Latest / Amazing Life Breakthrough / Ep 70 | What You Build Together Builds You

Transcript

Ep 70 | What You Build Together Builds You · Amazing Life Breakthrough

• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: Have you ever finished a project and realized that what you ended up building wasn't actually the most important thing you got out of it?
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you painted a room with somebody, planted a garden, put together a piece of furniture that came with instructions apparently written for an entirely different piece of furniture.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you cooked a big meal, cleaned out a garage, worked on a car, or tackled one of those home projects that seemed simple when you started and somehow occupied the next three weekends.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: You finally stand back, look at what you accomplished, and yes, you're proud of it.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: But sometimes what stays with you isn't the finished project.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's who was standing beside you while you did it.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: It's the conversations you had.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's the mistakes you laughed about.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's figuring something out together, and sometimes, without really intending to, the thing you were building together was also building something between you.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Amazing Life Breakthrough.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Steve Klein, and this is where we explore meaningful discoveries, everyday experiences, and those lessons that help us find greater purpose, appreciate the people around us, and learn how to live life to the fullest.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: Back around the year 2000, my wife and I decided we wanted to build a deck off the back of our house.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I had done some woodworking before.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: I'd fixed things around the house, I'd taken wood shop.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: My dad had built things when I was growing up, and I wasn't completely unfamiliar with tools, but building an entire deck that felt different.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: A deck wasn't just a little weekend project you could eyeball, put a couple screws into and hope for the best.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: This thing was going to be attached to the house.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: People were going to stand on it.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: It had to support weight, it had to survive Pacific Northwest weather, and truthfully I didn't really know what I was doing, so my wife and I decided we'd better learn.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: There was a place in Portland called Rick's Custom Fencing that offered a free class on how to build a deck.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: So one chilly Saturday, the two of us went down there and sat through this do-it-yourself workshop.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: The instructor was this rugged, no nonsense kind of guy.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: He didn't waste a lot of words, and you got the feeling he'd probably built more decks than most of us had ever stood on.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: He started going over ledger boards, joists, posts, fasteners, spacing, all the things we would need to understand.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: At one point I asked him what I thought was a perfectly reasonable question.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: What is a finishing nail?
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: He stopped.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: He reached underneath the table and pulled out this oversized plastic model of a nail with this huge head on it.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: He held it up, and without saying anything he slammed it against the table and snapped the head right off.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: He held up what was left and said, That's a finishing nail.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: The whole class laughed, and I suddenly remembered, oh yeah, I know what that is.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: I'd used them before.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: I'd seen my dad use them.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: Somewhere in my brain, that knowledge had been sitting there waiting for somebody to break a giant plastic nail on a table to bring it back.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: But what mattered most was that my wife and I walked out of that class with something we didn't have when we walked in.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: We had a plan.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: Then the real work started.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: Our weekends became construction weekends.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: We dug post holes, we mixed concrete, we set supports, we measured boards, cut lumber, checked things, rechecked things, and probably checked them one more time just to make sure.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: Measure twice, cut once, became pretty important when every bad measurement meant another trip for more lumber.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: One of the most important things we learned was how critical the ledger board was.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: That's the board attached directly to the house that the deck builds out from, and it had to be level.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: It had to be placed correctly, because if you got that starting point wrong, everything that followed could be wrong.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: And there is probably a life lesson in there all by itself.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: But as I think back on that project now, the biggest lesson wasn't really about ledger boards or joists.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: It was that we were doing it together.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: Neither one of us was standing on the sidelines while the other person did everything.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: We were figuring it out together.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: If something needed to be measured, we measured it.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: If something needed to be dug, we dug it.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: If something didn't look right, we stopped and figured out why.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: Eventually, after all that work, we stained the wood, put in the last screws, and stepped back to look at what we'd made, and we were proud of it.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: It became a place where we could have uh family gatherings, summer barbecues, conversations, and quiet evenings outside.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: But looking back, I realized something.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: The deck wasn't the only thing being constructed during those weekends.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: We were building confidence in each other.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: We were learning how to solve problems together, we were creating a shared accomplishment.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't my deck.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't her deck, it was ours.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I think there's something important in that a lot of the time when we want to improve a relationship, we immediately think about communication.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: And communication matters tremendously.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: We need to talk, we need to listen, we need to say what matters.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: But relationships aren't built only through conversations, they're also built through experiences.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes doing something side by side opens up a completely different kind of connection.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: Think about some of your best memories with people you care about.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: There's a good chance you were doing something.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you were cooking with your mom or dad, working in the yard with your spouse, helping your child build something, going fishing with a grandparent, putting together decorations for an event, volunteering with someone, taking on a project where neither of you knew exactly what you were doing at first.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: And there's something about shared effort.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to sit across from each other and say, now we're going to strengthen our relationship.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: You just start working and then somebody makes a mistake.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody laughs.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: A problem comes up, you figure it out.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: One person gets tired and the other keeps things moving.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: And gradually you're learning things about each other that might never come up in an ordinary conversation.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: And you learn patience, you learn where somebody is really good, you learn where they need help, you learn when to lead and when to get out of the way.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe most importantly, you create a story you both own.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: We built that.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: We did that.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: We figured that out.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: That's powerful.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: And it doesn't need to be a deck.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to go buy lumber and spend the next six weekends pouring concrete.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's making dinner together instead of one person always doing it.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe it's planting something.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's putting together the new bookshelf.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you and your child tackle a school project together, not by doing it for them, but by working beside them while they figure it out.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you help a parent organize old family photographs.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe there's something around the house you've been planning to do for someone, and instead you ask them to do it with you.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: That's the shift I want you to think about.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: Don't always do things for the people you love.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes do things with them.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_00: There's love in helping somebody.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: But there's also something very special about partnership.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: Because when we always do something for someone, we may solve the problem.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: When we do something with someone, sometimes we strengthen the relationship too.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: And you don't have to do it perfectly.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: Our deck didn't become meaningful because every cut was perfect.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: It became meaningful because we stayed with it, we learned, we adjusted, we did the work together.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: So here's my challenge for you this week.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: Think of one person who matters to you.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: Your spouse, your child, your parent, a sibling, a good friend.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: And instead of asking only, what can I do for this person?
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: Ask one additional question, what could we do together?
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: Keep it simple.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: Cook something, build something, fix something, plant something, organize something, create something.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: Take on a small project neither of you needs to be an expert at, and then pay attention to what happens along the way.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because years from now, you may not remember exactly how long the project took.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: You may forget what it cost, you may even forget some of the little problems you had to solve.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: But there's a good chance you'll remember the person standing beside you.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: That deck taught me a lot about measuring carefully, getting the foundation right, and being willing to learn something I didn't already know.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: But the part I value most is much simpler.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: My wife and I built it together, and sometimes what you build together is a way of building you too.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: If this episode brought someone to mind, share it with them.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're enjoying Amazing Life Breakthrough, be sure to follow or subscribe so you don't miss the next episode.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: And if you'd like to help support Amazing Life Breakthrough and keep these messages going, you can make a small donation at AmazingLifebreakthrough.com.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: I appreciate every person who listens, shares these episodes, and helps this podcast continue reaching people.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Steve Klein.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: Find something worth doing with somebody you care about, and don't be surprised if the project gives you something far more valuable than whatever you set out to build.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: And remember to live life to the fullest.