Latest / Pretty In Pink Again / Episode 20: No More Girl-on-Girl Crime: Rewriting the Script for the Next Generation

Transcript

Episode 20: No More Girl-on-Girl Crime: Rewriting the Script for the Next Generation · Pretty In Pink Again

• 0:00
  I'm Christina.
• 0:00
  And I'm t and this is the Pretty and Pink Again podcast where Motherhood meets rediscovery.
• 0:17
  Hi.
• 0:18
  Hello.
• 0:19
  It's been a while.
• 0:19
  I know it's been a couple weeks.
• 0:22
  Oh, I'm so happy to see you.
• 0:23
  I know.
• 0:23
  We're gonna do a little catch up.
• 0:25
  Oh yeah.
• 0:26
  Not just a little catch up.
• 0:27
  I know.
• 0:27
  A long, I feel like it's been a lot.
• 0:29
  I know.
• 0:29
  So it's been, you had the last day of school.
• 0:33
  Yeah.
• 0:33
  And quite a first splash, we'll call that.
• 0:37
  Oh yeah.
• 0:37
  Yeah.
• 0:38
  Oh, last summer I thought I had Lyme disease and I was sick and I was dying the entire summer.
• 0:44
  I did have it, but I think what happened to me was I was so thrown off by the kids being done with school, being home with me.
• 0:53
  I never got into the right routine.
• 0:55
  I was so frazzled by the lack of routine.
• 0:59
  And half of my kids were frazzled.
• 1:02
  And I just think that our energies did not mix.
• 1:05
  And now, this summer, going into this summer, I knew that was gonna happen.
• 1:08
  So this past week I felt all of those same symptoms again.
• 1:12
  Same feeling.
• 1:13
  It's a transition.
• 1:13
  It's just like I'm sure like it into school.
• 1:16
  It's like the same, but it's it's the opposite.
• 1:18
  It's the opposite though.
• 1:19
  What's coming next today?
• 1:20
  Where am I supposed to be?
• 1:21
  Why is mom screaming at me to do chores and laundry and this and that, and they're sleeping late and then they're up late, whatever.
• 1:26
  Like the transition.
• 1:28
  Hard.
• 1:28
  Yeah.
• 1:28
  But.
• 1:29
  I don't think that I am dying of some rare, illness.
• 1:33
  I just, my, like the nerves of a new week I know.
• 1:36
  Or a new like routine are just getting to me.
• 1:39
  I know.
• 1:39
  And then tell them what happened with Mila.
• 1:41
  Oh my god.
• 1:42
  The meal stir.
• 1:43
  So if you haven't already heard, my husband's a hand surgeon we say bon tempos do not go on the monkey bars.
• 1:49
  Bon tempos do not go on trampolines.
• 1:50
  We have a trampoline in our backyard so we don't follow that rule.
• 1:53
  But seriously, bon tempos do not go on monkey bars.
• 1:56
  Every one of my friends knows this'cause lots of my friends, their kids have broken their arms, have gone and seen Nick, nick's either had to reset it or fix it or whatever.
• 2:04
  It's this like whole big mess.
• 2:06
  So meals fell off the monkey bars on Thursday, Friday was the last.
• 2:11
  She loves the monkey bars though.
• 2:11
  She loves the freaking monkey bars.
• 2:13
  She loves them.
• 2:13
  Like every time I'm with her, she's Hey, let me show you something on the monkey bars.
• 2:17
  I know it's the worst.
• 2:18
  She loves it.
• 2:19
  So she fell off the monkey bars.
• 2:21
  Oh.
• 2:21
  And Nick was away and I was like, I didn't even wanna look at her.
• 2:25
  'cause I was yelling at her like, get off the monkey bars.
• 2:28
  We were at a golf club that we're not even members of, and I was like, just get off the monkey bars.
• 2:32
  And she fell off the monkey bars and broke her arm.
• 2:34
  So Nick wasn't even home for 20 seconds.
• 2:36
  He was away on a trip with his friends.
• 2:38
  And Mila was like, dad my arm.
• 2:41
  So Nick and her went in the car, went to his office in their bathing suits, and sure enough, her arm was broken.
• 2:47
  Oh.
• 2:47
  So Monday morning, seven 30, we were in his office getting a purple waterproof cast.
• 2:52
  So nothing like that to kick off.
• 2:54
  This was like day one, summer break, like she couldn't even give it a beat.
• 2:59
  No, but so last week Jenny McPhee said the funniest thing.
• 3:02
  She was like, that's very on brand.
• 3:04
  So my babysitter Sophia says, oh my god, Mila broke her arm the first day of summer.
• 3:10
  That is so on brand.
• 3:11
  On brand.
• 3:12
  For her it's like it's, and, but it's like sad because I feel like she did it doing something that she loves so much.
• 3:19
  She, yeah.
• 3:20
  She didn't learn our lesson because this past weekend we were down at the beach and there was a playground there and my mother said, your daughter went on the monkey bars again.
• 3:28
  She's one arm.
• 3:28
  How did she go on the monkey bars?
• 3:30
  Oh my.
• 3:31
  With the cast.
• 3:32
  On.
• 3:32
  She is something else, but, and yeah, she's like dangling, like one arm, like an actual monkey, one arm.
• 3:36
  Oh my God.
• 3:37
  But anyway, so that's how our summer started.
• 3:39
  But she's at farm camp right now.
• 3:41
  So cute.
• 3:42
  So she's very excited.
• 3:43
  Yeah.
• 3:43
  So is that what you have to do during the summer?
• 3:45
  It's like you just load them up with camps.
• 3:48
  It's just like camp this week and another camp this week.
• 3:52
  All right.
• 3:52
  So you can play it either way.
• 3:53
  I've done both.
• 3:55
  So I like to sprinkle in some camps.
• 3:58
  I'm a big fan of like half day camps.
• 4:00
  Because then it like wipes'em out.
• 4:01
  Yeah.
• 4:01
  And then the afternoon, then we can still do stuff.
• 4:05
  But for the little ones, they are doing like a ton of like camps.
• 4:10
  And then the older two are doing more clinics, like they're doing a golf clinic, a tennis clinic.
• 4:14
  I got Joseph a job.
• 4:15
  He's volunteering on Fridays.
• 4:17
  He's teaching tennis lessons to kindergarten first graders.
• 4:21
  But last week was just like the first week of trying to figure out, it's hard what?
• 4:26
  Where everybody wanted to be.
• 4:28
  What everybody wanted to do.
• 4:29
  Like the new rhythm.
• 4:30
  The new rhythm.
• 4:31
  Yeah.
• 4:31
  Like Vincent wanted to go to Lake Compounds, so we were at Lake Compounds one day.
• 4:34
  Like it's hard.
• 4:36
  I feel like that must be tricky because it's, it feels like it's for a long time, but it's really not.
• 4:41
  So I bet you by the time you, get into this new like way of living, it's like time to go back to school and so you're just like, yeah.
• 4:48
  Like pivoting once again and like you have to get back into a new routine.
• 4:52
  I, so I think we, we do better with a busy fall routine.
• 4:54
  Yeah.
• 4:55
  But the summer routine, the kids wanna have a 90 summer, right?
• 4:58
  Yeah.
• 4:58
  They wanna do lemonade stands.
• 5:00
  I know.
• 5:00
  And go biking and hang out with their cousins.
• 5:02
  I wanna have a 90 summer too.
• 5:03
  I know.
• 5:04
  Guess what?
• 5:04
  It is 2025 and we can't just have a nineties summer.
• 5:08
  I know.
• 5:08
  I feel like the 90 summer is like really trending, but I'm like, is it successful?
• 5:13
  Are people successfully having a 90 summer?
• 5:16
  I don't know.
• 5:17
  We tried to have one last week and I almost had a nervous breakdown.
• 5:20
  Yeah.
• 5:20
  We're gonna try again next week.
• 5:21
  We need to get some of these parents on that gave us the nineties summer and be like, how did you do it?
• 5:26
  I guess it's just a different world.
• 5:28
  Do you know what, in the nineties, my nineties summer was, my mom went to work and I watched Jerry Springer at my grandma's house.
• 5:35
  Yeah.
• 5:35
  And I thought that was pretty awesome, but I don't know.
• 5:38
  And just rode on your bikes and Yeah, rode on bike, came home for dinner when they asked, and it's I don't know.
• 5:43
  I just, I can't even imagine getting to that point now.
• 5:46
  We just live in a very different role.
• 5:47
  I feel like the millennials I feel like I, I love that this movement is happening, but I wanna know, is it successfully happening or is this like a, like an aspiration, an aspir aspiration to are people, maybe you guys can let us know if you're going with this nineties summer vibe, is it successful?
• 6:06
  Have you done it before?
• 6:07
  Do you do it that way?
• 6:08
  Or is it like you hope your kids have a 90 summer?
• 6:12
  I wanna know people who are like, maybe we need to have someone on the podcast.
• 6:15
  With a 90 summer we were having a day of a 90 summer last week.
• 6:19
  Like Vincent invited the whole neighborhood over for a whiffle ball game.
• 6:22
  Cute.
• 6:22
  And then they were riding their bikes back and forth and that was very nineties solid.
• 6:25
  But then the next morning when I wanted them to clean up the balls in the yard and they were screaming at me and yelling at me.
• 6:32
  That felt very 20, 25.
• 6:34
  Yeah.
• 6:34
  When I had to then gentle parent.
• 6:36
  And then that went out the window.
• 6:39
  I know.
• 6:39
  Ugh.
• 6:39
  And I'm like, great up the balls.
• 6:44
  We just got back from our trip.
• 6:46
  Oh yeah.
• 6:47
  We had a little staycation.
• 6:48
  So it wasn't very far.
• 6:49
  I like I wanna call it a trip, but it really was, we drove an hour to the Connecticut shore, and so we stayed at a beach house.
• 6:56
  On the beach.
• 6:56
  And it got me really thinking, because it was very hard in ways, but then it was easier in some ways.
• 7:03
  And I was like, I feel like we need to come back and reconfigure our house because this house.
