Latest / Hopestream: Parenting Kids Through Addiction & Mental Health / Mental Fitness: Athletic Success Beyond Substance Use, with Georgia Tech's Dr. Steedy Kontos

Transcript

Mental Fitness: Athletic Success Beyond Substance Use, with Georgia Tech's Dr. Steedy Kontos · Hopestream: Parenting Kids Through Addiction & Mental Health

• 0:02
  Steedy: For the younger people that I work with in my private practice, a lot of the times, it's not that they particularly are putting this pressure on them, it's that they feel the pressure from their parents.
• 0:12
  Steedy: And there's a lot of identity that seems to be wrapped up in their children succeeding.
• 0:18
  Steedy: Less than 1 percent of collegiate athletes will make it to the pros.
• 0:22
  Steedy: Thinking your child is going to make it to the pros is setting them up for a very, very, very high expectation with a very, very low success rate.
• 0:32
  Steedy: You can't help but be anxious if that's how they think you're going to, they're going to earn your love for them or appreciation in what they're doing or anything like that.
• 0:51
  Brenda: Welcome to Hope Stream, a podcast where you'll hear interviews, conversations, and encouraging words for parents of teens and young adults who struggle with substance misuse and mental health.
• 1:03
  Brenda: I'm Brenda Zane, your host, and a fellow parent whose child struggled.
• 1:08
  Brenda: I'm so glad you're here.
• 1:09
  Brenda: Take a deep breath and know you're not doing this alone anymore.
• 1:15
  Brenda: Hi, friend.
• 1:15
  Brenda: I am so glad that we're connecting here today.
• 1:19
  Brenda: I wanted to tell you about a funny thing that happened this past week when I was talking with someone.
• 1:23
  Brenda: They asked me what I do for work.
• 1:26
  Brenda: Which is always a question that's a little tricky because I love and hate answering it depending on who I'm talking to.
• 1:35
  Brenda: Sometimes that can turn into a little coaching session and sometimes people are just really uncomfortable and they say, Oh, that's nice.
• 1:45
  Brenda: And then they change the subject really quickly, which is totally fine.
• 1:49
  Brenda: I get it.
• 1:50
  Brenda: This was at the dentist though, and the hygienist heard that I have a podcast.
• 1:56
  Brenda: And that this is the fifth year of it.
• 1:58
  Brenda: And she said, Oh, don't you run out of things to talk about?
• 2:01
  Brenda: I just laughed because as you well know, there is an endless amount of material, stories, approaches and angles that you can take when it comes to our amazing kids and their substance use.
• 2:16
  Brenda: And today I am talking about something that I went back and looked in 236 episodes I've never really covered, which is athletes.
• 2:26
  Brenda: And recovery.
• 2:27
  Brenda: I know that many of our members in the community have kids who are incredibly talented athletes, and it is devastating to watch them seemingly throw away.
• 2:38
  Brenda: the opportunities that are available to them because they are misusing drugs or alcohol.
• 2:43
  Brenda: It is like they are self sabotaging and it's so hard to watch.
• 2:48
  Brenda: I was super excited when Dr.
• 2:50
  Brenda: Steedy Contos agreed to sit down for a conversation with me because he not only has a successful recovery story of his own, he's deeply knowledgeable about the unique challenges faced by elite and college athletes.
• 3:05
  Brenda: And he also works with adolescents and young adults who are navigating big life transitions.
• 3:11
  Brenda: Add to that, he's just a really cool guy with so much life experience.
• 3:15
  Brenda: So it was an honor to spend some time with him.
• 3:18
  Brenda: Dr.
• 3:19
  Brenda: Kontos earned his doctor of psychology in clinical psychology from the Chicago School of Professional Psychology.
• 3:27
  Brenda: He's also a graduate of the Georgia School of Professional Psychology at Argosy University, Atlanta, where he holds a master's of arts in clinical psychology.
• 3:38
  Brenda: Dr.
• 3:38
  Brenda: Kontos has worked in various clinical settings, including serving as a clinical therapist, collegiate recovery program coordinator, alcohol and other drug evaluation coordinator, and staff therapist in sports psychology at the Georgia Institute of Technology.
• 3:56
  Brenda: He specializes in anxiety and depression management, stress reduction, and enhancing self esteem.
• 4:04
  Brenda: Currently, he works in the athletics department at the Georgia Institute of Technology.
• 4:09
  Brenda: Notably, Dr.
• 4:10
  Brenda: Contos places a special emphasis on providing services tailored to athletes seeking to enhance both their on field and off field performance.
• 4:21
  Brenda: He recognizes the distinct challenges faced by student athletes, And is dedicated to supporting their mental wellbeing to optimize overall success and fulfillment.
• 4:31
  Brenda: I will tell you, even if you don't have a young athlete in your home or your life, you'll gain a lot from the conversation, hearing about Steedy's own childhood and path to recovery and about the current pressures he sees young people facing and why collegiate recovery programs are so important.
• 4:50
  Brenda: Especially in a school as selective and demanding as Georgia Tech.
• 4:55
  Brenda: It's a good one.
• 4:56
  Brenda: Take a listen.
• 5:13
  Brenda: Dr.
• 5:13
  Brenda: Steedy Contos, I'm so thrilled to have you here to have a conversation with you.
• 5:17
  Brenda: I think you're in such a unique position in the world of athletics that I really have not ever tapped into oddly.
• 5:25
  Brenda: So thrilled to have you here.
• 5:27
  Brenda: Welcome to HopeStream.
• 5:28
  Brenda: HopeStream.
