Transcript

Deborah Kaplan · Mommywood

0:00
Mom. Hey, I'm your host.
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Emily V. I'm an actor teacher, and a new
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mom. Once my daughter arrived, I went
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on the hunt for answers to all my questions about being a
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working actor. Mom, and what did I find?
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Well practically nothing. So here I am asking all the
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questions to try to figure out how people do it, how our
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mothers balancing and not balancing Parenthood in this
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crazy. Three.
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Join me. And my amazing guess, as a, we
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take a real look into the life of a working entertainment
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industry moms everywhere. On this episode, I'm talking
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with the ever impressive, always stunning Deborah Caplan.
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Deborah is a director, a writer, a mom.
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A mover of mountains as her Instagram page says, and let me
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tell you truth, she does it all. And I am So grateful to have
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gotten to talk with her. Deborah is one of the nicest
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women I've ever met. She's so busy and somehow always
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manages to respond to me and answer any of my questions.
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She's such a lovely lovely woman.
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I actually babysat for her some years back so this is a whole
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full circle situation. This How'd you get to listen to
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some mom and perimenopausal brain.
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We talked about working all the time and somehow knowing that in
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the end, it's all gonna work out.
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We just have to keep telling ourselves that this is an
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episode that let me tell you, is the epitome of working moms in
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the industry and a preparation for myself to prepare.
2:00
You never have alone time again. We get some guest appearances
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from Deborah's daughter and her dog and this episode is so
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entertaining and so great to listen to.
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So I hope you enjoy me chatting with Deborah Caplan.
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Yeah. She's oh, my God, she's great.
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She's sleeping through the night, which is awesome older.
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She, she's four and a half months or no, she'll be five
2:34
months next week. That's a really good thing.
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Like I had Kiki slept through the night at 3 months and people
2:40
getting hungry. I wouldn't tell them.
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I was just like, oh no, she's terrible because yeah but then
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what happened was that I'm not going to curse you at around
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like She was like two and a half or so, probably.
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And we took her to Disneyland, I know because she was already in
2:57
pull-ups and the pull-ups would have like the princesses on the
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front. And I don't know some back.
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And I think that for her whole life, she thought really I just
3:05
started, can you take the phone into your room and answered
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immediately because I'm recording something you saw
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what? Just walked through the room,
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she's in a full sheet mask and like I like she's doing a spa
3:18
night. Anyway, I'm going for the
3:21
longest time Keke thought that we all went to bed at the same
3:25
time. And she was she we put her to
3:28
bed, I'd be a bit of distillations exhausted.
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We went downstairs to get something to eat and she looked
3:33
and she noticed her pull up was on backwards and she couldn't
3:36
like process it. So she walked into our room and
3:39
it was Pitch Black because we were downstairs and we meaning
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like there was like, a murderer in the house.
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We just heard the shrieking from upstairs and she's looking for
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in the dark hysterical because we weren't there.
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She thought we were gone and she has never slept a full night
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since Oh no. Like I have to.
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I feel like no one can see you baby.
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Can you just go and then leave all this in?
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Yeah, worth for some strange. I'm not sure why.
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Huh? No one's editing you out.
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You're not even you haven't started my ex had installed a
4:17
pay phone in his house. He still has a pay phone in his
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know. He installed a pay phone in his
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house like a week ago and she just came.
4:25
In asked me if he could call her on the house from from the pay
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phone? I don't know what?
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Just for like fun he did any just because it's yeah yeah.
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So retro everybody gets coins. How does it?
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Yeah. I was like, does it doesn't, is
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it like it just connects to It's like his house phone but looks
4:50
like a pay phone. It's it is it is a pay phone.
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It is a legit pay phone that he got it.
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Better. There it is.
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That he got that's just my landline, right?
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That he got at a. I don't know what and I did and
5:04
had it installed on his wall how cute she looks.
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Okay, doc, I'm busy. Remember I said 7:30, I'm out of
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like, I pretend I'm not here. I love this is perfect.
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So just going so well already this is my fav me so happy.
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Oh my God, your dog is so cute. What can we do?
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See again, this one's a Goldendoodle, she's very, very
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needy. My sister just got one of those
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pink. She smells.
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They're so cute. Yeah, there she will sit in,
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like node you all day until you pet her.
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She just draped over my leg, like, hoping that I'll pet her.
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Goes for your hand. I know where my hand is.
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I'm not using it. Get off like son.
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Love me. Please love me.
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She may sit here for a bit and then she'll get it.
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That's totally fine. Well, I feel like this is like a
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weird. Hang on one second Clover
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Clover. Can you close the door or maybe
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whatever you're doing? Do it more quietly?
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I can't hear her. If that my God is it was like
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she had him on speaker and there were doing something where like
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he was like pressing the buttons on the phone or I don't know.
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It's like an I here. Oh my gosh Ava.
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Yeah I can't hear. So okay well it's got I mean
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even if we can it's not no big deal but I was sick.
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I feel like this is not a colliding of Worlds because
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that's not right the right term. But strange because I babysat
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your daughters like I think when we like twice because I filled
6:53
in for Hannah. That's right again.
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Hannah. But um so now it's like so crazy
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to me because now a key keys in college.
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She's been College. I mean Clover still babysit.
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Well, I know you have your own now, but if you ever want to
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babysit we'd still love to have Yeah, she's a she I just was
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talking to her. They're going.
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I don't know. It sounds crazy to me.
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They're going from NYU to the pain game this weekend.
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Oh yeah. And they're all trying to figure
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out how to take the train from. New York to attend University of
7:34
Pennsylvania and then I guess like none of them want to put up
7:38
money to stay anywhere. So they're just going to stay up
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all night. It seems like a really flawed
7:43
plan. I just started to look online,
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but then I was like, I don't even know if I can get them
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into, like, a cheap hotel because yeah, none of them are
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21. Oh man, I don't know.
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I can't imagine. Like having I feel like it's
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gonna. Okay so I'm curious how you feel
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about this because I feel like I am still a child.
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So I'm curious when I try to explain this to people and I
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feel like most people think I'm crazy when I try because I'm
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like at what point because obviously my daughter is gonna
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keep getting older and older and older.
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Mmm. And I feel like I'm not ever
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going to age or feel like an adult because I've think I've
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come to terms with like nobody ever really feels like they're
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like, they're like, yeah, I'm an adult, I've got everything
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together but I'm like at what point because I still feel like
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I'm you know 17. And I'm like, so what point do I
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feel like I'm going to be at the same age as my child if that
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makes sense. Does that damages your child?
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You know, where I'm like, I feel like now we're going to be equal
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ages. Like if I saw Kiki, obviously
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she's not my daughter, but I'm like, oh College age.
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Oh, I'm that's about where I'm at.
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Like, you know, I was wondering if I thought you meant at the
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point where you recognize that you're old.
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Hmm, which is when like you hire somebody or you work with
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someone or speak to them, and they say, something like, I was
9:22
born in 1990. Oh yeah, I already feel and that
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blows my mind. We're probably born in 1990, but
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Yeah, were you? I know I was, I was 87.
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Okay. But still, it's not.
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Yeah, not too for like, like when I worked with someone who
9:39
was born after 2000. Yeah.
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Because I feel like 2000 was like maybe 10 years ago but
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right it was towards someone says the 80s were 40 years ago.
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You like what? That's not possible.
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Yeah. Where it's like the people, what
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is it? It's like kids talking In the
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90s about people in the 60s is what people are talking about
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today. Kids talking today about oh my
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gosh, I can't talk, but you know what I mean?
