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Transcript

Not Everything Is an Emergency · Ok But Are You Good?

0:04
SPEAKER_00: Hi there.
0:05
SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Corinne, and this is Okay But Are You Good?
0:08
SPEAKER_00: Where we check in on ourselves on a weekly basis to see how we're doing.
0:11
SPEAKER_00: Are we living our best lives or are we just trying to get by?
0:14
SPEAKER_00: Well, another week has come and gone and it's been awful.
0:19
SPEAKER_00: But I am still out here persevering and hoping for the best.
0:24
SPEAKER_00: And I feel like lately it's been awful because every minor inconvenience feels like an emergency.
0:32
SPEAKER_00: And I just cannot get it together.
0:35
SPEAKER_00: And life right now isn't actually chaotic.
0:39
SPEAKER_00: Nothing's really an emergency, but my brain tells me otherwise of this is happening, something's going wrong.
0:47
SPEAKER_00: We gotta stop everything we're doing, obsess over it, and try and figure it out.
0:52
SPEAKER_00: And sometimes I do when I'm in the right headspace, stop and think like, okay, is this really life or death a real emergency?
1:01
SPEAKER_00: No, it's not.
1:03
SPEAKER_00: And I'm trying to work on breaking that mental process of feeling like everything in life is an emergency, just because I'm being inconvenienced or something switched paths um or routes, and then I have to figure it out.
1:21
SPEAKER_00: And I asked myself, why do I constantly feel like everything needs to be so urgent and get done right there perfectly, no mistakes?
1:29
SPEAKER_00: It could be the tiniest thing.
1:31
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, oh my god, why did you just do that?
1:34
SPEAKER_00: Why, why did this happen this way?
1:36
SPEAKER_00: And I think it's because there's constant things to keep up with.
1:40
SPEAKER_00: You got work, you got bills, you got household chores, friends, family, just constantly working towards something, working for something.
1:50
SPEAKER_00: There's just no time to slow down, it feels like.
1:53
SPEAKER_00: And on top of that, you gotta do the like silly little things of just like texting someone back or running the errands we have no time to do during the week because we're too busy.
2:05
SPEAKER_00: And while I'm doing all my responsibilities and all just the simple tasks of just being on my phone answering an email, I still gotta take care of myself.
2:16
SPEAKER_00: But while I'm running around and stressing out, my brain is like piling all these little tasks and to do things into one pile.
2:24
SPEAKER_00: And it's like, okay, if you don't get this done, you're gonna be behind or you're gonna fail, and then you're gonna just be more stressed out, and someone else could have gotten it done and they have, and you're behind.
2:36
SPEAKER_00: And it just makes everything a bigger deal than it needs to be, and it's it's exhausting, and it's like, why is this the the path I'm going down half the time?
2:48
SPEAKER_00: And yes, it's anxiety, it's how I deal with stress.
2:52
SPEAKER_00: Those are two things that are a big setback for me.
2:56
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I can't be perfect, so of course they're gonna give me two things that cause me to be held back in life, and it it can really set me back.
3:07
SPEAKER_00: I just saw a video too of like someone got a stress-induced stroke, and I was like, uh-oh, that could very well be me with how I'm in constant fight or flight mode.
3:18
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I'm sure there's more to it.
3:20
SPEAKER_00: I'm not a doctor, I don't have any medical history, but it freaked me out seeing that video while I'm at such a stressful point lately.
3:30
SPEAKER_00: And it it caused me to be like, okay, like this is the universe sending you a sign of like you need to slow down and like chill out and figure out a way to manage your stress better and not feel like everything is the end of the world.
3:45
SPEAKER_00: And this is a constant thing I've had to work on, and I feel like I'll do good some days, weeks, and then one thing sets me back, and then I'm just right back at level one of trying to figure out how to be more chill.
4:00
SPEAKER_00: But I think sometimes everything ends up feeling like an emergency, it's like a domino effect where one minor inconvenience, one bad thing, a bad comment, a conversation, it just spirals and ruins my whole mood, my whole day.
4:16
SPEAKER_00: I mean, it days even sometimes, depending on what it is, what happened.
4:20
SPEAKER_00: And fortunately, sometimes I'll be like, wait, was this really that big of a deal?
4:25
SPEAKER_00: Was this really the end of the world?
4:27
SPEAKER_00: And 99% of the time, the answer is no.
4:30
SPEAKER_00: And I've been really trying to make the effort of like, okay, let's write things down because that's what they say will help you.
