Latest / The You Project / #1618 Team Denyer - Grant & Chezzi Denyer

Transcript

#1618 Team Denyer - Grant & Chezzi Denyer · The You Project

0:00
Speaker 1: I'll get at it's Harps and Melissa, it's the Bloody Daniel's,
0:03
Speaker 1: it's all of us. It's the U Project. It's a Tuesday.
0:06
Speaker 1: I'm sitting in bare feet pair of jocks. I could
0:08
Speaker 1: be wearing shorts. I might not. Melissa high Hello, I'm
0:14
Speaker 1: so good. I'm so good. I'm on my third cup
0:16
Speaker 1: of tea for the morning because I'm a fucking crazy
0:19
Speaker 1: man and life is good. It's going to be twenty
0:21
Speaker 1: nine degrees today. I'm going to get one of the
0:23
Speaker 1: motorbikes out of the garage, punts around Beach Road like
0:27
Speaker 1: a big dickhead, and interview a few people and do
0:31
Speaker 1: a bit of work.
0:32
Speaker 2: That is my day, So I think very exciting.
0:34
Speaker 3: But I am happy given what you just said, I
0:36
Speaker 3: am happy that it's kind of from the chest up
0:39
Speaker 3: that we've got happening on sale today.
0:41
Speaker 1: I'll tell you who's disappointed, Chezy Dana.
0:45
Speaker 2: I don't think you could say that.
0:46
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure she's curious at the very least good
0:50
Speaker 1: a family. How are you?
0:51
Speaker 2: Hello, I am curious. Do you have nice toenails?
0:56
Speaker 3: Is that a benchmark or something for you?
0:58
Speaker 1: Is it?
0:58
Speaker 3: I didn't even know this.
0:59
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm just really, I'm really off yellow Tina lately.
1:04
Speaker 1: All right, do you want to have a look. I
1:05
Speaker 1: don't want to be bragging at bragster, but I have
1:07
Speaker 1: world class feet. Right, this is terrible on a podcast.
1:11
Speaker 1: Hey on, cheersy, I don't know, I'm not that hang on, hell,
1:17
Speaker 1: I just nearly dislocated me. Hip. I'll send you a shot.
1:20
Speaker 1: I'll send you a shot. Enough about my toes? How
1:23
Speaker 1: are you both well?
1:24
Speaker 3: I'm pretty horny now those beautiful trotters.
1:30
Speaker 1: In the quey I could have Melissa. What's that called
1:34
Speaker 1: with the special OnlyFans? Only fans?
1:39
Speaker 3: Why did Melissa know that?
1:40
Speaker 1: Ye? Are you talking about it the other day? That's bullshit.
1:44
Speaker 1: She's got her own No, she's the most camera shy
1:49
Speaker 1: person in the world. I put up a photo of
1:51
Speaker 1: her yesterday in our Facebook kind of thing, and that
1:54
Speaker 1: would be about the second photo in about five years.
1:57
Speaker 1: And she wasn't happy with me. But anyway, nonetheless, I'm.
2:00
Speaker 3: Not happy with you because when you when you put
2:02
Speaker 3: your foot up in the air like that, one of
2:03
Speaker 3: your balls for that of your shorts, I know.
2:06
Speaker 1: But two were all right? Geez cheys, he can you
2:11
Speaker 1: rain him in? Please?
2:12
Speaker 2: Yeah? I'm pinching him under the chair.
2:14
Speaker 1: Is that you know? Like, am I mistaken thinking that
2:18
Speaker 1: you guys started out working together and that you were
2:21
Speaker 1: producing slash wrangling him in a TV capacity and that
2:25
Speaker 1: maybe that hasn't stopped.
2:28
Speaker 2: Yes, you are absolutely correct.
2:31
Speaker 3: Yeah, we hated each other. We worked together. She was
2:34
Speaker 3: a strong minded, determined person and I was an arrogant
2:38
Speaker 3: little go getter, and we clashed a lot because her
2:42
Speaker 3: ideas were supposedly, in her eyes, amazing, but mine were better.
2:46
Speaker 3: And then one day we brushed hands, and then we
2:49
Speaker 3: weirdly fell in love, and I had this crazy tingling
2:53
Speaker 3: feeling that hit me from head to toe and I
2:56
Speaker 3: was like, I can't live without this woman.
2:58
Speaker 1: Is that a metaphor we brushed hand or you literally
3:00
Speaker 1: physically brushed hands?
3:02
Speaker 3: Yeah? I remember I brushed hands as I was turning
3:05
Speaker 3: around and just sort of brushed hands with her and
3:06
Speaker 3: I was like, WHOA, what was that? Yeah, but she
3:10
Speaker 3: still hasn't stopped looking after me. That you are correct.
3:13
Speaker 3: I came in this podcast and I had one condition
3:16
Speaker 3: that I have nothing to do with the organization of it.
3:21
Speaker 1: Yeah, well that's pretty much my arrangement as well. I
3:23
Speaker 1: get a list each day of all the things that
3:25
Speaker 1: I need to do, and that covers everything from breakfast
3:28
Speaker 1: to podcasting, showering, and I'm allowed to have two shits
3:33
Speaker 1: a day and Welsa, thanks for scheduling that in.
3:37
Speaker 3: Anytime, because we're still in the phase of having a
3:40
Speaker 3: two year old, so we can't go to the bathroom
3:42
Speaker 3: without like these sort of like alien apocalyptic fingers underneath
3:46
Speaker 3: the door, you know, sort of reaching through like it's
3:48
Speaker 3: an alien attack.
3:49
Speaker 2: Yeah, or asking to look in the bowl, trying to.
3:53
Speaker 1: Go mmmmmm yeah. Well, I mean, it's all about the learning.
3:57
Speaker 1: It's their sponges at that stage. And here's Mum's poof
4:01
Speaker 1: for anyone who's interested in You're welcome. He's corn Corn Sorn.
4:08
Speaker 1: And now all of our five remaining listeners have jumped
4:12
Speaker 1: out cheersy. What was your first impression of the the
4:16
Speaker 1: insecure bloke lacking self esteem and confidence was? What was
4:21
Speaker 1: your impression of him?
4:23
Speaker 2: He was very distracted, He was very focused on motorsport,
4:28
Speaker 2: and what I didn't realize was that he was quite shy.
4:34
Speaker 2: He really wanted to do motorsport, he enjoyed doing TV,
4:38
Speaker 2: but I didn't really care that much about his motorsport
4:41
Speaker 2: career because I was there to produce a television segment
4:46
Speaker 2: and an important one, so trying to get him to
4:50
Speaker 2: focus on what we were doing, I found that extremely frustrating.
4:56
Speaker 1: It's one of the hard things about producing talent that
5:00
Speaker 1: they're creative and they've got lots of potential and charisma
5:04
Speaker 1: and all of that stuff. Some of them, not all
5:06
Speaker 1: of them, let's be honest, but it's like trying to
5:10
Speaker 1: wrangle a bunch of fucking cats. It's like a dog
5:13
Speaker 1: with three dicks, like he's all over the joint.
5:16
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yes, I've produced a lot of people in my lifetime,
5:20
Speaker 2: and most of them are like that. But I think
5:23
Speaker 2: Grant was different because he was essentially extremely nice and
5:30
Speaker 2: very humble, much more humble than people realized, and he
5:35
Speaker 2: was just so naturally talented, and yet never really backed
5:41
Speaker 2: himself or felt that he was that talented. He was
5:44
Speaker 2: just kind of more focused on the motorsport. I think
5:49
Speaker 2: for a reason there something.
5:50
Speaker 3: Yeah, that is a fair assumption, because motorsport was my
5:53
Speaker 3: first love since I was a kid, and you got
5:55
Speaker 3: to remember, I only got into television because we weren't
5:58
Speaker 3: from a wealthy family to get started in motorsport. You know,
6:01
Speaker 3: it's an expensive sport from go karting to whatever level
6:05
Speaker 3: until the sponsors start flowing. So like I got into
6:08
Speaker 3: motorsport purely to just find sponsors to continue in further
6:13
Speaker 3: my motorsport career. So it held my heart and TV
6:17
Speaker 3: I never felt like I fit in, you know, I wasn't.
