
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Is it wrong? It's my question.
8:36
One, even if I decided to do that, no lies were told.
8:40
Second of all, ice is all up in my grill attending the Super
8:43
Bowl, and I'm just here to perform.
8:44
I'm here to do my job. Do my job.
8:46
All right, this got to me. I said if this entire evening is
8:51
going to be everyone shoving, trying to shove their politics
8:54
down my throat, and I'm going to be expected to take it and not
8:57
say anything myself without getting attacked, then I'm not
8:59
going. I hung up my cousin.
9:02
I called my cousin and she isn't going either for the same
9:05
reasons. She told me she saw them all
9:07
recently and they yelled at her for her views.
9:10
What you not going to do is disrespect me.
9:13
They're like yes I am, they didn't used to be like this and
9:18
I just can't deal with it. My husband supports me and said
9:22
he wouldn't want our son around that anyway, but my brother who
9:25
is on my side of this says he gets it but it shouldn't get in
9:28
the way of seeing family. Since I was so excited.
9:31
He said the outrage will likely be contained to the halftime
9:34
show and I'll be able to enjoy myself outside of that and just
9:37
try not to bring anything up, which I never do anyway.
9:41
So should I stay home and have a quiet Super Bowl or am I
9:44
overreacting? You're not overreacting.
9:46
Stay home where it's comfortable because you're basically saying
9:48
the brother is basically saying that I should be uncomfortable
9:51
the whole time and not say anything because it'll upset
9:55
them. So now I got to control my
9:57
feelings and my opinions. I got to keep quiet to make them
10:00
comfortable. Exactly, Like why are we making
10:02
people uncomfortable who are doing things that align with
10:05
racism? You know?
10:08
You know, I'm saying she's not overreacting, she's not stay
10:11
home cuz that's a statement in itself.
10:13
Exactly. You called me and said okay,
10:15
we're gonna be watching the unseasoned Super Bowl.
10:17
Okay, So I need you to come over here and enjoy the unseasoning,
10:21
all right? With the seasoning.
10:23
Again, with the seasoning, I know I am going to stay home
10:27
with my Hispanic husband and my brown child and we are going to
10:32
enjoy this day by ourselves in peace.
10:35
And so there was a comment on the on the Reddit that I really
10:38
liked and said people that have played the halftime show,
10:41
Rihanna, Shakira, Paul McCarthy, The Rolling Stones, U2, Shania
10:46
Twain, Sting, Coldplay, the Weekend and Phil Collins, none
10:51
of them are from the US. Bad Bunny is from the US.
10:55
Having an issue with him because of what exactly?
10:58
Like it makes no sense when you try to apply logic to their way
11:02
of thinking. It just doesn't make any sense.
11:03
What is logic? You know?
11:08
OK, rename the ones that are non white in the list that you just.
11:11
Put Rihanna, Shakira the weekend.
11:18
My silence speaks. You guys are so stupid.
11:24
So all I got to say is enjoy the unseasoning.
11:27
And I will be sitting down. Come back to the Super Bowl
11:29
where a bunch of black and brown people play for your
11:32
entertainment. Yes, having fun, enjoying
11:36
themselves. It's the biggest night in
11:39
sports, right? Anyway, so we went through and a
11:46
couple interesting things happened in the past, current,
11:49
now, whatever. So we had to find some headlines
11:51
for y'all because we love y'all that much.
11:53
And so I wanted to bring up a stone baby that was found in a
11:59
elderly woman that was in her stomach for 40 years.
12:03
Stone baby is a fetus that is no longer alive and was calcified.
12:09
It's been in her stomach for 40 years.
12:13
It was 4 lbs. 4 lbs. This is when I only heard I
12:17
could find. Show me what?
12:21
Do you see that, that, that, that, that mask?
12:25
That's a that's the calcified fetus, 4 lbs up in her stomach.
12:29
How old is she? 82 years, 82?
12:31
She was like, I'm having some pelvis pain.
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And they go in and they have to do this X-ray to see that it's a
12:38
calcified. I'm traumatized by this.
12:42
I'm shook because what do you mean the things that go on
12:46
inside of a woman's body? We deserve compensation, damn
12:49
it. Compensation.
12:51
I dig that. Yes, I dig that.
12:53
Woman tax that we get paid every year you.
12:56
Know actually every month, you know.
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You know what? Because this should happen.
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Bleeding for y'all, quite literally.
13:00
Hemorrhaging and still. Going about life.
13:03
But OK, So what? I did some research because I
13:05
was like, how does this even happen?
13:07
Yes, right. And so the pregnancy forms in
13:09
the abdomen instead of the uterus.
13:12
And because there's no way for the abdomen to expel a fetus
13:16
that happens to die, that it just sits there exactly and kept
13:19
growing to 4 exactly. Sometimes there's some
13:25
pregnancies that move into the abdomen instead of the uterus.
13:29
And usually that's like an ectopic pregnancy.
13:32
And those are really dangerous. And once it happens, you
13:35
experience this pain. You sometimes it'll burst
13:37
wherever it is and you have to rush to the hospital to quickly
13:40
get that taken care of before it kills the mother.
13:44
But every once in a while them they just kind of die and they
13:47
sit there. And like I said, there's no way
13:50
to expel the fetus and your body fights it as a foreign object
13:55
and calcifies it to protect the body.
13:58
So now you just have two cases, basically 2 rare cases combined
14:02
into one of a calcified fetus in your abdomen.
14:05
You have a rock in your stomach essentially. 4 lbs is insane.
14:09
I thought it was small. Remember we talked about this
14:11
when we first read it. It's like this small.
14:13
Look it up. 4 lbs four pounds. God. 40 years.
14:20
I don't because I don't know this woman.
14:23
I don't know if she went to her annuals, you know, because if it
14:26
was in her 40s, then you know, she's going through
14:28
paramenopause, you know, she's probably going to the doctor
14:31
checking some shit out. Nobody noticed that you had a
14:34
Little Rock baby in there, You know, it's £4.
14:38
Kind of hard to miss, you know, that's insanity.
14:40
If if that happened to me, I would lose.
14:45
My mind. What do you mean it's just in
14:48
there? How do you get it out?
14:50
Do you have to do surgery or just cut her right?
14:52
I would assume they just have to do some surgery and take it out,
14:54
but then what? I mean, I'm a weirdo.
14:56
I'd be like, can I keep it? What, just put it in a mom?
15:03
But. Don't even finish that sentence.
15:05
I'm gonna rescue you right now. It's a rock.
15:07
Yeah, I get that. But let's bury it.
15:09
Let's do something like kind. You said.
15:11
Put it in a what? Like a glass case?
15:14
No. That's the first thing I
15:19
thought. I was like, I mean, it's mine.
15:22
I made it. OK, well then name it Rocky.
15:27
She's trying to be funny. It's insane.
15:34
Well, if we're talking about insane things, the next story
15:39
that we have made me want to lose my mind.
15:42
Yes, because this is crazy. She went 40 years.
15:44
Obviously she didn't feel it, but we all saw the woman who
15:50
went to the emergency room thinking that she had food
15:53
poisoning and ended up leaving the hospital with twins, with
15:56
twins. I'm, I'm losing it.
15:59
I, I, what do I do? I'm panicking.
16:01
I'm literally my friend, I'm beating so hard because what if
16:06
you only have $5 in your account?
16:08
You know, then you're. Just out of luck.
16:10
You don't have anything for this.
16:11
I'm not equipped for child. Two of them though, for child,
16:15
for child, for child, for child, for child.
16:22
Feel like I'm not. Really evidence that I cannot
16:25
like. Are you serious?
16:27
So you have to prepare for a child?
16:29
Obviously there's the physical things like you need to have
16:32
cribs and and all of the the stuff.
16:34
But I was thinking mentally, as a mother of three, you nine
16:39
months, yes, to grow the baby, but also nine months to prepare.
