Latest / Recovering Out Loud / Complacency in Recovery: When “I’m Fine” Becomes Dangerous

Transcript

Complacency in Recovery: When “I’m Fine” Becomes Dangerous · Recovering Out Loud

• 0:00
  Hey, guys. Welcome back.
• 0:02
  One of the most dangerous lines in recovery.
• 0:05
  You can hear anyone say it's not relapse.
• 0:08
  Do you know what it is? I'm fine.
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  It's fine. I'm good.
• 0:13
  I've got this. Oh, I've got this.
• 0:16
  I don't need meetings anymore. Complacency in recovery.
• 0:20
  It doesn't usually show up loud. It shows up quiet, Comfortable
• 0:24
  and reasonable. Resting on our laurels.
• 0:27
  We've all been there. The good news is you can bounce
• 0:30
  back from it. And in my experience, it's a lot
• 0:32
  easier to come back from complacency than it is but
• 0:36
  before you relapse than it is after you relapse.
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  Like look, we can all be doing better in recovery.
• 0:41
  I could always be doing more in recovery.
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  It's also important to acknowledge where you're at and
• 0:47
  not compare yourself to other people's recovery programs.
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  How many times have I sat in the front row of a meeting, 3rd row
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  of a meeting? I don't sit in the front row and
• 0:55
  thought to myself damn that guy is so much better than me at
• 1:00
  recovery. I am probably the worst person
• 1:03
  in recovery after hearing someone else's story.
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  Stop it. Stop comparing yourself.
• 1:08
  So today we're going to break down what complacency actually
• 1:11
  is, why it sneaks in, what it looks like before relapse, and
• 1:16
  how to course correct before things fall apart.
• 1:18
  Chances are if you're working a good recovery program, you can
• 1:21
  catch this before it's too late, before you have a slip, before
• 1:24
  you have a full blown relapse. It is possible to get back on
• 1:27
  the recovery horse. Me telling you that I've been
• 1:30
  complacent before is a huge understatement.
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  I was the guy that did the recovery stuff, went to the
• 1:37
  meetings and just to check the boxes.
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  I wasn't actually doing the work that I had been doing previously
• 1:44
  to get myself sober. You'll hear people say
• 1:46
  sometimes, and I agree with this too, is one of the worst places
• 1:50
  to be in recovery is when things are going well.
• 1:53
  When things are going well, I don't need you.
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  I don't need God. I don't need recovery.
• 1:58
  I don't need meetings. I don't need anything.
• 2:00
  When things are going really well, if if left unchecked,
• 2:03
  people start to talk and you stop listening, you think you
• 2:06
  know everything. And I've got this, like I said
• 2:08
  at the beginning. So I mean, ultimately, I hope
• 2:10
  today helps you catch yourself before it's too late.
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  I hope you're not sitting here listening to this, beating
• 2:16
  yourself up because I can do that.
• 2:19
  I can definitely do that. When I hear people's recovery
• 2:21
  programs and what they look like and I compare myself, like I
• 2:24
  said already at the beginning, comparing myself to them
• 2:27
  doesn't, it doesn't do anything for me.
• 2:29
  I could always be doing more in recovery and it doesn't mean it
• 2:33
  doesn't mean that what I'm doing is not good enough right now.
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  It doesn't mean that I'm not good enough.
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  Just means that I can should keep an eye on it.
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  I should keep an eye on things that are falling by the wayside,
• 2:45
  resting on my laurels, getting complacent, getting comfortable.
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  If I'm maintaining my sobriety, my recovery, I am moving
• 2:53
  backwards. In my opinion, I am regressing.
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  Maintenance is a dangerous word. It's I need to be growing in
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  recovery, even if it's incremental progress, not
• 3:03
  perfection. So complacency, what it is and
• 3:06
  what it isn't. So plainly complacency is not
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  relapse. Complacency is emotional
• 3:11
  autopilot sort of just striding through.
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  You know, the work is good, the relationship is good,
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  everything's good. I've got this.
