Latest / Rich Fulcher's TalkBox / Sara Pascoe: Stand-Up Comedy Nerves, Acting Aspirations & “Don’t Start Negative” | TalkBox Ep. 42

Transcript

Sara Pascoe: Stand-Up Comedy Nerves, Acting Aspirations & “Don’t Start Negative” | TalkBox Ep. 42 · Rich Fulcher's TalkBox

• 0:00
  What? Oh, hi, Sarah Pasco is our next
• 0:04
  guest on Talk Box Rich Vultures Talk box, the podcast that's
• 0:11
  sweeping the continent. So please press, like and
• 0:16
  subscribe if you're on YouTube. And if you're on Apple and
• 0:21
  Spotify, press follow and give me a five star review because
• 0:26
  that's how people get famous. No, not really.
• 0:31
  I'm just the same old humdrum guy who eats hot dogs and farms
• 0:37
  with a stick. Wait, is that everything I
• 0:41
  should say? No, but that's it for now.
• 1:01
  Where's my bag? What do I have to do today,
• 1:05
  Kenny? I have to pick up milk, cheese,
• 1:11
  ramen. Oh, hi.
• 1:12
  Hi. What were you doing?
• 1:14
  You haven't brought. Any dairy?
• 1:17
  Products Oh hi, you don't drink dairy.
• 1:19
  Though I don't. You're vegan.
• 1:21
  Yes. Oh, still.
• 1:23
  Yes, Yeah. Well, yeah.
• 1:26
  Sarah Pascoe, everybody just dropped by.
• 1:30
  Oh, yeah, Thanks for having me. I was just planning on sitting
• 1:33
  here but this is. Quite sad.
• 1:36
  No, no, I'm not sad at all. I'm happy.
• 1:40
  Good. One thing.
• 1:41
  I just wanted to tell you something because I left for the
• 1:46
  US when we were kind of, we were gigging together sometimes, and
• 1:51
  it was about 2011, right? Yeah.
• 1:54
  When I went over, you blew up here.
• 1:59
  Everyone kept asking for you. No, no, it's not available.
• 2:02
  Can I do the gig? No, but what I want to say is
• 2:04
  I'm so happy for you. Thank you because it I come back
• 2:09
  and then we're watching you on TV and it's like that's.
• 2:16
  That's that's nice. When did you so you left 2011
• 2:18
  and then when did you come back? Well, actually I think it was
• 2:24
  2013 and we came back during the pandemic.
• 2:27
  So it was about 8 years because we are pandemic movers.
• 2:33
  We had enough because we found out we were going to have our
• 2:37
  kids homeschooled for another year.
• 2:41
  They said they're not going to open the school.
• 2:42
  So we go F that and we came back.
• 2:47
  Yeah, so. But that we were going to come
• 2:49
  back anyway. That was the motivating factor.
• 2:52
  Sorry to bore you with. No, no, it's interesting.
• 2:54
  I just must have been hard for your kids moving and then having
• 2:58
  to go back to a new school. You know, a lot of people are
• 3:01
  worried about kids. They're very adaptable.
• 3:05
  Great these. Yeah.
• 3:07
  But early on I I'd advise people because it was just the point
• 3:12
  where if they got any older I would be worried.
• 3:16
  But they didn't, you know, they didn't have many friends.
• 3:21
  That. That's good.
• 3:22
  No, no, they, they. They weren't too attached to.
• 3:25
  Yeah, it was the perfect time to do it.
• 3:28
  We had always talked about coming back.
• 3:31
  Are you thinking about moving anywhere?
• 3:34
  We. Will we will eventually move to
• 3:35
  Australia Yes. So This is why the age and and
• 3:38
  how to. Do it like when.
• 3:39
  Well, I had always in my head planned, OK, maybe the little
• 3:44
  bit between Junior School and secondary school would be the
• 3:47
  perfect time because then they would start a school then.
• 3:50
  And then another parent said to me, these hypothetical things
• 3:53
  about children are much more difficult than you think because
• 3:56
  actually, at 11 years old, they might be very attached to a
• 4:00
  friendship group, and the idea of going on the other side of
• 4:03
  the world is obsessing. You can shoot a kid off into
• 4:06
  space and they'll be fine. Yeah, OK.
• 4:10
  It all depends on the kids too. I think it does.
• 4:12
  Depend how sensitive they are, doesn't it?
• 4:13
  And like you say, talking about it in advance, making it
• 4:16
  exciting. How old are yours?
• 4:18
  Well, currently 2:00 and 4:00, so at this point it would be
• 4:22
  fine. Also, I think Australia compared
• 4:24
  to England has so many, like their grandparents have a
• 4:29
  swimming pool in Sydney. Yeah, that's never going to
• 4:31
  happen in this. Country.
• 4:32
  Yeah. Like we had a pool in LA.
• 4:35
  Yeah. But luckily they've forgotten
• 4:37
  about it. We wanted to leave so they would
• 4:41
  forget about it. You.
• 4:42
  Dreamed you dreamed that I've never, I know you would have a
• 4:44
  pool in the garden. I know, yeah.
• 4:47
  So that's something to look forward to, yeah.
• 4:51
  I think so. But secondary school is
• 4:53
  definitely that was my my dad was in the Air Force, so we
• 4:57
  moved all over. That was the worst move was in
• 5:02
  high school. Oh.
• 5:03
  Yeah, yeah. Being a New Girl or boy at
• 5:07
  secondary school, something can happen in the first day, the
• 5:10
  first week, and you're done. Like they're evil at that age.
• 5:14
  Yeah, yeah, yeah. You do need the safety or people
• 5:17
  already know you. It's just when I was having an
• 5:20
  acceptable group, huge jock. No, no, I wasn't a jock, but I
• 5:26
  was hanging out with a kind of comedy weirdo people.
• 5:30
  And then I was, you know, had a had a girlfriend, a pseudo
• 5:36
  girlfriend and and it was just the perfect time.
• 5:40
  And then they pulled me out. Yeah, isn't it?
• 5:44
  It was tough. Yeah, I, I don't know how even
• 5:48
  now, I wouldn't know how to play it going into secondary school
• 5:51
  because you can't be overconfident because someone
• 5:53
  will have to knock you down. You do have to sort of know your
• 5:56
  place, be respectful. It's just so many variables.
• 5:58
  When I was little, like before school, I remember being walked
• 6:03
  in to the front of the class. Class.
• 6:06
  This is rich. He's new.
• 6:08
  And it really had an effect on me.
• 6:10
  Like, I need to, I need to do something.
• 6:13
  That's why a lot of kids in whose parents are in the
• 6:17
  military are in entertainment. Yeah, 'cause they kind of have
• 6:21
  to, you know, entertain people in order to be accepted.
• 6:26
  Yeah, and also maybe even just being comfortable with being
• 6:29
  looked at as an outsider. You then go, OK, nobody likes
• 6:33
  me, but this was my experience, not for for different reasons.
• 6:37
  Not the military thing, but I did start a secondary school
• 6:39
  halfway through the first year and I just was had to make a
• 6:43
  spectacle of myself. Yeah.
• 6:46
  Because they were looking at me anyway.
• 6:47
  It's fight or flight, really. Yeah.
• 6:50
  And it's an ownership of OK, I'm facing the wrong way.
• 6:54
  I can't do anything right but make a career out of it.
• 6:59
  Yeah. And that's when your career
• 7:01
  started. I think so, yeah.
• 7:03
  First year of secondary school. Wow.
• 7:06
  Yeah, it's many, many decades now.
• 7:08
  Yeah, that's great. And so now you're like
• 7:16
  graduated. No I haven't got my GCS ES yet,
• 7:19
  but any? You never graduated.
• 7:22
  Oh. I did get my GCS, ES.
• 7:24
  I was, I was being silly rich. I didn't ever graduate
• 7:26
  university because I still owe them money.
• 7:30
  Oh, really? The university, when I went to
• 7:32
  university, you had to pay you. You got a loan to pay your fees,
• 7:37
  but they didn't pay it directly to the university.
• 7:39
  They gave you a cheque and then you had to pay the university.
• 7:43
  And in my third year I was working.
• 7:45
  I was working, I'm earning a bit more money, but I didn't pay my
• 7:48
  fees so. You don't officially have a
• 7:49
  diploma? No.
• 7:50
  You've got to get one, right? Do I have a little ceremony?
• 7:57
  And then your kids will be like, OK, I better graduate too,
• 8:01
  right? I, I don't want to inspire my
• 8:03
  children. I want, I want them to have a
• 8:05
  very sort of low bar. My, my 4 year old, he just
• 8:08
  turned 4 Theo and he said to me, I said, do you have an idea of
• 8:10
  what you want to do for a job? He was just he was expressing
• 8:13
  outrage that me and his dad keep leaving the house to work.
• 8:16
  Yeah, he's like. What is wrong with you no
• 8:18
  working? Today.
• 8:18
  Well, you do what? Yeah.
• 8:20
  So I said, do you have an idea of what job you want to do when
• 8:23
  you're older? And he said no, I'm just going
• 8:24
  to come to work with you. That's absolutely fine.
• 8:28
  I wouldn't mind that. Yeah, they have.
• 8:31
  I feel like though, there's a lot of pressure, like their
• 8:35
  grandparents are always saying, well, what do you think you want
• 8:38
  to do? What do you want to study?
• 8:40
  It's like they're being bombarded.
• 8:42
  And the world is a horror show and there's AI taking everyone's
• 8:46
  jobs. I don't want them to like train
• 8:47
  an accountancy and then find out that's a button.
• 8:49
  It's going to disappear. So I think hanging around with
• 8:53
  us is quite a good job. Like, yeah, and then, but more
• 8:57
  kids are living with their parents now, especially boys.
• 9:01
  Yeah, so I've got boys. I hope they never move out.
• 9:03
  That'd be fine. Yeah, OK.
• 9:05
  Yeah, just have a big compound. Because my mom was very much
• 9:09
  like, the minute you're 18, get out.
• 9:11
  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Go independence.
• 9:15
  And go or pay rent. Oh, right.
• 9:17
  Yeah. Well, she was just go.
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  There was no option of right. Yeah.
• 9:21
  Your money's no good here. Yeah.
• 9:24
  Wow. And so you left and so to go to
• 9:29
  college, I I tried to. Work for two years first I
• 9:33
  really wanted to be an actor so I I did like hotel entertainment
• 9:38
  and old people home plays and. That's cool and.
• 9:41
  Education, that kind of stuff. And then after two years I
• 9:43
  realised, wow, I realised I was never going to.
