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22 Panels Presents: Neurodivergent Theatre Goes MAD #91 · 22 Panels - A Comic Book Podcast

0:02
Tad Eggleston: Good evening! Late, late evening on the West Coast, early, early morning here, here in the central… central part of the United States, and
0:15
Tad Eggleston: yeah, like, this is the, the, I think, second most…
0:20
Tad Eggleston: crazy, impromptu thing I've ever done on 22 panels? Like…
0:25
Tad Eggleston: A friend of mine has… has a Cubs blog, and he does an annual
0:33
Tad Eggleston: blog-a-thon at the trade deadline to raise money for Make-A-Wish.
0:38
Tad Eggleston: And, like…
0:40
Tad Eggleston: 4 years ago, I just happened to be up at 3 in the morning, and I knew he was too, and I said, hey, you want to join my podcast for half an hour? As an excuse to stay awake?
0:51
Tad Eggleston: Can I help you stay awake? So, like, the Brett Taylor…
0:56
Tad Eggleston: interview from, like, 4 years ago, I think is the only crazier idea than this one, Andrew.
1:02
andrewcoltrin: Okay.
1:03
Tad Eggleston: And Andrew Coltrane is joining us. See, I'm… I'm… this is how… this is how… how end of the week it is.
1:11
Tad Eggleston: and where my head's at, like, I've barely introduced the episode, I've just jumped into random… non-related…
1:21
Tad Eggleston: Or tangentially related.
1:23
andrewcoltrin: That's… that's where we are, yeah.
1:25
Tad Eggleston: It is. It's where we are.
1:27
Tad Eggleston: So I sh… I should, like, because I feel like I came up with a good title. This is the inaugural episode of what we're gonna call Neurodiversity theater Goes Mad.
1:43
Tad Eggleston: Huh.
1:44
Tad Eggleston: I… I… again, the handful of people out there that have listened to all of the episodes, Chris Condon and I did a cold read of a Daredevil episode 2 or 3… er, Daredevil issue 2 or 3 years ago.
1:59
Tad Eggleston: Written by…
2:00
Tad Eggleston: Written by Ann Nesenti, and illustrated by Steve Ditko, and involving babies in paper bags, except that some of the babies were bombs.
2:14
andrewcoltrin: Wild. It was a couple of.
2:16
Tad Eggleston: Crazy, crazy issue. We picked it out just because it was Nosenti and Ditko, but then we read it and it's like, holy shit, this is awesome!
2:25
andrewcoltrin: Wow.
2:27
andrewcoltrin: But, so…
2:28
Tad Eggleston: I've been wanting to kind of recreate that fun for a long time, and today I was thinking, oh, you know…
2:35
Tad Eggleston: I've also been wanting to do Mad Magazine stuff, and Mad Magazine seems like a thing to be crazy with. Who can I be crazy with? And I went, oh, oh, oh, my autism brother.
2:45
Tad Eggleston: Andrew Coltrane and I just… just giggle at each other, and get each other's humor, and it feels like a mad humor, so I… I texted you, and I said, do you like mad? And you confirmed that you did, and we chatted, and now we're here.
3:00
Tad Eggleston: Yeah. So, how crazy do you think I am, Andrew, or are you actually all in on this?
3:06
andrewcoltrin: I'm all in on this, yeah, I mean, I've…
3:10
andrewcoltrin: I love, joining in on a wild scheme.
3:17
andrewcoltrin: I'm like,
3:19
andrewcoltrin: I need this right now, yeah.
3:22
Tad Eggleston: Yeah, well, and that's essentially what it was. I realized, like, it's my first week back at school.
3:26
Tad Eggleston: I survived. I made it there every day. My back has been killing me.
3:32
Tad Eggleston: But otherwise, things have been good.
3:36
Tad Eggleston: And, like…
3:38
Tad Eggleston: somehow I didn't have any podcasts scheduled this week, even though I've been emailing comics people about stuff
3:45
Tad Eggleston: Pretty much constantly all week.
3:49
Tad Eggleston: And it's.
3:51
andrewcoltrin: It's like…
3:51
Tad Eggleston: I want… I want to record something tonight or tomorrow.
3:54
andrewcoltrin: Oh, yeah.
3:55
Tad Eggleston: kind enough to join me, and then we got crazier, because I'm like, let's not start with mad number one. Let's not pick out an episode, or an issue. There are 365
4:07
Tad Eggleston: black and white, or well, 365 before they, like, rebooted with the color Mad and the ads and that sort of thing. You know, there's the 27 color Mad comics, and then the next 300 and…
4:24
Tad Eggleston: 38.
4:26
Tad Eggleston: our… our Mad Magazine, and they switched from the comic size format to the magazine-sized.
4:33
andrewcoltrin: format.
4:34
Tad Eggleston: And they took away the color to keep it cheap, and to beat the… beat the comics code.
4:39
andrewcoltrin: The Comics Co, yeah.
4:41
Tad Eggleston: Because they were Mad Magazine rather than Mad Comics, so it didn't matter that they didn't have a Comics Code authority.
4:49
Tad Eggleston: And…
4:50
andrewcoltrin: Right, yeah, they just…
4:51
Tad Eggleston: Bill gains a little fuck you to the other publishers.
4:54
andrewcoltrin: Right, they're like, oh, we'll do… yeah, we'll tighten letter.
4:59
Tad Eggleston: Crazy big from there. I mean, have you… there was a mad documentary that came out recently that I watched. Have you… have you seen that?
5:06
andrewcoltrin: No.
5:08
Tad Eggleston: Let me… let me go look up the title really quick, because I will definitely recommend it both to… to you and to When We Went Mad.
5:18
andrewcoltrin: 2020.
5:18
Tad Eggleston: 25 documentary.
5:20
Tad Eggleston: So, like, recently, recently.
5:22
andrewcoltrin: Very recently, yeah.
5:25
Tad Eggleston: and it's just, like, the history of Mad Magazine. It's, it's on, it's on Prime, it's on Tubi, so it's out there.
5:33
Tad Eggleston: To be relatively easily watched.
5:36
Tad Eggleston: It's got archival footage, it's got lots of interviews with all sorts of people from, like.
5:42
Tad Eggleston: you know, the people you would expect, like, the artists and whatnot, but, like, Quentin Tarantino, Judd Apatow.
5:49
Tad Eggleston: You know, Gilbert Gottfried, weird out.
5:52
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
5:53
Tad Eggleston: talking about mad.
5:57
Tad Eggleston: So I, I, I definitely, definitely recommend that one. I haven't seen it yet, but I'm hearing good things, and, and I was, I was, and this is just so fitting. I was emailing with Bart Simpson today.
6:11
andrewcoltrin: With Bart Simpson.
6:13
Tad Eggleston: Bart Simpson.
6:15
Tad Eggleston: The tall one that's a documentary filmmaker, not the automated.
6:20
andrewcoltrin: Oh, okay.
6:22
andrewcoltrin: It's like, maybe we are getting really a little bit too crazy here.
6:30
Tad Eggleston: Because… because on… on Sunday, at the Edinburgh Film Festival,
6:42
Tad Eggleston: The documentary Harvey Kurtzman.
6:45
Tad Eggleston: Is it Harvey Kurtzman goes mad? I'm trying to get… make certain I have the… the… the proper…
6:53
Tad Eggleston: Title of the documentary.
7:01
Tad Eggleston: Mad world of Harvey Kurtzman.
7:04
Tad Eggleston: will debut at the Edinburgh Film Festival on… Sunday.
7:13
Tad Eggleston: And see, right there, it says it's directed by Bart Simpson.
7:19
Tad Eggleston: But on Instagram, he's Tall Bart Simpson.
7:22
andrewcoltrin: Tall birds.
7:24
Tad Eggleston: And when I… when I click this, I guess it doesn't show a picture of him there, but… but you can tell that, like, he does movies, he's…
7:31
andrewcoltrin: Right.
7:32
Tad Eggleston: There's no Simpsons in his…
7:35
Tad Eggleston: So, like, that'll be, like, I think I'm gonna have him on the show, and one of the first questions will be, are we good or not good with Simpsons jokes? Because I don't want to be that guy that just piles on, but at the same time, I feel like one or two are almost required for a podcast.
7:53
Tad Eggleston: But anyway, back to the… to the thing at hand.
7:58
Tad Eggleston: We're gonna pull up a… or I pulled up already a random number generator. There are 365 issues to choose from.
8:07
Tad Eggleston: So to make it truly random, because you can't…
8:10
Tad Eggleston: Make… you can't, from a software standpoint, make something truly random.
8:16
Tad Eggleston: But the way to get around that is, Ander, I'm gonna ask you to give me Any number.
8:23
andrewcoltrin: Any number.
8:26
andrewcoltrin: Okay.
8:27
andrewcoltrin: 17.
8:29
Tad Eggleston: Alright, we're gonna hit the generate button 17 times, and the number we get on the 17th.
8:34
andrewcoltrin: We'll be there.
8:35
Tad Eggleston: But the issue we will do, and I love 17, that's Mark Grace. 1. And Shohei Ohtani. 2.
8:43
Tad Eggleston: 3?
8:44
Tad Eggleston: 4… 5… 6… 7.
8:49
Tad Eggleston: 8.
8:50
Tad Eggleston: 9.
8:51
Tad Eggleston: 10.
8:52
Tad Eggleston: 11.
8:53
Tad Eggleston: 12.
8:54
Tad Eggleston: 13.
8:56
Tad Eggleston: 14.
8:57
Tad Eggleston: 15.
8:58
Tad Eggleston: 16.
8:59
Tad Eggleston: 17, we will look at issue.
9:03
Tad Eggleston: 91.
9:05
andrewcoltrin: Right.
9:05
Tad Eggleston: magazine.
9:07
Tad Eggleston: And we will read it together with…
9:09
Tad Eggleston: With whatever crazy audience hasn't already just skipped to the next episode of 22 panels.
9:16
andrewcoltrin: I have to be a little bit more entertaining, my gosh.
9:21
andrewcoltrin: I'll do funny voices.
9:24
Tad Eggleston: You know, I might have some. It's been a while since I read aloud to people, that's when I, like, my funny voice game was… Oh! Oh, this is, this is one of the classic covers, you're gonna love this.
9:37
Tad Eggleston: You're gonna love this, Andrew.
9:38
andrewcoltrin: Alright.
9:42
Tad Eggleston: It's one of the classic joke covers.
9:55
Tad Eggleston: In very large pink letters.
9:57
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
9:58
Tad Eggleston: Mad number 91 from December 64 says, Last Issue!
10:04
andrewcoltrin: Last issue.
10:05
Tad Eggleston: If you look more carefully in smaller white letters above, it says, if you think our last issue, and then in smaller white letters below, says, was bad, wait till you read this one.
10:23
Tad Eggleston: Which… Is definitely some classic mad humor from that era.
10:31
Tad Eggleston: And then we get our quick… subscription thing.
10:34
Tad Eggleston: I think I told you on the phone, I actually had a subscription to Mad Magazine. It was one of the few things that I… this is also just after they started doing their books. Do you have any of the Mad paperbacks?
10:48
andrewcoltrin: I don't remember if I actually do or not. I feel like there's gotta be one around, but…
10:53
Tad Eggleston: Yeah, no bodywork.
10:55
andrewcoltrin: Charlotte thing.
10:55
Tad Eggleston: I probably have, like, a dozen of them, because anytime I see them at a used bookstore, like, if it's less than 10 bucks, I'll buy it. I don't know all of the ones that I have, but I've got some lighter side of, I've got some Dave Berg looks at, I've got some…
11:10
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
11:12
Tad Eggleston: They were all fun.
11:14
andrewcoltrin: I just feel like these are the things that… that I learned how to read with, you know? Like… Yeah.
11:20
Tad Eggleston: And I definitely, I definitely learned…
11:24
Tad Eggleston: I'm, I mean, like, another reason that I, I, I…
11:29
Tad Eggleston: I thought of you with this, is like, I think I learned a lot of humor and definitely a lot of sarcasm and satire from Mad.
11:37
andrewcoltrin: Right. Yeah, just, just this way.
11:40
Tad Eggleston: You know.
11:40
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, you have to, like, be able to think about things on…
11:45
Tad Eggleston: Like, on a different level.
11:46
andrewcoltrin: and… Yeah.
11:47
Tad Eggleston: I owe Mad Magazine my ability to actually not take everything literally.
11:54
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
11:54
Tad Eggleston: I sometimes feel like.
11:57
andrewcoltrin: Right, definitely, yeah, Magazine, yeah, gets credit for some of that. Like, I also think that…
12:03
andrewcoltrin: Mystery Science Theater really helped me,
12:07
Tad Eggleston: Okay. In a similar way. I never… like, I think… I think…
12:12
Tad Eggleston: My access to Mystery Science Theater came at just the wrong time.
12:18
andrewcoltrin: Right.
12:19
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
12:20
Tad Eggleston: Because I didn't have cable until I was late in high school, and that was, like, my most serious phase.
12:28
andrewcoltrin: Right.
12:28
Tad Eggleston: that was where I was taking all of my scripts from things like The Godfather, and Casablanca, and Citizen Kane.
12:38
Tad Eggleston: I still read Mad, but I considered it a guilty pleasure.
12:42
andrewcoltrin: Okay.
12:42
Tad Eggleston: Picking up new guilty pleasures.
12:46
Tad Eggleston: again, I was… I was going through that, It's time to be… Oh. Serious and important.
12:53
andrewcoltrin: I, yeah, I… I… I know that phase, yes.
12:58
Tad Eggleston: Amen.
13:00
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, for some reason, I wasn't too…
13:05
andrewcoltrin: Too serious to, to, like, yeah.
13:08
Tad Eggleston: I mean, I think it's… I think it's a common phase, for…
13:16
Tad Eggleston: I mean, I think it… I think it actually might be a relatively common phase for people in general, but I… but I also think… I really think that it's a common phase
13:28
Tad Eggleston: for…
13:38
Tad Eggleston: neurodiverse people?
13:41
Tad Eggleston: Particularly people who don't have a diagnosis.
13:44
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
13:44
Tad Eggleston: So, so it's like, it, it, like, like…
13:47
Tad Eggleston: Because we have to, like, so actively decide who we are.
13:56
Tad Eggleston: It's like we hit that age where it's like, oh, this is where we're supposed to decide to leave all of this stuff behind and be this person.
14:05
Tad Eggleston: And, like, the mask just goes on.
14:08
Tad Eggleston: Heavy.
14:10
Tad Eggleston: I love this ad here, though. Why kill yourself just because you missed the last issue of Mad on the newsstand? Subscribe to Mad and get 5 issues for the price of 8.
14:23
andrewcoltrin: That's right!
14:26
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, I like it.
14:28
Tad Eggleston: Clare your support for the best man with an Alfred E. Newman for President campaign kit.
14:33
andrewcoltrin: Oh, boy…
14:36
Tad Eggleston: Did you know that they had an issue come out?
14:39
Tad Eggleston: like… I wanna say…
14:45
Tad Eggleston: We… A day or two after the 1960 presidential election, so, like, way too close.
14:53
Tad Eggleston: For them to be able to print covers that dealt with
14:58
Tad Eggleston: The election. So, so they… they… they did it as a flipbook.
15:04
Tad Eggleston: And it's got Kennedy wins on one side, and Nixon wins on the other. Oh, okay, oh.
15:13
andrewcoltrin: Oh, yeah, that'd be… that would be, yeah, 1960.
15:16
Tad Eggleston: Yeah.
15:16
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
15:17
Tad Eggleston: I actually have that one.
15:19
andrewcoltrin: I came across it.
15:20
Tad Eggleston: a shop and bought it for, like, 10 or 15 bucks.
15:23
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
15:25
Tad Eggleston: I love… I, you know, I don't know if we're actual marginal margins here with this little…
15:33
Tad Eggleston: Mad Zeppelin up in the corner.
15:35
Tad Eggleston: But… but, like, that's always been one of my favorite part… now we are. One of my favorite parts of Mad Magazine has been the Sergio Aragon's Marginal Margins.
15:46
Tad Eggleston: Just these little…
15:48
andrewcoltrin: A little… okay, yeah…
15:49
Tad Eggleston: Yeah.
15:50
andrewcoltrin: Right.
15:51
Tad Eggleston: The tractor went over the hose up here.
15:53
andrewcoltrin: Right.
15:55
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, I love just that… that's just sort of the density of imagery.
16:01
Tad Eggleston: Yeah.
16:02
andrewcoltrin: Page is like, you know, we've got the main feature going on, but look, here in the margin, we got this…
16:07
Tad Eggleston: Well, and our lead-off story here from the Inhale Safe department, An Al Jaffe story.
16:15
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
16:16
Tad Eggleston: Some mad devices for safer smoking.
16:20
andrewcoltrin: That's like… Yep.
16:24
Tad Eggleston: I love this.
16:25
andrewcoltrin: Good tips.
16:26
Tad Eggleston: come in boxes of 20 to accommodate regular pack of cigarettes. You've got the X-ray view here, where the tip is, like, coiled like a hose.
16:38
andrewcoltrin: Right.
16:40
Tad Eggleston: And it attaches the end of the cigarette, and then it goes all the way down your throat and through your lung.
16:47
Tad Eggleston: It says, the smoker inhales, folded plastic liner is drawn down throat into lungs. Plastic is extremely thin. Clings like saran wrap to insides. Thus, lung liner transmits 90% of smoking sensation with 100% safety.
17:07
andrewcoltrin: Oh, yes.
17:08
Tad Eggleston: Liner is easily withdrawn for convenient disposal.