4:37
SPEAKER_00: It gathers your thoughts.
4:38
SPEAKER_00: I mean, we all had journals when we're kids, most likely.
4:42
SPEAKER_00: You know, you speak the password in the in your journal or your diary.
4:47
SPEAKER_00: Like, those were those were the good old days.
4:49
SPEAKER_00: So I'm bringing that back and it helps, but sometimes I'm too lazy to even take my own advice and help me out.
4:57
SPEAKER_00: And I just don't feel like writing because I'm like, I could be here for hours trying to get all my thoughts out and like remind myself, like, hey, this really isn't that big of a deal.
5:08
SPEAKER_00: You're fine.
5:09
SPEAKER_00: Let's just keep living and moving through life.
5:12
SPEAKER_00: But on those days, which seem more frequently than ever lately, that I'm not taking the time to slow down, write out my thoughts, it's like the end of the world.
5:25
SPEAKER_00: It's and it's like you had a bad day.
5:28
SPEAKER_00: Okay, everything that's ever gone wrong in your life, you start thinking about.
5:31
SPEAKER_00: You think about that awkward conversation from 10 years ago, you're like, oh God, like that was so awful.
5:38
SPEAKER_00: Or you're missing workouts.
5:40
SPEAKER_00: All right, you're so far behind.
5:42
SPEAKER_00: How are you gonna get back on track?
5:44
SPEAKER_00: Something as simple as someone not texting you back, it feels like, okay, is the friendship over?
5:49
SPEAKER_00: Like, it's not, as I'm saying this, I know it's not realistic.
5:53
SPEAKER_00: Like, this isn't real life, but when you have your brain telling you otherwise, it's so hard to snap out of it.
6:00
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I've done it before, I know I'll do it again.
6:03
SPEAKER_00: I just have to really make the conscious effort to keep pushing myself to get to the reality of like not everything sucks, to be honest.
6:15
SPEAKER_00: And the real struggle is like figuring out what's a problem and what's an emergency, where I'm only going to this is an emergency, everything's wrong.
6:25
SPEAKER_00: And I would say nine out of 10 times, whatever you think is a problem or emergency, it's gonna get solved.
6:31
SPEAKER_00: As long as it's in your control, it's gonna get figured out.
6:34
SPEAKER_00: And I think for me, I don't like to be in uncomfortable situations.
6:39
SPEAKER_00: I mean, does anyone?
6:40
SPEAKER_00: Do we like putting ourselves out there?
6:42
SPEAKER_00: Maybe, but I don't, depending on the situation.
6:46
SPEAKER_00: I like my routine, I am so type A.
6:49
SPEAKER_00: I like knowing what to expect, but you can't know what to expect all the time.
6:54
SPEAKER_00: And I think I've trained my mind to be like, if you're uncomfortable or unsure of what's happening, like depending on the situation, like it's an emergency, something's wrong, and we gotta figure this out right now, or else your whole world is over.
7:08
SPEAKER_00: We don't know how we're gonna get through this.
7:09
SPEAKER_00: And that is something I've been trying to untrain my brain on that, like, it's okay if you mess up, nothing's gonna happen to you.
7:18
SPEAKER_00: It's okay if you said something you didn't mean to say and you pissed someone off.
7:23
SPEAKER_00: I have to learn to like let people be mad or upset at me because I can't control what other people feel.
7:30
SPEAKER_00: I can only control what I can control.
7:32
SPEAKER_00: And it's like, still don't 100% understand what that means.
7:36
SPEAKER_00: It's such a simple concept, but it's so challenging at the same time.
7:41
SPEAKER_00: And I think that's why everything feels like an emergency, because if I'm uncomfortable or it's out of my control, I'm like, I'm doomed and I don't know how I'll get out of it.
7:51
SPEAKER_00: And it's the urgency, the urgency to like figure this out right then and there because I don't want to have anxiety about it later and it keeps me up at night, and then I can't stop thinking about it until the next problem, problem with air quotes, because it's not actually a problem, comes up, and then I'm just spiraling all over again.
8:10
SPEAKER_00: Isn't this fun?
8:11
SPEAKER_00: Isn't this fun to like get an insight in my brain half the time?
8:15
SPEAKER_00: My best friend says it must be so exhausting in there, and I it really is.
8:20
SPEAKER_00: It really is not fun.
8:22
SPEAKER_00: And there's solutions to these problems.
