Latest / That Mom / What 1,000 Women Taught Me about Success & Motherhood with Candy O'Terry
Transcript
- Maria Woods: you Welcome to That Mom, the podcast where we explore finding more joy and more meaning in the beautiful chaos of motherhood. I'm your host Maria, and I'm so glad you're here. Welcome back. Today I'm speaking with Candy O'Terry, a legendary radio personality and a champion of women's stories. If you could take a thousand women's stories of success and distill them into one conversation, this is it. You can't miss what Candy O'Terry has to say about life, motherhood and success. Welcome Candy to That Mom. Candy, thank you so much for joining me in my home studio. I love your home studio. And by the way, if you ever see me here, like breaking in another time just to hang out in this studio is gorgeous. I love it. Thank you. ⁓ Such an honor because you are a legendary radio personality and host of a podcast and women, ⁓ a real teller of women's stories. So I am so honored and humbled to have you here. You know what? I'm delighted to be here and thank you for inviting me. Amazing. I want to start with a question for you. ⁓ this one is particular to motherhood. And what does it look like to you to be proud of your story while in the middle of motherhood? ⁓ I love that question. And you know what I would say to you is that motherhood has chapters too. Just like our lives have chapters within those, if we choose to be a mom, there are chapters there as well. There's that early chapter where you are in it. ⁓ you are not sleeping. I happened to have my first child did not sleep until he was 10 months old and I thought I would die. And I was so young when I had him. And then I had my daughter a few years later, so I was in it, you know, I was in the diapers, I was in the toddlerhood, all the things. And it can sometimes feel as if you've lost yourself. Right? I can. ⁓ hold on. Let me just make sure this. Okay. My daughter, I just missed a call from, so that's really cool because she's all grown up and my best friend, another chapter of motherhood. Right? There's that chapter and then there's the chapter where you're in it with them as they're starting to grow up and you're trying to help them find their own way and showing them the lines in the road, but giving them some freedom. In my case, motherhood was difficult because I was a single mother for 15 years. And when I look back on my motherhood experience, that's what I'm most proud of because their father not only divorced me, but he exited from their lives as well. And so my message to anybody who might be listening to your show, who is a single mom now, if you are in that chapter in your motherhood experience, accept the love and the help of others. took a village to raise my children. And I picked very carefully the people that I wanted to have around my kids because I recognized I have a big career and I'm trying to earn a living and This man was a deadbeat dad on top of all of it. So I was supporting my children alone and I brought people into their lives who I cannot thank enough. And then there's that beautiful chapter where they're launched. They're launched and you're watching them grow. And now I'm a Gigi. I'm a grandmother of eight children. Wow. And it is a glorious portion of motherhood. And I mentioned that you like to champion women's stories. ⁓ I'd love for you to spend a moment telling us a little more about your story. You mentioned just now about a big career. ⁓ But your career didn't always seem so big. And I've heard you tell that it starts while you were already a mother to some degree. Would you tell the listeners more? Sure. Well, I will tell my favorite story, which I think people will get a giant kick out of. I had been a singer my entire life. And so I'm somebody who's, you know, sang in smoky rooms. And when I was a little girl, I toured with a big group. And so I've always been a performer. Never met a microphone I did not love. And when I became a single mother, it became very clear to me, hey, you can't be out at night singing in bars. You've got to be home with them. And so I got a job at a radio station because it made sense to me. ⁓ you've been singing songs your whole life. You know a lot about pop music. And so, ⁓ I bet they have health insurance there. So let's go to a radio station. So I land a job at the big number one station in Boston. I had been to broadcasting school beyond Boston college where I have a degree and I got an entry level position. I just wanted to get my foot in the door. So I was the secretary to the program director starting at the bottom level, but really loving it right away, knowing in my heart, this is where I belong. And maybe just maybe there's a chance for me here. Well, about a year into the job, had a disc jockey with a terrible habit of falling asleep on the radio. And I was the one who had to call him up and say, Gary, if you fall asleep one more time, we're going to have to let you go. Next night, poor Gary, father of six children, working as an exterminator by day, a disc jockey by night falls asleep for the third time. And my boss, Don Kelly, brings him in, fires him on a Friday. on a beautiful summer weekend and we have no one to put on the air at midnight. I'm getting ready to run for the train. He taps me on the shoulder and says, Candy, you're on tonight. And I'm looking around to see who could he possibly be talking to? And it's me. It's my moment. It's my chance. I have never been more frightened in my life. This is the big number one station, even though it's midnight to 5 30 in the morning, people are listening all around Boston. Yeah. It wasn't until three 13 in the morning. I'll never forget it. That my boss hotlined me and said, are you going to talk? I was so