17:13
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, like… This is… guess.
17:16
andrewcoltrin: Satire, and yet… I mean, isn't it kind of like that?
17:22
Tad Eggleston: It… Smoker's mental picture of what is happening inside of him.
17:30
andrewcoltrin: Right, oh, there's a guy, and then… oh, yeah.
17:36
andrewcoltrin: Inhales the smoke.
17:38
andrewcoltrin: Everything else…
17:39
Tad Eggleston: Everything is…
17:39
andrewcoltrin: I smoke.
17:44
Tad Eggleston: Filtration uses a small but efficient version of the military gas mask.
17:53
andrewcoltrin: Wow.
17:57
Tad Eggleston: And then we've got this… oh, you can hide it in your briefcase, or your lunchbox, is what they're saying here.
18:04
andrewcoltrin: They're like, okay.
18:09
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
18:10
andrewcoltrin: The activated charcoal cigarette smoke filter.
18:17
andrewcoltrin: Oh my gosh.
18:18
Tad Eggleston: Now, this is just ahead of its time, the smoke simulator shit.
18:22
andrewcoltrin: Right.
18:24
Tad Eggleston: Hollow Pyrex tubes filled with water, A, and corked with
18:31
Tad Eggleston: 1 and B. Inserted into cigarette, note how disk C blocks smoke, seals off end of cigarette.
18:40
andrewcoltrin: Oh, you're there.
18:41
Tad Eggleston: I was vaping.
18:43
andrewcoltrin: I'm like, how weird it is.
18:45
Tad Eggleston: This is so you can be cool, but not inhale.
18:48
andrewcoltrin: It'd be cool, but not… yeah, like…
18:51
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, smoker lights up, hot ash of cigarettes.
18:54
Tad Eggleston: we have here, as smoker lights up, hot ash of cigarette boils water in Pyrex simulator tube. Steam pops cork, which is made of edible material and can be swallowed safely. The steam feels just like smoke.
19:11
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, in dark rooms!
19:18
Tad Eggleston: A smoker cannot distinguish between real smoke, hot air, and steam. Now, smoking with a cold, using Simulator is not only enjoyable, but downright soothing and healing as well.
19:31
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, that's… yeah, that's basically similar mechanics to vaping, isn't it?
19:39
Tad Eggleston: It really is! It really is! Al Jaffe was ahead of his time.
19:43
Tad Eggleston: I love this nasal exhaust fan.
19:46
Tad Eggleston: Which can be attached to eyeglasses, hidden in the beard, or used like a hearing aid.
19:57
Tad Eggleston: This is one of the places where Jaffe's subtle art is just so great, because.
20:01
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
20:02
Tad Eggleston: That's a smug guy that almost looks like he's got a cannula on.
20:08
Tad Eggleston: And then an earpiece and smoke putting out… popping out of it.
20:12
andrewcoltrin: Right.
20:12
Tad Eggleston: He keeps… he keeps that smug look so dead on that, like…
20:18
Tad Eggleston: The humor still gets to be dry.
20:22
Tad Eggleston: It's not… you know… too over the top, though the hidden and beard comes close.
20:29
andrewcoltrin: Win and beard is… that's…
20:31
Tad Eggleston: That's the silly one.
20:32
andrewcoltrin: interesting, it's like… you know, it's sort of…
20:35
Tad Eggleston: I actually just realized that the smoke is coming out of the bottom of the beer.
20:40
andrewcoltrin: Exactly, like, then that is… it's sort of like, this is an improvement, how?
20:50
andrewcoltrin: Oh, I…
20:51
Tad Eggleston: They don't smoke ejector bubbles? Bulbs?
21:01
Tad Eggleston: Oh, okay, you describe the pictures, I don't…
21:04
andrewcoltrin: Okay, alright.
21:05
andrewcoltrin: So… the smoke injector bulbs.
21:08
andrewcoltrin: Okay, it looks… Yeah, it's hard for me to read the print on this, but I.
21:13
Tad Eggleston: I can read the print for you. Smoker inserts cigarette with smoke ejector bulb attached into mouth and lights cigarette normally.
21:21
andrewcoltrin: Right, so yeah.
21:22
Tad Eggleston: Gribe our head and… and…
21:24
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, we got, we got, like, a cross-section of, you know, showing the…
21:28
andrewcoltrin: That makes the nasal passages, and the inside of the mouth, and, you know, the brain sitting up there on top, and…
21:36
Tad Eggleston: As smoker begins to inhale, the ejector bulb begins to fill with smoke and expand.
21:42
andrewcoltrin: Alright, so it's filling up inside the mouth, looks… looks okay.
21:46
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
21:47
Tad Eggleston: The smoke ejector bulb keeps on expanding as long as smoker is able to keep on inhaling.
21:53
andrewcoltrin: So this… at this point, the balloon is expanding…
21:57
andrewcoltrin: Filling up the entire inside of the head, squishing the brain.
22:02
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
22:04
Tad Eggleston: And making the smoker a bit of a conehead.
22:07
andrewcoltrin: Bit of a con head, yeah.
22:08
Tad Eggleston: Yeah, yeah.
22:09
andrewcoltrin: Content's under pressure here.
22:11
Tad Eggleston: If smoker releases tension, bulb collapses and smoke is ejected without ever touching the inside of his bulb.
22:19
andrewcoltrin: And then this is the… Yeah, as the bulb collapses, so does, everything else into a…
22:27
andrewcoltrin: Wobbly and gelatinous.
22:29
Tad Eggleston: The brain looks really kind of weird in this one.
22:32
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, it's, it's taken its toll. That's… But, yeah.
22:37
Tad Eggleston: And then… Our marginal margin here looks like the guy from the stands hitting the outfielder with a baseball.
22:45
andrewcoltrin: Yep.
22:50
Tad Eggleston: The other thing I love, like, about marginal margins is, A, they're not always outside margins. This is right.
22:56
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
22:56
Tad Eggleston: Middle of the page.
22:58
Tad Eggleston: And B has nothing to do with anything else on the page.
23:02
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
23:02
Tad Eggleston: It's a silly Sergio Aragon's doodle.
23:07
andrewcoltrin: Right.
23:07
Tad Eggleston: Lips discourage her.
23:11
Tad Eggleston: Those, those are…
23:12
andrewcoltrin: It's pretty.
23:13
Tad Eggleston: I love how the lips actually have, like, blisters.
23:18
andrewcoltrin: Blistered, yeah, because it's like, it looks like a little metal rod that.
23:21
Tad Eggleston: Right.
23:22
andrewcoltrin: And the cigarette.
23:23
Tad Eggleston: Right, so as it burns, it heats up the metal.
23:27
andrewcoltrin: This is, to help, help you not wanna…
23:30
Tad Eggleston: Yeah.
23:31
andrewcoltrin: Party smooth.
23:32
Tad Eggleston: Jokers may stick till half the cigarette is gone, but average threshold of pain makes most quit one quarter of the way through.
23:40
Tad Eggleston: And then we have the psychological warfare insert.
23:47
Tad Eggleston: This ingenious insert looks like a solid metal spike, but is actually hollow. Somewhere between A, and B…
23:57
Tad Eggleston: There is an explosive charge. When inserted in the center of the cigarette with the safety zone toward the end to be lit.
24:06
Tad Eggleston: It affords a short time to enjoy the smoke. However, any daring smoker who has the explosive charge blow up in his face usually never ventures past the safety zone again.
24:19
andrewcoltrin: This is wild. This is, like, better than any anti-smoking campaign.
24:24
Tad Eggleston: It is.
24:24
andrewcoltrin: It's just like…
24:32
Tad Eggleston: Now we… Oh, oh, this is… this isn't… Mort Trucker?
24:37
Tad Eggleston: Art and Harry Purvis movie heroes, our Finks, or… Hey there, audience, you've been booing the wrong guy.
24:46
Tad Eggleston: So you want to read the so-called heroes, or the so-called Fill it.
24:52
andrewcoltrin: Oh… Oh.
24:54
Tad Eggleston: Which one do you want?
24:55
andrewcoltrin: Which one do I want? They're both… Oh…
24:59
andrewcoltrin: I could do a so-called villain.
25:02
Tad Eggleston: Okay, then you get to lead off.
25:04
andrewcoltrin: Alright, welcome to my little dungeon, Mr. Nolan. Since I abhor violence…
25:09
andrewcoltrin: I will not inquire of Giko as to how he plans to make you talk. I find the whole thing too revolting.
25:17
Tad Eggleston: And we've got some footnotes there.
25:20
andrewcoltrin: Oh, yeah, so, right. Oh yeah, for… Oh, the footnote on the…
25:26
Tad Eggleston: Welcome to my dungeon.
25:28
andrewcoltrin: Welcome to my little dungeon. He's being hospitable. The next sentence, since he abores violence, oh, he's peace-loving.
25:36
andrewcoltrin: And, yeah.
25:37
andrewcoltrin: I will not inquire of Geeko. He's not too nosy. And, number 4, I find the whole thing too revolting. He's a sensitive guy, yeah, our so-called villain.
25:46
Tad Eggleston: our so-called hero here. What's the matter, fat man?
25:51
Tad Eggleston: insulting.
25:53
Tad Eggleston: Does the sight of a little blood bother you?
25:57
Tad Eggleston: sarcastic.
25:59
Tad Eggleston: I only wish I could get my hands around that fat throat of yours. Vindictive.
26:04
Tad Eggleston: I'd really show you some violence.
26:07
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
26:09
Tad Eggleston: Yeah, no, I'm seeing the point here.
26:11
andrewcoltrin: That takes it, yeah, that's it.
26:13
Tad Eggleston: Right.
26:14
andrewcoltrin: Connery Bond stuff, right?
26:17
Tad Eggleston: Alright, let's look at this next fill-in.
26:20
andrewcoltrin: Next villain… Ew, he's gotten a little bit… yeah, our villain in the next one's.
26:26
Tad Eggleston: Oh, I mean, I guess we should describe things.
26:28
andrewcoltrin: Oh, yeah.
26:29
Tad Eggleston: one, we, we had, like, the, the…
26:32
Tad Eggleston: The sword and sorcery type thing, and the hero's all chained up, and the villain has an axe that…
26:40
Tad Eggleston: He's… he's thumbing the sharp blade of.
26:42
andrewcoltrin: Right. Yeah.
26:44
Tad Eggleston: And this next one, it looks like you get to be Vincent Price.
26:47
andrewcoltrin: I know, yeah, he looks like.
26:48
Tad Eggleston: Brazil.
26:49
andrewcoltrin: Right?
26:49
Tad Eggleston: in price.
26:50
andrewcoltrin: With, like, the detonator plunger, or with the dynamite underneath their,
26:54
Tad Eggleston: Yeah, yeah. The hero is tied to a chair that has… Human-like feet.
27:03
Tad Eggleston: And a skull on the back.
27:05
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
27:07
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, so this… classic Vincent Price here, let's see.
27:11
Tad Eggleston: Damn.
27:12
andrewcoltrin: Vincent Price, I'll try. Yes, Mr. Sterling, I think it will make things much easier for me if you
27:19
andrewcoltrin: come out of… were to come out of the way. It's like being a.
27:22
Tad Eggleston: That's very efficient.
27:24
andrewcoltrin: Come here, dear boy. Perfectionate. Perfectionate. We mustn't look so glum.
27:31
Tad Eggleston: Beautiful.
27:31
andrewcoltrin: Cheerful, yeah, cheerful.
27:32
Tad Eggleston: Hmm?
27:33
andrewcoltrin: We all have to go sometime!
27:37
Tad Eggleston: And he's a philosopher?
27:39
Tad Eggleston: How can you call that a villain? The sooner you go, the better, Lamox.
27:47
Tad Eggleston: You get to the food.
27:48
andrewcoltrin: Impatient and unfriendly there, yeah.
27:50
Tad Eggleston: I'm a dick. You keep me… just say it, I'm a dick. I'm a dick. Mainly, you can go to the devil!
27:57
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, crude and blasphemous, yeah.
28:01
Tad Eggleston: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I kind of wish that we'd brought the psychiatrist along to tell us.
28:07
andrewcoltrin: That's a vet.
28:07
Tad Eggleston: There's a bunch of heroes here, yeah.
28:11
andrewcoltrin: Alright, we got a little western scene, you got… yeah.
28:16
andrewcoltrin: Errh.
28:17
Tad Eggleston: Do you want to be the villain?
28:18
andrewcoltrin: Or do you feel like…
28:21
Tad Eggleston: John Waning up here.
28:23
andrewcoltrin: Like, could I do John Wayne? See?
28:27
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, we can switch off.
28:30
Tad Eggleston: That doesn't matter to me.
28:31
andrewcoltrin: Doesn't matter to me either, yeah.
28:32
Tad Eggleston: We're just doing better voices, so whichever one you feel like you're on for.
28:37
andrewcoltrin: Okay, alright.
28:38
Tad Eggleston: do.
28:40
andrewcoltrin: It's… This one's all… There's a little trick there, but… yeah.
28:46
andrewcoltrin: The stereotypical, Mexican Bandito voice.
28:49
Tad Eggleston: Yeah, no, I…
28:50
andrewcoltrin: And I'm like.
28:51
Tad Eggleston: We're a couple of autistic white guys, I don't.
28:54
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, we should be.
28:54
Tad Eggleston: speaking…
28:55
andrewcoltrin: This is… How about…
28:58
Tad Eggleston: be the villain, because I can play it straight while still reading it the way that it's written.
29:03
andrewcoltrin: Okay, alright.
29:04
Tad Eggleston: We have lethal time for amusement here, Senor Strongjaw.
29:10
andrewcoltrin: Hardworking, yeah. I mean…
29:12
Tad Eggleston: This is true. I mean, if we're gonna get into stereotypical Mexicans.
29:17
andrewcoltrin: Right.
29:19
Tad Eggleston: And I like to see my men enjoy themselves.
29:24
andrewcoltrin: Benevolent.
29:25
Tad Eggleston: Say! Benevolent! Yeah, yeah, yeah!
29:27
andrewcoltrin: Taking care of his guys, yeah?
29:29
Tad Eggleston: I have devised these torture just for their pleasure.
29:34
Tad Eggleston: Hmph.
29:35
Tad Eggleston: Inventive!
29:36
andrewcoltrin: I'm inventive, yeah.
29:37
Tad Eggleston: Smart guy!
29:38
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
29:39
Tad Eggleston: And now, if you do not mind, would you kindly walk over the hot coals for us, Signor? Yes?
29:47
andrewcoltrin: Yes, alright, that was courteous, courteous.
29:50
Tad Eggleston: Courteous villain.
29:52
andrewcoltrin: Let's walk over the hot coals.
29:53
Tad Eggleston: Yeah.
29:54
andrewcoltrin: I was like, alright, can I… can I, like… You filthy swine?
29:59
andrewcoltrin: Abrupt and disparate.
30:00
Tad Eggleston: They're disparaging.
30:01
andrewcoltrin: Right on the…
30:02
Tad Eggleston: I mean, that feels pretty John Wayne to me.
30:04
andrewcoltrin: It's like, you know what you can do with your hot coals, Gomez.
30:09
Tad Eggleston: uncouth and suggestive. Does he know the guy's name is Gomez? I mean, do bandits normally, or is he just being…
30:17
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
30:18
andrewcoltrin: Just throwing it at… yeah, probably.
30:20
Tad Eggleston: I do also love that he's still armed. It looks like he still has
30:26
Tad Eggleston: That is his holster, but he doesn't have his boots on.
30:30
andrewcoltrin: It's an event.
30:33
andrewcoltrin: Exactly.
30:34
Tad Eggleston: Barefoot.
30:35
andrewcoltrin: What happened there?
30:38
Tad Eggleston: This one looks like, we're doing some, like… hard-boiled…
30:46
andrewcoltrin: Yeah… Yes.
30:50
Tad Eggleston: type stuff.
30:51
andrewcoltrin: Sort of, yeah, film more, kind of,
30:54
Tad Eggleston: Yeah.
30:55
andrewcoltrin: everything, yeah.
30:57
Tad Eggleston: Maybe we should pull out the… the… the coin flipper. The coin flipper. To decide who's… who…
31:01
andrewcoltrin: Okay, yeah.
31:02
Tad Eggleston: and who's…
31:03
andrewcoltrin: That might be more fair, yeah, cause…
31:06
Tad Eggleston: Or at least faster.
31:08
andrewcoltrin: aren't faster.
31:11
Tad Eggleston: Coin. Do you want heads or tails?
31:13
andrewcoltrin: Heads.
31:15
Tad Eggleston: It is a tale, so I'm the villain.
31:17
andrewcoltrin: Okay.
31:19
Tad Eggleston: We'll just do it for who's villain and who's…
31:25
Tad Eggleston: Alright.
31:26
Tad Eggleston: Is this big enough, or do I need to make it bigger again?
31:28
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, it's good.
31:29
Tad Eggleston: Okay.
31:32
Tad Eggleston: I'm going to let you in on a little secret, Inspector.
31:39
andrewcoltrin: Hmm.
31:40
Tad Eggleston: Isn't that generous of me?
31:42
andrewcoltrin: generous, letting them in on the secret, yeah.
31:43
Tad Eggleston: That drink you just finished!
31:47
Tad Eggleston: I was poisoned, you know?
31:51
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, it's been… Being frank, chatty, informative, letting them know what's going on.
31:57
Tad Eggleston: Nice guy! I'm a nice guy!
32:00
andrewcoltrin: I was like, he's like… Has everyone ever told you how ugly you are, Branson?
