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Addiction and Abandonment to Hope and Healing with Fanny Hernandez · The Parent Whisperer

• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Parent Whisperer podcast.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Richard Ramos, your host.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: So today I have a very special guest and friend of mine.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: But before I introduce her, I want to just remind everybody if you're watching these podcasts, if you would do me the favor of subscribing, that would really help me reach more people.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: Also, if you leave a review that always boosts when people leave reviews, so I'm asking you as a favor to do that.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: And to like the video, and then really more important even than that is to share it, especially with parents, people that you know, family members, friends who uh dealing with the subject matter that we deal with, whatever that might be, that you feel like you know somebody who would really be helped by hearing what we share, and that really is my goal is to just encourage, inspire, educate, help mom and dad, step parents.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: That's our goal.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: And so I really appreciate all of you that have subscribed and hope that you will continue to share these videos.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: So a little bit about Parents on a Mission.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: I've talked about this before, but we do offer Parents on a Mission in jails, juvenile hall, and prisons.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I did that for quite a while in the early years when I first started Parents on a Mission.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: And one of the places that has been my best partner.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: Now I partner with organizations, I train their staff, certify them, and then they teach the Parents on a Mission curriculum wherever whatever city they're in, we've been in three other countries.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: So that's what I do.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: And so I want to I want you to hear from somebody today who she's experienced working both in the nonprofit, the Garden Pathways, our best partner in Bakersfield.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: But what I want to say about Garden Pathways is the way I got started teaching parents on a mission in the jail, there in the Lairdough jail in Bakersfield, was through my partnership with Garden Pathways.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: And they still to this day, that was back in, I think it was back in I think it was in 2015.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: I don't remember exactly the year, but it was been a while.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: And over the years, sometimes they haven't been able to teach it for whatever reason, lack of staff, or maybe COVID, because COVID really did interrupt the work that we were doing in the prisons throughout Colorado, throughout California, and the jails.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: But Garden Pathways has consistently trained their staff, and then they have them in the jail, in the juvenile hall, they're in Bakersfield, teaching the curriculum.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: So I just wanted to share that.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: That's still something that we are doing along with school districts, churches, other nonprofits in different places throughout the country.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: So today I have somebody who can speak to exactly what I'm talking about.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: Her name is Fanny Hernandez.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: She works for Garden Pathways, and she is a peacemaker under the Community Violence Intervention Program.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to introduce her to you.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: Fanny, thank you so much for your time and thank you and welcome to the show.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you, Richard.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, my name is Fanny Hernandez, and a little bit about me.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_01: 20 years ago, I came to Garden Pathways.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_01: Growing up, I went through a lot.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_01: There was, I came from a good home.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_01: My parents were hardworking parents.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_01: They had 12 kids.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_01: My parents were always at work.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_01: My dad was the more loving.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_01: My mom was really cold.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_01: She was a mother.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_01: She cooked and everything, but really never communicated with us, really never talked to us about life.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_01: When growing up in the home, I was sexually abused by my uncle from the age of five to nine.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_01: And that's where I lost everything, where I got into this place where I was in a dark place.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_01: And going to school, not knowing how to read and write, and got kicked out of the school in the sixth grade.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_01: And the first time that I shared with at school, they said maybe I deserve my mom hitting me and stuff.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_01: I have bruises on myself.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_01: But I felt if I say something, then I'm able to say everything that happened to me.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_01: But then right there and then I knew that my voice didn't matter.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_01: So I learned how to be an adult at the age of five, being molested, passed around, and other family members doing what they were doing to me.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_01: I felt in the beginning like that was normal because it was happening in the house.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_01: And then going to school, they tell you, don't someone touches you, it's wrong.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_01: And that's when I knew it was wrong.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_01: I became a young mother and started using drugs at a young age, but not because I wanted to, but because I wanted to get out of the house.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_01: As I got older, my mom loved her brother because it was her brother that did that to me.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_01: And she didn't see no wrong in him.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_01: So I felt like no matter what I did, she was never gonna believe me.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_01: So I never said anything because living in LA, my dad would sleep with a gun by the pillow.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_01: And I felt like if I would say something, my dad's gonna end up getting in trouble.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_01: So at a young age, I learned how to be an adult.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_01: I learned how to hide my feelings.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_01: I learned how to be tough and not caring.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_01: So I ran away at a young age.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_01: And everything I did, I wanted, I wanted my mom to feel the pain that I felt.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_01: I had so much anger towards my mom because it was her brother.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_01: So when I ran away, and a friend of mine called me and said, Hey, you know what?
