Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Narcissists can sense it when you are pulling away from them

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Narcissists can sense it when you are pulling away from them · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, Beautiful people?
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  Today we're going to be talking about how narcissists can sense
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  it when you are pulling away from them, and how would they
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  react when they do sense that if you're new here, my name is Lee
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  Hammock. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist. And welcome to another episode
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  of The Narcissist Code. Welcome back.
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  Welcome back. Welcome back, folks.
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  Yes, Did you know that a narcissist has a sixth sense?
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  They like the movie, like I see. And perhaps pulling away and I
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  can sense it, you know, they don't see dead people.
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  They see a dead. You know, I see a dead
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  relationship. They see a dead relationship.
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  They can sense it. They absolutely can sense it
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  when you are pulling away from them.
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  They can sense it when you are stepping, taking a step back
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  from the relationship dynamic. They absolutely can Y'all and
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  like and it's crazy because when because they get the fact that
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  they can sense it, the fact that they're intuitive enough to
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  sense it means that a lot of times that they're doing it on
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  purpose. They know that you pull them
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  away because they're having, they have been giving you what
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  you want and need. They haven't been treating you
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  correctly. Like I'm a real life example of
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  this happening in real life, literally in real life.
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  An example, if they happened in my real life were like when my
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  wife had left me right before the pandemic started, like
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  pretty much in 2020. Like, right Pretty much.
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  When they gave a stay at home order, she disobeyed the order.
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  You know, when the government says stay at home, the, you
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  know, Roy Cooper says stay at home in North Carolina, he says
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  stay at home, stay at home order.
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  She did not stay at home. She did not obey the order she
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  left. Yeah, she packed the stuff up
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  and dipped and dipped out. And I'm glad she did.
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  She she needed to leave, You know, she wasn't being treated
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  correctly, so she needed to leave.
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  Let's be real. Let's keep it hot.
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  I keep it hot and ready like a Little Caesar's pizza donut.
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  So she absolutely needed to leave because she wasn't getting
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  treated like she deserved to be treated.
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  So shout out to her for leaving, Take it and having the power and
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  leave it. But before she left, I could
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  sense that she was unhappy. Her energy, her body language,
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  it was just like, and I knew it. I was like, damn, I'm not.
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  I'm. I'm just doing wrong.
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  I just knew I was doing it wrong.
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  I knew I was treating it wrong. I was just like, I wasn't
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  cheating or anything like that. I was just emotionally
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  disconnected from her. Like we were pretty much like
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  roommates who are Co parents, like Co parents or roommates,
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  roommates. It just happened to clap cheeks
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  a couple times and get a baby out of it.
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  It was just sharing the kid, you know, living the living to keep
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  their family together. Living together so the family
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  dynamic can seem healthy, you know, so my son could grow up in
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  a healthy household, right? Have the appearance of a healthy
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  household because it was not a healthy household, you know?
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  And I was the cattleman and I was the catalyst for it not
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  being a healthy household. But I could sense when she was
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  unhappy. She'd be in the kitchen, like
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  washing dishes or something, and I would come up behind her and I
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  just like, I can feel it. And I knew it.
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  Something in my body. I knew I was like, give your
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  wife a hug, Hug her right now. She needs it.
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  She needs it. You know that She needs this hug
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  and I'll be ready to hug her. But then something else.
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  Kind of like the little Angel and the devil sitting on your
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  shoulders. The little narcissistic Angel
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  would say, hug your wife, hug her.
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  But then the narcissistic devil would say, no, you don't need to
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  hug her. You know, you've we've hugged
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  enough. We've been together for, you
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  know, eight. What was it, 2020?
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  So we've been together for 8 1/2 years.
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  At that time, we've been together for eight years.
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  So you've been together for eight years.
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  You know, she doesn't need a hug.
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  She needs to get her act together.
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  If anything, she it's all her. It's her fault.
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  She should hug you. You need to be hugged.
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  What about you? What about your feelings?