16:42
Yourself psych yourself up for having.
16:43
Child that's so traumatizing. Your life changes.
16:48
Yesterday I was me. Tomorrow I'm a mom.
16:51
And you thought you ate some bad chicken, you know?
16:53
And they're like, let's move you to a different room.
16:55
Excuse me. Anybody who's had a child knows
16:59
what this room means, OK? Because they got the little
17:02
thing underneath you to, to catch all the.
17:05
I was like, Oh my God, if they have to roll me into this room,
17:08
I wouldn't even know what was happening in there if I had
17:10
never had a child. Literally.
17:12
And it looks terrifying. You're like, am I doing surgery?
17:14
What do you, what you? Are I need people to stop
17:18
minimizing childbirth? It as if it's just another
17:21
thing. OK, this is a huge ordeal and
17:24
she had two babies in her stomach and did not know.
17:28
What are these called? Cryptic pregnancies.
17:30
Yeah, they go under the radar. You don't know either because
17:33
you have like a imperfect period, no symptoms, whatever
17:38
and you just you never checked, you never felt it and you never
17:41
know. One in 2500, cryptic pregnancies
17:44
go undetected until labor. So this is super rare.
17:47
Add the fact that it was twins, Oh my. 212 I mean.
17:54
You needed help out because you had too many children.
17:59
Is this I? I?
18:00
I don't know what to do. You're like I'm.
18:03
Panicking, I'm panicking and it's only this amount of panic
18:06
because it didn't happen to me but it like it would be 10 times
18:09
because what do you mean I have two lives on my hands now.
18:11
And I was not prepared for this. I mean, you have to get time off
18:15
work. Like, even just thinking down
18:17
the line of all the things that have to happen is terrifying,
18:21
you know? But I went to her page and this
18:25
happened a little while ago. Because look at these adorable
18:27
little little people. Gosh, they are amazing and
18:32
beautiful and healthy, aren't they?
18:35
I just love, I mean, this turned out really great, really great.
18:38
You're stressing out, but my God, look how cute they are.
18:40
She did great. She did great.
18:42
You know, she's, she went home, she took it like a champ.
18:46
I would have cried. I would have cried.
18:48
I need my mom. I need somebody to come here
18:51
because wow, gosh. And what does she name them?
18:54
Because like, you have nine months to think of a name too,
18:57
right? And you're like, what do you
18:58
want to name on the fly? You're like.
19:00
Thing one and thing two. Let's go.
19:04
It's insane temporary till I figure it out like I don't.
19:07
And they're identical. Little bit.
19:09
Oh my God. Gosh.
19:11
Craziest story though. They're going to be telling the
19:14
story for a while for sure. Like we.
19:17
Were in there, we were hiding. If they don't play hide and seek
19:19
in the house, I mean, they're probably amazing at it.
19:22
That's amazing. That's amazing.
19:24
I'm glad everything worked out good for her.
19:28
Wow, that's insane. Yes, well, I have a less fun
19:34
story, one that's actually kind of hilarious and really
19:38
avoidable. But apparently there was a Lotto
19:41
winner. He won $288 million, I think or
19:45
something. But he built a drug empire off
19:48
of the money that he won for the Lotto.
19:50
First of all, legend, you know, legend.
19:53
That's G things like you know what I'm a swing this into.
19:56
I needed some seed money and guess what happened because he
20:01
wasn't it's not like he won the Lotto and he's like, how could I
20:04
swing this? No, he wanted to build a Joe
20:06
gunfire. He happened to win the Lotto and
20:08
he he swung that thing into God. OK, I asked and he delivered.
20:14
This man right here is John Eric Spibby.
20:19
He is the G. That made a drug empire from on
20:23
his own property so and the little place on his own
20:26
property. Sorry this is in the UK.
20:28
This is not like American things.
20:29
This is very. Yeah.
20:32
So he started a drug lab to make counterfeit medication like
20:38
pills and. Stuff And he brought in his sons
20:41
his. Son and yeah and then.
20:43
Two associates, 2 associates. Yep.
20:45
Yeah. And they built this thing into a
20:47
huge big enough that they were able to get another location.
20:49
Yes. Yes.
20:50
They were swinging that thing like they had you know, you
20:54
know, y'all watch snowfall like they were, you know, exactly
20:58
they were making it happen. But they also, I'm sorry to like
21:01
dime it down, but they also noticed the cops and stuff after
21:04
they're doing their investigation that when they
21:06
started their business, drug related deaths also went up.
21:10
Yes, because they were just making counterfeit pills.
21:13
And so you think you're taking diazepam for all the White Lotus
21:18
fans and you are getting this junk?
21:21
Yeah. So it wasn't like he was doing
21:24
it like ethically, which how ethical can it be when you're
21:28
selling drugs? But like, I'm sure there's like
21:31
morals. You know those are legal drugs
21:34
is all I'm saying. Anyway, he had that whole thing.
21:38
He had that the whole thing slang and look at all these
21:40
pills. You see all that pills?
21:42
I'm actually. So proud of him like.
21:45
He built a business, he is a businessman.
21:49
Oh my God. So when he got raided, they
21:51
found 2.6 million counterfeit diazepam tablets which were
21:55
worth €5.2 million. So he and that was.
21:59
Just in the van that they were transporting.
22:02
Yeah, He said he denied any knowledge of ever doing this.
22:05
What are you talking about? He was convicted.
22:06
I think he was like 16 years, 16 and and a half years and it
22:09
happened last month to on January 27th.
22:11
So he got caught. He got caught, you know, but he
22:15
was doing this for a long time because he won the Lotto.
22:16
What was it, 2010? Yeah.
22:18
When he was, what, 65? Yeah.
22:20
So he's. He's been.
22:21
Yeah. So he's now 80 years old.
22:23
Yeah. Another mistake he made.
22:25
They found the recipe before his drugs saved.
22:26
On his phone, honestly. I'm sure that helped with the
22:32
conviction. I know it's like right there.
22:33
They're like, oh, wonderful. Breaking Bad came out in 2007,
22:39
brah, you got. The recipe for everything right
22:43
there in that show, Like try harder, you know what I mean?
22:46
Try harder. Try harder.
22:48
Yeah. So honestly, I'm very proud.
22:51
I don't think it's terrible. I think the deaths related to
22:55
what he was doing was terrible. I think he had the right
22:57
mentality. I just would have chose like
22:59
candy or cards or but why drugs? But you're not going to make
23:04
that much money with candy and cards, Girl, He's trying to make
23:06
money if you're a real. Business known.
23:08
You could slang anything into anything you you know.
23:12
I mean, sugar is a drug of choice, illegal drug, you know.
23:15
Slaying out not for a. Business cell cancer.
23:19
So very true. So he could have made that
23:21
happen, you know, he. Could have.
23:22
He could. Have.
23:23
All I'm saying is. That, but then we wouldn't be
23:24
talking about him. A lot of the drugs, you know,
23:27
shout out to him. Yeah.
23:28
But yeah. So you may have heard about our
23:33
next star, Randy, the Guinea pig Randy.
23:38
All right, So he is a legend, in my opinion.
23:42
OK, so there was an encounter with a bunch of Guinea pigs.
23:45
There's the male side and there's the female side.
23:48
So all of the people who take care of them were looking in the
23:51
female side, and they noticed one of the Guinea pigs is super
23:54
skinny, right? And he they're like, what's up
23:57
with this skinny? Is he not eating?
23:59
What's going on with him? So they take him out and they
24:01
realize that the she is actually a he.
24:05
So they put him back in his own male encounter.
24:08
And not long after, they realized that all 100 female
24:11
Guinea pigs were pregnant. We're pregnant.
24:13
He was in there working, clanging, working.
24:18
He lost weight. He lost weight.
24:19
Because he was working. They said he was in there for
24:25
weeks. Day after day, he was.