6:20
Speaker 3: I wasn't as serious as the rest of them. They
6:22
Speaker 3: were all quite you know, particularly in those early days.
6:25
Speaker 3: They were a little bit more pompous really than I
6:28
Speaker 3: felt comfortable being. And for all those listening that I've
6:34
Speaker 3: walked alongside.
6:36
Speaker 1: Shout out to the wankers and their names are alphabetically
6:42
Speaker 1: Larry am Darne. Shout out to Laze. We love Larry.
6:47
Speaker 1: Just fucking with you, Larry.
6:49
Speaker 3: Yeah, oh good, No, give it back twice as hard.
6:51
Speaker 1: No worry about that.
6:53
Speaker 3: So I kind of felt like I was a pretender
6:56
Speaker 3: in that scene and not the real deal. I didn't. Yeah,
7:01
Speaker 3: So motorsport was was my crowd, that was my community,
7:05
Speaker 3: and I never felt like I had one until I
7:09
Speaker 3: got into motorsport and I found I found my people
7:12
Speaker 3: and I found my confidence. So TV I could kind
7:14
Speaker 3: of take or leave, which actually ended up working for
7:17
Speaker 3: me because you'd be a little bit naughtier, or you
7:19
Speaker 3: take some risks, or you do things a little bit differently,
7:22
Speaker 3: you talk a little bit differently. And that worked for me,
7:25
Speaker 3: and that's because I actually just didn't give as much
7:28
Speaker 3: of a shit about it.
7:29
Speaker 1: Yeah, I reckon the more desperate you are to do
7:32
Speaker 1: something sometimes the worse, because the more desperate you are,
7:35
Speaker 1: the less you are yourself, and the less we see
7:37
Speaker 1: the authentic.
7:38
Speaker 3: Queue, particularly in television in those days, you know, like
7:41
Speaker 3: it's it's still pretty formal, but you no one would
7:46
Speaker 3: to be successful in television, you need as many people
7:48
Speaker 3: to not hate you as possible, right, So you need
7:52
Speaker 3: to round off a lot of rough edges so for
7:55
Speaker 3: your show to have the most amount of viewers, which
7:57
Speaker 3: is our only gauge of success really in this game,
8:00
Speaker 3: people have to kind of at least not hate you.
8:03
Speaker 3: So therefore you end up sort of putting yourself into
8:05
Speaker 3: a gray zone where you don't necessarily go out on
8:08
Speaker 3: a limb and you take no chances, so you end
8:13
Speaker 3: up just being this vanilla product. So I didn't value
8:16
Speaker 3: it as much because I could take her to leave
8:18
Speaker 3: it because I had something else going on, which was
8:20
Speaker 3: the most, so I was like, fuck it, I'll just
8:22
Speaker 3: say it, or I'll just do it, or I'll just
8:24
Speaker 3: go nude, or I'll jump out of a helicopter a
8:27
Speaker 3: bungee jumping or you know what I mean. Like if
8:29
Speaker 3: my barometer was when I was on Sunrise as the
8:32
Speaker 3: weather man, if I could make Koshi or Mel, who
8:34
Speaker 3: was the host at that time, uncomfortable, I would gain
8:38
Speaker 3: an extra ten thousand fans. So that was my yardstick
8:42
Speaker 3: every day, which I pushed.
8:45
Speaker 1: I think people would pigeonhole you as I'm doing a
8:49
Speaker 1: very long range assessment, but an extrovert, But I don't
8:54
Speaker 1: actually think you are. I don't think you're a pure extrovert.
8:58
Speaker 1: I think you'd probably be closer to the introvert end
9:01
Speaker 1: of the scale. But you're very fucking socially adaptable and aware,
9:06
Speaker 1: am I right?
9:07
Speaker 2: Chez He he is not an extrovert at all. He
9:13
Speaker 2: is very socially aware. But he's also a huge impath
9:17
Speaker 2: and it's taken us a long time to recognize those.
9:22
Speaker 2: I guess, you know, parts of Grant because when he
9:26
Speaker 2: would go out in big group settings or you know,
9:30
Speaker 2: and people would expect this real high energy kind of
9:33
Speaker 2: full of himself, you know, full of confidence personality.
9:39
Speaker 1: That was a.
9:40
Speaker 2: Performance which took an extremely huge amount of energy and
9:46
Speaker 2: we didn't recognize that for a long time. But he's
9:49
Speaker 2: definitely not an extrovert, are you No?
9:52
Speaker 1: No, yeah, well I think that like I have, like you,
9:58
Speaker 1: whatever you do, right, if you're sting a TV show,
10:01
Speaker 1: you need to bring a certain energy and so there's
10:03
Speaker 1: a persona But that's not being a fraud. That's like
10:06
Speaker 1: you doing a job. You have to bring that energy
10:08
Speaker 1: and bring that personality, and you need to bring it
10:10
Speaker 1: all together and you need to make the show work.
10:13
Speaker 1: But that guy is not the same guy that's sitting
10:15
Speaker 1: at home with the kids, right.
10:17
Speaker 3: No, definitely not. I see some people think and believe,
10:22
Speaker 3: and I've been around a lot of these, particularly in
10:24
Speaker 3: the early days of my career coming up. Some people
10:27
Speaker 3: believe it's enough to just be on camera. I'm on camera,
10:31
Speaker 3: therefore I'm a big deal. Therefore I'm better than you.
10:33
Speaker 3: There's a lot of that. I look at it as
10:37
Speaker 3: this is a very fortunate opportunity for me to have
10:41
Speaker 3: a career and pay off my mortgage. People need to
10:45
Speaker 3: watch this show, so therefore I need to be so
10:48
Speaker 3: thankful that they're watching that I need to give them
10:50
Speaker 3: my absolute best right. People's lives are hard. Paying the
10:54
Speaker 3: bills is hard. Kids are hard. When if they sit
10:58
Speaker 3: down to watch, say your game show at six o'clock,
11:00
Speaker 3: to say Family Feud, I feel like I owe them
11:03
Speaker 3: something special. I owe them a show. I want to
11:06
Speaker 3: take their mind off their troubles. I want to make
11:08
Speaker 3: them laugh if their day's being shit. So I feel
11:12
Speaker 3: that's my duty. You can't take that for granted. So
11:16
Speaker 3: that is the utmost of the highest of importance for me,
11:19
Speaker 3: is I need to deliver for that one audience member
11:22
Speaker 3: who's tuned in to watch, because that's a fortunate privilege.
11:27
Speaker 3: But some people aren't always like that. So but to
11:29
Speaker 3: turn it up to eleven like that does require a lot.
11:33
Speaker 3: So you know, therefore, it's took me a long time,
11:35
Speaker 3: and it took me a lot of personal crashes, to
11:37
Speaker 3: be honest, I run into a brick wall a lot.
11:40
Speaker 2: Even when he was first doing Family Feud, he was
11:44
Speaker 2: really upbeaten, you know, high energy, and people would always
11:48
Speaker 2: comment on, God, how is he at home? Is this
11:51
Speaker 2: energizer bunny? And he'd come home and almost sleep for
11:54
Speaker 2: two days. It just took him that long to recover
11:58
Speaker 2: from being so on.
12:00
Speaker 1: I think also when you are very empathetic, which like
12:06
Speaker 1: I don't know, I feel like in the first five
12:09
Speaker 1: ten minutes just getting to know you a little bit,
12:12
Speaker 1: it's like I think that that doing as well you
12:15
Speaker 1: basically just said that cheers you, but doing that high
12:17
Speaker 1: energy stuff where you've got to go and you know,
12:19
Speaker 1: some days I do full day workshops with a company
12:22
Speaker 1: where I speak for eight hours, you know, and then
12:26
Speaker 1: coming home from that, I'm nearly in a coma because
12:29
Speaker 1: for eight hours you need to be fucking amazing because
12:32
Speaker 1: they're paying, you know, you to bring an energy, to
12:35
Speaker 1: create an experience, to coach, to share, to do what
12:38
Speaker 1: you do, and to create an experience that hopefully will
12:42
Speaker 1: be a catalyst for good stuff. Right. Yeah. But at
12:45
Speaker 1: the same time, you know, I'm very empathetic as well
12:49
Speaker 1: in that I feel what people feel. And if there's
12:52
Speaker 1: one person in the room who hates me, but nine
12:54
Speaker 1: hundred and ninety nine who loved me, the one affects
12:57
Speaker 1: me more than the nine to ninety nine because I'm
12:58
Speaker 1: a big fucking baby, right, And people don't realize that
13:02
Speaker 1: when you are confident on a mic or in front
13:05
Speaker 1: of a camera. People think that what they see on
13:07
Speaker 1: the telly is the totality of the person. But it's
13:10
Speaker 1: not the case.
