Latest / Authentic Living / Finding Your WHY and the ROR: Return On Relationships with Jevon Wooden

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Finding Your WHY and the ROR: Return On Relationships with Jevon Wooden · Authentic Living

• 0:01
  Welcome to authentic living with Roxanne, a place where we have as conversations about
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  things that really matter in our lives.
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  And now here's your host, Roxanne Derhodge.
• 0:36
  Everyone, it's Roxanne Derhodge.
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  Thanks for tuning in again this week with me for authentically being with Roxanne.
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  Today, I have an interesting guest, Jivan Woodin, and, he brings up a quite a combination
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  of different specialties together that I think will, allow us to have a great conversation
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  today.
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  So, Jovan, welcome.
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  Thank you so much, Roxanne.
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  It's a pleasure to be here.
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  So let me tell you a little bit about him a bit from his bio.
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  He's a coach and a growth strategist.
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  Speaker author and an army veteran, which I think is quite fascinating, and he he's
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  passionate about leadership, growth strategy, and helping motivate leaders and businesses to
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  achieve their goals.
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  He's has, I'm interested in the degree in cybersecurity.
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  That's gonna be an interesting thing to do, to kind of understand a little bit of on how you
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  bring that to his work.
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  He went to Smith, a school of business, and also Fordham University as well.
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  And he draws in his 12 years of experience in the military.
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  So Let's talk a little bit about.
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  So were you like I'm gonna use the word Brad, and I hope I'm allowed to do that.
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  Did you drop enough for me family?
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  Jovan, like a family that was in the military always?
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  Nah.
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  I did it, actually.
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  So I did have an uncle and then all that were in the military.
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  That was about the extent of our our military history.
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  But my journey into the military is more of how to felt like it was out of necessity.
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  You know, I was struggling before that finding my footing.
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  You know, Rochester, you were growing up there.
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  There wasn't a lot of opportunities.
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  So The military actually, interestingly enough, came to me while I was working.
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  I was working 2 jobs at that time, and someone there was moonlight I was actually a trash guy
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  at the hospital.
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  They called him environmental services to make it sound good, but I did the trash.
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  Right?
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  And someone there he was actually an army recruiter.
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  He said, you should come down to the to the station.
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  And that was about, I think it was 21 at that time.
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  I was like, why not?
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  So that was a Saturday.
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  On Monday, I was at the recruiting station taking the HAASFant test, which is the aptitude
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  test, and the rest is history.
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  Wow.
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  So you said at the time, of course, you're twenty 1, so you're young.
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  Right?
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  And, that's quite the swing, right?
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  Like you go I think at that age, you know, especially we're trying to figure out things at
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  that particular point and, that's quite the switch.
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  So when you went and you you started, what was it like for you?
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  It it was actually very for me because I've got I got to see what I was made of, so to speak.
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  So I understood that, you know, coming up, you're poor.
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  You know, you don't really feel like you have any resources more anything to offer the world.
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  But that was the the paradigm shift for me.
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  So I realized that I had a lot to offer the world.
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  And there was a lot more world out side of Rochester, New York, right, in in poverty as it
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  stands.
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  So I was able to start getting into leadership positions, even starting from basic training.
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  Right?
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  They push you into leadership roles, they challenge you mentally, physically,
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  emotionally.
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  And I just saw that, you know, this was something that I was more than capable of doing
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  and then connecting with people from so many different backgrounds also allow me to see the
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  power of collaboration.
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  You know, I I all I've often thinking, I I know I've heard this a lot.
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  They say that, the military, the first thing they make you do is make, make your bed because
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  that's about the incremental small, you know, and Trust me.
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  When I'm crawling on a bed, sometimes I think.
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  And I've never been anything close to being in anything military.
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  Right?
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  I grew up in the Caribbean, the big family, you know, those but nothing like the structure
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  then, but I remember hearing that.
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  I've heard that a couple of times.
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  They that, they say that if you can get up and do something vitally as small as making your
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  bed, that that sets the stage on a on a a mindset kind of space.
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  For the rest of your day.
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  Would you kind of say that that's that makes sense, or is that is that something that, you
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  you were exposed to, in in the military?
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  Yeah.
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  Absolutely.
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  I I agree.
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  I forgot the animal's name that said that speech that's now famous, but, yeah, I,
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  wholeheartedly agree.
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  And they didn't just want you to make the bed, they wanted you to make it so they can bounce a
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  quarter off that thing.
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  Right?
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  So Yeah.
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  I would have done so well with that.
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  You're right.
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  Not too well.
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  The 45 degree angles on the bed when you tuck it.
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  Like, yeah, there was a a standard.
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  Like, there was a standard for everything.
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  And now those standards are now applied in the lights.
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  Yeah.
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  I still wake up, still hit the gym, you know, early.
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  Still wanna have those those winds still.
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  I'm very routine.
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  Like, and I think that that's that was a benefit of the military.
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  A lot of people are like, how do you get things done?
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  How do you get so much done?
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  I'm like, because I'm very routine.
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  Right?
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  I have time management standards.
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  I know before the day even starts what I need to be doing, how I need to prepare for, you
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  know, unforeseen circumstance is all that stuff is is something I've learned in the military,
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  and I still apply to the day.
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  Let's talk a little bit about that.
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  Right?
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  I think you said you grow up you know, maybe I don't know if you had as much structure at
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  home.
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  You grow her up kind of the, you know, where there was poverty.
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  And I think, unfortunately, sometimes, like, when we're just trying to kind of get past the
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  poverty, it's kind of hard to think about mentally, how do I get past this in my mind?
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  Right?
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  And you enter the military and then you realize, wow, this this thing that we have a
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  mind that we have called a mind is very, very powerful.