24:27
Putting in the. Cardio OK and then poor women
24:32
they were like so happy to see a man they're like I've been in
24:34
here with all these women my. God, he's got so many kids on
24:38
the way. Over 400 because Guinea pigs
24:41
have a. Litter of about four.
24:43
All what? He said.
24:45
I want kids, all of them. He was in there for weeks
24:49
running. Through them women.
24:53
He is a legend. OK, that's insane.
24:56
That is so funny to me. OK, Randy.
25:02
And he wasn't. Named before when he went over
25:04
and only after they found out. They're like, what's the name of
25:06
Randy? It's it fits G, it fits absolute
25:10
G And we look at him, he got a little Gray.
25:13
Stop it, Randy. Guys Red.
25:16
But yeah, they about to double their population like crazy.
25:19
Yes, exactly. So shout out to Randy.
25:21
That was just a quick little shout out to our friend Randy
25:24
the Guinea pig. He's amazing.
25:29
I love it. All right, that was all the news
25:31
we got, but I have another Reddit.
25:33
Y'all the things that you'll want to see.
25:36
All right, Ready, Ready. All right, Confession.
25:39
I love living separately from my husband.
25:45
OK, let's do it. My husband recently got a new
25:48
job and it required him to leave for training for three months.
25:52
This will have been the longest we've ever been apart for the 14
25:54
years we've been a couple. We moved in together in our mid
25:57
20s. I moved from my parents home
25:59
straight into living with my then boyfriend who is not my
26:01
husband. Get that?
26:03
Yeah, well, I'm surprised and concerned to say that I love
26:07
living separately from my husband.
26:09
She said let's run this bag, I. Love.
26:12
It this is her first time living by herself.
26:15
She's never had independence before.
26:16
So, like, she's she's, you know, Yeah.
26:19
It's actually troubling how wonderful I found it to be.
26:23
I love everything about it. I love going to sleep in the
26:26
center of the bed in a quiet, dark room.
26:28
He scrolls on his phone for hours.
26:30
He also has apnea and snores. Oh, Lord.
26:33
She's like, it's quiet up in here.
26:34
Oh, man, Dark, dark. You can do whatever I want.
26:38
I love having whatever I want for dinner without having to
26:41
consider his preferences. I love watching whatever
26:44
ridiculous thing I want on TV without his background
26:47
commentary. That's.
26:49
Unfortunate because unfortunate because my husband has great
26:52
background commentary. And suddenly I hear this
26:56
agitating voice like. Shut up.
27:00
OK, I'm trying to watch. I love parenting my son however
27:07
I see fit without his interference.
27:10
Well, that's a big one. Yeah, I love the quiet.
27:12
Sometimes I turn off the TV and just enjoy the silence.
27:15
This has been my first taste of freedom in my adult life, the
27:18
first time I lived on my own. Although I do have a 7 year old
27:21
son but you get what I mean. And it's been absolute bliss.
27:26
This is like, yeah, this is tough from being like, oh, I
27:29
like watching my own TV to be like, I don't want his input on
27:33
our son. She hates his voice.
27:36
I'm starting to like hear. I feel terrible because I do
27:41
love my husband. He's a good man.
27:42
We met at teens and we're friends for 12 years before we
27:45
started dating. We are now 40 and have known
27:48
each other through a lot of different seasons of life.
27:50
But I have loved being away from him so much that I'm actually
27:53
sad when he returns. I feel even worse about this
27:57
because my husband goes on and on about how he can't wait to
28:00
come back, how he misses us and never wants to be apart this
28:03
long again. He has struggled through the
28:05
past three months while I'm absolutely flown by me.
28:08
She's like, I am in heaven. What are you talking about?
28:10
What are you doing about? Her suffering.
28:11
I missed you. Oh, my God.
28:16
Well, they do say that a man's best friend is his wife.
28:20
And the wife's best friend is like Lisa best friend.
28:22
It's like her friend. Damn, she said.
28:27
Everything just seems so much more peaceful when he is away.
28:32
Yeah, at this point. But this is just making her
28:35
realize she had no clue. She had no idea until he left.
28:41
My husband doesn't know the extent of my feelings.
28:43
I just say that I'm an independent person and not to
28:45
worry about us because I'm holding down everything at home.
28:48
He doesn't know that I've actually savored and enjoyed
28:51
every moment he's been gone. She is the word savored.
28:54
And bliss and Oh my heaven. Yeah.
28:58
Oh my God, he's a good man and father but we have known each
29:01
other forever now and frankly he often annoys me.
29:04
He's also critical and very opinionated and I and I guess I
29:08
just enjoy the break from it all, but I just worry about how
29:10
much I enjoy being apart from him.
29:12
Does anyone else out there feel like this in their marriage?
29:15
Why do I feel like this? Is it OK, Is it normal?
29:18
And people still have what's considered a happy marriage when
29:21
one person literally prefers being away from the other?
29:23
Oh my. My goodness, because that
29:26
shifted. That went from I like being
29:28
alone to I like being away from him.
29:31
She started typing it out and she was getting more like this
29:34
is what I'm. Feeling exactly because in the
29:36
beginning she was like how does it sound right?
29:38
Me feeling happy being alone to this is how I feel.
29:43
Yikes. I know she does.
29:46
She doesn't want to be there. But it was like they got married
29:49
fairly young in their 20s and they've been together for so
29:52
long that she's just like, OK, this is my life.
29:55
And then now she's getting a little taste of what it might be
29:59
without him. And she's like, Oh my God, I
30:01
love it. Because if she would have stayed
30:03
single, if she never met him or whatever, she would have found
30:06
out later on in life that she loves being alone, which a lot
30:10
of people actually do end up being alone.
30:11
Not everyone has to be in a relationship.
30:13
OK, You're using it as a threat and somebody's like that, you
30:16
know, this is what I want. Me and my cat would be perfectly
30:19
fine at the beach. Exactly.
30:20
But she didn't have time to figure this out.
30:23
And so she had a kid and she has her husband and she's fully in
30:26
it now and she's now discovering so.
30:29
I would love please keep an eye on that one because I need to
30:32
know what happens when he gets home.
30:35
I know because. She's writing this.
30:36
He's still gone. Literally T -, 3 days.
30:38
Like she's counting down the days till he comes back.
30:41
Because she's like, I am so happy right now and he's going
30:44
to ruin it. Yeah, I know I feel bad for him
30:49
because he genuinely loves her and wants to give back for him,
30:52
but. Or I will say, or he is just
30:56
used to also this thing, but he's off alone in a different
31:00
place, like in a hotel or whatever.
31:01
Like she's in their perfect space, but just without him.
31:05
OK, well that makes sense. So it might be interesting if he
31:08
was home and she left. Yeah.
31:10
I don't know if it would be the same if she left the kid though,
31:13
right? Would he still be OK with the
31:15
kids? She's like, I'm fine parenting
31:17
my son the way I want to, yadda, yadda, yadda.
31:20
Yeah. Cuz there's a lot of times when
31:21
women feel like once their husband leaves because he does
31:24
not contribute enough at the house, that her life gets easier
31:28
once he leaves because he's not adding right to it.
31:32
He's actually making more messes or making more to clean or to
31:36
cook or anything like that. And so that might be part of it
31:39
too, You know, on top of being like, I just like watching my
31:42
shows and he doesn't nobody. Snoring in the bed next to me.
31:45
Yeah. So maybe.
31:47
I have no idea. I just.
31:49
All I know is that I do think that she doesn't like the sound
31:53
of his voice, Right. She's like this grating voice is
31:56
just. You snore at night, you talk
31:59
during my shows, you talk about my son.
32:01
And at this point, she's thinking her son like.
32:03
Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's like after three, three
32:05
months is a long time, too. Is a long time.
32:08
I know. So yeah, I will save that one
32:12
and see if we can get an update eventually.
