Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #872 Amanda Keller's Parenting Hacks & Highlights

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#872 Amanda Keller's Parenting Hacks & Highlights · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

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  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the
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  Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers Now.
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  Speaker 2: Some time ago I interviewed the amazing Amanda Keller on
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  Speaker 2: the Happy Families Podcast. Well, a lot has happened since
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  Speaker 2: we first dropped that podcast episode. One thing that hasn't
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  Speaker 2: changed is Amanda's continued success on FM radio, where she
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  Speaker 2: just last week won the Commercial Radio Australia Award for
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  Speaker 2: the Best on Air Team with her co host Brenda
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  Speaker 2: Jones on WSFM in Sydney. Amanda is just such a
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  Speaker 2: stellar human being, and in light of her winning the
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  Speaker 2: award and being extremely grateful and emotional about it, not
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  Speaker 2: that it's the first time she's won this award, but
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  Speaker 2: there was something different about it this time. In light
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  Speaker 2: of that, I wanted to replay her incredible interview with
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  Speaker 2: insights that can help every single parent. Amanda, thanks for
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  Speaker 2: joining me on the Happy Families Lightning Round.
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  Speaker 1: Thrilled to be here.
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  Speaker 2: Tell us how many kids you have and how old
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  Speaker 2: they are, Amanda, I have.
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  Speaker 1: Two sons, Liam is twenty one and Jack is nineteen.
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  Speaker 2: Now a well publicized story that you had these kids
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  Speaker 2: through IVF and it was a very very long process
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  Speaker 2: for you. Do you have a favorite child.
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  Speaker 1: I don't have a favorite child, and if I did,
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  Speaker 1: it probably would wax and weigh and change from day
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  Speaker 1: to day. Liam is very much like my husband. He's
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  Speaker 1: I think, quite linear, clear thinking, droll and dry in
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  Speaker 1: his humor. Jack is probably more like me and up
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  Speaker 1: and down and hilarious, and so I kind of give
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  Speaker 1: in to him. Liam is wanting of nothing. Jack is
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  Speaker 1: wanting of everything. And I remember growing up and never
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  Speaker 1: getting what I wanted, so often I'll give in to Jack.
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  Speaker 2: I love your insight that he's like you because you're hilarious.
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  Speaker 2: I love that you own that. That's great. Who do
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  Speaker 2: you love the most?
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  Speaker 1: I didn't even think I said that. That's terrible.
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  Speaker 2: It up, But you have the most your partner, Harley
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  Speaker 2: or your kids.
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  Speaker 1: Different kinds of love. Probably if a train was coming
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  Speaker 1: at us, I'd grab the kids. Don't tell Harley, I
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  Speaker 1: love it all right now.
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  Speaker 2: This is obviously a tougher question because of your fertility journey.
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  Speaker 2: Ideal number of kids though, I think two.
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  Speaker 1: I think three means a bigger car. I think two,
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  Speaker 1: and you know, harder holidays, all that kind of stuff.
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  Speaker 1: I think too.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, two is convenient, that's for sure. How do
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  Speaker 2: you rate yourself as a parent, Amanda, give yourself a
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  Speaker 2: score out of ten.
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  Speaker 1: Overall, I'd say I'd be a seven.
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  Speaker 2: What's something great that your parents did that you've tried
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  Speaker 2: to continue in your parenting.
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  Speaker 1: My mother and I used to laugh at it, and
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  Speaker 1: I used to sort of sneer at it. Mum always
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  Speaker 1: would say, get your piece of paper in the world's
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  Speaker 1: your oystered because she missed out on a university education
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  Speaker 1: and so academic things mattered a lot to her. I
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  Speaker 1: was pushed to study hard at Carlingford High School, my
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  Speaker 1: local public high school, and I did study hard. And
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  Speaker 1: I think I've in a way pushed my children. If
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  Speaker 1: I had a child that wasn't reading, or a child
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  Speaker 1: that didn't do their homework, I'd really struggle with that.
