Latest / Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud / Online Dating and The 6-6-6 Club | Vincent Bryant | Stand Up Comedy 😁🤣🤣

Transcript

Online Dating and The 6-6-6 Club | Vincent Bryant | Stand Up Comedy 😁🤣🤣 · Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: I've been having a rough year.
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: I got a bad relationship and it was bad because I was in it.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: Um But I learned a lot about my I learned that I got mommy issues.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't So inadvertently that makes me attracted to women that got daddy issues.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: We don't even be liking each other.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: We just be raising one another.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: We don't have real conversations.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: Our apartment sounds like this.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: Ah, don't do that.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: That's that's the extent of our conversations.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: But I like being in relationships because it helps you dive into yourself deeper.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: It makes you unearth traumas that you didn't even know was there.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like even the stuff that you like is related to trauma.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: Like I love titties.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: But it's trauma-related, because it makes me feel safe, so it's it is.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: I was sucking on this girl titties the other day.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: She's like, you want to do it?
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: I was just like, no.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: I never got a chance to do this with my mom.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_01: So it's just like I just want you to believe in me.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want no sex.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: It's just been a rough year, man.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's been rough.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: I lost my grandmother as well.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, man.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't that bad.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: She was old.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: She's 87.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like once you get to those gas pump numbers, it's it's time to go.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: 87, 89.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: Now go hang that pump up, baby.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: Over with.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: She died from odd times.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't even know you could do no shit like that.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: I thought it just fuck with your brain.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: What the fuck happened?
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: You forgot how to wake up?
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: What was going on?
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: What were you doing?
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: Was she just laying right there?
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, ooh, I'm supposed to be doing something.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: What is it?
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's called breathe, grandma.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: Get your ass up.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: We need you.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's just been a rough year, man.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: I can't.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: But it's weird though, man.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: This is what happens in life.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: You know, when death happens, it makes you think about your own mortality and how things start to shift.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody tells you what happens as you get older.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: Things start to flip.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: The people that took care of you, you take care of them now.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: That's the fucked up part.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: I got full custody of my father.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: I don't like this shit.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: I hate this grown man son.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: I have.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'm raising a degenerate.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: I don't like this nigga at all.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: Has anybody ever given up a parent for adoption?
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: I kind of hate them.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: Just a lot and a little at the same time.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's weird.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: I'm doing shit I didn't ever thought I'd have to do.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'm taking them to doctor's visits.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: I've never thought I was gonna have to do no shit.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: Take your parent to a doctor's visit feels like a parent teacher conference.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: Because all they're gonna do is fucking lie.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: Mr.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: Bryant, have you been taking your medicine?
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: Uh we um no, tell the fucking truth.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: Tell him why your left eye is in your hand.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: Raising my parents, I do not like it, man.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: I spoke about my mommy issues because they're a real thing.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: My mother was an addict.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: She actually just celebrated uh 32 years this past March.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: Clean.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: Alright, relax.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: Let me finish.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: I celebrated a 32nd birthday in January.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: Let's do the math.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a crack baby.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I wasn't really affected by it growing up.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: The worst part about it was my birth.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: I was I was premature.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: I was two pounds and eight ounces.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I was super small.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: I can fit into the palm of her hand.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: That's how little I was.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, the doctor had to tuck me away because she almost smoked me.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: But why does my crack got her in it?
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: Bitch, that is me.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: I am your child.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: All of my family is insane, bro.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: I can't, I don't get it.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: I got a younger brother who's in and out of jail.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: He missed the funeral.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: I know you're sad, but I don't get it.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: We grew up in the same house.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: We had the same bedtime.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: What the fuck happened?
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: Why are you in jail and I'm free?
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: What happened?
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: Who touched you?
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: Who put their thumb in your ass?
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: Why do you act like this?
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: And that's not the case.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: I figured it out.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: I had to sit down and think about it.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: The only difference between me and him, my life is going good, his life is going, eh?
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's because I had allergies and he didn't.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: No, this is a serious thing.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: We used to move around a lot.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: He could join gangs.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: I couldn't.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: They thought I was sick.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not fucking sick.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: But as an adult, I get it now.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: You can't do so.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: You can't be intimidated, you got allergies.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: It don't even look right.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: I tried it.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, well, you know it's bad when your enemy are you, do you need a Zertec?
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, not drowsy, motherfucker.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: Because I want to fight.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: All of my brothers are vastly different from me.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: I have a gay brother.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: I'm envy.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: He calls me and tells me his date line is just so fucking.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I envy gay people.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: I envy gay men.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: I envy gay men because they never had a pregnancy scare.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: You know how wonderful that is?
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: They don't have their own dumb ass questions.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: Did you come at me, Robert?
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: Does it matter, Michael?
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: It does not.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: Then Michael got to walk to the bathroom.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: I envied him, bro.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: I just had a pregnancy scare.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't even the fact that she got pregnant that scared me.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: She makes six figures.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: She'll be fine.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: It was the fact that she downloaded an app to tell me what size the baby would be in compared to the food.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: I thought that was strange as fuck.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: The baby got up to six weeks.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: She sent me a picture of a chickpea.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, oh I sent her back a bowl of hummus.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, crush that little motherfucker.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: You can swaddle him in some pita bread.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: I don't give a fuck what you do.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: Get him out of there.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: I just it's just rough for me, bro.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: I'm envious.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: I have so many things wrong with it.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like a lot of men in here, you don't, you know, you're not enjoying life the way you should because you you're scared you're gonna be perceived as gay.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: Bro, relax.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: You're not even experiencing the foot, like get things done, let her do it.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: I I fuck, I'll tell you, I want I want my ass licked.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: I do, I'm just afraid of the noise that's gonna come out of my body.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: I am.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: What if she gets their two licks in and I sound like the tootsie roll house?
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: She two licks in.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: Who?
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: Now she's calling me tootsi pop in the grocery stuff.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: Fucking call me that.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: Say hootie who if you want my attention.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: I don't like it's just I'm back.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'm dating, I don't really enjoy it.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: I'm back dating.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: I healed a little bit, I went back.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: I'm back on the apps.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: I don't, I don't particularly enjoy it.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: Because the win, it's not a it's not a safe space out there.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's not fun.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: Women are so demanding.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: They got a lot of requirements.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: I want a man six feet.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: I want him to have six figures.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: He needs at least six inches of dick.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, that you just summoned the devil.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: You doing and you wonder why your life is, why you keep fucking up your life?
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: You're like, what is wrong?
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: Why does Satan act like that?
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: Satan, bitch?
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: The vagina is only four inches.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: Why do you need six?
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: You greedy bitches.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: What is wow?
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: So goddamn greedy, y'all want so much.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: You make y'all responsibilities ours.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what don't tell me you didn't come.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: I don't care.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's not my fucking job.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: I ain't come.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: Oh I did.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: Fuck you mean you ain't?
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: I made you come over and I made you come in my room.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: That's twice.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: You on a third time?
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: What was wrong with you?
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: Fucking nympho.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it's my time.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: Good night.