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BETWEEN SESSIONS: It’s what you do when it goes wrong that matters · Mental Health Matters

• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: Hello and welcome to Mental Health Matters Between Sessions with me, Dr.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: Audrey Tang.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: This is the reflection that I do when things have been really bugging me, and this week I've been thinking about what happens when it goes wrong.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's when it really matters.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: Everything looks great when it's working.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: Flights, appointments, projects, when things are going well, it's so easy to give great reviews, to sing praises, and to pledge loyalty.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: But for me, I like to think about what you do when it goes wrong, because that's where the real test of character is.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: If you take flying, for instance, now I'm not necessarily promoting them, but I will always fly Singapore Airlines to Asia and Delta to the States because when things go wrong, lost luggage, delays, cancellations, they deal with it smoothly, efficiently, and before I even have to ask.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: Unlike a host of different airlines.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: And what I will say about BA is they're very quick with compensation at least.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: Right now, I was having work done in the house, all plain sailing until it wasn't.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: And then it was absolutely an utter shit show of project management.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: And you know what?
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: That's the same with people.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: When things are on the up, it's easy to feel good.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: But what happens when they're not?
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: Do you lash out and push the responsibility on others to save you?
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: Or do you take control and say, right, this isn't working for me, so what will?
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: And this can be true of our relationships as well.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: Who is there in your time of need and who isn't?
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: But a little caveat with that.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: Are they actually supposed to be there for you?
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: Is it really that sort of relationship?
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: And if so, are you there for them?
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because these are things we tend to forget.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: So let's come back.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: In the majority of cases, things go smoothly.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, when I talk about flying, for example, it really is only a small percentage that have problems in the bigger picture.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: But at the same time, if it's part of your job, deal with it.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: Resilience research suggests that there can be four outcomes to adversity.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, succumbing, two, getting through with injury, three, bouncing back, and four, springing forward.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: Thriving.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: In that latter case, in the thriving case, it is because the adversity, the things going wrong, has given you skills and unlocked strengths that you never knew were there.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: And then you can grow even more than you did before.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: When things go well, we don't actually stop and ask ourselves what part of this was really down to me.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: And this can be a very big life error.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: An article in Harvard Business Review reflected on why leaders don't learn from success, and they encouraged us to ask ourselves two questions when things go right.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, what was down to my personal action and what was down to circumstances or luck?
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: Number two, what can be replicated?
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: And this can go some way to unraveling the halo effect of ease.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: And this is the problem.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: When things go right, it's very easy to think, oh, that was all me and I can do it all again.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: But maybe not.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to be hard on anyone, but the reality is that we're all in different situations.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: We all have different opportunities and avenues of help which may or may not be open to each other.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: But even so, we can often still take some sort of action.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: When I was writing my PhD, I found in my literature review something called the service recovery paradox.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: People showed more loyalty to a brand when it went wrong and fixed it than if it hadn't gone wrong at all.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: Things going wrong is inevitable and an opportunity to show what you're made of.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: So take it.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: If things don't go wrong, ask yourself what of this success was down to me and what can be replicated.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: And when things do go wrong, ask yourself, what am I gonna do about this?
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: And how much of what I've learned can be used to thrive in the future.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: And if you enjoyed that reflection, please do check out my other podcast, Retrain Your Brain.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: It is two years old now, but the stuff on there I still practice, I still think about, and I still believe in.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for listening.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: Have a healthy week.