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Rabbi Moshe Haber Path of the Just -Perspective on Blessing: The Path to True Humility 3.9.26 · Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha

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  After playing out how every individual with whatever their
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  skills are can still remain humble, whether it be if they're
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  very, extremely smart, they can recognize even though they feel
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  like the intellect is part of their existence, part of my own
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  brain, they can realize and feel.
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  That's to hear from my Shim. The same is true with the
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  wealth. It's even easier to see.
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  And so it's true with the physical strength.
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  And a person should realize that in fact, he says on 446, he said
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  that Hashem likes our people specifically because we diminish
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  ourselves. We do not carry ourselves in an
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  arrogant way when we have success.
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  Abraham Aveeno, they refer, I don't know, Quinn, they all
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  refer to themselves in terms that were extremely, extremely
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  low and humble, even when they were on unbelievable levels of
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  positions. For example, our Bahamas on top
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  of the world. And he said, no, he had part of
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  the air, unlike dirt and ashes. I don't said Vinak Numa, what
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  are we and WML have said, I'm like a worm.
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  That's an extreme. And that's because even when
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  they were great, they didn't see themselves as the source of the
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  greatness. They recognized where it came
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  from. Now he goes on to a whole new
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  degree. So again, he's addressing the
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  natural inclination to be arrogant based on the fact that
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  you're blessed as he's addressing.
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  Now we go, it's all on the level and this level is high.
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  This level is on 447. Let's admit this point without
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  feeling bored. Even if the person and the way
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  he explained, by the way, is that all these greats passed had
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  a degree of humility partial because they had a flaw.
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  You find me the person, there's always some sort of flaws, some
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  area than the second best and not the best.
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  So because of that flaw that I kept on that pay.
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  Then he goes on to further and says, let's say they have no
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  flaws. Let's say we have a person who's
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  shingly blessed and in his mind there's nothing he's missing.
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  He's well off, he's very smart, he's very gifted, he's very well
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  liked, he has a good name. He is rolling in every area.
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  Let's just say, how are you going to keep that person at
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  pay? How are we going to make them
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  humble? She says actually that person in
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  reality that they look at life a certain way.
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  They need a perspective on this one.
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  They have the right perspective. Not only can they be somewhat
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  low key humble, they can even be the most humble.
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  How so? By being so blessed.
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  They're going to be embarrassed. I would have Shaman showering on
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  them. They have a little bit of
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  Bouchard. They really have this feeling
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  like I don't feel like I'm worthy and I don't feel like I
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  deserve it. Instead of translating
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  everything that's given to us as oh, we're so we know we have so
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  much and then we have to hold ourselves back from being
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  arrogant. The other approach literally
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  flipped the approach and that is they are borderline and shame,
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  borderline embarrassed by what they have and therefore they
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  carry themselves in the way. So sometimes you find people who
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  are very blessed and not only are they humble, they're just
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  like a regular person and you try to figure out what's their
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  wiring. It's a very difficult wiring to
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  develop. What is their wiring?
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  It's this, it's a feeling like I don't deserve it.
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  I don't have it really coming to me.
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  I didn't produce it and instead I'm on the take from God and I
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  need to be in appreciative mood. Let's see it together, forward.
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  I feel even if the person has 0 flaws, Ella, he, Otto
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  Basalabadam, the only fault that he has, if you call it a flaw,
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  it is a human being. You look the Shah, he's born
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  fault, you know, a child of a woman.
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  Dialogue is there, that's enough with the right perspective.
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  The hotel le petitudes agreed. This can cause him to see
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  himself as is giving him a a fear for your person.
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  Actually I told lawyer in a sick loud when he'd see to himself.
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  It doesn't make sense to me to carry myself above others.