• 5:28
  Brenda: I would love to have you just sort of give us, to whatever degree you're comfortable, a background on you and, you know, you have a really interesting role right now in what you do with young people from a psychology standpoint, but take us back maybe in a time to how this all started with you and give us some context for For where are you coming from?
• 5:59
  Steedy: As was mentioned, I definitely have a doctorate in this whole clinical psychology thing.
• 6:04
  Steedy: And I've worked a lot in substance use and recovery and with this population of young folks, mainly young men, but oftentimes young women as well.
• 6:13
  Steedy: And how I got that job essentially was the coordinator, the former coordinator at Georgia Tech.
• 6:20
  Steedy: Uh, vacated the position and of the collegiate recovery program and I was on staff there doing my doctoral internship and I myself am in recovery from drug use and alcohol abuse and for the longest time, I never wanted anything to do with professionalizing my experience.
• 6:40
  Steedy: They approached me and they said, you know, Steve, you know, something or two about this, uh, would you be willing Interested in filling this role.
• 6:49
  Steedy: And I had to think about it.
• 6:50
  Steedy: I wasn't like immediately like, no.
• 6:52
  Steedy: And it wasn't immediately, yes, I'll do this.
• 6:55
  Steedy: And after thinking about it and taking it to people that I trust and who know me, I came to the question of why wouldn't I?
• 7:04
  Steedy: I found myself particularly qualified to be able to relate on my experience as well as my knowledge and my training and all of that to be able to help be helpful for people in a position of need that maybe my colleagues don't have that expertise and that knowledge.
• 7:20
  Steedy: And so when I started to approach it from that perspective, I was like, Okay, I think I can.
• 7:25
  Steedy: I think I can make this work.
• 7:27
  Steedy: Why I wouldn't want to do this and why I'm saying all this is because in my recovery, oftentimes the approach is I am not the expert, even in my own understanding of what my relationship is with recovery.
• 7:41
  Steedy: And so putting myself in a position of expertise, could that be.
• 7:46
  Steedy: Some existential, like, is this okay for me?
• 7:48
  Steedy: Is it not, I've come to terms with a bit of that.
• 7:51
  Steedy: And it's really not at all about me being an expert to myself and to other people.
• 7:56
  Steedy: It's me having experiences.
• 7:58
  Steedy: That I'm able to give and guide based on my training and knowledge.
• 8:03
  Steedy: And so I say that in the front hand is that I am not an expert in anyone's recovery.
• 8:08
  Steedy: I do have expertise in being able to talk about clinical aspects of substance use, therapy, interventions, recovery.
• 8:16
  Steedy: Recovery.
• 8:17
  Steedy: I definitely have that, but I'm not an expert on one person's individual journey, not even my own.
• 8:23
  Brenda: That's really insightful.
• 8:24
  Brenda: I could see how that would be a little bit of a, a tug of war of like, yes, on the one hand, this could be really interesting to do and helpful.
• 8:33
  Brenda: And I wonder if you found, as you got into recovery, did you work with folks who did not have that lived experience?
• 8:43
  Brenda: Because I, I think about that sometimes.
• 8:44
  Brenda: And I know for my son, he said, mom, you know, they just don't understand, like if they haven't been there as much clinical experience and as much education as they have, if you haven't lived it, it's really hard to relate.
• 8:58
  Brenda: And I'm curious what your experience with that is.
• 9:02
  Steedy: There probably was a counselor or two or somewhere along the line of someone who perhaps didn't struggle with their own addiction issues, but I wasn't really aware because a lot of Therapists don't really disclose much around that.
• 9:21
  Steedy: And so, yes, the magic words for somebody who struggles with substance use is, not only do I understand, is that I have my own experience.
• 9:30
  Steedy: And for some reason, that bridges a gap that usually is there in the beginning.
• 9:36
  Steedy: The way I describe it is, it's like trying to explain a sunset to a blind person.
• 9:41
  Steedy: I can tell you about colors.
• 9:42
  Steedy: I can tell you, like, that it's, Pretty and that it's pink or whatever, but unless you've actually ever seen a sunset It's hard to fully understand what it is that I'm talking about And so for people especially people coming in to or coming off of some sort of a substance use problem the amount of Individual based shame that's attached to that of nobody understands me.
• 10:10
  Steedy: I'm alone in this I Everybody's telling me not to whatever all of these things are Narratives are that are piling up.
• 10:17
  Steedy: There's a little like apprehension to the idea, not a little, sometimes huge amount to the idea that somebody could possibly understand what my experience is.
• 10:28
  Steedy: Um, and so that kind of like, there's always the pushback and the easy way in has been like, let me tell you, like, I know what the inside of a dollar bill smells like, you know, and they're like, wait a minute, like, yeah, like, you know, so from that perspective, we, we push all that aside, get all of that out of the way.
• 10:45
  Steedy: And then all of a sudden we can have a genuine conversation of what.
• 10:48
  Steedy: we're experiencing together.
• 10:50
  Brenda: Yeah.
• 10:50
  Brenda: That's quite an icebreaker conversation.
• 10:53
  Brenda: I've never, I've never actually heard that.
• 10:55
  Brenda: I love that.
• 10:56
  Brenda: Would you be comfortable just sharing a little bit about your, your path?
• 11:00
  Brenda: I know you were quite the athlete and I think it's helpful for parents because so many parents do have these athletes, right?
• 11:08
  Brenda: Just great, talented kids.
• 11:10
  Brenda: And when we see them struggle, it's so difficult, but whatever you'd be willing to share, I think would be really helpful.
• 11:17
  Steedy: Yeah.