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I mean, you have some such mom brain.
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I have like perimenopause brains Elizabeth will really well if
10:16
it's just gonna be moving. Like you want, you know what I'm
10:19
say? We're just gonna be reaching for
10:20
words. Don't know what's that work with
10:23
the yes. Exactly.
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Okay, so walk me through when you because you're not from l.a.
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originally. No, I'm from Philadelphia which
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should make this whole thing. A lot easier friend of my
10:37
daughter, a place to stay, but it's actually not because
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there's nobody left the, except my mom and my dad are there, but
10:43
they don't want a bunch of college freshmen, coming in at
10:46
3:00 in the morning, like she was all in.
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And then when she said, when they be coming home, my mom
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said, forget it. Never mind.
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Oh no, that stinks. Um, Okay.
10:56
So how when did you move to LA? And, like, start.
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I went from being and all of that.
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So I graduated from high school in Philadelphia in 19 and then I
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went to NYU Film School. And I went directly from, I went
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directly from Film School to Los Angeles.
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And came out here. Ike, I knew what I wanted to do,
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you know, obviously you're on a directing track, then like there
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weren't, ya didn't offer, screenwriting undergrad, you
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could take classes but you couldn't major like all the film
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Majors. You kind of you did film.
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Yeah, and people's gravitated towards different jobs.
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You know, some people sort of became Shooters and UDP is and
11:42
some people got into editing and But see here I come just blank
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all the time. Mainly like you, you left
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knowing how to write a short film and not really a feature.
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And how to, you know, I'd learned how to cut on film.
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I, I could actually like, you know, nothing was digital that
12:01
and I don't even know that I would recommend going to film
12:03
school now because everybody can just make a movie on their
12:06
computer or their phone but it is it is a good place to meet
12:09
like-minded people. And you know, I met my partner
12:11
there and I still have a few friends that I came up with who
12:14
all are in the industry but So I came out to LA, not really
12:19
knowing what I want to do, and I had an aunt, who said we have a
12:23
distant cousin who is an agent. Oh, and then you really teach
12:29
you, what agents did you know? Like I didn't know AI, you know,
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any Agents from the movie I was thinking of like Woody Allen and
12:35
Broadway Danny Rose and then so I went I got him to meet with
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him and he took my resume and he said, okay well you know if
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there's any jobs coming up I'll let you know and a Couple weeks
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later, he called me. And there was an executive at
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what was then Columbia Pictures, who wanted an assistant.
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And I remember like I was running at I like Annie Hall,
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like I thought professional jobs pie.
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I just also was like, I was still like New York mode like
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men's clothes and you know, and we got to talking and I wound up
13:10
getting this job for this guy and mostly because honestly like
13:13
we talked about literature a lot and I think he was trying to To
13:17
see if I was well read because I didn't know anything about the
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industry. I didn't know who worked for
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whom and, you know what rolling calls was some coverage.
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But like he knew at least I could read and I had a film
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school education. Yeah, so I took that job.
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I did that for about a year. And you know, the burnout rate
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there if you don't want to be an executive you kind of don't stay
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in those jobs. Yeah, I knew I wanted to be in,
13:44
you know, on the creative side and there was a producer on the
13:48
lot who was working. He had worked with John
13:50
Singleton a couple times, and he did a lot of movies for Castle
13:53
Rock and he needed somebody. So I moved over to his desk.
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There wasn't a desk, it was like an office.
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And then we went to Minnesota to make this movie called Little
14:04
Big League. So I was like a PA and then
14:07
assistant and it was really fun, but it was just like, you know,
14:09
it was like Bunch of dudes, fallen.
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And I knew I realized like okay that I could get, you know, you
14:17
what happens a lot in Hollywood is like you get into a job and
14:21
before, you know, it, you know, five to ten years have passed
14:24
and you haven't done the thing that you said you were going to
14:26
do. So I really something about my.
14:28
There was something in my brain that new to keep moving.
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I don't know what it was. And at that point.
14:38
I had worked next. This is a really convoluted
14:40
story, so edit it down or just get rid of no, I'm sorry.
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So when I was at Columbia, that just before I took the second
14:47
job, there was a guy who sat next to me and he named George
14:50
Wang and George shuang had, we'd all become friendly with Robert
14:56
Rodriguez. The studio had bought El
14:58
Mariachi, and it's sort of original form and they were
15:00
developing it with Robert we I was were both really fascinated
15:03
by that because, you know, Robert had basically said, Said
15:06
like what resources do I have? I have a bus and I have a
15:09
pitbull and I have a guitar, and I have a small town and he used
15:13
those to make a mariachi in the same way that like, Roger Corman
15:18
would like take sets on the weekend and make a whole new
15:21
movie out of, like the says, they were using for another
15:23
movie and George went and wrote swimming with sharks.
15:30
Which was about the experience, he and not so much.
15:34
Me had had working as assistants at at Sony.
15:37
You know, it's fabricate, but, but that was very much his
15:39
experience. I mean, he definitely loves and
15:41
he worked for a difficult man. And and, you know, it was a high
15:44
school. There was a lot of yelling, so I
15:48
thought, okay, well George has done this.
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And now Robert has done this, and I called up Harry, who I
15:54
knew from college. He was a couple years ahead of
15:55
me and he was writing for the George Foreman show.
16:02
There was a moment where like they felt like George Foreman
16:04
had real potential to be like a sitcom star and he to show
16:08
called George. I think it might have had an
16:10
exclamation point because that's things did like all the jokes
16:13
were about how much he could you know and like that he had all
16:16
those children who were named some variation of George like in
16:20
real life and he was super unhappy doing that super happy
16:23
but like obviously not fulfill and I said, I had this idea and
16:29
that moment, you know, romantic comedies were really, it was a
16:31
big area for many comments. I said, I have this idea.
16:34
I feel like we should write it together.
16:36
Be cool to be a team. And we, that's what we did.
16:38
We went, and we wrote this script and then I got George to
16:42
make fake coverage. Because back in the day, like,
16:47
people do the story Department would do coverage on a script.
16:49
And there were, you know, there weren't like computers were
16:52
things, were get emailed around. It would get like, typed up, and
16:55
then photocopied and sent around facts, whatever.
16:59
And what you do is, when you would send out the coverage, you
17:02
would take a marker and in real life and you would block out the
17:06
name of the reader. So people couldn't like, then go
17:08
find the reader and like, you know, and and you would and you
17:13
would block out maybe who sent it, where it came from.
17:15
Just, it was They're confidential, it's like some
17:17
sort of weird redaction, I guess.
17:19
So he did this coverage, any black to everything out and he
17:22
gave it really good coverage, not excellent, but like enough
17:28
that like I thought. Okay, well we could get an agent
17:30
off of this. Yeah.
17:32
And he sent the coverage around with the script and, you know,
17:35
who knows? People read scripture, they just
17:36
read coverage. So, a lot of times people did
17:38
just read coverage and we got an agent and they actually managed
17:43
to sell it. And at that time, I was still
17:46
working for that. Gaia Castle Rock.
17:50
Yeah, and I think he was I forget what he was about to go.
17:53
Do might have been like Poetic Justice or maybe that I can't
17:56
remember but he said you have to quit.
17:57
He's like you can't work here anymore.
18:00
You know, go be a writer. So he kind of gave me his
18:02
Blessing and off we went, you know.
18:05
Yeah. Well that's great.