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  Were there times that you kind of because I know they're tough on you.
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  You know, they're rough on you.
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  Like, I mean, I have friends I would, I mean, when I would run when I would be young, be
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  younger, and they'd be yelling out I wanna turn around and tell them, you know, don't yell at
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  me.
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  I'm I'm trying to breathe.
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  Right?
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  And, you know, things that you see kind of with limited exposure, of course, myself, but
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  knowing that there's a certain toughness that I think they start to prod at you as soon as you
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  get it.
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  Oh, absolutely.
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  Yeah.
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  Before you even get off the bus, as soon as your bus arrives, they're hopping in a bus
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  hitting the glass, you know, yelling at you doing all that stuff, but, you know, I'll I'll
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  be honest, Roxanne, none of that faze me, you know, none of that faze me.
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  And it didn't faze me because I knew while I was there.
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  You know, before I understood the concept of finding your why, I knew my why.
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  I was really, really faced with some some terrible circumstances back home.
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  Right?
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  So I was I had, faced 7 years in prison while I was seventeen.
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  By the grace of god, I didn't have to do that.
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  They me on probation instead and allow me to graduate high school and and try to change my
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  life around.
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  But I just wasn't on a good path.
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  And then, you know, I had tried college.
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  Couldn't afford it.
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  So I had to go back home.
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  Tried Buff State, which is close to your your hometown, right, your home where you're at now.
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  I mean, And I I couldn't afford it.
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  So I came back, and that's when I decided to work the 2 jobs, so I wouldn't get in trouble
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  because it's really easy when you don't have a perspective of options.
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  So opportunity, you think that the only way is this one way.
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  Right?
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  And that's how a lot of people get caught up today.
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  It's not that they're bad people, and that's what I always understand.
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  I do a lot of work in the prisons.
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  But it's not that people are bad people.
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  They just feel like there's no other wedding.
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  Right?
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  And when you're back as against the wall, you're willing to virtually do whatever it
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  takes to get off that one.
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  So, what I did was thinking god placed this guy in my life, right, that that came to me and
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  said, I'd be a good candidate for the army.
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  But prior to that, you know, things were really tough.
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  I mean, my mom who's always working, to provide for us.
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  You know, I grew up actually raised in a polygamist household.
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  My mom's wife's number 2, and her husband bounced between each household.
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  He was rotate days.
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  So I had this concept this this idea of life as it stood, and I knew I didn't want any of So I
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  would've done whatever the drill sergeant said.
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  I was willing to do it.
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  And then yelling at me.
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  I didn't hear it.
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  I smiled, you know, because I felt like Okay.
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  This is my chance.
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  Right?
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  They they're paying attention to me for 1.
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  Right?
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  So they believe in me.
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  That's how I looked at it.
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  They believe that I had more than not talking to myself.
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  So I was able to push through whatever it was.
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  I remember when I first arrived, we started doing combatives.
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  That's like me to do your and your hand in hand writing and all that stuff.
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  And I was really good.
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  I was really good at it, but there was one time there was like a bunch of matches going on at
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  one time, and I was rolling to throw someone back with a with a toss, and someone came and
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  crashed into my ankle.
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  So the tore ligaments in my ankle.
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  I thought I was doing And in the military, when you go on basic training, if you get injured,
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  if you can't perform, they'll just keep you there, right, until either they send you home
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  on medical, leave or, or they they just let you recover.
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  I was like, I don't want either.
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  You know, one, I don't wanna go home.
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  Because this is something I really wanna do.
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  And then 2, I just did not wanna get restarted.
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  We were already, I think, was about 5 weeks in.
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  It's like, I think it's 9 weeks out of basic.
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  So I was like, I definitely don't wanna restart because that's what would've happened because I
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  couldn't finish with the COVID.
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  So I just pushed through it.
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  I did my PT test with it, you know, and I I had crutches like the day before, repeat PT test.
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  My drill sergeant was so upset with me.
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  He's like, we didn't want that.
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  What what is wrong with you?
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  What did you do?
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  You know, but I I passed.
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  And what what that showed me was, you know, yes, mental mental toughness 10 to 42 is 1, but
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  that why we'll carry you through so much pain in English and you would be surprised at what
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  you can accomplish, right, through it all.
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  I mean, that's what I tell everybody today.
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  Like, resilience comes from adversity.
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  You can't build resilience if you don't face anything.
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  So, you know, I I took all that stuff in stride and and now here I am today speaking with you.
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  Amazing.
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  And, you know, how powerful.
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  Right?
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  Like, you've lived.
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  Now you're saying by 17, you got an involved with the law.
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  And now, you know, I've I've heard the word, somebody I was, doing an interview.
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  They call it a spiritual accident It sounds like, you know, you ran into this man who said,
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  you know, why don't you, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, right, and then you you would just
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  pick it up.
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  And then you go and you open this, you know, huge vein in your life.
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  And, you know, some kids at your age would say, Nope.
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  Not me.
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  Check it out, but you you said you got connected to your y then.
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  So what tell me what steps, what things kinda started to kinda kick in for you.
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  Like I said, you don't wanna go back home because it wasn't the uncertainty.
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  There wasn't the certainty there.
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  There was the poverty.
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  There was the polygamy.
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  Like you said, clearly, I I knew this wasn't the fit for me.
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  Right.
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  Right.
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  So What
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  is the the tenaciousness, in the military?
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  How did it make you connect with, and you're doing amazing things all see now to this why.
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  Well, thank you.
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  Yeah.
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  It it connected me, you know, one, it connected me because here I was, everyone was like, oh,
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  you're crazy.
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  You're going to the military, you know, this and that, and they had their own fears that
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  they were projecting them.
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  Right?