• 7:11
  Obviously it was right on the beach.
• 7:12
  So my first thought was I was a little bit worried about it being so close to the water.
• 7:16
  But there was a deck, and the deck was gated in all.
• 7:19
  So there was containment, there was a barrier, was containment.
• 7:21
  Okay.
• 7:22
  So I said, wow, I think that this is the first time in probably three summers, because the first summer that I was a mom, Leo was super little.
• 7:31
  He was born in the spring.
• 7:33
  So he was still like not moving that first summer.
• 7:35
  There was, we would just plop him places so I could sit and enjoy things.
• 7:40
  But since then, he's been on the move.
• 7:42
  And so I was like, this is the first.
• 7:44
  Time we've been in warm weather where we could actually be outside and sit down while the kids were playing and doing something.
• 7:53
  And it was because of the contained deck.
• 7:55
  And I was like, this is a game changer.
• 7:57
  We have a patio at our house, and then the kids play on the driveway a lot, but it's just, there's but you're playing on the driveway?
• 8:03
  We're playing on the driveway.
• 8:05
  And you can't even look away because somebody's gonna run down the driveway on the patio.
• 8:09
  It's there's just so many hazards.
• 8:10
  There's no contain containment and there's just stone everywhere.
• 8:13
  The blue stone, it's like somebody could trip on a piece that comes up.
• 8:17
  It just, it feels like I'm always looking for danger.
• 8:20
  Like everywhere I turn and it's, there's no relaxation.
• 8:24
  There's no breath that I could take.
• 8:26
  And so this was the first time I was like, this is.
• 8:29
  The best.
• 8:30
  We had a nice view, we were outside because we could be.
• 8:34
  And all of us were outside.
• 8:35
  Nice.
• 8:35
  And so it was just like a very indoor outdoor, really nice.
• 8:39
  We did have some like cold weather and actually the first second we walked into the house, Leo had a fever 102.
• 8:46
  I'm like, here we go.
• 8:48
  Like why does this have to happen to us?
• 8:50
  And so of course Layla ended up getting sick like a couple of days later.
• 8:53
  So you had a vacation trip.
• 8:54
  But no, I think it helped, I think like being in the air and like being able to go outside without it being a production to get outside.
• 9:03
  We got some fresh air, so it was a little cooler the first few days that we were there.
• 9:07
  Okay.
• 9:07
  And it was a little rainy and misty, but we were still able to get outside.
• 9:11
  And I think that helped because their sickness was not as annoying as it typically is at home.
• 9:17
  Like it was, they recovered a little faster.
• 9:19
  I think it was the sun, the salt air.
• 9:21
  And so I thought that was gonna be like the downfall of our trip.
• 9:25
  They ended up recovering midway through.
• 9:27
  They were good to go.
• 9:28
  And then the sun came out.
• 9:30
  It was just beautiful.
• 9:31
  And so we had, so are you getting a beach house?
• 9:32
  I'm ready.
• 9:33
  Like I know I think we're gonna try to make that like a thing, at least for the next couple of summers is Oh, I love that.
• 9:41
  Renting a beach house.
• 9:42
  I liked being on the water.
• 9:43
  It was just like no fuss.
• 9:44
  Yeah, you're right there.
• 9:46
  There was no like loading the car, driving to the beach or going to the pool, it was just it was easy.
• 9:51
  And yeah.
• 9:51
  It took the workout.
• 9:52
  You were just left with fun.
• 9:53
  Yeah.
• 9:53
  Yes.
• 9:54
  And so what are you gonna do different now at your house?
• 9:56
  I don't know, but we were like, we need to sit down and map this out.
• 9:59
  So I don't know if that means like fencing a part of our yard in or so.
• 10:02
  Or maybe building a little bit of a deck somewhere or something.
• 10:06
  But I was like, this is just, it's nice.
• 10:08
  And you know what, I think that the kids.
• 10:10
  Felt that we were a little bit more comfortable and so they were less fussy and less daring.
• 10:16
  Because I think they were just like able to play and do their thing without us like having to hover and they weren't looking for boundaries.
• 10:23
  There were actual boundaries.
• 10:25
  There were, yes.
• 10:25
  So then we didn't have to be like, don't do that.
• 10:27
  Don't, get down, don't do, or like lunge and grab them.
• 10:30
  It was just very refreshing.
• 10:31
  Oh.
• 10:32
  So I was like, a new person there.
• 10:33
  Come back home.
• 10:34
  Literally walk through the door.
• 10:35
  I'm like, don't touch that.
• 10:36
  Don't I know.
• 10:37
  Yesterday when I texted you and I didn't hear back from you, I, when I like voice texted you, I was like, and I know you're probably in the middle of getting home and to reality unpacking all of that.
• 10:48
  So I.
• 10:49
  Don't think I'm gonna hear back from you today, but just following up.
• 10:54
  Yeah, it was a really good time.
• 10:56
  I'm really glad that we went and it wasn't like, because it wasn't a huge like travel, we had to pack the car.
• 11:02
  There was a lot to pack.
• 11:03
  There's still a lot, like I said to you, it was like we were moving for the summer, right?
• 11:08
  Because you still have to bring all the things.
• 11:10
  Yeah.
• 11:10
  And so we could have gone for eight weeks with the amount of stuff that we had to bring.
• 11:14
  So just going for that week, it was like, you still need the same amount of stuff, but that's like half the battle is like packing, getting there, setting everything up.
• 11:23
  And then we were in a really good rhythm there, and I was sad to come back, but that makes me happy.
• 11:28
  I know.
• 11:29
  That's the, I hope, think that's the best type of vacation because that has not happened with us.
• 11:33
  Usually I'm like, oh, I cannot wait to get home, so it was really nice.
• 11:36
  I know the Connecticut shoreline is really nice and it's so convenient.
• 11:40
  There's so many like nice places down there.
• 11:42
  Yeah.
• 11:42
  So if you're not from, if you're not from Connecticut.
• 11:44
  Yeah.
• 11:44
  I think that my, I guess my overall like message from that would be, don't overcomplicate anything like this was more of a staycation for us.
• 11:51
  Because we could drive down and make that a day trip to go to the beach, it would ne never necessarily be on my mind to go and stay somewhere that's so close.
• 12:00
  Like normally we go somewhere and we're like, we wanna go to Newport, or we wanna go to the Cape.
• 12:04
  We wanna go to Martha's Vineyard or Nantucket and we like overcomplicate everything.
• 12:08
  And so this was, I would just say don't overcomplicate it.
• 12:11
  Go somewhere close and make it easy on yourself, but get a change of scenery.
• 12:15
  And like without the travel day.
• 12:16
  Mm-hmm.
• 12:17
  But you're like dipping your toe in the water and like still getting a change of scenery, but then not making it like super complicated for yourself.
• 12:24
  So I liked that.
• 12:25
  I at first was gonna write that off.
• 12:27
  Like I was like, why are we gonna go somewhere that's so close?
• 12:30
  But it ended up working out.
• 12:32
  Okay.
• 12:32
  So success.
• 12:34
  Success.
• 12:34
  Yay.
• 12:35
  I love it.
• 12:36
  Yeah.
• 12:36
  Good.
• 12:36
  So yeah, I'm coming back.
• 12:37
  I love that for you feeling like a little bit more confident and okay, we could do this.
• 12:41
  Good.
• 12:41
  I love that.
• 12:42
  We went down Friday and Saturday night we went down to my one sister has in-laws in Clinton.
• 12:48
  And we stayed in Clinton.
• 12:49
  And then my other sister has in-laws in old Lyme.
• 12:52
  Oh yeah.
• 12:52
  So we went down to Old Lime Saturday and it was just fun.
• 12:56
  Like you said, change of scene.
• 12:57
  Yeah.
• 12:57
  Change of pace speech.
• 12:59
  That's sometimes that's had a little need.
• 13:00
  Yeah.
• 13:00
  Like a little girls weekend.
• 13:01
  Yeah.
• 13:01
  And without it like taking over and making it like too much of a production.
• 13:06
  Oh yeah.
• 13:07
  Yeah.
• 13:07
  I'm all about like the minimizing the production and like you Oh, I like that.
• 13:11
  Okay.
• 13:12
  Yeah.
• 13:12
  All right.
• 13:13
  So it was really fun.
• 13:14
  Good.
• 13:14
  Love it.
• 13:15
  So Christina, you said that you've been getting a lot of questions in the same vein.
• 13:21
  Yes.
• 13:22
  So I've been through our through our Pretty and Pink again.
• 13:26
  Instagram, and then my own Instagram kind of relating to the podcast as these podcast episodes have been coming out.
• 13:31
  Mm-hmm.
• 13:31
  And we've been like talking freely about some of these topics.
• 13:34
  Something that's coming over and over again is navigating female friendships in this season of life.
• 13:42
  And so I think that this can really pertain to being like graduating out of this, your childhood and maybe college friends and like navigating how some of those friendships maybe change and maybe even integrating like newer friendships.
• 14:02
  Because if you become a mom, if you're an adult and you're meeting new people, like navigating that.
• 14:07
  So it seems like the topics that people have wanted us to talk about are about friendships in general, but.
• 14:14
  I thought that it's been interesting that's been something that people have asked about, like over and over again.
• 14:19
  And I've spent time in my dms like going back and forth and I'm like, this is fascinating.
• 14:24
  When I brought it up to you, you related it to a quote that you had heard from Kelly Rippa.
• 14:31
  Yes.
• 14:32
  So I was listening to the Kelly Ripper's podcast last week, and she had Aria Baldwin on.
• 14:37
  And she's another person who the media portrays as one person.
• 14:42
  But then when you really peel back the layers, she's actually something entirely different.
• 14:47
  And so Kelly Rippa said, I do not commit girl on girl crime.
• 14:53
  I love that.
• 14:53
  And I was fascinated by what that meant to her and what it meant to her and what it meant to.
• 15:00
  Hi, were the same, but they took it to two different places.
• 15:03
  So Kelly said, I do not commit girl on girl crime if.
• 15:07
  Another female actress gets a part over me.