18:08
Yeah. And then it's just like That was
18:11
that was, that was kind of it. I mean, we were really, really
18:14
lucky. It was a very good time to be a
18:17
writer, you know, mid 90s in Hollywood because there was such
18:22
a spec boom, like someone wrote a book on this.
18:25
I mean it was a real like people were just throwing money around
18:28
and people were being your butt in a mouse or things and people
18:31
would They were like gimmicks. Like there was a I remember
18:36
there was a script called the ticking man.
18:39
I think it would have been a man who was like part bomb or there
18:41
was something with a by mean who.
18:43
Oh. Wow.
18:44
And they sent it around like with like a briefcase, and there
18:47
was like a timer and like you would like, people do.
18:49
All these gimmicky thing is to get people to read it and sell
18:54
it, and people were just spending spending spending and
18:58
now like it's almost impossible to sell us back.
19:02
But yeah, beginning. Anyways like I feel like I'm
19:06
always in the wrong place at the wrong time.
19:08
Like I just kept missing it but in some ways I was absolutely
19:11
the right place at the right time.
19:12
Yeah. I mean it definitely has seems
19:15
to have all worked out for sure. Yeah.
19:19
I mean look I'm still here like I guess if like survival is
19:22
Success then yes I'm very successful but you know it's not
19:26
an easy like it's not an easy path to choose.
19:30
Yeah, you know like because I mean the same with actors to
19:35
anyone like you, you have to wait for somebody to say yes, so
19:38
you can do what you do know, you can read a scene in your living
19:42
room, but like no one's seeing it, and no one's paid to do it.
19:46
You know, I can write all day but if no one's paying me to
19:49
write, no one seeing it. It's almost like a tree falling
19:51
in the forest, you know. And I feel like we're Yes,
19:56
there's so many outlets now, you know, you can make something and
19:58
put it up on YouTube, and I don't really know Tick-Tock if
20:02
that is what happens on, take time, but there's a lot more
20:06
ways to get your work seen. But at the same time there's a
20:09
lot more work and it's I suspect really difficult to weed through
20:14
and even get. It's so noisy.
20:16
You know, like how do you even stand out and Yeah scene?
20:21
I don't? Yeah I don't I don't know.
20:24
I'm just like sort of struggling through.
20:25
Main visible at this point, you know, like you always read
20:29
growing up. Like there's ageism in the
20:32
industry, you know, for writers and and I'm like, oh I think
20:35
I've reached that age where like it's ageism isn't going to
20:38
happen in any second and I'm like it's like you said, like I
20:40
don't feel old, I feel the age of not necessarily my children
20:45
but yeah, now I still feel like I'm in my 30s but I'm not.
20:48
Yeah, it's it is wild. So so then at what point Did you
20:58
or did you like consciously decide like that you wanted to
21:03
have children? Were you like this is where you
21:07
like? Okay, I'm a little bit.
21:09
I'm like, established. I've done part of what I've
21:12
wanted to do, or were you just like it's time?
21:17
Or did you give all or did it just happen?
21:20
And you were like, well, it's happening.
21:21
We did, it did not just happen because I'm a very hard time
21:24
getting pregnant. I want up having To do IVF.
21:27
Oh wow. But you know, it's funny like I
21:31
was never I mean, I love puppies, man.
21:34
I'll hold your puppy. But I never was that woman who
21:37
was like, oh baby, let me hold your baby.
21:39
Would you think? I'm just saying now that I know,
21:41
like, I'm past the age of having babies.
21:43
If someone has a baby, I like, I might like to hold the baby.
21:47
You know, Clover asked me the other night at dinner.
21:48
She said when was the last time you picked me up?
21:52
Uh-oh, because it's a very, it's a very poignant and sad question
21:56
because it's like there's at some point was the last time I
21:59
picked her up. And now I could probably try,
22:01
but I'd hurt myself. But, like, my kids were so tiny,
22:05
as babies and toddlers. Like we never used a stroller.
22:08
I always just held one because they were so middle.
22:11
Of course, like messed up my hips, terribly from just holding
22:14
him all the time. I should have put them in a
22:15
stroller, but so, to answer your question, I didn't have that
22:20
sort of baby. Fever.
22:22
I just, it was, it was almost like more pragmatic.
22:24
I hate to say it, but I was like, well, I'm, you know, 30
22:28
got married at 31 and I was like, well, you know, I just try
22:32
to think, well, you know, you, I don't do well with chaos.
22:36
So I knew I couldn't like having back-to-back.
22:38
You do ya, like my sister and I are 17 months apart.
22:41
Like, that's like, when they say, like two dogs, like having
22:44
five dogs, I feel like having two kids 17 months apart, is
22:46
like having five kids? Yeah, because how older were
22:50
what's the age difference? Ween.
22:51
Well, there's seven years apart. Like I, maybe wait, too long
22:55
because I'm not a big sisters, is six years older, I like that.
22:59
And all this, like, sixth grade mom, for sure.
23:02
Like I'm the old one, as far as I can tell.
23:05
I mean, we don't ask, but like I've done the math and I'm like,
23:08
it's probably me if it's not it's it's I'm close.
23:12
Yeah, like there's maybe like an old dad.
23:15
This is like the second marriage or something.
23:17
Yeah, a lot of old dad's but so yeah.
23:21
Yeah, and then it took a little longer, I figured like, well I'm
23:24
an overachiever, you know, I'll get pregnant right away, that
23:26
didn't happen. And and the truth.
23:30
Like what I would tell anyone is is I don't know that there's
23:33
ever a good time. I think the good time is do it
23:36
before you're too tired to do it.
23:39
Really, I mean, it's it is, It is definitely unfair and still
23:46
an issue where it's just a lot of the work wines up in the lap
23:50
of the mother. It's just that's just biology,
23:54
right? Yeah, you know, I was lucky in
23:56
that I have a job that I can be home a lot.
24:01
You know I work from home and you know it was like the Zoom
24:05
era was like that was no big change for me I'm here anyway
24:08
was you know I do get dressed every day and always have.
24:11
I've always Like this is a nice sweater even it looks like
24:13
sweatshirt as you get dressed every single day.
24:16
Like I just wanted to be that person.
24:17
I was like, I'm not going to do sweatpants, I'm not going to do
24:20
workout class, time to shower and get dressed every day and
24:22
honestly, like, six out of seven days.
24:25
Nobody sees me. But my kids, Wow.
24:28
Well, good for you. I just to make me feel like a
24:31
human, right? Well no wait I mean but when
24:33
you're when you're in it with two little ones like just a
24:36
shower is a big deal. Yeah and then I meant like as a
24:39
writer as a writer I was like I'm going to treat it like a job
24:42
and just get up and get dressed and do it.
24:43
Yeah. But so I'm know I'm rambling.
24:47
And I'm going back to where we needed to be a lot of the work.
24:52
Just happens to fall to the mother you know like a guy like
24:56
there's just things. The kids want their mom, you
24:59
know? And and and I feel like women in
25:02
a weird way. Definitely hope this is not like
25:06
stereotyping, but I feel like women feel like if they don't do
25:12
it, there's somehow missing out, you know, or it's real urging.
25:17
I mean, I know that's what this is about and we can get into
25:19
like, the nuance and and across all their areas where like being
25:24
a mother and it's just being a working mother to not just
25:26
necessarily just a A working mother in Hollywood.
