Latest / Pathological Positivity / Marketing and the Magic Mirror – with Emilie Davis – Episode #674
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- This is Live On Purpose Radio episode 674, marketing and the magic mirror with Emily Davis. Now is the only time to create and live the life you love. I'm doctor Paul Jenkins, the positivity psychologist. My job is to connect you to powerful positive psychology principles that immediately upgrade your relationships, business, and mental health. Are you ready? Let's jump in. Hello, everybody. Welcome back to Live on Purpose Radio. This is doctor Paul, the shrink who expands your life, and I'm here to expand your life today with a good friend of mine. This is Emily Davis of Magic Mirror Marketing, and I love that title, Emily. This is fun. We've been anticipating having a little chat on the mic for a while. I got to know you, Emily, through, Michelle Villalobos and her program in the National Speakers Association, where you have generously contributed your time and talents to serve as a chapter president in your state, which is Virginia. Right? Correct. It's where you are. Mhmm. And, so we've got a lot of overlap here and there. And I... It's something caught my attention about what you're doing, Emily. You are a marketing expert. Yes. And that word, I've had a complicated relationship with that word in the past. I think we've resolved many things in our relationship, me and marketing. Better speaking terms now. I I think we're talking to each other again, and it's because of something that you teach. I think you've noticed some things in your work about what mindset has to do with this. And I would love to just kind of queue up the conversation with that and let you run with it a little bit. Emily, where does your brain go with that as I make that introduction? Well, it immediately goes to the mindset you're talking about. Most of my clients, coaches, consultants, people who are selling themselves, for lack of a better phrase, you know, that they are the product. They have an almost icky feeling when it comes to marketing that there's something bad, almost like you're a sellout. You know? Like, if you're an artist and then you go corporate, you're a sellout. They have that kind of reaction. Or, you and I were at an event where I use the example that it's like a used car salesman from the nineteen seventies, that old stereotype of they're going to sell you a lemon, and people feel like marketing is like that. It's a manipulation. It's something that we do to get people to buy from us and, like, using tricks in order to make people do something as opposed to attracting people genuinely through connection. One of the biggest misconceptions people have about marketing is that it's about content. It's about making things, but it's really about creating connection. You can be the loudest voice in the room, but if you're not connecting with anyone, it's still just noise. But sometimes even the quietest whisper can get to the heart of somebody. It can connect with them. And that happens. Strong bonds are formed. And that's so much better than just, you know, plastering the streets with tons and tons of noisy signs saying buy my thing because you must. It is I have something that can help you. Do you wanna work with me? And so that's the mindset shift I try to get people to do. It's it's connection, not content. I had an image pop into my head as you were saying, you know, littering the streets with... I'm I'm picturing these propaganda flyers dropping from an airplane, you know, where it just litters the place up, and it's it's trash. Yes. And then I picture that dystopian vision as well of, like, then there's things tumbling through the streets, and it's abandoned and dark and scary. Mhmm. It's not a fun picture. It's not. But when we make that mindset shift of how can I connect with people? Because most people get into entrepreneurship specifically, they're not doing it because it's going to make the big bucks. You know? They're doing it because they have something inside that's saying, oh, I want to help. I want to do this. I call them... We're all nerds about something. You're a nerd about mental health. We could talk for hours about this, and you've chosen that for your lifelong vocation because there's something in there that really interests you. You know? And so when we allow ourselves to lean more into what brings us alive, we're more likely to become magnetic and attract people to us. So it's not about manipulation. No. And this may speak to my complicated relationship with marketing in the past. In fact, I used to lump the the words marketing and the sales together. They're actually different things. But they're still pretty good friends. They're... Well, they... And they go hand in hand because nobody's gonna buy from you unless they have a relationship with you. They know you, like you, and trust you. And I think that's what the marketing is. It's establishing that relationship. You used the word connection, and, that feels very different from pasting on some kind of a mask that looks good, but everybody can tell it's superficial. I see this a lot on on social media, for example. You know, the the airbrushed kind of, idealistic Pinterest image that goes out there that that really doesn't reflect who that person is authentically. Absolutely. Well, I'm