Latest / Heartbeat of The Home / 06 - Motherhood Isn't Holding You Back - with Sophie Hatt

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06 - Motherhood Isn't Holding You Back - with Sophie Hatt · Heartbeat of The Home

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for doing this with me and having me in your home.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to my this is my battle room, by the way.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think I told you that.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: I it looks peaceful.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: Don't be s d d deceived because I wage war in this room.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: So welcome.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: But we'll bring some peaceful conversation to it.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_01: Which that's so beautiful.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_01: And I love that you said that too, because you were one of the people that I texted when I started my podcast, because I was really struggling with a lot of spiritual warfare.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_01: And I went and got prayer at church, and she was like, You need people to intercede.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_01: Who are your intercessors?
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, um, she's like, Well, obviously John Both.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_01: Who else?
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_01: And so then I texted you, and you're like, Yeah, I love I love it.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I love it.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_01: That's so cool.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I'd love to be here.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, this was so fun.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: But first, introduce yourself.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, who are you?
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: Tell me about yourself, your family.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: Sure.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: Who am I?
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: Is it okay if I touch on briefly identity stuff?
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: Because when I introduce okay, okay.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: No, do it.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so talking about spiritual warfare, this makes sense for who am I?
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: Well, my name is Sophie.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: I have a lot of roles.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: My roles are mom, wife, sister, daughter, creator.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: I have a lot of roles.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: However, I've learned in the past year, I've been going through identity exchange.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: If anybody's familiar with Jamie Winship, I've been doing the catalyst program, and in that it's been really cool to discover that actually God calls us each by name, and it's been really exciting because I learned that there's actually a unique name that God has given me.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: And are you ready for it?
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: I know you know it, but it's a little unique.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: But the Lord calls me Fireheart.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: Love it.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: Which talk about spiritual warfare, that makes sense because I get all fired up.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: And um, from so Fireheart is what the Lord calls me.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's the nickname.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: I like to call it a nickname, kind of like um when we call so my daughter Lily, she's my six-year-old, I call her my little love.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's almost like the Lord has little nicknames for all of us that are very unique and it's and it's so cool because it's been woven in our beings since we were born.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: And so the Lord calls me fireheart, and there's a lot of ways I got to that, but I'll just keep it as that.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: And within that, he calls me visionary fighter igniter.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: And so when you talk about you text me because you're like, oh, who can I invite into spiritual warfare?
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: I'm all about that.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: So I like to say wife, mom, you know, yeah, I'm still a student too.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: I'm an art student, I'm an artist, I'm a boxer, I'm many things.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: I have a lot of hobbies.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: I like to do, I like to shoot archery, I like to paint.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: So it feels just really cool.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: I have a lot of hobbies.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: I have a lot of hobbies.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: And it's so hard, it's so hard because a lot of times I want to say, well, an artist is who I am.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, that's just like a component, that's one of the things that I do.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: But I found that who I am is actually a state of being.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: And so part of my being is the Lord calls me fireheart, visionary fighter, igniter.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: And if you change my job, my role, let's say my kids move out of the house, like I will still be that, even when my kids are gone.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: So he calls me fireheart.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: With that comes some feisty.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: Like, if you think of Jesus when he was flipping tables, like that's the that's the part that I resonate with because there's just like this fieriness in me that I just want to get out.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: And the Lord's been really showing me that that can be a beautiful thing for so long.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: I thought there was something wrong with me for being so passionate or so fast at things and so productive and all these things.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: But anyway, so that's who I am.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: There's a lot within that, and there's a lot that I've been learning about my identity.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: And it's cool because it's like this ongoing discovery.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's been so fun to ask the Lord, oh my goodness, God, who do you say I am?
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, you call me fireheart.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: What does that mean for me today?
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: What do you want to what do you want me to know about my identity today?
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: So anyway, we could do a whole episode with that.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: So I'll I'll pause there, but that's who the Lord says I am.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, right now, currently, what do I do in my day-to-day?
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: I see at home.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: I have four kids.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: So I have um two biological kids, and then I have two non-biological kids.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: We adopted two teenagers two years ago.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: So I have a 17-year-old, his name is Peyton.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I have a sixteen-year-old named Gracie, and then Lily is my six-year-old, my first grader, and then Poppy is my two-year-old.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: So right now I have three kids in school, and then I stay home with Poppy, who's two.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: And so that my day-to-day is I drop three out of the four off at school every day, and then I get to spend the rest of my time with my two-year-old.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: And that's been newer.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I was in childcare for the last two years, but now I'm at home.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: So I would say the easiest thing I would explain to people is I'm a stay-at-home mom with a lot of hobbies.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's just what my like my high level day-to-day, and within that, there's so much.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: But that's just kind of a little bit of who I am, and then more than anything, I just um my biggest hierarchy is, you know, my relationship with the Lord is my number one in my life.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: That's my number one priority.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: And then it's actually my marriage, my husband.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: Um, we don't have to dive too deep in the weeds there, but this home, like I've read a lot of parenting, a lot of parenting books, but one of my biggest things I tell um new families who are about to have a baby is it's like, hey, invest in your marriage.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: Like at the end of the day, well, number one, invest in your relationship with the Lord.
• 5:21
  unknown: Yeah.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: Keep continue to heal, and then really invest in your marriage.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: My husband, I'm really, really thankful for my marriage, and that's that's been a huge testimony in my life.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: And so, you know, you have the Lord, you have my marriage, and then you have my kids, and then below all that is all the hobbies and visions and dreams the Lord has for me.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: But that's just a high-level little snippet of my life and who I am.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: What is your favorite thing about being a mom?
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: My favorite thing about being a mom.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: That's a great question.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's so fun.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: My favorite thing about being a mom, especially with four kids, because I had Lily um until she was three.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't have any other kids that I was a mother to until Lily was about three and a half.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: So what's really been fun as a mom is I've really enjoyed watching how unique each and every one of my kids in.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: And it's really cool and humbling to be like, wow, God, you trust me with each of these very different kids to steward and parent.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: Wow, that's so cool because each one of them, it's just a mystery I get to unravel.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's so fun to see how they hear from the Lord differently, who they are, that what their identities are, and it's so unique.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it's just been one of those exciting, ongoing journeys.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you know, how parents are like, oh, just wait until they walk, or just wait, just wait until they're in school and all these things.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, man, I've enjoyed every single phase of my kids growing up.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: And it's really cool because as someone I I naturally like change.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: I'm someone that really enjoys just life moving, and there's something different around every corner.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: I love spontaneity, and that's kind of with kids too.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: Like in motherhood, I was like, oh, I think I'll always know my kids and what they're gonna do.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: Nope, it's unpredictable.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: I like for my temperament specifically, I've really enjoyed that part of motherhood.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: Is it like you really can't predict what your kid kids are gonna do, and also you can't predict who they are.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: I like honestly, the more I get to know them, the more I'm like, wow, what a mystery you are.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: And it's so beautiful to explore that mystery and what an invitation to really steward those gifts.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: And um, yeah, I just I I like that my kids aren't in a box and that there's no like script or formula to parenting because that would be boring.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: That'd be so boring.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: I love the unpredictability of it.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, there's the downsides to the unpredictability, like what the heck is happening?
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: What is happening?
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: What is going on?
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_01: That's such a good reminder, too.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_01: Even when you said how we don't you it's like all a mystery, even I think when you're pregnant, you know, if you're like, I wonder what they're gonna be like, you're like, oh, I feel like they might look like this.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and then but then once they're born, it's like, oh my gosh.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: Like you're not nothing, but I thought also as you get to know them, it's like I couldn't imagine you any other way.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_01: Totally, you know, like totally this is so you totally and I wouldn't want to change a thing.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and so I love that perspective too of just leaning into who they are individually, and even just that encouragement as you have more kids of letting them be unique and not expecting the exact same from each of them and really leaning into discovering okay, you tell me who you are, you you show me who you are.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, it's really fun.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_01: What has been hard for you about motherhood and becoming a mom?
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, Kristen.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_01: Is it okay that I'm spicy?
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, can I be spicy?
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: Just true.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: I just true to my fireheart identity.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I'm gonna say something that might put a fire under people's butts.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um, what's hard about motherhood?