• 9:48
  I then had a new plan. Wait, you can't just drop, I
• 9:51
  realised. I was never going to be like
• 9:53
  successful, but I don't want anyone's doing that job.
• 9:55
  I didn't want it to sound like I don't think that's successful.
• 9:57
  Do you know what I mean? I just realised I was never
• 10:01
  going to earn more than minimum wage.
• 10:02
  No, but what I'm trying to say is what kind of performance,
• 10:05
  what kind of plays did you put up in the old folks home?
• 10:09
  That was reminiscent theatre. Have you ever heard about that?
• 10:12
  No SO. You interview we, I didn't
• 10:14
  personally, but the people in the old people's homes, they all
• 10:17
  get interviewed and they tell their stories about how their
• 10:20
  husband proposed, how they learn to drive in the war, these kind
• 10:22
  of things. And then we made plays with
• 10:25
  songs from the period about their experiences and.
• 10:29
  Then that's me. Well, they were asleep, but but
• 10:34
  they occasionally would go. Maureen.
• 10:36
  Oh, yes, yeah. So we would go into the then
• 10:39
  we'd go into the homes in their living rooms and they would
• 10:42
  protest that the TV was being turned off and and someone would
• 10:45
  insist. And then we'd put back to a
• 10:47
  very, very small stage. So you felt you weren't properly
• 10:50
  appreciated? All that work you put in it was.
• 10:53
  Really good training for stand up comedy.
• 10:55
  When I first did stand up, which was, I mean people didn't laugh
• 10:59
  but they were awake. I was like, this is the job for
• 11:02
  me. You got more hackles in the old
• 11:05
  folks homes. Oh, much worse than we had at a
• 11:07
  part of our tour. Where's my bag?
• 11:10
  No, no, things like one woman scolded herself with a cup of
• 11:13
  tea and, you know, and so then it was just like, oh, hell,
• 11:16
  breaking loose. So, you know, you know, show
• 11:18
  business. You have to go.
• 11:19
  We've started several finish. Is that the saying, Yeah, yeah.
• 11:23
  And so things like that, There was one I remember where they
• 11:26
  didn't want Wimbledon to be turned off.
• 11:27
  It was like Wimbledon. Oh, that's a bad time.
• 11:29
  So bad. Yeah, and they were so angry and
• 11:32
  then they fell asleep. But quite often what they would
• 11:34
  do is give them a cherry to sort of calm them down and that's why
• 11:36
  they would sleep. Oh, nice, yeah.
• 11:40
  So, yeah, so that so that is much.
• 11:42
  That's that that is a hard crowd.
• 11:44
  And schools is really hard, Yeah, because they they want to
• 11:48
  have fun. You got to get them right away.
• 11:50
  Yeah yeah, yeah, it's like YouTube in the 1st 6 seconds.
• 11:55
  Oh, I. See.
• 11:56
  Yeah, yeah. I don't.
• 12:00
  Know that we ever did get them. So you quit that and then you
• 12:03
  went into stand up. No SO.
• 12:06
  Then I went to university. It's.
• 12:07
  My oh OK branch. My plan was to go to drama
• 12:10
  school, so I kept auditioning. So I auditioned for those two
• 12:12
  years, didn't get in, and then I thought if I went to university
• 12:15
  and got a degree also, I had no money and I did want that loan
• 12:19
  check. Right, right.
• 12:20
  So I thought, if I go to university then I've got a
• 12:23
  degree, I can do loads of plays when I'm there and then I'll
• 12:25
  audition for drama school and then I'll get in.
• 12:27
  But I still didn't. So I auditioned for five years
• 12:29
  in total until I went, this isn't going to happen.
• 12:33
  And stand up was a sort of I did character stand up first.
• 12:36
  Rather than straight. Stand up because I was doing it
• 12:38
  to get into acting. Right, right.
• 12:41
  But when I plus a lot of times people do characters to ease
• 12:44
  into being themselves. And also because it's so
• 12:47
  scripted, yeah, you do. You can perform it with a bit of
• 12:51
  a fourth wall there where stand up's a lot.
• 12:54
  There's there is no wall. Yeah.
• 12:55
  It's like you're doing a monologue for yes, yeah, yeah.
• 12:59
  And how did that go? The What kind of characters did
• 13:02
  you do? I had a woman.
• 13:05
  I am Baroness Rothschild from the 16th.
• 13:09
  Is it one of those? Yes, yes, I had a oh, I just, I
• 13:12
  had a detective called Mrs Noody who was just wearing a Mac and I
• 13:16
  put little cards underneath everyone's chairs so that they
• 13:20
  had to give clues and solve things and do stuff.
• 13:23
  So that's. Great.
• 13:24
  I liked being Mrs Nudie. Did you film any of this?
• 13:27
  No, this is back before anyone filmed anything.
• 13:29
  Oh yeah, you had. To be there or it didn't happen.
• 13:32
  I would have loved to have seen that, Mrs Nudie.
• 13:35
  Mudie And then I had a woman with a guitar who never played
• 13:39
  it, who just talked with the guitar.
• 13:41
  OK. Oh, that's funny because this
• 13:44
  next song. Yes.
• 13:45
  Yeah, yeah. You keep thinking you're about
• 13:47
  to play it, but you don't. Play it and then you'd say
• 13:48
  goodnight and they go, what? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 13:52
  And the missus nudie, by the way, would you take off your
• 13:55
  clothes at the end I. Never did, but they but they
• 13:58
  knew. They knew I was naked.
• 14:00
  Aunt. OK, No, that was never a reveal.
• 14:04
  And so you did a bunch of different characters.
• 14:07
  Yeah, that helped you with your monologues and stuff.
• 14:11
  I think or just being busy actually just just not Cariad
• 14:17
  and I, who live, I live with Cariad and her mum.
• 14:19
  And after 'cause I'm at Cariad University, we were both sort of
• 14:22
  trying to be actors and it was just so depressing, temping, not
• 14:27
  knowing how to have a life constructed in a way that we
• 14:32
  wanted. And I think doing the
• 14:33
  characters, how happy that made us, the expression and the
• 14:39
  creativity that would get us through weeks and weeks.
• 14:42
  Yeah, yeah. Not acting because you look back
• 14:44
  at it and you think, how did I ever do that?
• 14:48
  Rejection after rejection, and you just sort of did it because
• 14:52
  you liked it. Yeah, I made a collage of all my
• 14:55
  rejection letters. You did.
• 14:57
  When I lived with Karat and her mum, yeah, because, because very
• 15:00
  arrogantly rich. I thought one at one point in my
• 15:02
  life I would look back and go. If it hadn't been full of that
• 15:06
  rejection, I wouldn't have got this Oscar.
• 15:09
  What? Doesn't kill you, makes you
• 15:11
  stronger. Or definitely, if you really
• 15:14
  want something, that's how you prove it.
• 15:17
  Almost that, I don't know. It hasn't made me any less
• 15:19
  sensitive to rejection, but I do think that's how you prove you
• 15:23
  want to do the thing. If it was easy, everyone would
• 15:25
  do it. And actually, I know so many
• 15:27
  people who after their first rejection or their first gig to
• 15:29
  silence when I can't do that again.
• 15:31
  Whereas quite masochistically, I can.
• 15:33
  But now I think about it like having had a taste of, you know,
• 15:38
  the top, thinking back, would you do this again?
• 15:43
  Now it seems like there's no way I do all the stuff I did right.
• 15:49
  I don't know. I think the way that our
• 15:52
  industry is going. It's about live performance.
• 15:56
  Yeah, that. I feel like that's the spine, I
• 15:58
  think for two reasons, actually 1.
• 16:00
  I think when your life is about pleasure, yeah, actually
• 16:05
  enjoying things. Epicurean, yeah.
• 16:08
  Yeah, yeah. But those shows were never about
• 16:11
  money, but they were about, you know, really enjoying trying a
• 16:17
  bit out and seeing if it worked and being with other people in
• 16:20
  the same space. And I think I think it's
• 16:24
  important not to be depressed about it.
• 16:27
  I honestly, I think those gigs for the audience are the most
• 16:29
  fun comedy ever is, I know, I think a room.
• 16:32
  I think of course you can have amazing gigs to like hundreds of
• 16:34
  people, but once it gets to 1000 plus, you do lose a lot of
• 16:39
  connection, a lot of chaos. A lot of that person will see
• 16:43
  whatever I do and whatever I say.
• 16:45
  Because one of the reasons I got into it is and anytime you can
• 16:50
  do this, it's always the best for me is when you can replicate
• 16:55
  goofing around with your friends in a in a public environment or
• 17:02
  on TV or on screen, if you can do that and it's just fun, but
• 17:08
  it rarely is. I think it's really, I think
• 17:11
  that is really rare, like what you had with the Bush.
• 17:16
  I think that was fun. Every teenager, that would be
• 17:19
  the dream. Sorry, yeah, no.
• 17:23
  What's happening? Occasionally I live with a cat.
• 17:25
  When? I said the Boo.
• 17:26
  She was like, I'm allergic to the memories she's brought up.
• 17:33
  No, no right I I have a cat at home and I'm allergic so.
• 17:37
  But you let your family get a cat because Steen, my husband is
• 17:41
  allergic to cats and I didn't realise that was still an
• 17:43
  option. I just think we talked about it.
• 17:45
  Taylor Yeah. Yeah, Seriously.
• 17:46
  Because my kids would love a cat.
• 17:48
  I loads of inhale the shit out of this thing.
• 17:52
  I must use it every week. I must get a new one every week.
• 17:55
  Oh God. OK.
• 17:56
  So that's. Great, I'll tell Steam.
• 17:58
  Tell steam just get a six pack of inhalers.
• 18:03
  But this cat is not as bad and so have them test out different
• 18:08
  cats. OK, great.
• 18:10
  If you could send us some hair in the post.
• 18:13
  No notes. I just want an envelope
• 18:15
  addressed to Steve. Cat.
• 18:16
  Hair and I'll see how he reacts to it.
• 18:19
  So what were you talking about, Marty Bouche?
• 18:23
  So what you guys had, so you guys already knew each other
• 18:26
  from gigging together and like the live circuit, doing stuff
• 18:29
  separately and because you also got it live, then it's like
• 18:33
  radio, TV and then the massive live tours you're playing
• 18:38
  stadium. Yeah, yeah.
• 18:40
  But the most fun I had was when we were initially rehearsing, we
• 18:47
  would rehearse a lot to write. The rehearsals would result in
• 18:52
  some of the scripts. That was the most fun because
• 18:55
  like a whole day would go by and you'd go, what?
• 18:58
  It's 5:00 already like that. Never.
• 19:02
  Now it's like, oh, God, I got to do this thing with Hugh Grant.