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  Chiare called malaju masique, every new level that he reaches,
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  every new company he opens, in every new dollar he makes, in
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  every new threshold he reaches. And no, it becomes for this
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  person more benefit from Hashem, more gift from God, more
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  blessing from Hashem. And he translate all the bracha
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  that he has as more of recognition of the fact that I'm
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  taking, I'm taking, I'm taking Shiroze la Junoto.
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  God wants to bless me. Imyoto mitzat TE bovahometos
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  shafal Venezuela. Odd note.
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  It's unbelievable. Hashem is blessing me so much
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  even though I really do not feel like I'm worthy.
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  My own literal makeup is completely unworthy for what I'm
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  being given. And I see it that way.
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  And then the more I'm given, the more I realize as literally
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  something showering me down from heaven.
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  And if that's the case, I don't become arrogant.
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  For sure not. Instead, I actually become even
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  more humble. That's a wild, you know, a wild
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  perspective. Instead of thinking, oh, a
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  person is blessed. He has a lot of wealth.
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  He has a lot of everything going on for him.
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  So he needs to figure out how to avoid arrogance.
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  This guy is becoming, the more money he makes, the more humbly,
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  the more well known he is. The more humbly, the more
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  famous, the more successful and in the area actually creates
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  more humility. This is a great approach.
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  This takes work, but it's reality.
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  I can't. And lo ella lo dots.
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  The only thing on his mind is thank you.
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  And he becomes actually more humble and more in his mind,
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  more small. That's a word.
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  As an approach. He thinks to himself, who am I
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  just Thank you God, thank you Hashem, I'm blessed, and that's
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  it came over. He doesn't have to address his
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  arrogance that's coming in. He has to.
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  Instead, maybe he needs to build himself up.
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  He just cannot believe what's coming to him and he therefore
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  becomes so humble. Is this a common perspective?
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  No, it's not a common perspective because everybody
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  out there is inclined to feel good about themselves.
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  And because you're inclined to feel good, you'd like to use the
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  natural leads and make you feel good.
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  Which are those successes? And because you have those
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  successes and you want to feel good about yourself, you're
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  inclined to develop a degree of first confidence and self esteem
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  and eventually arrogance. By using all these gifts that
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  God gave us and forgetting the gift part and realizing as if
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  they have them and now they create fuel to the arrogance.
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  The wiring requires a small shift.
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  Being OK with the fact that you're not the source of your
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  success all in you is that little shift.
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  You know, we often talk about the fact that character and
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  belief in Hashem go hand in hand, right?
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  And you say, what is character? Character is a good guy.
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  Belief in Hashem is a muna. What's relationship?
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  Here's the class of example. When someone has firm belief in
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  the fact that his blessing is a blessing and that's it, and God
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  is showering him, he therefore is able to keep himself humble.
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  How so? Because he says the more I'm
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  giving is literally that. And I'm being given, I'm being
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  sharp for Shamayim. And if that's the case, not only
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  should I not become arrogant, I should actually become more
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  humble. It's an unbelievable level, but
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  it's also very attainable. If you have this perspective,
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  insert this mindset. Whatever blessing you have in
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  your life, you know when you married off your daughter, he
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  said to yourself, I deserve this.
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  Marry every child. He throws this off, How'd I get
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  there? Everyone does that, right?
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  He graduated job from school. He said, how'd we get here?
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  I was dealing with this in 4th grade and this in 7th grade.
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  How did I get to this point? And he saw you say yourself,
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  Hashem, Hashem is in your life and that's it.
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  If that's your approach, really your approach and you're able to
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  retain humility, it's not that hard now.
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  As remember how do you like OK, we know what I had to leave
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  here. The first thing that happens in
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  the morning. You see it right And then as the
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  gay goes, now you get beaten down by the world in reality and
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  how do you still stay? So you know, razor sharp focus
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  and that all that some Hashem. Good.
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  The being part or the busting part of both?
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  Both, I guess. Yes, definitely so.
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  And where does freedom of choice come into this?