• 11:17
  Steedy: Well, that's kind of you to say I was quite the athlete in my mind.
• 11:21
  Steedy: I don't know how, how much of that I genuinely was from an objective standpoint, but yeah, growing up, I was, uh, played every sport that I could get my hands on.
• 11:32
  Steedy: And the only reason I wouldn't play one is because it overlapped with another one that I wanted to play more.
• 11:37
  Steedy: And so, you know, that and childhood, it was, you know, the typical Southeastern sports, which is basketball, baseball.
• 11:45
  Steedy: Football wrestling track.
• 11:48
  Steedy: Um, and then when I got into school ages, like middle school, it was wrestling, track, football, football being the main one.
• 11:57
  Steedy: And I basically did the other two wrestling and track just to stay in shape for football.
• 12:03
  Steedy: In middle school.
• 12:04
  Steedy: So I waited until about 12 years old before I first got high.
• 12:07
  Steedy: I know I held off long enough and I.
• 12:12
  Steedy: By a 12 years old for the first time.
• 12:14
  Steedy: I know I'll joke, that's kind of my thing.
• 12:15
  Steedy: I joke a lot about really serious issues that it helps with creating levity around the conversation for people who are like really kind of like.
• 12:24
  Steedy: Don't know what to do.
• 12:25
  Steedy: What are we talking about?
• 12:26
  Steedy: So just a disclaimer of people listening, like that's not funny.
• 12:30
  Brenda: Right.
• 12:30
  Brenda: Right.
• 12:31
  Steedy: You know, I don't know if you've been around any 12 year olds recently, but that is young.
• 12:36
  Steedy: Um, and so, yeah, and so from a very early age, I had a lot of success and adoration.
• 12:43
  Steedy: Um, I had people telling me how good I was at things.
• 12:47
  Steedy: I had the reinforcement from being successful at the things that I tried to do.
• 12:53
  Steedy: So I was interested in it.
• 12:54
  Steedy: I tried to do it and I achieved some version of adoration, which to me was like, I am good at stuff, right?
• 13:01
  Steedy: I can do this.
• 13:03
  Steedy: But kind of builds confidence in the idea that if I I'm interested in something, it's good for me.
• 13:12
  Steedy: And so I'm also kind of a curious person by nature.
• 13:17
  Steedy: And so I, I like to like know things and explore things.
• 13:21
  Steedy: I never really have much of that filter.
• 13:24
  Steedy: That's like, Oh, this is probably something you couldn't do.
• 13:26
  Steedy: Especially as a kid, I was like, this is interesting.
• 13:29
  Steedy: I think I'd like to try whatever this is.
• 13:30
  Steedy: And I would do that.
• 13:33
  Steedy: Yeah.
• 13:33
  Steedy: So sport was reinforcing, but substances were also reinforcing and that, you know, I tell people all the time, essentially.
• 13:41
  Steedy: You drink alcohol or use drugs because you like the effect, you like how it makes you feel or you wouldn't do it.
• 13:48
  Steedy: And I was very much of that.
• 13:50
  Steedy: I enjoyed the way that it made me feel and I thought essentially I wanted to do this again.
• 13:55
  Steedy: Um, or, or more frequently usually.
• 13:59
  Steedy: Um, and so the sport aspect of things, I continued to get the adoration and the accolades and in high school.
• 14:06
  Steedy: My substance use was really starting to get elevated and more daily and more and more severe, but I was also really good at sports too.
• 14:17
  Steedy: So I was like, had these two different worlds that I would exist in.
• 14:21
  Steedy: I'm from Hoover.
• 14:23
  Steedy: We won a lot of state championships when I was there.
• 14:25
  Steedy: We were really successful.
• 14:27
  Steedy: I was being recruited, like all of those things were happening.
• 14:30
  Steedy: That was pretty typical for like the star football players.
• 14:33
  Steedy: It's like, you're going to go on to the next level.
• 14:35
  Steedy: A year.
• 14:36
  Steedy: You know, you're going to have to be on TV on the weekends and all that stuff, but I was like, I really liked the way it felt to smoke weed and drink beer as well.
• 14:48
  Steedy: And I don't care if you tell me that this is bad for me, I know what it feels like and it feels very good.
• 14:54
  Steedy: So you're lying and I'm going to do this.
• 14:58
  Steedy: And so I got caught skipping school while, uh, approached by the head coach at the time.
• 15:07
  Steedy: He said that, you know, you're going to have to come to, Summer conditioning on top of summer workouts.
• 15:12
  Steedy: And you're going to have to do the, the school disciplinary, which is like detention or Saturday school or something like that.
• 15:19
  Steedy: And I said, no, I'll do one or the other.
• 15:23
  Steedy: I'll do your summer conditioning thing, or I'll do the disciplinary school thing, but I'm not going to get double punished just because I play football.
• 15:32
  Steedy: And then there was a power, the first real power struggle of like defiance to where they were like, well, yes, you are, or you're not going to play football.
• 15:40
  Steedy: And I said, that's fine.
• 15:41
  Steedy: I won't play football.
• 15:42
  Steedy: And they were kind of exactly, that was the response that a normal person would have.
• 15:46
  Steedy: And if the coaches were puzzled, like you're being recruited, you're good.
• 15:52
  Steedy: You're one of our leaders.
• 15:53
  Steedy: You're, you know, what do you mean?
• 15:55
  Steedy: You're not going to play football.
• 15:57
  Steedy: And that's exactly what I meant.
• 15:58
  Steedy: It's like, you need me more than I need you.
• 16:01
  Steedy: And I'm going to go do this.
• 16:03
  Steedy: And essentially, that's what happened.