25:29
Yeah, that's all. Yeah, is a challenge and really,
25:32
by the way, like I don't want to diminish moms who are
25:36
stay-at-home moms because as we like, it's a hard job and and
25:41
anyone who's doing it in any way as, you know, working hard.
25:45
Yeah, yeah. It's exhausting I find because
25:48
right now, I'm I mean, I'm working part-time teaching and I
25:55
get to get to We've and like my husband.
25:59
He's he stays at home and works from home.
26:03
And I'm like, that is, I mean, it is hard either way.
26:09
I mean, it's just, it is, it's always there's always something.
26:15
It's always hard. And I imagine you feel like when
26:18
you're out of the house, especially when they're little.
26:20
You think what am I missing? Yeah, you know as usually good.
26:24
Now there's like the apps and I'm like, is she sleeping is she
26:27
eating? And It's like she's with her
26:28
dad, like it's fine. No, but it is, but yeah, I'm
26:32
like, and then when you're at home, you're like, am I falling
26:34
behind on work? You know, it's a constant like I
26:37
feel like I'm giving between like 65 and 75 percent at
26:42
everything and nothing gets 100%.
26:45
Yeah. Yeah.
26:46
What were your like worries? Or did you have any of like when
26:54
this baby comes? Like, because I know in our
26:56
careers, it's like, You don't exactly get like a maternity
27:00
leave. So, were you worried about?
27:05
Like continuing working or like, did you consciously take a
27:10
break? Or did you just like kind of
27:13
keep going, or what did that, what did that look like for you?
27:16
When you once you found out, and once you got fright, or I guess,
27:21
right before you? Yeah.
27:23
I mean, it's funny. I thought you were going to say,
27:25
were you worried about whether or not you be a good mother?
27:29
So, I was well, back to, I guess.
27:31
Yeah. But I think You know, I we were
27:35
working on something at the time, you know, because she was
27:38
IVF like, you know, you just kept waiting and like, the month
27:40
it took is the month. It took like, you can't ya, you
27:44
can't predict like when it's going to work and we were
27:48
working on something. And you can, Kiki was born on
27:52
New Year's Eve. So, luckily there was like a
27:56
week before and a week after to sort of just Prepare and recover
28:05
whoo-hoo. Was it more like, was it more?
28:12
You felt the pressure to work? Or is it more like more that you
28:17
wanted? Well, I think we were
28:19
mid-project on something. All right, thanks, I was on a
28:22
deadline. That is like a draft was, do, is
28:24
on a screenplay. I couldn't tell you what it was.
28:26
Yeah, my gosh. I mean, look, I'm very, I would
28:30
say, like, get a partner, you know, it's nice to have a
28:32
partner and it's Nice to have a partner who's a guy?
28:35
Yeah, because he's got a wife who takes care of all the stuff
28:39
that, He might have to take care of.
28:43
Yeah, I don't know, I'm such Envy like he sits at his desk
28:46
and he's like, oh, she just brought me a sandwich.
28:47
I was like, oh, did she get a sandwich?
28:49
Yeah. How nice, they have a cookie for
28:52
dinner at 7:30 bad? Well, well then I guess we'll
28:58
know. I have to ask since you've said
29:00
you were worried about being a good mother.
29:02
Obviously you are. I can?
29:05
I mean, but what? Well I didn't have that mature
29:10
again. I didn't want to Hold a baby.
29:12
They're like drooly, you know, they're always like, yeah.
29:14
And like again, if I was gonna hurt their heads, I mean, when
29:18
they say, I don't know if this happened to you, but when we
29:20
were in the hospital and they handed her to me, and they pull
29:23
that wheelchair, up to your bed because you're not allowed to
29:25
walk out of the hospital. You have to go out in a
29:26
wheelchair, right, I started crying.
29:29
I don't know anything about taking care of a baby.
29:31
I was just gonna give her to me and they in their look day had.
29:34
There was a car seat. I'd never put her in the car
29:36
seat. You know, like I just was.
29:38
I was thinking like, how do they just let people walk out of
29:41
Hospital with a baby. It's wildly.
29:43
That is crazy because I it was funny because I said something
29:47
like that where I was like, man, it's you have to take like this
29:51
all these these tests to drive a car, but they just really just
29:55
give you a baby like they have all those classes and stuff but
29:59
like you don't have to take any of them at all.
30:04
So yeah. Who knows?
30:06
I was worried? Like if I'm gonna break her
30:08
little arms when I put them in the sweater Yeah, they're like
30:12
little birds. I'm like how they're very
30:14
fragile but they're really not that.
30:17
Somebody was like it's really hard to like I forget who it
30:23
was, somebody's like, it's pretty hard to kill a baby.
30:25
That was them trying to make me feel better.
30:27
And I was like, oh, okay. Have you tried?
30:31
Oh yeah, I said hurt, speaking from experience, no one of my
30:34
mom told me, I remember, she had come out for a couple weeks,
30:37
which was really helpful and she's very good with babies, and
30:39
she was a nurse and, you know her.
30:41
She said, well, you know, when you were very little, you rolled
30:43
off a changing table onto our marble floor and landed right on
30:46
your head and your fine. So my God, am I Yeah, we're it's
30:55
like most of us will be fine. Well that's nice that she came
30:59
out to help you. You had a little.
31:02
Yeah. So then when When Clover came
31:09
along, what was it harder with to, I guess since she wasn't,
31:16
you know, since Kiki wasn't still in diapers, that's how I
31:19
feel. I was like, I don't want to and
31:20
diapers. That seems like a.
31:24
Yeah, I don't know. What would have been better
31:26
thinking back, you know, at 7 and 0, they have very different
31:30
needs. Yeah.
31:32
You know. And as exciting as it is for
31:33
like a seven year old to have a baby in the house and help with
31:36
the baby, the novelty of that wears.
31:37
Off quite quickly. But yeah, it's suddenly there's
31:40
somebody's taking all the attention.
31:42
Yeah. And they can remember when, when
31:45
she likes all the attention, you know?
31:48
And there's I don't I don't know that any of it is easy.
31:53
I maybe it is easier to just have two of them who, you know,
31:57
can't really recognize that yet and are just, you know, I didn't
32:01
changed, I don't know. Yeah.
32:03
But I mean when Clover came along like I definitely like My
32:07
patients was much more thin and she knows, I tell her all the
32:13
time, you know, when she does something and I really like I'm
32:17
way more strict and I'll say like sorry your sister ruin this
32:20
for. You have a problem.
32:21
Take it up with her because Kiki really I mean and should I'm not
32:26
selling her and saying anything she wouldn't know or I wouldn't
32:29
say to her face but she really put me through the wringer, you
32:31
know, she's just that Kitsch touch really smart.
32:34
She wants what she wants. and, Clover is sort of an easier
32:40
person. And I don't know if that's, you
32:41
know, some people say like, oh, you know, the second child
32:44
knows, they're not going to be able to get away with stuff.
32:46
Yeah, it seems like she she kind of knows.
32:49
She's testing, but I think she knows.
32:50
Yeah. Did you so when you had to then
32:58
which what do you think? I guess, obviously.
33:01
All ages. Are, you know, have their pros
33:04
and cons? But like, when it comes to To
33:10
like being able to work and focus on working and all that is
33:16
it? I would assume it's easier.
33:20
Once they're older. But is that but also my kids are
33:26
your Champion Nappers, they would nap like a three for our
33:31
stretches throughout the day. Like for the first two years of
33:33
Kiki's life, I think she was awake for maybe an hour and a
33:36
half. Every day.