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  So that's one thing.
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  Like, when you're willing to step out and do something that no one else has done around you,
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  they are going to protect their fears.
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  They think they're protecting me, but they're not.
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  So that was one thing I had to get The fact that I got over that, and I said, that's it.
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  I'm going.
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  I
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  don't care what y'all say.
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  I think that that alone gave me strength.
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  But the second thing was I'm the middle child of 5 kids.
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  And, you know, looking at my sisters, to it it was no way that I could allow myself to
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  further.
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  Right?
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  And one of the things I carry with me from that time in that prison where that jail cell was
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  the picture of my mother and my oldest sister from the visit.
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  When I was in those, you know, it it said Monroe County Jail on the back.
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  And looking around and saying that, everyone looked like me.
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  Mhmm.
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  And here I was and about to be another statistic with the pain and anguish because my
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  mother and my sister's friends looking at me standing.
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  And my mother said one thing through that whole visit.
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  She says she put the house up with me.
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  She put the house up so she could give me a lawyer.
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  Right?
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  So that told me my value.
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  That told me that it wasn't No matter what society said, the falling, the logs, all that
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  stuff, angry, black man, another statistic.
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  None of that mattered to him in that movie.
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  So when I went up to my cell that night, that's really I feel like we're we're the paradigm
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  shift took place because I no longer lived in myself is value less because I said at least
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  these 2, if no one else values, the people I care about most value me.
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  So that's when I asked god to just get me out.
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  Now give me another chance.
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  I don't know what I would do with it.
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  I don't know what resources I have, but I will make the best of and that's, you know, a couple
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  of years later down the road end up getting this opportunity.
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  So all that stuff played in my mind the whole time through basic and still plays in my mind
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  fairly not.
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  Right?
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  And it's something I talk about when I do my speeches.
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  It's something I'm talking about when I do training and development.
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  Right?
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  And what that showed me was after all this, right, is easy.
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  You know?
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  If I'm struggling in business, if I'm struggling, you know, with whatever else, it's
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  it's not a life threatening thing, you know.
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  Right?
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  And that's the the most important thing to me is life.
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  And I appreciated.
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  I'm so grateful for it that everything I went through basic training was just another
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  stepping stone.
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  No matter how bad it hurt when I was running, no matter how bad my lungs was burning, no
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  matter how, you know, it was to find those ropes, whatever they were throwing at me.
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  I took it with a smile because I knew that it was another step forward to changing the life,
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  not just for me before the people are alive.
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  Absolutely.
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  You know?
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  And in my work when I was practicing, you know, that's what I found, right, you know, most kids
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  or young people, all they need is 1.
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  I call it an inoculated factor.
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  Right?
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  Like, the one person in the world that really thinks you're all that.
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  Right?
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  Like Yes.
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  And and it doesn't matter who it is.
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  Like, it's it's ideally if you have it to your parents or whatever, But unfortunately, in the
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  world and and kind of when I was practicing, many people didn't have that job on.
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  And, you know, that that space that when one person says, you know, I see you.
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  And you have value, which is clearly what your mom and your or did for you that, you know, and
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  and again, at that point, I would say, you know, some people go left and some people go
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  right.
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  Doesn't necessarily mean that that sparks that big light bulb in that person where they really
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  go and resonate with it.
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  In in this case, you know, you did.
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  And for any, you know, younger people that may be listening to this, I'm sure they'll say,
• 15:24
  well, you know, well, you're special, Jamonne, like you, you know, what what would you say to
• 15:30
  someone this thing that made me straw willing and saying, well, yeah, well, you you must be
• 15:34
  just special guy that somehow you figured things out.
• 15:37
  What would you say to someone like that might be having those questions in their mind as they
• 15:41
  listen to our party.
• 15:42
  Yeah.
• 15:43
  Yeah.
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  I I love to hear them.
• 15:45
  I love to hear that.
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  I love when people you know, say, oh, you must be special, you know, but someone, you know,
• 15:51
  someone helps you soon to pay with you.
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  And and to that, I would say, well, you're special Right?
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  I can't do life like you, and you can't do it like me.
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  Right?
• 15:59
  We all walk our journeys differently.
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  But one thing that remains the same that what we all had is the same amount of time.
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  And if you have that same amount of consistency and same amount of tenacity, things will start
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  going for you, One thing I always tell people is, like, nothing I've accomplished has been
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  easy.
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  Nothing you probably accomplished what I'm saying hasn't been easy.
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  Right?
• 16:19
  People look at success and they think that it was just something that, you know, only certain
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  people can do, but it's not the case.
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  Right?
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  The the case remains that success, whatever your destination of it is possible, but it's
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  going to take failure to get down.
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  Right?
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  It's going to take going through the bottom of the bottom of your times, you know, having
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  moments where you just feel like you can't remember.
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  It's what you do when you hit that rock bottom.
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  That's what makes the difference between a successful and those who really, they die at
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  that moment.
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  Because they this they can't recover it.
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  Right?
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  So it's up to you.
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  I would say it's up to you to decide to understand that you are special too.
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  Is this a matter of what you do with your specialist?
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  And I I absolutely agree with you.
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  And, you know, what I always say to people, even when I coach or speak today is that I
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  truly believe that all was coming up with as a bright light, but that live Roxanne and prods
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  and tarnishes charges us, and then we have to do the work, to reconnect to that light because
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  that light can't ever be taken away from you in any any sense.
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  And, yes, it's tough.
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  And, I mean, I I went through as well.
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  My first book, which is, was written 8 years ago, Jovan, I took my, my own life, and I know
• 17:40
  people would, you know, not wanna talk to a person like me, generally, I said, you know,
• 17:44
  I'm gonna demystify what it is to really get help.