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  I've said that a lot already. I'm sorry.
• 3:20
  I hate when people say if you've got this, you've got this,
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  buddy. No, you don't.
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  You don't got shit, you need help and so do I.
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  So it's when recovery stops being intentional.
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  I stop setting intentions in my recovery.
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  I'm just kind of going through the motions, autopilot.
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  Like I said, confidence says I stay ready.
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  Complacency says I don't need to.
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  Oh, that's good. I love that.
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  I'm ready for whatever happens. I'm preparing for the worst.
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  Complacent is confidence, expecting the best, preparing
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  for the worst. I'm ready though.
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  I stay ready for whatever life throws at me.
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  Complacency is I don't need to do that.
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  If you're not journaling, if you're not praying, if you're
• 3:57
  not meditating and at what point in your at what?
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  At one point in your recovery you were doing that, you're
• 4:03
  basically saying that you don't need to.
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  Again, this is not here to spread shame and blame and make
• 4:09
  you feel like a piece of shit. Just have a look at things.
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  If I'm not doing something in my recovery today, it's because I'm
• 4:14
  telling. I'm saying that I don't need to
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  do it, otherwise I'd be doing it.
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  Most relapses don't start with drugs or alcohol.
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  They start with skipped routines, loosen boundaries,
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  quiet disconnection. This was me.
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  You know, I had two major relapses where it started.
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  I mean, it always starts with emotional relapse first, right?
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  But it started with the thoughts I was having in my head.
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  And I had a routine of telling people about the things that
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  were going on in my head. I stopped doing that.
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  I stopped praying. I still went to meetings, but I
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  was checking the boxes. As I said before, I was checking
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  the recovery boxes. I wasn't, you know, I wasn't
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  showing up late, early to meetings and talking to my
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  friends. I wasn't staying behind and
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  telling them about how I was doing, which I was doing.
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  At one point in my recovery, I stopped doing that.
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  It was a slow burn though. My relapse was a slow burn, but
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  it was rough and one of the hardest things I've ever done,
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  one of the hardest things I've ever done was coming back from
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  that by far. If you can avoid that and I can
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  help you. If not, maybe you need to learn
• 5:13
  that lesson and do some more research.
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  Hopefully not because it is horrible out there.
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  It still, we still just can't have one.
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  I still just can't have one. I don't know about you, but I
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  can't have one of anything. The important thing here is you
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  don't fall off the Cliff, you drift toward it.
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  Cliff being, I mean, I don't have to tell you relapse, death,
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  you drift towards it. We are all just one arm length
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  away from a drink or drug, one phone call away.
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  It happens. Like why complacency shows up.
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  As I said to you before, life starts to get better, the bills
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  are paid, relationships improve, chaos decreases.
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  Things are starting to look pretty good.
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  I've got you know, I did all this.
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  You start taking credit for your own life instead of giving
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  credit to the organization you're part of, the program
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  you've been working or God, pain fades.
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  Recovery worked. So we stopped doing it.
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  We stopped becoming desperate. Remember when we were desperate?
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  Remember when you were desperate?
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  I remember that it was just felt like it was just yesterday.
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  This gift of desperation starts to fade and things are OK.
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  I don't need as much recovery as I used to have.
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  And sure, that might be true for a lot of people.
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  OK, so my recovery looks a lot different.
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  I don't have to go to as many meetings as I used to.
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  But recovery, the priority of recovery in my life still has to
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  be #1 it doesn't. The the time spent per week is
• 6:32
  maybe not the same going to recovery things, but I'm still
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  constantly in a state of recovering.
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  I'm thinking about God. I'm thinking about my defects of
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  character. I'm thinking about how I am in
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  the world. I'm thinking about others, or at
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  least I'm trying to. I'm actively thinking about
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  recovery. Anthony, are you moving toward
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  recovery or toward relapse? It's really, there's no middle
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  ground here. It's you're either moving toward
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  relapse or toward recovery. So when pain is the motivator,
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  comfort becomes the excuse. When pain is the motivator,
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  comfort becomes the excuse. 2. Ego.