13:12
Speaker 3: No, definitely not. And to prove your point and to
13:15
Speaker 3: agree with you that you're right, I can't MC events
13:18
Speaker 3: for that exact reason. So I can talk to two
13:22
Speaker 3: million and a barrel of a camera, but I can't
13:25
Speaker 3: talk to a room of twenty. It is paralyzingly crippling.
13:29
Speaker 3: And I'll spend a week leading up to it, like
13:31
Speaker 3: in agony, in my stomach, in nerves and anxiety, and
13:36
Speaker 3: I can't do them for that one reason. What if
13:39
Speaker 3: this is a room that just doesn't give a shit,
13:42
Speaker 3: and that maybe they're all chatting and they're clinking glasses
13:45
Speaker 3: and they're having a great time, but no one's listening.
13:47
Speaker 3: And I feel like I'm not doing a very good
13:49
Speaker 3: job for the person who's paying me to be there,
13:51
Speaker 3: and I can't handle that. My skin's not thick enough
13:55
Speaker 3: to be able to just turn up and take the
13:57
Speaker 3: cash because I was taught the belief as a kid.
14:00
Speaker 3: Like I didn't go through university or anything like that.
14:02
Speaker 3: I worked in school holidays for free, so I would
14:07
Speaker 3: work in a country TV newsroom, washing the news cars, bloody,
14:11
Speaker 3: carrying the tripods. And I needed to find a way
14:14
Speaker 3: because I was never going to be smart enough to
14:16
Speaker 3: get an academic score to be able to go to
14:18
Speaker 3: UNI for journalism, So I had to find a backdoor.
14:20
Speaker 3: So I appreciate every rung of the ladder because it
14:25
Speaker 3: was unlikely that I would ever get there right, because
14:29
Speaker 3: it was against the odds. Everyone else was smart, was more, worldly,
14:33
Speaker 3: was political. I had none of that. I was just
14:36
Speaker 3: a goofball. So when I now get to these roles,
14:41
Speaker 3: I feel like, because I was told the place, the
14:44
Speaker 3: way to get somewhere is to be a good person
14:46
Speaker 3: to be around, be the employee that they want you
14:52
Speaker 3: to be, and if you can't be good, be cheap. Right,
14:55
Speaker 3: So those three lessons I get to the top. So
14:58
Speaker 3: therefore I feel like I wanted to del for the company.
15:00
Speaker 3: If say six o'clock Family Feud, if those ratings are high,
15:03
Speaker 3: then the show afterwards is high and the advertising is high.
15:07
Speaker 3: I feel like, you know, I've got a bit of
15:09
Speaker 3: the company on my shoulders, and I'm responsible to deliver,
15:12
Speaker 3: So I kind of like you, I feel like I
15:14
Speaker 3: have to and they deserve me. My one hundred percent.
15:18
Speaker 1: But you know what I think is great about you
15:20
Speaker 1: saying what you're saying is it makes you relatable and
15:26
Speaker 1: real and authentic, and it's like, oh, Grant's insecure. Fuck
15:30
Speaker 1: good me too, Like I'm insecure when people because I'm
15:35
Speaker 1: confident and I can talk, people are blown away that
15:37
Speaker 1: I still have impluster syndrome, that I still feel not
15:40
Speaker 1: good enough, that I still all of those normal human things.
15:43
Speaker 1: And you can simultaneously be on Telly and nationally known
15:48
Speaker 1: and have a brand and have a profile and have
15:50
Speaker 1: people think highly of you while also feeling completely overwhelmed
15:55
Speaker 1: and anxious and unhappy and not sleeping and feeling like
16:01
Speaker 1: you're not good enough. Like those things not only can
16:03
Speaker 1: they coexist, they often coexist.
16:07
Speaker 3: No, I don't know why that is the case, but
16:11
Speaker 3: I think is it the insecurity and the lack of
16:15
Speaker 3: self belief that just made me try that extra ten
16:17
Speaker 3: percent harder than everyone else than the person next to me.
16:20
Speaker 3: Possibly the fact that I didn't think that I was
16:23
Speaker 3: enough meant I had to try harder to try and
16:25
Speaker 3: make up for that. And therefore you can you kind
16:29
Speaker 3: of just you're just going a little bit harder than
16:31
Speaker 3: everyone else. At the same level as you, So you
16:34
Speaker 3: stand out from the pack a little bit. Possibly those
16:37
Speaker 3: painful things that you're talking about. Are you part of
16:41
Speaker 3: the success.
16:42
Speaker 1: As to why I reckon, there's two bits. So the
16:45
Speaker 1: first bit is I think that in our culture very much,
16:49
Speaker 1: we get our sense of self and identity and self
16:52
Speaker 1: worth from what we do. Right, So if you're awesome
16:55
Speaker 1: at something, oh, that's Grant the TV host, Chezi the
16:59
Speaker 1: produce said that whatever. Right, So that what you do
17:02
Speaker 1: becomes who you are and that can be taken away
17:06
Speaker 1: from you. That's my first thing. And when you and
17:11
Speaker 1: I'm not saying you did, but I know for a
17:13
Speaker 1: long time, for example, so I set up the first
17:15
Speaker 1: personal training centers in Australia, I wrote the first course.
17:19
Speaker 1: I was arguably maybe the first PT in Australia in
17:23
Speaker 1: nineteen eighty six, right, And for a whole long time,
17:27
Speaker 1: my sense of who I am came from my business
17:31
Speaker 1: and my brand and my body and my biceps and
17:34
Speaker 1: all this bullshit. But in the middle of that, I
17:36
Speaker 1: was fucking horribly insecure and riddled with self doubt and
17:40
Speaker 1: imposter syndrome. And it just took a long time to
17:43
Speaker 1: differentiate between what I did, and what people thought of
17:46
Speaker 1: me and who I actually was in the middle of
17:48
Speaker 1: all of that. And when you do a deep dive
17:51
Speaker 1: on who am I beyond what people think of me?
17:54
Speaker 1: For me, that's the beginning of opening the door to
17:57
Speaker 1: self awareness.
17:59
Speaker 3: Yeah, I would agree, and I've done a heck of
18:02
Speaker 3: a lot of work on that because I hid behind
18:06
Speaker 3: my identity for who I was, because I didn't believe
18:09
Speaker 3: there was any substance in here that worth two minutes,
18:14
Speaker 3: you know. So I surrounded myself in those vight Supercar
18:19
Speaker 3: race suit and trophies, and I surrounded myself in that
18:22
Speaker 3: family feud suit because I didn't think the sum of
18:26
Speaker 3: any of my parts were worth it. So, yeah, I
18:29
Speaker 3: needed those And I think that comes from, you know,
18:34
Speaker 3: a single mom. So I lived with my mom. We
18:36
Speaker 3: had a very very very modest means. I was living
18:40
Speaker 3: in an area where I looked around and no one
18:44
Speaker 3: had a life that I aspired to. No one was
18:47
Speaker 3: living a life while I was like, God, that's cool,
18:51
Speaker 3: look at that guy. Why wasn't that unreal? There wasn't
18:53
Speaker 3: a lot of aspiration around, And so I made a
18:57
Speaker 3: commitment to myself that I was like, I need to
19:02
Speaker 3: pull something out. I need to pull a rabbit out
19:05
Speaker 3: of a hat to get myself out of here and
19:07
Speaker 3: make a go of it. So every step was a
19:10
Speaker 3: precious step. But it was a conscious decision at about
19:12
Speaker 3: fourteen years of age to go, fuck this, there's got
19:16
Speaker 3: to be something better than this. I'm going to go
19:18
Speaker 3: for broke to try and reach it. Yeah, but it
19:21
Speaker 3: comes at a cost. It comes a cost of friendships,
19:23
Speaker 3: comes at a cost of family relationships. Yeah, you burn
19:28
Speaker 3: a lot in a way to make it, go for it.