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  And I looked at myself from birth.
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  So I there was uncertainty with my parents.
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  They didn't have a a good situation, and it was six of us.
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  And I I pretended like I was Therapizing myself and I deconstructed everything from birth all
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  to all the way up to each to 44.
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  And at age forty four, I've been married for 25 years, and I had gone through a pretty, brutal
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  separation.
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  And, you know, I show people, you know, you see me at this point and you have no idea.
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  Right?
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  What I went through And you're only seeing the person either on stage or when they're coaching
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  or training or whatever, but we all have a backstory.
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  And it's what we do based on what we've been through and what we've when we like you said,
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  when we force ourselves, when we're deep and low and things are so good, that's that's the
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  biggest growth and adversity in my opinion.
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  And clearly, it's something that, you know, you experience being in a jail cell.
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  You know, you could have gone the other way.
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  Absolutely.
• 18:43
  Absolutely.
• 18:44
  And I love the concept of that book, and that sounds amazing.
• 18:47
  And it's something that, yeah, I I like that because, you know, it allows people have put
• 18:53
  their their selves in it.
• 18:55
  They just show empathy really.
• 18:56
  They'll put themselves in that position as well.
• 18:58
  And to understand that, oh, you know, this person that I look at in in holding high
• 19:03
  esteem, they'd go through some things.
• 19:05
  Right?
• 19:05
  They didn't just wake up and and would get success to it.
• 19:09
  They didn't wake up and become a thought leader, whatever the case may be, right,
• 19:12
  they've gone through some things, and you will continue to go through things.
• 19:15
  That's life.
• 19:15
  And we also have to understand that, you know, life is is is counterbalanced.
• 19:21
  Right?
• 19:22
  We go through joys and we go through pain, but we wouldn't know joy if we didn't know pain.
• 19:27
  Right?
• 19:27
  And we have 2 understanding.
• 19:29
  So a lot of us feel like you're supposed to be perpetually happy.
• 19:32
  That is not going to happen.
• 19:35
  Right.
• 19:35
  And and if you were, you wouldn't appreciate it.
• 19:37
  So we we have to take those hard moments and see what lessons could be learned and what can
• 19:42
  be applied from because that's where the growth happens.
• 19:45
  I mentioned earlier, without resilience, without adversity, you can't have resilience.
• 19:48
  And resilience is what a lot of people think.
• 19:51
  And they lack it because they they just feel like they're supposed to.
• 19:55
  They're entitled to to happiness and joy of all that's running.
• 19:58
  Well, if you have that mindset, you can no longer see, you know, the growth points.
• 20:03
  Right?
• 20:04
  You can no longer see that that that adversity is actually temporary.
• 20:07
  Right?
• 20:08
  And then you people ask, like, what?
• 20:10
  You know, what is this for?
• 20:11
  Why me?
• 20:12
  Well, maybe the why you is not for you to understand, but for you to help someone else
• 20:17
  understand.
• 20:18
  So I learned that, you know, the the diversity I faced.
• 20:21
  I have no idea why it took place for that month, but I do know that I can now use that as
• 20:27
  a part of my purpose and share that with others that, hey, no matter where how low you are,
• 20:32
  there's an opportunity for you to get back up.
• 20:34
  Right?
• 20:35
  And we see people reinvit themselves time and time and time again.
• 20:38
  So we can't say that this is a permanent thing.
• 20:41
  The moment we think we have we have a permanent situation here, and we're always gonna be in
• 20:46
  that pain, you're lost everything.
• 20:48
  Right?
• 20:48
  So you gotta get out of that.
• 20:49
  You gotta dig yourself up.
• 20:51
  Whatever that means, therapy, you know, coaching, you know, self recognition and just
• 20:56
  and just do the work because that's that's what a lot of people are afraid of that work the
• 21:00
  introspection, the hard questions, answering centers, you know, being vulnerable, all those
• 21:06
  things are necessary to achieve whatever your definition of success is.
• 21:11
  No.
• 21:11
  Your tell us about your leadership work because I I would think that, your story is powerful.
• 21:18
  Right?
• 21:18
  And how it applies to leadership and the things that you teach.
• 21:23
  Cause I'm thinking about, you know, leaders are put in these positions, you know, and with my
• 21:27
  new book, I talk a lot about that where we expect them to lead, but we don't look at them.
• 21:33
  They, you know, we don't look at the who they need to be in the world in order to lead a we
• 21:38
  just think they'd have it figured out.
• 21:40
  So tell me about some of the the core principles that you kind of incorporate based
• 21:44
  on the things you've been through and some of the military into your leadership work that you
• 21:49
  do.
• 21:50
  Yeah.
• 21:50
  Absolutely.
• 21:51
  I mean, everything that I I coach on and I talk about in our key notes and our training and
• 21:56
  develop on is centered around one thing, and that's the empathy.
• 22:00
  Right?
• 22:00
  I believe that empathy is is one of the key components to being a successful leader.
• 22:05
  Because if you cannot put yourself in that person's position and you do not understand
• 22:10
  that purpose person on a deeper level, it's gonna be very hard for you to understand what
• 22:14
  motivates them to for them to feel comfortable talking to you to understand what resources
• 22:19
  they need to be, performed at a high level.
• 22:23
  And you're not gonna know their base levels.
• 22:25
  So as a leader, you have to know your people's basements.
• 22:27
  How do they typically perform?
• 22:29
  What's their temperament?
• 22:30
  You know, you know, what what is the do they have family?
• 22:34
  You know, all the things because it all ties together into getting the most out of that team
• 22:38
  or that person.
• 22:39
  So that's where I I come together and I create, you know, custom trainings for former clients.
