Latest / Just Heal with Dr Jay / Healing, Motherhood and Becoming Whole with Parker McKenna Posey

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Healing, Motherhood and Becoming Whole with Parker McKenna Posey · Just Heal with Dr Jay

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Speaker 1: Welcome to Just Heal with Doctor J, a production of
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Speaker 1: the Black Effect Podcast Network and iHeartRadio. Welcome back to
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Speaker 1: another episode of Just Heal with Doctor J. And I
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Speaker 1: am your host, Doctor J. Barnett. Listen some of y'all
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Speaker 1: been eavesdropping all my episodes. I want to tell you
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Speaker 1: to go ahead and subscribe to Just Heal Doctor J
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Speaker 1: on the YouTube channel, Join the healing community. You can
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Speaker 1: listen audibly on Spotify, the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeart
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Speaker 1: Podcast and anywhere you listen to podcasts. We are doing
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Speaker 1: some amazing things over here in the healing community. In
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Speaker 1: the next couple of months, I'm going to be doing
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Speaker 1: a live talking about different ways to continue your healing
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Speaker 1: journey without having to pay all that money to a therapist.
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Speaker 1: And I know that's strange because I'm a therapist, but
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Speaker 1: I do think that community is important if you're going
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Speaker 1: to navigate your journey of healing. So I'm excited because
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Speaker 1: I love to bring people from all walks of life
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Speaker 1: to the healing community so you guys can hear in
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Speaker 1: real time stories, experiences, and to hear the journey that
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Speaker 1: many are taking to their wholeness, to discovering themselves and
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Speaker 1: also how they are healing and what does that look
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Speaker 1: like for them. I'm honored today to have the amazing
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Speaker 1: actress Parker Makenna Posey here joining us in the Healing community.
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Speaker 1: I grew up you know what, I didn't grow up
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Speaker 1: because I'm older than her, but we watched her work,
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Speaker 1: did a phenomenal job. She's amazing on my wife and kids,
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Speaker 1: which was one of my favorite shows at the time,
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Speaker 1: and just to see the woman that she has evolved into,
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Speaker 1: it's so beautiful and I'm so grateful to have her
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Speaker 1: here today joining the healing community. Park How you doing,
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Speaker 1: I am doing so good.
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Speaker 2: Thanks for having me listen.
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Speaker 1: I love your energy. Man, He's so bubbly, and you know,
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Speaker 1: we've been doing this all day and you come in
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Speaker 1: with all the energy.
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Speaker 2: I'm trying. I'm trying. It's been a weird day, but
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Speaker 2: I'm like, let me get let me give you all
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Speaker 2: some goodness, let me be think.
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Speaker 1: I love it. You're not trying. You're doing because if
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Speaker 1: you were trying, you would have showed up that part.
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Speaker 1: So thank you for showing up today. And we're so
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Speaker 1: grateful to have this conversation with you. So in every
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Speaker 1: discussion I always like to ask the guests, how are
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Speaker 1: they feeling?
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Speaker 2: Oh, goodness, I am tired today. Is it a today
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Speaker 2: question or is it just like in general in this moment.
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Speaker 2: In this moment, I'm happy to be here. I'm feeling
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Speaker 2: blessed to have, like, I think, a good conversation. I
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Speaker 2: think we'll get somewhere today. I think based off of
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Speaker 2: what I've seen or what I know from this show,
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Speaker 2: I think I'm gonna walk away feeling very healed and
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Speaker 2: feeling like, yes, I'm going to continue my healing journey
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Speaker 2: and I'm going to get some keys from you. I think, yes,
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Speaker 2: And I'm lovey to just discuss like my real life
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Speaker 2: because you know, I don't do interviews that often.
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Speaker 1: So yes, exactly. And I love it because when Bianca
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Speaker 1: told us that you were open to coming on the show,
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Speaker 1: I was so excited because a lot of times I've
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Speaker 1: been in entertainment. I was a pro athlete at one time,
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Speaker 1: and I acted. I've started out in theater and sometimes
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Speaker 1: from the outside we're not seen beyond the characters that
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Speaker 1: we played. Yes, And when Beyonca was sharing like, hey,
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Speaker 1: Parker is really excited to come, I said, no, man,
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Speaker 1: it's so dope, because I know what it's like to
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Speaker 1: be a performer and no one knows who you are
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Speaker 1: as an individual. And I'm glad that my audience and
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Speaker 1: those who were watched this get to see the woman
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Speaker 1: that you are becoming. When you think about I know
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Speaker 1: we s talking earlier. You just made thirty. Yes, man, congratulations.
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Speaker 1: You know I was telling you, like, thirty is the
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Speaker 1: number that I'll never forget because at thirty, I feel
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Speaker 1: like the light came the light bulb came on. It
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Speaker 1: was like, wow, Okay, this is really happening when you
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Speaker 1: turn thirty, Like there's something click, there's something shift for you,
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Speaker 1: you know.
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Speaker 2: What I think, because like, you know, we were talking
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Speaker 2: about it, So when you said that to me, I'm like, dang,
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Speaker 2: I kind of already feel like I've been thirty, like
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Speaker 2: and I know that probably sounds weird, but I think
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Speaker 2: maybe just motherhood was probably like when I opened my
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Speaker 2: eyes and I was like, okay, like I'm really not
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Speaker 2: a kid anymore, and I have to just be a
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Speaker 2: grown woman, you know, like you have to take care
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Speaker 2: of a whole nother person and just show her I
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Speaker 2: have a daughter, so I have to show her how
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Speaker 2: to you know, be a woman. So I felt like, Okay,
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Speaker 2: it's time for me to like step it up in
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Speaker 2: some areas because I was still I still have my
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Speaker 2: childish ways like I do, like I'm a big kid
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Speaker 2: at heart. I feel like I love to have a
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Speaker 2: lot of fun. Like you say, I'm bubbly, Like I
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Speaker 2: just have that energy. But I'm also a very serious
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Speaker 2: woman as well, and like I'm about my business and
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Speaker 2: I feel like just being a woman in general and
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Speaker 2: having a daughter, I felt like, Okay, I need to
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Speaker 2: really stand on business now.
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Speaker 1: And yeah, different ways, but I like that you share
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Speaker 1: that you're a big kid at are your woman to
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Speaker 1: stand on business and you're about your business. That's the
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Speaker 1: duality of life. Yes, I think when we miss not
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Speaker 1: holding on to our childhood and and and holding on
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Speaker 1: to the inner child within us, we rob ourselves of
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Speaker 1: what adulthood can really reveal, because I think there's a
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Speaker 1: part of us where the child has to be seen,
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Speaker 1: you know, Like there's times where I am literally like
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Speaker 1: you know what, I'm gonna watch some cartoons today. Yes,
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Speaker 1: and my favorite cartoon was Scooby Doode growing up. I
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Speaker 1: love Scooby doo way. Oh my gosh. Another school.
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Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, Like I have the T shirts and everything,
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Speaker 2: like I love.
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Speaker 1: You're not gonna beleeve it. So I have to share
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Speaker 1: this story. So when I was in high school, after
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Speaker 1: football season, I would do powerlifting and laughing. I dated
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Speaker 1: a girl who gifted me a Scooby Dooe doll stuff animal.
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Speaker 1: He was about this tall, and she would bring into
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Speaker 1: my powerlifting meats and sit the dog in the stands
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Speaker 1: and I would always like wave with the dog. People
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Speaker 1: was like, this kid is weird, but it was made
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Speaker 1: you happy. It did Like I'm sitting there squatting five
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Speaker 1: hundred pounds and they were like And then after I
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Speaker 1: was finished my lift, I would go pick up at dogs.
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Speaker 1: They'd be like this kids strong as hell, but he's
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Speaker 1: holding on to the stuff animal dog? Like what is
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Speaker 1: wrong with him? You know? But no, that is so dope?
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Speaker 1: What so? What what did you like about the cartoon?
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Speaker 2: I've always just been a mystery kind of gy I am.
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Speaker 2: I am a thriller girl. I'm a horror girl. So
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Speaker 2: I wouldn't want to know things friends were would love
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Speaker 2: to be a detective in this life.
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Speaker 1: I just played a detective. Was that what?
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Speaker 3: Oh?
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Speaker 1: My god, I'm nosy.
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Speaker 2: That was what I tell everyone that I'm like, I'm
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Speaker 2: a really nosy person. Like I just I just like
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Speaker 2: to know.
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Speaker 1: And for no reason, I wanted to know, what does
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Speaker 1: this nigga do? Like I wanted to know.
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Speaker 2: You said it, I'm glad you took.
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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, oh yeah yeah. I'm like, only should.
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Speaker 2: Cuts here, okay yourself?
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Speaker 1: This is a human community. Yeah, so I love mystery.
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Speaker 1: I love horror. My favorite horror all time. Michael Myers.
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Speaker 2: Oh yes, I love it, Like I have.
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Speaker 1: To watch it every Halloween and I have to watch
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Speaker 1: it during the day.
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Speaker 2: During the day.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, they're scared. I don't get scared, but there's a
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Speaker 1: part of me that don't want to see this shadow
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Speaker 1: because he's a thing. Your mind can really do some funky.
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Speaker 2: Things, especially when it's dark. For some reason, it's like
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Speaker 2: it gets even creepier.