• 16:06
  Steedy: They tried to really convince me, they tried to bring me in, they kind of tried to like, offer me different things and that, and go back on things that they'd said.
• 16:15
  Steedy: But, something about me that has come at my own detriment at times, and sometimes it's been a benefit.
• 16:21
  Steedy: So not all one thing, not all of something is bad, but this part of me, in this situation, when I made a decision that I'm not going to do it, I'm not going to do it.
• 16:32
  Steedy: And so I didn't.
• 16:33
  Steedy: And I quit.
• 16:34
  Steedy: I walked away from it.
• 16:35
  Steedy: And then I went fully into the other world.
• 16:39
  Brenda: Other than the fact that it felt good, like, you know, oh, this feels good.
• 16:42
  Brenda: Was there, was there something that, like, it was making you more socially fun or relaxed or helping you sleep?
• 16:50
  Brenda: Like, was there something that you knew it was solving or was it really?
• 16:53
  Brenda: Primarily this feels great and I'm going to keep doing it.
• 16:59
  Steedy: I was always very social and very liked.
• 17:02
  Steedy: I had tons of friends.
• 17:04
  Steedy: I knew what love was and I knew what it felt like to be loved.
• 17:07
  Steedy: I can't really point at anything of like, I was an outsider.
• 17:11
  Steedy: I never felt like I was like, that wasn't my, that's not my story.
• 17:14
  Steedy: My story is that I was loved by a lot of people and I was liked and told.
• 17:18
  Steedy: All the time, how special I was and how great I am and how much potential I have and all of these things, there's this thing that in me, I describe like a coil that's really, really coiled up really, really, really, really tight.
• 17:35
  Steedy: And I don't even know it exists.
• 17:37
  Steedy: I have no idea that that's there until I get high and then it uncoils.
• 17:44
  Steedy: And then for the first time in my life, I was like, Oh.
• 17:48
  Steedy: This is what it feels like to be in the right spot at the right time, doing the right thing and exactly that the stars are all aligned just for me.
• 17:58
  Steedy: And this is what it feels like.
• 18:00
  Steedy: It had nothing to do with like being a social outsider.
• 18:04
  Steedy: Not having people that cared about me or loved me or told me how much they love me.
• 18:09
  Steedy: None of that.
• 18:10
  Brenda: Yeah.
• 18:11
  Brenda: What was going on with your parents this whole time?
• 18:13
  Brenda: Because that had to have been a little exhausting and, and kind of admirable to be able to juggle a pretty successful athletic career.
• 18:23
  Brenda: You know, career, quote unquote career with this lifestyle, because they both take up a lot of space and mind space and in physical space.
• 18:33
  Brenda: So what was going on with your parents?
• 18:35
  Brenda: Did they know what was happening?
• 18:38
  Steedy: My great grandfather started a produce business in Birmingham, Alabama in the 18 eighties.
• 18:42
  Steedy: And my family has been operating it and running it ever since.
• 18:47
  Steedy: And so my dad was.
• 18:49
  Steedy: You know, he was in the family business and selling the produce.
• 18:53
  Steedy: We're Greek.
• 18:54
  Steedy: I'm Greek by heritage.
• 18:55
  Steedy: I'm half Greek.
• 18:56
  Steedy: My dad's full blooded Greek and my mom is other Mediterranean areas and kind of a mixture of different things.
• 19:03
  Steedy: But my dad sold his shares to the company.
• 19:08
  Steedy: And when he sold, they basically bought a house down at the coast and kind of spent most of their time down there.
• 19:19
  Steedy: What that meant was I basically was left a house.
• 19:23
  Steedy: Uh, 14 to 15 years old to take care of myself and to do what I needed to do with some kind of oversight.
• 19:31
  Steedy: We had like, there were people that would come like my dad's the guy who was the golf manager at the, at the country club that we lived at would like kind of stay there, there was.
• 19:41
  Steedy: It's like some kind of like adult person who would come by that was not very responsible nor checking in.
• 19:48
  Steedy: But I'd never read a book until I was in graduate school.
• 19:51
  Steedy: Tell me the information, I got it, and I want to take the test, and you're not going to be concerned with me from an academic standpoint.
• 19:59
  Steedy: So like, the only oversight in my life was my coaches and my teachers.
• 20:05
  Steedy: Well, I was facing everything and my coaches were like,
• 20:08
  Brenda: you're
• 20:09
  Steedy: great.
• 20:09
  Steedy: Yeah, you got it.
• 20:11
  Steedy: So all of that messaging and I'm sure my parents were like, well, He's got it, right?
• 20:17
  Steedy: And so I'm also the younger sibling of an older brother who had, who kind of struggled with academics and not because he was dumb, it's just because he didn't care.
• 20:26
  Steedy: And so I tell this all, I tell people this all the time.
• 20:29
  Steedy: My brother is way smarter than me.
• 20:31
  Steedy: He scored nearly a perfect score on his ACT and he had a 1.
• 20:34
  Steedy: 13 GPA.
• 20:35
  Steedy: Like he just didn't care.
• 20:37
  Steedy: But he got a lot of their attention.
• 20:41
  Steedy: In terms of like, is he, what's going on with him?
• 20:43
  Steedy: Is he okay?
• 20:44
  Steedy: Steedy doesn't get much attention because everything seemingly from the outside is going great.
• 20:58
  Brenda: Hey there.
• 20:58
  Brenda: Are you feeling stuck in a cycle of drama and arguments with your child, worried sick about their substance use?
• 21:05
  Brenda: I have been there and I want you to know there's hope.