32:15
That one's rough. Am I overreacting?
32:18
My mom keeps in contact with my abuser and wishes him happy
32:22
holidays and happy birthday every year.
32:26
Whoa, whoa. Yes.
32:28
So we're done instantly. We're done.
32:31
Done. I was in a domestic violence
32:35
relationship about five years ago.
32:38
We've been broken up since then and have zero contact.
32:40
I accidentally stumbled across photos in my old phone from one
32:44
of the incidents the other day, and I became triggered.
32:47
Even without that trigger, this has been an ongoing issue for
32:49
years with my mother. I'm in a healthy relationship
32:52
now, but I still have trauma from that past relationship that
32:55
I plan on addressing in therapy. Yeah.
32:58
My mom, however, still keeps in contact with my ex.
33:01
She wishes him happy holidays and happy birthday every year
33:04
and remains friends with him on Facebook.
33:07
When I asked her to delete his number, she got very defensive,
33:11
almost shocked that I would even ask that of her.
33:14
You serious? Would you like to see the
33:17
photos? How did she not know?
33:20
That's because apparently you're close enough with her.
33:23
Yeah, there's no way she doesn't know.
33:24
Like, you know what he did to me?
33:26
Yeah, OK. During the relationship, here we
33:30
go. She knew what was going on and
33:32
encouraged me to stay, saying things like he only does it when
33:36
he's drunk, he's a good kid and so helpful and maybe we can fix
33:40
him. OK, sorry, I'm going to go a
33:43
little off right now. Mom, the mom, her mom.
33:48
How was your husband? That part?
33:51
That part? Is this normal for you?
33:54
Like I'm, you know, like, just say he's, you know, when he's
33:57
not beating you. Exactly.
33:59
He's actually pretty good. Tell me your story, Mom.
34:01
Because there's something there. There's no way.
34:06
Yeah, it is. It's women of a certain age.
34:08
Well, he's like, they couldn't be out there on their own.
34:12
They couldn't have their own bank accounts and their own jobs
34:14
to support themselves. XYZ.
34:15
But also time has passed and growth must, must happen.
34:20
And you can't do this because now it's hurting your daughter
34:24
again, like and she's in a healthy relationship now.
34:28
She's moved on. Why haven't you?
34:30
Even now she refers to him as our Jake, which is a fake name.
34:35
Which feels violating considering what I have gone
34:38
through. I feel disgusted and offended by
34:40
this but she normalizes it so much and treats me as though I'm
34:44
overreacting. I just feel so betrayed.
34:47
She reopens the wound every year and has even told me in the past
34:50
I wished Jake happy birthday happy holidays.
34:53
She's even called me over to look at photos he's posted on
34:56
Facebook. Am I overreacting for being this
34:59
upset? I feel a lot of rage about it
35:01
and just want to blow up. How would you handle this?
35:04
Is there something I can tell her to get through to her how I
35:08
would handle it? I wouldn't be so nice.
35:11
I don't think you're overreacting.
35:13
I would go no contact. Like you're not about to ruin my
35:15
life like this. Seriously.
35:16
Every single time that you, I mean our Jake and I'll be.
35:20
Here and look at this picture of our Jake and what's going on
35:23
with his life. I do not care what's going on
35:26
with his life. You know, I would care a lot
35:27
more if he was behind bars. Yeah, I'd be invested in the
35:30
story then. But are you kidding?
35:32
Yeah. That's insulting.
35:34
That's harmful. Why are you doing that?
35:36
And why are you choosing some? Fool over me or your daughter?
35:40
That's what I'm saying. Like, can I talk to the mom?
35:43
What's going on with the mom? You know, like it.
35:46
There's no, you know. There's nothing, I'm sorry,
35:49
there's nothing that she can say because you're doing this on
35:51
purpose now. And we've read a few of these
35:53
with really terrible moms who put their own feelings in front.
35:57
And so like, what is it about this guy that she latched onto
36:01
that she's just like, he's like, maybe he treats her really
36:05
nicely. I've never seen him hit you.
36:07
OK, but they always. Do don't they?
36:09
Of course, these abusers, they got to make sure everybody in
36:12
her life likes him. So they don't believe you.
36:15
When something happened, evidence and she said that she
36:19
knew. I think that's enough for me.
36:22
If I was a mother, I think I wouldn't even have to see
36:25
evidence. No, all I would have to see is
36:27
their fear. Their just tell me it happened
36:31
and I'd be like, I'm on your side instantly.
36:32
That's what you're supposed to do, yeah.
36:35
And for her to know it and do. This despite the fact it's
36:38
insane. Yeah, I wouldn't even need to
36:40
see any of it. She might have to tell me
36:41
nothing. OK, if I just look at this full
36:43
and I get it, I get the ick and I get the ick.
36:45
I'm telling you. We got problems.
36:48
He's actually, he's got problems.
36:49
Yeah. That's actually so bad.
36:53
I feel for her. And no, you're not overreacting.
36:55
And honestly, no contact is the way to go.
36:57
If you're better, if you're healed now, just be healed.
37:02
Yeah, It's OK. You've already talked to her.
37:03
You tried talking to her, and it didn't work.
37:05
So honestly. Yeah, I'm a little about that
37:11
one. I was like, excuse me?
37:13
That's insulting women. Who are you going there right
37:17
now? Yeah.
37:23
Absolutely, yes. There's resources out there, you
37:29
know, because you feel like you're trapped.
37:31
You feel, you know, there's financial abuse that goes on in
37:33
these situations. And you, you know, just just
37:37
know that people will be on your side even if the people in your
37:41
immediate circle are not. Yeah.
37:42
So. Yeah.
37:44
All right, well, I've got a relationship advice one.
37:47
This one, the dude is also a jerk.
37:49
I'm like, are we leaning into like you know what, all I'm
37:52
doing is picking stuff that's there.
37:55
We are anything, you know, it picked me.
38:00
All right, Reddit relationship advice partner male, 27, got a
38:04
promotion at the same company I female, 30 work at and I'm
38:08
feeling like it's hard to celebrate him.
38:12
I feel like this post makes it sound like I'm being
38:15
unsupportive but I'm not sure what to do.
38:17
My boyfriend and I work at the same company, we've been
38:20
together for two years. We are both engineers at a
38:22
comparable roles, except I've been there six years and he's
38:25
been there 3 1/2. I know where this is going.
38:30
About my side After getting 5 out of five stars on all reviews
38:34
for the past five years, I had a leadership change that took away
38:38
my chances of promotion. The lead is a person that is
38:41
very known to push people under the bus to get ahead, so I was
38:44
forced to move to another team with a great lead but less
38:47
growth opportunity. I tried to talk to my partner a
38:50
few times about how frustrating this was because I was missing
38:53
out on an opportunity I was pretty guaranteed otherwise.
38:56
Not only did he brush me off, he started playing devil's
38:59
advocate. Your body leg gets shifted so
39:02
much. He started playing devil's
39:06
advocate immediately, going as far as openly questioning if I
39:09
was deserving of a promotion in the 1st place.
39:11
What? He actually called me entitled.
39:15
He and I don't work together and he has no frame of reference for
39:19
what I do. His reviews in comparison are
39:21
generally 3 out of five. As engineers, we do similar
39:25
enough work that I know that our time, energy, and complexity of
39:28
projects is very comparable. Today he just called me and told
39:32
me that he got a promotion into the same position that I was
39:35
supposed to get, but different organization.
39:37
Pause and I'm so mad. Just scream a little bit, you
39:47
know, and continue. And he told me he wanted to go
39:54
celebrate with me. He's been at the company for
39:57
half the amount of time I have and in the same position is now
40:00
making over 30% more than I am. I'm seriously happy for him, but
40:05
at no point did I think that he'd think that I might be
40:08
upset. I'm not jealous, really, I'm
40:10
upset by the lack of empathy on his part for either situation.
