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How long can a narcissist hold a grudge? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people?
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  Today we're going to be answering the question, how long
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  do narcissists hold grudges? If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist. And welcome to another episode
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  of The Narcissist Code. Welcome back.
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  Welcome back. Y'all they felt.
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  They felt the finger pistols felt weird right there.
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  Drop me a comment if you think that was weird.
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  I won't do it. I won't do it again, I promise
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  you. One strike in.
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  You're out right there for me with the finger pistols.
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  Anyways, y'all. Welcome.
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  What? What's up?
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  What up? What up, What up?
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  Happy Tuesday. Happy Tuesday.
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  But yeah, yeah, this is a question I get a lot.
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  Y'all. Dude, I'm feeling great.
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  Oh no. Oh no.
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  That's one of the things, y'all, I know when I'm feeling great,
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  I'm having a good day that a down is coming soon.
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  I just realized I'm glad I caught that.
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  I'm feeling really good today. But you know the highs and lows,
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  the ebbs and flows of mental health, of your mental health,
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  mental health and depression and anxiety, how that works.
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  I'm going to have a down day here pretty soon, but we're
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  going to tackle a lot of stuff today so the down day doesn't
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  affect me. Anyways, y'all y'all having a
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  down day. Pick yourself up if you are in a
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  down day right now. I love you.
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  I appreciate you being here, watching this video.
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  You are worthy. You are worth it.
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  You are enough. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
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  I gotta have the shirt on. The shirt says I'm enough.
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  So you are enough. So thankful.
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  Thank you, thank you, thank you. But yes y'all.
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  Back to the topic of hand. I know I got carried away.
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  I just had to shout y'all out. How long do narcissists hold
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  grudges? How long?
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  How long do you think? Drop it in the conversation.
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  How long do you think because a lot of times in these spaces
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  when you're dealing with narcissistic people, y'all think
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  about it. They hold grudges for some of
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  them can hold grudges forever. Forever.
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  And I, you know, and I got this, this video got inspired because
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  a woman coming, I saw a video about woman rights.
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  She commented. She's like, I finally decided to
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  give my toxic a guy, no for my childhood, a chance like he's
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  been pursuing me. He's been pursuing me for 20
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  years and I finally decided to give him a chance and it was the
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  IT was a date from hell. Like I tried to set a boundary.
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  He lost his mind and say how dare you talk to me like this.
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  How dare you. How dare you do this how they
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  like lost his mind. And she said in her video she's
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  like people warn you about giving people chances from your
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  past. They're like, hey, be careful
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  giving people a chance that you overlooked in the past because
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  they hold grudges. Some narcissistic people
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  absolutely will hold a grudge until the day-to-day damn die
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  will hold that grudge and that y'all.
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  There is no end in there. A lot of times there's no end
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  insight for that grudge. Let me say it like that because
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  some of them will and like there's no particular person
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  that they won't hold a grudge against.
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  They will hold a grudge against their kids, their family
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  members. They will hold a grudge against
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  anybody who they feel like has wronged them in any way, shape
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  or form, form, form. Like if their kids do something
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  wrong to them and now the kids are not talking to them.
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  They will not reach out to the kids.
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  They feel like, hey, I'm your parent.
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  You need to reach out to me. I'm holding a grudge until I
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  die. I'm gonna write you out the
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  will. I'm gonna not talk to you
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  anymore if you have. If you have kids.
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  I don't care about those grandkids.
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  All because you said something disrespectful to me.
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  All because I felt like you were wrong with me.
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  And it could be, yeah, it could be something minor.
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  It could be something minor. Your toxic parents hold grudges
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  against you for something you might have done to done to them
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  or said to them when you were a teenager, when you were the age
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  of teenage. They might hold that against you
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  when you are a teenager. And that's absolutely mind
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  boggling that they do that because a lot of them will do
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  that, you know, holding grudges. They said they hold grudges from
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  when they are kids like narcissistic people hold grudges
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  from when they are children until the damn day they die.
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  Pretty much like if a woman has done a narcissistic little boy
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  or a narcissistic little girl wrong.
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  They will hold a grudge against that woman or that man or
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  person, whoever it is. Y'all.
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  It doesn't mean your gender identity.
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  This is not, this will not, you know.
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  It doesn't affect how much of A grudge they hold against you.
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  Man, woman, non binary. Who, whoever you whatever you
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  identify as. That grudge is just as fresh.
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  It's fresh. It does not matter with your
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  religion, whatever you know. I know certain religions might
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  have have it within the religion that you can't hold grudges.