• 21:08
  Brenda: This podcast is just one piece of the curated and trustworthy resources and solutions we offer for parents.
• 21:15
  Brenda: We recognize you need emotional support and a solid plan for moving forward, making positive change in your family.
• 21:23
  Brenda: So in addition to connecting with other parents and feeling like part of something bigger, we also teach you practical skills and strategies to dial down the drama and diffuse those heated moments.
• 21:35
  Brenda: We step you through the evidence based craft approach.
• 21:38
  Brenda: A game changer that can help you invite your child to accept help without resorting to tough love or waiting for rock bottom.
• 21:46
  Brenda: We have so much more than the podcast waiting for you.
• 21:49
  Brenda: Head over to hope stream community.
• 21:51
  Brenda: org to tap into all of our resources and become part of the hope stream family in our private online community.
• 21:59
  Brenda: Remember you're not alone in this.
• 22:01
  Brenda: We're doing it together.
• 22:03
  Brenda: Now let's get back to the conversation.
• 22:18
  Brenda: Did you feel a lot of pressure from an athletic standpoint to keep going to the next level?
• 22:25
  Brenda: Because I see a lot of kids today, and I don't know if that's social media, I'd love to get your thoughts on that, that, you know, I am going to be in the NBA.
• 22:35
  Brenda: I will be in the NFL and their parents are also on that train, right?
• 22:42
  Brenda: Oh, yes, you are going to this next level.
• 22:46
  Brenda: What was the, what was that like for you?
• 22:48
  Brenda: Was there a lot of pressure?
• 22:49
  Brenda: Like, I've got to keep this going.
• 22:52
  Steedy: There wasn't a lot of pressure.
• 22:53
  Steedy: And what it was like for me is that, like, so my dad was a really great athlete too, and he quit.
• 22:59
  Steedy: And so like, he, he was like, I want you to be happy son, uh, whether that's playing sports or doing whatever my dad is in was my dad has passed in 2019, but he was in recovery from, uh, substances for a very long time, 20 years when he passed and so he knew that the journey, he was like, I, I know what you're doing.
• 23:21
  Steedy: I know where you are and I'm, the more he felt like he would try to force me into one thing or another, the worse it would get.
• 23:29
  Steedy: So he was kind of from the perspective of like, you got to make your own mistakes and you got to suffer the consequences of those mistakes, however they pay out.
• 23:38
  Steedy: And I hope you make it out on the other side.
• 23:40
  Brenda: A pretty enlightened parent for that,
• 23:43
  Steedy: right?
• 23:43
  Steedy: Yeah.
• 23:44
  Steedy: Drew my mother crazy.
• 23:45
  Steedy: She's like, why can't you help him?
• 23:47
  Steedy: You know what's happening.
• 23:48
  Steedy: Like
• 23:49
  Brenda: Yeah.
• 23:49
  Steedy: Why?
• 23:50
  Steedy: What are you doing?
• 23:50
  Steedy: And he said, I am.
• 23:52
  Steedy: I think I am helping him.
• 23:53
  Steedy: It was kind of his perspective.
• 23:55
  Brenda: Wow.
• 23:56
  Brenda: So you work with a lot of kids, obviously.
• 23:58
  Brenda: When I say kids, I mean, you know, adolescents and young adults.
• 24:02
  Brenda: What is going on today with kids in athletics and what are you seeing in that realm?
• 24:07
  Brenda: I just feel like there is so much pressure.
• 24:12
  Steedy: Yeah.
• 24:12
  Steedy: It seems to me that the pressure isn't with the.
• 24:16
  Steedy: Young people that I work with that.
• 24:17
  Steedy: So, you know, I work with D one athletes only at work, and so they made it to this level.
• 24:23
  Steedy: And most of them, if they're not participating in the Olympic sports, uh, if they're participating in baseball, football or basketball, they're thinking I'm going to the next level.
• 24:33
  Steedy: That's what I'm not all of them, but a big portion for the younger people that I work with in my private practice.
• 24:41
  Steedy: A lot of the times, the pressure is from their parents, in my experience.
• 24:45
  Steedy: It's not that they particularly are putting this pressure on them, it's that they feel the pressure from their parents.
• 24:51
  Steedy: And there's a lot of identity that seems to be wrapped up in their children doing it.
• 24:56
  Steedy: succeeding.
• 24:58
  Steedy: And it's not coming from a bad place.
• 24:59
  Steedy: I don't believe, but it does appear to be coming from a place that is very much full of control and force.
• 25:07
  Steedy: And you're going to do this.
• 25:10
  Brenda: Yeah.
• 25:11
  Brenda: Which is a lot to, to put on someone.
• 25:14
  Brenda: And then I think they're also getting it from social media.
• 25:17
  Brenda: They're seeing, you know, the bodies, the physique, the success, the all of that.
• 25:23
  Brenda: So if you're getting it from both sides, That's, that's got to be a lot.
• 25:28
  Brenda: And I know you really specialize in anxiety.
• 25:31
  Brenda: Do you see this, how do you see that manifesting sort of in the kids, like what's going on?
• 25:36
  Steedy: The way that I describe anxiety is that it is a natural, normal response to a threat.
• 25:44
  Steedy: If you didn't have it, that would be strange and that would be dysfunctional.
• 25:49
  Steedy: And so not only do you have it, but if we think of evolution.
• 25:53
  Steedy: And every human in your evolutionary chain, not only were they having anxiety, but they honed their anxiety enough to survive and to pass down that gene.
• 26:08
  Steedy: And so it's gotten more and more developed as a natural asset to survival.
• 26:13
  Steedy: Over and over and over again until today.
