Latest / Hurdle with Emily Abbate / [SOLO] 376. The Anti-Perfectionism Playbook: How To Turn Your Inner Critic Into a Coach & Embrace Consistency As A Winning Strategy

Transcript

[SOLO] 376. The Anti-Perfectionism Playbook: How To Turn Your Inner Critic Into a Coach & Embrace Consistency As A Winning Strategy · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: I'm going to hold your hand when I say this,
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: perfection is the enemy of progress. The goal is to
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: be a perfect human. It's to be a human who
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: keeps going. And that, my friends, that's the ultimate hurdle conquered.
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: What's going on, Emily? Here? You are listening to episode
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: three seventy six of Hurdle, a wellness focused podcast where
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: I chat with inspirational people about everything from their highest
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: tides and toughest moments to essential tips on how to
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: live a healthier, happier, more motivated life. We all go
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: through our fair share of hurdles. My goal through these
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: discussions is to empower you to better navigate yours and
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: move with intention so that you can stride towards your
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: own big potential and of course have some fun along
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: the way. Tuesday morning, what is going on? I need
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: to tell you something. For a while now, I've been
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: thinking about shifting the I don't even want to call
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: it the main episode of the week, but that's really what.
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: This is the main episode of the week away from Monday.
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: Literally the week after I started the podcast back in
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: twenty eighteen, I was thinking about did I do something
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: wrong by launching it on Monday, and to this day,
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: I feel overwhelmed. When I opened my podcast app on Mondays,
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: I'm like, there's a lot here. I have the you know,
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: the few that I lean into right away. But why
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: am I not setting myself up for success by launching
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: on a different day. That is what I wondered, That's
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: what I still wondered, and so we're going to play
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: with it. There are some changes come into the show
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: and this is one of them. Welcome to the Tuesday release.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: I'd be super curious to get your feedback on it.
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: Do you like it? Do you mind? Are you unphased?
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: So feel free to come into my DMS over at
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: Hurdle podcast. Also, you know me, I'm over at Emily Body.
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: I want to hear what.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: You think where your head's at. For today's episode, I'm
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: mixing things up. I'm getting a lot of requests for
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: a solo and I am feeling compelled to talk to
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: you about perfectionism, not about why that can be a
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: good thing, but actually to the contrary. Today I'm giving
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: you my anti perfectionism playbook.
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: I truly believe.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: Over the last few years that learning to accept good
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: enough is really what has become the key to long
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: term consistency and success. I mean, ask yourself, have you
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: ever felt like you were either all in or completely
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: all out? Like the workout is imperfect, so you scrap
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: your whole day, or you went off track with trying
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: to eat well and so the rest of the day
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: you just eat anything and everything. Yeah, I have totally
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: been there, and that all or nothing mindset isn't a
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: lack of discipline. It is truly perfectionism in disguise. And
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: that perfectionism it give me the number one hurdle blocking
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: long term consistency. And so my promise for you today
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: is that by the end of this episode you're going
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: to have practical rules to beat the perfectionism cycle, and
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: with those tools, you can find joy in what I
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: like to refer to as sustainable, messy progress.
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: Because progress is progress.
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: We're going to move forward together while embracing this anti
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: perfectionism playbook as always, Like I said before, you know
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: how to find me. I'm over at Hurdle Podcast. I'm
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: also over at Emily a Body, and I.
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: Called for your feedback. I really do want it.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: So whether you have thoughts on the new Tuesday launch date,
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: if you have a listener question that I can answer
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: in an upcoming of five minute Friday. Whatever it is, I
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: am all ears. You can email me over at Hello
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: at Hurdle dot us. For anyone else that's running at
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: Chicago this weekend, I will be out there. I'm not
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: hosting anything on the ground, but I will be bopping around.
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: So please say hello, come, say what's up. I'd love
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: to meet you. And with that, let's get to it.