40:14
The vibe I'm getting is that he gets it's deserved, but if I
40:17
don't get what I want it's because I'm not good.
40:19
Enough, and you're entitled for thinking that you deserve it.
40:23
The lack of empathy exists all over our relationship.
40:26
Not sure if this matters but more context for us ladies.
40:30
My company has about 6% women in the engineering portion and I
40:34
don't know a single one that has gotten promotion without having
40:36
to fight for it or threaten to leave.
40:39
I speak up for myself like a man would when asking for raises.
40:43
The lead that I was put under is known for being condescending,
40:46
especially towards women. I tried to tell my partner about
40:49
this but he brushed me off like I was making an excuse.
40:52
How do I be supportive but also let him know that I deserve to
40:55
be supported? I don't want to take away his
40:57
excitement, but I feel like he didn't see or hear me at all
41:00
when I voiced my frustrations. Would really like some advice on
41:04
how to handle the situation. My advice is not productive.
41:09
It's not for. Well we got time, we've got time
41:14
man fuck him. Fuck this company.
41:17
Like as someone who has worked in male dominated industries for
41:22
quite a while, I cannot tell you how frustrating it is to be the
41:28
superior worker and watch inferior people be promoted over
41:34
you or given benefits over you just because the people who are
41:40
in control see themselves in that person.
41:43
They are. Like even the things that he
41:46
says to her are so biased towards his own identity exactly
41:52
that he's just like even her saying what did she say?
41:55
That she speaks up for herself like a man does.
41:58
That is not taken well. She didn't even have to say it.
42:01
I already know it's not exactly because how dare you talk to me
42:05
like this. And it looks bad for her, but
42:08
it's rewarded if it comes from a man.
42:10
Exactly. And I am over here like shake,
42:13
I'm trying not to have my voice shake.
42:15
I'm sitting here. I'm like I am so.
42:17
Frustrating. Is that like I deserve this
42:21
position? I am far more qualified, you
42:24
know I am. Just off of the reviews alone,
42:27
yeah. I had a boss tell me year after
42:29
year, I created things that my 1 branch gave to the to the to the
42:34
bosses, and now the entire company uses because it's so
42:38
beneficial. It's worked so well.
42:40
And year after year, I was given a four out of five because my
42:44
boss said that he wanted to give me something to strive for.
42:48
Excuse me? He gives me a 5.
42:50
And I've already hit my mark and I will not be motivated to keep,
42:55
excuse me, I hit my mark. I'm motivated because that's who
42:58
I am. I don't need you adding pressure
43:01
or adding what you you think. I need to just like chase after
43:04
something. And we think I need your help.
43:05
Yes. And with the five out of five
43:07
comes that extra bump of money, that bone.
43:10
That's what it really was about. Withholding for me exactly, but
43:14
she was given a 5 after 5 after 5 consistent.
43:17
Every year she was given fives. This dude comes in years later
43:21
and gets half her marks. Three out of five.
43:24
That's average. Yeah.
43:26
You are barely making the mark. Sick, bro.
43:29
And they're like, you know what? I see something in you.
43:32
What do you promote you? And for him to call her
43:35
entitled? Exactly.
43:37
I think you're overreacting. I think you just need to work
43:39
harder. I don't think you're doing
43:40
enough. My 5 out of five over you 3 out
43:43
of five says otherwise. My years of experience over you
43:46
says otherwise. I am triggered, yes.
43:53
Yeah, because she is. It's her boyfriend.
43:55
She is happy for him, but she's feeling some type of way because
43:59
of the way that he treated her when she was passed over.
44:03
And so her question is, how do I let him know that I'm supportive
44:10
while letting him know that he's not supporting me?
44:12
Fuck that. How do I let him know that he's
44:14
not supporting me? That's exactly, that's the
44:16
question, because you have been supportive this whole time and
44:20
when you've asked for support, he shot you down exactly and
44:23
said that you were feeling entitled, that you're making
44:25
excuses. That I'm not working hard
44:28
enough? Yes, yes, he represents the
44:31
system. Exactly does represent the
44:34
system and that is unacceptable. And you know, it's like we can
44:38
say go get another job, but she's an engineer.
44:40
It's a traditionally underrepresented field for women
44:43
6% in her one company in her one company.
44:46
So she can start looking around, but that's hard.
44:48
And then she has to start at the be at the bottom and it's just
44:51
like what it's not your fault. So the fact that she wouldn't
44:53
have to think about doing that. Is wrong exactly.
45:02
No, it's the issue is she's in a male dominated situation.
45:05
They will not make space. No, they refuse to make space.
45:08
They say we can give you a seat at the table or not give you at
45:11
the seat. Seat at the table because they
45:13
made the table. Yeah, they own the table.
45:15
Exactly. And so they choose.
45:17
They wanted her, has her boyfriend there, and they didn't
45:20
want her because she's mouthy. She speaks up for what she
45:24
wants. She's good at her job, which
45:26
actually makes them look worse at their job because she's so
45:28
good. Exactly if you extremely exactly
45:40
there's women who subscribe to the patriarchy, they're card
45:43
carrying members, they get the met the magazine every month in
45:46
the mail and they are the ones who are allowed to succeed
45:49
because they know they will continue to uphold this system.
45:54
This system leave your chest tightened when you she just said
46:03
that then then you get it. You have been passed over.
46:06
It's not you because these these systems will make you feel like
46:09
you're not good at your job or that you're doing something
46:12
wrong. That you if you just keep
46:13
working a little bit harder, if you just take the base out, your
46:17
voice when you talk to the bosses, if you just stop
46:20
frowning, if you just stop. Speaking up for yourself, that's
46:23
unachievable. They keep moving a goal, they
46:25
keep wanting you to go and strive for something and it's
46:28
never good enough. You'll never make it.
46:31
You'll never make it because first of all, you aren't
46:34
subscribing, You aren't playing the game, and you got to go.
46:39
You got to go, all we're going to say.
46:40
Is that you should make the table then.
46:43
Yes, go make your own table. Yeah, I know.
46:49
It's like you, you like 10 stuff so quickly.
46:52
I was like, I need, yes, all right.
46:59
Like how am I going to read? My goodness?
47:01
OK, Am I overreacting? My husband locked me out for 25
47:07
minutes. For what what happened?
47:12
I need context. I maybe should have read this
47:15
one later. I'm still my husband 26 and I25
47:22
have 3 year old twin girls and I'm currently 6 month pregnant
47:26
with our third. I mean, that's a.
47:29
Lot I mean good. Lord, we got in an argument over
47:33
letting our daughters play outside.
47:34
We got hit with the snow, but both we both had work, so we
47:37
didn't really have a chance to let the girls play in it.
47:40
We were both off today, so I thought perfect opportunity.
47:43
This is the first winter they were old enough to care about
47:45
snow, and they were mesmerized by it.
47:48
Oh, I remember that, isn't. That funny.
47:51
So this morning I told my husband I'm going to take the
47:53
girls out to play. He said he didn't want to come
47:56
because it's too cold. I said that's fine, I'm taking
47:58
them. He said he didn't want any of us
48:00
outside because it's too cold and the girls will get sick.
48:04
I kind of just laughed and said we won't be long.
48:06
It's 25° not -20 exactly. I probably didn't handle it the
48:11
best and brushed them off, but he dropped it.
48:13
After that I got the girls bundled up and we headed out
48:16
front. We had fun for a few minutes and
48:18
they loved it, but within 10 minutes my husband was at the
48:21
front door calling for the girls to come in.
48:24
They go inside and I'm just kind of standing in the front yard
48:26
annoyed for a moment. I go to go inside only to find
48:30
that he has locked the door. Oh, is he a child?
48:36
I'm mad now and I have to pee. She's six months pregnant.
48:41
She pees every 5 minutes. Are you kidding me?
48:44
I start knocking and calling for him but he doesn't come to the
48:47
door and is ignoring my texts and calls too.