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  That's what's going on in my mind.
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  So I could sense it that she was unhappy and I was just and I
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  just left. I remember the last time, the
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  last time I could sense that she was unhappy and I should have
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  hugged her and I came back and she was gone.
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  Pardon the Interruption. Just wanted to make sure that
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  you were subscribed to the channel.
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  If you have to hit that subscribe button right now and
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  make sure to turn on notifications so you don't miss
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  any uploads. Helps me reach more people.
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  And back to the video. She had packed her stuff up and
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  dipped and dipped out before I got back home.
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  I was like, damn. And I wasn't.
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  Yeah. Was that upset?
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  Yeah, I was upset. But I could.
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  I only had me to be upset with. You know?
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  Of course I started to blame her.
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  But at the at the end of the day, it was my fault.
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  It was. But I can sense that that she
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  was unhappy. It wasn't just that one moment,
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  it was plenty of moments. But I knew I should have hugged
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  them. And I knew I should have kissed
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  them. And I knew I should have told
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  her that I loved her. But something in me just
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  wouldn't let me do it. So I knew that she was unhappy,
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  but something in me wouldn't let me do it.
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  Like the narcissistic person in your life maybe can sense that
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  you're unhappy, but there's something in them.
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  They won't let them just be be make you happy.
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  They won't let them change their behaviors.
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  They won't let them treat you better.
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  If I tell people that therapy is the like, y'all just for me and
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  being realistic, therapy is the end all be all for trying to get
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  help and to change your behaviors.
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  That's just the way it goes for me.
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  I tell people like this is the only way it goes.
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  This is the only way it gets better.
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  If they actually commit to going to therapy and working on
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  themselves and trying to be better, that's the way only way
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  that it gets better right there. That's the only way that it
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  works for them is for that to happen right there for them to
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  actually put the work in the time, effort and energy in to
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  get better, to treat you better. And they have to be able to work
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  on themselves. And I know I tell people, people
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  don't want to. Yeah, people necessarily don't
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  want to hear me say that. But like I said, it's it's the
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  really the only way for them to get better is to actually work
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  on them on themselves. Don't know if your relationship
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  to get better is for them to work on them.
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  Want to work on themselves. They have to work on themselves.
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  They have. Yeah, they have to.
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  They have to. There's no insurance and ands or
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  buts about it. They have to want to work on
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  themselves. They have to be able to put the
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  work in. They absolutely have to.
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  But yeah, at the end of the day, people don't want to hear that.
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  But I tell people, you have to be happy.
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  You have to be healthy because they can.
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  They can sense it. Yeah, they they, they
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  contributed to it. But the crazy thing about it is
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  the inside the mind of a narcissist.
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  When they can sense that you're unhappy.
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  Like I told you earlier, they will blame your unhappiness on
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  you. I'm unhappy too.
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  What about me? And this is conversations that
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  we are having inside of our own heads, not with you.
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  Sometimes they'll have the conversation with you out loud.
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  It'll be an audible conversation.
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  But most times it's happening inside of our heads.
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  We're having this conversation with ourselves.
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  Hug your wife, Kiss your husband.
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  Hug your husband, whatever it is.
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  And then they just don't do it. They don't take the action.
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  And one of the reasons behind it, like I said, another reason
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  behind it, because they already feel like they've done enough.
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  They feel like they put enough work in.
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  Why do I still have to work? I got you.
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  We we've been married for X amount of years.
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  Why do I still have to put the work in now?
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  If we've been married for so long, what sense does that make
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  for me to still have to work hard right now when we've been
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  together for this long? Explain that to me.
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  You know? And they say, I know, yeah, I
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  know it sounds ignorant. I know it does.
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  This is me telling you, opening my mouth, telling you that it
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  sounds ignorant, but they can sense it.
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  Y'all. And like I said, they can sense
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  when you are unhappy and some of them will absolutely leave you
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  alone. They don't care.