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Speaker 1: Right and knowing that I'm a full grown man and
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Speaker 1: knowing that nothing is going to get me, but you
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Speaker 1: feel like, man, it's I live by myself, so it's
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Speaker 1: like I don't have kids. I used to have a dog,
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Speaker 1: gave it to my best friend. So my house is
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Speaker 1: like whyt and I have to turn all the lights
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Speaker 1: on because I was like, if this negro is by
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Speaker 1: behind this door, I'm gonna shoot them. So I can't
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Speaker 1: watch that stuff in dark. Did you watch hor I do?
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Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm a real I'm a rello g and we
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Speaker 2: just do stuff like that. Oh yeah, one day, one day,
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Speaker 2: maybe I'll reach my level, but for now, just keep
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Speaker 2: the lights on.
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Speaker 3: Stay.
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Speaker 1: What are the secrets?
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Speaker 2: I don't know. I think it's probably the extracurricular activities
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Speaker 2: that I do before I sit down and watch a movie.
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Speaker 1: So you already face Yeah, I'm already.
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Speaker 2: In just a chill, chill mindset, just relaxing. You know,
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Speaker 2: my daughter's sleep, I got my snacks and it's just
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Speaker 2: it's mom time, you know, and I put on I
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Speaker 2: used to watch one thing that this probably makes no
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Speaker 2: sense to anybody, but Disappear. And I don't know if
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Speaker 2: you know that show because I like like true crime,
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Speaker 2: I like like forty eight hours. Yeah, so that show
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Speaker 2: scares me. That is a show that I can't watch
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Speaker 2: with the lights offer. So I don't know why, and
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Speaker 2: it sounds strange because I don't know why. I think
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Speaker 2: I'm gonna get disappeared, but I don't. I don't know, but.
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Speaker 1: You know that's real. I don't know if I'm not
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Speaker 1: a woman, but I imagine that because sometimes what is
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Speaker 1: happening that there's parts of the brain that are not
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Speaker 1: necessarily triggered, but the sensor goes off where it's like
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Speaker 1: I ain't going that far. Yeah, because subconsciously there's a
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Speaker 1: thought like I don't want to be adupted exactly. Like
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Speaker 1: I grew up where we would go to the grocery
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Speaker 1: stores and I remember this one particular time we walked
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Speaker 1: in the grocery store and it was all these kids
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Speaker 1: that were missing, and I told my mom, I said,
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Speaker 1: you terrified us because she was like, this is what happened.
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Speaker 1: If you go in the store and you walk away
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Speaker 1: from me, you gonna end up on one of these posters.
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Speaker 1: And I know when I watched those stories with people men,
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Speaker 1: I was just like, oh my god, because it's like
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Speaker 1: a most terrifying thing that a kid or a person
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Speaker 1: goes missing and vanished with no trees, right.
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Speaker 2: Never hear from them again, never see them ever again.
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Speaker 2: So yeah, that scares me way more than like Michael
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Speaker 2: Myers or like my favorite movie is The Strangers. Have
10:00
Speaker 2: you seen that I.
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Speaker 1: Just saw the new one, not the new one, the
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Speaker 1: old one. Oh, the old one. Yes, oh yeah, yeah, yeah,
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Speaker 1: I did like.
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Speaker 2: Strangers my favorite scary movie. I like real life scary movies.
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Speaker 1: Because the one where they were dead at the entire time,
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Speaker 1: they were no, you know what I'm thinking about the others.
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Speaker 2: The others. Oh, that was scary too. With Nicole Kidman Fire.
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Speaker 2: Oh he knows his movies.
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Speaker 1: Yes, don't don't let the doctor fool you. I know myself.
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Speaker 1: Yeah that that that that was a really crazy one because, uh,
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Speaker 1: I part of wanting the reason I wanted to become
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Speaker 1: a therapist is I wanted to really understand the minds
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Speaker 1: of people. And when I'm watching movies, I'm usually looking
10:48
Speaker 1: for these different pockets to where I can discover like, oh,
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Speaker 1: what was that character thinking of how were they processing
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Speaker 1: and all those different things. So yeah, I love movies
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Speaker 1: that are horror films that kind of make you think,
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Speaker 1: you know, you just kind of like what's really going on?
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Speaker 1: And then all of a sudden, it's like all these
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Speaker 1: people were dead the entire time, right, was crazy?
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Speaker 2: Yet now we got that out the wake ice Freak.
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Speaker 1: Yes, So your daughter, how has she impacted your life?
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Speaker 1: And what have you noticed that has changed about yourself
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Speaker 1: since happening your daughter?
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Speaker 2: I goodness, where to begin. What has changed is just
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Speaker 2: like I was saying before, just wanting to be more
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Speaker 2: confident as a woman, be more confident in my power
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Speaker 2: as a woman, as a person, and just there was
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Speaker 2: just so many things, Like when I was pregnant, I
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Speaker 2: just had a lot of time to think because I
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Speaker 2: was pregnant during COVID, So I feel like I had
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Speaker 2: a lot of time to think and just sit and
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Speaker 2: think about all the things that I've been through, all
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Speaker 2: the things that I've put other people through, and just
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Speaker 2: wanting just better for her. So it's just made me
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Speaker 2: want to be the best version of myself in many
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Speaker 2: many different ways, like outside of just being a good mom,
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Speaker 2: just like showing up as being the best version of
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Speaker 2: Parker period. Even there's been times on sticking up for
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Speaker 2: myself more like that was a thing that I was like, Okay,
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Speaker 2: how am I going to raise a little person and
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Speaker 2: tell them to do these things that like I'm not
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Speaker 2: even fully doing yet. So there was a lot of
12:22
Speaker 2: things that I've had to think about on that end
12:23
Speaker 2: where I was like, Okay, I'm gonna have to teach
12:26
Speaker 2: her how to do these things, and sometimes I'm not
12:28
Speaker 2: even the best at it. So I wanted to like
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Speaker 2: master those things and just stand up for myself a
12:33
Speaker 2: little bit more because there's been some weird things I'm
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Speaker 2: sure you could understand, like on set or just as
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Speaker 2: a woman in general, it's hard for us out here sometimes.
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Speaker 2: So it's like I wanted to be able to teach
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Speaker 2: her how to just be strong and independent and take
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Speaker 2: care of yourself whether I'm there or not. So that
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Speaker 2: definitely was big for me. And yeah, I just wanted
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Speaker 2: just wanting to show up as the best version of
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Speaker 2: myself and make sure that I'm okay. I'm way more
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Speaker 2: cautious now as well, like way more scary, Like I
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Speaker 2: like to live life on the edge. I like to
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Speaker 2: have a lot of fun sometimes, but take me home
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Speaker 2: because I want to be with my kid at the
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Speaker 2: end of the night. So that's me, Like I'm always
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Speaker 2: saying stuff like that, like we can be out having
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Speaker 2: the best time ever, or you know, I could be
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Speaker 2: on the trip of a lifetime and I'm like no,
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Speaker 2: but I just want to be with my daughter. So
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Speaker 2: that's that's what it's changed.
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Speaker 1: So what I'm hearing you say, is that your daughter
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Speaker 1: gave you an opportunity to find your voice? Yes?
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Speaker 2: Absolutely, way more.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, what was it like growing up if you can
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Speaker 1: put yourself in your daughter's shoes, but in your shoes
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Speaker 1: not having a voice.
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Speaker 2: Mmm, I think that, Look, you're already about to get
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Speaker 2: some tears out of me. Growing up and feeling like
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Speaker 2: I didn't have a voice just felt like a scary, scary,
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Speaker 2: scary time I felt like. And it's not that I
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Speaker 2: didn't feel like I didn't have a voice growing up,
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Speaker 2: because I've always been like bry myself, like how I
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Speaker 2: told you guys before I came in here, Like I
14:03
Speaker 2: can be a lot sometimes, you know, but just I
14:07
Speaker 2: feel like in the household, like my mom is white,
14:11
Speaker 2: but it gave like black households sometimes, or like we
14:14
Speaker 2: didn't always talk about our feelings. So I think that
14:16
Speaker 2: that's where it like it showed up more in that
14:18
Speaker 2: space where it was like, you know, I always had
14:21
Speaker 2: a voice, but I didn't have a voice when it
14:22
Speaker 2: came to certain things. So I think that's where it
14:25
Speaker 2: like really fucked me up. And like now I definitely
14:28
Speaker 2: like I wouldn't say I'm the best communicator, like in relationships.
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Speaker 2: So I think that that's where it definitely messed me up.
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Speaker 2: And just even now having you know, this relationship with
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Speaker 2: my daughter and making sure that I wanted to obviously
14:43
Speaker 2: be the best thing. I want to over communicate with
14:46
Speaker 2: her sometimes, you know, but it's hard with others sometimes.
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Speaker 1: And I want to say it is, don't allow yourself
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Speaker 1: to feel like you have to do it perfect. Right.
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Speaker 2: I'm very hard on myself, thank you, Very very hard
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Speaker 2: on myself. So yeah, it's like, I don't know where
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Speaker 2: this version of like I have to be a perfectionist
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Speaker 2: came from, because I'm not perfect at anything that I do.
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Speaker 2: You know, I don't think anybody is. Practice makes perfect,
15:19
Speaker 2: though practice makes almost perfect, I don't think anything can
15:22
Speaker 2: be perfect. It's such a way too much pressure.