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I have to be honest, I wouldn't say being a mom is like my lifelong dream.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: I wouldn't say that it's my purpose in life.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: I wouldn't say it's something I really, really deeply enjoy.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: I wouldn't say it's what I wake up and I'm just like, yeah, I'm mom.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's like this is my dream role, dream job.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I know, and I know that that is what people really long for.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: Especially I like I empathize with the women that really struggle to get pregnant.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: I understand it's like all they dream about and it's what they want to do.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm not, I'm not belittling the dream to be a mom at all.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like, and it really and truly, it is it's such an essential role.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: It really is.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I would say what's been hard about motherhood is I'm extremely ambitious and like I said kind of earlier, is I love to go, go, go, move, move, move.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: I love change.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: And the hardest part about motherhood is it can be really mundane, and it can kind of feel like a term that I've heard a lot of moms describe is it feels like you're on this hamster wheel.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: You're doing the same repetitive tasks every day.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: And the hard part is number one, you're not being paid for the job you're doing.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: So already that's like a form of value that you feel like you're not receiving or perceiving.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: And then it feels like you're not actually moving anything, like you're not moving the needle on anything.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: And one of the biggest lies I struggle with is um the enemy loves to poke at me and say, Oh, Sophie, you don't have any value.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: You're not doing anything, you're not being productive, you're not creating anything, especially as someone that loves to create.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: Motherhood has really, you know, like humbled me in the sense of there's not really any tangible byproduct of the work that you're doing, other than obviously we're keeping our kids alive.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: But it's not necessarily like I'm not really tapping into my creativity.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not tapping into necessarily the gifts.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: I would say the hardest part of motherhood for me is I don't feel like I'm naturally a nurturer.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and so tapping into that side has been really uncomfortable for me.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that like as a woman, like God's definitely designed me to mother.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like I it's in me, it's definitely there and it it comes out and I and I love my kids and I come for my kids, and that stuff, you know, I wouldn't say it's my gifting though, it's not my strength.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: I actually went to school to be a teacher and I shadowed a school and I realized very quickly, oh, I actually like don't really enjoy being around kids.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: I actually don't really enjoy teaching kids, which was really hard because like my whole life I believed like that's my purpose, isn't that I'm gonna pour into kids.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: And so when I got pregnant with my firstborn, by the way, it was not I was 20, 20 years old.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: I was literally actually no, I found out I was pregnant with my firstborn three months after I got married.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: And on my 21st birthday, and so not expected, and I realized very quickly, oh my goodness, like I actually don't know if caretaking is something I want to do.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: And then as I started parenting, I was like, wow, I'm really struggling with this.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: And so I just I just really find the hardest part of motherhood for me is slowing down, which is a really beautiful thing that the Lord is using to teach me to slow down, to not hurry, and yet at the same time, it's okay.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: He's also he's also shared with me, it's okay, Sophie, that this is a hard place of surrender for you.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: Because someone who um I'm very entrepreneurial and very creative, um, I'm a busybody in the sense of like I love work.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: I love to work.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: I love to work.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: I find a lot of joy um with the idea, like in my free time, I create presentations for fun.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's just that's like I love creating, I love writing, I love drawing, I love doing um motherhood, the part of motherhood where I have to receive and be present has been really difficult.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's been an obstacle for me, it's been really hard.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_01: Which I feel like that's even something that when I talk to people kind of leading up to pregnancy, too, everyone's like it'll challenge you, you know, and I feel like that's what you hear.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's so real of the things it just draws out motherhood brings a mirror totally to what you are struggling with, or things that you're like, I don't know what I'm trying to say.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: No, I I I get it.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: It's like over and find it's kind of like when you get married, your spouse kind of like pokes at some wounds and pokes at some triggers, and triggers aren't a bad thing, which is cool because that's something I've been learning through a lot of different avenues.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm learning, oh, actually, being triggered or being uncomfortable is a really beautiful thing.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: What an invitation.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: Negative emotions, what an invitation.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like I love the word invitation because I think that even in motherhood of when something is when you're struggling with something, that's such an invitation.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_01: Like you said, to be like, wow, why is this so hard for me?
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, you know, yeah, with the slowing down, whoa, this is such an invitation of why can't I not just sit with my kids and rest?
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_01: You know, or sit with my kids, or why do I struggle with that?
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_01: Or so that's so beautiful.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: No, it's good, and I love, oh, I gotta remember.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's Psalms 124, 127, or maybe none of those.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: It could be none of those.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: I could literally be getting the wrong verse, but you know, there's a verse in the Bible that talks about children being compared to arrows.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's really interesting.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: Well, as someone also, one of my hobbies is archery, so I love that, but also I'm just like, hmm, okay, why are we using that analogy?
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: Why is that the specific analogy?
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I love it because, well, first of all, the mirror analogy is also good because, like you're saying, like our kids will hold up a mirror to us in maybe areas that we need healing, maybe areas that we need to invite God in.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: And the cool part about having more kids when the Bible says, like, oh yeah, blessed are those who have children because they're like arrows in your quiver.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm totally making that verse up, but you know how the Bible compares them to arrows.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_00: But you know what I'm saying?
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if he said blessed are those, but he he compared arrows.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it says bless.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's beautiful, it's a beautiful picture because I mean, man, talk about how we were saying earlier how kids have unique identities.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: Well, each identity, each kid's temperament, each kid's personality and identity is gonna call out different parts of me because I might have sweet, sweet Lily, my firstborn, who is just like the gentlest, kindest, like so the so easy.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_00: She's so comforting.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: And but she challenges some areas of my affection that I struggle with to share affection.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, whoa, she's challenged me.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: Like maybe, maybe I like do struggle with physical touch, and that's something the Lord wants me to look into.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_00: But then Poppy, my other, my second born, totally different, spunky, fiery.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_00: She tests my patience.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, wow.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's cool.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: And so they're like arrows in the quiver.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_00: The more kids that we have, Lord have mercy, I could not have 12 kids.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_00: Those people are extremely refined.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_00: Like, bless those people, they are blessed.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_00: And we also think blessing means different, like, think that life is easier.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely not.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: Blessed means like, wow, we actually get to rely on the Lord more.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_00: So I am blessed by four kids who help me to rely on the Lord even more and actually have those arrows in my quiver, meaning that, man, they like I my goal as mom with these arrows in my quiver is not to keep them in my quiver and never shoot them, but actually, hopefully, the goal is one day they go further than I ever could.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: Like I'm being sharpened by them, but also my job is to sharpen them so that when the time is near when they leave the house, boom, they're firing farther than my arrow could have ever gone, which is really exciting because that also takes the pressure off of like they're not my identity.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: They also don't find their identity in how I'm mother, thank God, because I'm gonna really screw it up sometimes.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: And so hopefully, hopefully, that I'm humble enough to apologize for those faults and hopefully they have the tools to allow God into their lives to really find healing from some of the things that I accidentally parent them in.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_00: Because listen, I'm I'm not perfect and you know, out of my woundedness, I'm probably gonna wound them.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: And so my goal is to sharpen them as much as I can to rely on the archer who's really gonna be the one that's gonna fire them to their potential to further the kingdom, which is cool.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I I hope the hope is that they go further than I ever could.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: And we're all standing on the shoulders of those before us, which is really cool.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: So anyway, yes, kids are like arrows.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I love that the Bible used that description um because that way also we know that when the leave and cleave comes, we're not supposed to keep them in our quiver.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: We're not supposed to hold on to them forever.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_00: That's so true, which is really cool and really freeing.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_00: Also takes a lot of pressure off of me, too, in the sense of, you know, they're not something I have to clutch.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and that's another spicy thing also is like my kids are not my life's purpose.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_00: Like they're they are a they are an assignment that I have been, you know, that the Lord has trusted me to carry.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like that's the other thing, too, is like I'm so thankful that the Lord was like, wow, Sophie, you I trust you to carry Gracie Payton, Poppy, and Lily.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like, how cool that he trusts me as a parent to steward them.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and it's hard sometimes, it's hard a lot of the times, but whenever I'm struggling with them, I just remember like the Lord is trusting me to sharpen them and to fire them off into the world.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's really cool, but it's not, they are not the only thing that I live for, which I know might sound again, there's a lot of um, you know, we center our life around our kids, and that's not my household, which might be a hot take, maybe it's not, but my, you know, I I live my life asking God, God, what do you want me to know?
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_00: What do you want me to do?
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: And He's given me missions and assignments outside of motherhood.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that brings it back to why is motherhood hard for me?
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I have a lot of visions and dreams the Lord has placed in my heart, and maybe other moms can relate to this, but a lot of my visions and dreams don't involve me being at the house washing j dishes, uh, wiping butts, and you know, clean literally today, Kristen.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_00: It's cool that we're having this conversation because a man, I love the Lord.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_00: He's so funny.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_00: He loves, he has such a sense of humor because, you know, I knew that we were gonna kind of discuss the harder parts of motherhood for me to give other women permission to struggle with this too.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_00: But like literally today, I struggled with that, like being a mom.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, holy cow, all day today, I'm going on a podcast to talk about motherhood.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_00: But how cool, God, that you're gonna give me some raw feelings and emotions to kind of discuss with you.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_00: Because today, I mean, I was literally vacuuming slime out of my carpet and and moon sand, and my daughter has slime in her hair, like literally cemented to her hair.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_00: And today I I had a conversation with one of my mentors, and and he was like, hey, we got a missions trip.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_00: We're going to Cyprus, and it's coming in June, and we're rescuing women from trafficking, and we're also doing prophetic art.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, holy cow! Oh my gosh.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_00: Like, oh my gosh.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I got excited about that.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_00: But then I was like, you know what?