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_01: Your mom's looking for you.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, I don't care.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_01: She's crying, and I'm like, in my mind, it's like she doesn't care.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_01: Three days later, I end up going back home and found out that I was pregnant and stuff, and my mom had already my stuff all packed, get out of here.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_01: But my dad was like, No, if you want to stay, you could stay.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_01: But I didn't want to be a bother to nobody, so I went and lived with my kids' dad, and I was 12 years old, and I didn't know what it was to be a mother.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_01: So I go in the home.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: You were 12 years old and you were pregnant?
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, yeah.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_01: So I go and live with my kids' dad, and other family, they're all heroin addicts, they're drug addicts, they're in and out of prison, they're robbing banks, they're doing all kinds of stuff.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_01: People are getting loaded and they're ODing, throwing them in the alley and stuff.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_01: And so I thought, wow, I never seen that in my house.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_01: And so I just want it out.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_01: So I moved back with my parents.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_01: And now I'm like, man, what do I do?
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_01: But all that stuff stood in my mind, and I thought it was cool when they would come in and they had money, they stole things and everything.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_01: That's not something I learned at home, but I learned it with my kids' dad.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_01: Having my baby at a young age, I didn't know what it was to be responsible.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_01: So I moved back with my kids' dad, and I was going back and forth for the first few years.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_01: For the first two years, he ended up raising my daughter, and then I had a second baby.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_01: And that's when my parents were like, no, we got to move to Bakersville.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_01: So they came to Bakersville.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't follow because I didn't want to come over here.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_01: I thought it was so boring.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_01: And so later on, I end up following my parents.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a single mother with two kids, not knowing how to do anything, didn't have a school education.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_01: So, what do I know how to do best?
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_01: I seen people sell drugs and all that stuff, so I said I could do that.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_01: So I got introduced to the wrong people and I just started selling drugs, started transporting, and my parents raised my two daughters, and I was hardly ever home.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't care.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_01: I as long as I was high, I was good.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: And it just led to other things.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_01: What really it really hurted me because I knew what I was doing was wrong, but the one person that I loved so much and I had so much respect for was my dad.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_01: Because he taught me a lot, and he was going through a lot, some health issues and stuff, and he was he was sick, he had heart problems and stuff, and and I just didn't care.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_01: And my dad would always tell me, like, give me five minutes.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_01: Like, man, I think five minutes wet, and I would take off.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_01: One day I got a call that he had a heart attack, and he was in the hospital.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_01: And I went in and I looked at my dad, and my siblings were there.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_01: They're like, if my dad dies, it's your fault.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_01: 17 years old, pregnant with my third child.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_01: I'm looking at my dad, and my dad, the first thing that he said, he goes, Don't have no more kids because no one's gonna help you.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know why growing up, I just felt like I never belonged there.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_01: Everything I did was wrong.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_01: No one ever took the time to ask me, why do you do the things you do?
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_01: It was always you do this, you do that, you're a drug addict, you're not a mother, you don't care.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_01: I was tired of hearing that all I wanted was a hug.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_01: All I wanted was to feel that I'm still alive, that there's still a purpose for my life.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_01: And looking at my dad, he was paralyzed from one side, and he goes, Go to the other side because I can't see you.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_01: And I looked at him, and then he goes, Just want you to change.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Yeah, here I am, pregnant again, walking out.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_01: I could have had an abortion, but I chose not to.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't know what to do.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_01: My dad at the time used to sell produce, got out of the hospital and started getting better, and he would sell produce at the swap me.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm pregnant, and so I would get up early to help him go to LA, get fruit and stuff, and bring it to Bakersville, help him with a stack of potatoes, boxes, banana boxes, and everything.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_01: And I would lay on my bed and I'll just be like, man, I was tired.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_01: I had a lot of a lot of hurt, and it seemed like no one cared for me.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_01: And then later on, I end up having my child because I didn't tell nobody I was pregnant and I wouldn't hardly eat.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_01: And I drove myself to the hospital and I had my baby and just seen people coming in with their husbands, and here I am again by myself.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_01: So I gave up my daughter for adoption at birth.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_01: I only seen her like two minutes, signed the papers over.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_01: The only thing I said, you know what, could this letter follow my daughter wherever she goes?