frightened. I didn't speak. I just ran the commercials and had the songs play and I was too afraid to talk. And so I did. And I sucked. I was terrible. But you only need one person to have some faith in you professionally. And he heard something that he liked in my voice and he mentored me for years. And I would spend the next 25 years on the radio. But I did not do that alone. My children slept in the newsroom. Every night I was on the air. No way. They had sleeping bags. They had their cereal for when they woke up. They could turn on the TV in the newsroom while I was still on the air. when my daughter got a little bit bigger and my son got a big little bit stronger, he would carry her up the stairs to the radio station because I didn't go on till midnight. So I would put them to bed like I normally would. And I think they were about eight and 11 and they would sleep in the car and we'd pull up to the station. And my son, who is now a special forces soldier, would carry his sister to the elevator because she was fast asleep. That's remarkable. It's a true story. Wow. And talk about making something happen, bringing this big career to life while deeply in the middle of motherhood. And you know what? I credit them. And I get emotional about it because I could not have done what I did without the support of my children. and without the village that helped me raise them. My father, my best friend's husbands who stepped in to help me parent Christopher during tough times. And I'm eternally grateful. Couldn't have done it without him. Yeah. And you did all that. You took this job because you said you had this hope and you had this feeling like, is where I belong. even though your dreams were not working as an intern or working very entry level. But you must have had a belief or a feeling. Tell us more about that. Well, this is a really wonderful message, I think, for women in 2026. I think particularly since I'm just about to have interviewed my 1,000th woman. I'm getting very close and I want to interview you. So you're going to have to promise me you'll come on my show. Anyway, I'm noticing when I interview young women that they're really surprised to hear that I took that job as the secretary to the program director. Yes. I had a degree with honors from Boston College. I had my FCC license to broadcast. I had fronted bands. I had toured the country. I knew a lot about music. Guess what? Sometimes you have to start at the bottom. And I recognized that. Because I was about 10 years behind most of the people who were on the air at that time. So I didn't have the depth of experience because it's one thing to know a lot about the music. It's another thing to be live on the radio. Right. Very different to be able to reach through the radio and talk to someone is an art. It's a skill. I didn't have that yet. So I needed to humble myself, take the best opportunity I could and keep stepping up to the plate and hitting one home run right after the other. That's what it took to be successful in my field. And you also said, which stuck to me, that you had one person that believes in you and that you only need one. Yes. So I think there's another message in terms of sometimes I think as women in particular, we might feel like we're not in the right circumstance or maybe everyone's not cheering for us or maybe our bosses or our coworkers or our clients aren't, you're not aligned. They're not all seeing what you're seeing, but you only need one person. So true. My boss became my mentor and he was really a champion for me. But also I would say that part of my success story, if it is a success story, and I always want to stay humble about that, is that I cultivate relationships. It doesn't matter what field you are in. relationships are everything. So when I had this little idea for a show about women doing great things with their lives, I knew I had a great idea, but I didn't know how to interview people because I'd never interviewed anyone in my life. So what did I do? I went into the newsroom and I asked our news director who I admired greatly, a woman named Gay Vernon, who is also in the Hall of Fame. And she said, I'd love to do that with you. And I said, okay, I'll do all the leg work, but will you teach me how to interview people? She said, it would be my pleasure. So see, I went out and I found my people. And also there were some people who may not have been so excited to see me succeed. There's always that. And you have to manage that and just keep delivering greatness. because there are some people who want to skate their lane and they don't like it when someone with lots of passion and energy comes around because it makes them look bad. Keep that in mind. So you can't let that make you feel uncomfortable. Nope. I'm never going to be mediocre. I'm sorry that you are skate your lane. I'm right over here. I love that message. ⁓ and as you mentioned, you have podcast now continuing from your earlier work of championing women championing excuse me women's stories. It's hard to say. It's called the story behind her success and you have interviewed nearly a thousand women. What is your favorite interview? ⁓ I love this question. Thank you so much. Can I give you two? You can give me two. All right. My all time favorite interview. was during my tenure at Magic 106.7 with the show I created with my friend, Vernon called Exceptional Women. Together, we interviewed nearly 600 women over the course of the 23 years we did the show together. So the thousand that I'm almost at now is the Exceptional Women show plus chapter two, the story behind her success. Kind of a ripoff of my own idea. Well, During my tenure at Magic and on the exceptional women show, had the chance to interview the one and only Mariah Carey. My personal