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_00: I have to pray about that because I one of my roles is mom.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_00: And what does that mean?
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: And and I'm not saying I'm not going, but I kind of got angry.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, not angry at him, I got angry at the Lord.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, ah, God, like this is the part of motherhood that's hard for me.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_00: Like I am excited about something, but the lie I believe is that motherhood holds me back.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_00: I really believe that sometimes I I wrestle with, man, if if I didn't have kids, then I'd be doing blah, blah, blah, blah.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_00: I'd be having this business, I'd be doing this nonprofit, I'd be doing, I'd be traveling the world and all these things.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_00: And and I just, it's not my dream to be at home.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_00: My dream is to be out there and and on fire and and um, you know, rescuing women from trafficking, you know, running a boxing gym, creating art and doing all these things.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_00: And and it's, you know, it's been hard for me as a mom to kind of surrender some of those ambitions that the Lord's placed in me.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_00: You know, like it's it's hard to wrestle with God.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_00: You put these desires in my heart and you say that when we ask, we shall receive, and you will bring those things into fruition.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_00: But how do I do that as a mom?
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because I also understand that I have a short time with my arrows, a short time to sharpen them.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I understand that if I say yes to the kingdom ministry out there, I also understand that might mean I say no in here, and I don't want to do that because my main ministry is my marriage, it is my kids.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_00: And part of that is it does cost me to sacrifice the now of maybe mission trips or maybe the now of, you know, spending eight hours of drawing or spending like eight hours of working on my business ideas and all those things, and it it's hard, it's really hard.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I watch, I watch videos of moms who are baking sourdough bread and homeschooling their kids, and I feel guilty that I don't want that.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't, I'm not saying any of those things are wrong because because the exciting thing is I've talked to many moms where they're like, I've always dreamed of doing that, and there's a guilty part of me that's like that's not my Dream.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's not my dream to do that.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_00: Is there something wrong with me that I don't want that?
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_00: Is there something wrong with me that I love to work?
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_00: Does that mean I'm a bad mom?
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_00: And so, you know, the Lord's walked me through some of those lives.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_00: He's walked me through some of those questions.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but as a creative, like you're also creative.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_00: You also, I mean, you're doing this, you're doing this podcast, and you're at home with your son.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_00: So you understand more than anybody.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_00: It's really hard to balance.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's a really hard balance.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_00: And there are days where I'll be in a creative flow.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_00: Like, like literally today, I was in a creative flow, and my daughter Poppy came out and was like literally came out picking her boogers and like pulling down her pants and like, I have to go potty.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I had to like snap out of my creative flow to go do caretaking, which again, not something I enjoy.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_00: There are some women who really, really love being needed, being wanted, and and they love to serve in that nurturing way.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm just it's not, it's never really come naturally to me.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just like, this is the last thing I want to be doing.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_00: I was in a creative flow state, like that's where I felt like I get energized by creating.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_00: And so, yeah, the Lord's really stretched me in a lot of ways by slowing down.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it is valuable.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_00: I've learned there's a lot of value to that.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I just want to give permission to the moms that are like, is there something broken in me?
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_00: Is there something wrong in me for not liking being a mom?
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um, because I can say there's been so many times in my life where I've literally looked at my husband and I said, I just, I just want to run away.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_00: I just want to run away.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_00: And that's just the real rawnness of it.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_00: Even today I was like prepping dinner.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, I was like to my husband, Jaden, I was like, Jaden, morale is low.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_00: I do not want to make pork chops.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I this is not what I want to be doing.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_00: I want to be drawing.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_00: I want to be, I want to be making phone calls with adults.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_00: I want to be talking with people.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_00: And um, I don't want to make pork chops.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like I can survive off of chicken nuggets every day, but I understand I have to feed six people.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_00: That's not my dream.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_00: Actually, cooking is one of my least favorite activities.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_00: And so, yeah, but um, so that's just the realness of it is like today was one of those hard days where I was like, you know what, God, like this is really hard.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_00: I really, I'm really struggling to find joy in the mundane because at the end of the day, behind that is a lie where I believe I'm not being productive right now, just because I'm not seeing the fruit, not seeing the fruit of feeding my kids.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I feel like they really definitely relate to a lot of what you said, especially just with I think even what you just said of not feeling productive.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_01: What came to mind too is I feel like my to-do list is I basically have three part-time jobs and I'm home with Jackson.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's a lot, and I'm always like, but I think I measure my productivity by anything I do outside of the home.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_01: Totally.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_01: And anything I do, and it's like I got nothing done today.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I look at it and I'm like, wow, I was not productive today.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, wow, I actually got Jack to take a really good nap today.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I we spent some actually really good quality time.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_01: I did some laundry, you know, and it's just like, but that's like okay, but that's a task around the house that needs to get done.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but that's that's being productive.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_01: Something that you said that really stood out was a lot of people believe the lie that motherhood is holding them back.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_01: Totally.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that was so good because it's not, no, but I think honestly, also society right now is kind of like you can be doing so much as a woman, as a mom, you can do it all.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_01: And I think we hear that, and even if you are a mom that's like, I feel called to be at home, I think there is some shame in like, okay, but you don't have to, right?
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_01: You know, like you don't have to be home with them, you can do more.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yep.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so then I think that can kind of creep into like, oh, should I be doing more?
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I want to be home with them, but should I?
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_01: And then also there's there's so many layers to it of some people really want to be home but can't, which is a finance system.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_01: There's like so many layers.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_01: So it's like we're not we can't talk about everything, yeah.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_01: But just the like, okay, but what is God calling you to do right now?
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_01: And motherhood isn't holding you back.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_01: If anything, it's pushing you forward because you're learning so much about yourself, you're learning so much about relationship.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_01: I think it will bring up a lot about your marriage, and it's not holding you back at all because you can do it while being a mom.
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_01: It just isn't going to be on your timeline.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_02: Totally.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that is why we're like, it's holding us back.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, no, it's refining us because it's a season.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_01: And I think, like you said, that like we're going to let go of our arrows.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's so such a cool, like while you're saying it, that's such a cool visual of that's the goal.
• 26:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_01: And I think even a lot of people do like get wrapped up in their kids.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_01: And we went to a marriage conference a few years ago, and that was something that they said of we want it to be when we're empty nesters, we're excited.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, yeah, we are pumped, we're gonna miss our kids because obviously we're gonna miss our kids.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yep, but we are so excited because we have such a strong foundation as husband and wife, yeah, that when they leave, we get to be just the two of us again.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and we have time to go on even more dates because we don't need childcare.
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_00: And obviously, when your teenagers you don't need childcare, but yeah, but it's like that built-in babysitters.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_00: I got built-in babysitters.
• 27:27
  SPEAKER_00: Praise God.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_01: But it's just like they've worked so much on it that when the time comes, it's they are ready for it.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's something with motherhood.
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_01: It's the slow, I feel like the slow crawl isn't the right analogy.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_01: But it is like it's a slow burn of we can slowly work on things, we can slow, we do not have the capacity that we used to.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like now I'm like, what the heck did I do before I had a kid?
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_01: I felt busy all the time.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and now I'm like, did I do nothing ever?
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but it's just we don't have as much time, so I think we have to be more aware of our time.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we prioritize it.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_00: I think I've prioritized my time a lot more, yes, a lot better since having, especially when I took in, we took in our teenagers.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_00: Holy cow! Like you have kids waking up early and kids staying up late.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_00: Whoo! We had very little time, so we had to be very decisive.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, for sure.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_00: For sure.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_00: Motherhood's made me realize the value of time.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_00: And and everything you're talking about too is kind of describing like the slow burn of everything.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_00: I think the hard thing about motherhood that is, if I'm being honest, is it's just uncomfortable.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's uncomfortable and it's hidden.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_00: And man, hidden work is holy work.
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_00: But holy work like sounds glorious.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_00: It's not, it's not glamorous, it's not glorious.
• 28:46
  SPEAKER_00: There's, you know, like I said earlier, like we don't get paid for it, we don't get recognition for it.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I know there's a lot of people that are moms, and you know, we have Mother's Day, and that's great.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_00: And we and hopefully we have spouses that appreciate us.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_00: I feel really supported by my spouse and really appreciated by my spouse.