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_01: At the time, I did not know how to spell, but I wrote as I understand it.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_01: And they picked up my daughter and they took her and never seen her again.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_01: Got out of the hospital the next day, went home, and it was really hard because my brother, my little brother, walked in the room and he's why did you do it?
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_01: I looked at my brother, said, What are you talking about?
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_01: He goes, Why did you give your daughter up?
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_01: And I looked at my brother and I cussed him out and I left back to my drug addiction, back to getting high.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't care.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_01: My brother never said anything.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't know if anybody else knew at the time.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_01: I thought nobody knew, just my brother.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_01: But I was like, he ain't gonna say nothing.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_01: Two years later, I lose my dad.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_01: That's when I really lost it.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_01: One of my sisters told me, My dad knew you had a baby.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_01: I said, Why didn't you tell me anything?
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_01: And she said, He always knew that you were the strong one.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_01: He said, Like you're very strong, but when you change, you have a big heart.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_01: And like it hurting me because I wish they would have said something to me.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_01: All those years I thought I was nothing and nobody, and it was really hard for me.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_01: So then I just lost it.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_01: I started using drugs again, selling.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_01: I was in and out of jail, I didn't care.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_01: My oldest daughters raised my two younger kids.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_01: They seen me get robbed at gunpoint, they seen men coming up in my house looking for dope.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_01: They seen a lot, they seen a guy going up my house, shooting up the house.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_01: Tell my kids that when they ask you something about your mother, you don't say nothing.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_01: Because if I get busted and something happens, you watch what's gonna happen to you.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_01: And my kids were so scared, I never forget that day right here on Monterey and Lake Monterey and Kern, an alley in apartment, it's apartment B.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_01: I never forget that day when this guy came up in my house, started shooting.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_01: My daughters were in the house with two of their friends, and I opened the door.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_01: And when I opened the door, he was there, and he just got me with the machete and a gun to my head, and he was telling me he's gonna kill me.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_01: At the time, I didn't know, but my they were telling my daughter, jump out the window, jump out the window, go call 911.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_01: And my daughter's like, No, no, my mom says we cannot call the cops.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_01: My daughter made that choice out of fear.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_01: She jumped out the window, not knowing if her mom was gonna hit her or not.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_01: The cops got there.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_01: All they received was a call that there was a woman and a guy, and there was a gun involved.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_01: They rushed both of us to the floor.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_01: They when they picked us up, that officer, I just hold on to that officer really tight.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_01: And the individual just said, you know what, let her go.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_01: She didn't do nothing.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_01: I went in there, I shot up the house, I did all this.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_01: And the officer goes, Miss, you could let me go.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, I couldn't let him go because I just knew that I'm still here.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_01: And they arrested the guy.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_01: It took a while.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_01: The officer let the other officer know you got to take the information.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_01: She ain't letting me go.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_01: Normally they don't let you do that, but that officer knew that man, like this woman, this she's just happy she's still here.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_01: Once I calmed down a little bit, I gave them all my information and they went on their way.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_01: It was really hard for me at the time.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_01: I under I didn't understand.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_01: Like, how could a mother tell her kids?
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_01: Law enforcement is there for a reason.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_01: But I taught my kids different because that's the way I was taught on the streets.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_01: They were looking for me because they wanted me to press charges.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't want to press charges because I'm still running the streets.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't want to be labeled as a snitch.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_01: So they asked me if I needed help, and I'm like, no, I'm good.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_01: Well, one day my mom's at home.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_01: I want to go visit my kids because my mom was taking care of my kids and my brother and my sister-in-law.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_01: And sure enough, the officers showed up.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_01: They told me to put my hands to the back.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_01: They took me in, they were questioning me, they were asking me, like, hey, and I said, Hey, he told you everything.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_01: You know, if you press charges, he will do, if you press charges, he'll do 30 years.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_01: And if you don't, he's only gonna do three.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, you know what, give him the three then, because I'm not gonna be a snitch.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_01: And so he ended up doing the three years only.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_01: And again, here I am on the street selling drugs, not caring, until I became homeless.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_01: When I became homeless, that's when I realized, you know what, what am I doing?