19:32
Speaker 1: Without piercing in your pocket. What you have maybe deep
19:35
Speaker 1: down you know this. I'm sure shares you know that
19:37
Speaker 1: he has it. But what you do have, like you
19:39
Speaker 1: spoke about not being smart enough for UNI or this
19:42
Speaker 1: or that, I doubt. Firstly, there's fucking I'm in the
19:48
Speaker 1: middle of the academic system at the moment. Trust me, mate.
19:50
Speaker 1: There's a lot of people that are way fucking less
19:53
Speaker 1: intelligent than you, way less that they're doing good things academically.
19:58
Speaker 1: You could if you wanted to, but you don't need to.
20:00
Speaker 1: But what you do have in spades is emotional into us,
20:03
Speaker 1: emotional intelligence but also social intelligence. Like hardly anybody could
20:11
Speaker 1: stand in front of a TV or a bunch of
20:13
Speaker 1: TV cameras doing, for example, family feud, all the stuff
20:16
Speaker 1: that you did, like people don't. I did a tiny
20:19
Speaker 1: bit of Telly on Channel ten with David and Kim
20:21
Speaker 1: on the Morning Show. I used to go in each
20:23
Speaker 1: week for a few years and just sit on the
20:25
Speaker 1: couch and talk a bit of shit. But what you
20:28
Speaker 1: did and continue to do periodically is such an ability
20:34
Speaker 1: that very few wouldn't matter how much training, how much reading,
20:38
Speaker 1: how much prep, how much encouragement and coercion, ninety nine
20:42
Speaker 1: point nine per cent of the population got me included.
20:46
Speaker 1: We couldn't do what you can do, Like, that's an
20:48
Speaker 1: innate talent, and yes you've developed skill and knowledge and confidence,
20:53
Speaker 1: but that's an extreme form of intelligence. Social intelligence, emotional
20:57
Speaker 1: intelligence arguably the most important kind of intelligence you can have.
21:03
Speaker 1: It's just not rated in the academic kind of world
21:07
Speaker 1: as much as it should be. Anyway, steps down off soapbox.
21:11
Speaker 3: Well, I remember, I remember my family. I'd hear him
21:15
Speaker 3: on the phone, you know, when I'm in high school
21:17
Speaker 3: going what the fuck are we going to do with
21:19
Speaker 3: this kid?
21:21
Speaker 1: Like Jesus, what about Dumbo?
21:24
Speaker 3: What the fuck?
21:25
Speaker 2: Yeah?
21:25
Speaker 3: Well, like I was like like I said, I was,
21:29
Speaker 3: I was working in school holidays. But they're like, we
21:33
Speaker 3: ain't going to get this kid into any anywhere, Like
21:36
Speaker 3: is he going to be is he going to be
21:39
Speaker 3: the bin collector? Like what kind of what are we
21:42
Speaker 3: going to do with him? And I could sense that,
21:45
Speaker 3: I could feel that hopelessness that they were, like, this
21:49
Speaker 3: kid doesn't fit in a system. He's not he's not
21:52
Speaker 3: he's not working in the system. He's not he's not
21:55
Speaker 3: going to make it in the system. And I just
21:58
Speaker 3: remember the remember, I won't say it was disappointment, but
22:02
Speaker 3: fear that they had, like shit, we're concerned for this
22:06
Speaker 3: guy because what's he going to do? What's he going
22:08
Speaker 3: to contribute to society? And I think I heard that
22:13
Speaker 3: and it hurts so much that I was like, I'm
22:17
Speaker 3: going to have to manufacture something here, and that I
22:23
Speaker 3: think when you're working in the early days, I think
22:26
Speaker 3: you never The one thing I never did is always well,
22:30
Speaker 3: I made sure I always ask questions. I always asked
22:34
Speaker 3: for chances, Can I help you, can I can I
22:37
Speaker 3: do this? Can I work on weekends? Can I come
22:39
Speaker 3: in after an hours?
22:40
Speaker 1: Do this?
22:41
Speaker 3: And those little bits. It's amazing what opportunities come if
22:46
Speaker 3: you just go that extra extra bit, and they were
22:51
Speaker 3: the breaks. You know, I wasn't the smartest in the room,
22:53
Speaker 3: you know, when I was a cameraman, I wasn't the
22:55
Speaker 3: greatest shooter. When I was an editor, I certainly wasn't
22:57
Speaker 3: the fastest editor. When I was a journal you know,
22:59
Speaker 3: I could out one story today everyone else could knock
23:02
Speaker 3: out three. So I was underperforming in every single area.
23:07
Speaker 3: Yet that willingness to offer myself and just work that
23:12
Speaker 3: little bit harder or do someone a favor was the
23:16
Speaker 3: only thing that pulled me up the ladder. And because
23:19
Speaker 3: people you'd be surprised at how far someone will go
23:23
Speaker 3: to help you if you offer yourself. And that was
23:27
Speaker 3: the only ace that I had at my sleeve, the
23:30
Speaker 3: only ace, and no one else was doing it. Everyone
23:34
Speaker 3: would turn up and think that they were bigger than
23:37
Speaker 3: the role, or this is below me, or stuff this.
23:40
Speaker 3: I'm going home five minutes beforeward, dud to knock off,
23:44
Speaker 3: and I was the one that was there two hours later.
23:47
Speaker 3: And that was the only ace I had.
23:49
Speaker 1: Do you think people in the space that you played
23:51
Speaker 1: in for a long time and continue to have a
23:54
Speaker 1: sense of entitlement and because of that, maybe the work
23:58
Speaker 1: ethic and the the prepper or the ability to get
24:04
Speaker 1: uncomfortable or the willingness to get uncomfortable again and again
24:08
Speaker 1: is not there. Yeah, yep, because it's in the shit
24:13
Speaker 1: that you grow. Right, Like my background literally working with athletes,
24:17
Speaker 1: and you are slash. We're an athlete of sorts, believe
24:21
Speaker 1: it or not. Everyone motor car drivers are athletes. Don't
24:25
Speaker 1: worry about that. And like how you build strength in
24:29
Speaker 1: the gym literally is working against resistance. Is doing hard stuff.
24:33
Speaker 1: You go to the gym or whatever your training environment,
24:35
Speaker 1: you do hardship. The byproduct is physiological physiological adaptation. You
24:40
Speaker 1: get stronger, you build resilience, you build endurance, you build
24:43
Speaker 1: awareness and understanding, and then you come out the other
24:45
Speaker 1: side better. And so too emotionally and psychologically. You can't
24:50
Speaker 1: build strength in that space without doing hardship and without
24:54
Speaker 1: putting up your hand for what most people want.
24:57
Speaker 3: And working for free, working for free, but also putting
25:01
Speaker 3: in the effort to figure out what everyone else's roles
25:04
Speaker 3: are around you that all work together in unison to
25:07
Speaker 3: make you look good. Like I said before, people would
25:09
Speaker 3: go they do their piece to camera. Maybe they might
25:12
Speaker 3: be a news journo, and that was the biggest thing
25:15
Speaker 3: of the day, not how great an interview they did,
25:17
Speaker 3: not whether they did a good story, but it was
25:19
Speaker 3: just get about getting their head on camera. That's what
25:21
Speaker 3: they all looked forward to, because that made them famous. However,
25:24
Speaker 3: I was more interested in, Okay, how can I make
25:27
Speaker 3: the cameraman's job a little bit easier so we can
25:29
Speaker 3: get better stuff? How do I make sure the editor
25:32
Speaker 3: has what is needs so our story is just that
25:34
Speaker 3: little bit more engaging than the other journos. So you
25:37
Speaker 3: teach yourself to edit, teach yourself to shoot, so you
25:39
Speaker 3: have a broader understanding of all the pieces that conspire
25:43
Speaker 3: to make you who you are. So therefore you have
25:45
Speaker 3: a greater respect for the lighting crew, for the guy
25:48
Speaker 3: who pulls the cables, for the catering mob that keeps
25:50
Speaker 3: everyone fed to keep their motivation up and energy. You
25:53
Speaker 3: know you, it's I think a complete picture of those
25:59
Speaker 3: around Youunderstanding that you only are the sum of many parts,
26:03
Speaker 3: and you are a cog in the machine, I think
26:05
Speaker 3: is an important thing to learn and understand, because that's
26:07
Speaker 3: when you your rising tide lifts every boat.