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_00: And yet, there's still this cultural push, yeah, to just produce, produce, produce, do, do, do, do, do.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_00: There's not a lot of like affirmation for, oh, wow, you're slowing down, you're receiving, you're being present.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, gold star, good for you.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_00: That that that's not, you know, that's not what's really necessarily rewarding.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_00: And praise God, or in a in a time where it is being more seen as valuable, which that I am thankful.
• 29:29
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I think about 50 years ago, yeah, I could not have survived.
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so I do think we've improved on valuing motherhood in in general, and yet, still that's something the Lord's been refining on me is the lie I continue to believe.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_00: Whenever I'm uncomfortable or feel hidden, it's really refining and really valuable.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_00: Those negative emotions of I'm sick of this, I want to run away, and I hate this, and this is hard.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_00: Whoa, what an invitation.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, what what is it actually I'm believing about either myself or God that is false?
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_00: And kids really bring that out of us.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's got I also like to call kids as kids and marriage are both bucket kickers.
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_00: I like to think, I think our um my pastor, my pastor used this analogy of, yeah, whenever something's stressful in life, whether that be like a a change or you know, a transition or a marriage or kids, it's like they kick your bucket and what's inside of you spills over.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_00: And again, that's the other blessing of kids.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, you know, I could have never been married, I could have never had kids, and I could continue to do my life, but I would have never known what's really truly in me if my bucket wasn't kicked.
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_00: And then I was like, woo, what's spilling over is not pretty, it's not cute.
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_00: So, all right, Lord, like let's like, let's, let's look at this.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like I finally see it, you know.
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_00: Whenever I lose my temper, I struggle with anger and that didn't really come out.
• 30:51
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't know I was in, I didn't know I struggled with anger until I got married or until I had kids.
• 30:55
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, holy cow, that's in me.
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_00: That's in me.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_00: And it wasn't until I had kids where that was exposed and that was revealed.
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_00: And praise God for that.
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_00: Because if God has truly placed these visions of starting businesses on my life, like, praise God, I'm getting that kicked out of me when nobody's really impacted by that, other than my immediate family.
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_00: Because if I was running a business and that was spilling out over into me running a business and having employees or having, you know, people that I was influencing, oh man, that could probably break me and break other people and wound other people.
• 31:28
  SPEAKER_00: And so the Lord knows, hey, it's better to do it in this hidden season now, where we can do some holy work, um, you know, where things aren't so public, things aren't so out in the open.
• 31:39
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what a valuable time.
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I need to start shifting my heart posture and my my lens, my worldview on hiddenness, um, as less of something that's like, you know, so bad and so terrible and a punishment.
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's not a punishment.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_00: What a wonderful, valuable thing.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like, even pregnancy, we could talk about that, of how valuable that is and how hard that is, and how hard things are actually really beautiful.
• 32:01
  SPEAKER_00: And like even Joseph, like, I'm not saying motherhood's a pit or a prison, but I kind of am.
• 32:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um, because you know, it's like I think about I'm not dressing up in motherhood.
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not wearing the cute slac or the cute outfit to go to work every day.
• 32:21
  SPEAKER_00: I'm wearing this, I'm wearing what I'm wearing now.
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_00: I'm wearing the sweats, I'm wearing the side braid or the messy bun, and I'm getting stains.
• 32:27
  SPEAKER_00: And it feels like prison sometimes because you're stuck with these people.
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_00: You, you know, they kind of drive you crazy, and there's no option but to take care of them and to be present.
• 32:37
  SPEAKER_00: And and it you do feel stuck sometimes.
• 32:41
  SPEAKER_00: But again, like why did God walk Joseph through that season?
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I mean, man, he really created some promotable character in him.
• 32:50
  SPEAKER_00: And so if I start seeing it as this is a time where I can develop some promotable character and God's gonna bring the visions he's placed on my heart to life because of what I'm refining here, then great.
• 33:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like I need to see this as a beautiful chance to enjoy that journey before I I go to the next place.
• 33:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's a launching pad.
• 33:07
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, I love uh like the launching pad because I think even like you said, what you're learning now about yourself will set you up for your dreams and like what he's put you what he has put on your heart in the future, because if you wouldn't have had this refinement and you wouldn't have had even the experience, because our kids are our ministry, you know, and uh we're setting them up for the future and we want what's best for them and stuff, but even just I think it is so beautiful how much it is a reflection, yeah, and just how much it is also for us, as much as it is uh for them, yeah, and even just the healing and the things I think it's so cool of the healing that hopefully that people recognize of that they need to do them themselves, they get the healing in because then it's just kind of the next generation, next generation is just like healing and more healing and healing.
• 34:03
  SPEAKER_01: And obviously, we're not human, we're gonna make mistakes and unfortunately my kids will probably need to be in therapy one day for something that I did because I'm human, yeah.
• 34:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um, or something that I said or whatever, but but you're gonna give them permission to do that, yes, which is really cool.
• 34:19
  SPEAKER_01: And that it's just kind of it's just like generational, you know, it's like my parents did the healing and I'm doing the healing, and then hopefully my kids will do the healing to be healed for their kids, and it's just kind of like a ripple effect or a ripple effect, and just having you know God in your heart and at the focus and the one doing the healing, you know, it's not your therapist, it's not you, it's God, and you're well, you're doing the work, but um, him at the center of that, it's so so beautiful because he is so gentle, yes, and he is so kind, and he isn't just gonna, it's not uh well you suck at this, so work on it.
• 34:59
  SPEAKER_01: It's this is the root, and this is where you were hurt, and this is how you need to heal, and like this is where you need to process it, and like he's so gentle, his timing is so good, and so uh yeah, it is good, yeah.
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_00: People and people say all the time, like when when they hear our story of oh, yeah, we have four kids, and they ask about you know the two additional kids that we took in two years ago, they're always like, Oh, like you're such a blessing.
• 35:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I go, No, no, no, listen, you don't understand.
• 35:26
  SPEAKER_00: Like, my marriage needed them because when we took them in, and we went from we went from one kid to four in the span of three months, that kicked our bucket pretty hard.
• 35:43
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and it's the best thing that's ever happened to us because um with each phase, like you have like newborn phase, and then you go into toddler, and then you go into like school-age kid, and then whoa, you throw teenagers into the mix.
• 35:57
  SPEAKER_00: It totally opened this new realm of healing that I didn't know we needed until they entered in our life.
• 36:04
  SPEAKER_00: So, yes, yes, yes, yes.
• 36:05
  SPEAKER_00: Like they like what I like to respond to people is man, you don't you guys don't understand how much they've blessed our life, how much they've exposed in me in the most beautiful way, in the most humbling way.
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_00: Um, because it it is like as a parent, my goal is not to be right about everything and to be like, I know better.
• 36:24
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I I'll never forget one time our our old our oldest uh Peyton, he was just starting to drive.
• 36:32
  SPEAKER_00: And that's a new phase of parenting.
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what the heck?
• 36:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what I like I just got out of high school like five years ago, not really, it was like 10 years ago, but I'm just like, I don't know what I'm doing.
• 36:42
  SPEAKER_00: And he he literally called us out because Jane and I were struggling and we have a we were having a parenting conversation with him.
• 36:48
  SPEAKER_00: It was a hard conversation, and and he literally looks us in the face and goes, You guys have no idea what you're doing, do you?
• 36:53
  SPEAKER_00: And we're like, actually, no, we have no idea what we're doing.
• 36:57
  SPEAKER_00: And it's humbling and it's hard, and it's really brought and it's really brought um me and my husband a lot closer to the Lord individually, but also as a couple, it's like it's really cool.
• 37:09
  SPEAKER_00: It can make or break you though, because that's that's the hard thing.
• 37:11
  SPEAKER_00: Is as kids, it does not fix your marriage, it's gonna challenge your marriage.
• 37:15
  SPEAKER_00: But man, if you're willing to fight for that connection, if you're willing to cling to God as your bucket's being just absolutely thrashed, because um, so our family model is hats do hard things, but our friends like to joke, um, hats make things harder.
• 37:31
  SPEAKER_00: So we voluntarily maybe provoke the Lord and are like, yeah, kick our bucket.
• 37:36
  SPEAKER_00: I actually do.
• 37:37
  SPEAKER_00: I actually do provoke.
• 37:38
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, just but I but I think that's so cool that you invite that in and you're not scared of that.
• 37:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's not that's out of ignorance, though.
• 37:49
  SPEAKER_00: That's out of like, come on, God, you ain't got nothing on me.
• 37:52
  SPEAKER_00: Because so are you familiar with the Psalm 139 prayer?
• 37:55
  SPEAKER_00: Is oh search, it's David crying out to the Lord, oh search me, God, know me, reveal anything in me that's not submitted to you.