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  Frame which also got to. I think it's a little bit more
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  distant, but regarding the that first question, maybe I think, I
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  think a strong element actually is if a person is not so
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  dependent on things working out for him to feel good, which
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  means if you're hanging little, this is my own approach.
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  If you're literally hanging always on, if I made a phone
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  call and it leads to something, then I'm doing well in life.
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  I make a phone call and it ends up, you know, going nowhere that
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  not in my life. If you're dependent, very
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  dependent on how things play out to feel like a success or a
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  failure, then you force yourself in your mind to forget about
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  God. Why?
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  Because you need that success so badly.
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  You need that thing to work out so badly for yourself to feel
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  good. And again, the number one
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  driving force in our lives, the number one driving force for
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  most of us is our feeling good. That's the number one driving
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  force. And you shave everything down.
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  Forget about confidence, forget about belief in Hashem.
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  The number one driving force is how relevant and good do I feel?
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  That's how we all are. OK, now play it out.
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  If I need my successes to give me that good feel that what's
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  going to happen is that my life, my day is going to be filled
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  with ups and downs and none of them are going to include God
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  because I'm going to go into my day.
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  I'm going to step into my car, drive to work, open up the door
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  of the office, make the first phone call, and now I need to
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  feel good. I need to feel good.
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  Things go well, it's me. Things go bad.
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  I beat myself up. God is out of the picture
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  because I need so barely to feel good and then wants to go down
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  that track and blessing starts to come in and Hashem makes a
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  few phone calls workout. You don't see I shine in the
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  picture because you need to feel good.
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  You're so insecure a person so insecure they're so dependent
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  and because of that God is out of the picture.
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  I think personally and number one way a person keeps a sham in
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  the picture, which therefore leads to great humility and
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  great perspective in life is real full-fledged
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  self-confidence unrelated to outcomes.
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  That means you walk into a wedding, no one no notices you.
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  You're the same guy before an empty feel good about yourself,
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  OK, the same steady guy. You go to work, things don't
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  work out one day. I feel the same.
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  If you keep that going, and this is really based on upbringing,
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  different things and mindsets and you keep a steady level, a
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  very clear balanced level of self esteem across the board.
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  And you're very secure. When you're secure, you are not
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  dependent on success functioning life.
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  Everyone is dependent on dependent on success one way or
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  another to be able to feed their family.
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  But if you're dependent on success in your mind to
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  function, to feel like you're worth something.
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  And what ends up happening is, is that the ups and downs of
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  that success become in your mind, the ups and downs of your
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  own existence. And there's no room for God.
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  I think this is how it works. Is that an answer?
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  You finally answered it. The question was how do you hold
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  and keep Hashem in your mind and allow Hashem to be in your
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  mindset, the source of your success?
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  And also it's supposed to be challenged.
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  And I'm telling you, I believe. And you see, it feels like a
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  distant point. I believe it depends on how so
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  confident you are. If you're very self confident in
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  life and you're able to look at successes that's coming from
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  God, I don't need them to make me feel good.
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  I feel good regardless. And they're very so confident in
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  life and you're able to look at failures as coming from God.
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  Again, I do not need them as my source.
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  Failures is much, much tougher. AY.
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  Because you feel like you're. I hope I hate it.
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  And because it's not with you, you're not.
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  Blessed. But again, much more If your
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  confidence is strong, if you have a good upbringing, you do
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  the mindset that says I do not fluctuate based on how the stock
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  market goes. Every day is great.
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  Not every day is great. So it's bad.
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  It's not it's bad, it's bad. I know, but I sham will make it
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  right. OK, right.
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  You know you need to that. So what you need, how much it
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  goes? I don't.
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  Care how much you need to separate yourself and your own
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  friend of mind from that outcome.
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  If you are so dependent on every outcome.
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  Literally, let's take a rabbi in his speech, right?
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  If a rabbi is very dependent on the crowd he gets, and every
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  week or every day everything depends on the crowd he gets,
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  then he will not be able to function.
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  It'll be up and down, up and down.