8:24
SPEAKER_00: I recognize what's happening, but like I can't get out of it all the time.
8:29
SPEAKER_00: I was doing good there for a while, right?
8:31
SPEAKER_00: But I think lately I haven't been living in the present, and that's part of the problem.
8:35
SPEAKER_00: I'm too much in the future, too much trying to figure out solutions to problems that haven't even happened yet.
8:43
SPEAKER_00: And I need to train myself how to be like, okay, let's deal with problems as they actually come up and the real problems.
8:50
SPEAKER_00: Everything always gets resolved.
8:52
SPEAKER_00: And telling myself that and you listening, that everything always gets figured out.
8:58
SPEAKER_00: I'm exactly where I need to be.
9:00
SPEAKER_00: I'm learning a lesson I don't want to be, I'm uncomfortable with it.
9:04
SPEAKER_00: But the next time this comes up, I'll know how to handle it.
9:07
SPEAKER_00: I'll know how to handle this emergency that's not an emergency.
9:11
SPEAKER_00: Do you know how exhausting it is to be in constant fight or flight mode?
9:15
SPEAKER_00: There has to be some like younger year lessons, trauma, whatever you want to call it, experiences that led me to this point right now.
9:24
SPEAKER_00: And we don't have enough time in the rest of our lifetime to hear about what I think led me to having my brain be thinking like this.
9:35
SPEAKER_00: But something occurred that had me, that taught me like everything's urgent.
9:40
SPEAKER_00: You gotta figure this out right now, or it's doom and gloom.
9:44
SPEAKER_00: It's interesting though, because I don't remember feeling like this all the time in the last like 15 years, but I know this didn't just like occur out of nowhere because it's so I feel like it's so much easier to focus on the future than it is to just be present.
10:01
SPEAKER_00: I don't know why that is, but maybe it's just a comfortable zone that I know how to handle.
10:07
SPEAKER_00: And it's uncomfortable for me to just be in the moment, be present, relaxed.
10:12
SPEAKER_00: Like I had extra free time recently, and I was like, I don't know what to do with this.
10:17
SPEAKER_00: What do you mean the house is clean, my to-do list is small, things can wait.
10:21
SPEAKER_00: Like, oh, I have time to just like turn my brain off and relax and read, watch TV, do whatever I want to.
10:28
SPEAKER_00: And I was uncomfortable with it.
10:31
SPEAKER_00: And it's like, why?
10:32
SPEAKER_00: Like, just sit there and chill out and enjoy this free time that you don't have anything to plan or really work on, and like you can just enjoy life as it is.
10:43
SPEAKER_00: I think it's because I'm so used to having to work on something, work towards it, like whatever goal, or just like life responsibility.
10:52
SPEAKER_00: So it's like weird when it's like at a pause, I guess.
10:56
SPEAKER_00: And I try to remind myself, okay, take this time, enjoy it because there's always gonna be something to do.
11:02
SPEAKER_00: There's always gonna be another chore, another email, another event to go to, another bill to pay, another thing you could improve on in every aspect of your life.
11:13
SPEAKER_00: And if we keep working on like all these goals, which are amazing, it's so great to have things to work on and look forward to, but we're so focused on that.
11:23
SPEAKER_00: We're never going to just like sit and relax and chill out because then we get to where I'm at right now, just like stressed out beyond all means and not having fun.
11:32
SPEAKER_00: I want off this ride.
11:34
SPEAKER_00: So I've been really trying to have that voice in the back of my head be like, enjoy this, you're okay, everything's fine.
11:41
SPEAKER_00: It's okay to like take time to just do something for yourself that's not working towards a goal, working on bettering yourself overall.
11:50
SPEAKER_00: Like, you don't have to be productive 100% of the time.
11:54
SPEAKER_00: And this is something I have to train myself on.
11:57
SPEAKER_00: And it's this stress, anxiety, fight or flight has been at its all-time high.
12:03
SPEAKER_00: And you know why I know that?
12:04
SPEAKER_00: Because I have not been sleeping.
12:06
SPEAKER_00: My mind is keeping me up.
12:07
SPEAKER_00: I'm barely getting five hours of sleep.
12:09
SPEAKER_00: The anxiety is consuming me like a ball.
12:14
SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't know, it's just all over my brain.
12:18
SPEAKER_00: And the funny thing is, when you dive into it, nothing bad actually happened.
12:24
SPEAKER_00: It was the game of what if, okay, if this, what if this happens?