• 38:02
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so literally, Kristen, every time.
• 38:05
  SPEAKER_00: So I'll go to bed with Jaden.
• 38:06
  SPEAKER_00: We pray together every night, which highly recommend.
• 38:08
  SPEAKER_00: Not this is not a marriage podcast, but I highly recommend praying with your spouse every single night.
• 38:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I I go to bed and like, all right, God, search us and know us.
• 38:19
  SPEAKER_00: And my husband literally slapped me, he's like, stop it! Do not pray that prayer.
• 38:23
  SPEAKER_00: Sophie, because guess what happens?
• 38:26
  SPEAKER_00: What do you ask for?
• 38:28
  SPEAKER_00: He will give it to you.
• 38:29
  SPEAKER_00: If you really humbly ask the Lord, Lord, reveal anything in me that is not submitted to, man, we get we get absolutely dunked on the next day.
• 38:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I mean, like, whether it's triggered, bad circumstances, like the Lord will reveal in our hearts what's not like what we're withholding from him to occupy space.
• 38:48
  SPEAKER_00: And so kids really do that.
• 38:50
  SPEAKER_00: And so if people are having kids because they think it's gonna like fix their problems, no, it's actually gonna expose your problems, which is a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful thing.
• 39:01
  SPEAKER_00: When you're in it, it doesn't feel like that.
• 39:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, which is okay.
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's okay that it doesn't feel fun, it's not it's not supposed to, um, it's supposed to feel uncomfortable, and we're supposed to kind of die to ourselves a little bit.
• 39:13
  SPEAKER_00: Um, when we step into that transformation, it's to allow the Lord to really take rulership and ownership in our lives.
• 39:20
  SPEAKER_00: And we, I mean, my kids have forced a lot of idols out of me, which is a great thing.
• 39:25
  SPEAKER_00: It's a great thing.
• 39:25
  SPEAKER_00: Um, not a fun process.
• 39:27
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 39:29
  SPEAKER_01: So, with that, I think we obviously talked about things that you struggle with being a mom and just kind of the refinement it's brought into your life and your marriage and everything.
• 39:39
  SPEAKER_01: What are some stigmas that you really struggle with around motherhood?
• 39:43
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, okay.
• 39:43
  SPEAKER_00: I actually struggle with a lot of stigmas.
• 39:45
  SPEAKER_00: Well, can I be honest though?
• 39:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna be honest, and I'm not even gonna ask you, I'm gonna be honest.
• 39:49
  SPEAKER_00: Um when I first became a mom, I thought, and this is this is to no offense of anybody out there, because again, everybody's doing their own thing.
• 40:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you can't put motherhood in a box.
• 40:01
  SPEAKER_00: I that's just I wanna give that.
• 40:04
  SPEAKER_00: I wanna give the context.
• 40:05
  SPEAKER_00: You can't put mother in a box.
• 40:06
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's really good to say because I think that's something that was kind of what brought up this whole episode and this conversation was you're like, I don't want them to feel like motherhood needs to be in a box.
• 40:16
  SPEAKER_01: Like there's no boxes, like everyone needs to do it differently.
• 40:21
  SPEAKER_01: You know, because we are all every single person has different circumstances, and we can say, like, oh, we're similar, or we have similar jobs, or oh, we struggle with the same things.
• 40:31
  SPEAKER_01: We have different husbands, we live in different neighborhoods, like literally just the smallest.
• 40:36
  SPEAKER_01: We drive different cars, we like different identities, we have different identities, we have different jobs, we have different incomes, we have different hobbies, we have different personalities.
• 40:47
  SPEAKER_01: Like if there's even if we see like think that we aren't unique, which I think that's the enemy attacks moms and everyone.
• 40:55
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like the enemy attacks moms so much specifically though.
• 40:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 40:59
  SPEAKER_01: But it's just we even though we can look at someone and be like, I can't believe I like I wish I had that, or like, why can't I do that?
• 41:05
  SPEAKER_01: Like, we're super similar.
• 41:06
  SPEAKER_01: Like, why can't it's like okay, but you're not like there's so and so that's why mothers like oh, we are not, we can't be the same.
• 41:13
  SPEAKER_01: No, we can be similar because we have similar interests and we struggle with the same.
• 41:17
  SPEAKER_01: There's things that connect us, but we cannot be all the same because we do not have the same children, we do not have the same amount of children, we don't have the same, they don't have the same personalities, we don't, they don't other kids don't have us as mom, you know, and God, like you said, that God has specifically given these four kids to you, which is so beautiful.
• 41:37
  SPEAKER_01: And so God has specifically given other children to other moms to parent the way that they're called to parent.
• 41:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, and so that's kind of I don't even know if this needs a preface.
• 41:49
  SPEAKER_01: No, but this is a good thing.
• 41:50
  SPEAKER_00: I'm prefacing it in case women made this decision as mom, because again, if moms are really excited to make some of these choices that maybe are more of like a stereotypical mom thing, um, I'm not I'm not bashing them at all.
• 42:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just saying, I'm just saying that when I became a mom, I thought I was gonna have to cut my hair, then I'm gonna have to start going to book club, that I'm gonna start like running, like running with or jogging with uh burly.
• 42:13
  SPEAKER_00: I thought I was gonna have to start, you know, going to mom groups all the time, and that's all my life is gonna be.
• 42:17
  SPEAKER_00: And in the classic, like, I lost myself as a mom.
• 42:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I struggle with that, but also you don't have to do any of those things.
• 42:25
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 42:25
  SPEAKER_00: And when I became a mom, I was like, oh, I actually get to kind of do whatever I want as a mom.
• 42:31
  SPEAKER_00: I don't actually have to follow the social norms or rules.
• 42:34
  SPEAKER_00: So I I would say that like as a mom, I I don't think I fit into the stereotype box.
• 42:41
  SPEAKER_00: However, I understand the stereotype is there for a reason.
• 42:43
  SPEAKER_00: Like, for example, like even just the silly example of like I was scared I'd have to chop my hair.
• 42:47
  SPEAKER_00: Well, that's a very practical thing as a mom to do.
• 42:49
  SPEAKER_00: Like the mom chop and like, you know, mom clothes and like all these things.
• 42:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm like, oh my gosh, do I have to do a complete like identity change?
• 42:58
  SPEAKER_00: No, no, no, no, no.
• 42:59
  SPEAKER_00: The Lord has called me fire heart, visionary fire igniter.
• 43:02
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have to lose that just because I am accepting a new role.
• 43:05
  SPEAKER_00: And there was such a stigma around of like, well, you and your mom, you're gonna lose yourself.
• 43:10
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, there was a phase where I was like confused and and wrestling.
• 43:15
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like, no, you know what?
• 43:17
  SPEAKER_00: You get to be mom in your identity, and that's cool because you know, for example, I had my firstborn, well, as a boxer, I was training for three years as a boxer.
• 43:27
  SPEAKER_00: She came with me.
• 43:28
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, like, yeah, I that's that can be allowed.
• 43:30
  SPEAKER_00: That's fine.
• 43:31
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, is it hard?
• 43:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, but it's not something I necessarily wanted to give up in that season of life.
• 43:36
  SPEAKER_00: And so I made it work.
• 43:37
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, she was my my gym baby.
• 43:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's like she came to be like she came with me every single day to my boxing class because yes, like you know, there's certain things we give up as a mom.
• 43:47
  SPEAKER_00: Like I give up my, I was I had a candle business and I sacrificed it because it was costing my kids too much.
• 43:53
  SPEAKER_00: So, yes, we sacrifice things as moms and we give things up as moms, but that doesn't mean I have to give up who I am.
• 43:58
  SPEAKER_00: We give up things, we give up power.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hobbies, we give up jobs, careers, all those things, but that doesn't mean I sacrifice fireheart and who I am and who God made me to be.
• 44:06
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and so that I I think I take the stigma thing that I have a hard time with is yeah, that you have to do a complete identity change.
• 44:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, no, no, no, no.
• 44:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's my kids actually are really enhancing who I am.
• 44:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I actually get to really come out more.
• 44:21
  SPEAKER_00: I get to learn more about identity as mom, and the way that I mother my kids is totally different than you or someone else.
• 44:28
  SPEAKER_00: And what a beautiful gift.
• 44:29
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm so thankful that because guess what's also really cool is if you have a community, if you have a village of people, like it's not just me that's mothering my kids, it's my friends too.
• 44:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like one of my closest friends, like she's the opposite of me.
• 44:41
  SPEAKER_00: But that's so cool.
• 44:42
  SPEAKER_00: What a blessing that she gets to be around my kids because she maybe gets to provide some mothering that maybe I don't provide because it's not necessarily true to my identity.