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  Speaker 1: So I think I've taken my mum's love of apostrophes
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  Speaker 1: and punctuation and love of education and try I think
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  Speaker 1: subconsciously or maybe consciously instilled that in them.
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  Speaker 2: Got a fun question for you, Who's the better parent?
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  Speaker 1: You are? Harley High and I tag team with our parenting.
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  Speaker 1: I was thinking the other day I was asking him
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  Speaker 1: something about that, I said, do you think I'm too
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  Speaker 1: I shouldn't be doing this or this? I thought, how
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  Speaker 1: hard it is for single parents who don't have anyone
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  Speaker 1: to bounce that stuff off. That's really that would be
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  Speaker 1: very hard because I can't tell whether I'm being too
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  Speaker 1: hard or too indulgent or whatever it is. I have
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  Speaker 1: no gauge on that. So he's much more pragmatic than
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  Speaker 1: I am, and he's much more just getting on with
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  Speaker 1: it than I am. I'm sort of filibustering at the word,
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  Speaker 1: around the detail and around the fluffy bits, whereas he's
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  Speaker 1: pretty straightforward. So between the two of us, Yin and Yang,
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  Speaker 1: we make a whole parent.
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  Speaker 2: I love your empathy, and I also love the way
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  Speaker 2: you completely avoided deciding who was better out of you
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  Speaker 2: and Harley. Ah ha ha, Okay, what's the hardest thing,
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  Speaker 2: Amanda Kella about being a parent?
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  Speaker 1: I found teaching them to drive one of the hardest things. Yes,
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  Speaker 1: so hard. Yes that was terrible, and Harley didn't want
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  Speaker 1: to do it, and I didn't want to do it.
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  Speaker 1: But it's made me a terrible passenger. I used to
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  Speaker 1: not care about being a passenger, and now I'm even
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  Speaker 1: in an uber I'm jumpy and I'm looking at where
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  Speaker 1: the curb is. I found that bit really hard. And
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  Speaker 1: there's a guy that a whole of my friends were
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  Speaker 1: using who would help them kids get the hours up
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  Speaker 1: without you having to do it. I love the idea
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  Speaker 1: of being in a car with my sons and driving,
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  Speaker 1: but when they're learning to drive, it's not that it's
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  Speaker 1: I wasn't calm. I made them stressed. It was terrible.
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  Speaker 1: I think I found that one of the hardest bits.
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  Speaker 2: I'm a parenting expert. I'm not supposed to get mad
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  Speaker 2: at my kids. I'm supposed to know how to do
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  Speaker 2: all this sort of stuff. But as I've taught my
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  Speaker 2: kids to drive, I've found that my capacity to be
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  Speaker 2: patient and kind when my life is in danger every
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  Speaker 2: fourteen seconds is almost zero. And I've found things coming
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  Speaker 2: out of my mouth that I just don't I don't
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  Speaker 2: say these things. I specially don't say these things about
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  Speaker 2: all to my children, and sure enough I was doing it.
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  Speaker 2: I love your answer on that question.
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  Speaker 1: Thank you. I think I called out, oh, you're freaking idiot,
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  Speaker 1: and my own child.
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  Speaker 2: It wasn't someone out the window, it was the beginning
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  Speaker 2: side the car. Amanda now that your kids are of age.
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  Speaker 2: If you could spend an hour with your children at
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  Speaker 2: any age, what age would you choose?
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  Speaker 1: And why is it just an hour? Do you know what?
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  Speaker 2: Yes, but we've had other people who have extended it
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  Speaker 2: for a week, let's say, a period of time.