32:07
Tad Eggleston: Who are you talking to? You getting all gossipy?
32:10
andrewcoltrin: And is critical, blunt, and tagless. That's right.
32:14
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
32:17
Tad Eggleston: ain't…
32:18
andrewcoltrin: Take no crap hero, is that?
32:19
Tad Eggleston: Okay, this one feels very… like… Universal Monsters, maybe?
32:26
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, yeah, exactly.
32:28
Tad Eggleston: We got, we got, like… Igor going there…
32:31
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, there's code.
32:32
Tad Eggleston: No, that's more Quasimodo, but with a.
32:34
andrewcoltrin: Quasimoto-looking guy, and a sort of a… the… The non-Frankenstein, Boris Karloff.
32:43
Tad Eggleston: Right. So are you gonna keep, keep heads?
32:47
andrewcoltrin: I'm sure.
32:49
Tad Eggleston: Alright.
32:49
Tad Eggleston: It is… Ahead!
32:53
andrewcoltrin: Alright.
32:53
Tad Eggleston: So you get to… you get to lead.
32:56
andrewcoltrin: Alright, forgive me for keeping you against your will, my friend.
32:59
Tad Eggleston: Man, that's so polite!
33:01
andrewcoltrin: The blade.
33:02
andrewcoltrin: Carl, see that all the bodies are removed from the attic immediately.
33:07
Tad Eggleston: Very neat.
33:08
andrewcoltrin: Very neat.
33:09
andrewcoltrin: We… we must make room for our new guests.
33:12
Tad Eggleston: and accommodating.
33:14
andrewcoltrin: And we wouldn't want them to think that we were poor housekeepers, would we?
33:19
Tad Eggleston: And consider it.
33:20
andrewcoltrin: I can do it.
33:21
Tad Eggleston: Don't bother, Professor.
33:25
andrewcoltrin: Ungrateful. Ungrateful, yeah.
33:27
Tad Eggleston: We're not staying.
33:29
andrewcoltrin: I'm not saying antisocial.
33:32
Tad Eggleston: We're getting out of this place, even it has to be over YOUR dead body!
33:37
andrewcoltrin: Yeah… Yeah, very stubborn and violent, I'm like…
33:42
andrewcoltrin: I'm looking at it, who are these role models we have?
33:44
Tad Eggleston: I'm buying this idea that Mort Drucker seems to have here, that maybe… maybe the villains are…
33:53
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
33:54
Tad Eggleston: Maybe they're at least better raised.
33:57
Tad Eggleston: than the heroes.
33:58
andrewcoltrin: Right.
34:00
andrewcoltrin: So…
34:01
Tad Eggleston: Okay, last coin.
34:02
andrewcoltrin: briefly.
34:05
Tad Eggleston: And it is… a… head!
34:08
Tad Eggleston: So you get to lead again.
34:10
andrewcoltrin: Ew.
34:12
andrewcoltrin: Let's see, this guy's, yeah, we've got our… Another,
34:19
andrewcoltrin: what's… a sorcerer-looking guy, Vincent Price, kind of looking…
34:24
Tad Eggleston: Yeah, this feels…
34:27
andrewcoltrin: And then…
34:28
Tad Eggleston: This feels like the modern magic.
34:31
Tad Eggleston: type thing.
34:32
Tad Eggleston: You got some, some, some… Couldn't get away with it today.
34:40
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, the henchmen are very,
34:42
Tad Eggleston: Asian-looking…
34:43
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
34:43
Tad Eggleston: Henchman… To go along with a, aleister Crowley type, and a.
34:52
andrewcoltrin: Right, exactly.
34:54
andrewcoltrin: Yes, Aleister Crowley… Via Vincent Price.
35:02
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
35:03
andrewcoltrin: I mean, here, Major, is a little trick I learned in the Far East.
35:08
Tad Eggleston: be educated.
35:09
andrewcoltrin: You may or may not find it amusing…
35:12
Tad Eggleston: Very modest, you don't have… he might find it funny, but you're not required to.
35:17
andrewcoltrin: It's kind of a poker game, but as this red hot iron…
35:21
Tad Eggleston: So, so, so it might not actually be a wand here, it might actually Red Hunt, yeah, yeah, okay.
35:28
andrewcoltrin: Oh, what's Red Hot Iron suggests? It isn't played with cards.
35:32
Tad Eggleston: Very enlightening.
35:35
andrewcoltrin: As a matter of fact, it will knock your eyes out.
35:39
Tad Eggleston: That's kind of funny. Can the corny jokes, Kargache?
35:45
andrewcoltrin: Hmm.
35:46
andrewcoltrin: Humorless.
35:47
Tad Eggleston: Come on!
35:47
andrewcoltrin: Okay.
35:48
Tad Eggleston: When you're in a position like… this is why Spider-Man works.
35:53
Tad Eggleston: If Spider-Man were in that chair, he would be… he would be telling corny jokes.
35:59
andrewcoltrin: Exactly.
36:00
Tad Eggleston: Telling people to… to… Yeah, that's why he's a so-called. I'm afraid…
36:06
andrewcoltrin: Cowardly, cowardly hero.
36:08
Tad Eggleston: Find them one bit amusing.
36:10
andrewcoltrin: Felen and unappreciative. I don't like your jokes.
36:17
Tad Eggleston: It was an Olympic year, or coming up on an Olympic year.
36:21
andrewcoltrin: Speaking of man.
36:21
Tad Eggleston: a mad look at the Olympics here.
36:27
andrewcoltrin: Okay, alright, yeah.
36:29
Tad Eggleston: They are, they are.
36:30
andrewcoltrin: toothpast.
36:31
Tad Eggleston: Just wanted to make certain none of them went across for 4, so we got…
36:34
andrewcoltrin: Oh, good, yeah.
36:39
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, that's… there's the…
36:42
Tad Eggleston: Three ugly women win, and get to go up on the pedestal while all the reporters…
36:48
andrewcoltrin: We're trying to get… yeah.
36:50
Tad Eggleston: Round the pretty one.
36:51
andrewcoltrin: Rewind, trying to get that nice…
36:54
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, the camera angles that the European sports authorities are trying to ban now for women's sports.
37:02
andrewcoltrin: They're doing it!
37:03
andrewcoltrin: Boy.
37:04
Tad Eggleston: Yeah, I also love this, this shot putter.
37:08
andrewcoltrin: The set footer, yeah. Pretty much.
37:12
Tad Eggleston: Did get it out of the ring.
37:13
andrewcoltrin: You got it?
37:16
Tad Eggleston: It looks like the… the… the… one of the USSR…
37:22
Tad Eggleston: Relayers is clearly a spy, because he passes on a stick of dynamite… Yeah. …to the second one.
37:30
Tad Eggleston: So we got some Cold War humor going on.
37:32
andrewcoltrin: Gold Warrior America, yeah.
37:37
andrewcoltrin: Alright, the ruffling,
37:40
Tad Eggleston: Oh, Sergio!
37:42
Tad Eggleston: The big, fat, huge wrestler laughing at the small guy, and then the small guy on top of the podium.
37:49
andrewcoltrin: 1,000 volume, that's right.
37:51
Tad Eggleston: I also love… you see that up in the corner, the torch race with the the umbrella?
37:58
andrewcoltrin: Oh, right.
38:00
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, I think… That's so…
38:02
Tad Eggleston: That's Sergio's humor.
38:04
Tad Eggleston: As is, we've, we've got a,
38:08
Tad Eggleston: I would definitely worry about that if I was a pole vaulter.
38:11
andrewcoltrin: If I don't…
38:11
Tad Eggleston: get over and, and, like, I… I have the pull go up my clothes.
38:16
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, like, whoops.
38:20
Tad Eggleston: Speaking of photographers getting in the way, like…
38:23
andrewcoltrin: Oh, yeah.
38:24
Tad Eggleston: I think most strongmen want the extra…
38:26
Tad Eggleston: 150 pounds or so of,
38:29
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
38:30
Tad Eggleston: I'm the photographer, and then the, tortoise and the hare joining the relay is also very… Very Searchio.
38:38
andrewcoltrin: Clearly. Yeah.
38:41
Tad Eggleston: The sandcastles under…
38:43
andrewcoltrin: Making sandcastles. The landing pit for the…
38:47
Tad Eggleston: Beautiful.
38:48
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, whoops.
38:51
Tad Eggleston: The guy… middle swimmer, slams his head into the wall.
38:56
andrewcoltrin: Yeah… oh, yeah.
38:58
Tad Eggleston: The guy who goes under the hurdles.
39:04
Tad Eggleston: The, the, the gymnast who lost his shorts while he was up on the rings.
39:08
andrewcoltrin: Oh, no, you gotta check your elastic. Oh, yeah.
39:12
Tad Eggleston: Yeah, no, this is… this is… it's so hard to, like… describe Sergio Aragon's.
39:19
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
39:20
Tad Eggleston: You know, this is… this is already… I mean, don't get me wrong, Al Jaffe's safe cigarettes were great, but this is my favorite cartoon… or this is my favorite segment so far of this issue, but… but I don't know how to… like, anybody who… who doesn't know Sergio Aragonis owes it themselves to
39:40
Tad Eggleston: themselves, to go… Like, go find Mad Magazine and look for the Sergio Aragones parts, or go read Gru.
39:49
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
39:49
Tad Eggleston: You know, if you can, find… like, he's had a handful of collections, because where he totally shines is in the silent.
39:57
andrewcoltrin: merchant.
39:58
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, totally wordless, but… Right. …so expressive, and just, you just see…
40:02
Tad Eggleston: Right.
40:03
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, even…
40:03
Tad Eggleston: Maybe one's.
40:04
andrewcoltrin: Just one panel, you see.
40:06
Tad Eggleston: Well, but look at the… look at the face on the pole vaulter.
40:09
andrewcoltrin: At the top.
40:09
Tad Eggleston: As he looks down and goes, oh my god, there's a little girl making this…
40:13
andrewcoltrin: I've made a huge mistake.
40:22
andrewcoltrin: Oh yeah, it was the one that, yeah, the weightlifter falling through the podium.
40:30
Tad Eggleston: And then the next one is the… I don't even remember what it's called, the one where they swing the…
40:37
andrewcoltrin: It's like the hammer throw, is that what that is?
40:39
Tad Eggleston: Something like that. Yeah. But spinning, spinning, spinning, and then the hammer's there, and the guy's gone.
40:44
andrewcoltrin: The guy away, yeah.
40:48
Tad Eggleston: And then the pole vaulting to escape the USSR Olympic team trade.
40:53
andrewcoltrin: With the barbed wire up in the… yeah, I guess that was a thing, yeah. Let's see.
41:00
Tad Eggleston: -
41:01
andrewcoltrin: Where was.
41:01
Tad Eggleston: And I also, I, I, I dig this one down here, where, where, where the,
41:06
Tad Eggleston: the man is… is, too nervous to put the medals on… on the women. Right. So they gotta have the female judge come over.
41:17
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, that's…
41:18
Tad Eggleston: What's this in the corner here?
41:21
andrewcoltrin: Oh, I…
41:23
Tad Eggleston: It feels very Sergio, but I can't…
41:25
andrewcoltrin: Right.
41:26
Tad Eggleston: Because it's where there are 3 flags there.
41:30
andrewcoltrin: And then one flight…
41:30
Tad Eggleston: Here, there's…
41:31
andrewcoltrin: surrounded with… Yeah.
41:33
Tad Eggleston: Like, bats or something?
41:34
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, it's hard to figure out what that is, but I'm, like, trying to.
41:37
Tad Eggleston: Yeah.
41:38
andrewcoltrin: Was that the 64 Summer Olympics?
41:42
andrewcoltrin: Like, was that in life?
41:44
Tad Eggleston: 4464.
41:46
Tad Eggleston: But let's…
41:48
andrewcoltrin: Now I need more context, because…
41:51
Tad Eggleston: Let… well, that's… that's why we have this… this crazy…
41:55
Tad Eggleston: No, they were held in Asia.
41:57
andrewcoltrin: In Asia?
41:57
Tad Eggleston: Olympics held in Asia.
41:59
andrewcoltrin: Okay.
42:01
andrewcoltrin: I was just like…
42:01
Tad Eggleston: And they were in Tokyo.
42:04
andrewcoltrin: In Tokyo. Oh, in Tokyo, okay.
42:05
Tad Eggleston: Tokyo.
42:06
andrewcoltrin: So that's… that… okay, that… because I'm like, okay, so Tokyo would have…
42:11
andrewcoltrin: still had a, like, you know, nice, solid American military presence, and.
42:17
Tad Eggleston: Alright.
42:18
andrewcoltrin: You could… you could imagine, athletes might try to… to… defect.
42:25
Tad Eggleston: A celebrity's wallet.
42:28
andrewcoltrin: That's lovely.
42:28
Tad Eggleston: Bob Clark and Arnie Kogan.
42:35
andrewcoltrin: I'm good.
42:36
Tad Eggleston: I'm gonna lead off. I'm gonna lead off.
42:38
Tad Eggleston: Because this first one, it says it's the wallet of, Ringo Starr.
42:45
Tad Eggleston: Address, Liverpool, England. Occupation, ask any teenage girl.
42:50
Tad Eggleston: In case of emergency, notify Parliament, the British Foreign Office, the Board of Inland Revenue, and Ed Sullivan.
43:00
andrewcoltrin: Right.
43:01
Tad Eggleston: Then there's the picture, this is me with my girl crossed off and put under him with his girl, because they have the same hairstyle.
43:11
andrewcoltrin: Oh, I see. Yeah, so he wrote in the wrong… under the wrong…
43:16
Tad Eggleston: Right, right. Liverpool School of Music, Sweetest Musicians, this side of the docks. We were got to inform student Richard Starkey that he has failed his course in drums for the school term beginning September 61 and ending February 62. Byron Harold Keats, headmaster.
43:36
Tad Eggleston: Sing, she loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah, hit my drums, shake my hair, and wait for the screams. Sing, she loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah, hit my drums, shake my hair, and wait for the screams. Remember, this is just a card in his wallet.
43:51
andrewcoltrin: That's his guard, that's his… yeah.
43:52
Tad Eggleston: Sing She Loves You, yeah, yeah, yeah, hit my drums, move my head from side to side, and… and… is that sneer?
44:02
Tad Eggleston: Yeah, sneer. Sing, while you think you've lost your love, hit my drums, shake my hair, wait for the screams and grin.
44:10
Tad Eggleston: Sing, well, I saw her yesterday, yay.
44:16
Tad Eggleston: Hit my drums, shake my hair, and say, woo!
44:19
Tad Eggleston: Saying, it's you she's thinking of, look towards John for further instructions.
44:26
andrewcoltrin: Right?
44:29
andrewcoltrin: Oh, boy.
44:30
Tad Eggleston: From the desk of Mo, the Three Stooges, 205 Maurer Beach Drive, Hollywood, California, August 3rd, 1962. Dear Mr. Star, thank you for your kind letter. You're the first one to compliment my hair comb in the last 20 years.
44:45
Tad Eggleston: Everyone else tells me how ridiculous I look, but what do I care? When they say it, I just kick them in the knee and bop them in the head. As for your question about how I go about doing my hair, it's very simple.
44:58
Tad Eggleston: I just comb it straight forward in bangs using water and brush. Occasionally, if I want it to sparkle, I use seltzer. Incidentally, why would you possibly want this information?
45:09
Tad Eggleston: Are you and your friends doing a scrapbook of me or something? Are you starting a fan club in England for me? If you want, I can send you photos of me smashing heads together, or poking eyes out.
45:20
Tad Eggleston: Let me know, kid. Yours in subtle comedy, Moe. Moe of the Three Stooges. P.S. Regards from Larry and Curly Joe.
45:32
andrewcoltrin: Right.
45:33
Tad Eggleston: Yes, sir.
45:33
andrewcoltrin: Yeah… Making fun of the Beatles.
45:38
Tad Eggleston: Now.
45:39
andrewcoltrin: We're gonna make fun.
45:40
Tad Eggleston: One of his, his rings.
45:42
andrewcoltrin: Ring away. Should we ring the app?
45:43
Tad Eggleston: Oh, yeah.
45:44
Tad Eggleston: Invoice from the Timmins and Hedgepot Jewelers. We specialize in rings of all kind. Invoice of transactions to date with Mr. Ringo Starr. Account number 785640. I always, like, spend some time looking at things like that and going, okay, how did they choose those numbers?
46:06
Tad Eggleston: Just like, I'm gonna be, like, there's gonna be a part of my brain thinking of all of these dates. Why did they choose these dates? On 7-262-1, Captain Midnight Decoder Ring for left pinky, 2 pounds.
46:22
Tad Eggleston: 11, 12, 62, 1 silver ring with squirter attachment for right forefinger, 2 pounds, 8 pence.
46:31
Tad Eggleston: 210.63, 1 gold ring, imitation, 4 left forefinger, 3 pounds, 7 pence, 623…
46:41
Tad Eggleston: 63. 1 ruby ring synthetic for third finger of right hand, 5 pounds, 2 pence.
46:50
Tad Eggleston: 11.963, 1 gold ring, 24 carats. For third finger of left hand, 8 pounds.
47:00
Tad Eggleston: 9563, one star sapphire ring for left thumb, 240 pounds, 7 tenths.
47:06
andrewcoltrin: There you go, so you started making money.
47:08
Tad Eggleston: I, I think, I think they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're tracking the progression of the Beatles here.
47:15
andrewcoltrin: Oh, yeah.
47:16
Tad Eggleston: 114.64, 1 diamond ring, 5 carats.