33:37
It was insane. How much she slept.
33:39
She just slept all the time she would sleep 727 and then she'll
33:44
be up and she'd go back to bed for a nap around 9:00 or 9:30
33:47
and sleep till 12:30 and then she would take another nap from
33:50
225. Wow.
33:52
All she did a sleep so I got a lot done.
33:57
Yeah, I would say so, you know, once and then there's like, I
34:03
think around like the preschool age is tough because they're
34:07
dropping the Naps. They're they're mobile, they're
34:11
expressing free, will all the stuff that my suddenly makes it
34:15
more of a challenge. Suddenly, you're negotiating for
34:18
things and you're driving places.
34:20
And by the time you get home, it's time to go back.
34:22
Pick them up because preschools three hours or something
34:25
ludicrous like that. And then I don't, I'm at the an
34:29
arc and if you don't have that mentality of like being at the
34:33
park, I'm so bored. I just want to go do something
34:35
else. You know, there's a lot of that
34:37
and you're like I'm gonna run out of time.
34:39
There's another day loss or if they have a doctor's
34:41
appointment, that's your whole day once they get into school
34:45
actual school from, you know, 823.
34:49
That's a pretty good chunk of time.
34:51
Yeah, stuff done. Done.
34:55
Once they can get up on a Saturday morning.
34:58
Yes. Did I say?
35:00
I hate you and I don't want you home.
35:01
What did I say? It is easier for here.
35:05
You are a home being trouble. That's very nice.
35:09
Okay, I want doing a podcast. No one.
35:14
You know, she doesn't remember me from the one-time.
35:20
Babysat her. Yeah.
35:22
Convert. She babysat you once.
35:23
How old was she though? I think four, three, three or
35:30
four. What you will be on camera?
35:33
You come around here. Yeah, there you go.
35:35
She's in her robe. That's why.
35:38
Yeah, she was little. So now this is going to be an
35:41
odd question since I did babysit for you like once or twice.
35:45
But how did you choose your like, the people to help you?
35:55
I, you know, Hannah was so funny.
35:57
Hannah was like the And I was like, a tree in a weird way.
36:03
Like, I found Hannah first on, I think, I care.com or something.
36:08
Okay. Yeah.
36:09
And I remember asking her, like, before she took the job, like
36:13
how long you going to stay? Like, I thought that was a
36:16
reasonable question to ask, which it's not.
36:19
She said, well, I can promise you that.
36:21
Like I just don't want someone who wanted the job for a couple
36:24
weeks and was going to go, because I do you know,
36:27
consistency for kids is obviously very important and
36:29
people coming in and out as such The transitions, it's not easy
36:33
for them and it does a lot of things.
36:35
She said, I think she says, I mean like I can't promise you
36:38
I'm going to stay until they go to college but I'll stay as long
36:40
as I can and when I have to leave I'll find someone to take
36:43
my job. And yeah, she had she was moving
36:49
out from Missouri like I or I think was my story like she
36:52
wasn't even. She was hoping you found a job.
36:56
She's coming here and she was prepared.
37:00
She was getting ready and then she got me, you And who was the
37:08
other person at Sea Elizabeth, I think.
37:13
And then, Did she get me? Audrey and Rachel or did someone
37:18
else get me out here and Rachel? Hmm, I don't know.
37:21
Audrey and Rachel. Audrey and Rachel.
37:23
Also, Rachel babysat for KiKi when she was little and she was
37:28
an actor. And she had a friend named
37:31
Audrey, who is also an actor and they both were fed up with being
37:35
actresses and they said they wanted to write together and I
37:37
said good idea and I take credit for the whole career very
37:41
accomplished TV writers. Oh, that's amazing.
37:44
Working on One Tree Hill. They Both stop acting.
37:46
They worked on One Tree Hill. They've worked there.
37:49
Do they direct now? I think they worked on.
37:53
That's good. Work on Crazy.
37:54
Ex-Girlfriend maybe oh, I love that.
37:57
I don't know. They work a lot.
37:59
Yeah, a lot and they're both really cool women who both have
38:02
multiple children now. And it's so interesting to say,
38:06
like, oh, you know, their kids love rate not Rachel, they live
38:10
after Rachel and her just had her third.
38:12
They live around the corner for me, but her, but Audrey's step
38:16
daughter goes to school with my kids.
38:20
So like we have kids in the same school now, it's while we're
38:23
Weird. Yeah.
38:25
And then like, I think Hannah found me Courtney.
38:28
This woman of Courtney, who, now Courtney lives in Asheville.
38:32
I keep in touch with everybody and Courtney has children.
38:34
Now like I was really lucky to have like a lot of really cool.
38:40
Ambitious young women. Yeah.
38:42
Maddie right did Maddie who tuku cave did Maddie?
38:46
Come after Courtney. Oh no, no, no.
39:11
And It's him was just an Valentine.
39:21
Did you say sam Valentine one, who was friends with she mad to
39:26
school with? With Hannah, I think they were
39:32
in the same class. They were all like two years
39:35
under me, I think. Okay.
39:36
Yeah. So all these lovely women from
39:39
the Midwest who now are very successful in their own, right?
39:43
Yeah, I mean it really takes a village like I can't like
39:45
there's so many of them. Yeah.
39:47
What's up with everybody? I think Did you just like get a
39:51
good vibe? Like a good?
39:53
Because I don't know. I don't know if it's weird
39:56
because I've nannied. I mean I'm I'll still babysit
40:02
here and then and I just like I just stopped nannying like I
40:07
think I was like I finally was like two months before Marian
40:13
came. I was like, I need, I need to
40:16
stop doing this because of then, I'm sorry.
40:19
Hold. Oh, you're fine.
40:20
Just hit pause. I forgot to turn that off.
40:24
No, you're good. But um, but yeah, I am curious
40:29
how people decide like who Who did trust I guess?
40:36
Which I feel like is weird coming from someone who I've had
40:40
people, you know, people trust me so it's it is interesting.
40:44
Like what make you of all people would be so much better at like
40:50
you would have this this really like strong gut instinct of who
40:54
was I know I'm like, I hope I hope so.
40:58
I mean she's not going to need anybody for a while.
41:01
We're both at home all the time. But but I mean obviously we need
41:06
her to be around other people that aren't us.
41:10
But but yeah, I'm always curious how you just like, How do you
41:18
talk? So you can you can kind of stop
41:28
somebody on Instagram or Facebook.
41:30
Like now, like a couple. There's one in particular that
41:34
like, you know, only one honestly that if I looked I
41:38
would have been like, maybe not. Yeah.
41:41
But there was no social media to check.
41:43
Oh, that's yeah. I guess I wouldn't even think
41:45
about that. That's smart.
41:46
Oh, I mean this is why. Tell my children I'm like post
41:48
nothing it's forever. Like someone's going to see you
41:52
know don't post pictures of you out, partying.
41:54
Some employer is going to look at that and make a judgment
41:57
about you whether or not it's accurate or that was like the
42:00
one fun night you're like, look I'm fine I'm posting this one
42:02
night, it could come back to bite, you know.
42:06
Yeah, that's very true. Other good place to find like
42:12
sitters and nannies is in park or at school.
42:16
Oh, it's little bit poaching. But sometimes you say like, oh,
42:22
you know you ever babysit on the side, you know, if it's some
42:25
because a lot of times these people will do two or three jobs
42:28
to make ends meet. Yeah, or they'll have and
42:31
there's always like, people have a friend who's looking for work.