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Speaker 1: So yeah, And the reason I said that is because
15:33
Speaker 1: when when there are things about our childhood that we
15:36
Speaker 1: didn't get and now we're challenged to give it to
15:39
Speaker 1: our kids, there is this overwhelming sense of man, I
15:45
Speaker 1: gotta correct this, because if I don't correct this, they
15:49
Speaker 1: want to have the same experience and what I often
15:52
Speaker 1: share with When I started out working in the field
15:59
Speaker 1: of mental health, I started with young girls and I
16:01
Speaker 1: started with girls in group homes and most of these
16:04
Speaker 1: girls were victim of sex trafficking. These girls have been molested, abuse,
16:10
Speaker 1: all of their experiences with men and with their family
16:13
Speaker 1: had been very traumatized. And I was like, God, why
16:18
Speaker 1: do you have me. I'm a former football player, but
16:20
Speaker 1: I'm the older brother too sisters, so I'm the only boy.
16:25
Speaker 1: And God said, I want you to change not just
16:29
Speaker 1: how they see men, but how they see themselves by
16:33
Speaker 1: a different encounter with you as a male. So here
16:37
Speaker 1: I am working with girls who he don't have a father.
16:44
Speaker 1: B if they did have a father. The girls that
16:47
Speaker 1: I was working with, many of them had been touched
16:50
Speaker 1: by their father. Then those who have been touched by it.
16:54
Speaker 1: I mean, it was just so much. And I'm just like, dude,
16:56
Speaker 1: like I don't even know how I create this program.
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Speaker 1: My create it was an emotional recovery, my emotional recovery
17:02
Speaker 1: program for teen girls. And one day we did a
17:07
Speaker 1: exercise that I called Mirror Mirror. I will never forget this.
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Speaker 1: The exercise is the girl will stand up in a
17:16
Speaker 1: circle where it's closed. She will hold a mirror to
17:20
Speaker 1: her face, hold it up and I would ask a
17:23
Speaker 1: question The hard part was that she had to answer
17:26
Speaker 1: the question looking at herself. I'm saying that because sometimes
17:33
Speaker 1: kids make us face are inner child, and most parents
17:40
Speaker 1: are afraid to look at it because it's like why
17:43
Speaker 1: would I give her or give him what I didn't have?
17:46
Speaker 1: So I'm sharing this because I think it's important to
17:50
Speaker 1: applaud you that you are doing that and your best
17:54
Speaker 1: way that you possibly can, and that way you don't
17:58
Speaker 1: feel this pressure like it has to be like this, right,
18:04
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, because you're creating your own
18:06
Speaker 1: way to communicate with her, which will help you as
18:12
Speaker 1: you're navigating because a lot of times when we don't
18:15
Speaker 1: communicate in relationship, it's not that we can when the
18:19
Speaker 1: relationship in our households were challenging to communicate, that's it.
18:24
Speaker 1: It's not that we can't talk. It's like I said
18:29
Speaker 1: something like this at home and it wasn't received well,
18:32
Speaker 1: or I tried to and nobody listened. Yeah, you know
18:36
Speaker 1: that was my experience. I didn't have a voice as
18:38
Speaker 1: a kid because I was a only son that had
18:43
Speaker 1: to take care of my mom, take care of my
18:44
Speaker 1: sister's soul. When I was in a relationship, A woman
18:48
Speaker 1: asked me, like, what's long. I was like, oh, I
18:49
Speaker 1: don't know, because no one never asked me when my
18:52
Speaker 1: father divorced my mom and left, nobody never asked me
18:55
Speaker 1: how I was doing. I didn't hear that until I
18:57
Speaker 1: was thirty one, being that they ever said how are
19:01
Speaker 1: you feeling? I was like, I said, no, one was
19:05
Speaker 1: never asking me that. So what you're doing as a
19:09
Speaker 1: mother is so powerful to give that to your daughter.
19:12
Speaker 1: So I just had to get that out.
19:14
Speaker 2: Thank you. Yes, this is the one thing that I
19:17
Speaker 2: do do good be a mom, But.
19:21
Speaker 1: I got to challenge you on that you do well
19:23
Speaker 1: being you.
19:24
Speaker 2: Yes, I think that, like I'm still on the journey
19:27
Speaker 2: to like, like you know how it clicked for you
19:29
Speaker 2: at thirty, Like, I don't know what, I don't know.
19:32
Speaker 2: I'm still trying. It's like me as a mother, I'm great,
19:34
Speaker 2: but me as like Parker, it's like I'm still figuring
19:37
Speaker 2: out who Parker is and me personally. I feel like
19:40
Speaker 2: that's a lifelong journey. It is because I know that,
19:43
Speaker 2: like we evolved so much and I'm not the same
19:47
Speaker 2: person I was before I had her. I'm not the
19:49
Speaker 2: same person that I was in twenty eighteen. You know,
19:54
Speaker 2: what I'm saying. It's just like I've changed a lot,
19:57
Speaker 2: and I'm still figuring out who Parker is. Like what
19:59
Speaker 2: I like, what I don't like is changing all the time,
20:01
Speaker 2: even like when it comes to relationships, when it comes
20:04
Speaker 2: to just what I like personally. So I'm still figuring
20:08
Speaker 2: out who she is. But I love her and I
20:10
Speaker 2: fuck with who I am today right now, and that's enough.
20:16
Speaker 1: And as long as you can rest and that you'll
20:18
Speaker 1: always embrace who you're becoming. When I said the lightbulb
20:23
Speaker 1: came on in thirty, it doesn't mean that the light
20:26
Speaker 1: stayed on. It came on at thirty, but that joger
20:31
Speaker 1: turned off at thirty one because I had a second
20:34
Speaker 1: suicide attempt at thirty one. So when you talk about
20:40
Speaker 1: it's a constant journey, Like when I look at myself
20:44
Speaker 1: at forty three, I'm sitting here, but there's about ten
20:47
Speaker 1: people sitting here, Like literally, there's a little there's a
20:53
Speaker 1: little boy that has memories of his childhood that I
20:57
Speaker 1: don't think will ever go away. Now they don't have
20:59
Speaker 1: the same impact. There's a man here that misses football. Sometimes,
21:04
Speaker 1: there's a man who wish that his father would really
21:08
Speaker 1: turn the corner. So when you say it's a journey,
21:11
Speaker 1: it's true for no matter where you are in life,
21:14
Speaker 1: no matter what age. But the humility in knowing that
21:18
Speaker 1: life is this classroom that we should never graduate from
21:22
Speaker 1: is what is going to keep you growing and that's
21:25
Speaker 1: all that matters. Do you feel in the entertainment space
21:33
Speaker 1: that you obviously have grown up in and which is
21:37
Speaker 1: the majority of your work life, meaning that it's where
21:42
Speaker 1: you make a living in some way? Does that kind
21:48
Speaker 1: of interfere with you trying to grow? As you know
21:51
Speaker 1: what I'm saying because of the environment.
21:54
Speaker 2: Sometimes absolutely, I mean absolutely, Like I say all the time,
21:59
Speaker 2: I'm like I want to I hate saying this on
22:02
Speaker 2: camera because everyone's gonna fucking hear it. But it's just
22:04
Speaker 2: like I want to be somewhere on a farm, Like
22:06
Speaker 2: I don't want to be like you know what I'm saying,
22:09
Speaker 2: Like CJ.
22:11
Speaker 1: Why do we this is my new best friend. Man,
22:14
Speaker 1: we talk about this all the time. I'm gonna go
22:16
Speaker 1: somewhere quiet.
22:17
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what I'm on. So it's just like, this
22:22
Speaker 2: is just my life. And I always like, so I
22:24
Speaker 2: have my my family situation dynamic is interesting because I
22:28
Speaker 2: always say have two dads, like I have a biological father,
22:31
Speaker 2: but I have another man who stepped up and helped
22:34
Speaker 2: raise me at a certain point in my life. And
22:35
Speaker 2: I always he helped me book my wife and kids.
22:38
Speaker 2: He was my manager since I was a little girl,
22:41
Speaker 2: and you know, he's been on and off my team
22:43
Speaker 2: all throughout my career. But I always look at him
22:44
Speaker 2: and I'm like, you did this to me, because I'm like, really,
22:47
Speaker 2: you know, it just it can be a hassle sometimes
22:49
Speaker 2: it really can. And it's not that I don't love
22:53
Speaker 2: what I do, because obviously when I'm in front of
22:55
Speaker 2: the camera even you know, I'm on my new music
22:57
Speaker 2: journey and stuff. Whenever i'm creating period, I'm having the
23:01
Speaker 2: most amazing time. And I love what I do, and
23:03
Speaker 2: I'm so blessed. And I'm also blessed to even still
23:06
Speaker 2: be here twenty years later, you know. But there's a
23:11
Speaker 2: part of me that really enjoys peace and quiet, like
23:14
Speaker 2: you said, and I really enjoy just being away from
23:17
Speaker 2: the bullshit. And unfortunately, like entertainment business is a lot
23:20
Speaker 2: of bullshit, and I just it doesn't soothe my soul.
23:25
Speaker 2: So I don't feel like I can ever be at
23:29
Speaker 2: peace until I'm like done with it.
23:34
Speaker 1: So, oh, man, I got alls.
23:40
Speaker 2: I didn't come here grow therapy.
23:42
Speaker 1: Oh no, no, no, no, I'm listen, listen, No it's not there.