• 22:45
  Whether it's with their teams or leadership or an individual.
• 22:49
  And I feel like I I have to do customs because there's no one size fits on approach.
• 22:55
  Some people may think his communication is the root cause when it's actually because the
• 23:00
  leader has no empathy.
• 23:01
  Right?
• 23:01
  Thank you.
• 23:02
  The leader doesn't care what that person is going through.
• 23:04
  He's like, get it done.
• 23:06
  And that's something a lot out of the industries I I I'm in now, like, construction
• 23:11
  and and, the electrical services, oil and gas that I speak to.
• 23:16
  It's the same way as the Right?
• 23:18
  And I'll get it done.
• 23:19
  I don't care what's wrong with you.
• 23:20
  I don't care if that's your hurt, you know, whatever's going on.
• 23:23
  I don't wanna I don't need to know anything.
• 23:26
  Right?
• 23:27
  When that's absolutely not not true.
• 23:29
  Mhmm.
• 23:29
  And I know a lot of leaders listening and like, I don't have time to learn all this about my
• 23:33
  team.
• 23:34
  Well, Yes.
• 23:35
  You do.
• 23:36
  Because if you do not learn at least the people you are leading, what's gonna happen is you're
• 23:42
  gonna have a high employee attrition rate.
• 23:44
  Right?
• 23:45
  They're gonna be turning over like crazy.
• 23:46
  You're not gonna know why.
• 23:48
  Your surveys are gonna be skewed because people just don't feel comfortable.
• 23:53
  Giving things.
• 23:54
  So you're gonna see people saying, oh, great.
• 23:55
  Great.
• 23:55
  Great.
• 23:56
  When it's really not, they just don't wanna be they don't feel like it's actually anonymous,
• 23:59
  so they don't wanna provide any feedback.
• 24:01
  Right?
• 24:02
  There's much that goes wrong if you just treat people like, ability or or a job versus a
• 24:08
  person.
• 24:09
  So, what that looks like is different from every from every company.
• 24:13
  And then a lot of leaders don't really know what their strengths are.
• 24:17
  They feel like they have to be this one person, but it's not authentic.
• 24:21
  So then they struck, right, then they get, put on a an employee, an improvement plan and all
• 24:26
  this other stuff.
• 24:27
  They're watch savvy.
• 24:28
  So now they really can't lead.
• 24:29
  So now they struggle even more.
• 24:31
  So, there's a lot to it, but that's really what I focus on is is that getting that empathy in
• 24:36
  there so we can get people wanting to stay at a company so we can get them evangelizing from an
• 24:41
  employee perspective.
• 24:42
  So we can get them feeling like they can provide, feedback that actually helps, not just
• 24:47
  a survey that's not really adding anything.
• 24:49
  Right?
• 24:49
  So there's a number of different ways we can do that, but that's what I love.
• 24:54
  Yeah.
• 24:54
  And with my second book, that's what I talk about because I talk I talk about who are,
• 24:58
  right, which is return on relationship.
• 24:59
  Yes.
• 25:00
  If you really get things like your as the leader, if you get things like your
• 25:04
  understanding how you like to be recognized and and how you take care of yourself and how you
• 25:09
  communicate and how you connect and, you know, how do you validate people around you?
• 25:14
  You gotta start with yourself first, right, Jamonne, to your point.
• 25:17
  If I don't know, yeah, if I don't know what I'm about internally.
• 25:22
  And I'm not reading cues within myself.
• 25:25
  Then in turn, it could be people can be kind of, you know, kind of dying on the vine right
• 25:29
  around me.
• 25:30
  And I'm not connected, understanding them.
• 25:33
  And to your point, then, you know, you might you might be able to get quote and quote things
• 25:37
  done.
• 25:38
  But if people if you're quietly, you know, the whole concept of quiet quitting that started,
• 25:43
  to come up around the pandemic, you know, what percentage are your people?
• 25:46
  Are you just not even telling you how bad of a leader you are?
• 25:50
  Yes.
• 25:50
  But they're using your feet.
• 25:51
  Right?
• 25:51
  They're going to your competitors, or they're just like, you know, just deciding they're just
• 25:56
  not staying.
• 25:57
  And, clearly, I think a lot more people are wanting that alignment at work, right, whereas,
• 26:02
  you know, I was thinking, like, years ago in when I was in, it was kinda like, you know, you
• 26:06
  know, just I don't wanna hear about your personal life.
• 26:09
  That's all good and well and good.
• 26:10
  You just give me what you need and and and we kind of march around along, like, quite, quote,
• 26:15
  unquote, like soldiers.
• 26:16
  And then ultimately, a lot of people were so burnt out you know, short term, long term
• 26:21
  disability claims are through the roof.
• 26:22
  You're getting about, you know, 65% you know, of their, performance.
• 26:29
  And so you weren't getting the whole version of themselves.
• 26:31
  So to your point, as a leader, if a leader is able to the empathetic and kind.
• 26:37
  And, you know, that's that doesn't mean that they don't have to lead.
• 26:40
  They have to lead the the the core space of coming from the heart.
• 26:45
  Absolutely.
• 26:46
  Yeah.
• 26:46
  We have to understand, like, a lot of people hear the word empathy, and they think it in
• 26:49
  place to soft or or not ineffective.
• 26:52
  Right?
• 26:52
  We have to understand that empathy really is being tactful in your leadership, right, not
• 26:58
  treating people as people, treating people how they deserve to be treated.
• 27:02
  How you wanna treat them, but how you how they deserve to be treated, and being honest, right,
• 27:07
  being open and honest.
• 27:08
  I mean, I think that that is one of the great benefits of And both that leadership is you're
• 27:13
  open and honest, not in a nasty way.
• 27:15
  You're open and honest.