• 44:49
  SPEAKER_00: It's things that I get to learn from her as a friend, and I get to give that to my kids.
• 44:53
  SPEAKER_00: However, you know, I like I'm gonna choose to take my kids hiking and we're gonna go do hard things because hats do hard things because that's true to my identity, true to my husband's identity, and my kids, you know, might not always love it, but that's just what I get to provide to them as mom and in my identity, and I don't have to change that because someone else is doing it differently, um, which is really cool.
• 45:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's like I, oh, I didn't realize I actually have a lot more choice as a mom than I thought.
• 45:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I actually don't have to go with the floor, I don't have to conform.
• 45:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it's encouraging to moms.
• 45:26
  SPEAKER_00: I've had a few younger girls who don't have kids yet reach out to me because I'll post things I do with my family, and they're like, whoa, like it actually, you actually make it exciting to be a mom because I thought you couldn't do those things as a mom.
• 45:38
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I'm the mom, like again, I'm not trying to lump myself in a box by saying, you know, I'm the mom that has tattoos and rides motorcycles and shoots archery and and boxes.
• 45:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, you know, that's maybe a little unconventional, but I don't have to stop doing those things.
• 45:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I don't have to put shovels away in a closet just because I I birthed a kid, you know?
• 45:55
  SPEAKER_01: Stigmas have come up more because I I really feel like just because of social media and just seeing other people's lives.
• 46:04
  SPEAKER_01: And I feel like I saw something recently of we're not meant to see inside of other people's homes.
• 46:11
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 46:11
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we're not meant to see everything that they're doing with their kids in a day.
• 46:16
  SPEAKER_01: We're not meant to see all of these things that other people are doing.
• 46:21
  SPEAKER_01: I think obviously we're in this day and age of I think it can be used for good.
• 46:26
  SPEAKER_01: But I think comparison, the can comparison is a theme of joy.
• 46:30
  SPEAKER_01: But it so is because all we see is wow, this mom did that with her kids.
• 46:36
  SPEAKER_01: That's incredible.
• 46:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I should do that.
• 46:38
  SPEAKER_01: And if it is something that is encouraging to you, like, whoa, that's so cool.
• 46:42
  SPEAKER_01: I love that idea.
• 46:44
  SPEAKER_01: My son would love this.
• 46:45
  SPEAKER_01: I should try that, right?
• 46:46
  SPEAKER_01: Then I think that is so cool.
• 46:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yep, but if it turns into guilt and shame, and wow, I'm not doing enough, wow, I haven't done that, I didn't even think to do that.
• 46:56
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh, like why didn't I do that?
• 46:58
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I'm so terrible.
• 46:59
  SPEAKER_01: Like it just starts this spiral of okay, that's that person isn't you.
• 47:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yep, that person is hopefully posting that to encourage other moms and give them ideas to inspire them.
• 47:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and you're supposed to take it like that.
• 47:15
  SPEAKER_01: And if if you're not taking it like that, then like you need to just let it go because I think, yeah, it's just it's so easy to compare and like we said, kind of put you in the box of wow, I should be doing more.
• 47:26
  SPEAKER_01: And I just think the enemy attacks moms so much, and it's so easy because we're tired and we're busy, and we have so much responsibility.
• 47:37
  SPEAKER_01: We are literally raising the next generation, and it is like you said, it's holy work, it's unseen work from the outside world, but the enemy sees it.
• 47:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yep, and God sees it, and obviously it's the most important that God sees it, but unfortunately the enemy sees it too.
• 47:52
  SPEAKER_01: And he wants to do anything he can to tell us that we aren't enough, yep, that we're not doing enough, that our kids are just a burden, yep, that we should pursue our passion over them.
• 48:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yep, and God is like they are your ministry, they are your work because it is a season and it's not going to be forever.
• 48:14
  SPEAKER_01: And like, this is your time to minister to them and provide for them because they are going to be leaving the nest.
• 48:21
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 48:21
  SPEAKER_01: And then in that season, then you can like all the refining, like we've been talking about, is for that purpose.
• 48:27
  SPEAKER_01: But right now, this is your calling.
• 48:30
  SPEAKER_01: And I think it's so easy for us to get in our heads and compare and just say that we're not enough.
• 48:36
  SPEAKER_01: And and the enemy's like, good, I'm so glad that you feel like that.
• 48:40
  SPEAKER_01: Because I don't want your kids to follow God.
• 48:42
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want you to have healing in your life to heal your kids.
• 48:45
  SPEAKER_00: And because he doesn't want us to be true to our identity.
• 48:48
  SPEAKER_00: He didn't well, because what is he?
• 48:50
  SPEAKER_00: He's an identity thief.
• 48:51
  SPEAKER_00: He loves to, yes, steal our joy, but also he loves to rob our identity.
• 48:55
  SPEAKER_00: He loves that.
• 48:56
  SPEAKER_00: He loves to do that, especially as moms, because again, when moms say, I I lost myself, oh you just it's just we surrendered it to the enemy.
• 49:03
  SPEAKER_00: We we we bel yeah, we compare it and we believe, well, if I'm not doing that, then I'm really not a good mom.
• 49:09
  SPEAKER_00: And then you start to spiral into all these lies, and the enemy's like, Yep, that's exactly what I want.
• 49:13
  SPEAKER_00: Because he doesn't want to keep going, keep going, keep telling yourself yes.
• 49:17
  SPEAKER_00: He doesn't want you to be Christian, cheerleader, and creator as a mom.
• 49:20
  SPEAKER_00: He doesn't want you to do that because that's the most dangerous, threatening thing to him.
• 49:23
  SPEAKER_00: He doesn't want me to be fireheart as a mom because ooh, that's the worst thing I could do for him.
• 49:28
  SPEAKER_00: Because, man, it really empowers my kids.
• 49:30
  SPEAKER_00: Because the Lord knew who I was before he even knitted my kids in my womb.
• 49:36
  SPEAKER_00: He knew exactly what kind of kid he was giving me.
• 49:38
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, Yeah, I know fireheart can raise this, this, and this kid because I've made her that way.
• 49:44
  SPEAKER_00: So, of course, the enemy's gonna come after our identity.
• 49:47
  SPEAKER_00: Hello.
• 49:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and so yeah, I I I yes, there's a ton of stigmas, there's a lot of things you can't put ourselves in a box as moms.
• 49:55
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, if you look at Jesus' life, if Jesus was the ultimate example of humanity, that guy was not in a box.
• 50:01
  SPEAKER_00: You could not put that man in a box, you could never predict what he's doing.
• 50:04
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, the more I study him, the more like, holy cow! Like, yeah, like he's not, you know, well, you guys should read this parenting book and this is how you parent.
• 50:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like, that's not that is not the life Jesus lived.
• 50:17
  SPEAKER_00: And again, I have no problem with parenting books.
• 50:19
  SPEAKER_00: However, I used to think, like when I first was a parent, like, oh my gosh, if I do not follow it in parenting chapter by chapter, like this parenting book that I was recommended, that I'm a bad mom, like then that's not helpful anymore.
• 50:32
  SPEAKER_00: Then that parenting book's not helpful because then there's those.
• 50:34
  SPEAKER_00: Well then again, that turns into guilt and shame.
• 50:36
  SPEAKER_00: And that is not from the Lord.
• 50:38
  SPEAKER_00: No, that's not his voice.
• 50:39
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, we could talk about those things too.
• 50:41
  SPEAKER_00: But yes, that's that's my that's my take on the stigmas and all those things.
• 50:45
  SPEAKER_00: And and thankfully, like, um, thankfully, I'm okay.
• 50:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I, because of the healing work I've done, I'm secure enough in who I am to recognize, oh, there's no guilt and shame in how I mom.
• 50:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like that has been a really freeing thing.
• 50:57
  SPEAKER_00: So if I like if I could suggest anything to women as mothers, it's like, oh man, ask the Lord to heal your heart.
• 51:03
  SPEAKER_00: Ask him to really come in and reveal to you what what's robbing your joy and your peace.
• 51:10
  SPEAKER_00: Because, man, that's gonna rob you and your kids from the fruit that you could you could bear in in your family because um, because that's the enemy's goal.
• 51:19
  SPEAKER_00: He's gonna attack our hearts because it's gonna affect our kids' hearts and marriage.
• 51:23
  SPEAKER_00: And marriage, absolutely, absolutely.
• 51:24
  SPEAKER_00: And so for me, the best thing I've done as a mom, the best, best thing, it's not podcasts, it's not books, although this podcast is gonna be a blessing to so many people because the Lord's gonna speak to them through the conversations you're having, because you're gonna like this is providing a lot of invitations to do healing work because that's the goal.
• 51:44
  SPEAKER_00: That's the goal is man, we gotta invite the Lord in to heal our hearts because he's the healer.