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  But if you say to yourself, I am who I am, I was raised to be who
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  I am, All right, that's me. And now you know you want good
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  crowds, no good crowd, the same very good crowd or a very weak
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  crowd. That's God's decision, not mine.
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  So you remain steady and the output of the out situation to
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  coming in toward you is dependent on God.
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  You remain a healthy person. All that is Hashem.
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  And therefore you have when it's works out, a thank you Hashem,
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  and it doesn't work out. I got it, God, you remain the
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  same. The outcomes are what they are
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  and you do not utilize the blessing to make you arrogant or
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  the failure to be Hazit instead of you the same guy.
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  And that's the most important thing in person needs to be very
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  strong level of self-confidence when you're raising children.
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  And then throw and they have all their friends over and only two
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  show up, right? And they feel broken or they
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  have the thing in school and they don't really get great good
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  grades for that show that they did in school or wherever it is.
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  And they feel very weak. What do you tell them?
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  You're a great kid regardless. And our home, we love you.
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  We're not really depending on your marks, all these things,
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  right? What does that mean?
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  You separate who they are from what's happening in their life.
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  And the same thing as you as an adult, you always need to
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  separate who you are from your success and your failure.
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  You cannot be up and down based on the stock market or the
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  social market or how things work out of life.
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  You can't, can't function that way, by the way.
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  And when you do function that way, you'll become all the most
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  arrogant and the most hazy person and all the time the same
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  person. One of the most classic things
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  to notice in life, and you see it over and over again, the most
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  arrogant and the most insecure, The same individual, same guy is
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  the most arrogant and secure at the same time.
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  What do I mean? That means when he has success,
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  he's a top of the world. When he's a failure, he's
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  furious at everybody. Why are you furious?
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  Life? He's furious because he's so
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  insecure. It's it's the same individual.
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  Why? How can the same person be so
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  arrogant? I'd be so insecure.
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  The answer is the little we just said, I believe, and that is
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  he's dependent on outcomes. When you are dependent on
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  outcomes, you do not notice yourself.
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  All you notice is who you are through those outcomes.
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  So if you make $1,000,000 in a season, beautiful.
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  It's all me if you. If the guy loses $1,000,000,
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  then also he's furious and he feels like a failure.
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  You are a dependent person. What if you're not dependent?
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  What if you're the same guy every day?
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  The same? That means I can talk to you and
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  I cannot tell our business is doing.
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  Imagine being such a person. This.
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  People like that and again, I'm not.
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  They're rare. They're very, they were very
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  constantly little kids. They're very rare today.
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  You can't tell how business is doing.
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  Now, again, if the guy is nervous he's going to perform on
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  his table, it's going to story. But if the guy, he's just a
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  matter of his ego and he still can't tell our business, though
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  you know what that proves? That proves, and he figured it
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  out. What did he figure out is me and
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  then there's my outcomes. And they're two separate
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  entities. We talk in the, you know, sadly
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  in the community we discuss So and so is this and so and so is
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  that. And oftentimes he was, he
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  relates to money. What if you can separate the
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  people? Imagine you can separate the
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  people. Sure, you want to be able to
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  support your family. That's a significant thing.
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  You want to be a generous person.
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  But imagine if you could have a conversation and you would not
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  know what they're worth or you would not care what they're
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  worth. Imagine if everyone welcome to a
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  show and they would all be greeted just the same regardless
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  of their money. Imagine if any situation who you
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  kids marry or you want you know what you want your kids to
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  become. Money wasn't part of the
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  situation. You want them to be taken care
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  of, but beyond that, irrelevant. That is only viewable if you can
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  separate the two. I'll give you a classic example.
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  I I didn't realize this individual existed.
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  I didn't know much about him, but the man who creates the tool
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  right? They put out the family put out
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  a book. I've read the book.
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  I just heard about it from a grandson in OK, just to show how
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  far this man, may you all know, he was a very unique man and he
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  was out of. Great stories, he was great.