favorite. So I love this. Well, she was coming to Boston and she was staying at the Four Seasons and she was in the penthouse suite. Of course. Of course. And that evening I had also been invited along with other radio folks in Boston to attend an exclusive dinner in her honor. And that was also at this very swanky club. So I was super excited and I brought my producer with me and I, we brought all of our equipment and we were all waiting in the lobby of the Four Seasons for our turn to go up to the penthouse with the one and only Mariah Carey. Well, Mariah decided that she wanted to take a nap while we were all waiting. So she was four hours late for everyone's interview. And when I finally had my turn, and was escorted up in the private elevator to the penthouse suite. Her bodyguard was as big as the table that we are sitting at right now. And he came out with hands like great big mitts to say hello to me and my producer. And in we go. And I brought with me, pay attention everyone, relationships are everything. Be memorable. I brought with me 16 long stem white roses. in a great big box with a diva bow on it. One for every number one song and the 16th for good luck. ⁓ Well, Mariah walks in the room. She sees the roses. She immediately asks her entourage for a vase. And during the time that she is putting these beautiful long stem roses in the vase, I turned to my producer and said, roll tape. and started asking her questions. And I had created a connection with her, a validation of her incredible career by giving her these roses. Well, she told me stories she had never told anyone else. And that interview went on to become one of the most successful interviews on all of radio nationwide. Wow. That's my first connection. And then every time she came to Boston, she would say to her people, have the Rose lady from Boston introduce me. So I introduced her at the Wang theater multiple times. Every time she came to Boston, I was the Rose lady who would come out from behind the curtain and introduce her. Amazing. And I probably saw you at the Wang theater introduce her back in the early... Back in the days, in the 2000s. That was me. The Rose lady from Boston. relationships be memorable. It really matters. My second favorite interview is a sad one. I had the opportunity to interview Maggie Bish whose daughter, Molly Bish was kidnapped and abducted and found dead years later in the woods. And I am here to tell you that when she walked into the room, the weight of her grief was on her shoulders. I felt her grief as a fellow mother. And when she told me the story of what it was like when the state police years and years later located her body in the woods. She talked about asking them. Please bring her back to me. And they brought back a knee cap he brought back a shoulder blade. He brought back a piece of her jaw. And she said, I cradled them in my arms. And when you have the chance like you are doing now to interview other women and to hear these stories, I carry them with me every day in my heart because she went on to create the Molly Bish Foundation where children across the country are fingerprinted and just all the wonderful things that she did. And keep in mind, Maggie Bish was a first grade teacher. So she knew and she's still alive. She's just stepped back from the foundation, but she was the one who taught me grace in grief. That's powerful. How lucky am I? Yeah. That I get to carry these stories with me wherever I go. It's amazing. And I've heard you say too about your first interview with Mariah Carey that I feel like her story of her success. and your story of your success, ⁓ I will call it success, ⁓ has something in common in that thread of belief in yourself. She told me that when she was about three and a half years old, you know, her mother was an opera singer, Patricia, and she was sitting on the floor playing with her Barbies and her mother was rehearsing. And she stopped her mother in the middle of a run and said, no, mama, it goes like this. And she sang the operatic run perfectly. And her mother turned and looked at her and said, Mariah, you have a gift. You've been blessed. This is a gift. And she never forgot that. And she said from that time, she knew she was going to be a singer. I have known from the time I was the same age that I was going to be a singer. My father lifted me up on the cocktail table while my parents were having cocktails with neighbors and said, And now Candace will sing. And they all clapped and I thought, well, I like that a lot. I would like some more of that, please. So to moms out there, would say, if you see a gift in your child, you don't have to fawn all over them. Just acknowledge the gift and say, you're really good at that. Do that some more. Plant the seeds, see where it goes. That's a great message. ⁓ along those same lines, since you've interviewed women and shared their success stories, what do you think more women need to understand about success? That it takes time. It takes time. And it's one thing to want success. It's another thing to drive it and to deserve it. And let me qualify that just because you want something doesn't mean it's going to happen. Yes, you can manifest it. Do I believe in the secret? Absolutely. But I believe even more so in faith and grace and humility and also good goes around. Throw good things out into the world as you're succeeding. Never forget where you came from. Never forget how hard the journey is and reach out to another woman. Always have someone behind you and above you. Work the line. Work the line. Always be willing to help someone. Never say no. Unless it's not right for you. You know, we all have to learn how to say no. I understand that. But if you have someone call you up and say, I really admire you. May