glad you brought that up because, also, in the age of AI where it can literally make anything look like something else, our brain is going to constantly be seeking that genuine connection. It's gonna be looking for, is this a human? Yeah. You know? Because I think about early days of CGI in movies. Do you remember, like, where at first, it was really easy to tell something with CGI, and then over time, you get to a point where your brain's like, wait. Hey. Wait a minute. Can't tell. And now I would argue it is more impressive to know that an actual person was in a car burning, flipping over eight times than to know it was on my computer. Right? It's way more impressive now. And I think we're gonna see a shift towards that. I don't have a crystal ball, so I don't know exactly what's gonna happen in marketing. We didn't know what... We didn't know social media was gonna become a thing until it did. You know? Like, that just happened. Right. But with AI, now people can create content so quickly, and you can make it look perfect. And AI, by default, wants to try to look like what has come before. It's getting better at being deceptive, so it's not perfectly perfect. It's not that weird sheen to it anymore. But it still can only iterate. It doesn't innovate. Humans do that. Mhmm. And we we seek and crave connection. And when we don't have that, when we're isolated, that's when a lot of big problems start. But with our businesses, it's the same. Like, people want to work with us because they want to have someone help them through pain or get over a problem they're having or help them to become a better version of themselves or to achieve a goal that they have. And so if they can connect with a real human that can help them do that, that's that's strength. So we don't have to find some way to make it look just right. Oh, no. Well, you're chuckling about this, but I've been stuck there before. You know? Like Everyone's been stuck before, myself included. Like, I Yeah. I think you... You've done the, oh, what's that that... Not quiz, assessment about our saboteurs. You know? Yeah. One of my saboteurs is a high achiever. I tend to want everything to be really high level and perfect. And if it's not, I'm... I struggle a bit with that. I get it. And we want the video to be absolutely perfect, and we want the social media post to be phrased exactly right. And if we never put it out into the world, if we never turn the beacon on, nobody will ever receive it. No one will ever see it come to it. If you don't put anything out, how are they gonna know? If we have something that can genuinely help people, isn't it selfish of us to keep that to ourselves? We can make a difference in someone's life. So marketing can be so noble. It's... I refer to as Jedi and Sith marketing. Sith, if you're not a Star Wars nerd like me, Sith are the bad guys. Jedi are the good guys. Sith marketing is manipulation, control, power, trying to, like, take control from other people. JEDI marketing's connection, attraction, bringing things to you. Like, it just it connects everything in the universe. And so let's be Jedi. Let's go out. Let's fight for a good fight and help as many people as possible. I'm noticing a little psychological barrier that's popping up. And I know you've run into it, Emily, because of all the work you've done with entrepreneurs and and, shall we say, recovering perfectionists. Yes. I mean, I can relate with you on this because I used to think perfectionism was some badge of honor. Like, somehow, that's my duty, you know, to to put it out there just right. And this comes down to our our programming, really. You know, we're trained, taught, and educated to get the answers right and to draw within the lines and everything else that that might mean. And to really show up with our flaws and foibles, with our zits and pimples, it it feels really vulnerable. Well, let me put it this way. It's not a final test. It's a practice test. Marketing is a bunch of practice tests, and the sales, that's the final one. Mhmm. Connection really gonna work because we need data. And, I mean, some people get really granular into data, and they wanna see all the metrics and things like that. But sometimes we also just need to test and see what's working. What actually do people need from me? And marketing, like like I said, it's putting up a beacon. And maybe you gotta adjust the frequency a bit because the beacon's not quite attracting who you thought it was gonna attract. And the world and people change all the time. So something that did work ten years ago may not resonate the same now anyways. And so if we stop thinking of the social media post as the final version, like, this is the test, it's it's just a practice. Like, put it out there. See what kind of resources you get. Stuff. Yeah. It's... Maybe you get 70% the first time. Maybe then it... You you squeak up to an 80%. And then before you know it, you're just doing 90 fives all over the place. You know? So instead of thinking, I'm being, like, final grade on this. I'm curious. What is the value of vulnerability in your mind? Because that's something that we fear, but I think I'm getting from you that that's also what people are looking for. That that human element, something that proves to me, okay, so you are human. Can you just speak to that a little bit? Vulnerability