26:11
Speaker 1: Then yeah, chezy, So you guys have a podcast on
26:15
Speaker 1: the same platform as us over shout out and over
26:18
Speaker 1: and over called it's all true? How wide? So I mean,
26:25
Speaker 1: you know this is a public thing right now. We
26:27
Speaker 1: have thousands and thousands of listeners today, and shout out
26:30
Speaker 1: to our listeners, thanks your ace. How wide do you
26:33
Speaker 1: open the door on your real life, on your real thoughts, feelings, emotions, struggles?
26:40
Speaker 1: Do you open it all the way? Is it like
26:42
Speaker 1: ninety percent? How do you decide where to go and
26:45
Speaker 1: where not to go when you are talking to the
26:48
Speaker 1: public about personal stuff.
26:52
Speaker 2: That's a really good question. When we first started the podcast,
26:56
Speaker 2: I was quite pregnant and on a lot of medication
27:01
Speaker 2: to stop me from being sick because I had hyperremesis.
27:04
Speaker 2: So I was just very unwell.
27:07
Speaker 1: So I would like a really bad time to start
27:10
Speaker 1: a podcast, A.
27:12
Speaker 2: Very terrible time to start a podcast. I couldn't even
27:15
Speaker 2: drive properly at the time. A number of.
27:19
Speaker 3: She got six fines six lines in a period of
27:22
Speaker 3: four weeks. So wow, that's right, Thank you?
27:26
Speaker 1: Do you want wine down the window? Window and guts?
27:30
Speaker 1: Did you do that?
27:32
Speaker 2: I was oblivious to the world our little baby though.
27:35
Speaker 3: When she did get pulled over and the police officer
27:37
Speaker 3: was standing at the door. It goes, please don't take
27:39
Speaker 3: my mom to jail.
27:40
Speaker 1: We need her.
27:43
Speaker 2: That's true. So at that point, I don't know, I
27:48
Speaker 2: was just I was very loose on you know, the
27:51
Speaker 2: on the stories, and just Grant would come in unprepared
27:56
Speaker 2: because that was kind.
27:57
Speaker 1: Of well, sit down.
28:00
Speaker 2: Really, that's what we wanted for the podcast because I
28:05
Speaker 2: think he's always been so prepared for everything that he does.
28:11
Speaker 2: You know, he tells family feud, he does TV, like
28:14
Speaker 2: he gets into the zone and he's fully prepared and
28:17
Speaker 2: he's you know, he knows what he's doing. Whereas what
28:21
Speaker 2: I really love about him and what I love in
28:24
Speaker 2: the podcast is him He's just a really great person
28:29
Speaker 2: and a really great talker, and I really wanted to
28:32
Speaker 2: kind of capture that, so, you know, having him just
28:36
Speaker 2: be his personal self and me being extremely loose, just
28:41
Speaker 2: you know, starting conversations that we probably should have started
28:46
Speaker 2: off air before we started on, and then Grant just
28:49
Speaker 2: patting them out. Nothing is really off limits. We have
28:53
Speaker 2: spoken about, you know, things that I wouldn't even tell
28:57
Speaker 2: my parents on the podcast.
29:00
Speaker 3: And most of the things, yeah.
29:02
Speaker 1: And it's like like give us a one for example, I.
29:06
Speaker 2: Always go back to this one story, which I really
29:10
Speaker 2: wish that we didn't share.
29:11
Speaker 3: The time you shut yourself in the gold class cinema. No,
29:14
Speaker 3: that time, that one, that.
29:15
Speaker 1: Story, best story ever. Having a lesson my days just
29:20
Speaker 1: got great. I can't believe Grant has just thrown his
29:25
Speaker 1: missus under the bus project.
29:29
Speaker 3: That's not thought you were going.
29:31
Speaker 1: But now I'm not that one, you dighead the other one.
29:34
Speaker 2: People do come up and say to us often, you
29:37
Speaker 2: know that they remember that story. I you know, I
29:40
Speaker 2: was just talking about how before we were getting married,
29:43
Speaker 2: I was on the road and somebody said, if you
29:45
Speaker 2: tried this Brazilian seed in water, you cut this Brazilian
29:49
Speaker 2: seed into you eight parts and then you drink it
29:53
Speaker 2: and it basically absorbs all the fat in your guts.
29:56
Speaker 2: You're on the road, eating in pubs every night, traveling, right,
30:00
Speaker 2: So I thought, you try this and try and lose
30:02
Speaker 2: a bit of weight before the wedding.
30:04
Speaker 1: What could go wrong?
30:05
Speaker 2: And because I had diagnosed ADHD back then, I thought
30:09
Speaker 2: I'll take half a seed, not the eight. Yeah, so that,
30:13
Speaker 2: you know, ended up in an explosive situation that I'm
30:18
Speaker 2: not proud of. That Grant very kindly mentioned on the podcast,
30:24
Speaker 2: but that was not the story I was thinking of.
30:26
Speaker 2: But there's plenty. There's plenty. That's why we can't go
30:29
Speaker 2: back and listen to what we've said, whether it's.
30:32
Speaker 3: Like anxiety or post natal anxiety. And you know, Chezy's
30:36
Speaker 3: been very open about, you know, the things that she's encountered,
30:41
Speaker 3: you know, in our long life together.
30:44
Speaker 2: As we both have post traumatic stress. We've spoken about
30:47
Speaker 2: Grant with his impostor syndrome, you know that filters into
30:51
Speaker 2: every part of his life, with.
30:53
Speaker 3: Broken backs, pain, medication, addictions. Yeah, it's just codependency, codependency.
31:02
Speaker 3: She's finishing my sentences, I says, codependency.
31:05
Speaker 1: So that's absolute. But don't you think though, when you
31:14
Speaker 1: are like, I don't know, I've never really met scripted, prepared,
31:19
Speaker 1: planned Grant. I've only met you now, right, And for me,
31:22
Speaker 1: this version, well, I guess it's a situation dependent. But
31:26
Speaker 1: I think in a podcast, the less planned, the less prepared,
31:31
Speaker 1: the less scripted, the less choreographed, the more people are
31:35
Speaker 1: going to connect, Like, the more raw and real the conversation.
31:40
Speaker 1: Like people say to us all the time, we're not
31:42
Speaker 1: the most I'm not the smartest, for sure, we're not
31:46
Speaker 1: the most polished, we're not the most professional podcast, but
31:50
Speaker 1: hopefully we're one of the most authentic in that there's
31:54
Speaker 1: there's zero prep. I'll have a bit of a read
31:56
Speaker 1: of who I'm chatting to, but there's no list of questions,
32:00
Speaker 1: there's no there's no pre planning. I don't bring up
32:04
Speaker 1: you guys, And like I get asked to come on
32:07
Speaker 1: other podcasts, they send me the questions. I go, I'm
32:11
Speaker 1: not going to read your questions. I'm not going to
32:13
Speaker 1: do a pre planned fucking conversation. And they're like, oh,
32:18
Speaker 1: but I go, no, just talk to me and see
32:20
Speaker 1: where we go. I think that's part of the appeal
32:22
Speaker 1: of you two.
32:25
Speaker 2: Thank you.
32:25
Speaker 3: I think so it's not how we used to go
32:28
Speaker 3: about it, but because you know, if you were say
32:30
Speaker 3: the Sunrise, we're the person at the time you you
32:33
Speaker 3: were on for three minutes every half hour, so you
32:35
Speaker 3: had to make those three minutes short and sharp, scynct.