• 19:07
  No, I don't. I don't.
• 19:10
  Is he gonna come in? Next.
• 19:11
  Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's the next guest.
• 19:15
  Yeah. So it's rare, isn't it?
• 19:17
  And so do you wish that you had had that later on that you're
• 19:20
  not comparing everything to it afterwards?
• 19:23
  Yeah. Yeah, I do.
• 19:25
  Yeah. Oh, Sarah.
• 19:28
  Yeah. You turned the tables on me.
• 19:30
  I. I this is, and again, I'd say
• 19:31
  this to anyone listening who's like trying to work in the arts
• 19:35
  or crafts in any ways you do want to peek later rather than
• 19:38
  earlier. Yes, I think, yes, I think, you
• 19:41
  know, they make all these boy band documentaries now about the
• 19:43
  90s. They peaked early.
• 19:44
  You don't want to be 19 and 20 and thinking that's going to
• 19:48
  continue. If you have success later on,
• 19:51
  you also know it's fleeting. Enjoy it now, it's not forever.
• 19:54
  Invest some money. All of these really sensible
• 19:57
  things you just can't know when you're young.
• 19:58
  People say that. They said that to me too.
• 20:02
  Like, enjoy this while you can. You're in college, Enjoy it
• 20:07
  while you can. And you just go, oh, nice one,
• 20:10
  old man. Yeah, go off and drool.
• 20:13
  Yeah, go and whistle. Yeah, go and whistle and wait
• 20:15
  for your bus. But it's true.
• 20:18
  Yeah, yeah. I I don't know how you make give
• 20:22
  young people what we need is some kind of quantum leap where
• 20:26
  they could just have like a couple of hours in an older
• 20:28
  persons creaking body. I think you'll be able to do
• 20:32
  that with VR. Oh, yes, yeah.
• 20:35
  Why aren't we doing that going into schools going?
• 20:39
  Because they do that thing with like flour, like look after a
• 20:41
  baby. See now wear a condom.
• 20:43
  Isn't it? Isn't it rubbish?
• 20:45
  Looking after a baby constantly. Why don't we flip, reverse it
• 20:48
  and go? This is what it feels like to be
• 20:49
  60. Exactly.
• 20:51
  Get out of. That chair, Yeah, See how it
• 20:53
  feels. Why not?
• 20:55
  I think it's the next way forward.
• 20:57
  OK, I love this use for VR. Now, maybe we could give people
• 21:02
  hangovers that are much worse so they know what it's going to
• 21:05
  feel like to have a glass of wine in their 40s compared to in
• 21:08
  their 20s. But we never, I think there's
• 21:11
  something inherent in our brains that forgets things like pain or
• 21:17
  like for instance, I understand labour is very difficult.
• 21:22
  I haven't had it. So from women I had C sections
• 21:24
  right? My wife?
• 21:25
  Really. Great.
• 21:26
  Yeah. But that pain must be erased in
• 21:33
  some way, because otherwise people would only have one kid.
• 21:36
  Yeah, so part of it's the oxytocin that you get this huge
• 21:39
  flood of bonding chemicals afterwards that.
• 21:42
  But I. Also, oh, you have an answer.
• 21:43
  Yes, yes, they have researched it Rich, but with this and and
• 21:47
  in terms of evolution, we our our brain stores memories that
• 21:51
  we would need to learn from in the future.
• 21:54
  Knowing about that pain would, as you say, would reduce the.
• 21:57
  Population so. So it wouldn't be an
• 21:59
  evolutionary trait right? The people who had labour once
• 22:02
  and then went absolutely fuck off?
• 22:04
  Am I doing that again? Their genes wouldn't be
• 22:07
  replicated in as many numbers as people who had more.
• 22:10
  Children exactly or like what if you're like a rugby player and
• 22:14
  then you hurt your knee, You're not going to go and play again
• 22:17
  if that, if you can still feel that pain all the time memory
• 22:22
  wise. Yeah, and if you're a rugby
• 22:23
  player, he's also given birth. If you're a pregnant.
• 22:27
  How life is rude. The kids are slowing down your
• 22:30
  rugby, your knees hurting and making you a terrible parent.
• 22:34
  That's a great movie. It's my movie.
• 22:37
  I've come here to promote rugby. Rugby, mom Rugby.
• 22:41
  Mom, everybody. And Hugh Grant plays her
• 22:44
  husband. He would be good.
• 22:47
  Do you think he likes rugby? Do you think so?
• 22:50
  You know that for a fact? No, because I was on, but not to
• 22:53
  name drop. I was on Wonka with him and he
• 22:57
  was at the premiere and I was going, he was across the room
• 23:00
  and I go to my wife. I've got to talk to you, Grant,
• 23:04
  what's my opening? And so I I heard he was into
• 23:09
  rugby, so I started with. A You rugby tackled him to the
• 23:12
  ground. I punched him in the groyne.
• 23:16
  Confident, Yeah. I bit his nipple off.
• 23:20
  Never forget you. So the Wonka story I know about
• 23:24
  Hugh Grant is when someone used his toilet or he accused someone
• 23:27
  using his toilet. Do you know this?
• 23:28
  Yeah, no. Oh, I think, I think he went on
• 23:31
  a bit of a rampage because he had a private toilet and someone
• 23:35
  else had been in it. I think he, I believe I don't.
• 23:37
  I shouldn't name anyone the toilet.
• 23:39
  Yeah, that's an HG on it. I thought it was Hermione
• 23:46
  Gingold or something. Have good time in this time.
• 23:52
  So he got, he went off on somebody.
• 23:55
  Yeah, accused them. Was it a #2?
• 23:59
  I don't, I don't know. I don't.
• 24:00
  I didn't ask specific details and also I don't think the
• 24:03
  person that he accused had used it.
• 24:06
  OK, this is a Timothy Chalamet is nice story because I needed
• 24:12
  to use the toilet and the next one was really far away on the
• 24:17
  set and he goes you can use my trailer.
• 24:21
  And so I went into the trailer and it was like huge.
• 24:26
  You could drive a golf ball in it in that trailer.
• 24:29
  I've just realised that this is a Paddington story.
• 24:31
  It's not a Wonka story. The toilet one.
• 24:33
  The toilet one. That's why I didn't know Hugh.
• 24:36
  Grant got annoyed on Paddington too.
• 24:39
  Because the bear went into the toilet, it.
• 24:41
  Must have been that's what bears do.
• 24:43
  Get out of here. They go everywhere.
• 24:45
  So Timothy Shannoway said. Just use my bathroom.
• 24:47
  That's such a nice. It's really nice that's.
• 24:49
  A nice sort of like, I know Timothy Chalamet really well.
• 24:52
  We've sat on the same toilet. Oh, I never thought about that.
• 24:56
  You. Should you should tell people?
• 24:58
  I didn't sit on it. I should should have rubbed
• 25:01
  around. Absolutely, yeah.
• 25:04
  Get a little Chalamet magic. That's it, yeah.
• 25:07
  Oh Lord no. But he was really nice.
• 25:10
  OK, that is nice. I I admire his openness about
• 25:14
  ambition recently. Did you hear that speech?
• 25:18
  Yeah. Yeah, Well, actually, I, I read
• 25:20
  an article about the speech, but I did think and they were sort
• 25:23
  of saying, you know, it's not very cool.
• 25:25
  And I thought the honesty of it. And for a young man at the
• 25:29
  beginning of his career saying it out loud to sort of focus
• 25:34
  himself. Yeah.
• 25:35
  Don't get distracted by the money, the fame, the other
• 25:37
  stuff. I was an upset buyer and.
• 25:40
  I just thought pretending not to feel that one, it's such a
• 25:44
  competitive industry and everyone is judged and is a
• 25:47
  couple of sort of decisions away from being then rejected forever
• 25:51
  for something that was out of their predictable control, those
• 25:54
  kind of things. Plus, somehow I feel like if
• 25:57
  this were a sport, it wouldn't be viewed in the same way.
• 26:02
  Like I want to be the best rugby player, pregnant rugby player in
• 26:07
  the world. And everyone would go, yeah, OK,
• 26:12
  yeah. Afterwards and if you, if you,
• 26:14
  if you didn't, if you, if you missed out on a medal at the
• 26:16
  Olympics, but you were like, I've got four years to train and
• 26:19
  come back here. I didn't get this one said the
• 26:20
  medal is important to me. We would understand that.
• 26:24
  Whereas with maybe with with acting, with things that are
• 26:27
  more we go, oh, it's not about the Oscar, it's not about the
• 26:30
  stuff. So well then why do we do it
• 26:32
  then? Why do we?
• 26:33
  Do. That to people.
• 26:34
  Because it's not fun. I don't know if you've had
• 26:37
  Bafta's and things, but it must get into have you?
• 26:40
  But after something, it must be a messes with people's heads to
• 26:43
  get rejected. From those things.
• 26:45
  Or to then be shortlisted and then feel sad or forever to go.
• 26:49
  That's the thing that beat me. Look at them now, all of that
• 26:51
  stuff. I know, I mean, a lot of people
• 26:55
  say that acting isn't competitive, but they do give
• 27:00
  out the award. But I think ultimately being
• 27:05
  nominated is the award. Yeah, yeah.
• 27:08
  Yes, of course, but then that's then even that in itself I think
• 27:12
  that makes people then want to win it.
• 27:13
  I know. And then also if especially if
• 27:16
  there seems to then benefits afterwards for one's career
• 27:19
  because you're launched because you're hot or whatever for a
• 27:22
  little amount of time. Edinburgh, they have the awards,
• 27:26
  yeah. And I think that gets into lots
• 27:27
  of. People's head and comedy.
• 27:29
  Totally. What they should do is have each
• 27:33
  person do the same movie. Oh, I'd love that.
• 27:37
  Yeah, just get five people to do the same movie and then you
• 27:42
  could say which one was the best.
• 27:44
  But. I feel like this is so great on
• 27:46
  every level because you could have.
• 27:49
  So we swap out the actors in Pretty Woman.
• 27:51
  Yeah, we have the same script and director, and then we get
• 27:54
  loads of, so we get loads of different directors doing pretty
• 27:56
  women, those different actors doing pretty women, those
• 27:58
  different script writers doing pretty women.
• 28:00
  We just tell that story over and over and over again.
• 28:04
  This is what Hollywood needs, actually.
• 28:05
  It's a really refreshed, they'd call it pretty women.
• 28:08
  Yeah, yeah. We'll do some gender reversed
• 28:11
  ones where it is pretty men. Because eventually, though,
• 28:14
  won't you have a movie and you go, oh, I don't like that star.
• 28:18
  I'd like to see Richard Burton in that role.