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  Grudges are bad or whatever, but there aren't statistically
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  people y'all. They might pretend to be
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  religious, but they are literally some.
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  Some of them are literally the worst people on the planet.
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  They just fake being religious. They will hold a damn grudge
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  against you forever. Like they will hold a like.
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  That's why like a lot of times This is why the silent treatment
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  happens. I'm not saying that all grudges
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  are held for eternity, but most of them are like if you do them
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  wrong, right? If you do a narcissist wrong, If
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  they feel like you do them wrong, right, they're going to
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  be pissed at the fact that you've done them wrong in the
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  relationship. That's where the silent
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  treatment comes from. That's a grudge.
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  That's them holding a grudge. What's the longest you've been?
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  What's the longest somebody has went silent against you?
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  You know when they've been dismissive of you?
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  Like when you grown up with this person?
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  Like your your sibling can hold a grudge against you for when
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  you were kids. You remember that time when we
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  were six years old and you oh, you didn't pick me on your team
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  first. And I'm your brother.
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  I've hated you since that day. Hey, man, we're we're 70.
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  I don't care. You say you act like my photos
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  on my you see I'm playing 70 years, 70.
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  You know what I mean? That's why I just tell people
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  like and none of this this happens.
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  If you've ever cheated on a narcissist or they perceive you
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  cheating on them, they will never let that go.
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  I don't care if they. I don't care if they say I
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  forgive you and let's work through this.
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  They will never ever let that go.
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  They will treat, they will treat you horribly based on the fact
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  that they feel like you cheated. Like if they think you cheated,
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  they will treat you horribly. So if you actually did, and you
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  confessed to, they are going to treat you horribly for the rest
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  of your life, and they're always going to find a justification.
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  They're like narcissistic people.
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  The reason they can hold grudges for so long is because they
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  always find a justification for the grudge.
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  They always, they always find a way to justify the grudge.
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  Even though you might think it's stupid, you might think it's
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  ignorant. Like, why the hell do you hold
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  on to a grudge like this That is dumb as hell.
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  You might think of that. But that narcissistic person,
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  they're going to find a way to justify that grudge in their
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  minds, like this. This grudge is the grudge is the
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  grudge that this has ever grudged before.
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  They're not going to let it go. Why wouldn't they?
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  Why wouldn't they? Would they have apologized?
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  So would Leader apologize? No, it doesn't.
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  Leader apologize to me today. No, it doesn't.
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  And that's not me trying to be me.
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  But that's just the mindset of it right there.
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  It does. Like they don't care if you
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  apologize to them. They're still going to hold
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  their grudge because the fact that you did it is what matters.
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  The fact that you said it is what matters.
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  The fact that the action happened or the words happened
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  or what matters in this space right here.
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  You know what I mean? Because that's what's that's
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  what's going on. They are going to internalize it
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  and treat you horribly based on it.
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  So some of them will not ever let a grudge go.
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  I don't. I don't.
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  I don't care if they if they say, I don't care.
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  If they say they've forgiven you for it, I've forgiven you for
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  it. You argue with them.
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  I don't care if they say. If they said they forgive you
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  for it, argue with them and see how it goes.
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  You know, argue with them and see how it goes.
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  If they I forgive you, argue. Get into an argument and see if
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  they don't throw it. Throw it, throw it in your damn
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  face. See, if they don't launch into
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  an attack based on something that they say, they're not
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  something that they said they're over.
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  I'm over it. Now let's move on.
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  Let's move forward. Let's move forward into into
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  brighter horizons for both of us.
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  No, they're going to use it against you in an argument.
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  If they run out of insults, if they run out, run out of ways to
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  justify how they're treating you or their behaviors or whatever,
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  Here comes, here comes the past. It's always going to be in their
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  back pocket. They keep look.
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  They keep their grudge look. They keep their grudges in their
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  wallet. They keep their grudges right
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  here behind the debit cards and the credit cards.
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  Like the grudge goes right here. That's the picture of my son.
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  The grudge goes right here and whatnot.
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  That's it right there. That's the mentality that so
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  many people face when you're going through that, when you
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  deal with narcissistic people, like they won't let it go.
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  Y'all. If they feel like, if you feel
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  like they're holding a grudge against you or they've you, they
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  feel like you've wronged them or you might have actually wronged
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  them, you know, we're not, we're not perfect people.
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  Nobody's perfect. You might have actually wronged
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  them. They're not going to let that go
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  because the mentality behind it says you wronged me.