23:46
Speaker 1: I'm thinking what you're saying is what I think often. Yeah,
23:50
Speaker 1: when because we have in this moment when when I
23:54
Speaker 1: think about like life and its totality, I often thinking
24:00
Speaker 1: about when would I ever get to the piece? And
24:02
Speaker 1: I'm sharing this from somebody who struggled as I've been open.
24:05
Speaker 1: I've struggled with suicide ideation obviously with two attempts, and
24:10
Speaker 1: when you have survived that, there is a propensity to
24:18
Speaker 1: constantly rehearse you know what life could be if you
24:26
Speaker 1: wasn't here. And I'm just being real in this moment
24:29
Speaker 1: and thoughts of like, man, the peace ain't coming, you
24:36
Speaker 1: know what I mean, and trying to understand how do
24:40
Speaker 1: I create it? How do I find it? But something
24:44
Speaker 1: that I had to realize over the years is that
24:46
Speaker 1: I had to becoming internally so and saying that I'm
24:51
Speaker 1: sitting and thinking about you and your journey. What would
24:56
Speaker 1: peace look like for you?
25:00
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, that's a good question. I think that it's
25:03
Speaker 2: just been so chaotic, like the past I mean, I
25:08
Speaker 2: would say like since just like since I don't even know,
25:13
Speaker 2: if you know, like about the relationship that I had
25:15
Speaker 2: that was very like abusive, toxic, it was very short,
25:18
Speaker 2: short amount of time. But I will say, like ever
25:21
Speaker 2: since then, I'm sure life has just been like very
25:25
Speaker 2: it's just been different. And and then you know, we
25:30
Speaker 2: have mother then we have marriage, then we have motherhood,
25:33
Speaker 2: then we have the rest of life, COVID all, you know, everything.
25:37
Speaker 2: So it's just like a lot has happened. So I
25:40
Speaker 2: really don't even know. I mean peace to me, like
25:42
Speaker 2: because I find little moments of peace, like I'm I
25:45
Speaker 2: do because I have to. But that's when I'm away,
25:48
Speaker 2: Like I fully packed up and moved to Arizona to
25:51
Speaker 2: find peace, to get out of La to get away
25:54
Speaker 2: from my marriage and just everyone here that was like
25:59
Speaker 2: driving me crazy. Is me feeling constantly pulled in so
26:02
Speaker 2: many different directions. So it's like I do find little
26:06
Speaker 2: moments of peace. I do, and that you know, revolves
26:10
Speaker 2: around me not being in La, me being somewhere up
26:14
Speaker 2: in the mountains with my daughter. Off of social media.
26:17
Speaker 2: That's another thing, like social media, I'm sorry, like we
26:20
Speaker 2: need it to survive of course, and I'm on my
26:22
Speaker 2: phone all the goddamn time. I can't even lie like
26:25
Speaker 2: it's a problem. But I just don't find joy and
26:28
Speaker 2: stuff like that. Like I find joy and peace elsewhere
26:31
Speaker 2: away from you.
26:33
Speaker 1: Find it in the stillness. I do. Yeah.
26:35
Speaker 2: Absolutely.
26:36
Speaker 1: How often do you try to get steal.
26:38
Speaker 2: As much as possible? Yes, as much as possible. Like
26:42
Speaker 2: I was just telling my manager, I'm like, I'm gonna
26:45
Speaker 2: go wait for like two weeks. I mean, I'm gonna
26:46
Speaker 2: be moving and doing stuff. But even when I'm there,
26:48
Speaker 2: like I'm gonna go in my room, you know, do
26:51
Speaker 2: my little things, watch my row Housewives. That's where I
26:53
Speaker 2: find my peace. I just, you know, I just become
26:56
Speaker 2: a bum for a little bit. I find peace and
26:58
Speaker 2: working out, just taking care of go to the I
27:00
Speaker 2: love hiking, being in nature, stuff like that. I'm August eighteen.
27:05
Speaker 1: You just had a birthday. Yeah, your birthday was all
27:09
Speaker 1: the ship takes.
27:10
Speaker 2: Yeah.
27:11
Speaker 1: Yeah, I was about to say the way you sit
27:13
Speaker 1: at the tribe was like, man, she sounded like an
27:15
Speaker 1: April baby. Because tourists, man, but you know, let you Yes, Oh.
27:22
Speaker 2: I love taurists. That's funny.
27:23
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, come on, bull game, that's gang gay. No, yeah,
27:30
Speaker 1: just gang gay. It's like we're not promoting anything.
27:34
Speaker 2: No, not at all, absolutely no.
27:35
Speaker 1: But no, I love that you have created this, this
27:42
Speaker 1: system that revolves around you, creating stillness and creating pockets
27:47
Speaker 1: of peace or I like to say moments of joy. Yes,
27:51
Speaker 1: for yourself because in the field that you're in, you
27:57
Speaker 1: know a lot of toxicity, a lot just like you said,
28:01
Speaker 1: just like, man, it's some bs. If you don't create
28:05
Speaker 1: that piece for yourself, you'll find yourself in somebody's corner
28:10
Speaker 1: and a stray jacket. Literally, how have you been able
28:15
Speaker 1: to really just I mean twenty years in your career,
28:20
Speaker 1: Like what has been two things that has really kept you?
28:26
Speaker 2: My family and because I have a lot of good
28:31
Speaker 2: people in my family that have always just that's good.
28:34
Speaker 2: Like they truly are amazing just always there for me.
28:38
Speaker 2: So them, I owe a lot to them honestly, and
28:44
Speaker 2: just my mindset, Like I am a very although I
28:48
Speaker 2: can be hard on myself, and you know, we all
28:50
Speaker 2: have our ups and downs and we all go through whatever.
28:52
Speaker 2: I am a very like care free person at the
28:55
Speaker 2: same time, like I find it very easy to get
28:57
Speaker 2: over things and to just like mean, in my my
29:01
Speaker 2: sister makes so to me. People make fun of me
29:02
Speaker 2: sometimes cause I'll be in like my own world, so
29:06
Speaker 2: I have to create my own world or just you know,
29:08
Speaker 2: find those pockets of joy, those little things, even if
29:10
Speaker 2: I have to throw Scooby Doo on for thirty fuckings.
29:12
Speaker 1: Yeah.
29:13
Speaker 2: I drive my sister crazy because I'm constantly replaying like
29:16
Speaker 2: the same YouTuber over and over and she's like, what
29:18
Speaker 2: the fuck, Like how many times can you listen to this?
29:20
Speaker 2: And I'm like, I just have to because it's like
29:23
Speaker 2: it's something that's gonna get my energy back, right if
29:25
Speaker 2: it's slowly sinking or you guys need me to be
29:28
Speaker 2: on set or you need me to go do whatever,
29:30
Speaker 2: and if I need a moment to just recharge, like
29:33
Speaker 2: that's that's I've found that. Got to just keep that
29:36
Speaker 2: free spirit, that that mindset is just.
29:39
Speaker 1: Man, we need we need like how they have those
29:43
Speaker 1: Teslas chargers charging ports. We need to have that for
29:48
Speaker 1: human life.
29:49
Speaker 2: Yes, we do.
29:50
Speaker 1: Because we are too old, We're too stimulated. Like I
29:55
Speaker 1: tell people, like, man, it's just too much stimulation just
29:59
Speaker 1: shuts me down. Yeah, And I love that you're so
30:02
Speaker 1: conscious and aware of that, because I mean, you look
30:06
Speaker 1: in the industry, so many people have fallen apar Yeah,
30:11
Speaker 1: because they didn't have a good circle, a good family,
30:14
Speaker 1: a good support system.
30:15
Speaker 2: It's hard, though, because when you have a lot of
30:17
Speaker 2: people around you, especially in this industry, that just want
30:21
Speaker 2: to be around you or have what you have, or
30:23
Speaker 2: they think that shit is fund Like the people that
30:25
Speaker 2: around me, like, yeah, we go out, we have fun sometimes,
30:27
Speaker 2: but they know this is like my work and they
30:29
Speaker 2: know where I would rather be. So I think that
30:31
Speaker 2: it's like you're saying, just having good people around you,
30:33
Speaker 2: because I think it's the people that will lead you,
30:36
Speaker 2: steer you in other directions because of what they want
30:39
Speaker 2: in life or because what they're trying to do with
30:41
Speaker 2: their life. And yeah, they lead you down, you know,
30:44
Speaker 2: to darkness. Now, people always leave me the lightness.
30:47
Speaker 1: How did you choose your circle?
30:48
Speaker 2: I didn't choose them. God chose them for me. They're
30:51
Speaker 2: literally my blood family, my god family. Like I don't
30:54
Speaker 2: have many friends, honestly, I keep my circle very very small.
30:57
Speaker 2: I mean my closest friend is literally my sister. So
31:02
Speaker 2: you know, God God chose them for me. I didn't
31:04
Speaker 2: have a choice.
31:06
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's and which is which is? Which is? So
31:09
Speaker 1: phenomenal because for some people it's a complete opposite. Is
31:12
Speaker 1: it like their family is like they ruined it.