• 28:21
  Yeah, I really enjoyed it, but I'd have liked it more.
• 28:24
  And Richard Burton and Robert De Niro.
• 28:26
  And then you just put them in. Yeah, wow.
• 28:32
  Getting back to your ascendancy and stand up.
• 28:36
  OK, When was the first time you were, were you in uni when you
• 28:40
  went up for the first time? Oh.
• 28:41
  No, no, it's well after university, so it's 20 years
• 28:44
  next year, so I think I was 27. So it's 2007.
• 28:50
  Wow. Yeah.
• 28:52
  And did you just go to a club or was it like booked in?
• 28:56
  Booked in at Balham. You know the Bedford in Balham
• 28:58
  had a new new material new at night on Thursdays.
• 29:02
  So it used to be that time out had phone numbers for like
• 29:05
  Balaam and the King's Head and this the new material new at
• 29:08
  night. So you could ring up and say can
• 29:11
  I have 5 minutes? So it wasn't like John Bishop
• 29:14
  where you go? Yeah, he stole my story.
• 29:17
  I was trying to win back John Bishop's wife, actually.
• 29:20
  Yeah, I'm the sequel. Yeah.
• 29:22
  The the, the woman who went on after John Bishop and the wife
• 29:25
  was like, I don't, I'm not interested at all.
• 29:27
  Yeah. Have you seen the?
• 29:28
  Film No I. Haven't I?
• 29:30
  Went to see it the other day. Yeah.
• 29:32
  I really like it 'cause I said you.
• 29:33
  Why 2 favourite things? Stand up comedy and monogamy.
• 29:35
  I loved. I loved it, yeah.
• 29:38
  You love monogamy. I think so.
• 29:40
  Or definitely explorations of monogamy that's committed but
• 29:43
  difficult. I think we don't get that as a
• 29:46
  love story. We get love stories that end
• 29:47
  with let's be together not how do we keep being together when
• 29:51
  life is so long and. Or let's be apart gracefully.
• 29:56
  Oh yeah, gracefully apart, Yeah. How do we have spaces in our
• 29:58
  life? Yeah, to miss each other and
• 30:01
  come back and now wish our relationship.
• 30:03
  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
• 30:05
  So you were at Balum? So did Balum, yeah.
• 30:09
  And it went well. No, some people had really good
• 30:12
  first gigs. Yeah, yeah, I would say mine was
• 30:14
  absolutely what you'd expect from a first gig.
• 30:18
  It was fine. 12 people sort of smiled at me.
• 30:22
  I think it'd be OK, but that but.
• 30:24
  But the act of doing something I was afraid of meant that I.
• 30:28
  Well, you took away something from.
• 30:30
  Oh, I flew home. I was so flooded with
• 30:35
  neurotransmitters, you know, dopamine.
• 30:37
  There, you had done it. Yeah.
• 30:38
  Well, and also I was just like, that's, that's, that's what I'm
• 30:40
  going. To do just the rest of my life.
• 30:41
  Now I I remember, I remember thinking I'm a one man band and
• 30:45
  I'd always thought I wanted to be an actor and I then realised
• 30:48
  I can't. Well I didn't realise that then.
• 30:50
  I'm not a good actor because I never lost myself in a character
• 30:53
  ever. And I was like, oh, I should
• 30:56
  have been myself. There were a lot of actors that
• 30:58
  started out acting that go unaccommodated, yeah.
• 31:02
  Yeah. And I think you do have to sort
• 31:04
  of a little bit unlearn that having exact scripts on stage,
• 31:08
  too much performing, actually not being responsive enough to
• 31:11
  what's actually in the room. Right.
• 31:13
  I think for a beginning number of years I was still a bit of a
• 31:18
  character of myself. Right, it takes a.
• 31:21
  Long time to lose that. Well, that happens.
• 31:24
  I mean, some people copy another comment.
• 31:27
  I did. I think I did.
• 31:28
  I think I was very influenced by Neil Fielding actually, and
• 31:30
  Russell Brown. They were the 2 comics that I
• 31:32
  was really influenced by at the beginning.
• 31:33
  Really. Yeah.
• 31:35
  Yeah. Have you told them that?
• 31:36
  No, no, no. I've never met ease with them, I
• 31:39
  have to say that. Really.
• 31:41
  Yeah, yeah. No, come on in.
• 31:43
  He's out. There he was huge.
• 31:45
  That's in a way. Yeah.
• 31:47
  In the toilet, Yeah. Yeah.
• 31:52
  But then you evolve into your own.
• 31:55
  That's kind of a Did you ever have a moment where it was like,
• 31:59
  wow, I'm just myself now? I think just more more very,
• 32:05
  very slowly emanating and then after a few Edinburgh's and then
• 32:10
  beginning to tour, but then really feeling the feeling that
• 32:13
  was still working towards combining like the Glee I had at
• 32:18
  the beginning, the freedom when I didn't think it was going to
• 32:20
  be my job. When I just thought it was 5
• 32:21
  minutes on stage. And then you if it does become a
• 32:24
  job, there's a lot more pressure then for it to be something.
• 32:29
  And then so trying to get back to that Glee and that joy, but
• 32:31
  with this whole toolbox of preparedness, but involves
• 32:34
  actually being really present in the room.
• 32:37
  I know it reminds me a little bit of because the Winter
• 32:41
  Olympics is on right now. I don't mean to date this show.
• 32:45
  Yeah, but how they've done everything, muscle memory, and
• 32:50
  then all of a sudden you're at the Olympics four years, you've
• 32:53
  been training, and you're asked to click on the muscle memory.
• 32:57
  Yeah. It's sort of the same with stand
• 33:00
  up. It's like I've got to be loose
• 33:01
  and natural. Yeah.
• 33:02
  Holy shit. Yeah.
• 33:05
  Yeah, 50,000 people to see Sara Pascoe.
• 33:09
  And exactly like the muscle memory thing, if something trips
• 33:13
  you up, it's probably you. So like keeping your mind blank
• 33:16
  enough or so if you do have an intrusive thought, that's not
• 33:20
  what you're thinking of. And then, yeah, then you have
• 33:22
  gigs that are filmed for TV and those kind of things and trying
• 33:26
  to perform still like it's live and.
• 33:29
  Yeah, this is what I read though, is that a lot of world
• 33:32
  records are broken when the the people, Like a track athlete is
• 33:37
  not feeling well before the race because your mind is focused on
• 33:42
  oh I'm sick and blah blah. The muscle memory just takes
• 33:47
  over because you're not thinking about anything.
• 33:50
  That must be so hard for sports people not to try and like.
• 33:53
  Get sick is that? My appendix is that my you know,
• 33:58
  I'll tell you the sport that I think would be the most similar
• 34:02
  to comedy in terms of. Tiddlywinks, tiddlywinks.
• 34:07
  Also beginning to take tennis, the having an opponent and and
• 34:11
  it not getting into your head because because I think tennis
• 34:16
  is really competitive. So the opponent is the audience.
• 34:18
  Well, it's not for us, but we can treat it like that.
• 34:22
  So here's the thing. But in tennis, I think you have
• 34:25
  to play the shot that that person has just hit.
• 34:28
  But if you're angry with yourself about shot you lost two
• 34:31
  points ago, you're out of the game, you're not thinking about
• 34:34
  this properly. You're not responsive enough.
• 34:35
  They they can see that you're all of these things having if
• 34:40
  you go on stage and you do your first joke and it.
• 34:41
  Doesn't. And then you have this shame and
• 34:45
  you want to apologise and you can't leave and you have this
• 34:47
  amount of time. Whereas it's about how you say
• 34:50
  your next joke, but you're not. You're thinking about this
• 34:53
  horrible feeling and why did I start like that?
• 34:55
  Or why did I tell them I was tired?
• 34:57
  Or why did I walk on in a weird way, always go What have I done?
• 35:01
  All of that stuff. You get into a mind fuck, yeah.
• 35:04
  Yeah, a spiral. Because I've done that.
• 35:07
  I've had a bomber in the beginning and then I can hear
• 35:12
  myself thinking, yeah, and that's.
• 35:14
  Scary when your mouth is talking at the same time as really loud.
• 35:18
  Thoughts. Because then you start to go and
• 35:20
  then I have a third voice going. You are insane.
• 35:22
  You are insane. You're thinking this.
• 35:24
  Your mouth is still going. And when you're saying stop it,
• 35:28
  stop it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 35:32
  But it's it's hard too if you've got a one hour show and that
• 35:36
  happens. Yeah, but but there are tools as
• 35:41
  in like having been through it right, you do get better, you do
• 35:44
  it the wrong way and then you work out what is the right way
• 35:46
  to deal with this. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 35:50
  This is really anxiety it makes me feel.
• 35:55
  It could be worse. We could be playing tennis.
• 35:56
  Yeah, yeah. I have played tennis where I'm
• 36:00
  going like Sam's serving for the game.
• 36:03
  I go, I'm serving for the game as I'm throwing it and I know I
• 36:08
  shouldn't be doing it. And then you go too, just too
• 36:10
  fast. You're like, it has to be so
• 36:11
  this is going to be the ace and it's done.
• 36:13
  And then it just goes off to the right and you go, you idiot.
• 36:16
  About to win. Yeah, I can't do that.
• 36:19
  That's the point that I would do.
• 36:19
  It is get like a sort of a match point.
• 36:22
  It's fine, you just need to get two in a row, but I would want
• 36:26
  it so much that I just fluff it both and go.
• 36:28
  Why am I saying that to myself then?
• 36:29
  See, This is why people take Xanax.
• 36:32
  Oh, in America they do. They take it all the time.
• 36:34
  I don't. Know if you can get Xanax in
• 36:36
  this country? No but I mean people are always
• 36:38
  looking for ways to get into the Zen like state.
• 36:43
  I remember one time an acting teacher actually promoted
• 36:46
  taking. What do people take to calm down
• 36:54
  tea? Yes.
• 36:55
  Cups. Of tea.
• 36:57
  No, but it was some kind of drug.
• 36:59
  And then I was like, yeah, yeah. And it was like, what?
• 37:04
  Yeah, that's all you have to do. Yeah.
• 37:08
  No, I don't know. I.
• 37:09
  Don't know, I don't know. People smoke marijuana, Do they?
• 37:13
  To calm down, do you ever have a drink before a gag?
• 37:16
  I used to and I was because I felt very nervous and a glass of
• 37:20
  wine I thought helped me and then I I stopped.
• 37:23
  I I had a boyfriend who was a comedian for a couple of years
• 37:26
  and he as soon as we started doing gigs together, it was
• 37:29
  really good for a comic. I respected to say to me the
• 37:32
  drink does you no favours. Jack Dee said that.