• 51:48
  SPEAKER_00: And man, when we start to do that, that we are just gonna come from a place of overflow.
• 51:53
  SPEAKER_00: If we receive what the Lord has to share with us, man, we are we are gonna be able to bless our kids with that.
• 52:00
  SPEAKER_00: And so if if women are listening to this, you don't need more to-do lists.
• 52:05
  SPEAKER_00: You don't.
• 52:05
  SPEAKER_00: I just want you to hear that.
• 52:06
  SPEAKER_00: Like, as someone who used to be a heavy to-do list, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, like, I'm a highly efficient person.
• 52:12
  SPEAKER_00: However, the greatest thing I've ever learned is how to receive.
• 52:17
  SPEAKER_00: Because so many women are told, do this, make more bread and you know, make more crafts and do this kind of sensory bin and what have you, do this kind of cleaning or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
• 52:29
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like we are given a heavy list of to-dos.
• 52:34
  SPEAKER_00: And man, Jesus just wants us to sit with him and receive because from that place of rest, uh, we will overflow into our kids' joy, peace, the fruits of the spirit, love, all those things, patience, kind of, self-control.
• 52:45
  SPEAKER_00: Like I found I'm able to have patience with my kids, not because I read a patient book or listened to a podcast on how to be more patient, because I'm like, actually, God, what's robbing me of my patience?
• 52:57
  SPEAKER_00: What's robbing me of my joy and peace?
• 52:58
  SPEAKER_00: Can you come in and heal that so that I can have an overflow of peace and joy that surpasses all understanding?
• 53:05
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, okay.
• 53:06
  SPEAKER_00: Like, so anyway, that's a whole nother thing we could talk about too, is healing because that's been a big part of my story the last two years.
• 53:12
  SPEAKER_00: But that's my number one thing is like, yes, comparison is a thief of joy.
• 53:15
  SPEAKER_00: And man, if it is triggering that guilt and shame in you, can you bring that, bring that to the Lord?
• 53:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, see what he has to say about that, and where's that coming from?
• 53:23
  SPEAKER_00: Where's that guilt, shame, and where are those lies coming from?
• 53:25
  SPEAKER_00: Who's actually talking to you?
• 53:26
  SPEAKER_00: I love Genesis.
• 53:28
  SPEAKER_00: Not gonna go down this rabbit trail, but I loved Genesis when Adam and Eve were feeling shame.
• 53:33
  SPEAKER_00: One of the first things God said is, Who told you that?
• 53:36
  SPEAKER_00: Like, who told you that?
• 53:38
  SPEAKER_00: You were naked?
• 53:39
  SPEAKER_00: Who told you that?
• 53:40
  SPEAKER_00: Just that simple phrase.
• 53:42
  SPEAKER_00: Like every time I hear a lie in my head, I love having the Lord say to me, fireheart, who told you that?
• 53:49
  SPEAKER_00: Because it wasn't me.
• 53:50
  SPEAKER_00: And so then that leads a whole thing of healing and and work that you can work through.
• 53:55
  SPEAKER_00: But anyway, that's my thought on stigmas in comparison.
• 53:59
  SPEAKER_00: Do you have a Bible in here?
• 54:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 54:00
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, good.
• 54:01
  SPEAKER_01: When I was driving here, I was praying over because just you had texted me that you're like, I had this conversation today that lined me up perfectly for today.
• 54:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and then even just obviously we went through notes of things that we're gonna talk about.
• 54:13
  SPEAKER_01: And something that came to mind, oh gosh, I really should have found the actual exact verse.
• 54:19
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe I should just read it.
• 54:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, just read it and see what the but what came to mind is the cli I don't want to say the cliche, but Proverbs 31 woman.
• 54:27
  SPEAKER_01: Nice, and just how because I was like, I remember that there was a verse.
• 54:31
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so in verse 16, well, okay, let's set it up a little bit.
• 54:39
  SPEAKER_01: Well, 11, the heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.
• 54:45
  SPEAKER_01: She does him good and not harm all the days of her life.
• 54:48
  SPEAKER_01: She seeks wool and flax and works with willing hands.
• 54:52
  SPEAKER_01: She works with willing hands, and it says with wool and flax, it doesn't say she works in the home.
• 54:58
  SPEAKER_01: Right, right, right.
• 54:59
  SPEAKER_01: That's right.
• 54:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 55:00
  SPEAKER_01: Um, with working hands, she's like ships of the merchant.
• 55:03
  SPEAKER_01: She brings her food from afar.
• 55:05
  SPEAKER_01: She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household.
• 55:09
  SPEAKER_01: She considers a field and buys it with the fruit of her hands.
• 55:13
  SPEAKER_01: She plants a vineyard.
• 55:15
  SPEAKER_01: She dresses herself with strength and makes her arm strong.
• 55:20
  SPEAKER_01: Boxing.
• 55:20
  SPEAKER_01: Hello.
• 55:21
  SPEAKER_01: She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
• 55:25
  SPEAKER_01: Her lamp does not go out at night.
• 55:27
  SPEAKER_01: She opens her hands to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy.
• 55:30
  SPEAKER_01: She's not afraid of snow for her household.
• 55:33
  SPEAKER_01: For all her household are clothed in scarlet.
• 55:36
  SPEAKER_01: She makes bed coverings for herself.
• 55:37
  SPEAKER_01: Her clothing is fine, linen and purple.
• 55:39
  SPEAKER_01: Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.
• 55:44
  SPEAKER_01: She makes linen garments and sells them.
• 55:46
  SPEAKER_01: She delivers shades to the merchants.
• 55:49
  SPEAKER_01: Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.
• 55:54
  SPEAKER_01: She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
• 55:58
  SPEAKER_01: She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
• 56:04
  SPEAKER_01: Her children rise up and call her blessed.
• 56:06
  SPEAKER_01: Her husband also, and he praises her.
• 56:08
  SPEAKER_01: Many women have done excellently, but you sharpen them all.
• 56:13
  SPEAKER_01: And I feel like I was this came to mind because I just was when I talked about this, I just know we were talking about stigmas and putting in a box, and I was like, Yeah, okay, but if you go to this verse, it talks about so many things of like she works, she provides for her family, she is strong.
• 56:28
  SPEAKER_01: Like people look up to her, people look up to her husband.
• 56:31
  SPEAKER_01: Like, yeah, she is known because of her husband, but he's also known because he has a strong woman behind her, and like she's raising these kids, like everyone in her house has provided for.
• 56:41
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I think this covers so many.
• 56:43
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't even read all of it.
• 56:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 56:45
  SPEAKER_01: But God has put so many things on our heart, and He has called us to work, He has called us raising kids is work, yes.
• 56:51
  SPEAKER_01: Also, He's called us to do so many things outside of the home too.
• 56:54
  SPEAKER_01: And if you're like, oh my gosh, no, I just want to be home with my kids, yes, that's really funny too.
• 56:58
  SPEAKER_01: But it's just we but also we are called to do more, yeah.
• 57:02
  SPEAKER_01: And even if that is kind of your calling, even I'd say even dive into that of okay, is there something else God has for you?
• 57:08
  SPEAKER_01: Because, like we were talking about, it's so important to have your identity in God and to know what your true God-given identity is so that you can walk in that because one day, yes, your calling right now is to be a mom.
• 57:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and it is, yeah, and God has blessed you with that and given you the gift, and he's going to give you everything you need to do that.
• 57:25
  SPEAKER_01: He's gonna give you the strength, the patience, the courage, the endurance to do that.
• 57:30
  SPEAKER_01: But they are going to leave the nest.
• 57:32
  SPEAKER_01: We are going to be letting go of those arrows.
• 57:34
  SPEAKER_01: And so, what is he calling you in this season right now to start thinking about?
• 57:40
  SPEAKER_01: Like we said, we're not adding lists, we're not like, okay, we'll start a business because God's probably calling you to do that.
• 57:45
  SPEAKER_01: Right, right.
• 57:46
  SPEAKER_01: Not at all.
• 57:47
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe, but that's not the point of this.
• 57:49
  SPEAKER_01: It's just okay, what is like an air, what's a hobby I could push?
• 57:53
  SPEAKER_01: You know, just like little things that what is something, even if it's just what is my identity?
• 57:57
  SPEAKER_01: What is God calling me to do?
• 57:59
  SPEAKER_01: What is God, what does God call me?
• 58:01
  SPEAKER_01: And he called you blessed because you have kids.
• 58:04
  SPEAKER_01: That's right.
• 58:04
  SPEAKER_01: And he calls you blessed because you were a woman of God, yeah, and he is going to provide everything that you need and give you the tools that you need to take care of your kids and to pursue what he has put on your heart because he didn't put on your heart to have you not do it.
