Latest / Reformed Thinking / Loving the Stranger: Why Hospitable Elders Make the Gospel Visible

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Loving the Stranger: Why Hospitable Elders Make the Gospel Visible · Reformed Thinking

• 0:00
  Welcome back to Reformed Thinking.
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  It is good to be back on the mic.
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  It is. If you are a regular listener,
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  you know the drill by now. We are two friends, fellow
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  believers, and we we generally tried to view the world,
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  scripture and theology through that distinct lens of the
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  Protestant Reformation. That's right, we hold to the
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  Westminster Confession. We love the density of covenant
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  theology, and we operate on the premise that these old truths
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  have a lot to say to our modern lives.
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  Absolutely. And today we're doing a deep
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  dive into a topic that honestly, I think a lot of us just glaze
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  over. We're looking at the biblical
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  qualifications for the office of elder.
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  Now, usually when a church is looking at a guy for leadership,
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  we get the magnifying glass out for his theology, right?
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  Does he know his doctrine? Is he solid on the Trinity?
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  Does he understand justification by faith alone?
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  Which is essential. I mean, if he gets that wrong,
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  nothing else matters. Vital.
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  And then we look at his moral purity.
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  Is he sober? Is he faithful to his wife?
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  Is he honest in his business dealings?
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  All critical. But there's one qualification in
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  the list that the apostle Paul gives in both First Timothy and
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  Titus that I feel like often gets treated like a bonus round.
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  It's the requirement that an overseer must be hospitable.
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  It is the one box where you know if a candidate isn't great at
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  it, people tend to shrug. You hear search committees say
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  things like, well, he's not very social and he keeps to himself,
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  but he's a great teacher we treat.
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  It like a personality trait. Like, oh, Bill's an extrovert,
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  so he's got the hospitality thing covered.
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  Steve's an introvert, so we'll give him a pass on that one.
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  Right, as if it's an optional extra.
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  But our sources for this deep dive are arguing something
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  pretty radical. They're saying that hospitality
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  isn't just about being nice or having people over for a game
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  night. It's a theological necessity.
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  In fact, Paul uses the word DI. It is necessary for an overseer.
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  And that is the hook right there.
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  We're accustomed to thinking of hospitality as a southern charm,
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  or having a really nice living room with the pillows fluffed
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  just right. But the argument here is that a
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  lack of hospitality isn't just a lack of social skills.
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  It represents a lack of spiritual fruit.
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  It might even be a disqualification for ministry.
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  That's a that is a heavy statement.
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  You're saying a guy could be a theological genius, but if his
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  door is closed, he's unfit? That's what the text implies,
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  and the objective of this deep dive is to see why Paul puts it
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  there. Why is hospitable sitting right
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  next to sober minded and able to teach?
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  We're going to see that this isn't about dinner parties.
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  It's rooted in the covenant of grace.
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  It reflects the gospel itself, and this part blew my mind.
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  It's actually described in our sources as a weapon of spiritual
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  warfare. A weapon of warfare.
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  OK, let's unpack this. Because if we're going to say
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  this is a requirement, we better know what the word actually
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  means, right? We aren't talking about
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  entertaining, are we? No, not at all.
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  We have to start with the Greek. The word used in First Timothy
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  3.2 is philoxynos. Philoxynos OK, let's parse that.
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  If you break that down, philos means love or affection, like,
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  you know, Philadelphia, the city of brotherly love, and Zenos
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  means stranger, foreigner, or alien.
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  So the literal translation is lover of strangers.
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  That is already so different from how we use the word today.
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  When I say I'm being hospitable, I usually mean I'm having my
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  friends over to watch the game. Drastically different.
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  And think about the opposite word which we all know.
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  Xenophobia, that is the fear of strangers.
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  Biblical hospitality is the exact opposite moral posture.
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  It's the love of the stranger. The love of the stranger.
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  And the sources make a really important distinction here.
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  Paul does not use the word philophron, which would mean
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  lover of friends. Oh, that's a conviction right
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  there. Because I think most of us, when
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  we think we're being hospitable, we're really just hanging out
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  with our buddies. We're dealing with people who
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  are already in our circle. Spot on.
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  And the pagans did that. The ancient world understood
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  reciprocal social exchange very well.
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  You invite me to your banquet. I invite you to mine.
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  Our social capital remains balanced.
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  Everyone's happy. A.
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  Kind of social transaction. Yes, but philoxenia, biblical
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  hospitality, disrupts that entire economic exchange.