• 37:36
  Jack Dee said that. Oh my God, wasn't.
• 37:38
  Going to name drop. Oh, that's all right.
• 37:41
  We all know who it is. What a terrible way for his wife
• 37:44
  to find out. Can we just now say that we are
• 37:49
  joking just in? Case.
• 37:50
  Yeah, we're joking, everybody. Headline now like and Jack Dee
• 37:55
  messaging me. I'd never touch you with a barge
• 37:57
  pole. There's a lot of headlines,
• 37:59
  yeah, in this. So, so it was too.
• 38:04
  So I was nervous and I thought a glass of wine or two glasses of
• 38:07
  wine got you. Into three or three or 4.
• 38:09
  That's it. So I thought it got into the
• 38:10
  same state as your audience that you should be in the same if
• 38:13
  they're in the. That's not true.
• 38:15
  You pipe into their vibe. Yeah, So you both, like you got
• 38:18
  the same energy. I actually now really believe
• 38:20
  that's why the performers should be sober, because it's their
• 38:22
  party and you are the performing monkey.
• 38:25
  You're not a guest at the party. And I believe that you should
• 38:29
  feel nerves because I do think that's something you can use to
• 38:31
  focus yourself and fear. And also you cannot predict
• 38:36
  actually how alcohol will affect you.
• 38:38
  There's a perfect point if you love drinking, which I do.
• 38:42
  Where you you sort of quiet down your front brain a little bit
• 38:46
  yes and you sort of feel a bit more confident and that point is
• 38:49
  great for stand up comedy. You do feel a little bit funnier
• 38:52
  and a little bit like. Everyone thinks I'm very
• 38:54
  charming. It's like harnessing your
• 38:55
  nerves. Yeah.
• 38:57
  It's like your nerves are these horses.
• 38:59
  Yeah. And you're trying to like rein
• 39:01
  all the horses in so that we'll. Go wee once we're on stage.
• 39:04
  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I've had too much energy
• 39:09
  sometimes for a gig and I'm going blah, blah, blah, blah,
• 39:12
  blah. And they're going like, what are
• 39:14
  you doing? Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't say
• 39:17
  blah, blah. Blah.
• 39:18
  No, no it's not. Funny is it?
• 39:22
  I think the can you write that down?
• 39:24
  Maybe I can use that blah blah guy.
• 39:27
  Maybe. Have you ever pretended to be a
• 39:28
  character to open for yourself? Would it backstage?
• 39:32
  Oh no no. So you could go on and do 5
• 39:33
  minutes to warm up for Rich Vulture.
• 39:35
  So if it doesn't go well, it's on.
• 39:37
  Blah blah guy. Yes, yes.
• 39:40
  Anyway, and then the other thing is I so so a few times I got too
• 39:43
  drunk because I felt too sober and I would like do a shot or
• 39:46
  something just before I went on. And then I'd be up there and my
• 39:49
  legs would be soft and I'd go I'm too drunk or I'd stumble,
• 39:53
  really stumble words. And if something does go wrong,
• 39:55
  if you do get heckled, if, you know, the fire alarm goes off
• 39:58
  and you're just a little bit too slow on your reactions because
• 40:01
  you've had, yeah, half a bottle of wine.
• 40:03
  That is on you sometimes, yeah, One time I I know I had a little
• 40:10
  too much because I could, I could hear myself deliver it a
• 40:14
  little slower and I was like, shit.
• 40:17
  And then I started to panic. Yeah, and you just realised.
• 40:21
  Oh, it's just so I think now I think the nerves that make you,
• 40:25
  you should feel them, be aware of them and there there should
• 40:28
  be no cushion. And I and I, that's what I think
• 40:31
  also the other thing. So this is what that boyfriend
• 40:33
  said to me. He said because I used to.
• 40:35
  Take a drink on with me that. Boyfriend John.
• 40:38
  Damn boyfriend. So, but he, what he said to me
• 40:40
  is you spend your entire set looking for your drink,
• 40:43
  wondering when you can have another sip of it.
• 40:45
  And that was true because once I once you've had a drink, quite
• 40:48
  often you're enjoying the drink and it's like the stand up gets
• 40:51
  in the way of it. So now I don't.
• 40:53
  I don't drink before. I do it.
• 40:55
  People have water on stage, some I.
• 40:57
  Don't even do that I think. I don't like it when they take
• 40:59
  the top off and you watch them drink the water.
• 41:02
  I don't like it. It's such an intimate.
• 41:05
  Do it in your own time. Why are we all watching?
• 41:07
  You have a drink. Obviously, if someone's, like,
• 41:09
  swallowed A moth and they need some water, fine.
• 41:11
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 41:12
  Otherwise. And also, you could definitely
• 41:14
  do an hour without a drink of water.
• 41:16
  Yeah, I go days without a drink of water.
• 41:18
  Well, like you have a whole meal and then you dip into the meal
• 41:22
  during that thing. Yeah, I do think it's odd,
• 41:25
  especially the opening. Also, they use, they wait for
• 41:27
  what they consider to be a good joke.
• 41:28
  So whenever they're doing that, I think that's very arrogant.
• 41:30
  You're not now like, yeah. I deserve that.
• 41:33
  Why don't? You clap that while I go and get
• 41:34
  myself a sip of this. Oh yeah, some comics have said I
• 41:38
  deserve that. Now that's.
• 41:40
  Out loud. Yeah, give them a Xanax.
• 41:43
  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Calm down.
• 41:48
  South, when you started to become yourself more, yeah.
• 41:54
  Do you feel like that's when you really started?
• 41:58
  Like, are you the type that really your learning curve went
• 42:02
  really high? Like do you take away from a gig
• 42:06
  like I did this, I should do something different or you take
• 42:12
  like notes? I don't.
• 42:13
  Take notes, especially after gigs where?
• 42:15
  You seem like a note taker. I'm a note.
• 42:17
  Taker because I think I need to externalise the learning but
• 42:21
  it's particularly when it's what should I have done?
• 42:25
  What lessons do I keep having to learn over and over again?
• 42:28
  You should not start with a negative, even if it's.
• 42:31
  A funny negative. I'm hungover.
• 42:34
  I'm tired. Where the fuck is this place
• 42:36
  that we've had to come? You know, I've been on a rail
• 42:38
  replacement bus. Even if you think you've got a
• 42:40
  funny twist to it, I think you should be a dog wagging their
• 42:44
  tail. You're like when you, the
• 42:46
  audience meet you, whatever your persona is, you should still be
• 42:49
  like, I am so glad to be here with you.
• 42:52
  I don't know if you found after COVID, after the lockdowns, that
• 42:56
  gigs were so. Glorious.
• 42:58
  And I realised watching so many comics that, well, I gigged with
• 43:02
  before, when they said thank you to the audience for coming, they
• 43:05
  really meant. It when they said.
• 43:07
  It's nice to be here or it's nice to be out of the house.
• 43:10
  They really. Meant it.
• 43:12
  And I was like, we have to hang on to that glory.
• 43:14
  Anyone who leaves the house to watch something live is a hero.
• 43:17
  How do you hang on to that though?
• 43:19
  You remind yourself before you go out that all of these people
• 43:21
  could be at home watching anything on all of the streaming
• 43:24
  platforms. They they haven't seen all the
• 43:26
  TV and the films. There's so many good things.
• 43:28
  There's so many. Good things and especially here
• 43:30
  at the moment, like the weather is terrible, if they have stayed
• 43:33
  out after work or you know, left the house again to come out, you
• 43:39
  should be so grateful. For them.
• 43:42
  And and excited because they must really want this, don't
• 43:46
  you? Think yes, yeah.
• 43:48
  I think that's what makes live special, because people have
• 43:52
  made an effort and they're sitting there and we are in this
• 43:57
  little experience together. Yeah, that's what I think.
• 44:01
  And I think maybe in the olden days there was more especially
• 44:04
  in comedy, like arms folded, you know, But I think nowadays it's
• 44:07
  such a wide spectrum of what comedy is.
• 44:11
  There isn't so much of like a where's your punch lines as they
• 44:14
  might have been 15 or 20 years ago.
• 44:16
  I just think it they're very open hearted.
• 44:19
  So we should meet them in the same way.
• 44:21
  And that's what that's what I think about negativity.
• 44:23
  So don't start out with the negative.
• 44:25
  Only the first comment. It just think the first comment
• 44:27
  should be. So here's here's a thing that I
• 44:29
  learned from writing down in my pad.
• 44:31
  I would get scared of drunk audiences when I had to do
• 44:34
  weekend clubs. Especially like Friday nights.
• 44:37
  Exactly. Friday nights, hen do's, stag
• 44:40
  do's, these kind of things. And I just twisted it that
• 44:43
  rather than going because I used to say to them I'm terrified of
• 44:47
  you out loud before I started, but I started telling them, Oh
• 44:50
  my God, you are so pissed. You're my kind of people.
• 44:54
  I can't wait to spend 20 minutes with you or some.
• 44:56
  Version that's a positive. Yes, you twist it to positive.
• 44:58
  So I still, I've still called the fact that I've never seen
• 45:01
  people so drunk at 8:30. Let's do this.
• 45:04
  You were on the verge of throwing up.
• 45:07
  That's it. Someone's going to fight me by
• 45:09
  the end of this. Yeah.
• 45:10
  Saying it in a positive makes us all excited.
• 45:12
  And you've still said the same thing.
• 45:13
  Because I Yeah, Especially at the weekend gigs, I would go.
• 45:15
  I don't think you're going to be able to hear me.
• 45:16
  You're too drunk. Yeah, All right, let's start out
• 45:21
  by behaving, because I know you're drunk.
• 45:24
  Yeah, that's it. You've made bad life decisions.
• 45:27
  So have I. Let's do this.
• 45:28
  Yeah, it's like the teacher who immediately says everybody shut
• 45:33
  up, how are you going to learn in that environment?
• 45:36
  Yes, no one. So when did you learn that?
• 45:41
  Did you have a particularly? I think just trial and error I
• 45:45
  but I think that's what writing things down helped me with was
• 45:47
  like what what went wrong at that one again?
• 45:50
  Oh, I did that same thing. I've started on a negative.
• 45:53
  Here's another example of it. If the gig's really overrunning.