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  I listened to the stories. It's a true story.
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  It's in the book, so it's obviously public.
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  The Hamid Zhak Rousseff Shalita, the former chief rabbi, he used
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  to learn with this man's son Haruta.
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  He probably made his stories and they learned one-on-one.
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  So again, this man who who created situals, a very well off
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  man and a very big company. And he with his son.
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  I'm sure it's your payment. None of the chief rabbi, was it?
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  Yeah, not yet. Chief Rabbi at the time.
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  Chief Rabbi's son. How about your son?
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  A big guy on the rabbi who wrote Kuya Asif.
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  All right, So now they're learning together.
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  This is the races learning together.
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  And the rabbi asks the son, can I, you know your father's, I
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  think his father's coming to Israel.
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  Maybe I'm going to America. I think I'm going to America.
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  Can I go visit your father? Obviously he's talking about a
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  donation and his son says yes, no problem.
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  Make sure don't talk about money.
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  It is a very hard thing to copy. Don't talk about money.
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  He. Wants it, but don't talk about
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  don't. Talk about it.
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  That's like, come on. That's like, you know, how many
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  examples do you give up? So the guy dating a girl, we're
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  not talking about marriage. You, that boy, The Who know.
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  Why he's there? I don't.
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  Particularly like when they want it, it gets like it makes
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  something. Very chill.
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  Cheap. Yeah, but it happens to be.
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  And I've tried this, you know, I've tried this.
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  It's very hard to do because you have one thing on your mind.
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  You have one thing on your mind, and that is you need to pay
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  those bills. You can't get past those bills
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  and then you're going to meet the person and you can't talk
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  money. OK, fine.
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  So they have a meeting that's still a beautiful thing They
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  have the rabbi comes and visits the the man in his office, I
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  think it was. And they're talking about
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  different things. And and then this man asks, Mr.
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  Ted asks I have a warehouse in the Philippines.
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  Or have I, I need a a rabbi for a shoe that I have in the
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  Philippines. Do you have a rabbi?
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  They're talking about that. Let them do money.
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  And then he says I have a halakhi shoe, which is.
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  Am I is my warehouse allowed to be open on Shabbat?
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  Different questions and they're always let's give me into like
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  you know, based on this thing you could sell so and so he said
• 20:30
  I don't want loopholes. I want the reality.
• 20:32
  If you tell me to shut down my warehouse, I'm perfectly fine.
• 20:36
  Tell me the halacha and he asked me real Allah questions and
• 20:40
  that's it. No discussion or money.
• 20:42
  The rabbi leaves done imagined. He's sitting and talking with an
• 20:47
  individual who, thank God, was extremely blessed, right?
• 20:51
  And no conversation of money and you got bills to pay.
• 20:54
  It's a very odd thing to do. All right, get a donation.
• 20:57
  Not as resignation. He goes back to Israel a month
• 21:01
  later. This is 1980s, I believe.
• 21:04
  A month later, he gets something that's put on his desk.
• 21:09
  It's a check. No name where it came from,
• 21:12
  $50,000. That's the number.
• 21:15
  OK, I have no idea what to do with this.
• 21:17
  A month later, ladies, a month later or so he gets another
• 21:22
  check, $50,000. In the span of a few months they
• 21:26
  got all these checks. The total was about $250,000.
• 21:30
  No name, nothing. That's insane.
• 21:33
  You will not find many people today who do that.
• 21:37
  Few and far between who do such a thing.
• 21:39
  No name. He knows he failed their wild
• 21:41
  figures out where he came from. I'm it's like I said, goes to
• 21:45
  Havaja. Chief Rabbi.
• 21:47
  Hey, he tells his father what's going on.
• 21:49
  He has his father what to do. He I don't think he cashes
• 21:50
  checks. He doesn't know what to do.
• 21:52
  How about ya? Takes out a pen, paper.