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: Let's get to the anti perfectionism playbook. I have let
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: perfectionism win so many times. And when I say that
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: I've let perfectionism win, what happens is that I stop
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: forward progress because something's not looking as I envisioned. I'll
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: give you an example of how I have evolved with
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: my relationship with perfectionism. I am running my sixteenth marathon
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: this weekend. And years ago, if I had to miss
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: a workout, or a workout didn't go as I had
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: hoped it would go, or I had to adjust my
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: amount of my edge, I would worry that that one
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: modification or those few modifications would have dramatic ramifications for
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: my ultimate goal. And what I've come to learn over
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: time is that that isn't how it works. Case in point,
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: when you are training for a marathon. Every weekend, on Saturday,
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: you have a long run. I choose to do mine
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: on Saturdays, and life happens, and there are going to
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: be some days where maybe you need to modify the distance.
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: You have to adapt in case it's super warm outside,
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: maybe you have a life event, and so you have
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: to change the schedule around. I this year went to
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: Japan for two weeks and was still able to get
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: in my long runs, but I modified them. It was
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: ninety five to ninety five percent humidity in bright, brilliant sunshine.
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: Was there a difference between me running the RX of
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: twenty two miles versus what felt a little bit safer
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: when I was out there doing the thing akaa twenty miles. No,
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: there really was no negative thing that was going to
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: happen by me cutting two miles.
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: Off of one run.
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: But the Emily of Gosh ten years ago would have
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: had so much anxiety about that for so long. There
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: is a big distinction between healthy striving, so like I
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: want to accomplish X, and perfectionism, which is I must
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: achieve X or people will think why perfectionism is about
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: often external validation and a fear of criticism, and that
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: just isn't a solid foundation for going after the things
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: that ex So in order to do some work on this,
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: we've got to unmask the perfectionism trap as a whole.
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: The first thing let's discuss is how we often tie
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: our self worth to our performance. So you identify a
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: certain way. I just said, I'm running my sixteenth marathon
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: this weekend. I identify as a marathoner. I am a
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: marathonor or let's drive it to I am a healthy eater.
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: I am someone that eats well. Now, that is how
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: I identify. And then when I fail, and I'll put
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: quotes around that, at that action, it feels as though
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: I am failing as a person I identify in this way.
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: So when I'm injured, for instance, and I can't run
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: by the identify as a runner, I feel conflicted. When
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: I am someone that eats a certain way and I
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: am constantly going against that, that might not feel so
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: well ultimately, and I could feel again like I am failing.
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: Now the reframe here is really reinforcing our core message,
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: which is your worth is inherent. It is not conditional
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: on your performance. I'll say that Again, your worth is inherent.
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: It is not conditional on your performance or how you
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: act or what you choose to do in the example
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: of a healthy eater. So the goal here is to
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: separate your identity from activity. You are bigger than whatever
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: label it is that you put on yourself, and I
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: think it's really important here to highlight what can often
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: be this comparison.
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: Culture catalyst of social media.
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: Now social media in the highlight reel of perfect meals
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: and flawless workouts like we are inundated with it, and
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: it also creates an impossible fake standard. So I want
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: to introduce to you a tool that I use very often,
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: which I call scrolling quit. It's my scroll and quit technique.
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: And so, if you are on the socials, whether it's Instagram, TikTok,
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: if you still use Facebook, wherever you might be, and
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: you realize that you're comparing yourself to someone you see
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: in a workout outfit, or you're thinking about the foods
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: that you ve eate in on how they don't look
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: as beautiful as this perfectly crafted asa ebowl or protein
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: bagel or avocado toast and whatever, close the app immediately
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: and start something else, like start some other activities. Scroll
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: and quit, right, That's what I'm calling it. So don't
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: let whatever it is that you're comparing yourself to derail
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: what is reality. So many people, myself included, that we
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: are leaning into social media as an escape from the
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: things that we quote unquote should be doing or maybe
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: things that could be better serving us. So when you
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: go on there and you see something that makes you
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: feel less valuable.
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  Speaker 2: That ain't it? It ain't it? Soh you scroll and
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: you quit.