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  Speaker 1: I think only because I'm in the hormonal drop zone
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  Speaker 1: of my children leaving home. I love. I have mixed
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  Speaker 1: emotions when I see little toddlers at the beach with
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  Speaker 1: their parents and the toddler reaches up to hold mum's
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  Speaker 1: hand and they're running around with their little baby voices
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  Speaker 1: and they sit on your lap. I miss that. I
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  Speaker 1: just miss it. I think probably one day of that
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  Speaker 1: would be great, And then one day maybe at ten
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  Speaker 1: and eight, where they're funny and it's easy, and you go, oh,
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  Speaker 1: we're in the drop zone. I think ten and eight
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  Speaker 1: are the drop zone. That was brilliant but was recently
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  Speaker 1: went to Hamilton Island for holiday and my brother came
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  Speaker 1: over and he took my sons for a beer, and
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  Speaker 1: I thought, how great that they're at an age now
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  Speaker 1: where they can be seen as adults. That was a
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  Speaker 1: wonderful thing. And I like us all sitting down around
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  Speaker 1: a table. Now, I'll do anything. I'll book a holiday
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  Speaker 1: to get us away where they know no one else
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  Speaker 1: and the four of us have to sit and have breakfast,
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  Speaker 1: lunch and dinner together. Is my dream. I'll go to
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  Speaker 1: Iraq for a holiday if I get to do that.
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  Speaker 1: So a snippet of them being babies, a snippet of
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  Speaker 1: those charming, hilarious years eight and ten, and a snippet
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  Speaker 1: of now, and if that could make up one day,
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  Speaker 1: that would be my dream.
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  Speaker 2: Well, it's certainly cheating that I love your answer. What's
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  Speaker 2: the ultimate joy for you as a parent?
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  Speaker 1: For many years, I didn't think anyone would call me mum?
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  Speaker 1: And I still think that, even though they're nineteen and
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  Speaker 1: twenty one. I still sometimes think. I can hear a
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  Speaker 1: key in the door, and I play this game with
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  Speaker 1: myself and I think the person who comes through here
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  Speaker 1: is my child and I'm still blown away by it.
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  Speaker 1: I'm still blown away by it. So that's something amazing
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  Speaker 1: that I'll never get over.
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  Speaker 2: Well, you got me, you got me weeping? Well done.
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  Speaker 2: What's that thing that your parents always said that you
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  Speaker 2: swore you would never say, but it keeps popping out
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  Speaker 2: of your mouth?
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  Speaker 1: Oh there's a few of those. You know, it's not
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  Speaker 1: even a phrase. It's just when I'd go to do
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  Speaker 1: something and Mom would say, have you thought about this?
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  Speaker 1: And I'd say, no, I don't want to do that,
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  Speaker 1: or you know, even if it's something as simple as
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  Speaker 1: take a card again, No, God, you might be a
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  Speaker 1: bit cold. No, I'm not going to do that. You're
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  Speaker 1: sure you won't be cold. And I hated it when
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  Speaker 1: Mum did it. I do it all the time, and
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  Speaker 1: even now when I speak to them if there's something
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  Speaker 1: about applying for a course or something, the form they
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  Speaker 1: have to fill out at the end of every conversation,
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  Speaker 1: I almost have to stitch my mouth closed. So I
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  Speaker 1: don't nag them because I hated it happening to me,
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  Speaker 1: and I try so hard not to be that person,
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  Speaker 1: but I can't help myself.
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  Speaker 2: What's the boys favorite thing to do with you?
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  Speaker 1: I do, obviously say favorite thing, but we're at our best.
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  Speaker 1: I think when we're all sitting around a table having
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  Speaker 1: a meal, and it's best if it's in a restaurant
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  Speaker 1: so no one can leave and no one can be
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  Speaker 1: on their phones or do any of that. Where captive.
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  Speaker 1: If we had to go into witness protection or something.
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  Speaker 1: I'd be quite happy locked in. So that's my favorite
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  Speaker 1: thing to do with them. Theirs to do with me
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  Speaker 1: is maybe when we're sitting around watching football match on
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  Speaker 1: the telly something like that, or we're watching them play football.
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  Speaker 1: That's where we're at our best.
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  Speaker 2: I think my mum's vision of heaven is all six
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  Speaker 2: of her kids sitting around the dining table sharing a meal,
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  Speaker 2: just like you described.