is, I think... I mean, you would know this better as a counselor yourself. Isn't that where connection really comes from? It's it's that recognition of the self underneath. Authenticity... We we talk a lot about authenticity in the world, authenticity in marketing, authenticity in our jobs, but the reason authenticity matters is because we're not looking to trick each other. We want to create a real genuine connection with others, but we have to see who they really are to do that. Right? We're not creating a bait switch situation. We want to actually connect. Like, I just keep imagining people in my life. And in a relationship, it's surface level until vulnerability shows up. That's right. So if we wanna create strong connections, thinking about science, right, you have weak bonds and you have strong bonds, and strong bonds are when something is shared. If I remember the technical term, I would say it. Is it... It's not the atom that's shared. It's electrons or something like that. But, you know, when something is shared, that's when it's really, really strong. And so we do the same thing in relationships, and marketing is a form of creating a relationship. It's one of the reasons social media took off so much with marketing It's because it created parasocial relationships. But over time, we've weakened those a lot because the connections used to be, oh, I can actually connect with someone far away from me in a way that I never could before. But now there's just so much stuff. We're not really connecting. Everyone's fake. I remember at one point, I was doing my own market research for my business about, well, how much I should invest in social media marketing for myself. And so I called up some of my absolute favorite clients and was like, okay. What social media platforms are you on? What are you doing? And what I found was they all told me, well, I don't really go on there for myself. I just go on there to post for my business. But they weren't hanging out on social. They weren't scrolling. Oh, interesting. Time. I'm not doing this. And a lot of them had started hiring help to be them online. It wasn't even my ideal client. It was their virtual assistant. And so I found out they all listen to podcasts, though. Uh-huh. They like to drive in cars and listen to podcasts. I was like, oh, okay. That's more of my people. Now some people do love to be on social media, and so it can still be a very powerful tool, but it's not the most powerful tool for everybody. It's not the magic bullet that some people tend to think it is. And and that speaks to the the question of who do you serve. Mhmm. And if the who that you serve is not scrolling on social media, guess what? That's not your marketing channel. That's right. It's not where you need to be. The other thing is too is... Again, think of this as a relationship. If you hate being on social media, if it's a place you don't like to be, how strong are you gonna create a relationship there if you're in a place of extreme discomfort? You know, it'll suck your energy away when you're trying to market as opposed to help you generate momentum because you're spending all this energy being someplace that you're like, oh, I don't really wanna be here, but I need to be here. I had one client... Well, let me rephrase that. So I talk a lot in my business about finding the fun in marketing, that we don't think of it like Sisyphus, you know, pushing the boulder up a hill, and then it rolls down and crushes you. But we think of it as like, okay. This is, you can maybe think of it like more like a marathon. It's something that you're running, but you're going towards something. Like, you actually have a goal. There's an award at the end. There's a finish line. There's a there's a purpose and a reason to what you're doing. But if you can find the fun in it, how much better is it if there's beautiful vistas, if you get to, like, see a cute little dog on the side of the road? Like, let's have a pleasant journey. Let's not let's not try to break all the records in the world. You know? Maybe my metaphor is breaking down now. But at the same time, when you find the fun in marketing, you generate energy for yourself because especially coaches, consultants, authors, speakers, people who maybe have a smaller team, a lot of it relies on them. And even if you do have a team, ultimately, decisions rest with you. The direction you're going, that's on you. They're gonna follow you, but you have to tell them, okay. We are going over here. We are seeking these people, and we want them to take this action once we finish your interaction with them. Marketing is also about action. Just throw that out there. Right. And so having that clarity, that's got to come from the leader. And so have fun while we're doing it. If you love to speak, speak as much as possible. If you love to write, if that lights you up, write as much as possible. That can be social media, blog posts, substack, guest blogging on other people's things, writing books, and... Okay. Can I say a pet peeve? Yep. Please. Too many thought leaders are having other people write their books. And I know ghostwriters have always been a thing. Mhmm. But the process of writing a book can help people clarify their message so much. Like, especially if you, trying to get around your message, and then that's what creates the genuine