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: Now, I've got three rules that I lean into when
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: I think about my playbook for counteracting perfectionism. And my
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: first rule is that you've got to implement the minimal
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: viable effort. So let's call that M THEE. The concept
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: here is that you want to lower the bar so
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: that you cannot fail, which I know you you're feeling
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: it in your heart of hearts as someone who identifies
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: as a perfectionist. At times, you don't want.
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: To lower the bar. I get it.
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: But the fact is that consistent effort is better than
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: sporadic perfection. I'll say that one more time. Consistent effort
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: is better than sporadic perfection.
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: So what do I mean by that?
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: I mean that if you can consistently let's say you
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: want to move more, If you can consistently walk for
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: twenty minutes three days a week, that is so much
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: better than it's going on a ten mile walk once
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: every three weeks. Right, you want to develop habits and
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: strive for goals that ultimately help you level up again.
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: I talk about it in the intro every week. My
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: goal is to help you live healthier, happier, more motivated lives.
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: And you will be shocked at what comes when you
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: allow yourself to lean into these consistent, albeit imperfect actions,
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: and oftentimes that consistent, imperfect action will help you level
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: up in the long run. So when I started running,
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: this was in two thousand and eight, almost twenty years ago,
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: which is absolutely wild. When I started running, I didn't
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: allow what I had exposure to, of what I thought
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: success could look like, deter me from doing what felt
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: attainable for me in my body as I was. And
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: so every day I set out to go run what
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: I thought was a mile, and it ended up being
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: half mile.
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: But that is neither here nor there.
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: I would get myself together after lunch every day and
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: lace up my sneakers and put on my black Target
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: leggings and a white Hanes V neck and I would
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: go out and I would run my distance and I
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: would come back and I would feel so accomplished.
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: And that's because I was.
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: Defining what quote unquote success looked like for myself in
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: a way that was attainable. So for me, my minimum
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: viable effort was I'm going to get out there and
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: move my body for this amount of distance and that's it.
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: That's that's it.
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: And some days it might be a walk run, and
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: other days it might be just a walk. But whatever
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: it was, I allowed that to be enough. The real
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: victory wasn't in you know, the exact output, but rather
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: it was in keeping that habit alive and telling myself
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: you are capable of showing up regularly. Again, consistency is
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: better than perfection. So consistent imperfect effort is better than
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: sporadic perfection.
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: There I said it.
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: My second rule when we talk about this anti perfectionism
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: playbook is activate the fifteen minute re entry window. The
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: fifteen minute re entry window. This concept might blow your mind.
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: You Basically you want to stop the perfectionism spiral and
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: recognize that one mistake or one thing not going as
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: you hope does not need to wreck the remainder of
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: your day, or your week or what have you.
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: So let's give an example. I have worked a lot.
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: On redeveloping my relationship with food over the last year
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: and have really put an emphasis on eating a lot
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: of protein. Right, that doesn't mean on a day where
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: I realize it's five PM and I've consumed a total
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: of eight grams of protein that the day in itself
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: is a wash. Rather, if I realize this, my question
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: will be what is the next thing that I can
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: choose to do within the next fifteen minutes to correct.
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: Or make the situation better.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: So in this example, all right, shoot, it's five pm,
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: I haven't consumed any protein whatsoever.
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: Rather than throwing up my hands and going to eat.
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: A pizza, which like sounds delicious, not gonna lie in
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: some days, maybe that's maybe that's what you need to do.
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: But I can look in my fridge and say, Okay,
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: what can I do to make this situation better with
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: what I have? Again, your mistake or your slip up
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: does not need to define the day, the hour, whatever,
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: but your next fifteen minutes can. So another example, maybe
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: you had quite the night on Tuesday, you had a
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: work event, there were drinks, you were having one too
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: many sippies, and so on Wednesday morning when you wake
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: up you're not feeling your best. We've all been there, right, Okay.
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: Just because maybe you're not in the place to do
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: the workout that you wanted to do on Wednesday when
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: you wake up doesn't mean that all of Wednesday needs
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: to be a wash. It's what happens in the fifteen
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: minutes after you make this decision that things aren't going
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: to go as you had hoped. That really sets the
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: tone for where you go from there. The fifteen minute
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: re entry window. So in this example, Okay, maybe not
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: the best idea for me to go lift heavy things
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: at the jay, But what if I get outside and
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: take a nice long walk to start my day, or
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: what if I'm not in the mental space to do
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: that in the morning.