48:50
Even texted that I really needed to pee and he ignored that too.
48:54
The most upsetting part is that I could hear one of my
48:56
daughter's crying the entire time, stressed out knowing her
49:00
mom is outside. So I stopped knocking and sat on
49:03
our porch. Are you kidding me?
49:06
Now you're putting me at risk because yes, it is still cold.
49:09
You're right, it is cold outside and now I'm out here pregnant
49:13
having to pee. Excuse you. 25 minutes go by and
49:17
he finally comes and unlocks the door.
49:20
I push past him to go to the bathroom because yeah, I'm mad
49:23
about to pee myself and it's freezing at this point.
49:25
He's smiling like it's funny and saying oh I thought you said
49:29
it's not that cold. What's wrong?
49:33
Oh my God we haven't spoken much today after that.
49:40
He has genuinely never done something like this before.
49:43
He's caring and not punishing or vindictive so this really isn't
49:47
in his nature. I'm appalled and really hurt.
49:50
I understand I annoyed him by taking the girls out and he
49:53
thinks I undermined his parenting, but I am a grown
49:56
woman. He doesn't get to punish me by
49:59
locking me out of my own home. Exactly.
50:01
Or maybe he's justified. I don't know.
50:03
I feel crazy. Am I overreacting?
50:06
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
50:08
I'm not. I'm exhausted.
50:10
Literally what like my I'm like every time I calm down you read
50:14
another one and it's like. Playing outside in 25 because we
50:21
lived in the snow for a little while is different than standing
50:24
still. Exactly 25.
50:26
Yes. I don't.
50:27
That's why they tell you to keep moving.
50:28
Yes. Like, are you kidding?
50:30
He thought, let me teach her a lesson.
50:32
That's exactly what he thought. Yes.
50:34
Are you kidding? He was teaching her a lesson by
50:37
her saying it's not that cold, and then undermined her
50:40
parenting by calling the girls in after just 10 minutes exactly
50:43
inside having a ball. They were enjoying themselves.
50:45
Did they hurt themselves? No.
50:48
They were bundled up. The purpose of scarves, jackets
50:51
and gloves. We have them for a reason.
50:53
And they're children. Like, let them play and then
50:57
fine. OK, fine.
50:58
You wanted to bring the kids in after 10 minutes.
51:00
OK, You lock the door on me. Divorce.
51:05
You know, divorce. Trinity is always down for
51:09
divorce. I'm I'm down.
51:10
Let's get messy. Let's get messy.
51:13
He, I read a bunch of these things, you know, every week I'm
51:16
looking for it. And people will do something
51:20
that's so gross like this, vindictive and mean and in their
51:24
soul, you know, 'cause some people would never do this as
51:27
anything to. And then they always come back
51:29
and be like, but he's so caring. He's so not this, he's so not
51:33
that. But no, you finally did the
51:35
thing that triggered that thing to.
51:38
Present it so. If it was not in his spirit to
51:42
do this. It would never have.
51:44
It would have never happened. But no, that's in his soul.
51:47
He's has the ability to do so. So he did it.
51:50
You're finally saying it. It's unfortunate.
51:54
Yeah. Two kids, one on the way.
51:57
Twins. They're fine.
52:00
It is part of life. If you live out there with snow
52:03
to go play in the snow, are you going to wrap them in bubble
52:07
wrap? That's exactly what he wants to
52:09
do. What's wrong with you?
52:09
But he didn't think to wrap his wife, who's six months pregnant
52:12
with another child in bubble wrap.
52:13
Like he left her outside. It's like, wow, you're not even
52:16
going to protect your incubator because at this point he.
52:23
Knew she had to pee. He didn't comfort the child that
52:26
was crying. You know, as a mom, as a parent,
52:29
I'm just going to link to a parent.
52:31
You hear your child crying, you can't get to them.
52:33
That's horrendous. That feels terrible.
52:36
And she has to pee and it's cold.
52:38
And you know your husband is ignoring your texts and your
52:40
calls. I'm sorry.
52:41
You know what? You're fucking divorce.
52:43
Divorce like I don't even care if I'm being too like rash or
52:47
whatever, too emotional. Let me be emotional.
52:49
Divorce and also let me go ahead and yes, I don't know how many
52:53
red flags we'd we had today. It's a lot.
52:56
Right, this is for everybody. For everybody.
53:00
Divorce. I don't like you.
53:03
I don't like your personality. He doesn't like her.
53:05
Yeah, clearly. No love.
53:07
Because you wouldn't have left someone you love out in 25°
53:11
weather to just what? Yeah, freeze.
53:13
It's something that had happened, right?
53:16
You know, you're not even answering.
53:17
He probably put his phone down, You know, like what if she had
53:19
gone into labour or she was feeling pain or something?
53:22
You know, that's so irresponsible, so dangerous, so
53:25
harmful. I know.
53:27
I get the ich. I know, right?
53:29
Well, to even it out. I have a woman that's being the
53:32
ick. Oh, yes.
53:34
So we're good. Everyone's good.
53:36
We're good. All right, I got an off my chest
53:41
story time. My mom lied about lied to me my
53:44
entire life about my dad and I can't even look or talk to her
53:47
anymore. My entire life it was just me
53:50
and my mom. My dad was never in my life.
53:53
My entire life I was told by my mom and her whole family that
53:56
dad was a deadbeat who ran away after mom got pregnant with me.
54:00
My entire life she and her family would talk badly about
54:02
him the entire time. They made him seem like the
54:05
absolute worst person ever and I believed them because he was
54:08
never in my life. But a few months ago I got
54:11
really curious. I've been curious about dad for
54:13
a few years now but honestly after I saw a TikTok about
54:16
someone in my same situation I got really curious and got his
54:19
identity from mom and I was really easy finding him on
54:22
Facebook. He looked like an older version
54:24
of me. It was so weird.
54:27
He's a lawyer and he's married with four kids who are all
54:29
younger than me. It took me a few days but I
54:32
messaged him. I introduced myself and I told
54:35
him who my mom was and that I was his son.
54:37
Half an hour later he responded and he was really really
54:40
excited. He asked FaceTime and I
54:42
accepted. He started crying when he saw me
54:44
and he was so red faced. I asked if he knew about me and
54:47
he said she told him she miscarried me.
54:54
They were together when they got pregnant with me and they had
54:57
many issues together but he wanted to stay because of me.
55:00
He said that she was toxic and her family was too.
55:03
He kept crying and apologizing for not being in my life and he
55:06
kept repeating that he thought I didn't make it.
55:09
He even said how much I look like him at my age and he
55:12
started to meet and he wanted to meet me in person and when I did
55:15
he hugged me so tight I almost choked.
55:17
Oh my God, I know that's so sad. He thought he lost him.
55:23
Did he say how old he is, the son?
55:27
No, he didn't. He didn't.
55:28
So many years missed out on. I know that's a lot of time.
55:32
He's now obsessed with me and honestly I am with him.
55:35
He introduced me to his family and friends and he likes
55:38
introducing me as his boy. He even paid off all my student
55:42
loans without even asking to him.
55:45
Benefit. OK, so post college.
55:49
So what? OK, 25 maybe.
55:51
Yeah, yeah, He just asked me if he had, if I had any, and he
55:55
paid him off. He said he's been saving for all
55:57
of his kids, so it's only fair he did it for me too.
56:00
I love him so much already and I hate that I missed out on time
56:03
with him. He even took me last minute to
56:06
his family's friends vacation back on Christmas.
56:09
He talks to me every day now and even he's a lawyer.
56:12
He's busy and he keeps making time for me every day.
56:15
That makes me feel so good. Look at this.
56:19
That's so beautiful. He was like I wanted you and
56:23
this. Yeah, let's go ahead and bring
56:26
him back to her. And now ever since I met him
56:30
I've been avoiding my mom. I honestly hate her for
56:33
depriving me of him and my entire life lying about him.