• 15:11
  I will not say I'm better than her and I'm prettier than her.
• 15:15
  I'm not gonna put her down.
• 15:16
  I'm gonna put myself in an uncomfortable situation of saying maybe I'm just not good enough.
• 15:21
  Yeah.
• 15:21
  Or maybe she was better.
• 15:23
  I'm not immediately gonna go to putting her down.
• 15:27
  Yeah.
• 15:27
  And I thought, wow, that takes a very strong and evolved person to think that way.
• 15:32
  Yep.
• 15:33
  And hilarious said from Alec, from a mom point of view, she has daughters herself.
• 15:38
  We have daughters.
• 15:39
  Mm-hmm.
• 15:40
  And when your daughter gets her heartbroken from the first time by a boy because he likes another girl, instead of, your gut reaction and I wanna talk about these gut reactions, right?
• 15:50
  Yeah.
• 15:51
  Like your gut reaction is to like shit on that other girl always.
• 15:54
  That other girl is not as cute as you are, as nice as you or whatever.
• 15:57
  But you're all, you're teaching your daughters to commit girl on girl, these girl on girl crimes without even meaning to do it.
• 16:03
  Because it's usually coming from a place of you're not doing it to really shit on the other girl.
• 16:09
  You're doing it to build someone else up.
• 16:11
  But why does it have to come at the expense of putting someone else down?
• 16:15
  Right.
• 16:15
  So I agree, but I guess when you just by hearing that out loud and realizing that I do that.
• 16:23
  I do that more than I wanna do it.
• 16:24
  I don't wanna do it anymore.
• 16:25
  And if I do it and I catch myself doing it, I wanna stop.
• 16:28
  You wanna change it and I wanna change it.
• 16:30
  And so there are certain things that as you evolve in your life, like as you evolve with your friends and you wanna stop behaviors that you're doing, sometimes you have to also stop friendships or pause friendships because.
• 16:46
  I think it's only normal to sometimes take on some behaviors of friends.
• 16:50
  And that could be really good.
• 16:52
  I have some friends that I've met that have just changed me so much in such a good way.
• 16:56
  Like even you have changed me so much in such a positive way.
• 16:59
  You've helped me become so much more organized and thoughtful and methodical.
• 17:04
  Like I'm just saying that there's a lot of different people can change you people, different people can bring out different things.
• 17:10
  Agree.
• 17:10
  And you, and I think that I loved that, like when you said that,'cause we had spoken about potentially how we could talk about this in a bigger way and dissect it a little bit.
• 17:20
  And I loved that.
• 17:22
  Immediately you thought of that quote because I was like that.
• 17:25
  I think that we do that as women.
• 17:28
  And here we are sitting admitting that we do that.
• 17:30
  Yeah.
• 17:30
  As women.
• 17:31
  And we don't mean to, and it's not coming from a negative place all of the time.
• 17:36
  But we want to change because.
• 17:38
  First of all, I feel like the world would be so much more of a happier place if like women could just really get along, and then secondly, I think it's important for the next generation to see that type of behavior.
• 17:54
  I think if you can model a different behavior, something that's not as toxic, much more healthy, then they don't know any different.
• 18:02
  They won't know to treat women a different way, if they're seeing their mom, women, that they're surrounded by older women that are role models, women that are role models for them.
• 18:12
  If they see that's how they're treating other women, then they'll treat women that way.
• 18:17
  And so I think that this is something that like, once again, our generation has to stop.
• 18:22
  I feel like our generation is really the generation that's seeing a lot of things and like raising their hands and like trying to do better.
• 18:31
  And this is something that I think that we can do better at.
• 18:34
  Yeah.
• 18:35
  And teach generations to come, how to like, stop this and behave a different way.
• 18:40
  It's a very thought provoking quote and it's a very thought provoking I guess way of reframing you can't change somebody overnight.
• 18:48
  No.
• 18:49
  But sometimes just putting a new thought on your radar is enough to help you stop yourself when you are gonna Maybe just self-awareness.
• 18:56
  Yeah.
• 18:57
  Yeah.
• 18:57
  A little more self awareness.
• 18:58
  Yeah.
• 18:58
  And I think sometimes if you're aware, and I'm sure everybody listening because you had said when that was, that podcast was very impactful.
• 19:04
  So if something that we say maybe resonates so that maybe you don't change right away, but you're aware of the behavior.
• 19:11
  Alright, so I didn't get an invitation to a birthday party.
• 19:15
  I was actually okay with it.
• 19:18
  And I thought I would have fomo.
• 19:20
  I was okay with it.
• 19:20
  I was like, no that's actually okay.
• 19:22
  And then I had another friend say to me, I can't believe you didn't get invited this and that.
• 19:27
  That was so rude.
• 19:28
  And I said, no, like you are starting a problem now.
• 19:31
  There is no problem now you are the problem.
• 19:34
  There was no problem before.
• 19:36
  But you know how easy it is to get sucked into that.
• 19:38
  It is.
• 19:39
  And say, oh you are right.
• 19:41
  Oh, now my feelings are hurt.
• 19:43
  Oh, this or that.
• 19:44
  Do you, would you have considered yourself.
• 19:47
  I guess because now we're in our, almost, we're in our late thirties, almost 40, which is crazy.
• 19:52
  Would you consider yourself more of a kind of chameleon type of person?
• 19:57
  Do you go group to group and change a little bit of your behaviors and like who you are?
• 20:04
  Like depending on the group.
• 20:05
  So if for example, if like you were going into a group and everyone was talking shit about someone, do you jump in?
• 20:13
  Geez, that's a pretty loaded question.
• 20:15
  I think it's only.
• 20:16
  Normal for me to talk about a topic that's on the table.
• 20:20
  And I think if like a topic about politics is on the table, I'm gonna weigh in a little bit about what I know.
• 20:24
  I think if it's a topic about children, I'm gonna weigh in a little bit about I know.
• 20:28
  And if it's a topic about another female, unfortunately I'm gonna weigh in on that too.
• 20:33
  And I don't like that part of myself, but I, it's very natural.
• 20:37
  I think I, I think it's very natural.
• 20:39
  And I think, unfortunately, yep, I do that.
• 20:41
  And I think I have a lot of different friend groups and I think I play the same role in all of my friend groups.
• 20:47
  I like my space, so I like to be on the outskirts of all of my friend groups too.
• 20:53
  I don't like to be the center front and center.
• 20:56
  Yeah.
• 20:56
  But I think you find out how you feel about certain conversations.
• 21:00
  Like you leave a party or an event or a breakfast or wherever you know, work and you're like, oh man, I don't like how those conversations felt.
• 21:07
  Eventually you're gonna learn not to have that conversation again.
• 21:10
  I think that what you said is so true, a lot of it's just like how we're naturally wired and it's also about fitting in a certain way and it's, it's not oh, it's the cool thing to talk shit about somebody, but it's sometimes it's.
• 21:24
  It's like you said, like you just you're not gonna sit there like a mute, you're not gonna sit there and not participate.
• 21:29
  And then it's also harder to be the one that's guys, okay, we really shouldn't be talking about somebody right this way.
• 21:35
  And I, and that doesn't really happen, I think.
• 21:37
  No.
• 21:37
  So I think it's natural.
• 21:39
  I think if I didn't like how something was going, I would just walk away, kind of remove yourself.
• 21:44
  I think I would just remove myself.
• 21:45
  But I think that a topic that has come up in my messages is I guess navigating how hard this is.
• 21:53
  And I guess when you start getting older, I think this sort of naturally happens.
• 21:58
  And I always remember like hearing things like, oh, when you're in your thirties, you just don't give a shit as much.
• 22:04
  You just don't care as much about what other people think.
• 22:06
  And yes, I think that's true.
• 22:08
  You care more about what you think of yourself and how that feels, which is very true.
• 22:13
  But I also think that if you add having kids and a family into your life, it creates a layer of there now there's just something else for you to take care of.
• 22:25
  And to worry about and to I guess eat up like the what, the remaining energy that you have.
• 22:31
  I think that becomes less appealing and you're a little, you theoretically should be a little bit more comfortable with yourself to just be like, okay, I don't, like you said I don't really wanna be here, I don't like the way this conversation's going.
• 22:42
  You remove yourself from it.
• 22:43
  When you have kids, you just don't have energy for it.
• 22:48
  And you've put your energy into.
• 22:50
  Your children and your spouse.
• 22:52
  'cause that's what you value most.
• 22:53
  That's what you wanna prioritize.
• 22:55
  And when you wanna incorporate friendships into that, it's typically either you have friendships that are separate, that you have like girl time, then you form these new friends that are almost become like family friends where you could do things together and share your time together.
• 23:10
  And typically when you have friends like that, you wanna have shared values because the kids have to align the husbands, the wives.
• 23:18
  That's a highly coveted friendship when you can have friends that, share family time.
• 23:23
  For sure.
• 23:23
  And those are the friendships that I enjoy the most now because my time is blend it together.
• 23:30
  My time is valuable.
• 23:31
  Your time is valuable.
• 23:32
  My friend's time is valuable.
• 23:34
  We have work time, we have family time, we have kids' activity time, and then we have social time.
• 23:40
  And the social time is limited.
• 23:42
  So if you can.
• 23:44
  Blend it together.
• 23:45
  I think that's pretty amazing.
• 23:47
  And my kids are not gonna see me having caddy fights and talks, and if I don't wanna behave a certain way in front of my kids.
• 23:56
  I was gonna say, I think that part of it becomes that you put a responsibility on yourself to be better than that.
• 24:03
  Yeah.
• 24:03
  And that's how I find myself trying to behave.
• 24:06
  Or you're just, again, back to that self-awareness, like when you have little people watching what you're doing, you're way more aware of what you're doing and like the negative behaviors that you may be doing that you may have just done in the past.
• 24:21
  You're just like, someone's watching me they're literally absorbing all of this.
• 24:26
  And it's a weight on you of I wanna behave a different way.
• 24:30
  Like sometimes I, I like, it's like you're biting your tongue, like where you're like, I would behave a certain way, but I can't do that right now.