47:21
Tad Eggleston: For middle finger of right hand, 18,000 pounds.
47:27
Tad Eggleston: 7, 8?
47:30
Tad Eggleston: 64?
47:31
Tad Eggleston: 1 pearl Solitaire Ring, 27 carats, 4 big toe of left foot, 67,000 pounds, 3 pence, I think?
47:42
Tad Eggleston: And then 9-1864, the Hope Diamond to… Hang from right ear.
47:50
Tad Eggleston: 289,000 pounds, 9 pence.
47:53
andrewcoltrin: Yeah…
47:56
Tad Eggleston: So, yeah, I think they're… they're telling us that the Beatles got,
48:01
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
48:03
Tad Eggleston: You want to take a couple of these, or do you want me to keep reading?
48:06
andrewcoltrin: we got here.
48:07
andrewcoltrin: the…
48:09
Tad Eggleston: National theater Company?
48:10
andrewcoltrin: National theater Company, formerly the old Vic Company, Waterly Road, London.
48:15
andrewcoltrin: I see one England. Yeah, dear Ringo, we are in receipt of your letter expressing the desire to act in one of our Shakespeare productions. Frankly, although we have never heard of you, we have studied the photograph of yourself that you sent us.
48:28
andrewcoltrin: We think we may have a spot for you as Ophelia in Hamlet. Thank you for thinking of us, Miss Star. Please call so that we can arrange for an audition. Yes, making fun of the hair. Yeah, they're like, you have girl hair!
48:43
andrewcoltrin: It's very… Very much the talk of 1964.
48:48
Tad Eggleston: Lawrence O'Heli?
48:51
andrewcoltrin: Oh, Lauren, so Halava, production manager at National theater Company, formerly Old Vic Company.
48:58
andrewcoltrin: Alright.
48:59
Tad Eggleston: Alright, from the desk of Brian Epstein, manager to the Beatles.
49:03
andrewcoltrin: Alright, yeah.
49:04
Tad Eggleston: this one, too.
49:05
andrewcoltrin: Alright, dear Ringo.
49:07
andrewcoltrin: I have given your request careful consideration, and I've come to the conclusion that it would not be fair if you received more money than John or Paul or George. As I realize that as the drummer for the group, you play an important part.
49:20
andrewcoltrin: That even the public is not aware of, but I do not feel that just because you carry the melody, you are entitled to more. Regards, Brian.
49:29
andrewcoltrin: Fair.
49:31
Tad Eggleston: Oh, I gotta do this one.
49:33
andrewcoltrin: That's true.
49:34
Tad Eggleston: Mrs. John Lennon.
49:35
andrewcoltrin: Oh, cool.
49:36
Tad Eggleston: As soon as I saw that, I'm like, okay, this is… this is gonna be good. I just… I can feel it.
49:41
Tad Eggleston: Dear Ringo, it was sweet of you to send me that I Like Ringo Best button, and the Ringo Bubblegum cards. I know that you'd like
49:51
Tad Eggleston: to see more people wearing your button, and I'd love to help you out, but you must realize it would be rather awkward for me to do so. Best of luck anyway, Mrs. John Lennon.
50:09
andrewcoltrin: Oh, right.
50:12
andrewcoltrin: Hornblower, Ainsworthy, and Goodfink, solicitors. Piccadilly, London.
50:17
andrewcoltrin: Wi. Yeah, October 20th, 1964, to Mr. Ringo Starr.
50:23
andrewcoltrin: Liverpool and Lancaster area, England.
50:28
andrewcoltrin: Dear Mr. Star, we are here with returning the tear sheet of the satirical ad from the back cover of a mad magazine that you've sent us. As your solicitors, it is our opinion that there is absolutely no cause for libel or for slander in this item. As a matter of fact, the portrait is quite flattering. You do look like that, you know?
50:45
andrewcoltrin: Frankly, if we were you, we would consider ourselves lucky. It could easily have been a, does she or doesn't-she ad.
50:53
andrewcoltrin: Sincerely yours, Melvin Goodfink.
50:56
andrewcoltrin: For, Hornblower, Ainsworthy, and Good Fink.
51:01
andrewcoltrin: Oh yeah, there's the picture, yeah.
51:04
Tad Eggleston: They make beautiful hair.
51:07
andrewcoltrin: We're like,
51:08
Tad Eggleston: Next up is A Mad Guide to Little-Known Jobs in Television.
51:17
Tad Eggleston: Part 1, Little Known Jobs in Dramatic Shows.
51:22
Tad Eggleston: pours.
51:24
Tad Eggleston: Pourers are essential to commercials that feature liquid products. Both male and female pours are used. You will be expected to pour coffee, beer, milk, soda, etc. into glasses, cups, even cups and a half, without spilling any.
51:39
Tad Eggleston: Qualifications, an attractive right or left hand, but right-handers have a better chance. Few products are poured lefty on TV.
51:52
Tad Eggleston: I love that the pores they're showing, though, are completely missing their cups.
51:58
andrewcoltrin: Oh, yeah, like…
52:01
Tad Eggleston: CAIC 42.
52:06
Tad Eggleston: Andrew, why don't you tell us about Dippers?
52:08
andrewcoltrin: Dippers, alright, the dippers. Dippers are, widely used in commercials for demonstrating the mildness of… the mildness of liquid products.
52:18
andrewcoltrin: You will be expected to dip your hands in mild detergents, harsh detergents, hot water, cold water, even an occasional cup of cooking oil. Qualifications.
52:30
andrewcoltrin: One attractive hand, and one rough and red, lousy-looking hand, so that you can see both before and after.
52:39
Tad Eggleston: Hey, who's our writer on this?
52:41
Tad Eggleston: This is… this is, Dick DiBartolo writing and George Woodbridge doing the art. I love the art here, because.
52:49
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
52:49
Tad Eggleston: The first one, you've got the hair just shooting straight up.
52:53
Tad Eggleston: But then behind her, you've got, like, a mushroom cloud coming out of her.
52:58
Tad Eggleston: I'm basing!
53:00
andrewcoltrin: Yeah…
53:03
Tad Eggleston: Errors. Errors are used on almost every
53:08
Tad Eggleston: beverage TV commercial. You must be able to drink an assortment of beverages, like beer, soda, even scalding hot coffee, and then say.
53:18
Tad Eggleston: The capacity for drinking large quantities of liquids and unquenchable thirst, a voluminous bladder, and numb lips are qualifications for this.
53:28
Tad Eggleston: You wanna tell us about the Uggers?
53:30
andrewcoltrin: The Ugggers. Ugggers usually precede ours to show the difference between, flat-tasting whatevers and products being sold.
53:40
andrewcoltrin: Qualifications, you must have…
53:43
andrewcoltrin: easily fooled taste buds, as there's really not much difference between two brands of the same product. Either that, or you'll just have to fake it.
53:53
Tad Eggleston: See, I think that these two…
53:56
Tad Eggleston: The art on these two, I appreciate from a nerdiverse perspective, too. And from a teaching perspective, because, like…
54:06
Tad Eggleston: We're doing the R's and uggers, but, like, you've got…
54:09
Tad Eggleston: Four really good representations of satisfaction.
54:14
andrewcoltrin: in the arm.
54:15
Tad Eggleston: And… and 3 really… Good representations of disgust.
54:21
Tad Eggleston: with… and, like, I just… I think of the time that we will spend in, like, social groups or whatnot, like, just…
54:28
Tad Eggleston: Okay, look at this picture. What do you think this person feels? And how we often use exaggerated ones.
54:35
Tad Eggleston: And I wonder, again, how much of my ability to sometimes read
54:42
Tad Eggleston: To pick up on other people's stuff when it's hard is from…
54:47
Tad Eggleston: having read so much Mad Magazine, and having.
54:50
andrewcoltrin: Great, you've got…
54:51
Tad Eggleston: I know that lots of people talk about, like, Disney cartoons as being…
54:55
Tad Eggleston: exaggerated emotions, but it's also… but it's also animals, and, like, that works for me some, but, like, mad…
55:03
Tad Eggleston: It has the exaggerated emotions, but still in very… Humanistic drawings.
55:09
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
55:12
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
55:12
Tad Eggleston: Hmm.
55:13
Tad Eggleston: Or we've got our… our rubbers.
55:16
andrewcoltrin: Oh, dear.
55:19
Tad Eggleston: Which is… which is not the kind of rubbers that, that, that, the mine… those… those commercials still aren't allowed on TV, in the United States, anyway.
55:29
Tad Eggleston: Rubbers are used in most all patent medicine commercials. You will be expected to look as though you are suffering pain as you rub your stomach, your head, your shoulder, your back, your knee, your nostril, and between your toes.
55:44
Tad Eggleston: Qualifications, long arms and a mobile face that can go from suffering to relieved in 10 seconds for one-minute commercials. Yeah, that sounds about right. And, and also, like, I appreciate this…
55:59
Tad Eggleston: this… One, again, because it's, it's, it's three…
56:03
Tad Eggleston: Well, it's 4 really, really good representations of pain, and then up in the corner, you've got the,
56:10
Tad Eggleston: The woman who's in pain, and then good again!
56:13
andrewcoltrin: It's like, whiplash.
56:16
Tad Eggleston: Yeah.
56:18
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, and then I just, like, the thing of the… just this note of the times, like, yeah, I've…
56:25
andrewcoltrin: just mentioning one-minute commercials. I was like, oh, wow, we haven't had one-minute commercials. Well…
56:31
Tad Eggleston: Well, I mean…
56:33
andrewcoltrin: It's different.
56:34
Tad Eggleston: You know, there are, like, 2- and 3-minute political… commercials?
56:40
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, you're right, yeah.
56:41
Tad Eggleston: The ones that get leaked and never actually paid to be put on TV, they just wind up getting discussed all over the internet and sometimes on TV news.
56:52
andrewcoltrin: Whoa!
56:52
Tad Eggleston: Well, look at this ad from the such-and-such campaign.
56:56
andrewcoltrin: He paid to be.
56:57
Tad Eggleston: make, but never actually paid to go anywhere. They just let it get out there.
57:01
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, exactly, there's that, yeah.
57:04
Tad Eggleston: Yeah. Before, before you look at Whispers, I feel like I need to look at this… we have a,
57:11
andrewcoltrin: Oh.
57:12
Tad Eggleston: The tree fell the wrong way.
57:14
andrewcoltrin: Oh, for the lumber.
57:17
Tad Eggleston: And I… this is… this is just so cartoon. The tree smashed.
57:22
andrewcoltrin: Yep.
57:22
Tad Eggleston: The, the, the, the… Axeman's head smashed through the tree.
57:30
andrewcoltrin: Yep.
57:31
Tad Eggleston: He wasn't pounded into the ground by the tree, the head…
57:35
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, yeah, the head is…
57:36
Tad Eggleston: Patron.
57:36
andrewcoltrin: Which…
57:37
Tad Eggleston: Because… cause… cause that's, that's comics and cartoons, baby.
57:41
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
57:43
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, if it's… let's not do the expected thing.
57:48
Tad Eggleston: Well, I mean, that's what makes Roadrunner great.
57:51
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
57:51
Tad Eggleston: because eventually, you can't expect it. It has its own… Yeah, exactly. There's this… like, if Sergio Aragonis drew it, and it was a bloody guy pounded by the tree, that would be very unexpected.
58:04
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, no, yeah, yeah.
58:07
andrewcoltrin: Exactly, there's that, there's a different level of.
58:09
Tad Eggleston: I bet you we could go through and, like, the more of these we do, the more we'll just wind up doing it by rote, because Sergio has been doing marginal margins FOREVER.
58:19
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
58:19
Tad Eggleston: I bet you we will come up with the physics of marginal margins.
58:23
andrewcoltrin: Maybe.
58:26
Tad Eggleston: I mean, along the lines of, you know.
58:29
Tad Eggleston: Nobody in Looney Tunes cartoons falls after running off a cliff until they look down.
58:35
andrewcoltrin: Yep, there's that, yeah.
58:37
Tad Eggleston: I'm certain that there's consistency in Sergio's work as well.
58:41
andrewcoltrin: Great.
58:42
Tad Eggleston: I'm just predicting it now.
58:43
andrewcoltrin: Probably. There probably is, yeah.
58:45
Tad Eggleston: Tell us about Whisperers, Andrew.
58:47
andrewcoltrin: Whisperers.
58:49
andrewcoltrin: Oh, yes, I've got the crowd of people just whispering, yes. Whisperers are used in various TV commercials, but they're mainly employed in deodorant commercials, where they represent best friends of the viewer who won't tell him.
59:03
andrewcoltrin: Qualifications. You must be able to talk unintelligibly, but at the same time, give the intelligible impression that you are discussing someone in desperate need of a particular deodorant.
59:16
Tad Eggleston: That… that feels like a, A very TV thing.
59:20
andrewcoltrin: Very creepy.
59:21
Tad Eggleston: It doesn't cross over as much into life.
59:24
Tad Eggleston: Put-downers. Put-downers are the folks who hold up products in commercials, which they then put down in exactly the right spot, so the close-up is in focus, and every word of the label can be read.
59:38
Tad Eggleston: You know, I mean, have you… I think it's product placement that I'm always amazed with this. Like, in reality, would every Coke can label be perfectly red if it was from a Coke being…
59:55
andrewcoltrin: Oh, no, yeah.
59:57
Tad Eggleston: drunk by, like, a reporter on a TV show.
1:00:00
andrewcoltrin: You'd be… you'd be getting the UPC barcode.
1:00:03
Tad Eggleston: Right!
1:00:04
andrewcoltrin: The list of ingredients, and you're.
1:00:08
Tad Eggleston: Or, we're cola, and not the Coke.
1:00:11
andrewcoltrin: Yeah!
1:00:13
andrewcoltrin: Jeez, they always have the, yeah, they always have the name, just in the right spot, huh?
1:00:17
Tad Eggleston: Right, right. Nobody ever puts stickers on their laptops, certainly not over their Apple on TV.
1:00:28
Tad Eggleston: You always have that apple.
1:00:30
Tad Eggleston: Shining at you anytime anybody's using a laptop on TV.
1:00:35
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
1:00:39
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
1:00:39
Tad Eggleston: Qualifications are steady hands, good eyesight, and an ability to read well, so you will know which end of the label is right side up.
1:00:53
andrewcoltrin: The Grabbers, it's the Grabbers…
1:00:56
andrewcoltrin: Lots of people grabbing the things falling for… yeah, grabbers are the people always shown in the supermarkets eagerly grabbing box after box, or bottle after bottle of a particular product.
1:01:07
andrewcoltrin: Filling shopping carts to the brim.
1:01:09
andrewcoltrin: Qualifications, big clutching hands, a glazed, hypnotized look, and a mink coat, so you look like you can afford this kind of idiocy.
1:01:27
Tad Eggleston: Alright, part two, little-known jobs in dramatic shows.
1:01:31
andrewcoltrin: Oh, wow.
1:01:32
Tad Eggleston: Oh, no, those were also jobs in dramatic shows, which is part two now. Unrecognizers. Unrecognizers must be able to work close to famous stars without appearing to recognize them.
1:01:45
Tad Eggleston: This category covers many job possibilities, including walk buyers, sit next tourers, dance-arounders, stand-behinders, and so-honers.
1:01:55
Tad Eggleston: Unrecognizers must be able to stand, walk, or sit next to somebody like Jane Mansfield without batting an eyelash.
1:02:02
Tad Eggleston: Qualifications? Extreme farsightedness or advanced unconsciousness.
1:02:11
Tad Eggleston: I love… Lassie, and then the mutt.
1:02:16
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, there you go.
1:02:18
andrewcoltrin: The other one's like, yeah, whatever, I…
1:02:21
andrewcoltrin: That's a famous dog? What? Oh, the Dyers.
1:02:26
andrewcoltrin: Ugh.
1:02:28
andrewcoltrin: With so much violence on TV, perhaps your job opportunity lies with being a dire. As a dyer, you'll be shot in the back, stabbed in the chest, machine gunned, drugged, thrown from a car, etc.
1:02:40
andrewcoltrin: So much for jobs on comedy shows, you'll find even more opportunities on the really violent shows like westerns, mysteries, dramas, and game shows.
1:02:48
andrewcoltrin: Qualifications, a suicidal tendency, and a paid-up life insurance policy.
1:02:54
Tad Eggleston: And then I'm loving this, marginal margin here, where you've got the kid, Oh. And the Eagle…
1:03:02
Tad Eggleston: Wrapped up in the kite string, and then the kite.
1:03:06
andrewcoltrin: Yep.
1:03:08
Tad Eggleston: Sickies! With so many TV doctor shows, there is a constant demand for sickies. The sickie sits in a waiting room next to the star, or lies in the next bed to the star, or is operated on before or after the star, but with fewer instruments.
1:03:26
Tad Eggleston: Qualification is you must have an ability to appear sick, but never as sick as the star. If the star runs a fever of 105, the sickie should go no higher than 103. If the star breaks an arm, the sickie should break no worse than a hangnail.
1:03:42
Tad Eggleston: alone.
1:03:43
Tad Eggleston: And I love here that we've got that. Applicants, fill out card listing your particular specialty.
1:03:50
Tad Eggleston: We've got bald spots, and broken arms, and red noses, and.
1:03:54
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
1:03:55
andrewcoltrin: Yeah. Oh… Where's the geese?
1:03:58
andrewcoltrin: Oh, pointers and shakers.
1:04:02
andrewcoltrin: Under TV union rules, an actor must be paid extra if he speaks.