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  It's about loving the outsider, the awkward person, the new
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  convert who doesn't know the lingo yet, the person who cannot
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  repay you. So it's not about having your
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  best friends over for steaks, it's about the person who
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  doesn't fit in. It's about the person who is by
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  definition a Zenos, a stranger. And to understand why this was
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  so critical, we have to look at the historical context.
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  The sources paint a pretty gritty picture of the 1st
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  century world. I can imagine.
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  Traveling back then wasn't like hopping on a flight and staying
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  at a nice hotel. No, you didn't have a safety
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  rating to check on an app. No.
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  There are commercial Inns called Koppenay, and they were
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  notorious. They were dangerous places.
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  Often they function as brothels. They were Centers for robbery.
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  If you were a Christian traveling to spread the gospel
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  or just traveling for work, staying in an inn was physically
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  and spiritually perilous. So.
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  You risked your life and your property.
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  And this meant the spread of the gospel literally depended on
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  open doors. It was a strategic necessity
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  then. Absolutely.
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  The early church survived because private homes acted as
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  safe harbors. They were sanctuaries.
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  If Christians didn't open their homes to itinerant preachers and
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  fellow believers, the mission just stops.
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  It grinds to a halt. So when Paul tells Timothy that
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  an elder must be hospitable, he isn't saying make sure he's a
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  good host. He's saying make sure he is
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  ready to protect and sustain the network of the Kingdom.
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  Yes, it's about building and maintaining the very fabric of
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  the church. That puts a completely different
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  weight on it. It's infrastructure for the
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  Great Commission. But I want to circle back to
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  something you touched on, because I think this is where we
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  get tripped up in the modern West.
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  We confuse hospitality with entertainment.
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  This is a crucial distinction. Our source material draws a
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  sharp line here. Entertainment is fundamentally
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  about the host. It's about my home, my cooking
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  skills, my curated aesthetic. The Pinterest perfect house.
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  The idea that everything has to be spotless before anyone
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  crosses the threshold. The dog has to be hidden.
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  The kids have to be on their best behavior.
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  Right. It's performance driven.
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  It's rooted in the pride of life or the fear of man.
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  I want you to come over so you can be impressed by me.
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  That's entertainment. It's self focused.
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  Completely. Hospitality is the opposite.
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  It focuses entirely on the guest.
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  It asks what do you need, How can I refresh you?
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  How can I help you? It's other focus.
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  So 1 is standing on a stage and the other is functioning as a
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  servant. Precisely.
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  The sources call out what they term the Martha Syndrome.
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  Remember Martha bustling around anxious about many things?
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  Yeah, while Mary sits at Jesus's feet.
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  Right. We gets so obsessed with a
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  spotless home or a gourmet meal that we actually become
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  inhospitable. We're anxious, we're distracted,
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  and the guest feels like an audience member rather than a
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  person being cared for. They feel like they're an
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  imposition. Yes, and the text argues that a
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  simple meal, soup and bread, where there is genuine prayer
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  and focus on the guest, is infinitely superior to a lavish
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  banquet full of anxiety. That is freeing, isn't it?
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  It really takes the pressure off.
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  It isn't about the food, it's about the heart.
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  It's vanity versus ministry that is the choice if you're worried
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  about the dust on the baseboards more than the soul of the person
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  sitting on your couch. You're entertaining, not showing
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  hospitality. OK, so we've defined the term.
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  It's loving the stranger, not just a friend.
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  It's attending to needs, not performance.
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  But being reformed. Guys, we have to get to the
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  theology. Why is this such a big deal to
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  God? Why isn't it just a nice thing
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  to do? This is where we have to put our
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  covenant theology hats on. The argument here is that
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  hospitality isn't just a rule, it's woven into the fabric of
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  reality, starting right at creation.
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  How so? Walk us through that.
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  Well, think about it. God is the first host.
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  When he created the world, he prepared it like a temple.
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  He made the garden. He filled it with good things,
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  and then, only then, he created Adam and welcomed him into a
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  world he didn't build. Eden was the archetypal guest
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  house. Adam was a guest of God.
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  I love that image. We were welcomed in.
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  We didn't build the house, we just moved in.
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  We were tenants, not owners. But then comes the fall.
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  And how do the sources describe the fall?
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  As an act of cosmic in hospitality, man rejected the
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  rule of the host. We wanted to own the house.
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  We wanted to be the landlord. Or overstepped our role as.
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  Guests. Exactly.
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  And the result was Eziction Exile.
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  We were kicked out of the garden.