• 45:56
  So if you were on late in a bill and you were supposed to be on
• 45:58
  at 9:00, but it's. Now 10:15 and it's been too
• 46:01
  long. But also, if you say to them, I
• 46:03
  was supposed to be on at 9:00, that's not a, that's not a nice
• 46:06
  way to open. So it's that's what I mean by
• 46:08
  it's a kind of mistake. Well, that's true with life too,
• 46:12
  isn't it? Like if you're late for a
• 46:13
  meeting, some people will give an excuse and then sometimes you
• 46:18
  just go, I'm sorry I'm late. Yes, yeah, you've had to wait
• 46:22
  for me. Let's make this a great meeting
• 46:25
  do. You know that Mariah Carey
• 46:27
  doesn't believe in time. This is really great.
• 46:31
  What as a sort of as a philosopher, Mariah Carey
• 46:35
  doesn't believe in the concept of time.
• 46:36
  I find it really relaxing to think about her.
• 46:39
  But and her thing with meetings is she can't be late for a
• 46:42
  meeting because the meeting with her isn't happening until she's
• 46:45
  there. OK.
• 46:47
  Don't you like that? Yeah, but then that will mean
• 46:49
  like you can wait until I arrive, right?
• 46:54
  Well, I think what she's more saying is it's a story we all
• 46:59
  agree, like with currency, you know, and she doesn't agree that
• 47:04
  it's a linear thing. But there's there's no such
• 47:06
  thing as 4:00. She's either there or she's not.
• 47:09
  Time is the 4th dimension. Yeah, but for Mariah Carey?
• 47:14
  And time is money, and she has a lot of that.
• 47:16
  Yeah, but also I like the idea that time is also perception,
• 47:20
  and her perception is she's exactly on time because she got
• 47:24
  here when she got here. I see.
• 47:27
  Because that's all that time is. It's us trying to make sense.
• 47:32
  Yeah, we're imposing a structure to.
• 47:33
  Something. Yeah, but I love the fact that
• 47:35
  it completely falls apart if someone says no.
• 47:37
  No it's not. I don't agree.
• 47:40
  But what if everybody was Mariah Carey?
• 47:43
  Well, like this is maybe again to go back to AI, this is what
• 47:46
  maybe will be freed up to be more like Mariah Carey if if all
• 47:49
  of the responsible things are being done in society by.
• 47:53
  Computers. It frees us up, yeah, to just
• 47:56
  run around and wear a diaper. Yeah, if you want to.
• 48:00
  Yeah. Or just borrow Timothy
• 48:02
  Chamelay's toilet all the time. You could just be like, I liked
• 48:06
  it so much that one time I used your toilet.
• 48:08
  I want to only. Oh, Jimmy, sorry I'm here again.
• 48:11
  It was just so good the first time.
• 48:13
  Are you even on this film? No.
• 48:15
  No get. Me in just to use the toilet.
• 48:20
  I got a free pass. I'm doing Hugh Grant's next I
• 48:27
  see. Yeah, I like that for you.
• 48:28
  You have a pretty lazy, fair attitude about things.
• 48:32
  That's. Good.
• 48:32
  Yeah, yeah. But what, what about now that
• 48:35
  you've had children? Have you changed at all in terms
• 48:40
  of? Completely.
• 48:41
  I've been destroyed. Oh no, I.
• 48:42
  Know, I was reading something the other day about ego deaths
• 48:45
  and I really loved it because they were saying about how
• 48:47
  people go, you know, they take ayahuasca or they, they, they go
• 48:51
  to retreats and there's this whole thing like ego death,
• 48:53
  death of the self and actually, I think becoming a parent.
• 48:56
  Ego death. Is it I mean?
• 48:58
  From Columbia Pictures. Yeah, ego deaths.
• 49:02
  Yeah, I've got I've so my eldest just turned 4.
• 49:06
  My youngest is now two, 2 1/2 nearly.
• 49:08
  We're out of the they still don't sleep through the night.
• 49:11
  And that's been our biggest struggle, but it wasn't much,
• 49:15
  much worse than it is now. We are annex Xanax.
• 49:18
  The kids, the kids just relax, babies.
• 49:21
  Xanax I So I I I think this is where stand up has really helped
• 49:28
  me, because there were times when they were smaller where
• 49:31
  going to a gig and talking through a microphone was the
• 49:34
  only section of the day I felt even vaguely like myself.
• 49:37
  Even though. Yeah, even though I was mad, my
• 49:41
  favourite promoter, James Gill, I'd play his gig a lot and he
• 49:43
  said to me, so is that your thing now?
• 49:45
  Just sort of like just doing this thing where you just can't
• 49:48
  remember words and you're just sort of like, he didn't say
• 49:51
  having a breakdown, but he was like, but he thought I was
• 49:53
  making an artistic choice. Right, right.
• 49:56
  So you're just like. Yeah, that's my bad.
• 49:59
  Yeah, that's my bad. I'm just.
• 49:59
  Trying it out, yeah. So it has changed me.
• 50:05
  And then I, I, I the other thing about sound up, unfortunately,
• 50:08
  is that if something's happening in your life, you have no choice
• 50:10
  but to talk about it on stage or stop gigging.
• 50:14
  Yes. And I but I think also I'm now
• 50:16
  coming out of a stage where I have to talk about having
• 50:19
  babies. I know you do.
• 50:21
  Yeah. Even though people go OK, that's
• 50:24
  when your ACT turns. Yeah.
• 50:26
  Acky boring. Yeah.
• 50:28
  Yeah, kid. We've heard about someone else.
• 50:29
  You had a baby. Well, I did a gig several months
• 50:33
  ago at Bill Murray and I said who all has kids?
• 50:38
  And like one person raised their hand.
• 50:41
  It's like this isn't going to relate to anything.
• 50:44
  Yeah, it's either we're sort of putting people off it, or it's
• 50:47
  like they're on safari going this is.
• 50:50
  And they also probably can't even imagine why there's no one
• 50:53
  else in the audience who's got kids.
• 50:54
  It's like they're all at home putting their kids to bed.
• 50:57
  Who has an AI sex marriage? And then everybody raises their
• 51:01
  hand, Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, an AI sex
• 51:07
  marriage. That's five AI wives and
• 51:11
  husbands. Oh, by the way, somebody was on
• 51:15
  recently. Oh, Ed Byrne.
• 51:18
  Oh yeah. And said how funny it was.
• 51:22
  This is about online comedy, how sometimes you'll do an online
• 51:27
  bit and then it goes so well that you can't do it.
• 51:31
  Oh, yeah. Like you had a great line about
• 51:34
  how you never catch women with a secret family.
• 51:39
  Housework. Which is such a good bit, he
• 51:42
  said. That you told them that you
• 51:44
  can't do that anymore. Yeah, I dropped it from my tour.
• 51:48
  Well, it was prep for my tour and then, yeah, I didn't put it
• 51:53
  in the tour show because I thought.
• 51:55
  That might be the reason someone's come.
• 51:57
  To see me on tour, but also I get very bored of material
• 52:00
  anyway so yeah. So I feel like if it's on a clip
• 52:04
  online that people can see, I don't need to say it.
• 52:06
  Something was happening as I started it where I was almost
• 52:10
  groaning inside like going this. Bit no, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 52:15
  But sometimes you've just got AI mean.
• 52:19
  Has it ever happened where like you'll say something a lot and
• 52:23
  then you realise that, well, these people like say, go to
• 52:27
  Australia, they haven't heard this before, I don't care.
• 52:30
  So okay, because about you. Maybe it comes back to acting.
• 52:34
  The minute it feels like I'm in a play I've written for myself,
• 52:37
  I can't say the bit. So the minute it feels like
• 52:39
  lines. So I actually think there's like
• 52:42
  this really sweet spot between the joke starts properly
• 52:45
  working, but it's not in its exact wording yet, so I can say
• 52:48
  it differently. Yeah, and there's a sweet spot,
• 52:51
  but the minute I'm saying it exactly the same, with exactly
• 52:53
  the same intonation, I'm I'm dead behind the eyes and it
• 52:56
  usually just stops working anyway.
• 52:57
  By itself. Walks go.
• 52:58
  It's just not working. So which would you rather do?
• 53:01
  A joke that you know and it you know it's going to get a huge
• 53:05
  laugh or another joke that you really have fun delivering.
• 53:09
  I think, I think it's that I think the stage of it's getting
• 53:13
  there or it's improving is so much more enjoyable as a, as a
• 53:18
  creative phase. Yeah.
• 53:20
  And then I feel like I've left the house for me.
• 53:22
  Like as in I've gone to the gig for me to work out the material
• 53:26
  because the other side of it feels too much like a job, don't
• 53:30
  you think? It feels like no, I came here
• 53:31
  because they pay me. So you start out your gigs.
• 53:34
  Fuck you guys, this is for me. Yeah, well, internally almost,
• 53:39
  yeah. I don't say it to them.
• 53:40
  To them I say, it's so lovely to.
• 53:41
  Be here. Isn't it great we've all left
• 53:43
  the house? Yeah, we're all dressed up
• 53:45
  except for you and the diaper, but that's fine.
• 53:50
  And you're the one that's late. You don't believe in time.
• 53:55
  But that's. Oh, fuck.
• 53:58
  I lost my train of thought. Yeah, this is because I have
• 54:00
  kids. Yeah, also, it's because you,
• 54:02
  you'd had a mind, mind palace, seeing too many characters from
• 54:06
  our conversation at the gig. Yeah, you distracted yourself.
• 54:09
  I did. You were.
• 54:10
  So there. I saw them all.
• 54:13
  Now what about because this is my fear is like with the kids,
• 54:19
  you're getting a lot of your material.
• 54:22
  Is that the only source of material?
• 54:24
  Like where do you get your? How do you get it?
• 54:28
  Luckily for me because I'm I'm working on a new show now, but I
• 54:33
  think it's going to be a combination of shows because my
• 54:35
  dad last year, my dad's a jazz musician, but he does jazz
• 54:38
  improvisation. He released a 40 hour 18 CD
• 54:43
  album that is a improvised version of James Joyce's
• 54:48
  Ulysses. It's like the grateful dad.
• 54:50
  And I don't know who they are really, but what the great thing
• 54:54
  for me is I'm going to make a work inspired by my dad's work.
• 54:58
  And also the idea of making improvised jazz about James
• 55:01
  Joyce's Ulysses on CD in this day and age with everything
• 55:05
  that's happening, feels to me so.
• 55:07
  It's amazing. Retroactive, it feels.
• 55:09
  There's something that feels really healthy to me, and I
• 55:11
  don't understand jazz and I've never.
• 55:13
  I've just started reading Ulysses, but I'm reading it very
• 55:15
  slowly. Well, there's a movie coming
• 55:17
  out. Odyssey.
• 55:18
  Of the Odyssey, yes. OK, great.
• 55:20
  So your dad is right on point, Skidley Doo wah wah.