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  Ego sneaks back in. Edging got out ego.
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  We start saying things like I'm not like them anymore, I don't
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  need as much help or support. I'm past that phase.
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  I'm changed now. I'm different, I'm healed, I'm
• 7:19
  cured, I'm better. Any of these ring a bell?
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  I've said them. Ego reframes vulnerability as
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  weakness 3 Routine fatigue. So things start to get boring.
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  I always say this, but most people don't relapse because
• 7:32
  recovery gets hard. They relapse because it gets
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  boring, it gets mundane, it gets repetitive, and we start to look
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  for fun again. Fun in quotations.
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  Dopamine. Where do we find dopamine?
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  Everywhere but inside us. I'll tell you that much.
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  I use outside things to change. My inside meetings feel
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  repetitive. Journaling feels boring.
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  Check. Insurance Feel unnecessary.
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  Why am I doing this? What's the point?
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  I don't need this. But repetition is what keeps us
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  stable. Boring recovery is working
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  recovery. Boring recovery is working
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  recovery. Yeah.
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  That doesn't mean life isn't going to be fun too.
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  That's the other thing I want to emphasize here.
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  Life is fun in recovery. Routines themself are routines.
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  They're just that. They're not supposed to be fun.
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  Like journaling is not fun. It's just a routine.
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  It's a mental habit. It's like going to the gym.
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  I don't enjoy lifting weights at the gym.
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  Maybe some of you do, but I just go because I know what's good
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  for my health. And I've burned a routine in my
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  head that when I don't go, I feel off.
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  Recovery is the same. So for comparison, other people
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  are worse than me. This is good.
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  I do this a lot. I'm better than you or you're
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  worse than me. One of those two things.
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  I'm doing better than most people.
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  I don't belong here anymore. Comparison kills vigilance.
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  I heard Tony Robbins say this once, but the head compares.
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  The head is the head versus the heart, right?
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  We use the head or the heart. We're either in analytical mode
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  or loving mode, God Mode, and the head compares and shrinks.
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  It shrinks. Everything compares and I'm
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  different. I'm better, I'm this and that.
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  The heart, when we think with the heart, it amplifies, grows
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  and spreads more joy, love and connection.
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  But when we're using our head, we're in this analytical mode.
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  I'm me versus you, this versus that.
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  I need things material. It's not a good place to be.
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  We're constantly in a state of depression and not enoughness, a
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  lack of gratitude, anger, dangerous place for addicts and
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  Alcoholics to be. I had a a mentor that always
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  told me this. You can't be angry and grateful
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  at the same time. It's just not possible.
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  So what? Complacency actually looks like
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  early warning signs. This is the important stuff
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  here. So skipping meetings just this
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  week, being less honest with check insurance, right?
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  Keeping back 10% of the truth. Sharing 90% of the truth when
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  you normally would share 100% of the truth because you should
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  share 100% of the truth. Avoiding certain people in
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  recovery, avoiding even. Avoiding difficult conversations
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  or hard situations or hard scenarios, things you don't want
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  to do. Taking the easy way out.
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  Being complacent, lazy, giving excuses to yourself, this sort
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  of mental ban banter back and forth and justifying these
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  things we used to do in an active addiction.
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  Letting resentment go unspoken. Not talking about resentment,
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  That's a big one. Resentment will take you down,
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  man. You can resent somebody and
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  it'll just fester in your head until it blows up into smoking
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  meth, I'm telling you. Stopping inventory,
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  romanticizing the past, saying I'll deal with it later,
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  Sweeping it under the rug. Do we have any rug sweep?
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  Rug sweepers in here. I used to do that all the time.
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  All my problems. That's tomorrow, Anthony's
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  problem. I'll just sweep it under the rug
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  and then it blows up in your face a week later.
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  Complacency sounds logical, and that's why it's dangerous.
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  So next, First we have early warning signs.