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  And that changed our ontological status, Ephesians 2.1 says.
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  We became strogers and aliens. We became spiritual refugees.
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  We were wandering east of Eden, cut off from the household of
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  God. So the condition of fallen
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  humanity is homelessness. Which sets the stage for
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  redemption. If the fall is exile, redemption
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  must be. Hospitality.
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  The Westminster Confession uses this beautiful phrase voluntary
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  condescension. The distance between US and God
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  is so great that we could never know him unless he voluntarily
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  came down and opened the door. The gospel is God reopening the
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  door that sin shut. And you see this in the Old
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  Testament law, right? I'm thinking of Deuteronomy.
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  Deuteronomy 10.19 God commands Israel to love the sojourner and
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  why He doesn't say because it's polite, he says, for you were
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  sojourners in the land of Egypt. Their ethics had to mirror their
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  redemptive memory. God is saying I took you in when
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  you were outsiders. Now you do the same.
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  Your whole identity is wrapped up in being a people who are
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  welcomed when you were homeless. That is powerful.
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  It isn't just be nice. It is.
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  Remember who you are. You were the stranger.
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  You were the refugee. And then of course this
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  companies in Christ and the Christology here is just
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  fascinating. The sources point out that Jesus
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  plays both roles. He is the stranger and he is the
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  host. Right.
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  He had nowhere to lay his head. Born in a borrowed stable.
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  Died outside the camp. He identifies with the outsider.
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  He knows what it is to be rejected, to be a Zenos.
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  But it's the same time he is the ultimate host.
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  The ultimate host. And what does he say?
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  In John 14, I go to prepare a place for you.
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  In my father's house are many rooms, and he hosts the new
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  Covenant meal communion. He invites us to his table.
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  The source material use a phrase that really stuck with me,
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  talked about the theology of the open vein.
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  Yes, that's a weighty image, isn't it?
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  It's the idea that God doesn't just open a door, He opens
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  himself. He adopts enemies and seats them
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  at his table. He pays the cost of our welcome
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  with his own life. With his own blood.
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  With his own blood. So when we talk about an elder,
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  a leader in Christ's church having a closed home.
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  It's a contradiction of the Gospel.
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  It's completely inconsistent. It is a theological heresy.
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  That's what the sources argue. To preach an open gospel that
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  God welcomes sinners while keeping a closed home is a lie.
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  You are misrepresenting the covenant of grace.
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  Your life is preaching a different sermon than your
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  mouth. Wow, that really raises the
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  stakes. It moves this from It would be
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  nice if the pastor had us over to Does this man understand the
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  gospel he's preaching? Precisely.
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  And that leads us directly into the ecclesiology.
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  Why is this specifically a requirement for elders?
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  I mean, all Christians should be hospitable, right?
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  Sure, Romans 12 says seek to show hospitality.
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  That's for everyone. But for elders, it's a
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  qualification for office. It's non negotiable and the
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  reason goes back to what the church actually is.
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  First Timothy 3.15 calls the church the household of God
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  Oikos. It's not a business.
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  It's not an Event Center or a lecture hall.
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  It is a family. And you cannot shepherd a family
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  from a distance. You cannot father a family
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  through bureaucracy or a well written e-mail newsletter.
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  The argument is that hospitality is the infrastructure for
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  oversight. It provides what the military
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  might call situational awareness.
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  Situational. Awareness.
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  I like that. Unpack that for the church
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  context. If an elder only sees you on
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  Sunday morning in your Sunday best shaking hands in the foyer,
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  he doesn't know you. He sees the polished version.
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  He sees the representative. Curated self.
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  Yes, but when you're in his home or he is in yours, when you're
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  breaking bread, the guards come down.
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  He sees the true state of the flock.
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  He sees the tension in a marriage that's hidden behind
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  smiles on Sunday. He sees the loneliness in a
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  single person. He sees the discouragement in
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  someone's eyes that you just can't see from a pulpit.
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  He cannot. Shepherd what he doesn't see.
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  Precisely if he isn't hospitable, he is flying blind.
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  He's managing a program, not shepherding souls.
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  And that's why Paul places hospitable right next to able to
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  teach. There's a logic there.
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  What's the connection? The logic is if a man cannot
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  open his home to minister to physical needs, hunger, thirst,
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  loneliness, he lacks the credibility to open the
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  scriptures to minister to spiritual needs.
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  His words will sound hollow. It's a character test.
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  It demonstrates the heart behind the doctrine.