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  I can't let this go. I know it's healthier to release
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  it. It's healthier to forgive and
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  forget or sometimes. But they yeah, it's it's
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  impossible. I was like, yo, I'm gonna tell
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  you a real true story. I think I've said this before in
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  another video, but I heard a girl.
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  A girl called me ugly when I was like 8 or 9 years old.
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  I was like in 3rd, 3rd grade, third, second or third grade.
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  A girl called me ugly when I was in 3rd grade, 8 years old.
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  And I hold a grudge against that girl for 30 years, 30 years.
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  I was in my mind. I was wishing bad on her when I
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  was an adult. Yo, I haven't seen it.
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  I hadn't seen that girl in 30 years.
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  I was wishing bad on her. I was like, my therapist was
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  like, why don't you let that go? It's healthy.
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  People let it go. I was like, I was like, look,
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  therapist, Miss therapist. I want to let it go.
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  It's just something in me. Hold on to it.
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  Something in me is hold on to this grudge because it's it's
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  serving me in some way, shape or form.
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  This grudge is serving me. This hatred I have for her.
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  She hurt my feelings and she brought shame into my life.
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  She was one of the first memories I have of shame in my
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  life. She hurt me.
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  So I need to, I need to have it. I don't plan on hurting her.
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  But like I said, I actually ran into that girl a couple weeks
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  ago. Her cousin and my son, Her
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  cousin and my son play on the same like basketball team.
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  Her cousin and my son play on the same basketball team and
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  they look, look and they and I was like that.
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  I was like wow. And I seen her and they grew up.
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  I like, I realized as an adult, as 38 year old adult, I was
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  like, that's an idiotic grudge. To hold that grudge is so
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  stupid. It's so dumb.
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  She was a kid. I was a kid and I released it.
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  It felt good to release it. Y'all.
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  I ain't a lot to it felt good to release it.
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  It felt good to let. That might be why I'm feeling so
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  good right now. Because I released that grudge.
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  I released that damn that, that toxic grudge I've been holding
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  on to for 33 decades. That's crazy, isn't it?
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  But most narcissists will never get there.
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  I know that makes some people sad like that.
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  You just made me sad because I know my partner will never get
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  there. They have to want to get there.
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  Yeah, you can show them the trail.
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  You can lead them down the pathway.
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  But they have to want to get there themselves.
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  You can't make them want to be better.
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  But Lee, what if I love them more?
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  Loving them more won't change how they treat you.
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  I just posted that on my on my YouTube channel yesterday.
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  I posted, I posted it on my on my platform yesterday.
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  Loving them more won't change how they treat you.
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  So they're going to hold on to these grudges because these
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  grudges, yeah, these grudges are serving them in some way.
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  These grudges probably serve them like they always have
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  something on you. I always have a reason to not
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  forgive you. I always have a reason to be
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  angry at you, you know, I always have a reason.
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  Some of them are using grudges. This is how I've used my grudge.
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  I use it because it made me hyper focus on how I look.
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  I use it to to make sure I'm taking care of myself, make sure
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  I'm I'm viewing myself in a certain way, you know, I mean,
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  make sure I'm viewing myself in the correct light.
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  That's how I use my grudge in a somewhat positive way.
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  Because, you know, I make make sure I ain't looking rough.
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  I look rough sometimes on camera, but today, today is not
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  that day. But they will hold grudges
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  forever. Y'all.
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  Even if they say they forgive you, they might bring it up in
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  future arguments, future actions, future situations.
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  They might bring it up and use it against you again because
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  that's the mindset behind it. I'm always have this to serve me
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  if I need it. I always have this this grudge
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  in my back pocket to be angry at you and they use this leverage
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  against you. If you're winning the argument
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  against me, I can always use this against you.
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  Even if I said I was sorry, I said I was.
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  I mean, even if you've said you were sorry, I don't care.
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  It's serious me now. But anyways, y'all thank you for
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  tuning in of course. I truly appreciate every single
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  one of y'all. Make sure you subscribe to the
• 12:41
  channel. We're creep creeping towards
• 12:43
  that 500K, the elusive half million on YouTube.
• 12:46
  Thank you so much until this is out Peace.
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  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
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  You are a mental illness Rockstar and I appreciate you
• 12:54
  for being here. If you haven't already, make
• 12:56
  sure to click on the screen to subscribe to the channel and
• 12:59
  watch another one of my videos in my playlist.
• 13:01
  There's also a link available up here for you to purchase my
• 13:04
  kids. But remember, it's not your
• 13:06
  fault on Amazon so check that out.
• 13:08
  Thank you. I will see you in the next
• 13:10
  video. Peace.