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  Speaker 1: I often I'm away. I'm going to cry again. I've
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  Speaker 1: got a couple of friends who've had some cancer battles
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  Speaker 1: and they had to do a vision board. And a
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  Speaker 1: friend her children, they were same age as mine. They
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  Speaker 1: are probably only five and six at the time. Her
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  Speaker 1: vision board was watching her boys play rugby. And she's
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  Speaker 1: fine now. But every match I'd stand next to her
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  Speaker 1: watching the game, and I think, no one here knows
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  Speaker 1: what this means to any We all have our own
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  Speaker 1: story of what we think as we're watching that game,
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  Speaker 1: and what means to us and those you know sitting
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  Speaker 1: around the table watching them play football. The detail of
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  Speaker 1: life is small. The big dreams aren't big, they're small.
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  Speaker 1: The carrots we need to dangle for ourselves are small.
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  Speaker 1: And that's where the richness of life is it's in
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  Speaker 1: the detail. It's you know, that's the stuff.
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  Speaker 2: And that three questions and then this lightning round wraps
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  Speaker 2: up number one. What are you most looking forward to
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  Speaker 2: as a parent?
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  Speaker 1: The words that want to come out, that will come
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  Speaker 1: out are you know, healthy, smart, empathetic. But I just
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  Speaker 1: want that door to open and these fabulous sons walk in.
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  Speaker 1: That's all I want is these fabulous boys that I'm
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  Speaker 1: proud of, who love me and I love them, and
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  Speaker 1: that's that's all I require of them.
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  Speaker 2: I love talking to you.
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  Speaker 1: I love talking to you. Made me cry a lot today,
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  Speaker 1: justin it's not fair.
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  Speaker 2: If you could go back to you as a young mum. Well,
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  Speaker 2: I know you've said you weren't such a young mom
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  Speaker 2: because the IVF thing took so long, but.
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  Speaker 1: One hundred and fifty eight years old.
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  Speaker 2: You were still an inexperienced mum. If you could go
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  Speaker 2: back to you being so inexperienced and having one of
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  Speaker 2: those tough moments, what advice now would you give yourself
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  Speaker 2: and hope that you would listen to.
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  Speaker 1: Don't be scared. You're not going to break them. Sure
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  Speaker 1: they may fall down the stairs on your watch, but
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  Speaker 1: you're not going to break them and it's going to
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  Speaker 1: be okay. You can't stuff this up. You're not going
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  Speaker 1: to stuff this up. Don't fear It'll all work out okay,
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  Speaker 1: because I think that's what I felt, that how responsible
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  Speaker 1: I was to not stuff them up. But we're all
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  Speaker 1: going to stuff them up in some way, and that's
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  Speaker 1: the joy of life. That's why as we're talking, you know,
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  Speaker 1: you talk about this with your friends, your family, how
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  Speaker 1: crazy families are. How can you not have that in
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  Speaker 1: your own family?
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  Speaker 2: Amanda final question, what's been your biggest win as a mum?
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  Speaker 1: I don't even know how to answer that. I think
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  Speaker 1: my biggest when there was an article recently the Women's
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  Speaker 1: Weekly where both my sons gave quotes. Because you don't
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  Speaker 1: know how they perceive you, and I know that I'm
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  Speaker 1: loved and I know that they love their family, but
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  Speaker 1: they both said such lovely things that when you see
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  Speaker 1: it written down, you think, oh, I have done a
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  Speaker 1: good job. Who knew that that would have to come
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  Speaker 1: from the Women's Weekly. Sometimes you need to see it
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  Speaker 1: in a different context and seeing the written words they'd
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  Speaker 1: taken the time to answer for a journalist and to
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  Speaker 1: say those lovely things. It just absolutely meant the world
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  Speaker 1: to me.
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  Speaker 2: This has been such a beautiful lightning round. Amanda, Thank
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  Speaker 2: you for making our day loved.
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  Speaker 1: Thank you.
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  Speaker 2: That was Amanda Keller, one of Australia's best known female
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  Speaker 2: radio TV presenters and just a fabulous, wonderful lightning round.
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  Speaker 2: The Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin Ruland for
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  Speaker 2: Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is our executive producer. More about
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  Speaker 2: making your family happier, please visits at happy families dot
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  Speaker 2: com dot au
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  Speaker 1: MHM