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: Totally understandable.
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: Okay, Can I market on my calendar to get outside
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: and do that walk later or maybe by the evening
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: I'll feel like I am in the place to lift
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: some weights. How can I modify? What can I do
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: in the next fifteen minutes? What is within my power
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: to move forward again. This process the fifteen minute reandrew window.
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: It's going to halt that spiral of guilt. Listen, one
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: small slip up does not have to become the self
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: fulfilling prophecy of failure.
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: It doesn't need to happen that way.
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: What can happen next is completely within your control. Taking
• 16:57
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• 19:08
  Speaker 2: The third rule.
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: That I'm going to offer you as part of my
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: anti perfectionism playbook is going to be challenging, and that
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: is practice deliberate imperfection. So what I mean by this
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: is you want to intentionally do something slightly air quotes
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: messy to expose your need for control and prove that
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: your world won't end a few different examples of what
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: this could look like in practice. You are someone who
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: likes to work out for very deliberate amounts of time,
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: Like you like to walk on an incline for thirty minutes,
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: or be on an elliptical for twenty minutes, or ride
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: a stationary bike or you get what I'm saying here
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: for X amount of minutes. What happens if you do
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: it for twenty nine minutes and thirty two seconds or
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: twelve minutes and fifty seconds instead of fifteen minutes. You'll
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: realize in the moment, as your anxiety may or may
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: not kick in, that life goes on when you stop
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: a little bit early, and that it is okay to
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: release the need for perfectionism. It's like exposure therapy for
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: your high standards, if you will right exposure therapy for
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: your high standards. I've heard so many times that if
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: you have a fear of flying, one of the best
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: things that you can do is still like take yourself
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: to the airport. I know that can be extremely inconvenient
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: for a lot of people, but basically the goal there
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: is to go through the act of what it could
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: feel like if you are going to get on a plane,
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: so that you could slowly feel better about the entirety
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: of the experience. This is the same thing we need
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: to chip away at the need for one hundred percent
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: control and understand that the best thing you can do
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: for yourself is learning to be okay with good enough.
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: Not every day is going to be perfect, and that
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: is not the goal. The goal is not to achieve
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: perfection every day, but consistently show up and do the
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: best you can with what you have.
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: All Right, so I've given you my three rules.
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: My anti perfection is on playbook We've got implementing the
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: minimum viable effort. So what does that look like. That
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: looks like lowering the bar so you cannot fail. Consistent
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: action is better than sporadic perfection. Consistent action better than
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: sporadic perfection. Rule number two, activate that fifteen minute re
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: entry window, recognizing that when something goes array, maybe it's
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: not going as you had hoped, or perhaps you are
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: dealing with the byproducts of earlier decisions, whatever that might be.
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: Understand that at any time you have the choice to say, okay,
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: what happens in the next fifteen minutes, This is my
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: opportunity to decide what happens next. And then Rule number
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: three is practice deliberate imperfection, getting to a place where
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: you are okay with good enough, recognizing that if something
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: isn't as you intended, that doesn't mean that it cannot
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: be good.
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: It can be great, I promise.
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: I want to encourage you to look inward right now,
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: because I do believe that we can have every tool
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: in the toolbox, but how you feel about yourself when
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: you are by yourself is the most important thing. A
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: huge tool that I use when I'm faced with these
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: all or nothing situations, when I'm dealing with my perfectionist kremlin.
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: Is I sit down and I ask myself, six months
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: from now, will this decision be one that my future
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: self would thank me for? So in that example of
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: I like to do things for a specific amount of time,
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: whether that be hike on the treadmill, going on an elliptical,
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: go on a bike, my future self would be proud
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: of my past self for putting in the effort at all,
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: rather than being like, well, if I don't have thirty minutes,
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: then it's not worth it, because we know that's not true.