• 26:16
  Steedy: Well, the beautiful thing about being alive today is that the natural threats are very low.
• 26:22
  Steedy: And so, but that doesn't mean that that response is not highly tuned, right?
• 26:27
  Steedy: Like it is one of our most sensitive in tuned.
• 26:31
  Steedy: Uh, ways of experiencing the world and we put it into the future.
• 26:36
  Steedy: So we're worried about things that haven't even happened yet.
• 26:39
  Steedy: And so for young people with anxiety and sport related, what I see a lot of times is it's coming from an unrealistic expectation of themselves and the environment, like a quick example is like less than 1 percent of collegiate athletes will make it to the pros.
• 26:56
  Steedy: Thinking your child is going to make it to the pros is setting them up for a very, very, very high expectation with a very, very low success rate.
• 27:06
  Steedy: You can't help but be anxious if that's how they think you're going to, they're going to earn your trust.
• 27:12
  Steedy: love for them or appreciation in what they're doing or anything like that.
• 27:17
  Steedy: And so like, from my perspective, telling a 14 year old that they're going to be a professional athlete is almost like asking them to be a bit neurotic.
• 27:26
  Steedy: You're asking them to believe in something that maybe could happen, but likely will not.
• 27:31
  Brenda: Yeah.
• 27:33
  Brenda: That is so much for a young person to hold in.
• 27:36
  Brenda: And I see also, and I'm sure you see this just even set aside the, the athletics, especially after COVID the level of anxiety is so high in so many of our kids.
• 27:50
  Brenda: And then layering that on top, that expectation of you going to not even just the pros, but a D one school, like you're at a D one school.
• 28:00
  Brenda: You see like that in today's world almost feels like going pro.
• 28:04
  Brenda: It has become.
• 28:06
  Brenda: Such a huge thing.
• 28:08
  Brenda: So there's, they're getting that even, you know, in sixth grade, seventh grade, eighth grade, you're going to a D1 school is, is gotta be a huge amount of pressure set aside the, you know, the professional sports.
• 28:24
  Steedy: I've yet to hear the story of my parents told me I was going to D1 school.
• 28:29
  Steedy: And that's what got me there.
• 28:32
  Steedy: I haven't heard that yet.
• 28:33
  Steedy: Usually it comes through a bunch of different ways, like natural ability.
• 28:37
  Steedy: And, and drive to work.
• 28:39
  Brenda: Yeah.
• 28:39
  Brenda: For sure.
• 28:40
  Brenda: My son played with, uh, Paolo Banqueiro in, in high school, and the minute Paolo walked on the court his freshman year, we all knew he was going to the NBA.
• 28:51
  Brenda: Like no doubt.
• 28:53
  Brenda: It was so obvious.
• 28:55
  Brenda: And so it, in my mind, I was like.
• 28:58
  Brenda: Oh, that's what it looks like.
• 29:00
  Brenda: You can see it.
• 29:02
  Brenda: And it was so outstanding and still a ton of pressure on him.
• 29:08
  Brenda: But yeah, it was just, that was, that was a fascinating experience to see that raw talent.
• 29:13
  Brenda: Yeah,
• 29:14
  Steedy: yeah, exactly.
• 29:16
  Steedy: It is very much a unique, when you see it, it's like, Oh wow, this is, this person is different than me kind of experience.
• 29:24
  Steedy: Then you might be that person.
• 29:26
  Steedy: You know, I don't know, and I'm not one that thinks that adversity and coming up against a hard idea or a hard thought is not good for you, I actually think it's really good.
• 29:35
  Steedy: But, if you couple in the lack of support, isolation, and the inability to actually confront the thing that you are struggling with, then you're gonna, it's a recipe for turning for other coping strategies, 100%.
• 29:50
  Brenda: Yeah, what do you see in so you work with a lot of athletes obviously and you have this special Magic knowledge and, and expertise in education and substance use.
• 30:05
  Brenda: What, what's going on there when you've got that combination of the athlete?
• 30:09
  Brenda: Cause I think from the outside, you look at a young person who's got so much talent and they've spent so many, hours in their sport.
• 30:19
  Brenda: And it almost seems like self sabotage.
• 30:22
  Brenda: Like, what are you doing?
• 30:24
  Brenda: Like, if your parents were watching you, right?
• 30:26
  Brenda: Like, dude, you've got all this going on over here.
• 30:30
  Brenda: Why in the world would you risk it?
• 30:33
  Brenda: Your health and your, you know, being kicked off the team or whatever for drinking beer, for, for smoking weed.
• 30:41
  Brenda: Like what, what's going on with the, the young people you work with?
• 30:46
  Steedy: People have been drinking wine since they've crushed grapes since however long ago and, you know, like If we as a species haven't figured out that that thing sometimes results in problematic behavior, I don't look at it, but I don't think it's going to change anytime soon from a rational perspective.
• 31:03
  Steedy: Yeah.
• 31:04
  Steedy: So I tell people like, well, have you gotten high before?
• 31:06
  Steedy: Cause it's pretty fun.
• 31:08
  Steedy: Everything in that description helps me understand it from, it is not a decision.
• 31:15
  Steedy: It's not a choice.
• 31:17
  Steedy: It's not something like, do I wear a black shirt today?
• 31:20
  Steedy: Or do I wear this shirt?
• 31:22
  Steedy: It's something bigger than that.
• 31:24
  Steedy: It's almost like it's in our DNA.
• 31:26
  Steedy: It's like, I have hair that is fading, losing some of the back there.
• 31:33
  Steedy: And I know there's nothing I can do about it.
• 31:35
  Steedy: Right.
