Latest / Arroe Collins Like It's Live / Vocal De Frag Episode 216 Ghosting Friends Is Lifelong Not Suddenly

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Vocal De Frag Episode 216 Ghosting Friends Is Lifelong Not Suddenly · Arroe Collins Like It's Live

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: It's not just a podcast. It's a podcast network. That
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: was my vision in 2010, to create a network where
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: you had the power of choice and owned it like
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: you live it every day. Arrow.net, A-R-R-O-E.net. One of the
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: top shows, Street Speak with Alexa and Clarence. It really
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: is Alexa from Amazon. You're having the conversations, but do
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: they go as deep as these two? Only on Arrow.net, A-R-R-O-E.net.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: Enjoy your exploration. Hey, Saro, and this is Vocal Defrag.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: Vocal Defrag is taking the time to ask yourself the
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  Speaker 1: questions and question the answers. Seems like an easy task
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  Speaker 1: to do, right? It's either easy to do, not easy
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  Speaker 1: to do, a pain in the ass to do, or
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  Speaker 1: I don't have time to do it. That's usually what
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  Speaker 1: I hear. And yet, if you were to take the
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  Speaker 1: time to ask yourself the questions... And then just ask
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  Speaker 1: yourself some simple questions. You don't have to go balls
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  Speaker 1: to the wall crazy and sit there and interrogate yourself
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  Speaker 1: like you're watching an episode of 60 Minutes or CBS
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  Speaker 1: Sunday Morning. Just ask yourself the questions and then question
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  Speaker 1: the answers. This is Vocal Defragging. Big, big, big, big
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  Speaker 1: subject today. The friendships that we had when we were
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  Speaker 1: growing up. You know, the ones you're always thinking about
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  Speaker 1: because at the drop of a hat, a flashback comes back.
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  Speaker 1: a girl you once knew, a guy that you hung
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  Speaker 1: out with, you chummed up with, and your parents hated it,
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  Speaker 1: but you loved the fact that your parents didn't like
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  Speaker 1: it because it made you look like a rebel. Those relationships,
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  Speaker 1: they felt so real, so genuine. And yet, where are
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  Speaker 1: they at today? Why didn't they continue moving forward? Okay,
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  Speaker 1: so I set you up with that. Because if you
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  Speaker 1: look at today's relationships, your co-workers, your family members, your neighbors,
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: or people you meet at a Starbucks every day, or
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  Speaker 1: a grocery store, you have this relationship with people. And
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  Speaker 1: then you think, oh my God, they ghosted me. They're gone.
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  Speaker 1: What am I going to do? How am I going
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  Speaker 1: to react? In fact, I wrote a song one time.
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  Speaker 1: It was back in 2012 that was based solely 100%
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  Speaker 1: on a friendship that I had with this fellow mobile
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  Speaker 1: entertainer that happened to be good friends with my wife.
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  Speaker 1: And the one thing that I put in that song was,
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  Speaker 1: Where were you when things were up, when they were down?
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  Speaker 1: Where were you when things went wrong, went right? Where
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  Speaker 1: were you? Because that's the way you feel when those
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  Speaker 1: people that we assume are our modern day adult friends
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  Speaker 1: are going to be with us all the way to
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  Speaker 1: the end. And yet, those childhood friends that seemingly come
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  Speaker 1: up in thought at the drop of a hat, the
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  Speaker 1: scent of a perfume, or just the view of the
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  Speaker 1: mountain range, and you're right back to being a child again.
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  Speaker 1: But we don't do that with our adult friends. Or
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  Speaker 1: we do in the way of instantly writing it off, saying, ah,
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  Speaker 1: what the hell? They ghosted me. Why don't we accuse
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  Speaker 1: our childhood friends of ghostiness as well? Because I can
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  Speaker 1: sit here, and I can write down on a sheet
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  Speaker 1: of paper the number of people that I hung with
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  Speaker 1: as a preteen and as a teen, who I hung
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  Speaker 1: out with, in my early days of radio versus my
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  Speaker 1: present day of podcasting. I'm still a broadcaster because I'll
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  Speaker 1: forever look at that because any type of communication and
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  Speaker 1: you're broadcasting. Now, journalists will look at me and say,
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  Speaker 1: you're absolutely wrong. Our word is not broadcasting, it's journalism. Okay,
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  Speaker 1: you got me, but that doesn't mean I have to
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  Speaker 1: call your friend. I mean, that seems to be the
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  Speaker 1: way that we are as adults. We can have a
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  Speaker 1: conversation all you want. We can talk about your cat,
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  Speaker 1: your dog, your sick brother, your neighbors that are driving
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  Speaker 1: you crazy because you've got a red roof and everybody
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  Speaker 1: else has got a green roof. But you know what?