12:28
SPEAKER_00: All right, then how am I gonna solve that?
12:30
SPEAKER_00: And blah, blah, blah.
12:30
SPEAKER_00: I just assumed the worst was gonna happen, and what I was so stressed out about could have gotten resolved.
12:37
SPEAKER_00: And it did.
12:38
SPEAKER_00: It all worked out, and I'm sleeping more normal, but I've never had that in my life where I've not been able to sleep before because I've been so worried and stressed, and it's frightening what your mind can do to you.
12:52
SPEAKER_00: My mind convinces me that one wrong thing happens, everything's done for.
12:58
SPEAKER_00: You're not getting back on track, you're not gonna get this figured out.
13:02
SPEAKER_00: It's it's just a comfort zone of negativity.
13:05
SPEAKER_00: And I'm not gonna lie, I really think it's because I've been injured, I've been off my routine and my schedule, but I need to learn how to adjust and adapt to my environment better.
13:18
SPEAKER_00: Like it's not always gonna be perfect morning and night routine.
13:22
SPEAKER_00: The day isn't gonna go how I always want it to be, and I need to adapt better for my mental health in that way because then it just leads to not sleeping and being in a crabby mood and just like being sad, you know?
13:37
SPEAKER_00: And I think that's one thing I've really taken from this is like, I need to slow down, I need to work on my stress, I really need to make the effort and hone in on the uh skills, I guess you could say, of what works for me.
13:52
SPEAKER_00: And it, I sometimes I just can't do the simple task of writing it down.
13:56
SPEAKER_00: That's why I'm like, okay, you have the notes app on your phone, just do that, and it helps.
14:01
SPEAKER_00: But I'm so stubborn and I like it's like I'm punishing myself and leaving myself in this misery.
14:09
SPEAKER_00: And it's so ridiculous.
14:11
SPEAKER_00: I don't like it.
14:12
SPEAKER_00: It's something I'm working on.
14:14
SPEAKER_00: I'm not doing great at it, but I'm I'm self-aware of it.
14:17
SPEAKER_00: So there's that.
14:19
SPEAKER_00: And with this self-awareness that I keep claiming I have, but sometimes I'm like, maybe I'm not as self-aware as I think I am.
14:26
SPEAKER_00: I guess it depends on the situation.
14:28
SPEAKER_00: I really need to learn to pause, to chill out, take a moment, take a breath, be just be present.
14:37
SPEAKER_00: Why is that so difficult?
14:39
SPEAKER_00: I really don't know.
14:40
SPEAKER_00: I think it's just pressure, maybe we put on ourselves to keep working towards whatever the goal is, to keep up with society expectations.
14:51
SPEAKER_00: I think for me, it's just really the pressure of like taking care of myself and being happy.
14:56
SPEAKER_00: It's such an easy concept, but it's so hard to get there.
14:59
SPEAKER_00: So while I'm really trying to learn to be in the moment, I need to remind myself the question of is this an actual emergency?
15:08
SPEAKER_00: Is this doom or gloom?
15:10
SPEAKER_00: Are you gonna survive this?
15:12
SPEAKER_00: Yes, you will survive this.
15:14
SPEAKER_00: You're uncomfortable, you're unhappy, you're unsure of the moment, you don't know how it's gonna play out.
15:18
SPEAKER_00: And this is the reminder that it always works out, it always figures a way out.
15:23
SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're not gonna get the result you want, but you figure it out one way and you learn.
15:28
SPEAKER_00: You learn from whatever situation made you upset, uncomfortable, unknowing how to deal with.
15:34
SPEAKER_00: And the reminder of like, is this something that needs to get figured out right now, or can this wait?
15:40
SPEAKER_00: And I feel like a lot of the times it can wait.
15:42
SPEAKER_00: Again, it depends on the situation, what your lifestyle is.
15:46
SPEAKER_00: And for me, I know my stuff can wait.
15:49
SPEAKER_00: Like nothing's gonna really happen if it takes an extra day, two days.
15:54
SPEAKER_00: And sometimes with this waiting, this pause moment, as you will, it really does end up getting better than if you just try to figure everything out in your life right then and there.
16:06
SPEAKER_00: Because not everything is an emergency, not everything has to be so stressful all the time.
16:11
SPEAKER_00: I'm really speaking to myself here, I guess.
16:13
SPEAKER_00: This this is my reminder that you don't have to have everything figured out in life.