connection when it comes to the sales conversation. Like, understanding that clarity. Now, again, I'm not saying if you use a ghostwriter or something, that's bad, but just make sure you're immersed in the process. If anyone ever approaches you and basically says, like, a no effort book is on the table, please don't take it, people. Because your business and your marketing will do so much better if you're involved. If it's, you know, conversations, voice memos, whatever, like, something to help you be inserted in your marketing, it's just so much stronger. I am going to second what you just said, because in my first book, Emily, pathological positivity, I took approximately three years to write this. And it was... It it resulted in a book. Yes. But the primary product of this book is my clarity. Because after writing the book, I came up with a model, a powerful model of positive psychology. It was born in the book, and it was born in conversations with an editor that I hired, not to write the book for me, but to challenge my thinking on every point. Mhmm. And I remember to... His name's Thomas Cantrell, the brilliant, the amazing Thomas Cantrell. He, he challenged me on everything. He would say something like, doc, that's a bunch of crap. And I'm like, no. No. It's not. But I hadn't convinced him yet. And I had to look deep inside of me to find where I stood on on these principles of psychology. And I had to go through a bankruptcy to learn this personally. I had... There's an origin story to everything that you're selling. Right? And I had to find that and come to terms with it and then put it in language that would convince Thomas that this wasn't a bunch of crap. This is actually solid principle based science that will save and enrich people's key relationships, and that was the value. Now, yes, the book has been valuable as a marketing piece. But going back to your point, marketing is not that you have a book. It's that you have something that reflects you and the value that you can bring to other real humans on the planet. That you have something to say. And when you were talking, I was imagining flavor. Like, your personal experiences are what is giving flavor to what you are teaching. And, yes, some people are not gonna like the spices. Maybe it's not their their thing. They like different cuisine, but it's still better than bland. To that point, there are people who love, love, love, love, love extra spicy food. Yes. I am not one of them. I will go into a coughing fit that will have you wondering about whether I'll survive the dinner. Mhmm. Well, though, I would like to challenge the idea of what is spicy, though. Because when I say spice, I'm talking flavor. I mean, you could be sweet, savory, hot. You know, we tend to say spicy would be just hot. But but that's also true of people's messaging that sometimes people are like, oh, you know, I can't put too much personality and excited. Don't swear. I'm like, well, swearing is not the only way to show personality. Well, whatever your spice is. Right? And when I was saying I'm not a fan of... I meant the highly, you know, the hot burning your throat kinda spicy. But some people love that. And and and in your marketing, to your point, Emily, we're not trying to connect with everyone. Yes. That is accurate. So, you probably noticed, I love allegories, metaphors, whatever. It's my it's my love language, everyone. And so I tell... I just think about a cat. Okay? If you have a window and there's sunlight streaming in, a cat will lay there. It will bask in the sunlight. Right? It's nice and diffusing around it. It's it's pleasant. Get a laser pointer out. What does the cat do? Mhmm. Jumps up and chases it. Jumps up and chases it. That focused light, that focused energy creates action, movement. And so we may put out a lot of great things, nice things, pleasant things that people like, aw, isn't that nice? But if we get focused in our messaging, if we have clarity and we're speaking directly to what it is that they need, they will chase it. That is excellent. I love the way your brain works, Emily. Thank you. That's why it's always so fun to talk to you. I know you've put together a little gift for our listeners here today, And I I love that you can trigger our thinking in a different direction as we change our mindset about marketing. It... It's no longer the drudgery. It actually becomes fun. And if we're not having fun, we're doing it wrong. Emily, tell us about what you're offering us today. Okay. I'm gonna get into that. And I'd like to do just a little language adjustment to what you just said. Oh, please. Yes. I would prefer people don't think that they're doing marketing wrong. They're just making it harder than it needs to be, that we're often slowing ourselves down. Because if they're making any effort, hey, kudos to you. If you are trying even when it is hard and sucks Yes. Thank you. Are still doing hard... Like, you're still doing it, but maybe we can make this easier. You can make make it just flow better for you. So the And I will echo that too, Emily, because, yes, good for you. Way to go, and is there an adjustment we can make where this becomes a joyful activity for you? Love the redirect. Thank you, Emily. So the free gift that I have for everyone today is a worksheet to help you find the fun in marketing. Oftentimes Mhmm. People, when