32:39
Speaker 3: And I was kind of the professional that was like,
32:41
Speaker 3: make sure leave no stone unturned and make sure that
32:44
Speaker 3: no matter what happens, you've got something, You've got something right. So,
32:48
Speaker 3: particularly if you're if you're hosting like a Grand Final,
32:50
Speaker 3: for Australia's Got Talent or something. It's a big, live
32:54
Speaker 3: thing and everything's resting on you. You're driving the ship, so
32:57
Speaker 3: you have to know everything about the show in case
33:01
Speaker 3: it goes wrong, because you're the one who's got to
33:03
Speaker 3: carry it when if it all falls apart. So I
33:05
Speaker 3: was always an over preparer who had a lot of
33:08
Speaker 3: things in his back pocket, and case this, I wanted
33:12
Speaker 3: to do the opposite because I found that actually quite
33:14
Speaker 3: an exhausting way to work. And then also, you, particularly
33:18
Speaker 3: for the early stages of your career, you end up
33:21
Speaker 3: acting like, you know, the saying you'd dress for the
33:24
Speaker 3: job you want, not the one you've got. I would
33:27
Speaker 3: sort of behave for the job that I wanted, not
33:30
Speaker 3: for the one I got. So you're sort of pretending like,
33:32
Speaker 3: all right, I was a little bit of Daryl Summers.
33:34
Speaker 3: I was a little bit of Larry end There was
33:35
Speaker 3: a little bit of Roe McManus. I take pizzas of
33:38
Speaker 3: other people and I put them together and go, well,
33:40
Speaker 3: I'll be that, but you're really still only the sum
33:43
Speaker 3: of other people's parts. But whereas this podcast came along,
33:46
Speaker 3: I don't have to talk in three minutes anymore, and
33:48
Speaker 3: I don't have the responsibility of saving a show if
33:51
Speaker 3: an act falls over, or the light drops from the
33:53
Speaker 3: sky or a camera doesn't work and you still got
33:55
Speaker 3: to push through because it's live.
33:57
Speaker 2: It was like, fuck it.
33:58
Speaker 3: I don't want to work like that anymore. I can't
34:00
Speaker 3: just want to see I just want to riff. I
34:02
Speaker 3: want to see where it goes. I want to see
34:03
Speaker 3: where my mind goes. Whereas I needed to know the
34:06
Speaker 3: next three steps ahead of where I was previously, and
34:09
Speaker 3: this is you don't have to do that here, and
34:10
Speaker 3: it's so much more enjoyable.
34:13
Speaker 1: Doesn't come with the same risk, right CHESI Yeah, yeah,
34:18
Speaker 1: well it depends.
34:20
Speaker 2: It depends what we're talking about.
34:22
Speaker 3: One is one is paralyzing perfectionism, and one is just
34:26
Speaker 3: doing it for the pure enjoyment of doing it. And
34:28
Speaker 3: that's what we're doing with these podcasts.
34:30
Speaker 2: The authenticity that you were saying before is what I
34:34
Speaker 2: love about your podcast, Craig, and that's that's exactly what
34:37
Speaker 2: we we feel with our audience in our podcast as well.
34:42
Speaker 2: We just it's real and we over the years, we've
34:46
Speaker 2: had so much shit written about us that's so far fetched,
34:51
Speaker 2: and you know, the people who know us well they
34:54
Speaker 2: know that, you know how far fetched it is, but
34:57
Speaker 2: you know, it's it's fun. It used to be our
35:01
Speaker 2: only chance of a right of reply because previously, you know,
35:04
Speaker 2: the magazines could write whatever they want and you had
35:06
Speaker 2: no say, you know, prior to Twitter, prior to social media,
35:09
Speaker 2: prior to podcasts, they could just have their absolute way
35:12
Speaker 2: with you, and they could determine whether your career failed
35:14
Speaker 2: or succeeded.
35:15
Speaker 3: Just by whatever they made up. But we tried to
35:18
Speaker 3: take the power back a little bit and often our
35:20
Speaker 3: stories were actually way juicier than the ones they were
35:23
Speaker 3: making up, and that's a true So it ended up
35:25
Speaker 3: being you know, fun. And then we've evolved from that
35:28
Speaker 3: from being you know, let's tell our true stories to
35:31
Speaker 3: now let's get interesting people on and sort of and
35:34
Speaker 3: here we are because we've made a fuck ton of
35:36
Speaker 3: mistakes in our life and we're at a point where
35:39
Speaker 3: we're okay sharing those now. And we used to we
35:43
Speaker 3: were part of the problem. You know, we used to
35:44
Speaker 3: be a part of a breakfast television show, which is fake,
35:48
Speaker 3: it's made up. I think the damage that news does
35:51
Speaker 3: to us as a community and to humans is terrible,
35:55
Speaker 3: and I used to make those stories you know, I
35:57
Speaker 3: think it trades in fear and and it hits our
36:01
Speaker 3: human impulses, which is, you know, back to our cavemen days,
36:05
Speaker 3: we had to be so hyper aware of what was
36:09
Speaker 3: going to kill us next that we're constant, you know,
36:12
Speaker 3: in a state of high alert, you know. And I
36:14
Speaker 3: think news delivers that up. Just what do I need
36:17
Speaker 3: to be afraid of next? And all they do is
36:20
Speaker 3: they give you so much fear so you return tomorrow
36:23
Speaker 3: night to find out what you need to be afraid
36:25
Speaker 3: of tomorrow night. And I don't I feel bad about
36:29
Speaker 3: that now, and I don't want to be that bloke.
36:32
Speaker 3: So I'd rather be offering something that might you know,
36:35
Speaker 3: maybe it helps someone, Maybe it makes a difference in
36:38
Speaker 3: someone's life, rather than just make them afraid of everyone
36:41
Speaker 3: and everything.
36:43
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that well. And also I think people
36:45
Speaker 1: forget that the news is a product, Like it's a
36:49
Speaker 1: product and it needs sponsors, and it's you know, it's
36:53
Speaker 1: not objective, it's you know, it's not objective, it's it's
36:57
Speaker 1: it's anyway, let's not get into that. But you know,
37:00
Speaker 1: I think to your point that the brain is literally
37:05
Speaker 1: like the primary function of the brain is to keep
37:07
Speaker 1: you safe. It's a risk risk detection machine, you know,
37:11
Speaker 1: and so you're always trying to navigate life from that
37:14
Speaker 1: point of view, you know, especially as parents for yourself
37:17
Speaker 1: but then also for your kids. What how do you
37:21
Speaker 1: reckon both you, either of you or both of you?
37:24
Speaker 1: And to this like, how are you different now from say,
37:28
Speaker 1: five years ago, whether or not that's emotionally, whether or
37:31
Speaker 1: not that's your outlook, your operating system, your lifestyle, your
37:36
Speaker 1: intentions moving forward? How do you think you've changed?
37:41
Speaker 2: Well, me personally, I have in five years. The biggest
37:46
Speaker 2: change for me, I think was being diagnosed with ADHD.
37:50
Speaker 2: After the pandemic with Lockdown, we discovered that our eldest
37:55
Speaker 2: daughter had ADHD, and before we put her on medication,
38:01
Speaker 2: I thought, I better, you know, go down this route
38:03
Speaker 2: because I think that, you know, I possibly could have it.
38:07
Speaker 2: And even before I started medication, which was life changing
38:10
Speaker 2: for me, I started researching and listening to podcasts and
38:15
Speaker 2: watching webinars and learning all about ADHD and the things
38:21
Speaker 2: that I struggle with, you know, and kind of normalizing
38:25
Speaker 2: that for myself. It definitely had a huge effect on
38:30
Speaker 2: my confidence, which I you know, shared around the house
38:35
Speaker 2: and with my kids and you know, and then starting
38:38
Speaker 2: the medication. That was a massive change for me.
38:41
Speaker 3: It's huge.
38:42
Speaker 1: Yeah, tell us shares you pre and posts, so before
38:47
Speaker 1: what was happening, and as much or as little as
38:49
Speaker 1: you want to share, but massive difference, how like what
38:53
Speaker 1: what was the post? You know? Medication life like?
38:58
Speaker 2: So I have all always been extreme, like extreme chazy,
39:04
Speaker 2: so very black and white thinking it's either all or nothing.
39:10
Speaker 2: It was always late to things because I had just
39:12
Speaker 2: loaded myself up with so much stuff. Chronically, I was
39:17
Speaker 2: a chronic worker, just constantly juggling probably ten things, but
39:23
Speaker 2: not doing any any one of those things particularly well.
39:28
Speaker 1: I was very stretched, really overthinker.
39:33
Speaker 2: Ah yeah, yeah, I would say I was an overthinker,
39:36
Speaker 2: but I'm more hyperactive, so just constantly moving like I
39:42
Speaker 2: was being driven by a motor. Do you say that
39:47
Speaker 2: even if I was tired, I was off doing you know,
39:49
Speaker 2: god knows what, always leaving covered doors open.