• 58:21
  SPEAKER_01: Right, totally.
• 58:22
  SPEAKER_01: And if it isn't right now, but he has so clearly put it on your heart, but you feel like you have to take a step back, there's a reason for that, and he's going to multiply it when the time comes because you're obedient and pausing and surrendering it to raise your kids.
• 58:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 58:38
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's beautiful.
• 58:40
  SPEAKER_01: It's hard, it's so hard.
• 58:41
  SPEAKER_01: It's not easy, it's hard, but I feel like it's gonna be so cool for us to look back in like 20 years, yeah, even probably five.
• 58:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no, we'll actually happen in five.
• 58:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we'll happen in one.
• 58:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 58:55
  SPEAKER_01: And just be like, whoa, if I would have keeped pushing this, like where would my family be?
• 59:01
  SPEAKER_01: Or wow, if I everything has fallen into place because I pass, you know, and I learned so much, and now I have all these tools.
• 59:08
  SPEAKER_01: And so I just think it's so cool that his timing about his timing and he is so kind and he loves us so much, and he sees us as moms, yeah, and he loves us, and he sees the work that we're doing and is so proud of us that we are willing to be refined, and even if we're not willing to, that we are yes, and that he is just yeah, he's just so cool.
• 59:33
  SPEAKER_00: That's good.
• 59:34
  SPEAKER_00: That's a good, that's a good word, Kristen.
• 59:36
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 59:36
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for reading that because I avoid sometimes the proverbs.
• 59:40
  SPEAKER_00: I gotta be real.
• 59:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, oh, I just do not feel like a proverb.
• 59:46
  SPEAKER_00: But that part, I mean, not not to nitpick it or like be like, oh, I'm just that part.
• 59:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, oh my goodness, yeah, we forget.
• 59:52
  SPEAKER_00: That's part of it.
• 59:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's part of it.
• 59:54
  SPEAKER_00: And again, it's so beautiful if like women want to stay home.
• 59:57
  SPEAKER_00: And if their like dream is, man, I just want to be the best mom.
• 1:00:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I love baking bread and I love giving them half healthy meals, and I love educating them, I love homeschooling them.
• 1:00:05
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my goodness, that is amazing and absolutely what a gift.
• 1:00:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, what a gift.
• 1:00:10
  SPEAKER_00: Like, praise God, like, praise God, seriously, thank you.
• 1:00:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm and I'm so thankful I have a school that my kids go to that.
• 1:00:15
  SPEAKER_01: I'm really like, but also, yeah, with a lot of those teachers, God has put it on their heart to be teachers too.
• 1:00:21
  SPEAKER_00: You know, and so there's just there, it's all it literally all just wraps up in a boat together.
• 1:00:27
  SPEAKER_00: Be obedient to the Lord.
• 1:00:28
  SPEAKER_00: The Lord knows what's best for your life, the Lord knows what's best for your kids, and the Lord knows what He's placed in your heart.
• 1:00:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and so be curious about that.
• 1:00:36
  SPEAKER_00: Don't be afraid to dive into that and feel guilty.
• 1:00:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like, don't feel guilty that you're exploring other desires of your heart outside of your kids.
• 1:00:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I would especially encourage those, like, yes, like you said, like once our kids are out of the house.
• 1:00:46
  SPEAKER_00: I've seen I've seen a lot of moms like literally not know what to do with themselves, and it becomes like a devastating transition.
• 1:00:53
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like, whoa, like the Lord is gentle and and and cares about you, and He wants He wants you to enjoy other parts of life too, and He wants you to enjoy your marriage.
• 1:01:03
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, like so don't forget your husband too.
• 1:01:06
  SPEAKER_00: Again, I I would well love to do a podcast.
• 1:01:08
  SPEAKER_00: Let's do that.
• 1:01:09
  SPEAKER_00: Let's do that because Alam a Habi.
• 1:01:11
  SPEAKER_00: I love him.
• 1:01:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm excited to I'm I'm gonna enjoy the moment of raising kids together because what a beautiful thing.
• 1:01:18
  SPEAKER_00: But also, I cannot wait to be empty nest uh empty nesters and because we our family started with us.
• 1:01:25
  SPEAKER_00: Like I love to think about that before my kids like we're our first family, actually, some families, it's really cute.
• 1:01:31
  SPEAKER_00: They do like a family anniversary, like the wedding anniversary is like they do.
• 1:01:34
  SPEAKER_00: They do like a king, like this is when our family started.
• 1:01:38
  SPEAKER_00: And then then mom and dad danced together, and I was like, what a beautiful picture, because it's true, none of our kids would be here had that covenant not been made.
• 1:01:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so anyway, but I digress, but that was good.
• 1:01:48
  SPEAKER_00: I love thanks for reading the Proverbs.
• 1:01:49
  SPEAKER_00: I did not expect you to read Proverbs 31, but man, I'm gonna have to really like actually reflect on that and like digest that with the Lord because I bet there's so much He wants to reveal to me in that that I've been kind of shying away from.
• 1:02:02
  SPEAKER_00: So that's good, that's good.
• 1:02:03
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 1:02:03
  SPEAKER_01: Moms are amazing, yes, so many facets.
• 1:02:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, thank you so much for this.
• 1:02:08
  SPEAKER_01: It was such a good This is great fired up.
• 1:02:11
  SPEAKER_01: This is such a good episode.
• 1:02:12
  SPEAKER_01: And I feel like this is just gonna give so many moms permission and just a breath, like being able to just be like, okay, and it's like you are enough, you're doing enough, and that's such a lie that you're not.
• 1:02:23
  SPEAKER_01: It's such a lie that you aren't doing enough, that you aren't good enough, that you could be doing more, yeah.
• 1:02:29
  SPEAKER_01: Because we could all be doing more of anything, but you're doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing.
• 1:02:35
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 1:02:35
  SPEAKER_00: One last thing, one last thing, one last thing.
• 1:02:37
  SPEAKER_00: As you're talking, I'm like, if you're a mom that are thinking those things or feeling those feelings, um, I invite you and encourage you to confess that to someone.
• 1:02:46
  SPEAKER_00: Confess that to someone.
• 1:02:48
  SPEAKER_00: Do not hold that in and feel sorry, I shouldn't tell you what to do.
• 1:02:51
  SPEAKER_00: You can do what you want to do.
• 1:02:52
  SPEAKER_00: Sophia, like, tell them what to do.
• 1:02:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna tell you what to do.
• 1:02:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna tell you what to do because Chris told me I'd tell you what to do.
• 1:02:58
  SPEAKER_00: But if you're feeling any of those feelings or thoughts, like just share it with someone, share it with a safe person because man, does the enemy love to isolate us and make us feel like we're alone and there's something wrong with us, and then we shove it down, and then oof, that's where things fester, and that's where he gets a stronghold and a foothold.
• 1:03:15
  SPEAKER_00: So, so practice confession with a friend, yeah, especially like another mom friend, a safe a safe mom friend who maybe might be able to understand, or maybe she doesn't, and that's okay, regardless.
• 1:03:25
  SPEAKER_00: Practice confession.
• 1:03:26
  SPEAKER_00: Because it'll give her insight.
• 1:03:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, give them insight into what you've been processing because you've been, yeah, he wants us to feel alone, he wants us to feel isolated, and that's a lie that he's been telling all these lies because he knows that you're going to feel it and you're gonna receive it and you're gonna fester on it.
• 1:03:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and the minute you tell someone, yeah, it's not a secret anymore, and it it loses power.
• 1:03:46
  SPEAKER_01: And so talk to someone, help them, and then that gives them insight on how to pray for you, how to check in on you, how to encourage you, even in passing, then they're like, Wow, you are incredible.
• 1:03:56
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I just want to give them more insight of how they can be encouraging you, yeah, and just noticing the little things that you do.
• 1:04:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:04:03
  SPEAKER_01: It's good.
• 1:04:03
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, that's all good.
• 1:04:06
  SPEAKER_00: Having me in your home, in your safe to my battle room.
• 1:04:09
  SPEAKER_00: Your battle room, my battle room.
• 1:04:11
  SPEAKER_01: We're battling for mamas.
• 1:04:13
  SPEAKER_01: We can feel it.
• 1:04:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:04:15
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much.
• 1:04:16
  SPEAKER_01: This was so good.
• 1:04:17
  SPEAKER_01: This is great.
• 1:04:17
  SPEAKER_01: I just enjoyed it.
• 1:04:18
  SPEAKER_01: I enjoyed this a lot.
• 1:04:19
  SPEAKER_00: I'll do this 10 more times.
• 1:04:21
  SPEAKER_00: Love it.
• 1:04:21
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.