31:15
Speaker 2: I got those moments too with them though, Like I've
31:18
Speaker 2: had several moments with family members, so you know, me
31:20
Speaker 2: and my mom, we haven't always had the most amazing relationship,
31:23
Speaker 2: but like we've gotten I think with motherhood as well,
31:26
Speaker 2: that's been another thing that I've learned. I'm like, Okay,
31:28
Speaker 2: I see it in real time, I'm experiencing it, and
31:31
Speaker 2: just I definitely, you know, I can. I was an
31:35
Speaker 2: asshole to my mom, sorry mom for for a while
31:37
Speaker 2: growing up. I think that I just didn't have much
31:41
Speaker 2: respect for the specific reason. We've just been through some things,
31:46
Speaker 2: but this year we've gotten way closer.
31:50
Speaker 1: Mother happy. You think motherhood allowed you to see your
31:53
Speaker 1: mom for who she really was?
31:54
Speaker 2: Absolutely it did. Absolutely. I can definitely fuck with her
31:58
Speaker 2: a little bit more because I'm like, Okay, I get it.
32:00
Speaker 2: And it's even more clear to me that my mom,
32:03
Speaker 2: like her kids are everything to her, like she has
32:07
Speaker 2: absolutely put us way before herself.
32:10
Speaker 1: Listen, I'm sitting there because I'm like this, there's so
32:14
Speaker 1: many parallels because my mom's similar and my mom said
32:18
Speaker 1: something recently, and I said, Mom, it must be dope
32:22
Speaker 1: because she called me out the every episode. I'm sure
32:24
Speaker 1: she won't watch this episode and she gonna be like,
32:27
Speaker 1: oh my god, doctor. Because she doesn't call me by
32:30
Speaker 1: my name. She calls me doctor j now it is.
32:33
Speaker 1: And I'm like, Mama, you can call me j now.
32:34
Speaker 2: Boy.
32:35
Speaker 1: You work hard for that. I got to call you.
32:37
Speaker 1: She calls me the good doctor. I said, oh, good doctor,
32:40
Speaker 1: how you doing? So as you would talk about your mom,
32:43
Speaker 1: I thought about my mother because our parents didn't have
32:49
Speaker 1: the freedom to expand the way we did.
32:53
Speaker 2: Yes, so true.
32:56
Speaker 1: And my mom said to me, I said, Mom, what
32:58
Speaker 1: is it like? Because she called me She's like, man,
33:00
Speaker 1: I'm just so proud of you, like you just said.
33:02
Speaker 1: Every time I took on YouTube somebody you know, I'm
33:05
Speaker 1: seeing you know, your clips and stuff. I said, Mom,
33:07
Speaker 1: what is that like to watch your kids? And she
33:12
Speaker 1: said something to me Parker, she was like And then
33:15
Speaker 1: I asked her, I said, Mom, what did you want
33:17
Speaker 1: to be? I said, what were some of your dreams?
33:21
Speaker 1: And this broke me. She said, Jay, I didn't know
33:25
Speaker 1: I could dream, so my kids became everything. Did you
33:33
Speaker 1: see some of that in your mom?
33:35
Speaker 2: Yes, absolutely, I still do, like I still do.
33:41
Speaker 1: Yeah, how do you how do you like navigate that
33:46
Speaker 1: with her knowing that, you know, there's probably some dreams
33:51
Speaker 1: that she had that she never pursued.
33:53
Speaker 2: And I still try and encourage her and still tell
33:58
Speaker 2: her now like you can still you're not dead, my love,
34:01
Speaker 2: Like you're still here. You know, we still have time
34:03
Speaker 2: to figure these things out. And I'm still here and
34:05
Speaker 2: I would love to invest or figure out how we
34:08
Speaker 2: can do whatever to help you see one of your
34:11
Speaker 2: dreams out. Because my mom's like an amazing cook, like
34:14
Speaker 2: she's always wanted to have a restaurant or you know,
34:17
Speaker 2: she's very good with interior design, like she's just she's
34:20
Speaker 2: really that girl. She can do pretty much anything. So
34:23
Speaker 2: I would love to help her get something off the ground.
34:26
Speaker 2: But yeah, is.
34:28
Speaker 1: It hard for her to receive that.
34:31
Speaker 2: I think it's hard for her to believe that. I
34:33
Speaker 2: think that, you know, once we all get to a
34:34
Speaker 2: certain age, we feel like we are dead for whatever.
34:37
Speaker 2: Even some people think they reach thirty and they're like, oh,
34:39
Speaker 2: I'm old, I can't and whatever. But it's just like
34:42
Speaker 2: you're never too old to chase your dreams. I'm at
34:45
Speaker 2: that point in my life now where it's like, look
34:47
Speaker 2: at me, I'm trying to fucking be a pop star
34:49
Speaker 2: and I'm thirty years old and my daughter's at home,
34:51
Speaker 2: so it's just like, you know, fuck it, Like why
34:55
Speaker 2: not if I have the opportunity to, I'm just like
34:57
Speaker 2: why not. So, but I think that it's hard for
35:00
Speaker 2: other people to stay in that mind zone.
35:03
Speaker 1: And it's harder for them because they feel that they
35:09
Speaker 1: have more time behind than they do ahead. And that
35:15
Speaker 1: was a reality that I had to accept about both
35:20
Speaker 1: my parents, Like my father is a pastor, and he
35:25
Speaker 1: didn't say this to me, said it to my sister.
35:27
Speaker 1: He says, man, everything Jay's doing, I always wanted to
35:29
Speaker 1: do it. And he said I just lost my way
35:33
Speaker 1: and he just started passing and he was just like,
35:36
Speaker 1: you know, that just became all he knows. And I
35:40
Speaker 1: sent him my we have a new movie coming out.
35:43
Speaker 1: I sent him Betrayer or the teaser. And my sister
35:48
Speaker 1: was just like, man, because he can't say things to
35:51
Speaker 1: me directly. We would call that in therapy trying elation,
35:55
Speaker 1: when you have to communicate to somebody through somebody who's
35:59
Speaker 1: connected in that dynamic. And it was interesting because my
36:03
Speaker 1: sister's like, man, dad was like he wanted to act,
36:07
Speaker 1: and he wanted to do all these different things, and
36:09
Speaker 1: I'm saying, like why didn't he? And I had so
36:14
Speaker 1: much compassion because they grew up in household where no
36:17
Speaker 1: one never gave them the confidence to do It was
36:22
Speaker 1: like they were capped before they even got started. You
36:25
Speaker 1: can only do this, you can only do that. And
36:31
Speaker 1: as thinking about your mom, my mom, and my dad,
36:33
Speaker 1: I'm just like, man, it breaks my heart because it's
36:37
Speaker 1: like I look at them, you know, it's like, man,
36:38
Speaker 1: they're so gifted and talented.
36:41
Speaker 2: And honestly, my thing is is like even if you
36:43
Speaker 2: spend a year doing something that you haven't always wanted
36:46
Speaker 2: to and you die and do were that same, I mean,
36:49
Speaker 2: but you still did something about it and you still
36:52
Speaker 2: saw you know. And one thing that like I hate
36:57
Speaker 2: for my mom is like I don't like that she
37:00
Speaker 2: doesn't feel fulfilled. You know. It's like the only thing
37:04
Speaker 2: that you can say is like, Okay, you have two
37:06
Speaker 2: great kids, you know, And it's just like I want
37:09
Speaker 2: her to feel more like, oh, I really went out
37:12
Speaker 2: there and I did I made something of myself more
37:14
Speaker 2: than just like oh, you know, I've owned a beautiful
37:16
Speaker 2: home and I've done blah blah blah, Like okay, cool.
37:19
Speaker 2: I just think that as a person, you need to
37:22
Speaker 2: feel purpose elsewhere. Yes, so outside of your kid, outside
37:27
Speaker 2: of you know. So that's why it's like, I know,
37:30
Speaker 2: I'm a great mom. I love being a mom, but like,
37:32
Speaker 2: what's up with Parker outside in that? Like we got
37:34
Speaker 2: to get work on that girl, you know, And I
37:36
Speaker 2: want that from my mom too.
37:38
Speaker 1: Yeah. So you know, I love that you are exuding
37:42
Speaker 1: that because so many women lose themself in the title
37:48
Speaker 1: as mom, as men lose themselves in the title's dad.
37:51
Speaker 1: And I love how you even said, Hey, at thirty,
37:54
Speaker 1: I'm trying to be a pop star, you know, Like
37:57
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm like I was talking to guy who's like,
38:00
Speaker 1: you're forty three, and you started acting again because I
38:03
Speaker 1: took off like ten years because I was in school
38:05
Speaker 1: for like seven of those ten years. I said, yeah,
38:07
Speaker 1: why not? And for the same reason that you said,
38:10
Speaker 1: I'm not dead And it's just you know, I'm just
38:15
Speaker 1: my mind is racing from the amount of people that
38:18
Speaker 1: have put the nail in the coffin then they're not
38:20
Speaker 1: even dead.
38:22
Speaker 2: Yeah, you living up on themselves in a way.
38:25
Speaker 1: Yo oo, man, gosh this for those that are watching,
38:31
Speaker 1: I'm gonna take this quick break and say to you,
38:35
Speaker 1: if it didn't happen at twenty, it can happen at thirty.
38:39
Speaker 1: If it didn't happen at thirty, it can happen at forty.
38:42
Speaker 1: If you didn't finish at forty, you could start it
38:44
Speaker 1: at fifty, or you could pick it back up at
38:48
Speaker 1: sixty or seventy. What I'm saying is, as Parker has said,
38:53
Speaker 1: you're not dead, stop dying? While are you living?