39:53
Speaker 1: Yeah.
39:53
Speaker 2: I didn't even know that that was an actual sign
39:58
Speaker 2: of ADHD. And so I just leave like kitchen cupboard
40:01
Speaker 2: doors open and will notice yeah.
40:04
Speaker 3: First sort of, you know, ten years of our marriage,
40:07
Speaker 3: I'd be just get around just closing proper doors all the.
40:10
Speaker 2: Time and I was. I was exceptionally good when when
40:15
Speaker 2: I was in full adrenaline mode, so if there was
40:18
Speaker 2: an emergency, I was extremely clear. I was great in emergencies.
40:24
Speaker 2: But I had real difficulty processing very emotional situations, which
40:29
Speaker 2: I always seemed to find myself in. You know, I
40:32
Speaker 2: kind of retained a lot of that emotion and just
40:38
Speaker 2: could not start jobs, jobs like cleaning out the kid's
40:44
Speaker 2: cupboards or unpacking boxes or things like that. I just
40:48
Speaker 2: found it was just so difficult to start, so paralyzing. Yeah,
40:55
Speaker 2: so that's a snapshot of what it was like beforehand.
40:58
Speaker 2: And then I just from remember the first day I
41:01
Speaker 2: started the medication, and remember I'd been doing podcasting and
41:05
Speaker 2: I'd been kind of really trying to work hard on
41:08
Speaker 2: myself before I started it. I also changed my diet,
41:12
Speaker 2: took sugar out, increased water, increased a Mega three supplements
41:18
Speaker 2: and flaxeed oil. Started the medication, and I remember looking
41:24
Speaker 2: around the house and thinking, oh my god, this place
41:27
Speaker 2: is a dump. How have we lived like this? It
41:30
Speaker 2: was like I can't even explain it. It was like somebody
41:34
Speaker 2: cleared the windscreen and I thought, oh, I've just got
41:37
Speaker 2: to I've just got to get stuck into this, so
41:40
Speaker 2: just started little jobs. You know, the kitchen draw that
41:45
Speaker 2: had been messy, and like every time I looked at
41:47
Speaker 2: it just felt chronically overstimulated by it. I just got
41:51
Speaker 2: in and cleaned it.
41:54
Speaker 1: Have you guys heard of that book by Gary Chapman
41:57
Speaker 1: called The Five Love Languages? Oh?
42:00
Speaker 2: Yes, I think we've got a copy of doing.
42:02
Speaker 3: No, I'm not familiar with it.
42:04
Speaker 1: So I think of you two, and I'm just curious.
42:07
Speaker 1: So this guy created this model for kind of explaining.
42:12
Speaker 1: It's science, it's around human behavior, it's psychology. It's about
42:17
Speaker 1: the way that people give an express love. I'm getting
42:20
Speaker 1: deep here, but I'm interested with you too, So I'll
42:23
Speaker 1: quickly explain to you and the listeners what it is. Melissa,
42:25
Speaker 1: If I fuck this up, can you because I might
42:28
Speaker 1: get one of the five wrong, right. But so, the
42:32
Speaker 1: idea behind it is that we all show love and
42:36
Speaker 1: express love in a way that's unique to us, in
42:40
Speaker 1: that not everyone else does it exactly the same as us,
42:43
Speaker 1: so and we receive love differently. So if I want so,
42:48
Speaker 1: let's say we'll go through the five different love languages.
42:51
Speaker 1: One is physical touch, one is quality time, one is
42:55
Speaker 1: words of affirmation, one is gifts and one is acts
42:59
Speaker 1: of service. So what this means is physical touch might
43:02
Speaker 1: be romantic or sexual between a couple. It could be
43:05
Speaker 1: a hug or a cuddle from a friend, could be
43:07
Speaker 1: a hand on the shoulder, could be a rub on
43:09
Speaker 1: the back. But it's physical where people find that comforting
43:12
Speaker 1: and people feel on some level loved through that quality
43:15
Speaker 1: time is obvious. What it is is I feel loved
43:18
Speaker 1: when the person that I love sits with me, gives
43:22
Speaker 1: me attention, spend time, spends time with me. Words of affirmation, grant,
43:27
Speaker 1: you're amazing, mate, I love you. You're so fucking good
43:29
Speaker 1: at what you do. I wish I was more like you.
43:32
Speaker 1: Blah blah, words of affirmation, gifts CHESI I made this
43:36
Speaker 1: for you. I hope you like it, blah blah blah,
43:39
Speaker 1: and acts of services. Mate, I'm going to come over
43:41
Speaker 1: to your joints, tomro and clean the gutters because there's
43:43
Speaker 1: shit hanging out everywhere. And I know you're as bud
43:46
Speaker 1: as handy as an ashtray on a motorbike. I'll see
43:48
Speaker 1: you at twelve, right, so we all. So, my old
43:52
Speaker 1: man's love language is words of affirmation. So if you're
43:58
Speaker 1: tell him. He's fucking amazing, and he's an artist, the
44:01
Speaker 1: best artist in the world. He feels loved, but if
44:04
Speaker 1: you give him a hug, or try to give him
44:06
Speaker 1: a hug, he fucking runs into the backyard right now. Ironically,
44:13
Speaker 1: he never tells me great things like I'll tell him
44:15
Speaker 1: he is brilliant. He would never do that to me, right,
44:19
Speaker 1: So my mum, for example, I bought my mum her
44:22
Speaker 1: last two cars, and it's not even about the cars,
44:25
Speaker 1: it's just that, well one she loves the cars, but
44:28
Speaker 1: she loves the fact that her son loves her enough
44:30
Speaker 1: to do that for her. Right, So I want to
44:34
Speaker 1: go through him again. And obviously acts of services doing
44:36
Speaker 1: stuff for people, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, So grant,
44:42
Speaker 1: what do you think your love language is? Like? How
44:46
Speaker 1: do you like? What do you need from the people
44:48
Speaker 1: that are close to you that makes you feel most loved?
44:54
Speaker 1: So I'll go through in physical touch, quality time, words
44:57
Speaker 1: of affirmation, gifts, and acts of service.
45:01
Speaker 3: I think it's quality time or acts of service, right,
45:07
Speaker 3: physical touch, I've got an issue with that at the moment,
45:10
Speaker 3: which I'm trying to get to the bottom of, which
45:15
Speaker 3: I don't really like that that's interesting. I can give it.
45:20
Speaker 3: I can hug anyone right, someone that I work with,
45:23
Speaker 3: someone that an acquaintance of a friend, I can hug.
45:30
Speaker 3: I hug in a professional sense, not a drama. I
45:32
Speaker 3: find hugging with my wife very different.
45:35
Speaker 2: And it's all true because everybody hug it in and
45:40
Speaker 2: he's like, I have to.
45:44
Speaker 1: But at the same time, what brought you together was
45:46
Speaker 1: physical touch your hand on hand.
45:50
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I can't figure out what's happened to that
45:54
Speaker 3: as to why. I almost have an allergic reaction to it.
45:58
Speaker 3: And it's weird.
46:00
Speaker 1: And unless I cancel my next re appointments, we can't
46:02
Speaker 1: deep with this. Motherfucker fucking hell. Here we go, fucking
46:06
Speaker 1: batting down the hatches. Everyone, get yourself a beer, get
46:10
Speaker 1: the bean bag out. We're not going anywhere. I have a.
46:14
Speaker 3: Theory, and I'm not sure if this is actual right,
46:17
Speaker 3: and I'm moving away from this theory, but it's my
46:19
Speaker 3: most recent theory. My most recent theory is I won't
46:23
Speaker 3: let my wife hug me because if I come dependent
46:26
Speaker 3: on that, and if she leaves me, then I have nothing.
46:28
Speaker 3: So if I don't allow our connection to get stronger,
46:33
Speaker 3: it'll hurt less when she goes, Wow.
46:36
Speaker 1: So that's that's mentally very insightful.
46:40
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think that that plays back to the
46:44
Speaker 3: imposter syndrome. I'm not good enough, I'm unlovable. I'm unlovable.