• 31:37
  Steedy: Um, and so if I put that thing in my body and for a young person, who's curious.
• 31:45
  Steedy: Who's always been successful, who's everything that they've ever really tried to do.
• 31:50
  Steedy: There's been some form of mastery in it to be told.
• 31:55
  Steedy: I can't do that.
• 31:57
  Steedy: Hmm.
• 31:58
  Steedy: We'll see.
• 31:59
  Brenda: Try me.
• 32:00
  Steedy: Right.
• 32:01
  Steedy: And I'm, you know, so I see, I think we see a lot of that.
• 32:04
  Steedy: That's kind of the reason is that like, we're curious and there's like a whole culture around like this is cool and sexy and funny and whatever, and, and all these different things that it really is.
• 32:16
  Steedy: And then we act like it's not, because it could potentially be harmful, and it can't.
• 32:21
  Steedy: And then we see it done with impunity with other people.
• 32:25
  Steedy: And then we think, well, let me, let me just try it.
• 32:29
  Steedy: And if that person has what I have, that just trying, it changes everything.
• 32:33
  Brenda: Yes.
• 32:34
  Brenda: Well, I have four boys, so we have a lot of sports on our TV and the number of ads for alcohol during sports games and, and the imagery there and coming from the advertising industry, I know how the backend of that works, right?
• 32:51
  Brenda: This, the amount of psychology that is put into a beer commercial would, you know, it Shock people.
• 32:57
  Brenda: And so, yeah, it's a little confusing, right?
• 33:00
  Brenda: If you're, if you're watching this and you're like, yeah, but look at that.
• 33:04
  Brenda: That's amazing.
• 33:05
  Brenda: The girls and the boat and the beer and the fun time.
• 33:09
  Brenda: But then you're saying, well, I can't do that.
• 33:11
  Brenda: That has to be just this like cognitive mismatch that they're, they're like, huh, well, why not?
• 33:18
  Steedy: Absolutely.
• 33:19
  Steedy: I mean, you know, this is that I can keep, if I keep telling you something, it doesn't even matter if it's true.
• 33:24
  Steedy: I keep telling you.
• 33:25
  Steedy: It's there.
• 33:27
  Brenda: I know you've worked in collegiate recovery, which I absolutely love.
• 33:31
  Brenda: And I wish more people knew about, it seems like I'm hearing a little bit more about collegiate recovery programs.
• 33:37
  Brenda: I don't know if that's just because I'm kind of dialed into this world or if that's really a thing, uh, that they're becoming more prevalent, but I won't, I'm hoping as we have so many more young people coming out of.
• 33:50
  Brenda: You know, I think younger people are getting treatment sooner.
• 33:53
  Brenda: So you have, you have the 14, 15, 16 year old who have been to treatment and back and now they're entering college in recovery.
• 34:02
  Brenda: What is that like for parents who might not know anything about this world?
• 34:07
  Brenda: Talk to us a little bit about what that's like.
• 34:09
  Steedy: Yes.
• 34:09
  Steedy: So I can speak from Georgia Tech's perspective.
• 34:12
  Steedy: I can't.
• 34:13
  Steedy: And different.
• 34:14
  Steedy: Schools have very different student populations, right?
• 34:17
  Steedy: You know, Georgia Tech, for people who aren't familiar with the institution, it is a highly accredited, highly rigorous engineering school that produces, uh, engineers who work for companies like SpaceX, Google, Honeywell, like, you know, these top level firms.
• 34:37
  Steedy: And corporations that basically changed the world.
• 34:40
  Steedy: And so saying that means that the type of students that come here have been 4.
• 34:49
  Steedy: 0 AP volunteers, like all of these different things in their CV resume.
• 34:59
  Steedy: Like I didn't even have that till I got to grad school personally, but like, you know, they have this.
• 35:06
  Steedy: Commitment to their education that is unique in my experience.
• 35:10
  Steedy: I've worked here.
• 35:11
  Steedy: I've worked at Kennesaw State as an intern.
• 35:13
  Steedy: I worked at Columbus State as an intern and here.
• 35:18
  Steedy: So those are my three institutions that I've worked at.
• 35:20
  Steedy: And each one of those are very different students.
• 35:22
  Steedy: Uh, demographic.
• 35:23
  Steedy: But for here, the student population and recovery was a bit different because it's so hard to get in.
• 35:30
  Steedy: If you were, if you kind of were screwing around in high school, there's no chance that you're coming to this school.
• 35:35
  Brenda: Right.
• 35:35
  Steedy: Unless you're really good at hitting a baseball or slamming a basketball or whatever.
• 35:44
  Steedy: Like if you've got that as well.
• 35:48
  Steedy: Then potentially that you're going to get it.
• 35:50
  Steedy: But from a whole, and that I saw zero student athletes, the collegiate recovery program, when I was there, the student population that I worked with there, a lot of them were committed to their recovery.
• 36:00
  Steedy: It wasn't like a, I'm going to try this recovery thing.
• 36:04
  Steedy: Now I did have one or two that.
• 36:06
  Steedy: It was like that, but for the large part of the demographic there, they were stable in their recovery and they had done enough to get their GPA back into a place to where they could either transfer to Georgia Tech or enroll in a graduate program at Georgia Tech.
• 36:23
  Steedy: So I think those two things are very much related.
• 36:26
  Steedy: And I say that because like a young person, excuse me, that's been struggling with substance use a lot of times their school.
• 36:36
  Steedy: Then their academic standing is, has really been put through the ringer.
• 36:40
  Steedy: I know it was for me.
• 36:42
  Steedy: What I saw a lot of was imposter syndrome.