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_01: I looked out for people.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_01: My house was a dope house.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_01: People would get out of prison, I would hook them up, they were in and out.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_01: I looked out for people.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_01: I did a lot of things that I shouldn't have done.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_01: And I was never a mother to my kids.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't raise my kids, I didn't show them love or nothing.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_01: But when I became homeless, I asked around if I could stay in people's house until I got back on my feet and they would tell me no.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, Man, I remember I paid your rent, I bought your kids' school clothes when I was coming up, and nobody opened the door for me.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_01: So someone told me to go to the welfare department and get a voucher.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_01: And I went and I got a voucher, and I was staying in hotels right there on Union.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_01: If anybody's familiar with Bakersville, those hotels are not nice.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_01: Remember waking up and I'm just looking at my kids and I'm like, man, what am I doing?
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_01: So I end up going to another hotel.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_01: It's on Oak Street.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_01: Back then it was called the Camelon.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_01: Never forget, upstairs, room 216.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_01: And I was still trying to get back on my feet on selling dope.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember my sister, my little sister, came and she's like, Hey, here's your son.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_01: And I looked at her and she goes, He's walking from the fairgrounds, honey, all the way over here from school, and you're still stuck on your same stuff.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_01: And I looked at her and I cussed her out.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_01: I closed the door and I still had an eight-ball left.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_01: I went in the restroom and I smoked it all.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_01: Came back out.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_01: My young, my youngest daughter was in the bed and my son was sleeping on the floor.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_01: Right there, I felt, man, this is scandalous.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_01: This is dirty.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_01: What am I doing?
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_01: No matter what I've done, I've always had a roof over my kids' head.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_01: So I go back to the streets trying to come up and it didn't work.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_01: So I end up moving in with my little sister.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_01: She set some rules down and she said, Hey, no one can know where you live.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_01: Don't give nobody the number.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_01: Nobody could come.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_01: My doors closed at eight.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, man, it's worse than being locked up.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_01: And I said to myself, I'm gonna give it two months.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_01: I'll get clean and I'll go back out there and I'll come up again and I'll keep doing what I'm doing.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't want to change because I knew if I did, I don't know how to do anything.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't know how to read or write, didn't have a school school education, no one's gonna hire me.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_01: And it seems like I always hear people say, every time you do something good, something bad happens.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_01: So as I'm staying at my sister's, I was like about a month clean, and my daughter was my second daughter.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_01: We didn't have a good relationship because she was my first daughter that called me out of my name.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_01: She spit at my face and we fought and had people pull me off of her.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_01: I had so much anger towards her because she disrespect me.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_01: We never had communication, we never talked, we couldn't be in a room for two minutes when we were already going at it.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_01: I had so much anger, hate towards her because she spit at me, I'm your mother, but I never taught my kids how to respect people.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_01: And so when that happened, she was walking with a friend.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_01: Cops pulled her over and they asked her, What was her name?
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_01: She didn't give her name.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_01: And then they asked her again, and so she gave her name and they asked her, Where's your mom at?
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_01: She said, I don't know.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_01: What's her name?
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_01: What's her number?
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_01: He goes, Okay.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_01: They took her to Juvenile Hall, she was there for four days, and then they took her to Jameson Center, she was there for another four days.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_01: My brother was trying to get her out, but they're like, No, we need her mother.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_01: And I end up being at my sister's, and I had gone that day to go look for a job and stuff.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_01: And I got back, and my sister goes, Hey, the cops are looking for you.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, For what?
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_01: She's like, I don't know.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_01: They left, it was a detective because I had a bench warrant and stuff, and he goes, They want to talk to you.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Man, and I was like, All right, and then I get a call again, and this time it's Jameson Center, and they say, Hey, we have your daughter here.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_01: Could you come and pick her up?