56:37
We've honestly had so many issues recently and this was the
56:40
last straw for me. She keeps calling and trying to
56:43
talk to me but I don't answer her.
56:45
I don't want to talk to her anymore.
56:46
She robbed me of my entire lifetime of my dad.
56:49
Yes, she did. She did.
56:51
She took that from him. That's so gross.
56:53
And I hate that. I hate when women use their
56:55
children against the father. Yeah, like, if he's a deadbeat,
56:59
if he actually is all the things that she was talking about,
57:02
that's one thing, right? But she for whatever reason,
57:06
where I was like, no, the baby, I miscarried the baby, even
57:09
though he wanted to be there and be present.
57:12
And in those situations, a lot of time they were like, I don't
57:14
want to be with you, so whatever.
57:15
And it's like, it's not about you.
57:16
It's not about you. It's about this child.
57:19
And he wanted to be a father to this child four more kids after
57:22
this and save enough to help them out so they have a head
57:25
start. Oh my God, to pay off the loans,
57:27
the loans Jagfot bro and just just to call them every day and
57:32
to. Take them to Christmas.
57:35
Clear. Make it very clear that I love
57:38
you and I want to be a part of your life and that I just don't
57:42
want to do this thing without you.
57:44
That means so. Much, much right.
57:47
I feel like more stories like this should be told because it's
57:50
way too quick for people to be like dads or dead beats.
57:55
It's like OK, but not always. Not always.
57:58
And there are some men out there who, and that's the thing, it's
58:01
always just assume that women want to be parents, but men
58:04
don't want to be parents. It's like, how does that make
58:06
sense? It doesn't, of course, men.
58:07
To want to be a father, not to have children, because there's
58:10
some people out there who've made a sport out of producing
58:14
children, that's one thing. There's a canned.
58:17
Hockey, I'm talking about actually wanting to be a part of
58:21
your children's life to help shape them, you know, into these
58:23
and just to show love and give love.
58:26
And that's not just a woman thing, a mom.
58:28
No, it's a human being thing. Exactly.
58:31
You got to be able to decide whether or not you want to be a
58:33
parent or not. And he clearly does.
58:34
And to take that away from one of the ones who actually want to
58:37
be there was so disrespectful. Why would you do that?
58:40
Why would you do that? And just your son didn't have a
58:43
dad. And then he surrounded, you
58:45
know, we, we watched the documentary.
58:47
I'm going to have to research you, see what the name of it is.
58:50
But, you know, it was a similar mother parents.
58:53
So the grandparents took the child away from the father and
58:58
told him his whole life that dad wasn't shit.
59:00
He did. And that affects you?
59:03
Yeah. So then once you finally meet
59:04
them, he had a whole lot of latent feelings about his dad
59:08
that his dad had to prove. Exactly.
59:10
I'm not this. I'm not.
59:11
And how confusing is that? Your whole life you've heard
59:14
this one thing, that your whole life you've never had that
59:17
connection. So that probably effects him how
59:18
he is as a person, his personality, his relationships.
59:22
Exactly. You know, and that's not even
59:24
his fault. His mom just decided I'm going
59:28
to make this choice for you. For what reason?
59:31
For two people and it affected them so.
59:33
Heavily. Like that's so disrespectful.
59:35
And they tried to call and like, I want to talk to you.
59:37
No, you've had all my whole life to talk to me and you didn't
59:40
tell me the truth. Exactly.
59:42
That's so disrespectful. So yeah, just even it out a
59:44
little bit. I'm like that's.
59:45
Not fair. It's not fair.
59:47
And good for good for Dad. Yeah.
59:49
I mean, they all got to have this relationship and they have
59:52
the rest of our lives to to be together.
59:54
And you can tell Dad like I want to spend as much time with you
59:56
as possible. I just love it, so sweet.
59:59
Good. Tell more stories like this one.
1:00:01
Yes, please. That's just me because I, you
1:00:04
know, I have a dad and I am a girl dad and so like I love the
1:00:09
relationships like that that aren't told enough.
1:00:12
It's like they'll tell like AI don't know a son and a mother or
1:00:17
a daughter and mother. And if it's like a son and a
1:00:20
father, they have some issues, they're quarreling, they got a,
1:00:23
you know, it's always something going on.
1:00:25
But then just, like, just pure love, healthy, pure, loving
1:00:30
father figures. Put them in movies and TV,
1:00:33
please, because how is anyone gonna see it?
1:00:37
But, you know, Yeah. You know, Yeah.
1:00:39
You have a good one. I do.
1:00:41
You're welcome. Say hi, Say hi, producer.
1:00:49
Oh. Yeah, that made me feel good,
1:00:51
right? All right.
1:00:52
I'm less stressed out now. Good.
1:00:54
I'm glad we ended. That's a good one.
1:00:58
I think that's it, yeah. I have one more.
1:01:02
Oh, wait. All right, let's go.
1:01:04
OK, so am I the asshole for backing out of attending the
1:01:08
baby shower of my brother's girlfriend, who was also my best
1:01:12
friend of 22 years? Oh, that's, that's dramatic.
1:01:18
All right, so my 33 female best friend since age 12, she's also
1:01:23
33, is pregnant with my little brother's baby.
1:01:27
He's 27. She knew him whole.
1:01:32
That's crazy. So if you're friends for 22
1:01:34
years, you've known him since he was five, Yes, so.
1:01:38
When? All right, when they started
1:01:43
dating I was over the moon. They have been crushing on each
1:01:46
other for more than a decade and everything aligned and they
1:01:49
finally got together. All right, Her IUD failed and
1:01:52
now they're having a baby. I love the details that only
1:01:58
her, only the best friend would know.
1:02:03
So the baby situation is messy and complicated but only
1:02:06
slightly relevant. She has a 12 year old that
1:02:09
refuses to see her and did she didn't take good care of him
1:02:12
when she had him a few years back.
1:02:14
She struggles with mental health but refuses to seek treatment
1:02:17
and finds every reason possible to skip work, stay in bed,
1:02:21
neglect her obligations. My brother doesn't want kids
1:02:26
ever but stood by her decision to keep it.
1:02:30
My brother has a great career and is super stable.
1:02:33
My best friend has a history of leaning on others for as much as
1:02:35
possible, so my family is worried she's going to expect
1:02:38
him to take care of her and the baby while she contributes
1:02:41
little to nothing. Yeah, I'm supportive of their
1:02:45
decision because I want my brother to be happy and the
1:02:47
baby's my blood regardless of the less than ideal
1:02:50
circumstances. I was set to plan and host the
1:02:53
baby shower as I did with her first son 12 years ago.
1:02:57
This is a good time to mention that I broke up with my fiance
1:03:00
due to him cheating in April 2025 and prior to that my best
1:03:04
friend had moved in with him and me.
1:03:06
When I moved out, she chose to continue living with my ex.
1:03:14
It made me uncomfortable, but it's not my place to try to dig.
1:03:17
I just OK, yeah, OK OK. So it looks like she has a habit
1:03:23
of moving into your life and taking the men.
1:03:26
That's a new. She did not say that he cheated
1:03:29
with the. Oh, but she didn't.
1:03:31
She didn't. All I'm saying I don't.
1:03:34
That's so messy, but choosing to stay and live with him.
1:03:37
I'm your best friend. I'm your best.
1:03:38
Friend, Principal, you should come with me.
1:03:40
I move, You move. You know, if we're sleeping in
1:03:42
the car together, we're sleeping in the car together.
1:03:44
Together. It's the together part, yes, And
1:03:47
her kind of not being there for her.
1:03:50
Our 12 year old child, The one that's already here, yes.
1:03:56
Oh yeah, you guys are all caught up now.
