Latest / Masterminds Podcast / Life Is Suffering, and That Is Not a Bad Thing || Masterminds Podcast EP109

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Life Is Suffering, and That Is Not a Bad Thing || Masterminds Podcast EP109 · Masterminds Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Life is suffering.
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Now I started with that because this is an honest truth that most people are trying to spend their whole lives running away from.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: But the truth is, life is suffering.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: And most of the time, the people who are suffering the most are those who are pretending or trying to fight the suffering.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: Pain is a part of life, and that's not a bad thing.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: Pain is the exact fabric that we live through every single day.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: But when you spend all your time trying to fight the pain, you live through that pain twice.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: So in this episode, I'm going to examine it from two fronts from your life and your suffering, and then from everybody else's suffering and how you deal with that.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: So let's break it down into two.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: Let's look at the difference between pain and suffering.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: Now, pain is what life brings you.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: Pain are those things that you cannot avoid: an injury, a heartbreak, your rent is due, your car accident, losing a loved one, failing an exam, your business going bankrupt.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: Pain can come in so many different ways, and pain is a part of life.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: It's something that you cannot avoid because you cannot control.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: So that's the first arrow of understanding that life is suffering.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: Now, suffering is a different situation because suffering exists in your mind and in your mind only.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: Suffering is your reaction to the pain because you hit your toe once, but you spend the rest of the day thinking about that pain and it makes the pain worse.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: Your heart gets broken in a second, but you spend the next six months crying, reliving the heartbreak, and it makes your suffering worse.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: You lose a loved one, and it's a big tragedy.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: You can either grow with it, or you spend years putting your life on hold because you are reliving all the moments with your loved one.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: So pain is unavoidable, it's a part of life.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: But most of the suffering actually comes from us reliving, rethinking, overthinking, and making that pain a permanent part of our mind.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: So pain is unavoidable, but suffering is a choice.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: Now, when I say suffering lives in the mind, I am not trying to say suffering isn't real.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not trying to say what you are going through is fake.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: No, that's not what I mean at all.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: But you suffer less when you stop resisting and you start releasing.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: When you stop resisting the pain that you are going through, when you stop trying so hard to fight the discomfort, you stop fighting the pain, and that is when the suffering starts to reduce.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: When you lose a loved one, you can decide to fight it, to go through the different stages of grief, from anger, from denial, you know, you can decide to fight it and not try and live with it.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe you can say you're just doing things to distract you.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: You are going to start becoming an addict and drinking and hanging out with friends just to distract you.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: But as you do all this, you are not actually accepting the pain.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: But when you release and accept the pain and accept that, yes, this has happened to me.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: A horrible thing has happened to me.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: It's a part of life, and you deal with it, you deal with the grief, you go through the pain, then you are able to reduce your suffering.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: So many people are looking for ways to be comfortable.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: They want to be comfortable in every situation, but sometimes you have to accept the discomfort because the growth is in the discomfort.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: Imagine going to the gym and expecting to grow without any pain.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: The growth is through the pain.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: That's why you see in gyms they put on the wall, no pain, no gain.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: So when you go to the gym, the pain is unavoidable.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: But the suffering is optional because it's the story that you tell yourself in your mind.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: If you are lifting and you are saying, Oh my god, this is so painful.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: Why am I doing this?
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: I can't believe I have to do this.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: Even the small six pack I want to get, if you are saying that narrative in your head, you will suffer every day you go to the gym.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: But when the narrative in your head is, I can't wait, I'm going through this pain for a reason.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: I can't wait till I look good enough.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: I can't wait till I'm healthy.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: I can't wait till I can lift 40 kg and 50 kg.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: When you have these thoughts in your head, even though the pain is there, it reduces your suffering.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: Let's take when you are building, everybody is going through a tough time financially.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: Trust me, even the people who you think are rich are going through a tough time financially.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: So when you are struggling, when you have no money, and all the thoughts that you are thinking in your mind is, and life is so unfair and nothing is working for me, and everything is so difficult, and why aren't I getting any favors and this and that and that, all you do is suffer.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: But when you are looking at the pain of having no money as a stepping stone to be able to build, when you see it as the time for you to learn, to be able to grow your mind, then you change the narrative, you change the lens with which you are looking at the world.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have enough money to walk.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, sorry, you don't have enough money to take a car.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: So you're taking a walk.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: Do you know the number of rich people who take a walk every single morning because they need it to be healthy?