• 24:37
  I think some of it it's a complicated, multi-layered kind of answer of like, why, I guess as you are into your thirties, maybe even your late twenties, I feel like you just want to phase out of that behavior.
• 24:52
  Yeah.
• 24:52
  And why it doesn't appeal.
• 24:54
  I find myself, since becoming a mom, I feel like I've always been a girl's girl i've had a lot of the same friendships like my entire life and, or like the entire like season since starting that life.
• 25:08
  I have friendships from college that I met, like at the beginning of college, and they're still some of my dearest friends.
• 25:14
  I have friendships from childhood that are still some of my dearest friends.
• 25:18
  So I feel like I've always been able to maintain those relationships.
• 25:23
  And I've always appreciated women a lot.
• 25:25
  And I've always been a girl's girl.
• 25:27
  I'm not like a guy's girl, I've always been a girl's girl.
• 25:29
  But I find since becoming a mom that I really like love on other women.
• 25:35
  And I find myself like really respecting a lot of other women and like what they're going through and I'm finding myself way less judgmental, way more compassionate.
• 25:45
  I just feel like it, it has softened me so much in a really good way.
• 25:50
  And it also has put up a wall for caddy bullshit like when you're around people and they don't bring out a good side of you I shut down faster than I did before.
• 26:05
  Yeah.
• 26:06
  So I feel like I've always been like that'cause I'm a sensitive person, but like now I feel like I'm softer, but then also harder.
• 26:13
  Yeah.
• 26:13
  Like, if I don't like the vibe of something, it's gone.
• 26:17
  Yeah.
• 26:17
  Like it's gone.
• 26:18
  I think, I think sensitivity comes in all different forms and I think that when you become a mother for the most part you become quite empathetic.
• 26:28
  Empathetic, that's the perfect word.
• 26:30
  Yep.
• 26:31
  And I just think it just, you end up taking on the feelings of your children.
• 26:35
  Yep.
• 26:35
  And then that also carries over to you take on the feelings of the other people around you.
• 26:41
  So like for instance, I can put off nervous energy sometimes when I'm nervous I could put that onto somebody else and they may not wanna be around that.
• 26:49
  And that is okay.
• 26:50
  I can put off other energy sometimes that might make somebody feel very comfortable and wanna share things with me that I would never share with anybody else.
• 26:58
  When somebody shares information with me, I feel like it's so special that somebody wanted to tell me something personal that I like that is just so special that I just wanna hold it tight.
• 27:08
  My energy shifts, other people's energy shifts.
• 27:11
  And I think that with that shift of energy also is another shift of friendships.
• 27:16
  There is sometimes women that have very like intense energy and like competitive energy and those would make really great friends to play tennis with.
• 27:25
  Didn't know.
• 27:25
  Oh yeah, there, that's a good point.
• 27:27
  There are other friends that like just are philosophical, and have like interesting viewpoints on the world.
• 27:35
  And those are great friends too.
• 27:37
  I think that you have to look at women having multiple parts.
• 27:41
  It's not one person is one thing to, in your life for like specific things and specific moments that you would want certain like I guess because everybody is so multifaceted.
• 27:50
  Yes.
• 27:50
  So it's like sometimes, like you said, like appreciating that, yes.
• 27:53
  Appreciating that and like what it brings out of you and placing those people and being able to like, give and take accordingly with when it jives with your life.
• 28:03
  And somebody is gonna give and take for me too.
• 28:06
  But as long as that jive feels like it is a give and take, and it is not just like you are depleting all of my energy.
• 28:15
  'Cause my energy needs to be saved for me.
• 28:18
  I like my energy and then I like to save it for my husband and my kids.
• 28:22
  Do you feel like you take on a role in a friendship?
• 28:27
  I know people always talk about sex in the city.
• 28:29
  Yes.
• 28:29
  And those like four.
• 28:31
  Roles.
• 28:32
  Yes.
• 28:32
  And I just I just actually listened to Alex Cooper's podcast.
• 28:35
  Oh, she interviewed Sarah Jessica Parker.
• 28:36
  Oh yes.
• 28:36
  I've been wanting to do that.
• 28:37
  Yep.
• 28:37
  Oh my god, what a terrific, first of all, she's a terrific interviewer.
• 28:40
  Yeah, she's amazing.
• 28:41
  Oh, that's been on my list.
• 28:42
  'cause I knew, I was so excited and they, she talked about all of these different roles and this show was filmed in the early nineties, it's 30 years.
• 28:49
  Episode was right, or almost 30 years, nineties.
• 28:52
  So like to have a character, like a, like a Samantha back then, like that was that's so cool.
• 28:59
  Huge.
• 28:59
  Cool.
• 28:59
  That was huge.
• 29:00
  But people always at least my girlfriends always joke oh, who's more like this?
• 29:04
  Who's more like that?
• 29:04
  And I think if you really think about it, you could take on all of those personas for sure in a week.
• 29:10
  I think that I am a little of everybody, but like you definitely for some reason in friendship groups.
• 29:17
  It's very natural for someone to be the smart one.
• 29:22
  Yeah.
• 29:22
  Someone to be the wild one.
• 29:24
  Yes.
• 29:24
  Someone to be the pretty one.
• 29:26
  Someone to be the alpha.
• 29:28
  And I think that gets really exhausting.
• 29:31
  Sure.
• 29:31
  I think, and I think that it's also not true.
• 29:33
  It's not, it's just type casting somebody Yeah.
• 29:36
  For that.
• 29:37
  And I think it gets messy that way.
• 29:39
  And it also limits your social interactions.
• 29:42
  Yeah.
• 29:42
  If there can only be one of each.
• 29:44
  Yeah.
• 29:44
  And I think it breeds unnecessary competition within a group sometimes.
• 29:49
  And it's not really like accurate, like it's not really, it's, I feel like it's just very one dimensional.
• 29:56
  Yeah.
• 29:56
  And then it creates this like girl on girl crime we were saying like even sitting here today, somebody could be watching us and be like, oh, I think that one's prettier than the other one.
• 30:06
  Or I think that one's thinner than the other one.
• 30:07
  Or I think this it could just be, I like listening to this one better.
• 30:12
  It doesn't have to be because that one is something negative.
• 30:17
  Like we could, you could just say good about one Yes.
• 30:20
  And say nothing about another.
• 30:22
  I relate to this one more.
• 30:24
  Therefore, I like listening to her viewpoint more.
• 30:28
  It doesn't have to be I like this one, so I don't like this other one.
• 30:31
  It's just, I think that it's almost just eliminating that second part of the negativity.
• 30:38
  And it's reframing your mind to do that.
• 30:41
  Yeah.
• 30:42
  I like that a lot.
• 30:43
  Yeah.
• 30:43
  It's hard.
• 30:44
  Nick Nicholas gets a lot of questions sometimes about referrals.
• 30:48
  Would you see somebody, and Nick has always said to me.
• 30:51
  Never say a bad thing about another physician.
• 30:53
  Never say anything bad.
• 30:54
  You can say good, you can say all the good you want.
• 30:57
  We never say anything bad about a physician.
• 30:59
  It's a code.
• 31:00
  We never say anything bad.
• 31:02
  And I was like, oh wow, that is such an upstanding code.
• 31:06
  Women should maybe start living by that same, by that code.
• 31:09
  Just say positive.
• 31:11
  Throw it in as much positive as you can.
• 31:14
  You know what, and I think that us, again, going back to the generational thing, we only have our generation to relate to and to like, yeah.
• 31:21
  That's where we grew up.
• 31:22
  So it's hard to know, what other people think and what they're surrounded by.
• 31:26
  But if you think about us being born in the eighties, really having a childhood in the nineties.
• 31:33
  And early two thousands.
• 31:34
  If you think back to the media messaging back then and like the.
• 31:39
  Body.
• 31:40
  Oh my God.
• 31:40
  Shaming.
• 31:40
  Like Bill Clinton.
• 31:42
  That whole scandal was going on when we were in the nineties.
• 31:44
  With Monica Wind.
• 31:46
  How everyone shamed her and her body.
• 31:48
  Yes.
• 31:48
  There was lots of shaming and you couldn't stand in a grocery line without seeing a nasty tabloid about somebody.
• 31:55
  It was either somebody's out like drinking, and oh, she's a drunk and somebody's on the beach.
• 32:01
  Oh, how dare she be on a beach looking like that?
• 32:03
  That was the messaging that we were surrounded by from like the highest.
• 32:07
  And I also think that's when, like this was before social media.
• 32:10
  That's when like media was everything.
• 32:11
  It was how you got all your information.
• 32:13
  So that was the messaging that we were inundated with as young girls.
• 32:18
  And so it's like, how could we expect ourselves to behave any other way except that, because that's what we were born and lived by.
• 32:27
  Which is crazy.
• 32:28
  I know.
• 32:29
  It's, and I think it's come a long way, but again, I think it goes back to it's like it's how we're programmed to think about things, right?
• 32:39
  We're looking for new, we're rediscovering like our self-worth and how ways that we define our self-worth.
• 32:48
  And I think that oftentimes what we criticize in others is what we fear for in ourselves.
• 32:55
  Yeah.
• 32:55
  Oh, for sure.
• 32:55
  And a, that's a nicer way of saying you are just jealous of that girl.
• 33:01
  Yes.
• 33:02
  Yes.
• 33:03
  This is just, this is actually just like a softer way of saying like what in somebody else.
• 33:08
  Sometimes you might see in yourself or what you fear you don't have in yourself, what you don't have.
• 33:12
  When I look at another person that maybe I wanna be in that place.
• 33:18
  And maybe that's a good thing.
• 33:19
  Maybe that could be a good conversation.
• 33:21
  Wow, I love how you have gotten to this point.
• 33:24
  But maybe, sometimes it's hard to say that to somebody.
• 33:26
  It is.
• 33:27
  So what the natural reaction is to be nasty to that person, ice them out.
• 33:31
  Yep.
• 33:32
  And then you're labeled being jealous of them.
• 33:35
  And I think there's a lot of strength in owning your own insecurities, right?