• 55:26
  And I think jazz improvisation, I think being accompanied by my
• 55:29
  dad's music, I just, I think it will be.
• 55:32
  I think it's a thing I can deep dive into, but and yeah, and it
• 55:36
  is. And the Odyssey is so sexist as
• 55:39
  a story I think. Because it's a dude.
• 55:42
  It's a dude who's who has like other relationships and lives
• 55:45
  with this is it Calypso for six years while the whole point is
• 55:50
  that is it Penelope's waiting at home and is faithful.
• 55:53
  And like waiting in bed and getting with all the.
• 55:55
  Suitors, everyone wants to be king and all that kind of stuff.
• 55:57
  So it's a story. It's not a great story for
• 56:01
  modern times, is it? Did you?
• 56:02
  Tell your dad that. No, Dad, what are you doing?
• 56:07
  But my dad thinks James Joyce is really his interpretation of
• 56:10
  sexuality and male female relations is really interesting.
• 56:13
  Okay, but in the James Joyce, the woman waiting at home, she
• 56:18
  doesn't doesn't wait. She's at.
• 56:19
  She isn't faithful. She has lovers as well.
• 56:21
  OK, Yeah. So it's much more modern.
• 56:23
  And that's when you do the flute and the jazz.
• 56:26
  What? What instrument does he?
• 56:27
  My dad plays a saxophone, but I think I'm going to learn to play
• 56:30
  the trumpet or maybe like the guitar thing, just have a
• 56:33
  trumpet on stage and never play it.
• 56:36
  But I do wish I could play the sax do.
• 56:38
  You. Yeah, I think it's the worst
• 56:40
  sound. In the world, I love the sax.
• 56:42
  People say that, but if you've been brought up by someone
• 56:44
  playing it in your house, it's like nails down a blackboard.
• 56:48
  Really. I have to when I hear buskers
• 56:52
  and I have. To Yeah.
• 56:53
  My favourite things. Yeah.
• 57:02
  OK. Yeah.
• 57:02
  I'm afraid if we run out of time, I won't get to talk about
• 57:06
  this. Yeah.
• 57:07
  The Great Sewing Bee. My wife and I love the show.
• 57:10
  My wife sews. Oh, she sews.
• 57:12
  OK. And would your wife ever go on
• 57:14
  it? I asked her to go on it but she
• 57:20
  is. She doesn't like the time
• 57:22
  constraint because isn't it crazy?
• 57:24
  Well, this is the thing. Anyone who actually sews finds
• 57:27
  the show quite stressful to watch because they'll be like,
• 57:29
  we're going to make a blazer. You've got 15 minutes.
• 57:31
  Yeah, Yeah. And they're like, but it does.
• 57:33
  It takes so much longer than that.
• 57:35
  So. But the trouble with television
• 57:37
  is they have to put Jeopardy in I.
• 57:39
  Know so it's annoying. So it's so it's annoying because
• 57:42
  of course no one can do it really, really well.
• 57:44
  Mistakes are going to be made and they have to have mistakes
• 57:46
  made so that they can judge it. So it's an yeah.
• 57:48
  I have several questions. OK, When they ask you, first of
• 57:52
  all, how did you get asked to do?
• 57:55
  Did you say I wanna be on a this show?
• 57:58
  So I did the Christmas 1, so I'd seen it and Joe Lycic was
• 58:01
  hosting it and then they wanted a new presenter and they
• 58:04
  essentially we had to audition. So lots they they definitely
• 58:08
  wanted a female. Comment you and Jack Dee.
• 58:11
  So what? Could you see him again?
• 58:13
  Oh, Jack. Hi, Jack.
• 58:15
  He was like, are you drinking? I said no, no, big audition.
• 58:18
  And so, yeah, you had to go and meet Patrick and Esme, the
• 58:23
  judges, and you had to do. Did you know them before the
• 58:26
  show? Oh.
• 58:27
  No, I did from the Christmas special, but not know them.
• 58:29
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 58:29
  And so then you had that sort of producers there and you had to,
• 58:32
  you had to write intros to tasks.
• 58:34
  So you had to go and sit on a chair and you're like, I had to
• 58:36
  do like my jokes about like a child's jacket and stuff.
• 58:39
  Yeah. And then whenever you auditions
• 58:41
  for something, you do then start to really want it when you're in
• 58:43
  competition with other people. Yes, competition does that.
• 58:46
  That's what I. Was going to say about acting
• 58:48
  being competitive earlier the awards.
• 58:49
  How can anyone say acting isn't competitive?
• 58:51
  Because the whole process of being shortlisted and, well,
• 58:56
  you've got a call back and you're pencilled, all of it
• 58:58
  makes you really competitive. Yeah.
• 59:00
  Yeah. Unhealthily so, Yeah.
• 59:02
  When it's very arbitrary, the decisions that are made, yes.
• 59:06
  And so you had to do a little audition and then I got the part
• 59:10
  of presenter. You did.
• 59:12
  Yeah, yeah, yeah. And.
• 59:14
  I was pregnant with Theodore, so I then had to tell them I was
• 59:18
  however pregnant I was at that point.
• 59:19
  So yeah. And then thinking, yeah, that
• 59:22
  they might not want to insure. Me, I really want the job.
• 59:24
  I'm pregnant and you should just.
• 59:29
  Turn it, I think, yeah. But actually it's, you know,
• 59:32
  it's not like stunts or anything.
• 59:33
  So they were very, they were fine.
• 59:35
  Oh, great. Yeah.
• 59:37
  When they ask you go pick your materials, have they already
• 59:41
  picked their materials? No, no, that's real.
• 59:44
  Because it just seems like how are they going to pick them so
• 59:46
  fast? They probably just edit it
• 59:48
  together to make it. Faster it's.
• 59:49
  Definitely taken out of their time.
• 59:51
  So they probably just don't. Maybe they make a decision.
• 59:55
  It's not that interesting to watch 20 minutes of people
• 59:57
  picking fabric, right? But they definitely do pick it
• 1:00:00
  in real time. They because they are in the
• 1:00:02
  haberdashery. They have looked at everything
• 1:00:04
  though. OK, so.
• 1:00:05
  If you say that's what I think, I think sometimes.
• 1:00:07
  They they go if it ever is a tweed.
• 1:00:11
  I love that tweed. OK, maybe that kind of thing.
• 1:00:13
  Yeah, because they just seem to pick things out so quick.
• 1:00:17
  OK, that's interesting. That's interesting.
• 1:00:19
  That's your take. How much time in between each
• 1:00:23
  competition? So it's always, it's always the
• 1:00:26
  same filming days. So it starts at 2 1/2 days when
• 1:00:29
  you've got so many, you've got 10 summers.
• 1:00:31
  And then by I think episode 7, it goes into two days.
• 1:00:34
  They're slightly longer, and then the days get shorter and
• 1:00:36
  shorter and shorter. So you like it as it goes
• 1:00:40
  further. I like the breaks.
• 1:00:43
  It was a very good show to host because it was always time.
• 1:00:46
  Even judging, I would have a laptop on my knees doing my work
• 1:00:50
  because judging takes forever. Yeah, yeah.
• 1:00:52
  And then every 5 minutes I get to go up and go.
• 1:00:54
  Sharon. Would somebody be really into
• 1:01:01
  sewing? And then you come up to them and
• 1:01:02
  they go, what do you want? Yes.
• 1:01:04
  And if you think about it, for the poor sewers, they have the
• 1:01:07
  producers asking them the questions, the judges asking
• 1:01:09
  them the questions, and then me asking them the same question.
• 1:01:12
  So you often want they want them to say it three times so they
• 1:01:14
  can choose in an edit which of us they're talking to.
• 1:01:17
  You've got to be really patient with that.
• 1:01:19
  Also, everyone you realise now is really savvy to social media,
• 1:01:24
  not social media, reality TV. People have grown up with it
• 1:01:27
  now, they've been watching it for 25 years.
• 1:01:29
  So I'm always really shocked that the sewers are so good at
• 1:01:31
  talking to the camera, They're so good at talking to a
• 1:01:33
  producer. They're so professional when I'm
• 1:01:35
  saying to them, So what was your inspiration for this?
• 1:01:37
  And I know they've already said it three times.
• 1:01:39
  And they will say to me, they're going, Oh, yeah, well, my dad
• 1:01:43
  played rugby with Hugh Grant. And like, you know, and they and
• 1:01:46
  they tell you again and I'm like, I'm just astonished by it.
• 1:01:48
  But we all know how reality. Is we're all savvy now we.
• 1:01:51
  Are, yeah. I mean, I'm not.
• 1:01:53
  No, but would you do? You could maybe do the
• 1:01:55
  Christmas. One.
• 1:01:56
  Yeah, yeah, sure. Yeah.
• 1:01:58
  So do you so as well have you learned?
• 1:01:59
  No, I need to. I'm not being sexist.
• 1:02:03
  I really want, but that's another thing.
• 1:02:05
  Do you have trouble getting men? Or oh, they called it straight
• 1:02:09
  men. They used to call a Unicorn if
• 1:02:11
  we got. One really.
• 1:02:13
  Yeah, when they were telling me like who's the next season?
• 1:02:15
  So is they go and we got a Unicorn.
• 1:02:18
  Because they're the last one. I think I saw the last one where
• 1:02:22
  you weren't the host. There were some really good man.
• 1:02:26
  Yeah, the other thing with sewing is that people can get
• 1:02:29
  good quite quickly and some people are very talented at it,
• 1:02:33
  so they will only have been sewing for two or three, four
• 1:02:35
  years and doing lockdown sewing is one of the things that people
• 1:02:38
  did or like took up. Baking bread and sewing, Yeah.
• 1:02:42
  So I think that production company that does Bake Off and
• 1:02:45
  sewing bees really benefited from maybe they started the
• 1:02:48
  coronavirus. I don't want to spread that
• 1:02:50
  rumour. Right, right.
• 1:02:52
  But I mean, I think there's so many formatted things that look,
• 1:02:57
  I think Sewing Bee is one of the best ones.
• 1:03:00
  Yeah, it's really good. I.
• 1:03:02
  Think it's nice that they don't make people cry?
• 1:03:04
  Yeah. That's.
• 1:03:05
  The sort of thing, and it has happened a couple of times that
• 1:03:07
  people have just been, you know, frustrated and emotional, but
• 1:03:11
  they really try and like calm things down when it's getting
• 1:03:13
  emotional rather than like, brilliant.
• 1:03:15
  OK, close up on Claire. She's about to burst into tears,
• 1:03:17
  you know, as Zip's gone fucked. Go and interview her.
• 1:03:21
  Claire's drunk. No, yeah, instead they're much
• 1:03:23
  more often like, shall we have a cup of tea?