• 36:45
  Steedy: Like I, I'm not supposed to be here.
• 36:48
  Steedy: You know, my classmates are talking about going to internship at NASA and I'm sitting here being like, I'm just like trying to hold it together so I can get a degree.
• 36:57
  Brenda: Yeah.
• 36:58
  Brenda: Wow.
• 37:00
  Brenda: That's got to be a really interesting group of students when you're, when you're at that level.
• 37:05
  Brenda: Uh, it's a whole different game, kind of similar with the athletes, right?
• 37:09
  Brenda: Just it's a whole different level.
• 37:11
  Brenda: So, well, that's good to hear that they're, they're in a place where they're really committed to their recovery and that there's a place that they can do that and feel supported and not feel like they're the outcast like, bro, come on, man, go to the party.
• 37:25
  Steedy: Yeah, and I'll give it a little shameless pug.
• 37:27
  Steedy: There's other fringe benefits.
• 37:28
  Steedy: So if you're in the collegiate recovery program, you get early enrollment, you can select your classes in the first wave, you've got a bunch of fringe benefits of being in the recovery program.
• 37:39
  Steedy: And the reason why we set it up that way is because we know that community is very important.
• 37:44
  Steedy: So if you're, if you have a friend who's in recovery, who's taking this class, we want to make sure that you guys can be in there together.
• 37:50
  Steedy: If you're getting a student housing, we want to make sure that that is.
• 37:54
  Steedy: happening together.
• 37:55
  Steedy: So it does operate from a system of community and it tries to and we have the school's backing in most places do as well.
• 38:03
  Steedy: So if you have a child who is in recovery or thinking about it and going to college, I would definitely recommend going to their website.
• 38:12
  Steedy: Finding who the contact point is for their collegiate recovery program at that school and asking them what the steps are to be involved in
• 38:20
  Brenda: that.
• 38:20
  Brenda: Absolutely.
• 38:21
  Brenda: It's, it's so, so important.
• 38:23
  Brenda: And there's also, I'll put a link in the show notes to the association of collegiate recovery programs.
• 38:29
  Brenda: I can't remember what the acronym is right at the moment.
• 38:33
  Steedy: Yeah.
• 38:33
  Brenda: Something like that.
• 38:34
  Brenda: Yeah.
• 38:34
  Brenda: Where you can go and there's actually a whole website where you can get connected with all of those programs.
• 38:39
  Brenda: So that's awesome.
• 38:41
  Brenda: Well, I know I need to let you go.
• 38:42
  Brenda: I would, um, just ask kind of as we wrap up, if, if a parent's listening and they have one of these bright stars who has a ton of potential and is in, seems to be in that kind of self sabotage mode, like, Oh, come on, you're doing, you know, you do this so well, Any thoughts or, or words of wisdom for them?
• 39:04
  Steedy: What I can say is at that point for me, what I really needed was somebody to listen to me and somebody not to tell me, but not that I didn't need to be told, because I definitely did, but I never had anybody really curious and wanting to know what was going on in a way that really was interested, like I want to know.
• 39:22
  Steedy: And if you ask that question, you need to be ready for the answer.
• 39:26
  Steedy: Because sometimes the answers aren't what you want to hear.
• 39:28
  Brenda: Yeah.
• 39:30
  Brenda: Such great wisdom.
• 39:31
  Brenda: That is so true and I hope that if you, if you missed that, rewind because that is right.
• 39:39
  Brenda: It's not necessarily the 50, 000 treatment program.
• 39:42
  Brenda: It's not necessarily the, whatever you're trying to cobble together, uh, listen, listen, listen.
• 39:50
  Brenda: So thank you so much.
• 39:52
  Brenda: This is extremely enlightening.
• 39:54
  Brenda: I thank you for sharing your story and just giving back in a way that's really, really impactful for parents.
• 40:02
  Steedy: You're welcome.
• 40:02
  Steedy: My pleasure.
• 40:03
  Steedy: And like I said, I'm, I'm local.
• 40:05
  Steedy: So if anybody ever has any questions, don't hesitate to reach out.
• 40:08
  Steedy: I don't have all the answers, but I could potentially point you in a direction.
• 40:11
  Brenda: Wonderful.
• 40:12
  Brenda: We'll make sure and get your contact information in the show notes.
• 40:15
  Brenda: So make sure and grab those if you want to get in touch.
• 40:18
  Brenda: Thank you.
• 40:20
  Brenda: Okay, my friend, that is a wrap for today.
• 40:22
  Brenda: Don't forget to download the new ebook, Worried Sick.
• 40:26
  Brenda: It's totally free and it will shed so much light on positive tools and strategies you can use right now to start creating those positive conditions for change in your home and in your relationships.
• 40:38
  Brenda: It is at hopestreamcommunity.
• 40:40
  Brenda: org forward slash worried.
• 40:43
  Brenda: And guess what?
• 40:44
  Brenda: We have moved the entire podcast to our website at hopestreamcommunity.
• 40:49
  Brenda: org.
• 40:50
  Brenda: So now when you want the show notes or resources or if you want to download a transcript Just go to hope stream community org and click on podcast and you will find it all there You can search by keyword episode number guest name and we have created playlists for you Makes it much easier to find episodes grouped by topic So we're really excited to have that done and hope you like the podcast's new home.
• 41:16
  Brenda: Please be Extraordinarily good to yourself today.
• 41:19
  Brenda: Take a deep breath You've got this and you are going to be okay.
• 41:24
  Brenda: You're not doing it alone.
• 41:26
  Brenda: I will meet you right back here next week