1:04:06
andrewcoltrin: Consequently, there's a big call for pointers and shakers who silently answer questions asked by the stars.
1:04:14
andrewcoltrin: Qualifications must be able to point north, south, east, west, and up and down. When applying for a job, be sure to state additional talents, like being able to point in a foreign language.
1:04:24
andrewcoltrin: A shaker must be able to shake his head, yes or no. A really good shaker should be able to get across a maybe.
1:04:34
Tad Eggleston: See?
1:04:35
Tad Eggleston: This is a side note.
1:04:37
Tad Eggleston: But this panel… Really… Does one of my favorite things in comics, which is, like, good motion lines.
1:04:50
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, yeah, these are good.
1:04:52
Tad Eggleston: Yeah, no.
1:04:54
Tad Eggleston: I mean, it almost looks like the guy up in the top corner is spinning his head all the way around.
1:04:58
andrewcoltrin: You could use…
1:04:59
Tad Eggleston: Neck.
1:05:01
andrewcoltrin: Shaking very vigorously.
1:05:04
Tad Eggleston: And possibly up and down, too, maybe that's our maybe.
1:05:14
Tad Eggleston: Alright, Don Martin has.
1:05:15
andrewcoltrin: Very chill.
1:05:16
Tad Eggleston: Oh, I love Don Markin.
1:05:18
andrewcoltrin: Yeah…
1:05:21
Tad Eggleston: When you kiss a frog, he becomes a prince.
1:05:25
Tad Eggleston: And they ride off to the castle.
1:05:28
Tad Eggleston: But then… he still… still zaps the flies.
1:05:33
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
1:05:38
Tad Eggleston: New from the… Movie Monsters business world.
1:05:43
andrewcoltrin: Ugh.
1:05:45
Tad Eggleston: Let's just go with titles and descriptions here, unless you see anything that, like, really jumps out to you.
1:05:51
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
1:05:52
Tad Eggleston: It hovered at the water cooler. It haunted the coffee breaks. It lurked in the restrooms. It was the gold brick that walked like a man.
1:06:05
andrewcoltrin: Huh?
1:06:08
andrewcoltrin: I think I worked with some people like that, yeah.
1:06:11
andrewcoltrin: And I forgot that.
1:06:12
Tad Eggleston: This next one's pretty good.
1:06:13
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, they came from the suggestion box.
1:06:16
Tad Eggleston: Threatening notes! Drop-dead invitations! Poison pen letters. Even… used Kleenex tissues.
1:06:26
andrewcoltrin: See, that is… that is where… Yeah, our modern digital discourse.
1:06:32
Tad Eggleston: Yeah,
1:06:33
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, we lost the opportunity to just drop a used Kleenex in there.
1:06:37
Tad Eggleston: Oh, here we go, here we go. This is… oh, Joe Orlando's the… the artist on this. E. Nelson Bridwell was our… our writer, but
1:06:47
Tad Eggleston: This one feels like, it could definitely apply to a handful of people.
1:06:54
Tad Eggleston: in our current business world, when he opened his mouth, out came idiocy! Bologna! Hot air!
1:07:03
Tad Eggleston: Yet no one dared move. They just had to stand there and suffer, listening to the amazing, colossal boar.
1:07:14
Tad Eggleston: Because he was too big to stop, mainly because he was also the boss.
1:07:20
andrewcoltrin: Yeah…
1:07:22
Tad Eggleston: Speaking of which, did you see the, the… Cards Against Humanity news?
1:07:29
andrewcoltrin: Sweet. Oh, yeah. I… They're making a… they're making a little statue, is what I heard.
1:07:35
Tad Eggleston: Yeah, they're making a monument.
1:07:37
andrewcoltrin: Monument.
1:07:38
Tad Eggleston: busk…
1:07:39
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
1:07:40
Tad Eggleston: Let me get this right, cause, cuz, cause, the, the, what a day…
1:07:47
Tad Eggleston: newsletter from, from Crooked Media actually, interviewed their, their, Public relations person.
1:07:57
Tad Eggleston: And, and I, and I do, I do love… his answer…
1:08:05
Tad Eggleston: He was… they were asked, Let's see…
1:08:10
Tad Eggleston: How did you settle on the slogan, Elon Musk is a sad little bitch with no friends?
1:08:17
Tad Eggleston: And Cards Against Humanity, answered, Sad little is the buildup.
1:08:21
Tad Eggleston: It cuts him down to size. Bitch is the climax, a powerful swear word, attacking his character and puncturing his ego with one syllable. With no friends is the denowment, a plainly descriptive fact made all the more devastating for its truth.
1:08:39
Tad Eggleston: The follow-up question was, there must have been other slogans that didn't make the cut, can you share a few?
1:08:44
Tad Eggleston: Kajica Humanity responded, We considered the word dumb, but decided it was debatable and therefore weak. He's surely smart in some ways. We briefly considered asshole and man-child, but agreed they were too obvious.
1:08:59
Tad Eggleston: Miserable lacked the punch of sad. Sociopath and narcissist felt too clinical. Motherfucker felt too broad. We take insults very seriously at Cards Against Young.
1:09:18
andrewcoltrin: Well, right, and like, where they're gonna do it is…
1:09:22
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, that parcel of land that they bought to try to block the wall, and then Elon went and…
1:09:30
Tad Eggleston: And then they sued him.
1:09:31
andrewcoltrin: They sued him.
1:09:32
Tad Eggleston: And I guess they didn't win in court, but they got him to settle out of court and move.
1:09:36
Tad Eggleston: Right.
1:09:37
andrewcoltrin: Right.
1:09:40
andrewcoltrin: But not that far.
1:09:42
Tad Eggleston: Yeah, yeah,
1:09:43
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
1:09:44
Tad Eggleston: Our final movie here is The Creature.
1:09:47
Tad Eggleston: with the office collection, Featuring Millie's Bridal shower, Bernie's Hemorrhoid Operation.
1:09:54
andrewcoltrin: Ugh.
1:09:54
Tad Eggleston: Anthony's Army Induction, Nancy's new baby, the boss's baseball pool, and Sydney the Treasurer's bail bond.
1:10:02
andrewcoltrin: It's like, right.
1:10:05
Tad Eggleston: I do have to say, and I even say this loving my bosses, I always think it's weird when, like, there are collections taken to get something for Bosses Day.
1:10:17
andrewcoltrin: Oh, yeah.
1:10:19
Tad Eggleston: I'm like, I'm not certain I understand why there is a boss's Day, but really?
1:10:26
andrewcoltrin: Oh, yeah, I know we…
1:10:27
Tad Eggleston: Oh, I guess we do… I guess we have another page.
1:10:30
andrewcoltrin: Another page, oh yes.
1:10:32
Tad Eggleston: Yeah.
1:10:34
andrewcoltrin: And they waited and waited and waited, but nothing could but get by the beast at the reception desk.
1:10:41
Tad Eggleston: Starring Ava Seat?
1:10:44
andrewcoltrin: Damn, yeah.
1:10:46
Tad Eggleston: Mark Time, Ooda Boredom, Ophelia's Sorebutt, and Tuesday Wasted.
1:10:55
Tad Eggleston: It looked huge to begin with, but then they attacked it, and it grew smaller and smaller.
1:11:02
Tad Eggleston: The smaller, the incredible, shrinking.
1:11:05
Tad Eggleston: Paycheck.
1:11:07
andrewcoltrin: But, oh my god…
1:11:14
andrewcoltrin: Oh, no, the invasion of automation machines!
1:11:18
Tad Eggleston: See the axe fall again and again. See the rain of pink slips. See the union screaming bloody murder. See the panic at the unemployment office. See the picture while you're out of work.
1:11:33
andrewcoltrin: Real time.
1:11:34
Tad Eggleston: I mean?
1:11:34
andrewcoltrin: Joking.
1:11:35
Tad Eggleston: Dagger department.
1:11:39
Tad Eggleston: Alright, I gotta…
1:11:43
Tad Eggleston: I have to… let's see if we can get a Morse code translator here, unless you're one of the autistic people that has Morse code memorized.
1:11:52
andrewcoltrin: What a good idea that would be. Ugh.
1:11:55
Tad Eggleston: I've known some.
1:11:56
andrewcoltrin: Yeah…
1:12:02
Tad Eggleston: So, let's see… Dash…
1:12:08
Tad Eggleston: I feel like this isn't actually Morse code, though, because I thought Morse code was always…
1:12:14
Tad Eggleston: 2 or 3 dots. Oh, no, it looks like that's a B.
1:12:18
Tad Eggleston: So, dash… Dot, dash, dash… BY…
1:12:26
Tad Eggleston: Oh, I wonder… I wonder if all of the… I don't think I've ever done this before. I wonder if all of these years it's just been the byline.
1:12:35
andrewcoltrin: Very funny.
1:12:51
Tad Eggleston: by Prohas.
1:13:03
Tad Eggleston: Yep.
1:13:04
Tad Eggleston: Spy vs. Spy is a wordless comic strip published in Mad Magazine, created in 1961 by humid expatriate Antonio Proies, and that.
1:13:13
andrewcoltrin: That's what…
1:13:14
Tad Eggleston: as in, in, in… Morse code there, by Prius.
1:13:21
andrewcoltrin: Okay.
1:13:22
Tad Eggleston: What do we got going on? This is… is that a… A viper in the… toothpaste.
1:13:31
andrewcoltrin: Oh, yeah.
1:13:32
Tad Eggleston: And then a hole in the rocket.
1:13:35
andrewcoltrin: Oh, where are I getting…
1:13:36
Tad Eggleston: Bad.
1:13:37
Tad Eggleston: And is that a bicycle race going around the bottom corner?
1:13:40
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, it looks like, and then…
1:13:42
Tad Eggleston: With a road out.
1:13:44
andrewcoltrin: Oops.
1:13:45
andrewcoltrin: I'm just like…
1:13:49
Tad Eggleston: Very socio.
1:13:52
Tad Eggleston: Sights and sounds of the USA. This is you spotlighting Washington, D.C.
1:13:59
andrewcoltrin: Oh, boy.
1:14:01
Tad Eggleston: You want to just trade off reading?
1:14:03
andrewcoltrin: Sure.
1:14:04
Tad Eggleston: I'll read a… I'll read a bubble, you read the one that feels like it should come next, and we'll just.
1:14:08
andrewcoltrin: Just keep going.
1:14:11
Tad Eggleston: The guards are dragging that man out of the White House!
1:14:15
andrewcoltrin: Oh.
1:14:16
andrewcoltrin: Dewey is certainly a hard loser.
1:14:19
Tad Eggleston: I just saw my congressman and his office staff. They look like one big, happy family.
1:14:24
andrewcoltrin: They are.
1:14:26
Tad Eggleston: Is that the President or the Secretary of State?
1:14:30
andrewcoltrin: Who knows, all these Americans look alike.
1:14:33
Tad Eggleston: How come there are no motorcycle policemen accompanying the president's car?
1:14:38
andrewcoltrin: They can't keep up with them.
1:14:40
Tad Eggleston: Hey, Mac!
1:14:41
Tad Eggleston: I got a great deal for ya. Only 500 bucks, and the Washington Monument is yours!
1:14:48
andrewcoltrin: No thank you, Mr. Baker.
1:14:52
Tad Eggleston: There go the men who are responsible for making Americans laws.
1:14:57
andrewcoltrin: Senators?
1:14:59
Tad Eggleston: No! Lobbyists!
1:15:01
andrewcoltrin: Wow, bomb.
1:15:03
andrewcoltrin: Thanks for the living.
1:15:05
Tad Eggleston: Lift Senator Goldwater.
1:15:10
Tad Eggleston: And we've got, we've got, equivocate, equivocate, delay, no left, Compromise, stay in line, obfuscate.
1:15:20
andrewcoltrin: Oh, those are all the traffic slands, yeah.
1:15:22
Tad Eggleston: Washington is a nice town, a place where you can get plenty of rest.
1:15:28
andrewcoltrin: Are you a visitor?
1:15:30
Tad Eggleston: Oh, a senator!
1:15:35
Tad Eggleston: You're doing a big one.
1:15:36
andrewcoltrin: I was like, I don't like these, defense cuts either, General, but I'm not sure we have the constitutional right to bomb Congress.
1:15:44
andrewcoltrin: Jeez.
1:15:45
Tad Eggleston: How do we get to the Capitol building from here?
1:15:49
andrewcoltrin: Oh, the answer to your question requires the utmost disgrace, devotion.
1:15:55
Tad Eggleston: Diligence, devotion, and attention.
1:15:57
andrewcoltrin: Sorry, I can't read. Yeah, diligence, devotion, and attention to the particular requirements applicable to this situation. After the… giving the matter considerable thought, may I reply, not without some reservation, that the most direct route would be to proceed around the corner?
1:16:14
Tad Eggleston: Senator Dirksen.
1:16:17
Tad Eggleston: Of course, he's on a soapbox.
1:16:19
andrewcoltrin: Yeah…
1:16:20
Tad Eggleston: I wanna see the building where they have all the old relics.
1:16:23
andrewcoltrin: You mean the Smithsonian Institute?
1:16:25
Tad Eggleston: No, I mean the Supreme Court.
1:16:30
andrewcoltrin: In your last speech, Congressman, you said you would investigate the worst crime ever perpetuated on the people of this city. Just what might that be, sir?
1:16:38
Tad Eggleston: The Washington Senators.
1:16:41
andrewcoltrin: Oh… That's a sports reference.
1:16:44
Tad Eggleston: It is. Baseball reference.
1:16:45
andrewcoltrin: Baseball.
1:16:48
Tad Eggleston: The Senators didn't have many good teams.
1:16:52
andrewcoltrin: Washington is a terrible place to visit, but I would love to live here.
1:16:56
Tad Eggleston: Yes, Mr. Rockefeller.
1:16:58
andrewcoltrin: It's… Okay, I understand Mad Magazine is up for a congressional citation this year?
1:17:06
Tad Eggleston: Yeah, they did a double spread on Washington with 30 balloons and didn't use one Lady Bird joke.
1:17:16
Tad Eggleston: We got this statue. Good ol' mom, doggies, baseball… log cabins…
1:17:25
andrewcoltrin: GM?
1:17:27
Tad Eggleston: Yeah, GM.
1:17:28
Tad Eggleston: And then blah blah blah on the typewriter, Spiritus Washingtonian.
1:17:36
Tad Eggleston: Oh, more Don Martin, nearsighted voodoo priest.
1:17:43
andrewcoltrin: I don't know.
1:17:47
andrewcoltrin: They can depend, and…
1:17:50
Tad Eggleston: Baby, the baby, what are you doing to the baby?
1:17:53
Tad Eggleston: Phoebe!
1:17:57
Tad Eggleston: That's some more fantastic motion lines.
1:18:00
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
1:18:02
andrewcoltrin: Oh, dear.
1:18:03
Tad Eggleston: Mmm…
1:18:05
Tad Eggleston: When today's celebrities become tomorrow's historical heroes, from Jack Ricard and Frank Jacobs. Some heroes had movies made about them.
1:18:16
Tad Eggleston: I know I should do my homework, Daddy, but Cleopatra is playing at the Bijou!
1:18:24
Tad Eggleston: Tonight you're seeing Cleopatra, last night you saw Lawrence of Arabia, the night before Spartacus, night before that, TV revival of Abe Lincoln in Illinois. This rate, young lady, you'll never pass your history exam.
1:18:39
Tad Eggleston: Some have had epic poems written.
1:18:40
andrewcoltrin: Oh my god.
1:18:42
Tad Eggleston: Listen, my children, and you shall hear of the midnight ride of Paul Revere on the 18th of April in 75. Hardly a man is now alive who remembers that famous day and year.
1:18:53
Tad Eggleston: It's the worst poem I ever heard. Not one dirty word in it. First of all, it rhymes!
1:19:00
andrewcoltrin: Oh yeah, the beatniks didn't like it.
1:19:08
Tad Eggleston: Take the bottom two?
1:19:09
andrewcoltrin: Sure, let's see, some have had their names, linked with various products. This is known as merchandising.
1:19:16
andrewcoltrin: I'm heading over to the toy store and get me a Davy Crockett rifle. I'm heading to the clothing store and get me a Davy Crockett t-shirt.
1:19:24
andrewcoltrin: I'm heading to the plastic surgeon's to get me a Davy Crockett nose!
1:19:28
Tad Eggleston: Say, all the guys wearing coonskin caps.
1:19:31
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
1:19:32
andrewcoltrin: And some are so well known for their deeds that their names have become a part of our language.
1:19:38
andrewcoltrin: I'm no Benedict Arnold, baby, I'd never two-time a sweet doll like you.
1:19:43
andrewcoltrin: Don't put that, Sir Galahad stuff on me, you third-rate, Casanova. You may dress like a Bo Brummel, but you come on like a Jesse James.
1:19:53
andrewcoltrin: Before we go any further, you Don Juan, I wanna see your John Hancock on a marriage license.
1:20:04
Tad Eggleston: What?
1:20:07
Tad Eggleston: Oh, this is great.
1:20:09
Tad Eggleston: Our marginal margin on page 2017, he's about to dig into the ocean.
1:20:16
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, he's…
1:20:17
Tad Eggleston: From prison. Not gonna work out well.
1:20:19
andrewcoltrin: Excuse me.
1:20:20
Tad Eggleston: Little spoon there.
1:20:22
Tad Eggleston: Hansburg.
1:20:22
andrewcoltrin: what I'm doing is…
1:20:24
Tad Eggleston: I don't think he's gonna like the next, next couple of inches.
1:20:28
andrewcoltrin: Perhaps not.