• 21:56
  Writes a whole letter to Miss Sitt thanking me and blessing
• 22:00
  him. The whole thing that mails it to
• 22:02
  him. OK, I'm going to talk to his
• 22:05
  head if it gets mail. OK, It's a letter or one liner.
• 22:09
  One line from Mr. Sitt. What did he say?
• 22:13
  What can you say on one line? What do you think?
• 22:15
  He says? Thank you.
• 22:16
  What do you think? He said?
• 22:17
  How'd you know not? Thinking him.
• 22:22
  Online why you waste your father's time that's it that's
• 22:27
  it. There is I have 0 interest in
• 22:30
  any recognition at all. Now that takes a person from a
• 22:34
  different wiring and part of that wiring is and we all do
• 22:38
  like something gives the recognition and nothing we
• 22:40
  should be on that approach. He's a whole different have a
• 22:42
  human being. But that worry is is me.
• 22:47
  And there's my blessing at 2 separate entities and we are all
• 22:51
  inclined the same way I am with my own successes.
• 22:54
  I'm inclined to use as a reflection of who I am the idea
• 22:58
  of the areas separate the two. And if you can separate the two
• 23:02
  and you can be the most unbelievable blessed person to
• 23:04
  tell you are, but at the same time, you're the same guy.
• 23:08
  That's who you want to be. You want to be the same guy no
• 23:10
  matter what. Go down life, you want people to
• 23:13
  talk to you and say, I remember that guy in school, he's the
• 23:14
  same way. But I want to be very blessed
• 23:19
  and it does not show in the way I act.
• 23:20
  That's you. I'm it's a crazy story told me
• 23:24
  yesterday. For our family, I have some
• 23:26
  friends with his son Eli, so I I grew up in the house.
• 23:29
  Was Eli. Eli is under David.
• 23:32
  Oh, OK. Yeah, and I'm telling you, I sat
• 23:37
  most of my childhood with the biggest goleha daughter in
• 23:41
  Shabbat tables, Rabbi Shah Hamatiyah from Palatyosef and
• 23:46
  Rabbi Atiyah's son. They used to come, they used to
• 23:49
  babysit us. They were living in the house.
• 23:51
  Rabbi Shayo and his father, the Sofia from Adeshu Muhammad, You,
• 23:57
  you name it. Baba Sali.
• 23:59
  I mean, really, it was wild. I I mean, I didn't know what I
• 24:03
  was with who I was sitting with at the time.
• 24:06
  And I used to tell my mother like there's no like shop people
• 24:09
  table. Yeah, but but the reality is
• 24:14
  this, this family just encompass Torah or what is the value is
• 24:21
  not what it could do for you. Like people, people get like
• 24:26
  that, 'cause it's going to bring them blessings.
• 24:28
  Yeah, not even that. No, they did it.
• 24:30
  Le schmat. Yeah.
• 24:31
  Yeah, you know. And it's a crazy thing.
• 24:33
  And you remain the same person. Yeah.
• 24:36
  You know, you remain the same person.
• 24:37
  There's nothing better than be who you are.
• 24:39
  You want you want to be very blessed.
• 24:41
  We all do. Good children remain.
• 24:44
  I was by my son and every child in the family was there for my
• 24:51
  family. I looked around and say
• 24:52
  everybody is there. Yeah, I told my wife, we're
• 24:54
  saying, you know, we got married for 55 years ago.
• 24:57
  Look, look what happened from Alan Marrins.
• 25:00
  Look at that. Did you ever think to you?
• 25:02
  Could have all of. This.
• 25:03
  Did you ever think of it, I mean?
• 25:06
  Really. That's and I don't really.
• 25:08
  It's only interesting and that's the perspective.
• 25:11
  Yeah, right. You're the right person.
• 25:12
  I didn't do it. That is right.
• 25:13
  I tried. That's awesome.
• 25:15
  That's right. Yeah.
• 25:17
  That's.