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I go, My daughter, they're like, Yeah, her name is Christina, and I said, Yes, and you're the mother, yes.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_01: He goes, Okay, you need to come pick her up.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_01: So I went over there, and when I got there, the lady looks at me, and this is a CPS worker, a case worker.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_01: She looked at me and she said, Are you Fanny Hernandez?
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, Yes.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_01: And she goes, Okay, just want to talk to you.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_01: We're gonna release your daughter to you.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_01: She says, You don't hit her.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_01: And I knew that, like I taught my kids, I taught my kids the wrong way, and they're all I go, you know what?
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_01: If you release her to me, she's gonna run away.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_01: And she goes, Reporter has a runaway.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_01: And the reason I said that because she didn't want to be with me.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_01: And so we took off and they gave me a paper, and they said the lady looked at me and she said, This paper right here, you're not court order, it's volunteer if you want to go to garden pathways.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_01: And I looked at the lady and I said, What is garden pathways gonna do?
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_01: What is that?
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_01: It's mentoring.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_01: You meet with someone for an hour a week and they have classes and all that.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_01: And I looked at her and I kind of laughed.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, What is mentoring gonna do?
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: Do for me.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_01: My parents couldn't help me change.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_01: What makes you think some classes are gonna help me?
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_01: She goes, You're not a court order, you're a volunteer if you want to go.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, Okay.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_01: Took off.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_01: My daughter took off for me, reported her as a runaway.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_01: And three days later, I get a call from Garden Pathways.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_01: And they asked me if I wanted to go to these classes and stuff.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_01: And I said yes, but I didn't show up.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_01: The following week they called me again and I said, Okay, I'll go.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_01: And I end up going to the corner store right here on Chester and Terrace Way.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_01: We used to call it the mobile gas station.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_01: A man named Gil worked there.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_01: That was his business.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_01: And my sister knew him.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_01: So I thought maybe if I go over there and I borrow$2 for I could get the bus because at the time I was only getting food stamps, wasn't getting no money.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_01: So I didn't have any money to my name.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_01: And I just wanted to try something different.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't know how different looked.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_01: I just I wanted to see what they were all about.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_01: So I went into the gas station and I asked the man, Gail, if he could give me, lend me two dollars.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_01: And he said no.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, if you do, I'll come back.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_01: I'll throw your trash, mop the floor.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_01: And he looked at me and he said, No.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_01: And then I go, All right.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_01: So I was walking because I was determined I'm gonna walk to these classes.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_01: He called me back and he said, Hey, here, I'll give it to you.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, Man, I told him, I go, I promise you, I'll come back as soon as I get done with my classes and I'll throw your trash and mop the floor and everything.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_01: I just want to try something different.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_01: He goes, here, and he gave it to me.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_01: I got on the bus.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_01: And when I showed up at Garden Pathways, I felt that love.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_01: As soon as I walked in the door, I felt like someone cared for me.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_01: And all I wanted was someone to hug me and tell me that everything was gonna be okay.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I walked in there and I didn't want to cry.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't want to show them that I was weak.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't want to tell them nothing about me.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't want to tell them that I'm running from the law.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_01: I have a benchmark, I didn't want to say nothing because I literally thought these people were gonna turn me in.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_01: So I just walked in and I looked at everybody, they introduced me and everything.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_01: Are you gonna start these classes?
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, all right.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_01: So the first week I sat there and they're talking about boundaries and about your kids, and everything inside of me.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_01: Just I just wanted to cry because I've been doing it the wrong way.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_01: I just didn't understand.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, no, I'm not gonna say nothing because these people are gonna turn me in.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_01: So the following week on the class, I sat there and this lady walked up to me and her name was Tammy.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_01: She looked at me, she said, Where do you see yourself in a year?
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, What do you mean?
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_01: She goes, Where do you see yourself in a year?
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_01: What do you want to do?