42:35
Yeah, that's yeah. It's always like I feel like
42:40
like how you said it was like, Hannah introduced you to this
42:43
and then this person and they're all like yeah.
42:46
It was like, I had like one dread pirate Roberts and if you
42:50
understand that reference from Princess Bride and then maybe I
42:53
could nominate the next red pirate Roberts.
42:55
So I always had one. Oh yeah, Bugs Bunny.
43:01
When I did say No more actresses when it became gonna because
43:08
they were too. There was too much like and I
43:10
didn't want to limit them either.
43:11
There was too much last minute. Canceling, like I got a
43:13
callback. I got an audition for something.
43:16
If it was night time, it was nighttime but it became what I
43:18
needed. Someone what we're starting to
43:20
become difficult. For me, was when like Kiki for
43:25
instance would come home from preschool at like 12?
43:29
and then like I needed somebody in the house from like it was
43:35
really, honestly, what I needed someone's house or something
43:37
like six to eight. So I could someone, you can say,
43:42
I've come say hi. This is chaos.
43:45
I'm surprised this together. We're all here now.
43:49
Good. Let's get one more person on
43:50
this couch. I know you probably don't have
43:56
school tomorrow. Do you know?
43:58
It's teacher conferences and adventurous day.
44:00
All right. Can you excuse us though?
44:02
Yeah, thank you. Yes, when I needed someone in
44:12
the house was like, that weird, like, especially when there were
44:15
two was from like six to like eight.
44:20
That was a great and it's a hard gig to find someone who just
44:22
wants to work, like, six to eight, but what I would do is I
44:24
would make it like 4 to 8. So, usually people's days and
44:28
auditions were done by for like, it's very rare that there is
44:31
like something starting at 4, or if it was, they could, you know,
44:34
even if they came a little late at still work for me, Yeah, I
44:36
was, I had one who needed to be, I mean, Clover had I don't know
44:41
what she had gerd or reflux or something and she cried from
44:46
like five to nine great day passed.
44:53
Yeah, it's you weren't always perfect surprise.
44:57
You, you were very pukey as a child and you would cry at any
45:01
and you would cry a lot. And I would bounce you on this
45:04
damn yoga ball and Home and go to sleep, and then you would
45:08
respond sleep, but it was for a while, it was four hours a
45:10
night. And then, but KiKi at that time
45:13
needed someone to help with homework and she needed someone
45:16
to eat dinner with and, you know, yeah, because I should
45:20
mention in that time. When Clover was nine months old.
45:23
I got divorced. So, I had a seven year old and a
45:26
9 month old. Yeah, unless hard Clover.
45:29
Thank you for recognizing that. So hard.
45:35
It was hard. Yeah, that was hard.
45:38
I don't ya, I meant, yeah. How did you?
45:43
Okay? Well if this isn't too personal,
45:45
how did how to ask but like how much more difficult did it
45:52
become once you were separated and you had I guess you switch
45:59
obviously switch off times when you have them.
46:03
Is there? Well, we didn't at first oh,
46:08
because Clover was an infant little.
46:10
Yeah, she couldn't sleep out, right?
46:14
Yeah. And she couldn't be out for
46:16
really more than a couple hours at a time.
46:18
Yeah. Because she'd be fed.
46:21
Yeah. And now that must have been
46:24
really difficult, you know, and again, you know, with babies is
46:27
like, they need consistency. They need the same bedtime every
46:30
night and the same routine, and the same, like, little lovey.
46:33
E and the, you know, music and the crib, and the lights, just
46:36
set a certain way and like and maybe that's terrible.
46:39
But that's what I assumed that they needed that consistency.
46:42
So it was a number of years before she could even sleep out.
46:47
So that was Yes, really. I don't remember the other good
46:54
thing about being a parent is, like, you forget a lot of the
46:57
really bad things and how long it lasted and the you just
47:00
remembered the joy. The to my all the good things.
47:05
You remember all the trauma, you never forget?
47:11
I will now skipping the one thing they say.
47:12
Always forget is like, oh, the pain of childbirth people like,
47:15
well, if people could remember it, they wouldn't do it again.
47:17
I remember. Yeah.
47:20
I I was Stout real quick. I was like, give me that Beador.
47:24
All right away I do is very like I'm a I'm like a hoarder so only
47:32
way I could put it like I'm like I want to make sure it lasts and
47:36
I was I for some reason I thought you could only get one,
47:38
right? And the epidural lasted a
47:40
certain period of time and if it wore off, yeah, that's what
47:43
people always said you were screwed.
47:46
So I was like, how do I time this?
47:50
Maybe I'll wait because what, if it wears off that would be awful
47:54
and what I did was I waited too long and so is having really
47:59
severe contractions. Like, I like it happened really
48:02
quickly. And then subtracting to get the
48:06
epidural, while you're having terrible contractions.
48:10
This is the lidocaine it really hurts when they when they oh
48:13
yeah. Lidocaine in for some it's just
48:14
like your body is on fire. And I remember crushing my
48:17
husband's Hand. And it was because I was being
48:21
stingy and I was like, I want to make sure this lasts.
48:24
Yeah. And yeah, luckily, he went home
48:27
to get a bag and like they called and then you better come
48:29
back. Like it was blue chest.
48:32
Oh wow. Yeah, I feel like that's a myth.
48:39
But they can only get one of a girl that like it's supposed to
48:43
I don't know. That's why I'm like, I still
48:45
question it because I just like got it right away and because in
48:50
one of my classes they were like it's not true that your
48:55
epidural. They can all use like give you
48:57
more like you're never going to be without it.
49:00
And then I was like, I don't know if that's true, but I'll
49:04
get it. But, uh, well now skipping
49:09
ahead. Since Kiki is in copies, going
49:14
to to study acting right now. She is in the drama department
49:19
at NYU. So, how was that like?
49:23
Cause she wasn't like a child actor as far as I know.
49:29
No, we said no to that. Yeah.
49:31
Yeah. How did yada?
49:35
I'm still their baby. Are you really start teaching at
49:38
yada? That's where I, so, I wasn't
49:40
working there for like a few years and then I just went back
49:44
last year again. I just came from one of my
49:48
classes tonight. Are you Studio City or Third
49:50
Street both but tonight I was at Studio City.
49:54
What's the show? Newsies Vincent's doing that?
49:59
Oh, clovers kindergarten buddy named Vincent is.
50:01
Doing Newsies. I know I've been said.
50:05
I mean there's a few minutes. A girl.
50:06
Vincent. Oh, I don't know.
50:09
Yeah. Do not my class but that's fun.
50:13
Let us know if you do. People will show up for one of
50:16
my classes. I don't think so.
50:20
I started with Charlie Brown, and then I went on, I think I
50:24
was gone by Charlie Brown. Yeah.
50:27
And then I just came back. It's a nice program.
50:30
Yeah, it's fun. So how did that, how did you
50:36
decide to be like? No, you're not, you know, in her
50:40
dad was a child actor and I think we had all, you know, he
50:44
grew up. Did you want to do you see kid
50:45
90? Yes.
50:48
Okay, so he does this for all his friends like he's in that
50:52
and I think, you know, it almost never ends well.
50:57
Yeah, it's hot and what we said was, you know, you can do to
51:01
ratio. You can do school plays, you can
51:03
do yada. You can do, she wants a stage
51:06
door, she went to Idyllwild, like summer action, went to
51:10
Oxford, you know she could act all she wanted just not
51:14
professionally jets, go to school and I said, And thing
51:17
about college and I said it's, you know, it's not in a just you
51:20
need to get, you need to just keep learning and build a base
51:24
of knowledge, like okay, calm down.