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  Next we have emotional signs. Irritability, restlessness,
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  boredom, low grade resentment. You're just sort of hating
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  everything and everyone, feeling disconnected but not knowing
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  why. This sort of emptiness inside.
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  Maybe not crisis, just something's off.
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  I don't feel comfortable in my own skin.
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  I want to be there. I'm everywhere I am.
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  I don't want to be here in this moment now, I want to be over
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  there. I'm constantly scanning and
• 11:12
  people are pissing me off and not following my plan and my
• 11:15
  script and I'm having this low level resentment that just
• 11:19
  follow me around like a black cloud.
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  That's the emotional signs, behavioral drift.
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  So these are when the actions start to come up, these actions
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  start, you start to notice these more isolation, more scrolling
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  on your phone, less structure, less service.
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  I'm, I'm not helping as much as I used to, less gratitude, more
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  self focus. I'm focusing on me.
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  Nothing is exploding, but nothing is growing.
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  Either it's kind of, again, you're in this sort of middle
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  state or you're not growing and you're not moving backwards, but
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  you're maintaining, which in my opinion again is you're
• 11:56
  regressing. We're regressing, we're
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  declining. Why complacency is so risky.
• 12:01
  Addiction doesn't disappear, it goes dormant.
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  I'm sure a lot of you know that already.
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  But recovery isn't about getting cured.
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  It's about staying connected to a power greater than me.
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  Could be a group of people, could be a recovery program.
• 12:12
  It's just not me. I'm outside of myself.
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  I'm connected to others and to the universe, to God.
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  So your skills start to atrophy. They start to wear out.
• 12:24
  It's like you don't work out at the gym.
• 12:25
  You stop going to the gym for a while, you're going to get fat.
• 12:27
  It's just that way it goes. You're going to lose muscle.
• 12:30
  Awareness dulls, tolerance for discomfort drops.
• 12:32
  So again, things start to piss you off where they normally
• 12:35
  wouldn't have pissed you off before.
• 12:37
  So then life hits stress, loss, conflict, fatigue, something
• 12:41
  happens, life lifes you and suddenly you're unprepared.
• 12:44
  For me, this, I had an example of this in my last relapse when
• 12:49
  one of my my my friends passed away and it was very unexpected.
• 12:54
  He took his own life and it was very sad and it, it affected me
• 12:59
  more than I realized it did. I thought I was prepared for it,
• 13:02
  but I wasn't talking enough about it.
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  I wasn't, I wasn't processing it with others.
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  I wasn't focusing on my how I was reacting to the situation.
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  And that's what happens. You start to get complacent and
• 13:13
  then life happens as it does and you're not prepared, you're not
• 13:16
  ready. I wasn't ready for it.
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  I eventually led to a relapse. I'm not saying that was the
• 13:20
  reason I relapse, but it added to the list of unmanageability
• 13:24
  in my life at that time. So next, how complacency turns
• 13:27
  into relapse, you might be asking me like, OK, well, that's
• 13:30
  great. How does that this mean I'm
• 13:33
  going to end up drinking and using drugs again?
• 13:34
  I don't feel like drinking and using drugs.
• 13:37
  Listen you, when we relapse, when we don't think about, I
• 13:39
  relapse when I don't think about relapsing, it just it's, it's in
• 13:43
  the low level in the background of my mind emotionally.
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  Like I said to you, it doesn't come out of nowhere, doesn't
• 13:49
  happen overnight. So there's a progression here.
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  First is comfort, Second is distance.
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  I'm distancing myself. I'm.
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  I'm going places and I'm holding my arm out like this like a
• 13:59
  football player. A stiff arm.
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  Stay back. Don't get to you.
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  Don't. I'm OK.
• 14:04
  I've got this. I don't need your help.
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  Everything's great. Everything's great.
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  Rationalization. 3 Rationalization.
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  So I'm rationalizing behavior. Socially unacceptable behavior.
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  I'm giving reasons for my socially unacceptable waiver.