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, uh go out.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_01: I want my house, I want a job, I want a car, I want my kids back.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_01: I want to be able to take my kids' places.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_01: And she goes, write it down.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_01: So I wrote it down, but I didn't want to give her my paper because I didn't know how to spell, I know how to read my writing.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_01: So then I did and I asked her if I could keep it.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_01: She said yes.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_01: And it was hard in the beginning because I'm around all these people that are well educated, people that have degrees, people that are involved in the community, people that have a heart and a passion for people.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, I don't know what I'm doing, but being around them, they helped me to start believing in myself.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_01: I did not know how to talk to my kids, I did not know how to show them love.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_01: I did not know how to communicate with them.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_01: I did not know how to go out there looking for a job to fill out an application.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_01: I did not know how to do none of that.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_01: But I did have two hands and two feet, and I know them.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_01: I know how to work.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_01: My dad taught us how to work.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_00: Let me, I want to say something to all the people that are listening to you, Fanny.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_00: You hear this story, this is a powerful story, and you might be out there listening to this, and you may say, Man, that's me.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_00: That's me.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_00: That that's she's talking about me.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_00: And what I want you to hear through Fanny is that even though everything she's been through, all the abuse, drugs, selling drugs, taking drugs, abandoning her kids, uh, being almost killed, all that, she's come through all that, and now to be working for Garden Pathways, the very place she just talked about, that really brought her to a place in herself where she's at today, and she's helping the very people that the story she's telling, she's helping those same people, and garden pathways, that's what they do.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're out there, if you're in Bakersfield, Garden Pathways is right there for you.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_00: But even if you're not in Bakersfield, wherever you're at listening to this, there's an organization.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_00: If you need this kind of help, I just want to take a moment here to impress upon you that they're out there.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_00: If you want the help, it's there.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_00: Just like Fanny found it, you will find it.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_00: And hopefully, her story is inspiring you to stop what you're doing and reach out and get the help that you need.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_00: And especially if you have children.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_00: You heard what she said about the way she didn't know how to love her kids, she wasn't taking care of them, she had a bad relationship with one of them, gotten physical altercations.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_00: If that's the situation, it can change.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_00: That's the message.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_00: So, Fanny, talk now about what do you do now with garden pathways?
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_00: What do you do now?
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_00: And also talk about whichever you want to talk about first.
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_00: How did Parents on a Mission help you?
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_00: What do you do now?
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_00: Or you want to talk about what you do now and then Parents on a Mission or talk about Parents on a Mission and then either way, I just want people to get that message.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_01: So, what I do now, I'm a peacekeeper for the CVI team here in Bakersville with Garden Pathways.
• 28:27
  SPEAKER_01: I work really close with the hospital intervention.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_01: So when there's a community violence in our community, or gang violence, or a victim, so we go out there and we try to engage with the community, not only when it's happening, but even after, just to build a relationship.
• 28:46
  SPEAKER_01: I've been with Garden Pathways for going on 20 years and I've done a lot.
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_01: I go out there and just communicate.
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_01: We have an amazing team that we all come together and all of us have lived experience.
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_01: I also go into our juveniles here in Bakersville and also to our Lairdol jail, our local jail here in Bakersville, and we teach parents on a mission, youth on a mission.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_01: I really, I really love Parents on a Mission for the simple fact coming to Garden Pathways when I was an employee and did the training, I did not know still that good how to read or write.
• 29:29
  SPEAKER_01: And but just listening to everything that you were teaching us, Richard, about parenting and this book.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, man, it's it's so good to understand something that I was never able to be taught.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_01: I remember taking it, and I remember one day going home, and my son looked at me and he said, Mom, you're teaching a class, huh?
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, Why do you say that?
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_01: He goes, because he goes, You're trying to parenting us.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_01: We're not used to that.
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, You know what?
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, I am teaching a class and I gotta put it to practice.
• 30:05
  SPEAKER_01: And my son just looked at me and he goes, Okay, whatever.
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_01: Because my kids were not used to having a mom that talks to them and communicates with them.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_01: So I said, you know what?
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_01: Then I want to teach it.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I asked my bosses that I wanted to help out and teach this.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_01: So as I started going into Lerdo and teaching it, so now someone's listening to me and but really helped me to understand that I did a lot of damage to my kids.