46:49
Speaker 3: I think is a core belief that I have, which
46:51
Speaker 3: I've been working a hell of a lot on because
46:53
Speaker 3: i know that damage is my relationship with my wife
46:55
Speaker 3: because it makes you act in certain ways. But I
46:58
Speaker 3: think I'm not ensure. I'm not entirely sure this is right,
47:03
Speaker 3: and I'm still doing work on it, so it's all new.
47:05
Speaker 3: But I think I'm shutting down affection from my wife
47:10
Speaker 3: because I'm worried that I'm not good enough to love
47:13
Speaker 3: in the long term, so therefore I can't let her
47:16
Speaker 3: get closer to me.
47:18
Speaker 1: Wow. Man, I appreciate that so fucking honest and real.
47:21
Speaker 1: But vulnerability is strength, dude. So you know, even though
47:26
Speaker 1: that that's scary for you, we don't have to do anything,
47:29
Speaker 1: but I'd suggest you open that door and just be
47:32
Speaker 1: scared and let her fucking hug you in the morning.
47:34
Speaker 1: Just lean in, broy, what what about you and tell,
47:39
Speaker 1: like one, what's your love language and what do you
47:41
Speaker 1: think about what Grant just said?
47:44
Speaker 2: I already picked Grant for quality time. Yeah, I definitely
47:50
Speaker 2: know that that's his. Yeah, because I've seen him sometimes
47:53
Speaker 2: when I'm out spraying weeds or something and he has
47:55
Speaker 2: to go away. I'm outside and I'm like, I've got
47:58
Speaker 2: a Dade's fans line, like looking out the window, like,
48:02
Speaker 2: who like a little puppy.
48:06
Speaker 1: My dad's going off to war and he's fucking waving
48:09
Speaker 1: at the window.
48:10
Speaker 2: Yeah, And so I know, and and I do try
48:14
Speaker 2: to take that into account. My love language, I feel
48:21
Speaker 2: like mine is it's sometimes a bit more fluid, like
48:26
Speaker 2: sometimes it's words, you know, but then maybe acts of service,
48:33
Speaker 2: you know, to back that up, because I do know
48:36
Speaker 2: people who just give, you know, spew rhetoric and there's
48:39
Speaker 2: nothing kind of behind it. Yeah, So I feel like
48:44
Speaker 2: mine's kind of flexible. But I don't remember reading that
48:47
Speaker 2: in that book.
48:48
Speaker 3: I gave two. You shifted between two. That's I think
48:50
Speaker 3: that's fine.
48:51
Speaker 1: Okay, Yeah, wow, Now I know you guys have got
48:56
Speaker 1: to go soon. I'm disappointed because I can talk to
48:59
Speaker 1: you for hours.
49:00
Speaker 3: Do you have diagnosed yet? You need to finish?
49:03
Speaker 2: Yeah?
49:03
Speaker 1: Regardlessyeah, now I'm we need to come back. We need
49:06
Speaker 1: about seventy four podcasters or you two fuck us out
49:09
Speaker 1: because there are so many I'm going to call this
49:11
Speaker 1: episode all the issues, So right, mad, I'm the captain
49:15
Speaker 1: of the issues. Do you two have a this is
49:19
Speaker 1: a fancy term that needs nothing. Do you have a
49:21
Speaker 1: parenting style or is it free range? Like do you strategize,
49:26
Speaker 1: do you talk about things, or do you just do
49:28
Speaker 1: your own thing and it works out.
49:32
Speaker 3: I think if we thought about it, we probably do
49:35
Speaker 3: have a strategy, but it's not like a deliberate or
49:38
Speaker 3: we've sat down and dot pointed it on an a
49:42
Speaker 3: four piece of paper.
49:43
Speaker 2: That's pretty much. I am the boss, I'm the disciplinarian,
49:48
Speaker 2: and Grant is the fun parent.
49:51
Speaker 1: You have four kids chas, Yeah.
49:54
Speaker 2: Definitely, no, we're here the Yeah. I probably am the
49:59
Speaker 2: mean one, but that's more because Grant traveled a lot
50:04
Speaker 2: with the first two, and so I had to be
50:07
Speaker 2: kind of mum and dad you know when he was away,
50:10
Speaker 2: and so when he would come home he would get to,
50:12
Speaker 2: you know, play with them. But we both have a
50:15
Speaker 2: very strong moral compass. We we're flexible. We let our kids,
50:22
Speaker 2: you know, get away with some things, but you know
50:26
Speaker 2: we're firm on other things. We just want them to
50:29
Speaker 2: be nice people to hang around when they grow up.
50:32
Speaker 3: I think self talk is something that we work on
50:36
Speaker 3: with them because I know that it's something I'm very
50:38
Speaker 3: guilty of. I to have horrific self talk. So trying
50:42
Speaker 3: to ensure that they establish better relationships with themselves by
50:47
Speaker 3: how they refer to themselves in their mind is something
50:51
Speaker 3: we kind of work on a fair bit with them.
50:55
Speaker 2: And I think we've also learned to be quite open
50:58
Speaker 2: with them. You know, we're not exposing them to things
51:01
Speaker 2: that are well beyond the years, but being honest. That's
51:05
Speaker 2: something that you know, we definitely go into their rooms
51:10
Speaker 2: and say, hey, you know what, I was a real dick. Well,
51:13
Speaker 2: I might not say I was a real dick, but
51:15
Speaker 2: I was. You know, I was wrong. I yelled and
51:17
Speaker 2: it's just because I'm tired and I'm maxed out and
51:21
Speaker 2: I'm you know, x y Z and it wasn't your
51:24
Speaker 2: fault and I'm really sorry, I really love you.
51:27
Speaker 3: And that sort of lets him know that it's okay
51:29
Speaker 3: to make mistakes and mistakes are recoverable. I think knowing
51:32
Speaker 3: that mistakes are recoverable means that you won't do anything
51:34
Speaker 3: to avoid a mistake and Mistakes are inevitable, as we know,
51:38
Speaker 3: but the best stuff that ever happens to you is
51:40
Speaker 3: often mistake, because it'll end up re routing you back
51:45
Speaker 3: down the path you're supposed to go. Mistakes are wonderful,
51:47
Speaker 3: like a roadblock that you reach and go, oh, thank god,
51:50
Speaker 3: now I realize I don't need to get on this path.
51:52
Speaker 3: I'll go down this one instead. So treating mistakes as
51:56
Speaker 3: gifts is what we're try instill.
51:59
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love it, I love it. We've done over
52:02
Speaker 1: eleven hundred of these eleven hundred episodes, and you too,
52:06
Speaker 1: are going straight into my top twenty. I loved it.
52:10
Speaker 1: I loved it. I loved it. You're both fucking great,
52:13
Speaker 1: and I you know this. I think this is an
52:15
Speaker 1: insult and a compliment. I didn't. I mean, I don't
52:18
Speaker 1: overthink it, but you guys are so so good to
52:22
Speaker 1: talk to, like really genuinely, and I loved it, and
52:26
Speaker 1: I love you both. You're both fucking awesome, and you're
52:28
Speaker 1: brutally authentic and real and lovable and grant. When I
52:32
Speaker 1: see I'm going to spoon you on the couch. I'm
52:34
Speaker 1: not going to let you go because I'm definitely fucking
52:36
Speaker 1: bigger and stronger than you, so watch out, your son.
52:39
Speaker 3: Of a bitch.
52:39
Speaker 1: You will too, Grand j Daniel. They have a podcast
52:44
Speaker 1: podcast called It's All True, which I don't believe. I
52:46
Speaker 1: think some of it's bullshit, but that's the name. Anyway,
52:50
Speaker 1: we'll stay there. We'll say goodbye, Affair, but thanks for
52:52
Speaker 1: coming to play on the You project.
52:54
Speaker 3: Thanks for having you my pleasure. Thanks for having me mate,
52:57
Speaker 3: Thanks for everyone listening. So hopefully we didn't lose you
52:59
Speaker 3: in the first couple minutes talking about Chezy shitting in
53:01
Speaker 3: the toilets. That's right, that his feet, that's.
53:05
Speaker 1: Right, Ulessa. You said that'd be shipped. I told you
53:08
Speaker 1: that'd be all right, But that was brilliant. Don't know me.
53:13
Speaker 1: See everyone