1:20:32
Tad Eggleston: Out of a rostering, flaming era of the 20th century comes the story of a man who wrote his own glorious chapter in the pages of American history. 21st Century Fox proudly presents Stassen!
1:20:49
Tad Eggleston: Who are they cheering, Dad?
1:20:52
andrewcoltrin: Oh, that's Harold Stawson, my son, and someday you'll tell your children you saw him.
1:20:58
Tad Eggleston: Stassen, he became a living legend as a soldier.
1:21:03
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, don't go out.
1:21:04
Tad Eggleston: Out there, Captain Dustin.
1:21:07
Tad Eggleston: Cut down by the German division.
1:21:10
andrewcoltrin: Someone's gotta do it, General de Gaulle. Anyway, I've got Sergeant York here to help me.
1:21:16
Tad Eggleston: Sir?
1:21:17
Tad Eggleston: We're gonna get those Nazi pigs for President McKinley!
1:21:25
Tad Eggleston: Stassen, he found even greater glory as an air hero!
1:21:30
Tad Eggleston: I'm glad you're along, Stawson! Bombing Tokyo by daylight is no piece of cake!
1:21:36
andrewcoltrin: We can do it, Colonel Lindbergh. I just hope Rickenbacker, Foss Shepard, and Glenn get through the day.
1:21:43
andrewcoltrin: Like, yeah, let's do Zoom.
1:21:45
Tad Eggleston: Stawson! He stirred men's souls as a humanitarian. Thank heavens you're here, Harold! Dr. Salk has collapsed from exhaustion, and epidemic is spreading! If we don't discover that antitoxin soon, the disease may spread over the whole continent!
1:22:05
andrewcoltrin: I think I've isolated the virus, Dr. Switzer. Africa will now be safe from the dread yellow fever.
1:22:12
Tad Eggleston: Stawson! He won a nation's love and respect as a scientist!
1:22:16
Tad Eggleston: Harold, I've just been telling Prime Minister Churchill and Professor Einstein about your plans for an atomic bomb.
1:22:26
Tad Eggleston: To put a quick end to World War II. They're very impressed.
1:22:31
andrewcoltrin: Thank you, President Coolidge! But most of the credit must go to my colleague Henry Ford, who discovered the formula that mass equals assembly squared, which led the way to its development.
1:22:43
Tad Eggleston: Stawson! His discoveries changed the world as a statesman.
1:22:47
Tad Eggleston: You can be president, Harold!
1:22:50
Tad Eggleston: If you really want to, you can beat President Dewey, if only you'll renounce your support of the League of Nations.
1:23:00
andrewcoltrin: Sorry, Mr. Baruch, but I must stand by my principle.
1:23:04
andrewcoltrin: The presidency, I fear, is destined to elude my grasp.
1:23:09
Tad Eggleston: Oh, Harold, this means I'll have you for a while!
1:23:13
andrewcoltrin: Oh, jeez.
1:23:17
andrewcoltrin: Oh, I get it.
1:23:18
Tad Eggleston: You must see a motion picture. You must see Stawson, featuring 35 great stars, including Alvin Ockwell as Winston Churchill, Fenwick Scurvy as Newt Rockne, Belinda Renfur as Claire Booth Luch.
1:23:35
Tad Eggleston: J. Philip Brisket is Dr. Jonas Salk, Carlton Yang is Dr. Sun Yat Sen, Philo Endwistle is Donna Michi, Edwin Oxblight is Joseph Stalin, Lawrence Sperling is President Dewey, and Harold Wilner is King George III.
1:23:53
andrewcoltrin: Yes.
1:23:54
Tad Eggleston: and introduce…
1:23:55
andrewcoltrin: I shouldn't… do.
1:23:57
Tad Eggleston: Culpepper!
1:23:58
Tad Eggleston: as Harold Stawson.
1:24:01
andrewcoltrin: So, yes, this is, like… Feel to poison your AI.
1:24:11
andrewcoltrin: Like, so…
1:24:12
Tad Eggleston: I'm gonna eat it.
1:24:13
andrewcoltrin: So many… So many, anachronisms, and yeah, President Dewey?
1:24:24
Tad Eggleston: Do he defeats Truman?
1:24:25
andrewcoltrin: I know, yeah, they're still… they were still having fun with that.
1:24:29
Tad Eggleston: will be honored by having a future musical comedies written about them.
1:24:35
Tad Eggleston: Such as Jaime, a new musical based on the life, career of Admiral Hyman Rickover.
1:24:43
Tad Eggleston: Oh, Jaime, Jaime, Jaime, I'll be yours if you'll just try me. Say, oh, always stick right by me, come what may. I will make your life romantic on the floor of the Atlantic, and our love will grow gigantic night and day.
1:25:03
andrewcoltrin: Oh, dearie, dearie, dearie! Love would be so sweet and cheery, but I'm feeling awful weary, this I know, though you fill me with emotion, and my subs control the ocean. Still, I am passed up for promotion, what a blow.
1:25:17
Tad Eggleston: I'll get you promoted, Jaime, baby. I'll talk to my father, who's head of the Navy Promotion Board!
1:25:27
andrewcoltrin: I'll never promote him, so stop your crying, he's not a team man, all he cares about are his stupid atomic submarines.
1:25:34
Tad Eggleston: Oh, Father, let me explain how I feel about him.
1:25:39
Tad Eggleston: My heart has the bends, from the depth of our love, I can feel the pressure grow, and the ache never ends, though I'm here up above, while he's 10,000 feet down below.
1:25:53
Tad Eggleston: Each evening I pray, and I yearn, and I hope.
1:25:57
Tad Eggleston: That maybe he'll see me through his periscope. My heart has the bends from the depth of our love, and I'm filled with a nuclear glow.
1:26:07
Tad Eggleston: You see, Father, I want to marry him.
1:26:11
andrewcoltrin: Marry Rick over, never! However, I'll make a deal with you, I'll promote him if you promise never to see him again.
1:26:17
Tad Eggleston: Oh, what a terrible choice to have to make! But I shall give up Jaime rather than ruin his career.
1:26:27
andrewcoltrin: I've gotten my promotion, and my sub is ready to sail, but where, oh, where is the girl I love?
1:26:34
Tad Eggleston: Here I am, Jaime! I couldn't give you up! Take me with you!
1:26:40
andrewcoltrin: Soon we'll be submerged in like a heron or a sturgeon. We'll be… we'll leave behind those stormy clouds above.
1:26:47
andrewcoltrin: Oh, our life will be so rosy, and we'll feel all snug and cozy, and our own atomic underwater powerplight of love.
1:26:55
Tad Eggleston: In a pressurized compartment, I will show you what my heart meant, and we will find the joy that we've been dreaming of. Oh, the ocean deep will hide us, and the gods of love will guide us in our own atomic underwater power plant of love.
1:27:12
Tad Eggleston: In their own atomic underwater power plant of love.
1:27:23
andrewcoltrin: Wow.
1:27:24
Tad Eggleston: I don't know if I can handle reading through the Liz Taylor board game.
1:27:28
andrewcoltrin: Maybe not. That's okay.
1:27:32
Tad Eggleston: But now we have a Liz Taylor board game.
1:27:34
andrewcoltrin: Liz Halido. Wonderful new board game.
1:27:37
andrewcoltrin: Boy.
1:27:39
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
1:27:41
Tad Eggleston: And the names of many of today's well-known newsmakers become part of the language. Take, for instance, the conversation at this future cocktail party.
1:27:51
Tad Eggleston: I bought this used car. At first, I thought it was a Lawrence Olivier, but it turned out to be a Nick Adams.
1:28:00
Tad Eggleston: Boy, those used car dealers can really Bobby Baker you if you don't J. Edgar Hoover them. I'm so mad I could Truman.
1:28:12
andrewcoltrin: No, no.
1:28:14
andrewcoltrin: Dear, don't… don't Castro, just como down.
1:28:18
Tad Eggleston: Look, I'm not trying to fill silvers, you. The stock I want you to buy is going to Sir Edmund Hillary, and that's the Norman Vincent Peale. The company's having a Mickey Mantle year!
1:28:32
andrewcoltrin: Sounds like a… Murray, if I ever…
1:28:36
Tad Eggleston: Bears.
1:28:37
andrewcoltrin: Oh, Maris, okay, yeah.
1:28:38
Tad Eggleston: We're doing baseball references here.
1:28:40
andrewcoltrin: Oh, Mary, yeah, I just, it's getting blurry of me, but…
1:28:44
Tad Eggleston: Wow.
1:28:45
andrewcoltrin: If I… yeah, if I've heard one… here we go. Ugh!
1:28:48
andrewcoltrin: There we go, it doesn't say Marist. That sounds like a Marist, I've never heard one. It might be smarter to sell it to Mickey Rooney.
1:28:57
Tad Eggleston: Parties of Derwood Kirby, come on! I know where there's a Hugh Hefner going on.
1:29:07
andrewcoltrin: Yeah. Sure, this weather would,
1:29:10
andrewcoltrin: Miles Davis. Sure wish this weather would Miles Davis off. Today was a real Mamie Van Doren.
1:29:17
Tad Eggleston: Yeah, I'm getting Lenny Bruce of it myself.
1:29:23
andrewcoltrin: Then Sabo's nothing but a Jackie Gleason lie.
1:29:27
Tad Eggleston: I don't jack par, baby! I was only deadly Kaying!
1:29:32
andrewcoltrin: Oh… yeah… Wow.
1:29:38
Tad Eggleston: Sometimes they, they were definitely, in, of their time.
1:29:42
andrewcoltrin: Over their time, that is definitely overtime.
1:29:44
Tad Eggleston: I think, like, this is funny to me because I'm enough of a history buff, but some people would look at this and, like, have to go to Wikipedia to have any idea what the jokes are.
1:29:55
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
1:29:56
Tad Eggleston: Right.
1:29:57
Tad Eggleston: And finally, you can bet that celebrities of today will be sung about in future folk songs.
1:30:04
andrewcoltrin: Gosh.
1:30:04
andrewcoltrin: I'll wait for…
1:30:05
Tad Eggleston: This is this one, Huntley and Brinkley.
1:30:09
Tad Eggleston: Huntley and Brinkley were partners, working for Roll NBC. They swore they would stay with each other each week a day on TV. Chet was Dave's pal, but he done him wrong.
1:30:22
Tad Eggleston: Huntley and Brinkley were wonders. Their fame grew far and wide. They won themselves 86 Emmys and a plaque from TV Guide.
1:30:32
Tad Eggleston: Chet was Dave's pal, but he done him wrong.
1:30:37
Tad Eggleston: Brinkley, one evening, was working, giving the news on the air. He said, now we'll switch to Chet Huntley, but old Huntley wasn't there. Chet was Dave's pal, but he done them wrong.
1:30:53
Tad Eggleston: Brinkley hopped into an airplane, a jet that was New York-bound. He said, I won't leave that big city till Huntley I have found. Jet was Dave's pal, but he done him wrong. Dave went to the NBC station.
1:31:10
Tad Eggleston: Golly, he pretty near died, cause there in the newsroom was Huntley, with Eric Severage.
1:31:18
Tad Eggleston: Chet was Dave's pal, but he done him wrong. Now you can take Martin from Lewis, and you can take Desi from Lou, but take away Huntley from Wrinkly, and old NBC is through.
1:31:34
Tad Eggleston: Chet was Dave's pal, but he'd done him wrong.
1:31:43
andrewcoltrin: Oh… Mmm.
1:31:46
Tad Eggleston: I don't know if it's my superpower that I actually have some ability to make up a tune as I read the words, or if it's just lack of any sense of shame.
1:31:59
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
1:32:02
andrewcoltrin: It's one of those, yeah.
1:32:05
andrewcoltrin: It's impressive, though.
1:32:07
Tad Eggleston: Oh, oh, okay, you got… I want… I want the congressional side of this one. This one just feels… this is… this is one of the places where reading Old Mad can shine, because this is another one that feels like…
1:32:20
Tad Eggleston: Yep, it was written by Stan Hart and drawn by Paul Coker Jr. in 1963, but How Bad Childhood Habits Can Help in a Congressional Career?
1:32:33
Tad Eggleston: Feels… feels very, very current.
1:32:36
Tad Eggleston: So, why don't you take the childhood side, and I'll take the congressional side.
1:32:41
andrewcoltrin: Alright. Yeah, yes, Dad, I did promise to do all my homework, take out the garbage, and clean my room before I went out to play.
1:32:49
andrewcoltrin: Here's a typical parent about to impress a youngster with the importance of keeping promises he's made. Naturally, the parent does not realize the damage he is about to do.
1:32:59
Tad Eggleston: This, this, this bad habit, by the way, is breaking.
1:33:02
andrewcoltrin: Oh, breaking promises, yeah. Sorry, I… yeah.
1:33:05
Tad Eggleston: If you elect me, I will increase old age benefits, public housing, close the missile gap, and end poverty. Then I will cut income taxes by 50%, raise the minimum wage, and…
1:33:18
Tad Eggleston: Now, if this future senator had learned as a child never to break promises, he'd be compelled to KEEP those made in his campaign, and the nation would be bankrupt in 6 months.
1:33:30
andrewcoltrin: They're fucked.
1:33:32
andrewcoltrin: There you go, yeah, I bad habits throwing tantrums.
1:33:37
andrewcoltrin: If you make me go to Grandma's house, I'll hold my breath till I turn blue, I'll bash my head against the wall, and I'll bite my fingers off. I'll…
1:33:45
andrewcoltrin: When a spoiled child cannot have his own way, he relies on irrational outbursts to force his unreasoning and unswerving will on others.
1:33:55
andrewcoltrin: Most parents have hated themselves for giving in when this happens, but hate yourselves no more.
1:34:02
Tad Eggleston: And I'll stand here and fight for what I believe in until my voice fails, until I drop from exhaustion, until they carry my lifeless body away to my grave.
1:34:14
Tad Eggleston: In later years, such a rational outbursts will be elevated into fine art. How else can a senator protect the nation from needed legislation? In childhood, such an outburst is called a tantrum. In Congress, it's called a filibuster.
1:34:36
andrewcoltrin: Out of habit, ignoring questions.
1:34:39
andrewcoltrin: Sally's mother tells me that you pulled her hair and broke her doll. What do you have got to say?
1:34:45
andrewcoltrin: I won't listen, you're just picking on me! Although this habit of not answering questions and, turning a deaf ear can be one of the most frustrating experiences for parents.
1:34:56
andrewcoltrin: They should come to realize its future value.
1:35:01
Tad Eggleston: Senator, what about this editorial accusing you of padding your payroll with members of your own family and accepting bribes?
1:35:10
Tad Eggleston: Excuse me. I don't know if…
1:35:15
Tad Eggleston: That's how you avoid the question. Repeated sneezes.
1:35:21
Tad Eggleston: The question is a typical example of a left-wing smear techniques, which I will not dignify with an answer. Next question, please!
1:35:30
Tad Eggleston: To be a successful senator, one must learn not to answer questions. In fact, to become a senator at all, one must learn to avoid the first question, are you… are you…
1:35:42
andrewcoltrin: Are you?
1:35:42
Tad Eggleston: Qualified.
1:35:45
andrewcoltrin: Oh, alright.
1:35:45
Tad Eggleston: I'm apparently allergic to senators.
1:35:48
andrewcoltrin: I'm allergic to senators.
1:35:50
Tad Eggleston: Next bad habit.
1:35:52
Tad Eggleston: face.
1:35:53
andrewcoltrin: I mean, Two-Face. Oh, yeah.
1:35:55
andrewcoltrin: Charlie, if you give me a ride, I'll help you beat up Freddy. Freddy, if you lend me your skates, I'll help you beat up Charlie. If you observe your child, playing one person off
1:36:07
andrewcoltrin: Against another, don't be upset. It's good training for the future.
1:36:12
Tad Eggleston: And if you support me, I'll introduce a 20-hour-a-week, $5 minimum wage law!
1:36:19
Tad Eggleston: And if you support me, I'll introduce a bill to outlaw all organized labor.
1:36:27
Tad Eggleston: In childhood, this behavior is called acting two-faced. In Congress, this behavior is called middle of the road.
1:36:36
Tad Eggleston: Next bad habit, persistent daydreaming.
1:36:39
andrewcoltrin: Alright.
1:36:40
andrewcoltrin: Oh, the fire-spitting dragon is coming! I must… I need my trusty lance and shield.
1:36:46
andrewcoltrin: A child who blocks out the real world and lives in a world of fantasy is no problem, child. He's a real hot property.
1:36:54
Tad Eggleston: The time is now! Let us seal off our borders against the impending evasion. Let us arm to the teeth, inform on subversive neighbors, and repeal Social Security!
1:37:08
Tad Eggleston: Just think of all the nuts in this country. Aren't they entitled to representation? Your boy could be their boy.
1:37:16
andrewcoltrin: Hence.
1:37:19
Tad Eggleston: Bad habit. Truancy.
1:37:22
andrewcoltrin: Oh, that's right, your son hasn't been in school for 3 weeks!
1:37:26
andrewcoltrin: Most parents go insane when they learn their, son has been playing hooky from school.
1:37:32
andrewcoltrin: But parents who encourage, strict school attendance. And now…
1:37:38
andrewcoltrin: Sow the seeds of future failure.
1:37:41
Tad Eggleston: As Chairman of the Foreign Relations Affairs Committee, I'd like your opinion on the European common market, honey.
1:37:49
Tad Eggleston: The senator with perfect attendance record is known as a fink by his fellow senators. Wasting time in Washington voting on bills is no life for a red-blooded American man.