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  They'll let you. They'll let you Stew in your
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  unhappiness because they make it about them and they blame you.
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  But there are some narcissists out there, right?
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  They will sense that you're unhappy and try to love bomb
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  you. They'll try to love bomb you.
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  They'll try to keep right. When you're on the on the cusp,
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  the cusp of leaving, they start to try to love bomb you, to keep
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  you there. They start to try to suck you
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  back into the relationship, to keep you there.
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  They'll do just enough. This is where the intermittent
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  reinforcement or the breadcrumbing comes into play.
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  They will do enough to try to keep you there with them because
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  they makes them feel good about themselves.
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  They do just enough. They'll give you that hug.
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  They'll slap you on the cheeks. They'll clap the cheeks, even
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  you know, they put their cheeks on you just for a little while.
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  Just to hold you over. When you're on the verge of
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  leaving, it's kind of like you're on the verge of dying of
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  thirst. They give you a little bit of
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  water. They'll give you that look you
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  see right there. They'll give you that much drink
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  right there. You're thirsty, lady.
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  If you're thirsty for it, it works like I'm dying to thirst.
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  And they'll be like open up. I'm alive again for a little
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  while. Can I have some more?
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  No, not right now. You know, you had enough.
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  They'll give you enough just to keep you there, just to calm you
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  down again. And this will sound rude just to
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  shut you up, especially if you've been complaining about
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  when you your unhappiness. Because sometimes it's like it's
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  a sixth sense, other times it's because you told them, like
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  sometimes they they'll complaining about it.
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  It'd be The Sixth Sense, it'd be them predicting it, and their
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  intuition kicks in. But a lot of times it's just
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  them knowing that they've been treating you badly and they're
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  like, damn well you. Because you said it out loud,
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  you voiced your unhappy, you voiced your displeasure.
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  They heard you. They probably argue, argued with
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  you about it, blamed you, made a big fuss about it, gave you the
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  silent treatment, raised out on you.
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  You mean threatened to leave, Threatened to break up with you.
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  Maybe they did break up with you, and then they came back and
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  they reconciled with you, but then they just let this issue
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  fester. They don't mean they.
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  Just because y'all reconcile doesn't mean that things will
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  get better, doesn't mean that they will take accountability
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  for the things that they said and the things that they've
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  done. It doesn't mean it at all.
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  All that means is y'all reconcile y'all back together.
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  The relationship is, I guess, back on track, but on track.
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  It's bumpy. Y'all back on track, but it's
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  it's bumpy. Like, like when did the when did
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  the track get so damn bumpy? You know what I mean?
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  That happens so much. It does.
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  And I just like, I know that a lot of y'all have experiences
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  like, right when you're on the cusp of leaving, right when you
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  got to the point where you you've had enough.
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  You're done not being shown the love that you feel like you've
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  been deserved the show. And then all of a sudden, out of
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  nowhere, here they come to love bombing.
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  Here they come to flip the script on you.
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  Here they come to say, say that. They say that they don't just
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  clap the cheeks. They'll give you a ring.
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  They'll propose to you, they'll like, say offer you, They'll
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  take you out the dinner to go get you a gift.
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  Whatever it is, they'll do something just enough to keep
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  you there. They'll say the words you've
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  been listening to, you've been dying to hear.
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  Hey, I love you. Hey, I'm going to the store.
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  I love you. Just let's let's let you know I
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  love you and I appreciate you so much.
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  And because you've been dying to hear those words, you stay.
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  Because maybe they do care about me.
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  Maybe maybe I was wrong about everything.
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  You start questioning yourself because they told you that they
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  loved you. They haven't shown you.
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  They haven't done anything for you recently.
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  But they said the words that you were waiting to hear.
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  They told you what you wanted to hear because that's how
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  sometimes they will. They will react when they sense
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  that you're unhappy. They will tell you everything
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  that you've been wanting to hear.
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  That's how it goes. That really is how it goes.