39:02
Speaker 2: Clockey?
39:03
Speaker 1: She says Clockett? I said, when when we do the
39:05
Speaker 1: clocktt moment, I'm gonna hit the clockett. I'm not gonna
39:09
Speaker 1: do the clicking fingers. I'm not gonna do that. Y'all
39:12
Speaker 1: not gonna make a meme out of me, like doctor
39:15
Speaker 1: j was on there clicking his finger. No, So it
39:19
Speaker 1: is moment, go after it, like seriously, go after it.
39:26
Speaker 1: I remember having this conversation with an older guy and
39:30
Speaker 1: I asked him. He said, I know my time is
39:33
Speaker 1: almost up, and I said, what would you have done differently?
39:39
Speaker 1: He said, I would have gone after everything that I
39:43
Speaker 1: was afraid to do. And now that I'm getting ready
39:46
Speaker 1: to die. I can't do anything. Don't live your life
39:52
Speaker 1: like that, you know, don't live your life like that,
39:58
Speaker 1: because you don't want to be sitting at the feet
40:02
Speaker 1: of death wondering what could you have been had you
40:07
Speaker 1: threw yourself in it? And so what if you fail?
40:12
Speaker 1: You don't get successful without failure. You need to fail
40:16
Speaker 1: and then to fail well in it. So go after.
40:20
Speaker 1: I just had to give y'all that moment. So party
40:23
Speaker 1: you you have, you have grown from so much. You
40:27
Speaker 1: went through something very public, you know, and when when
40:35
Speaker 1: when you go through things, I often say, it's not
40:38
Speaker 1: fair to deal with a public to to have to
40:46
Speaker 1: deal with the matter that it's private and navigate it publicly.
40:54
Speaker 1: That's so challenging. How did you keep your mind knowing
41:00
Speaker 1: what you had gone through in a relationship and knowing
41:06
Speaker 1: that it's posted here, is posted there? What kept him saying?
41:10
Speaker 2: My family again, honestly, my family, My mom. My mom
41:15
Speaker 2: made sure like one of the first things that we
41:17
Speaker 2: did was like get the fuck out of LA and
41:21
Speaker 2: like she just took me away. I was with my
41:25
Speaker 2: brother and we just had like a little trip, like
41:26
Speaker 2: a little staycation. We were we were still in California,
41:30
Speaker 2: but we weren't in LA and just yeah, just stayed
41:33
Speaker 2: off of social media as much as possible, of course,
41:37
Speaker 2: and just stay I tried not to let what was
41:45
Speaker 2: going on online and outside world they were thinking, because
41:49
Speaker 2: I knew what really happened, you know, And yeah, I
41:54
Speaker 2: just stayed sane. And I honestly what really helped was
41:57
Speaker 2: just jumping right back into work, because I think it
42:01
Speaker 2: was only like a few months later I had booked
42:03
Speaker 2: games people play and I was just back to working.
42:07
Speaker 2: So I had one of the biggest best distractions. And
42:14
Speaker 2: it wasn't good though, because you know, since this is
42:17
Speaker 2: all about healing, I don't really feel like I took
42:20
Speaker 2: enough time to heal properly because that led me to
42:24
Speaker 2: like running into the arms of my childhood sweetheart and
42:30
Speaker 2: running off and getting married and just you know, leading
42:33
Speaker 2: into more just a cycle that shouldn't I'm not gonna
42:37
Speaker 2: say it shouldn't have happened, because I don't have any
42:39
Speaker 2: regrets about the situation, but I just wish that, you know,
42:44
Speaker 2: I would have healed, not taken him through so many
42:47
Speaker 2: things that I'm sure I did. At the time, I
42:48
Speaker 2: had just no business like dating, you know, But when
42:51
Speaker 2: you're young. I don't even think you think about those things.
42:54
Speaker 2: It's just like you're like, oh, for good, I'm just
42:56
Speaker 2: onto the next or I just you know, now I
42:59
Speaker 2: truly great, Like okay, no, I need time away from
43:03
Speaker 2: dating and from people, and I need to gather my
43:05
Speaker 2: thoughts and I need to feel okay and ready to
43:08
Speaker 2: do those things, let alone be fucking married like at
43:12
Speaker 2: twenty two. Like so, yeah, that's that's kind of what
43:18
Speaker 2: I did. And it felt good in the moment, of course,
43:20
Speaker 2: like I mean love, I still love that man dearly.
43:24
Speaker 2: So it felt good in the moment, and it felt right,
43:26
Speaker 2: and you know, he made me feel loved and safe,
43:29
Speaker 2: and that's what I needed at that time because it
43:31
Speaker 2: was obviously just such a terrible situation to be.
43:36
Speaker 1: And particularly when you're coming out of something that is dysfunctional,
43:42
Speaker 1: the brain looks for safety. Yeah, and sometimes safety can
43:49
Speaker 1: be disguised, you know, as you know, it could be this,
43:53
Speaker 1: and it could be him or it could be her.
43:55
Speaker 1: And so what you're sharing is what most of us
43:57
Speaker 1: covid as human beings, because in the black community, no
44:03
Speaker 1: one knows what healing really is.
44:05
Speaker 2: Right, we don't talk, well, we don't. We do now
44:08
Speaker 2: because the social media is like we're forced to see
44:09
Speaker 2: it every damn day. They're shutting it down the roads,
44:11
Speaker 2: but like they're like hell, hell, hell, you fucking suck
44:15
Speaker 2: you just it's like.
44:16
Speaker 1: Oh my god, and that ain't healing. I'm like, this
44:19
Speaker 1: is traumatizing. You know, so much pressure, right, And and
44:23
Speaker 1: I often tell people listen, first of all, sis, brother,
44:26
Speaker 1: whoever you are watching, you can't heal through social media posts.
44:31
Speaker 1: Oh I read this post and this woman like, listen.
44:34
Speaker 1: Real healing is going to require you to put your
44:37
Speaker 1: phone down and sit with yourself. It's going to require
44:43
Speaker 1: you and I'm going here, it's going to require you
44:45
Speaker 1: to close them legs. Good brother, good system. It's going
44:49
Speaker 1: to require you to sit with yourself and say what
44:54
Speaker 1: am I doing. Real healing requires you to say it
45:00
Speaker 1: ain't them, it's me. And when we hear that, people
45:05
Speaker 1: often think we're like, well, I'm not a problem. They say,
45:08
Speaker 1: you wor a problem. But sometimes there's parts of us
45:11
Speaker 1: that causes problems internally that has now impacted others around us,
45:18
Speaker 1: particularly for people who are unaware that they're causing harm.
45:23
Speaker 1: Me and Michelle Willis was doing this podcast and I said,
45:27
Speaker 1: I'm gonna give you an example of how we stay
45:30
Speaker 1: in places too long that are causing us pain. I said,
45:35
Speaker 1: this is the person who is causing the pain. This
45:38
Speaker 1: is a pain, this is the hand is us. What
45:42
Speaker 1: is happening is as we're receiving this pain, we're hoping
45:45
Speaker 1: the person who's causing pain recognize that they're hurting us.
45:50
Speaker 1: So rather than us moving our hand, we stay in
45:53
Speaker 1: hope that they can say I'm not doing right by her,
45:57
Speaker 1: I'm not doing right by him. But until you you
46:00
Speaker 1: are conscious enough to say I deserve better, and sometimes
46:04
Speaker 1: better will require you to leave what you know. That's
46:10
Speaker 1: a card moment for me. Sometimes better is going to
46:15
Speaker 1: require you to leave what you know because healing. What
46:18
Speaker 1: makes healing so scary, park it is that no one
46:21
Speaker 1: knows what's on the other side of it. So most
46:25
Speaker 1: people would rather stay the same than to pursue the
46:29
Speaker 1: unknown of what's on the other side. This is why
46:32
Speaker 1: people will stay in relationships that are not good because
46:35
Speaker 1: it's like, well, this is the devil, I know, but
46:39
Speaker 1: you're like, well, this ain't you know? Well I know, bro,
46:43
Speaker 1: I know she gonna do this. Keisha gonna do this, man,
46:46
Speaker 1: Keisha being like this or terry no, no la la
46:48
Speaker 1: man healing for real healing. It's gonna require you to
46:51
Speaker 1: leave it because because you know it right, because it's familiar,
46:56
Speaker 1: and if you're not careful, we often will find our
47:00
Speaker 1: sales being drawn back to familiarity.
47:02
Speaker 2: That same shit. Yeah, oh man, Michael, so heal.
47:09
Speaker 1: Yeah. So what has healing been like for you?
47:14
Speaker 2: Oh, it's been everything. It's been draining some days, of course,
47:19
Speaker 2: because I mean I also have been in and out
47:22
Speaker 2: of therapy, like over these past few years. I finally
47:24
Speaker 2: found a therapist that I love so much.
47:26
Speaker 1: Oh, I'm so happy for you.