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: So you can either take a walk in the morning and look at it as a way to exercise, or you can take a walk and throughout that 30-minute walk, complain in your mind throughout about poverty.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: Your choice, the pain you feel in your legs from walking, you can't do anything about.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: But that 30 minutes of chaos in your mind where you were suffering, that is optional.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: But this is the part that most people forget about.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: When we say life is suffering, I don't mean just your life.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: I mean life is suffering for everyone.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sure you all sang the song in school: Life in this world is a great struggle for both the young and old.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: Remember that song?
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: Life is a struggle for every single person.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: Every person is going through pain.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: Everyone is reliving that pain in their mind and they are suffering.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: But for some reason, we tend to mostly think that suffering is unique to us.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: We all do this thing.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: Every time we make a mistake, we put it into context.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: If I do the wrong thing, oh, it's because I was in a hurry.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's because I was tired, it's because I was stressed, it's because of all that I'm going through, it's because of my family problems, it's because of the tragedy that happened to me, it's because of my childhood trauma.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: We excuse every mistake that we make because we understand that we are suffering.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: But every time someone else makes a mistake, we make it a character flaw.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: When someone else makes a mistake, they are lazy, they are weak, they are indisciplined, they don't care about us.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: They did it to get back at us, they are vindictive.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: Why do we always tell a beautiful story about our suffering and ignore the pain that other people are going through?
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: Assuming bad intent of other people who are going through pain is you actually now being a bad person?
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: Because you are now putting a bad motive in the mind of somebody who is also going through pain, just like you.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: You get to work in the morning, you just had a fight with your spouse.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: So when you get to work, you are upset.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: So you really don't feel like talking to anybody.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: And your colleague is passing in front of you, and you're like, well, let me just say hi.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: And you say hi to them, and they keep walking, they don't talk to you.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: And the story you say in your mind is, look at that.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: Look how rude they are.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: With all I'm going through, I still master the courage and still master the energy to say hi to them, and they didn't talk to me, they didn't say this, they didn't say that, they are rude, they are this.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: Do you know what they are going through?
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: Could it be they lost a loved one?
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: Could it be they are distracted because they need to pay rent tomorrow?
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: Why do we tell a negative story for other people and a positive story for ourselves?
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to try this experiment.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: Because you don't know what's going on in people's lives.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody shares their bad moments.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody comes on social media and posts the highlights.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: They don't tell you when things go wrong.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: So the next time someone does something to you that you don't like, something that you don't agree with, I want you to try something.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: Tell a positive story about why they did that.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: If someone crosses you in traffic, tell yourself that their loved one is in the hospital and they need to rush and get there.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: If someone talks rudely to you, tell yourself they're going through a very difficult time.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: They are grieving, so they are feeling angry.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: If someone crosses the line and buys that last ice cream that you are going to buy, tell yourself they are buying it for their child who is starving and hasn't eaten in days.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: Because it takes the same energy to think of a bad motive as it does to think of a good motive.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: And one thing to keep in mind when you remember that life is suffering for not just you, but for everyone is be nice to people because you have no idea what someone is going through.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: I read a story where somebody took an Uber and was on their way to the beach because they were tired of life and were heading to the beach to just end everything.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: And in the car, the Uber driver just started a conversation, was just being nice, cracking jokes, having a nice conversation and everything.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: And the person got to the beach and they changed their mind.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: Just because of that positive interaction that they had, they got there and they gave life a second chance.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: But the Uber driver had no idea the impact he just had in somebody's life.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: You don't know what somebody's going through.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: You don't know the dark moments, the dark tunnel that somebody's going through.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: So be that positive light in somebody's life.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: Smile with somebody.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: Compliment somebody.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I like what you're wearing.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I love your shoes.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, you're a very nice person.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: I like how politely you spoke to me.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: Be positive.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: Because everybody says we want the world to be a better place.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: But who are we expecting to make it a better place?
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: It starts with us.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: It starts with the man in the mirror.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: Every time you see somebody, be that ray of sunshine in their life.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: Give a real compliment.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: I don't just mean give a fake compliment.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: Say something true.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: Smile with someone.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: You go to a shop to go and buy something.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: Crack a joke with a shop attendant.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: You don't lose anything.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: It takes the same energy to interact with them with a joke as it does to frown and just buy your goods and go.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: Life is suffering.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: Life is suffering for me, life is suffering for you, and life is suffering for your neighbor.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: So if we really want to be able to advance, the first thing you have to do is accept it.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: You are suffering, but when you accept it, the suffering doesn't hurt as much.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: And then accept the suffering of everyone else around you and be a positive influence in everybody's life.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: I hope this conversation has brought you another step closer to being the mastermind that I know you are meant to be.