51:29
You're letting me do a play with me.
51:33
So And she did this all herself, you know, she decided she wanted
51:38
to go to NYU. She wanted to study drama, she
51:42
found herself a coach to do her audition.
51:45
She taped it herself, we didn't watch it.
51:49
I didn't look at her application, she was very
51:50
determined to do it. The only thing I did was I tried
51:53
to call. I emailed a professor, I had had
51:57
they, Joe picarello. Who isn't?
51:59
Who a professor? Sorry, he was a producer I work
52:01
with, who was an Alum? Who went back a number of years
52:05
ago? Go and took administrative
52:06
position at NYU. And I reached out to him and I
52:08
said, oh, we haven't talked in a few years, but my daughter's
52:10
applying to school and, you know, is there anything you can
52:13
do? Since I'm an Alum, you're an
52:15
Alum. And he's like, not really now,
52:17
he said because the acting program is really about her
52:19
audition. He said but what I can do is
52:20
flag her application. That just says your child.
52:23
She's a child of an Alum. Yeah I mean I don't know how
52:27
relevant it was. I don't give them money and you
52:29
know it's not like I ever went back.
52:31
I think I went back and spoke once but like it was years ago.
52:35
I'm children even, but she got in, you know, and at this point
52:38
now it is, you know? Yeah, she's a rose.
52:42
She did it. Yeah, that's amazing.
52:44
That's so exciting. I've, you must be very proud,
52:49
I'm very proud of her. I love you, too.
52:53
Of course. Of course I love all of you.
52:55
Equally what she was there ever? Like, wish you ever mad about
53:02
you? Not letting since obviously?
53:04
It's Something she definitely wants to do and has wanted to do
53:08
it is, was there ever like the resistance or the?
53:12
No, I mean, reading, I will say there was once a, we do the show
53:15
Mary and Jane which, for MTV, which was about to grow, it was
53:20
right before they legalized weed in California, but it was right
53:24
before they did. And girl, that's not going to
53:29
work for me. Where's the dog?
53:31
Okay, can you get her? So I can finish a sentence.
53:33
This is becoming like a little bit too much.
53:36
Thank you. So we needed.
53:40
We needed three kids to sell the last episode of the season was
53:45
called 420 day, and it was that like 420 had become a national
53:49
holiday. And there's just an opening
53:52
scene, where one of our characters are walking down the
53:54
Main Street, which we shot in Burbank, and like, every store
53:57
had like commercialized marijuana and like they were
54:00
bemoaning the commercialization of it.
54:02
And then the last thing they did was they pass this table.
54:05
Love sunflower Scouts, he was selling pot cookies.
54:10
Yeah. And Harry.
54:12
And I both said, like, I don't think we can actually have real
54:14
children, do this. The so we said, like, all right,
54:18
we'll do our kids. So we had our kids show up and
54:21
like we fitted them for costumes because I felt like I felt
54:25
better having my child do something like that than having
54:29
to like has some other has to explain to their kid that they
54:32
like, I don't feel sad and icky, so it was just easier to do it
54:37
that way without a trial after like like we just worked with
54:43
someone. I just shot this thing, this
54:46
baseball thing in Brooklyn and we needed a kid to play the Bat
54:49
Boy and the whole joke is that like you know, there's two
54:52
adults on the field and and he Sort of taunting them.
54:55
And in the script which I did not write the kid is supposed to
54:58
curse at them and he was this hilarious kitties 11 the same
55:03
age as Clover and he said, can I curse for real?
55:07
And I looked at his dad and said, I was like, oh I mean you
55:09
should hear him and I did not know what was going to happen.
55:12
This kid opened his mouth and I mean I got like the blood drain
55:16
from my face. The stuff that came out of his
55:18
mouth. Everyone was horrified
55:20
horrified, my God, he was like a little like man, they walked off
55:23
the set and his it was Very hot. And his dad was like, hey don't
55:26
forget to drink water Zack, I think I know how much water to
55:27
drink. Like he was that kid already at
55:30
11 and it just Lincoln Lawyer like all my choices like I'm
55:34
like this kids hilarious and like but yeah.
55:39
Oh man, already yelling at his dad on said.
55:41
Yeah. Because people asked me that
55:43
already about May they're like, would you let her do stuff?
55:47
And like I get things all ready for things for me with her and
55:53
I'm like, And I'm like, I feel ya.
55:57
I feel weird about it already where I'm like, well if I'm with
56:00
her, I think it's different. Yeah.
56:03
I feel like you could do it now before, she's really aware.
56:06
Yeah. And like, has start a little
56:08
Coogan account for her for college, yeah, or whatever.
56:12
And yeah I mean at least because at least you know, and at least
56:16
you're not thinking like my baby's gonna be a star.
56:19
You just know that like, this is a lucrative opportunity and you
56:23
get to be together. And yeah, make love so many
56:26
things. Okay?
56:29
So like on a perfect day of balancing family and work, what
56:39
would that look like for you? Do I have to take her to school?
56:45
Is a school day? Or is it a weekend?
56:48
Ooh, it's probably a school day, right?
56:50
Yeah, just like will do school day and not that structured on
56:53
the weekends, what's that? Oh Clover says, her waking up on
56:59
time. She is now, she's hard to get
57:00
her moving little. It's she's just getting to that
57:02
point where it's harder to get her moving in the morning and
57:05
she takes a while to pick out what she's going to wear and put
57:10
it on. Which is like interesting from
57:13
literally like she just has to put on pants and a shirt does
57:17
anything? It's literally anything.
57:20
I mean it's what? Yeah, I mean but she does take a
57:26
long time. She gets distracted a little bit
57:29
but so she'd get up on time. I would not have to make lunch.
57:33
There would be like, a hot lunch somehow that was already ready.
57:37
And then I would drive her to school and then I would come
57:39
home. And I would have a little bit of
57:41
time to Like look at email and I'd like to do my, I mean, do
57:45
some of this now. Like, I like to do my word
57:47
puzzle in the New York Times so I don't get stupider and say
57:51
words like stupider. I know it's not a word smarter
57:57
than I anyway, and then I would work out.
58:04
I believe it would work. Leave the house to work out
58:06
which I haven't done since covid.
58:08
Yeah. But if I leave the house, work
58:12
out that adds like an extra. There's the driving.
58:14
And then, that would decrease my word puzzle time.
58:17
So, and then I would get to shower and then you have to work
58:22
that day. Well, if you're balancing your
58:28
okay, you got it. I sorry.
58:29
Forgot. The question.
58:30
I was talking so much. No, you're good.
58:33
I would work for a couple hours and then maybe I would get to go
58:35
to lunch. I never go to lunch and a lot of
58:37
times I wind up like while I'm still working like grabbing
58:42
something and eating it while I'm still you know we don't
58:45
really take a lot of breaks and then I would like to be not
58:50
working so much that like, I could go to all of her
58:53
basketball games and things, which, you know, I have to pick
58:57
and choose really because that does wind up eating up your
59:02
whole afternoon. You know, if you have to be at a
59:04
basketball game at like 3:00 you got to leave at 2:30 because I
59:08
got a fight. All the traffic of people
59:09
picking up their kids. Like that's a whole window like
59:12
that you don't even think about is like one time.