1:38:02
andrewcoltrin: It's…
1:38:03
Tad Eggleston: Bad habit. Acting like a coward.
1:38:07
andrewcoltrin: Oh, Jimmy's a rotten fink, yeah, yeah, dare you to hit me.
1:38:12
andrewcoltrin: If your child has a big mouth and then, runs to his father to hide behind, don't discourage him, rather protect him.
1:38:22
Tad Eggleston: And I say that a reporter who criticized me is a pathological liar, a moral degenerate, a known thief, and a willing tool of the communists.
1:38:31
Tad Eggleston: He learns to hide behind his father as a child. He can learn to hide behind his congressional immunity later on.
1:38:46
Tad Eggleston: That happens.
1:38:47
Tad Eggleston: acting insincere.
1:38:50
andrewcoltrin: Oh.
1:38:51
andrewcoltrin: You were so kind and so fair. You were absolutely right to fail me last year.
1:38:56
andrewcoltrin: This child doesn't need a psychiatrist at all. He needs a campaign fund. He's just about to, just about ready for the big time.
1:39:06
Tad Eggleston: And in conceding this election, I'd like to wish my worthy opponent success, and assure him that I will support his every effort in the coming years. However, come any November, if you are convinced by such a corny, insincere speech, you'd better see a psychiatrist.
1:39:28
Tad Eggleston: This next one is why not all warning…
1:39:31
Tad Eggleston: Why not warnings on all packages? So this is… this is re… re,
1:39:37
Tad Eggleston: In response to warnings on cigarette packages.
1:39:43
Tad Eggleston: We've got the Hershey's warning. Excessive eating may cause pimples.
1:39:52
andrewcoltrin: You wanna pick one? Super 8 projector there. Excessive use may lead to loss of friends and even family.
1:40:00
Tad Eggleston: Wild Fruit?
1:40:03
Tad Eggleston: Is that… Oil Charlie?
1:40:08
Tad Eggleston: Cream oil, Charlie, for well-groomed hair. To be used only in the home. If used in, say, locker rooms, consumer may be subjected to abuse by professional athletes.
1:40:23
andrewcoltrin: There we go, what is…
1:40:24
Tad Eggleston: The next one's great.
1:40:25
andrewcoltrin: Canadian… imported a Canadian.
1:40:29
Tad Eggleston: mug.
1:40:30
andrewcoltrin: glug.
1:40:30
Tad Eggleston: It's just as compared to Glunk, yeah.
1:40:33
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
1:40:33
andrewcoltrin: Gosh, and continuous drinking may lead to continuous drinking.
1:40:40
Tad Eggleston: The telephone. Warning to teenagers. Prolonged use may result in nagging pain inflicted by parents.
1:40:49
andrewcoltrin: Miss Clear Oil Hair Coloring Bath.
1:40:52
andrewcoltrin: Warning, continuous use is imperative, otherwise it may become evident that user does.
1:40:58
Tad Eggleston: And then, finally, the special, any typical issue of MAD,
1:41:03
Tad Eggleston: Prolonged use may lead to softening of the brain.
1:41:09
Tad Eggleston: This is from Stan Hart Writing, and Bob Clark on the art.
1:41:13
Tad Eggleston: And now we've got some Mo Berg, lighter side of going to the movies.
1:41:25
Tad Eggleston: is the guy getting there, great, this place is almost any… empty. I can spread out in comfort. An empty seat next to me for my coat, nobody will block my view.
1:41:35
Tad Eggleston: Oh, darn, the place is filling up! It turns out that it only filled up around him in the.
1:41:40
andrewcoltrin: That's nice.
1:41:41
Tad Eggleston: center seats.
1:41:43
andrewcoltrin: Whomp.
1:41:45
andrewcoltrin: Oh, and there's a couple guys. Hey, I saw this picture before. You know what happens next? The cube blonde gets it right in the back. And then, you know what happens next? The little squealer gets it right between the eyes. You know what happens next? The fat creep in the… gets it right in the gut. You know what happens next?
1:42:03
Tad Eggleston: Yeah, the big mouth gets it right in the kisser!
1:42:06
andrewcoltrin: Boom.
1:42:10
andrewcoltrin: And then… He'll get you.
1:42:14
Tad Eggleston: yourself a Coke to calm down.
1:42:16
Tad Eggleston: And then, of course, it doesn't come out of the machine.
1:42:19
andrewcoltrin: Oh, yeah, yeah.
1:42:21
andrewcoltrin: Oh, yeah, he does not calm down.
1:42:24
Tad Eggleston: Where are you going?
1:42:26
andrewcoltrin: Get some popcorn.
1:42:29
Tad Eggleston: Now, where are you going?
1:42:30
andrewcoltrin: To get some soda.
1:42:32
Tad Eggleston: Where are you going now?
1:42:34
andrewcoltrin: To get some hot dogs.
1:42:36
Tad Eggleston: So how did you like the movie?
1:42:38
andrewcoltrin: It made me sick.
1:42:44
andrewcoltrin: Alright…
1:42:45
Tad Eggleston: A little girl loses her dog, and I'm blubbering like a baby.
1:42:50
Tad Eggleston: Look at me, 200 pounds of solid maturity, and the tears are rolling down my cheeks, and my nose needs blowing, but I don't dare use my hanky. I don't want anybody around me to know I'm a sentimental sissy, I'll just have to try to compose myself. Thank goodness nobody noticed, and nobody suspects.
1:43:10
andrewcoltrin: And this is the last time I go to a movie with you, you heartless, unfeeling iceberg.
1:43:20
andrewcoltrin: Hmm…
1:43:20
Tad Eggleston: What's the audience laughing at? The guy on screen just got his head bashed in. What kind of sense of humor laughs at other people's misfortunes?
1:43:31
andrewcoltrin: Pardon me, oops!
1:43:35
andrewcoltrin: Do we…
1:43:37
Tad Eggleston: Oh, Mildred, I must tell you, I just saw the most wonderful picture. I have never enjoyed any picture the way that I enjoyed this one. Every moment of it was sheer delight, pure ecstasy, just heaven. I cried like a baby through the whole thing.
1:43:56
andrewcoltrin: Okay, so, like, it looks awfully crowded.
1:44:01
Tad Eggleston: Wait, I see two seats in there! Pardon us?
1:44:06
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, fair enough.
1:44:07
Tad Eggleston: Pardon us, excuse me, pardon us!
1:44:12
Tad Eggleston: Yeah.
1:44:14
Tad Eggleston: Do they get anywhere?
1:44:16
andrewcoltrin: I don't know.
1:44:17
Tad Eggleston: Oh, wait, this one might go another… no?
1:44:20
andrewcoltrin: Meh…
1:44:22
Tad Eggleston: Oh, yeah, there's two kids in the seats.
1:44:24
andrewcoltrin: Oh, dude, get the… Oh, no.
1:44:28
Tad Eggleston: Mmm…
1:44:30
Tad Eggleston: Let's see, that's $5 for the babysitter, $1 to park the car, $4 for the tickets, $3 more for the after-theater snack, that's 5, and 1 makes 6, and 4 make 10, and 3. Will you beg legs, will you unbend a little, this is your only night out, and it's a funny picture, so laugh it up!
1:44:49
Tad Eggleston: Who can laugh after these circumstances? The way I figure it out, it's costing me 90 cents a chuckle.
1:44:58
andrewcoltrin: At least.
1:44:59
andrewcoltrin: Oh my god.
1:45:07
andrewcoltrin: Hmm…
1:45:10
Tad Eggleston: What a marvelous picture. Those love scenes in the forest were sensational.
1:45:14
Tad Eggleston: Yeah, but those love scenes in the balcony were disgusting!
1:45:21
andrewcoltrin: Oh, dear.
1:45:24
andrewcoltrin: It's amazing what Hollywood can do with your emotions.
1:45:29
andrewcoltrin: and loyalties.
1:45:32
andrewcoltrin: Like…
1:45:33
Tad Eggleston: They're so bright, they can actually make you cheer for bad guys and boo the good guys, depending on which approach they take.
1:45:40
Tad Eggleston: Then we've got the Native American kids. Yay! Here comes the U.S. Cavalry! Massacre them Indian fiks!
1:45:47
Tad Eggleston: the Dirty Redskins!
1:45:52
Tad Eggleston: What a disappointment. It was exactly like the book.
1:45:56
andrewcoltrin: What the fuck?
1:46:02
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, television's alright, but it really isn't very relaxing. You're still at home with all your troubles.
1:46:08
andrewcoltrin: On the other hand, a movie is a complete change of scene. It's a total escape. It helps you relax and forget all your troubles.
1:46:15
andrewcoltrin: When you're, when you see a movie, you forget everything.
1:46:21
Tad Eggleston: You're so right. Mainly, you forgot your shoes.
1:46:24
andrewcoltrin: Jesus.
1:46:27
Tad Eggleston: This one gets too wordy for me.
1:46:31
Tad Eggleston: It's starting to get late, but we've got Twisted Mad Tales for Twisted Mad Rearers by Jim Milden with art from George Woodbridge.
1:46:41
andrewcoltrin: Hmm. Yeah.
1:46:43
Tad Eggleston: Big Tipper, Genie in the Lamp, Incident of the bar.
1:46:48
Tad Eggleston: I often like reading these, I just… I'm gonna…
1:46:51
andrewcoltrin: We can, we, we can… yeah.
1:46:53
Tad Eggleston: We're gonna enjoy some, some, some cool home-built racer, race cars, and last silver dollar, The Recluse.
1:47:03
Tad Eggleston: Have some police officers looking at something.
1:47:06
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
1:47:07
Tad Eggleston: But they're all essentially… micro stories.
1:47:11
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, I just…
1:47:13
Tad Eggleston: So, here, we'll do the Genie and the Lamp one, because I'm certain that we do one, and we'll give a feel for everything.
1:47:18
andrewcoltrin: We'll get…
1:47:19
Tad Eggleston: When his father died, Arnold became the sole support for his mother, 6 sisters, and 5 brothers. He worked 16 hours a day, every day of the week, besides
1:47:30
Tad Eggleston: Attending school Which is compulsory for a boy of 15.
1:47:35
Tad Eggleston: One day, as Arnold was walking along the deserted beach during some rare time off, his toe hit an old-looking, oddly-shaped lantern, half buried in the sand. He picked it up and, on impulse, rubbed it softly.
1:47:51
Tad Eggleston: Suddenly, Billowing smoke streamed from the spout.
1:47:55
Tad Eggleston: And a giant genie followed it. He towered over the astonished boy, laughing deep in his throat. Then the genie became serious. He picked up Arnold and held him between his huge thumb and forefinger. You summoned me from the lamp, he roared. Now, are you going to grant me three wishes, or am I going to crush you to death?
1:48:19
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
1:48:20
Tad Eggleston: So there's our… our… our twist, so… so I'm certain… I'm certain fun, and if it had been first, we might have read it all the way through. And as we get better at, like, getting the rhythm of mad magazines, we might… we might actually plan things out better, but I'm just not up to it tonight. Yeah. You want to describe our spy versus spy, though?
1:48:40
andrewcoltrin: versus pie, okay, we got the splash panel, there's a…
1:48:45
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, looks like the white spy's got… no, wait, that's the other spy.
1:48:50
Tad Eggleston: It's the, it's the lady, it's Spivey, she's.
1:48:51
andrewcoltrin: Bye.
1:48:52
Tad Eggleston: There's a spot.
1:48:52
andrewcoltrin: spy, and then the black spy is getting pile-drivered into the white…
1:48:56
Tad Eggleston: White Spy.
1:48:57
andrewcoltrin: Yep.
1:48:59
Tad Eggleston: Damn.
1:49:00
Tad Eggleston: And then,
1:49:01
andrewcoltrin: And we got a… okay, alright, yeah, Spy versus Spite, yeah, it's all three spies, jeez.
1:49:06
Tad Eggleston: Meh.
1:49:07
andrewcoltrin: We got our, white and the black spy are on the, train platform, and then,
1:49:15
andrewcoltrin: Grace by,
1:49:16
Tad Eggleston: Lady Spy races ahead.
1:49:18
andrewcoltrin: Raising the head.
1:49:18
Tad Eggleston: Waves her handkerchief at them. They have to tip their caps.
1:49:22
Tad Eggleston: But they're going into the tunnel.
1:49:27
andrewcoltrin: and arms inside the vehicle at all times!
1:49:30
Tad Eggleston: Yeah… Mr. Nudnik.
1:49:35
andrewcoltrin: Let's connect.
1:49:36
Tad Eggleston: First came dedicated young doctors, then came dedicated young lawyers. Now, let us take a look at a TV show about a young teacher who's so dedicated, so idealistic, so…
1:49:49
Tad Eggleston: eager that he makes a nuisance of himself. In fact, around Jefferson High School… Jeff Eason! Jeff Eason. He's affectionately known as Mr. Nudnek, written by Arne Kogan, with art by Mort Drucker. Hey, Steve! Where are you rushing to?
1:50:08
andrewcoltrin: English 3 with Mr. Nudnek. I don't want to be late for this week's involvement with a disturbed student.
1:50:16
Tad Eggleston: Why that, Nuddick. He's so eager, so idealistic, so uncompromising, so dedicated, he's a teaching fool!
1:50:26
andrewcoltrin: He's also a tattletale, always bringing people down to the principal's office. He's such a…
1:50:32
andrewcoltrin: Oh, it's such a rudenick, that Mr. Nudnick.
1:50:34
Tad Eggleston: Nudnick. He's such a nutnick that Mr.
1:50:36
andrewcoltrin: Oh, he's such a nut, Nick, okay. I can't… yeah, he's such a nut. Oh, I get it now. Yeah.
1:50:41
Tad Eggleston: Yeah.
1:50:42
Tad Eggleston: I like we've got principal, assistant principal, student counselor, student marriage counselor, dean of Dropouts…
1:50:52
Tad Eggleston: He brought me into the principal's office just for holding hands under the desk, and the thing was, they were my own hands!
1:51:04
andrewcoltrin: I think that's bad. He caught me smoking, dragged me into the principal's office, and gave me a lecture. Boy, I was humiliated, it was so embarrassing.
1:51:13
Tad Eggleston: What's so embarrassing about that? It happens to all students who are caught smoking.
1:51:18
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, but I'm a teacher here.
1:51:22
Tad Eggleston: It's one thing to be intelligent and skip grades, but are you emotionally ready for high school?
1:51:28
andrewcoltrin: Emotionally, I'm ready, but I'm not intelligent. Actually, I'm 21 years old.
1:51:36
Tad Eggleston: But I will say this for Mr. Meredick, he's the only teacher here that goes out of his way to help mixed-up kids with their personal problems. Listen, even now, he's lecturing a student with a typical adolescent problem.
1:51:50
andrewcoltrin: Oh, yeah. You wanna quit school and join the army? It's crazy, just crazy. You're throwing your life away. You're only 17, an ordinary student. You got college out of you, friends, a home, security, you'd give all this up for basic training, bivouacs, crawling through the mud, injections, a grueling two years of Army life?
1:52:07
andrewcoltrin: It's the craziest thing I've heard.
1:52:12
Tad Eggleston: Just can't let you do it. You'd be ruining your life, Sylvia.
1:52:17
andrewcoltrin: I don't care what happens to me, Mr. Nudnik, I've got a crush on you, and since I can't have a day with you, I might as well enlist.
1:52:24
andrewcoltrin: This is…
1:52:27
Tad Eggleston: Alright, class.
1:52:29
Tad Eggleston: That's enough silliness, let's get down to work. Your homework assignment is on the board. As you can see, I made it lighter than usual due to the fact that there's also a test tomorrow.
1:52:42
andrewcoltrin: Oh no, he must be kidding.
1:52:43
Tad Eggleston: all due tomorrow. All due tomorrow. 1. Read the Encyclopedia Britannica, volumes 1 through 14. Memorize Keats, everything he wrote from age 12 to 26. Three, write a critique of Dickens' Twist, that crazy
1:53:01
Tad Eggleston: Dance, he did in English pop-ups.
1:53:04
Tad Eggleston: Term report. 17th century Scottish Authors and Their Quills. Field trip. Visit the British Museum. Write a report on it.
1:53:17
andrewcoltrin: What a jazzler.
1:53:18
Tad Eggleston: Taskmaster. What a fanatic!
1:53:20
andrewcoltrin: Well, just look at that homework assignment!
1:53:23
Tad Eggleston: Oh, no, he must be kidding!
1:53:26
Tad Eggleston: If 79,000 square boards 8 inches wide and 2 inches thick were placed one on top of another, how high above sea level would they reach?
1:53:37
andrewcoltrin: Good, and what was your answer, Sheldon?
1:53:41
Tad Eggleston: to the sky.
1:53:43
andrewcoltrin: No, no, you've got to be more specific. A lot of colleges might not accept that. What was your answer, Estelle?
1:53:50
Tad Eggleston: Mike… How high is it above sea level, where weeds and mist and waves…
1:53:56
Tad Eggleston: Break against a crazy rocky shore, where drifters and dreamers and surfers sob and bob and throb forevermore. If 79,000 boards are like square, it means depression and misery and oceans of despair.
1:54:12
Tad Eggleston: Like despair that only a love will awaken. A love that will not leave me forsaken. Love not for Brando, or Burton, or Glick.
1:54:23
Tad Eggleston: But a love for a teacher, a cool, crazy teacher, like a love for a Nudnick named Nudnik, like my love for you, Mr. Nudnik, for you, for you!