I say the word marketing, immediately jump to social media. Like, that that is the only method for marketing today. And I'm here to say that's not true. There are a lot of different things that are marketing. If you're a person who loves to speak... I was talking about this earlier. If you love to speak, we'll then speak as much as possible. And that doesn't mean just going on stages or getting on podcast, which to some people may be like, oh, that's overwhelming. I'm not sure I can get to that level yet. Start with just talking to people, networking events, join organizations. Like, that's marketing money spent if you pay a fee to join a specific organization that has your ideal client inside of it, that's part of marketing because you're getting the word out. Talk as much as possible about what you really love and how it can help people. Now that doesn't mean sales pitches. That's different too. But Right. Talking about it being open, authentic, and honest about what you see and how it helps. So if you're a speaker, that's just one of the ideas that's on this list. If you're a writer, same thing. We know you can write social media posts, but there's lots of other ways to write too. And so you can write the blog post, do guest blogging, write books, write white papers if you love that. If you love research, there's there's a whole list of things on there too of, like, okay. If you like analytics and research, how do you take that amazing brain of yours and still turn it into marketing? Not everything has to be sunshine and rainbows and colorful flyers. Like, it can be something more cerebral and still be a form of marketing. And if you're someone who just loves community and and creating ways for human people to come together, there's events. That's a form of marketing too. And so, again, there's just a whole bunch of ideas on there to get it started. And then I encourage people, you know, AI, I love it as a tool. It's a calculator for words. Like, it helps us just speed up the process. But we still have to come up with the direction and figure out what are we trying to solve for. Like, why do we need to know what x is? And so when you're doing an exercise like this, if you feel stuck, if you have a roadblock, you now know what kind of question you can ask. I'm a person who really loves to write. What are some different ways that I can do marketing that don't involve social media? You could ask it, and it'll help you brainstorm whole bunch of ideas. And so it's just something to get you started in thinking outside of the box in marketing. Yes. Thank you for that. The link, folks, is marketingispersonal.com. And there is a link in the show notes. You can also find Emily at magic mirror marketing. That's where she does her magic. And, maybe some of that's going to rub off on you and you'll become a little more magical in your own marketing. Emily, thank you. You're welcome. Can I actually tell just a quick story? I would love to hear a quick story. I just want to say why my business is called Magic Mirror Marketing is possibly not what you think. The reason I changed... Because originally, I was a business called Linkhouse Consultants, because I needed a name for my LLC, and I lived on Link Road at the time. So became one of those consultants. But I had a moment of clarity once where I was at a business breakthrough for my own business, and I was talking in front of my husband about how one of my strengths in the marketing is helping people understand their own words. Like, that I'll listen in a conversation, they'll say something to me, and then I just say the same thing back, and they're like, that's brilliant. We should use that. And I said, well, you just said it two minutes ago. Thank you. Thank you for the... Yes. Yeah. And for a long time, my husband referred to me as a translator. He's like, oh, you help people translate. And then we were talking, and I said, well, I don't really translate. I'm really... I'm just reflecting their magic back at them. And I said, and I wish I had, like, a magic mirror for myself, and then I just stopped. Ding, ding, ding. That's that's what it is. The magic mirror is not what you come up to and then, oh, I will give you the answer. I'm going to tell you who is the Ferris in the land. The magic is I'm reflecting back at you who you really are. Because when you reflect that magic back, you are so powerful and amazing and wonderful. And, like, that's that's my paradigm I view the world from is that people are amazing, but we have a hard time seeing it. We just need to take a good look in the mirror and see how much magic we actually have. And when you use that in marketing, it's amazing. I love it. Emily, thank you so much for joining us here today. Thank you so much for inviting me on. Folks, you have heard some brilliance today. You've got a gift, and it's marketingispersonal.com. That's where Emily will set you up with a worksheet that will help to open your eyes to some of the magic that is waiting for you when it comes to marketing. And now that we know it, I think it's probably time to go do it. Let's go live on purpose. Did you get what you came for? Give yourself the gift of taking real action on what you realized today. Please share this episode with someone you know would value it, and leave us a rating too. It's time now to live on purpose.