16:19
SPEAKER_00: You're allowed to be upset, you're allowed to be stressed out, but like not to the point of feeling like the world is ending.
16:26
SPEAKER_00: You miss an appointment, it's okay.
16:28
SPEAKER_00: You might get charged a fee, but you just you do better next time.
16:32
SPEAKER_00: You forgot to wish someone a happy birthday, it's all right.
16:35
SPEAKER_00: Just wish them happy birthday when you do remember.
16:38
SPEAKER_00: Those are such simple examples, but that's that's what I have for you right now.
16:43
SPEAKER_00: And I think it's good.
16:44
SPEAKER_00: It's simple because it's laughable.
16:46
SPEAKER_00: Like it's not that big of a deal.
16:48
SPEAKER_00: It's gonna get figured out.
16:50
SPEAKER_00: You can do this.
16:51
SPEAKER_00: And I'm I'm really trying to get to the point of slowing down before I need to.
16:56
SPEAKER_00: So that's why I'm trying to remind myself like, take a moment, have some me time, just like chill, do a face mask, whatever keeps me calm and cool.
17:07
SPEAKER_00: Because I think it's important to like learn how to like be by yourself and not be moving so quickly all the time, because there's gonna come a point where you don't have any other choice because I've stressed myself out so much that I've gotten sick.
17:22
SPEAKER_00: And I mean, look it, I'm injured.
17:23
SPEAKER_00: I can't even do what I want to do.
17:25
SPEAKER_00: So it's kind of forced me to slow down.
17:27
SPEAKER_00: That's why it's like I think for me, my body literally forces me to chill out and slow down.
17:35
SPEAKER_00: And I think it's important to have that mindset of like, you're not wasting your time, you're just like giving yourself that extra hour to slow down and recharge your battery, if you will.
17:47
SPEAKER_00: Because it's been tough being stressed out over nothing, pretty much, and losing sleep over it.
17:54
SPEAKER_00: It's it's pretty amazing how that happens.
17:58
SPEAKER_00: If you didn't catch on, that is sarcasm.
18:00
SPEAKER_00: And look, my reality is I'm always I'm never gonna live a life without stress.
18:06
SPEAKER_00: Maybe one day, but not right now.
18:08
SPEAKER_00: And you know, things are gonna go wrong, plans are gonna change, problems are gonna arise, I'm gonna keep having bad days or stressful weeks.
18:18
SPEAKER_00: And that's okay.
18:20
SPEAKER_00: I can accept that.
18:21
SPEAKER_00: That's life.
18:22
SPEAKER_00: But what needs to change is not having the mindset that everything needs my intention and my problem solving right then and there.
18:31
SPEAKER_00: I don't want every bad day to make me question my entire life choices.
18:35
SPEAKER_00: And I don't want every uncomfortable feeling or thought to mean something is wrong, that I'm doomed.
18:42
SPEAKER_00: And I think I just gotta remind myself like you have time.
18:45
SPEAKER_00: You don't have to figure everything out right then and there, tonight, tomorrow.
18:50
SPEAKER_00: I don't have to respond to everything immediately because not everything is urgent and not everything needs to be fixed right then and there.
18:58
SPEAKER_00: So maybe that's a reminder for me and for you this week that when something comes up and you start immediately going, like, okay, we need to fix this.
19:08
SPEAKER_00: We got to figure this out, everything's going wrong.
19:10
SPEAKER_00: Just take a second, take a breath, and ask yourself is this actually an emergency?
19:16
SPEAKER_00: Does this actually need to be figured out right then and there?
19:19
SPEAKER_00: And if it does, you figure it out.
19:21
SPEAKER_00: And if it doesn't, take the day, go to bed, distract yourself.
19:26
SPEAKER_00: Because not everything is an emergency.
19:29
SPEAKER_00: And honestly, that is a reminder for me and for you, obviously.
19:35
SPEAKER_00: But this is your reminder that that minor inconvenience that feels like the end of the world, it's not.
19:41
SPEAKER_00: You got this, you're gonna figure it out, take it day by day, minute by minute, whatever, whatever works.
19:48
SPEAKER_00: Just remember everything gets figured out one way or the other, and you learn from it and become greater from it.
19:56
SPEAKER_00: So thank you so much for listening in.
19:59
SPEAKER_00: And don't forget to like and subscribe and ask yourself okay, but are you good?
20:04
SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
20:04
SPEAKER_00: I'll catch you all next week.
20:06
SPEAKER_00: Bye.