1:54:36
Tad Eggleston: I think, Sergio's parachute onto the, the devil here feels like,
1:54:44
Tad Eggleston: An appropriate thing for… for the margin after that poem.
1:54:55
andrewcoltrin: This… this is… this is ridiculous.
1:54:57
andrewcoltrin: This whole crush on the teacher business has got to stop before it gets out of hand. Now let's see how far this thing has gone. Will all those who have a crush on me please stand?
1:55:07
andrewcoltrin: And all the.
1:55:08
Tad Eggleston: All the women and two of the boys.
1:55:11
andrewcoltrin: I can do the voice, yeah.
1:55:13
Tad Eggleston: Let's see… 15 girls, 4 boys, and a janitor, hmm… HAS gotten out of hand!
1:55:23
Tad Eggleston: Alright, I'm taking all of you with crushes on me down to the principal's office. You'll march in Psy's place, according to the size of the crush. Little crushes in front, tremendous crushes in back.
1:55:33
andrewcoltrin: The janitor's way back.
1:55:40
andrewcoltrin: Ugh…
1:55:45
Tad Eggleston: There's Mr. Vay now, talking to Assistant Principal Ms. Paganini. Just look at him. He has patience and wisdom written all over him.
1:55:56
andrewcoltrin: Yes, what is it, Miss Paganini?
1:55:59
Tad Eggleston: Pardon me, Mr. Vay, but I think I ought to brush off the back of your coat. You have patience and wisdom written all over you.
1:56:06
andrewcoltrin: This is the thing.
1:56:11
andrewcoltrin: Oh, oh yes, probably a Halloween prank by one of our problem students.
1:56:17
andrewcoltrin: Now, isn't that Mr. Nudnick coming? I wonder what he wants this time. He's constantly pestering me, he's such a nudnick, that Nudnick. Always involved in some ridiculous student problem.
1:56:28
Tad Eggleston: Mr. Vay, you may not believe this, but I'm involved in some ridiculous student problems.
1:56:35
Tad Eggleston: Yes, ridiculous to you!
1:56:38
Tad Eggleston: But not to me.
1:56:40
Tad Eggleston: I'm dedicated, sir. Dedicated to helping all the mixed-up kids here at Jefferson High. And boy, is this group mixed up.
1:56:49
Tad Eggleston: Sylvia here has threatened to join the army if I don't date her. Estelle answered a math problem with a beatnik love poem. And these others all have crushes on me! They all need help! They're sick!
1:57:04
andrewcoltrin: They're not sick, they're just in love.
1:57:08
Tad Eggleston: Oh, no, this is still…
1:57:10
andrewcoltrin: I, admire your spirit and, your persistence, Mr. Nednick, but there is a problem here at Jefferson High.
1:57:18
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, it was much more important. Mainly, there's a principal here who needs speech correction very badly.
1:57:28
andrewcoltrin: Well, I wonder, do they have me speaking this way every week? I certainly didn't hem and haw like this in Executive Suite or Parish.
1:57:40
andrewcoltrin: I think you are the cause of my speech difficulties, Nudnik. Every week, every week, you get more absurd with these stupid problems. Just take a look at the record.
1:57:49
andrewcoltrin: And you get acquainted here at Jefferson High, here are the problems you brought me. Eight students who cheated on tests, 5 who assaulted you, 3 who tried to bribe you.
1:57:58
andrewcoltrin: 198 who are tardy.
1:58:00
andrewcoltrin: One who stole hubcaps, a Sioux Indian who took off on Jewish holidays, a girl who wanted to marry her lunchbox, and several with problems we could not even present on television.
1:58:13
andrewcoltrin: Take a hint from me, Nednick.
1:58:15
andrewcoltrin: Your idealism and, dedication are fine, but it's getting out of hand. You're making enemies. See that crowd out on the football field?
1:58:22
Tad Eggleston: Yes! Yes, I do! I do see them! What is it? A pep rally?
1:58:28
andrewcoltrin: No, those are all angry parents who've come to see you. They claim you've, in some way, interfered in or disturbed their child's life. Here comes one of them now.
1:58:40
Tad Eggleston: Are you always picking on my boy? Ever since the term began, you haven't left him alone, you pester him, badger him, annoy him, make him happy!
1:58:52
Tad Eggleston: Make him apply himself to your idealistic projects. Never make it easy for him! He's cracking up from you!
1:58:59
Tad Eggleston: He's having a breakdown. Yes, well, I'm very sorry, ma'am. Who is your son?
1:59:05
Tad Eggleston: Why? This is my son! Mr. Vay! This is my son! The principal!
1:59:11
Tad Eggleston: So from now on, solve your own problems and leave my boy alone!
1:59:19
Tad Eggleston: Alright, class, simmer down. Let's start today's science. 17th century English literature. Will you tell us about it? How about that rude boy with his feet on the desk? Mainly…
1:59:32
Tad Eggleston: with his feet on the teacher's desk. Will you tell us about it, Bronco?
1:59:38
andrewcoltrin: Tell you about what, teach?
1:59:40
Tad Eggleston: Shakespeare! Did you read Shakespeare?
1:59:43
andrewcoltrin: I don't know, who wrote it?
1:59:47
Tad Eggleston: No, Bronco, Shakespeare WAS a writer! Don't you know that Shakespeare wrote Hamlet and Macbeth?
1:59:54
andrewcoltrin: Oh, really? Did they ever answer his letters?
1:59:58
Tad Eggleston: Alright, Bronco, that's enough impertinence, I've had it. Not only are you insolent and rude, but you've got funnier lines than I have. Pick up your things and leave the school! You're expelled!
2:00:10
andrewcoltrin: Sorry, teach, but you can't expel me, I got too much power here at Jefferson. Not only am I a star football player, but my grandfather founded the school. My uncle is an influential alumnus, my cousin is a congressman, my pod's rich, and my ma's good-looking. Fish are jumping, and the cotton is high.
2:00:28
Tad Eggleston: Oh, are you threatening me? Idealistic, dedicated me!
2:00:33
andrewcoltrin: And mainly, my brother is a sponsor of this TV show!
2:00:38
Tad Eggleston: Sit down, Bronco, buddy! Put your feet back on my desk! Make yourself comfortable so you didn't do your assignment,
2:00:47
Tad Eggleston: Oh, let's forget about it!
2:00:50
andrewcoltrin: Oh, Mr. Nutnik, how can you do that? Where's your integrity, your idealism, your dedication?
2:00:56
Tad Eggleston: Listen, kids, let's get this straight. I'm a TV teacher, not a real teacher.
2:01:03
Tad Eggleston: Playing dedicated idealistic roles is what sells on TV today. Take my friends Vince Edwards, and Dick Chamberlain, and Robert Reed! You know how much loot those guys are making playing dedicated doctors and idealistic lawyers?
2:01:19
Tad Eggleston: Counting reruns and residuals? Millions! You hear? Millions!
2:01:25
Tad Eggleston: I think I want to give up all that.
2:01:28
Tad Eggleston: You think I'm crazy?
2:01:31
Tad Eggleston: So your brother's the sponsor of the show, hey, Bronc!
2:01:34
Tad Eggleston: Now, about your final exam, Mark, would you like a 90… 93! 95! 98…
2:01:45
andrewcoltrin: Ugh.
2:01:47
Tad Eggleston: Alright, the Mad Folden, I don't… I don't…
2:01:50
Tad Eggleston: Sometimes with the… no, this isn't one of them. Sometimes they have… the scans have it so that they have the folded version.
2:01:59
andrewcoltrin: Sure.
2:01:59
Tad Eggleston: This one does not, so let's see if we can figure it out. What we have here is, ever since Castro's revolution in Cuba, the United States has been taking a beating.
2:02:12
Tad Eggleston: Now, whenever trouble erupts in…
2:02:15
Tad Eggleston: neighboring South American countries. They blame years of U.S. exploitation for all their ills. But there is another reason for the wretched poverty of 99% of the people of South America. Fold the page in to discover what's really behind South American unrest.
2:02:32
Tad Eggleston: And what we have in the…
2:02:35
Tad Eggleston: Unfolded one, as rich Yankees go home, get out of South America, we peons are sick of American imperialistic blood-seeking. Go home, Yankees!
2:02:44
Tad Eggleston: And, the growing number of violent anti-US riots.
2:02:48
Tad Eggleston: presents a real problem in keeping the peace in poverty-stricken countries of South America. Latin leaders cite U.S. exploitation as the cause. But if we fold it in, I think we get…
2:03:05
Tad Eggleston: Oops.
2:03:08
Tad Eggleston: Let's, that's,
2:03:12
andrewcoltrin: Meeting
2:03:22
andrewcoltrin: It's, I got it.
2:03:28
andrewcoltrin: It's, it's really…
2:03:29
Tad Eggleston: So, I think everything…
2:03:34
andrewcoltrin: the…
2:03:36
Tad Eggleston: I think it's rich.
2:03:38
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, it's rich South Americans, the real problem in South America.
2:03:49
Tad Eggleston: Yeah. Grow, real.
2:03:51
andrewcoltrin: It's a…
2:03:54
Tad Eggleston: Keep…
2:03:56
andrewcoltrin: I'm holding up a piece of paper to the thing, so…
2:03:59
Tad Eggleston: Okay.
2:04:00
andrewcoltrin: On a nice, flat.
2:04:02
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, so the bottom line, on the left side, the words that are left are THE problem in.
2:04:11
Tad Eggleston: Oh, I.
2:04:12
andrewcoltrin: I put.
2:04:13
Tad Eggleston: My orange line on this side, too, too far in, way too far.
2:04:16
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, it's hard, yeah.
2:04:19
Tad Eggleston: Realize that.
2:04:20
andrewcoltrin: Yep.
2:04:21
andrewcoltrin: There you go.
2:04:24
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, it's good. Yeah.
2:04:27
andrewcoltrin: It's hard to draw a straight line on a computer.
2:04:29
Tad Eggleston: Well, and I also started from the wrong spot. That certainly didn't help.
2:04:35
andrewcoltrin: There you go. There you go.
2:04:37
andrewcoltrin: It's just about… there you go, yeah.
2:04:41
Tad Eggleston: So the real problem in South America is…
2:04:46
andrewcoltrin: Rich settlement.
2:04:47
Tad Eggleston: Americans. South Americans?
2:04:49
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
2:04:51
Tad Eggleston: Or, no, I think it's Rich South American Peons.
2:04:56
andrewcoltrin: Oh, Rachel's American Beyonce. Wait a minute.
2:05:09
Tad Eggleston: What's the picture gonna look like?
2:05:11
andrewcoltrin: Oh, no… That's true.
2:05:14
Tad Eggleston: Is it gonna look like a Coke bottle?
2:05:20
andrewcoltrin: See, now I… I don't know if you do…
2:05:25
andrewcoltrin: Well, Jeffy, what is this picture gonna look like?
2:05:31
Tad Eggleston: Okay, let's… let's… let's see… let's see if we can get really fancy.
2:05:36
Tad Eggleston: And… I'm gonna… I'm gonna clear off my… my…
2:05:44
andrewcoltrin: No…
2:05:45
Tad Eggleston: Clear off my drawings, but then I'm gonna… Let's see if I can… We're gonna…
2:05:59
Tad Eggleston: Where is the button to…
2:06:10
Tad Eggleston: I'm gonna… I'm gonna screenshot my page.
2:06:14
andrewcoltrin: There you go.
2:06:15
Tad Eggleston: And then we'll just cut it up.
2:06:17
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
2:06:28
Tad Eggleston: So, if we… Screenshot…
2:06:39
Tad Eggleston: this… actually, no, let's try that again, because I think I… Didn't get the parts.
2:06:46
Tad Eggleston: Where?
2:06:47
Tad Eggleston: You told me where to fold. There we go.
2:06:50
Tad Eggleston: So we'll screenshot… at… And we'll close this…
2:06:59
Tad Eggleston: I'm gonna go open the picture in the photo editor.
2:07:05
Tad Eggleston: We'll get better at this, folks, we promise. What'd you think of this random issue of MAD, Andrew?
2:07:12
andrewcoltrin: It was very, very much a product of its time, but in a good way. Yeah, it was fun to go back and look at, and then just sort of…
2:07:22
andrewcoltrin: Just… just the… yeah, all the, like, the layered references, and it… it…
2:07:29
andrewcoltrin: it demands you to know something, you know? We might joke about how it makes your brain smoother, but…
2:07:35
Tad Eggleston: But I don't think it ever did.
2:07:37
andrewcoltrin: No, it never did.
2:07:39
andrewcoltrin: Perfect.
2:07:43
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
2:07:44
Tad Eggleston: Let me share my screen again… So that as I edit… You can see it together.
2:07:54
Tad Eggleston: And hopefully I can… Edit relatively well.
2:08:04
Tad Eggleston: Let's see…
2:08:10
Tad Eggleston: Do I have it?
2:08:11
Tad Eggleston: Open in something that's… Yeah, I opened in the… or no, there's an editor.
2:08:19
Tad Eggleston: Edit.
2:08:21
Tad Eggleston: What we want to do is we want to take…
2:08:33
Tad Eggleston: That part… And… we want to cut it out.
2:08:40
Tad Eggleston: Is there a way to… Clear.
2:08:47
Tad Eggleston: Is there anything nice and neat like Reverse?
2:08:50
Tad Eggleston: Reverse.
2:08:51
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, elevated particles.
2:08:52
Tad Eggleston: the highlighted part.
2:08:56
andrewcoltrin: Right.
2:08:57
andrewcoltrin: There is, I don't know how to do it.
2:08:59
Tad Eggleston: Because I know… because what I can definitely tell, just even by doing it this way, is we definitely still have… we've got rich South American.
2:09:09
Tad Eggleston: Rich South Americans, and then peons.
2:09:12
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
2:09:13
andrewcoltrin: Oh, and then the…
2:09:15
Tad Eggleston: No problem.
2:09:16
Tad Eggleston: in South America, Alright, rich South Americans, and you've got the Coca-Cola sign.
2:09:22
Tad Eggleston: And you've got… Whatever that winds up looking like.
2:09:26
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, I think it's gonna look like the richest Americans are on…
2:09:34
Tad Eggleston: Of course, just hitting delete doesn't work.
2:09:36
andrewcoltrin: No…
2:09:37
Tad Eggleston: That would be… that would be too easy.
2:09:40
andrewcoltrin: That's too easy. You know, I think…
2:09:42
andrewcoltrin: Ugh, yeah, what I would do is…
2:09:45
Tad Eggleston: Yeah, no, we're gonna have to… we'll have to, to, to, to investigate other… Yeah.
2:09:52
andrewcoltrin: Fate. He got the middle cut out, and that's not the problem.
2:10:00
andrewcoltrin: That looks cool, though.
2:10:02
Tad Eggleston: I'll have to investigate software more before the next time.
2:10:05
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
2:10:06
Tad Eggleston: That's what we'll have to do.
2:10:08
Tad Eggleston: To figure out how How, how to, to…
2:10:12
andrewcoltrin: Do the quick,
2:10:13
Tad Eggleston: take… To do a relatively quick edit.
2:10:18
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
2:10:18
Tad Eggleston: to…
2:10:20
andrewcoltrin: I know, it's like, they're like, yeah…
2:10:23
Tad Eggleston: Yeah.
2:10:24
andrewcoltrin: I could do a clumsy edit, that would take a while, but…
2:10:27
Tad Eggleston: Right.
2:10:28
Tad Eggleston: Yeah. I'm pretty certain that it's essentially saying that, like.
2:10:33
Tad Eggleston: Problem in South America is… is… corporate America. Yeah.
2:10:41
Tad Eggleston: But… Anyway, well, thank you, Andrew.
2:10:45
andrewcoltrin: Perfect.
2:10:45
Tad Eggleston: We're going on this weird, crazy ride with me that we spent, like, two hours on, so who knows if it'll be something that people actually enjoy. I'm certain that the more we do it, the more interesting you'll get, the more we'll find ways to inject it. This was literally a dry run with…
2:11:03
Tad Eggleston: With, like, no…
2:11:08
andrewcoltrin: Yeah.
2:11:08
Tad Eggleston: No prep whatsoever.
2:11:10
andrewcoltrin: Prep whatsoever, like, way up.
2:11:11
Tad Eggleston: I called you, what, 5 hours ahead of time, and then you came as soon as you got your daughter to fall asleep, and anybody that knows toddlers knows that you were falling asleep before she was.
2:11:23
andrewcoltrin: Yeah, that's kind of what happened. I mean, I was… yeah, I was falling asleep before she was, and then… then I, like, I was like, oh, wait, she's asleep, and I've been…
2:11:33
Tad Eggleston: Right. Well, and, like, I was all gung ho for it when I was driving home at 5.30, but then at, like, 8.30, I was passing out myself, so I was, like, half asleep between 8.30 and 9.30.
2:11:47
Tad Eggleston: But then… Woke up and was good to go.
2:11:50
andrewcoltrin: Oh, good, good.
2:11:51
Tad Eggleston: But it's still, like, yeah. That, I think, is very neurodiverse of both of us. It's like, we've got this cool, funny idea. We must do it.
2:12:02
andrewcoltrin: It'll never happen. We have to do it today. Yeah. Oh, yeah.
2:12:07
Tad Eggleston: So, so there we are.
2:12:09
andrewcoltrin: There we are.
2:12:10
Tad Eggleston: For 22 Panels Presents, Neurodiversity theater Goes Mad, number 91.
2:12:18
andrewcoltrin: Number 91, we did it. Number 9!
2:12:20
Tad Eggleston: We will see you after the next page.
2:12:24
andrewcoltrin: Alright.