47:28
Speaker 2: I love her so much. It's crazy, like love. She
47:30
Speaker 2: feels like she's my homegirl, but I know she's not,
47:33
Speaker 2: so you know, but yeah, just it's it's been exhausting
47:38
Speaker 2: some days. It's felt like it is very lonely sometimes
47:43
Speaker 2: too and very it's hard, like the mirror challenge that
47:50
Speaker 2: you did with the ladies, it's hard to hold a
47:52
Speaker 2: mirror up to yourself and be like, bitch, you are
47:54
Speaker 2: the problem, like you said, you know where, like you're
47:57
Speaker 2: also adding to the problem or eure repeating some cycles
48:00
Speaker 2: from that you've learned elsewhere, whether it be something that
48:04
Speaker 2: I grew up seeing, or something that I experienced from
48:07
Speaker 2: my last relationship, you know, like it was it was. Yeah,
48:11
Speaker 2: it's been. It's been a journey. It's still a journey
48:15
Speaker 2: till this day.
48:15
Speaker 1: What it is.
48:16
Speaker 2: Yeah, but it's fun sometimes pouring in, the pouring into
48:19
Speaker 2: myself when it's like when I walk away from a
48:21
Speaker 2: therapy session and I'm like, oh my god, that was
48:23
Speaker 2: like so eye opening and you just feel refreshed, or
48:26
Speaker 2: like when I'm going to hot yoga doing those things
48:28
Speaker 2: where I'm like literally pouring into myself and finding the
48:31
Speaker 2: routine that works for me to refill my cup and
48:34
Speaker 2: boost myself back up. Like those are the good parts.
48:36
Speaker 2: But yeah, sometimes it's.
48:38
Speaker 1: Draining, mayor I love that. Yeah, it is very draining.
48:40
Speaker 1: I was like, therapy, it should be worked in stages,
48:49
Speaker 1: and this is just me. You know, some therapists may
48:51
Speaker 1: not agree. But even when I was working with clients,
48:54
Speaker 1: I never like some clients like to come every week,
48:57
Speaker 1: but if someone was working through something very traumatic, I
49:01
Speaker 1: would tell them bi weekly or every two weeks because
49:03
Speaker 1: I wanted to give them time to process what we unpacked.
49:08
Speaker 1: Because when you were coming out of therapy, it's almost
49:11
Speaker 1: like somebody just pulled a scalp off a wound and
49:14
Speaker 1: it's like, man, this thing is hurting all over again.
49:17
Speaker 1: And then the draining part is it's the reflecting, It's
49:22
Speaker 1: the introspection. It's also the awareness that happens in therapy, like, oh,
49:30
Speaker 1: that's what that was. It wasn't me, It happened through me,
49:35
Speaker 1: but it was really something that's happened in my childhood
49:38
Speaker 1: that is causing me to behave in its way right now.
49:42
Speaker 1: So I definitely understand how that can be exhausting.
49:46
Speaker 2: Or even like feeling like I just have my emotion,
49:53
Speaker 2: like I feel smarter in ways than others that I've
49:57
Speaker 2: tried to deal with recently. Okay, yeah, I'm like, okay,
50:02
Speaker 2: I can't because you're just not there yet and I'm
50:04
Speaker 2: not gonna go crazy trying to. I just can't. So
50:08
Speaker 2: learning to remove myself from those situations as well, that's.
50:11
Speaker 1: What therapist do. It a sharpen your tools for how
50:16
Speaker 1: to choose better for you. Without a disclaimer, you know,
50:22
Speaker 1: it's like that don't work for me. I love you,
50:25
Speaker 1: but it don't work for me. Was that hard for
50:27
Speaker 1: you at first?
50:31
Speaker 2: It was hard for me at first because I feel
50:33
Speaker 2: like I'm definitely at people pleaser. I noticed that of myself,
50:37
Speaker 2: and I'm also hard on myself sometimes as well. So yeah,
50:41
Speaker 2: it's been hard, but it's been hard obviously losing people.
50:46
Speaker 2: I've even lost some people that I thought like, oh wow,
50:48
Speaker 2: they'll be there forever, but I'm like, oh no, I
50:52
Speaker 2: just can't deal with this anymore. And like, if you're
50:54
Speaker 2: not willing to look at yourself in the mirror, have
50:58
Speaker 2: that conversation with yourself, I'm not going to be the
51:00
Speaker 2: one for us to have the conversation. Like I have
51:02
Speaker 2: a kid. It's like where I'm at with it, Like
51:05
Speaker 2: I'm not here to like raise anybody but Arleie Ray
51:08
Speaker 2: Wilson like that is it and my dog Jenderbugs. But
51:12
Speaker 2: like other than that, like I just I'm good, like
51:15
Speaker 2: because I have too much going on to play.
51:18
Speaker 1: So you know what what I like about even just this,
51:22
Speaker 1: this opportunity to share space with you is and no
51:27
Speaker 1: one knows Parker's story better than Parker. But what I
51:31
Speaker 1: do like is I can tell that you're embracing this
51:37
Speaker 1: this new you. You know. You know, when people are
51:42
Speaker 1: navigating changes, and when navigating growth, there's usually a resistance
51:47
Speaker 1: because it's like, man, I don't want to give this up,
51:50
Speaker 1: but I feel like you're like, no, it's worth giving up.
51:53
Speaker 2: I'm ready for better. I'm ready to like get to
51:59
Speaker 2: the good. Yeah, because it hasn't been great like these
52:02
Speaker 2: past few years.
52:04
Speaker 1: So and I'm a man of faith. Yeah, And my
52:09
Speaker 1: prayer for you is that you experience better from your
52:14
Speaker 1: on out in every area of your life, not just
52:18
Speaker 1: in your career, but in your personal life. Yes, in
52:21
Speaker 1: your spirit and your mind and your body. And when
52:25
Speaker 1: you lay down at night, you're actually resting and not
52:28
Speaker 1: I mean you can actually rest and not just sleep,
52:32
Speaker 1: because I know what it's like when you are navigating
52:36
Speaker 1: just the God. I know iticed like when you just
52:39
Speaker 1: like you feel like you can't get out of this
52:41
Speaker 1: thing and it's just like it's like a vortex. It
52:44
Speaker 1: won't let you out, and you don't sleep well, Like
52:48
Speaker 1: you go to sleep, but you wake up tired because
52:50
Speaker 1: your body is up, your mind is up, and then
52:53
Speaker 1: your nervous system is still in a fight or flight mode.
52:56
Speaker 2: Yes, absolutely, I think once I get out of like this,
53:00
Speaker 2: for when when I move back home and I'm back right,
53:03
Speaker 2: I need to be and I you know, finalize things
53:06
Speaker 2: like in my personal life. I think that will definitely help.
53:09
Speaker 2: You're so right, because I would love to get some
53:12
Speaker 2: good rest.
53:13
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's my prayer for you. I pray that God
53:16
Speaker 1: allows you to rest, and it's rest that's going to
53:20
Speaker 1: restore you where you can wake up with a clear
53:23
Speaker 1: thought pattern and wake up with a new outlook on life,
53:30
Speaker 1: because not only do you deserving of it, you're working
53:33
Speaker 1: toward it, you know. And it's not you know, it's
53:39
Speaker 1: not easy to choose better. It's not because when you
53:45
Speaker 1: have to choose better, you have to choose outside of
53:51
Speaker 1: the way that you've been operating. So it's like if
53:54
Speaker 1: I've always done the same thing and someone says, what
53:56
Speaker 1: changes up like for what it's been doing it like this, man,
54:01
Speaker 1: It's like, no, you need to change this up. It's
54:03
Speaker 1: hard to change it up. So I want to say,
54:06
Speaker 1: you know, I'm proud of you for choosing to say,
54:09
Speaker 1: you know what, I'm going to take this journey because
54:12
Speaker 1: I do want better. And what I love about this
54:15
Speaker 1: is there, as you're choosing better, your daughter gets to
54:19
Speaker 1: experience better. Right, she gets to experience that from you.
54:25
Speaker 1: And here's how healing works, because it's twofold. As she
54:30
Speaker 1: gets to experience better with you as a mom, you
54:35
Speaker 1: get to experience better from you as a little girl
54:38
Speaker 1: that's still healing. So it's working twofold, right, you know?
54:46
Speaker 1: So I love that, you know, for you, for a
54:51
Speaker 1: young lady that is sitting watching that has come out
54:57
Speaker 1: of what you come out of. What would you say
55:01
Speaker 1: to them?
55:04
Speaker 2: Are we talking about like just violence?
55:08
Speaker 1: Yes?
55:10
Speaker 2: Oh the PG version. I'll keep it cute, because what
55:16
Speaker 2: I really want to say is fuck these niggas, like
55:18
Speaker 2: for real, because there was a time where I felt
55:21
Speaker 2: like sorry for him, Like how could you feel sorry
55:24
Speaker 2: for someone who's doing this to you?
55:26
Speaker 3: You know?
55:28
Speaker 2: But yeah, don't feel sorry for these niggas. You're not
55:30
Speaker 2: here to raise them or teach them how to love
55:33
Speaker 2: or how to be loved. Just pour into yourself all
55:37
Speaker 2: that love you were giving the wrong person. Pour that
55:40
Speaker 2: into yourself one hundred and ten times, and see how
55:44
Speaker 2: amazing your life will be in a year. And see
55:46
Speaker 2: where you stand in a year, because wasted love is
55:50
Speaker 2: a wasted life.
55:52
Speaker 3: Oh hard tear moment you just at the bar, You
56:02
Speaker 3: just dropped a bar?
56:04
Speaker 1: Do you realize that.