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  Things I normally wouldn't do. 4 Disconnection. 5 Emotional
• 14:21
  relapse. 6 Mental bargaining. 7 Physical relapse so you're
• 14:26
  actually using the drugs now I guess Emotional relapse the
• 14:28
  difference between emotional relapse and mental bargaining so
• 14:31
  emotional relapse is I'm just I'm getting angry when anger
• 14:35
  comes up. I'm fully acting on anger when I
• 14:39
  did a whole episode. Emotional sobriety.
• 14:40
  If you're interested go listen to it.
• 14:42
  But staying emotionally sober is a whole other task in of itself.
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  I'm being aware of my emotions and not letting them manage my
• 14:49
  life. SO5 emotional relapse 6 mental
• 14:51
  bargaining 7. Physical relapse.
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  I'm now I've now physically relapsed.
• 14:55
  I'm using the drugs and I'm in the craving progression.
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  The addiction cycle. Not a good place to be.
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  Relapse is not a moment, it is a process.
• 15:05
  It happens over time. And it's not it's a number of
• 15:08
  moments. Not one moment Doesn't just
• 15:10
  happen. We don't just decide we're going
• 15:12
  to use drugs. One more minute.
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  It's been building up. You just don't see it that way.
• 15:17
  OK. How to course correct?
• 15:18
  So what's the solution here? You give me a lot of problems.
• 15:21
  Anthony, what's the solution? One name it early.
• 15:23
  Label it. Say it out loud.
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  I think I'm drifting. Hey friend in recovery, can I
• 15:28
  bounce something off of you? I feel like I'm drifting from
• 15:31
  the program. I don't feel as good.
• 15:33
  I can I talk to you about it? What do you think about this?
• 15:37
  Remove the shame. Awareness is intervention.
• 15:40
  You're raising awareness. You're being conscious of your
• 15:44
  starting to get complacent in recovery and there's nothing
• 15:48
  wrong with it. We all do it.
• 15:49
  Anyone that tells you they're perfect in recovery, slap them
• 15:51
  in the face. One actually.
• 15:52
  But we all drift from recovery once in a while.
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  The important thing is to notice and get back to return to
• 15:59
  basics, not new tools. This is so important.
• 16:02
  These are old tools. We're not revolutionizing the
• 16:05
  wheel here in recovery. We're going back to the basics.
• 16:08
  I like to think of it as you're a baseball player and you need
• 16:10
  to have all the bases covered, the meetings, the therapist, the
• 16:15
  fellowship, whatever your thing is, routine, sleep, food,
• 16:19
  movement, and honesty. Most important of all, honesty.
• 16:23
  Make sure one person on this earth knows every secret about
• 16:27
  you. No secrets.
• 16:29
  Secrets keep us sick and you will relapse.
• 16:32
  If you have secrets, I promise you it's only a matter of time.
• 16:35
  Every time I relapse, I wasn't practicing honesty with myself
• 16:37
  and others. That's how I relapse every time.
• 16:40
  Dishonesty. You don't need breakthrough, you
• 16:43
  need consistency. Three, increase connection, not
• 16:46
  isolation. Call someone, be of service.
• 16:48
  Go ask to buy someone a coffee. Show up imperfectly.
• 16:51
  Connection interrupts complacency.
• 16:54
  Again, connection interrupts complacency.
• 16:58
  Get connected. Plug back into the jug.
• 17:00
  Tap back into recovery. Tap back into the source to God.
• 17:04
  Whatever your higher Power 4, audit your recovery.
• 17:07
  Ask what did I stop doing? And this is when pen to paper
• 17:11
  helps get it written down. What did I stop doing?
• 17:14
  What am I avoiding? Where am I numbing?
• 17:17
  Who am I not talking to? What am what did I stop doing?
• 17:21
  What am I avoiding? Where am I numbing?
• 17:23
  Who am I not talking to? Write it down.
• 17:26
  Journal 5. Stay teachable.
• 17:28
  Humility recovery requires it. Recovery requires humility.