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: So your future self, I can promise you will always
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: thank you for a small, more consistent action, not the
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: perfect one that you never started a massively huge piece
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: to the puzzle. When I think about beating my perfectionist
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: tendencies in mindset is understanding that most of the time
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: it's just.
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: Not gonna be perfect and that's okay.
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: Many times, I and I'm sure many other people that
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: you follow, have referenced this rule of third s. Alexipapas
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: made it pretty famous well known a few years ago
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: on The Ritual podcast, where she talked about a third
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: of her workouts being absolute junk, a third of her
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: workouts feeling okay, and a third of them going really well,
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: and she recognizes that that's just the way the cookie crumbles.
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: So on the days when you have one of those
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: workouts that doesn't go really well, you understand that that's okay,
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: because a third of your workouts are going to feel
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: that way.
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: Period.
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: For me, I've done the best that I can to
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: understand that a third of the time I have this
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: opportunity to really feel stellar in whatever it is that
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: I am attacking. And yes, I strive for more than that,
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: but I'm not hard on myself when things feel just
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: okay or maybe less than stellar. I approach those situations
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: with a certain level of compassion and grace, understanding that
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: this is just how it is now, and embracing the
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: tools that I explain to you, especially that fifteen minute
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: rule to ask myself, Okay, what happens next? Whenever something
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: goes poorly And if I happen to get on the
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: phone with my father shortly after, he always asks me
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: that question, what's next. I have been, and I know
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: it's not coming from a place of like not wanting
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: to have compassion, but I have been like in tears
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: talking to him and he will say to me, like,
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: I see you, this is such a valid reaction and
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: what's next?
• 25:20
  Speaker 2: And that little bit of.
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: Tough love has really instilled in me that what's next
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: is again my opportunity, and it's your opportunity to yes,
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: feel your feelings and then graduate to what's next.
• 25:37
  Speaker 2: So here I am I'm challenging you.
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: I want you to identify one area this week where
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: you can aim for a B minus effort. I feel
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: like this is very i don't know, different than maybe
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: some of the other people that you follow that are
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: like you deserve the best hard work is within you.
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: It is, but like you've got your stick it out
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: and grind like, yeah, there are moments to like stick
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: it out and grind forward.
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: I hear that.
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: But let's talk about what is manageable? Where is the compassion?
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: How can you show up regularly as your best self?
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: And that for me is us beating this perfectionate mindset
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: ninety nine point nine percent of the time.
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: It's not that serious. Okay.
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: You deserve to have big goals. You deserve to, you know,
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: go after all the things that excite you, and in
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: doing that, you have to have compassion for yourself. So
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: again my question for you this week is what is
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: an area that you're gonna aim for a B minus effort?
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: For me this week, my B minus effort is probably
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: showing up for other people.
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: I still, you know, want to be a good friend.
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: I want to show up for the people that I
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: care about.
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: And I recognize that I have a big week on deck,
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: and what's best for Emily might not be necessarily putting
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: other people first in the way that I typically am
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: capable of. I literally two hours ago cancel a dinner
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: plan with a friend because it just it didn't feel
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: like what was best for Emily. But I will highlight
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: in the cancelation of that dinner plan, I did propose
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: another time at a point this month where I know
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: I will have more bandwidth.
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: I digress.
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: I'm going to hold your hand when I say this,
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: perfection is the enemy of progress. The goal is to
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: be a perfect human. It's to be a human who
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: keeps going. And that, my friends, that's the ultimate hurdle
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: conquered perfectionism. We're working on it.
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: This week.
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: I want to hear your takeaways. I want to know
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: what you're doing when we talk about an area where
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: you're aiming for a.
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: B minus effort.
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: Tag me the show over at Hurdle podcasts at Emily
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: A Body, And again, like I said at the top
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: of this episode, I want to hear your feedback on
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: the Tuesday mornings.
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: Do we like them, how do we feel? What's going
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: on in your life? Let's catch up? Give me all
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: the goods. I want to know.
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: I'm over at Emily A Body, an at Hurdle Podcast,
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: Another hurdle conquered.
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: Catch you guys next time.