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  So I just, I just want to tell people they can sense it when
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  you're unhappy, but it doesn't mean that they will take any
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  action. Some of them will take action,
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  like I just said, some of them will absolutely take action to
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  try to keep you there, to try to keep you happy, to try to make
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  you happy so you don't leave them.
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  But there are a lot of other ones who don't give a damn.
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  They're like, well, you're unhappy, deal with it.
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  But I'm unhappy. We are everybody's unhappy.
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  Nobody. Nobody's relationship is
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  perfect. This relate.
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  Our relationship definitely isn't perfect.
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  Blah blah, blah, blah, Boo Boo, BBB.
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  But so many people understand where I'm coming from when I say
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  that they will do just enough to keep you there, to keep you off
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  balance, to keep you on balance. Sometimes it really just depends
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  on the narcissist that you're dealing with.
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  You know, because some of them, at the end of the day, some of
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  them do not give a damn, but there's others that will turn it
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  on and turn on just enough to keep you there.
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  And then if you do happen to leave with some of them, like I
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  said, some of them can sense that you're unhappy.
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  And that's the goal. The goal is your unhappiness.
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  The goal is to make you want to leave them.
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  There's this is where the reverse discard comes into play.
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  The goal is to make you leave. So when you do leave, that's
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  what they want. They treating you badly.
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  They can insist that you're unhappy.
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  So their plan is working and you do leave.
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  So their plan is complete. And this is not me telling you.
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  This is not me telling you to not leave or Lee tell me.
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  Lee told me not to leave because it's the reverse discard.
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  No. If you want to leave, leave,
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  just be prepared. Because they they have a plan of
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  action. They already have a plan in
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  mind. If they already have a plan to
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  find somebody else to be with somebody else, or they have a
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  new supply already set up, that's the plan.
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  They already have a new supply set up and they needed you out
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  of the picture. So they they do just enough to
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  get you to leave. They started treating you just
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  bad enough to get you to leave the relationship.
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  They do just enough horrible behaviors just to get you out
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  the door. They sense that you're unhappy,
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  you are unhappy, you decide to leave, and then they find
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  somebody else really quickly and be like what happened.
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  They wanted you to leave. So sometimes they can sense the
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  unhappiness in you because that's part of the plan, the
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  plan of action. They can sense the unhappiness.
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  So they just like, you know what?
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  This is what I really want. This is kind of what I want.
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  I want you to be unhappy. I don't want you, you know, I
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  want you to be unhappy. So you will leave me.
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  But again, I will end it with this right here.
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  Y'all just because that's the plan and you do leave and this
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  will happen sometimes. When they do reverse discard you
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  and they treat you badly and they can sense that you're
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  unhappy and you do leave, they still might flip the script and
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  not really want you to leave and try to suck you back into a
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  relationship. That's how confusing it can get.
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  It sounds confusing as hell, doesn't it?
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  They reverse discard you because they want you to leave, but then
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  you do leave and then they want you back.
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  I know how confusing it can be. I know it's confusing.
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  I know it's confusing as hell. I really, really do.
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  But thank y'all for tuning into this episode.
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  Y'all, be safe. Join the support groups if you
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  need, if you want to. Like I said, I got a lot of the
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  support groups are getting bigger.
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  We're having more and more people sharing their stories
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  inside of the support groups. My course, understanding the
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  seven stages of a narcissistic relationship is helping out a
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  lot of people as well. I'm super thankful for everyone
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  of y'all. Make sure you like and subscribe
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  to the channel. And of course peace.
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  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
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  I am extremely grateful for you have no idea.
• 13:52
  If you haven't already, make sure you go ahead and subscribe
• 13:53
  to the channel helps. Reach more people and click on
• 13:56
  the screen to watch another video or to browse through
• 13:58
  another playlist. There's also a link on the
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  screen to check out my courses and my support groups to help
• 14:02
  you heal and understand what you've been through.
• 14:04
  Thank you so much again. I will see you in the next
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  video. Peace.