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  Speaker 1: In the process of trying to develop that and digest it,
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  Speaker 1: what happens is, is we find ourselves creating distance. And
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  Speaker 1: is that what we did as kids, those preteens and teens,
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  Speaker 1: with those people that we surrounded ourselves with? And here's
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  Speaker 1: the thing that always falls in my heart. As a kid,
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  Speaker 1: you're doing everything you can to play the popularity game.
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  Speaker 1: You want to be liked. You want to be loved.
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  Speaker 1: You want to be included, accepted. You want to be
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  Speaker 1: in that moment of now. And as an adult, we
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  Speaker 1: kind of, sort of still have that ambition to play
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  Speaker 1: that game. I mean, we're all over social media, really
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  Speaker 1: seriously break it down. I think it's a popularity game.
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  Speaker 1: You want people to see what you're thinking. Nowadays, you
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  Speaker 1: can say it and walk away from it. But do
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  Speaker 1: you say it? Face to face. Well, no, I don't.
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  Speaker 1: Or the reason why I don't do it is because
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  Speaker 1: that person will never talk to me again. I don't care.
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  Speaker 1: Your childhood friends aren't talking to you. I mean, every
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  Speaker 1: now and then you might jot down a text message
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  Speaker 1: or you might send some sort of word to them
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  Speaker 1: through social media. But are you really having that chem
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  Speaker 1: it up party? Would I go out and go to
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  Speaker 1: a beer kegger with with my friends that I did
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  Speaker 1: when I was a preteen or a teenager? Yeah, we
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  Speaker 1: drank while we were teenagers. I don't support it today.
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  Speaker 1: But back then it just wasn't the thing. Nobody said,
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  Speaker 1: don't let your teenagers drink. Well, we had laws. I mean,
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  Speaker 1: you had to be 18, where I grew up in Montana,
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  Speaker 1: and we were pumping up the volume when it came
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  Speaker 1: to alcohol at 14, 15, and 16. I don't suggest
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  Speaker 1: that for anybody. I totally believe that there should be
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  Speaker 1: rules made. But is that what my friendship was all
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  Speaker 1: about with my preteens and my teenage friends? And I
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  Speaker 1: got to be honest with you, yeah. Yeah, I think so.
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  Speaker 1: It's not necessarily who were your friends with, but who
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  Speaker 1: was your party buddy? Oh, how are you in that
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  Speaker 1: department as an adult? If you were to remove the
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  Speaker 1: alcohol from your life, would those friendships at the local bar,
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  Speaker 1: the pub, the sports place, or even at a grocery store,
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  Speaker 1: wine and beer bar, would it all just fizzle apart
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  Speaker 1: and fade away? Just like the images and the connections
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  Speaker 1: that you had with your teenage friends. See, those are
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  Speaker 1: the questions that that you need to ask yourself and
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  Speaker 1: then question the answers. It's going to help you understand
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  Speaker 1: your ability and inability to develop and or destroy what
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  Speaker 1: is seen and or described or defined as what a
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  Speaker 1: real friendship is. And do you need to have so
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  Speaker 1: many people on that friendship list? Oh, I face that
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  Speaker 1: every day and I've done so much research on them
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  Speaker 1: because the older you get in life, the fewer amount
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  Speaker 1: of people you want to have around you. Now, Why
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  Speaker 1: is that? I think it's because you just get tired
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  Speaker 1: of the weight. Everybody's got the weight. And I'm talking
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  Speaker 1: about both sides of the weight. The weight we carry
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  Speaker 1: and the weight waiting for a friend to show up. W-A-I-T.
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  Speaker 1: And here's the thing I think that really did change me.
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  Speaker 1: Although I wrote that song about my friend who basically
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  Speaker 1: ghosted me, The end result is we talk occasionally. And
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  Speaker 1: I've had to deal with that. We are supposed to
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  Speaker 1: ghost each other. That's called personal growth. Nowhere is it
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  Speaker 1: written that you are to have a relationship with one
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  Speaker 1: person for your entire life. Does that mean that marriages
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  Speaker 1: can fall apart? What do you mean can? They do.
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  Speaker 1: Does that mean that you can't be best friends with
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  Speaker 1: a past lover? Sure, you can be best friends with them.
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  Speaker 1: But it comes with rules now. You're walking a different path.
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  Speaker 1: You don't have to be so open and so giving.
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  Speaker 1: And what is it? The after divorce sex? Please don't
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  Speaker 1: do it. It's not worth the wait. And I'm talking
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  Speaker 1: about both waits. Waiting for a friend or the weight
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  Speaker 1: of the relationship on your heart. Ask yourself the questions.
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  Speaker 1: Question the answers. Don't give it to a friend. Please
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  Speaker 1: don't do that. The reason why is because your friend
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  Speaker 1: hasn't walked in your shoes. They may be going through
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  Speaker 1: some of the same circumstances as you, but their foot
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  Speaker 1: is not in your shoe. You gotta watch what you're doing.
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  Speaker 1: And I do like the old people approach. The fewer,
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  Speaker 1: the better. I'm Errol, and that's Steve Raheem.