• 33:39
  So a lot of it is coming from like an insecure place.
• 33:42
  So if somebody has something that maybe you want, the first thing is to put them down, right?
• 33:49
  So that you feel better about yourself.
• 33:51
  And instead of looking up to a woman and saying oh wow, like I so admire this about you.
• 33:57
  Because if you say that to somebody, you know how nice that must feel.
• 34:00
  And then it like brings you together.
• 34:02
  I've seen this, in my youth, I saw this like when girls would fight over boys or like the soccer team.
• 34:10
  I remember I didn't make a soccer team when I was in seventh grade, and my parents, I think still hold a grudge over that.
• 34:15
  I've moved on.
• 34:16
  I'm, but that was what was being said to me, right?
• 34:20
  This was fixed or this was that.
• 34:22
  Instead of saying T you know what, you didn't practice all summer like the other girls.
• 34:27
  You gotta try this, and this.
• 34:28
  That would've been actual helpful.
• 34:30
  It's like constructive criticism or constructive feedback.
• 34:33
  Constructive feedback.
• 34:33
  'cause I think, yeah, I,'cause I, I'm like, thinking back, it's making me think back on like childhood and just even the position that I'm in now.
• 34:40
  Mm-hmm.
• 34:41
  Where it is.
• 34:43
  I grew up dancing.
• 34:44
  I grew up in theater, so it's like you're competing for roles, you're competing for the front spot and you're competing for captain, you're competing for all of these things.
• 34:54
  And I feel like it builds a lot of like really good character, but it brings out a lot of like negativity because.
• 35:02
  There's only so many spots for certain things.
• 35:05
  There's only so many roles for certain things.
• 35:08
  And so it is it's very interesting, like looking back and then even as an influencer now I've been doing this for almost 15 years and I have a core group of friends that I wouldn't even consider I feel like sometimes you consider them peers, oh, they do the same thing as you or colleagues if you wanna call them that.
• 35:30
  I have a core group that have moved way beyond that and are friends, like we are best friends outside of influencing and blogging.
• 35:40
  And.
• 35:40
  The way we get pitted against each other.
• 35:43
  My friend Marissa from Style cus who just started her podcast, she has a beautiful first three episodes.
• 35:50
  You should go listen to her.
• 35:51
  We have overcome that and I, she's gonna come on the podcast soon too, and we wanna talk about, let talk about that because we've been able to navigate literally being in direct quote unquote competition with each other all the time.
• 36:07
  And we've put that aside and it's like there's room for both of us.
• 36:12
  It doesn't have to be one or the other.
• 36:14
  It doesn't, just because she's successful at something doesn't mean I'm not successful at something.
• 36:19
  And I think that me and her specifically, that friendship we've gone through so much even like online trolls, it's incredible.
• 36:29
  I feel like we've gone through all of that and we have like battle scars to prove it.
• 36:33
  Like our friendship has surpassed that bs.
• 36:37
  You know what I mean?
• 36:38
  And there's room for everybody.
• 36:41
  And I've found that's a lot of growth.
• 36:44
  Like I've had to overcome certain tendencies.
• 36:47
  There is room for both of us.
• 36:49
  It's not one captain, it's not one front spot.
• 36:51
  There's room for everybody.
• 36:53
  So I think that sometimes growing up in that, like competitive, well you just gave a backstory about the last 25 years of your life where that is the environment where that you did grow up in.
• 37:03
  So then you pivot to a female of dominated, a female dominated industry for sure.
• 37:09
  Where now you think you're competing.
• 37:12
  In some situations you are, a brand is gonna pick two people.
• 37:15
  It's either gonna be you or your friend.
• 37:17
  How do you navigate that?
• 37:19
  Navigate working.
• 37:21
  Having an income, your livelihood, and also navigating a healthy friendship with this friend.
• 37:27
  It's hard every single time.
• 37:28
  Yes.
• 37:29
  And not getting sucked into Yep.
• 37:32
  That it's constant work and it's constant assurance and trust and it's just being, It's having to overcome being uncomfortable with parts of yourself, oh yeah, for sure.
• 37:43
  Oh, yeah.
• 37:43
  My closest friends, I can have a temper tantrum in front of and yell at them.
• 37:48
  And then be like, sorry about that.
• 37:50
  Yeah.
• 37:51
  Like I had a temper, I had a fight with my best friend the other day for sure.
• 37:54
  And I yelled and screamed at her like a child in front of our children, and the kids were like looking at us like, oh, what is happening right now?
• 38:03
  And then she said to my husband, I think your wife hates me.
• 38:06
  And Nick was like, if she hated you, she would not have a temper tantrum in front of you.
• 38:11
  She would've had a temper tantrum in private.
• 38:13
  Like to me, or like to her mom or her sisters.
• 38:15
  Like I'm just saying like that is, I guess that's my love language.
• 38:19
  That's how I show the people around me that I love them.
• 38:22
  And sometimes it's hard.
• 38:24
  It is when Yep.
• 38:26
  You, you know, Communicate differently with your friends or you expect something differently outta your friends.
• 38:32
  And you just said it though.
• 38:32
  I think that so much of it is just owning up to Yes.
• 38:36
  If you do something out of character, if you do something that might offend somebody else, own it.
• 38:42
  Right.
• 38:42
  And apologize.
• 38:44
  Yes.
• 38:44
  And I think, so that's sometimes navigating female friendships.
• 38:48
  I think as you get a little bit older, there's not time and energy where you can just sit on the phone and, and talk things through for hours and hours at a time.
• 38:58
  To, come back to things like, you have to take accountability for certain behaviors.
• 39:03
  And we've all gone through huge transformations, whether you've had kids or not, just going and growing through life.
• 39:09
  But I think that the friendships that last are the ones that you're held accountable for.
• 39:16
  Like the ones that.
• 39:18
  You can be the worst version of yourself, but you own it.
• 39:21
  And you come back from it.
• 39:22
  I have a lot of friendships from growing up in elementary school.
• 39:25
  I have some friendships from high school.
• 39:27
  I do not have a lot from college.
• 39:29
  I have one or two.
• 39:30
  And I think if I think back to college, I was probably not the best version of myself.
• 39:35
  I was probably hanging out with people that were either like, we were just partying all the time.
• 39:40
  We were in college friends, social friends.
• 39:42
  Those are not friendships that are gonna withstand the test of time.
• 39:45
  Or I had friends that were just, in my major and we were studying.
• 39:48
  I have two really good friends, Danielle and Dave, that I still keep in touch with.
• 39:51
  And that's really it.
• 39:54
  A lot of my friendships have come from.
• 39:57
  Doing things together.
• 39:58
  So my two friends from home that I'm closest with, we did feeder and dance together, and then my girlfriend's from college, we danced together.
• 40:07
  And then I do have two other girlfriends that I lived with.
• 40:10
  And so I feel like when you have that commonality that's, those are my circles.
• 40:14
  When you have that commonality of sharing to do something together, it helps withstand things.
• 40:20
  Like at the end.
• 40:21
  And they're not just social friends because you were friends on, you were doing something together, right?
• 40:25
  Like you were actually like working and, and learning how to work together and.
• 40:30
  Teammates or, doing something together.
• 40:32
  I think that kind of helps build that comradery.
• 40:34
  I think that's why that's so important, right?
• 40:37
  That's why as much as we complain and shit on activities, they are so important for kids.
• 40:42
  Mm-hmm.
• 40:43
  And that's what can come out of it.
• 40:44
  It's that's something that you could think of when you're chauffeuring your kids around town.
• 40:48
  It's like it's teaching and helping to withstand friendships, right?
• 40:52
  Like over time I feel like it helps so much.
• 40:54
  But it's so true.
• 40:56
  It's so hard to navigate those friendships as they change, right?
• 41:00
  Because your lives are changing and you may grow apart from certain people and.
• 41:06
  As you age and as you go through things in life, you might look back and be like, that was a toxic friendship.
• 41:12
  Or maybe I wasn't a really good friend, or maybe I wasn't, I was maybe a toxic person in that person's life.
• 41:17
  I try not to be a toxic person in everybody's life, but I'm sure I have played one in another person's life.
• 41:22
  Of course.
• 41:22
  If I made that, if I wasn't making that person feel great every day.
• 41:25
  Yep.
• 41:25
  And that's okay.
• 41:26
  Maybe it wasn't my intention.
• 41:28
  It doesn't always have to be somebody's intention.
• 41:30
  But if it's how you feel, you have to sit in that feeling.
• 41:32
  For sure.
• 41:32
  Regardless of the intention.
• 41:34
  For sure.
• 41:34
  Whether it's good or bad.
• 41:35
  Yep.
• 41:35
  And now I have daughters, one of my daughters is on a dance team.
• 41:39
  We had the dance party last night and one thing that I love so much about this dance team is it's more the girls learning how to dance and move their bodies.
• 41:47
  They, the older girls take care of the little girls.
• 41:50
  They set an example.
• 41:51
  They have to help each other, they have to love each other.
• 41:53
  They don't compete against each other.
• 41:54
  They compete as a team.
• 41:57
  And it is very.
• 41:58
  Much.
• 41:59
  And still day one, the woman that owns the program and runs the program has the girl sign a social code of conduct.
• 42:05
  And it says even though maybe sometimes you are technically competing against each other, if you're just in the same category and you're the same age and you're both doing a solo that's maybe hip hop, even though she really tries hard not to ever have multiple categories where that could happen, we are competing as a team.
• 42:22
  And I love that.
• 42:23
  And also I've taught my daughter, you may not actually jive with every girl on that team, and that is okay too.
• 42:30
  But this is how we're gonna create, you have to learn to work together create, create healthy boundaries.
• 42:32
  This is how you create your distance from somebody.
• 42:35
  This is how you reset.
• 42:37
  This is how you talk to that person, I think that what I think the message is, is that it's, you want to teach.
• 42:44
  Younger girls, our daughters, these things to hopefully like break that generational cycle.
• 42:52
  Yeah.
• 42:53
  But you have to model it yourself, right?
• 42:57
  Yeah.
• 42:57
  It's, it doesn't always come natural.