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_01: It was not gonna take a year or maybe two, it was gonna take a while for them to understand that their mom has changed.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_01: Then with the youth, teaching it with the youth, it really opened my eyes that I have to be a woman of my word, I have to walk a straight line because these kids have been let down, they've been talked down, parents are probably not there, some come from foster care, and I started seeing those kids, like my kids, and I started loving on them and encouraging them and teaching them we're all leaders, and we all have gifts, and we gotta use them.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_01: And hearing these kids, like my parents don't care, I'm raised by my grandma, I can do whatever I want, and it's bringing it back to them and understanding how important is our community because one day they're gonna be parents, and I'm pretty sure they don't want their kids to be the way they are.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_00: I just want to for those of you that don't know, youth on a mission is the counterpart to parents on a mission.
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_00: You've heard me talk a lot about parents on a mission.
• 32:03
  SPEAKER_00: Youth on a mission is also a program I wrote and developed.
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_00: I wrote a curriculum, I wrote a book from the margins to the mainstream, which you might see it there behind me.
• 32:13
  SPEAKER_00: So that curriculum is based on that book.
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I wrote that book because I wanted to inspire young people that they could become a community leader regardless of their background, from the margins, meaning minorities, we're often pushed to the margins of society, we're not taken seriously, nobody cares, nobody expects anything from us.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_00: But how we went, I tell my story and other stories of how I went from being a marginalized citizen to in the mainstream being having influence, and that's what Youth on Emission is about.
• 32:47
  SPEAKER_00: And Fanny teaches that as well in the juvenile hall.
• 32:50
  SPEAKER_00: Go ahead, Fanny.
• 32:52
  SPEAKER_01: And going in there and teaching these kids, it's amazing because you look at it, we're helping.
• 32:58
  SPEAKER_01: If you just help the kid and not the parent, it's like the kids go back home.
• 33:03
  SPEAKER_01: So I love that you could help the parent and you could also help the youth.
• 33:07
  SPEAKER_01: And as you're teaching it in our in our jails, some of the parents will tell you, like, hey, I have a young kid.
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_01: Would he be able to do that?
• 33:17
  SPEAKER_01: When you guys saying youth on a mission, and I'm just like, man, it's so powerful bringing the two together.
• 33:23
  SPEAKER_01: And just recently we were at Camp Owens.
• 33:26
  SPEAKER_01: Camp Owens is a facility for kids that when they do something wrong, they send them out.
• 33:30
  SPEAKER_01: Like to it's about an hour away from here, and it's in the mountains.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_01: So we were up there.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_01: Now I want to say it's still about last month teaching, and I went to go help one of my co-workers, and so we're teaching, and this kid is sharing that he's reading this book, and he was just so excited.
• 33:52
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm looking at him and I go, Me, what are you reading?
• 33:55
  SPEAKER_01: And he goes, Oh man, let me tell you.
• 33:57
  SPEAKER_01: And he started talking to me about the story, and I looked at him and I said, Michael, that story sounds familiar.
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_01: And then I go, Do you know the author of that book?
• 34:07
  SPEAKER_01: And then Crystal, my co-worker, goes, Do you know the name of the author?
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_01: And then he goes, Yeah, I think his name is Richard or Ricky or Richard, and I go, Richard Ramos, and he said, Yeah, and I said, I know that guy, I know him.
• 34:21
  SPEAKER_01: And he goes, You do?
• 34:22
  SPEAKER_01: And he was all excited.
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_01: He goes, Oh man, Fanny, I'm reading this book.
• 34:26
  SPEAKER_01: I go, How did you get that book in here?
• 34:27
  SPEAKER_01: And he's like, I was in the book rack, and I just felt it interesting.
• 34:31
  SPEAKER_01: And so I got in, I was reading it, and I said, I know that guy.
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_01: I go, that's what you're doing right now, youth on a mission.
• 34:37
  SPEAKER_01: He wrote this, and then he's like, He did.
• 34:39
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, Yeah, he's I want to meet that guy.
• 34:41
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, You know what?
• 34:42
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know if I could personally bring him down here.
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_01: I go, but I could do a zoom, I could tell him.
• 34:47
  SPEAKER_01: And then he goes, Yes, Fanny, I go, as soon as you get out, you come to our office, we'll call him.