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  It's a diagnostic tool. Hospitality tests whether a man
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  is ruled by self protection and comfort or by love.
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  It proves whether his authority is cruciform, shaped by the
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  cross. Is his leadership exercise
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  through service, or is it just about domination and control and
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  maintaining his own little Kingdom?
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  You know, I can hear the objection coming.
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  I've heard it before. Well, isn't this what the
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  deacons are for? Or the welcome committee?
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  Can't the elders focus on the Word and prayer and delegate the
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  hospitality? The sources address that head
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  on, and the answer is a resounding no.
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  A hard no A. Hard no.
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  You can delegate tasks, you can delegate meal trains, but you
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  cannot delegate the relational sinews of the body.
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  Oversight is personal. An elder who outsources
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  hospitality is an elder who is trying to shepherd by proxy.
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  It doesn't. Work.
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  It's like a father trying to outsource tucking his kids into
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  bed. That's a great analogy.
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  Programs can assist, but they cannot replace the shepherd's
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  presence. The sheep need to know the
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  shepherd's smell, his voice, his home.
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  That is a strong rebuke to the corporate CEO model of church
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  leadership we see so often. It really is.
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  It calls us back to a family model, an ancient biblical
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  model. OK, I want to pivot a bit here.
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  We've talked about what hospitality is and why it
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  matters, but our sources also go into what they call polemics and
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  counterfeits. They frame the elders table as a
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  weapon of spiritual warfare. That sounds intense.
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  Who are we fighting against with the dinner table?
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  We're fighting against the idols of our age, individualism and
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  privacy. Think about the loneliness
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  statistics you see everywhere. We are the most connected
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  society in history technologically, yet over half
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  of adults report suffering from severe social isolation.
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  We are lonely, we're swimming in a sea of people but feel
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  completely alone. We are isolated, and the church
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  is God's ordained remedy for that.
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  So when an elder opens his home, he is physically fighting
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  against the atomization of society.
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  He's creating a pocket of belonging in a world of
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  alienation. The countercultural community.
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  Exactly. But there are counterfeits we
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  have to watch out for. There are ways to do hospitality
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  that actually undermine the truth.
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  Right. And one of the big ones
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  mentioned is what we might call the error of liberalism.
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  Yes, this is where hospitality gets confused with affirmation.
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  In our culture, welcoming someone often means you have to
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  affirm everything about them, their lifestyle, their sin,
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  their worldview. If you don't affirm it, you
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  aren't being inclusive. Which is a huge pressure point
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  right now. Huge, but the Bible draws a line
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  there. A very sharp line.
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  A very sharp line to John 1.10. Azel 11 John, the apostle of
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  love, mind you, says do not receive false teachers, do not
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  give them a platform, do not even greet them.
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  So true theological hospitality is not inclusivity that
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  validates heresy. How do you draw that distinction
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  then? We feed the unbeliever.
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  That's common grace. We love the Sinner, but we do
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  not practice ecclesiastical hospitality that gives a
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  platform to error. There's a difference between
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  inviting a skeptical neighbor for dinner and inviting a
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  heretical teacher to lead your Bible study.
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  So true hospitality loves the Sinner too much to leave them in
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  their sin. It doesn't rewrite God's truth
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  just to make the guest feel comfortable in their rebellion.
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  Exactly. It's a welcome into reality and
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  not a welcome into a fantasy where God doesn't care about
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  sin. The most loving thing you can do
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  is offer both a meal and the truth.
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  Then there's the other side of the coin.
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  The sources called it Sentimental Hospital.
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  This is the nice hospitality. It's warm, there are cookies,
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  everyone is smiling, but there is no truth.
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  It's welcoming without holiness. It's all welcome, no challenge.
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  Right, it's boundary less. The sources warn that elders
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  must still manage their households well-being hospitable
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  doesn't mean you expose your family to danger or that you
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  never say no. It doesn't mean you let your
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  house become chaotic. Wisdom is part of love.
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  A Good Shepherd protects his own flock, including the flock in
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  his home. That's a good balance.
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  And then there is selective hospitality.
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  We touched on this, but it's worth hammering home.
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  This is the most common temptation, I think, welcoming
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  only the people who improve your status, the cool people, the
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  wealthy people, the easy guests who know how to behave and won't
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  make a mess. The people who aren't going to
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  spill juice on the carpet or say something awkward at the table,
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  right? But the sources argue that this
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  trains the church in favoritism, which the Book of James calls a
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  sin. The elder must model.