56:05
Speaker 2: That's how I really feel? Though I wasted a lot
56:07
Speaker 2: of time those eight months of my life. Yeah, but
56:10
Speaker 2: it was tragic. It was a lot. And then now
56:12
Speaker 2: it's like I'm still you know, I'm still recovering. I
56:15
Speaker 2: really really am. M.
56:25
Speaker 1: Can I pray for you?
56:27
Speaker 2: I would love that and I need it in my life.
56:31
Speaker 1: So I'm going to pray. And this is the first
56:34
Speaker 1: time I ever doing it, done this in the midst
56:37
Speaker 1: of an episode. But I want to pray for you
56:39
Speaker 1: because I want you to experience the healing that you
56:44
Speaker 1: deserve and the freedom that you're looking for, and for
56:51
Speaker 1: the women that are watching all. And I say this
56:55
Speaker 1: because I had to go pick up a little girl
57:02
Speaker 1: that was in my program in a hotel room. She
57:06
Speaker 1: called me. I'm sleep It's two thirty in the morning,
57:09
Speaker 1: and she says, mister j will you come and get me.
57:11
Speaker 1: They're going to rape me. And I said what She
57:19
Speaker 1: ran away from my mom's house sixteen years old and
57:24
Speaker 1: she's in this hotel and this is in Houston, in
57:27
Speaker 1: one of the worst errors in Houston. And I called
57:29
Speaker 1: my close friend. I said, man, we have to go
57:32
Speaker 1: get her. And when we picked her up and they
57:35
Speaker 1: let out the room, it was like a bunch of dudes.
57:38
Speaker 1: It was just like they didn't want to let her out.
57:39
Speaker 1: And they let her out. I was like, let's pull up.
57:42
Speaker 1: And I was say, hey, man, can y'all let her out?
57:45
Speaker 1: And I wasn't coming with no scrap or nothing like that.
57:47
Speaker 1: I said, man, can y'all just let her out? Man?
57:49
Speaker 1: And they let her out and we got in the
57:51
Speaker 1: car and she was just crying. And I said, I
57:54
Speaker 1: didn't jump down on her or anything like that, and
57:57
Speaker 1: I said, what were you looking for? She's like, mister Jay,
58:02
Speaker 1: I just wanted to get out the house. And at
58:04
Speaker 1: the time, there was this app to call the kick
58:08
Speaker 1: app or something like that where the kids would share
58:11
Speaker 1: a location and it would be like this party or whatever.
58:16
Speaker 1: And I drove her home and she was crying and
58:20
Speaker 1: she said, mister Jay, thank you. And I'm sharing that
58:24
Speaker 1: because sometimes when you know, and I want to be
58:29
Speaker 1: very sensitive to this, sometimes when women and I've seen
58:34
Speaker 1: this on so many different you know, levels, experience domestic violence,
58:42
Speaker 1: sexual violence, people don't realize the trauma that this calls
58:47
Speaker 1: in somebody's brain, like real talk. And I'm gonna say
58:53
Speaker 1: something to you, ladies. I've never seen a man that
58:56
Speaker 1: loved himself put his hands on a woman. I want
59:00
Speaker 1: you all to catch that. I've never seen a man
59:04
Speaker 1: that love himself that can physically harm a woman because
59:11
Speaker 1: there's a lot of women that live in silence. I'm
59:14
Speaker 1: so thankful for part of to share it because she
59:16
Speaker 1: didn't have to share, even just a little that she shared.
59:19
Speaker 1: But there's a lot of women that live in the
59:23
Speaker 1: silence of their pain and many times when they try
59:29
Speaker 1: to leave, and this is studies shows us that it
59:34
Speaker 1: doesn't end well. And this is why I'm wanting men
59:40
Speaker 1: to start healing, because brothers, you cannot carry and project
59:45
Speaker 1: your pain onto these women that you're saying that you
59:49
Speaker 1: love and these kids, because it's just it's sickening. And
59:54
Speaker 1: I had to take this moment because this is the
59:58
Speaker 1: opportunity that I have with this platform, because I've seen
1:00:01
Speaker 1: it firsthand and my own family, and nobody said nothing,
1:00:09
Speaker 1: and it's normalized like oh, that's just like no, no, no, no, no.
1:00:14
Speaker 1: You deserve so much more. And I don't know who
1:00:16
Speaker 1: you are. You deserve so much more. You can start over.
1:00:22
Speaker 1: Starting over doesn't mean you're starting from stratch. And most
1:00:25
Speaker 1: people don't leave because they feel like I got to
1:00:27
Speaker 1: start from stratch. I gotta go do this, I gotta
1:00:30
Speaker 1: go do that, and so I just want to say
1:00:32
Speaker 1: you can start over. So I'm want to grab your
1:00:36
Speaker 1: hand if you don't mind, and I'm want to pray.
1:00:40
Speaker 1: And my prayer for you is that you are amazing
1:00:44
Speaker 1: and amazing woman. I'm not talking about your talent, just
1:00:48
Speaker 1: for who you are. If you didn't do another movie,
1:00:50
Speaker 1: if you didn't to do another show, if you didn't
1:00:53
Speaker 1: do another song, you are an amazing woman because you
1:00:57
Speaker 1: chose better for you, because because you could have stayed
1:01:02
Speaker 1: for the sake of and I'm so happy that you
1:01:06
Speaker 1: chose you, because God has so much in store for you. Father,
1:01:09
Speaker 1: I thank you for your daughter, Parker. I thank you
1:01:14
Speaker 1: God for just her, using her courage, using her life,
1:01:19
Speaker 1: using her voice, just even just a little that she shared.
1:01:22
Speaker 1: But Father, I prayed for the peace of God that
1:01:25
Speaker 1: surpasses all understanding, to rest upon her, to rest on
1:01:29
Speaker 1: her daughter, to rest on her family. Father, we can't
1:01:33
Speaker 1: change what has happened, We can't change what is called.
1:01:37
Speaker 1: But Father, I thank you that the change that has
1:01:40
Speaker 1: happened in her is allowing her to see her value
1:01:43
Speaker 1: beyond any relationship, beyond any gig, beyond any movie, beyond
1:01:49
Speaker 1: this entertainment industry, Father, beyond anything that she's ever received.
1:01:53
Speaker 1: And I pray that after tonight, Father, that she's able
1:01:57
Speaker 1: to rest, that she's able to embrace the life that
1:02:01
Speaker 1: you are creating for her, that she's able to find
1:02:03
Speaker 1: more pockets of joy, more pockets of peace, and she's
1:02:07
Speaker 1: able to drift into her own solitude of stillness and
1:02:11
Speaker 1: to rest. And when she enters and back into the
1:02:14
Speaker 1: world of chaos, and which she does so beautifully with
1:02:18
Speaker 1: the gift that you blessed her with. Father, that she
1:02:21
Speaker 1: has the capacity to manage your will, but she also
1:02:25
Speaker 1: has the tools to disconnect. So God, I thank you
1:02:28
Speaker 1: for her transformation. I thank you for healing. I also
1:02:31
Speaker 1: thank you for the voice that you've giving her to
1:02:34
Speaker 1: shed light on unhealthy patterns, unhealthy relationships and encouraging women
1:02:41
Speaker 1: to love themselves. Father, I thank you for her. Thank
1:02:44
Speaker 1: you for a team, her family and those that have
1:02:46
Speaker 1: supported her. Bless all that she does and bless all
1:02:50
Speaker 1: that she will continue to do. Father, and we thank
1:02:52
Speaker 1: you in Jesus' name.
1:02:54
Speaker 2: Amen, Amen, man, thank you, yes.
1:02:58
Speaker 1: Yes, listen, wasn't playing y'all know how I get down
1:03:02
Speaker 1: I have to listen to the spirit of God because
1:03:06
Speaker 1: as much as y'all know me to be who I am,
1:03:09
Speaker 1: I cannot not be who God has made me to be.
1:03:13
Speaker 1: I have a sensitive spirit, and I have a heart
1:03:15
Speaker 1: for people, and I want to say, Parker, thank you,
1:03:19
Speaker 1: thank you, thank you for sharing your story, thank you
1:03:22
Speaker 1: for sharing your light. Man, you have such a beautiful personality.
1:03:26
Speaker 1: Please for the sake of me. But doctor J, don't
1:03:29
Speaker 1: lose that. Don't lose your smile, man, because your smile
1:03:33
Speaker 1: is healing for somebody. So I pray many blessings on
1:03:38
Speaker 1: all your endeavors and that you continue to excel and
1:03:42
Speaker 1: blow up these pop charts. You know, man, we need
1:03:45
Speaker 1: we need some new music.
1:03:46
Speaker 2: Out here, Yes to some fun, good music.
1:03:50
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, So listen, guys, go follow Parker, follow her journey,
1:03:56
Speaker 1: follow her music, and you know, show us some love.
1:03:59
Speaker 1: And we're so grateful to have her in the healing community.
1:04:03
Speaker 1: And listen. Healing. It's a journey and wholeness is the destination.
1:04:13
Speaker 1: Until next time, keep doing the work. Just here with
1:04:18
Speaker 1: Doctor J, a production of the Black Effect podcast Network.
1:04:22
Speaker 1: For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app Apple
1:04:26
Speaker 1: Podcasts or wherever you listen to your favorite shows, and
1:04:29
Speaker 1: you can follow me at King J Barnett on Instagram
1:04:33
Speaker 1: and x and follow us on YouTube Just Heal Doctor J.