• 27:16
  You're able to give people feedback, and they value that.
• 27:18
  People want that.
• 27:19
  People wanna know how they can be better, how they can get promoted, how they can do all of
• 27:23
  that.
• 27:24
  That transparency comes from empathy because you understand that if I was in there,
• 27:27
  position, I would wanna know all of this.
• 27:29
  Right?
• 27:30
  I would wanna know what's going into the company.
• 27:32
  I would wanna know how my jobs and my goals tie into the company's greater goals.
• 27:37
  Right?
• 27:37
  So you start to think about that and you reverse engineer what that process and those
• 27:41
  systems look like.
• 27:42
  And next thing you know, we have a company operating, you know, running on all cylinders.
• 27:46
  Because you're putting in those things naturally.
• 27:48
  Right?
• 27:49
  You're not struggling to figure it all out because you understand and you're looking at it
• 27:52
  from your standpoint, and you mentioned that feedback, Roxanne.
• 27:55
  Feedback is key.
• 27:57
  Right?
• 27:57
  If I'm operating in the back game as a leader and I'm not going down to that level to talk to
• 28:02
  my don't understand what they need to to be effective and to feel good and to get
• 28:07
  motivated, then I'm not a leader.
• 28:09
  Right?
• 28:10
  At least I'm not an effective man.
• 28:11
  I'm just saying Right.
• 28:12
  I might be I might get people to pretend they're they're following me.
• 28:16
  But I I often say it's when they lead when, you know, when you have you said evangelizing was
• 28:21
  the word you used, but when you have people, you know, I think of the most, amazing boss
• 28:28
  that I ever had in my life.
• 28:29
  I would have done anything for him because he was just he I know he cared about me.
• 28:34
  Right, as a person.
• 28:35
  Right?
• 28:35
  Yes.
• 28:36
  I was an executive, and I had, you know, profitability statements to to keep up and all
• 28:40
  that stuff, but he would see me and he'd say, hey, Derhodge.
• 28:43
  Like, you know, because he knew me so well.
• 28:45
  He said, like, oh, geez.
• 28:47
  Here comes Derhodge.
• 28:48
  And I'd be like, oh, hi.
• 28:50
  Hi.
• 28:50
  And, you know, because I knew it was an endearing kind of How you doing?
• 28:54
  You know, and it was a as a fun playful thing.
• 28:58
  And clearly, he had some skills that were mad high level for his time, like, 20, 25 years
• 29:05
  ago.
• 29:05
  And to this day, you know, when you think about it and when people when you ask anybody that
• 29:09
  and when I do my keynotes, say, think of the best leader that you've ever had, and most
• 29:14
  people immediately could at least bring up minimally 1, at least two people.
• 29:18
  You see that the the whole a kind of affect just kind of lift and they because they're
• 29:23
  thinking of that person because that person had such a powerful impact on them.
• 29:27
  Absolutely.
• 29:28
  Yes.
• 29:28
  We all have that.
• 29:29
  And then and that's the leaders listening.
• 29:31
  You know, that's the exercise that they can do from time to time, right, to say, okay.
• 29:36
  What characteristics and what traits do I have, right, that I that I would do.
• 29:40
  So I'm gonna say, Hey.
• 29:41
  I wanna be like that person who I love the way I that leader does this.
• 29:45
  Right?
• 29:46
  So there's there's questions you can ask yourself.
• 29:48
  And and often as leaders, how did that empathy is being empathetic to yourself?
• 29:52
  So giving yourself that space to, do that work, do that introspection, right, and and reflect.
• 29:59
  Because oftentimes, we think we gotta be going, going, going, going.
• 30:03
  The best leaders always had time to process and and decompress.
• 30:08
  Even Steve Jobs who was running Pixar and Apple at the same time, he always talked about how he
• 30:13
  would take walk Right?
• 30:13
  He would his meetings, he would walk, right, because he understood that he could process
• 30:19
  things better than he was sharper in those moments.
• 30:21
  You know, a lot of the great, theories and and and and, philosophers and all that.
• 30:27
  They would take maps, right, because it allowed them to process and get to a deeper level.
• 30:31
  So we just gotta find out what that means.
• 30:33
  This busy world we're in today and ask yourself some key questions.
• 30:37
  You know?
• 30:38
  How do you foster growth in development as you lead, you know, what are some of your strengths
• 30:43
  and how can you make sure you're leveraging them at the the fullest extent?
• 30:46
  You know, what situations do you feel confident and what situations do you feel a little
• 30:51
  uncertain?
• 30:51
  Right?
• 30:52
  Be real with that so that you can you can be honest about that and project that honesty up
• 30:56
  to your people.
• 30:58
  You know, it's interesting because you and I, we we clearly, talk around the same marriage
• 31:02
  because in my book, I talk.
• 31:03
  There's an assessment that I do with leaders and I say, okay.
• 31:06
  Yes.
• 31:07
  How well do you think you do?
• 31:09
  And then their teams do the same assessment, and we collate the information to create the,
• 31:13
  leadership learning and development plan for them.
• 31:16
  And oftentimes, they're like, what?
• 31:18
  They don't think I community well.
• 31:19
  I think I'm on a 8 out of 10, and I'm getting, like, a 3.
• 31:23
  And they're like, That doesn't make sense.
• 31:25
  And so I think it takes, you know, it takes a leader that's willing to say, you know, I know
• 31:31
  there's we all have blind thoughts.
• 31:32
  That's what being human and flawed is, but being able to say, you know, I'm trying to get
• 31:37
  better and I need your help with it.
• 31:40
  But that takes goes away from the autocratic kind of.
• 31:43
  I'm gonna tell you verse what to do versus.
• 31:45
  You know what?