• 42:59
  It doesn't, but I think that's part of growth.
• 43:02
  I really feel like I've grown tremendously in that area.
• 43:07
  In both, I would say good ways and bad ways.
• 43:10
  And I don't mean my growth has been bad.
• 43:12
  I mean that I have grown in a lot of ways and it's okay to let certain things go because of the growth, to recognize behavior patterns that you don't wanna be around.
• 43:26
  Like you said if I'm making somebody feel badly about themselves or if they're making me feel badly about themselves, then that's not an okay situation then.
• 43:35
  That's, then that's it, and just being okay with that, I guess like a good takeaway would say if you're trying to model this to your daughter or to yourself by saying instead of just me being like, Bon temples aren't mean, don't be mean.
• 43:48
  Those words have no meaning behind it.
• 43:50
  No.
• 43:50
  Another way needs to be like, let's take a step back.
• 43:54
  Let's pause.
• 43:56
  Are you feeling right now?
• 43:57
  You're feeling like overworked, you're feeling agitated, this person, and you clearly aren't jiving right now.
• 44:04
  Maybe you can leave it there.
• 44:05
  You are feeling agitated.
• 44:07
  You're feeling overwhelmed.
• 44:09
  That is okay.
• 44:10
  Take a step back.
• 44:10
  Some people make me feel agitated and overwhelmed.
• 44:13
  Let's not now do the same thing back to that person.
• 44:16
  And you also don't have to make it a thing, right?
• 44:18
  It's just okay, yeah, that's okay.
• 44:20
  Like you have to just be, it's like going back to what we talk about all the time on the podcast is just like rolling with things.
• 44:27
  Mm-hmm.
• 44:27
  Like That's okay.
• 44:28
  You're not meant to have close knit relationships with every single person on the planet.
• 44:34
  Right.
• 44:34
  But you're also not allowed to go through life being a straight a-hole to everybody.
• 44:39
  So it's like kind of finding that balance of being okay, like learning to just deal with people.
• 44:45
  Like just learning to be right.
• 44:46
  Like with certain people and being okay with you're not gonna be liked by everybody.
• 44:51
  You're not gonna be best friends with everybody.
• 44:53
  And learning how, I think even to not make things a thing like.
• 44:58
  It's just okay, so just take a step back.
• 45:01
  Remove yourself from the situation.
• 45:03
  You don't have to be enemies.
• 45:05
  Sometimes, but you have to be friends.
• 45:06
  Yeah.
• 45:06
  Sometimes giving it light is worse.
• 45:10
  I don't know.
• 45:10
  My therapist had told me like something that I was working through, she's like, don't even repeat the story.
• 45:15
  'cause if you even repeat the story, you've given it light.
• 45:19
  Yeah.
• 45:19
  You've given it energy.
• 45:20
  You can break it down enough to yourself.
• 45:24
  You don't have to always break everything down with another person and run it by somebody else.
• 45:28
  Because even that.
• 45:29
  Could make it bigger than it has to be.
• 45:31
  My husband, Raja has, that's his kind of thing is, he has said that to me on like multiple occasions because I tend to like harp on things.
• 45:39
  That's like definitely something that I'm working through.
• 45:42
  It's definitely something that I am, I would say I'm coming on the other side of because I'm not giving things energy that don't need energy.
• 45:50
  I'm just which I think is huge growth from where I've come.
• 45:53
  I used to walk on eggshells around certain people and oh, they're mad at me.
• 45:58
  Or oh, I did, like maybe this didn't go the way I wanted it to go.
• 46:02
  Or I may have said something or they did something, but I didn't address it.
• 46:05
  And so there's just, and like right now I'm just kind of like.
• 46:09
  That's, that's okay.
• 46:11
  We're moving on, but we're not gonna give it any more energy.
• 46:13
  And so I think that's, that comes with age and just experience, right?
• 46:17
  Where you're just like, it's okay.
• 46:19
  We're moving on.
• 46:20
  It doesn't need ev not every single thing in life, which is crazy because we talk so much about like therapy and the importance of being aware of your feelings.
• 46:29
  Mm-hmm.
• 46:29
  But not everything needs to, not everything deserves like.
• 46:34
  Your undivided attention.
• 46:37
  And I agree.
• 46:37
  Stress.
• 46:38
  And I love that you said that.
• 46:39
  Yeah.
• 46:39
  Because it's not everything needs to be a thing.
• 46:41
  No.
• 46:42
  And'cause that's the, I think that's sometimes the direction we're going in is that you're like, oh, like I need to work through every possible no fight and every, and it no, you don't sometimes you just need to step away and move on.
• 46:56
  Mm-hmm.
• 46:56
  And not everything needs that sort of attention and energy from you, because that's also toxic, like you're saying, like rehashing things constantly.
• 47:04
  And if you have to do that over and over again with people, with whoever, it's not worth your energy.
• 47:11
  You have to know when to back off.
• 47:13
  What are other common girl on girl crimes?
• 47:17
  I remember when I was a kid, a girl on girl crime would be like copying another girl.
• 47:21
  Like If a girl got like a pair of sneakers and you got the same pair of sneakers oh my God, she copied me.
• 47:26
  She got the same pair of sneakers.
• 47:28
  Can you believe that?
• 47:29
  And I can almost see this now happening with my daughters because there are some girls that are like territorial of like certain clothes.
• 47:36
  And like my daughter was like, oh, she doesn't want me to, she has that dress so I can't have it.
• 47:41
  And I don't model that with my friends.
• 47:44
  I think it's like a joke now when a friend has something.
• 47:47
  Yeah.
• 47:47
  I'm like, where did you get that screenshot?
• 47:50
  I'm getting that.
• 47:50
  I love that.
• 47:51
  But I think that the girl on girl crime is not copying.
• 47:55
  It's because I think that's look at what I do for a living.
• 47:57
  I'm an influencer.
• 47:58
  It's like I, my job is to get people to copy what I'm doing.
• 48:02
  'Cause you're sharing it.
• 48:03
  And I'm sharing it.
• 48:04
  You hope that people copy what you're doing.
• 48:06
  The crime is when you don't give credit for something.
• 48:10
  That's when I think it's a crime.
• 48:12
  I don't think it's a crime to copy.
• 48:13
  I think it's a crime to act like you discovered it.
• 48:17
  That's the crime that sends you right to freaking jail in my book.
• 48:21
  Because especially if you like blatantly saw it on somebody else, like you would say to whoever I just got that too because I saw it on you.
• 48:31
  And I think that's, no, that's not a crime, right?
• 48:33
  That is like complimenting, that's also making somebody feel very validated, like by oh, great, like they saw something.
• 48:39
  It's a compliment, right?
• 48:40
  Like it's a compliment if somebody likes something and then they wanna do it and they compliment you and say, I saw this on you.
• 48:47
  There's no better feeling in the world, right?
• 48:49
  It's a crime to.
• 48:52
  Pretend that you did it first.
• 48:54
  That's when I'm like, that's also lying.
• 48:56
  So it's lying, but it's fraudulent.
• 48:59
  I'm just saying that's something that has evolved in my life for sure.
• 49:02
  Because when I was probably 10 years old, I was probably too embarrassed to say, yeah, I saw them on you when I wanted to get them.
• 49:07
  So I said nothing.
• 49:08
  So I probably committed that crime and pissed that girl off and pushed her away from me.
• 49:13
  But now as I've evolved into being a little bit more confident Yes.
• 49:17
  And I'm not as insecure, you can say it I can say oh my God, where is this from?
• 49:20
  I want it right now.
• 49:21
  Yeah.
• 49:21
  And I'd be like, I'm gonna get all of it.
• 49:23
  Glad give you gladly.
• 49:24
  Yep.
• 49:24
  I would gladly tell you like, you don't gate, keep the information.
• 49:27
  But it's a, yeah.
• 49:28
  I definitely don't like, and that gets under my skin and that I think will always get under my skin, but it's also because of the type of role that I'm in where there's always gonna be certain things Yep.
• 49:37
  That get under your skin.
• 49:39
  For sure.
• 49:39
  But that I, that's just like one that like for sure sticks out to me that is like an evolution of this.
• 49:47
  Yep.
• 49:47
  Girl on girl.
• 49:48
  I think all crime, another girl and girl crime that's common is like gossip masked as concern, right?
• 49:55
  Does that not always happen?
• 49:56
  I feel like it's an easy way to cover up that you are literally talking shit about somebody.
• 50:01
  Yeah.
• 50:02
  It's funny, I had a friend recently that I was concerned about and I said, what is the purpose of me bringing it up so I can let the, my, her other friends know that I'm concerned and then we can talk about her?
• 50:14
  Maybe in this case, I'm just gonna keep it to myself and I'm just gonna tell her I'm concerned.
• 50:19
  When I'm concerned now you go to the person.
• 50:21
  I just go to the person.
• 50:23
  Because I think that other way, even if maybe you're not.
• 50:27
  If your intention is not to be like, oh, let's gossip, that's what it's gonna turn into for sure.
• 50:32
  So I think breaking that cycle is great.
• 50:34
  I think that, and then that, I think that exact scenario can apply to again, like working through issues.
• 50:41
  I think it's different if you're going to somebody, so say you were concerned about that friend, right?
• 50:46
  And you.
• 50:47
  Wanted advice on how to approach somebody, right?
• 50:50
  If you were like, listen, I'm gonna go to Christina and ask her what's going on?
• 50:54
  Is she okay about this thing?
• 50:56
  Did you notice anything?
• 50:57
  Like, how do you think I should approach her about it?
• 50:59
  That's fine, right?
• 51:00
  I don't think that's a crime.
• 51:01
  That's like genuine concern.
• 51:03
  And maybe trying to approach the situation delicately.
• 51:07
  And like being, I guess just aware of, you know, like I feel like, you don't wanna say that oh, you can never go to another person about somebody else.
• 51:14
  But if you're mad at somebody or if you're concerned about somebody and then you go around, right?
• 51:19
  Like you leave the group chat and you start a new group chat just to talk about those things.
• 51:25
  Unless it's for advice on how to handle the situation, it's a crime.