• 1:03:25
  Shall we give them an extra 15 minutes?
• 1:03:26
  It's much, yes. Yeah.
• 1:03:27
  It is, it's, it's, it's interesting because they're very
• 1:03:31
  talented people sharing a craft. It's not trying to tighten it.
• 1:03:36
  Yet they seem to all get along like it's a camp or something.
• 1:03:40
  That's what I was always trying to make.
• 1:03:41
  I wanted them to be more competitive with each other.
• 1:03:44
  You did? Yeah.
• 1:03:45
  I would always be like, she's making the same dress as you.
• 1:03:48
  She says it's going to be better.
• 1:03:49
  What do you reckon? They were just like, I hope.
• 1:03:51
  Good luck like. That she says you're wearing a
• 1:03:54
  wig? She asked.
• 1:03:58
  Your dad's phone number, are you going to stand for it?
• 1:04:01
  Yeah. Wow.
• 1:04:03
  But that's I've so many more questions, but I've got to sort
• 1:04:08
  of wrap things up. And there's a segment, I don't
• 1:04:12
  know if you've seen the podcast that I have called fill in the
• 1:04:16
  blank and I'll say a sentence and you have to fill in the
• 1:04:20
  blank. OK, You don't have to be funny.
• 1:04:22
  Good. OK, I'm.
• 1:04:24
  Not going. To be OK, good, all right, I
• 1:04:27
  have 5 minutes of spare time. I'll most likely blank.
• 1:04:33
  Read. Read Yeah, like even for just 5
• 1:04:36
  minutes. Yeah.
• 1:04:38
  That's weird. No, no, no.
• 1:04:42
  So like you'll just read a page because I always with reading
• 1:04:45
  like a book. Are you talking book?
• 1:04:48
  I'll be like, oh, where was I? And that'll take me 5 minutes
• 1:04:51
  right there. OK.
• 1:04:53
  That's not what I'm like. I just go.
• 1:04:57
  I'm reading like that. You're already.
• 1:05:00
  There, folded over the page, I would only have a stop at the
• 1:05:02
  bottom of a page so I know that's the next.
• 1:05:05
  Page you dog year or a page? I do.
• 1:05:08
  Look, you're a dog year. Look how much time it's saving
• 1:05:10
  me. Yeah, no, that's true.
• 1:05:12
  That's true. There's no way you can twist
• 1:05:13
  this and not be excellent. I dog year a page.
• 1:05:17
  Are you writing another book right now or?
• 1:05:19
  I am, yes. Yeah.
• 1:05:20
  Novel. Novel.
• 1:05:21
  Yeah. Oh my God, that's so cool.
• 1:05:24
  Yeah. All right, that's a whole other
• 1:05:26
  interview. I'm embarrassed to eat blank.
• 1:05:30
  I'll actually hide it. If someone walks in on me, we'll
• 1:05:37
  meet. Probably.
• 1:05:38
  No, I'll. Be no.
• 1:05:41
  What would I be embarrassed of? There definitely are things I'd
• 1:05:43
  be embarrassed of. Yeah, my kids snacks.
• 1:05:46
  I think I'd hide. Yeah, I'd sort of raided the
• 1:05:49
  packed lunches. Or like, if they're on the
• 1:05:51
  plate, it's the last few things on the plate.
• 1:05:54
  Oh. No, we do.
• 1:05:54
  That's fine. OK but if I was like opening
• 1:05:57
  stuff I've bought especially for their packed lunches, that
• 1:06:01
  doesn't feel. Great little leprechauns, yeah.
• 1:06:03
  Yeah, yeah. Blank is the thing I've laughed
• 1:06:06
  at the most this week. Oh that that, that is my kids,
• 1:06:13
  annoyingly. That's OK.
• 1:06:16
  But it's just such a parent answer.
• 1:06:18
  But they're just really this very funny ages doing very funny
• 1:06:22
  stuff. Anything in particular?
• 1:06:26
  My kids are the funniest. Things it won't sound funny to
• 1:06:30
  anyone. So I'll be I'll be two.
• 1:06:33
  And so this morning I was leaving on a mattress on his
• 1:06:35
  floor with him and he woke me up and he said yesterday I had
• 1:06:38
  Jelly beans. They're my favourite.
• 1:06:42
  So that doesn't sound funny to anyone.
• 1:06:43
  Else to wake somebody up and say that. 6:00 in the morning, Big
• 1:06:47
  news Mom, the woman who gave me the Jelly beans.
• 1:06:50
  Let me tell you about these Jelly beans.
• 1:06:52
  They're my favourite. And it was urgent to tell you.
• 1:06:56
  Love it. Yeah.
• 1:06:57
  If I ever see my kids blanking, I don't know how to react.
• 1:07:03
  I won't know how to react. Oh, won't know how to react.
• 1:07:08
  I don't like them fighting, but it's not more I don't know.
• 1:07:11
  Maybe it's I don't know how to react.
• 1:07:12
  I all I I don't want to just scream at them for the rest of
• 1:07:16
  their lives. I know.
• 1:07:17
  Stop strangling each other. Kind hands, kind hands.
• 1:07:21
  Yeah, mind fights now I don't know what to do It's.
• 1:07:25
  Horrible and and also sometimes they're having fun but they are
• 1:07:30
  literally seconds from one of them hitting their head on
• 1:07:33
  something or falling down the stairs.
• 1:07:34
  Right. So it's like, it's not like I
• 1:07:36
  just go do it, you know, It's nature.
• 1:07:38
  The disaster is this close away, Yeah.
• 1:07:43
  It's very stressful. Yeah, but it's a part of growing
• 1:07:47
  up, apparently. Career and family aside, my
• 1:07:51
  biggest accomplishment in life is blank.
• 1:07:54
  Oh I once scored a par on a golf course making ATV programme and
• 1:07:58
  they didn't film it. Why?
• 1:08:01
  Well, because they didn't think I'd get it in so rich.
• 1:08:05
  Imagine this. So it's in Edinburgh and I've
• 1:08:08
  done one shot and it's got it like, you know, 30 feet below
• 1:08:14
  the. I don't know if you play golf.
• 1:08:15
  Yeah, yeah. OK.
• 1:08:16
  So there's a hole there on the top of the hill.
• 1:08:18
  Is it a par 3? It's a 2.
• 1:08:21
  Par 2. Yeah, so, so it's about 30 feet
• 1:08:26
  down the hill and there's an expert this like he's about 20.
• 1:08:30
  So he's a youth golfer. And he tells, gives me the right
• 1:08:33
  club and tells me the angle. And then he says to me, you got
• 1:08:38
  this. And my really overconfident
• 1:08:40
  brain went, all right, I'll just whack it in then.
• 1:08:43
  And then I did. And the man who owned the golf
• 1:08:46
  course, when I looked up, I could see all the cameras were
• 1:08:49
  all faced at me. None of them were faced at the
• 1:08:50
  hole. I'd done it.
• 1:08:52
  Really fast. And the man who owned the golf
• 1:08:55
  course was like this. Oh, you and the odds of you
• 1:09:00
  getting it again. He spoke to me and he was
• 1:09:03
  saying, I just can't believe you did that.
• 1:09:05
  He said no one could have done that.
• 1:09:07
  And the guy who told me you could do it like the 21 went, I
• 1:09:10
  couldn't have done that shot. No one could have done that
• 1:09:11
  shot. It was like against physics.
• 1:09:14
  And then I felt so amazing. I just felt so amazing.
• 1:09:18
  And I knew they hadn't got it. I knew they hadn't got the shot,
• 1:09:20
  so then they had to start. I did like spend.
• 1:09:22
  So it didn't happen. No, they had to spend hours
• 1:09:25
  faking it. They didn't actually get how
• 1:09:26
  good my golf shot was, but I know in my heart I did it and I
• 1:09:31
  have this choice now. I either take up golf, am I good
• 1:09:33
  at it? But what if I'm not?
• 1:09:35
  And then I take away from the fact that was just a fluke.
• 1:09:38
  I'm not an incredibly talented golfer.
• 1:09:39
  Maybe that's the next chapter of your life.
• 1:09:41
  I think so. Also, I really loved driving a
• 1:09:43
  golf buggy. Yeah, it's the best.
• 1:09:46
  So of course people love golf. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:09:49
  Even it's like beautiful places. Well, they're trying to devise
• 1:09:52
  cars now because a lot of people don't drive their cars very far.
• 1:09:56
  Yeah, so they're having buggy like cars.
• 1:10:00
  Oh. Yeah, but you'd have to do like
• 1:10:02
  rules because it's golf buggy. You don't have to.
• 1:10:04
  Damn rules. Yeah, I don't want car rules.
• 1:10:08
  Yeah, I want to be free. Buggy rules.
• 1:10:09
  Buggy rules. Yeah, as in no rules.
• 1:10:12
  There's a lot of new shows, we've got buggy rules.
• 1:10:18
  I forget the other one. Rugby mom.
• 1:10:20
  Rugby mom. Yeah.
• 1:10:21
  And the ego 1 Ego death. Ego death.
• 1:10:25
  Thank you, Sarah. You're the one.
• 1:10:28
  Thank. You, yeah.
• 1:10:29
  Thank you and just to promote your tour, Yes, I am a strange
• 1:10:36
  glue yes is going to be February and March.
• 1:10:40
  Yes, if you want to buy tickets, go to your website.
• 1:10:44
  Yes, please. Another great title.
• 1:10:50
  Wow, that was Sarah. You can see you're on tour this
• 1:10:55
  month and March. You know how to get the tickets
• 1:10:59
  and remember to like and subscribe.
• 1:11:01
  And also, if you want to do Patreon, you can get a
• 1:11:05
  membership where you can see the episodes a couple of days, maybe
• 1:11:10
  even more before normal people do.
• 1:11:14
  OK, Patreon, normal people. Just kidding.
• 1:11:19
  So listen, we had, we do have a question from one of our
• 1:11:23
  viewers. His name is Howard Moon, and he
• 1:11:27
  asks, does Robot in disguise still exist?
• 1:11:31
  Well, that was a band. Very great band.
• 1:11:36
  I know you've heard of them if you're big fans of the bouche.
• 1:11:40
  I don't know if they're still around.
• 1:11:43
  I can't answer that question. Howard Moon.
• 1:11:46
  So look it up. I'm sure they're gigging
• 1:11:49
  somewhere. I just haven't.
• 1:11:51
  I'm out of the loop. Give me a break.
• 1:11:55
  OK. Geez.
• 1:11:57
  I need some pickle juice. All right.
• 1:12:00
  Thanks. Rich vultures talk box.