59:15
And then, you know, Then you get home but anyway so I would get
59:21
to go to the game and then I would get to maybe make dinner
59:25
and then we watch Clover and I watched RuPaul's Drag Race.
59:29
Oh yeah. And then there's Trixie Mattel.
59:39
I don't know. Maybe I would if my if my
59:41
boyfriend does not live in LA so he's here a couple nights a week
59:43
so maybe I'll hang out with him a little bit and somehow
59:46
magically I would still go to bed at 10:00.
59:48
M it all fits in that window. So how it all fit in there?
59:52
That would be nice. Do you um do you set work hours
59:59
for yourself as a writer? We do.
1:00:02
We had gotten really kind of what I'm see, we don't write
1:00:06
from scratch together. We outline together, you know,
1:00:08
we brainstorm together be outlined together and we will,
1:00:11
sometimes we rewrite together, depending on that, the sister of
1:00:15
the heft of what needs to be Rewritten.
1:00:18
But so if we are writing, I kind of do I just fit around my stuff
1:00:25
which I really I prefer. Yeah.
1:00:28
And then if we're outlining or were you know, breaking stories,
1:00:35
we tend to we were getting a really lazy like we were
1:00:38
starting to work at like 11:30 and that was just too late.
1:00:42
So now we're back on like 10 a.m.
1:00:45
We start because usually one of us has like to cut out like
1:00:50
definitely by 5 we're done but like his girls not play Club
1:00:54
volleyball and like there's driving to volleyball and you
1:00:56
know, there's just always something.
1:00:58
And by the way like that 10, maybe we make that ten like
1:01:03
three times a week and someone has a dentist appointment or
1:01:07
someone, you know, has the termite guy coming to the house
1:01:10
like you just never ends. Adulting is just full of like
1:01:13
appointments and stuff. You don't even think about like
1:01:16
this every every fall like you so many doctors, I schedule them
1:01:21
all in the fall. So it's like, oh yeah, to
1:01:25
remember. Um, okay, well I could ask you
1:01:28
like a million more questions but I will have enough.
1:01:33
I feel like we didn't like any really cover anything.
1:01:35
It was more like a catch-up know.
1:01:37
I love just like having the conversation.
1:01:40
I think it's just like it's more of a yeah, a conversation.
1:01:45
And see like what's what's happening and people's world and
1:01:49
how does it all like the work and the kids and how does it
1:01:54
balanced? And how does it not balanced and
1:01:56
why it, how is it so like Messi and all over the place and this
1:02:01
is exactly what it is. I mean, you see like I still
1:02:05
have a child on the floor as we claim the dog twice.
1:02:10
No, it's Kiki. He gate but you know it's it's
1:02:14
it's almost Interrupted. I'm I can never finish a
1:02:17
thought. I haven't had an adult
1:02:19
conversation that hasn't been interrupted.
1:02:21
God in 18 years honestly. Yeah, you know it just and you
1:02:26
know, I'm not good with chaos. I'm not good with noise.
1:02:30
I'm not good with, like, If two people start talking at once, I
1:02:35
like shorts, I short circuit. Like I think it's like I
1:02:39
probably have some sort of undiagnosed ADHD or something
1:02:45
like well, kind of do. Yeah.
1:02:47
So and it was funny, like, back in the day, like one person said
1:02:52
to me, when I had Kiki and I was thinking about another one.
1:02:55
Someone said you can't handle it.
1:02:58
Oh well yeah and I mean, I took that as a direct challenge
1:03:02
obviously Li like, in many ways, and in many ways, she was right.
1:03:08
I think she was able to sort of recognize my brain because she
1:03:11
worked a lot with children and develop, Child Development, and
1:03:15
I, she must have seen something that she knew that.
1:03:17
Like, I couldn't handle that sort of noise.
1:03:21
Yeah, and that those are still the moments where you go, like,
1:03:24
well, I'm doing a bad job. Because, you know what happens
1:03:29
is, I get frazzled and then I get short-tempered and you don't
1:03:34
confirm Korea with everything completed, dog choice, you know,
1:03:39
even now like when Kiki calls from college.
1:03:42
I like when I go to pick up the phone, I'm like, please don't be
1:03:45
crying. I just because I just, you just
1:03:47
don't, you know, or don't be sneaking.
1:03:49
Like most of times, just like, hi Mom, you know?
1:03:52
But, but I'm always like there's a little not every time you just
1:03:55
because you justice, Just things getting like thrown at you all
1:03:58
the time but again and she's calling to say hi like you
1:04:02
obviously have you've obviously done.
1:04:05
Meanwhile those looks like you know like we fought all the time
1:04:08
and her thing always like it'll last like a deny monsters like
1:04:11
you know, I'm out of here in a couple months you're never gonna
1:04:14
hear from me and it breaks your heart and I know that in the
1:04:17
back of my house like never and we pretty much talked every day.
1:04:21
But what's your like Saving Grace?
1:04:23
Like what's your Lifesaver? If you had to Like, give
1:04:28
somebody it can be either be like a mantra or a product, what
1:04:34
is something? And it can be either for like,
1:04:38
as a mom or for work, I'm really leaving it.
1:04:44
Open-ended here for young. Well, that's a tough question.
1:04:47
You know, I used to say like things are always working out
1:04:50
and I would just say that in the worst moments like things are
1:04:52
always working out, it was just kind of trying to speak that
1:04:54
into being like I do really believe.
1:04:56
If that like it takes just as much energy to say the
1:05:00
optimistic thing as it does to say the pessimistic thing.
1:05:03
Yeah, you know, it's the same amount of words.
1:05:05
So why not just say like it'll work out as opposed to this is
1:05:08
never going to work? That's actually more words.
1:05:12
So there's that instacart store anything you could like storage
1:05:17
space and extra Pantry. They can you have like a closet
1:05:19
in the garage? You know what, I got that.
1:05:21
It's the best thing ever. I found there's a good place
1:05:24
that sells like, appliances, that they've Delivered to people
1:05:27
and it has like a little ding or a scratch in it and people like,
1:05:30
I don't want that and then they sell them really cheap.
1:05:32
And I got a refrigerator freezer and I put it in the garage.
1:05:35
And I always thought that was like, the most Posh thing, like
1:05:37
people who had like drinks in the fridge in the garage, I'll
1:05:40
tell you what, like having extra freezer and just having like,
1:05:44
you know, like an extra set of eggs or whatever in the back
1:05:47
where I'm like, oh it's already here, like that's so dumb, it's
1:05:51
really good. It's one like the little things
1:05:54
you like I did not know how much I needed.
1:05:56
Refrigerator and freezer in the garage.
1:05:58
Yeah, the garage fridge seems like like winning at life to me.
1:06:05
Someone somewhere home. Everyone has them and I'm like,
1:06:09
oh, you guys are smart, right? As soon as you have a garage
1:06:13
like I don't if it's a two-car garage.
1:06:15
Someone has to park somewhere else so you can the fridge.
1:06:19
Absolutely. Well, then we'll end it there
1:06:24
and that is a look into To Mommy would thank you so much to my
1:06:30
guest and a special. Thank you to my producer,
1:06:35
Cecilia trip with Laurel Canyon creative, and thank you to Edith
1:06:40
much for my theme music and don't forget to follow mommy,
1:06:45
would podcast on Instagram and Tick-Tock and please leave a
1:06:50
nice review and a few Stars while you're at it and I hope
1:06:56
you Enjoyed this episode of mommy would and take care.