• 51:29
  Yeah, I agree.
• 51:30
  And then I would think that another one is I think just judgment over things.
• 51:35
  And I know since becoming a mom.
• 51:38
  I feel like, I feel this more than ever is like the judgment on how you do things as a person, as a mother, I feel like that's a crime.
• 51:49
  And I used to do it before becoming a mom, and now I can confidently say that I don't.
• 51:56
  I think that judgment is just a normal part of life.
• 52:00
  But I think.
• 52:02
  You can judge things differently.
• 52:05
  You can, compare, you can share, you can find a commonality within anybody.
• 52:11
  But when you draw a judgment line and you're over here and I'm over here, then that's what tears people apart for sure.
• 52:18
  And that kind of silent sneer is not healthy or just the, again, the I'm doing this better, or I, like I, I really find myself like, again, being empathetic and very compassionate towards everybody's situation.
• 52:33
  Who the f am I to judge you?
• 52:35
  I'm not living your life, and so I really like, I can confidently mm-hmm.
• 52:39
  say that is something that I have grown.
• 52:41
  I don't judge, especially moms I feel like we've all been there, we've all done things that we said that we weren't gonna do.
• 52:48
  We've all become people.
• 52:50
  We swore we weren't going to be, and I just don't.
• 52:54
  Like to sit there and judge somebody else for choices that they're making for themselves, for their family.
• 53:00
  And I honestly think it like says and speaks a lot about who you are as a person if you do that.
• 53:07
  It's one thing to again, think it, it's another thing to show that outward, whether it's inactions or words.
• 53:15
  Yeah.
• 53:15
  Your, even your thoughts are a reflection on your own insecurities.
• 53:18
  Yeah, they are.
• 53:19
  I think sometimes that's better than hold it in, if you're like I've been so guilty of that where I've thought it, like I, I rarely have said things, but I've thought it, but I'm trying to retrain myself to not, and not even have those immediate thoughts.
• 53:31
  No.
• 53:31
  And I think that just going through everything that I have gone through the last couple of years I just feel like I am in no position to judge another person like I have been.
• 53:41
  In the thick of things.
• 53:42
  I have gone through things that have been very difficult.
• 53:45
  They've shaken me to my core and I do not even feel that.
• 53:49
  I I don't even give myself the privilege to judge, especially another mom right now.
• 53:55
  I feel extreme compassion and I literally wanna like, hug all the moms in the world because that's just how I feel.
• 54:03
  So I really hope that I continue with that, yeah.
• 54:07
  It's evident that's how you lead and that's, that shift has occurred because I think it's very easy to do the other, you know, to do the other.
• 54:15
  For sure.
• 54:16
  Like how, what are things that we can do?
• 54:17
  'cause we're saying like modeling that behavior.
• 54:19
  But we're, we've talked a lot about the negative, like what not to do, but what should we do?
• 54:24
  Yeah.
• 54:24
  So instead all right, so I'll give you an example.
• 54:28
  So my oldest son is 12.
• 54:30
  He wanted to take honors classes.
• 54:32
  Next year in middle school, two of his friends were getting into honors classes.
• 54:38
  We are not gonna compare ourselves to those friends.
• 54:42
  We're not gonna even talk about them.
• 54:43
  We're not gonna talk about what they got on their test.
• 54:45
  We are only focusing on you, focusing on ourselves.
• 54:48
  But you can realize, hey, those boys are doing X, Y, and Z and they're working hard, they're having a tutor.
• 54:56
  You wanna also get in, you're gonna use that as healthy, motivation.
• 55:00
  Motivation.
• 55:01
  'Cause you want that same thing too.
• 55:03
  We're not gonna shit on your friend.
• 55:04
  Mm-hmm.
• 55:05
  And say, oh you deserve to get in and not him.
• 55:07
  And we're not even gonna bring other people into these conversations.
• 55:11
  So the messaging is focus on yourself and if we're gonna focus on negative behaviors, which are natural, like those negative behaviors, sometimes I think it's just how we're wired.
• 55:20
  Yeah.
• 55:20
  It's just like natural to do that.
• 55:22
  You correct it.
• 55:23
  Yeah.
• 55:23
  We're just gonna correct it and we're not gonna bring it in.
• 55:26
  And my husband and I are gonna have a lot of debriefing alone if we can ever freaking be alone in this house about.
• 55:33
  How we are gonna try to continue to model that too.
• 55:36
  'cause it's not healthy.
• 55:37
  It's not healthy.
• 55:38
  So you wanna acknowledge your emotion, right?
• 55:40
  You wanna acknowledge, I am frustrated, I am angry.
• 55:43
  I am sad, I don't like this.
• 55:45
  But we don't have to, like you said earlier, not everything has to be a thing.
• 55:49
  We can be, you can be frustrated, you can be mad.
• 55:52
  You can feel jealous.
• 55:53
  Yes.
• 55:53
  You can still feel those natural feelings.
• 55:54
  Feel these feelings.
• 55:55
  But it's what you do after that jealous feeling.
• 55:58
  Feeling jealous is normal.
• 55:59
  I think it is.
• 56:01
  I think it's, you don't have to sit in it and live in jealousy forever.
• 56:04
  I think we used the word for the first time, the mo, it's motivational sometimes to want things and to aspire to be a certain way.
• 56:11
  Yeah.
• 56:12
  But when it starts taking over and becoming a negative thing, that's when you have to redirect.
• 56:18
  And that's when you have to figure it out.
• 56:19
  Because I think a lot of uncomfortable feelings can be productive.
• 56:23
  They even Meg said anxiety can be helpful and productive.
• 56:27
  You need it.
• 56:28
  You need some of it to function.
• 56:29
  You need some of these things to motivate yourself, but it's how do you handle it after that feeling?
• 56:36
  Like you said, I love what you just said.
• 56:38
  Acknowledge emotions without redirecting them towards judgment.
• 56:42
  Yes.
• 56:42
  Love it.
• 56:43
  That's, I think that's, so we're taking accountability for maybe ways that we've behaved in the past.
• 56:48
  We're obviously not sitting up on our high horse No.
• 56:50
  Saying that we haven't done these things.
• 56:52
  We've all done these things.
• 56:54
  But I think that growth is so important and I think that navigating all of this, is what will make you a better person.
• 57:03
  And especially in this season of life.
• 57:05
  That's what we're all aiming for.
• 57:07
  It's just something that we all are aiming for right now here.
• 57:10
  Is just this new thought, this extra layer of my thought process.
• 57:16
  I love it.
• 57:17
  So I think our takeaway and like our call to action this week will be like.
• 57:22
  We're gonna be the ones once again that hope to break this cycle.
• 57:26
  Like us millennial moms, us millennial women, we're gonna be the ones to hopefully stop this cycle.
• 57:31
  So I think as cheesy as this sounds we should pick one woman to celebrate maybe this week.
• 57:39
  Right?
• 57:39
  Oh my God, I love that..
• 57:40
  Like just to pick somebody.
• 57:42
  Your life and celebrate her and actually do it to her.
• 57:46
  Just give somebody a compliment, recommend her to somebody.
• 57:50
  Like I feel like that those like words are so powerful.
• 57:54
  Like reposting people like that are putting themselves out there.
• 57:58
  You guys cannot even understand how grateful we are when you guys repost or when you tell other people about our podcast.
• 58:06
  Like you're, that's doing exactly what we're talking about.
• 58:10
  And I'm not saying that to self-promote us, but that's like when people are putting themselves out there and doing cringey things online, celebrate them, like something, repost them, give them a comment, give them a compliment.
• 58:24
  Like even, you don't even have to do it publicly, but just reach out and Right.
• 58:28
  Don't be like a robot.
• 58:29
  You know what I mean?
• 58:30
  Just be a person.
• 58:32
  And.
• 58:32
  And I'm not saying you can't be direct and you can't have conflict and you can't say, I don't like something.
• 58:38
  You can say all of those things too, but it's the sneaky criticism and the gossip and the backhanded compliments.
• 58:48
  Yep.
• 58:49
  And the, I think it's easy to do those things.
• 58:51
  Comparison.
• 58:51
  Yes.
• 58:51
  It's somehow easier that we're trying to remove Yes.
• 58:54
  It's celebrate the good and vocalize the good.
• 58:58
  I think it's easy to vocalize the bad.
• 59:00
  Yes.
• 59:00
  And I think that spend more time in vocalizing the good, vocalize the good'cause I think it ingrained in us to say what we're feeling about being negative.
• 59:08
  It's even easier to do that right now because we're all like very in our feelings, right?
• 59:13
  But reframe that.
• 59:14
  Yeah.
• 59:14
  If you instead of saying the negative thing, hold in the negative thing, but say the positive thing.
• 59:20
  Train your brain to do that.
• 59:22
  So on a different note, what is your pink spotlight for the week?
• 59:28
  So if you guys are new here, I always have to tell because we get new listeners every week, but our pink spotlight is our closing segment where we share something that is making life a little bit better this week.
• 59:39
  And it's, it could be like a person, place, tip, mantra, anything.
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  And so what is yours this week?
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  All right, so mine is in the same vein.
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  Okay.
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  So I am not a.
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  Social influencer or life share as a career.
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  But through this podcast and like just using social media more and more, I've just been like sharing more of what, yeah, I'm doing.
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  I feel like it's all, it's coming.
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  Natural blending under this umbrella of Pippa and so you sent me a link for the shop my app.
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  Which I so appreciate and I've been linking all of my outfits and all of my skincare and all of my stuff that I like on the shop, my app every day.
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  And I'm having so much fun'cause it's like a fun place to hold it.
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  I actually listened to a podcast a few weeks ago about the difference between shop my and LTK.
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  So there's a lot of differences.
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  Yeah.
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  In shop my, I guess LTK was a tech.
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  Tech funded brand?
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  Yes.
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  So they had a lot of technology behind it.
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  Yes.
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  Their technology is and is still, I think so like it's like top-notch.
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  Yes.
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  Top tier.
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  Shop my, just did a big round of that.
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  They just got funding from a tech company.