• 17:33
  You never graduate from this thing.
• 17:36
  There's no end goal. It's a journey.
• 17:37
  It's a marathon, not a Sprint. There is no certificate given
• 17:41
  out here, no diploma in recovery.
• 17:44
  And thank God, because that means the possibilities are
• 17:46
  endless, the outcomes are endless.
• 17:48
  What a gift. I can do anything.
• 17:50
  Growth keeps you safe. Just keep growing.
• 17:53
  A good friend of mine used to always say it's like you have a
• 17:55
  spiritual bank account. Am I?
• 17:57
  Is this action depositing into my spiritual bank account or
• 18:00
  withdrawing? If I miss a meeting or I don't
• 18:03
  talk to a friend in recovery, am I depositing?
• 18:07
  Am I filling my spiritual cup or am I emptying my spiritual cup?
• 18:11
  You can't. There's no middle ground.
• 18:12
  You're either emptying it or filling it.
• 18:14
  The moment you think you're done learning is the moment you're
• 18:17
  vulnerable. That's so important.
• 18:19
  The moment you know I'm right. Yeah, but I've got this.
• 18:23
  You're fucked. Start to notice that if you stop
• 18:26
  learning in, that's another telltale sign.
• 18:29
  If you're not learning in all situations, A newcomer gets up
• 18:32
  to speak and you're writing him off because he's brand new,
• 18:35
  that's a problem. You can learn something in every
• 18:37
  situation. I can learn something in every
• 18:40
  single situation, every single one.
• 18:43
  OK, in closing, complacency is not failure.
• 18:47
  It's a signal, a reminder to reengage with your people, with
• 18:51
  your recovery program, with your God, with your practices, your
• 18:54
  routines, comfort. I'm going to leave you with some
• 18:58
  closing lines here and hopefully you can identify this before a
• 19:01
  relapse because again, it is not fun out there.
• 19:04
  Drugs have not gotten cheaper. They have not gotten better, if
• 19:08
  anything has gotten worse. Your chances of overdosing now
• 19:11
  or more, but I don't need to tell you that.
• 19:12
  And plus me telling you that is not going to change anything.
• 19:15
  Just be aware of your recovery program.
• 19:17
  You don't need to be perfect. You don't need to be like me.
• 19:20
  You don't need to be like your friend.
• 19:21
  You need to be more like you. Comfort isn't the enemy.
• 19:25
  Forgetting how you got here is. Don't ever forget the gift of
• 19:29
  desperation. Don't ever forget when you were
• 19:32
  first coming in and how that felt.
• 19:34
  The look on your parents eyes, your wife's eyes, your husband's
• 19:36
  eyes when you first were deciding to get help.
• 19:40
  Keep those mental images in your mind.
• 19:42
  Stay close to the things that saved your life.
• 19:45
  So the things that worked in the beginning of your recovery, come
• 19:47
  back to them. Stay close to the things that
• 19:49
  helped you back then. Doesn't mean you have to go to
• 19:52
  seven meetings a week like you used to, but use the things that
• 19:56
  worked for you back then now. Back to basics.
• 19:59
  Recovery doesn't need to be dramatic, just deliberate,
• 20:02
  intentional. If you like this episode, please
• 20:06
  share it. Rate, like subscribe to the
• 20:08
  podcast. It helps me so so much.
• 20:11
  I love all of you. I'm sorry there hasn't been more
• 20:13
  guests coming on. I've been super busy and the
• 20:16
  studio is getting expensive now, so hopefully we will be having
• 20:20
  more people on going forward. But I do enjoy these small
• 20:23
  episodes. Send me a message on Tiktok or
• 20:25
  Instagram. I'm on Tiktok now because
• 20:27
  Instagram banned me for a bit because of that cocaine video.
• 20:30
  Anyways, I talk about it too much.
• 20:32
  I love you. Thank you for being here.
• 20:33
  Have a wonderful blessed day. If no one's told you this yet, I
• 20:36
  love you.