• 31:46
  I'm trying to learn.
• 31:47
  I'm trying to lead shoulder to shoulder.
• 31:49
  This this thing's kinda new for me, and that's for sure how to do it.
• 31:53
  But you can really help me along by by helping me out because you see me in a in a different
• 31:59
  light, and you might be able to give me guidance around what I, you know, when I'm not
• 32:03
  stressed, what I'm really, really good at, but when I'm stressed, you know, kind of what
• 32:07
  happens from you, you know, and I think once you start to kind of have that dialogue, I
• 32:11
  think that's when, you know, a lot of connection and growth can happen with leaders
• 32:16
  and ultimately, people around love.
• 32:18
  Yeah.
• 32:18
  Absolutely.
• 32:19
  Absolutely.
• 32:20
  Yeah.
• 32:20
  That that you mentioned that word dialogue.
• 32:23
  You know, that's something that's so important as a leader because a lot of leaders talk, but
• 32:28
  they don't have the dialogue.
• 32:30
  Right?
• 32:30
  They're just speeding all this stuff.
• 32:32
  So, you know, as a leader, we also have to step back and listen a little more and and not
• 32:37
  listen while we're doing a ton of other things, right, being engaged in a conversation show
• 32:41
  respect for those people that are are speaking with you.
• 32:44
  And when they do provide that feedback, you know, let them know, like, you appreciate it.
• 32:48
  Whatever that is.
• 32:49
  You don't have to belittle them if you don't think is good.
• 32:52
  Whatever.
• 32:52
  See, I always say to people, find the jewels in the message.
• 32:57
  Right?
• 32:57
  No matter if if I have a a a client that says they're not satisfied with the deliverable, I'm
• 33:02
  not gonna get upset.
• 33:03
  I'm gonna say, okay.
• 33:04
  Let me understand, Right?
• 33:06
  You know, tell me tell me more about your feelings in there.
• 33:09
  You know, tell me what you would want done differently, right, and whatever the case is.
• 33:13
  Right?
• 33:13
  Try to find out get more information because you get more information from the the the
• 33:19
  failures and shortcomings than your role from the audience.
• 33:22
  So we have to remember that as leaders.
• 33:24
  Right?
• 33:24
  You're not gonna be there's no such thing as perfection.
• 33:27
  Perfection to me is doing the best that you can in that moment.
• 33:31
  Right?
• 33:32
  And that means that reflection changes.
• 33:34
  So just use that information and use that data and apply it to me better.
• 33:38
  Now you have a book.
• 33:39
  Let's talk about the book briefly and tell them tell people listening, a bit about it and where
• 33:44
  they can, get a hold of it, Sean.
• 33:47
  Absolutely.
• 33:47
  So my book is called Only Your Kingdom, how to control your mindset so you control your thing.
• 33:52
  And I wrote this book to kinda give some of the tools that I use to overcome everything that
• 33:59
  I've experienced in my life, and all the university that I faced.
• 34:03
  So it's not just a book that you need to sit down.
• 34:05
  It's actually a reference guide.
• 34:07
  And it's a workbook with 30 plus exercise that you can use, right, goal setting, creating an
• 34:13
  action plan for success, forgiving yourself, right, to start with that play slate, you know,
• 34:18
  because a lot of us really, really get stuck in the past, so I can't move forward.
• 34:22
  So there's a ton of different things that I I I wanna I put in here.
• 34:25
  And it kinda came from, any event that happened in 2016 while I was in Afghanistan.
• 34:31
  There was, you know, a suicide bombing there that kill some of my comrades, on veteran's day
• 34:37
  that year.
• 34:38
  So it took me a while myself to get over that because, you know, you have survivors, remorse,
• 34:43
  and all these things you go through.
• 34:46
  And they gave me a bronze star for getting people aid and help and all this other stuff.
• 34:51
  And that's that actually caused more damage for me because I'm like, I don't want this freaking
• 34:55
  thing.
• 34:56
  I just want them back.
• 34:57
  Alright.
• 34:57
  So, so I had to do all these things that I put in this foot to get to the point where I could
• 35:03
  continue to live because I was I was dead at that time.
• 35:06
  Right?
• 35:06
  I was dead in touch.
• 35:08
  Started having suicidal ideations and all these other and realized that I was a shell of
• 35:13
  myself.
• 35:14
  But to get myself back, I had to own my kingdom.
• 35:17
  Right?
• 35:18
  And the kingdom for me is is a a try it.
• 35:21
  Right?
• 35:21
  So you got your spiritual.
• 35:23
  You got your mental and your physical.
• 35:24
  And when you have all those things in alignment, that center and become focused.
• 35:28
  Right?
• 35:29
  You you have a goal.
• 35:29
  You have a destination.
• 35:30
  You have a purpose.
• 35:31
  So that's what this book is really about, giving you back to that center.
• 35:36
  Amazing.
• 35:37
  Amazing.
• 35:37
  Where and where can people get a hold of it?
• 35:40
  Yeah.
• 35:40
  So they can get it on Amazon if they search, only came should pop up, and you can also get
• 35:44
  us a signed copy on my website, write my consulting group dot com.
• 35:50
  So what I want you to do is leaders that are listening, and they're thinking, you know, I
• 35:56
  don't know what I don't know where to start, Jevon.
• 35:58
  Like, I wanna be more empathetic and by, you know, it's that kind of words.
• 36:02
  You know, we're hearing about a lot about it.
• 36:04
  Like you said, it's kinda warm and fuzzy and fluffy.
• 36:08
  What might be a couple of tips that you might be able to tell them to consider to get
• 36:12
  started?
• 36:13
  Yeah.