I shadow you for the day? Can I just pick your brain? Now put some guidelines, put some guardrails up. I've had to do that. I've had to say, you know what? I've got 15 minutes. Let's do a call. Sure. But always be reaching back. and reaching up when you're on that ladder. That is really great advice. Super practical. ⁓ And just really interesting because people can be reaching up to you at any point, even as you're still striving for your own version of success. Yes. Yes. You've got it. Um, and then you brought with you your 16, do you call them life lessons? Yes. My 16 life lessons, which by the way, are a free download on my website, candiotary.com. C A N D Y O T E R R Y.com. These 16 life lessons. And I'm actually going to hand these to you because I want you to tell me. which one is your favorite, and then I'll share my favorite with you. These 16 life lessons have been gathered over the course of my career from some of my very favorite women that I have interviewed. And I want you to tell me which one really speaks to you at this moment in your journey. Okay. Wow. I need to read a little faster here. There's so many good ones already. While you're doing that, I'll tell you my favorite one. My favorite one while you're thinking about it. is at the end of the day, ask yourself, is this a day I can sign my name to? And that really rings out for me because I do think that we can get stuck in the muck and mire of our day. And we have to remember to do the right thing, love the people we love, find time for all the people, keep following the dream. So even if it's just one thing that really worked for you today, ask yourself, as you're putting your head down on the pillow, is this a day I can sign my name to? Yeah. What stuck out to me is right in the middle, number eight, there is great joy in striving towards your potential. ⁓ yes. I'm so glad you picked that. And that hasn't been picked in some of my interviews in a very long time. I love that one because You know that song, the climb by Miley Cyrus? Yes. Okay. It's the same theme as that. As we're making our climb in life, no matter what it is that we're striving for and what a joy it was to meet your mother today, celebrating her 80th birthday. I bet she would love this answer too, because it's not just when you get to the top, it's the climb. Make every day a striving moment. where you're getting closer and closer and closer to that goal. There's great joy in it. Yeah. And that's the theme of this podcast is really hoping to empower moms to live with a little more joy. Yes. A little more meaning. And motherhood can be busy. It can be tough. You talked about some of your own personal challenges, but it sounds like you really found joy in that while striving towards your potential. The story about having your kids in the radio station, mean, on the newsroom floor. Yes. And I'm sure that was also difficult. Right. Not to minimize that, but I think joy and difficulty can live together. You know, one of the big things that I learned, I have two things to say about that. The first is not only that we know children are resilient. This was a tough time for us and I covered them with love. I had to be a mother and a father. And I tried my best to do so. But when I came up short, I had my people around me who filled in the gaps for me. But I think they appreciated the adventure. Not every kid gets to sleep on the newsroom floor and wake up and have their cereal walking around, looking at what a radio station is all about. Give them a little adventure. And by the way, adversity is a great teacher. And one of the things I believe, and this is my second point, I believe we need to teach children the soft skill of resiliency. Yeah. And we want so much to smooth the world out for them. And in the words of my favorite singer of all time, Linda Ronstadt, who I've interviewed, the world is not soft. The world is not soft. The world is hard. And the world doesn't love them like we do. So teaching them a sense of resiliency, how to get past adversity with grace when it happens is one of the greatest lessons we can give our kids. Yeah. And in this case, your kids are observing you working towards your potential. So I think that's an amazing lesson. So the adversity that they may have experienced is teaching them about that hard work. Absolutely. And I'll tell you, you know, my daughter Colleen and I, When I decided that I was going to exit the radio station, it was 10 years ago. And by the way, everywhere I go, people say, I heard you this morning. And I've stopped correcting people. just say, thank you so much. don't know what to say. But anyway, I had said, you know, I want to spend more time with my girl. She is my best friend and I love her so much. I love the adult, the woman, the mom that she has become. And she's her own kind of mom, by the way. She made an announcement to me and said, mom, you know what? I don't want to work as hard as you did. And she makes it happen in her own way. She's her own unique individual. But we had the idea that we wanted to write a children's book series together. Yes. Which we've done. And the first book that came out is called Nelson's Garden. And this is based on A meeting with a very old man named Nelson McNutt when my own daughter was only 10 years old. And he introduced himself. He was growing a beautiful garden and he used to stand there every morning by the side of the road, tipping his hat. One morning we stopped, we met him. This man lived to be 105 years old and he inspired us so much that day that we created a series of books about him called Nelson's garden. and debuted the first book a couple of years ago. And then the second book, which is called Nelson's Garden and the Free Little Flower Stand is rooted in friendship