• 34:51
  SPEAKER_01: And he was just this kid was just so excited because it's a living experience story, it's a story that it's like their story.
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_01: And it really touched me because this kid was just so happy about that book.
• 35:08
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, man, when he went, they took them back, gave him a hug, and I go, make sure you stop by the office, driving on the way back, talking to my coworker, Kristo.
• 35:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, man, that kid was so excited.
• 35:21
  SPEAKER_01: I go, man, I gotta call Richard, I gotta set this up.
• 35:24
  SPEAKER_01: And as you see, Richard, I did call you right away because those are the moments that you need to know, and everyone needs to know that we should never hold back.
• 35:35
  SPEAKER_01: We have a gift, we should use it.
• 35:38
  SPEAKER_01: And this is something from day one, Richard.
• 35:40
  SPEAKER_01: I try to get out of it.
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_01: Like I told you, I did not know how to read and write.
• 35:44
  SPEAKER_01: I told you, don't pick me, but I listened and I learned your book.
• 35:49
  SPEAKER_01: I read it over and over because when I went wanted to go teach, I didn't want to miss a word.
• 35:56
  SPEAKER_01: And so the the book, it means a lot, not just for me, but for these youth to be able to teach them something else, to show them what is a community.
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_01: Where does it start?
• 36:09
  SPEAKER_01: It starts in the house, yes.
• 36:11
  SPEAKER_01: But a lot of these kids don't have a home, they have people that care for them and will walk with them through the journey to help them and build them up.
• 36:20
  SPEAKER_00: Fanny, we could be here all day and you could be telling more stories, but that's what it's about, and that's why I had you on because there's so many stories, and I get letters, people send me letters, whether it's from their home or from jail, whatever, or from prison, because you guys are out there teaching, which is a blessing to me, that I know people are out there teaching it, and so many lives, so many families, so many parents, youth have been touched, their hearts have been turned around, and you guys are doing such tremendous work, and I'm I am just appreciative.
• 37:01
  SPEAKER_00: And when you called me that day to tell me about this kid, that's the kind of stuff that makes my day.
• 37:06
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, you know how it goes.
• 37:08
  SPEAKER_00: We do what we do, we love it, we want to help people.
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_00: But when you have that that experience of somebody telling you, in my case, that he read the book and he was so excited, that's why I wrote it.
• 37:19
  SPEAKER_00: That's exactly why I wrote it.
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_00: So I love I love hearing that.
• 37:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I thank you so much for telling me.
• 37:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I will, when he gets out, if he shows up, yeah, get a hold of me and I'll be happy to we'll do a call and I'll just talk to him, both of you, just like this, and I'll put it on the podcast and he can tell his story.
• 37:38
  SPEAKER_00: So so listen, thank you so much for your time.
• 37:41
  SPEAKER_00: I really appreciate you, and I appreciate you sharing and being very candid and very transparent about everything that you've been through.
• 37:48
  SPEAKER_00: But look at what you're doing now, you're doing great work.
• 37:51
  SPEAKER_00: I know you're one of the key members there in Garden Pathways, and I'm blessed to know you and know your story and see everything that you are doing.
• 38:00
  SPEAKER_00: So, listen, everybody, you've been listening to the Parent Whisperer podcast.
• 38:03
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Richard Ramos.
• 38:05
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for your time.
• 38:06
  SPEAKER_00: And remember, you can go to my website, RichardRamos.com.
• 38:12
  SPEAKER_00: There's books there, free resources there.
• 38:15
  SPEAKER_00: There's an online course there.
• 38:17
  SPEAKER_00: If you wanted to take the course, Parents on a Mission, it's there on my website for you to take.
• 38:24
  SPEAKER_00: Or if you would like to be a facilitator, a teacher, a mentor, and go through the training, that information is there.
• 38:32
  SPEAKER_00: All you need to do is go there, check it out, and you can contact me through my website.
• 38:37
  SPEAKER_00: So let me end with this.
• 38:39
  SPEAKER_00: As I always do, remember, mom and dad, parents on a mission is not for bad parents, it's for good parents who want to get better.
• 38:50
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks a lot.