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  So theirs is coming, but like you can't post videos and things like that on Shop Mind.
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  Because they don't have their own app.
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  TK you can,'cause they don't have their own right app yet for the user.
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  They have it just for the content creator.
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  But there's all these other like great perks that they offer somebody like me who's just.
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  Starting.
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  Yeah.
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  And I've been using it and I think it's great and I love it.
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  And you don't need a following like on LTK, it's like your F they give you like a following.
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  Like who is following your shop on LTK.
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  Yeah.
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  And it's another like metric and shop.
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  My is really just an affiliate platform.
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  Yep.
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  And it allows, it hold you, it holds all your links in one place.
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  Yeah.
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  It holds all of your links in one place.
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  And so it doesn't matter.
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  You don't have to have a following.
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  Again, speaking to the, there is room for everybody at the table.
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  Like everyone is an influencer if you think about it.
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  You know what I mean?
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  Everybody has things to share, so why shouldn't you make money sharing things that you love if you are recommending things?
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  So of course I said as soon as I started using that platform and I was finding a lot of success on it.
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  The first thing I thought of was like, who can I share this with?
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  And who else can benefit from this?
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  Again, like not gatekeeping things share.
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  Yes.
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  So yeah, I'm happy that you joined and yeah, it's been great.
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  I love it too.
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  That's what I use to link all of my outfits.
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  And I think anybody can at least apply for it.
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  So we can put that in the show notes.
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  If you don't have to have a big following.
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  It could just be, if you want a little like side gig, right?
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  That's how it starts.
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  I just sent it to my sister Marissa, because she works at Travelers.
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  She's an actuary.
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  She wears the cutest freaking outfits every day.
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  So cute to work cute.
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  And everybody's always like, where's that from?
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  Where's that from?
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  And she's like, why shouldn't you?
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  She's loft, consignment store, Amazon, this and that.
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  And everybody's always asking her, yeah, where are your cute, inexpensive outfits from?
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  Guess what?
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  That's how I got my start, you know?
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  so it's I, again, I just feel put yourself out there and don't feel like things are too cringey.
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  Like I think that kind of goes on.
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  Yeah.
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  The topic that we've been talking about, like if you want something, if you want to explore, like being an influencer, like you have to just start and you can't worry about what other women are gonna say.
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  Like you can't.
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  Yeah.
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  I think that just speaks to what we've been talking about.
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  Also like this podcast, like when we were starting this podcast, we weren't telling a lot of people that we were gonna be doing it.
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  No.
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  We just held the information to ourself.
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  'cause sometimes you can't hold information to yourself.
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  Yeah.
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  You shouldn't always have to feel like you have to tell everybody what's going on.
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  No, just like when you're having a baby, you don't have to tell everybody what you're gonna name the baby.
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  So you're gonna have to hear their opinions.
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  Sometimes if you wanna get started, just get started.
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  Don't share because then you don't have to deal with what other people are gonna say to you.
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  Because it's not always gonna be good.
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  I know.
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  It's true.
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  It's not always gonna be good.
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  And sometimes you have more of a filter for the good and the bad or whatever.
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  Yeah.
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  I think sometimes when you know you are doing something, like we didn't care what anybody was gonna say.
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  We knew we were gonna do this.
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  And so we weren't looking for anybody's approval or feedback for it.
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  No.
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  We knew that this was something that we were passionate about and wanted to do.
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  But to, so again, I think to that point, you're right.
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  You don't always have to share every single thing.
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  You don't always have to share.
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  If you wanna start sharing on shop my Yep.
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  Christina will send you a code, an invitation from the Pippa.
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  I'll put it in the show notes so that you can apply and do it.
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  Do it.
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  Why not Literally put yourself out there.
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  There is room post for everybody.
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  Post your stuff.
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  Post your life.
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  I wanna celebrate your goods.
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  And then also post your 90 summer fail.
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  Yeah, because I wanna say that too.
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  Or your 90 summer success.
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  Yes.
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  Yes.
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  You wanna hear the 90 summer, so mine is going to be a little bit offbeat for this, but I have, I realized how I have not shared them.
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  My other children on this podcast so my, oh my god, my cats.
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  You guys, we not, how about this?
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  If you've been following me, I think I did talk about it in our intro, but if you guys have not, if you don't follow me, if you go over to my Instagram, my Himalayan cats are literally my pride and joy of my life.
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  I was always a dog person and.
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  My, so one of them, Misha is 13 and a half.
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  Minka is our COVID kitty.
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  We got her during COVID and she's turning five.
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  And so that's why I, that's why they're in my pink spotlight this week but your little COVID kitty is five.
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  My little COVID kitty is five, and they, I really, I'm such an animal person, and I've always been like a very big dog person.
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  I always grew up with dogs.
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  I know every time Romeo comes here, he goes right to you.
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  Yes.
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  I must goes right to you.
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  I have that good like animal energy, I feel like some people have like good kid energy where like kids love them.
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  Like animals love me.
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  Kids don't really love me.
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  Animals love me, so I just, I love them so much and I feel like we do not give like pets enough credit and we obviously had both of them for so long before even having Leo, and I remember so many people would say to me like, oh, you're gonna wait until you have the kids.
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  Like it's gonna change things.
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  And it used to piss me off when people would say that because I would be like, I didn't understand like what that would mean.
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  And honestly, my love for them has only grown because I feel like it's so unconditional.
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  And they're just like little ride or dies.
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  Like they I literally could not have gotten through this.
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  Like young chapter of motherhood without them, like Mika, who's our, the one that's turning five.
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  And I have a funny story'cause I'm gonna share it.
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  Mika's turning five.
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  She literally, I don't think that I did one middle of the night feed without her.
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  I don't think that, like when my daughter who had colic was like screaming in the middle of the night and all I could do was like, walk around the kitchen island, like over and over again.
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  They just followed you around.
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  She stood on the island and watched me and just was like making direct eye contact with me.
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  It's okay, I'm here.
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  And I literally I am just like such an animal person and I just love them so much.
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  Like they've, they're just the best.
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  And I hate when people shit on cats because I just, I know I'm like such a dog person, but I also don't, back goes back to the story, right?
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  Like it, why does it have to be one or the other?
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  It doesn't.
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  Just because you like dogs.
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  So why don't you have a dog?
• 1:06:36
  We would love to get a dog.
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  I just, I don't wanna add something currently.
• 1:06:40
  Oh, okay.
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  I just, we're gonna wait until the kids are a little bit older until they can it'll be like the kid's dog, but, and then you'll, I have a dog.
• 1:06:45
  I would a dog, but I love dog.
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  The reason we couldn't get a dog was because we lived in a condo and they only allowed cats.
• 1:06:50
  And so that was I googled what is the most doglike cat and a Himalayan was one of the options.
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  And so that's how we got it.
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  Stop.
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  That was what came up.
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  So funny story though, if you I'll post a picture of them so that you guys can see.
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  'cause we have two himalayans or so we thought.
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  So one of them is very fluffy and that's our older one, Misha.
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  And then one of them is not so fluffy and that's Minka.
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  And she's a Himalayan, except she never got fluffy.
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  And so she must have had a recessive gene or something.
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  So when we took her to like the vet for the first time, or like it was probably a little bit later because she wasn't fluffing up like our other one.
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  And.
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  They would say, oh, it must have just been like a recessive gene or something where she just didn't get long hair.
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  So she's a shorthaired Himalayan, which is, people say it's the lazy man's Himalayan because you don't have to deal with the long fur like, like the knots and all that.
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  Perfect for you.
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  And what's so funny is that when we were just at our vet the last time, she said something about the, she goes, you know what I really just don't think that she's a Himalayan.
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  An exotic short-haired Persian with seal point marking.
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  So she has like the dark.
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  Extremities.
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  Like her ears, her tail, everything is dark.
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  It's like a seal color.
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  And I just think that's hysterical.
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  And then she goes, but maybe she just identifies as a Himalayan.
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  And I said, oh my God, that is the funniest thing.
• 1:08:13
  'Cause people say that to me, they're always like, is she Himalayan?
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  Like I get that question all the time.
• 1:08:18
  And I'm like, she is.
• 1:08:19
  You share them, Milan?
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  Yeah.
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  Media.
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  And I always say Himalayans and, but no.
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  So we found out that no, she's technically a Persian and she has short hair and so she's like an exotic Persian with short hair.
• 1:08:30
  So just so funny.
• 1:08:30
  But we're gonna call her Himalayan because she identifies as one.
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  Oh my God.
• 1:08:34
  So that's just my little story.
• 1:08:36
  So she will, MLE will be five on.
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  Friday so the day after this comes out.
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  So everyone go wish her happy birthday.
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  I always post a montage of videos of them.
• 1:08:44
  I know your cat content is so good.
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  Love.
• 1:08:47
  They're everything.
• 1:08:48
  Followers like it too.
• 1:08:49
  They do, they're very invested in the girls.
• 1:08:51
  They're his, I call them the girls.
• 1:08:53
  They, and that's why everyone's always like the girls.
• 1:08:55
  I'm like the cats, they're the girls.
• 1:08:57
  I'm obsessed.
• 1:08:57
  And so I feel like I haven't reflected that on here enough.
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  I'm like a cat lady.
• 1:09:02
  Yeah.
• 1:09:02
  Like now I'm a cat lady.
• 1:09:03
  Yeah.
• 1:09:03
  You are proud.
• 1:09:04
  You've always been.
• 1:09:04
  Yeah.
• 1:09:05
  I love it.
• 1:09:05
  You've always been.
• 1:09:06
  Thank you guys so much for tuning in.
• 1:09:09
  You.
• 1:09:09
  This was a really good episode.
• 1:09:10
  Yes, it was.
• 1:09:11
  I'm glad we got to talk about this.
• 1:09:12
  I, so now I'm going to continue to rac try to practice what I preached in this episode.
• 1:09:16
  I love it.
• 1:09:16
  Me too.
• 1:09:17
  And share this into our day.
• 1:09:18
  Same.
• 1:09:19
  Love it.
• 1:09:20
  Bye bye.