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  Welcome to the inconvenient member, the person who talks a
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  little too much, the person who is socially awkward, the person
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  who has nothing to offer in return.
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  That is where the rubber meets the road.
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  This is really convicting stuff. It makes you look at your own
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  calendar and your own dining room table differently.
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  So let's get practical because I know there are guys listening.
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  Maybe elders, maybe aspiring elders or just heads of
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  households thinking, OK, I hear you, but I am swamped.
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  I am busy. The too busy objection.
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  The sources are pretty ruthless with this one.
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  Lay it on us. They frame it using the third
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  use of the law. This is the reformed idea that
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  the law guides our gratitude. We don't do this to earn
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  salvation. We do it because we are saved.
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  It's our thankful response to Grace.
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  Right. But regarding busyness, the
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  argument is if an elder is too busy to obey God's command to be
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  hospitable, he is too busy, Period.
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  That's it. No nuance.
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  That's it. It's idolatry of the schedule.
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  If you have no margin for people, you are too busy to be a
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  shepherd. The open door requires an open
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  slot in the diary. You have to plan for it.
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  You have to build margin into your life for the unexpected
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  knock on the door. And there's a very practical and
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  frankly protective point made about the wife in all of this.
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  This is a big one. Yes, this is vital because often
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  when a man hears you need to be hospitable he goes home and
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  tells his wife hey we need to have people over and he dumps
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  the entire workload on her. Make it happen, honey, it's my
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  biblical qualification. As if she's just part of his
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  ministry resume. Right.
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  And the sources say absolutely not.
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  This is a qualification for the man.
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  He must not treat his wife as a catering servant.
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  He needs to lead by serving. That might mean he is the one
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  chopping vegetables or cleaning the bathroom.
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  Or, and this is key, keeping things simple enough that it
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  isn't a burden. That brings us back to the soup
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  and bread idea Idea. It doesn't have to be a four
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  course meal. It shouldn't be small and
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  frequent. That is the mantra.
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  Move away from big events that happen once 1/4 and exhaust
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  everyone. Move toward ordinary rhythms.
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  Like what? A spare chair at dinner, meeting
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  for coffee, going for a walk, or just integrating people into the
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  life you are already living. It needs to be sustainable.
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  If it exhausts your family, you aren't doing it right.
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  It should be a joy, not a drudgery.
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  I love that it makes it accessible.
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  It isn't about becoming a party planner, it's about integrating
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  people into your actual life, and the evangelistic potential
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  there is huge. It's the strategic high ground.
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  The home is the front door for skeptics.
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  A lot of people today are terrified of walking into a
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  church building. It feels foreign.
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  It feels judgmental. They don't know the rules.
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  They don't know when to stand. Exactly.
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  But being invited to dinner, that's human.
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  That's disarming. The dinner table is where the
• 20:02
  defenses come down and the reality of Christian love can
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  actually be felt, not just talked about.
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  It's hard to argue with someone who's feeding you.
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  It is. It changes the dynamic entirely.
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  You're no longer a project, you're a guest.
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  Well, as we wrap this up, I want to look at the big picture.
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  We've gone from the Greek definition to the covenant to
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  the church structure. But where does this all head?
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  What is the ultimate end of hospitality?
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  It heads to the end times. It's eschatological.
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  Every time we practice hospitality, every shared meal,
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  every open door is an antipast. An antipast.
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  Foretaste. A small sample.
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  It is a foretaste of the marriage supper of the lamb.
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  The end of the story. The end of the story.
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  The Bible ends with a meal. It ends with a wedding feast,
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  and Christ is the host. When an elder opens his table,
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  he is pointing his flock toward that horizon.
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  He's saying this is good, but something better is coming.
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  One day we will sit at a table where the feast never ends and
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  Christ will wait on us. That puts the frozen pizza we
• 21:02
  serve the college students into a whole new perspective.
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  It really does. It sanctifies the ordinary.
• 21:07
  It makes the mundane meaningful. So here's the challenge for us
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  and for you listening To be an elder and really to be a
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  faithful Christian is to be a lover of strangers.
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  It's not optional. It is the shape of the gospel.
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  And here's a thought to leave you with.
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  Look at your dining table. Is it merely furniture for
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  consumption? Is it just a place where you
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  refuel your body? Or is it an altar for mission?
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  That's a question. That is a question worth sitting
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  with. Thanks for joining us on this
• 21:36
  deep dive into reformed thinking.
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  We hope this challenges you to open your door a little wider
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  this week. Grace and peace to you.
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  See you next time.