grows in Nelson's Garden, which was the first theme. And the second theme is kindness grows in Nelson's Garden. This book centers around two little girls with a wish to learn how to make things grow. He teaches them how to be incredible little gardeners. And they notice that there are lots of extra flowers in the garden that they've grown. So why don't we just give them away by the side of the road and see what happens. This actually is based on a true story. My daughter and her girls did this for their garden. And so we created the second book about giving those flowers away. It seems like a great and somewhat natural extension from your storytelling and a great example of how different people. pursue their potential in different ways. This is a creative outlet for your daughter and you and your daughter together. and they look wonderful. and I'll tell you one of the things that we're most proud of about these books, these are really meant to be read by a parent to their child. And our sweet spot is about six years old, kindergarten, six, seven. And the artwork is so beautiful. Our, ⁓ Illustrator is a woman named Olivia Boson, who's a new mom herself, and she has an MFA in fine art. And these are hand drawn, beautiful watercolors. And it's a garden in summer. So you've got the robust colors of a garden in full bloom. And then you've also got the children in there, my sweet Belle and Rosie, who are my daughter Colleen's children and their summer wish. to grow a garden. And also, there's a very strong message in here. We talked about meeting your mom today about respect for our elders and the stories that our elders can tell us and teach us. Yes. Storytelling. It's so powerful. Yeah. It's the connector. ⁓ And speaking of that, what makes a woman's story worth telling and makes a woman's story powerful since you have hold on so many women's You know, I have to say that the people who reach out to me and say, I'm special, I'm exceptional, I have a fabulous story to tell, are not necessarily my favorite stories. The very humble women who I meet along the way and say, whoa, you've got a great story to tell, those are my favorite. They're my favorite. Recently, I featured a woman named Donna O'Kane who had a 40 year career working for the Department of Transportation here in Massachusetts. The Massachusetts Turnpike Authority, where she had an admin position. Well, in her new chapter of retirement, she goes all around the state following eagles and takes these unbelievable pictures of eagles in flight. eagles nesting. mean, I love those kinds of stories. They're so inspiring to me. Yes. and then from all these stories, is there anything that you think women are underestimating about themselves? We never think we're good enough. We never think we're good enough. And sometimes, and I'm guilty of this as well. Yeah. Sometimes we try too hard. And I, one of the things that I always ask, which I think is an extension of this question that you've just asked me so beautifully. I always say, what do you wish you knew when you first got started? Yeah. You know what they all say? And these are women in the new chapter, their retirement or some new exciting thing. They say, I would tell myself you don't have to try so hard. Everything will be okay. The things that you're worried about are not worth worrying about. So Slow down and find some joy, which is exactly what your message is. Yes. I love that. And in trusting in the process to some degree, trusting that you are worthy enough. You are enough. You know, one of my new mantras that I've been sharing with everyone is slow down to the speed of joy, which I thought perhaps you would like to hear and savor today. And by that, mean, for most of us, because of life in 2026, we are constantly connected to gadgets and attachments and all the things are happening. And here we are driving down the road of life at 75, 80 miles an hour. We hands on the steering wheel, got to get there in time, got to be so perfect. I welcome all of us to take the next exit. You're in a car. You've been doing 75. Take the exit ramp. Your car slows down. Now imagine your car is going onto a country road and it feels like you are crawling. You are doing 20 miles an hour. And suddenly when we slow down, imagine what we see that we missed when we were on that highway at 75, 80 miles an hour. There's the little girl just, you know, walking through some dandelions blowing some bubbles. There's The mom calling her in, there's the man mowing the lawn. There's the postman ambling along with the mail. Suddenly you smell, my windows down. There's the fresh air. Slow down to the speed of joy. That's a great way to wrap up. I appreciate you. I could listen to your storytelling forever because clearly that is your gift. You've got it too. Keep doing it. Thank you. Thank you for the support and let everyone know where they can find your podcast and the latest and greatest. And of course, you're going to be on it soon. Okay. Just go to my website. It's candyotary.com. I'll spell it again. C-A-N-D-Y-O-T-E-R-R-Y.com. And there you will also find all my music. So I hope you'll give my music a listen. It's available on all platforms. Lots of pop songs, an original song called A Letter that I wrote for my dad. And of course, you'll learn all about my books. And you can listen to any one of my episodes right there on my website, candyotary.com. OK. And one last time, we're going to slow down to the speed of joy. Imagine what you'll see. Thank you. This is Maria and you've been listening to That Mom. Thank you for being here. If this episode resonated, share it with a mom who needs it too. And if you're ready for more, your next episode is waiting because every conversation here is meant to empower you to live better.