• 36:13
  One of my favorite things and it's taken it back to what we did as kids in in love, which
• 36:19
  is stories.
• 36:20
  Storytelling is one of my favorite things and it's the greatest way to tap into So if you can
• 36:26
  just it doesn't even have to be your stars.
• 36:28
  It's just like whatever's going on in your team, for instance, if I wanna motivate my
• 36:32
  team, maybe I find a motivational story that will resonate with my team.
• 36:36
  I mean, I just I just come at it.
• 36:38
  Right?
• 36:38
  I just come and say, hey.
• 36:39
  Once a part of time, right, you don't have to start like that.
• 36:41
  Just tell the story.
• 36:43
  Like, hey, team.
• 36:43
  I know we've been struggling.
• 36:46
  You know, I've been here before, and I want you to know I'm here for like, back then, you know,
• 36:50
  so and so believed in me, and I believe he knew the same way that did.
• 36:54
  And what that did for me was x.
• 36:56
  Right?
• 36:56
  I'm here now because of that, and I'm hoping that this we'll we'll motivate some of you all
• 37:00
  to help some of you all through, and I want you to know that I'm here.
• 37:03
  So whatever you need, let me know.
• 37:04
  That's it.
• 37:05
  Like, those types of things will tap in.
• 37:08
  And in another way that you can use that to forge those emotional connections is listen to
• 37:12
  other people's stories.
• 37:13
  And one of the exercises that I like to do with leaders is Instead of telling our story, we
• 37:18
  use, like, photo of us.
• 37:20
  Right?
• 37:20
  And people love us.
• 37:21
  We knew, like, a quick little PowerPoint slide.
• 37:24
  They gather a couple you know, photos before, and it we tell our story with homeless.
• 37:29
  People love that because it it taps into all aspects of how you learn and how you engage.
• 37:35
  Right?
• 37:35
  So you got the the visual.
• 37:37
  I mean, you got the audible with someone talking to you.
• 37:39
  You know, you you get to feel like you're there.
• 37:41
  So You just gotta find what works for you.
• 37:44
  There's a million different exercises, but the the key is to be authentic with it.
• 37:48
  But tap in and, like, get those stories and just Listen to your people and see where they
• 37:54
  are.
• 37:55
  Why do they choose to work this job?
• 37:57
  Why do they choose to be in this role?
• 37:58
  What gets them up in the morning?
• 38:00
  Listen first and then you can start telling you or something is to to get them going.
• 38:04
  That's it's the easiest thing to do.
• 38:06
  It's just just sit there.
• 38:07
  I love it.
• 38:08
  I love it.
• 38:08
  And and you can call 1 on meetings, right, if you want to to make people feel secure.
• 38:13
  Just tell them like, hey.
• 38:14
  You're not in trouble.
• 38:15
  I just wanna get to know you a little bit as as a leader.
• 38:17
  Right?
• 38:18
  Mom, we haven't done this in a while, or we haven't done this other, but I wanna turn over
• 38:22
  and then leave.
• 38:23
  Right?
• 38:23
  I wanna make sure I become a better leader and I need your help as simple as that.
• 38:27
  You can get them and talk to them.
• 38:28
  They'll open up once you give them that space.
• 38:31
  Absolutely.
• 38:32
  Well, this has been amazing, an amazing chat.
• 38:35
  So Where can people get a hold of you?
• 38:38
  Like, if they're wanting more, either to have you speak or to, you know, have a chat with you
• 38:44
  about your coaching work and they got a hold of you, Jevon.
• 38:47
  Absolutely.
• 38:47
  So brightmindconsultinggroup.com.
• 38:50
  Feel free to schedule a free consultation with me.
• 38:52
  I'm I'm there.
• 38:53
  All of my socials are there as well.
• 38:55
  You can hit me up on linkedin, Jovan Wooding.
• 38:57
  You'll see a light bulb there.
• 38:58
  And just reach out to me.
• 38:59
  Send me a DM.
• 39:00
  I'd love to talk to you.
• 39:02
  Awesome.
• 39:03
  So what am I walking away with?
• 39:06
  You know, so many so many, nuggets that I've gotten from John today, but I guess the the the
• 39:13
  thing that, is resonating with me with him is that, he found his leadership through
• 39:19
  adversity.
• 39:20
  And and I want you to think what where what's your core principle for how you're leading the
• 39:26
  way you do?
• 39:27
  And if you haven't thought about that, try to find a way whether it's movement or quiet to
• 39:34
  get connected and spend a bit of time of thinking about what is my why, you know, and
• 39:39
  really start to think a little bit more about that.
• 39:41
  And if, you know, if you do it the first day and it doesn't come, that's okay.
• 39:44
  Just keep tapping into that and eventually it will come.
• 39:47
  So for everybody, thanks for hanging out with us today.
• 39:51
  You know that my new book ROR return on relationships has been, published.
• 39:56
  If you'd like a copy, you can go to Amazon, to get a copy or if you'd like Jovan said, if you
• 40:01
  want a a signed copy, you can get one through my website.
• 40:03
  Again, Jovan, thanks so much for your time and for everybody, you know, it's been goodness.
• 40:09
  Over 2 90 episodes and our following is growing.
• 40:13
  So thanks so much for hanging out, and we'll see you again next week.
• 40:16
  Take care.
• 40:17
  Thank you so much, Roxanne, for having me.
• 40:19
  Thank you.
• 40:21
  Thanks for tuning in to authentic living with Roxanne.
• 40:24
  Create the space for positive, healthy change.
• 40:28
  Roxanne is a keynote speaker, psychotherapist, and coach to work with Roxanne, visit roxanne
• 40:35
  Durgesh.com/blueprint.
• 40:38
  We'll see you next time on authentic living with Roxanne.