1:04:01
It made me uncomfortable, but it's not my place to try to
1:04:03
dictate where she lives. He moved the girl he was
1:04:07
cheating on me with into their house less than two months after
1:04:10
I left. My best friend has been
1:04:13
particularly chummy with my ex and his New Girl, and it hurts
1:04:17
to see how close they are when they engage on social media and
1:04:20
when she mentions them. Anyway, we were hammering out
1:04:25
details of the baby shower and she casually asked if I'd be
1:04:28
comfortable with her inviting my ex and his girlfriend for real.
1:04:34
Seriously, I was honest and told her I was not comfortable with
1:04:39
it. Not only because I don't want to
1:04:41
be around them, but because the party was going to be at my
1:04:43
house and I don't want them in my home.
1:04:47
It was kind of a slap in the face that she never even asked,
1:04:51
but when I responded she became defensive and told me that she'd
1:04:54
feel awful not inviting them because they've been so
1:04:58
supportive and that I was making the day about me when it was
1:05:02
supposed to be about her baby. If they're so supportive, have
1:05:05
them plan the baby shower, have them hosted at their apartment,
1:05:08
have them do all this work right, because apparently
1:05:11
they're your best friends. Yeah, exactly.
1:05:14
So I told her that the day shouldn't be about me, she could
1:05:17
have it as she wanted, but I choose to resign from baby
1:05:20
shower duties to protect my own peace.
1:05:23
I did kind of pettily tell her to ask them to fund and plan the
1:05:28
party since they were so supportive.
1:05:30
What did I just say? What did I just say, petty Or is
1:05:37
just that logical? I mean, I'm putting all this
1:05:40
effort in for what? A brick wall.
1:05:42
Someone who's just doesn't care about the effort.
1:05:45
Exactly. Like #1 you already in continued
1:05:48
living with this person and now you're super friendly with my ex
1:05:52
who cheated on me and the woman he cheated with.
1:05:54
You know, are we best friends or not or not?
1:05:56
I thought we ride together or not.
1:05:59
It's not no. We haven't talked in over two
1:06:02
months. I'm going to love that baby and
1:06:05
be there for my brother no matter what, but I think I'm
1:06:07
recognizing that a long time friend isn't necessarily a good
1:06:10
friend and I need to cut ties. Am I the asshole for stepping
1:06:14
away from the shower and the friendship?
1:06:15
I don't think so. I don't think so, not at all.
1:06:19
You protected your piece and that's what people tell you to
1:06:21
do, right? Self-care, right?
1:06:24
First of all, a relationship that lasts since childhood is
1:06:26
rare because people grow like you're a child, you're all the
1:06:30
only thing you need is proximity, right?
1:06:33
But then you get to middle school and you start figuring
1:06:35
out your thing. Like I go to band, you are an
1:06:38
athlete. Things start to fracture.
1:06:39
But if you maintain friendships from childhood all the way to
1:06:43
adulthood, you do have to examine the friendship and say,
1:06:48
is one of us now being the punching bag for the other
1:06:51
because they used to change her because they're totally
1:06:53
different? Yeah, then we've done, we've
1:06:56
done this, but nobody wants to let go.
1:06:57
And that's the case here. Oh, for sure.
1:06:59
She's been benefiting off of this woman's help and her love
1:07:02
and her care and her family. Her.
1:07:05
Yeah, swipe up the brother, but for so long.
1:07:09
And it's just like, you know what?
1:07:10
I'm going to pick me now. You do your thing, right?
1:07:13
Because you're perfectly fine, right?
1:07:16
Make your decisions. Your grown woman.
1:07:18
You do you, Boo. And since they're so supportive,
1:07:21
I mean she had that in caps so supportive.
1:07:24
Maybe they should just step in to wherever I am lacking,
1:07:28
because clearly I'm lacking. I'm not doing enough, so all
1:07:31
right, show me how it's done exactly.
1:07:35
But just this whole situation is so messy and it gives me the
1:07:37
ick. Like, she doesn't even take care
1:07:40
of her first child and now we're having a second child even
1:07:43
though the father, he has made it very clear he doesn't want to
1:07:46
have children. We should have taken better care
1:07:48
ahead of time during the ACT, everybody.
1:07:50
Yeah, I'd like to highlight that because it's bad when women say
1:07:53
they don't want to have children and then they end up having
1:07:55
children anyway because of the man, right?
1:07:57
So I think it's just as bad if he says I don't want to have
1:08:01
children and they end up having a kid anyway.
1:08:04
And but he said, I will, I'll step up and I will take care of
1:08:06
the kid because a lot of times people will say I don't want a
1:08:08
kid. And they bounce.
1:08:09
You know, they're like, if you want to keep it, then it's your
1:08:10
reply building not be a horrible human being and said, this is
1:08:13
still my kid. Let's do this together.
1:08:16
Yeah. And she says, OK, cool.
1:08:20
Let's work on maybe building a relationship with your older
1:08:23
child. You know, you know, maybe it's
1:08:25
the best friend that you already have.
1:08:27
Yeah, instead of finding new best friends and my ex and.
1:08:32
This chick, I'm sorry, the second she said I'm staying been
1:08:35
like, all right, we're not we're done, we're done.
1:08:39
Maybe I'm just too eager to just cut things off, but like, no,
1:08:42
you slightly once I'm like, cool, no, I have not discussed
1:08:46
my codependency love in a while on this podcast, please.
1:08:50
But if you are my best friend for 22 years, you are mine.
1:08:55
Just mine. And I am yours, OK?
1:08:58
And so if you, this fool, cheated on me, you should hate
1:09:02
him, right? You shouldn't like be ready to
1:09:05
to knock his ass out. But when I am leaving my space
1:09:09
with this person that I shared because they broke my trust and
1:09:13
you decide to stay? Yeah.
1:09:15
You are not my friend. Exactly.
1:09:17
You are making a choice for your own self preservation.
1:09:20
I don't have anywhere to go. You go with me.
1:09:22
You go with me. We will figure it out together.
1:09:24
Exactly. I don't, I understand why.
1:09:27
It's like if I go with my parents, you're my friend for 22
1:09:29
years, they know you, you come with my parents.
1:09:31
Like wherever I go, you go. So her probably 12th mistake of
1:09:37
this friendship was staying at the ex's house getting
1:09:42
especially after the harlot moved in.
1:09:48
See movie nights and everything. It's like, do you want to be in
1:09:51
our third? What is that?
1:09:52
Is that the goal? Gruffle.
1:09:55
Get out of there. Come with me, I don't
1:09:58
understand. No, absolutely not.
1:10:01
You are not overreacting. No, in fact, it took too long,
1:10:05
you know, because no way this is the first instance where she
1:10:09
showed that she is not willing to choose you over other people.
1:10:12
Yes, exactly. No way.
1:10:14
Or just like we do this together, Like I don't even want
1:10:17
you to choose me over you. Like, we just do this two
1:10:19
together, 22 years. You know, that's a little.
1:10:23
It's a marriage time. Exactly.
1:10:26
So I'm sure it hurt just as much when she went no contact.
1:10:30
Yeah. Yeah.
1:10:31
I hope it did. Oh, my godness.
1:10:32
It really hurt. Yeah.
1:10:35
And I hope they have no money to do your baby shower, too.
1:10:38
My goodness, I wouldn't wish that on the brother because the
1:10:42
brother has nothing. He hasn't done anything wrong.
1:10:44
He hasn't done anything wrong. Yeah, for him, he's just
1:10:46
rapping. He's.
1:10:47
Just like, I don't know. I don't know.
1:10:48
I thought I liked her. You thought that's so
1:10:53
complicated. All right, Well, is that it?
1:10:57
That's it. That's all I got.
1:10:58
That's all I got. Lovely.
1:11:00
I hope y'all are not irritated with us.
1:11:02
This one was a little longer, but only because we love y'all
1:11:04
so. Exactly.
1:11:06
All right, we're gonna love you.